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{{Later}}<br/>
{{needsmore|images, but mainly photoshops of Sturm in AWDS}}
{{needsmore|images, but mainly photoshops of Sturm in AWDS}}
[[Image:Advance wars kitchen force by gas13.png|thumb|What to expect when playing Advance Wars.]]
[[Image:Advance wars kitchen force by gas13.png|thumb|What to expect when playing Advance Wars.]]
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==Turn-based Strategies Have Never Felt So [[fail|Good]]==
==Turn-based Strategies Have Never Felt So [[fail|Good]]==
The core of the gameplay is essentially four armies running around trying to defeat each other with various [[gun|weapons of mass destruction]], while a fifth army attempts to conquer the world, at which point the four previously mentioned armies must band together and defeat this fifth army, resulting in [[anarchy|world peace]], where the four armies can go back to killing each other off once again; lather, rinse, repeat. There are also several gameplay modes irrelevant to the main story.<br/>
The core of the gameplay is essentially four armies running around trying to defeat each other with various [[gun|weapons of mass destruction]], while a fifth army attempts to conquer the world, at which point the four previously mentioned armies must [[bullying|band together and defeat this fifth army]], resulting in [[anarchy|world peace]], where the four armies can go back to killing each other off once again; lather, rinse, repeat. There are also several gameplay modes irrelevant to the main story.<br/>
Despite its content, it is commonly regarded as a [[Yu-Gi-Oh|children's game]], mainly because of its weeaboo animé graphics, its vast array of characters each with [[bipolar|different personalities]], and its [[cock|kid]]-[[ass|friendly]] [[fuck|non]]-[[shit|vulgar]] [[piss|dialogue]]. Also, unlike its more realistic but [[lie|not as popular]] counterpart, [[Fire Emblem]], units lost in battle can easily be re-purchased wherever facilities are available.
Despite its content, it is commonly regarded as a [[Yu-Gi-Oh|children's game]], mainly because of its weeaboo animé graphics, its vast array of characters each with [[bipolar|different personalities]], and its [[cock|kid]]-[[ass|friendly]] [[fuck|non]]-[[shit|vulgar]] [[piss|dialogue]]. Also, unlike its more realistic but [[lie|not as popular]] counterpart, [[Fire Emblem]], units lost in battle can easily be re-purchased wherever facilities are available.
===Censorship===
===Censorship===
[[Image:Aw os nell Luigi64.jpg|thumb|150px|Nell's original outfit was deemed inappropriate for American audiences.]]
[[Image:Aw os nell Luigi64.jpg|thumb|150px|Nell's original outfit was deemed inappropriate for American audiences.]]
As with anything that reaches this side of the Pacific ocean, this game received a heavy amount of [[4kids|censorship]]. The Red Star army was renamed to "Orange Star" because red stars in a children's video game obviously define some sort of communism and has a dire impact on the great American nation. Drake's outfit was heavily modified to resemble a sailor because a pirate in charge of a navy would not be [[logic]]al to the typical American gamer. [[Christianity|Olaf was edited to not look like Santa Claus]], and Grit's cigarette was also removed. Smoking is bad for you, kids.
As with anything that reaches this side of the Pacific ocean, this game received a heavy amount of [[4kids|censorship]]. The Red Star army was renamed to "Orange Star" because red stars in a children's video game obviously define some sort of communism and has a dire impact on the great American nation. Drake's outfit was heavily modified to resemble a sailor because a pirate in charge of a navy would not be [[logic]]al to the typical American gamer. [[Christianity|Olaf was edited to not look like Santa Claus]], and Grit's cigarette was also removed. Smoking is bad for you, kids, but blowing the fuck out of people is A-OK.
*[http://forums.warsworldnews.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=9320 Various changes between Jap and US versions]
*[http://forums.warsworldnews.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=9320 Various changes between Jap and US versions]
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===Hacking===
===Hacking===
<video type="youtube" id="UPe75GHHNHc" width="320" height="240" desc="[[how do i shot web|How do you balance game]]? Disable powers!" frame="true" position="right"/>
Oddly enough, the game is highly popular on the hacking scene. Be it minor graphical enhancements, or all out modifications, many [[1337|elite]] hackers often try their hand at changing some aspect of this game.
Oddly enough, the game is highly popular on the hacking scene. Be it minor graphical enhancements, or all out modifications, many [[1337|elite]] hackers often try their hand at changing some aspect of this game.
The second game in the series, this game is slightly more streamlined, and it's much easier to unlock extra COs. It continues the struggle against the evil forces of Sturm, only now he has a [[personal army]] to do his bidding. Unlike the previous game, where you only play as <s>Red</s> Orange Star COs, you play as each CO of each army at least once, giving a more rounded feel of the game. You also face Sturm's henchmen [[at least 100]] times before getting to Sturm himself. [[furry|Hawke]] eventually betrays and kills him, running off with the rest of the misfits.
'''It's surprisingly [[unfunny|accurate]].'''
The second game in the series, this game is slightly more streamlined, and it's much easier to unlock extra COs. It continues the struggle against the evil forces of Sturm, only now he has a [[personal army]] to do his bidding. Unlike the previous game, where you only play as <s>Red</s> Orange Star COs, you play as each CO of each army at least once, giving a more rounded feel of the game. You also face Sturm's henchmen [[at least 100]] times before getting to Sturm himself. [[mexican|Hawke]] eventually betrays and kills him, running off with the rest of the misfits.
'''''D'''ual '''S'''trike'' continues the epic saga against the [[Black Hole]] army, this time on the [[Nintendo DS]] ([[irony|why it is still called "'''''Advance''' Wars''" at this point is widely unknown]]). Under a mysterious new commander, Black Hole seeks to drain the world of its energy solely for the lulz. Similar to the previous game, you fight with the COs of other armies as a group now dubbed the "Allied Nations" ([[amirite|more like "Allies", a la World War 2]]). This game added a new twist of gameplay; seeing as CO powers weren't already horribly broken enough, Intelligent Systems decided to add usage of two COs at once. This inevitably begat Tag Powers, allowing one to use two CO powers in one turn. The game also consists of "skills": rank-based abilities that could be given to COs for even more one-sided gameplay.
'''''D'''ual '''S'''trike'' continues the epic saga against the [[Goatse|Black Hole]] army, this time on the [[Nintendo DS]] ([[irony|why it is still called "'''''Advance''' Wars''" at this point is widely unknown]]). Under a mysterious new commander, Black Hole seeks to drain the world of its energy solely for the lulz. Similar to the previous game, you fight with the COs of other armies as a group now dubbed the "Allied Nations" ([[amirite|more like "Allies", a la World War 2]]). This game added a new twist of gameplay; seeing as CO powers weren't already horribly broken enough, Intelligent Systems decided to add usage of two COs at once. This inevitably begat Tag Powers, allowing one to use two CO powers in one turn. The game also consists of "[[hax|skills]]": rank-based abilities that could be given to COs for even more one-sided gameplay.
Also, the Andy clone is back.
Also, the Andy clone is back.
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*'''Sami''' + '''Eagle''': ''Capture the enemy HQ in 1 turn from your base. 'nuff said.''
*'''Sami''' + '''Eagle''': ''Capture the enemy HQ in 1 turn from your base. 'nuff said.''
====Advance Wars: [[emo|Days of Ruin]]====
====Advance Wars: [[fallout|Days of Ruin]]====
Intelligent Systems decided that they would [[delete fucking everything|change the fuck out of]] [[everything]], and give the game a [[immature|mature]] twist. The overview on this game has its own section further down the article.
Intelligent Systems decided that they would [[delete fucking everything|change the fuck out of]] [[everything]], and give the game a [[immature|mature]] twist. The overview on this game has its own section further down the article.
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*'''Neotank:''' Black Hole invention. A giant asshole on wheels. [[LOLWUT|Somehow faster than the medium tank, despite the heavier armor.]] The allies are morons who don't share their plans with each other, so each nation has to unlock it by raiding different labs. Basically the best over all [[noob|
*'''Neotank:''' Black Hole invention. A giant asshole on wheels. [[LOLWUT|Somehow faster than the medium tank, despite the heavier armor.]] The allies are morons who don't share their plans with each other, so each nation has to unlock it by raiding different labs. Basically the best over all [[noob|
noob]] tank
noob]] tank
*'''Megatank:''' Green Earth invention. 5 barreled monstrosity (Compensating for something?) that rapes everything, if you can get it close enough and keep it supplied. Somehow managed to only put one machine gun on it. [[Lie|At 28000G it is an excellent investment sir]].
*'''Megatank:''' Green Earth invention. 5 barreled monstrosity (Compensating for something?) that rapes everything, if you can get it close enough and keep it supplied. Somehow managed to only put one machine gun on it. [[Lie|At 28000G it is an excellent investment sir]]. The AI always suicides units on it to [[fail|drain its ammo in one turn]].
*'''Armoured Personal Carrier (APC):''' Intended to move Infantry/Mech around faster, but most players use them as decoys and blockers. Can somehow supply adjacent allied APCs fuel even if none of them have fuel defying the principle of mass-energy conservation principle.
*'''Armoured Personal Carrier (APC):''' Intended to move Infantry/Mech around faster, but most players use them as decoys and blockers. Can somehow supply adjacent allied APCs fuel even if none of them have fuel defying the principle of mass-energy conservation principle.
*'''Artillery:''' Generic indirect firing unit. Observe the way it cumshots at enemies. Used with Infantry to [[Camping|camp]].
*'''Artillery:''' Generic indirect firing unit. Observe the way it cumshots at enemies. Used with Infantry to [[Camping|camp]].
*'''Rockets:''' Artillery on steroids. Guy standing close by with binoculars can somehow see through mountains or other visually impairing terrain like glass to spot targets. But rarely used due to how slow this shit is.
*'''Rockets:''' Artillery on steroids. Guy standing close by with binoculars can somehow see through mountains or other visually impairing terrain like glass to spot targets. But rarely used due to how slow this shit is. In fog of war maps expect the enemy to have one in each forest.
*'''Anti-Air:''' Shoots planes down directly. Useful for raping infantry and mechs when not shot at first.
*'''Anti-Air:''' Shoots planes down directly. Useful for raping infantry and mechs when not shot at first.
*'''Missiles:''' Shoots planes down from a distance with a high range of vision. At least it would if the planes didn't outmaneuver it and blow it to hell. Fucking expensive ground fodder. So no one uses this unless your Girt.
*'''Missiles:''' Shoots planes down from a distance with a high range of vision. At least it would if the planes didn't outmaneuver it and blow it to hell. Fucking expensive ground fodder. So no one uses this unless they're Girt.
*'''Piperunner:''' Black Hole invention. Useless as no one plays in levels with pipes anyway unless you are a fucking pot head.
*'''Piperunner:''' Black Hole invention. Useless as no one plays in levels with pipes anyway unless you are a fucking pot head.
===Naval Units===
===Naval Units===
*'''Lander:''' Because tanks don't work very well underwater and nothing is amphibious.
*'''Lander:''' Because tanks don't work very well underwater and nothing is amphibious.
*'''Cruiser:''' Basic naval unit. These can also carry two copter units on board, but nobody knows that. Useful for killing those damned chopers and bombers for sea battles and combat submarines from you battleship.
*'''Cruiser:''' Basic naval unit. These can also carry two copter units on board, but nobody knows that. Useful for killing those damned choppers and bombers for sea battles and combat submarines from you battleship.
*'''Battleship:''' The only unit in the game with a decent attack range.
*'''Battleship:''' The only unit in the game with a decent attack range.
*'''Carrier:''' [http://forums.encyclopediadramatica.com/showthread.php?p=9514#post9514 A MOST EDUCATED GENTLEMEN's] [[fursona]].
*'''Carrier:''' [http://forums.encyclopediadramatica.com/showthread.php?p=9514#post9514 A MOST EDUCATED GENTLEMEN's] [[fursona]].
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===Air Units===
===Air Units===
Cannot fly over pipes but somehow long range ordinance from artillery, rockets, battleships, etc. can fly over them.
Cannot fly over pipes but somehow long range ordinance from artillery, rockets, battleships, etc. can fly over them.
*'''Fighter:''' [[JEWS DID WTC|Advance Wars did WTC]]. All pilots are mentally handicapped to only use missiles, preventing them from using a majority of a fighter plane's arsenal including machine guns and bombs. So there only useful for shiting bombers pants and fodder.
*'''Fighter:''' [[JEWS DID WTC|Advance Wars did WTC]]. All pilots are mentally handicapped to only use missiles, preventing them from using a majority of a fighter plane's arsenal including machine guns and bombs. So their only useful for shiting bombers pants and fodder.
*'''Bomber:''' Advance Wars also did WW2. Basically useful for pwning expensive units and nuking Japan.
*'''Bomber:''' Advance Wars also did WW2. Basically useful for pwning expensive units and nuking Japan.
*'''Battle Copter:''' [http://forums.encyclopediadramatica.com/showpost.php?p=4776&postcount=28 Wittmann's] [[fursona]]. Cheap way of harassing ground units for fun, unless they have anti-air capabilities.
*'''Battle Copter:''' [http://forums.encyclopediadramatica.com/showpost.php?p=4776&postcount=28 Wittmann's] [[fursona]]. Cheap way of harassing ground units for fun, unless they have anti-air capabilities.
*'''Transport Copter:''' Because your Infantry can't fly. Airborne fodder. But more expensive.
*'''Transport Copter:''' Because your Infantry can't fly. Airborne fodder. But more expensive.
*'''Stealth Plane:''' The unholy fusion of a Fighter, Bomber, and Submarine. It can attack air and ground units, AND hide itself in the sky. In other words, YOU GONNA GET RAEPED! Offset by the fact it uses shitloads of fuel when hiding. This bad ass is only useful when your wining or Colin because it's expensive as fuck.
*'''Stealth Plane:''' The unholy fusion of a Fighter, Bomber, and Submarine. It can attack air and ground units, AND hide itself in the sky. In other words, YOU GONNA GET RAEPED! Offset by the fact it uses shitloads of fuel when hiding. This bad ass is only useful when you're winning or Colin because it's expensive as fuck.
*'''Black Bomb:''' Black Hole invention. Blow shit up. An extremist Islamic/Muslim terrorists' pride and joy and answer to airborne infidels. When it gets shot down by a fucking fighter or stealth fighter because of its puny defense [[fail|there goes your well spent 20000G]].
*'''Black Bomb:''' Black Hole invention. Blow shit up. An extremist Islamic/Muslim terrorists' pride and joy and answer to airborne infidels. When it gets shot down by a fucking fighter or stealth fighter because of its puny defense [[fail|there goes your well spent 20,000G]].
===Black Hole Exclusives===
===Black Hole Exclusives===
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Nuclear weapons could have been used.
Nuclear weapons could have been used.
*'''Minicannon:''' Useless field cannon with pitiful range.
*'''Minicannon:''' Useless field cannon with pitiful range.
*'''Cannon:''' Useful field cannon with ungodly range.
*'''Black Cannon:''' Useful field cannon with ungodly range.
*'''Factory:''' Massive building that creates units every 2 days with the help of slave labour and stolen property.
*'''Factory:''' Massive building that creates units every 2 days with the help of slave labor and stolen property.
*'''Laser:''' Small laser cannon that literally [[Shoop da woop|SHOOP DA WOOPS]] everything in its path.
*'''Laser:''' Small laser cannon that literally [[Shoop da woop|SHOOP DA WOOPS]] everything in its path.
*'''Death Ray:''' Big fucking [[Shoop da woop|SHOOP DA WOOPER]] of a gun that fires a Big Fucking Laser [[period|every 7 days]]. Actually made obsolete by the cannon's higher frequency of firing despite slightly less damage.
*'''Death Ray:''' Big fucking [[Shoop da woop|SHOOP DA WOOPER]] of a gun that fires a Big Fucking Laser [[period|every 7 days]]. Actually made obsolete by the cannon's higher frequency of firing despite slightly less damage.
*'''Oozium 238:''' Gelatinous parasitic slimy shit that [[cannibal|eats other units]]. Can somehow devour aircraft. But can be easily be pwnt by infantry or mechs spam.
*'''Oozium 238:''' Gelatinous parasitic slimy shit that [[vore|eats other units]]. Can somehow devour aircraft but can also be pwned easily by infantry or mech spam.
*'''Black Crystal:''' Heals units 2 spaces away. Encourages Black Hole units to [[Camping|camp]].
*'''Black Crystal:''' Heals units 2 spaces away. Encourages Black Hole units to [[Camping|camp]].
*'''Black Obelisk:''' Heals units 4 spaces away. Further encourages Black Hole units to [[Camping|camp]].
*'''Black Obelisk:''' Heals units 4 spaces away. Further encourages Black Hole units to [[Camping|camp]].
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===[[Image:Aw red star icon.gif]] [[censorship|<s>Red</s>]] [[communism|Orange Star]]===
===[[Image:Aw red star icon.gif]] [[censorship|<s>Red</s>]] [[communism|Orange Star]]===
*'''<s>Ryo</s> Andy:''' Known as the [[Ryu]] of Advance Wars; <del>[[everyone]]</del> Pros uses him. Possesses no real abilities but [[pussy|is able to heal his units]].
*'''<s>Ryo</s> Andy:''' Known as the [[Ryu]] of Advance Wars; <del>[[everyone]]</del> Pros uses him. Possesses no real abilities but [[pussy|is able to heal his units]].
*'''Max:''' Your average muskleman. He has shit artillery making him useless against Girt in Dual Strike
*'''Max:''' Your average muskleman. He has shit artillery making him useless when paired with Girt in Dual Strike
*'''<s>Catherine</s> Nell:''' The most difficult playable character to obtain, as this usually involves beating Advance/Hard/Nightmare Mode Campaign with the [[high score|highest rank possible]]. All her units are able to do is higher damage at random; supposedly known as "[[fuck|luck]]". Actually gets into massive orgies with her soldiers to "up" their mood and therefore firepower.
*'''<s>Catherine</s> Nell:''' The most difficult playable character to obtain, as this usually involves beating Advance/Hard/Nightmare Mode Campaign with the [[high score|highest rank possible]]. All her units are able to do is higher damage at random; supposedly known as "[[fuck|luck]]". Actually gets into massive orgies with her soldiers to "up" their mood and therefore firepower.
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A communist jew nation. Responsible for supplying Liquid Snake with the Hind D in Metal Gear Solid.
A communist jew nation. Responsible for supplying Liquid Snake with the Hind D in Metal Gear Solid.
*'''<s>Whip</s> Olaf:''' Santa Claus, with less presents and more snow.
*'''<s>Whip</s> Olaf:''' Santa Claus, with less presents and more snow.
*'''<s>Billy</s> Grit:''' Redneck with [[headshot|BOOM, HEADSHOT!!!]] Used by noobs to insure instant [[win|Winrar]]
*'''<s>Billy</s> Grit:''' Redneck with [[headshot|BOOM, HEADSHOT!!!]] Used by noobs to insure instant [[win|Winrar]] and camping.
and camping.
*'''<s>Colin</s> Jew:''' Does not have very powerful power attacks but he is awesome because when he fills up his Super Co Power he will get extreme many moneys; damn this guy is a <s>pimp</s> Jew. He's also used by noobs with less experience because he makes you an instant [[win|Winrar]].
*'''<s>Colin</s> Jew:''' Has not much power attack but he is awesome because when he get get full at super power co he will get extreme manny moneys damn this guy is a <s>pimp</s> jew. He's also used by noobs with less experience and instant [[win|Winrar]].
*'''Jew:''' Bitch Caused the stock market crash in 2008. Protip: Don't use her she sucks. Unless for fapping.
*'''Jew:''' Bitch Caused the stockmarket crash in 2008. Protip: Don't use her she sucks. Unless for faping.
*'''<s>Kikutiyo</s> Kanbei:''' [[SysOp|Emperor]] of Yellow Comet. Strongest units EVER. Sucks off and caters to the obsequious, glorious, parasitic nation of Yellow Comet in the name of honour. Buts units are more expensive than Colin entire army.
*'''<s>Kikutiyo</s> Kanbei:''' [[SysOp|Emperor]] of Yellow Comet. Strongest units EVER. Sucks off and caters to the obsequious, glorious, parasitic nation of Yellow Comet in the name of honor. Buts units are more expensive than Colin's entire army.
*'''<s>Asuka</s> Sonja:''' She can see into yor soul. Stereotype of nerdy asian girl who gets hit on at school for the wrong reasons.
*'''<s>Asuka</s> Sonja:''' She can see into your soul. Stereotype of nerdy Asian girl who gets hit on at school for the wrong reasons.
*'''<s>Yamamoto</s> Sensei:''' Same Zerg Rush; less KEKEKEKE. All he could do was "sunbathe" all day but was actually financially deprived as proven by Adder and went out of retirement to earn more money and shed more blood. Zerg Rushes infantry for fodder so less people would occupy valuable spaces on the beaches after the war ends. Helicopters and APC have extra boost range/attack power making him more useful than Sami for CO captures and spamming.
*'''<s>Yamamoto</s> Sensei:''' Same Zerg Rush; less KEKEKEKE. All he could do was "sunbathe" all day but was actually financially deprived as proven by Adder and went out of retirement to earn more money and shed more blood. Zerg Rushes infantry for fodder so less people would occupy valuable spaces on the beaches after the war ends. Helicopters and APCs have extra boost range/attack power making him more useful than Sami for CO captures and spamming.
*'''<s>Kouzou</s> Grimm:''' Kanbei on steroids. Holds entire colonies of tapeworms in that obese abdomen of his from all that sushi and sashimi he cannot help scoffing down all the time. To bad one strike from a furry will pwnt him.
*'''<s>Kouzou</s> Grimm:''' Kanbei on steroids. Holds entire colonies of tapeworms in that obese abdomen of his from all that sushi and sashimi he cannot help scoffing down all the time. To bad one strike from a furry will pwn him.
===[[Image:Aw green earth icon.gif]] [[Nazi|Green Earth]]===
===[[Image:Aw green earth icon.gif]] [[Nazi|Green Earth]]===
*'''Eagle:''' Resident otherkin who has the [[magic]]al ability to move twice in one turn. Though it takes foverever and valve time to actually use it.
*'''Eagle:''' Resident otherkin who has the [[magic|magical]] ability to move twice in one turn. Though it takes forever and valuable time to actually use it.
*'''<s>Mop</s> Drake:''' [[pun|Sea man]]. Summons a tsunami to wipe out half the fuel and rations of enemy forces to his direction to satisfy his petrol-sniffing urges and sustain his obesity.
*'''<s>Mop</s> Drake:''' [[pun|Sea man]]. Summons a tsunami to wipe out half the fuel and rations of enemy forces to his direction to satisfy his petrol-sniffing urges and sustain his obesity.
*'''<s>Hannah</s> Jess:''' Spends too much time out of the [[kitchen]]. Tries to assert femininity by drivin' tanks. <del>(Yet can be seen nowhere. Must've made a wrong turn)</del> [[I see what you did there|I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR]]
*'''<s>Hannah</s> Jess:''' Spends too much time out of the [[kitchen]]. Tries to assert femininity by drivin' tanks. <s>(Yet can be seen nowhere. Must've made a wrong turn)</s> [[I see what you did there|I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR]]. Carries a giant pencil.
*'''<s>Bittman</s> Javier:''' [[Verbose thread]]. The not-so-egotistical version of Chris Jericho. Makes sure an Oxford Dictionary and Thesaurus is with him at all times. With a tower shield or 4 he's entire army turn into legions of chuck norris clones that even bombs can't penetrate and [[Pwnt|pwnt]] anything by just walking over them. Though most maps don't have towers making him [[shit|average]].
*'''<s>Bittman</s> Javier:''' [[Verbose thread]]. The not-so-egotistical version of Chris Jericho. Makes sure an Oxford Dictionary and Thesaurus is with him at all times. With a tower shield or 4 his entire army turns into legions of Chuck Norris clones that even bombs can't penetrate and [[Pwnt|pwn]] just by walking over them. Though most maps don't have towers which makes him [[shit|average]].
===[[Image:Aw black hole icon.gif]] [[goatse|Black Hole]]===
===[[Image:Aw black hole icon.gif]] [[goatse|Black Hole]]===
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*'''<s>Kong</s> Flak:''' Unlike Andy, Max's clone wasn't very successful. Has the intelligence of a caveman.
*'''<s>Kong</s> Flak:''' Unlike Andy, Max's clone wasn't very successful. Has the intelligence of a caveman.
*'''<s>Cat</s> Lash:''' [[Closet Furry]]. To compensate for her immense intelligence and skipping school for university as an [[God|engineer]], her maturity remains at the level equivalent to a 4 year old child.
*'''<s>Cat</s> Lash:''' [[Closet Furry]]. To compensate for her immense intelligence and skipping school for university as an [[God|engineer]], her maturity remains at the level equivalent to a 4 year old child.
*'''<s>Snake</s> Adder:''' [[Some argue]] that he [[The Great Black Dick Hoax|compensates]] for his immensely small power bar. Was renamed to Adder so not to be confused with that [[Metal Gear Solid|hero we all know and love who is obviously more manly than Adder]]. [[Michael Jackson|Look at his fucking pasty face]]; he obviously applied too much of that face powder he stole from Lash. He also wares high-heels, that [[faggot]].
*'''<s>Snake</s> Adder:''' [[Some argue]] that he [[The Great Black Dick Hoax|compensates]] for his immensely small power bar. Was renamed to Adder so not to be confused with that [[Metal Gear Solid|hero we all know and love who is obviously more manly than Adder]]. [[Michael Jackson|Look at his fucking pasty face]]; he obviously applied too much of that face powder he stole from Lash. He also wears high-heels, that [[faggot]].
*'''Hawke:''' No, he's [[Mexican]], not black. Big difference. Lie. Cheat. Steal.
*'''Hawke:''' No, he's [[Mexican]], not black. Big difference. Lie. Cheat. Steal.
*'''<s>Chakka</s> Jugger:''' [[Sockpuppet]] of Flak with larger [[penis|power bar]]. Every second line from him is a reference to [[Windows]].
*'''<s>Chakka</s> Jugger:''' [[Sockpuppet]] of Flak with larger [[penis|power bar]]. Every second line from him is a reference to [[Windows]].
*'''<s>Zipo</s> Koal:''' [[Sockpuppet]] of Adder [[shit nobody cares about|that fights better on roads and spouts out random proverbs from that decorated porcelain cranium of his]].
*'''<s>Zipo</s> Koal:''' [[Sockpuppet]] of Adder [[shit nobody cares about|that fights better on roads and spouts out random proverbs from that decorated porcelain cranium of his]].
*'''<s>Candle</s> Kindle:''' Claims to be a better inventor than Lash. Obsessed with her [[ugly|beauty]] and has a fetish for [[penis|buildings]]. Makes [[the best]] come backs and is the most [[Unwarranted Self-Importance|well-educated, arrogant and literate]] Black Hole CO of [[Kanye West|all time, of all time!]].
*'''<s>Candle</s> Kindle:''' Claims to be a better inventor than Lash. Obsessed with her [[ugly|beauty]] and has a fetish for [[penis|buildings]]. Makes [[the best]] come backs and is the most [[Unwarranted Self-Importance|well-educated, arrogant and literate]] Black Hole CO [[Kanye West|of all time!]].
*'''Sturm:''' Final boss of AW1 and AW2. A CO made of [[hack]]s and is a favourite of noobs as his units are ridiculously overpowered, possess the defense of an angry God and can traverse harsh terrain as if nothing is there. Somewhat akin to the P90 of [[Call of Duty 4]]. Causes meteors to rain from the sky and pretty much destroy everything in their path.
*'''<s>Hell Bouze</s>Sturm:''' Final boss of AW1 and AW2. A CO made of [[hack|hacks]] and is a favourite of noobs as his units are ridiculously overpowered, possesses the strength of an angry God and can traverse harsh terrain as if nothing is there. Somewhat akin to the P90 of [[Call of Duty 4]]. When you somehow manage to push him back causes meteors to rain from the sky and pretty much destroys everything. There's a big fuck you in your face.
*'''<s>Hell-Volt</s> Von-Bolt:''' Final boss of AW:DS. An [[old|old fart]] that controls the flow of electricity. Disables vehicles and somehow infantry by shutting down their nervous system, yet affected units are somehow not brain-dead and still live to counter-attack while immobile. [http://images.wikia.com/metalgear/images/2/2c/Zeromgs4.jpg 3D version of Von-Bolt]
*'''<s>Hell Volt</s> Von-Bolt:''' Final boss of AW:DS. An [[old|old fart]] that controls the flow of electricity. Disables vehicles and somehow infantry by shutting down their nervous system, yet affected units are somehow not brain-dead and still live to counter-attack while immobile. [http://images.wikia.com/metalgear/images/2/2c/Zeromgs4.jpg 3D version of Von-Bolt]
==Advance Wars: Days of Ruin==
==Advance Wars: Days of Ruin==
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*'''<s>Brown</s> Brenner:''' [[Troll's Remorse]]. Gets killed by a WTFBomb.
*'''<s>Brown</s> Brenner:''' [[Troll's Remorse]]. Gets killed by a WTFBomb.
*'''<s>Rin</s> Lin:''' Advance Wars is Serious Business.
*'''<s>Rin</s> Lin:''' Advance Wars is Serious Business.
*'''<s>Cattleya</s> Isabella:''' Some girl that Will [[rape|rescues]] early on. Knows too fucking much, and you don't even get to play as her in Campaign.
*'''<s>Cattleya</s> Isabella:''' Some girl that Will [[rape|rescues]] early on. Knows too fucking much, and you don't even get to play as her in Campaign. Later on it's revealed she's a clone of Caulder.
*'''<s>Dieter</s> Waylon:''' [[Concerned Mother|HOLY SHIT HE SAYS "CRAP" IN AN E10+ GAME]].
*'''<s>Dieter</s> Waylon:''' [[Concerned Mother|HOLY SHIT HE SAYS "CRAP" IN AN E10+ GAME]].
*'''<s>Sigismundo</s> Greyfield:''' The cake is a [[lie]].
*'''<s>Sigismundo</s> Greyfield:''' The mix of Hitler and Stalin. [[unrealistic expectations|Aims to rule everything by eliminating all nations.]] Gets killed the most pitiful way.
====[[Image:Aw intelligent defense system icon.png]] [[Defense|Intelligent Defense System]]====
====[[Image:Aw intelligent defense system icon.png]] [[Defense|Intelligent Defense System]]====
*'''<s></s> Cyrus:''' [[wat|Clone of Caulder]]. He isn't even a CO (thus unplayable), and shouldn't be in this list in the first place.
*'''<s></s> Cyrus:''' [[wat|Clone of Caulder]]. He isn't even a CO (thus unplayable), and shouldn't be in this list in the first place.
*'''<s>Roumi</s> Penny:''' Loli? In my strategy games?
*'''<s>Roumi</s> Penny:''' Loli? In my strategy games? Also a clone of Caulder.
*'''<s>Lisabeth</s> Tabitha:''' You'd probably hit this.
*'''<s>Lisabeth</s> Tabitha:''' You'd probably hit this. [[srsly|Another Caulder clone.]]
*'''<s>Beris</s> Caulder:''' Final boss of DoR. Commonly seen as the result of running Sturm through the [[Internet Hate Machine]]. Not only is he [[fail|banned from online gameplay]], but players are known [[tourneyfag|to mutually agree not to play as him in multiplayer battles]], simply because he is [[god|that powerful]]. Despite his [[over 9000|power level]], he dies in the end.
*'''<s>Beris</s> Caulder:''' Final boss of DoR. Commonly seen as the result of running Sturm through the [[Internet Hate Machine]]. Not only is he [[fail|banned from online gameplay]], but players are known [[tourneyfag|to mutually agree not to play as him in multiplayer battles]], simply because he is [[god|that powerful]]. Despite his [[over 9000|power level]], he dies in the end.
In an attempt to appeal to the strategy gaming fanbase that did not want to play with furry creatures that had magic powers, Nintendo and Intelligent Systems got to work in developing a game that would appeal to this serious gaming market. This game is known as Advance Wars, a series of games widely known as Nintendo's failed attempt at creating a good turn-based strategy game.
The core of the gameplay is essentially four armies running around trying to defeat each other with various weapons of mass destruction, while a fifth army attempts to conquer the world, at which point the four previously mentioned armies must band together and defeat this fifth army, resulting in world peace, where the four armies can go back to killing each other off once again; lather, rinse, repeat. There are also several gameplay modes irrelevant to the main story.
Despite its content, it is commonly regarded as a children's game, mainly because of its weeaboo animé graphics, its vast array of characters each with different personalities, and its kid-friendlynon-vulgardialogue. Also, unlike its more realistic but not as popular counterpart, Fire Emblem, units lost in battle can easily be re-purchased wherever facilities are available.
Censorship
Nell's original outfit was deemed inappropriate for American audiences.
As with anything that reaches this side of the Pacific ocean, this game received a heavy amount of censorship. The Red Star army was renamed to "Orange Star" because red stars in a children's video game obviously define some sort of communism and has a dire impact on the great American nation. Drake's outfit was heavily modified to resemble a sailor because a pirate in charge of a navy would not be logical to the typical American gamer. Olaf was edited to not look like Santa Claus, and Grit's cigarette was also removed. Smoking is bad for you, kids, but blowing the fuck out of people is A-OK.
Despite the vast array of characters available, there are no black people in this game. There is an abundance of white, some asian, and one mexican, but no black people present in the game at all.
Hacking
Oddly enough, the game is highly popular on the hacking scene. Be it minor graphical enhancements, or all out modifications, many elite hackers often try their hand at changing some aspect of this game.
It's surprisingly accurate.
The second game in the series, this game is slightly more streamlined, and it's much easier to unlock extra COs. It continues the struggle against the evil forces of Sturm, only now he has a personal army to do his bidding. Unlike the previous game, where you only play as Red Orange Star COs, you play as each CO of each army at least once, giving a more rounded feel of the game. You also face Sturm's henchmen at least 100 times before getting to Sturm himself. Hawke eventually betrays and kills him, running off with the rest of the misfits.
Dual Strike continues the epic saga against the Black Hole army, this time on the Nintendo DS (why it is still called "Advance Wars" at this point is widely unknown). Under a mysterious new commander, Black Hole seeks to drain the world of its energy solely for the lulz. Similar to the previous game, you fight with the COs of other armies as a group now dubbed the "Allied Nations" (more like "Allies", a la World War 2). This game added a new twist of gameplay; seeing as CO powers weren't already horribly broken enough, Intelligent Systems decided to add usage of two COs at once. This inevitably begat Tag Powers, allowing one to use two CO powers in one turn. The game also consists of "skills": rank-based abilities that could be given to COs for even more one-sided gameplay.
Also, the Andy clone is back.
Game-Breaking Combinations
Drake + Olaf/Hawke: 4HP damage AND -50% fuel? Sign me up!
Adder + Koal: +2 movement. Twice.
Andy + Hawke: 7HP recovery. Best results if Hawke is used first.
Intelligent Systems decided that they would change the fuck out ofeverything, and give the game a mature twist. The overview on this game has its own section further down the article.
Gather the Troops!
Like any typical army simulation game, Advance Wars has a vast selection of units you can use to kick your opponent's overpowered ass.
Land Units
Infantry: Your basic cannon fodder. Expect to be swarmed by these when playing against a noob.
Mechanized Infantry: Sandnigger with an RPG (Not the other kind you stupid fuck). Too slow to be useful. (except in small maps or with Sami's increased footing or Sensei for spamming for the lulz).
Recon: Only useful during Fog-of-War gameplay. High-speed fodder otherwise.
Tank: Basic tank unit. Bread and butter of your army.
Medium Tank: Stronger tank unit. Makes regular tanks have penis envy. But slow as fuck and over shadowed by the Neotank.
Neotank: Black Hole invention. A giant asshole on wheels. Somehow faster than the medium tank, despite the heavier armor. The allies are morons who don't share their plans with each other, so each nation has to unlock it by raiding different labs. Basically the best over all
noob tank
Megatank: Green Earth invention. 5 barreled monstrosity (Compensating for something?) that rapes everything, if you can get it close enough and keep it supplied. Somehow managed to only put one machine gun on it. At 28000G it is an excellent investment sir. The AI always suicides units on it to drain its ammo in one turn.
Armoured Personal Carrier (APC): Intended to move Infantry/Mech around faster, but most players use them as decoys and blockers. Can somehow supply adjacent allied APCs fuel even if none of them have fuel defying the principle of mass-energy conservation principle.
Artillery: Generic indirect firing unit. Observe the way it cumshots at enemies. Used with Infantry to camp.
Rockets: Artillery on steroids. Guy standing close by with binoculars can somehow see through mountains or other visually impairing terrain like glass to spot targets. But rarely used due to how slow this shit is. In fog of war maps expect the enemy to have one in each forest.
Anti-Air: Shoots planes down directly. Useful for raping infantry and mechs when not shot at first.
Missiles: Shoots planes down from a distance with a high range of vision. At least it would if the planes didn't outmaneuver it and blow it to hell. Fucking expensive ground fodder. So no one uses this unless they're Girt.
Piperunner: Black Hole invention. Useless as no one plays in levels with pipes anyway unless you are a fucking pot head.
Naval Units
Lander: Because tanks don't work very well underwater and nothing is amphibious.
Cruiser: Basic naval unit. These can also carry two copter units on board, but nobody knows that. Useful for killing those damned choppers and bombers for sea battles and combat submarines from you battleship.
Battleship: The only unit in the game with a decent attack range.
Black Boat: Black Hole invention. Repairs units for gold.
Air Units
Cannot fly over pipes but somehow long range ordinance from artillery, rockets, battleships, etc. can fly over them.
Fighter:Advance Wars did WTC. All pilots are mentally handicapped to only use missiles, preventing them from using a majority of a fighter plane's arsenal including machine guns and bombs. So their only useful for shiting bombers pants and fodder.
Bomber: Advance Wars also did WW2. Basically useful for pwning expensive units and nuking Japan.
Battle Copter:Wittmann'sfursona. Cheap way of harassing ground units for fun, unless they have anti-air capabilities.
Transport Copter: Because your Infantry can't fly. Airborne fodder. But more expensive.
Stealth Plane: The unholy fusion of a Fighter, Bomber, and Submarine. It can attack air and ground units, AND hide itself in the sky. In other words, YOU GONNA GET RAEPED! Offset by the fact it uses shitloads of fuel when hiding. This bad ass is only useful when you're winning or Colin because it's expensive as fuck.
Black Bomb: Black Hole invention. Blow shit up. An extremist Islamic/Muslim terrorists' pride and joy and answer to airborne infidels. When it gets shot down by a fucking fighter or stealth fighter because of its puny defense there goes your well spent 20,000G.
Black Hole Exclusives
Among the above units, there are also other field objects that Black Hole may use in battle in an attempt to cheat for victory that also defy science and the Geneva Convention, each of which can be destroyed with varied amounts of firepower.
Nuclear weapons could have been used.
Minicannon: Useless field cannon with pitiful range.
Black Cannon: Useful field cannon with ungodly range.
Factory: Massive building that creates units every 2 days with the help of slave labor and stolen property.
Laser: Small laser cannon that literally SHOOP DA WOOPS everything in its path.
Death Ray: Big fucking SHOOP DA WOOPER of a gun that fires a Big Fucking Laser every 7 days. Actually made obsolete by the cannon's higher frequency of firing despite slightly less damage.
Oozium 238: Gelatinous parasitic slimy shit that eats other units. Can somehow devour aircraft but can also be pwned easily by infantry or mech spam.
Black Crystal: Heals units 2 spaces away. Encourages Black Hole units to camp.
Black Obelisk: Heals units 4 spaces away. Further encourages Black Hole units to camp.
Grand Bolt: A huge fucking slime creature that breeds Oozium from asexual reproduction by fucking itself.
Max: Your average muskleman. He has shit artillery making him useless when paired with Girt in Dual Strike
Domino Sami: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE
Catherine Nell: The most difficult playable character to obtain, as this usually involves beating Advance/Hard/Nightmare Mode Campaign with the highest rank possible. All her units are able to do is higher damage at random; supposedly known as "luck". Actually gets into massive orgies with her soldiers to "up" their mood and therefore firepower.
Eight Hachi: Makes tourneyfags shit bricks.
John Jake: Typical wigger is a pretty cool guy. He wears massive headphones and doesn't afraid of anything.
Rachel: Nell's sister. Special powers include bombing opponents' units at random.
A communist jew nation. Responsible for supplying Liquid Snake with the Hind D in Metal Gear Solid.
Whip Olaf: Santa Claus, with less presents and more snow.
Billy Grit: Redneck with BOOM, HEADSHOT!!! Used by noobs to insure instant Winrar and camping.
Colin Jew: Does not have very powerful power attacks but he is awesome because when he fills up his Super Co Power he will get extreme many moneys; damn this guy is a pimp Jew. He's also used by noobs with less experience because he makes you an instant Winrar.
Jew: Bitch Caused the stock market crash in 2008. Protip: Don't use her she sucks. Unless for fapping.
Kikutiyo Kanbei:Emperor of Yellow Comet. Strongest units EVER. Sucks off and caters to the obsequious, glorious, parasitic nation of Yellow Comet in the name of honor. Buts units are more expensive than Colin's entire army.
Asuka Sonja: She can see into your soul. Stereotype of nerdy Asian girl who gets hit on at school for the wrong reasons.
Yamamoto Sensei: Same Zerg Rush; less KEKEKEKE. All he could do was "sunbathe" all day but was actually financially deprived as proven by Adder and went out of retirement to earn more money and shed more blood. Zerg Rushes infantry for fodder so less people would occupy valuable spaces on the beaches after the war ends. Helicopters and APCs have extra boost range/attack power making him more useful than Sami for CO captures and spamming.
Kouzou Grimm: Kanbei on steroids. Holds entire colonies of tapeworms in that obese abdomen of his from all that sushi and sashimi he cannot help scoffing down all the time. To bad one strike from a furry will pwn him.
Eagle: Resident otherkin who has the magical ability to move twice in one turn. Though it takes forever and valuable time to actually use it.
Mop Drake:Sea man. Summons a tsunami to wipe out half the fuel and rations of enemy forces to his direction to satisfy his petrol-sniffing urges and sustain his obesity.
Hannah Jess: Spends too much time out of the kitchen. Tries to assert femininity by drivin' tanks. (Yet can be seen nowhere. Must've made a wrong turn)I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR. Carries a giant pencil.
Bittman Javier:Verbose thread. The not-so-egotistical version of Chris Jericho. Makes sure an Oxford Dictionary and Thesaurus is with him at all times. With a tower shield or 4 his entire army turns into legions of Chuck Norris clones that even bombs can't penetrate and pwn just by walking over them. Though most maps don't have towers which makes him average.
Kong Flak: Unlike Andy, Max's clone wasn't very successful. Has the intelligence of a caveman.
Cat Lash:Closet Furry. To compensate for her immense intelligence and skipping school for university as an engineer, her maturity remains at the level equivalent to a 4 year old child.
Hell BouzeSturm: Final boss of AW1 and AW2. A CO made of hacks and is a favourite of noobs as his units are ridiculously overpowered, possesses the strength of an angry God and can traverse harsh terrain as if nothing is there. Somewhat akin to the P90 of Call of Duty 4. When you somehow manage to push him back causes meteors to rain from the sky and pretty much destroys everything. There's a big fuck you in your face.
Hell Volt Von-Bolt: Final boss of AW:DS. An old fart that controls the flow of electricity. Disables vehicles and somehow infantry by shutting down their nervous system, yet affected units are somehow not brain-dead and still live to counter-attack while immobile. 3D version of Von-Bolt
Cattleya Isabella: Some girl that Will rescues early on. Knows too fucking much, and you don't even get to play as her in Campaign. Later on it's revealed she's a clone of Caulder.
Despite everything else in the game being changed to some degree, the units in this game remain largely unchanged from their predecessors. Apart from some units being removed and/or otherwise tweaked in some fashion, new units have been added.
Land Units
Motorbike: Basic land unit on wheels. Though impeded by terrain, there is still a possibility of being swarmed by them.
Gunboat: Replaced the Black Boat. Ammunition: 1 Sea-Borne cannon fodder.
Air Units
Duster: Stealth plane at only 2 percent of its power level.
Seaplane: Extremely useful unit hampered only by its tiny fuel tank.
Trolling Advance Wars Veterans
Despite how popular this game is, there are not very many methods available to troll its fanbase. An overused method would be to simply make speculation that Sturm is playable in either Dual Strike or Days of Ruin; hackers will flock to present coded evidence that this is not possible, and general fans will be sure to rage.
SEE HERE'S PROOF
Not a shop. No pixels.
Quotes
“
Everything in this game is basically a variation of gray. Seriously, the background during battle animations is all gray: Gray concrete, gray buildings, gray grass, gray everything! Also, the landscapes are even more depressing, since they're all basically gray, dark brown, or some color portraying depression. Very unlifting.
„
—Days of Ruin remains highly accepted among long-time players of the series.
“
Everyone knows that this is why they ARE GONNA BUY the game. It’s original, fun and crazy. You wanna keep playing forever. There are so many maps in this game that you won’t know which to choose. You can also design maps which kicks ass. I love the maps in this game; they are a bit better than the old maps. Also, if I'm not mistaken, some maps from the original return in this game too. There are also many CO's in this game, I wont tell you who so I don't ruin it for you. From war-room to campaign, everything is great!
Flak is a mere rehash of Max's character, only he's even more of an idiot, and Hawke's style is frustrating to play against, upsetting the otherwise balanced character designs.
„
—Tourneyfag senses tingling...
“
Advance Wars is a game in which boredom and brain power collide in a vicious confrontation within your mind, which then makes you ponder the rather entertaining idea of taking Advance Wars back to the store you just bought it from to get your money back.
Blue Moon
Yellow Comet
Green Earth
Black Hole
12th 
New 
Intelligent Defense System
Miscellaneous
SEE HERE'S PROOF
Not a shop. No pixels.
Hott~
