Panteras

Panteras is a regular visitor of the Paganism:1 chat room on Yahoo! messenger. He is also a proven pedophile, once asking a 12 year old girl visiting the room to take a ride on his belly-fat.

The regulars initially assumed that he was an innocuous swelled tampon, but they soon realised this was no ordinary sanitary item when Panteras started to open his bloated, buttery mouth. Giving his expert advice on topics ranging from covert military operations to how to teach underage girls to wipe front to back, Panteras gained notoriety as one of the leading spastics of the room.

Note the glasses that conspiracy theorists believe to have been one of the objects that took down the World Trade Center on 9/11.

Panteras soon rose through the ranks of Paganism:1 to become one of its finest bullshitters; an adept in anything his fat little fingers could google fast enough.

Appearance

In the early days, Panteras was known for his wind-screen sized glasses which he used to deflect cosmic radiation from the Earth's atmosphere. Assuming this would give him stretch powers like Mr Fantastic to allow him to scoop up kids into his car with greater efficiency, Panteras soon found that this hobby left his face horribly mutated and looking a bit like a Klingon taking a shit.

The Later Years

Not just a pretty face.

Panteras eventually became a fatty of herculean proportions. Realising that he would never find consensual sex again, he renamed his penis (née junior) rape sword, a danger to anyone unable to outrun a 10-ton whale brandishing a carton of bacon fat.

Even while verging on becoming a cripple due to his enormous weight, and even while 12 out of 10 women agree that they'd rather fuck a camp-fire than the slug he calls a penis, Panteras managed to hold his head up high, and join a local community college to achieve an AA in finger painting.

Pan's Thoughts on the Article

Following the emergence of this article, Panteras has been sweating like a greasy pig, furious at its contents.

• panterasnine: please be aware that my encylopedia dramatica page is not totally correct and i do not molest little children
• panterasnine: it could have been a lot better
• panterasnine: with a more witteir and more factual critique
• panterasnine: as well as a hell of a lot more funneoir
• panterasnine: and take out the child molestation stuff before i sue you
• panterasnine: for libel
• panterasnine: i take in the butt every single day
• panterasnine: i still complain about butt hurt

Well maybe he should've thought of that BEFORE squirting his sticky white love piss around that kindergarden.. amirite?