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Dylann Storm Roof: Difference between revisions
imported>Deceptive No edit summary |
imported>AlGore |
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== See also == | == See also == | ||
* [[Grand 16 Shooting]] | |||
* [[The South]] | |||
* [[Aaron Alexis]] | * [[Aaron Alexis]] | ||
* [[Anders Behring Breivik]] | * [[Anders Behring Breivik]] |
Revision as of 20:50, 24 July 2015
Dylann Storm Roof | |
---|---|
Nationality: | Americunt |
Highscore | Killed 9, injured 1 |
Top 25? | No, is a notable loser at #33. |
Style | Single player |
An Hero? | Sadly, no |
Dylann Storm Roof (alias: AryanBlood1488) is a young, devout Christian manchild who decided to attend church one day in an ethnically diverse area of town. Unfortunately for Dylann, after attending just one hour of Bible study, he found himself surrounded by nine aggressive thugs, at which point he was left with no choice but to shoot his way out.
About Dylann
He used to be a backwoods youth who was under the radar of the Internet, a NORP, if you will. A 21 year old that could've lived the rest of his uneventful and sexless life being a normal guy who's only sins were being a GamerGate supporter and liking My Little Pony. Because he was from the South, he naturally suffered from hillbilly syndrome. Boredom or not, his record of delinquency grew during his early adulthood, from being caught with drugs while being dressed in all black, and getting banned from a mall, to miniscule things like asking weird shit about said mall's closing, how many people worked, etc. so he could likely go PAYDAY on its ass, and that he didn't ask for a job cause he was too normal and good for shopping malls. After many pathetic years of wallowing in his basement and being jobless, he got a gun for his 21st birthday and his mentality instantaneously worsened. Devolving deeper into the Bible Belt thought of hating everyone that wasn't as white as a congressman, he thought it was time to really put himself on the map, to stop being one of the billions of invisible NORPs on this big blue ball of death and to turn himself from normalfag to badass in a massive shootout after giving one last GG shoutout to his Failbook fans as he went on to start making the world a better place.
Too bad he got arrested half a day after his big move before he could become an hero to the cause. His skinny white ass can doubtlessly look forward to being culturally enriched by Tyrone in the prison showers, thanks to a florist ratting on him, unless he magically has a million dollar bond he can conjure from his ass at will.
Bowl-cut legislation
This is the latest in a long string of high-profile shootings perpetrated by young, skinny, white men with bowl haircuts (see also: Adam Lanza), suggesting that the current administration take into consideration further legislation regulating the sale, transfer and ownership of bowl haircuts, and possibly increased background checks on bowl haircut owners. The issue has thus far received bi-partisan support. Dylann Roof was also a outspoken Hillary Clinton supporter.
Race War One canceled
It had been said that Roofie had this planned months in advance, but couldn't do it before because he couldn't just strangle or stab nine people as efficiently due to not putting all his points in stealth, and couldn't just buy a gun and ammo because he was a jobless basement dweller. His failure in crime friend ratted out to the cops that, like all hillbilly failures before Dylann, he came up with his truly brilliant plan while drunk and tipsy off his ass from vodka. The friend took the gun away, and if he just kept it, we probably wouldn't have a suspect to make an article on. But thanks to the Bible Belt's lack of common sense, he gave it back to Roof when he thought he was sober. Another friend of his heard otherwise, saying that Roofie said to "be careful with moving his backpack because of the 'magazines'".
Obama, in need of some form of sympathy from his nation, had also feigned tears to this spree while his drone attacks continue to bombard and pwn more poor Arabs and other minority races.
It apparently got so bad that Bush the Third, Jeb, didn't even want to go there anymore because of it, and cancelled any plans to go there for his campaign. Good thing too, because we expect Charleston to be the latest in its "Everything is Free" sale campaign any moment now.
Failed an hero
Dylann planned to go out with a bang like other skinny pale fags who came before him. That's why he was saving the last bullet for himself. However, being a product of the trailer park education system, Dylann could not count too good and he used up all his bullets trying to rack up an all-time best score. He put the gun to his head, said his goodbyes, pulled the trigger and ... click. The sound of failure. No more bullets. Thus he has joined the esteemed group of failed an heros with years of buttrape ahead of him.
That Fucking Flag
After failing to realize that they couldn't wage war against the white Christfag Conservative american majority, and profit off of another mass shooting, the Jews behind liberal media realized that they needed a distraction potentially relating to our hero, Dylann Roof. Seeing a Confederate flag wasn't half-mast as required by the Mourn the Niggers Act of 1997, old media and the left-wing civilians quickly parroted that a piece of cloth was somehow responsible for the shooting and called for banning it and anything featuring it, including movies & games about the Civil War.
Talk of the flag went viral, as newfags either JUST NOW realized that it was the symbol for a bunch of people that enjoyed putting porch monkeys in their place or otherwise had no problems with the idea of slavery unless the magical glowing talk-box tells them to be butthurt over it. In the end, nobody really wants to stop and realize how retarded banning a symbol is, because it wasn't featured in Wolfenstein and banned in Germany.
Quotes from the manifesto
Previous Quote | Next Quote |
Gallery
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Dylann burns the American flag
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It's Obama's plan. If martial law is in effect people can't vote and president Obama is left as dictator Obama.
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Our brave autist being evacuated to safety.
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PROUD
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Allegedly racist
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Dat bowl cut, though XD
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His Majesty The Dank Lord of Memes
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Bowl cut intensifies
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Methshot
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Looking badass in spite of his shitty haircut
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Does he do drugs?
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Storm's drug dealer detector is triggering
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They specifically picked out a retarded kid as a suspect because he is less likely to be able to act in a way that sheds doubt on his alleged guilt
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Like father like son?
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He was a good boi he dindu nuffin
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There's still absolutely no proof he has ever said anything like that
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This guy is slowly gathering a cult following on /pol/
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Dylann shirtless and spitting out something onto the American flag
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Dylann in his bedroom holding a small Confederate flag
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Did they get the wrong goy?
Graded Score
Graded score | |
---|---|
Kills: | 9/20 |
Accuracy: | 20/20 "9 kills and only 1 injury" |
Style: | 19/20 Shooting up a nigger church after a dramatic speech. |
Butthurt: | 18/20 About to cause a severe shitstorm and spark many riots! |
Bonus: | 20/20 Bonus for specifically killing niggers. |
Total score: 86/100 (B) |
Known Aliases
Like the devil, Dylann goes by many names. The following is but a short list of the various nicknames he's accrued among the Internet community:
- Dylann "Calm before the Storm" Roof
- Dylann "Power /pol/ack" Roof
- Dylann "Get off my Lawn" Roof
- Dylann "Not my women" Roof
- Dylann "Suboxone Surprise" Roof
- Dylann "If Your Pants Sag I Unload My Mag" Roof
- Dylann "Real Life COD in the House of God" Roof
- Dylann "Wrecking Coons in the Heat of June" Roof
- Dylann "Hostile Gospel" Roof
- Dylann "No More Truce When I Grab My Noose" Roof
- Dylann "No Lives to Spare after the Final Prayer" Roof
- Dylann "Time to Pray with the KKK" Roof
- Dylann "No More Moses, Time for Necrosis" Roof
- Dylann "Murder Mass Mass Murderer" Roof
- Dylann "Not So Gentle Gentile" Roof
- Dylann "Attack Every Black" Roof
- Dylann "Church Steeple Full Of Dead People" Roof
- Dylann "You Loot? I Shoot" Roof
- Dylann "Fiddler on the" Roof
- Dylann "Pray and Spray" Roof
- Dylann "Lead Lined" Roof
- Dylann "Blast the reverend with my 1911" Roof
- Dylann "Leaving none alive with my .45" Roof
- Dylann "Crusade King" Roof
- Chillin Dylan: Society's penicillin?
- Dylann "Killing a spook like it's Sandy Hook" Roof
- Dylann "Make a Spark in the Dark" Roof
- Dylann "The Nig Killin" Roof
- Dylann "Pulls the Trigger on Every Nigger" Roof
- Dylann "Erasing Jive With His .45" Roof
- Dylann "Ape Assassinator" Roof
- Dylann "The Carolina Coon Crusher" Roof
- Dylann "The Altar Assaulter" Roof
- Dylann "The Thunder Downs Under" Roof
- Dylann "Going Rambo on every Sambo" Roof
- Dylann "If you aren't white, you're in my iron Sight" Roof
- Dylann "Killin picaninny's with nothing on my picatinny" Roof
- Dylann "My blaster sends them to thug mansion faster" Roof
- Dylann "Pulling the ticket from every moon cricket" Roof
- Dylann "Killing without empirical proof" Roof
- Dylann "Giving flak to every black" Roof
- Dylann "The" Roof "is on fire, we don't need no water, let the motherfuckers burn"
- Dylann "This Storm Will Blow the Roof" Roof
- Dylann "Trigger Happy if You're Nappy" Roof
- Dylann "Going Jack Reacher on a Black Preacher" Roof
- Dylann "Pacification of the Congregation" Roof
- Dylann "Send 'em to heaven with my 1911" Roof
- Dylann "Disaster for the Pastor" Roof
- Dylann "Shooting Jigaboos with .22's" Roof
- Dylann "Slave Master with a Blaster" Roof
- Dylann "Trainin' my gun on an African nun" Roof
- Dylann "Gettin' Bloody at Bible Study" Roof
- Dylann "Cappin' Your Ass in a Room with Stained Glass" Roof
- Dylann "Shooteronomy 19:11" Roof
- Dylann "Pew-pew from a pew" Roof
- Dylann "In the Choir Loft with the Safety Off" Roof
- Dylann "I'm White If I Were Black I Would Die" Roof
Dylann and GamerGate
—Midsize Jake, [1] |
Dylann was politically aligned with the hate group, #GamerGate. Whether their toxic influence encouraged this shooting, like so many violent video games before it, will never be known.
—Dylann, In his last Facebook post before killing innocent church-goers |
—Dylann Storm Roof |
—"Zyklon" Ben Garrison |
See also
- Grand 16 Shooting
- The South
- Aaron Alexis
- Anders Behring Breivik
- Chris Dorner
- Elliot Rodger
- Sandy Hook
- Vivian James
- Dylann's manifesto
External links
His Facebook(archive 1) (archive 2)- His website.
- DylannStormRoof on Twitter
- Dylann Roof Official Fanclub
- The Confederate Flag at the South Carolina statehouse will be flown at half-mast in honor of Brianna Wu and "her" struggle
- Feminism causes spree killers.
- How to fail at becoming an hero.
Locus in quo: |
Abilene Alleyway Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 David Long 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Washington Navy Yard shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫 |
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Supporters |
Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews |
Main ideas: |
Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫 |
Haters gonna hate: | |
Acts of revenge: |
Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting |
Objectors: |
Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫 |
Pre-2012 Gun Massacres |
Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik |
Spree/One-time Killers: |
Aaron Alexis • Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Alyssa Bustamante • Anthony Warner • Audrey Hale • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Casey Anthony • Cho Seung-Hui • Devin Patrick Kelley • Dylan Klebold • Dylann Storm Roof • Eric Harris • Gerry McCann • James Holmes • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Rodriguez • Jeff Weise • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • Josef Fritzl • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Mark Essex • Martin Bryant • Matthew de Grood • Matthew Murray • Matti Saari • Maurice Clemmons • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Raoul Moat • Richard Speck • Robert Hawkins • Stephen Paddock • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • TJ Lane • Tyler Peterson • Wade Michael Page • Woo Bum-kon | |
---|---|---|
Career/Serial Killers: |
Academy Maniacs • Adolf Hitler • Charles Manson • Chris Benoit • Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs • Dubya • Jack the Ripper • Jeffrey Dahmer • Mao Zedong • Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski • Ted Bundy | |
Terrorists: |
Al Qaeda • Anders Behring Breivik • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Dzhokhar Tsarnaev • Elliot Rodger • George Sodini • Maniacs Murder Cult • Mark Essex • Nidal Malik Hasan • Osama bin Laden • Tamerlan Tsarnaev • Ted Kaczynski | |
See also: |
Antisocial personality disorder • Jews • Murder • Paranoid personality disorder • Pittsburgh Paint Job • Police Brutality • Sick fuck |
Dylann Storm Roof |
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[Xbox]
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Featured article June 20 and 21, 2015 | ||
Preceded by VICE |
Dylann Storm Roof | Succeeded by Fat People Hate |