Martha Stewart: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 17:43, 1 November 2018

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Cover of the Martha Stewart Atari 2600 Videogame

Martha Helen Kostyra Stewart is an infamous cheapskate known for insider trading, creative accounting and making bathrobes out of dryer lint. Starting in 2002 her EVIL plans for dominating the DIY book market were rocked by a scandal involving her cheating a bunch of dumbasses out of their money and turning the bills into a delightful set of coasters for the patio. First rose to fame by displaying her gaping vagina and turning it into an flattering umbrella stand, convincing mothers across America how fashionable it was. Stewart (and her vagina) is considered to be an American icon, just like every other fucker who convinces stupid, fat, lazy housewives that subscribing to a magazine, buying books regularily, and then purchasing all of the "household" materials required for the projects in the aforementioned literature is a very "thrifty", "money and time saving", and "creative" thing to do.

Early Life

Stewart was adopted by Polish-American parents who mistook her for human when they found her by the curb one morning, polishing their garbage cans. After she trussed, roasted, and served forth their existing offspring (with a tasteful garlic marinade), she was raised as a beloved only child. A good student, she received a partial scholarship to Overlord Tech, where she majored in interior design and extortion. After graduating, she became a television model, starring in several TV commercials promoting tampons for extraterrestrial shrews. Upon finding a dope foolish enough to mate with her, she laid her first (and only) clutch of eggs. After doing this, she retired from modelling.

Rise To Fame

After her brood hatched and was old enough to take down prey on its own, Stewart began a career as a stockbroker where she honed her skill at parting fools from their money. When recession hit Wall Street in 1973, she fled for the affluent suburbs of Westport, Connecticut, forcing her husband to buy her an ancient farmhouse. After sinking every penny he had into its restoration, she started a catering business and began doing TV segments about spending hours of your day making a comferter out of used cotton balls and old sheets. Her husband, finally fed up with the faux-homemaking and constant dead rabbits dragged onto the porch, divorced her on the day her book on weddings was released, and moved into the barn with her personal assistant where they still spend every Saturday night snorting cocaine and fucking where Martha can hear their wild shrieks of orgasmic pleasure.

Her Show

Running in the middle of the day so that ONLY the mindless and spineless masses that are the housewives of America would be around to see her, Martha Stewart dedicated a half hour to getting fat, lonely women to buy assorted, useless household shit from her catalogue and showing how you can turn household items (probably ones you got from her catalogue) into somewhat useful things, such as stitching those "decorative" kitchen towels toghether to make a bathmat. And occasionally, she'd have a guest on, either a chick who is basically like her, but uglier and minus the financial sense, or if Martha was feeling somehow even MORE sadistic that day, a studpuppy chef/author for all the whales at home to gawk over.

Federal Indictments and Trial

Even in the clink, Martha takes the time to harvest the cash of fat ugly bitches everywhere

In 2002, Martha was investigated for alleged baby eating and insider trading. Cannibalism charges were dismissed for lack of evidence, though witnesses claimed that was because Martha consumes children whole, including bones, meat, and skin. Those witnesses then promptly disappeared without a trace. The SEC successfully pressed their charges. The day after her indictment for the typical Wall Street shenanigans, Stewart took out a full-page advertisement in USA Today and launched a website with an open letter of defense "to my friends and loyal supporters" She said, "I want you to know that I am innocent — and that I will fight to clear my name... The government's attempt to criminalize these actions has marked them for destruction. I will gnaw on their children's skulls and shit in a pleasant floral pattern on their front lawns. All will bow before me or suffer my wrath." Stewart was convicted after every person who ever met her testified she is evil personified.

Jail

On September 29, the Federal Bureau of Prisons announced that Stewart would serve her sentence at the federal prison camp in Alderson, West Virginia, denying her request to serve her sentence in the penthouse suite of the New York Hilton. She reported to minimum-security Alderson Federal Prison Camp early in the morning on October 8,. Stewart reportedly got along quite well with her fellow inmates and kept herself busy making toilet cozies out of her cellmates skin and cobwebs. She was released on March 4, 2005, to be placed under house arrest. Evading her captors, she dissolved her ankle alarm with her corrosive saliva and is now loose among the public. She was last seen on her show, doing the same old shit she always does, but now she looks like Robin Williams and Micheal J. Fox's demented lovechild, as seen on the right:

External Links

Martha Stewart is the dalek leader

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@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-{{ps-cow|Donny Long}}
+{{Internet}}
-{{wip|May 10, 2017}}
+{{needsmore|lulz and drama}}
-{{Infobox website
+[[Image:Martha_stewart.jpg|thumb|right|Martha Stewart (left) is a strong supporter of [[plushie]].]]
-| name =               Candice Lynn Potter
+[[Image:Hotbroad.jpg|thumb|right|Cover of the Martha Stewart Atari 2600 Videogame]]
-| logo =               File:Clp logo.png
+'''Martha Helen Kostyra Stewart''' is an infamous cheapskate known for insider trading, creative accounting and making bathrobes out of dryer lint. Starting in [[2002]] her EVIL plans for dominating the DIY book market were rocked by a [[scandal]] involving her cheating a bunch of dumbasses out of their money and turning the bills into a delightful set of coasters for the patio. First rose to fame by displaying her [[goatse|gaping]] [[vagina|vagina]] and turning it into an flattering umbrella stand, convincing [[concerned mother|mothers]] across America how fashionable it was. Stewart (and her [[cunt|vagina]]) is considered to be an American icon, just like every other fucker who convinces stupid, fat, lazy housewives that subscribing to a magazine, buying books regularily,  and then purchasing all of the "household" materials required for the projects in the aforementioned literature is a very "thrifty", "money and time saving", and "creative" thing to do.
-| logo_alt =           CLP's logo
-| logo_size =          218px
-| screenshot =         File:Clp homepage.png
-| screenshot_alt =     CLP Index Page
-| caption =            The index page of '''CLP''' as of May 10th, 2017.
-| url =                {{URL|https://candicelynnpotter.com}}
-| commercial =         No
-| type =               Defamation forum and wiki
-| registration =       February 10, 2017
-| language =           English
-| num_users =          90 accounts registered; actual number of unique members speculated to be far lower
-| owner =              [[Donny Long]]
-| launch_date =        {{start date and age|2017|02|10|df=yes}}
-}}
-{{quote|''Our mission is to dox and ruin Joshua Conner Moon, every single one of his family members, and anyone who supports or protects him. So new rule and thing we will be doing around here. We will be copying every single thread from Joshuas Kiwifarms and if you are one of the victims with a thread and want it removed from here then you can put in the work like we are of helping us dox Joshuas's family and so on to shut him down. Just make an account and it can be a fake name and message me privately which thread you want to disappear. You will have to be an active member and show your support posting here and helping us. Its only fair!''|CLP's mission statement}}
-'''CandiceLynnPotter.com''', also known as '''Kiwi Farms Not''' and abbreviated as '''CLP''' to avoid influencing search engine results, was a harassment website created by [[Donny Long]] as part of a coordinated effort by [[Autistic Legion of Doom|a group]] led by [[Samuel Collingwood Smith]] to take down the [[Kiwi Farms]]. It is the latest in a long line of defamatory websites registered in the full names of Long's enemies, in this case, the mother of the Farms' founder.
-==History==
-Donny Long is a former pornographic actor who has been [[Donny Long and the porn industry|a thorn in the side of that industry]] for nearly a decade. He is known for running long and extensive smear campaigns against people he's had issues with, and publishing personal information about them, which may or may not have been fabricated. One of his favorite tactics is to register domain names in the full names of his victims and post defamatory comments about them.
-Donny was first discovered by the Kiwi Farms in March of 2016. His thread experienced a huge surge of growth with the appearance of [[Eddie Dzial]], who was initially believed to be a reputable source of information about Donny. Eddie's appearance prompted Long himself to register an account and chimp out at the Farms' userbase. However, it was later found that Eddie had fabricated much of his "insider information," and was never officially employed in the adult industry at all. As such, he received his own thread and Donny fell into relative obscurity by August.
+__TOC__
-This would have been the end of Donny's saga, at least as far as the Kiwi Farms was concerned. The Farms had stopped focusing on him, and he seemed to stop focusing on them (although his usual erratic behavior continued). Six months later, however, [[2017 Kiwi Farms shutdown|Kiwi Farms closed down]]. The explanation given for this was that Null's extended family had been harassed and Null closed the forum down in an effort to get this to stop. Initially, it was believed that this was entirely [[Samuel Collingwood Smith|Vordrak]]'s doing, as Vordrak had been known to employ similar tactics. However, the threats and harassment continued even after the site was shut down. The harassers were demanding the Kiwi Farms database and donor list, which would have been illegal for Null to release. Null reopened the Farms three weeks later in response to this, as he realized that the continued harassment had rendered his compliance pointless.
-In response to this, CLP sprung up on February 10, 2017. Originally going by the name "Kiwi Farms Not," its mission was stated to be to "dox and ruin Joshua Conner Moon, every single one of his family members, and anyone who supports or protects him." Despite this blatant admission to criminal activity, CLP claimed that they were untouchable due to operating outside of the United States' jurisdiction. It was initially believed that [[Eddie Dzial]] was the person operating CLP. The domain was registered in Eddie's name,<ref>{{kiwi|https://kiwifarms.net/threads/vordrak-samuel-collingwood-smith-sam-smith-benvolastar-matthew-hopkins-news.16771/page-220#post-2076313|Null claims Eddie Dzial is impersonating Donny}}</ref> and at the time he was known to be an associate of Vordrak; Donny Long, on the other hand, was not. However, it was quickly pointed out that "Eddie" was impersonating Donny too well, and that the MO matched Donny too perfectly to be an impersonation by Eddie, a man whose imitation skills had already been shown to be quite lacking.<ref>{{kiwi|https://kiwifarms.net/threads/donny-long-donald-carlos-seoane-donny-seo-god-long-generossisback-xxxcamjobs.18721/page-57#post-2076784|A counterpoint to the "Eddie impersonation" narrative is brought up}}</ref> The domain name was said to have been registered in Eddie's name. However, Kiwi Farms user Darwin Watterson claimed to have been personally told by Donny Long over Twitter that the latter often registered websites under false names. Donny's Twitter was suspended before Watterson could take a screenshot of this interaction, however. It was soon agreed upon that either Donny was running the site in Eddie's name, or that the site ownership had been established in a deliberately convoluted manner due to advice from Vordrak, with Eddie "owning" the site that Donny took care of running. The latter scenario is less likely due to the fact that Donny and Eddie have proven to be incapable of working together despite their common goal of destroying the Kiwi Farms.
+== Early Life ==
+Stewart was adopted by [[Polish]]-[[American]] parents who mistook her for human when they found her by the curb one morning, polishing their garbage cans. After she trussed, roasted, and served forth their existing offspring (with a tasteful garlic marinade), she was raised as a beloved only child. A good student, she received a partial scholarship to Overlord Tech, where she majored in interior design and extortion. After graduating, she became a  television [[model]], starring in several TV commercials promoting tampons  for extraterrestrial shrews. Upon  finding a dope foolish enough to mate with her, she laid her first (and only) clutch of eggs. After doing this, she retired from [[spellcheck|modelling]].
-In July of 2017, the CLP website was removed from the net and redirected to the Kiwi Farms thread about Samuel Collingwood Smith as a means of exposing Smith after the administration of the site retaliated after feeling betrayed by the man.
+== Rise To Fame ==
+After her brood hatched and was old enough to take down prey on its own, Stewart began a career as a stockbroker where she honed her skill at parting fools from their [[money]]. When recession hit Wall Street in 1973, she fled for the affluent [[suburbs]] of Westport, [[Connecticut]], forcing her husband to buy her an ancient farmhouse. After sinking every penny he had into its restoration, she started a catering [[business]] and began doing [[TV]] segments about spending hours of your day making a comferter out of used cotton balls and old sheets. Her husband, finally fed up with the faux-homemaking and constant dead rabbits dragged onto the porch, [[Irony|divorced her on the day her book on weddings was released]], and moved into the barn with her personal assistant where they still spend every Saturday night snorting [[cocaine]] and fucking where Martha can hear their wild shrieks of orgasmic pleasure.
-===Legal Issues===
+== Her Show ==
-As can be expected, CLP has not been without its legal issues. On May 6, 2017, it was announced that Donny had received a subpoena.<ref>{{kiwi|https://kiwifarms.net/threads/donny-long-donald-carlos-seoane-donny-seo-god-long-generossisback-xxxcamjobs.18721/page-120#post-2250038|Donny gets subpoena'd}}</ref>
+Running in the middle of the day so that ONLY the mindless and spineless masses that are the housewives of America would be around to see her, Martha Stewart dedicated a half hour to getting [[fat]], lonely women to buy assorted, useless household shit from her catalogue and showing how you can turn household items (probably ones you got from her catalogue) into somewhat useful things, such as stitching those "decorative" kitchen towels toghether to make a bathmat. And occasionally, she'd have a guest on, either a chick who is basically like her, but uglier and minus the financial sense, or if Martha was feeling somehow even MORE sadistic that day, a studpuppy chef/author for all the whales at home to gawk over.
-==Content==
+== Federal Indictments and Trial ==
-CLP is primarily a knockoff of the Kiwi Farms forum. As their userbase seems to consist solely of Donny Long, a few sock accounts of his, and a few other people of interest. CLP's stated purpose is a confusing one; Donny's plan is to repost Kiwi Farms threads to his site, in hopes that it will inspire other enemies of the Farms to join CLP in their efforts to get the Farms taken down. The incentive is that if they help Donny get rid of the Farms, he will remove his copy of their threads in return. This makes no sense, as it is simply creating a middleman where there needn't be one. Those already at war with the Farms would be likely to go after CLP as well rather than join them, as the latter site is mirroring the allegedly offensive content of the former. Those with threads who are apathetic to or supportive of the farms wouldn't help CLP for obvious reasons.
+[[Image:Living.jpg|thumb|right|Even in the clink, Martha takes the time to harvest the cash of fat ugly bitches everywhere]]
+In 2002, Martha was investigated for alleged baby eating and insider trading. Cannibalism charges were dismissed for lack of evidence, though witnesses claimed that was because Martha consumes children whole, including bones, meat, and skin. Those witnesses then promptly disappeared without a trace. The SEC successfully [[Rape|pressed their charges]]. The day after her indictment for the typical Wall Street shenanigans, Stewart took out a full-page advertisement in USA Today and launched a website with an open letter of defense "to my [[Noone|friends and loyal supporters]]" She said, "I want you to know that I am innocent — and that I will fight to clear my name... The government's attempt to criminalize these actions has marked them for destruction. I will gnaw on their children's skulls and shit in a pleasant floral pattern on their front lawns. All will bow before me or suffer my wrath." Stewart was convicted after every person who ever met her testified she is evil personified.
-==Users==
+== Jail ==
-As of May 10, 2017, CLP has 90 registered accounts. The vast majority of these are inactive. There are only a few accounts on the site that post with any sort of frequency. They include:
+[[Image:MarthaStewart2009.jpg|thumb|right|Martha today]]
-* '''candice:''' Donny Long's admin account on the site. Despite claiming to not be Donny, candice is notable for their habit of making new posts to explain why Donny is invincible whenever someone on Kiwi Farms points out any sort of flaw in Donny's logic or character.
+On September 29, the Federal Bureau of [[Prison]]s announced that Stewart would serve her sentence at the federal prison camp in Alderson, West Virginia, denying her request to serve her sentence in the penthouse suite of the [[New York]] Hilton. She reported to minimum-security Alderson Federal Prison Camp early in the morning on October 8,. Stewart reportedly [[Buttsex|got along quite well]] with her [[Bubba|fellow inmates]] and kept herself busy making toilet cozies out of her cellmates skin and cobwebs. She was released on March 4, 2005, to be placed under house arrest. Evading her captors, she dissolved her ankle alarm with her corrosive saliva and is now loose among the public. She was last seen on her show, doing the same old shit she always does, but now she looks like Robin Williams and [[Because of Parkinson's|Micheal J. Fox]]'s demented lovechild, as seen on the right:
-* '''KiwisAreNeoNazis:''' Perhaps the most prolific poster. This person's identity is unknown, but the account is widely speculated to be a shared one. If one inspects the account's posting history, they will find that the typing style varies from message to message. Each of their threads is generally the same, however. They either spam the same anti-Kiwi text wall (a practice which has annoyed even CLP's other users), or will wish some horrible fate to befall a Kiwi or one of their family members, before adding that they are merely wishing out loud and cannot control others' actions (obviously viewing this as a sort of "get out of jail free" card, giving them license to make as many death threats as they please without fear of consequence). The account is suspected to be shared between Donny, [[Oliver D. Smith]], [[Tristan Statdmuller]], [[Tommy Tooter]], and [[Ashu Solo]]. As of May 13, 2017, KANN has started 288 threads and made 916 posts, more than any other site user. The account was banned on June 17, 2017. Donny Long had recently had a falling out with Samuel Collingwood Smith at the time, and claimed that Smith was the person behind the KANN account, and could offer proof of this if need be.<ref>{{kiwi|threads/donny-long-donald-carlos-seoane-donny-seo-god-long-generossisback-xxxcamjobs.18721/page-174#post-2351711|Donny claims that Samuel Collingwood Smith is KiwisAreNeoNazis}}</ref> As of this edit, such proof has not materialized. As this is a developing story, however, that could quickly change.
-* '''Queerfield Beach''', '''Joshy_Moonman''', and '''jeffreymoon''': Donny's three most used sock accounts. He tries to pretend that they are different people, and has them respond to each others' messages, but they all have the exact same typing style and repeat all the same things that Donny does. "Queerfield Beach" is a reference to Deerfield Beach, Florida, which is where Donny claims that his archenemy [[Donny Long and the porn industry#Monica Foster|Monica Foster]] lives. "Joshy_Moonman" is a reference to Null's real name, Joshua Moon. "Jeffrey Moon" is the man claimed on CLP to be Null's father, although Null doesn't actually seem to know who this person is.
-==Galleries==
-===User posts===
-''coming soon!''
-===Legal===
-<gallery>
-Cloudflare rats 1.jpg|Page one of the subpoena
-Cloudflare rats 2.jpg|Page two of the subpoena
-Cloudflare rats 3.jpg|Page three of the subpoena
-Cloudflare rats.png|Donny's response to the subpoena
-</gallery>
-==See also==
-* [[Kiwi Farms Wiki]]- Another Kiwi Farms smear site created by [[Samuel Collingwood Smith]]
-{{references}}
+== See also ==
+* [[Bitch]]
+* [[Greedy]]
+* {{youtube|dQw4w9WgXcQ|This}}
+==External Links==
+*[http://community.livejournal.com/sixwordstories/29697686.html Martha Stewart is the dalek leader]
+{{clear}}
+<br>
+{{boring}}
+[[Category: People|Stewart, Martha]]

Martha Stewart: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 17:43, 1 November 2018

Contents

Early Life

Rise To Fame

Her Show

Federal Indictments and Trial

Jail

See also

External Links

Navigation menu

Martha Stewart: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 17:43, 1 November 2018

Early Life

Rise To Fame

Her Show

Federal Indictments and Trial

Jail

See also

External Links

Navigation menu

Search