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{{DISPLAYTITLE:LOLumbine}}
{{offended}}
{{offended}}
<br>
<br>
{{an hero}}
{{Double An Heroes}}
<br>
<br>
 
{{ib|[[File:Eric and Dylan.jpeg|200px]]}}
<center><span style="font-size:12pt;font-weight:bold;align:center">Grab some popcorn and watch the massacre!</span></center>
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold'''</big>}}
<center><youtube>WR_3HbS5nzk</youtube></center>
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|April 9, [[1980s|1981]] (Eric)<br>[[9/11|September 11]], [[1980s|1981]] (Dylan)}}
<br>
{{Ibrow|'''Died'''|[[Weed|April 20]], [[1999]] (aged 18 and 17)}}
 
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Americunt]]&nbsp;&nbsp;[[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{Columbine}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed 13, injured 24 (21 by gunfire)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|No}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Co-Op Mode}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|Yes}}
{{Ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[Idklol]]}}
{{Ibend}}
[[File:Columbine army of two.png|thumb|The two [[an hero|heroes]] pictures here]]
[[File:Columbine army of two.png|thumb|The two [[an hero|heroes]] pictures here]]
[[Image:Columbineinternet.jpg|thumb|Oh Jay and Silent Bob! Up to another hair brained scheme!]]
[[Image:Columbineinternet.jpg|thumb|Oh Jay and Silent Bob! Up to another hair-brained scheme!]]


[[Image:Ctapest.jpg|thumb|[[Longcat|They had been planning for a looooooooooooooong time.]]]]
[[Image:Ctapest.jpg|thumb|[[Longcat|They had been planning for a looooooooooooooong time.]]]]


[[Image:Outcasts.jpg|thumb|The one on the left was clearly "the brains" of this operation.]]
[[Image:Outcasts.jpg|thumb|The one on the left was clearly "[[Retard|the brains]]" of this operation.]]


[[Image:Weegeshot.jpg|thumb|Evidence of [[Weegee|third shooter?]]]]
[[Image:Weegeshot.jpg|thumb|Evidence of [[Weegee|third shooter?]]]]
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[[Image:Kill_Classmates.gif|thumb|More like Lolumbine [[amirite]]?]]
[[Image:Kill_Classmates.gif|thumb|More like Lolumbine [[amirite]]?]]


[[File:Columbinekillersview2.jpg|thumb|The [[an Hero|heroes]] of Columbine. (but are the books alright?)]]   
[[File:columbineanheroes.jpg|thumb|The [[an Hero|heroes]] of Columbine. (but are the books alright?)]]   


[[Image:Lulzycolumbine1.jpg|thumb|lol]]
[[Image:Lulzycolumbine1.jpg|thumb|lol]]
[[File:No Eyebrows Eric harris.gif|thumb]]


[[File:Marilyn manson witchcraft metal.jpg|thumb| [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiaxzBlFgmQ Was actually believed to cause Lolumbine with his satanic heavy angry emo-death metol witchcraft music] ]]
[[File:Marilyn manson witchcraft metal.jpg|thumb| [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiaxzBlFgmQ Was actually believed to cause Lolumbine with his satanic heavy angry emo-death metol witchcraft music] ]]


[[Image:Columbine preparefortrouble.jpg|thumb|right]]
[[Image:Columbine preparefortrouble.jpg|thumb|right]]
The '''Columbine High School Massacre''' ([[Twilight|Still a better love story than Twilight]]) was basically the funniest thing that has ever happened in any [[high school]], [[evar]].  On [[Adolf Hitler|April 20th]] 1999, in Littleton [[Colorado]], American an heroes Eric Harris{{atheist}} and Dylan Yassenoff Klebold{{jew}} got over a dozen frags IRL at their local high school. Originally, they planned on blowing up the cafeteria during lunch time, but their propane bombs failed and they ended up [[Zerg Rush|rushing into the school]], killing people left and right before turning their guns on themselves and becoming [[an heroes]]. Their total kill count was '''13''', an unimpressive score given how they were using sub-machine guns in [[Counter-Strike|the pistol round]], and were elevated to "WORST PEOPLE OF 1999" posthumously, for the most violent [[school shooting]] spree in [[Jewnited States of Americunts|American]] history.  
The '''Columbine High School Massacre''' ([[Twilight|Still a better love story than Twilight]]) was basically the funniest thing that has ever happened in any [[high school]] [[evar]].  On [[Weed|April 20th]], 1999, in Littleton, [[Colorado]], American [[An hero|an heroes]] '''Eric David Harris'''{{atheist}} and '''Dylan Bennet Klebold'''{{jew}} got over a dozen frags IRL at their local high school after attempting to simulate [[Doom]] in the real world. Originally, they planned on blowing up their schools' cafeteria during lunchtime, but their propane bombs failed and they ended up [[Zerg Rush|rushing into the school]], killing people left and right before turning their guns on themselves and becoming [[an heroes]]. Their total kill count was '''13''', an unimpressive score given how they were using sub-machine guns in [[Counter-Strike|the pistol round]], and were elevated to "WORST PEOPLE OF 1999" posthumously, for the most violent [[school shooting]] spree in [[Jewnited States of Americunts|American]] history shortly after [[Bill Clinton]] authorized the massacre of thousands of Serbian children.


They held this title for nearly a decade before [[Cho Seung-Hui|a gook]] killed over 30 people at [[Virginia Tech]] in [[2007]], although [[White People|Eric]] and [[Jew|Dylan]] still hold the high score for ''high school'' shooting, in America, that is. [[German]] residents [[Tim Kretschmer]] and [[Robert Steinhauser]] racked up '''15''' and '''16''' frags, respectively, at their local High Sk00lz.  
They held this title for nearly a decade before [[Cho Seung-Hui|a gook]] killed over thirty people at [[Virginia Tech]] in [[2007]], <s>although [[White People|Eric]] and [[Jew|Dylan]] still hold the high score for ''high school'' shooting- in America, that is</s> they were later overtaken by [[Nikolas Jacob Cruz]] on [[Valentine's Day|February 14]], [[2018]]. [[German]] residents [[Tim Kretschmer]] and [[Robert Steinhauser]] racked up fifteen and sixteen frags, respectively, at their local schools.  


In the weeks, months and years following their killing spree, massive witchhunts were held as trolls, [[Goth|goths]], musicians ([[Marilyn Manson]], [[Eminem]]), movies ([[Quentin Tarantino|Natural Born Killers]], [[The Matrix]]), television shows, and anyone not amongst the exclusive ranks of [[The beautiful people]] were rounded up and taken to prison camps as the need to scapegoat anyone for the crimes led to America being whipped up into a frenzy of anti-lulz, in the biggest moral panic in decades.
In the weeks, months, and years following their killing spree, massive witchhunts were held as trolls, [[Goth|goths]], musicians ([[Marilyn Manson]], [[Eminem]]), movies ([[Quentin Tarantino|Natural Born Killers]], [[The Matrix]]), television shows, and anyone not amongst the exclusive ranks of [[The beautiful people]] were rounded up and taken to concentration camps as the need to scapegoat anyone for the crimes led to America being whipped up into a frenzy of anti-lulz, and retardation in the biggest moral panic in decades, of the same category of the future [[9/11]] attacks. Instead of waging a war of terror against innocent sand niggers, Americunts made the lives of [[teenagers]] even worse by destroying the lives of any weird or unconventional kids, for dozens of years to come.


Despite happening a generation ago, the massacre still continues to inspire numerous [[Columbine Copycats]] to this very day. Like they stated in their manifesto, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold continue to inspire paranoia, fear, copycats, and more terror upon the American populace, 17+ years after they died.
Despite happening well over a generation ago, the Columbine High School Massacre still continues to inspire thousands upon thousands of [[columbine copycats]] and [[Columbiners|fangirls]] to this very day. Like they stated in their manifesto, Eric and Dylan continue to inspire paranoia, fear, copycats, and more terror upon the world, 18+ years after they died. Columbine also has a permanent effect on [[Oxymoron|American culture]], if not global culture in general; just try wearing a trench coat to school and see how that plays out for you.


==History==
==History==
[[An hero day|On April 20th]] ([[Lie|coincidentally]] Hitler's birthday) Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold forgot to take their prozac and engaged in final fap sessions while listening to "The Beautiful People," shut the lights off of all reality, got in their cars, skipped homeroom and were late to school (started the day off h4rdc0rE). They arrived, hit the "start button," selected characters, ReB and v0dKa, and decided to go on a killing spree on Level 1 of H4rr15 Levels after spending an entire year planning it out. (They fapped over this for a year and some months) [[k/|building bombs, buying guns,]] [[dumbass|making movies and writing stories declaring their plans]] while KMFDM played in the background, and even practicing their killing spree on various first-person shooter games. However they phailed hard because on their $5 per hour pay [http://acolumbinesite.com/weapon.html they could only afford shit tier guns and not the TACTICOOL DEAGLEs or P90s that they fapped over].
[[An hero day|On April 20th]] ([[Lie|coincidentally]] Hitler's birthday) Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold forgot to take their Prozac and engaged in final fap sessions while listening to "The Beautiful People," shut the lights off of all reality, got in their cars, skipped homeroom and were late to school (started the day off h4rdc0rE). They arrived, hit the "start button," selected characters, ReB and v0dKa, and decided to go on a killing spree on Level 1 of H4rr15 Levels after spending an entire year planning it out. (They fapped over this for a year and some months) [[k/|building bombs, buying guns,]] [[dumbass|making movies and writing stories declaring their plans]] while KMFDM played in the background, and even practicing their killing spree on various first-person shooter games. However, they phailed hard because on their $5 per hour pay [http://acolumbinesite.com/weapon.html they could only afford shit-tier guns and not the TACTICOOL DEAGLEs or P90s that they fapped over].


Eric's guns:-
==Loadout==
*Hi-point 995 carbine - a cheap, ugly, piece-of-shit 9mm carbine with crappy poor quality 10 round magazines. The media at the time liked to refer to this gun as an 'assault rifle' even though it had been specifically designed to comply with the 'assault weapons ban' put in place in 1994 supposedly to stop things like this from happening. Real assault rifles (which are capable of selecting between semi and fully-automatic or burst fire) are not readily available to the general public anyway. '''TL;DR''': Epic gun control [[fail]].
The Columbine killers assembled an [[shit|impressive]] arsenal- well, impressive for the minimum wage budget they were running on. These are the evil tactical sentient mass murder assault weapons that crybaby leftist cocksuckers want to ban:


*Savage-Springfield 67H sawed-off shotgun - Pump action 12 gauge that no one's ever heard of that was over 30 years old. Stock completely sawed-off and barrel sawed-off to make the whole gun an illegally short 26 inches long (the length Eric wished his dick was). This gun became Eric's imaginary girlfriend which he called 'Arlene' and had sex with a number of times in an attempt to fill the shotgun cartridges with his AIDS infected semen to make it moar deadly.


Dylan's guns:-
<div align="center">
*Intratec TEC-DC9 pistol - The other craptastic 9mm used. A poorly made, cheap, jam-o-matic made to look like a machine pistol to appeal to niggers and spics for use in drive by's. Early models could be illegally converted to full-auto which, again, the media had a shit fit about even though the gun used was a later model which could not be converted. Not that they needed to worry as these two retards' ineptitude in engineering (as can be seen with the crappy non-exploding bombs they made) would probably mean that any attempt to convert it would just result in it [[Cum|exploding]] in their face the next time they tried to fire it.
{|class="wikitable" width="40%"
 
!colspan="2"|Eric Harris
*Stevens 311D sawed-off shotgun - Generic 12 gauge double barreled shotgun like any other.
|-<!-- DONGS NIGGA-->
 
!Item
In addition to this, the two faggots carried a number of knives that they [[Fail|didn't use]], along with a number of [[Terrorist|IEDs]] of various sizes and designs that they built using [[The Anarchist Cookbook|instructions from the internet]] to [[Unrealistic expectations|blow up the school]], but ultimately failed when the vast majority of them didn't assplode. These include:
!Accessories/Bonus
 
|-
*42 [[Fart|carbon dioxide]] bombs
|
*27 [[Dildo|pipe]] bombs
*'''Primary''': Hi-point 995 Carbine
*11 1.5 gallon propane bombs
<center>[[File:Eric Rifle.png|70px]]</center>
*7 [[Kill it with fire|Molotov cocktails]] (seriously how do you fuck up a Molotov cocktail?)
|
*2 20 pound propane bombs
*A cheap, ugly, piece-of-shit 9mm carbine with crappy poor quality 10 round magazines. The media at the time liked to refer to this gun as an 'assault rifle' even though it had been specifically designed to comply with the 'assault weapons ban' put in place in 1994 supposedly to stop things like this from happening. Real assault rifles (which are capable of selecting between semi and fully-automatic or burst fire) are not readily available to the general public anyway. '''TL;DR''': Epic gun control [[fail]]. '''18~30 Damage.'''
 
|-
==Graded Score==
|
{| style="{{roundy|18px}}{{gradlinear|red|orange}}box-shadow:0 3px 6px gray;padding:1em;margin:0 auto 1em auto;" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2" border="0"
*'''Secondary''': *Savage-Springfield 67H Shotgun
<center>[[File:GTA4IconsRem870Sawed.png|90px]]</center>
|
*Pump action 12 gauge that no one's ever heard of that was over 30 years old. Stock completely sawed-off and barrel sawed-off to make the whole gun an illegally short 26 inches long (the length Eric wished his dick was). This gun became Eric's imaginary girlfriend which he called 'Arlene' and had sex with a number of times in an attempt to fill the shotgun cartridges with his AIDS infected semen to make it moar deadly. '''60~130 Damage.'''
|-
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:red;box-shadow:0 3px 6px orange;" | <big>Graded score</big>
|
*'''Tertiary''': Pipe Bombs and Knives
<center>[[File:Eric_bombs.jpg|70px]]</center>
|
*An arsenal of poorly made explosives and lame knives they're too weak to successfully utilize unless they have a high critical rate is present. '''12~999 Damage.'''
|-
|-
| colspan="2" style="height:9px;overflow:hidden;" |
|
*'''Perk 1''': Sociopathy/Psycho
<center>[[Image:George-bush-leads-the-us-towar.jpg|50px]]</center>
|
*This perk is derived from filling out one of the Autism/Asspie skill trees. 18 years of accumulated anglo rage unleashed upon the world. It is in his genetics to mass murder millions of people anyways. Unfortunately that little faggot was too much of a tool to do anything right. Extreme increase in damage, destruction, and HP in exchange for apathy towards the well-being of teammates. '''(+4 Frenzy points a day (+30% weapon damage, +3 Constitution for 6 minutes) (+20% weapon damage) (+25% intimidation success) (-90% empathy)'''
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Kill count:
|
|13/20
*'''Perk 2''': Assault Trenchcoat
<center>[[Image:Trenchcoat.gif|50px]]</center>
|
*This cheap ass duster allows for additional inventory for the player along with a moderate bonus to intimidation attribute. However, movement is moderately staggered. '''(+8 inventory slots) (+30% intimidation success) (-1 Agility) (-10% movement speed)'''
|}
</div>
 
 
<div align="center">
{|class="wikitable" width="40%"
!colspan="2"|Dylan Klebold
|-<!-- DONGS NIGGA-->
!Item
!Accessories/Bonus
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy:
|
|10/20<br />
*'''Primary''': Intratech TEC-DC9
<center>[[File:GTA4IconsTEC9.png|90px]]</center>
|
*The other craptastic 9mm used. A poorly made, cheap, jam-o-matic made to look like a machine pistol to appeal to niggers and spics for use in drive-by's. Early models could be illegally converted to full-auto which, again, the media had a shit fit about even though the gun used was a later model which could not be converted. Not that they needed to worry as these two retards' ineptitude in engineering (as can be seen with the crappy non-exploding bombs they made) would probably mean that any attempt to convert it would just result in it [[Cum|exploding]] in their face the next time they tried to fire it. '''21~33 Damage.'''
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Style:
|
|20/20 ''manipulation, bomb collection, trenchcoat, macabre flair''  
*'''Secondary''': Double-Barrel Savage 311-D
<center>[[File:GTA4IconsSawedOff.png|90px]]</center>
|
*A shitty double-barrel shotgun that was sawed off to an extreme and lacks a good stock, thus presenting extreme recoil to the noodle-armed kike. Very ineffective unless the Sneak Attack bonus is applied at close range. '''65~155 Damage.'''
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt:
|
|20/20 ''Creating a moral panic, inspiring generations of [[faggot|copy-cats]], and pissed off the school system for 13 years until [[Sandy Hook]] happens''
*'''Tertiary''': Pipe Bombs and Knives
<center>[[File:Knivesth.jpg|70px]]</center>
|
*An arsenal of poorly made explosives and lame knives they're too weak to successfully utilize unless a high critical rate is present. '''12~999 Damage.'''
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus:
|
|20/20<br />''[[OG]] Shooters''
*'''Perk 1''': Height
<center>[[Image:Heightresource.jpg|50px]]</center>
|
*Dylan Klebold was a tall ass kike, standing at 6'3''. This provides additional movement speed along with the intimidation factor. (+15% movement speed) (+35% intimidation success)
|-
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:orange;box-shadow:0 3px 6px yellow;" | <big>Total score: 83/100 ('''B''')</big>
|
*'''Perk 2''': Assault Trenchcoat
<center>[[Image:Trenchcoat.gif|50px]]</center>
|
*This cheap ass duster allows for additional inventory for the player along with a moderate bonus to intimidation attribute. However, movement is moderately staggered. '''(+8 inventory slots) (+30% intimidation success) (-1 Agility) (-10% movement speed)'''
|}
|}
</div>
In addition to this, the two faggots carried a number of knives that they [[Fail|didn't use]], along with a number of [[Terrorist|IEDs]] of various sizes and designs that they built using [[The Anarchist Cookbook|instructions from the Internet]] to [[Unrealistic expectations|blow up the school]], but ultimately failed when the vast majority of them didn't assplode. These include:
*42 [[Fart|carbon dioxide]] bombs
*27 [[Dildo|pipe]] bombs
*11 1.5 gallon propane bombs
*7 [[Kill it with fire|Molotov cocktails]] (seriously how do you fuck up a Molotov cocktail?)
*2 20 pound propane bombs


<center>'''[[Fallout|Invest more skillpoints in Explosives next time.]]'''</center>
As you can see, gun control laws totally work. Mass murder is only possible with full auto AK-47's. Criminals will totally follow the law and won't ever make homemade bombs or saw off their shotguns, or just go to gun shows to get around background checks. Totally.
<center>'''[[High Score| See full ranking]]'''</center>


==Graded Score==


{{GradedScore|13|5 by Klebold and 8 by Harris, 21 injured between the two.|11| |20|Manipulation, bomb collection, trenchcoat, ski masks, [[The Doom Comic|macabre flair]] and [[Gay|KMFDM]]|'''200'''|Creating a moral panic, inspiring generations of [[faggot|copy-cats]], and pissed off the school system for 20+ years|20|[[OG]] Shooters|264|'''S++'''|[[Fallout|Invest more skillpoints in Explosives next time.]]}}


<center>
{{Wanted|5}}
<div style="{{roundy|10px}}border:2px solid #000;width:30%;background:linear-gradient(#e18f80, #666c05);background:-moz-linear-gradient(#002db3, #4da6ff);background:-webkit-linear-gradient(#002db3, #4da6ff);background:-o-linear-gradient(#e18f80, #666c05);padding:10px;font-weight:bold;font-size:larger">
<span style="font-size:16pt;">'''Wanted Level:'''</span>
<br>
<span> ___________________ </span>
{|align="center"
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|}
<span> ___________________ </span>
<br>
{|align="center"
|[[File:Wanted3fbi.png|128px]]
|}
<br>
<span style="font-size:12pt;">'''Federal Bureau of Investigation'''</span>
</div><br>
</center>


==Scapegoats==
==Scapegoats==
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<center><youtube>NiaxzBlFgmQ</youtube></center>  
<center><youtube>NiaxzBlFgmQ</youtube></center>  


Eric and Dylan apparently had a lot of love and fanboyism towards Marylin Manson and his music according to [[Old Media]]. An irony, since in reality, Eric hated that fag and Dylan only had a poster of the band but rarely listened to it. Manson took part of the blame because angry parents [[retard|mistakenly]] believed that the two fags were obsessed his music. They also hated [[Hitler]], or at least Klebold did. Even more interesting was that he was a [[Jews did WTC|Jew]]. In addition, Klebold was born on '''9/11''', [[1980s|1981]]; 20 years before WTC. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Harris_and_Dylan_Klebold No, srsly.] [[No|Coincidence?]] Harris meanwhile admired both [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] AND [[Osama bin Laden|Osama Bin Ladin]], with Harris regularly IMing Osama and telling him all about the various mass murder schemes that Harris dreamed up at night while masturbating to crime scene photos he downloaded off of the internet. Most notably, Harris is the one who gave Osama the idea of flying planes into buildings, making Eric Harris the REAL [[13_year_old_boy|man]] behind 9/11.  
Eric and Dylan apparently had a lot of love and fanboyism towards Marylin Manson and his music according to [[Old Media]]. An irony, since in reality, Eric hated that fag and Dylan only had a poster of the band but rarely listened to it. Manson took part of the blame because angry parents [[retard|mistakenly]] believed that the two fags were obsessed his music. They also hated [[Hitler]], or at least Klebold did. Even more interesting was that he was a [[Jews did WTC|Jew]]. In addition, Klebold was born on '''9/11''', [[1980s|1981]]; 20 years before WTC. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Harris_and_Dylan_Klebold No, srsly.] [[No|Coincidence?]] Harris meanwhile admired both [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] AND [[Osama bin Laden|Osama Bin Ladin]], with Harris regularly IMing Osama and telling him all about the various mass murder schemes that Harris dreamed up at night while masturbating to crime scene photos he downloaded off of the Internet. Most notably, Harris is the one who gave Osama the idea of flying planes into buildings, making Eric Harris the REAL [[Your mother|man]] behind 9/11.  


Afterwards, [[Soccer_mom|EVERYONE]] who loved to censor society felt the need to blame just about everything in pop culture as the cause of the killing spree, such as [[Eminem]], [[Doom]], and even [[Goth]]s, despite the killers hating goth culture and rap music. Others tried to blame the [http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt124361.html/ Victim], by bringing up the fact that Columbine High School [[Truth|was a literal hell on Earth]], where a violent [[Jock]]ocracy, ruled by the worst of the worst of the school's student [[gay|athletes]], had complete and total control of the school. This was only further worsened by the school's asskissing teachers/administrators who allowed bullying to run rampant, and were just [[Asking for it| asking for]] their students to take up arms and literally take the school back in violent revolution taken straight out of the history books tales of the American Revolution.  
Afterward, [[Soccer_mom|EVERYONE]] who loved to censor society felt the need to blame just about everything in pop culture as the cause of the killing spree, such as [[Eminem]], [[Doom]], and even [[Goth]]s, despite the killers hating goth culture and rap music. Others tried to blame the [http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt124361.html/ Victim], by bringing up the fact that Columbine High School [[Truth|was a literal hell on Earth]], where a violent [[Jock]]ocracy, ruled by the worst of the worst of the school's student [[gay|athletes]], had complete and total control of the school. This was only further worsened by the school's ass-kissing teachers/administrators who allowed bullying to run rampant and was just [[Asking for it| asking for]] their students to take up arms and literally take the school back in violent revolution taken straight out of the history books tales of the American Revolution.  


Of course, at the time it was unknown that Eric Harris was a complete and total sociopath who would have grown up to be a [[serial killer]] or the guy in special forces who goes insane in the field killing Iraqis, and has to be put down by his fellow [[redneck|soldiers]]. Or that his lover, Dylan Klebold, [[Truth|was a closet homosexual who let Eric fuck him in the ass and face]] and followed him with his plot, with Eric manipulating Dylan's emo-ness and submissive nature.  
Of course, at the time it was unknown that Eric Harris was a complete and total sociopath who would have grown up to be a [[serial killer]] or the guy in special forces who goes insane in the field killing Iraqis, and has to be put down by his fellow [[redneck|soldiers]]. Or that his lover, Dylan Klebold, [[Truth|was a closet homosexual who let Eric fuck him in the ass and face]] and followed him with his plot, with Eric manipulating Dylan's emo-ness and submissive nature.  
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Started making fun of the way I dressed
Started making fun of the way I dressed
I shot 18 kids and the cops got scared,
I shot 18 kids and the cops got scared,
They said "You're movin' with Ted Bundy and Jeff Dahmer in prison!"
They said, "You're movin' with Ted Bundy and Jeff Dahmer in prison!"


I called for the cops and when they came near
I called for the cops and when they came near
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==Controversy==
==Controversy==
[[File:Students.gif|thumb|right]]
[[File:Students.gif|thumb|right]]
[[Image:coyaoi.jpg|thumb|right|Definitive proof that the [[columbine killers]] were fags.]]
[[Some argue]] that Eric and Dylan were [[fag|lovers]] and that [[Jews did WTC|Jews did Columbine]] or that Dylan just fell [[mugu]] to Eric's plan. What is funny about this though, is the fact that Dylan and Eric were actually part of a Jewish power movement bent on exterminating non-Jews, causing much lulz to people smart enough to research lolumbine. The fact that Klebold was born on September 11th, 1981, and his fag friend 'Reb' wanted to hijack a plane and crash it into the World Trade Center is enough evidence to support this hypothesis. This also made the gods of irony cum instantly upon hearing the "Friends of Rachael Club" say that Eric and Dylan were "Hitler worshipers".
[[Some argue]] that Eric and Dylan were [[fag|lovers]] and that [[Jews did WTC|Jews did Columbine]] or that Dylan just fell [[mugu]] to Eric's plan. What is funny about this though, is the fact that Dylan and Eric were actually part of a Jewish power movement bent on exterminating non-Jews, causing much lulz to people smart enough to research lolumbine. The fact that Klebold was born on September 11th, 1981, and his fag friend 'Reb' wanted to hijack a plane and crash it into the World Trade Center is enough evidence to support this hypothesis. This also made the gods of irony cum instantly upon hearing the "Friends of Rachael Club" say that Eric and Dylan were "Hitler worshipers".


In one of their videos called '''"Hitmen for Hire"''' (having previously featured a member of staff from the school), the boys proclaim themselves to be the [[white knights]] of those abused at the school by the jock shitheads, suggesting they would be targeting specific cliques for eradication. When the day finally arrived and the shooting began, it appears the ultra surge of orgasmic, delirium-inducing adrenaline pulsing through their minds took over, and they began shooting randomly, indicating a potential [[epic fail]] with regards to the mission objective - the boys did not have the bomb. They did, however, have an example of why terrorists should test DIY bombs prior to putting them into service when using [[The Anarchist Cookbook]] as a primary reference material. The selection of a indiscriminate killing weapon (Propane tank bomb) forms a second disparity with the viewpoints from their [[white knight]] videos.
In one of their videos called '''"Hitmen for Hire"''' (having previously featured a member of staff from the school), the boys proclaim themselves to be the [[white knights]] of those abused at the school by the jock shitheads, suggesting they would be targeting specific cliques for eradication. When the day finally arrived and the shooting began, it appears the ultra surge of orgasmic, delirium-inducing adrenaline pulsing through their minds took over, and they began shooting randomly, indicating a potential [[epic fail]] with regards to the mission objective - the boys did not have the bomb. They did, however, have an example of why terrorists should test DIY bombs prior to putting them into service when using [[The Anarchist Cookbook]] as primary reference material. The selection of an indiscriminate killing weapon (Propane tank bomb) forms a second disparity with the viewpoints from their [[white knight]] videos.
{{Clear}}
 
==List of jocks pwned==
[[File:ColumbineVictims.jpg|400px|center]]
<center>[http://acolumbinesite.com/victim/index.php Information on those PWN'd]</center>
===Fatalities===
 
*'''Rachel Scott'''[[File:Pedobear_mourning_small.png|20px]]: 17/yo Stacy who was among the first casualties. We cover her in more detail later on in the article.
 
*'''Daniel Rohrbough'''[[File:Pedobear_mourning_small.png|20px]]: 15/yo nerdy kid. Police incompetence with reporting his death, and conspiracies lead the family to believe that SWAT accidentally pwn'd him. 
 
*'''Cassie Bernall'''[[File:Pedobear_mourning_small.png|20px]]: 17/yo obsessive christfag. Many believed her to be the girl who was asked "[[Do you believe in god]]?, making her another martyr for religious freaks. We also have a segment about her below.
 
*'''Steve Curnow'''[[File:Pedobear_mourning_small.png|20px]]:14/yo armyfag and jock.
 
*'''Corey DePooter'''[[File:Pedobear_mourning_small.png|20px]]: 17/yo jock and normie
 
*'''Kelly Fleming'''[[File:Pedobear_mourning_small.png|20px]]: [[16 year old girls|16/yo]] [[emo]] [[artfag]] who looked like she would've shot up the school anyway even if Reb and Vodka hadn't
 
*'''Matthew Kechter'''[[File:Pedobear_mourning_small.png|20px]]: 16/yo roidmonkey football jock/chad.
 
*'''Daniel Mauser'''[[File:Pedobear_mourning_small.png|20px]]: 15/yo nerd who was a shining star to the planet and a [[Pretty cool guy]]. Sadly, the fag Eric Harris brutally murdered him. His dad, {{yt|ch|UCrhsJLphJ_-iIyW4R9o7_EA|Tom Mauser}}, would later go on to fight hard for [[Gun Control]], which certainly stopped the [[Aurora Theater Shooting]].
 
*'''Isaiah Shoels'''[[File:Pedobear_mourning_small.png|20px]]: 18/yo nigra and jock who was called a nigger and murdered. His parents cried 'muh racism' and fled the evil bigoted state of [[Colorado]] to flee to more liberal pastures - [[Texas]].
 
*'''John Tomlin'''[[File:Pedobear_mourning_small.png|20px]]: 16/yo christfag and redneck.
 
*'''Lauren Townsend'''[[File:Pedobear_mourning_small.png|20px]]: 18/yo Stacy and captain of a volleyball team.
 
*'''Kyle Velasquez'''[[File:Pedobear_mourning_small.png|20px]]: 16/yo mentally disabled student with a big physique.
 
*'''William "Dave" Sanders'''[[File:Pedo_bear_too_old.png|20px]]: 47/yo man who taught computer and business skills at the school for 25+ years. Upon discovering what was beginning to hatch out, he directed hundreds of students to safety. He was shot and critically wounded, leaving him to bleed to death while SWAT was too pussy to infiltrate the school and failed to stop 2 retards. This, along with the deaths of library students, caused extreme controversy. Verdict? '''Fuck the police.'''
 
===Injuries===
 
*'''Brian Anderson''': 17/yo injured by glass after Eric spotted him and shot a door. In interviews, he revealed that he was targeted due to wearing a white hat- a sign that he was a jock.
 
*'''Richard Castaldo''': 17/yo who was shot along with Rachael Scott at the beginning of the bloodbath. Although he survived, he was left permanently paralyzed and crippled, bound to a wheelchair. He was part of Michael Moore's movie, Bowling For Columbine. [[What|He was also semi-supportive of the]] [[Super Columbine Massacre RPG]] [[What|game]].
 
*'''Jennifer Doyle''': 17/yo generic Stacy who got shot
 
*'''Stephen Eubanks''': 16/yo who was best friend of Corey DePooter. Another jock douchebag
 
*'''Nicholas Foss''': 18/yo generic douche jock type
 
*'''Sean Graves''': 15/yo dude who got shot in the back. Played dead while Dylan stepped over him. Probably saved his life.
 
*'''Makai Hall''': 19/yo jap invader. Got interviewed by CNN
 
*'''Anne Hochhalter''': 17/yo chick who got injured. Her mom would later an-hero.
 
*'''Patrick Ireland''': 17/yo jock. He was the guy who fell down the windows to SWAT. Was the first to think up and propose within local communities by arming school teachers with firearms in order to prevent school shootings.
*'''Michael Johnson''': 15/yo guy with the most generic name ever.
 
*'''Joyce Jankowski''': 45/yo teacher.
 
*'''Mark Kintgen''': 17/yo ugly nerd who noticed the school message board read "Today is not a good day to be here." He got shot in the fucking head yet this nerdy son of a bitch survived.
 
*'''Lisa Kreutz''': 18/yo cute chick who luckily survived, but never spoke about what happened. Believed to be a {{Jew}}
 
*'''Lance Kirklin''': 16/yo boy who was friends with Brooks Brown and a few others. Got shot in the face, breaking off huge parts of his jaw and bones. Somehow was able to recover, and continued to hunt with his dad. At a town meeting attended by then-president [[Bill Clinton]], he spoke up in defense of gun rights, triggering liberal fags.
 
*'''Adam Kyler''': 16/yo guy who looked like what would happen when you press "Randomize" on the [[Oblivion]] character creation menu. He got harassed a lot by Dylan
 
*'''Stephanie Munson''': 17/yo chick who got shot in the foot who somehow managed to run the fuck out of the school and get help.
 
*'''Patricia Nielson''': 35/yo known as the annoying bitch in the Library calls to 9/11. STUDENTS DOWN UNDER THE TABLES!!!!1
 
*'''Nicole Nowlen''': 16/yo chick who looked like a 40 yo.
 
*'''Jeanna Park''': 18/yo barely legal gook chick who was unsurprisingly an A+ student.
 
*'''Kacey Ruegsegger''': 17/yo chick who got shot and was told to "Quit your bitching". Her story was an integral part of Lolumbine lore.
 
*'''Valeen Schnurr''': 18/yo who was the real chick who was asked if she believed in god.
 
*'''Daniel Steepleton''': 17/yo kid who provided lots of false information to the pigs
 
*'''Evan Todd''': 15/yo jock asshole who was unfortunately spared by Dylan.
 
*'''Mark Taylor''': 17/yo new kid who was at the school for only 3 weeks before he was injured via ballistic trauma- a new record for an American student!
 
===Post-massacre fatalities===
Despite the caucasian chimpout being long over, Columbine left an invincible wave of destruction to forever plague the victims and their families, and people all over the world.
 
*'''Hundreds of People''': A huge chunk of mass shootings, and nearly '''all''' school shootings, connect to Columbine in a way, as the massacre opened up a pandora's box, spawning [[Columbine Copycats|copycats]] and helping to turn the act of ass murder into a meme for losers to follow.
 
*'''Greg Barnes''': This guy was the friend of Matthew Kechter who was shot to death in the shooting. The overwhelming sorrow of brutally losing his best buddy helped to push this troubled teen over the edge. Shortly after the first anniversary of the attack, this guy killed himself via hanging, while he listened to the song "Adam's Song" by Blink 182. This caused significant drama in the already-shocked community.
 
*'''Carla Hochhalter''': Mother of Anne Hochhalter, who was injured in the attacks. Carla was severely depressed before Columbine, but the event pushed her over the edge. She killed herself at a gun store in front of around a dozen witnesses.
 
*'''Austin Eubanks''': Victim who [https://www.yahoo.com/news/columbine-school-shooting-survivor-found-dead-home-233854935.html 'lost his battle'] to [[drugs]].


==Rachael Scott==
==Rachael Scott==
[[File:ColumbineVictims.jpg|400px|thumb|right|NOOBZ PWND.]]
 
'''Rachael Scott''' was some stupid [[cunt|cunt]] who made the mistake of [[retard|eating outside the front door of Columbine High School]] the day of the pwnage. She caught a few dozen rounds in the [[ass]] and [[tits]] and died. This caused many [[Christfag]] family members to instantly [[cry|bawwww]] over the loss of their little girl (also known as [[Missing white woman syndrome]]). [[Jew|They then decided to market her]]. [[liar|They said that "she envisioned changing the world" and that in her bullet ridden notebook she drew a picture of a plant crying "9 tears". Those "9 tears" were apparently a psychic vision made by the dead bitch]].  
'''Rachael Scott''' was some stupid [[cunt|cunt]] who made the mistake of [[retard|eating outside the front door of Columbine High School]] the day of the grand Caucasian chimpout spree. [[Rape|She caught a few dozen rounds in the]] [[ass]] and [[tits]] and died. This caused many [[Christfag]] family members to instantly [[cry|bawwww]] over the loss of their little girl (also known as [[Missing white woman syndrome]]). [[Jew|They then decided to market her]]. [[liar|They said that "she envisioned changing the world" and that in her bullet-ridden notebook she drew a picture of a plant crying "9 tears". Those "9 tears" were apparently a psychic vision made by the dead bitch]].  


===Friends of Rachael Club===
===Friends of Rachael Club===
So the hillbilly fucks started a group/way to profit off from the death of a family member, called the "friends of Rachael club". Basically, they [[troll]] the hallways of high schools asking people to be nice to random wapanese and animefags and asking for donations. Only [[fat|fat losers]], [[cunt|cunts]] with no boy friends, [[furry|furries]], and [[dyke|dykes]] are in the friends of Rachael club. To sell the groups image they had a random hick they paid in moonshine say he was Rachael’s uncle, and that [http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt124361.html/ Eric and Dylan were Nazis] . When he said this, schools everywhere then shat bricks and exclaimed in the genius fashion that only high schoolers can achieve, "HITLER IS BAD!!!1ONEONEONE" Many other students then responded by closing the pool and forming 8 man swastigets.  
So the hillbilly fucks started a group/way to profit off from the death of a family member, called the "friends of Rachael club". Basically, they [[troll]] the hallways of high schools asking people to be nice to random wapanese and animefags and asking for donations. Only [[fat|fat losers]], [[cunt|cunts]] with no boyfriends, [[furry|furries]], and [[dyke|dykes]] are in the friends of Rachael club. To sell the groups image they had a random hick they paid in moonshine say he was Rachael’s uncle, and that [http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt124361.html/ Eric and Dylan were Nazis]. When he said this, schools everywhere then shat bricks and exclaimed in the genius fashion that only high schoolers can achieve, "HITLER IS BAD!!!1ONEONEONE" Many other students then responded by closing the pool and forming 8 man swastigets.  


tl;dr Rachael got [http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt124361.html/ owned] and family is butthurt.
tl;dr Rachael got [http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt124361.html/ owned] and family is butthurt.
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{{Clear}}
{{Clear}}


===I'm Not Ashamed===
===''I'm Not Ashamed''===


17 years after Columbine, the family STILL tries to profit off the death of their daughter; this time, they've contracted a team to make a movie about the dead bitch. The only ones to give good reviews are typically [[redundant|religious nuts]]. There are some reports that numerous [[Columbiners]] went to see this movie [[IRL Troll|whilst wearing a trenchcoat]].
[[2016|Seventeen years after Columbine]], the family STILL tries to profit off the death of their daughter; this time, they've contracted a team to make a movie about the dead bitch. The only ones to give good reviews are typically [[redundant|religious nuts]]. There are some reports that numerous [[Columbiners]] went to see this movie [[IRL Troll|whilst wearing a trenchcoat]].


<center><youtube>KdS4CFj02Bo</youtube></center>
<center><youtube>KdS4CFj02Bo</youtube></center>


==Cassie Bernall==
==Cassie Bernall==
Urban legend has it that one of their victims, a girl named Cassie, was reading a Bible in study hall when the two stormed in and started [[trolling IRL]]. The less socially awkward boy noticed this and [[allegedly]] asked her, "[[Do you believe in god]]?" to which she answered "yes" and was beaten to death with a [[Half-Life|crowbar]]. [[IRL]] none of this actually happened, as he simply shot her since she was cowering like a bitch. The last person to see her alive said that her last words were "Dear God. Dear God. Why is this happening? I just want to go home," one of the whiniest things heard by man, so the shooter was obligated to shoot her. Her parents have since milked the story to make lots of [[money]] as neither of them have a [[conscience]]. She has since become [[an hero]] to the cult of [[Christianity]].  
Urban legend has it that one of their victims, a girl named Cassie, was reading a Bible in study hall when the two stormed in and started [[trolling IRL]]. The less socially awkward boy noticed this and [[allegedly]] asked her, "[[Do you believe in god]]?" to which she answered "yes" and was beaten to death with a [[Half-Life|crowbar]]. [[IRL]] none of this actually happened, as he simply shot her after saying "Peekaboo". The last person to see her alive said that her last words were "Dear God. Dear God. Why is this happening? I just want to go home," one of the whiniest things heard by man, so the shooter was obligated to shoot her. Her parents have since milked the story to make lots of [[money]] as neither of them have a [[conscience]]. She has since become [[an hero]] to the cult of [[Christianity]].  


People try to use Cassie's death as a way to prove the so-called oppression of the Christians in today's society, forgetting the rest of the godless heathens who were shot up that day. [[PROTIP]]: They all fucking deserved it.   
People try to use Cassie's death as a way to prove the so-called oppression of the Christians in today's society, forgetting the rest of the godless heathens who were shot up that day. [[PROTIP]]: They all fucking deserved it.   
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==JO MAMMA!==
==JO MAMMA!==
Eric Harris, when he wasn't building bombs or fucking his boyfriend or dreaming up new ways to kill people over IRC with Osama Bin Ladin, had a number of webpages, where he pioneered the [[anti-joke]], mirrored [http://acolumbinesite.com/eric/mama.html here].
Eric Harris, when he wasn't building bombs or fucking his boyfriend or dreaming up new ways to kill people over IRC with Osama Bin Ladin, had a number of web pages, where he pioneered the [[anti-joke]], mirrored [http://acolumbinesite.com/eric/mama.html here].


Prime selections:
Prime selections:
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''JO mamma sees so many stray dogs in her neighborhood that she talks the humans society a lot.....JJJEAAAAA''
''JO mamma sees so many stray dogs in her neighborhood that she talks the humans society a lot.....JJJEAAAAA''


''Jo mamma likes cheesecake so much that she make a pretty good one herself!....whenever she wants!......one......JEEEYAAAAA!!!''
''Jo mamma likes cheesecake so much that she makes a pretty good one herself!....whenever she wants!......one......JEEEYAAAAA!!!''


''Jo mamma has said the word carrot so many times, that she is very good at pronouncing it! JEEEEYAAAAA!!!''''
''Jo mamma has said the word carrot so many times, that she is very good at pronouncing it! JEEEEYAAAAA!!!''''
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==OMG there's an RPG!!!==
==OMG there's an RPG!!!==
Released on the anniversary of the Columbine Massacre in [[2005]], [[Super Columbine Massacre RPG]] was an instant internet success, causing epic levels of butthurt and win. The game can be found [http://www.columbinegame.com/ here].
Released on the anniversary of the Columbine Massacre in [[2005]], [[Super Columbine Massacre RPG]] was an instant Internet success, causing epic levels of butthurt and win. The game can be found [http://www.columbinegame.com/ here].


{{main|Super Columbine Massacre RPG}}
{{main|Super Columbine Massacre RPG}}


==Fun Ways to Troll Columbine Survivors==
==Fun ways to troll Columbine survivors==


Go ahead. It's as easy as 1-2-3!
Go ahead. It's as easy as 1-2-3!
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*2.)  Log onto Facebook
*2.)  Log onto Facebook
*3.)  Type one of the survivor's names in the Facebook search bar
*3.)  Type one of the survivor's names in the Facebook search bar
*4.)  If you find that one of the supposed-survivor's has an existing account, make sure it is the exact person
*4.)  If you find that one of the supposed survivors has an existing account, make sure it is the exact person
*5.)  Send them a message explaining how "sorry" you are for their experience
*5.)  Send them a message explaining how "sorry" you are for their experience
*???)  Wait for a genuine reply
*???)  Wait for a genuine reply
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|<youtube>8kBuLYYdn1w</youtube> <br> <center>'''Victim's Dad feeds the trolls'''</center>
|<youtube>8kBuLYYdn1w</youtube> <br> <center>'''Victim's Dad feeds the trolls'''</center>
|<youtube>dtKV8Z7-oPg</youtube> <br> <center>'''Columbine:Reloaded (UNFINISHED TEST)'''</center>
|<youtube>dtKV8Z7-oPg</youtube> <br> <center>'''Columbine:Reloaded (UNFINISHED TEST)'''</center>
|<youtube>WR_3HbS5nzk</youtube> <br> <center>'''[[Pokemon]] remix'''</center>
|<youtube>F6BxyVy2XJc</youtube> <br> <center>'''[[Pokemon]] remix'''</center>
|<youtube>k3lWp3MwbzQ</youtube> <br> <center>'''Columbine Documentary''' </center>
|<youtube>a4K8YE1ZatU</youtube> <br> <center>'''Another one</center>
|<youtube>a4K8YE1ZatU</youtube> <br> <center>'''Another one</center>
|<youtube>kDUF8AnuqcM</youtube> <br> <center>'''[[SpongeBob|ColumBob]]'''</center>
|<youtube>kDUF8AnuqcM</youtube> <br> <center>'''[[SpongeBob|ColumBob]]'''</center>
|<youtube>aXAaijf-1JU</youtube> <br> <center>'''ERIC HARRIS STRIKES BACK'''</center>
|<youtube>aXAaijf-1JU</youtube> <br> <center>'''ERIC HARRIS STRIKES BACK'''</center>
|<youtube>joMWeQVDtbg</youtube> <br> <center>'''Lost Basement Tapes recovered'''</center>
|<youtube>Fq1V4jHOePU</youtube> <br> <center>'''Columbine REMIX'''</center>
|<youtube>WAH1A4qMw5w</youtube> <br> <center>'''Columbine Ref's in [[Eminem]]'s Music'''</center>
|<youtube>sx8UegbfkVQ</youtube> <br> <center>'''Lost Basement Tapes recovered'''</center>
|<youtube>L8nJsh4Y4Lo</youtube> <br> <center>'''Columbine [[Doom]] .wad'''</center>}}|border=#FF4000|background=#FF4000}}
|<youtube>10kpjp05IkA</youtube> <br> <center>'''Columbine Ref's in [[Eminem]]'s Music'''</center>
|<youtube>uNsW4OkKOm4</youtube> <br> <center>'''Columbine [[Doom]] .wad'''</center>}}|border=#FF4000|background=#FF4000}}
|}
|}


== The Basement Tapes ==
== The basement tapes ==
So far only 2 out of 5 tapes were officially released to the public, the other 3 are claimed to be [http://www.westword.com/news/columbine-killers-basement-tapes-destroyed-6283043 destroyed] because of fear of potential [[Columbine Copycats|copycat]] violence in [[teenager|teenaged]] white kids.
So far only two out of five tapes were officially released to the public, the other three are claimed to be [http://www.westword.com/news/columbine-killers-basement-tapes-destroyed-6283043 destroyed] because of fear of potential [[Columbine Copycats|copycat]] violence in [[teenager|teenaged]] white kids.
{| style="margin: 0 auto"
{| style="margin: 0 auto"
|{{frame|
|{{frame|
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<!--  
<!--  


NOTICE: The faggot removed all 7 of his videos, thus making these tl;dr tapes much harder to find. I suggest anyone editing this page whos reading this help track down the videos. they're usually 10+ mins in length each, made by the killers. The vids are usually pay-to-retrieve, cus the corrupt jefferson cops want moar shekels. Plz mirror the vids and edit this shit back in.  
NOTICE: The faggot removed all seven of his videos, thus making these tl;dr tapes much harder to find. I suggest anyone editing this page who is reading this helps track down the videos. they're usually 10+ mins in length each, made by the killers. The vids are usually pay-to-retrieve, cus the corrupt Jeffersons cops want moar shekels. Plz mirror the vids and edit this shit back in.  


== MOAR VLOGS ==
== MOAR VLOGS ==
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File:Columbinehighschool.jpg|Columbine High School, 2016
File:Columbinehighschool.jpg|Columbine High School, 2016
File:Whitecaps.png|A jock with a white hat
File:Whitecaps.png|A jock with a white hat
File:Columbinecrosses.jpg|Crosses for the victims. All 15 of them.
File:Columbinecrosses.jpg|Crosses for the victims. All fifteen of them.
File:Classof1999.jpg|Class of 1999
File:Classof1999.jpg|Class of 1999
File:Wimpykid.jpg|Diary of a Wimpy Kid
File:Wimpykid.jpg|Diary of a Wimpy Kid
File:Columbine army of two.png|Army of Two
File:Columbine army of two.png|Army of Two
File:Tec9.jpg|The true culprit!  
File:Tec9.jpg|The true culprit!  
File:Radiationclothings.gif|Radioactive Clothing.
File:Radiationclothings.gif|Radioactive clothing.
</gallery>|}}
</gallery>|}}


==See Also==
==See also==


<u>'''Influenced by:'''</u>
<u>'''Influenced by:'''</u>
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*[[Columbine Copycats]] - For a detailed list, please check out this page.
*[[Columbine Copycats]] - For a detailed list, please check out this page.


*[[Ryan Schallenberger]] - Tried to copy columbine, but failed at it.
*[[Vladislav Roslyakov]] - Tried to copy Columbine, [[win|and actually succeeded]].
*[[Ryan Schallenberger]] - Also tried to copy Columbine, [[fail|but failed]].
*[[Cho Seung-Hui]] of the [[Virginia Tech shootings massacre]] - Mentions their names in his manifesto.
*[[Cho Seung-Hui]] of the [[Virginia Tech shootings massacre]] - Mentions their names in his manifesto.
*[[Adam Lanza]] - Was obsessed with columbine before his shooting spree.
*[[Adam Lanza]] - Was obsessed with columbine before his shooting spree.
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*[[Chris Harper-Mercer]] - Like weise, also copycatted the "Do you believe in god" line.
*[[Chris Harper-Mercer]] - Like weise, also copycatted the "Do you believe in god" line.
*[[Kimveer Gill]] - Fanboi autist of Reb & VoDKa who managed to only [[Epic Fail|rack up 1 single kill]].
*[[Kimveer Gill]] - Fanboi autist of Reb & VoDKa who managed to only [[Epic Fail|rack up 1 single kill]].
*[[Randy Robert Stair]] - Mentally ill tranny autist freak who became a [[Columbiner]] and wanted to go for the [[high score]] after learning about Columbine.
*[[Matthew Murray]] - Plagiarized Eric Harris constantly. 
*[[Alex Hribal]] - Claimed to have been possessed by the spirits of Reb & VoD and forced to carry out an attack.  
*[[Alex Hribal]] - Claimed to have been possessed by the spirits of Reb & VoD and forced to carry out an attack.  
*[[Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath]] - Along with 2 other fags, attempted to copycat columbine but got arrested b4 the plan kicked off.
*[[Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath]] - Along with two other fags, attempted to copycat columbine but got arrested b4 the plan kicked off.
*[[Lynn Ann]] - The most dedicated fangirl in lolumbiner history.
*[[Lynn Ann]] - The most dedicated fangirl in lolumbiner history.
*[[William Atchison]] - Tried to emulate his two heroes, [[lmao|but failed miserably]].
<u>'''Other'''</u>
<u>'''Other'''</u>


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*[[Defense Industries Organization]]
*[[Defense Industries Organization]]
*[[Dillon Cossey]]
*[[Dillon Cossey]]
*[[Matthew Murray]]
*[[Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting]]
*[[Mark Essex]]
*[[Mark Essex]]
*[[Murder]]
*[[Murder]]
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*[[ZDaemon]]
*[[ZDaemon]]
*[[Natural_Selection_game|''Natural Selection'' (game)]]
*[[Natural_Selection_game|''Natural Selection'' (game)]]
*[[Patrick Purdy]]
*[[Thomas Watt Hamilton]] - UK's version of Eric Harris
*[[Sandy Hook]]
*[[Salvador Ramos]] - [[Tranny]] [[spic]] who shot up a school in [[Texas]]


==External Links==
==External links==
[[File:Sincecolumbine.jpg|thumb|right]]
[[File:Sincecolumbine.jpg|thumb|right]]


===Play At Home Versions===
===Play at home versions===
Try for the high score with these games!
Try for the high score with these games!
*[http://www.acolumbinesite.com/eric/doom.html Eric's ''Doom'' WADs] (said to be srsly [[lame]] but bloody) and some ''Quake'' stuff (only the readmes thar, awww, noes!)
*[http://www.acolumbinesite.com/eric/doom.html Eric's ''Doom'' WADs] (said to be srsly [[lame]] but bloody) and some ''Quake'' stuff (only the readmes thar, awww, noes!)
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*[[Lulzy Mods#Columbine Simulation|Columbine Reinactment Mod]] - Got GMOD? Load this into the game and go apeshit!
*[[Lulzy Mods#Columbine Simulation|Columbine Reinactment Mod]] - Got GMOD? Load this into the game and go apeshit!


===Info Pages / Resources===
===Relics===
Old shit from the 90s and early 2000s
 
*[http://www.asecular.com/trenchcoat/ Columbine Parody Site]{{Archive|QX4US}} - tricked lots of retarded boomers back in the day.
 
===Info pages / resources===
*[[Amazon]] supports this [http://www.acolumbinesite.com/ Exploitation site] - Site has some good media, a lot of [[Whine|whining]], and more [[lies|disinformation]].
*[[Amazon]] supports this [http://www.acolumbinesite.com/ Exploitation site] - Site has some good media, a lot of [[Whine|whining]], and more [[lies|disinformation]].
*[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8yM_WKDZsKD0lJ_BzwpflQ The most comprehensive video gallery relating to lolumbine yet!]
*[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8yM_WKDZsKD0lJ_BzwpflQ The most comprehensive video gallery relating to lolumbine yet!]
*[http://www.members.tripod.com/~VanessaWest/columbine-4.html An incredible detailed page on the whole thing from start to finish with a detailed timeline, reports, evidence, and media.  Seriously, this woman has way too much free time.]
*[http://www.members.tripod.com/~VanessaWest/columbine-4.html An incredibly detailed page on the whole thing from start to finish with a detailed timeline, reports, evidence, and media.  Seriously, this woman has way too much free time.]
*[http://www.documentingreality.com/forum/f237/columbine-victims-death-crime-scene-pictures-37271/ Columbine Victim's Death & Crime Scene Pictures]
*[http://www.documentingreality.com/forum/f237/columbine-victims-death-crime-scene-pictures-37271/ Columbine Victim's Death & Crime Scene Pictures]
*[http://community.livejournal.com/rebandvodka/ LOL fanbois]
*[http://community.livejournal.com/rebandvodka/ LOL fanbois]
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*[https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/0B-FhGN3q1_lYcWw1N243TjdiZEU Columbine 1999 Yearbook]
*[https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/0B-FhGN3q1_lYcWw1N243TjdiZEU Columbine 1999 Yearbook]


 
===Old news articles===
===Old News Articles===


*{{Archive|Q8dNB|Goth-fashion crackdown seen by some as fascism}}
*{{Archive|Q8dNB|Goth-fashion crackdown seen by some as fascism}}
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*[http://extras.denverpost.com/news/shotmain.htm Denver Post articles from Dec 1 2000 to April 7 2001]
*[http://extras.denverpost.com/news/shotmain.htm Denver Post articles from Dec 1 2000 to April 7 2001]


===Modern News Articles===
===Modern news articles===
*[http://www.cannabisculture.com/content/2009/04/20/taking-back-420-richard-castaldo-ten-years-after-columbine Taking Back 4/20: Richard Castaldo Ten Years After Columbine]
*[http://www.cannabisculture.com/content/2009/04/20/taking-back-420-richard-castaldo-ten-years-after-columbine Taking Back 4/20: Richard Castaldo Ten Years After Columbine]


{{Columbine}}
{{Columbine}}
{{education}}
{{education}}
{{Template:Goth}}
{{Goth}}
{{Psychopaths}}
{{Elliot Rodger}}
{{High Scores}}
{{High Scores}}
{{gun control}}
{{gun control}}
{{anheroes}}
{{anheroes}}
{{pedoseries}}
{{Lulzhistory}}
{{Jewseries}}
<br>
<br>


{{Timeline|Featured article April 20, [[2009]]|[[Manhunt]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Manhunt]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article April 20, [[2009]]|[[Manhunt]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Manhunt]]}}


[[Category:Events]][[Category:People]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Locations]]
[[Category:Locations]]
[[Category:Columbine]]
[[Category:Columbine]]
[[Category:Crime]]
[[Category:Crime]]
[[Category:Suicide]]
[[Category:1999]]

Latest revision as of 19:01, 3 November 2024

Offended?

If you have been offended by "Columbine",
please click here and slowly scroll down to the bottom of the page.


Lose two iPods?

This page contains two an heroes.


Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold
Born April 9, 1981 (Eric)
September 11, 1981 (Dylan)
Died April 20, 1999 (aged 18 and 17)
Nationality Americunt  
Highscore Killed 13, injured 24 (21 by gunfire)
Top 50? No
Style FPS, Co-Op Mode
An Hero? Yes
Motive Idklol
The two heroes pictures here
Oh Jay and Silent Bob! Up to another hair-brained scheme!
They had been planning for a looooooooooooooong time.
The one on the left was clearly "the brains" of this operation.
Evidence of third shooter?
Now available in stores for PS1; $42.099!
More like Lolumbine amirite?
The heroes of Columbine. (but are the books alright?)
lol
Was actually believed to cause Lolumbine with his satanic heavy angry emo-death metol witchcraft music

The Columbine High School Massacre (Still a better love story than Twilight) was basically the funniest thing that has ever happened in any high school evar. On April 20th, 1999, in Littleton, Colorado, American an heroes Eric David Harris and Dylan Bennet Klebold got over a dozen frags IRL at their local high school after attempting to simulate Doom in the real world. Originally, they planned on blowing up their schools' cafeteria during lunchtime, but their propane bombs failed and they ended up rushing into the school, killing people left and right before turning their guns on themselves and becoming an heroes. Their total kill count was 13, an unimpressive score given how they were using sub-machine guns in the pistol round, and were elevated to "WORST PEOPLE OF 1999" posthumously, for the most violent school shooting spree in American history shortly after Bill Clinton authorized the massacre of thousands of Serbian children.

They held this title for nearly a decade before a gook killed over thirty people at Virginia Tech in 2007, although Eric and Dylan still hold the high score for high school shooting- in America, that is they were later overtaken by Nikolas Jacob Cruz on February 14, 2018. German residents Tim Kretschmer and Robert Steinhauser racked up fifteen and sixteen frags, respectively, at their local schools.

In the weeks, months, and years following their killing spree, massive witchhunts were held as trolls, goths, musicians (Marilyn Manson, Eminem), movies (Natural Born Killers, The Matrix), television shows, and anyone not amongst the exclusive ranks of The beautiful people were rounded up and taken to concentration camps as the need to scapegoat anyone for the crimes led to America being whipped up into a frenzy of anti-lulz, and retardation in the biggest moral panic in decades, of the same category of the future 9/11 attacks. Instead of waging a war of terror against innocent sand niggers, Americunts made the lives of teenagers even worse by destroying the lives of any weird or unconventional kids, for dozens of years to come.

Despite happening well over a generation ago, the Columbine High School Massacre still continues to inspire thousands upon thousands of columbine copycats and fangirls to this very day. Like they stated in their manifesto, Eric and Dylan continue to inspire paranoia, fear, copycats, and more terror upon the world, 18+ years after they died. Columbine also has a permanent effect on American culture, if not global culture in general; just try wearing a trench coat to school and see how that plays out for you.

History

On April 20th (coincidentally Hitler's birthday) Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold forgot to take their Prozac and engaged in final fap sessions while listening to "The Beautiful People," shut the lights off of all reality, got in their cars, skipped homeroom and were late to school (started the day off h4rdc0rE). They arrived, hit the "start button," selected characters, ReB and v0dKa, and decided to go on a killing spree on Level 1 of H4rr15 Levels after spending an entire year planning it out. (They fapped over this for a year and some months) building bombs, buying guns, making movies and writing stories declaring their plans while KMFDM played in the background, and even practicing their killing spree on various first-person shooter games. However, they phailed hard because on their $5 per hour pay they could only afford shit-tier guns and not the TACTICOOL DEAGLEs or P90s that they fapped over.

Loadout

The Columbine killers assembled an impressive arsenal- well, impressive for the minimum wage budget they were running on. These are the evil tactical sentient mass murder assault weapons that crybaby leftist cocksuckers want to ban:


Eric Harris
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: Hi-point 995 Carbine
  • A cheap, ugly, piece-of-shit 9mm carbine with crappy poor quality 10 round magazines. The media at the time liked to refer to this gun as an 'assault rifle' even though it had been specifically designed to comply with the 'assault weapons ban' put in place in 1994 supposedly to stop things like this from happening. Real assault rifles (which are capable of selecting between semi and fully-automatic or burst fire) are not readily available to the general public anyway. TL;DR: Epic gun control fail. 18~30 Damage.
  • Secondary: *Savage-Springfield 67H Shotgun
  • Pump action 12 gauge that no one's ever heard of that was over 30 years old. Stock completely sawed-off and barrel sawed-off to make the whole gun an illegally short 26 inches long (the length Eric wished his dick was). This gun became Eric's imaginary girlfriend which he called 'Arlene' and had sex with a number of times in an attempt to fill the shotgun cartridges with his AIDS infected semen to make it moar deadly. 60~130 Damage.
  • Tertiary: Pipe Bombs and Knives
  • An arsenal of poorly made explosives and lame knives they're too weak to successfully utilize unless they have a high critical rate is present. 12~999 Damage.
  • Perk 1: Sociopathy/Psycho
  • This perk is derived from filling out one of the Autism/Asspie skill trees. 18 years of accumulated anglo rage unleashed upon the world. It is in his genetics to mass murder millions of people anyways. Unfortunately that little faggot was too much of a tool to do anything right. Extreme increase in damage, destruction, and HP in exchange for apathy towards the well-being of teammates. (+4 Frenzy points a day (+30% weapon damage, +3 Constitution for 6 minutes) (+20% weapon damage) (+25% intimidation success) (-90% empathy)
  • Perk 2: Assault Trenchcoat
  • This cheap ass duster allows for additional inventory for the player along with a moderate bonus to intimidation attribute. However, movement is moderately staggered. (+8 inventory slots) (+30% intimidation success) (-1 Agility) (-10% movement speed)


Dylan Klebold
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: Intratech TEC-DC9
  • The other craptastic 9mm used. A poorly made, cheap, jam-o-matic made to look like a machine pistol to appeal to niggers and spics for use in drive-by's. Early models could be illegally converted to full-auto which, again, the media had a shit fit about even though the gun used was a later model which could not be converted. Not that they needed to worry as these two retards' ineptitude in engineering (as can be seen with the crappy non-exploding bombs they made) would probably mean that any attempt to convert it would just result in it exploding in their face the next time they tried to fire it. 21~33 Damage.
  • Secondary: Double-Barrel Savage 311-D
  • A shitty double-barrel shotgun that was sawed off to an extreme and lacks a good stock, thus presenting extreme recoil to the noodle-armed kike. Very ineffective unless the Sneak Attack bonus is applied at close range. 65~155 Damage.
  • Tertiary: Pipe Bombs and Knives
  • An arsenal of poorly made explosives and lame knives they're too weak to successfully utilize unless a high critical rate is present. 12~999 Damage.
  • Perk 1: Height
  • Dylan Klebold was a tall ass kike, standing at 6'3. This provides additional movement speed along with the intimidation factor. (+15% movement speed) (+35% intimidation success)
  • Perk 2: Assault Trenchcoat
  • This cheap ass duster allows for additional inventory for the player along with a moderate bonus to intimidation attribute. However, movement is moderately staggered. (+8 inventory slots) (+30% intimidation success) (-1 Agility) (-10% movement speed)

In addition to this, the two faggots carried a number of knives that they didn't use, along with a number of IEDs of various sizes and designs that they built using instructions from the Internet to blow up the school, but ultimately failed when the vast majority of them didn't assplode. These include:

As you can see, gun control laws totally work. Mass murder is only possible with full auto AK-47's. Criminals will totally follow the law and won't ever make homemade bombs or saw off their shotguns, or just go to gun shows to get around background checks. Totally.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 13/20 5 by Klebold and 8 by Harris, 21 injured between the two.
Accuracy: 11/20
Style: 20/20 Manipulation, bomb collection, trenchcoat, ski masks, macabre flair and KMFDM
Butthurt: 200/20 Creating a moral panic, inspiring generations of copy-cats, and pissed off the school system for 20+ years
Bonus: 20/20 OG Shooters
Total Score: 264/100 (S++)
Invest more skillpoints in Explosives next time.
See full ranking


Wanted Level:

National Guard


Scapegoats

Eric and Dylan apparently had a lot of love and fanboyism towards Marylin Manson and his music according to Old Media. An irony, since in reality, Eric hated that fag and Dylan only had a poster of the band but rarely listened to it. Manson took part of the blame because angry parents mistakenly believed that the two fags were obsessed his music. They also hated Hitler, or at least Klebold did. Even more interesting was that he was a Jew. In addition, Klebold was born on 9/11, 1981; 20 years before WTC. No, srsly. Coincidence? Harris meanwhile admired both Hitler AND Osama Bin Ladin, with Harris regularly IMing Osama and telling him all about the various mass murder schemes that Harris dreamed up at night while masturbating to crime scene photos he downloaded off of the Internet. Most notably, Harris is the one who gave Osama the idea of flying planes into buildings, making Eric Harris the REAL man behind 9/11.

Afterward, EVERYONE who loved to censor society felt the need to blame just about everything in pop culture as the cause of the killing spree, such as Eminem, Doom, and even Goths, despite the killers hating goth culture and rap music. Others tried to blame the Victim, by bringing up the fact that Columbine High School was a literal hell on Earth, where a violent Jockocracy, ruled by the worst of the worst of the school's student athletes, had complete and total control of the school. This was only further worsened by the school's ass-kissing teachers/administrators who allowed bullying to run rampant and was just asking for their students to take up arms and literally take the school back in violent revolution taken straight out of the history books tales of the American Revolution.

Of course, at the time it was unknown that Eric Harris was a complete and total sociopath who would have grown up to be a serial killer or the guy in special forces who goes insane in the field killing Iraqis, and has to be put down by his fellow soldiers. Or that his lover, Dylan Klebold, was a closet homosexual who let Eric fuck him in the ass and face and followed him with his plot, with Eric manipulating Dylan's emo-ness and submissive nature.

TL;DR:

In Littleton, Colorado born and raised
Making pipebombs was where I spent most of my days
Luvoxin' out Doomin' KMFDMin' all gay
And all settin' some time bombs outside of the school
When a couple of jocks
Who were up to no good
Started making fun of the way I dressed
I shot 18 kids and the cops got scared,
They said, "You're movin' with Ted Bundy and Jeff Dahmer in prison!"

I called for the cops and when they came near
The license plate said jocks and it had footballs in the mirror
If anything I can say this car was rare
But I thought "Now forget it" - "Yo ReB, to the commons!"

I pulled up to the school about 10 or 11
And I yelled to the cops "Natural Selection"
I looked at my high school
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Counter-Strike irl.

Columbine was ruled for years as the deadliest School Shooting evar, until it was surpassed by the Virginia Tech massacre in 2007. Of course, Virginia Tech is a college (and was committed by an Asian), so some argue that Columbine is still number one even though it took two people to kill 13, and even then, centered around a bunch of bombs that weren't built right and didn't fucking go off. Harris and Klebold were clearly trolling after killing ten people; Cho was trying too hard.

Controversy

Definitive proof that the columbine killers were fags.

Some argue that Eric and Dylan were lovers and that Jews did Columbine or that Dylan just fell mugu to Eric's plan. What is funny about this though, is the fact that Dylan and Eric were actually part of a Jewish power movement bent on exterminating non-Jews, causing much lulz to people smart enough to research lolumbine. The fact that Klebold was born on September 11th, 1981, and his fag friend 'Reb' wanted to hijack a plane and crash it into the World Trade Center is enough evidence to support this hypothesis. This also made the gods of irony cum instantly upon hearing the "Friends of Rachael Club" say that Eric and Dylan were "Hitler worshipers".

In one of their videos called "Hitmen for Hire" (having previously featured a member of staff from the school), the boys proclaim themselves to be the white knights of those abused at the school by the jock shitheads, suggesting they would be targeting specific cliques for eradication. When the day finally arrived and the shooting began, it appears the ultra surge of orgasmic, delirium-inducing adrenaline pulsing through their minds took over, and they began shooting randomly, indicating a potential epic fail with regards to the mission objective - the boys did not have the bomb. They did, however, have an example of why terrorists should test DIY bombs prior to putting them into service when using The Anarchist Cookbook as primary reference material. The selection of an indiscriminate killing weapon (Propane tank bomb) forms a second disparity with the viewpoints from their white knight videos.

List of jocks pwned

Information on those PWN'd

Fatalities

  • Rachel Scott: 17/yo Stacy who was among the first casualties. We cover her in more detail later on in the article.
  • Daniel Rohrbough: 15/yo nerdy kid. Police incompetence with reporting his death, and conspiracies lead the family to believe that SWAT accidentally pwn'd him.
  • Cassie Bernall: 17/yo obsessive christfag. Many believed her to be the girl who was asked "Do you believe in god?, making her another martyr for religious freaks. We also have a segment about her below.
  • Steve Curnow:14/yo armyfag and jock.
  • Corey DePooter: 17/yo jock and normie
  • Kelly Fleming: 16/yo emo artfag who looked like she would've shot up the school anyway even if Reb and Vodka hadn't
  • Matthew Kechter: 16/yo roidmonkey football jock/chad.
  • Isaiah Shoels: 18/yo nigra and jock who was called a nigger and murdered. His parents cried 'muh racism' and fled the evil bigoted state of Colorado to flee to more liberal pastures - Texas.
  • John Tomlin: 16/yo christfag and redneck.
  • Lauren Townsend: 18/yo Stacy and captain of a volleyball team.
  • Kyle Velasquez: 16/yo mentally disabled student with a big physique.
  • William "Dave" Sanders: 47/yo man who taught computer and business skills at the school for 25+ years. Upon discovering what was beginning to hatch out, he directed hundreds of students to safety. He was shot and critically wounded, leaving him to bleed to death while SWAT was too pussy to infiltrate the school and failed to stop 2 retards. This, along with the deaths of library students, caused extreme controversy. Verdict? Fuck the police.

Injuries

  • Brian Anderson: 17/yo injured by glass after Eric spotted him and shot a door. In interviews, he revealed that he was targeted due to wearing a white hat- a sign that he was a jock.
  • Jennifer Doyle: 17/yo generic Stacy who got shot
  • Stephen Eubanks: 16/yo who was best friend of Corey DePooter. Another jock douchebag
  • Nicholas Foss: 18/yo generic douche jock type
  • Sean Graves: 15/yo dude who got shot in the back. Played dead while Dylan stepped over him. Probably saved his life.
  • Makai Hall: 19/yo jap invader. Got interviewed by CNN
  • Anne Hochhalter: 17/yo chick who got injured. Her mom would later an-hero.
  • Patrick Ireland: 17/yo jock. He was the guy who fell down the windows to SWAT. Was the first to think up and propose within local communities by arming school teachers with firearms in order to prevent school shootings.
  • Michael Johnson: 15/yo guy with the most generic name ever.
  • Joyce Jankowski: 45/yo teacher.
  • Mark Kintgen: 17/yo ugly nerd who noticed the school message board read "Today is not a good day to be here." He got shot in the fucking head yet this nerdy son of a bitch survived.
  • Lisa Kreutz: 18/yo cute chick who luckily survived, but never spoke about what happened. Believed to be a
  • Lance Kirklin: 16/yo boy who was friends with Brooks Brown and a few others. Got shot in the face, breaking off huge parts of his jaw and bones. Somehow was able to recover, and continued to hunt with his dad. At a town meeting attended by then-president Bill Clinton, he spoke up in defense of gun rights, triggering liberal fags.
  • Adam Kyler: 16/yo guy who looked like what would happen when you press "Randomize" on the Oblivion character creation menu. He got harassed a lot by Dylan
  • Stephanie Munson: 17/yo chick who got shot in the foot who somehow managed to run the fuck out of the school and get help.
  • Patricia Nielson: 35/yo known as the annoying bitch in the Library calls to 9/11. STUDENTS DOWN UNDER THE TABLES!!!!1
  • Nicole Nowlen: 16/yo chick who looked like a 40 yo.
  • Jeanna Park: 18/yo barely legal gook chick who was unsurprisingly an A+ student.
  • Kacey Ruegsegger: 17/yo chick who got shot and was told to "Quit your bitching". Her story was an integral part of Lolumbine lore.
  • Valeen Schnurr: 18/yo who was the real chick who was asked if she believed in god.
  • Daniel Steepleton: 17/yo kid who provided lots of false information to the pigs
  • Evan Todd: 15/yo jock asshole who was unfortunately spared by Dylan.
  • Mark Taylor: 17/yo new kid who was at the school for only 3 weeks before he was injured via ballistic trauma- a new record for an American student!

Post-massacre fatalities

Despite the caucasian chimpout being long over, Columbine left an invincible wave of destruction to forever plague the victims and their families, and people all over the world.

  • Hundreds of People: A huge chunk of mass shootings, and nearly all school shootings, connect to Columbine in a way, as the massacre opened up a pandora's box, spawning copycats and helping to turn the act of ass murder into a meme for losers to follow.
  • Greg Barnes: This guy was the friend of Matthew Kechter who was shot to death in the shooting. The overwhelming sorrow of brutally losing his best buddy helped to push this troubled teen over the edge. Shortly after the first anniversary of the attack, this guy killed himself via hanging, while he listened to the song "Adam's Song" by Blink 182. This caused significant drama in the already-shocked community.
  • Carla Hochhalter: Mother of Anne Hochhalter, who was injured in the attacks. Carla was severely depressed before Columbine, but the event pushed her over the edge. She killed herself at a gun store in front of around a dozen witnesses.

Rachael Scott

Rachael Scott was some stupid cunt who made the mistake of eating outside the front door of Columbine High School the day of the grand Caucasian chimpout spree. She caught a few dozen rounds in the ass and tits and died. This caused many Christfag family members to instantly bawwww over the loss of their little girl (also known as Missing white woman syndrome). They then decided to market her. They said that "she envisioned changing the world" and that in her bullet-ridden notebook she drew a picture of a plant crying "9 tears". Those "9 tears" were apparently a psychic vision made by the dead bitch.

Friends of Rachael Club

So the hillbilly fucks started a group/way to profit off from the death of a family member, called the "friends of Rachael club". Basically, they troll the hallways of high schools asking people to be nice to random wapanese and animefags and asking for donations. Only fat losers, cunts with no boyfriends, furries, and dykes are in the friends of Rachael club. To sell the groups image they had a random hick they paid in moonshine say he was Rachael’s uncle, and that Eric and Dylan were Nazis. When he said this, schools everywhere then shat bricks and exclaimed in the genius fashion that only high schoolers can achieve, "HITLER IS BAD!!!1ONEONEONE" Many other students then responded by closing the pool and forming 8 man swastigets.

tl;dr Rachael got owned and family is butthurt.

I'm Not Ashamed

Seventeen years after Columbine, the family STILL tries to profit off the death of their daughter; this time, they've contracted a team to make a movie about the dead bitch. The only ones to give good reviews are typically religious nuts. There are some reports that numerous Columbiners went to see this movie whilst wearing a trenchcoat.

Cassie Bernall

Urban legend has it that one of their victims, a girl named Cassie, was reading a Bible in study hall when the two stormed in and started trolling IRL. The less socially awkward boy noticed this and allegedly asked her, "Do you believe in god?" to which she answered "yes" and was beaten to death with a crowbar. IRL none of this actually happened, as he simply shot her after saying "Peekaboo". The last person to see her alive said that her last words were "Dear God. Dear God. Why is this happening? I just want to go home," one of the whiniest things heard by man, so the shooter was obligated to shoot her. Her parents have since milked the story to make lots of money as neither of them have a conscience. She has since become an hero to the cult of Christianity.

People try to use Cassie's death as a way to prove the so-called oppression of the Christians in today's society, forgetting the rest of the godless heathens who were shot up that day. PROTIP: They all fucking deserved it.

Until, of course, you point out to them that no one asked Cassie a goddamned thing and that the question was really directed at another girl, Valeen Schnurr (who lived through the massacre, but didn't get the credit due to her incredibly stupid-sounding name). Survivors are nowhere near as marketable as corpses.

JO MAMMA!

Eric Harris, when he wasn't building bombs or fucking his boyfriend or dreaming up new ways to kill people over IRC with Osama Bin Ladin, had a number of web pages, where he pioneered the anti-joke, mirrored here.

Prime selections:

JO mamma's kitchen lights are SO bright that you can see grease, dust, or any other bad thing in need of seeing.....JJJEEAAAA!!!!!!!!!

JO mamma sees so many stray dogs in her neighborhood that she talks the humans society a lot.....JJJEAAAAA

Jo mamma likes cheesecake so much that she makes a pretty good one herself!....whenever she wants!......one......JEEEYAAAAA!!!

Jo mamma has said the word carrot so many times, that she is very good at pronouncing it! JEEEEYAAAAA!!!''

Insults done by REB, VoDkA, and KiBBz (a friend of theirs IRL).

Badass.

OMG there's an RPG!!!

Released on the anniversary of the Columbine Massacre in 2005, Super Columbine Massacre RPG was an instant Internet success, causing epic levels of butthurt and win. The game can be found here.

Moar info: Super Columbine Massacre RPG.

Fun ways to troll Columbine survivors

Go ahead. It's as easy as 1-2-3!

  • 1.) Look up the Columbine survivors (their names are listed all over the net)
  • 2.) Log onto Facebook
  • 3.) Type one of the survivor's names in the Facebook search bar
  • 4.) If you find that one of the supposed survivors has an existing account, make sure it is the exact person
  • 5.) Send them a message explaining how "sorry" you are for their experience
  • ???) Wait for a genuine reply
  • PROFIT!) After they have replied, send them a link to this page :)

BONUS ROUND!!1 - If they reply to you (and don't block and ghost you) take screencaps of it and put them below this sentence!

Videos


Victim's Dad feeds the trolls


Columbine:Reloaded (UNFINISHED TEST)


Pokemon remix


Another one


ERIC HARRIS STRIKES BACK


Columbine REMIX


Lost Basement Tapes recovered


Columbine Ref's in Eminem's Music


Columbine Doom .wad

The basement tapes

So far only two out of five tapes were officially released to the public, the other three are claimed to be destroyed because of fear of potential copycat violence in teenaged white kids.


Hitmen For Hire - tape 01


Shooting Range - tape 02


Gallery

For a comprehensive gallery, please refer to Columbine Gallery. Please keep only the best pictures below. Otherwise, put your pictures on the Columbine Gallery page.


Columbine Cartography About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See also

Influenced by:

Inspired to follow their lead:

Other

External links

Play at home versions

Try for the high score with these games!

Relics

Old shit from the 90s and early 2000s

Info pages / resources

Old news articles

Modern news articles

Columbine is part of a series on Columbine
[All jocks stand up!NBK]
Columbine:

ColumbineEric Harris and Dylan KleboldSuper Columbine Massacre RPGDo you believe in godColumbine CopycatsColumbine GalleryColumbiners

Admirers

Adam LanzaAlex HribalArtyom KazantsevAsa CoonBob8466Brooke Higgins & Sienna JohnsonCho Seung-HuiDillon CosseyIchverbotJaylen FrybergJeff WeiseKimveer GillLindsay Kantha SouvannarathLynn AnnNeocitiesNghtmrchld26Pekka-Eric AuvinenRobert Butler Jr.Robert HawkinsRobert SteinhäuserRyan SchallenbergerSebastian BosseSol PaisTheAmazingAtheistTim KretschmerVladislav RoslyakovWilliam AtchisonYou

Locations:

ColoradoUnited StatesSchoolSuburbs

Related:

DoomPolice BrutalityPostalSchool ShootingMass ShootingVideo gamesTrenchcoatMarilyn MansonKMFDMRammsteinGothConcerned MotherNewgroundsRyan LambournSchool Shooter: North American Tour 2012The MatrixSouth ParkMichael MooreQuentin Tarantino1990sJack ThompsonGun control

Columbine is part of a series on Education

[Drop OutGo To School]
I WILL NOT KILL MY CLASSMATES...
I WILL NOT KILL MY CLASSMATES...
Columbine is part of a series on
GOTH
[Grow up and quit whiningEmbrace your inner darkness]
I WILL NOT KILL MY CLASSMATES...
I WILL NOT KILL MY CLASSMATES...

Perverts

Don HenrieJerry from Doomsday Refreshment CommitteeJonathon The InhalerLustiferaMichelle BelangerRyle Garamonde

Pussies

Brittany HolechkoDimmuborgiressIckeriss69KurtBatzLarathenMatt CrimminsMissHannahMinxMsUmlautNeil GaimanNickolausPaulie CalafioreSinnSophie LancasterSuccubbusTrent Reznor

Psychos

GothzillaHouse KheperuJeff WeiseJasmine RichardsonKimveer GillLindsay Kantha SouvannarathMemoryandDreamPink SpiderSephirothslaveSebastian BosseTodd Hoyt

Posers

Dani FilthEx-RayeFesazukichanJack SpicerJetTheeReaperPaganDeathKnightTooDamnFilthyVoodoo devil dollYouZeriara

Places

BasementsColumbineDeadJournalGoth macrosHot TopicRichland Collegiate High SchoolVampire Community Message BoardVampire FreaksVampire PosersVampire Shitty

Pastimes

Aiding the Dark Lord in BattleAngstBeing EdgyCuttingDrugsGuroHomosexualityNeil Gaiman's SandmanNecrophiliaNot having friendsMurderMy ImmortalPoetryRuining the InternetSchool ShootingSuicideThe Nightmare Before ChristmasVampirismWhere The Dead Go To DieRuby Gloom

Noise

Anal CuntThe CureDoomsday Refreshment CommitteeDr. SteelDream TheaterEmilie AutumnGothic RockJoy DivisionMisfitsNew RomanticNINThe Sisters of MercySiouxsie and The BansheesSlipknotTool

Columbine
is part of a series on
Elliot Rodger

Supreme Gentleman Elliot Rodger
Followers Ben MoynihanChris Harper-MercerWilliam AtchisonNikolas CruzAlek MinassianMcSkilletBrian Isaack ClydeTobias RathjenArmando HernandezJake DavisonMauricio Martinez Garcia
Predecessors Mutsuo ToiMarc LépineGeorge HennardFlemming NielsenDylan KleboldCho Seung-HuiTomohiro KatoGeorge Sodini
Traits Assburgers syndromeBatshit insaneMisogynyVirgin
See Also Beta UprisingIncelIncelcoreLove-shynessMGTOWNice guys/r9k/World of Warcraft


Columbine is part of a series on Are You Ready? [GAME OVERInsert Coin] Go!
Single Player Elite Hall of Fame

Adam LanzaAnders Behring BreivikAndrew KehoeAriana Grande MassacreBaruch GoldsteinBrenton TarrantCampo Elías DelgadoCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyDong YanglingGabriel WortmanJack Gilbert GrahamJakrapanth ThommaJames HubertyLuby's massacreMartin BryantMutsuo ToiNice Truck Attack 2016Omar MateenPanya KhamrabPatrick CrusiusReina Nightclub MassacreSalvador RamosShinji AobaStephen PaddockTed BundyVladislav RoslyakovWilliam UnekWoo Bum-kon

Single Player Amateur Division

Aaron AlexisAlexandre BissonnetteAkbarzhon JalivovAli David SonbolyAnderson Lee AldrichAndrea PignaniAnton Lundin PetterssonArtyom KazantsevAudrey HaleBrandon Scott HoleBreda Highschool MassacreBreitscheidplatzBrenda Ann SpencerBruce Jeffrey PardoCapital Gazette ShootingCharles Whitman's TumorChris Harper-MercerConnor BettsDallas Police ShootingsDarrell BrooksDavid KatzDavid KozákDavid Malcolm GrayDeath to Traitors, Freedom for BritainDerrick BirdDeWayne CraddockDimitrios PagourtzisDimitrious GargasoulasDmitry VinogradovDylann Storm RoofElliot RodgerÉric BorelEuler Fernando GrandolphoFlemming NielsenFort HoodGabe ParkerGeorge SodiniGian Luigi FerriIan David LongIlnaz GalyavievJake DavisonJames Alex FieldsJames HolmesJared Lee LoughnerJason DaltonJason RodriguezJaylen FrybergJeffrey DahmerJeff WeiseJesse OsborneJiverly VoongJoe StackJohn Russell HouserJohn Wilkes BoothJonathan SapirmanJosef FritzlKhalid MasoodKimveer GillKip KinkelKongsberg Bow and Arrow RampageLam Kor WanMamoru TakumaMarc LépineMark BartonMark EssexMartin PeyerlMatthew de GroodMichael CarnealMichael Kenneth McLendonMichael RyanMikese MorseMr. SaariNathan GaleNghtmrchld26Nikolas CruzNoah EsbensenOrlando HarrisOtoya YamaguchiPatrick PurdyPayton GendronPekka-Eric AuvinenPetri GerdtRamadan Van ManRandy Robert StairRichard SpeckRobert BalesRobert BowersRobert CardRobert CrimoRobert HawkinsRobert LongRobert SteinhäuserRuslan AkhtyamovRyan PalmeterSantino William LeganSatoshi UematsuSayfullo SaipovStephen KazmierczakThe Twinkie ManThomas Matthew CrooksThomas Watt HamiltonTim KretschmerTimothy HendronTimur BekmansurovTJ LaneTobias RathjenTrystan Andrew TerrellTyler PetersonUnabomberWade Michael PageWalter SeifertWellington Menezes de OliveiraZhao ZeweiZug Massacre

Multiplayer Co-Op Mode

1-14 Jakarta AttacksAcademy ManiacsBoston Marathon BombingCharlie HebdoColumbineCrocus City Hall MassacreHiroshima and NagasakiISIS Paris Attack 13-11Jews did WTCLondon Bridge Attack 2017Medianeira School ShootingPearl HarborSan Bernardino ShootingSri Lanka 2019 Terrorist AttacksSuzano School ShootingTimothy McVeighZhaodong Massacre

Civilization and Great Prophets

Adolf HitlerAugusto PinochetAum ShinrikyoCharles MansonHeaven's GateHolocaustJonestownJoseph StalinKim Il-sungMao ZedongOsama bin LadenPol PotSaddam HusseinWacoWorld War II

Banned From Scoring

Alex HribalAnthony WarnerAnton BichivinAsa CoonBen MoynihanBilly MitchellBrandon CleggBrian Isaack ClydeCharles BishopClay DukeDillon CosseyFaisal ShahzadFrank JamesHayden JagstHugo JacksonIlya IvanistovJohn EarnestKyle RittenhouseLaaiti EkenstéenLindsay Kantha SouvannarathLogan ClarkMAGABomberMikhail PivnevNasim AghdamNicky ReillyPhilip ManshausRichard ReidRyan RouthSam HydeSebastian BosseSol PaisStephan BallietTodd RogersWillem Van SpronsenWilliam AtchisonYou

 
[Stop shooting!Pull the trigger]
Columbine is part of a series on Gun Control
Locus in quo:

Abilene Alleyway Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 David Long 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Washington Navy Yard shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫

Supporters

Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews

Main ideas:

Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫

Haters gonna hate:

Daisy Hogg 🔫 Killers 🔫 Republicans

Acts of revenge:

Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting

Objectors:

Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫

Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik

Columbine
is part of a series on
An Heroes

[iPod][Xbox]
Died Alone

1-14 Jakarta AttacksAaron BushnellAaron HowardAaron SwartzAcidChanAdam LanzaAdolf HitlerAkbarzhon DzhalilovAlan TuringAlexis PilkingtonAmanda ToddAn HaloAndrea PignaniAndrew KehoeAndrew KoenigAnthony WarnerAnton Lundin PetterssonArtyom KazantsevAsa CoonAugust AmesBen VoddenBob8466Brandon CleggBrandon CrispBrandon HoleBrenda WilliamsBrigit GonzalezBroadt LedetBruce PardoBubba CopelandBudd DwyerCandyjunkieArcan CetinCharles BishopCharmaine DragunChloe SagalChris BenoitChris DornerChristine ChubbuckChristopher FosterChris Harper-MercerCho Seung-HuiClay DukeCodey PorterDavid RitchesonDerrick BirdDevin KelleyDustin MichaelsDylan KleboldElliot RodgerEmma JonesEric HarrisEtikaEuler GrandolphoGeorge HennardGeorge SodiniGizgizGleb KorablevHannah BondHeath LedgerHunter S. ThompsonIsrael KeyesJake RobertsJames LeshkevichJarrad WillisJaylen FrybergJeff WeiseJenny GrantJewWarioJiverly VoongJodie Gater and Stephanie GestierJoe StackJohn HouserJonathan Kendrick LewisJosé BettsJürgen ConingsKevin Neil WhitrickKlerckKurt CobainLeelah AlcornLivecorpseLowtaxMatthias SchoormannMario FerreyraMarvin HeemeyerMcSkilletMegan MeierMercedes HerreraMia JaninMitchell HendersonMr. HandsMatti SaariJosh BallardNathaniel BerhowNghtmrchld26Nikita LytkinNikki CatsourasOldDirtyBtardOtoya YamaguchiPanya KhamrabPaula GoodspeedPekka-Eric AuvinenPetri GerdtPhilip MarkoffQuentin HubbardRachele RuddRehtaeh ParsonsRicardo LopezRichard JeniRina PalenkovaRobert CardRobert HawkinsRobin WilliamsRonnie McNuttRudolph ZurickRyan PalmeterSadie DavilaSalman AbediSam LeesonShane HalliganShaun DykesShawn WoolleyShayShuaibySol PaisStephanie Michelle BrownStephen KazmierczakStephen HuffStephen PaddockStiletto oneTang YongmingTatiana the TigerTerry DavisThe An Heroes of BridgendTim KretschmerTimothy HendronTony48219Tyler ClementiTyler DumstorfTyler PetersonVerne TroyerWilliam Atchison

Failures

Adf-fuensalidaAhuviya HarelAlek MinassianAmber ButtrumAmy BishopAnton BichivinAriana RaykottoAudrey HaleAydin PaladinBernie MadoffBrandon ClarkBrenda SpencerBrian ClydeBrian ConnorsBrook HigginsCampo DelgadoCharles ZieseCobanermani456Colonel McBadassCrystal ShinkleDavid GrayDeWayne CraddockDimitrios PagourtzisDmitry VinogradovDylann RoofGabe ParkerGeorge StinneyHugo JacksonIlnaz GalyavievImma-The-DeerJakrapanth ThommaJames HubertyJamethJarrod RamosJeffree MoonJessica EvertJonathan RossJoseph CampJustin-anonLindsay SouvannarathLolo FerrariMamoru TakumaMartin BryantMary BellMichael CarnealMichael GimsonMissyMychal BellNeograntNikkineko333Nikolas CruzNoah EsbensenNuzzieKomaOwen WilsonPikacat39PogoRooRainBoy107Richard ReidRandan FontaineRex FowlerRobert CrimoRobert LongSalvador RamosShaan SinghShinji AobaSienna JohnsonSirtom93SneakylizardStephen FryTakeShotActionTimur BekmansurovTJ LaneToaster SteveTom PrestonTooDamnFilthyTumbles the StairdragonViper

Related Pages

90 Day JaneAn hero dayask.fmAutoerotic asphyxiationColumbineGolden iPodHeaven's GateHigh ScoreHow to become an heroJeffrey EpsteinMydeathspacePseudocideShotgun mouthwashSuicideSuicidal FailureThe Great Sonic-cide of 2007Threatening suicideVirginia Tech massacreWaco

Columbine

is part of a series on

The History of The Lulz

[Shut UpSing Me The Song Of My People]

Columbine
is part of a series on
Jews
Patriarchs [-+]

Adam KatzAdam L. GoldsteinAl FrankenAlan MooreAlbert EinsteinAlex HirschAlicia VikanderAliza ShvartsAmy PascalAmy SchumerAndrew BreitbartAndy KaufmanAngelina JolieAnita SarkeesianAriana GrandeAyn RandBaruch GoldsteinBeastie BoysBen GarrisonBen ShapiroBen SteinBernie GoetzBernie MadoffBernie SandersBobby KotickBourg ProductionsBrie LarsonCasey NeistatChelsea ClintonChris SavinoChuck SchumerDan HarmonDan SchneiderDaniel BenfieldDanny ElfmanDaron NefcyDavid DraimanDavid KatzDebbie SchlusselDianne FeinsteinDonald DrumpfDoomentioDylan KleboldEd RendellEinsidlerEli KozinElliot RodgerElon MuskEmiNetEric AbramovEthan KleinFrank MillerGeorge SorosGirlvinylGreville JannerHarvey WeinsteinHenry KissingerHenry MakowHoward SternIce PoseidonJacob StellmachJared KnabenbauerJarlaxleArtemisJeff GoldblumJeffrey EpsteinJennifer LawrenceJerry SeinfeldJerry SpringerJesusJewWarioJim SterlingJoe LiebermanJohn KricfalusiJohn OliverJon StewartJonathan YanivJoshua Conner MoonJussie SmollettJustin RoilandKevin SmithKumichooKurt EichenwaldLaaiti EkenstéenLauren FaustLena DunhamLinda MackLyor CohenMandoPonyMark ZuckerbergMatt StoneMaury PovichMia JaninMichael BloombergsavetheinternetMichael RichardsMichael SavageMila KunisMiriam LazewatskyMonica LewinskyMonica RialMosesMoshe FinkbergMundaneMattNatalie PortmanNeil GaimanNihilistic SnakePamela GellerPewDiePiePACKGODQuinton ReviewsRachael MacFarlaneRahm EmanuelR@ygoldRebecca SugarRoman PolanskiRon JeremyRupert MurdochSacha Baron CohenSam HydeSeth MacFarlaneSeth RogenSusan WojcickiTara StrongThe Amazing RacistThe Fine BrosThe Krassenstein BrothersTim BurtonTodd GoldmanTodd HowardTony GoldmarkTrevor NoahWeevWil WheatonWoody AllenYandereDevYank Barry

Habitats [-+]
Traditions [-+]
H8s [-+]


Featured article April 20, 2009
Preceded by
Manhunt
Columbine Succeeded by
Manhunt