Alphawerewolff

File:Alphawerewolff late for school.jpg

Somebody's going to be late to school

Evan's normal special face

File:Taylor-Lautner.jpg

Evan usually has a boner for this Spanish Macaulay Culkin, another teen werewolf

Alphawerewolff, also known as Evan, is a pussy bitch Troll from YouTube who achieved internet fame with his I HATE YOU JOSH! IM A TEEN WEREWOLF! video, in which he declares his hatred of his fellow classmate, Josh, and attempts to rationalize his own belief that he is not, as one might think, an irredeemable twilight fag (although he would love to bone Taylor Lautner), but in fact a functioning member of society. A self-proclaimed teen werewolf as well as a raging camwhore, it is unknown how he's made it this far without becoming an hero or being pwned by his mom for destroying all the expensive shit she gives him. It is understood that when Josh encounters the so-called "Alphawerewolff", he responds the way that any rational person would, by ridiculing the emo fuck. Though it should be noted he has sold out to youtube and is no longer a funny troll, but a faggot.

“	I will be uploading new videos soon but u guys are probably just going to call me an "emo faggot/furfag/queer/pussy/gay kid/daffy duck dick sucker" when i do.	„
—Alphawerewolff

The Original Video

The video begins innocently enough, with an apparently respectable young woman declaring her love of Twilight. All too soon however it it revealed that this nice girl is, in fact a man, who has a bone to pick with someone called Josh. He introduces himself as Evan, a teen werewolf, who doesn't mind being made fun of for his choices in life (unless you're Josh of course). He believes that all of us, even You, has something supernatural within us.

After he's introduced himself, we get to the meat of the video, a long, drawn out tirade on the one they call Josh. This tirade could easily be a cover for a massive homosexual crush on Josh. He begins by contradicting himself by saying that he hates being made fun of by Josh, who apparently has discovered, Alphawerewolff's love of Daffy Duck's dick (no, rly). After letting out some frustration, he proves that, no, humans aren't vulnerable to the holy power of silver.

Other Videos

All of his videos feature him screaming like his ass is getting rammed by a 9 inch niggerdick.

"Now Sasquatch can play Halo 3!"

The second video is aimed at the trolls who flocked to his video and made fun of him. Evan lets people know that he is a closeted Harry Potter fan and would very much like to use magic powers to tentacle rape Josh. This might be a hint that he has hidden lustful feelings for Josh, and possibly gets off on being made fun of.

He then bitches at the trolls for questioning how Sasquatch could possibly play Halo 3 without the cords, controller, tv, etc. Apparently his mom realized after getting him the hexbawkz 360 that he would need a TV to play it on. He brings the television out, letting the viewers know it is not cardboard, and throws it into the nearby lake.

	“	Yeah, that just fucking happened. Fuck Sasquatch, now the little mermaid can watch Oprah. And you know what? I would have thrown her a controller, that way she could turn on the vibration and use it for a dildo for all I care. Fuck you Josh. Fuck all you guys.	„

The third video starts out with Evan fapping excitedly to go see Twilight: Eclipse. His enthusiasm comes from the (false) belief that Bella will be smart in this movie and go for the werewolf Jacob, instead of the vampire Edward.

The camera cuts back to inside the movie theatre where Evan goes outside and throws a huge bitchfit. Bella did not pick Jacob and Evan is fucking pissed, having left the movie early because of it. He has stolen an Edward cutout from the theatre and proceeds to run it over with his car.

	“	Fuck Edward.	„
	—The thoughts of every sane person before him

"I WANNA GO TO COCKBUSTERS"

Lamest. Prank Call. Ever.

Evan returns again, this time he's bitching about the oil spill, and gets revenge by being a pussy, and spilling 3/4 of a bottle of Gatorade on the floor on the floor of a BP gas station. Little does he know, Gas is about 1.2% of the gas station's profits, meaning BP gets 1 cent per gallon.

"Boinking Haters Moms"

Seriously? You know he's hardcore when he can't even say "I fucked your mom." And no, "I had sex with your mom" just doesn't cut it because honestly, who hasn't? Even Chocolate Rain had bigger balls. And a better sound.

Previous Video | Next Video

List of Things He Has Destroyed in Each Video

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Evan's fashion inspiration.

• Hexbawkz
• Halo 3
• Brand new television
• Edward Cullen cut-out
• His mother's respect for him
• Ronald Mcdonald's self image
• A perfectly clean gas station floor in a Hippie protest.
• Coppercab

A faggot werewolf Hates Copperfag

After months of being compared to Coppercab, AlphaWerewolff decided the best way to become more like Coppercab was to become his friend. This attempt failed, and on October 11, 2010, AlphaWerewolff decided to join the Coppercab haters.

The irony in this is both AfaggotWerewolf and Copperfag suck Daffy Duck's dick, likely together.

Epic Troll in Disguise?

If he is it's a fucking good disguise. Many think Alphawerewolff is so retarded and emo that he simply must be a troll. Others believe he is no more that the furry wannabe Edward Scissorhands equivalent of Chris Crocker. Look at the evidence and judge for yourself:

Evidence For:

• Uploaded a single video on May 27th 2010 (the day after he joined). The original article about him was written on May 28th.
• Following this he began uploading again in July. Was he thinking up ideas for new videos or simply fleeing from unwanted attention?
• Videos follow the same format - scream "Fuck you I'm a werewolf!" and smash something.

Evidence Against:

• He first caught the public's attention by appearing on on a KENS5 News report in San Antonio, Texas before joining Youtube. Most trolls try to avoid appearing on TV, prefering to remain anonymous.

• People such as Don Henrie have been claiming to be genuine IRL vampires for years. Maybe the wolves are now coming out of the closet.
• If the internet has taught us anything it's that not everybody who acts like a fucking retard is doing it for the lulz - they're just fucking retarded.
• Even other furfags don't like him. Or was that his intention?

So is Alphawerewolff simply a member of another group of teenagers howling over how hard it is to be a white middle-class kid living in America and masturbating to Twilight or does he genuinely think he is a werewolf? You decide.

External Links

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Sucking Daffy Duck's dick.

• Template:Youtube2 BALEETED!
• FailBook page

See Also

• Furry
• Werewolf
• Wolfaboo
• Attention Whore
• FYIAD

	Alphawerewolff is part of a series on YouTube.
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Featured article September 16, 2010
Preceded by Lizziey	Alphawerewolff	Succeeded by Zoe Kimball