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Thomas Matthew Crooks: Difference between revisions

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{{conspiracy}}
{{achtung|THE TIN FOIL HATS ARE SAYING THAT CROOKS IS PART OF A REPUBLICAN CONSPIRACY TO GET TRUMP RE-ELECTED}}
{{achtung|THE TIN FOIL HATS ARE SAYING THAT CROOKS IS PART OF A REPUBLICAN CONSPIRACY TO GET TRUMP RE-ELECTED}}
{{quote|July 13 will be my premiere, watch as it unfolds|Tommy, getting canned after one episode}}
{{quote|July 13 will be my premiere, watch as it unfolds|Tommy, getting canned after one episode}}
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{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|No}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|No}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, [[Fail|killed by cops]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, [[Fail|killed by Secret Service]]}}
{{Ibend}}
{{Ibend}}


[[File:Thomas Matthew Crooks Big Forhead.jpeg|thumb|right|250px|<center>Admit it girls, you would ride his tater tot.</center>]]
[[File:Thomas Matthew Crooks Big Forhead.jpeg|thumb|right|250px|<center>Admit it girls, you would ride his tater tot.</center>]]


Inept and a complete [[Retard|Fuck up as an assassin]], the [[Pennsylvania|Appalachian Love Child]], '''Thomas Matthew Crooks''' (a.k.a. '''[[JFK|Ree Tardy Oswald]]'''), obviously played one too many games of [https://www.ubisoft.com/en-us/game/ghost-recon/breakpoint Ghost Recon Breakpoint] rather then going to shoot at the range and learn to factor in conditions such as weather, wind or just [[fuck]]ing learn to shoot because he completely missed his target that was a little more than 120 meters from him. (For the [[Asperger|Aspie retards]] reading this, that haven't had any experiences further than their own front lawn because they're not allowed to cross the street -) that's a little more than a [[Football]] field and is a equal to hitting a paper plate that is at the opposite end of a football field.
Inept and a complete [[Retard|fuck-up as an assassin]], the [[Pennsylvania|Appalachian love child]] '''Thomas Matthew Crooks''' (a.k.a. '''[[JFK|Ree Tardy Oswald]]''') obviously played one too many games of [https://www.ubisoft.com/en-us/game/ghost-recon/breakpoint Ghost Recon Breakpoint] rather than going to shoot at the range and learning to factor in conditions such as wind, or just [[fuck]]ing learning to shoot, because he completely missed [[The Donald|his target]] who was a little more than 120 meters from him. (For the [[Americans]] and [[Asperger|aspie retards]] reading this - who haven't had any experiences further than their own front lawn because they're not allowed to cross the street - that's a little more than a [[Handegg|football]] field and is approximately equivalent to hitting a paper plate at the opposite end of a football field.)


Now before you go running to the [[FBI]] to try and get us [[Party Van]]ned. <b>WE DO NOT CONDONE THIS!</b>  [[Lulz|What's tickling our Funny Bone]] is that Thomas Matthew Crooks is what happens when that quiet, [[Nerd]]y and needy kid, that walks through [[School|High School]] invisible and can't even get the attention of a [[Bully]], grows up to live in his Parent's [[Basement]] and is constantly reminded by his [[Your Mom|Mom]] and [[Your Dad|Dad]] that he is a [[You|complete failure]] of a man.  While his parents compare his life to what they had achieved by his age, he just wakes up one day and says [[Fuck|"Fuck it!"]] and gives up on life.  Having accomplished nothing of importance, he wants to go down having done one monumental event that gets him noticed.
Now before you go running to the [[FBI]] to try and get us [[Party Van]]ned, <b>WE DO NOT CONDONE THIS!</b>  [[Lulz|What's tickling our funny bone]] is that Thomas Matthew Crooks is what happens when that quiet, [[nerd]]y, and needy kid who walks through [[School|high school]] invisible and can't even get the attention of a [[bully]], grows up to live in his parents' [[basement]] and is constantly reminded by [[Your Mom|mommy]] and [[Your Dad|daddy]] that he is a [[You|complete failure]] of a man.  While his parents compare his life to what they had achieved by his age, he just wakes up one day and says [[Fuck|"Fuck it!"]] and gives up on life.  Having accomplished nothing of importance, he decides to go down having done [[Assassination|one monumental event that gets him noticed]].


== The Shooting ==
== The Shooting ==
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[[File:CoreyComperatore.jpg|thumb|right|250px|<center>The only rally attendee who was pwned.</center>]]
[[File:CoreyComperatore.jpg|thumb|right|250px|<center>The only rally attendee who was pwned.</center>]]


For some reason, [[Fag|Thomas Matthew Crooks']] father, despite him being a licensed councilor in the [[Incest|incestuous]] state of [[Pennsylvania]], saw no reason what-so-ever to question buying his [[Masturbation|Chronically Masterbating]], hands rubbing and talking to himself son a wonderful and [[USA|American]] made [[Assault Rifle|AR15]] Hunting Rifle with the excuse that it'd be used at the <b>Clairton Sportsmen’s Club in greater [[Pittsburgh]]</b> two months before the [[Trump|Attempted Assassination]] of our Future god-emperor [[Donald Trump]].
For some reason, [[Fag|Thomas Matthew Crooks's]] father, despite being a licensed counselor in the [[Incest|incestuous]] state of [[Pennsylvania]], saw no reason what-so-ever to question buying his [[Masturbation|chronically masturbating]], hands rubbing, and talking to himself son a wonderful, [[USA|American]] made [[Assault Rifle|AR-15]] rifle with the excuse that it'd be used at the Clairton Sportsmen’s Club in greater [[Pittsburgh]], two months before the [[Trump|attempted assassination]] of our future god-emperor [[Donald Trump]].


While in the zone and showing his supporters a chart, serving as an example of the number of [[Mexico|border crossings by illegals]], a shot was fired as Former god-emperor Trump was turning his head and the bullet struck him in his ear. As expected, after hearing the shot, the [[Government|Secret Service]], ready to take a bullet for our former President, surrounded [[Trump]] and quickly led him from the stage to safety.
While Trump was showing his supporters a chart, Thomas Matthew Crooks fired a shot that [[Mexico|illegally crossed into the rally]], striking former god-emperor Trump in the ear just as he turned his head. As expected, after hearing the shot, the [[Government|Secret Service]], ready to take a bullet for our former President, surrounded [[Trump]] and quickly led him from the stage to safety.


What has some officials' [[Pantyshot|Panties]] in a bunch, is that this Assassination attempt was even allowed to happen.  Both [[Republican]]s and [[Leftard|Democrats]] agree that there was some fault in security that allowed a [[Insane|crazy-ass]] shooter to get within 130 meters of the former [[President]] with a weapon and fire 8 shots.
What had some officials' [[Pantyshot|panties]] in a bunch was that this assassination attempt was even allowed to happen.  Both [[Republican]]s and [[Leftard|Democrats]] agree that there was some fault in security that allowed a [[Insane|crazy-ass]] shooter to get within 120 meters of the former [[President]] with a weapon and fire 8 shots.


Homeland Security Secretary [[Spic|Alejandro N. Mayorkas]] called the attempted assassination a “failure” and in reality every officer there will have their [[Cell Phone|Smart Phones]] quietly confiscated to see who was playing [[Angry Birds]] when they should have been protecting a [[President|Presidential Candidate]].
Homeland Security Secretary [[Spic|Alejandro N. Mayorkas]] called the attempted assassination a “failure”, and in reality, every officer there will have their [[Cell Phone|smart phones]] quietly confiscated to see who was playing [[Angry Birds]] when they should have been protecting a [[President|Presidential Candidate]].


Trying to make the Assassination Attempt on [[Trump]] all about him, President Joe Biden was quoted as saying, ''"Jill and I are grateful to the Secret Service for getting him to safety, There's no place for this kind of violence in America. We must unite as one nation to condemn it."''
Trying to make the assassination attempt on [[Trump]] all about himself, President Joe Biden was quoted as saying, "Jill and I are grateful to the Secret Service for getting him to safety. There's no place for this kind of violence in America. We must unite as one nation to condemn it."
 
After the shooting, it was revealed that [https://nypost.com/2024/07/19/us-news/trump-shooter-thomas-matthew-crooks-last-online-search-was-for-porn/ Thomas' last online search was for porn], raising his shot count to 11 (EDiots are currently using a [[Ouija Board]] to figure out what he was cocking his other rifle to).
 
He was also discovered to have made [[Gay|searches for]] [[Ethan Crumbley]], explosive-building instructions, the date of the Democratic National Convention, and [[Depression|major depressive disorder]]. With his lack of a manifesto and extreme political views, he likely [[Centrist|didn't care which political side he hurt]] as long as he went down in history.


=== Gallery ===
=== Gallery ===


{{Collapsegallery|'''American Sniper'''|cg1|center|<gallery perrow="4">
{{Collapsegallery|'''American Sniper'''|cg1|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:NOBODY SEES ME LOL.jpg
File:Did I get him.png|"I shot him?"
File:Dead Crooks.png
File:NOBODY SEES ME LOL.jpg|'''GET'''
File:CrooksDed1.jpg
File:Dead Crooks.png|'''REKT'''
File:CrooksDed2.jpg
File:CrooksDed1.jpg|[[Lul|Skill issue tbh]]
File:CrooksDed2.jpg|"Huh, he's white"
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
crooks1.jpg
crooks1.jpg|Top 10 photos taken minutes before disaster
File:Crooks2.jpg
File:Crooks2.jpg
File:Bullet physics.jpg
File:Bullet physics.jpg
File:CoreyRekt.jpg
File:CoreyRekt.jpg|Shot the wrong guy dumbass
File:Corey's brainz.jpg
File:Corey's brainz.jpg|Pwnt
File:NeoTrump.jpg
File:NeoTrump.jpg|What really happened
File:BulletStill.jpg
File:BulletStill.jpg|Tis but a scratch
File:De trumprally5.jpg
File:De trumprally5.jpg|Overview of the map
File:De trumprally1.jpg
File:De trumprally1.jpg
File:StoneToss.png
File:StoneToss.png
File:Trumps new look.jpg
File:Trumps new look.jpg|Trump's new look
File:Ree tardy Oswald Olympic results.jpeg
File:CROOKSExtended-rifle-pic.jpg|His instrument of annihilation
File:CROOKSRifle-backpack.jpg
File:CROOKSTrunk-with-two-ieds.jpg|Trunk filled with BOMBS


</gallery>|border=black|color=white}}
</gallery>|border=black|color=white}}
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== The Man - The Failure: Thomas Matthew Crooks ==  
== The Man - The Failure: Thomas Matthew Crooks ==  


[[File:Thomas Crooks diploma.jpg|right|250px]]
[[File:Thomas Crooks diploma.jpg|right|250px|thumb|Getting the [[Derp|derploma]]]]
[[File:TOMMY BTFO.gif|right|thumb|GET GOOD]]
 
Thomas Matthew Crooks enters our page with a [[High Score]] lower than that of [[William Atchison|one of the most utterly complete failures in life]] - a [[Nazi|white supremacist]] living a lonely, [[horny]], [[autistic]], and angry fucktard lifestyle who named himself [[User:AlGore|AlGore]] and would have aborted his pathetic attempt at a killing spree if a specific type of [[Woman|girl]] (blonde, white and blue eyed) said that she wanted to play [[Sex|bump-bump]] with him.
 
[[Dying alone]], [[Loser|Thomas Matthew Crooks]] could be said to have lived the same life as [[William Atchison]], as they both [[Death|died]] lying face down with a bullet hole in their heads.


Entering in our pages with a [[High Score]] lower than that of the most utterly complete failures in [[Life]] and was known by his peers as a [[Nazi|White Supremacist]] living a lonely, [[Horny]], [[Autistic]] and Angry, '''''Fucktard''''' lifestyle that chose to name himself [[User:AlGore|AlGore]] and would have aborted his pathetic attempt at a killing spree if a specific type of [[Woman|girl]] (Blonde, white and blue eyed) would say that she wanted to play [[Sex|bump-bump]] with him.
People that were aware of him described him as a recluse who only came out to walk around their neighborhood wearing headphones and interacting with no one. Others said that the only time you really saw someone outside his house for an extended period of time was when the [[House|lawn]] needed mowing.


[[Dying alone]], [[Loser|Thomas Matthew Crooks]], could pretty much be said that he lived the same life as [[William Atchison]], because they both [[Death|Died]] lying face down with a bullet hole in their heads.  
Unlike 99% of [[Zoomers]] his age, Thomas had little known social media presence, with only an inactive [[Discord]] account that was [[Delete fucking everything|BALEETED]]!!! upon discovery. Instead of arguing about politics online, he spent his time on the computer gayming, learning to code, and playing [[chess]].


People that were aware of him described him as being a recluse that only came out to walk around their neighborhood wearing his head phones and interacted with no one. Others have also said that usually the only time you really saw someone outside his house,  for an extended period of time, was when the [[House|Lawn]] needed mowed.
Proudly graduating from Bethel Park High School in 2022, his peers described him as quiet, friendly, and a [[Nerd|good student]], unlike one of those silent, [[Lolumbine|trenchcoat]]-wearing school shooters. No one imagined he was capable of even thinking about killing the former President.


Proudly graduating from '''''Bethel Park High School''''' in 2022, his peers described him as quiet, friendly and wasn't one of those silent, [[Lolumbine|Trenchcoat]] wearing, school shooters and completely incapable of even thinking about such a thing as [[Dead|killing the former President]].  He was described as being incapable of harming a fly.
Kylie Katilius, who lived up the street from Thomas, called him a danger and a threat on the shooting range when he tried out for his [[School shooting|high school shooting team]]. She was quoted as saying, "If he was on lane seven, he was shooting all the way over on lane one. Mistakes happen, but full on shooting a different wall, he had to be doing something big wrong." The school denied Thomas ever tried out for the team.
Kylie Katilius, who lived up the street from Thomas said that he was a danger and a threat on the shooting range when he tried out for the ''Bethel Park High School Shooting Team''. She was quoted as saying, ''"If he was on lane seven, he was shooting all the way over on lane one, Mistakes happen, but full on shooting a different wall, he had to be doing something big wrong."''


Kylie Katilus said that the Shooting Coach was infuriated by Thomas' lack of [[Gun]] safety, and he would never be allowed on the team until he could show a minimal amount understanding of gun safety.
Kylie Katilus said that the shooting coach was infuriated by Thomas' lack of [[gun]] safety, and he would never be allowed on the team until he could show a minimal amount understanding of gun safety.


Julianna Grooms contradicts the story Kylie gave by telling a different story saying that Crooks was the target of Bullies who nicknamed him '''" The School Shooter"''' and found it easy to make fun of him for his [[Kittens|Poor Hygiene]] because like most [[SpongeBob SquarePants]] shirt wearing, [[Brony]] [[Asperger's Syndrome|Aspie]], he thought that showering in [[When You're Chill With Everyone|Ass Body Spray]] would hide his stench and get him the girls.
Julianna Grooms tells a different story, saying that Crooks was the target of bullies who nicknamed him "The School Shooter" and found it easy to make fun of him for his [[Kittens|poor hygiene]], because like most [[SpongeBob SquarePants]] shirt-wearing [[brony]] [[Asperger's Syndrome|aspies]], he thought that showering in [[When You're Chill With Everyone|Ass Body Spray]] would hide his stench and get him the girls.


After graduating [[School|High School]], and unlike so many of the people populating our [[High Score]] list [[Pain|Thomas]] actually tried to better himself. He spent two years getting an <b>Associates Degree</b> in Engineering Science from ''Alleghany County Community College'' unaware that if you don't have a diploma with a name at the top such as [[Ohio|OSU]], [[Pennsylvania|Penn State]] or [[Texas|Texas A & M]], you might as well be holding [[Toilet Paper Hoarding|A Piece of Freshly Used Toilet Paper]] in your hand.
After graduating [[School|high school]], and unlike so many of the people populating our [[High Score]] list, Thomas actually tried to better himself. He spent two years getting an Associate's Degree in Engineering Science from Alleghany County Community College, unaware that if you didn't have a diploma with a name at the top such as [[OSU]], [[Penn State Scandal|Penn State]], or [[Texas|Texas A & M]], you might as well be holding [[Toilet Paper Hoarding|a piece of freshly used toilet paper]] in your hand.


Much like so many with a useless Comunity College or Online degree, Thomas was able to pass a background check and find himself a minimum wage job that had him working at low pay for ''Bethel Park Skilled Nursing and Rehabilitation Center''. His duties included handing out meals, cleaning up [[Shit]] that the loose bowels of old people leave on the floor for him to clean up or having to change the sheets, and clothes, of someone with a weak bladder that refuses a catheter because it means that they can't move around.
Much like so many with a useless community college or online degree, Thomas was able to pass a background check and find himself a minimum wage job that had him working at low pay for Bethel Park Skilled Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. His duties included handing out meals, cleaning up [[shit]] that the loose bowels of old people leave on the floor for him to clean up, or having to change the sheets and clothes of someone with a weak bladder that refuses a catheter because it means that they can't move around.
 
{{Quote|<center>Trump didn't survive the attempt on his life because of divine intervention. He survived because a virgin couldn't hit the fattest president since Taft. And again, make no mistake, I'm glad he couldn't, but Trump is alive because he's the single luckiest motherf–ker who ever lived.|Bill Maher</center>}}


{{align|center|
{{align|center|
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[[File:CrooksBIGCOCK.mp4|400px]]
[[File:CrooksBIGCOCK.mp4|400px]]
|border=black}}|}}
|border=black}}|}}
== Loadout ==
<div align="center">
{|class="wikitable" width="60%"
!colspan="2"|Class Setup
|-<!-- DONGS NIGGA-->
!Item
!Accessories/Bonus
|-
|
*'''Primary''': [[Assault Rifle|AR15 Full Semi-Automatic]] w/ AEMS sight, Magpul CTR stock, 16" Inch Barrel.
<center>[[File:CROOKSExtended-rifle-pic.jpg|140px]]</center>
|
* Clear AEMS sights, solid stock for comfier recoil and finally a 16" Inch Barrel.
|-
|
*'''Perk 1''': Ghost Pro
<center>[[File:ATS_Ghost_Pro.png|90px]]</center>
|
*Invisible against Secret Service.
|}
</div>


== Critical Acclaim ==
== Critical Acclaim ==
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{{center|<gallery perrow="6">
{{center|<gallery perrow="6">
File:TrumpWojak.png
File:TrumpWojak.png|IT'S <s>OVER</s> '''JUST GETTING STARTED!!'''
File:TrumpMLP.png
File:TrumpMLP.png
File:TrumpFallout.png
File:TrumpFallout.png
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File:TrumpWinnieThePooh.png
File:TrumpWinnieThePooh.png
File:TrumpArt.jpeg
File:TrumpArt.jpeg
File:Abechan.jpg
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}


This picture got so famous, it even has a {{Wikilink|Trump_raised-fist_photographs|Wikipedia}} page.
This picture got so famous, it even has a {{Wikilink|Donald_Trump_raised-fist_photographs|Wikipedia}} page.


== The Conspiracy ==
== The Conspiracy ==
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File:FemboyCrooks.jpg|Possible tranny?
File:FemboyCrooks.jpg|Possible tranny?
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}
== Recreation of the shooting ==
<center><youtube>FsvJzfXZI18</youtube></center>


== Graded Score ==
== Graded Score ==
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{{GradedScore|1|[[Collateral damage|Only killed 1 Trump supporter and injured 2 others]] alongside Trump himself|10|[[Trickshotting|Shot Trump in the ear of all places]]|20|"Fuck [[mass shootings]], [[Epic|I'm gonna kill the president]]."|20|[[EPIC WIN|INTERNATIONAL NOTORIETY WITHIN MINUTES]]|20|Outsmarted the fucking [[SS|Secret Service]]|71|C-|One inch away from starting the [[WW3|Second American Civil War]]}}
{{GradedScore|1|[[Collateral damage|Only killed 1 Trump supporter and injured 2 others]] alongside Trump himself|10|[[Trickshotting|Shot Trump in the ear of all places]]|20|"Fuck [[mass shootings]], [[Epic|I'm gonna kill the president]]."|20|[[EPIC WIN|INTERNATIONAL NOTORIETY WITHIN MINUTES]]|20|Outsmarted the fucking [[SS|Secret Service]]|71|C-|One inch away from starting the [[WW3|Second American Civil War]]}}


{{WantedLevel|level=custom|customstars=[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]|custompic=[[File:Secret service logo.png|128px]]|customdesc=SECRET SERVICE}}
{{CustomWantedLevel|6|[[File:Secret service logo.png|128px]]|SECRET SERVICE}}


[[File:ThomasMatthewCrooksDead.jpg|center|thumb|700px|<center><big><big>[[GTA|'''WASTED'''</big></big></center>]]]]
[[File:ThomasMatthewCrooksDead.jpg|center|thumb|700px|<center><big><big>[[GTA|'''WASTED'''</big></big></center>]]]]
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*[[Assault Rifle]]
*[[Assault Rifle]]
*[[Bullet to the Head of the NRA]] - ED original videogame
*[[Conspiracy Theory]]
*[[Conspiracy Theory]]
*[[Gun]]s
*[[Gun]]s
*[[Headshot]]
*[[Headshot]]
*[[Bullet to the Head of the NRA]] - ED original videogame
*[[John F. Kennedy]] - Both had a single gunman but the tin foil hats claim that both have a great conspiracy attached to them.
*[[John F. Kennedy]] - Both had a single gunman but the tin foil hats claim that both have a great conspiracy attached to them.


== External Links ==
== External Links ==
* '''[[Wikipedophiles]]'''
* [[File:WIKIPEDIA BOUNCING BALL ONLY.gif|20px]] '''[[Wikipedophiles]]'''
** {{Wikilink|Thomas_Matthew_Crooks|Thomas Matthew Crooks}}
** {{Wikilink|Thomas_Matthew_Crooks|Thomas Matthew Crooks}}
** {{Wikilink|Attempted_assassination_of_Donald_Trump|Attempted assassination of Donald Trump}}
** {{Wikilink|Attempted_assassination_of_Donald_Trump_in_Pennsylvania|Attempted assassination of Donald Trump in Pennsylvania}}
* {{EDF|thread|2585|Thread}} on [[EDF6|EDF6.9]] - {{wayback|https://forums.encyclopediadramatica.gay/threads/donald-trump-gets-shot-right-in-his-ear.2585/|20240720083953}}
* {{EDF|thread|2585|Thread}} on [[EDF6|EDF6.9]] - {{wayback|https://forums.encyclopediadramatica.gay/threads/donald-trump-gets-shot-right-in-his-ear.2585/|20240720083953}}
* [[File:WikinetPro logo.png|20px]] [https://wikinet.pro/wiki/Thomas_Matthew_Crooks '''As seen on Brazilian ED'''] '''[[Brazilian_Anonymous_culture#Wikinet|(Wikinet)]]''' - {{archive|yHOYI}}
* [[File:Wpd.tv logo.jpg|20px]] '''[[Watchpeopledie.tv]] threads'''
* [[File:Wpd.tv logo.jpg|20px]] '''[[Watchpeopledie.tv]] threads'''
** [https://watchpeopledie.tv/h/shooting/post/193747/megathreadmagathread-donald-trumps-ear-grazed-during Shooting MAGAthread] - {{archive|2SEmt}} {{wayback|https://watchpeopledie.tv/h/shooting/post/193747/megathreadmagathread-donald-trumps-ear-grazed-during|20240718120746}}
** {{WPD|h/shooting/post/193747/megathreadmagathread-donald-trumps-ear-grazed-during|Shooting MAGAthread}} - {{archive|2SEmt}} {{wayback|https://watchpeopledie.tv/h/shooting/post/193747/megathreadmagathread-donald-trumps-ear-grazed-during|20240718120746}}
** [https://watchpeopledie.tv/h/aftermath/post/194077/photovideoinfo-dump-on-thomas-matthew-crooks Thomas Crooks media thread] - {{archive|tyDMw}}
** {{WPD|h/aftermath/post/194077/photovideoinfo-dump-on-thomas-matthew-crooks|Thomas Crooks media thread}} - {{archive|tyDMw}}
** [https://watchpeopledie.tv/h/social/post/194229/things-weve-learned-about-the-trump Thomas Crooks new info thread] - {{archive|GF13y}}
** {{WPD|h/social/post/194229/things-weve-learned-about-the-trump|Thomas Crooks new info thread}} - {{archive|GF13y}}
* [[File:4chan logo 1.png|20px]] '''/ASLG/ [[pol/|/pol/]] threads:''' [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474457601/ 1], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474485422/ 2], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474500159/ 3], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474515688/ 4], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474536305/ 5], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474566129/ 6], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474596868/ 7], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474610426/ 8], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474633734/ 9]
* [[File:4chan logo 1.png|20px]] '''/ASLG/ [[pol/|/pol/]] threads:''' [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474405685/ Initial], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474457601/ 1], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474485422/ 2], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474500159/ 3], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474515688/ 4], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474536305/ 5], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474566129/ 6], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474596868/ 7], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474610426/ 8], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474633734/ 9]
** [[Media:Screencapture-boards-4chan-org-pol-catalog-2024-07-13-19 14 02.png|The state of /pol/ exactly one hour after the shooting]]
** [[Media:Screencapture-boards-4chan-org-pol-catalog-2024-07-13-19 14 02.png|The state of /pol/ exactly one hour after the shooting]]
* [https://trumplived.com/ '''trumplived.com'''] {{archive|XQYK9}}
* [https://trumplived.com/ '''trumplived.com'''] - {{archive|XQYK9}}
* [https://www.fbi.gov/news/press-releases/butler-investigation-photos Information from the FBI], [[lie|investigating this case truthfully and transparently.]]
* [https://www.grassley.senate.gov/news/news-releases/grassley-releases-additional-bodycam-footage-from-moments-after-trump-assassination-attempt Aftermath body cam footage that shows Crooks's DEAD BODY] ([[FUCK|Blurred]])


{{GNA}}
{{High Scores}}
{{High Scores}}
{{truth}}
{{truth}}
{{Serious Business}}  
{{Serious Business}}  
{{Dying_Alone}}
{{Dying_Alone}}
 
{{Trump}}
 
{{timeline|Featured article July 20 & July 21, [[2024]]|[[Destiny]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[I'M GONNA RAID ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA]]}}


[[Category:Crime]]
[[Category:Crime]]
[[Category:2024]]
[[Category:2024]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
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{{timeline|Featured article July 20 & July 21, [[2024]]|[[Destiny]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[TBA]]}}

Latest revision as of 03:48, 21 November 2024

Conspiracy Alert
The subject of this article is the victim of a massive conspiracy by the Social Mafia. You should trust noone and come to your own conclusions after careful consideration of the facts.
THE TIN FOIL HATS ARE SAYING THAT CROOKS IS PART OF A REPUBLICAN CONSPIRACY TO GET TRUMP RE-ELECTED
   
“ 		 
July 13 will be my premiere, watch as it unfolds
  		„
  		 

—Tommy, getting canned after one episode

Thomas Matthew Crooks
Born September 20, 2003
Died July 13, 2024 (aged 20)
Nationality: Americunt  
Highscore Killed 1, injured 3
Top 50? No
Style FPS, Single player
An Hero? No, killed by Secret Service


Admit it girls, you would ride his tater tot.

Inept and a complete fuck-up as an assassin, the Appalachian love child Thomas Matthew Crooks (a.k.a. Ree Tardy Oswald) obviously played one too many games of Ghost Recon Breakpoint rather than going to shoot at the range and learning to factor in conditions such as wind, or just fucking learning to shoot, because he completely missed his target who was a little more than 120 meters from him. (For the Americans and aspie retards reading this - who haven't had any experiences further than their own front lawn because they're not allowed to cross the street - that's a little more than a football field and is approximately equivalent to hitting a paper plate at the opposite end of a football field.)

Now before you go running to the FBI to try and get us Party Vanned, WE DO NOT CONDONE THIS! What's tickling our funny bone is that Thomas Matthew Crooks is what happens when that quiet, nerdy, and needy kid who walks through high school invisible and can't even get the attention of a bully, grows up to live in his parents' basement and is constantly reminded by mommy and daddy that he is a complete failure of a man. While his parents compare his life to what they had achieved by his age, he just wakes up one day and says "Fuck it!" and gives up on life. Having accomplished nothing of importance, he decides to go down having done one monumental event that gets him noticed.

The Shooting

The only rally attendee who was pwned.

For some reason, Thomas Matthew Crooks's father, despite being a licensed counselor in the incestuous state of Pennsylvania, saw no reason what-so-ever to question buying his chronically masturbating, hands rubbing, and talking to himself son a wonderful, American made AR-15 rifle with the excuse that it'd be used at the Clairton Sportsmen’s Club in greater Pittsburgh, two months before the attempted assassination of our future god-emperor Donald Trump.

While Trump was showing his supporters a chart, Thomas Matthew Crooks fired a shot that illegally crossed into the rally, striking former god-emperor Trump in the ear just as he turned his head. As expected, after hearing the shot, the Secret Service, ready to take a bullet for our former President, surrounded Trump and quickly led him from the stage to safety.

What had some officials' panties in a bunch was that this assassination attempt was even allowed to happen. Both Republicans and Democrats agree that there was some fault in security that allowed a crazy-ass shooter to get within 120 meters of the former President with a weapon and fire 8 shots.

Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro N. Mayorkas called the attempted assassination a “failure”, and in reality, every officer there will have their smart phones quietly confiscated to see who was playing Angry Birds when they should have been protecting a Presidential Candidate.

Trying to make the assassination attempt on Trump all about himself, President Joe Biden was quoted as saying, "Jill and I are grateful to the Secret Service for getting him to safety. There's no place for this kind of violence in America. We must unite as one nation to condemn it."

After the shooting, it was revealed that Thomas' last online search was for porn, raising his shot count to 11 (EDiots are currently using a Ouija Board to figure out what he was cocking his other rifle to).

He was also discovered to have made searches for Ethan Crumbley, explosive-building instructions, the date of the Democratic National Convention, and major depressive disorder. With his lack of a manifesto and extreme political views, he likely didn't care which political side he hurt as long as he went down in history.

Gallery

American Sniper About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • Top 10 photos taken minutes before disaster
    Top 10 photos taken minutes before disaster
  • Shot the wrong guy dumbass
    Shot the wrong guy dumbass
  • Pwnt
    Pwnt
  • What really happened
    What really happened
  • Tis but a scratch
    Tis but a scratch
  • Overview of the map
    Overview of the map
  • Trump's new look
    Trump's new look
  • His instrument of annihilation
    His instrument of annihilation
  • Trunk filled with BOMBS
    Trunk filled with BOMBS

The Man - The Failure: Thomas Matthew Crooks

Getting the derploma
GET GOOD

Thomas Matthew Crooks enters our page with a High Score lower than that of one of the most utterly complete failures in life - a white supremacist living a lonely, horny, autistic, and angry fucktard lifestyle who named himself AlGore and would have aborted his pathetic attempt at a killing spree if a specific type of girl (blonde, white and blue eyed) said that she wanted to play bump-bump with him.

Dying alone, Thomas Matthew Crooks could be said to have lived the same life as William Atchison, as they both died lying face down with a bullet hole in their heads.

People that were aware of him described him as a recluse who only came out to walk around their neighborhood wearing headphones and interacting with no one. Others said that the only time you really saw someone outside his house for an extended period of time was when the lawn needed mowing.

Unlike 99% of Zoomers his age, Thomas had little known social media presence, with only an inactive Discord account that was BALEETED!!! upon discovery. Instead of arguing about politics online, he spent his time on the computer gayming, learning to code, and playing chess.

Proudly graduating from Bethel Park High School in 2022, his peers described him as quiet, friendly, and a good student, unlike one of those silent, trenchcoat-wearing school shooters. No one imagined he was capable of even thinking about killing the former President.

Kylie Katilius, who lived up the street from Thomas, called him a danger and a threat on the shooting range when he tried out for his high school shooting team. She was quoted as saying, "If he was on lane seven, he was shooting all the way over on lane one. Mistakes happen, but full on shooting a different wall, he had to be doing something big wrong." The school denied Thomas ever tried out for the team.

Kylie Katilus said that the shooting coach was infuriated by Thomas' lack of gun safety, and he would never be allowed on the team until he could show a minimal amount understanding of gun safety.

Julianna Grooms tells a different story, saying that Crooks was the target of bullies who nicknamed him "The School Shooter" and found it easy to make fun of him for his poor hygiene, because like most SpongeBob SquarePants shirt-wearing brony aspies, he thought that showering in Ass Body Spray would hide his stench and get him the girls.

After graduating high school, and unlike so many of the people populating our High Score list, Thomas actually tried to better himself. He spent two years getting an Associate's Degree in Engineering Science from Alleghany County Community College, unaware that if you didn't have a diploma with a name at the top such as OSU, Penn State, or Texas A & M, you might as well be holding a piece of freshly used toilet paper in your hand.

Much like so many with a useless community college or online degree, Thomas was able to pass a background check and find himself a minimum wage job that had him working at low pay for Bethel Park Skilled Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. His duties included handing out meals, cleaning up shit that the loose bowels of old people leave on the floor for him to clean up, or having to change the sheets and clothes of someone with a weak bladder that refuses a catheter because it means that they can't move around.

   
“ 		 
Trump didn't survive the attempt on his life because of divine intervention. He survived because a virgin couldn't hit the fattest president since Taft. And again, make no mistake, I'm glad he couldn't, but Trump is alive because he's the single luckiest motherf–ker who ever lived.
 
„
  		 

—Bill Maher

A star student

Loadout

Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Clear AEMS sights, solid stock for comfier recoil and finally a 16" Inch Barrel.
  • Perk 1: Ghost Pro
  • Invisible against Secret Service.

Critical Acclaim

Donnie's Bizzare Adventure

Free advertising, amirite?

This guy's Canadian btw

Jake Paul reaction video

A faithful reenactment

Previous Video | Next Video


You've seen the mugshot merch, now get ready for...


The Famous Photograph

   
“ 		 
I knew immediately that something was wrong in that I heard a whizzing sound, shots, and immediately felt the bullet ripping through the skin
  		„
  		 

—Soon To be elected God Emperor Trump


Meme Spin-offs:
  • IT'S OVER JUST GETTING STARTED!!
    IT'S OVER JUST GETTING STARTED!!

This picture got so famous, it even has a Wikipedia page.

The Conspiracy

Probably the most amusing and believed story that still has people building scripts about the U.S. Government and Israel wanting Trump dead was created on 4Chan by an Anonymous poster who claimed that his superiors refused to give him the green light to Take The Shot despite him having the potential assassin in his sights for over 3 minutes.

   
“ 		 
My name is Jonathan Willis, I’m the officer in the famous photo of the two snipers on the roof at Trump’s rally. I came here to inform the public that I had the assassin in my sights for at least 3 minutes, but the head of the secret service refused to give the order to take out the perp. 100% the top brass prevented me from killing the assassin before he took the shots at president Trump
 
„
  		 

—Original /pol/ thread

The Tinfoil hats have another theory that includes brain washing and CIA funded MK ULTRA behavioral cues that existed on the Internets.

They claim that the CIA programed people as early as 2016 to assassinate President Trump. Their job was to take him out during his second term and the trained behavior was reinforced with posts from Celebrities like Tara Strong and Whoopi Goldburg who posted everyday that someone should save America by assassinating President Trump.

Because President Trump chose to not serve a second term in 2020, the far left's plans had to be scrapped.

Seeing that Sleepy Joe wasn't doing well in the polls and was quickly losing trust with the voters because of his overtly senile actions, the far left triggered their "Manchurian Candidate" plan to kill Trump while he was on the Campaign Trail so he couldn't be elected in 2024.

This Conspiracy Theory is much like JFK's with people claiming that the eight shots fired could be heard from different directions and more than one shooter being seen.

The Tinfoil hats claim that shooting Trump's ear was to serve as a warning for him. The Tinfoil hats claim that it was to show Trump that they can kill him no matter where he is.

Was Crooks the Real Shooter?

Recreation of the shooting


Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 1/20 Only killed 1 Trump supporter and injured 2 others alongside Trump himself
Accuracy: 10/20 Shot Trump in the ear of all places
Style: 20/20 "Fuck mass shootings, I'm gonna kill the president."
Butthurt: 20/20 INTERNATIONAL NOTORIETY WITHIN MINUTES
Bonus: 20/20 Outsmarted the fucking Secret Service
Total Score: 71/100 (C-)
One inch away from starting the Second American Civil War
See full ranking


Wanted Level:
___________________

___________________


SECRET SERVICE


WASTED

See Also

External Links


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Thomas Matthew Crooks
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