Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Botswana: Difference between revisions

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
← Older edit
imported>Mr Jonzz
imported>Moderately Lulzy
 
(58 intermediate revisions by 9 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
{{quote|"[W]e Batswana are not desperate beggars..."| Sir Seretse Khama }}
{| align="center" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" style="width:50%; border: 1px solid #c0c0c0; background:#f0f0f0; border-spacing:.5em"
| style="padding-top:2em;" valign="top"|[[File:PoweredByDonkey2.jpg|left|150px]]
| align="center" width="100%"|<big>'''Botswana'''
'''Proudly''' '''Powered''' '''By'''


{{quote|"You're a faggot ... because i don't think it'll matter if your shoes have sequins on them when you're digging for blood diamonds on the harsh terrain of Botswana"| Some butthurt white fag}}
'''Donkey™'''</big>
|}


Once upon a time, [[faggots|British whities]] decided to take over useless land in Africa. They proceeded to kill the [[South Africa|South African niggers]], taking over every inch of land owned by the clueless [[cunts]]. As history went by, Botswana was an untouched shithole which was solid proof that [[Truth|God did not exist]]. Botswana is filled with the most deluded niggers in the world. The current president of Botswana is Ian Khama, a gay cocksucker whose sole purpose is to raise the beer and cigarette prices every month because his father was an alcoholic and used to touch his son at times. The redundant language known as Setswana has featured in almost all Rage Comics created by the nigger. Botswana's main export is diamonds, the reason Botswana is still on the world map. Water is <strike>almost</strike> scarce in Botswana even though the traditional faggots from the bush do the "Rain dance" every fucking day.  
{| style="background-color: #FFCC00; margin: 1em auto; border: 2px solid #000000;" cellspacing=0 cellpadding=10
[[File:Botswana.jpg|200px|thumb|right|In shit we trust]]
| bgcolor=#000000|[[Image:Atomic.gif|ALL YOUR BASE!]]
[[File:Khama.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The man who runs the show]]  
| style="padding:10px; color: black; font-weight: bold;"|<span style="color: red; font-size: 125%">Warning!</span><br />{{{text|Botswanans who view this page might get seriously insulted. [[srsly]]}}}
[[File:Bosso.jpg|200px|thumb|right|You're telling me you can be ''this'' boss in life?]]  
|}
[[File:Prostitution101.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Mama, give me a close up!]]
{| class="boilerplate" id="pd" style=" background-color:#FFCC00; margin: 1em auto 1em auto; border:2px solid #000000" cellpadding=10 cellspacing=0
|bgcolor=black| [[Image:Police.gif|90px|Warna Brotha!]]
|style="padding:10px"| <span style="color: blue"><big>'''[[FACT]] ALERT:'''</big></span><br /><span style="color: black">'''{{{text|If you're from Botswana and you're reading this, you're most probably a [[nigger]].}}}'''</span>
|}


{{quote |BATSWANA LIKE BORROWING| Some important [[fag]] in Botswana}}


==Niggers in Botswana==
{{quote| That puppet government [of President Ian Khama] is going to undermine the African agenda | '''Malema'''}}
 
 
==A Guide to Botswana==
:
:


:
:


[[File:Kaffirized.png|200px|thumb|right|My Kaffir level is [[over 9000|over 9000]], no?]]
[[File:MeanwhileInBotswana.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The dedicated Botswana Defence Force]]  
[[File:MeanwhileInBotswana.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The dedicated Botswana Defence Force]]  
[[File:Chibuku.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Shit in a <strike>bottle</strike> cardboard!]]  
[[File:Chibuku.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Shit in a <strike>bottle</strike> cardboard!]]  
[[File:Ministerofhealth.jpeg|200px|thumb|right|The guy that makes sure the AIDS rate in Botswana stays at top ranks]]
[[File:Ministerofhealth.jpeg|200px|thumb|right|The guy that makes sure the AIDS rate in Botswana stays at top ranks]]
[[File:100Pula.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The amount a regular worker in Botswana earns in a month]]
[[File:100Pula.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The amount a regular [[nigga|worker in Botswana earns in a month]]]]
[[File:1Pula.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The amount of money [[your mother|your mother]] earns in a night]]
[[File:1Pula.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The amount of money [[your mother|your mother]] earns in a night]]
[[File:TypicalBioLesson.jpg|200px|thumb|right|A typical Biology lesson in Botswana]]
[[File:PartyInvitation.jpeg|200px|thumb|right|Typical Party invitation involving a [[negress|Teenage girl]]]]
The characteristics of these wild animals can be found below:
[[File:innocentwhitegal.jpg|200px|thumb|right|An innocent [[white]] girl in Botswana]]
[[File:BotswanaAlcohol.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Alcohol found in the desert]]
[[File:Albinonigrar.jpg|200px|thumb|right|A few Albino species]]
[[File:EdwinBatshu.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The man that wants foreigners to [[gtfo]]]]
 
Botswana is home to many species of [[animal|whites, blacks, coloreds and albinos.]] Landlocked in the middle of Africa, Botswana's main exported mineral is diamond, soon to run out due to lack of intelligence and financial planning. It is important to note that any country in Africa is home to some of the most dangerous <strike>animals</strike> people in the world. Botswana's main issue is HIV/AIDS, where most die before they get the chance to find transport to the hospital.
 
Botswana is well known for its tradition - drinking "Chibuku Shake - Shake" beer under a "Mopane" (a type of worm) tree. Most of the herd is of good nature, but there is a small minority which resort to stealing, raping, hustling and murdering. You can count on the police to attend to the issue in a couple of weeks and actually resolve it in possibly a year. There is no rush in Botswana, everyone works at different paces, some slower than others. This is just one reason as to why the development rate is slow, too.
 
===Safety Guide to Botswana===
 
Living in one of the most HIV/AIDS infected countries, it is important to stay on constant alert. It is because of this that we have constructed a Safety Guide to Botswana:
 
* Never eat your KFC in public, school or elsewhere. KFC is the most treasured fast food in Botswana and is regarded as higher than Jesus. In 2011, a study made by one of the students in the University of Botswana showed that people will either stab, mug or kill you for your chicken rather than ask you politely.
 
* The police are always delayed. Do not expect an instant response from the police or the home security guards. Remember, here we take our time, ekse!
 
* To all our first time visitors, do not walk into a bush in Botswana if you haven't got a pair. Rather ask a friend to walk with you.
 
* If you are white, never walk around by yourself.
 
* Always reply to each question/sentence with "ehh" if you don't know what he/she is asking. This can be achieved the proper way by delaying your tongue (as everything in Botswana is delayed) to "ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".
 
* Do not expect a fair deal from life insurance/bank loans. You will end up with much less than you anticipated to be with.
 
* Most of Botswana is bush. Expect a few bugs, insects and '''cattle''' (which roam around on the streets regardless of whether there is bush or not). Treat them like how you would treat your mother.
 
* Always wear a [[nazi|gas mask]] when approaching a village. A lot of "witch craft" is done in Botswana whereby you can get very sick if you cross the smell. You have to have adapted the "'''[[nigga|Botswanan nose]]'''".
 
===Agreements Upon Arrival===


1) They smell like the shit your mother makes. Always. Disregard the [[nigger]] page unless you have experienced the cruel odor.
By entering the desert, you agree to:


2) They "scratch their throat" by means of making the most disgusting, unhygenic sound the world has ever heard.
* Temperatures reaching a maximum of 40°C.
* The pace of the herd
* The thousands of cattle roaming the main roads each day
* A country with one of the highest HIV/AIDS rates in the world
* A country where <strike>Chibuku</strike> FIFA 2012 comes first
* An [[STD]] Nation


3) They are FUCKING retarded. This can be proven by noticing the laziness of the herd. They will tell you that it's because of the cruelty of Apartheid yet Botswana was almost untouched during the years of Apartheid. While upper class whities were studying, baboons could often be spotted wiping their asses on the nearest rock. 
===Blog Entries about Botswana===


4) Just like every other nigger out there, these monkeys love their [[KFC|KFC]]. You've heard it all before, yes, but you have never seen a nigger sucking a chicken bone dry (and consuming it later on, or else this would be a waste of your money).
{{quote | Botswana is one of the most spectacular countries in Africa. Everything is so [[lazy|layed back... lazy!]] My first impression I had on Botswana was the size of the local's dicks! I sure enjoyed that in my soft clit. I live in a small shack in a village in Phikwe and I'm loving all the attention (and the cocks ;))| A [[whore|innocent]] girl in Botswana}}


5) Most, if not all, are fucking racist. Studies have shown that this is due to the nigger being [[butthurt||butthurt]] at how rich, powerful and handsome the white man is.


6) Fucking lazy bastards. You will ALWAYS find a nigger in Botswana dragging their feet on the ground. How fucking hard is it to pick up your feet while you walk?


7) The Kaffir is very fond of their [[God|God]]. You cannot argue with the Kaffir as to why he or she believes in God. They will just repeat the same fucking sentence the priest does when you asked him "How do you know God exists?" "Have faith in the Lord your God."


8) They love their soccer. Unfortunately most cannot afford a soccer ball. This is no problem though, just get fuckloads of plastic bags and an onion bag, fill the onion bag with the plastic bags and you're good to go.  
{{quote | Yesterday I met up with my friend Valentine in Botswana. We took a stroll to the river of Francistown where we proceeded to bathe. I later enjoyed my supper with Valentine's family - maize meal. We then advanced to Valentine's room where he [[invasion|fondled with my genitals and fingered my asshole]]. It was an experience to be remembered. | A [[gay|confused]] White male}}


9) Female niggers tend to style their hair in the most hideous ways known to mankind. If you would like to try out one of these styles, just take a dump and glue it to your head (make sure it's hard or it'll fall to pieces, you fucking retard).


10) The black cunts can be found perving over white flesh, trying their hardest to "tap that" but yet failing so miserably.


11) Most love their "swag" and imitate what they see on MTV. Recently though, a few black diamonds have been seen creating Rage Comics strictly for the [[lulz|lulz]].
{{quote | My time in the land of the bush has been a great experience so far. I have had much fun with my experiments so far.| Some [[India|Indian]]}}


==Whities in Botswana==
===Inside Tips & Tricks To Botswana===
 
Because we all love shortcuts and cheat sheets, here are a few ways you can save your ass from jail cells in '''Jwaneng'''.
 
* If caught speeding, you will obviously be issued a fine. To avoid this simply [[lie|persuade]] the man/woman that you are in a hurry and it's for something important. Insist that you are broke, but tell them you can give them 100 bucks. They will then feel sorry for you and accept the bribe.
 
* If caught with Marijuana/the abuse of alcohol, simply pass the beer/blunt to the officer and consider it a done bribe.
 
* Stealing is made easy with low security control in shops like "Choppies - '''value''' for your '''money'''". If  caught however, tell him you are not feeling well today and make sure you have enough to pay for it.
 
* Offer your colleague a piece of KFC. [[truth|You will be able to control him forever.]]
 
===A Personal Note From Someone Who's Black===
 
<strike>[[nigga|yu niggaz fkin wit da rong country, we r  original blacks. we r bettr den any oda country in africa. we will nt put up wit diz mahala, we diserve more credet. yu r all racist nd i hope yu get fuxed up hard! nxaaa dis ish izn't approppriete.]]</strike> stfu [[nigga]]
 
==Well Known Issues In Botswana==
:
:


:
:


Whities are the reason Botswana's economy hasn't fallen to the bottom of the ranks. Almost all the wiggas in [[gtfo|Bootswana]] are expats because of the high salaries they get from working. A few white men can often be found with their black jewel (a fucking ugly combination), though if you come from South Africa you would probably feel the need to raise the sirens for the "'''Shoot to kill'''" command. Quite a few whities from [[South Africa|Afrikaaner Land]] have taken a trip to Botswana to exterminate any unworthy slave or to rape one because their girth was too small to the white female. You'll often find a whitie tagging along with a nigger, this is caused by the 1:500 ratio.
===Stupidity===
 
The average Botswanan will ask the same question even after it has been explained to him/her. In simple terms, Botswana is just full of stupidity. This can be found in villages and especially in urban areas of cities like Gaborone.
 
[[Image:Africanintelligence.JPG|thumb|]]


===HIV/AIDS Rate===


==Coloureds in Botswana==
But I'm sure you already knew this.
 
===Bad Habits===
 
This includes "throat scratching", eating with their mouths open, chewing with their mouths open, stealing, raping and snorting.
 
{{quote | Once you know one Botswanan you know them all. | An [[Asia|Asian]]}}
 
===Drunk Driving===
 
Almost every Botswanan is under the influence of [[alcohol|alcohol]] while driving right now. The police are supposedly doing everything they can to try and stop it, but when [[stupidity|bail prices are as low as 50 bucks (or 10 cattle)]] it's obvious nothing is going to change any time soon.
 
[[File:CattlePostBotswana.jpeg|200px|thumb|right|A cattle post located somewhere in Bootswana]]
 
===Witchcraft===
 
{{quote | Yes! You may laugh but I wondered why some of the folk were staring at me. Of course, my husband had his ideas - puny, little white girl. I thought it may have been that I was wearing shorts and a t.shirt while all the locals were in puffer jackets and winter hats ([[lol|in their 40 degrees winter sun!]]).Nope apparently the reason some of the older generation stared was because of my blue eyes - blonde hair, blue eyes - in witchcraft is the sign of the cat. I am not sure if this is good or bad... but nothing bad happened to me and nothing bad seemed to happen to any of those who were around me..  | smirnofforiginal}}
 
===Border Crossing===
 
If you rent a car from [[South Africa]] and drive into the remote bush of Botswana (for example at Martins Drift border post) you have to pay for vehicle crossing. In 2007, P60 was required for a simple 4x4 vehicle. The money you pay is dependent on the size of the vehicle you drive. Fortunately, one of Botswana's very few advantages is that it accepts SA Rand as well. If traveling Botswana, make sure you travel early in the morning to prevent the traffic (or donkey carts). You might have to wait 2-6 hours if you decide to travel later.
 
===Donkey Boiler===
 
One of Botswana's very few inventions is the Donkey Boiler. This contains a rusted, big metal drum under which the fire is lit. Cold water is poured into the drum (also known as the donkey's body) through a funnel. The fire (along with hot Botswanan heat waves) heats the water inside the drum and the hot water goes to an outlet pipe (also known as the donkey's tail). This is one of the most basic ways of heating water in the world. However, an alternative is the sun.
 
==2016==
:
:


:
:


Most are [[Islamic|Islamic]] and are often called "God's shit" (due to the color of the two being almost the same). Those who are not Islamic are Christian Extremists who watched their mothers get raped by the hungry white cock. If they're neither of the two, you can almost guarantee that they are Indian. Coloureds can often be found reading the Quaran, comparing their skin to that of shit, raping [[your mom|YOUR]] mom and jerking off to the latest FHM mags.
Botswana's main goal is to be an established, sloth ridden country by 2016. Unfortunately like most things in Botswana, this is not going to happen. As of now, Botswana's rape rate totally proves that 2016 is just a dream. A few arguments as to why 2016 will never happen can be found below:




==Indians in Botswana==
:


:
===Sexual Assaults===
 
 
[http://www.thevoicebw.com/2012/11/24/victim-begged-rapist-to-use-plastic-bag-as-a-condom/ '''VICTIM BEGGED RAPIST TO USE PLASTIC BAG AS A CONDOM''']
 
A Tati-siding woman on Monday told a Francistown court how she begged an axe wielding man to use a plastic bag for protection when raping her in March last year.
The 44-year-old mother said Herbert Jazire, 23 from Zimbabwe ignored her request to at least utilise a plastic bag as a condom and went on to have unprotected sex with her after robbing her of two cell-phones. She also alleged that the accused man attacked her with an axe before the rape. Identifying his attacker with a big cut under the left eye, the woman said the accused Jazire hit her with an axe on the thighs and arms before ripping off her under pants and raped her as she screamed for help at her Tati-siding field. She revealed that the accused just appeared from nowhere while she was chatting with someone over the phone and attacked her. “He demanded some money and when I explained that I had no money he took my phones. After the robbery he attacked me with an axe and unceremoniously unzipped his trousers, dragged me with my legs and ripped off my under pants. Although I begged him to at least use a discarded plastic bag for protection, he refused and just raped me without protection as I screamed for help,” the woman told court.
 
 
[http://www.thevoicebw.com/2012/12/01/wife-claims-hubby-raped-their-two-year-old-daughter/ '''WIFE CLAIMS HUBBY RAPED THEIR TWO YEAR OLD DAUGHTER''']
 
Police in Maun are investigating a case in which a 37- year- old woman of Thito ward is accusing her soon to be ex-husband of raping their biological daughter two years ago.
According to information gathered by The Voice, the complainant from Tsau village in the North West District uttered those allegations recently at Francistown High Court after her husband filed for divorce.
After the woman told court that her divorcing husband raped their now four year old daughter while she was two, the court postponed the divorce case proceedings and ordered investigations on the rape issue.
 
 
[http://www.thevoicebw.com/2012/11/24/man-has-sex-with-a-standard-six-pupil/ '''MAN HAS SEX WITH A STANDARD SIX PUPIL''']
 
A 22 year old man was all smiles recently after Maun Magistrate Clifford Foroma granted him bail pending appeal, five days after he was charged with defilement. Gaoduelwe Tubego of Thito ward in Maun was last week sentenced to 10 years imprisonment for defiling a standard six student in a toilet. However his attorney Charles Tlagae of Tlagae and Attorneys made an urgent application for bail to which the magistrate granted on Tuesday morning. The details of the case are that in the evening November 4 last year, the accused drove to the victim’s home and parked outside.
 
 
===Strange Happenings===
 
 
[http://www.thevoicebw.com/2012/11/26/fake-doc-examined-girls-private-parts/ '''FAKE DOC ‘EXAMINED’ GIRLS PRIVATE PARTS''']


Driving in the latest jags, [[Indian|curry munchers]] are very well known in Botswana for being one of the richest people in the whole country. Many argue that this is due to every relative of every family living in the same fucking house but if you're black you'll think otherwise and offer a blowjob in exchange for some "Rain" (translated from "Pula", the currency in this shithole). Indians can <strike>often</strike> be found wearing that annoying dot in the middle of their fucking forehead which is great for target practice. Many do believe that this enhances their beauty, instead it makes them look like a fucking [[tool|tool]].  
A man who falsely claimed to be a gynaecologist and intimately ‘examined’ three teenage women was in court last week charged with indecent assault. 34-year-old Pokano Gaethuse faces a further charge of impersonating a person in the public service after posing as a doctor in the gynaecology department of Letsholathebe II Memorial Hospital in Maun. He in fact works at the hospital as a welder. Pokano Gaethse is said to have so impressed his girlfriend with his boast that he was a practising gynaecologist at Letsholathebe II Memorial Hospital, that she referred three of her friends to him for treatment.




==Currency in Botswana==
[http://www.thevoicebw.com/2012/11/26/man-claims-to-be-khamas-son/ '''MAN CLAIMS TO BE KHAMA’S SON''']
:


:
24-year-old Thabologo Sam repeated his claim earlier this week when he walked into The Voice offices in Francistown, but when contacted for a comment his mother dismissed her son’s bizarre claim as ‘madness.’
Mum Shathiso Sam who has never even seen the Head of State in person let alone been impregnated by him said: “'''The boy is just obsessed with the President and can even beat you when you say anything negative about him. He just came out with the idea earlier this year when he produced President Khama’s photo and said the man was his real father'''.”


One of the worst aspects of Botswana is their currency. Everything is fucking overpriced, including but not limited to: prostitutes, marijuana, petrol, school fees, your mother (even though she looks like a faggot from [[Zimbabwe|Zimbaboonbwe]]) and most importantly, alcohol. The Batswana decided to name their currency "Pula" (which means rain, for the last fucking time) because [[truth|God hates Botswana]] and he doesn't give two shits if the drought reaches the point of the extinction of the blacks (I fucking pray).


[http://www.thevoicebw.com/2012/12/01/meat-wars/ '''MEAT WARS''']


==Prostitution in Botswana==
The Butcheries Association in Maun has accused the veterinary department officers of letting the Maun Private Abattoir supply the community with Foot and Mouth Disease (FMD) meat. Speaking to The Voice recently the spokesperson for the association Taudi Lopang alleged that there have been cases of FMD reported at the abattoir but veterinary officers always turn a blind eye and never take action on the matter.
:


:


Don't get your hopes up, [[faggot|fag]]. Searching for prostitution in Botswana is like searching for actual intelligence in South Africa. Fuck all. If you do get lucky as to see a prostitute, you'll wish you never did. Not only that, but most prostitutes are [[truth|obese, ugly, fat, stupid, tools, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly and fucking ugly]]. If you want to hear the sound of the "scratching of the throat" as she sucks your 2 inch cock, go ahead.
[http://www.thevoicebw.com/2012/11/23/chillyboy-resigns-from-bdp/ '''CHILLYBOY RESIGNS FROM BDP''']


Rakgare who was recently suspended from the party for 60 days pending hearing over the comments he made on facebook about President Khama’s leadership resigned last week Thursday. “'''I heard that the disciplinary committee had already taken a common position that they wanted to expel me from the party, so I decided to quit''',” Rakgare explained in a recent interview.


==AIDS in Botswana==
==Get To Know Botswana==
:
:


:
:


They say it has gotten better. Stupid cunts.
Here are a couple videos [[you]] might find interesting.


{| align="center" style="padding:0px;"
|<center><big>'''Standard Of Living In Botswana'''</big></center><br>
<center><youtube>hvmKZ_70FSY</youtube></center>


==Music in Botswana==
:


:
{| align="center" style="padding:0px;"
|<center><big>'''Suga Mama'''</big></center><br>
<center><youtube>OJek9Om9xp8</youtube></center>




{| align="center" style="padding:0px;"
{| align="center" style="padding:0px;"
|<center><big>'''Eish!'''</big></center><br>
|<center><big>'''Botswanan Weddings'''</big></center><br>
<center><youtube>XFNalnzzJwo</youtube></center>
<center><youtube>rFaW4o93hlw</youtube></center>
 


Traditionally, a man who wants to marry a woman would have to pay the woman's father by means of goats, cows, chicken, sheep, carrots, etc etc. A''' great way to troll the father is to send him crates of tinned meat instead of livestock'''. This is known as a "Labola" and your woman is not your woman until the father gets his payment. The fact that this act is still carried out is solid proof that 2016 is not going to happen by a long shot.


{| align="center" style="padding:0px;"
{| align="center" style="padding:0px;"
|<center><big>'''Eish!!!!!!'''</big></center><br>
|<center><big>'''Botswananan Culture'''</big></center><br>
<center><youtube>5WhUVvKTCic</youtube></center>
<center><youtube>ztzDHDiOSUY</youtube></center>




{| align="center" style="padding:0px;"
{| align="center" style="padding:0px;"
|<center><big>'''Siwawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! EISH!!!!!'''</big></center><br>
|<center><big>'''President Ian Khama'''</big></center><br>
<center><youtube>Yb4cBgiYTeE</youtube></center>
<center><youtube>CTF5VV8wuzo</youtube></center>
 


{| align="center" style="padding:0px;"
|<center><big>'''Botswana's Got Talent!'''</big></center><br>
<center><youtube>7Be0FtGTK2U</youtube></center>


==Vaseline in Botswana==
==What Nigga's Like [[You]] Gotta Say==
:
:


:
[[File:BotsHurt4.jpg | centre]]
[[File:BotsHurt1.jpg | centre]]
[[File:BotsHurt2.jpg | centre]]
[[File:BotsHurt3.jpg | centre]]


[[File:Vaseline23.jpeg|200px|thumb|right|Because nigga's love being shiny]]


You are not a true nigger if you don't carry a tub of [[oil|oily shit in your pocket]]. Niggers love their vaseline. It helps keep their rough ugly skin soft as a [[baby|baby's arsehole]]. As soon as the typical nigger wakes up, he will proceed picking up the tub of [[shit|shit]]. He will then apply half the contents in the tub and rub it across his face, hands and body.


==KFC in Botswana==
==Summary==
:
:


:
:


Kaffirs first choice.
Botswana is an excellent place for horny white females, slow-pacers and general sloths. It is also home to a little over one million species, some of the most dumbfounded people on Earth. You can find a [[nigga]] in <strike>almost</strike> any street you walk. The average sloth has an income of about $100 a month and never strains himself/herself when working. The people of Botswana work at their own pace and are the slowest country (knowledge wise) in the world. From Wikipedia:
 
{{quote | In Botswana’s education system, girls and boys have equal access to education. Girls, however, are likely to drop out of secondary school due to pregnancy [[truth|(as if it's going to change any time soon)]]| Wikipedia  }}
 
 
 
 
<gallery><center>
File:CattlePostBotswana.jpeg|A Cattle Post somewhere in Bootswana
File:BotswanaRapist.jpg|[[Rape]] Contributor
File:TypicalBioLesson.jpg|Typical Biology lesson in Botswana
File:DonkeyBoiler.jpg|A Donkey Boiler. Powered By Donkey™
File:PoweredByDonkey.jpeg|Powered By Donkey™
File:BotswanaRapist2.jpg|A promising future for children
File:ChillyBoy.jpg|The Chilly Boy.
File:KhamaSon.jpg|Khama's Apparent Son.
</gallery>
 
 
 
 
{|style="width:60%; background-color:gray; border: 1px solid #000000;border-collapse: separate; border-spacing: 3px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"
|style="border:0px solid #000000;padding:0px;margin:0px;" |[[File:Homer Simpson bow tie.jpg|120px]]
|style="width:100%;text-align:center;padding:5px; margin:0px;" |<big>'''We hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as we have [[truth|enjoyed creating it]].'''</big>.
|}
 
{{Commonwealth}}
 
{|  align="center" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" style="width:50%; border: 1px solid #c0c0c0; background:#f0f0f0; border-spacing:.5em"
| style="padding-top:2em;" valign="top"|[[File:PoweredByDonkey2.jpg|left|150px]]
| align="center" width="100%"|<big>'''Botswana'''
'''Proudly''' '''Powered''' '''By'''


==See Also==
'''Donkey™'''</big>
*[[Africa]]
|}
*[[Kenya]]
*[[Nigeria]]
*[[Tanzania]]


[[Category:Locations]]
[[Category:Locations]]

Latest revision as of 14:41, 1 August 2022

 Botswana

Proudly Powered By

Donkey™

ALL YOUR BASE! Warning!
Botswanans who view this page might get seriously insulted. srsly
Warna Brotha! FACT ALERT:
If you're from Botswana and you're reading this, you're most probably a nigger.
   
“ 		 
BATSWANA LIKE BORROWING
  		„
  		 

— Some important fag in Botswana

   
“ 		 
That puppet government [of President Ian Khama] is going to undermine the African agenda
  		„
  		 

— Malema


A Guide to Botswana

The dedicated Botswana Defence Force
Shit in a bottle cardboard!
The guy that makes sure the AIDS rate in Botswana stays at top ranks
The amount a regular worker in Botswana earns in a month
The amount of money your mother earns in a night
Typical Party invitation involving a Teenage girl
An innocent white girl in Botswana
Alcohol found in the desert
A few Albino species
The man that wants foreigners to gtfo

Botswana is home to many species of whites, blacks, coloreds and albinos. Landlocked in the middle of Africa, Botswana's main exported mineral is diamond, soon to run out due to lack of intelligence and financial planning. It is important to note that any country in Africa is home to some of the most dangerous animals people in the world. Botswana's main issue is HIV/AIDS, where most die before they get the chance to find transport to the hospital.

Botswana is well known for its tradition - drinking "Chibuku Shake - Shake" beer under a "Mopane" (a type of worm) tree. Most of the herd is of good nature, but there is a small minority which resort to stealing, raping, hustling and murdering. You can count on the police to attend to the issue in a couple of weeks and actually resolve it in possibly a year. There is no rush in Botswana, everyone works at different paces, some slower than others. This is just one reason as to why the development rate is slow, too.

Safety Guide to Botswana

Living in one of the most HIV/AIDS infected countries, it is important to stay on constant alert. It is because of this that we have constructed a Safety Guide to Botswana:

  • Never eat your KFC in public, school or elsewhere. KFC is the most treasured fast food in Botswana and is regarded as higher than Jesus. In 2011, a study made by one of the students in the University of Botswana showed that people will either stab, mug or kill you for your chicken rather than ask you politely.
  • The police are always delayed. Do not expect an instant response from the police or the home security guards. Remember, here we take our time, ekse!
  • To all our first time visitors, do not walk into a bush in Botswana if you haven't got a pair. Rather ask a friend to walk with you.
  • If you are white, never walk around by yourself.
  • Always reply to each question/sentence with "ehh" if you don't know what he/she is asking. This can be achieved the proper way by delaying your tongue (as everything in Botswana is delayed) to "ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".
  • Do not expect a fair deal from life insurance/bank loans. You will end up with much less than you anticipated to be with.
  • Most of Botswana is bush. Expect a few bugs, insects and cattle (which roam around on the streets regardless of whether there is bush or not). Treat them like how you would treat your mother.
  • Always wear a gas mask when approaching a village. A lot of "witch craft" is done in Botswana whereby you can get very sick if you cross the smell. You have to have adapted the "Botswanan nose".

Agreements Upon Arrival

By entering the desert, you agree to:

  • Temperatures reaching a maximum of 40°C.
  • The pace of the herd
  • The thousands of cattle roaming the main roads each day
  • A country with one of the highest HIV/AIDS rates in the world
  • A country where Chibuku FIFA 2012 comes first
  • An STD Nation

Blog Entries about Botswana

   
“ 		 
Botswana is one of the most spectacular countries in Africa. Everything is so layed back... lazy! My first impression I had on Botswana was the size of the local's dicks! I sure enjoyed that in my soft clit. I live in a small shack in a village in Phikwe and I'm loving all the attention (and the cocks ;))
  		„
  		 

— A innocent girl in Botswana



   
“ 		 
Yesterday I met up with my friend Valentine in Botswana. We took a stroll to the river of Francistown where we proceeded to bathe. I later enjoyed my supper with Valentine's family - maize meal. We then advanced to Valentine's room where he fondled with my genitals and fingered my asshole. It was an experience to be remembered.
  		„
  		 

— A confused White male


   
“ 		 
My time in the land of the bush has been a great experience so far. I have had much fun with my experiments so far.
  		„
  		 

— Some Indian

Inside Tips & Tricks To Botswana

Because we all love shortcuts and cheat sheets, here are a few ways you can save your ass from jail cells in Jwaneng.

  • If caught speeding, you will obviously be issued a fine. To avoid this simply persuade the man/woman that you are in a hurry and it's for something important. Insist that you are broke, but tell them you can give them 100 bucks. They will then feel sorry for you and accept the bribe.
  • If caught with Marijuana/the abuse of alcohol, simply pass the beer/blunt to the officer and consider it a done bribe.
  • Stealing is made easy with low security control in shops like "Choppies - value for your money". If caught however, tell him you are not feeling well today and make sure you have enough to pay for it.

A Personal Note From Someone Who's Black

yu niggaz fkin wit da rong country, we r original blacks. we r bettr den any oda country in africa. we will nt put up wit diz mahala, we diserve more credet. yu r all racist nd i hope yu get fuxed up hard! nxaaa dis ish izn't approppriete. stfu nigga

Well Known Issues In Botswana

Stupidity

The average Botswanan will ask the same question even after it has been explained to him/her. In simple terms, Botswana is just full of stupidity. This can be found in villages and especially in urban areas of cities like Gaborone.

HIV/AIDS Rate

But I'm sure you already knew this.

Bad Habits

This includes "throat scratching", eating with their mouths open, chewing with their mouths open, stealing, raping and snorting.

   
“ 		 
Once you know one Botswanan you know them all.
  		„
  		 

— An Asian

Drunk Driving

Almost every Botswanan is under the influence of alcohol while driving right now. The police are supposedly doing everything they can to try and stop it, but when bail prices are as low as 50 bucks (or 10 cattle) it's obvious nothing is going to change any time soon.

A cattle post located somewhere in Bootswana

Witchcraft

   
“ 		 
Yes! You may laugh but I wondered why some of the folk were staring at me. Of course, my husband had his ideas - puny, little white girl. I thought it may have been that I was wearing shorts and a t.shirt while all the locals were in puffer jackets and winter hats (in their 40 degrees winter sun!).Nope apparently the reason some of the older generation stared was because of my blue eyes - blonde hair, blue eyes - in witchcraft is the sign of the cat. I am not sure if this is good or bad... but nothing bad happened to me and nothing bad seemed to happen to any of those who were around me..
  		„
  		 

— smirnofforiginal

Border Crossing

If you rent a car from South Africa and drive into the remote bush of Botswana (for example at Martins Drift border post) you have to pay for vehicle crossing. In 2007, P60 was required for a simple 4x4 vehicle. The money you pay is dependent on the size of the vehicle you drive. Fortunately, one of Botswana's very few advantages is that it accepts SA Rand as well. If traveling Botswana, make sure you travel early in the morning to prevent the traffic (or donkey carts). You might have to wait 2-6 hours if you decide to travel later.

Donkey Boiler

One of Botswana's very few inventions is the Donkey Boiler. This contains a rusted, big metal drum under which the fire is lit. Cold water is poured into the drum (also known as the donkey's body) through a funnel. The fire (along with hot Botswanan heat waves) heats the water inside the drum and the hot water goes to an outlet pipe (also known as the donkey's tail). This is one of the most basic ways of heating water in the world. However, an alternative is the sun.

2016

Botswana's main goal is to be an established, sloth ridden country by 2016. Unfortunately like most things in Botswana, this is not going to happen. As of now, Botswana's rape rate totally proves that 2016 is just a dream. A few arguments as to why 2016 will never happen can be found below:


Sexual Assaults

VICTIM BEGGED RAPIST TO USE PLASTIC BAG AS A CONDOM

A Tati-siding woman on Monday told a Francistown court how she begged an axe wielding man to use a plastic bag for protection when raping her in March last year. The 44-year-old mother said Herbert Jazire, 23 from Zimbabwe ignored her request to at least utilise a plastic bag as a condom and went on to have unprotected sex with her after robbing her of two cell-phones. She also alleged that the accused man attacked her with an axe before the rape. Identifying his attacker with a big cut under the left eye, the woman said the accused Jazire hit her with an axe on the thighs and arms before ripping off her under pants and raped her as she screamed for help at her Tati-siding field. She revealed that the accused just appeared from nowhere while she was chatting with someone over the phone and attacked her. “He demanded some money and when I explained that I had no money he took my phones. After the robbery he attacked me with an axe and unceremoniously unzipped his trousers, dragged me with my legs and ripped off my under pants. Although I begged him to at least use a discarded plastic bag for protection, he refused and just raped me without protection as I screamed for help,” the woman told court.


WIFE CLAIMS HUBBY RAPED THEIR TWO YEAR OLD DAUGHTER

Police in Maun are investigating a case in which a 37- year- old woman of Thito ward is accusing her soon to be ex-husband of raping their biological daughter two years ago. According to information gathered by The Voice, the complainant from Tsau village in the North West District uttered those allegations recently at Francistown High Court after her husband filed for divorce. After the woman told court that her divorcing husband raped their now four year old daughter while she was two, the court postponed the divorce case proceedings and ordered investigations on the rape issue.


MAN HAS SEX WITH A STANDARD SIX PUPIL

A 22 year old man was all smiles recently after Maun Magistrate Clifford Foroma granted him bail pending appeal, five days after he was charged with defilement. Gaoduelwe Tubego of Thito ward in Maun was last week sentenced to 10 years imprisonment for defiling a standard six student in a toilet. However his attorney Charles Tlagae of Tlagae and Attorneys made an urgent application for bail to which the magistrate granted on Tuesday morning. The details of the case are that in the evening November 4 last year, the accused drove to the victim’s home and parked outside.


Strange Happenings

FAKE DOC ‘EXAMINED’ GIRLS PRIVATE PARTS

A man who falsely claimed to be a gynaecologist and intimately ‘examined’ three teenage women was in court last week charged with indecent assault. 34-year-old Pokano Gaethuse faces a further charge of impersonating a person in the public service after posing as a doctor in the gynaecology department of Letsholathebe II Memorial Hospital in Maun. He in fact works at the hospital as a welder. Pokano Gaethse is said to have so impressed his girlfriend with his boast that he was a practising gynaecologist at Letsholathebe II Memorial Hospital, that she referred three of her friends to him for treatment.


MAN CLAIMS TO BE KHAMA’S SON

24-year-old Thabologo Sam repeated his claim earlier this week when he walked into The Voice offices in Francistown, but when contacted for a comment his mother dismissed her son’s bizarre claim as ‘madness.’ Mum Shathiso Sam who has never even seen the Head of State in person let alone been impregnated by him said: “The boy is just obsessed with the President and can even beat you when you say anything negative about him. He just came out with the idea earlier this year when he produced President Khama’s photo and said the man was his real father.”


MEAT WARS

The Butcheries Association in Maun has accused the veterinary department officers of letting the Maun Private Abattoir supply the community with Foot and Mouth Disease (FMD) meat. Speaking to The Voice recently the spokesperson for the association Taudi Lopang alleged that there have been cases of FMD reported at the abattoir but veterinary officers always turn a blind eye and never take action on the matter.


CHILLYBOY RESIGNS FROM BDP

Rakgare who was recently suspended from the party for 60 days pending hearing over the comments he made on facebook about President Khama’s leadership resigned last week Thursday. “I heard that the disciplinary committee had already taken a common position that they wanted to expel me from the party, so I decided to quit,” Rakgare explained in a recent interview.

Get To Know Botswana

Here are a couple videos you might find interesting.

Standard Of Living In Botswana


Suga Mama


Botswanan Weddings


Traditionally, a man who wants to marry a woman would have to pay the woman's father by means of goats, cows, chicken, sheep, carrots, etc etc. A great way to troll the father is to send him crates of tinned meat instead of livestock. This is known as a "Labola" and your woman is not your woman until the father gets his payment. The fact that this act is still carried out is solid proof that 2016 is not going to happen by a long shot.

Botswananan Culture


President Ian Khama


Botswana's Got Talent!

What Nigga's Like You Gotta Say


Summary

Botswana is an excellent place for horny white females, slow-pacers and general sloths. It is also home to a little over one million species, some of the most dumbfounded people on Earth. You can find a nigga in almost any street you walk. The average sloth has an income of about $100 a month and never strains himself/herself when working. The people of Botswana work at their own pace and are the slowest country (knowledge wise) in the world. From Wikipedia:

   
“ 		 
In Botswana’s education system, girls and boys have equal access to education. Girls, however, are likely to drop out of secondary school due to pregnancy (as if it's going to change any time soon)
  		„
  		 

— Wikipedia



  • A Cattle Post somewhere in Bootswana
    A Cattle Post somewhere in Bootswana
  • Rape Contributor
    Rape Contributor
  • Typical Biology lesson in Botswana
    Typical Biology lesson in Botswana
  • A Donkey Boiler. Powered By Donkey™
    A Donkey Boiler. Powered By Donkey™
  • Powered By Donkey™
    Powered By Donkey™
  • A promising future for children
    A promising future for children
  • The Chilly Boy.
    The Chilly Boy.
  • Khama's Apparent Son.
    Khama's Apparent Son.



We hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as we have enjoyed creating it..
The Commonwealth of Encyclopedia Dramatica
Members Afghanistan | Albania | Antigua and Barbuda | Argentina | Armenia | Australia | Austria | The Bahamas | Bahrain | Belarus | Belgium | Bolivia | Botswana | Brazil | Bulgaria | Canada | Chile | China | Colombia | Croatia | Cuba | Cyprus | Denmark | Dominican Republic | Ecuador | Egypt | England | Estonia | Eswatini | Fiji | Finland | France | Fyromia | The Gambia | Georgia | Germany | Greece | Guyana | Haiti | Hungary | Iceland | India | Indonesia | Iran | Iraq | Ireland | Israel | Italy | Japan | Kazakhstan | Kenya | Kyrgyzstan | Latvia | Lebanon | Liberia | Lithuania | Madagascar | Malaysia | Mexico | Moldova | Mozambique | Myanmar | Nauru | Netherlands | New Zealand | Niger | Nigeria | Northern Ireland | Norway | Palestine | Pakistan | Peru | Philippines | Poland | Portugal | Romania | Saudi Arabia | Scotland | Sealand | Serbia | Sierra Leone | Singapore | Slovakia | Slovenia | Somalia | South Africa | South Korea | South Sudan | Spain | Sudan | Switzerland | Sweden | Syria | Tajikistan | Tanzania | Thailand | Tunisia | Turkey | Ukraine | United Kingdom | United States | Uruguay | Uzbekistan | Vatican City | Venezuela | Vietnam | Wales | Yemen | Zimbabwe
Kick Banned Catalonia | Confederate States of America | East Turkestan | Kosovo | Kurdistan | North Korea | Ireland | Islamic State | Quebec | Russia | South Ossetia | Taiwan | Texas | Tibet
See Also For drama in your neck of the world, please consult the Encyclopdedia Dramatica Lulz Map. Also see: ED:Map
Botswana

Proudly Powered By

Donkey™

Retrieved from "http://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Botswana&oldid=19895"