Jewnited States of Americunts

Americans on holidays.

Map of the UEA.

Old Glory, 2007, by artist Keith Boadwee

Give us your oil

Home of the brave.

After WW2 the United States employed enough former Nazis to constantly deform it's society.

Artist rendering of how the average American views their country on the world stage.

What the rest of the world thinks about 9/11.

	“	"America has the honour of being the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without the usual interval of civilisation in between"	„
	—Georges Clemenceau

The Jewnited states of Americunts, (pronounced by the local inhabitants as "Murka") is also known as the Confederate States of America, AmeriKKKa, Dumfuckistan, Theocratic State of the American Redneckistan, Fatty Nation, the Black States of America, or just America (since they claim that they are the only country in the whole continent) is a settlement of rednecks, spics, jews, niggers and christfags on land stolen from Indians. Americunts are ugly, greasy fat cunts who love nothing more than fucking their brothers and sisters and sucking off their dad's tiny dick while mommy watches and pleasures herself with kitchen utensils. They also believe they are superior to everyone else, even though they have the collective intelligence of a bowl of pubes, they have the accent of a colony of faggot gorillas, and they have extremely tiny penises. The US is by far the ugliest, most cretinous civilization in all of human history.

America likes to make the world think it's a free country, but whatever you do, DON'T LISTEN TO THEM WHEN THEY SAY THIS!!!!!!!11one It's a trap to get poor people who are looking for jobs who live in a bad place to come over only for their kids to be sent to Guantanamo Bay, be arrested for speaking freely, and being unnecessarily searched at airports. This is similar to how pedophiles lure kids into their vans with promises of candy.

History

How America responds to everything. This is why you don't want to fuck with them, unless you prefer living in a radioactive crater.

7 out of 5 Americans choose not to read British literature.

In the Beginning...

A fat toothless redneck God created Americunts in his own image. America was founded by the ancestors of modern day Bill O'Reilleys, then known as Puritans, whose creepy anti-sex, anti-alcohol, anti-music, anti-lulz religion was really annoying the Brits (who only wanted to fuck their livestock in peace without those arrogant, whiny Puritans screaming about how God hated them and they were all going to hell), causing the British to pile all their self-righteous asses on a boat and send it speeding in a random direction that just happened to land them in what is now known as New England. Butthurt about getting kicked off of the only good continent on the planet, they changed the story to make it look like they were being persecuted by those devilish sheep-fucking Brits and left on their own to save their own souls.

Puritan beliefs were very much like modern Islam, in that they believed women were the spawn of evil and must be punished, God rules this country and the government answers directly to him (which carried on into modern American politics as well) and if someone disagrees with you, they are ZOMGZ0RZ TEH DEVIL/WITCH!!1111 and will burn in hell for all eternity (which carried on into modern American culture). This is ironic because most of the founding fathers were, in fact, secularists. Being as strict and holy as they were, it's no wonder they freaked the fuck out and started killing each other over a bunch of moldy bread. Yes, folks, this is how it all started and is the basis for modern America.

As it happens, when they were kicked out of Europe, the place where they landed was full of injuns which they quickly dismissed as violent, barbaric and uncivilized, which is quite ironic since only a few hundred years later they would have all sorts of white people (mostly New-Agers and Hippies) defending their native brothers as wise, noble and peaceful (now that most of those savages have been wiped out, of course). In the beginning, the Natives pwned the fuck out of the first settlers which completely confounded the early Americunts into their shitty settlements until they realized that bullets were like kryptonite for people with red skin (because they didn't know what the fuck guns were), they were susceptible to all sorts of crazy European diseases and alcohol rendered the injun completely incapable of fighting back (or getting a job).

They justified their bloodlust, slavery and land-grabbing as ordained by God through Manifest Destiny (which has carried over into modern Foreign Policy).

American Independence and Beyond

In the late 18th century, America decided it wanted to rule the world. So the analists (so called due to their tendency to talk utter shit) whined, begged and cried at the feet of the King of Great Britain for independence. After much deliberation the honorable King George decided he would grant the pathetic plea on the conditions that the colonists would throw a tea party in the King’s honor in his favorite city of Boston, and that General George Washington would fellate him, without question, whenever he so desired (which is why Washington ended up with wooden dentures; his teeth were eroded from all the cock he sucked).

America loves wars, and hasn't gone 5 years without being in one. The USA frequently attacks small countries like Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, Japan, and Vietnam and devastates them but they frequently get bogged down by the native farmers with their terrifying rocks and pitchforks but doesn't have the balls to attack a real kickass country, like Canadia, Russizil or Chinastan. [1]. Nazi Germany like so totally doesn't count. Or Mexico. Or Great Britain. Or France. Or Japan. Or the Ottoman Empire. Or China. Or Austria. Or Italy. Or Israel.

Citizens

Rednecks

A typical American Couple and their daughter.

America is filled with scumfuck white trash who widely populate every state from east to west coast. They are the most disgusting and fuck-ugly people you could ever encounter in RL. Their children love to fuck their siblings more than their dad loves fucking them. Though the sworn enemy of the American Redneck is the American Nigger, they enjoy many of the same hobbies - such as skipping out on child support, having diabetes and secretly having hawt homo-sex with one another.

This subset of the American population can usually be found in or around:

• Trailer parks
• Titty/Liquor bars
• Welfare offices
• Meth labs
• Prisons
• Gay bashings
• Klan rallies
• Churches
• Burning churches
• Darwin Awards ceremonies
• Shitty diners for truckers
• Jerry Springer shows

Niggers

lol niggerz

There are no black people in America. Black people live in Africa and can actually sometimes be seen as respectable if not far more well-spoken than your average American Nigger. Black people who immigrate from their native African countries to America haaaate the American nigger and rightly sees him as being uncivilized and a waste of flesh. There are also no African American niggers because most of their ancestors were already here at least 100 years ago. It would be like the modern white decedents of Thomas Jefferson calling themselves British American. American niggers are well known for their love of fried chicken, obese white women and outrageously expensive shoes that none of them can afford but buy anyway.

They are commonly found in or around:

• Ghettos
• Crack houses
• Government housing projects
• Liquor stores
• Welfare offices
• Prisons
• Checkout lines with food stamps
• KFC
• Drive-by shootings
• Beauty parlors (black women spend about 63% of their average lifespan getting their hair did).
• Discount Fleamarkets
• Maury shows

Men

Specimen of the American Male

American men are utter scum, which is why most American women find foreign (especially British) men so attractive. ALL American males are secretly gay. You can tell that they are secretly gay by the kinds of activities they participate in to try to make themselves look straight, such as:

• Football - Full body contact with other men.
• Gay bashing - This is the only way they can fulfill their desire to touch a gay man's sexy homo body without seeming gay themselves.
• Working out at gyms - Where they get to see other hot, sweaty male bodies, usually scantily clad.
• Wrestling - 'Nuff said.

Traditional American Male Names:

• BillyBob
• Tyrone
• Tyrese
• Cletus
• Bubba
• OJ
• Tre'Shawn
• Jethro
• Otis
• Joe
• Dick
• Sir
• Fatfuck McMantits
• Wilbur

Women

An Average Hardworking American Female

All American women are ugly, self-absorbed, dirty, cumdumpster whores who love any kind of cock they can get, especially nigger cock, which is why most American men find foreign women (especially Asians) so attractive. They spend 99% of their time trying to find a nice dick attached to a man that's willing to take care of them and buy them things so that they'll never have to lift a finger for themselves or anyone else again. Because of this, American women are known to be some of the dumbest and most air-headed women on the planet since they shun education in favor of cock.

Traditional American Female Names:

• Tiffany
• Steffany
• Sheneequa
• Marge Cunt
• Lexi
• Angel
• MaryJo
• MaryJane
• Luanne
• MarySue
• Bitch
• Fat
• Ho

Culture

Cover art of a booklet that comes with the Green Card.

People are starving in Alabama

The Illuminati

File:Americaeurope.JPG

This is how Americunts view Europe.

When it comes to America, besides being unbelievably ugly, fat, wife-beating, redneck Christians, "there's more culture in a moldy yogurt".

WE'RE #1!

WE'RE (Not) NUMBER 1!

Yanks are brainwashed ignorant simple folk that get told by their owners that America is the best country evar, despite all evidence to the contrary. To be fair, only 30 or so percent of Americans even own a passport, so "evidence to the contrary" is hard to come by for them.

Americans are programmed from childhood to forget the rest of the world exists so that they don't then look outside Yanksville and realize they are being shafted. This is a government method to ensure the notoriously dumb, easily manipulated yankEE populous think everything is just fine so they'll continue to work multiple low paid jobs, be satisfied with what little they have, and never think of doing anything so radical as speaking out against a system that is so obviously using them and just one fancy mustache away from utter fascism.

To most Americunts, the only country that exists outside of the United States is the one they are currently at war with. As such, Iraq is the only country that currently exists to Americans. Some also may know of Afghanistan or Iran, but not so much that they can place them on a map.

Americans display their ignorance of other countries as a badge of patriotic obedience.

Examples include:

• Remaking books and films so that everything is set in America.
• Never traveling outside of North America.
• Believing that the capital of Sweden is IKEA, when in fact it is the capital of France.
• Becoming intentionally obese to avoid air travel.
• Being really shitty at geography in Trivial Pursuit.
• Believing that anyone outside of America is "weird" and still act as if it was the 19th century (eg., the people of Europe still wear powdered wigs, engage in duels and shoot people that sit next to them and occasionally don big, spiky helmets).
• In America, anyone who thinks differently, has a desire to learn different things, has a disease, or looks better than the popular person must inevitably be branded a homosexual, and can only be accepted into civilization if called "gay" over 9000 times a day
• Thinking that having a National Health Service is the equivalent to selling one's soul to the devil because it's 'socialist' and would cost them too much.
• Re-Writing historical events (especially those involving war) so that America becomes the sole protagonist, notably Iconic British events in ([WWII] and Afghanistan(see the new Medal of Honour).
• Believing that American law is World Law, this means if they enter any other country the rules don't apply.
• The American people believe that the world loves America as much as they do, and that everyone in the world would rather be living in America.
• In America, you can get pills for anything! And we mean ANYTHING! Have a speck of dirt in your eye? There's an OTC for that! Don't like the taste of steamed vegetables? You can pop a capsule for that! Restless Leg Syndrome? Oh yeah. Hate your mother-in-law? You bet your ass! You go to bed at night and wake up in the morning? Take 30 cc's of Shotgun Mouthwash!
• Bitching about gas prices, even though it's more expensive in the rest of the world because other countries don't invade countries and genocide races to access petroleum.
• Still mutilate their cawks because America was, and is still full of dirty jews. This is the only OC America has come up with - mutiliating cocks
• Believing that adding toxic fluoride to the water supply in America is good, and claiming fluoridated water gradually improves your health.

File:Fluoride Toxic.jpg

Fluoride in the American water supply makes you retarded.

American culture takes great pride in its national symbols.

America the Unoriginal

An important part of American identity involves stealing other peoples stuff, especially the British, these include:

1. America itself, after genociding the native population.
2. English Language - which the Americunts butcher in their squeaky Jew.
3. Dish - Taco, rights ceded by Mexico during the Treaty of Guadalupe-Hidalgo. Fat Americunts love eating them
4. Anthem - John Smith's British hymn, which Americunts didnt get permission to borrow.
5. Flag - thieved from British east India flag. Note- The Gasden flag (don't tread on me) was an original American invention. Because the flag is a reminder of those dark times before they took over, our Jewish masters have decreed this flag is no longer to be displayed.
6. Pastime - Baseball. The English invented for girls, not for grown-up rich people in pajamas.
7. Army recruitment - kiddie fiddler Uncle Sam "i want you", from Lord "(Kitchener) Wants YOU"
8. Education - High school, (John) Harvard University (for immigrants only)
9. Old even for their time Imperial units - Mile, yards.. and shit. In this as in many things, they insist on being different, like some indy faggot in high school.
10. Building - US Capitol 1850's built by Slaves, ripped off Chris Wren's concrete dome on St Paul's cathedral
11. Bill of Rights - from English Bill of Rights, as backward homicide junkies every Americunt receives a gun at birth
12. Common Law - English, Trial by Jury - Jew Americunts love a good lawsuit. Hey, beats working for a living!
13. National phrase Life, Liberty, Happiness nicked off Locke "Life, Liberty, Possessions"
14. Claiming they are Irish because one of their great great great great grandparents was. This is like saying you're a fish because you swam at the beach one time.

...ad nauseum.

American English: The One True Form of English

For the limey idiots who say "colour" was originally spelled that way: look it up, dipshits. The "ou" dipthong originates from French, around the time of the Normans. The original spelling of "color" is "color," as are almost all Latinate/Grecian words (this discounts words of French origin, but most American spellings stick to French convention of using an "ou"). British dumbasses changed these words to make them appear more Latinate/Grecian by adding the u. Again, look it up, and look somewhere reputable, like a book. Noah Webster, an American dictionary writer, pushed for the American people to return to the correct, classic spelling of this and other words. He also pushed for the proper pronunciation of "schedule" as "skedule," as this is a Grecian word and all other Latinate/Grecian words with "sch" are pronounced "sk." Only Yiddish/Germanic "sch" words are pronounced "sh."

Furthermore, even British linguists state that most American accents (short of the accents which are closer to British accents, like East Coast accents) are closer to the "original" pronunciations of English. Strong vowels, rhoticism, and emphasis on syllables are all believed to be trademarks of Old and Middle English speakers.

And your talk about "y'all" shows how fucking stupid and ignorant you are. This is a Southern custom, you fucking idiot. And at least we don't call cigarettes "fags" you limey cocksuckers. Disregard that murka sucks cocks

Official Language

What American sounds like to non-Americans, sung entirely in gibberish

Previous Video | Next Video

Obesity

File:Fat1.jpg

An American deep in prayer.

FUCK YEAH

Since about 100 years ago, Dumbfuckistan has held the title of fattest nation on the planet. This title was recently stolen by Australia last Thursday (To be taken back after Australia realized they made an error of shifting a decimal place back). Americunts decided the only rational way to counter Australia's dominance over the fatty title was to expand and export their horrid fastfoods (i.e. McDonalds, Burger King, Krispy Kreme, etc). While Americans claim to enjoy a wide barrage of "fine" cuisine, the rest of the world has consistently dined on healthier fair until the Americunts came along. Seeing that their revenge against the Ausfags was now successfully being implemented, Dumbfuckistan has focused their invasion of fatness upon the rest of the globe.

Obesity Videos

A Starving American Typical fat American Previous Video | Next Video

Religion

America has several major religions, ordered by popularity:

• Television
• Sports
• Food

Americans take their religion very seriously, often spending many hours per night deeply immersed in prayer. Or even more if there's something good on or if it's covered in bacon grease.

Besides these primary belief systems, American culture is deeply rooted in a paranoid and self-serving set of superstitions called Christianity. This superstitious system causes much butthurt and drama amongst the population, especially when used to justify such dumb, unnecessary or just plain insane acts as going to war, erecting ridiculously huge and expensive statues ( which then gets pwnt by Thor), and cramming themselves into huge buildings full of other sticky, sweaty, slack-jawed Americunts every Sunday to compare clothing and talk to/about their imaginary friends.

Edutation

Here's a problem in logic.

Proposition A
Statistics show that a quarter to a fifth of Americans think that their President Osama Bin Laden is a Muslim.

Proposition B
People who think Obama is a Muslim are terminally retarded and shouldn't be allowed near any weapons, not even a moderately sharp butter knife.

Discuss, with respect to the proposal to build a Mosque out of the burned remains of the 9/11 victims (whilst laughing and doing a little dance).

Television

The average American has an erratic, erotic bond with their idiot-box. Any content-rich program is acceptable in this moron paradise provided it has no relation to anything going on in the real world or that includes any intellectual content that could possibly fire up one of their two braincells (which would, theoretically, instanty cause a massive stroke and death, which is why they avoid it so avidly). For example, slapstick humor like some guy getting nailed in the balls or a child being hit by a car is generally well-received by critics and the general public; programs about art, science or any sort of history whose title doesn't end in "of the Bible" are not.

In American TV, "if it bleeds, it leads". If it bleeds a lot, set it on fire and stab it, then give it its own show and set it to a laugh track. And can we get some tits in there? Maybe add a sassy black woman in season 2? That'll play great with the 18 to 35 demo.

Americunts can usually be found watching:

• Programs involving fat southerners showing you how to make an entire Thanksgiving Dinner out of butter.
• Programs involving selling a house, decorating a house, cleaning a house, swapping houses or swapping wives.
• Talent shows full of self-absorbed, naive, shallow fags and bimbos that usually have about 0% actual talent.
• So called "reality TV" which involves about as much reality as an acid trip inside a Salvador Dali painting of the Neverland Ranch.
• CSI, CSI:NY, CSI:Miami, CSI:Akron, CSI:Disneyland, NCIS (which everyone only watches for the perky goth chick), and every other mindless carbon-copy cop drama that we've all seen a million times over the past 3 decades.

Sport

Handegg "poster boy". Are you fat, talentless, devoid of any skill, or cant think for yourself???. Fear not retard, this is the activity for you

The correct way to play baseball.

Handegg, (which only Americunts call "football") is a sport ONLY played by Americunts because of the cultural obligation of having invented it; there's no choice. With its use of tights, body armor, under-eye makeup, fanny pack-and-helmet-ensemble (and the Quarterback Snap), it is the primary recruiting technique for young new homosexuals, as it is a required part of most young mens' high school education.

American football is a bizarre game descended from rugby, but with much more padding, helmets and safety equipment lest the player break a nail. It caters to unskilled, fat non-athletes who can't play real sports. Since Americunts need a break every five seconds, it was tailored for them. If American football didn't suck, it would be played outside the nation in which it was invented, but it's not because it blows. The only football league that hasn't folded like all the others outside America (the low profile CFL) was culturally imposed by Americunts on those poor Canadians.

In the NFL (National Fag Lickers), everyone gets told what to do after every tedious, stop-start, mind-numbingly static boring play with no skill. If unfortunate enough to come across some cable channel this garbage is being shown on, you will inevitably shout "MOVE FFS" every twenty seconds, then end the misery and wisely change the channel. It's so boring that scantily-clad cheerleaders are required lest the attention span impaired Americunts get up during the play and go look for nachos.

The rise of professional football was actually part of somewhat successful and ongoing social engineering program employed by the global oligarchy to disengage man from his own destiny. The program works by essentially shifting a man's tribal focus (i.e. his need to engage in political and social affairs within the group of people to whom they belong) from their families and community to a substitute, "professional" sports team. Once a man has disengaged from his true tribal identity for this substitute, he becomes malleable in a political and social sense and is prone to complacency under despotic leaders. Indicators of this program's success include the overwhelming notion that an appreciation of football is the hallmark of manhood (or rite of passage to), tribal-esque body paint displays, and of course the inclusion of alpha-females as society inevitably progresses into its dieing stages (as in tribal society). Partly due to this success, the global oligarchy has effectively taken over The United States of America and re-branded it more accurately as the Jewnited States of America.

TL;DR: Americunt "football" is rugby for pussies, with added protection and more fat and especially more black person which makes the whole fucking sport a failure.

Baseball is played with sticks and balls. Strangely, America is not the only country that takes this sport seriously. In one of their most tragic attempts to be more like America, Japan also has their own baseball league. There has not been an American baseball player in the past 20 years who hasn't used steroids.

Government

	“	Well, imagine you're stuck in a bent over position, and you've got one "member" on your Left side and one "member" on your Right side. Now each of them promises that they'll try and be more gentle than the last guy, but you realize after a while that you're still F**ked.	„
	—NonyaZ;Summing it all up

Ex-president and current lord of the demon estate Castlevania, W.

Found on a typical American car bumper.

Known in America as "guv'ment," "gub'ment," "those bloated greedy conservative assholes that waste all our money on war," "those bloated greedy liberal assholes who waste all our money on blacks and Mexicans," or "that thing we all try to ignore." The American government is full of far more drama, lulz and even anti-lulz than any other nation on Earth.

Politics

American politics is like a delicately orchestrated simultaneous MMORPG of Russian roulette, bug chasing and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire played by thousands of obese 5th graders wielding those memory eraser things from Men in Black. Every politician's favorite pastime is blaming their political opposite for being non-partisan while simultaneously refusing to co-operate in return, and most Americans' favorite pastime (if they pay attention to it at all) is to watch this political drama on Fox News, cheering on their favorite player like it's some sort of soap opera (that could potentially turn us all into dirt-poor slaves IRL). Despite every "United We Stand" bumper sticker you might see on the back of a rust and primer colored pick-up truck, most Americans are rabidly partisan and would rather tie their own daughter up in a sack and throw her in a river than let her date a boy who voted for McCain or kick everyone out of their own church if they voted for Obama. Americans love to hate those that don't think the same way they do.

Fueling this assault on the sanity of the few self-respecting, decent humans that inhabit scattered corners of this country (and distracting us all from the real enemies) are the "news" channels (Fox News, MSNBC, etc.) and radio stations and their very vocal and boisterous cast of ultra-partisan super-pundits whom the majority of Americunts regard as avatars of God himself, following every word to a tea. Very little actual news or verifiable fact is ever spewed forth from these wretched cesspits of political ire, which is why it's so horrifying how influential they are to the slobbering masses of brain-dead zombies who revere them.

Moar info: Glenn Beck.

Moar info: Rachel Maddow.

Moar info: Ann Coulter.

Moar info: Bill O'Reilly.

It is a somewhat well known fact that American politics on the federal level are run in a fashion similar to that of professional wrestling. Opponents from both the Republicant and Democunt parties bash each other to no end during controlled debates to portray some sense of authenticity, and then get dinner together and proceed to engage in acts of sexual magick in accordance with the one true religion of American politicians: Thelema. Belief in this false left/right, Democunt/Republicant dichotomy is almost ubiquitous among residents in both the United States proper as well as those Dumbfuckistan. While the motives behind these politicians are up for debate, it is widely argued by actual sentient humans living in America that they belong to a secret cabal, such as 'the global oligarchy' or other such shadow governments.

Judicial System

United States leads the world with the Biggest Prison Population.

The modern American judicial system in action.

America prides itself as having the largest prison population of all countries in the world. For every 100,000 citizens there are 762 prisoners (International Center for Prison Studies). The American government prefers to throw people in jail and have tax payers pay for their food and shelter, instead of making them contributing members of society. The American police force tries its best to maintain America's leadership in having the largest prison population of the world.

It's incredibly easy to get sent to jail in America. If you're ever visiting (or, god forbid, live) in this god-forsaken country, try to avoid these activities:

• Being black
• Having an opinion
• Taking a picture that just happens to have a police officer in it
• Not watering your lawn (living in a desert where water is scarce is no excuse)
• Looking even remotely like a drug dealer
• Being black
• Going .002mph over the speed limit
• Being black
• Not being fat enough
• Not pandering to the Jews
• Being black

American police are also widely known for their propensity toward trigger-happiness. If they even suspect that you might have ever had drugs in your house EVAR, they will fucking kill you, your family and your pets and they will get away with it too. 2, 3, 4

Besides breaking into your house and destroying it and everyone/thing you love, another favorite pastime of American police is to beat the shit out of children:

Boy with broken back gets tazed 19 times Police pwn 15 year old girl Cop tazers then runs over teen boy Cop assaults and chokes 13 year olds Cops beat mentally retarded boy Previous Video | Next Video

9/11

On September 11th 2001, a bunch of towelheads took over some planes and smashed them into a couple of towers, in what was to become the best act of trolling ever. In typical fashion, they didn't get the joke. But of course, you already knew this. You and every other sapient creature on the planet, and probably some of the lesser species of ape. Why do you know? Because this happened in America. When AMERICANS are attacked, EVERYONE must know. Oh, certainly, roughly 3 times the amount of people killed in that attack die EVERY DAY from preventable, poverty-related causes and far deadlier attacks are carried out in other countries every day, but of course, these people aren't American so they don't really matter. Despite Americans thinking everyone everywhere sounds and acts American, it's only the tr00 Americans that count for shit if they die. To this day one cannot mention the incident in question to an American without them acting TTLY SRS. Despite the consequent death and oppression of millions of completely innocent Middle-Eastern people, Americans still seem to think THEY are the victims in this affair.

Economy

Morgenthau Plan in first stages.

The Economy of the United States is based to a large extent on agriculture, with an overwhelmingly rural population, many of whom are engaged in subsistence agriculture.

Much like its Eastern counterpart, Egypt, but without the culture, Cotton has always been and will soon revert to being the staple of American economy and way of life. American cotton and cotton products are recognized Wordwide for their durabe fabric, perceived quality, and variety of leitmotifs ideally suited to dress any household's Central American or Filipina servant.

Cotton was introduced by the British as a Cash Crop replacing the Native, unhealthy and less profitabe Tobacco. The criminalization of Nicotine, the main active compound in dried tobacco leaves, has been slow but constant until it was finally outlawed for ever in 1996.

To pick the Cotton and solve unemployment in Western Africa at the same time, American Philantropists invited Savage Negroes to the Land of the Free-of-charge. And Free stuff is indeed what they found: The Negroes were kindy taught God's Language, English, and God's Word, the Bible. They were given lifetime employment with full health, education and retirement benefits, as well as housing. As this piece of American Vernacular attests the country was on its way to a pleasant existence

	“	Summertime and the living is easy, Fish are jumping and the Cotton is High	„
	—black person

But in February 1861 the bloodthirsty Jews took advantage of Americans' tolerant nature and paid for everyone's Mint Juleps at the lobby of the Willard Hotel in Washington D.C. Then the nasty Jews proceeded to sweet-talk everyone to kill each other for a couple of years, destroy the cotton industry and forsake the Negroes to their own luck. By this the Hebrews achieved many purposes and commodities: separating the people from the Negroes, Gentile blood to prepare their Kiddush Wine, the creation of a proxy Hebrew party to infiltrate Government, but mainly keeping prices of Egyptian Cotton at Jewishly desirable levels.

Nowadays, as the aftermath of the War of Jewish Aggression is slowly fading, cotton accounts for 86% of the American GDP with the remaining 70% coming from Hemp farming. Conveniently the Federal Government created a statistical loophole to avoid the ordeal of dividing by zero. Hemp, cultivated more for its flower buds than its strong fiber (as not to compete with cotton), has already replaced Tobacco or Apples as the coutry's main cash crop, abeit destined exclusivey for the domestic market.

A country of Farmers and Ranchers, and their dependants, America is in the process of shaking the last yoke of Jewish oppression off its Christian neck. For unlike the Jew's, HIS Yoke is easy and HIS burden is light (Matthew 11:30).

Federal Reserve

Federal Reserve: the private banking cartel loans money to enslave Americans with excessive debt..

The Federal Reserve is a private banking cartel run by Jews which masquerades as a governmental body. It was created in 1913 to finance and manipulate America's addiction to overspending for entitlement programs, warfare and McDonald's. The Fed stands above American law, because it's accountable to nobody, except Israel.

This cartel of private banks prints dollars for a few cents per piece, then loans it to the American government at full-face value. Consequently, the American government gradually drowns in a sea of debt. Meanwhile, the international private banker Jews profit from the interest payments on the rising loans.

The international private banker Jews diabolical master-plan is to enslave American people through complete bankruptcy, then create a totalitarian regime in North-America, and gradually buy up the rest of the world for a despotic Global Government. Their end goal is to enslave all gentiles, and microchip them like cattle into obedience under the guidance of a global police state. It took a freaking documentary for the American Neanderthal economists plus a legion of super nerds to comprehend the national debt's dangerous implications - even as rogue Austrian Jews and even some Native Gentiles were warning us of it since the beginning.

Military

.

The current threat Americunt faces. THEY'RE FUCKING EVERYWHERE!!

Blue denotes Murrika. Red denotes Niggertown. In Niggertown, they hate freedom.

The U.S Military, which couldn't win their way out of a wet paper bag with guns in their hands, is a bunch of homo fags that are too stupid too dumb for college, too lazy for a real job, or trying to avoid prison. These retards are actually trusted with guns and bombs which has resulted in an American invention known as "friendly fire". This event only occurs when they're around and basically consists of a fucktard shooting someone on their own side and going "sorry you had a gun and I just freaked out". Every time an American soldier accidentally shoots his buddy in the face a Muslim terrorist gets another heavenly virgin (two if they do it on purpose!). Americans only have the balls to attack others when they are armed to the teeth and travel in numbers. When captured alone, they are far from Rambo and simply get beheaded on youtube.

The US Army also perpetrated Operation Oilraqi Freedumb, the dumbest military maneuver since the Maginot Line. In Op Oilraqi Faildumb, Halliburton's military wing spent a trillion dollars invading a country with no military and lost. The US Military like to scare brown people with their enormous budget, but in reality criminally insane politicians steal and waste 95% of it on shit that doesn’t work and nobody wants.

America also enjoys firing at British troops, and bombing British tanks. This has gone back as far as the Second World War, as shown in a British wartime joke; "When the Germans shoot, the British duck. When the British shoot, the Germans duck. When the Americans shoot, EVERYONE ducks!". It should be noted that this joke is a good example of American ignorance. The reason friendly fire is higher among American forces is because they're retarded and poorly trained. Others have argued that they are just flat-out retarded. Since America's army exploits every country, they build huge rockets to watch the pretty colors, but then they discovered that they actually kill people when a guy thought he could reach the moon on one and failed, which resulted in the modern nuclear bomb.

The main problem with the United States Army seems to be the inability to aim, or co-ordinate any form of attack that doesn't consist of blindly shooting until you hit something. This is not helped by the high incest rate of America, which results in the low IQ and fleeting attention span. Training in the American army generally consists of having your head shaved and being able-bodied enough to hold a gun, whereas other more traditional armies persist with the idea that teaching people how to use their weapons, something America did away with some time ago.

Experimental Weapons

Everyone knows that the Americunt special/biological/experimental/homosexual weapons division is responsible for:

• The Black Mesa disaster
• Supermutants
• Alien
• Aliens
• Alien³
• Alien Resurrection
• Supersoldiers
• Religion
• Satan Claus
• Homosexuality, and subsequently
• AIDS

American weaponry at its finest

Military Intelligence

• During the 90s.
  During the 90s.
• 
  9/11.
• After realizing Iraq has WMDs.
  After realizing Iraq has WMDs.
• After realizing Iraq doesn't have WMDs.
  After realizing Iraq doesn't have WMDs.
• After realizing North Korea might be making WMDs.
  After realizing North Korea might be making WMDs.
• After realizing Iran might be making WMDs.
  After realizing Iran might be making WMDs.
• After China hacks the Pentagon.
  After China hacks the Pentagon.
• After North Korea tests a nuke.
  After North Korea tests a nuke.
• DoD toilets after North Korea sinks South Korean warship.
  DoD toilets after North Korea sinks South Korean warship.
• After WikiLeak's report
  After WikiLeak's report

Many people believe New Jersey, Massachusetts and California are the US's next targets as they are all violating the US's strict "no freedom allowed" policy.

Cars

The Americunts' taste of cars is as admirable as their taste in music.

Below is a list of the basic criteria of what makes a car American:

• An engine so inefficient it takes 5.7 liters to produce 290 horsepower, like the Camaro Z28.
• A clandestine interior plastered with tan leather and wood paneling covered with so much lacquer that the act of lighting a cigarette inside would result in an immediate explosion.
• A V8 iron block engine with push rod valves, cuz that's how the future rolls! Oh, and no variable valve timing, either, cuz that's a load of bullshit and nothing is more efficient than a 7 liter engine that generates 120 horsepower at 900 RPM.
• At least 60 cupholders, so you can keep all of your drinks once you come back from a 550 mile long trip to McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Sonic, TGI Friday's, Papa John's, Pizza Hut, Denny's, Olive Garden, Dominoes, Long John Silvers, KFC, and Golden Corral.
• Paper thin rubber tyres covering enormous, 20 inch wheels now known colloquially as "dubs."
• An overall bodylength as long as Chile.
• It must weigh at least 4000 lbs and have a suspension that feels like Jello Jelly.
• It must be able to carry at least 12 people but be owned by someone who lives alone.
• It must be less fuel efficient than NASA's current shuttle technology.
• It can only go in a straight line at 200 mph. Anything else would be too complicated.
• Must compensate for your penis, the bigger the car the more your penis is inverted into a mangina

List of Americunt cars that look or perform like shit:

• Ford Mustang - srsly? How can you have the audacity to have a trim level called "GT" when nothing you guys build weighs less than 3500 lbs and runs on dead fetuses? Also, 2-ton solid rear axles are perfect, as nobody actually needs to make turns in a car.

• Dodge Viper - You needed an 8 liter V10 engine to lose the Le Mans? Fail.

• Dodge Challenger - About as successful as the space shuttle of the same name.

• Chevrolet Corvette - Leaf springs suck. FAIL ON STEROIDS.

• Ford GT - The Ford GT40 was designed in England, and you took the credit when you won the Le Mans from 1964 to 1969, and this car goes to show you can't even build sometime non-shit based on that car. Again, fail.( And it was a piece of shit, Carroll Shelby actually made the shitty GT 40 into the MK II. Which won the Le Mans in 1966. The English designed GT 40 broke down in 1964 and 1965)

• Ford Pinto - Makes the LOLJAP's cars look like Holymobiles made of gold. This is putting it nicely. Triggered a mass recall in the 70's that made many a car 'enthusiast' butthurt.

Most owners of these fine cars will induldge on how they're superior in any way to the LOLJAP's and Europayin's cars. If you own or desire any type of 'muscle car' made from the loving Americunts, you may feel free to chop your testicles off with a sledgehammer and drown yourself in bear piss. You're just going to kill youself quicker if you don't.

Facts about America

File:Americalikesitinthebutt.jpg

Proof that the USA likes it in the butt.

• Despite countless pockets of grinding poverty comparable to that of the third-world, Mad Max levels of criminality, a political system that is a wholey owned subsidiary of corporate America, extreme religious nuttery, rampant racism, rampant homophobia, rampant retardation, rampent obesity, Fox News, being shit at wars but starting them all the time anyway, NASCAR, and spray-on cheese, 95% of Americans still hold the adorable belief that theirs is the greatest country on Earth, even though it is filled with the most disgusting scum this planet has ever seen.
• In America, everyone is fat and ugly and horrifically ignorant.
• 50% of Americans don't know the nearest star is called "the sun", how far away that star is, or how long it takes for the earth to travel around it.
• 90% of Americans know that in WWII 6 million jews died, but have no idea how many Americans.
• In entry to America, your IQ drops 20 points, waistline expands 20 inches, you start speaking through the nose with a squeaky yankee nasal accent. To do otherwise is to be subject to arrest.
• In America you can get a pizza delivered to your house faster than you can get an ambulance.
• In America, there are more fat people than there are people.
• In America, when a group of arabs kill civilians, they are called cowards. When an American soldier kills civilians, they are called heroes.
• In America, people think that the reason they didn't win the lottery is because they didn't pray hard enough.
• In America, people get in their cars and drive to their mailbox.
• In America, all women believe they are entitled to date a 6 foot tall, millionaire fireman with two PhD's and a 10 inch dick.
• In America, all men think they are entitled to date a borderline anorexic supermodel with tits bigger than her head and a PhD in sucking dick.
• In America, it is a requirement to hate Japanese people with every cell in your body. If you don't, you are not a true American.
• In America, the sacred right of voting is so important you must wait until you are an adult of 18 to exercise it, but you have to be 21 to drink a beer.
• In America, only 1/4 of the population ever votes, but ALL of them bitch about who's running the government.
• In America, there is no bigger sin than not owning a television.
• In America, media figures calling Obama a "Nazi communist fascist Muslim Antichrist" are taken seriously.
• In America they have drive-through ATMs with braille lettering.
• In America there are handicap parking places in front of skating rinks.
• In America, men believe removing FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND nerves from their penis will not affect sensation.
• In America, the military advertises in the help wanted section.
• In America anyone with a Spanish name is instantly demoted to "dirty brown Mexican" status regardless of how cold, bland, and pasty he or she may actually be.
• When traveling abroad, most Americans believe that the native population of whatever country they are visiting should speak perfect and unaccented English, even though the only thing they themselves know how to say in the native language is "Where's the bathroom?"
• In many countries in the world, people don't make enough money to eat. In America, people pay money to lose weight.
• In America, it's common to see a single person driving around in a giant truck/SUV that can easily seat 20 people and only gets 6 miles to the gallon.
• In America, having a huge, noisy, gas-guzzling vehicle makes other Americans think your penis is HUGE.
• In America, working 6 hours a week longer than the average European to uphold an equal lifestyle is seen as a virtue.
• In America, people with no health insurance rabidly protest the government wanting to give everyone health insurance.
• In America, if you question them dumping toxic chemicals into the food and water supply, they'll call you a dirty hippy and beat the shit out of you.
• In America, writing on the sidewalk with chalk is considered destruction of public property.
• In America, they'll fucking murder you if you believe people shouldn't have the right to spew out a hoard of screaming brats.
• In America, they'll fucking murder you for being a fag.
• In America, they'll fucking murder you for wearing a turban.

The Pinnacle of American Intellectuals

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Gallery

USA! USA! About missing Pics

• What typical Americans look like (minus 300 pounds)
  What typical Americans look like (minus 300 pounds)
• 
  McDonalds accidently ran out of Big Macs
• 
  Typical American Siamese cat
• 
  Flag of Jewmerica, also called the USA, an external territory of Israel.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Just a little correction
• 
  Every true American is a Zionist
• File:Ignorance.jpg
• Good ol' brit enlightens his less educated little brothers.
  Good ol' brit enlightens his less educated little brothers.
• A proud american patriot
  A proud american patriot
• 
  What needs to be done
• Done by an American intellectual..
  Done by an American intellectual..
• 
  I'd hit it
• 
  How the US flag will look, circa 2011
• 
  The Statue of Liberty watches over and protects the country.
• 
  The United States Fag
• 
  American tits
• 
  They started using chickens when they ran out of Jews.
• 
  All Americans are required to wear flags on their heads by LittleKuriboh. Anyone who breaks this law will spend the rest of their life watching his Zoo Videos.
• 
  Some people wish it were illegal to burn the US flag IRL
• 
  As true today as it was in 1907
• 
  Typical Americans and their cars.
• 
  This was obviously made by an Americunt.
• 
  Flag of the United Socialist States of America
• 
  Flag of the United States of Israel
• How to win elections in America
  How to win elections in America
• 
  Flag of the Confederate States of America
• 
  FUCK YEAH!
• 
  America,the Christfag nation.
• Enjoy your stay
  Enjoy your stay
• Your typical american family
  Your typical american family
• What US military supporters don't know.
  What US military supporters don't know.

See Also

• 4th of July
• American language
• Americunts
• Darth Cheney
• Diabeetus
• Heart disease
• Hetalia
• Lakotastan
• Manifest Destiny
• Native Americans
• Obesity
• Paula Deen
• Senator Barack Hussein Obama
• Unwarranted self importance
• W
• White people
• Why do you hate America?

External Links

• What Russia thinks of America - WARNING: High levels of mental retardation
• Good place for showing your American hate for Muslims and vice versa
• A typical website by a concerned American! Notice the grammar.
• Escape From America Magazine. America – The Grim Truth
• A photo collection of average Americans

Featured article July 3, 2010
Preceded by Canadia	Jewnited States of Americunts	Succeeded by Anna Chapman