Josef Mengele

Josef was such a chirpy Fascist...

Mengelulz

Oh, Japan

Doctor Josef Mengele was one of the world's greatest scientists. This good doctor and fine humanitarian showed people the real way of life. Some of his work included:

• Killing a fuckton of kikes in various lulzy ways
• Getting his medical degree revoked years after his death
• Accidentally aiding the development of lasik surgery while playing around with iodine and little Jews
• Trying to create innovative ways to transfer organs (and failing at it)
• AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, ZOMFG SLAYER WROTE A SONG ABOUT HIM HE MUST BE SOOOOO HXC!!!1! FUCK YES NAZIS R AWESUM

It is alleged that he repeatedly told Jews that if they volunteered for his experiments, they'd get better food, better shelter, and a better chance to survive the camp. This was kinda true, cause he'd pamper the motherfuckers until he felt like pulling out their cunts and stitching someone's cock on the wound. That just maybe have contributed somewhat to the painful deaths that pretty much all of his "patients" ended up with. Maybe. Or, with his track record of failure, it's possible he actually WAS trying to help them.

He was awarded the Nobel Prize for Racism in 1972, "For his theories concerning twins and his discoveries through human experimentation." However, Mengele had his visa application denied by the U.S. government and couldn't travel to Alabama to the Prize ceremony.

Mengele's Secret Fetish

It is now widely known that Joseph Mengele was a hoarder. Some people hoard marbles, others hoard cats, but Joe liked to hoard twins. Little skinny Jewish twins that he had freighted in from all over Europe on the highly efficient German train system. Brave doctor Mengele realized that if Jews could reproduce two at a time that they would outnumber the master race in at least 100 years. So he set off to some highly important research:

• What happens if you sew the twins together
• What happens when you switch around their organs, and if they were a boy twin and a girl twin, switch around their genitals
• If you put dye in someone's eye, can you make their eyes blue? (he used twins so he could compare the "before" and "after")

But they didn't have to be separate twins. No, Doc Joe had lots of fun with Siamese twins:

• Killing one twin just to see if the other could survive
• Separating the twins
• Separating two sets of twins, then sewing ones from different pairs together
• Putting more dye in their eyes

Fuck, what was it with him and dye?

Twins weren't enough for our boy Joe. He had a fierce midget fetish. At one point, he had even procured a big ol' family of professional midgets, parading them around all the other Nazi officers so while others were sacking towns and burning ancient shit, he could feel as if he'd accomplished something bigger than "discovered you can't dye people's eyes".

Manhunting Mengele

Alas, once the war was over and Israel started to get some free time, Golda Meir and her flunkies got together and wondered where all the twins went (but not the short fuckers, for everyone assumed that they were off making chocolate for a pedophile while in orange face paint).

This is the part of the story where all the Slayer fanboys decide that they'll just ignore everything about him other than the shit with the twins.

	“	Now Joseph Mengele, that's Doctors without borders.	„
	—Aron Flam

Jo Jo had given the Jews the slip, and had already fled like a bitch to Argentina, where he passed his time by getting together with all the other ex-Nazis and holding youth groups. They never found him, by the time they'd gotten a good lead on his whereabouts, he'd gone off and gotten his skinny ass drowned while trying (and naturally, failing) to save some kid.

Before he did that, though, he managed to do SOMETHING right

Doctor! Doctor! Give me the Jews!

See Also

• Guro
• Nazi
• Sick Fuck

Josef Mengele is part of a series on SCIENCE! [FizzlePop]

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