Darwin Awards: Difference between revisions

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The Darwin Awards celebrate individuals who improve the human gene pool by removing themselves from it in a suitably lulzy manner. In case you failed middle school, it's named after some oldfag that's now dead (ironic, isn't it) who got irl famous for updating the theory of evolution to the point where it would be denied in Middle American classrooms, by studying animals like turtles, birds, and hookers in South America. This award goes to people whose entire lives led up to bringing some sadistic strangers laughter for two minutes at the expense of their mourning families and/or testicles.

TL;DR: they illustrate natural selection in action.

How to win a Darwin award

There are two types of Darwin Awards:

Living Darwin Awards, who celebrate individuals that render their dicks useless in lulzy ways and probably turn into trannies afterwards.
Dead Darwin Awards, where the recipient can't be present to bask in the honor of being a winner for obvious reasons.

In order to qualify for either of these stories, some other criteria is required:

The act has to be lulzy and have truth.
The contestant must be otherwise able to spread its seed. No kids (you sick fuck). No retards, since nobody wants to fuck them anyway. Drunks are fair game, though.
Self destruction only. Save your lulzy murders for Worldstar Hiphop.

If you meet this requirements, then the only thing stopping you is your creativity. Why, even you can win this distinguished honor (better get practicing)!

Well known winners

Picture of Treadwell moments before being mauled to death.

Timothy "Grizzlyman" Treadwell

Timmy Treadwell was the ultimate furfag. A man who decided to take his love for animals to a whole new level and spent thirteen summers fucking around with grizzly bears before the inevitable happened and Timmy found out that bears are not, in fact, all about care and love and much prefer the taste of manflesh to nuts, berries and raw salmon.

Carlos "Can't Get Me" Sousa Jr

An idiot spic who's idea of fun was taunting a fully grown Siberian tiger with his friends San Francisco Zoo on Christmas day 2007. After throwing rocks and pine cones at Tatiana the Tiger the big cat finally lost its shit jumped 15ft in the air and over its containment, and proceeded to open up a can of whoop-ass on the three halfwits who had been taunting her, mauling two and killing Sousa outright.

Steve Irwin

AKA: "Crocodile Dundee" AKA: "that dumbfuck who spent his life pissing large, poisonous and/or otherwise deadly creatures off for the lulz," Steve Irwin was an Ausfailian who made it big playing with large, fanged, poisonous and otherwise dangerous things on TV. After spending years narrowly avoiding becoming croc food Steve finally made the mistake of swimming in a murky river full of stingrays, a notoriously skittish creature armed with a 10cm long barb. Irwin took a critical hit straight to the heart, mortally wounding him. Alas already having two brats disqualifies him from a true Darwin award but the manner of his life and death definitely qualifies him for an honourable mention.

Particularly Lulzy Entries

8 people drown in shit

Eligible for both awards

2013 winner uses movie logic and proves that only idiots take Hollywood seriously.

External Links

The site itself

Darwin Awards is part of a series on

Sites

Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.

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-{{boring}}
+{{stub}}
+[[File:Ape_using_tool.jpg|thumb|right|Niggers and trailer park trash are prime contestants.]]
-The [http://darwinawards.com/darwin/ '''Darwin Awards'''] celebrate individuals who improve the human gene pool by removing themselves from it in a
+The '''Darwin Awards''' celebrate individuals who improve the human gene pool by [[an hero|removing themselves from it]] in a suitably lulzy manner. In case you failed middle school, it's named after some oldfag that's now dead (ironic, isn't it) who got irl famous for updating the theory of evolution to the point where it would be denied in Middle American classrooms, by studying animals like turtles, birds, and hookers in South America. This award goes to people whose entire lives led up to bringing some sadistic strangers laughter for two minutes at the expense of their mourning families and/or testicles.
-suitably lulzy manner. The concept draws inspiration from the theory of [[evolution]] by natural selection put forward by Charles Darwin in ''The Origin of Species'', which states that the individuals best suited to their environment are more likely to breed than their less well adapted counterparts, which means that over time, a species will become more and more adapted to a paticular environment.
-[[TL;DR]]: they illustate natural selection in action.
+[[TL;DR]]: they illustrate natural selection in action.
-[[Image:Ape_using_tool.jpg|right|evolution rulez]]
+==How to win a Darwin award==
+There are two types of Darwin Awards:
+* '''Living Darwin Awards,''' who celebrate individuals that render their dicks useless in lulzy ways and probably turn into [[transexual|trannies]] afterwards.
+* '''Dead Darwin Awards,''' where the recipient can't be present to bask in the [[lulz|honor]] of being a winner for obvious reasons.
+In order to qualify for either of these stories, some other criteria is required:
-==How to win a Darwin award==
+* The act has to be lulzy and have [[truth]].
-in order to qualify for a Darwin award an individual must first meet certain criteria:
+* The contestant must be otherwise able to spread its seed. No kids (you sick fuck). No retards, since nobody wants to fuck them anyway. Drunks are fair game, though.
+* Self destruction only. Save your lulzy murders for [[Worldstar Hiphop]].
-* The individual in question must be either dead or have been rendered sterile
+If you meet this requirements, then the only thing stopping you is your creativity. Why, even [[you]] can win this distinguished honor (better [http://darwinawards.com/stupid/ get practicing])!
-* The individual in question must have demonstrated an astoundingly poor level of judgement
-* The individual in question must be the cause of their own demise
-* The individual in question must be both old enough and sane enough to know better (i.e no kids or [[rerards]]
-* The incident must have verifiably taken place
 ==Well known winners==
-[[Image:timandpedobear.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Picture of Treadwell moments before being [[raped|mauled to death]].]]
+[[Image:timandpedobear.jpg|thumb|right|Picture of Treadwell moments before being [[raped|mauled to death]].]]
 ====[[Timothy Treadwell|Timothy "Grizzlyman" Treadwell]] ====
@@ Line 27: / Line 30: @@
 ====[[Carlos Sousa Jr|Carlos "Can't Get Me" Sousa Jr]]====
-[[Image:Mexicantigerr.jpg|thumb|Delicious]]
+[[Image:Mexicantigerr.jpg|thumb|right|Delicious]]
 An [[retard|idiot]] spic who's idea of fun was taunting a fully grown Siberian tiger with his friends San Francisco Zoo on Christmas day 2007.
-After throwing rocks and pine cones at Tatiana the Tiger the big cat [[RAGE|finally lost its shit]] [[longcat|jumped 15ft in the air and over its containment]], and proceded to open up a can of whoop-ass on the three halfwits who had been taunting her, mauling two and killing Sousa outright.
+After throwing rocks and pine cones at Tatiana the Tiger the big cat [[RAGE|finally lost its shit]] [[longcat|jumped 15ft in the air and over its containment]], and proceeded to open up a can of whoop-ass on the three halfwits who had been taunting her, mauling two and killing Sousa outright.
+====[[Steve Irwin]]====
+[[Image:Stevemanta.gif|thumb|right|A CHALLENGER APPEARS!!]]
+AKA: "Crocodile Dundee" AKA: "that dumbfuck who spent his life pissing large, poisonous and/or otherwise deadly creatures off for the lulz,"
+Steve Irwin was an [[Australia|Ausfailian]] who made it big playing with [[cock|large, fanged, poisonous and otherwise dangerous things]] on TV. After spending years narrowly avoiding becoming croc food Steve finally made the mistake of swimming in a murky river full of [[ninja|stingray]]s, a notoriously skittish creature armed with a 10cm long [[cock|barb]]. Irwin took a critical hit straight to the heart, mortally wounding him. Alas already having two brats disqualifies him from a true Darwin award but the manner of his life and death definitely qualifies him for an honourable mention.
+===Particularly Lulzy Entries===
+* [http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2014-03.html 8 people drown in shit]
+* [http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2006-13.html Eligible for both awards]
-====[[Steve Irwin]]====
+* [http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2013-04.html 2013 winner uses movie logic and proves that only idiots take Hollywood seriously.]
-[[Image:Stevemanta.gif|thumb|A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS!!]]
-AKA: "Crocodile Dundee" AKA:"that dumbfuck who spent his life pissing large, poisonous and/or otherwise deadly creatures off for fun"
-Steve Irwin was an [[Australia|Ausfailian]] who made it big playing with [[cock|large, fanged, poisonous and otherwise dangerous things]]on TV. After spending years narrowly avoiding becoming croc food Steve finally made the mistake of swimming in a murky river full of stingrays, a notoriously skittish creature when cornered, and armed with a 10cm long barb, where Irwin took a blow straight to the heart, mortally wounding him. Alas already having two brats disqualifies him from a true Darwin award but the manner of his life and death definitely qualifies him for an honourable mention.
 ==See Also==
+*[[High Score]] - the extreme cousin
+*[[An hero]]
 *[[Fail]]
 *[[Retard]]
-*[[Lulz]]
+*[[Evolution]]
+*[[Creationism]] - A belief held by many that desperately don't want to be nominated.
+==External Links==
+*[http://darwinawards.com/darwin/ The site itself]
 {{Sites}}[[Category:IRL Shit]]

Darwin Awards: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 02:01, 14 July 2015

Contents

How to win a Darwin award