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Jose Reyes: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 07:00, 15 January 2024
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
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Jose Reyes looks like it was written by pseudo-intellectual 13-year-old boys. Look out for unfunny Uncyclopedia bullshit, boring in-jokes, and angsty teen-ery. You could also add in actual humor.
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Jose Reyes is yet another mediocre mass shooting article. You can help by not writing articles on every boring edgelord that goes postal and reminding the author they aren't AlGore. |
Jose Horacio Reyes was some 12 year old autistic Columbine wannabe kid with brain damage that shot up his shitty school in the middle of nowhere, Nevada.
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|---|---|
| Jose Reyes | |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
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| Highscore | Killed 1, injured 2 |
| Top 50? | Not even close |
| Style | Single player |
| An Hero? | Yes |
Background
Jose was born on July 2, 2001 in some shithole in Nevada. He had two sisters he frequently babysat. Reyes lived with his parents in Arizona for some time when his dad found some construction job, but then eventually they moved back to Nevada for some fucking reason. During his elementary school years, Jose started to develop symptoms of..........*GASP!* Whats this!?? AUTISM!!!! He also started having behavioral issues such as anger when a teacher asked if he needed any help with assignments or storm out of the classroom going apeshit!, crying about shit like changing situations, being socially awkward af, or being quiet as hell. (Are these last 2 problems reminding anybody of someone?) Because of these occurrences, Jose's school decided he was eligible for an IEP. Around 5th grade, a friend of Jose died in a "Gun related incident". This greatly devastated Jose, and probably fucked him up too. Before Jose would begin his 6th grade year at Sparks Middle School, there was an IEP meeting held for him, to discuss how to handle the transition from elementary school to middle school. Eventually, they came up with the decision that a Special ED person (fuck, I Dunno LOL) would walk him to each class. While attending Sparks Middle School, Jose would get picked on by some asshole kids. One kid made fun of him for how Jose always stuttered. Another kid tripped him in the hallway, while others would not pay him back after he would loan them some money, fucking hell even one kid called him a "Retarded Michael Jackson. Also during his time his behavioral problems worsened, he started getting pissed off with students and talked and laughed with himself pretending he was an army general commanding his soldiers. While attending Sparks Jose would work at his dads restaurant were he would cook, however, because he was so autistic, he would sometimes fuck up at his job, which resulted in his dad going batshit crazy over his ass. When he wasn't fucking around he would sometimes use the money he earned to buy [[toys]] from stores like Wal-Mart for his little sisters. GAY! One day in 2012 after coming home from their shifts, Jose bugged his dad about a video game he wanted. This apparently made Jose's dad SO angry that Jose's dad decided to punch him 3 fucking times in the head and in one of his eyes! His dad was charged with child abuse and spent a night in jail. On October 18th 2013 Jose saw a psychologist where he was determined to have symptoms of Autism but for some dumbshit reason was not diagnosed with it. So Jose was given 10 MG's of the drug Prozac to take daily, along with some other unnamed medication. Jose also talked to the psychologist about how he was being bullied, and that there was an incident when one kid spilled some of his water on his pants in gym class where everyone began to laugh at his sorry ass. Jose's dad reportedly saw no changes in his behavior once he started taking the drugs, That's because he was planning a high score attempt
Shooting
On October 21 2013, at the ripe age of 12, our hero Jose grabbed some shitty gangbanger gun and 2 magazines, which he found hidden behind a cereal box. His mom then helped her little tard get dressed. Once he arrives at schule, his mom notices a tactical assault BB rifle sticking out of his backpack. Jose tries to lie to her saying his teacher needs it for a "Science project", but his mom made him leave it. It's assumed he planned to use it, lol. Jose makes his way down to the basketball courts, school hasn't started yet and he walks to talk with a group of students. However, our hero finds himself in a shit situation once more, and gets made fun of by the group of degenerates for his speech problems. So like many autistic students would do, he pulls out the handgun and shoots one of the kids square in the fucking shoulder. He fires more shots at people but can't aim for shit. He then walked around until he came across teacher Michael Landsberry. Landsberry, who was a war veteran, tried to get Jose to drop the weapon, in which Jose told him "No!" and to back away from him, but then our hero shoots him straight in the abdomen, somehow killing him instantly. A friend of Jose's comes and tries to help Landsberry, but Jose then points the gun at him. Jose's friend then begged for Jose not to shoot him, but, just so our hero can increase his K/D ratio, he then shoots his own friend in the stomach, but only wounding him. He then keeps walking around until he comes across a group of 5 students cowering in fear. Jose yells about how hes going to kill them, but doesn't even do it! So Jose then does EVEN MORE walking around, just firing at random shit. He is even seen on CCTV footage trying to enter the school but the door was locked, when he could have done the fucking obvious..... Eventually his first magazine runs out of ammo so he reloads his gun, and has trouble cocking the gun slide. Once he cocks it, our hero decides to just end it by shooting himself in the head. He is noted as the youngest school shooter to commit suicide RECORD BROKEN! The youngest school shooter to an hero, and the youngest of them all, is the Colegio Cervantes Shooter. Great job!
Aftermath
It turns out, the rampage ended before the cops even arrived, probably saving Jose's ass from serving juvie time had he not An hero. Upon searching his backpack, police found an Angry Birds notebook which Jose left 2 suicide notes. They also found his cellphone in which they found photos of Columbine high school pranksters Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, TJ Lane, and Kip Kinkel, suggesting Jose took some inspiration. And based on internet search's from his phone and the family laptop, it seems Jose did indeed research school shootings, along with other topics like "top 10 evil children" "revenge" "bullying" "frontier middle school shooting" "what if nazis won ww2" and Super Columbine Massacre RPG. The pigs also found 69 video games owned by Jose across the PS2, Dreamcast, and Xbox 360 consoles, more than 40 of them were violent(OMGG!!11 BAN ASSAULT GAMEZ!) Some of the games were from series like Call Of Duty, Battlefield, Grand Theft Auto, and Hitman. Obviously those video games didn't help him for shit. They also found strategy games which probably brainwashed his ass to talk like he was fucking Erwin Rommel.
After the shooting it was a fucking small shitstorm of media coverage for like a few days or so but then was forgotten, most likely due do the fact that school shootings happen EVERY FUCKING DAY OR SO. Though it was bought up a short time later during Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign on the topic of gun control. But after that, the shooting was pretty much forgotten.
Photo Gallery
Suicide Notes
"Dear teachers and students today is the day when I kill you bastards for the embarrassment that you did. You say mean things in school. That i'm gay, that i'm lazy, stupid, idiot and also say that I pee my pants and also stealing my money. Well that all ends. Today I will get revenge on the students and teachers for ruining my life. Today I will bring a god damn pistol and rifle to shoot you and see how you like it when someone making fun of you. Once I kill you, your life will be nothing but nightmare and bad dreams. I don't care if I have a'lots of bullets to shoot all of you cause i'm gonna die tring on my last stand.And right now this school will now come to an end and your death will be rising when I shoot you. Have a great death at school."
Graded Score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kill count: | 1/20 |
| Accuracy: | 4/20 |
| Style: | 8/20 Dressed in a school uniform of the school he was shooting up, nothing like school spirit! |
| Butthurt: | 13/20 Notable because of his age and mentioned by Giffords |
| Bonus: | 10/20 They grow up so fast |
| Total score: 36/100 (F) | |
Wanted Level:
Police Force
See Also
- Columbine - What he tried to be
- Asa Coon - At least he beat him
- Condoms - What could have prevented this
| Locus in quo: |
Abilene Alleyway Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 David Long 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Washington Navy Yard shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫 |
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| Supporters |
Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews |
| Main ideas: |
Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫 |
| Haters gonna hate: | |
| Acts of revenge: |
Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting |
| Objectors: |
Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫 |
| Pre-2012 Gun Massacres |
Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik |
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Columbine: |
Columbine • Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold • Super Columbine Massacre RPG • Do you believe in god • Columbine Copycats • Columbine Gallery • Columbiners |
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| Admirers |
Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Artyom Kazantsev • Asa Coon • Bob8466 • Brooke Higgins & Sienna Johnson • Cho Seung-Hui • Dillon Cossey • Ichverbot • Jaylen Fryberg • Jeff Weise • Kimveer Gill • Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath • Lynn Ann • Neocities • Nghtmrchld26 • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Robert Butler Jr. • Robert Hawkins • Robert Steinhäuser • Ryan Schallenberger • Sebastian Bosse • Sol Pais • TheAmazingAtheist • Tim Kretschmer • Vladislav Roslyakov • William Atchison • You | |
| Locations: |
Colorado • United States • School • Suburbs | |
| Related: |
Doom • Police Brutality • Postal • School Shooting • Mass Shooting • Video games • Trenchcoat • Marilyn Manson • KMFDM • Rammstein • Goth • Concerned Mother • Newgrounds • Ryan Lambourn • School Shooter: North American Tour 2012 • The Matrix • South Park • Michael Moore • Quentin Tarantino • 1990s • Jack Thompson • Gun control |
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Jose Reyes is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |
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