Ryan Palmeter

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Ryan Palmeter is yet another mediocre mass shooting article. You can help by not writing articles on every boring edgelord that goes postal and reminding the author they aren't AlGore.

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Ryan Palmeter
Born	November 28, 2001
Died	August 26, 2023 (aged 21)
Nationality:	Americunt
Highscore	3 killed, 0 injured
Top 50?	No
Style	FPS, Single player
An Hero?	Yes

Ryan Christopher Palmeter^卐 was a 21-year-old suicidal crybaby, college dropout, and CIA asset from Jacksonville, Florida who sacrificed his life to continue the work of his idol Brenton Tarrant in removing the Fried Chicken Filth from the South. Having grown up in a place called "Oakville Plantation," he had experienced his fair share of gangbangs and assrapes from niggers, and decided to get revenge on the darkies with an AR-15 on August 26, 2023.

Palmeter boasted a history of mental illness and had previously been involuntarily institutionalized in 2017 for an emergency mental health evaluation following a threat to yeet himself from the roof of a building.

The Attack

Like every other white devil before him, Ryan made sure to write a bunch of random Nazi shit on his AR for extra butthurt and lulz.

GAME OVER

Palmeter had planned to go postal at Edward Waters University, a school in Jacksonville with a historically black student body and staff, but he was approached by a security guard while lurking near the campus library and then asked to leave after he refused to identify himself. Palmeter retreated to his car, where he was seen equipping a ballistics vest and mask. Security was alerted again and attempted to confront him once more, but he drove away before he could be accosted.

With his grand plans apparently thwarted, he set his sights on a shitty little Dollar General of all places instead. He shot and killed one nigger in her car in the parking lot, and then another nigger who was stealing merchandise inside. Two more niggers walked in while the shooting was going on, at whom Palmeter opened fire but only killed one, leaving the other completely unscathed. Finally, he called his daddy to tell him how to find his multiple manifestos and then turned his gun on himself before he could get raped by the cops and then later by Bubba.

Manifestos

Palmeter wrote multiple manifestos because of course he fucking did, detailing his mission that he descriptively titled "Total Nigger Death," which was supposed to include even honorary negroes like Eminem and Machine Gun Kelly. He expressed admiration for such killers as the Oklahoma City bomber and Virginia Tech shooter, but admonished the Boogaloo Boys as larpers because they are cowards who have not actually committed murder.

Paradoxically, his writings indicated a positive opinion of black Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, whom he admired as having "interpret(ed) laws based on the Constitution instead of doing faggy activist shit like the last half-century's worth of Supreme Court Justices."

<pdf width="500" height="300">File:Ryan Palmeter Manifesto.pdf</pdf>

Reactions

As the shooting took place in Florida where 12 out of 10 locals supported bringing back slavery, there wasn't much butthurt from the media, but of course Old Joe had to give another unoriginal reaction to the shooting, this time saying “White supremacy has no place in America”. Ron DeSantis called Palmeter a pussy for becoming An Hero, being fully aware that a lifetime of buttsecks with Bubba was not a better option. Of course, some butthurt niggas didn`t like Ronnie`s statement , and even booed him of stage when he attended a vigil to pretend he gave a shit about the victims.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count:	3/20 Not much of a loss for the states cotton production
Accuracy:	2/20 Chased some bitch around the store and still couldn't get the kill
Style:	14/20 Tactical vest and Nazi shit scribbled on his AR-15
Butthurt:	7/20 Got the media to blame the governor somehow
Bonus:	5/20 Caused minor butthurt in Florida but otherwise insignificant
Total Score: 31/100 (F)

Dylann Roof: The Sequel See full ranking

Wanted Level:

Mall Cop

See Also

• Patrick Crusius - Part one of the shopping trilogy
• Payton Gendron - Part two of the shopping trilogy
• Dylann Roof
• Florida
• Epic fail
• Nazi
• Niggers
• White supremacy
• Meth
• Fatass

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