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Port Arthur massacre: Difference between revisions
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{{quote|You see if people didn't do these unfortunate things, you guys wouldn't have a job.|Martin Bryant}} | {{quote|You see if people didn't do these unfortunate things, you guys wouldn't have a job.|Martin Bryant}} | ||
{{ib|[[File:Martin-Bryant.jpg|150px]]}} | |||
{ | {{Ibhead|<big>'''Martin Bryant'''</big>}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|May 7, 1967 ({{age|1967|5|7}} years old)}} | |||
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Australia|Ausfailian]] [[File:MiniflagAustralia.png|Australia]]}} | |||
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed 35, injured 23}} | |||
| | {{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|{{highscorelist}}}} | ||
| '''Born''' | {{Ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}} | ||
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, v& for 1,035 years}} | |||
{{Ibend}} | |||
|'''Nationality''' | |||
|'''[[ | |||
| | |||
| | |||
|'''Style''' | |||
|'''[[An Hero]]''' | |||
[[Image:Martin Bryant chillin.jpg|thumb|right|175px]] | [[Image:Martin Bryant chillin.jpg|thumb|right|175px]] | ||
Latest revision as of 20:46, 4 November 2024
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BREAKING NEWS!! Bryant's score was BTFO by another Ausfailian, named Brenton Tarrant! |
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This article needs moar pix and narrative. You can help by adding moar pix and narrative. |
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—Martin Bryant | ||
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|---|---|
| Martin Bryant | |
| Born | May 7, 1967 (57 years old) |
| Nationality: | Ausfailian 
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| Highscore | Killed 35, injured 23 |
| Top 50? | 10th |
| Style | FPS, Single player |
| An Hero? | No, v& for 1,035 years |
The Port Arthur massacre is Ausfailia's staged, lame-ass version of 9/11, perpetrated by Martin John Bryant on April 28, 1996. Bryant traveled around the small, secluded shithole known as Port Arthur and gunned down every bogan who was out hunting for kangaroo roadkill that morning; scoring 35 frags and wounding 24 more n00bs (including himself when he "accidentally" set himself on fire trying to escape from the pigs). Bryant created eternal lulz that day, forever changing a community that was never a likeable place to begin with.
Being the only large-scale mass shooting in Ausfailia, it has produced more conspiracy theories than 9/11, JFK, the Iraq wars and Elvis Presley combined, although none of these have made it to the reliable fact center known as Wikipedia, because Wikipedos would rather flood RC with pointless articles on random shit 99% of people will never care about.
About Martin Bryant who ASIO says did PA
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
Martin Bryant was the only man who was able to kill a substantial amount of people in a non-shithole country until Norway got pwn'd by bombs and guns and shit in 2011. Here are some facts about this blonde-haired fuckwit that you should know:
- He had an IQ of 66, putting him at an impressively low 1.17th percentile. While still able to function independently in society, he received the nickname "Stupid Marty".
- Made lewd comments to almost any female. Loved pr0n and was obsessed with bestiality. Frequently hired prostitutes all the while staying in a relationship with some dozy cunt of a girlfriend.
- Enjoyed violent films, his favorite being Child's Play II (can we all take a moment to appreciate just how 'great' this film is?).
- Inherited approximately $500,000 after the suicide of his father and the death of Helen Harvey, killed in a convenient car accident with Marty in the back seat.
- Had no significant firearms experience, but owned 200 teddy bears: further proof that furries are gun-toting psychopathic time bombs waiting to detonate.
- The Port Arthur Massacre sparked gun reform in Australia, though none was really needed. Tasmania in particular, where this massacre occurred, sported a very low murder rate, in which guns involved only a fraction.
There hasn't been a mass shooting in the whole of Oceania involving over 10 kills since.lol nvm - A New South Wales police report indicates that 29 shots were fired at the Broad Arrow, 19 ending as fatal head shots, 1 other fatal shot, and 12 wounded. In about 90 seconds. Some argue that an inexperienced aspie could not fire with such accuracy, but the Australian Federal Police are fucking Jew and should not be trusted.
- Bryant's AR-15 was found with an exploded cartridge in the chamber, exploded with a force not normally seen for a bullet of this calibre. If this had occurred while the weapon was being held, severe injury would have resulted to the operator - amputation, burns, firearms discharge residue or other unspeakably horrific outcomes. At time of arrest, Bryant was burned from the fire at Seascape Cottage, but his hands were uninjured. It's impossible that the cartridge exploded due to the gun being in a house that was on fire because anybody who has played Call of Duty has noticed that fire does not harm bullets.
- Has made
fourSIX suicide attempts while in prison, and he will probably never become An Hero. - Currently enjoying a healthy sex life at Risdon Prison.
- Lyndon LaRouche publication EIR asserts that Bryant was a "patsy" brainwashed by the Tavistock Institute.
- Had a pretty awesome dressing style and unique aesthetic.
Timeline
- 7 May 1967 Martin Bryant born.
- 1984 Severely burned in fireworks accident, requiring weeks of hospitalization.
- Dec 1987 "There will never be uniform gun laws in Australia until there is a massacre in Tasmania." Barry Unsworth, New South Wales Labour Premiere, spoken at a special meeting in Hobart. Reported by the Sun Herald edition of 5 May 1996.
- 16 Aug 1993 Father, Maurice Bryant, commits suicide at family farm, Copping. Maurice weighted himself with his son's diving weights and submerged himself.
- 9 Mar 1994 Drysdale's firearm is destroyed by the Australian government, according to records.
- 1995 Loses his luggage at the airport. Police recover the luggage and return it to him, minus four seized bestiality videos.
- 28 Apr 1996 After openly lamenting the dearth of Japanese tourists, Martin Bryant opens fire with an AR-15 (serial number SP128807) at the Broad Arrow Cafe in Port Arthur, Tasmania, killing 35 and wounding 18.
- 28 Apr 1996 At 8PM, police take Carleen Bryant, Martin's mother, to police headquarters.
- 29 Apr 1996 Bryant surrenders to police, with his clothes on fire.
- 23 Jun 1996 Report on the front page of Australia's Sunday Telegraph indicates that the AR-15 used is a gun that was turned into the Victoria government by collector Bill Drysdale in February 1993, during an amnesty. He was compensated AU$1700 for the firearm.
- 4 Jul 1996 Police interrogation:
—Bryant, making up bullshit | ||
- 30 Sep 1996 Bryant pleads not guilty to 72 counts.
- 7 Nov 1996 Trial begins.
- 22 Dec 2000 Stabbing attack on Bryant at Risdon Prison. This is described as a suicide attempt.
- 5 Jul 2003 Another inmate sprays cleaning solution in Bryant's eyes. He is evacuated to Royal Hobart Hospital for treatment.
Interesting
- A 1/2 hr. before the incident, the area's two policemen receive an anonymous call on a drug stash, and drive 25 miles to Saltwater River.
- Police initially reported that there were two gunmen at Seascape.
- The massacre and the shooter had a military appearance. The shooter did 20 head shots in a short time, shooting from the hip - he reloaded his second magazine with one round left.
- The recovered guns were an American AR-15 and a Belgian FN-FAL, both of which had sustained significant, inexplicable damage to barrels, breech, and receiver that rendered them impossible to match with the weapons used in the shooting.
- Witnesses couldn't identify the shooter, because no one fucking cared about him.
- Jim Laycock, co-owner of the Port Arthur Motel, knew Bryant for 15 years and said it wasn't him.
Bryant's recent appearance in Australian media
Despite Bryant's conviction paving way for the extreme media suppression that would follow, in late 2015 reporters from the Herald Sun decided to camp out on a hill for several hours to catch Bryant in all his glamour and beauty from over 19 years incarcerated. Rather than Bryant being in solitary confinement as the Australian media initially publicised, it actually turned out that Bryant was just chilling out with all the other inmates and finally had a cell-mate that he could talk to (so I guess everything turned out for the best for Marty). The cell-mate confirmed how much of an aspie Bryant really was to journalists and that Bryant would give 'sexual favours' in exchange for chocolate bars. Subsequently from all those gobbies and chocolate bars, Bryant became incredibly fat and has little to no resemblance to the dashing, long-haired crusader he was originally known to be.
Police Interview Tapes
Even more recently, (March 2016) Bryant's police interview tapes [1] were released to mark the 20th anniversary event that put Australia on the map. The tapes just go to show how Martin is a pretty cool guy who just wanted to give police something to do, hence why they were suppressed so long. Bryant states that: "you see if people didn't do these unfortunate things, you guys [the police] wouldn't have a job" Police: Well there's a lot of truth in that Martin, let me tell you". For an impressively stupid aspie, he isn't wrong.
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 35/20 23 injured |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 12/20 35 killed, 23 injured |
| Style: | 16/20 Killing spree |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 Ausfailia's ultimate mass shooting |
| Bonus: | 20/20 Managed to set himself on fire in the process |
Wanted Level:
National Guard
Pwned by Martin Bryant
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Mossad gun-destroying technique
- Put a hot load explosive round into the AR-15, which blows up the barrel, bolt, firing pin, extractor, and riflings. This is often used when professionals want to destroy ballistic evidence.
- Basically you take an empty cartridge, take a hotter powder, and fill it to the brim (lulz). The cartridge is too much for the gun; it explodes and wrecks the mechanisms.
- ??????????
- PROFIT!!1!
Did Bryant have the reloading equipment needed?
Or it could just be that if you leave a loaded gun in a burning house the round inside might explode!?!
How to troll a Tasmanian
Q: What do Port Arthur and Antarctica have in common?
A: Both are minus 35.
Q: What's the fastest way to get to Antarctica?
A: Shoot through Port Arthur.
External links
- Article on Martin Bryant at Wikinfo
- Article on Port Arthur massacre at Wikinfo
- Article on Encyc.org
- Leaked videos of police interviewing Martin Bryant.
- His girlfriend still loves him for whatever reason.
