Kale

	“	normally ill have ptsd flashbacks and ill scream down the hallways	„
	—The Kale, In all his glory

Kale (aka Karbraxis) is Encyclopedia Dramaticas beloved straight answer to tfo. He also gives ED more money than he actually makes. If you're female (or possibly a male, in some cases) and live within nine hundred and ten kilometres of Germany, the chances are he wants to meet you.

Storytime With Dr_Kale

The stories of Kale have become legendary as time has gone past, and no week is complete without new hijinks coming to light. Please peruse the following at your leisure in order to gain an insight into the legendary man behind the former IRCop. Warning, mind bleach may be required:

Dr_Kale and the Tfo Emulation

<@Dr_Kale> there is was
<@Dr_Kale> in killeen texas
<@Dr_Kale> drinking and playing card games
<@Dr_Kale> when my friend brings out this dildo
<@Dr_Kale> http://www.amazon.com/Rascal-Toys-Black-Balled-11/dp/B001SN7TRA/ref=sr_1_56?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1262720965&sr=1-56
<@Dr_Kale> thats the dildo she brings out
<@Dr_Kale> and she brings out some boy butter
<@Dr_Kale> she lubes it up
<@Dr_Kale> her boyfrind comes over
<@Dr_Kale> pulls his pants down
<Judo-Kun> :-|
<&Dr_Sheneequa> :-|
<@Dr_Kale> and shoves that thing up his ass
<@Dr_Kale> now
<@Dr_Kale> thats not the wird part
<&Dr_Sheneequa> did you
<&Dr_Sheneequa> wash it
<&Dr_Sheneequa> before you tried
<@Dr_Kale> hold on
<Dr_Rice> No he didn't
<@Dr_Kale> so he was ramming this dildo up his ass and his girlfriend was sucking him off
<@Dr_Kale> his gf was trying to take my pants off and have me fuck her while this as going on
<@Dr_Kale> but
<@Dr_Kale> that is a massive dildo
<@Dr_Kale> and i dont want it anywhere near my ass
[...]
<@Dr_Kale> so a few drinks later
<@Dr_Kale> i tried sticking it up my ass

Kale and the Tattoo That Got Him Laid

[~20:16:11~] <@kale_> ok german hooker story time
[~20:16:19~] * kale_ is now known as Dr_Kale
[~20:16:31~] <@Dr_Kale> i just pcsed to germany
[~20:16:33~] <@Dr_Kale> in 08
[~20:16:47~] <@Dr_Kale> and the first city i went to was nuremberg
[~20:16:53~] <@Dr_Kale> now im from the country
[~20:16:58~] <@Dr_Kale> and not used to big cites
[~20:17:04~] <@Dr_Kale> so i was in awe
[~20:17:15~] <@Dr_Kale> so i go to the bar and drink
[~20:17:22~] <@Dr_Kale> from 9 pm to like 6 am
[~20:17:30~] <@Dr_Kale> and i over hear
[~20:17:37~] <@Dr_Kale> my buddy saying he was a virgin
[~20:17:45~] <@Dr_Kale> now how do you join the army
[~20:17:47~] <@Dr_Kale> and be a virgin
[~20:17:50~] <@Dr_Kale> i will never know
[~20:17:57~] <@Dr_Kale> so we grab him
[~20:18:10~] <@Dr_Kale> and go to the redlight district
[~20:18:19~] <@Dr_Kale> so we get to the redlight district
[~20:18:22~] <@Dr_Kale> and im in awe
[~20:18:28~] <@Dr_Kale> women in the windows
[~20:18:34~] <@Dr_Kale> wich are hot as fuck
[~20:18:47~] <@Dr_Kale> so we all pitch in
[~20:18:51~] <@Dr_Kale> and buy him a hooker
[~20:19:05~] <@Dr_Kale> im in the whore house wating for my buddy
[~20:19:16~] <@Dr_Kale> when a hooker motions me over
[~20:19:23~] <@Dr_Kale> so i go over and she wants to see my tattoos
[~20:19:30~] <@Dr_Kale> so i show her
[~20:19:37~] <@Dr_Kale> when i show her the one on my back
[~20:19:44~] <@Dr_Kale> she throws me on the bed
[~20:19:48~] <@Dr_Kale> and im all like fuck yea
[~20:19:50~] <@Dr_Kale> free sex
[~20:19:56~] <@Dr_Kale> now mind you
[~20:19:58~] <@Dr_Kale> shes naked
[~20:20:02~] <@Dr_Kale> so she jumps on me'
[~20:20:11~] <@Dr_Kale> and im thinking germany is the best country in the world
[~20:20:27~] <@Dr_Kale> then she pulls out a fucking knife
[~20:20:31~] <@Dr_Kale> from where
[~20:20:38~] <@Dr_Kale> i dont know to this day
[~20:20:48~] <@Dr_Kale> and she puts it to my throat
[~20:20:52~] <@Dr_Kale> and she screams
[~20:20:56~] <@Dr_Kale> ARE YOU A FUCKING JEW
[~20:20:59~] <@Dr_Kale> im confused
[~20:21:05~] <@Dr_Kale> she goes
[~20:21:14~] <@Dr_Kale> ARE YOU A FUCKING JEW IM GERMAN AND I HATE JEWS
[~20:21:30~] <@Dr_Kale> now i thought this point of germanys history is gone
[~20:21:35~] <@Dr_Kale> and they accepted jews
[~20:21:45~] <@Dr_Kale> but i guess countries can never change
[~20:21:55~] <@Dr_Kale> so i tell her what the fuck are you talking about
[~20:22:07~] <@Dr_Kale> she goes YOUR TATTOO THATS THE STAR OF DAVID
[~20:22:16~] <@Dr_Kale> im confused some more 
[~20:22:19~] <@Dr_Kale> then i go
[~20:22:21~] <@Dr_Kale> ooooh no
[~20:22:26~] <@Dr_Kale> mine has 5 points
[~20:22:28~] <@Dr_Kale> not 6
[~20:22:33~] <@Dr_Kale> so its not the star of david
[~20:22:38~] <@Dr_Kale> she thinks 
[~20:22:41~] <@Dr_Kale> btw
[~20:22:50~] <@Dr_Kale> the knife has never left my throat
[~20:23:02~] <@Dr_Kale> so im trying to calm this crazy bitch down
[~20:23:19~] <@Dr_Kale> she calls another hooker
[~20:23:20~] <@Dr_Kale> in
[~20:23:24~] <@Dr_Kale> they talk in german
[~20:23:26~] <@Dr_Kale> and she goes
[~20:23:30~] <@Dr_Kale> awww poor baby
[~20:23:34~] <@Dr_Kale> she puts the knife away
[~20:23:40~] <@Dr_Kale> and we procede to have sex
[~20:23:42~] <%LYNX> did you get a freebie?
[~20:23:45~] <@Dr_Kale> yes
[~20:24:06~] <%EDS1> the tattoo that got you laid.
[~20:24:16~] <@Dr_Kale> it almost got me killed to

Kale_ 3: As Gay as Can Be

[01:22] <&Sheneequa> we have 6 stories at the tfo page now
[01:22] <&Sheneequa> just one more and we can get the chaos emerald!!!
[01:23] <&Sheneequa> anyone have a really gay story
[01:23] <@Dr_Kale> OMG
[01:23] <@Dr_Kale> I DO
[01:23] <@Dr_Kale> alright
[01:23] <@Dr_Kale> this is the story
[01:24] <@Dr_Kale> of how i had a insane dude blow me in a hospitol
[01:24] <&Sheneequa> ur lying
[01:24] <@Dr_Kale> nope
[01:24] <LYNX> bullshit
[01:24] <@Dr_Kale> i swear
[01:24] <@Dr_Kale> tru story
[01:25] <Anemia> omg
[01:25] <@Dr_Kale> So I was at Ft.Gordon at the time having just finished school and i was waiting for my orders
[01:25] <@Dr_Kale> When i had to go to the Hospitol with a buddy so he an pick up some meds
[01:26] <@Dr_Kale> I was in the waiting room when this nurse came out looked at me and said come with me
[01:26] <@Dr_Kale> I was like hell yea she was hot and she wanted me
[01:26] <@Dr_Kale> so we came this room and this guy was there she said watch him he cant be back here by himself
[01:26] <&Sheneequa> hospital btw
[01:27] <@Dr_Kale> i was like fuck....
[01:27] <@Dr_Kale> i was like fuck....
[01:27] <@Dr_Kale> so i asked him why cant you be here by yoursef
[01:27] <@Dr_Kale> he said i tried to comit suicide yesturday and i attacked a drill sergant
[01:28] <@Dr_Kale> i was stunned
[01:28] <@Dr_Kale> he changed the subject
[01:28] <@Dr_Kale> and we started talking
[01:28] <@Dr_Kale> he was a wreck
[01:28] <@Dr_Kale> we told me he was confused about everything
[01:28] <@Dr_Kale> he*
[01:29] <&Sheneequa> so you put your dick in his mouth?
[01:29] <@Dr_Kale> hold on damnit
[01:29] <@Dr_Kale> I asked him if he ever tried anything with a guy
[01:29] <@Dr_Kale> hes like yea i have
[01:29] <@Dr_Kale> and i said wanna go up stairs to the bathroom?
[01:30] <@Dr_Kale> so we left and he proceded to give me one of the best blowjobs i hav ever had 

Kale: Cousin Fucker

[14:35] <Dr_Kale> ok
[14:36] <Dr_Kale> so i called some friends of mine up from ft campbell and see if they wanted to go out and get drunk
[14:36] <Dr_Kale> while they where driving up i found out my cousin moved down from wisconsis
[14:36] <Dr_Kale> wisconsin
[14:36] <Dr_Kale> she diddnt know anyone so i invited her along
[14:37] <Dr_Kale> i was the only guy in a car full of chicks
[14:37] <Dr_Kale> 2 of the chicks where pregnant
[14:37] <Dr_Kale> and where drinking mad dog like it was water
[14:37] <Dr_Kale> i was drinking vodka with my cousin
[14:38] <Dr_Kale> so when we get to louisville we party get obliterated
[14:38] <Dr_Kale> when we get back to the hotel
[14:38] <Dr_Kale> somehow me an my cousin ended up in the same bed
[14:38] <Dr_Kale> and she as horny
[14:38] <Dr_Kale> was*
[14:39] <Dr_Kale> and me being drunk and having struck out at the club
[14:39] <Dr_Kale> could do little to resist
[14:39] <&Sheneequa> lol
[14:39] <Dr_Kale> so i blacked out with her on top of me
[14:39] <&Sheneequa> fetal alcohol syndrome
[14:39] <Dr_Kale> when i awoke
[14:40] <Dr_Kale> we were intertangled
[14:40] <Dr_Kale> like we just got done having sex
[14:40] <&Sheneequa> did you?
[14:41] <Dr_Kale> thats the thing
[14:41] <Dr_Kale> i dont remember
[14:41] <Dr_Kale> all the signs are pointing to yes
[14:41] <Dr_Kale> i dont think i truly want o know
[14:45] <Dr_Kale> im sure it would
[14:45] <Dr_Kale> but dude i dont want to think that i fucked my cousin

Virgin Anal Wonder Fuck

[17:02] <@Dr_Kale> so i was at the bar
[17:02] <wit> good call kale
[17:02] <@Dr_Kale> drinking pretty heavily
[17:02] * Beefcake ([email protected]) has joined #forum
[17:02] <@Dr_Kale> when the bartender comes up and wants to introduce me to her friend
[17:02] <Beefcake> I kid, I kid
[17:02] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> mmhmm
[17:02] <@Dr_Kale> i look over ans holy fuck
[17:02] <@Dr_Kale> shes a cow
[17:02] <@Dr_Kale> like seriously fat doesnt even begin to describe her
[17:03] <@Dr_Kale> so i drank some more and said fuck it
[17:03] <@Dr_Kale> went over to talk to her
[17:03] <wit> ill bbl
[17:03] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> lol
[17:03] <@SSCash> did you harpoon your first whale kale
[17:03] <wit> but ill scroll up and finish reading this
[17:03] * pennyfarthing ([email protected]) has joined #forum
[17:04] <@Dr_Kale> so im drinking still and talking to her
[17:04] <@Dr_Kale> and said fuck it
[17:04] <@Dr_Kale> and started to make out with her
[17:04] <@Dr_Kale> she reaches down starts playing with my cock
[17:04] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> :o
[17:04] <+NOTHALCYON> ...
[17:04] <Beefcake> fat girls are always more eager
[17:04] <+NOTHALCYON> looool
[17:05] <@Dr_Kale> now before i move on
[17:05] <@Dr_Kale> she speaks no english
[17:05] <@SSCash> LOL
[17:05] <+NOTHALCYON> :D
[17:05] <@Dr_Kale> keep this in mind
[17:05] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> LOL
[17:05] <@SSCash> kale i will continue this story after drinking your beers
[17:05] * Sheneequa ([email protected]) has joined #forum
[17:05] * dramacrat sets mode +ao Sheneequa Sheneequa for #forum
[17:05] <@Dr_Kale> so we go to her car
[17:05] <@Dr_Kale> and we drive behind a gs station
[17:05] * FXS ([email protected]) Quit ( Ping timeout )
[17:06] <@Dr_Kale> and we start making out again
[17:06] * Dyz ([email protected]) has joined #forum
[17:06] * dramacrat sets mode +h Dyz for #forum
[17:06] <%Dyz> ?
[17:06] <@Dr_Kale> she litteraly
[17:06] <+NOTHALCYON> :0
[17:06] <@Dr_Kale> tears off my pants
[17:06] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> ?
[17:06] <@Dr_Kale> like doesnt
[17:06] <+NOTHALCYON> HAHAHAAHAH
[17:06] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> ffffffffff
[17:06] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> bitch hungry
[17:06] <@Dr_Kale> unbutton them
[17:06] <@Dr_Kale> rips them off
[17:06] <+NOTHALCYON> Wow
[17:06] <@Dr_Kale> and procedes to blow me
[17:07] <@Dr_Kale> now im sitting here getting blown and pissed off that my pants are destroyed
[17:07] <@Dr_Kale> so i start to finger her ass
[17:07] <@Dr_Kale> i get like 4 fingers in there
[17:07] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> unfnnunfgghh finger your ass im so MAD
[17:07] <@SSCash> you had no reservations about the ass?
[17:07] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> continue
[17:07] <@Dr_Kale> she does something like a scream or moan
[17:07] <@SSCash> fat chick and all?
[17:07] <@Dr_Kale> i dontknow
[17:07] <@Dr_Kale> now did care
[17:07] <@Dr_Kale> so i turn her over
[17:08] <@Dr_Kale> and procede to ram her in the ass as hard as i could
[17:08] <@Dr_Kale> shes saying something in german
[17:08] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> LOL
[17:08] * FXS ([email protected]) has joined #forum
[17:08] <@Dr_Kale> diddnt understand i was wasted
[17:08] <@Dr_Kale> so u pull out and before i say anything
[17:08] <@Dr_Kale> she starts to suck me off til i cum
[17:08] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> fffffffffff
[17:09] <@Dr_Kale> now im like fuck yea
[17:09] <@Dr_Kale> AtM
[17:09] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> lmfaooo a2m
[17:09] <Beefcake> was there shit on your dick?
[17:09] <+eppigy> FUCK IT
[17:09] <@Dr_Kale> i dont know i was wasted
[17:09] <@Dr_Kale> anyway
[17:09] <@Dr_Kale> so we finish
[17:09] * SharpSpoonful ([email protected]) has joined #forum
[17:09] * dramacrat sets mode +h SharpSpoonful for #forum
[17:09] <@Dr_Kale> i go back into thebar
[17:09] <+NOTHALCYON> kk
[17:09] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> fuck sharp, your late
[17:09] <@Dr_Kale> her friend tells me shes a virgin
[17:09] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> greatest story ever
[17:09] <%SharpSpoonful> WAT
[17:09] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> omfg
[17:09] <%SharpSpoonful> ?
[17:09] <@SSCash> LOL
[17:09] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> dr_kale rammed a fattie in the ass
[17:09] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> is all rly
[17:09] <@Dr_Kale> and i start to laugh my ass off
[17:10] <@Dr_Kale> i go home and pass out
[17:10] <+NOTHALCYON> loooool
[17:10] <&Sheneequa> did your dick feel like it had corn syrup on it
[17:10] <+NOTHALCYON> :0
[17:10] <@Dr_Kale> when i awoke the next morning
[17:10] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> ffffff
[17:10] <@Dr_Kale> i thought i had my dick cut off
[17:10] <%SharpSpoonful> LOLWUT
[17:10] <%Hugo_Stiglitz> LOL
[17:10] <+NOTHALCYON> WUT
[17:10] <@Dr_Kale> there was blood every where
[17:10] <+NOTHALCYON> HAHA
[17:10] <%SharpSpoonful> WAT
[17:10] <%SharpSpoonful> AHAHAHA
[17:10] <%Marukomuru> lol
[17:10] <%SharpSpoonful> YOU HAVE AIDS
[17:10] <@Dr_Kale> like seriously i thought i was a victum of rape

Kale, The 21st Century Gentleman's Guide to Anal Penetration

<@kale_> i have had a chick stick her finger in my ass while blowing me
<@kale_> i liked it
<@tamara_> i won't use my finger bb 
<@Pory> That image is slightly creepy.
* TrainOfThought ([email protected]) Quit (Quit: ([anonymuncle.irc] Local kill by kale_ (I just don't like you.)�)
* TrainOfThought ([email protected]) has joined #forum
<@kale_> well i have had a 10 inch dildo
<%Teckie> you're slightly creepy for looking at it
<@kale_> in my ass

Kale: There is No Shame in Tagging a Crippled Chick in The Ass

[03:23] <~Dr_Kale> ok so i was at a party
[03:23] <~Dr_Kale> drinking the fuck out of everclear
[03:23] <~Dr_Kale> and my gf at the time had scoliosis
[03:23] <~Dr_Kale> and had metal bars in her back
[03:23] <~Dr_Kale> and i had a chick i was fucking on the side who was chubby
[03:24] <~Dr_Kale> somehow they came to the same party
[03:24] <~Dr_Kale> at the same time
[03:24] <~Dr_Kale> i was like oh fuck
[03:24] <~Dr_Kale> they both came over
[03:24] <~Dr_Kale> and started to make out with me
[03:24] <~Dr_Kale> i was confused
[03:24] <~Dr_Kale> but i was like fuck it
[03:24] <~Dr_Kale> and went with it
[03:24] <~Dr_Kale> so i was makeing out wit my gf and the fat chick was blowing me
[03:25] <~Dr_Kale> i started to fuck my gf whike she ate out the fat chick
[03:25] <~Dr_Kale> wich btw
[03:25] <~Dr_Kale> was fucking gross as shit
[03:25] <~Dr_Kale> my gf was like 90 pounds 5
[03:25] <~Dr_Kale> 6
[03:25] <~Dr_Kale> she was
[03:25] <~Dr_Kale> 5'4
[03:25] <~Dr_Kale> almost 200
[03:25] <~Dr_Kale> really fucking gross
[03:26] <~Dr_Kale> so anyway
[03:26] <~Dr_Kale> i started to fuck my gf in the as
[03:26] <~Dr_Kale> and the fat chick was licking my ass
[03:26] <@dlb> tongue diving for plums
[03:26] <~Dr_Kale> so i came in her ass
[03:26] <~Dr_Kale> pulled out
[03:26] <~Dr_Kale> and the fat chick starts to make out with my gf
[03:27] <~Dr_Kale> right after licking my ass
[03:27] <~Dr_Kale> i almosted puked
[03:27] <~Dr_Kale> but said fuckit
[03:27] <~Dr_Kale> and started to fuck the fat chick in the ass
[03:27] <~Dr_Kale> they pushed me off
[03:27] <~Dr_Kale> and started to both blow me
[03:27] <~Dr_Kale> now
[03:28] <~Dr_Kale> my dick has been in 2 asses at this point
[03:28] <@Sheneequa> you had more sex after cumming
[03:28] <@Sheneequa> is this hentai
[03:28] <~Dr_Kale> and they are slobbing all over it
[03:28] <@tamara> it's penthouse letters
[03:28] <@Sheneequa> this is hentai
[03:28] <~Dr_Kale> shen im druink by this point
[03:28] <@tamara> DEAR PENTHOUSE
[03:28] <~Dr_Kale> i can goo forever drunk
[03:28] <@Sheneequa> that should mean your dick goes down faster
[03:28] <@tamara> KALE NEVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO HIM BUT.............................
[03:28] <~Dr_Kale> and cum multiple times
[03:28] <~Dr_Kale> tam will beable to attest to this in a few weeks
[03:28] <~Dr_Kale> any way
[03:29] <~Dr_Kale> so they reach up to kiss me
[03:29] <~Dr_Kale> i i scream
[03:29] <~Dr_Kale> FUCK  NO YOU NASTY BITCHES
[03:29] <~Dr_Kale> and i procede to leave them and go back to drinking

Mr. Kale

[02:58] <&Sheneequa> kale_: today's story topic is
[02:58] <&Sheneequa> animals
[02:59] <@kale_> i have a really awesome story involving me and a horse
[02:59] <@kale_> but
[02:59] <@kale_> no
[02:59] <@kale_> thats one story
[02:59] <@kale_> i will not tell
[02:59] <@kale_> im really gonna hate my self
[02:59] <@kale_> oh god
[02:59] <@kale_> fuck...
[02:59] * kale_ is now known as Dr_kale
[03:00] <@Dr_kale> .....
[03:00] <@Dr_kale> heres goes
[03:00] <@Dr_kale> one min i need a beer
[03:01] <@Dr_kale> ok
[03:01] <@Dr_kale> here goes
[03:01] <@Dr_kale> so
[03:01] <@Dr_kale> when i was 12
[03:01] <@Dr_kale> i just moved out of the trailor park and into the country
[03:01] <@Dr_kale> an
[03:02] <@Dr_kale> it was nice not seing naked babies roaming the streets asking for food
[03:02] <@Dr_kale> so i was just getting started to be curious about sex
[03:02] <@Dr_kale> fapping furiously
[03:02] <@Dr_kale> all the time
[03:03] <@Dr_kale> so up the hill in the woods there where these horses
[03:03] <@Dr_kale> a male and a female
[03:03] <@Dr_kale> one night
[03:03] <@Dr_kale> no bull shit
[03:03] <@Dr_kale> i went into the stall with the female horse
[03:04] <@Dr_kale> so while i was in the stall with the female horse
[03:05] <@Dr_kale> i got behind it
[03:05] <@Dr_kale> and i was rubbing its pussy
[03:05] <@Dr_kale> mind you
[03:05] <@Dr_kale> first pussy i have ever felt
[03:05] <@Dr_kale> i was like this is weird
[03:05] <@Dr_kale> and i got a wood stump
[03:05] <@Dr_kale> and i started to fuck this horse
[03:06] <@Dr_kale> now me being 12
[03:06] <@Dr_kale> i diddnt last long
[03:07] <@Dr_kale> so yea
[03:07] <@Dr_kale> i fucked a horse when i was 12

Kale and the Gay Fetish Bar

01:10:48 <+kale_> how bout the time i got a bj in a gay fetish bar?
01:11:08 <+kale_> ok 
01:11:17 <+kale_> so i was wondering around nurnberg drunk off my ass
01:11:28 <+kale_> and i found this bar i never been to
01:11:51 <+kale_> i walk in and notice the tvs are playing harcore gay porn
01:12:02 <+kale_> like dudes fucking pizza dough
01:12:08 <+kale_> people taking shits on eachother
01:12:23 <+kale_> im like woa so i finnally find a german club
01:12:32 <+kale_> so i walk to the bar and order me a drink
01:12:44 <+kale_> and surprisingly the drinks are really good
01:12:59 <+kale_> so i went to the bathroom
01:13:18 <+kale_> and this dude next to me is staring at my dick and beating off
01:13:52 <+kale_> he then out of no were grabs my dick and starts to blow me
01:14:03 <+kale_> i was at first freaked out a dude is blowing me
01:14:06 <+kale_> but i said fuck it
01:14:13 <+kale_> and let him work his magic
01:14:23 <+kale_> then this other guy walks in
01:14:31 <+kale_> and starts to make out with m
01:14:32 <+kale_> e
01:14:43 <+kale_> i was like well i have a dude sucking my dick
01:14:58 <+kale_> no point in stopping this guy
01:15:09 <+kale_> so this went on for like 30 mins
01:15:16 <+kale_> i came all over this dudes face
01:15:21 <+kale_> i went up stares
01:15:26 <+kale_> and continued drinking
01:16:08  * kale_ bows

Kale and his Quest for the Truth

kale_: you know
• Uccellina tackles kale_
kale_: what the problems of conspiracy theories are?
Uccellina: i don't know
kale_: the more you get involved
WarDriver: this sounds interesting
kale_: and the more you research them
kale_: the more you realise
WarDriver: ...
WarDriver: . . .
goodo: He passed out
WarDriver: .  .  . 
Uccellina: they got him. oh dear god they captured kale_
WarDriver: or the conspiracy got to him
WarDriver: yeah
kale_: the more you relaise
kale_: realise
kale_: that
kale_: every thing 
WarDriver: OMG OMG OMG NOW THEY ARE TYPING FOR HIM
kale_: is a lie
WarDriver: its a conspiracy
goodo: TRAITOR
10:27 PM
kale_: you dont know if what your reading
kale_: is just misdrictions
kale_: by the man
kale_: so 
DDshoeshowz left the room. (Quit: http:/​/​www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
kale_: the reson why i stopped reading conspiracies for so long
Uccellina: We need to ask him a question that only the real Kale_ would know
kale_: is i was losing my mind
goodo: Believing it more doesnt make it any more true
kale_: and diddnt know what was real
Atomic_Joe joined the room.
Atomic_Joe was promoted to half-operator by ChanServ.
kale_: and diddnt know who i could trust
goodo: It could be fake and convincing
kale_: like seriously
Atomic_Joe: MOTHERFUCKING WOO DEE DOO DOO
kale_: the more you delve into it
kale_: the more you cant know what the truth is 
kale_: for it will be all muddled and shady
Atomic_Joe: Trust no one
Atomic_Joe: Take everyone for what they are worth
WarDriver: shit
Atomic_Joe: And cast them aside, or they will do it to you first
kale_: so what im trying to get at is
kale_: im delving back
kale_: into it
kale_: again
kale_: im going back into the brink
WarDriver: u gonna go mad
Uccellina: we'll back you up kale_.
goodo: Life is a conspiracy
kale_: well my point is
goodo: None of us are real
kale_: if i dissapear
kale_: or start to act wierd
Atomic_Joe: Kale has my mettle behind him
10:30 PM
kale_: they got me
WarDriver: scary...
Atomic_Joe: Every step of the way
kale_: i have for a long time suspected
kale_: that the government was looking for a reason to bust me
kale_: when i was younger
kale_: so i joined the army and stopped 
kale_: to thro them off
kale_: but now
kale_: i cant take it
Atomic_Joe: They want us
kale_: the quest for truth must continue
Atomic_Joe: I know they do
kale_: after what i seen overseas
WarDriver: they are enemyz of teh lulz
kale_: IT MUST CONTINUE
goodo: You go kale
kale_: the truth must be brought forward
Atomic_Joe: EVERYTHING must be put on the table
kale_: im delving back into it with reckless abandon

Kale: The Man With The Power

Kale is one of the many people who are hugely enthusiastic about ED. Of course, enthusiasm is a virtue but like everything, it is what you do with it that counts. Kale chooses to show his love by living on IRC, modding the forums, stealing the hearts of every female member of ED, and handing out righteous op abuse whilst doing so. What makes Kale so special is that he has both the tendency to go mad with power, and actual power. On IRC he is able to, op, de-op, kick, ban and as of recently, k-line and g-line. When he is on the forums, he can fag-tag those whom he chooses worthy. With great power comes great responsibility, and Kale simply does not give a fuck. Faggots, it is dangerous times up in this bitch.

Kale has many roles on ED, not just those named above. He can at any time also be found partaking in the following designated activities:

• ABUSE
• Drinking too much.
• Drinking too much while using IRC.
• Drinking too much while on the forums.
• Drinking too much while using Skype.
• Asking what cum tastes like
• Donating too much to ED.
• Posting awkward stories.
• Kicking and banning
• Hating ED's token shota
• Stealing all of the girls on IRC

Kale's Skillz

Kale joined and made his first edit on January 18th, 2010. His first edit was saving an IRC chat log to his userpage which was then moved to the userspace by Sheneequa. Needless to say, Kale spent more time being drunk and stealing girls on IRC during that time. Then the Truth Portal was birthed and cared for by Novus Ordo Seclorum a few days later. After Kale learned of its existence, he was eager to edit and create pages on conspiracy theories, since Kale is, after all, a conspiracy cunt. Moreover, Kale desires to win an award for his hard efforts on ED. Those awards being the A Plus Newbie Award, the prize given to the best newbie that joined that month, and the grand Vox Dramatica prize, the award given to any user who has showed tireless and well-made effort in their works.

He then began his first project on HAARP utilizing the talk page of his log. However, Kale was drinking that day (not a surprise) and he wasted a good twelve hours. The only thing he has produced in that half-day was a single paragraph. That’s right; a paragraph. Not only that, it was copy and pasted from the Wikipedia article. When Raspberry Rush gave it a thumbs up and moved it to the mainspace, Killhamster came in and gave the article a makeover, earning it a spot on the AON list.

Kale’s next task on ED was sorting out the people category. During that task, Kale has made over one hundred edits in a span of almost two days. Surprisingly, his edits weren’t enough to spam recent changes, therefore Kale wasn’t even touched by MysteryBot. His next project was another article that was on the truth portal’s needed list, and that article was MK ULTRA. Unlike his first article, Kale spent dedicated more time and effort into this article and it surely paid off.

Achievements and Notability

April 2010

	“	Kale_ got VD because he was awesome by supporting ED with tons of jewgolds. He is a king among men and actually kind of a big deal!	„
	—Dramatica Times of April 2010

Kale broke his foot in April 2010 and was forced to undergo surgery, he was a very brave boy throughout the whole ordeal and the entire wiki mourned his loss for the 2 days he was out of action. The newest of his three assistants, Zedcat changed the sitenotice in order to instruct the masses that love was required on his talkpage. Literally tens of people obliged.

Come the end of April, as always there were few worthy of being crowned User of The Month. D-Malice, resident forum bitch, was on track for a dose of the VD, while Zedcat was a shoe in for APNA for the same reason Ntg85 did. In a never before seen split vote in the thorough selection process, Kale was found to be as deserving as our hefty Mexican friend and split the coveted Vox Dramatica prize. Finally his sex stories, vast monetary donations and unforgettable self g-lines had been officially recognised, and he could return to his position of drunken IRC pussy magnet with his head held high.

“	[15:38] <&Sheneequa> D-Malice wins user of the month ... [15:38] <&Sheneequa> also kale_ for busting his shit	„
—ED IRC, April 20, 2010.

Fun Facts and Hijinks

“   shit dude i banned 50 in one night   „         “   im just a dirty mexican in her eyes   „         “   [11:36] <kale_> shit when im on leave i go travel [11:36] <IMT> No Anitude you wouldnt be on because youd be too busy trying to find a job at McDonalds [11:36] <kale_> and by travel i mean go get drunk   „         “   [20:42] <kale_> OMG [20:42] <kale_> A LOLI SHERROD   „         “   THEY WONT LET US CALL ROOSTERS COCKS!!!!   „         “   and its black and white cocks there   „         “   [18:37] <kale_> nvm [18:38] <kale_> lololol [18:38] <kale_> fuck [18:38] <kale_> oh well [18:38] * kale_ goes back to crying   „         “   god you fuckers make me sick   „         “   a song from us to you You people out there give us something more than just whiney posts You give us something to hate And we fucking hate you, you brainless mutants You hunched and blinded...   „         “   Paranoid |||||||||||||||||||| 90% 49% Schizoid |||||||||||||| 58% 53% Schizotypal |||||| 26% 53% Antisocial |||||||||||||| 58% 47% Borderline |||||| 26% 47% Histrionic |||||| 26% 43% Narcissistic |||||||||||||| 58% 41% Avoidant || 10% 39% Dependent |||| 18% 37% Obsessive-Compulsive || 10% 40%   „     —Kale's results for a personality disorder test. Numbers on the left are his score and the ones on the right are the average.     “   this happend to a buddy of mine when we where in iraq. we lived in thise one room boxes with like 3 feet seperating the beds and my buddys roomate would bring his gf over and fuck her with him in the room now my buddy is a dirty old man ( hes like one of the oldest people in the company) so one night while his roomate was fucking his gf he got up out of bed turned the lights on and screamed GET IT DOGGY and the chick freaked out and left.   „         “   I was in a whore house one night and this chick was giving me a amazing handjob (you know forplay before sex) and i somehow came.when i did i came in her eye and she got pissed and slapped my dick like real fucking hard i was so drunk i couldnt even hit her back   „         “   [18:32] <kale_> ok so my lesbian friend and i are telling every one we are engaged so guys will leave her alone [18:32] <kale_> well she told her mom this and now im getting drilled by her mom [18:32] <kale_> this is a lot of work for a fake engagement   „         “   im gonna go huff some gass and rape a teenage boy   „         “   you all are my only firends   „         “   [09:01] <@Kale_> shen ill talk to you offline about it [09:01] <@Kale_> wait im on the net [09:01] <@Kale_> that doesnt work   „         “   [14:04] <Kale> GOD I WANNA BLOW SOMETHING UP [14:04] <Kale> AND SET EVERYTHING ON FIRE   „         “   so im thinking of making a band like kittie but instead of all chicks it will be all gay dudes and we will play the blues   „         “   is it really gay to touch another mans dick?. I touch my dick all the time, what's the difference?   „         “   apparently Snaisybelle makes me think of rape   „     Previous Quote | Next Quote

4/14/10. Nevar forget.

• Kale is a conspiracy cunt.
  • He is a member of Above Top Secret.
  • Therefore naturally his favorite portal on ED is the Truth Portal.
• It took Kale 12 hours to write a single paragraph on ED.
  • That paragraph was a piece of copypasta from Wikipedia.
• So far, Kale has donated more than $3000 to ED.
  • He even paid $100US to ban SSCash from the ED Forums.
  • Has every shirt from the Lollershop.
• Kale is not gay.
  • Proof being that he loves the incredibly fabulous game, Robot Unicorn Attack.
    • The time he sucked off a dude doesn't count.
• Due to his heavy consumption of alcohol, children should stay away from him.
  • Although women should get as near to him as is physically possible.
• Kale has made a record on IRC for banning fifty people in one night.
• Kale hails Satan daily.
• Kale had sex in four different countries.
• Kale even dreams about using IRC. Sad, indeed.
• His assistants on ED are Snaisybelle, Thayo and Zedcat.
  • He is just that special.
• Kale g-lined himself once while making a scene by fighting with his own sockpuppet.
  • Unfortunately, he does not know how to undo glines on himself.
• Kale is also known for constantly spamming the Hamburger Time video on IRC.
• Kale even pissed off ODB by vandalizing [1] one of his articles.
  • ODB got his revenge by locking his userpage.
• Kale has a mad (totally not gay) bromance with drunkenlazybastard's fiance.

Love for Kale

“   I <3 Kale :D   „     —Snaisybelle     “   KALE_!!!!!! <3333333333333333333333   „     —Thayo     “   Kale is a p. cool dude. [...] even if he threatens that he will dox me when he is drunk :c   „     —EDS1     “   what? that's he's a noob oper?   „     —Numeral     “   killhamster: probably out sucking someone's cock   „     —Numeral     “   he is just another rager who ajt gave oppers to   „     —Sheneequa     “   he is p. cool   „     —Killhamster     “   d'awww   „     —Fapman     “   ur mean kale_   „     —Toastmonster     “   gee kale, we were gonna give you VD this time around, but its shen's aniversery...so...i hope you can understand..   „     —Dan     “   [10:53] <Gloom> i wish i was in the british army, the US is full of complete dipshits [10:53] <Gloom> like that kale_ dude   „     —#forum     “   <~Sheneequa> Kale boom <@mr_bean> KALEBOOMMMMM   „     —A Kaleboom in ED IRC     “   kale occasionally can be found with blood in his alcoholstream   „     —Killhamster     “   Kale is our Alchy :3 we rove him rong time.   „     —EDS1     “   Kale: i love you   „     —Sherrod     “   I'll vote kale for april if he takes a pic shoving an MRE in his ass   „     —dlb     “   He owns more ED shit than Juggalos own ICP merch   „     —ShardDax     “   The cunt still hasn't come to visit me   „     —Vonranke     “   i like to fap to kale_ every minute   „     —DeuZ     “   only in america would people arm a fucking kale_   „     —Wit Previous Quote | Next Quote

Phun Phacts about Kale

Not so cash this time.

See also

• Sex Portal - He actually owns this.
• ED Forums
• ED IRC
• K-line - Not just a nickname
• Military
• Tfo

His Writings

• HAARP - Holy shit, he wrote an article
• MK ULTRA - And another.
• Area 51 - Hes on a roll now.

External Links

• Karbraxis - EDF profile

Kale is part of a series on Encyclopedia Dramatica Forums [Log outLog in]

EDF1 Faggots @D-malice @DestinyMew @Faust and Pory @LittleCloud @Moon beam 750 @Negi Springfield @Kale @Kazantzakis @Klondikebar EDF1 Faggotry @Casual Friday @ChadSyphrett @DeCadence Comic @Door1Edward0 @Mod Sass @Sheneequa Turns Four EDF2 Faggots @Alenonimo @beefrave @BMO @Conrad Alan Rockenhaus @DGTrixie @DrMusic2 @dropdatwat @Flaglerchat @Hayakain @Lazerbot @Likeicare @Michael Horowitz Foster @Mikemikev @milwin @NaokoElric2250 @Onideus Mad Hatter @Pæperclip @RabidAntiRadFem @Schnookums @Silverhaze06 @TheDOSFag @Tom Preston @vermin @zaiger EDF2 Faggotry @Bullet to the Head of the NRA @Cigarsex @Cloudflare @Dislikes @Faggot of the Year @George Zimmerman's Big Game Hunter @Longseet @The Clown Prince Rises @Wilkins Coffee EDF6 Faggots @aediot @BiteySnek @Branman65 @dropdatwat @graykat @Linkermann @Umkemesik @VideoGamePhenom @Walter_Spencer_1488 EDF6 Faggotry @Faggot of the Year @Rule 34 League

Kale is part of a series on the former regimes

Corporate Shill Branch Girlvinyl • Jacknstock • Killhamster • Pink Poodle • Sheneequa • Thedreadedkettle • Zaiger • Conrad Alan Rockenhaus • Aediot • Umkemesik • MarioMario456 Unwitting Pawn Branch Blu Aardvark • BURK • Crazyconan • Ed Lolington • kale • Kazantzakis • Onideus • OtterWhiskers • Quasidan • Riboflavin • Schnookums • Tfo • ShardDax • vanff • Vermin • wattage • weev • WKD • WhiteMystery • Zenophile Angry Patriot Ghost Branch AlGore • Andrewpants • OldDirtyBtard • Rubberduc • yiri See Also Encyclopedia Dramatica • Epic Battle • Joseph Evers • MysteryBot • OhInternet • Sellout • Sheneequa Turns Four • The War of Zaiger Aggression

Kale is part of a series on IRC	Please visit the IRC PORTAL for more A-B • C-D • E-F • G-H • I-J • K-L • M-N • O-P Q-R • S-T • U-V • W-X • Y-Z • # ASCII • Abducted IRC • Alan Sullivan • AnonNet • AnonOps • Anthrochat • Aol.pl • Austnet • Axila • BLACK MAN • Banbot • Bantown • Bonzi_b • BonziWORLD • Bookz • Boten Anna • Botnet • Buttes Chirpnet • Cigarsex • Crapflood • DCC SEND startkeylogger 0 0 0 • Dau.pl • Dongforce • Doxbin EmiNet • Firefox XPS IRC Attack • Freenode • Freenodegate • Fuck You Garrett • Gay Nigger Association of America • Gay Nigger Association of America/Victories • Gay.pl • Get On IRC Fgt • Good job opers • Grove • HorseNews • Hueg.pl IRC • ED:IRC • IRC FAQ • IRC-Gallery • IRC CASE STUDY: Andres • Icechat • Idlenet • Insub • Internet Freedom Movement • Ircimages • Irssi • Irssi/scripts • Irssi/scripts/aol.pl • Irssi/scripts/blocks.pl • Is chat dead? K-line • Kale • Kloeri • Kunwon1 • L0de Radio Hour • LOL WUT/ASCII • Lilypichu Meepsheep • MIRC • MIRC Script • Michael Horowitz Foster • NekoArc • User:NekoArc/Krack.in • Niggest Crook Force Odin • Penis Pump • phobos • Psystra Quitting IRC Forever • R000t • Raspberryheaven • Ravpup • Rizbow • Rizon • Robert Levin Snitch • Snugglenets • Snugglenets/Nay Quits Irc Forever Again • Something is on fire • The Great ED IRC War of 2013 • ToKeN • Tomgreen • Tsukihi ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Weev • Wharrrgarbl • Wikipedia IRC Bouncers Zaiger ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Kale is part of a series on Chat Logs

[deletecopypasta]

Kale is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article November 13, 2010
Preceded by Military Wives	Kale	Succeeded by tfo