Amy's Baking Company

CYBER BULLIES DID ABC

Amy's Baking Company (ABC), run by Amy and Samy Bouzaglo, is a Scottsdale, Arizona based restaurant best known for serving high quality food in a pleasant environment. They are also known for being insane lolcows who appeared in the national media after responding to negative OTI reviews of their restaurant with a torrent of batshit rage, butthurt and sockpuppetry that everyone found hilarious except themselves. Despite being dismissed as "hopeless" by professional kitchen troll Gordon Ramsay, shaming themselves on national TV with an epic display of retardation, and becoming a permanent laughingstock to the general public and the internet, they remain convinced of their righteousness to the present day.

Amy's a psychopathic cat hoarder who enjoys credit card fraud and identity theft, making the world's shittiest reheated pizza and responding to criticism or stress by firing her entire staff and degenerating into an apoplectic pissy fit similar to an unmedicated 12 year old with assburgers. She also claims to have three boys "in cat bodies", whom she most likely ground up into the cakes to either make them taste a level higher than cow shit or from rage.

Samy's a hard-azz drug-slangin' Jew gangsta (srsly) who responds to criticism of his wife's shitty pizza by bragging about his gang connections on national TV, threatening to murder his customers and grinding their bones into Jew bread.

Together, they are Amy's Baking Company. Lulz and IRL flamewarring ensues.

UPDATE: Against all odds, Samy is, apparently, a gang-affiliated Israeli citizen with a history of drug trafficking and extortion and is currently being considered for deportation. The lulz thickens! [1]

The Restaurant

Amy Bossington had a dream. She wanted to open her very own restaurant. Unfortunately, she had no training, and couldn't cook worth shit. This is one woman that you want to stay OUT of your kitchen. Then along came Samy Bouzaglo. For reasons too fucking retarded to list, he decided to fund her stupid dream with his drug money, and the two were later bound forever in ill-advised matrimony. In 2010, Amy's Bullshit Company was born, and didn't do half-bad for a while. But then they decided to turn their bakery into a bistro, and the clusterfuck began.

You Just Don't Know Good Food

Almost immediately, they started receiving negative reviews on Yelp, much to the butthurt of Amy. The reviews cited piss-poor service and lousy food with ingredients that taste like shit together, on top of the rude behavior of the managers. Amy and her husband decided that the only way to fix this problem was to maturely respond to the negative criticisms by logging onto Yelp and insulting people in a five-star review of their own restaurant with made-up sockpuppet accounts to balance out the review score, which is why it has a 3/5 rating on Yelp right now.

	“	In retrospect, I should have known better than to step foot into Amy's Baking Company (a.k.a. ABC Bistro). -8 pm on a Saturday night, three tables are occupied -a sign on the door indicates they're looking for an experienced line cook, a dishwasher, waitresses, you name it -Pita Jungle, just a stone's throw away, is packed to the gills These are all bad signs. They go ignored, however, because I'd eaten one thing all day, and I had drove here to try their pizza. Never, ever again. The waitress brings me out a water and a menu to my table for one on the patio, which I had all to myself. Browsing the apps, I was pleasantly surprised to see several things priced $3, which seemed like a bargain, given the high price of everything else. $3 tapanade sounded like a good deal, but I was informed that it didn't come with anything - it was $3 extra for bread. Since I was solo, I decided to skip it and instead pay $14 for their 12" margherita pizza. About three minutes later, the waitress drops off my pizza. "Your pizza", she says, leaves a plate and off she goes. I sat for a moment, confused as to how things happened so quickly. I try to grab a slice of the pizza, but it was so blazing hot that I wasn't even going to attempt to handle it. I waited for a few minutes to let it cool off, only to discover that not only had it cooled enough to handle, but was actually well-cooled and most likely reheated. After a closer inspection of the pie in front of me, it was evident that it had been reheated, as there were smaller tomatoes that had spent their time in the oven, and larger tomatoes that had barely been kissed by the heat of the oven. I took a bite, and was immediately underwhelmed. The crust had very little character, was slightly sweet but had that store-bought quality to it. The pesto tasted okay, but the tomatoes were completely tasteless and overall, it just fell flat. It's margherita - the ingredients need to shine to make such a simple pizza. These ingredients were sub-par. After two small pieces, I decided I was wasting my calories and just gave up on it. So I sat outside, not eating, and sat. And sat. Where the hell was the waitress? I glanced inside a few times, hoping to catch her eye, but she must have been occupied elsewhere. The owner comes out. "How'd you like your pizza?" Instead of immediately responding, I asked how it had come out so quickly. In short, he told me another table had ordered it, decided they didn't want it, and it sat in the kitchen for two minutes, who in turn decided to send it out to me since I didn't order anything else. Me: "Well, it didn't really taste fresh". Him: "No, no, our pizzas are the best. Ask our customers. You're the first person since we've opened to ever not like our pizzas". He got very defensive about the pizza, but I hadn't really launched a harsh criticism on the pizza, just said I didn't really enjoy it. So I sat some more, with an empty drink, and realized they wanted me gone. The owner wouldn't make eye contact with me. The server never came back out asking if I wanted something else. And they still hadn't refilled my drink. So I sat on a patio, alone, and decided to have a smoke. The waitress comes out... Her: "Sir, there's a no smoking sign over there, I was told to tell you to not to smoke here." Me: "Is this the last f*** you in this experience?" Her: "Yes, I think so". She walks away. I walk inside, pay the bill, and leave. No apologies, no discounts on the bill, nothing. $18 for weak iced tea and shitty pizza. This is arrogance in its worst form. I can forgive bad food, but I cannot forgive misplaced arrogance and the blatant dismissal of a customer, whether you agree with them or not. Perhaps the sign on the door should also say, "Wanted: New owner". I cannot, for the life of me, recommend this restaurant to anyone.	„
	—Joel L. on Yelp

	“	Dear Joel,L. It is blatantly obvious to me why you were ALONE on a Saturday night! Read any of the reviews that have been written about us and you will see that EVERYONE loves us!! The only people that don't is our "Competition". We knew you had been sent by another restaurant before you even ordered your $14.00 Pizza. The Pizza was fresh and amazing. The reason the tomatoes had different texture was because I use three different heirloom tomatoes and some of them are sundried. So of course they are going to have a different texture from the fresh ones!!! But perhaps you are only accustomed to tasting the ones that come "fresh from the can!" Moving on to the "Store bought Dough" Comment. PLEASE!! My dough is made fresh every day from 100% organic ingredients. Perhaps your palate is not sophisticated enough to tell the difference. As for you having the Patio all to yourself unless you have been living on another PLANET it is summertime in ARIZONA MORON!!! Only TRAMPS and LOSERS want to sit outside in 110 temperatures!!!! We are hiring because we are so busy that we need to hire more people. You just so happened to come right after a huge rush. And the people did not change their mind for the Margarita Pizza they ordered. They were still enjoying their amazing Caesar salad and I thought perhaps you would appreciate not having to wait so long for your pizza. Which was just coming out of the OVEN. I am the CHEF and the owner, and I am the one that made your Pizza. As for the no smoking comment everyone knows that it is against the LAW to smoke within 20 feet of a public place. But perhaps you think you are above the LAW. Have a little respect not everyone wants to subject themselves to being around second hand smoke. And as for the overpriced menu items if you think that $12.00 is too much for an ENTRÉE sized ORGANIC Salad or $14.00 is too much for an AMAZING Pizza then perhaps you should go to the PITA JUNGLE that is just a stone's throw away. And if you get lucky maybe you can even dig up someone up to take with you so you can share a $5.00 Falafel. Do US a favor and keep your ugly face and you ugly opinions to yourself and go back to the restaurant that you really work at!! I would LOVE for anyone who reads this review to come to ABC and try our Pizza. If you don't like it then I guarantee you don't have to pay for it.	„
	— Amy, on Yelp

Take careful note of the ALL CAPS, baseless insults, and wild excuses. They will be a recurring theme.

This incident was later picked up by the local news, who wrote an article about it on their site.

Yelp isn't the only place that Amy's left a bad taste in their mouths. The Phoenix Business Journal foolishly sent their food critics there on opening night. They had the bouncers kick everyone else out but the critics, then the critics were kicked out for finding flies in their drinks... three times.

"Part of the lemon" my ass.

	“	So the third drink came. And we noticed not one, not two, but three fruit flies swirling around in the drink. We gingerly took out each one, laid it on a plate, and asked Samy to come over once again. He immediately became defensive. He said there are no bugs in the drinks, and he would pay for all of our drinks and then said we needed to leave. (...) So our group of four, which had all ordered alcohol except for me, and had each ordered a dish close to $15, walked out at Samy's stern request.	„
	—Unhappy reporter

	“	We went in with an open mind Friday night to try Amy's Baking Company for the first time, but our quartet was kicked out after pointing out bugs in not one, not two, but three versions of one simple vodka martini. After Tuesday's cancellation of a press conference and media interviews, I really wanted to get a firsthand account of the restaurant and the owners Amy and Samy Bouzaglo. If you've seen the TV show "Kitchen Nightmares," which featured the restaurant in its May 10 finale with an exasperated celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay walking out on the couple, Samy turned out to be just like he was portrayed on the show. (I did see Amy behind the counter when I walked in, but not again during our visit.) Never mind the slow, inexperienced staff, the tense atmosphere in the restaurant and the empty tables which made me wonder where the publicized 1,000 reservations were on a Friday night, there were bugs in one of our drinks. Well, three actually. Phoenix Business Journal Digital Editor Adam Kress ordered a vodka martini on the rocks with a twist of lemon. The first warning sign was repeating the drink order a couple of times to our waitress. "I don't drink," the middle-aged woman said, who also told us "sorry" every single time she came back to the table. This is not an exaggeration. She said sorry whether she had anything to apologize for or not. Samy finally came over about 10 minutes later to retake the drink order from Kress. Shortly after he delivered the drink, which wasn't on the rocks and merely had a lemon wedge floating in it, we immediately noticed a small fruit fly in it. We called Samy over and told him, showing him the bug on a spoon. He cordially offered to bring us another drink. The second drink, this time on the rocks, had yet another fruit fly on the bottom. This time when we called him over he said it wasn't a bug, but "from the lemons," he explained with a wave of his hand. He quickly took it away to make another. So the third drink came. And we noticed not one, not two, but three fruit flies swirling around in the drink. We gingerly took out each one, laid it on a plate, and asked Samy to come over once again. He immediately became defensive. He said there are no bugs in the drinks, and he would pay for all of our drinks and then said we needed to leave. I asked him if there were no bugs, did he think we planted them in the drinks? He again told us to leave. So our group of four, which had all ordered alcohol except for me, and had each ordered a dish close to $15, walked out at Samy's stern request. "At first I didn't even understand what Samy was doing, but I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at his reaction," Kress said. "It's clear to me that Amy's has truly earned its less than glowing reputation. I can't remember experiencing worse customer service, and they had two chances to make it right." My friend and dining partner Jennifer Pinner, a former journalist and current communications manager whose husband is a youth pastor, said she was "completely mystified" by the experience. "I've never been kicked out of a restaurant before in my life," said Pinner, who has two young children. "It's so bizarre." She said dining at Amy's was like sitting in a classroom and not wanting to do anything to upset or call attention to the teacher. My other friend and dining partner was Devlyn Parsons, the Phoenix Business Journal's audience development marketing specialist. She said she had never in her life seen so many problems with bugs in a drink, and she worked in restaurants for eight years. "I'm just still in shock," Parsons said. "You don't treat customers like that." So what does everyone do that can't eat at Amy's, or who walks by with curiosity hoping to get a glimpse of Amy or Samy? They go next door to Pita Jungle, which was super busy and very friendly. It was refreshing to say the least. We realized we had been at Amy's almost an hour, and had no food and one seriously flawed cocktail to show for it. When our meal at Pita Jungle was finished, we jokingly asked our waitress if she could go to Amy's and buy us a slice of the chocolate mousse cake we had heard was so good, (and possibly not baked by Amy, according to several reports). To our surprise and delight, she agreed to walk over there and buy it for us. We gave her the money to do so. The slice of cake was $10.90. The cake was good, although when we opened the box we immediately noticed what looked like a fingerprint smooshed into the side. We ate around the fingerprint and laughed. What else can you do?	„
	— Hayley Ringle, Reporter for the Phoenix Business Journal

Kitchen Nightmares

Gordon Ramsay decided to try his hand at saving this sinking Titanic of a restaurant on his television show, Kitchen Nightmares, in 2013. Needless to say, it didn't go very well. A clip of the episode was posted on Reddit before it was aired, and was later taken down and had its comments disabled following the inevitable shitstorm.

Right off the bat, Amy exposes her craziness to the world by rambling about how haters and bloggers have been trash-talking her business and lying about her food, how she loves her cats three little boys in cat bodies, and how she knows Ramsay will tell everybody how lovely her food is. They foolishly thought Ramsay was just there to prove those haters wrong and not actually do a fucking show.

And thus begins the downward spiral into chaos. We learn that she thinks that the bun on a salmon burger should be spewing greasy liquids at the slightest touch, that raw pizza dough is "crisp and crunchy", that her husband steals tips from waitresses (which in this case isn't technically illegal because they do pay full-time wages to the staff, but still a douchebag move), that she sells Chef Boyardee ravioli she buys from the grocery store and calls it fresh, and how, like an aspie on deviantArt or a 13-year-old reviewer on YouTube, she and her husband collapse into sputtering fits of insanity at the slightest hint of criticism.

He gets approached by two former employees too, and they tell him that Amy fired at least 50 (it ends up being over 100) staff members in one year, and that Samy had his employees wash his car for him just cause he wanted to and was too cheap to go through an automatic car wash at a Shell station.

Following a second conversation with Amy and Samy that starts off with them "clarifying" a few things with him, namely that the reason some orders MAY have been a little messed up was because Ramsay was distracting Amy by being in the kitchen and disrupting the normal flow of things (even though he spent most of his time out in the dining room, and when offered to go into the kitchen the first day to try the food, he said no), Ramsay decides that he can't help them. He does the only sensible thing shown in this episode, and just walks the fuck away.

Throughout his criticism to them and their restaurant with them actually shutting the fuck up for once, all Amy did was nod and pretty much kept admitting that she was a failure at life and cooking and that she was a lost cause and everything she does just to get Ramsay to leave faster with her bitter and inhuman gaze and attitude, while Samy just sat there looking like his wife was genuinely crazy. Ramsay could've sworn and screamed like he always does, but he actually didn't give them the satisfaction this time. You could see that he wanted to rain hell on them, but they were already destined for good ol' Lucifer anyway, so he decided not to.

Funnily enough, this is probably the calmest Ramsay's ever been on television. And considering he just straight walks out on the restaurant at the end, that's saying something.

Your Typical Yelp Reviews

“   Did you ever think sushi and pizza would go well together? Well, Chef Amy Bouzaglo thought so too! Like sushi, Amy's pizza is raw and smells like delicious fish. I don't know why raw pizza wasn't invented before. Also, did you ever think getting yelled out by restaurant owner's would be a ticklish delight? Well, Owner/Gangster Salomon "Samy" Bouzaglo thought so too! This sexy Israeli/Italian stallion berated and belittled me in front of other paying customers, all for expectingmy Sushi Pizza with Prosciutto to be finished in less than an hour. It's all very arousing in a Fifty Shades of Grey kind of way.   „     —Nat P.     “   First course was out of this world! A whole bowl of mayonnaise with a pinch of fresh cracked black pepper--DELISH! Sammy told me that this dish isn't just a great app, but also is great to lather in ones hair-it's his secret he told me not to tell but I'm just too excited about it. Second course, was of course, Amy's famous calzone. This one they actually make quite often for the regulars, just ask your server..err..I mean ask Samy (since they don't have servers here) for the 'Short Temper Pie.' Amy takes an ice cold can of grape soda and flash-marinades a heaping handful of black olives which are then tossed with house-cooked bacon bits, then all that tasty goodness is delicately folded into pizza dough and fired off in their brick oven. I noticed a guy on another table was brought the same calzone and seemed mildly confused and asked to try a regular cheese pizza. Samy and I both told this guy he doesn't know what real food should taste like and that his petty palate is made for Olive Garden. What a jerk. For dessert I had some doughnuts I bought at the gas station. Samy said Amy was going to make me a creme brule, but after seeing her come out of the kitchen to talk to Samy and pointing at me 3 times I decided I'd better not eat it... Last time Amy came out of the kitchen wondering who ordered a certain dish I had the runs for weeks. The doughnuts were pretty good though, but my server told me to hide them from Samy and it made for a very awkward end to the meal. When I was leaving I got the traditional hot coffee splash to the face from Samy, he tells me it helps him spread good word of mouth..an old Greek tradition I guess.   „     —Louis P.     “   Update, I left my wallet at Amy's. I know I did because as I was walking to my car I heard my server calling me saying I had forgot something. As I was half way back to the front door I saw Samy take something from her hands, hit her, spit on her and told her "never do that again, its ours now and its his own damn fault." I didn't know it was my wallet at the time, but that is ok--just gives me another reason to go back! You just can't get a burger that soggy anywhere else...   „     —Louis P.     “   I have been looking FOREVER for a place like Amy's Baking Co. The place is simply perfect for my needs. You wouldn't believe how hard it is as a masochist to find a place that will give you a good ol slapping around. Samy and Amy were able to verbally abuse and berate me in creative ways I could never imagine; Amy even incorporated all sorts of meowing and hissing to keep it interesting. Minus one star because they forgot to tell me the safe word.   „     —Harrison W.     “   Absolutely horrible. And Amy had bitter, dead eyes. She consumes costumer's souls and pours all of her hate into her food, hence why it tastes so damn bad. I guess that's what happens when you marry for money...   „     —Reilly G.     “   The undercooked food loosened the stool impacted in my colon. Thanks, Amy's!   „     —Seymour G.     “   best food ever try the pizza best ever and owners are super nice and sweet   „     —Amy is the only one who writes something positive for her restaurant     “   Amy is such a sweetheart. After a wonderful meal there recently she told me not to bother leaving a tip. She then pulled a wad of ones out of her pocket and gave me a few of them. She is great.   „     —Unrealistic expectations Previous Quote | Next Quote

The Aftermath

Almost straight away after this was aired, Amy's Baking Company's Facebook page exploded. Like the mature, responsible, level-headed adults they are, they figured this was the perfect opportunity for an ALL-CAPS SHIT-FLINGING CONTEST. This went on for several hours, during which time this shit was spread all over Facebook. Way to fix your reputation, guys.

The next day, they claimed their page was hacked.

The Madness About missing Pics

• 
  What the fuck am I reading?
• 
  He's going to call the Internet police.
• 
  Hey, at least she hates Reddit, she can't be all bad.
• 
  Racism is good for business.
• 
  Ressling?

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Say it to my face fucker not online see what happens
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
  Her cats are her "kids". No, really.
• 
• 
• 
• 
  Lol, okay
• 
  While Amy talking shit behind Ramsay's back, she harasses Ramsay about the 'truth'.
• 
  A common excuse. Call if they got Battletoads anyway.
• 

Like a Phoenix From the DEPORTED

On May 21st, ABC re-opened to zero fanfare. Not many lulz ensued, probably due to the fact that they didn't let any media people in, except that their PR firm dumped them and they were threatened with lolsuits from Fox.

But in a surprise twist, it looks like Samy's probably getting his ass sent back to Israel without Amy, who has a felony record. He will be shouting at customers in Tel Aviv while Amy rots in Hell for her pride.

The Revisit

Ramsay typically revisits the restaurants he profiles on Kitchen Nightmares, with Amy's Baking Company billed as the long awaited season premiere of Kitchen Nightmares USA on April 11th, 2014. It turned out Ramsay has decided NOT to step foot to the restaurant again, and instead shows extra footage of his visit last year. So yeah, same shit, different footage, more proof that the duo are demons in disguise. They even tried to profit off of their infamy as much as they could by selling shirts with quotes from that episode. such as "I'm the GANGSTER" and "Here's your pizza, go fuck yourself", etc; even more proof of their delusion that they think this is going to be a big business boom.

Current Status

Samy wielding a knife that looks like a pen

I'll write you an angry letter with this pen. Using your fucking blood.

Amy and Samy have learned exactly zero from all this and still have not been committed to an insane asylum. In her active accounts like Twitter and Facebook, Amy is still talking shit behind Ramsay's back, and harassing Ramsay and company about airing the episode. They say that Ramsay is lying about them and don't know the truth when seeing the two scumbags action and the food on camera is enough truth. In September 2014, TMZ released footage of Samy chasing a terrorist, cleverly disguised as a drunk customer, from his restaurant with a knife pen... a very large pen that only looks like a knife or hammer that gets wider when you turn it. The guy did comply and leave the store, but Samy, clearly on a murder withdrawal, went after him, eventually backing off anyway when he realized he was getting deported regardless and getting more jail time in the US wouldn't be good for business.

How to piss ABCDEFG off

• Tell them their pizza was store-bought from the local Publix dumpster.
• Give the waitresses, if you see any, a tip in secret.
• Squeeze and pretty much destroy their fragile Blue Ribbon Burgers and make them watch the pool of fluids fill the plate.
• Give them 1-star ratings everywhere you go.
• Document their ALL CAPS Facebook rage for evidence later.
• Pretend to perform an exorcism on the store and the two of them.
• Ask if Amy had been sexually harassed recently.
• Pretend to have a heart attack when Amy looks at you with her soul-eating eyes.
• Bring a bag of cat shit into their store and say to everyone "This is the best thing this restaurant has ever made".
• Mention and explain NEDM to Amy.
• Tell her that she's the only woman that should not be allowed in your kitchen.
• Tell them you've happily added eating her food as a new event in the Pain Olympics.

Quotes

	“	We are not afraid of him, or his "GR"Mules......	„
	—Amy calling all Gordon Ramsay fans mules.

	“	We have nothing to hide!	„
	—Amy being delusional in her fantasy world.

	“	Giving me a low rating without having visited or ate from us is not what a review is meant for. You are just ranting about what you saw on television. You are now just "rating" your opinion of us. Why don't you visit and try the food and then rate?	„
	—And get yelled at and threaten at like in Kitchen Nightmares USA.

	“	Submitted to facebook for removal. Thanks! ~Amy	„
	—Amy showing you she can't handle criticism and 1 star reviews.

	“	You had nothing better to do tonight, huh? I'll have the review down shortly. Just like several of the others. You can't slander a business you didn't try.	„
	—Amy removing complaints like a nutjob who still can't handle criticism like real reviewers.

	“	I removed the reviews section to eliminate the bullies that hid behind their computers. Facebook did remove a few reviews after I submitted the reports. However, Facebook wouldn't remove the false reviews with vulgarity and threats towards my store and myself. I did the next best thing and removed check-ins. Problem solved	„
	—She still can't handle criticism.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Dox

• Company Name - Amy's Baking Company
• Address - 7366 East Shea Blvd # 112, Scottsdale, Arizona 85260
• Phone - (480) 607-0677

See also

• Food - Better than Amy's shit.
• Gordon Ramsay - Owned the shit out of Amy on Kitchen Nightmares USA.
• Shit - What they cook and claim is gourmet food.

External Links

• Their website
•  amysbakingco - BALEETED
  •  amybakingco - Their NEW Facebook page.
    •  rodpitts - The #1 fanboy of ABC from a Baptist Church.
• Their product store
•  The fail Twitter account. Reading her comments from her 'supporters' would make you want to wash your eyes with bleach.
• Their YouTube page
• Their Pinterest page
• Their Google Virtual Tour
• ABC on Yelp. Tell them how much you love their food. May be deleted if they saw it.

Other Links

• Amy's Baking Company - Know Your Meme on Amy's Baking Company PR Scandal.
• Amy's stupidity now claiming Gordon Ramsay sexually harassed her during filming their May 2013 appearance on Kitchen Nightmares USA!
• PBS gives Amy's Baking Company glowing reviews. Let PBS know the real truth about them.

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