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[[Image:Maddox irl.jpg|thumb|right|275px|Maddox, King of the [[neckbeard]]s]]
{{DISPLAYTITLE:Sadcucks}}
[[Image:Maddox-links.png|thumb|Being a writer, Maddox appreciates [[CTRL_ALT_Delete|good humor]].]]
{{milkedcow}}
{{achtung|'''Maddox lost lololololololololololololololololololololololololol!'''}}
{{spoilers|THE RETARD FUCKING LOST HIS LOLSUIT WITH [[Dick Masterson]]! PRESS "S" TO SPIT!!!}}
{{Infobox person
|powerword = George Ouzounian
|image = Maddox irl.jpg
|nationality = [[American]]
|occupation = Blogger, author, podcaster
|years active = 1997-present
|gender = [[Sissy]] male
|website = [http://maddox.xmission.com Manchildcave]<br>[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_c1gdsojLxBGkgzS0NsvUw JewTube channel]}}
[[File:Nobodylovesmaddox.jpg|thumb|Maddox's trip to Thailand really inspired him to [[tranny|transition]]]]
[[Image:Maddox-links.png|thumb|Maddox is a [[fake|true]] connoisseur of [[CTRL_ALT_Delete|humor]].]]
 
{{quote|No girl thinks I'm cute. I'm repulsive. I'm hideous.|The only truthful thing he has ever said.}}
{{quote|No girl thinks I'm cute. I'm repulsive. I'm hideous.|The only truthful thing he has ever said.}}
'''Maddox''' ([[powerword]] George Ouzounian) is one of the pioneers of internet [[troll]]ing, [[flame|flaming]], and [[unwarranted self importance]]. At least he was this person <s>four</s> <s>eight</s> NINETEEN years ago. Despite his shtick being so yesterday, he is still a pioneer of [[lulz]]. [[Noob]]s should read some of his early articles to learn how to flame, but not anything post-2005, because that is when he started to take himself seriously and his writing really went to shit.  
'''Maddox''' ([[Powerword]]: '''George Ouzounian''') is a pioneer of [[troll]]ing, [[flame|flaming]], and [[unwarranted self importance]] on the Internet. At least he was this person <s>four</s> <s>eight</s> '''''20''''' years ago, and when his stupid evil asshole personality was still believed to have been an 'in-character gag'. Although like most web "comedians", it turned out Maddox's act wasn't an act at all, and he genuinely was being [[retarded]] for attention. Despite his shtick being so yesterday, his influence on early lulz is nothing short of notable. [[Noobs]] should read his earlier articles to learn how to properly flame, but nothing post-2005. That’s when he started to [[The Internet is serious business|get serious]] and his writing really went to shit.
 
Most non-[[retards]] will notice that much of Maddox's content today is incredibly [[unfunny]], pointing out [[obvious]] [[shit nobody cares about|things]] that [[internets]] users already comprehend. He's also a [[faggot|pirate]], something he makes very clear... to the point that he'll try to deceive you into thinking he's a '''''straight''''' pirate by shoving his dick in your face, fooling no one. His crap pirate persona, coupled with a trend of antagonizing his own fans and barely updating his website with anything worthy of note have worn pretty thin. His inability to come across as a [[badass]] is best demonstrated by simply looking at him - he's nothing more than a [[neckbeard|neckbearded]], [[basement_dweller|basement dwelling]], [[angry|rage-filled]], sexually repressed [[NEET]]. So, why hasn't this dumbass made a fucking [[fursona]] yet? And that's when you realise something: there's virtually nothing separating him from [[2 gryphon|2 The Ranting Gryphon]] in terms of comedy writing.
 
Maddox is also an author, with one disavowed New York Times Best Seller [[snca|and two more novels that nobody cares about]]. He has also enjoyed a second wind of success with a comedy podcast, ''The Biggest Problem In The Universe'', with former business partner [[Dick Masterson]]. This fell apart after 107 episodes, when Maddox became an [[SJW]] and threw an autistic tantrum over Dick fucking his ex-girlfriend from over three years ago (all while he was dating someone else already). The actions taken by Maddox after May 31st, 2016 made him go from innovator, to unfunny, to bonafide [[lol-cow]] right up there with Hall of Famers like [[DarksydePhil]] and [[Tom Preston]].
 
<center>''Welcome to the Maddox article, faggots!<br>just like Maddox's life, it will never get any better!''</center>
<br>
 
== TL;DR ==
[[TL;DR|Maddox's long list of failure and faggotry will take forever to read through, since it's been growing exponentially for years]]. Luckily, some EDiot made a video highlighting the most important stuff. Now you don't have to dig through years of Maddox's shitty life. You're welcome.
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>nP1gkCTvR4Y</youtube>
<center><b>1+ hour long TL;DR of 40% of the Maddox/Dick Masterson drama</b></center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
 
==How George became Maddox==
===Early life===
[[Image:maddox_trying_to_recoup_his_losses.jpg|thumb|left|auto|Maddox selling oranges in the war-torn slums of Armenia]]
[[File:Maddoxwithgirl.jpg|thumb|right|300px|[[Tom Green]]-era Maddox with some bitch. This was back when he had hair.]]
Maddox grew up in poverty, raised in mud huts of [[Armenia]]. It was during these years Maddox became the [[nu-male|manly man]] he is today. It didn't matter [[Daddy issues|his father was a ballsy jackass he never knew]]. It didn't matter that his mother hates him (and still does to this day). George transformed, but [[Tranny|not in the way you'd expect]]. He found his love for [[homosexuality|manliness]], [[cock|beef jerky]], [[semen|vinegar]], and [[bear|lumberjacks]]. Moreover, he realized his hatred for everything else. [[Emos]], [[McDonald's]], [[Apple|iPhones]], Cameron Diaz, the works. [[buttsecks|He had a big stick up his ass, and he wants you to know it]]. Of course, hating things alone doesn't make you that manly. That's not important. His penis raged with [[unwarranted self-importance]]. At some point he dropped out of college like he dropped out of his mother's snatch, on the head. Please give him sympathy, he only failed his undergrad maths exam three times (lol).
 
==="Adult" life and creation of The Best Page in the Universe===
[[File:Maddoxkindagay.jpg|right|220px|thumb|Maddox at his telemarketing job, massaging his jaw after sucking [[black dick|Tyrone's dick]].]]
Maddox had only one real job as of April 2018: [[telemarketing]], the easiest job to both get and manage. He spent his early to mid-twenties [http://www.dictionary.com/browse/keysmash?s=t keysmashing] and attempting to code whatever it is those guys code. Though his experience as a [[1337]] [[haxxor|h@xz0rz]] is one of Maddox's many bragging points, he's not as technologically sophisticated as he'd like you to believe. These days all he can do in terms of programming is enable no-clip on [[Team Fortress 2]]. His coding abilities stretch back to the late 90s when the Internet was new to everyone, yet he still boasts about how awesome of a coder he is today by programming an HTML document from scratch in Notepad when most people were using Dreamweaver. How fucking manly.
 
By 2004, Maddox quit his job, dropped out of college (even though he was one test away from getting a math degree), and stopped going to the gay bar in his homestate of [[mormon|Utah]]. Why? He wanted to be a comedy writer. Despite the fact that [[unfunny|he wasn't funny]], this must have seemed like a good idea at the time. And as a result, he devoted his full focus to a website he created in high school, entitled [[lie|'The Best Page in the Universe.']] The rest, as they say, was history.
 
Because Maddox's [[autism|exceptionality]] made him prioritise petty shit, The Best Page in the Universe has no ads. If you ever bring it up, he'll talk all day bragging about how much money he wasted by implementing [[AdBlock]] on his own fucking website, because the user experience really matters that much to him. But he can't be much of a moralfag these days, Maddox is forced to [[shill]] for [[BeCandid|anybody and anything]] that will offer him a few bucks. He rarely receives payment from sponsors (for reasons discussed below), but he still refuses to place ads on his gay website. Imagine feeling prideful for being [[poor]]. [[le sigh|Good fucking grief]].
 
==The Best Formula For [[unfunny|Funny]] [[blog|Article]] Writing in the Universe™==
# When thinking of topics, there's one rule of thumb: the more petty, the more funny. Write an article about  [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=pepperoni how much you hate pizza toppings], or [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=idaho_blows how you hate Idaho], or [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=lovin_it how you hate fast food ad campaigns]. The more pointless your topics are, the more funny your writing will be.
# Type a billion paragraphs about this topic. No normal person would write [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=garfield_sucks this much about Garfield], right? That's the funny part! It's so petty that it’s funny! But in the 1% chance what you're writing isn't funny, add a [[over 9000|shit ton]] of insults and swear words (shitheads, dipshits, fucking idiots, etc.), and target them at the topic. Fuck shitty ass dip dip idiot fucker! You need to sound like you're better than what you’re writing about, so add terms for male and female genitalia. [[gay|Saying “penis” once per sentence]] makes you sound mature.
# Draw some pictures with [[MS Paint]] ([http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=faq no, seriously]) that further illustrate the points in your hilarious rant people are totally still reading.
# Put in some sentences [[Unwarranted Self-Importance|reaffirming how right you are and how badass you are for being right]]. Everything you’re writing is God’s gift to the [[sheeple|herd of sheep that's humanity]]. That's right! You're basically [[Moses]] for [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=iphone ranting about cell phones]!
# If you really want to put some extra effort in, definitely make a .gif animation! Things that move on a page composed mostly of text makes it funny and interesting! [[At least 100 years ago|(twenty years ago)]]
# Add a view counter at the bottom of each page. [[nobody|People]] still care about how many views a website gets, trust me.
# [[???]]
# [[PROFIT!]]
# To continue the overflow of [[jew gold|traffic nickels]], make sure to set up your apartment like a pigsty. It'll boost up productivity, especially for an awesome genius like you! Look below for an example, provided by (no joke) the real Maddox!
 
{|style="margin: auto;"
|{{frame|{{Template:scrollpic|Messymaddoxhouse.jpg|400|300}}|border=black|background=#ff8000|margin=auto|thumb|STEP 8:}}
|}
<br>
 
===BONUS ROUND: Dealing With Criticism===
[[File:DamnThatsEdgy - reaction-reply pic.png|thumb|right|Literally the kind of people who would like Maddox's old cringer content]]
The same rules for funny article writing apply, but this time you're not focusing on some big-shot like [[Bill O Reilly]], you're likely responding to a normal person with a [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=real_estate normal job], or even a poor youth with [http://www.maddox.xmission.com/moron.html learning difficulties]. Most people would simply not bother, discard it and move on with their day, but why throw away hate mail? It's effectively free material to roast in that special way that makes your readership come back for more. Therefore, you'll want to keep the following in mind when writing your published response to someone criticising you for (just as an example) [http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=elizabeth_smart your callous attitude towards a kidnapping victim:]
* Make any snicky remark you can about the message to undermine its context. Misspellings, false assertions, SHOUTING IN CAPS LOCK, obviously retarded statements that would be very easy to roast, stuff like that. This is the backbone upon which you'll formulate your reply.
* [[Strawman]] your opponents arguments to make it easier to attack. what works for politicians can work for you too!
* If the person brings up a good point, such as [[no life|you have no life]], [[baby|you're incredibly childish]], and [[hypocrite|you're clearly not the badass you purport to be]], you're better off glossing over that and lauding your status as in [[USI|internet famous]] blogger.
** [http://maddox.xmission.com/hatemail.cgi?p=1#IMPRESS If you're feeling particularly vengeful, you could reveal the email address of the very person who said that because he sent the e-mail from his workplace. Then invite thousands of your followers to harass him en masse.]
* Add a disclaimer to the bottom of your webpage which cannot be taken seriously at all by anyone ever.
*If you're responding on a forum, or a social media platform, then all bets are off so go fucking nuts with it! Kick and ban with reckless abandon on any of these platforms that allow you to do this.
 
One of Maddox's most enduring characteristics is his intense hostility against everyone, including and especially his own fans, because being an insufferable cunt to people actually interested in your work is the best way to further your career. You might be forgiven for thinking this is him acting in character a la [[AVGN]], but no. He flames, belittles and begrudges his own fanbase at every opportunity he gets, and that's ever more apparent since his exposure to social networking. This has understandably resulted in his appearances at cons or public events being met with overwhelming apathy, and that's if they still remember who this balding pasty [[basement-dweller]] even is. He will spend hours deleting comments on any site that will allow him to do this, and waste even more time blocking the people who leave them.
 
So to summarize the story so far: you have the very incarnation of an [[internet tough guy]] riding on his fifteen minutes of fame, and he's bragging about how amazing he is while simultaneously antagonizing anybody who interacts with him, whether positively or negatively.
 
Hopefully, he lives up to the lofty expectations of the kind of badass he portrays himself to be, because if he doesn't, he might look fucking ridiculous. <big>'''OH WAIT...'''</big>
 
==Maddox gets trolled by Penn Jillette==
{{clear}}
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|left]][[File:Penn stfu.gif|frameless|right]]
{{quote|The Best Page in the Universe is a website on which Maddox, [[fact|who is no spring chicken]], spouts his predictable, angry middle-aged man rants on just about everything. He says his site has gotten more than 270,000 hits. So, what's his biggest whiny ass complaint about senior citizens?|Penn Jillette|Penn & Teller: Bullshit! S8E8}}
 
 
July 29th, [[2010]]: Maddox made it. Oh boy, did he make it.
 
[https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonic_the_Hedgehog_Watch_%26_Win_Sweepstakes Much like another infamous lol-cow], Maddox was on the tubes for one whole minute. He was on a show called ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penn_%26_Teller:_Bullshit! Penn & Teller: Bullshit!]'' by [[Penn and Teller|Penn Jillette and some other faggot]]. He went on the show to whine about old people and how stinky they are. Watch the clip below or [http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/5726255/Penn.and.Teller.Bullshit.S08E08.HDTV.XviD-SYS go torrent it].
 
The show's research team was busy smearing their assholes on the printer when some [[retard]] had a brilliant idea. Why not round up bloggers who have no idea what they're talking about and having Penn and Teller troll them for an episode to make them appear e-savvy to [[normies]]. It just so happened Maddox fit this criteria, and so he made it on the show. Behold! [[Internet_Tough_Guy|The first ever appearance of the world-renowned badass heavyweight intellectual when he isn't hiding behind a keyboard!]]
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>LL_j6E1uV5U</youtube>
<center>'''Maddox you look like you haven't had a shower or seen sunlight since 2003 stfu'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
 
Maddox's eagerness to get [[unrealistic expectations|infinite blowjobs]] from Penn and Teller's fanboys ended up being a [[footbullet]]. Penn, realizing both the obvious (Maddox is as old as the people he calls gross) and the incredibly obvious (Maddox is too up his own ass to see the irony of him insulting old people), blew him the fuck out and told him to [[GTFO]]. Five years later, Maddox would make a [https://youtu.be/8_KNAoWXv0g belated video response] to their arguments. On his blog [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=penn_teller_bullshit post] he said the reason he waited so long was [[lies|to prevent Penn's show getting further publicity]]. Because if there's one thing a well-known Las Vegas magician duo that's been performing since the 1970s needs, it's the 'publicity' you get from your shitty internet-famous blog. Right, dumbass?
 
This could've caused Maddox to realize he can only properly play his persona through text and that he should '''never''' be in front of a camera.
 
This did not happen.
 
==Shows==
 
===The Best Show in the Universe===
 
December 9th, [[2008]]: Maddox announced all the time he spent not updating his site wasn't just spent on [[Coomer|jacking off]] to [[hentai]]. He had been working on a show, uncreatively called ''The Best Show in the Universe''. If you've been paying attention, you'd know that this wasn't a television show, but a YouTube show! News of this came via [http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=best_show an update on his website], where he simultaneously criticizes YouTube for being shit while advertising his YouTube show. He's not just three years late on making a YouTube series, but he's also a [[hypocrite]]. Great job, Maddox.
 
Two years after he posted this update, Maddox did what [[retards]], [[faggots]], and [[Chris-chan]] did in a matter of mere hours: post a poorly-made video on YouTube.
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>JBiQE4hjOsk</youtube>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
 
Unsuprisingly, Maddox plagiarises himself in this video. He took the concept of making fun of children's artwork (a dead horse concept in Maddox lore) and rehashed it almost beat by beat. But it's different though. This time, he's making of children singing videos, not drawings. It's not the same idea, but it resembles the concept enough that the results stay the same.
 
{{rainbowsmall|HILARIOUS AND ORIGINAL}}
 
You'll notice something when you watch this video: Maddox's [[internet_tough_guy|tough guy]] act is significantly less impactful and funny when you can see what he looks like, and even less funny when combined with his nasally, whiny-bitch voice. Maddox never understood the difference between video and text, or how much a change in media may influence an audience's perception. You'd almost feel bad if Maddox's lack of self-awareness if he was capable of making somewhat half-decent content, but he doesn't.
 
He'd go on to make more of these, sometimes accompanying each new uploaded video with an article on his blog, which may or may not have addendums or [[Shit_Nobody_Cares_About|bonus content]]. It doesn't improve the viewing experience, just trust us.
 
===The Biggest Problem in the Universe===
[[File:Maddoxonfb.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Satirist doesn't understand satire.]]
[[File:Maddoxonfb2.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Maddox, realizing that [[Dick Masterson]] was a [[Sick_Fuck|'rape apologist']], did what any socially conscious person would do: choose to work with him for over ten years and ''then'' point fingers at him once he starts banging your ex.]]
May 20th, 2014: Maddox gets a second chance through ''The Biggest Problem in the Universe'' podcast with [[Dick Masterson]], an infamous [[IRL troll]] he met through their mutual book publisher, Simon and [[Shill]]-ster. The premise of this podcast was so simple, even someone with [[Down syndrome]] could understand it: Maddox and Dick would bring in problems, dispute whether or not they were actual problems, and then leave it up to fans to vote on which was the bigger problem on some website. Voting would result in a list of the universe's "biggest problems." The problems are detailed below.
 
{|style="margin: auto;"
|{{frame|{{Template:scrollpic|Alltheproblems.jpg|400|200}}|border=black|background=#ff8000|margin=auto}}
|}


Most non-[[retard]]s will notice much of what Maddox has to say is [[unfunny]] in the way that it points out [[obvious]] [[shit nobody cares about|things]] [[Internets]] users already know. He is also a [[faggot|pirate]]. He makes that very clear.  [[TMI|A little too clear]].  In fact, his many claims of being a pirate, coupled with a trend of no longer updating his site have worn pretty thin. He also wrote [[The God Delusion|a shitty book]] recently, and an [[sonic|even shittier comic]].
The show was [[awwright]] in the beginning. Dick played to his strengths and would often use Maddox's [[moralfag|moralfaggotry]] and hubris as punchlines at his expense until time ran out. As the show progressed to over 100+ episodes, the vote moved more towards Dick's problems, causing Maddox to get [[butthurt|salty]] over Dick's surge in popularity over him. Combine that with Maddox and Dick's obviously strained relationship (Dick even claimed that the only reason he continued to do the podcast was for the fans and money), and you have a lot of insecurity building up.  The tension reached its peak when Maddox discovered Dick had fucked his ex-girlfriend three years ago. [[Fact|This was the moment that defined the rest of Maddox's career]]


Some (including Maddox himself) claim that he is indeed a STRAIGHT pirate by throwing in exaggerated claims of his sexual ability. This is known as "[[trying too hard]]" and it isn't fooling anyone. His failure to come off as a badass is best revealed from pictures of himself.  Everybody has learned that he is nothing more than a neckbeard-wearing, basement-dwelling, shell script programming, raging nerd.
After that, he cancelled the show. On the last episode, Dick wasn’t there. His absence said more than Maddox will ever admit.  


==Early Life==
Three months later, Dick and Maddox made separate podcasts. Dick had ''The Dick Show'', a really good show where Dick, his audio engineer Sean, goons, and guests shoot the shit for two hours. Maddox has ''The Best Debate In The Universe'', an embarrassingly shit debate show that is a shadow of what came before it. ''The Dick Show'' makes over $20,000 per month through [[Patreon]] donations, while ''The Best Debate in the Universe'', along with Maddox's "[[bullshit|other projects and priorities]]", makes roughly $200 per month. The fact that Dick's popularity overshadowed and undermined Maddox made him very, very [[butthurt|jealous]]. So, over the next several years he would engage in a laundry list of tomfuckery:
[[Image:People111.jpg|thumb|left|Young Maddox vacationing with his parents in [[England]].]]
* Maddox redirected the [[RSS]] feed of the old show to his new, awful show.
[[Image:Maddox2.jpg|thumb|One of Maddox's childhood heroes.]]
* All the bonus episodes (that you had to pay to listen to) were uploaded and released for free without Dick's permission.
For the majority of his childhood, Maddox lived in poverty, sleeping only in a dilapidated house of [[Santorum|mud]]. It was during these harsh years that Maddox developed his tough [[boring|personality]] and his love of [[homosexuality|manliness]]. Maddox likes [[cock|beef jerky]], [[semen|vinegar]], lumberjacks, [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=i_ate_my_neighbors_kids eating babies], and headbutting [[emo|pussies]]. He also has extremely [[unwarranted self importance|high self esteem]] and is [[masturbation|in love with himself]]. He has a terrible taste in movies and video games and defends it by calling people fags.
* Maddox made a video hit piece against Dick, accusing him of some supremely retarded shit.
* Maddox a video on his private Facebook account with all of Dick and Maddox's mutual [[SJW]] comedian friends, causing Dick's reputation to be ruined in this circle.
* He had his girlfriend, Metal Jess ([[powerword|Jessica Blum]]), call and complain to his ex-girlfriend's school to make her lose her teaching job.
* He filed a lawsuit against Dick Masterson, Joshua Kaufman, Asterios, [[Patreon]], Foundation Digital LLC among others for '''$20,000,000.'''


=="Adult" Life==
<big>'''ALL BECAUSE DICK FUCKED HIS EX'''</big>
<center>
 
{| class="boilerplate" id="pd" style=" background-color:#9f9f9f; border:2px solid #000000; padding: 0px;" cellpadding=10 cellspacing=0
On ''The Dick Show'', Maddox's schemes and Dick's reactions to them would often become the main narrative of ''The Dick Show'', with every guest mentioning Maddox at least in passing. The clips in the videos below are some of the best that came out of the drama.
|BGCOLOR=#000000| [[Image:Atomic.gif|ALL YOUR BASE!]]
<center>{{frame|
| <font style="color: red; font-weight: bold;"><big>LOL SO RANDUMB ALERT: </big></font> <br /> This section reads like [[copypasta]] from [[Uncyclopedia]]. You can help purge the [[GRIDS]] by [[Bullshit| cuntpasting moar.]]
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|font-weight: bold;|
|}  
|<youtube>_mnA1lm-48U</youtube>  
|<youtube>uW82uPtV4uI</youtube>  
|}}|border=black|background=#ff8000}}
</center>
</center>
In [[college]], Maddox had a brief but passionate affair with getting a math degree. He claims to of only been one test away from passing, but despite redoing the test 3 times. Apparently "suck my micro-penis I'm awesome, you're stupid and meat is delicious" is not a correct answer in academia. He decided it was better to peruse attention on the internet rather than gainful employment, but because it was the right move and totally [[false|not because putting effort into something was too hard for the middle aged failure who half asses everything then pretends it's gods gift to humanity]]


Maddox claims to be a [[pirate]], but since he lives in the landlocked state of [[Mormon|Utah]], <s>it's more likely</s> he means an [[ass pirate]]. Eventually Maddox would move to LA, where he would begin dating a nigger tranny.
===The Best <s>Show</s> Debate in the Universe===
Did you not like the old show? Do you like unfunny, unwitty banter? Do you like listening to debates about topics everyone and their mother has already talked about? Do you need something to drown out the sound of [[girlfriend|your significant other]] [[cuckoldry|having sex with]] [[nigger|another person]]? Look no further than ''The Best Debate in the Universe''!


Maddox may be a software programmer, and he may be into everything else associated with [[basement dwellers]], but that doesn't necessarily make him one. He was finally able to vacate mom's basement after selling [[over 9000]] books last year, now he lives in luxury, on the money he conned out of stupid people like [[you]]. You may be thinking with [[Computer Science III]] skills he must be very valuble and highly employable. [[Nope]]. Maddox is the equivalent of the friend who learns how to go into browser settings and recover all saved passwords in the browser and tells everyone he is an elite hacker. Maddox has no server admin skills that have been useful since the late 90's (before anyone knew anything about computers and before anyone secured anything online). Maddox's [1337] hacking skills are not even script kiddy level stuff. Just basic trolling any retard online can do now a days.
Listen to Maddox, edgelord and parody musician [[Rucka Rucka Ali]], e-celeb guests, and [[shit no one cares about|people no one gives a shit about]] as they debate on stuff only [[9gag]] users would find funny and controversial! Spend an entire hour listening to Maddox do what he's best at: being annoying!


Additionally, Maddox is also a [[camwhore|camera whore]] as evidenced by his numerous pictures of himself on his [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/images/dem0n1.gif website] and the image to the right.
This podcast is awful. Don't listen to it, you'd be wasting your time.


Maddox hasn't worked at a real job since 2004. That Job (which is the only real job he ever had) was in telemarketing, a field that hires anyone with a pulse and pays above minimum wage because turn over is so high. All his money used to be selling merchandise [http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20060504/news_1c04badboys.html] and beating off on drunk hobos for cash, however now that Maddox has tried to turn fleeting e-fame into IRL money, he's spread his ass hole wide and is letting everyone from scam kickstarter Kendall and Hyde, to AI wrong think skynet beta test [[Candid]] nut inside his asshole.
==Books==


Unfortunately, when those companies realize it's not the early 2000's and no one gives a shit about Maddox anymore and pulled all their ads. Maddox has now been reduced to begging for people to log in to his Madcast media website with their facebook so he can scrape pennies selling their data.
=== The Alphabet of Manliness ===
[[File:Alphabet.png|200px|thumb|left|The new special edition cover of Maddox's only successful book]]
[[File:Cisfor.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Remember, sexual assault is incompatible with the values of New York Times Best Selling author George “Maddox” Ouzounian if he’s not teaching you how to do it.]]
[[File:Maddoxarmpit.gif|200px|thumb|Maddox with his ''Alphabet of Manliness'' chain. Gross.]]
[[File:George-Feminismassailt.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Remember kids, Maddox is a proud [[feminist]].]]
{{quote|Why should people buy anything I sell? I don't know why anyone should buy anything.|Maddox on how [[capitalism]] works.}}


==Examples of his work==
[[666|June 6, 2006]]: Maddox released his first book, ''The Alphabet of Manliness'', in an effort to pay for the huge amount of Nair needed to remove his disgusting back hair. The book skyrocketed on [[The New York Times]] Best Sellers List, reaching #2 on the “Advice, How-To, and [[shit nobody cares about|Miscellaneous]]” category. If there’s anyone [[libtards]] consider an authority on manliness, it’s a balding, haggard, middle aged basement dwelling blogger. [[Paul Joseph Watson|Imagine our shock]].
[[Image:58399859_3f5504fe03_m.jpg|thumb|Maddox poses with some fag.]]


{{quote|How is it possible that a guy with a [[fact|small penis]] and a hairy back is more powerful than Pepsi on the Internet?|An article  from mid-2003}}
''The Alphabet of Manliness'' serves as an encyclopedia for men, [[Encyclopedia_dramatica|which we naturally consider to be a grotesque affront to our very existence]]. The book covers many hyper-masculine topics from [[gay|how shitty women are]] to [[faggot|how great men are]]. There’s even a chapter in which Maddox teaches you how to cook [[meth]], like he’s the [[Breaking Bad|Heisenberg]] of cucks. It is the quintessence of everything you thought was funny a couple years ago, like [[doge]] images or [[Chuck Norris]] memes, the latter of which having a chapter dedicated to. Maddox’s comedic prowess matches him with that of a [[Hot Topic]] shirt.


==Maddox's Formula to a [[Shitty|Successful]] [[Blog|Article]]==
<s>Despite this book being to satire what [[Zoe Quinn]] or [[Brianna Wu|Literally Who]] is to game development, it sold very well. This was an unexpected victory for someone like Maddox. This is something he can be proud of look back on in pride. He went beyond trivial blogging and made a career for himself on his own terms. Anyone can think anything about Maddox, but this can be at least respected. Maddox can have everything else in his life taken away from him, but no one can touch the memory of his taste of genuine success.</s>
# When thinking of ideas for topics, the first things that should come to mind are minor and meaningless things that make you get your panties in a bunch.  Examples of this include people who use hashtags on [[Twitter]], people who only prefer cheese on their pizza, or people who listen to [[ska]].  If it bugs you to the point of insomnia, then you're [[winner|doing it right]].
# Begin writing [[over 9000]] paragraphs worth of ranting crap where every other sentence must contain juvenile insults directed at the subject, such as [[Gorgeous George|shitheads]], [[dipshits]], [[fucking]] [[idiots]], etc. Also, be sure to throw in plenty of slang for male and female genitalia. It cancels out any attempt at sounding witty and clever, but don't tell Maddox that!  He thinks he's [[No|funny and smart]]!
# Draw some shitty MS Paint pictures to illustrate the inane, psychotic rant people quit reading 2 paragraphs in anyway.
# Pretend what every shitty half-assed argument you made is God's gift to humanity. Remember, it doesn't actually have to be good, you just have to act like it is.
# Slap your e-mail address at the bottom of each page, ignoring the fact that you've pissed and moaned endlessly about your idiot fan base who won't quit e-mailing you.
# Insert a counter at the bottom of each page, implying people beyond 1999 still [[Nobody|give a shit]] about how many views a page received.
# [[???]]
# [[PROFIT!]]  Now you can give it away for free on the Internet and pay for you rent and groceries with likes and shares. Now to go fail at other projects, like books that are shitty rehashes of articles you wrote a decade ago, tanking pitches, failed TV pilots that are only made because they are tax write-offs for entertainment companies, and a poorly-produced [[YouTube]] show.


<b>IMPORTANT:</b> In your writing, don't try to come off like a normal, respectable human being.  Keep reminding your readers that you rule the world, your opinions are right, and everyone who disagrees is wrong.  This is to compensate for your ugly physique and small penis while you sulk on [[IRC]] with your [[naive]] [[friends]] who are convinced you're a [[pussy|manly]] [[faggot|pirate]] in your mom's basement.  Additionally, remember that this is <i>your</i> outlet to being a crybaby bitch instead of working out your problems the proper way, such as seeing a [[Dr. Phil|counselor/therapist/psychiatrist]], going outside, finding a [[girlfriend]], winning a fight with someone bigger than you at a bar, or just plain quit being a fucking pussy!
<big><u><b>[[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS]]!! MADDOX DISAVOWED HIS ONLY SUCCESSFUL BOOK!!!!</b></u></big>


==Fan Sites==
In a facebook post [[at least 100 years ago]] [[last thursday]], Maddox made the following post on his facebook account:
As with all retarded things in the world, they usually have a fan site. Maddox is no different, having two of the gayest fan sites ever. Maddox Mania and The Best Fan Page In the Universe are where intelligence goes to die.


===The Best Fanpage: Poster Child For Failure===
{{quote|Alright guys, a few things:
1. I've been dealing with a persistent harassment campaign for 4 months, which has come to head recently, I want to put this out as a warning to friends: for the next few days, please do not add anyone you don't know, I've hidden my friends list and they are grasping at straws, Please do not engage with any trolls trying to harass you or the UCB community. [[Hypocrisy|Trolls thrive on attention. Starve them of it. They're bored people who hate themselves.]]


Recently, an ED insider did an in-depth investigation of "The Best Fanpage," revealing some disturbing yet unsurprising things about Maddox fans:
2. We need to taik about "The Alphabet of Manliness." I'm not particularly proud of that book. Not because of the content matter (though a lot of that sucks too), but because it just wasn't very well-written. It was my first book and in it, I wrote a lame chapter based largely on the "Stop Short" episode of Seinfeld called "Copping a feel." I looked back on it today and cringed. I wrote it over 11 years ago and don't stand behind much of it today. I've never even read it from start to finish. The only two chapters I'm proud of are "B fo "B for Boners" and "Urinal Etiquette" which are masterpieces and should be studied in master's literature classes.


*The forum staff are closet [[furfags]], as evidenced by [http://www.thebestfanpageintheuniverse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=70655#70655 this] "[[Bullshit|April Fool's joke]]."
3. '''REDACTED''' has been [[dox|doxxed]]. We're going to the police. We encourage anyone receiving threats to go to the police as well.
* [http://thebestfanpageintheuniverse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=9450&start=0 Pedophilia and homosexuality] are rampant amongst Maddox fans.
*Maddox fans are [http://thebestfanpageintheuniverse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=11464&start=0 socially] [http://thebestfanpageintheuniverse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=8501&start=0 inept]. (Topics baleeted, [http://thebestfanpageintheuniverse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=11858&start=0 probably out of butthurt])
*They're also [http://thebestfanpageintheuniverse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=10501&start=0 anime] [http://thebestfanpageintheuniverse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=9369&start=0. fags].  [http://thebestfanpageintheuniverse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=9684&start=0 Jesus] [http://thebestfanpageintheuniverse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=3202&start=0 Christ].


Also, [[Something Awful]]'s Weekend Web did a [http://www.somethingawful.com/d/weekend-web/bittorrent-japan-maddox.php?page=8 segment] about the site, causing the members to [[BAWWWW]]. Whine-One-One was dialed, and [[Waaambulance|waaambulances]] were dispatched immediately to handle the epidemic of [[butthurt]].
Today has been a rough day, My sincere thanks to my friends and family for their support|Maddox|Facebook Post}}


After the original forum got shut down, another one popped up under the name of [http://archive.is/I9YnD Maddox Militia], courtesy of AngryJerk (a blatant Maddox wannabe, as evidenced by his [http://www.angryjerk.net shitstain of a website]). Since he's also imitating Maddox's style of never finishing anything, the actual "fanpage" remains incomplete. The new forum [[fail]]ed hard, only garnering about 30 members (which is pathetic even when compared to the old one). On June 13th 2014 the whole forum got spammed to hell by a group of [[newfag]] [[trolls]] nobody's ever heard of calling themselves Neo-HC. Rather than actually doing something about it, AngryJerk [http://archive.is/9PXNG decided] [http://archive.is/KcDok to] [http://archive.is/lBXZF join] [http://archive.is/7KDMi in] [http://archive.is/kziYY the] [http://archive.is/xnYbE fun]. Then he made [http://archive.is/wljaX a post] explaining how he was going to [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING]] and didn't even bother to ban any of them proving that he, like the real Maddox, doesn't have a fucking clue how to run anything.
Maybe Maddox was right to disavow Alphabet of Manliness, since no one who cries about online bullying should have the word “man” associated with their name.


==Book<s>s</s>==
During the drama with Dick Masterson, he accused him of being a [[rape]] apologist in his shitty expose video by playing a cut, out of context clip of the podcast. In this clip. Dick said that if a whore falls asleep at a club, she should expect to get assaulted because it is an expected outcome given the circumstance. Apparently, he cut that out because it didn’t align with his “values”. This video was eviscerated by all his fans who specifically cited this book to point out Maddox’s hypocrisy, showing a chapter called “C Is For Copping A Feel” in which he gives tips on how to sexually assault women without getting caught. After that, Maddox posted a Facebook status officially disavowing his only notable claim to fame. It goes to show how much libtards like Maddox will give up just for the moral high ground.


=== The Alphabet of Manliness ===
[http://archive.is/6U8s6 Since Maddox is a pirate, he has no problem with you pirating his book]. [https://thepiratebay.org/torrent/3497068/Maddox+-+The+Alphabet+of+Manliness Get your copy here].


[[Image:Maddox homosexual rape.jpg|thumb|Maddox puts a man into a choker hold for some homosexual rape.]]
<big>'''[https://web.archive.org/web/20161102004143/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeW4m76E7S0 ARCHIVED LINK BECAUSE THE STINKY ARMENIAN FAGGOT SET IT TO PRIVATE LOL]'''</big>


{{quote|Why should people buy anything I sell? I don't know why anyone should buy anything|Maddox}}
=== <s>I Am Better Than Your Kids</s> Crappy Children's Art ===


Maddox has released a book, "The Alphabet of [[Man]]liness". As a skinny, old and balding Armenian computer programmer from Utah, Maddox is an authority on [[faggot|manliness]]. The book was published in an effort to cover the cost of the huge quantities of Nair needed to remove his disgusting back hair. The book skyrocketed on the [[new York|NY]] Times Bestseller list, an embarrassment to all parties involved. Covering a variety of subjects ranging from [[gay|how stupid women are]], to [[fag|how great men are]], to specific instructions for cooking meth, "The Alphabet Of Manliness" is a prime forerunner of everything that was [[unfunny|never funny]], even through shock value. The book also mentions [[old meme|Chuck Norris]], making him as funny and edgy as the average shirt in [[Hot Topic]].
[[Fact|No one gives a shit about this book]]. All he does is repeat the "I Am Better Than Your Kids" concept he put out free ten years ago. [[RiceGum]] does everything in this book better and for no monetary loss of your own.


When approached by Amazon.com inquiring as to what price his book should be sold at, Maddox replied, "About a million dollars, [[srsly]]."  Amazon did not think this was funny and initially refused to stock the book. Since then though Amazon now sells new copies of the book for $10.85. With each book sale, he makes no money.  Not only has Maddox failed at convincing people about how manly he is, he also fails miserably at the game of [[capitalism]].
[[File:Tumbleweed.gif|center]]


[http://archive.is/6U8s6 Since Maddox is a pirate, he has no problems with people pirating his book]. Get your copy [https://thepiratebay.org/torrent/3497068/Maddox+-+The+Alphabet+of+Manliness here].
<center><big>'''↑↑↑↑'''</big> '''''These are all the people that bought this book. Zero readers. Not the best step forward for a [[New York Times]] Best Selling author.'''''</center>


<s>Despite the book being to humor what Zoe Quinn is to videogame creation, it sold very well. It made number 2 on the NYT best sellers, which proves how simple minded people were in 2005. However, this is a victory no one saw coming and something Maddox can always look back on and be proud of. It is an immortal moment where he transcended seeking attention on the internet and made a legit career for him self on his terms. Definitely something everyone can at least respect. No one can take that from him. NO ONE!</s>
<center>{{frame|<youtube>L30Sp8nLZ5I</youtube>
<center>'''In this interview with some lawyer, Dick reveals this book may have some [[bullshit|unreputable]] art featured.'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>


[[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS]], MADDOX DISAVOWED HIS ONLY SUCCESSFUL BOOK!
=== <s>The Best Book in the Universe</s> F*ck Whales ===
[[Image:Cuckwhales.jpeg|200px|thumb|left|This book took ''four fucking years'' to write, and it was dead on arrival.]]
[[Image:Fucksales.jpg|thumb|right|Fixed]]
After his second book failed, Maddox's internet-fame was dependent on this next book doing well. For a while, it seemed like he had somewhat of a shot. He was riding the wave of his semi-profitable podcast (more on that below), so he banked on said podcast to build him a customer base. [[HAHAHA, OH WOW|It took him 4 years, 10 months, and 28 days to write this book]]. All that time was spent on doing more important things, like playing video games, building up hype for the book on other podcasts (including one by fellow baldfag [[Anthony Fantano]]), and eating [[shit]].


When Maddox moved to LA and began opening his [[asshole|mind]] to the ways of polyamory and being a cuckhold, he realized he needed to ditch and disavow his business partner [[Dick Masterson]] for being a fucking white male. Why? [[Dick Masterson]] was banging Maddox's ex from 3 years ago behind his back and not letting him watch. Despite that Maddox was already in a relationship with some nigger bitch who may or may not have herpes according to internet rumors, Maddox rage quit having a career and went full SJW In order to smear his business partner. He accused him of being responsible of a rape list on some 8chan board, which got all of Maddox's buddies at the cult of UCB to disavow [[Dick Masterson]], however what Maddox forgot is he spent is entire life before this moment writing articles on his website like "why Elizabeth Smart is a stupid bitch who deserved to get raped and kidnapped" and an entire chapter called "C is for Copping a feel" where he gives tips on how to commit sexual assault without getting caught.
The chance Maddox had for this book being successful, however, looked a bit faded once all his self-inflicted drama with Dick Masterson (discussed below) came back to bite his flat ass. The book still did well, right?


Because Maddox didn't think things through he was left with 2 options; Realize he was being petty trying to virtue signal in order to shit on a business partner who in all reality is doing him a favor by eating his sloppy seconds so Maddox doesn't waste his time digging in the trash bin to avoid being with his new transexual nigger bitch, or disavow the only mark of success in his career that proved he was more than just another internet shit poster making him a failure as a human being all over again.
{{Rainbowsmall|SPOILER: IT BOMBED HARD}}


Maddox chose the later
[[File:Original book.jpg|200px|thumb|left| At first, my book was all like...]]
[[File:Fuckwhales.jpeg|200px|thumb|right| But then, my book was like...]]
[https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/78i16m/circlejerk_about_how_terrible_fck_whales_is_doing/ The book peaked at #8,998 on Amazon].
''F*ck Whales'' was a financial nightmare for everyone involved, including Simon & Schuster, the publishers dumb enough to invest in a burnt out shill like Maddox.  Compared to his '''DISAVOWED''' #2 ranking on [[The New York Times]] Best Sellers list, this was a major setback. [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/77kjsp/if_these_tracking_sites_are_reliable_frick_whales/ Hell, the book may’ve not even sold 100 copies on it’s release date]! One thing is for certain: with the way ''F*ck Whales'' is selling, it’ll take longer for Maddox to write his [[taxes]] than it took to write this book.


<center><youtube>OeW4m76E7S0</youtube></center>
There would be a summary of the book here, but no one read it. Based on [https://books.google.com/books/about/F_ck_Whales.html?id=XgfPCgAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button the 25 page-long preview from Google Books], it’s rehashed material from his site. The one funny thing about this book is that Maddox is so creatively bankrupt that he himself subconsciously admits it.
<center>'''Like a woman, Maddox overreacts and feigns outrage for attention'''</center>


=== I am better than your Kids ===
The book was going to be called ''The Best Book In The Universe'', but some dickhead bought the domain name. So, it was renamed to the equally as creative ''F*ck Whales''. Nice asterisk, retard.


How do you follow up a successful book that was a break from the mold of your normal writing and gave fans something fresh, yet still familiar? How do you follow up charting #2 on the New York Times Best Sellers List?
<center>{{frame|<youtube>MLiOD_y8CQw</youtube>
<center>Nice book title you have there, Maddox. ''Shame if someone took it from you''.</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>


If you're Maddox, by copying and pasting a joke you wrote over 10 years ago and gave away for free then acting shocked when no one buys it.
==Other notable literary works==
Like any other writer, Maddox has [[over 9000]] other projects that are unpublished, incomplete, or were released in a limited capacity only a few lucky fans could get their hands on. Such works, that have since circulated, include (but are not limited to):


=== Mystery 3rd book that will be called <s>'The Best Book in the Universe'</s> F*ck Whales ===
===A Message To 80’s Girl===
One day, Maddox's ex-girlfriend and Dick's current girlfriend 80's Girl was going through her bullshit. Packed with all the big, black [[dildos]], perfume, and whatever else girls like, she found an envelope. In this envelope was a very lovely letter written by Maddox. Read it for yourself:


Since the failure of his 2nd book, Maddox's entire carreer as an e-celeb is hanging on this book doing as good as the recently disavowed Alphabet of Manliness. He attempted his hand at a Podcast with [[Dick Masterson]] banking on the success of the podcast would grow his brand and guarentee a base that would buy his book while providing him income while he stalls writing it to do more important things like play video games. He has been writing at a pace that makes George R.R. Martin look punctual.
{|style="margin: auto;"
|{{frame|{{Template:scrollpic|80SGIRLILY.png|700|200}}|border=black|background=#ff8000|margin=auto}}
|}


Unfortunately due to the said story of Maddox getting butt hurt that his ex from 3 years ago prefers penises she can feel and non hairy backs, Dick trolling Maddox everytime Maddox let his autism speak, and his fans telling him what an autistic faggot he is, he rage quit the podcast. He attempted to launch a podcast network of which he sunk $30,000.00 into the Website alone (which is odd that a computer programer would pay $30k for a website he could of easily coded himself). Since then people have been fleeing from Maddox and tuning him out, with the only people he is close to anymore being the SJW cunts of LA he used to make fun of 10 years ago.
{{clear}}


But there's no way copy and pasting the old style that has not aged well over time wouldn't sell like hotcakes and be a safe bet. I'm sure this book won't be the nail in the coffin that has been long overdue.
<center>{{frame|
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>CDlPBZODAHk</youtube> A live reading of this literary masterpiece
|<youtube>eCC1JFkkgAI</youtube> Critics review ''A Message To 80's Girl''
|}}|border=black|background=#ff8000}}
</center>


The book was going to be called <b>The Best Book In The Universe</b> but because some Dickhead bought the domain name, so he renamed his book to <b>F*ck Whales</b>
=== #WAUT3RGATE ===
<center><youtube>MLiOD_y8CQw</youtube></center>
<center><b>Nice book title you have there Maddox, shame if someone TOOK IT FROM YOU</B></CENTER>


=="Shows"==
[[File:Madcuckflapping_s.gif|thumb|250px|Individuals with severe [[autism]] are known for making unusual, sudden movements, such as the flapping of the hands.]]
[[File:Maddox-2buttons.jpg|thumb|right|That readers is what we call an "[[Intellectual Checkmate]]".]]
After ''The Biggest Problem in the Universe'' ended, some guy that made music for the show went on a venture to get Maddox and Dick to bury the hatchet. [https://web.archive.org/web/20170519030355/http://makeragenotwar.com:80/ He made a website advocating for them to apologize for all the bullshit they both did.] Part of this effort went into him messaging Maddox and trying to get his side of the story. Little did he know, he'd have to go through a ton of Maddox's delusional rants about [[shit no one cares about]]. After a while, the guy leaked them on [[IRC]] for everyone to laugh at. But, after Dick confronted him and told him they're never coming back together, he [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|DELETED FUCKING EVERYTHING]] out of respect. That didn't stop Maddox from threatening the poor guy to dox him, though. What a class fucking act.


On December 9th, 2008, Maddox announced that all of the time he spent not updating his website was not only devoted to [[Masturbation|jacking]] it to [[hentai]] and being a [[basement]]-dwelling loser, but also spent on developing his own show, dubbed uncreatively [[Doug|''The Best Show in the Universe'']].  News of the show, which is set to air on [[YouTube]], came via an update on his site, in an article where he heavily criticized YouTube for being full of [[shit]], coming in only 3 years behind everyone else on the Internet in this endeavor.
Things revealed in these chats include, but aren't limited to:


Finally, after almost two years, Maddox finally managed to do what [[13-year-old boy]]s, [[retard]]s, [[faggot]]s, and [[Chris-Chan]] managed to do in a matter of days, if not hours: post a poorly-made video to YouTube.
* Maddox feels nothing but contempt towards his fans, like we mentioned before. He feels this way because, in his bald, dumb head, he thinks his fans owe him their gratitude for bringing them shitty content that's not funny.
* Dick has a girlfriend, a house, and a successful podcast because of Maddox. You can see this is [[bullshit]] if you were even half as retarded as Maddox is.
* Maddox says Asterios doxxed his girlfriend, while also saying that he accused his girlfriend of doxing him.
* Maddox is very sad and angry over [[Kiwi Farms|a forum of people harassing him and slandering him and calling him a cuck and faggot every fucking day]].
* Maddox is very hypocritical about how wrong harassment and meddling in the lives of others exactly is.
* Maddox claims that his ex is both obsessed with him and was abusive to him while they were in a relationship together. Yes, he is saying that he was abused by a woman. What a tough guy.
* Maddox, above all else, says he wouldn't escalate the tension between him and Dick any further. [[Irony]].
''<big>You can read all the chats [https://web.archive.org/web/20170606053313/http://files.ilj.io/files/what_i_owe.txt here], [https://web.archive.org/web/20170805193345/http://files.ilj.io/files/the_disgusting_thing_asterios_did.txt here], [https://web.archive.org/web/20170805193359/http://files.ilj.io/files/make_rage_not_war.txt here], [http://files.ilj.io/files/logs/maddox_is_abused.md here], and [http://files.ilj.io/files/logs/tbpitu_downfall.md here], all either archived or somehow not deleted.</big>''


<center><youtube>JBiQE4hjOsk</youtube></center>
<center>{{frame|<youtube>ZrRr1BjY17g</youtube><center>'''Dramatic re-enactment with Madcucks, a parody of Maddox that's way more likable than the real thing.'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
{{clear}}
=== Maddox's list of words that trigger him ===


The "show" is basically a redux of his article criticizing children's artwork from almost 10 years ago.  This article is Maddox's main claim to Internet fame and he clings to it as the foundation of his [[gay|manly]] personality. This time, he focuses on criticizing children singing on YouTube. Maddox is [[obvious|significantly less humorous]] when you can see his receding hairline and [[AIDS]]-patient physique on camera. The fact that it took him two years to [[shit]] out this steaming pile of [[unfunny]] just goes to show everyone exactly how far beyond the shark Maddox has jumped. [[PROTIP]]: Claiming to be a manly pirate lumberjack only works when people can't see that you're actually a scrawny, balding computer programmer in real life.  It's a pathetic compensation.
<center>{{frame|<youtube>yPLPCxOdhk8</youtube><center>'''[https://images.encyclopediadramatica.rs/e/ed/Maddoxbannedwords.mp4 Archived copy here.] We won't Maddox delete his bullcrap.'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>


===The Biggest Problem In The Universe===
Maddox may not have a lot going for him, but he leeches off of "friends of friends" with [[over 9000]] e-celebrities. If you watch any "meme" YouTuber from [[Reddit|/r/videos]] or anyone from "le YouTube skeptic community", it's more than likely they're friends with Maddox. One of them, [[The Amazing Atheist|TJ Kirk (a.k.a: The Amazing Fruit Fucker)]], let Maddox guest on his podcast, Drunken Peasants. But Maddox couldn't ''just'' guest on a ''live-streamed show'' where ''anyone can comment anything''. Maddox forced TJ to [[censor|filter]] the pay chat, in which audience members, for a bit of money, can write a comment TJ and his co-hosts will read on air. This led to '''''NO ONE'S COMMENT GETTING READ'''''. Only two were read that episode, both being subtle shots at Maddox that flew over everyone else's head. This caused such a [[autistic screeching|shitstorm]], TJ was forced to refund everyone who didn't get their comment featured because all his fans were threatened to pull their support from his [[Patreon]].


After the failure of his 2nd book, Maddox needed a win. In an act of desperation Maddox began sucking internet troll [[Dick Masterson]]'s dick to do something with him to keep him from having to go back to the hell of having to work a real job where he was a productive member of society.  
Dick not only offered to reimburse any losses, but got one of TJ's co-hosts to guest to a live show. On that live show, he read the original memo Maddox sent TJ. This was met with plenty of [[lulz]].
{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
! Banned word  !! Why it was banned
|-
| The Dick Show  || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| thedickshow.com || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| [[Dick Masterson]]  || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Team [[Dick]] || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| #TeamDick || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Masterson || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Madcucks || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Madcuck || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Madcux || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| [[Rape]] list || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| [[Rape]] apologist || Maddox is a cuck
|-
| [[8chan]] || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| [[Dick Masterson]] || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| [[Cuck]] || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| [[Dox|Sycamore]] || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| [[Nigger]] || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| 8chan.net || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Manpurse || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Asterios || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| [[Dick]] Team || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Where's [[Dick]]? || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Where's Kokkinos? || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Dick Show || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| [[Cuck]]mas || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Disavowed || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| The Best Book In The Universe || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| #DickLies || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| #DikLies || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| 30k || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Kendal || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Adam Nash || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Nashville || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| D1ck Masterson || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| [[1337|D1ckm4st3rs0n]] [Many number/letter combos] || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| 80's girl || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| 80s girl || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Atease girl || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Dick is the winner || Maddox is a cuck
|-
| [[herpes|Mental]] [[Nigger|Jess]] [Many versions of "Mental Jess"]|| Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Ouzounian || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Peach || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Peach Saliva || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Restraining order || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| Job lynch mob || Maddox is a cuck.
|-
| [[Dox|819]] || Maddox is a cuck.
|}


=== The Podcast ===
=== The Biggest Lolsuit in the Universe (AKA: George Ouzounian et al - v. - Dax Herrera et al) ===
{{clear}}


Dick and Maddox began the podcast version of this show, and it was actually pretty [[Awwright]] at the beginning. Dick as usual played the heel to Maddox's moral faggotry and need to be right, this is what Maddox thought the setup of the podcast was. In reality, it was Dick trolling an autist.  
[[File:Patreonjurisdiction.png|300px|thumb|left|Decides to sue everyone in NY, even though everyone involved in the lawsuit lives in LA... wut?]]
[[File:44 crappy childrens work.png|300px|thumb|right|Old Maddox reviews new Maddox's lawsuit]]
[[File:YOUDIDITTOYOURSELFMADDOX.png|300px|thumb|left|This was easily preventable, Maddox.]]
[[Image:Maddilox6.jpg|thumb|right|''PICTURED: REAL LIFE NO JOKE JOURNALIST HEATHER S. LOOKING <s>HOT AS FUCK</s> VERY STRONG AND INDEPENDENT GETTING READY TO WRITE "HER" NEXT BOOK, THE ALPHABET OF IRL FEMININE, WOMYX-CURATED JOURNALISM BY THE BEACH. THERE WOULD A JOKE ABOUT [[fat|WHALES]] AT THE BEACH BUT THAT WOULD BE [[social justice|FATPHOBIC]].'']]
[[File:Maddox-cuck.jpg|thumb|left|Visual representation of Maddox's 'PTSD']]
[[File:Maddoxisacreep.png|200px|thumb|right|Just a normal picture Maddox hides in his website next to the login info of other people.]]
[[File:Lolsuit-cuck.png|thumb|left|Asterios intended to prove to the court that Maddox is a fucking cuck holy shit rofl]]
On November 6th, 2017: Maddox's bloodthirst peaks and with the help of a dog bite lawyer and "recovering" alcoholic Kevin Landau, he filed a $20 million USD civil suit against [[Dick Masterson|Dax Herrera]], Foundation Digital, Llc, Greg Boser, Loren Baker, Cmgrp, Inc. (D/B/A Weber Shandwick), Joshua Kaufman, [[libtard|Asterios]] [[Greek|Kokkinos]], Madcucks aka Trevor Birt, [[Patreon|Patreon, Inc.]], and Jordan Cope.  


The podcast is a gold mind of quotable autistic moments.
<center>{{frame|
<center>
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|font-weight: bold;|
{{morphquote|ChrisQuotes|text-align:center;border:10px solid #cccccc;width:600px;height:330px;border-radius:35px;background-color:eggwhite;padding-top:10px;padding-bottom:10px|font-weight:bold
|<youtube>DN4JCo4bjnM</youtube> A lawyer who knows his shit
|Pedophilia is considered a psychiatric disorder, not a moral failure. I was talking to a friend awhile back, who I said…I asked him|Maddox defending pedophiles on episode 30
|<youtube>0eYLR6CbR78</youtube> IRL lawyer reminding people the law doesn't end where Maddox's feelings begin
|Should we demonize these people to the extent that we are?|Maddox on being nicer to child rapists
|<youtube>7B5by1QHe38</youtube> The conclusion to IRL lawyer going through the lolsuit
|Send me on MARS ONE! I'll go right now|Maddox on the Mars one scam
|<youtube>Hkg-hbLZF-8</youtube> Don't worry Maddox, Mundane Fat likes you! Surely, that’s worth as much as having a winning case!
|I wouldn't not date a girl with herpes|Maddox on his current relationship|}}
|<youtube>11WUsAJ3T_w</youtube> The [[TL;DR]] by [[Mister Metokur]]
|}}|border=black|background=#ff8000}}
</center>
</center>


<center><youtube>iVXbIqio6Oc</youtube></center>
For those thinking a [[lolsuit]] is the same as a frivolous lawsuit, you're objectively wrong. 99% of any threatened legal action in a frivolous suit either never makes it to court, or gets dismissed with prejudice, which is judge-speak for 'I don't need to think about this dumb shit any more, here's the verdict'. This is that 1% of those frivolous cases, in which the case and the litigant are so neurotic and [[batshit insane]] that they defy the bounds of any logic or reason. In this suit, Maddox primary claim is that Dick [[sex|pumped]], [[friend zone|dumped]], and annihilated his reputation with his [[trolling]] and importing/exporting of [[lulz]]. Apparently, a balding, middle-aged man who feels nothing but contempt for his fans is totally deserving of 20,000,000 dollars. While it's true Dick (rightfully) spanked his flat ass, he's far from responsible for any of Maddox's monetary shortcomings and failures. Any motherfucker with common sense realizes this.
<center>'''A 30 MINUTE TL;DR OF 107 EPISODES OF PODCAST DRAMA'''</center>


The Podcast was successful, but Maddox rage quit because [[Dick Masterson]] dated an ex he had been broken up with 3 years. I know this has been said multiple times; this is to emphasize despite how pathetic and hillarious this is, it isn't a joke. This is a [[fact]]. As funny as it may be a 40 year old who is going broke, needs room mates to pay his bills would throw away his only cash cow over pussy he hasn't been tapping for over 3 years while dating someone else it needs to be emphasised this is not a punchline to a joke, this is real. The only joke this is a punchline to is Maddox's life.
<u>'''Things Maddox has legally admitted to in this lawsuit include</u>:'''
* Maddox has [[PTSD|Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder]] from being called a cuck.
* Maddox has wanted to and has attempted to get people fired from their jobs.
* Maddox has coordinated, tried to get Dick's Patreon banned for no reason.
* Maddox says ''The Biggest Problem In The Universe'' was a joint venture between him and Dick.
* Maddox admits ''F*ck Whales'' was a financial bomb.
* Maddox's girlfriend also has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder because of Dick.
* Maddox admits everyone involved (including himself) don't live in New York, despite the lawsuit being filed in New York.
* Maddox admits his career and his "business", is completely destroyed.


=== <s>The T.V. show</s> The Youtube Show ===
<u>'''More recent lolsuit updates include</u>:'''
* Landau, through possible shitty wording, claims Maddox's girlfriend may actually have [[herpes]]. [[Srsly]].
* Maddox, legally, by his own definition of the word, is a [[cuck]].
* That, through Landau's shitty wording, Dick and Asterios may/may not be the fathers of Madcucks, making Madcucks the first butt baby.  
* Maddox and his girlfriend <s>want a restraining order against Dick</s> [https://youtu.be/tDovnKy0HBU DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS].
* Dick apparently hacked Maddox's web server. It consisted of unlisted, unlinked URLs, which as it turned out [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/7r4q6p/exploring_maddoffs_website/dsubjtb/ Maddox had the login information of some of Dick's clients that he wasn't supposed to have.] Chances are, he did some autistic, illegal shit. Some stuff that was also found include [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/7ovx3n/facebook_gentlemen_discovers_weird_picture_on/ a creepy photo of a random hot chick that looked as if it was taken without her knowing], pictures of Maddox with hair, and other [[shit no one cares about]].
* Maddox, either purposely or through Landau being unable to write coherently, admits to impersonating a [[liberal media]] journalist named Heather. Above all else, this marks the moment Maddox comes out as an [[trans|Armeni-tran]].


Maddox had been working on a REAL T.V. show with a live audience, however since Maddox is an Autistic manchild and torpedoed every pitch meeting he had, he began work on a Youtube channel show with a [[neckbeards|a live audience]].
<BIG><U>'''So how did such an amazing lawsuit end?'''</U></BIG>


<center><youtube>5_HIwCuDPlc</youtube></center>
<center><youtube>n7oqJJ1ijs8</youtube></center> <center>'''Here is the TL;DR teaser trailer that spoils the ending of the lolsuit'''</center>


His first guest was a SJW that insulted the whole 'gamer culture'. What a start to a [[shit|good]] show. The live show sucked and the first episode was an indicator of the direction of failure Maddox was heading. The show is a waste of [[you|your]] time.
<big>''YOU CAN READ THE ENTIRE LOLSUIT, AS WELL AS FOLLOW UP LEGAL ACTIONS ON:''</big>


{{Rainbow|LOLSUIT.COM}}
{{clear}}
And what did Maddox do after losing? Perhaps some self reflection as the thick skulled retard realize he's thousands upon thousands of dollars in the hole and the ass end of countless jokes on the internet? ''Why, double down and file ''[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/george-ouzounian-v-asterios-kokkinos-2018.47158/ another] lawsuit, twice as assmad as before!''


==Ballsack Media Network==


==[[Reddit]] AMA==
[[File:DICK AND BALLSACK.png|900px|thumb|center|Maddox ''sure is'' doing better than Dick!]]
At the end of January 2010, [http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/avkcv/i_am_maddox_ama Maddox decided to reach out to all the arrogant nerds on reddit], due to his fanbase completely forgetting about him for not updating his website often to their liking.  The members of reddit [[cum|came]] all over the post, asking him all kinds of stupid questions that have been answered [[over 9000]] times and pretending to give a shit about [[Hentai|what he's up to]] as his excuse for not updating his website. There were also many other jealous nerds who wish people gave a shit about their opinions more than Maddox's, so they decided to try their luck in [[fail|flaming him]], but failed miserably.
[[File:Maddoxloss.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Reminder: if Maddox never invited Jesse, he'd be making sponsorship money right now.]]  


==Maddox gets trolled by Penn Jillette==
Immediately after ''The Biggest Problem In The Universe'' ended, Maddox had to think of how to capitalize on a cancelled show. His solution? Start a shitty podcast network. With ''zero planning whatsoever''.
<!--[[File:Maddox.png|thumb|right|250px|Part elitist. Part fag. 100% [[manboy]].]]-->
 
On July 29th, [[2010]], Maddox stumbled into what will no doubt be a self-publicized [[Andy Warhol|15 minutes]] he'll milk for the rest of his life (an [[old media|actual 15 minutes]], not a [[Internet famous|fake 15 minutes]]) when he was spotted on an episode of [[Wikipedia:Penn & Teller: Bullshit!|Penn and Teller's: ''Bullshit!'']] during a segment they did on "[[Old people|Old People]]". <s>({{youtube|MaaMAstcSrE|partial vid only}})</s> don't bother, it's set to private. [http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/5726255/Penn.and.Teller.Bullshit.S08E08.HDTV.XviD-SYS Go torrent it]
On this network he paid $30,000.00 to get a website for, you can listen to numerous high-quality podcasts, such as:
 
* '''The Best Debate in the Universe'''- Outlined above. [[TL;DR]]: you’d be better off listening to BPITU. It’s not only funnier, but you’re not supporting a shill factory of man purses and [[meme]] [[clickbait]] bullshit.
 
* '''Pod Awful'''- Question: what would happen if the combined power of Rucka Rucka Ali and Maddox was even less funny? You'd get ''Pod Awful'', the worst possible way to kill two hours. This show is only funny if your sense of humor is overblown edgy shit with zero self-awareness. The wittiest thing to come out of host Jesse's mouth is Maddox's [[micropenis]]. ''Pod Awful'' is the most notable show on the network outside of Biggest Temper Tantrum in the Universe. Why? Not because it's funny, that's for sure. [https://images.encyclopediadramatica.rs/8/84/MadcastSaysNigger.mp4 Jesse fucked over Maddox and threw all their sponsorship deals away because he called a mutual friend of Maddox and Dick a nigger] for starting his own podcast, not doing it with Madcast Media, and giving Maddox a cut of his revenue (it's fine though because Maddox's [[tranny|girlfriend]] said [https://twitter.com/M3tal_Jess/status/817283987869552640 she likes when people call her a nigger]). Jesse is his personal slave and [[cumslut]] doing all the dirty work for Maddox, moderating his bullshit and white knighting him under several [[sockpuppet]] accounts. And to make things <s>worse</s> ''better'', [[he_does_it_for_free|he makes zero money]] from neither his show nor his chivalrous deeds of saving Princess Maddox when he gets in a jam. Oh yeah, Jesse also spends his time [https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/index.php?title=Maddox&diff=prev&oldid=1011975 editing this page, because Maddox won't give him his juicy, Armenian, vein-covered dick if he doesn't white knight for every single one of his fuck-ups.]
 
* '''[[ALL CAPS|'''CRINGE VS. CRINGE!!1!111!!!]]'''- After months and months of e-mails, YouTube comments, [[Reddit]] posts, and [https://men.com Men.com] comments (only the manliest of websites can stream content from Maddox), they finally did it. You spoke, they listened. Maddox gave Jesse P-S, the guy who's responsible for their podcasts not making money, '''''[[SRSLY|ANOTHER FUCKING SHOW]]'''''!! In all seriousness, <i>[[kamikaze|CRINGE VS. CRINGE]]</i> may as well be called <i>Pod Aw-[[Spanish|dos]]: [[Electric Boogaloo]]</i>. The only noteworthy thing about this show is that Asterios Kokkinos, established Dick goon, was a guest for one episode. You would think there'd be some questioning by Dick's fans, but CVC is so trivial in the grand scheme of things that no one noticed in the first place. Just goes to show how little people care about anything Jesse makes.
 
* '''Game Fart'''- <s>A podcast hosted by some [[unfunny]] [[Britbong]] gamer [[fags]] [[nobody gives a shit]] about. [https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/index.php?title=Maddox&diff=prev&oldid=1011976 It's not just us thinking that, though. It appears Jesse from ''Pod Awful'' actually agrees with us.]</s> [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS]]. <i>Game Fart</i> died because no one cared it existed. There are some semi-interesting reasons why this show was greenlit in the first place, however: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/7a1u8c/madcast_media_death_pool_update_game_fart_ended/ Lord Matthew, the head honcho of a team with no other members, '''''was the guy that created the shitty Madcast Media website (the one that Maddox blew 30k on)'''''].
 
== MADDOX GETS CUCKED OUT OF HIS OWN SHOW ON ITUNES AND GIRLFRIEND ==
 
After losing his lolsuit, his [[herpes|beautiful]] [[nigger|Afican]] American girlfriend left him. While her official reason for leaving Maddox was because he tried (not succedeed, tried) to cheat on her with an annoying cat girl that got thrown out of all Dick Show communities because she was a hideous annoying slag of a hambeast, who he's now let be a moderator for his twitch. Some speculate that it was really due to Maddox's crying while watching other men fuck her was so loud and annoying it was starting to scare away the bulls she's bring over.
 
What more can Maddox lose? He's lost his [[girlfriend|pet moneky]], his ex gf he is still in love with, 99% of his SadCast media employees, all his money, [[suicide|his sister]], his book sales, any future book deals, and all respect any one had for him. Well Dick decided to take another thing from Maddox... [[lulz|HIS OWN ITUNES FEED FOR HIS PODCAST]].
 
Dick wasn't ready for the fun of laughing at Maddox to end and all Maddox wanted to do now was cry in his cuck shed alone and pretend he never was such a retard. So to spice things up after Maddox released his nuclear option that blew up in his own face, Dick decided on Episode 113 of <s>Biggest Problem in the 2niverse: The search for more money and less Dick</s> Best Debate in Universe to give Maddox, just the Tip of what is looking to be [[lulzy]] future series of dickings Maddox's anus was never prepared for:
 
<big>[https://soundcloud.com/user-663667932/113-should-certain-animals-be-extinct-ali-spagnola-ron-babcock-taylor-nikolai-maddox-crows '''DICK HAS HAD SOLE OWNERSHIP OF THE ORIGINAL STOLEN BIGGEST PROBLEM IN THE UNIVERSE ITUNES FEED THIS WHOLE TIME AND WAS ALLOWING MADDOX TO USE IT. HE DECIDED TO INFORM MADDOX OF THIS FACT BY SPLICING IN AN AD FOR HIS SHOW AT THE BEGINNING OF EPISODE 113 AS WELL AS A QUICK RUNDOWN OF WHAT HAPPENED FOR ALL THE BIGGEST PROBLEM FANS WHO WONDERED WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AND WHY IS THIS GAY FAGGY PODCAST SHOWING UP INSTEAD'''].</big>
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>pTSsP5CM2mc</youtube>
<center>'''Skip to 4:02 to hear the message and the explanation from the fucking madlad himself'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
 
To further [[troll|help]] Maddox, Dick decided to send his listeners to Maddox's $30,000 website and use his voting system to vote on what new podcast would be allowed on the C.U.N.T network. This caused Maddox to go into a full on autistic rage as he takes voting on his websites super seriously. First attempting to cry to apple to get his iTunes feed that actually has subscribers back. Then getting butthurt and tampering with his own voting to fuck with Dick. To going into such a delusional world of denial he is refusing to address the sickest burn that could possibly happen to Maddox, he is trying to [https://archive.fo/11TbX pass off the increase bump in web traffic as legit traffic to his shit shows website].
 
However, internet Lawsplainer Nick Rekieta explained what the funniest part of all this is (beyond just the lulz of Dick fucking with the feed and using it to shit on Maddox), because Dick was the owner and allowed Maddox to pull his bullshit for over 2 year, Dick can legally and rightfully bill Maddox for all the time he allowed Maddox to use his iTunes feed to upload a shitty podcast.
 
<center><youtube>utTVGln1Uws</youtube></center> <center>'''A full TL;DR break down of how Maddox got cucked out of his own iTunes feed'''</center>
 
Dick still owns the iTunes feed because Apple is not going to disregard property law to appease a crying bald faggot who talked shit about them for years, and has said when it comes to his ways to fuck with Maddox, this isn't even his final form.
 
== Slimegate ==
[[File:Maddoxbed.jpg|thumb|right|[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUHj3piO0yM Smile]]]
As mentioned before, Maddox lives in a pigsty of an apartment, and it's quite a stretch to imagine he'd ever get laid. It turns out that a certain more recent image of his actual bedroom made its way onto the internet, either through Maddox himself or from a foreclosure property website (for some reason). Naturally, the first thing you notice is the slime from the Monster Hunter series as a bedspread. Then you realise (to your horror) that Maddox fucked 80's girl in this room.
 
Try to unpack that for a moment reader: George Cuckman HAD SEX with at least one other human being '''ON THIS BED!'''
 
But yeah, for whatever reason his apartment was listed on [some foreclosure website http://www.themls.com]. There were other pictures that made it onto the listing in particular that confirmed that this was indeed the cuck lair.
 
<center><gallery>
File:Cuckshed1.jpg
File:Cuckshed2.jpg
File:Cuckshed3.jpg
</gallery></center>
 
This caused quite a lot of [[lulz]] among Maddox's hatebase, and we have a small collection memes to share with you.


It's unclear [[fellatio|how this happened]]. But, seeing as the show's research department was probably busy lighting their farts that week, some retard on the staff (who probably thinks they're [[newfag|internet saavy]] because of it) thought it would be a good idea to [[irl trolling|irl troll]] a slew of [[unfunny]] internet [[blogger]]s, who whine about [[nothing|anything and everything]] they're [[butthurt]] about, to posit a possible geratric [[holocaust]].
<center>{{frame|{{cg|The Best Slime In The Universe™ ٭ ٭ ٭|crazies|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Madslime1.jpg|Don't scream
File:Maddox has a new twitch character.jpg|Maddox's new [[twitch]] emote
File:Madslime2.jpg|Smile, now with bulge!
File:Madslime3.jpg|[[Minecraft|You can't sleep, monsters are nearby]]
File:Madslimespooky.jpg|What she sees in Maddox's bedroom
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Madslime4.jpg
File:Madslime5.jpg|Fuck it, we doin it on da metal slime bed tonite.
File:Madslime6.jpg|Anon asks for dating advice
File:Madslimeohgodno.png
</gallery>|}}|border=black|background=#3399ff}}</center>


<center>
== You and Maddox’s future ==
{{morphquote|maddquote|background-color: none;|font-weight: bold;
<center>{{frame|<youtube>OBUO_k4xDkI</youtube>
|When I hear the word's "old people" I think of [[you|smells]], uh I think of [[you|laziness]], I think of [[you|bitterness]]...
<center>'''Maddox's crying session with some midget.'''</center>|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>
|Maddox, talking about...[[irony|old people]]?
|[[lemon party|When I think of old people having sex I imagine a lot of loose skin...sweat...]]
|Maddox, you sure think about this a lot.}}</center>


<center>{{frame|<youtube>LL_j6E1uV5U</youtube>}}</center><br />
A couple days ago, Maddox cried in Twitch debater and incest lover [[Destiny]]’s shoulder like the [[victim]] he is. [https://twitter.com/wauterboi/status/868528505322995712 Of course, he <s>fails</s> “forgets” to mention how much of a crybully he is]. Maddox’s bar for what passes as harassment is so low, even [[Anita Sarkeesian]] would tell him to grow some balls.
<center>'''Penn's Response'''</center>
[[File:Penn stfu.gif|thumb|right|Penn's response.]]
During his screen-time (a whole 1 1/2 minutes!), Maddox's eagerness to somehow achieve [[unrealistic expectations|God-tier status]] from P&T's [[fanboi]]s seems to have been a bit of a [[footbullet]].  The overt [[lulz]] of all of it seems to have flown over Maddox's ([[bald]]) head altogether, but wasn't lost on Penn, seeing as Maddox is, himself, clearly in denial about being...just fucking [[lamer|old]]. Penn proceeded to counter-[[troll]] his ass, describing him as a [[faggot|blogger]] who is "[[O RLY|no spring chicken]] and spouts [[old meme|predictable]], [[RAGE|angry]], [[old|middle-aged]] [[nerd rage|manrants]] on [[SNCA|just about everything]]", along with some other lulzy shit before they literally told him to "[[GTFO]]".


{{quote2|[[I lol'd|...so you DO imagine old people having sex...and you jack off to it too, dontcha?]]|Penn Jillette|[[brofist]]}}
So, with that and everything else in this article in mind, what does all of it mean? Maddox is [[an hero]] waiting to happen. But he can’t build up the [[balls|courage]] to kill himself alone, [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide even though he should have taken his own advice from a long time ago]. He needs your help. How can [[you]], an e-urchin, help our dear friend Maddox become an hero? '''Here are some essential tips and tricks:'''


<center>TL;DR: [[YHBT|Go blog about it faggot]].</center>
[[File:How The Fuck Is Cyber Bullying Real.png|Right|thumb|Maddox should heed [[OFWGKTA|Tyler, The Creator]]’s words of everlasting wisdom.]]


==Madcast Media: How Maddox became a cuck==
*[https://www.twitch.tv/realmaddox Visit Maddox's Twitch stream] with a troll name. This’ll remind him how much of a failure he is.
*Ask him if [[erectile dysfunction|he has trouble getting it up]].
*Ask him if his girlfriend’s [[herpes|pussy is looking a bit spotty]].
*Ask him if his girlfriend [[tranny|even <i>has</i> a pussy]].
*Ask him if he would go [[gay]] if [[faggot|a man got his micropenis hard]].
*[http://thedickshow.com/episode-55/ Ask him why his girlfriend has a restraining order against some bitch named “80’s Girl”].
*Ask him how many copies F*ck Whales has sold.
*Ask him why the only thing he sponsors is his book.
*Ask him why that cool leather store’s website redirects to the merch store of some guy named “Dick”. 
*Ask him why his audio is so shitty and where Sean went.
*Ask him if it was his fault his sister killed herself.
*Ask him why he’s always losing followers.
*Call him a [[cuck]].
*Call him an [[SJW]].
*Disagree with him.
*Ask him about how much Patreon money he’s making.
*Ask him why his new, awesome show has the same [[iTunes]] feed as the old show.
*Tell him that you work a minimum wage job and still make more money than him.
*[http://files.ilj.io/files/what_i_owe.txt Quote] [http://files.ilj.io/files/the_disgusting_thing_asterios_did.txt anything] from the [http://files.ilj.io/files/make_rage_not_war.txt #WAUT3RGATE leaks].


Many argued over Maddox no longer being funny being funny after 2005. After 2016, there was no more argument. Maddox was a full blown cuck supporting SJW faggot.
==Maddox doesn’t like this article==
<center><youtube>SE6jy78tV78</youtube></center>


<center>'''"There is nothing inherently wrong with being a cuck"-Maddox defending his life choices'''</center>
Maddox, even though his first one was cucked by Asterios, decided to make a second bonus album. The concept of this album is a spicy one: Maddox reacts to ''this article'' by having Rucka and Jesse read it to him verbatim. This could’ve been funny, but then again, this is Maddox we’re talking about. We at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] refuse to support Maddox in any way, so all we can do is go off from people okay with giving the cuck money. Here’s the scoop:


Maddox began the Indian Jones leather purse shilling network. On this network that he hyped up and actually dropped $30,000.00 on a website for you can listen to numerous and diverse podcasts such as:
*Maddox responds to everything in this article by yelling [[bullshit|profanities]].
*As this episode goes on, Rucka sounds increasingly more frustrated with Maddox and his autism.  
*Eventually, Rucka tells Maddox what Dick’s tried to tell him this whole time: that he used to be one of the top online badasses, but now he’s a total cuck.
*Maddox pretends to be in on all the jokes saying he should work for [[NPR]].


* '''The Best Debate in the Universe'''- Did you like Biggest problem in the universe but thought it was too funny? Good news! Maddox and Wigger co host Ruck Ruck "I look and act like a 12 year old" Ali watch Maddox argue both sides of a boring pre selected topic that he brought in himself while he shills man purses and tries to kiss the ass of relevant e-celebs so his book doesn't tank when it drops and end his entertainment career for good.
Unlike Maddox’s first album, he wasn't able to pull off his “chop up my podcast into tracks and pretend they’re bits and that this is a comedy album and not leftover garbage” bullshit. As it turns out, no one buys comedy albums.  


* '''Pod Awful'''- An show that managed to [[LOL|lose Maddox's ALL of advertisers]]. While you would think this would cause Maddox to fire Podawful based on revenue loss, shit ratings, and legal liabilities however the host [[unfunny|Jessie]] is Maddox's personal lapdog and does all off Maddox's dirty work for him. He earns $0 podcasting living off mommy and daddies trust fund, and spends 24/7 moderating for Maddox, making sock puppet accounts white knighting Maddox, and editing this page because Maddox will not give him that sweet juicy dick if he doesn't white knight for him.
This article is also named in the lolsuit as one of the many reasons he’s [[Almost raped|entitled to]] <s>$20 million</s> <s>$380 million</s> every United States treasury note in existence. '''While the prospect of a ''satirical'' writer suing someone for contributing to a ''satirical'' article seems like a work of ''satire'', this is a legally documented [[fact]].'''


* '''Game Fart'''- Some [[unfunny]] british gamer [[fag|fags]].
Madcucks [https://play.google.com/store/music/album/Madcucks_Madcucks_Vs_Existence_2?id=Bykfgs6rysaz6dahxmyx4cn4c3u parodied this album], reading the current version of this article that covers his cuckoldry, the lolsuit, Maddox’s [[failure]] of a podcast network, and more. This hit #1 on both [[iTunes]] and [[Jewgle]] Oy Play’s comedy album charts. Then, Madcucks [https://play.google.com/store/music/album/Madcucks_Madcucks_Vs_Existence_3?id=Bcfown3rfd5zorzcoguho46yj2m released a third bonus album] to make fun of how Maddox <s>never made the third bonus album he promised he would make to all five people who bought his cuckold content currency</s> made a third bonus album (which Sç̱͈͓͔̬̠̞z̴̙̖̥͕̪ḩ̖̣̣̙̱̬̘ṳ͈̈a͎̣̙̟̳̱̞n͇̹, Dick’s audio engineer, has confirmed does exists), but never released it.


== Madcast media revenue model ==
== The Museum of Maddox (MOM) (alternatively titled The Best Museum in the Universe) ==
[[File:Kekistan-flag-maddox-carl-benjamin.jpg|thumb|right|Shadilay Mad Cuckman!]]
[[Last_thursday|One day,]] [http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/avkcv/i_am_maddox_ama Maddox reached out to all the arrogant nerds on Reddit because his fanbase forgot about him].  Redditors [[cum|came]] all over the post, asking him questions he's answered numerous times before. You know, the expected behaviour from [[Reddit]] users. Why is this post important? [https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/avkcv/i_am_maddox_ama/c0jm6wd/ Maddox harps on "quality" as an excuse for not updating his site or shitting out another book] (not that this has ever stopped him before). He also points out that he cares about what his name's tied to, which is why he took a picture right next to the fucking [[Kekistan]] flag not 10 feet away from [[Sargon_of_Akkad|Carl Fucking Benjamin]] of all things.


* <big><b><s><u>Ads</u></s></b></big> - <s>Madcast media only puts there Maddox name on products that are quality! Maddox first sponsor Kendal & Hyde [https://www.bbb.org/sdoc/business-reviews/leather-goods-dealers/kendal-hyde-co-in-san-diego-ca-172016681/reviews-and-complaints| proved to be the highest quality leather man purses when ever they didn't completely rip off their customers] or Candid.</s> [[LOL DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS]] Thanks to Podawful, Maddox lost all advertisers! Good job Jessie!
Yes, he cares so much about his name, [[Lies|THAT HE DOES EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO MAKE SURE HIS NAME IS NOT RUN THROUGH THE MUD, THAT PEOPLE REVERE HIM WITH GENUINE PRIDE, AND THAT HE DOESN'T SELL OUT BY PUTTING HIS BRAND ON DOGSHIT PRODUCTS.]]
<center><youtube>EQYSw5g2yCI</youtube></center>
<Center><b>100% MADDOX SEAL OF APPROVAL ON THIS QUALITY WEBSITE</B></CENTER>
* <big><b><u>Patreon</u></b></big> - Madcast media makes most of their money off Patreon. Podawful makes a grand total of $0 because Jessie got banned for breaking TOS and trying to contact employers, stalk family members, and dox people on his show while Maddox after over a year makes less than $300 a month. For a referance point, his autistic parody makes more money than he does on patreon shitting out lazy content.
<center><youtube>qEX9cpV7UBg</youtube></center>
<center><b>This fat autistic fuck is making more money than you and you're basically a cuck</b></center>
* <big><b><u>Bonus content</u></b></big> - Maddox has releases bonus episodes of his podcast no one cares about on iTunes called "Maddox vs The Universe". His first episode even made #4 on iTunes comedy charts just right behind 7 year old Dane Cook comedy specials and albums dedicated to making fun of him and calling him a cuck
<center><youtube>9I9F5eo5KBU</youtube></center>
<center><b>That's right, an album about Maddox being a cuck is saved in the US national archive</b></center>
* <big><b><u>[[Cuck|Mad]]-Bux</u></b></big> - Don't like using legal currency for purchasing products? Then you can use <s>Mad</s>Cuck-bux!
<center><youtube>H3QyvOkammo</youtube></center>
<center><b>A TL;DR of what the fuck Cuck-Bux are</b></center>
* <big><b><u>Amazon Link</u></b></big> - Feeling Generous? You can send a [https://affiliate-program.amazon.com/help/operating/policies| few pennies] of your Amazon purchase, which would add up to some serious money if anyone listened to the show.


* <big><b><u>Youtube</u></b></big> - Losing over [https://socialblade.com/youtube/user/maddox| 15k subs over 6 months] and hit by the youtube AdPocalypse Maddox can look forward to youtube eventually paying him in Cuck-Bux for his content.
<big>'''SPOILER: HE CARES AS MUCH ABOUT HIS IMAGE AS KRUSTY THE CLOWN FROM THE SIMPSONS!'''</big>
<center><youtube>MfHXXV45EjE</youtube></center>


Maddox is currently banking on his book <b>F*ck Whales</b> to save his failing career and sucking off any popular youtuber in order to save his career. Given his [https://www.patreon.com/realmaddox|patreon has less than 100 people giving him less than $300 a month] I'm sure this book will not be a total failure that kills his career.
To show how much he cares about the legendary Maddox and tHe bEsT WhAtEvEr tHe fUcK In tHe uNiVeRsE™ brand, here's a gallery of high quality Maddox content that has been made over the years! This is content made by fans, by himself, and the content he has his brand and face attached to. Oh, and Georgie-poo? [[Never forget]] [[Anonymous|We're fans too. :)]]
{{clear}}
<center>{{frame|{{cg|OVERFLOWING AMOUNTS OF QUALITY|crazies|center|<gallery perrow="7">
File:MaddoxlossCAD.jpg|Maddox [[CTRL_ALT_Delete#CADbortion_Comic_Shops|Loss]]
File:Predator3cosplay.jpg|Can you guess what he's cosplaying as?
File:MADDOXNailed it.jpg|NAILED IT!!!
File:tekkaman_comp4.jpg|The attention to detail is amazing!
File:Tekkaman comp3.jpg|I can't tell who’s who!
File:Tekkaman comp5.jpg|When <s>autism</s> '''''HIGH QUALITY''''' goes too far.
File:Cuckshirt.jpg|With design quality like that, it's no wonder this shirt is so popular!
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="7">
File:Trigg.png|Awesome shirt!! It's like Maddox took the [https://youtu.be/I--LtuTA7K8 sketch from John Oliver] and made it more <s>autistic</s> <i><b>BADASS, HILARIOUS, AND HIGH QUALITY</b></i>. Peek the yellow highlights for [[lulz]].  File:Maddox3dmodel.jpg|Watch out, world: Maddox is a master CGI modeler!
File:Maddoxredcarpet.png|Look at what a snappy dresser this dapper chap is!
File:MaddoxhotTwitter.png|Look at the effort he puts into managing the MADDOX™ brand on his [[Twitter]]!!
File:Sonicblendermaddox.png|Wow, he can make models of [[Sonic]], too?
File:Twitterlockout.png|Look at how Maddox’s haters roll off his back as he handles criticism and trolling like a [[pro]]!
File:Maddoxrapejoke.png|Maddox spent years thinking up the funniest jokes!
File:Twitterlockout2.png|Don't let anyone tell you that you’re lazy, Maddox!
File:Twitterlockout3.png|Don't even give haters the time of day, Maddox! Everyone loves you. You make such high quality content that people who don’t like you are irrelevant!
File:Newmaterialmaddox.png|Keep on making high quality drawings and writing original and new material, Maddox!
File:Maddoxatthestreamy.jpg|The cuck found a jacket even smaller than he is!
File::Irlmaddox.jpg|Maddox IRL. Photoshop and post video editing help a lot.
File:Maddoxprocuck.jpg|Vice magazine huh? Hmm, checks out...
File:Maddoxwojak.png|[[Wojak]] meme
File:Maddoxvape.jpg|[[Vaping|Disgusting]]
File:Maddox_mtg.jpg|[[Magic_The_Gathering|Shit card]]
File:Maddoxcon.jpg|Now THAT'S the kind of engagement I'd expect to see from a NYT best selling author going to [[Comic-Con]]
File:Maddoxncfoc.jpg|Coming to a Twitch channel near you...
File:Maddox-deleting-comments.jpg|Oh grow up you fucking crybaby.
File:Maddox-advice.jpg|Even the [[Advice Dog]] meme is funnier than you.
File:Maddoxs-anti-fans.jpg|Maddox's anti-fan-base steals the show every time
File:Maddox-bike.jpg|WHAT'S UP?
File:Maddox-lolcow-milking.png|Dick hard at work on roasting Maddox
File:Idcuckme.jpg|''ACTUAL IRL JOURNALIST HEATHER S. READY TO CHECK "HER" E-MAIL TO DISTRACT "HERSELF" FROM THE SOUND OF [[nigger|TYRONE]] FUCKING "HER" GIRLFRIEND.''
File:Im being impersonated by a gross armenian.jpg|Anon does 4D chess with the cucklet
File:Madcast-hacked.jpg|Madcast Media Network gets an improvement
File:Maddox-comments.jpg|Maddox bitching at his 'fans' when they have the gall to ask for comments sections
File:I am the content.jpg|Maddox is the content
File:Maddox the gamblers motto.png|Why isn't this an official [[Nike]] promo?
File:Maddox fun today.png|Maddox is having fun
File:Maddox trollin.png|Oooooof!
File:Maddox-cucked-gottem.jpg|GOTTEM!
File:Maddox solves all his troubles circa 2018.jpg|Maddox solves all his troubles c.2018 (colorized)
File:Maddox-censorship.png|[[You|We know one person in particular who REALLY LOVES censorship!]]
File:Los angeles not even once.jpg
File:cameron_vs_maddox.jpg
File:Dickvsmaddox-podcaststats.jpg|Yet another comparison of the numbers
File:Merry-christmas-maddox.jpg|Merry Cucksmas!
File:Maddox-wedding-taxi.jpg|More strange Maddox tranny shit
File:Maddox-ironing.png|Oh, the ironing
File:Callingthepolice.jpg
File:Maddox-lawsuit-madlox.jpg
File:Maddox-bagdhad-box.jpg|Maddox's cosplay at Vidcon this year as Bagdhad Bob really nailed it
File:Maddox-change-my-mind.jpg
File:Kiss-me-im-a-writer-maddox.jpg|You're not [[Ireland|Irish]], you're [[Armenia|Armenian]]
File:Maddox-hats.jpg
File:Maddox_perjury.jpg
File:Maddox_harambe.jpg|The only tragic thing about this is [[Harambe|they would only kill the good gorillas who did nothing wrong]]
File:Maddox-got-mad.jpg|The equivilent of an unfunny stand-up comedian removing a heckler who roasted and upstaged him
File:Maddoxgrinch.jpg|Then he got an idea. An awful idea. The cuck got a wonderful, ''awful'' idea!
File:Maddoxconstrategy.jpg|Imagine being so pathetic and unpopular that you have to bribe fans to come to your booth at ComicCon with free food! WHAT?
File:Maddoxcuckcuckcuck.jpg|George clearly doesn't read his own shit
File:Maddoxfart.png|[[Fart|Classy...]]
File:Coolestwebsite.png|How Maddox's site would look if he was only 10% honest
File:Maddox im calling the police.jpg|''I'm calling the police'' is a bit of a big meme on r/TheDickShow btw
File:Maddox-lawsuit-old-maddox.jpg|Old Maddox's response to the lawsuit
File:Madcuckriddler.png|Maddox somehow looks less [[gay]] when posing as The Riddler
File:Cuckhunt.jpg|Use a real gun though
File:Maddox-bike-2.jpg|Maddox's antics against Dick in a nutshell
File:Spaghettitimemaddox.jpg|What a fucking [[incel]]
File:Maddox-endgame.png
File:Maddox-endgame-2.jpg|I don't feel so good anon
File:Imcallingthepolice-maddox.jpg
File:Madlet.png
</gallery>
|}}|border=black|background=#ff8000}}</center>


==Other Maddoxes==
*'''LJ Maddox:''' The [[LiveJournal]] account {{lj|user=maddox}} is held by a [[retard]]ed [[13 year old boys|thirteen year old boy]] from [[Italy]] who updated it once [[at least 100 years ago|a long time ago]] inquiring about male prostitutes who were also [[video game]] experts or [[whatever]]. [[Lulz]] ensued.
*'''[[what|PokeMaddox]]:''' There was a [[troll]] on the [[Poland|Polish]] [[Pokemon]]-themed board. He incidentally was also called Maddox, but he retired, since people called him to wash his tits.
*'''[[John Solomon]]:''' is sometimes accused of being Maddox. This is a [[lie]].
*'''Dross:''' [[LOL WUT|A Latin/white]] <s>ripoff</s> '''troll''' that shamelessly copied Maddox's page format and whole Modus Operandi ([[h8|h8 mail]], [[shitty art|fanart]], and the rest). He's in his middle 20's and is '''[[unfunny]]''' to bacterial proportions. Also, a [[great justice|self-proclamed macho and racist]] that, in South America, is [[over 9000]] more overrated than in [[America|the US]]. [[shit nobody cares about|Born in Venezuela, resides in Argentina since 2007]]. Loathes [[you|every single social group in history]], to a point of rejecting to be remotely related to any; he has an enourmous e-go and even copied Maddox catch-phrase "How much I rule" and deformed it.
[http://archive.is/0mrkA "El otro día demostré lo increíble que soy con un chanta argentino"] translates to "The other day I demonstrated how incredible I am..." (Nitpicking anyone? lulz).
He writes [[video game]] guides for those idiots that cannot access or are too [[fucktard]]ed to use Google, [[lulz|but his work has been stolen for other magazines]]. [http://archive.is/7HTqn SRSLY]. He could be a troll for the [[win]], but he thought that, being not so retarded as those who read his site, falls in the [[fail]] category. [http://archive.is/DE0uy Si usted habla español, hágale una visita]. Dross is also a douchebag of epic proportions, as is shown in this article where he brags how better he is and how true he is to his internet persona in comparison of Maddox and Toobis based on his muscles: [http://archive.is/iSYtt http://www.dross.com.ar/Competencia.htm]. *UPDATE* Dross has publicly declared interest in having anal sex with Maddox (srsly) and cannot longer be considered a ripoff since he has declared his Internet persona is a character and is doing the whole thing for the lulz. [http://archive.is/yjBkS SRSLY].


*'''Daniel Isaac:''' Another clone of Maddox with the same Modus Operandi. It would be nice to write something [[lulz|lulzly]] about him, but it would be repeating Maddox history, but without so much space. Yes, he is that [[lame]]. [http://archive.is/Q7Kn2 Daniel Isaac's].
<center>
{{frame|{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>x95YRIV_Q9o</youtube> Look at how delicious Maddox’s hot sauce is. Clearly Maddox won't slap his valuable, consumer-friendly brand on just anything!
|<youtube>Qz7LfPpcRck</youtube> '''''LOOK OUT WORLD: MADDOX IS A GREAT ACTOR TOO! IT'S A WONDER HOW HE DIDN’T GET A T.V. SHOW!'''''
|}}|border=black|background=#ff8000}}
</center>


==Fun Facts==  
==Fun facts==  
[[Image:Maddoxthaitranny.jpg|thumb|250px|Maddox with Thai IRL transsexuals ([[At least 100 years ago|when he had hair]]) [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=thailand Proof].]]
[[Image:Maddoxthaitranny.jpg|thumb|250px|[[At least 100 years ago|Hair-era Maddox]] banged [[IRL]] [[Thai]] [[trannies|dickgirls]] [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=thailand Here’s the proof].]]
[[Image:Maddilox6.jpg|thumb| Post-op or pre-op?]]
[[File:Maddox-the-best-jew-in-the-universe.jpg|202px|frameless|left]]
*Maddox claims [[Something Awful]] is a shitty site. No argument there.
*Maddox thinks [[Something Awful]] is a shitty site. No argument there.
*Maddox likes [[FF7]], so that means he's a homosexual. [http://maddox.xmission.com/games.html Proof.]
*Maddox is a [[cuck]]. He argues that he’s [[polyamorous]], that he can rail other [[pussy|snatch]] while his “girlfriends” fuck other men. Who has such low self-esteem to let Maddox fuck them?
*Maddox admits to being a huge fan of teh [[cawk]], so that means he's a homosexual. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp-5c3rG2JE#t=00m35s Proof]
*Maddox's sister became [[an hero]] because she couldn't live being related to Maddox.
*Maddox likes [[buttsecks]] with [[pedophile|small boys]], so that means he's a homosexual. [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=april_fools04 Proof]
*[[fact|Maddox has erectile dysfunction]]. "Allegedly".
*[[B3ta]] interviewed Maddox, proving their faggotry.
*Maddox, attempting to come out as gay, admitted he likes [[FF7]]. [http://maddox.xmission.com/games.html Here’s the proof.]
*Maddox is [[Armenians|Armenian]], and therefore a [[terrorist]].
*Maddox admits to being a fan of teh [[cawk]]. That means he's gay. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp-5c3rG2JE#t=00m35s Here’s the proof].
*Maddox likes [[Pantera]]. Which is gayer than AIDS. Maddox loves Pantera's early history as a [[fag|glam band]].
*Maddox likes [[buttsecks]] with [[pedophile|young boys]]. That means he's gay. [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=april_fools04 Here’s the proof].
*Maddox's frontpage links to [[Ebaumsworld]], [[College humor]], and [[CTRL ALT Delete]]. No further comment necessary.
*Maddox was interviewed by [[B3ta]], proving their faggotry.  
* Maddox likes transsexual Thai boys, [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=thailand Proof].
*Maddox is [[Armenians|Armenian]], making him a [[terrorist]].
*As is well known, Maddox is a homosexual. But a lesser known fact is that he is also gay. This means he is in fact a fag².
*Maddox not only loves [[Pantera]], but he loves their early history as a [[fag|glam band]].
*Is probably [[Jewish]] IRL. Would explain a lot.  
*Maddox's frontpage links to [[Ebaumsworld]], [[College Humor|CollegeHumor]], and [[CTRL ALT Delete|Ctrl+Alt+Del]]. No further comment needed.
*Maddox is not only gay, but he’s also a homosexual, making him a FAG².
*Maddox is probably [[Jewish]]. It would explain a lot.
 
== In a Nutshell... ==
[[File:Unravel.png|800px|center]]


==See Also==
==See Also==
*[[Dick Masterson]]
*[[Anita Sarkeesian]]
*[[Digibrony]]
*[[King Critic]] - Pedophile fanboy.
*[[Aleksandr Pistoletov]]
*[[Aleksandr Pistoletov]]
*[[David Thorne]]
*[[David Thorne]]
Line 244: Line 654:
*[[Youtube Nobodies#MexXxicutioner|MexXxicutioner]]
*[[Youtube Nobodies#MexXxicutioner|MexXxicutioner]]


==External Link==
==External Links==
*[http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=april_fools04 Maddox's page]
*[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/maddox-george-ouzounian-george-schnoz.24527/page-1 Kiwi Farms’ thread on Maddox.]
*[http://www.angelfire.com/pro/awesomer/maddox.html The Hidden Maddox, with all the crap too shitty to put on the frontpage.]
*[http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net Maddox's website.]
*[http://maddoxlovestrannys.ytmnd.com Ytmnd site Maddox <3 Trannys]
*[http://www.angelfire.com/pro/awesomer/maddox.html The hidden parts of Maddox’s website.]
*[http://maddox.xmission.com His damn shitty page]
*[http://maddoxlovestrannys.ytmnd.com Maddox loves him some dickgirls!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fgjB2qp7E8 Maddox inspired fashion.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fgjB2qp7E8 Fashion inspired by Maddox.]


{{Oldweb}}
{{Maddox}}
{{trolls}}
{{trolls}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
{{oldweb}}
{{Dying_Alone}}
{{serious}}
{{RedditSeries}}
{{8chan}}
{{ytseries}}
{{timeline|Featured article November 16 & November 17, [[2017]]|[[It's Okay To Be White]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Usenet]]}}
<big><b>{{cli|Main Page|yellow|Back to how much I rule...}}</b></big>
{{corner|bl|[[File:madducks.gif|180px]]}}

Latest revision as of 14:20, 17 July 2023

Maddox is an irrelevant lolcow who had long since been milked by the masses.

You can help by finding someone else to pick on, you meen-spirited cyberboolie!
Maddox lost lololololololololololololololololololololololololol!
Maddox
Powerword: George Ouzounian
Nationality: American
Gender: Sissy male
Occupation: Blogger, author, podcaster
Years active: 1997-present
Website: Manchildcave
JewTube channel
Maddox's trip to Thailand really inspired him to transition
Maddox is a true connoisseur of humor.
   
 
No girl thinks I'm cute. I'm repulsive. I'm hideous.
 

 
 

—The only truthful thing he has ever said.

Maddox (Powerword: George Ouzounian) is a pioneer of trolling, flaming, and unwarranted self importance on the Internet. At least he was this person four eight 20 years ago, and when his stupid evil asshole personality was still believed to have been an 'in-character gag'. Although like most web "comedians", it turned out Maddox's act wasn't an act at all, and he genuinely was being retarded for attention. Despite his shtick being so yesterday, his influence on early lulz is nothing short of notable. Noobs should read his earlier articles to learn how to properly flame, but nothing post-2005. That’s when he started to get serious and his writing really went to shit.

Most non-retards will notice that much of Maddox's content today is incredibly unfunny, pointing out obvious things that internets users already comprehend. He's also a pirate, something he makes very clear... to the point that he'll try to deceive you into thinking he's a straight pirate by shoving his dick in your face, fooling no one. His crap pirate persona, coupled with a trend of antagonizing his own fans and barely updating his website with anything worthy of note have worn pretty thin. His inability to come across as a badass is best demonstrated by simply looking at him - he's nothing more than a neckbearded, basement dwelling, rage-filled, sexually repressed NEET. So, why hasn't this dumbass made a fucking fursona yet? And that's when you realise something: there's virtually nothing separating him from 2 The Ranting Gryphon in terms of comedy writing.

Maddox is also an author, with one disavowed New York Times Best Seller and two more novels that nobody cares about. He has also enjoyed a second wind of success with a comedy podcast, The Biggest Problem In The Universe, with former business partner Dick Masterson. This fell apart after 107 episodes, when Maddox became an SJW and threw an autistic tantrum over Dick fucking his ex-girlfriend from over three years ago (all while he was dating someone else already). The actions taken by Maddox after May 31st, 2016 made him go from innovator, to unfunny, to bonafide lol-cow right up there with Hall of Famers like DarksydePhil and Tom Preston.

Welcome to the Maddox article, faggots!
just like Maddox's life, it will never get any better!


TL;DR

Maddox's long list of failure and faggotry will take forever to read through, since it's been growing exponentially for years. Luckily, some EDiot made a video highlighting the most important stuff. Now you don't have to dig through years of Maddox's shitty life. You're welcome.

1+ hour long TL;DR of 40% of the Maddox/Dick Masterson drama

How George became Maddox

Early life

Maddox selling oranges in the war-torn slums of Armenia
Tom Green-era Maddox with some bitch. This was back when he had hair.

Maddox grew up in poverty, raised in mud huts of Armenia. It was during these years Maddox became the manly man he is today. It didn't matter his father was a ballsy jackass he never knew. It didn't matter that his mother hates him (and still does to this day). George transformed, but not in the way you'd expect. He found his love for manliness, beef jerky, vinegar, and lumberjacks. Moreover, he realized his hatred for everything else. Emos, McDonald's, iPhones, Cameron Diaz, the works. He had a big stick up his ass, and he wants you to know it. Of course, hating things alone doesn't make you that manly. That's not important. His penis raged with unwarranted self-importance. At some point he dropped out of college like he dropped out of his mother's snatch, on the head. Please give him sympathy, he only failed his undergrad maths exam three times (lol).

"Adult" life and creation of The Best Page in the Universe

Maddox at his telemarketing job, massaging his jaw after sucking Tyrone's dick.

Maddox had only one real job as of April 2018: telemarketing, the easiest job to both get and manage. He spent his early to mid-twenties keysmashing and attempting to code whatever it is those guys code. Though his experience as a 1337 h@xz0rz is one of Maddox's many bragging points, he's not as technologically sophisticated as he'd like you to believe. These days all he can do in terms of programming is enable no-clip on Team Fortress 2. His coding abilities stretch back to the late 90s when the Internet was new to everyone, yet he still boasts about how awesome of a coder he is today by programming an HTML document from scratch in Notepad when most people were using Dreamweaver. How fucking manly.

By 2004, Maddox quit his job, dropped out of college (even though he was one test away from getting a math degree), and stopped going to the gay bar in his homestate of Utah. Why? He wanted to be a comedy writer. Despite the fact that he wasn't funny, this must have seemed like a good idea at the time. And as a result, he devoted his full focus to a website he created in high school, entitled 'The Best Page in the Universe.' The rest, as they say, was history.

Because Maddox's exceptionality made him prioritise petty shit, The Best Page in the Universe has no ads. If you ever bring it up, he'll talk all day bragging about how much money he wasted by implementing AdBlock on his own fucking website, because the user experience really matters that much to him. But he can't be much of a moralfag these days, Maddox is forced to shill for anybody and anything that will offer him a few bucks. He rarely receives payment from sponsors (for reasons discussed below), but he still refuses to place ads on his gay website. Imagine feeling prideful for being poor. Good fucking grief.

The Best Formula For Funny Article Writing in the Universe™

  1. When thinking of topics, there's one rule of thumb: the more petty, the more funny. Write an article about how much you hate pizza toppings, or how you hate Idaho, or how you hate fast food ad campaigns. The more pointless your topics are, the more funny your writing will be.
  2. Type a billion paragraphs about this topic. No normal person would write this much about Garfield, right? That's the funny part! It's so petty that it’s funny! But in the 1% chance what you're writing isn't funny, add a shit ton of insults and swear words (shitheads, dipshits, fucking idiots, etc.), and target them at the topic. Fuck shitty ass dip dip idiot fucker! You need to sound like you're better than what you’re writing about, so add terms for male and female genitalia. Saying “penis” once per sentence makes you sound mature.
  3. Draw some pictures with MS Paint (no, seriously) that further illustrate the points in your hilarious rant people are totally still reading.
  4. Put in some sentences reaffirming how right you are and how badass you are for being right. Everything you’re writing is God’s gift to the herd of sheep that's humanity. That's right! You're basically Moses for ranting about cell phones!
  5. If you really want to put some extra effort in, definitely make a .gif animation! Things that move on a page composed mostly of text makes it funny and interesting! (twenty years ago)
  6. Add a view counter at the bottom of each page. People still care about how many views a website gets, trust me.
  7. ???
  8. PROFIT!
  9. To continue the overflow of traffic nickels, make sure to set up your apartment like a pigsty. It'll boost up productivity, especially for an awesome genius like you! Look below for an example, provided by (no joke) the real Maddox!

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BONUS ROUND: Dealing With Criticism

Literally the kind of people who would like Maddox's old cringer content

The same rules for funny article writing apply, but this time you're not focusing on some big-shot like Bill O Reilly, you're likely responding to a normal person with a normal job, or even a poor youth with learning difficulties. Most people would simply not bother, discard it and move on with their day, but why throw away hate mail? It's effectively free material to roast in that special way that makes your readership come back for more. Therefore, you'll want to keep the following in mind when writing your published response to someone criticising you for (just as an example) your callous attitude towards a kidnapping victim:

One of Maddox's most enduring characteristics is his intense hostility against everyone, including and especially his own fans, because being an insufferable cunt to people actually interested in your work is the best way to further your career. You might be forgiven for thinking this is him acting in character a la AVGN, but no. He flames, belittles and begrudges his own fanbase at every opportunity he gets, and that's ever more apparent since his exposure to social networking. This has understandably resulted in his appearances at cons or public events being met with overwhelming apathy, and that's if they still remember who this balding pasty basement-dweller even is. He will spend hours deleting comments on any site that will allow him to do this, and waste even more time blocking the people who leave them.

So to summarize the story so far: you have the very incarnation of an internet tough guy riding on his fifteen minutes of fame, and he's bragging about how amazing he is while simultaneously antagonizing anybody who interacts with him, whether positively or negatively.

Hopefully, he lives up to the lofty expectations of the kind of badass he portrays himself to be, because if he doesn't, he might look fucking ridiculous. OH WAIT...

Maddox gets trolled by Penn Jillette

   
 
The Best Page in the Universe is a website on which Maddox, who is no spring chicken, spouts his predictable, angry middle-aged man rants on just about everything. He says his site has gotten more than 270,000 hits. So, what's his biggest whiny ass complaint about senior citizens?
 

 
 

—Penn Jillette, Penn & Teller: Bullshit! S8E8


July 29th, 2010: Maddox made it. Oh boy, did he make it.

Much like another infamous lol-cow, Maddox was on the tubes for one whole minute. He was on a show called Penn & Teller: Bullshit! by Penn Jillette and some other faggot. He went on the show to whine about old people and how stinky they are. Watch the clip below or go torrent it.

The show's research team was busy smearing their assholes on the printer when some retard had a brilliant idea. Why not round up bloggers who have no idea what they're talking about and having Penn and Teller troll them for an episode to make them appear e-savvy to normies. It just so happened Maddox fit this criteria, and so he made it on the show. Behold! The first ever appearance of the world-renowned badass heavyweight intellectual when he isn't hiding behind a keyboard!

Maddox you look like you haven't had a shower or seen sunlight since 2003 stfu

Maddox's eagerness to get infinite blowjobs from Penn and Teller's fanboys ended up being a footbullet. Penn, realizing both the obvious (Maddox is as old as the people he calls gross) and the incredibly obvious (Maddox is too up his own ass to see the irony of him insulting old people), blew him the fuck out and told him to GTFO. Five years later, Maddox would make a belated video response to their arguments. On his blog post he said the reason he waited so long was to prevent Penn's show getting further publicity. Because if there's one thing a well-known Las Vegas magician duo that's been performing since the 1970s needs, it's the 'publicity' you get from your shitty internet-famous blog. Right, dumbass?

This could've caused Maddox to realize he can only properly play his persona through text and that he should never be in front of a camera.

This did not happen.

Shows

The Best Show in the Universe

December 9th, 2008: Maddox announced all the time he spent not updating his site wasn't just spent on jacking off to hentai. He had been working on a show, uncreatively called The Best Show in the Universe. If you've been paying attention, you'd know that this wasn't a television show, but a YouTube show! News of this came via an update on his website, where he simultaneously criticizes YouTube for being shit while advertising his YouTube show. He's not just three years late on making a YouTube series, but he's also a hypocrite. Great job, Maddox.

Two years after he posted this update, Maddox did what retards, faggots, and Chris-chan did in a matter of mere hours: post a poorly-made video on YouTube.

Unsuprisingly, Maddox plagiarises himself in this video. He took the concept of making fun of children's artwork (a dead horse concept in Maddox lore) and rehashed it almost beat by beat. But it's different though. This time, he's making of children singing videos, not drawings. It's not the same idea, but it resembles the concept enough that the results stay the same.

You'll notice something when you watch this video: Maddox's tough guy act is significantly less impactful and funny when you can see what he looks like, and even less funny when combined with his nasally, whiny-bitch voice. Maddox never understood the difference between video and text, or how much a change in media may influence an audience's perception. You'd almost feel bad if Maddox's lack of self-awareness if he was capable of making somewhat half-decent content, but he doesn't.

He'd go on to make more of these, sometimes accompanying each new uploaded video with an article on his blog, which may or may not have addendums or bonus content. It doesn't improve the viewing experience, just trust us.

The Biggest Problem in the Universe

Satirist doesn't understand satire.
Maddox, realizing that Dick Masterson was a 'rape apologist', did what any socially conscious person would do: choose to work with him for over ten years and then point fingers at him once he starts banging your ex.

May 20th, 2014: Maddox gets a second chance through The Biggest Problem in the Universe podcast with Dick Masterson, an infamous IRL troll he met through their mutual book publisher, Simon and Shill-ster. The premise of this podcast was so simple, even someone with Down syndrome could understand it: Maddox and Dick would bring in problems, dispute whether or not they were actual problems, and then leave it up to fans to vote on which was the bigger problem on some website. Voting would result in a list of the universe's "biggest problems." The problems are detailed below.

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The show was awwright in the beginning. Dick played to his strengths and would often use Maddox's moralfaggotry and hubris as punchlines at his expense until time ran out. As the show progressed to over 100+ episodes, the vote moved more towards Dick's problems, causing Maddox to get salty over Dick's surge in popularity over him. Combine that with Maddox and Dick's obviously strained relationship (Dick even claimed that the only reason he continued to do the podcast was for the fans and money), and you have a lot of insecurity building up.  The tension reached its peak when Maddox discovered Dick had fucked his ex-girlfriend three years ago. This was the moment that defined the rest of Maddox's career

After that, he cancelled the show. On the last episode, Dick wasn’t there. His absence said more than Maddox will ever admit.

Three months later, Dick and Maddox made separate podcasts. Dick had The Dick Show, a really good show where Dick, his audio engineer Sean, goons, and guests shoot the shit for two hours. Maddox has The Best Debate In The Universe, an embarrassingly shit debate show that is a shadow of what came before it. The Dick Show makes over $20,000 per month through Patreon donations, while The Best Debate in the Universe, along with Maddox's "other projects and priorities", makes roughly $200 per month. The fact that Dick's popularity overshadowed and undermined Maddox made him very, very jealous. So, over the next several years he would engage in a laundry list of tomfuckery:

  • Maddox redirected the RSS feed of the old show to his new, awful show.
  • All the bonus episodes (that you had to pay to listen to) were uploaded and released for free without Dick's permission.
  • Maddox made a video hit piece against Dick, accusing him of some supremely retarded shit.
  • Maddox a video on his private Facebook account with all of Dick and Maddox's mutual SJW comedian friends, causing Dick's reputation to be ruined in this circle.
  • He had his girlfriend, Metal Jess (Jessica Blum), call and complain to his ex-girlfriend's school to make her lose her teaching job.
  • He filed a lawsuit against Dick Masterson, Joshua Kaufman, Asterios, Patreon, Foundation Digital LLC among others for $20,000,000.

ALL BECAUSE DICK FUCKED HIS EX

On The Dick Show, Maddox's schemes and Dick's reactions to them would often become the main narrative of The Dick Show, with every guest mentioning Maddox at least in passing. The clips in the videos below are some of the best that came out of the drama.

The Best Show Debate in the Universe

Did you not like the old show? Do you like unfunny, unwitty banter? Do you like listening to debates about topics everyone and their mother has already talked about? Do you need something to drown out the sound of your significant other having sex with another person? Look no further than The Best Debate in the Universe!

Listen to Maddox, edgelord and parody musician Rucka Rucka Ali, e-celeb guests, and people no one gives a shit about as they debate on stuff only 9gag users would find funny and controversial! Spend an entire hour listening to Maddox do what he's best at: being annoying!

This podcast is awful. Don't listen to it, you'd be wasting your time.

Books

The Alphabet of Manliness

The new special edition cover of Maddox's only successful book
Remember, sexual assault is incompatible with the values of New York Times Best Selling author George “Maddox” Ouzounian if he’s not teaching you how to do it.
Maddox with his Alphabet of Manliness chain. Gross.
Remember kids, Maddox is a proud feminist.
   
 
Why should people buy anything I sell? I don't know why anyone should buy anything.
 

 
 

—Maddox on how capitalism works.

June 6, 2006: Maddox released his first book, The Alphabet of Manliness, in an effort to pay for the huge amount of Nair needed to remove his disgusting back hair. The book skyrocketed on The New York Times Best Sellers List, reaching #2 on the “Advice, How-To, and Miscellaneous” category. If there’s anyone libtards consider an authority on manliness, it’s a balding, haggard, middle aged basement dwelling blogger. Imagine our shock.

The Alphabet of Manliness serves as an encyclopedia for men, which we naturally consider to be a grotesque affront to our very existence. The book covers many hyper-masculine topics from how shitty women are to how great men are. There’s even a chapter in which Maddox teaches you how to cook meth, like he’s the Heisenberg of cucks. It is the quintessence of everything you thought was funny a couple years ago, like doge images or Chuck Norris memes, the latter of which having a chapter dedicated to. Maddox’s comedic prowess matches him with that of a Hot Topic shirt.

Despite this book being to satire what Zoe Quinn or Literally Who is to game development, it sold very well. This was an unexpected victory for someone like Maddox. This is something he can be proud of look back on in pride. He went beyond trivial blogging and made a career for himself on his own terms. Anyone can think anything about Maddox, but this can be at least respected. Maddox can have everything else in his life taken away from him, but no one can touch the memory of his taste of genuine success.

HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS!! MADDOX DISAVOWED HIS ONLY SUCCESSFUL BOOK!!!!

In a facebook post at least 100 years ago last thursday, Maddox made the following post on his facebook account:

   
 
Alright guys, a few things:

1. I've been dealing with a persistent harassment campaign for 4 months, which has come to head recently, I want to put this out as a warning to friends: for the next few days, please do not add anyone you don't know, I've hidden my friends list and they are grasping at straws, Please do not engage with any trolls trying to harass you or the UCB community. Trolls thrive on attention. Starve them of it. They're bored people who hate themselves.

2. We need to taik about "The Alphabet of Manliness." I'm not particularly proud of that book. Not because of the content matter (though a lot of that sucks too), but because it just wasn't very well-written. It was my first book and in it, I wrote a lame chapter based largely on the "Stop Short" episode of Seinfeld called "Copping a feel." I looked back on it today and cringed. I wrote it over 11 years ago and don't stand behind much of it today. I've never even read it from start to finish. The only two chapters I'm proud of are "B fo "B for Boners" and "Urinal Etiquette" which are masterpieces and should be studied in master's literature classes.

3. REDACTED has been doxxed. We're going to the police. We encourage anyone receiving threats to go to the police as well.

Today has been a rough day, My sincere thanks to my friends and family for their support
 


 
 

—Maddox, Facebook Post

Maybe Maddox was right to disavow Alphabet of Manliness, since no one who cries about online bullying should have the word “man” associated with their name.

During the drama with Dick Masterson, he accused him of being a rape apologist in his shitty expose video by playing a cut, out of context clip of the podcast. In this clip. Dick said that if a whore falls asleep at a club, she should expect to get assaulted because it is an expected outcome given the circumstance. Apparently, he cut that out because it didn’t align with his “values”. This video was eviscerated by all his fans who specifically cited this book to point out Maddox’s hypocrisy, showing a chapter called “C Is For Copping A Feel” in which he gives tips on how to sexually assault women without getting caught. After that, Maddox posted a Facebook status officially disavowing his only notable claim to fame. It goes to show how much libtards like Maddox will give up just for the moral high ground.

Since Maddox is a pirate, he has no problem with you pirating his book. Get your copy here.

ARCHIVED LINK BECAUSE THE STINKY ARMENIAN FAGGOT SET IT TO PRIVATE LOL

I Am Better Than Your Kids Crappy Children's Art

No one gives a shit about this book. All he does is repeat the "I Am Better Than Your Kids" concept he put out free ten years ago. RiceGum does everything in this book better and for no monetary loss of your own.

↑↑↑↑ These are all the people that bought this book. Zero readers. Not the best step forward for a New York Times Best Selling author.

In this interview with some lawyer, Dick reveals this book may have some unreputable art featured.

The Best Book in the Universe F*ck Whales

This book took four fucking years to write, and it was dead on arrival.
Fixed

After his second book failed, Maddox's internet-fame was dependent on this next book doing well. For a while, it seemed like he had somewhat of a shot. He was riding the wave of his semi-profitable podcast (more on that below), so he banked on said podcast to build him a customer base. It took him 4 years, 10 months, and 28 days to write this book. All that time was spent on doing more important things, like playing video games, building up hype for the book on other podcasts (including one by fellow baldfag Anthony Fantano), and eating shit.

The chance Maddox had for this book being successful, however, looked a bit faded once all his self-inflicted drama with Dick Masterson (discussed below) came back to bite his flat ass. The book still did well, right?

At first, my book was all like...
But then, my book was like...

The book peaked at #8,998 on Amazon. F*ck Whales was a financial nightmare for everyone involved, including Simon & Schuster, the publishers dumb enough to invest in a burnt out shill like Maddox. Compared to his DISAVOWED #2 ranking on The New York Times Best Sellers list, this was a major setback. Hell, the book may’ve not even sold 100 copies on it’s release date! One thing is for certain: with the way F*ck Whales is selling, it’ll take longer for Maddox to write his taxes than it took to write this book.

There would be a summary of the book here, but no one read it. Based on the 25 page-long preview from Google Books, it’s rehashed material from his site. The one funny thing about this book is that Maddox is so creatively bankrupt that he himself subconsciously admits it.

The book was going to be called The Best Book In The Universe, but some dickhead bought the domain name. So, it was renamed to the equally as creative F*ck Whales. Nice asterisk, retard.

Nice book title you have there, Maddox. Shame if someone took it from you.

Other notable literary works

Like any other writer, Maddox has over 9000 other projects that are unpublished, incomplete, or were released in a limited capacity only a few lucky fans could get their hands on. Such works, that have since circulated, include (but are not limited to):

A Message To 80’s Girl

One day, Maddox's ex-girlfriend and Dick's current girlfriend 80's Girl was going through her bullshit. Packed with all the big, black dildos, perfume, and whatever else girls like, she found an envelope. In this envelope was a very lovely letter written by Maddox. Read it for yourself:

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A live reading of this literary masterpiece

Critics review A Message To 80's Girl

#WAUT3RGATE

Individuals with severe autism are known for making unusual, sudden movements, such as the flapping of the hands.
That readers is what we call an "Intellectual Checkmate".

After The Biggest Problem in the Universe ended, some guy that made music for the show went on a venture to get Maddox and Dick to bury the hatchet. He made a website advocating for them to apologize for all the bullshit they both did. Part of this effort went into him messaging Maddox and trying to get his side of the story. Little did he know, he'd have to go through a ton of Maddox's delusional rants about shit no one cares about. After a while, the guy leaked them on IRC for everyone to laugh at. But, after Dick confronted him and told him they're never coming back together, he DELETED FUCKING EVERYTHING out of respect. That didn't stop Maddox from threatening the poor guy to dox him, though. What a class fucking act.

Things revealed in these chats include, but aren't limited to:

  • Maddox feels nothing but contempt towards his fans, like we mentioned before. He feels this way because, in his bald, dumb head, he thinks his fans owe him their gratitude for bringing them shitty content that's not funny.
  • Dick has a girlfriend, a house, and a successful podcast because of Maddox. You can see this is bullshit if you were even half as retarded as Maddox is.
  • Maddox says Asterios doxxed his girlfriend, while also saying that he accused his girlfriend of doxing him.
  • Maddox is very sad and angry over a forum of people harassing him and slandering him and calling him a cuck and faggot every fucking day.
  • Maddox is very hypocritical about how wrong harassment and meddling in the lives of others exactly is.
  • Maddox claims that his ex is both obsessed with him and was abusive to him while they were in a relationship together. Yes, he is saying that he was abused by a woman. What a tough guy.
  • Maddox, above all else, says he wouldn't escalate the tension between him and Dick any further. Irony.

You can read all the chats here, here, here, here, and here, all either archived or somehow not deleted.

Dramatic re-enactment with Madcucks, a parody of Maddox that's way more likable than the real thing.

Maddox's list of words that trigger him

Archived copy here. We won't Maddox delete his bullcrap.

Maddox may not have a lot going for him, but he leeches off of "friends of friends" with over 9000 e-celebrities. If you watch any "meme" YouTuber from /r/videos or anyone from "le YouTube skeptic community", it's more than likely they're friends with Maddox. One of them, TJ Kirk (a.k.a: The Amazing Fruit Fucker), let Maddox guest on his podcast, Drunken Peasants. But Maddox couldn't just guest on a live-streamed show where anyone can comment anything. Maddox forced TJ to filter the pay chat, in which audience members, for a bit of money, can write a comment TJ and his co-hosts will read on air. This led to NO ONE'S COMMENT GETTING READ. Only two were read that episode, both being subtle shots at Maddox that flew over everyone else's head. This caused such a shitstorm, TJ was forced to refund everyone who didn't get their comment featured because all his fans were threatened to pull their support from his Patreon.

Dick not only offered to reimburse any losses, but got one of TJ's co-hosts to guest to a live show. On that live show, he read the original memo Maddox sent TJ. This was met with plenty of lulz.

Banned word Why it was banned
The Dick Show Maddox is a cuck.
thedickshow.com Maddox is a cuck.
Dick Masterson Maddox is a cuck.
Team Dick Maddox is a cuck.
#TeamDick Maddox is a cuck.
Masterson Maddox is a cuck.
Madcucks Maddox is a cuck.
Madcuck Maddox is a cuck.
Madcux Maddox is a cuck.
Rape list Maddox is a cuck.
Rape apologist Maddox is a cuck
8chan Maddox is a cuck.
Dick Masterson Maddox is a cuck.
Cuck Maddox is a cuck.
Sycamore Maddox is a cuck.
Nigger Maddox is a cuck.
8chan.net Maddox is a cuck.
Manpurse Maddox is a cuck.
Asterios Maddox is a cuck.
Dick Team Maddox is a cuck.
Where's Dick? Maddox is a cuck.
Where's Kokkinos? Maddox is a cuck.
Dick Show Maddox is a cuck.
Cuckmas Maddox is a cuck.
Disavowed Maddox is a cuck.
The Best Book In The Universe Maddox is a cuck.
#DickLies Maddox is a cuck.
#DikLies Maddox is a cuck.
30k Maddox is a cuck.
Kendal Maddox is a cuck.
Adam Nash Maddox is a cuck.
Nashville Maddox is a cuck.
D1ck Masterson Maddox is a cuck.
D1ckm4st3rs0n [Many number/letter combos] Maddox is a cuck.
80's girl Maddox is a cuck.
80s girl Maddox is a cuck.
Atease girl Maddox is a cuck.
Dick is the winner Maddox is a cuck
Mental Jess [Many versions of "Mental Jess"] Maddox is a cuck.
Ouzounian Maddox is a cuck.
Peach Maddox is a cuck.
Peach Saliva Maddox is a cuck.
Restraining order Maddox is a cuck.
Job lynch mob Maddox is a cuck.
819 Maddox is a cuck.

The Biggest Lolsuit in the Universe (AKA: George Ouzounian et al - v. - Dax Herrera et al)

Decides to sue everyone in NY, even though everyone involved in the lawsuit lives in LA... wut?
Old Maddox reviews new Maddox's lawsuit
This was easily preventable, Maddox.
PICTURED: REAL LIFE NO JOKE JOURNALIST HEATHER S. LOOKING HOT AS FUCK VERY STRONG AND INDEPENDENT GETTING READY TO WRITE "HER" NEXT BOOK, THE ALPHABET OF IRL FEMININE, WOMYX-CURATED JOURNALISM BY THE BEACH. THERE WOULD A JOKE ABOUT WHALES AT THE BEACH BUT THAT WOULD BE FATPHOBIC.
Visual representation of Maddox's 'PTSD'
Just a normal picture Maddox hides in his website next to the login info of other people.
Asterios intended to prove to the court that Maddox is a fucking cuck holy shit rofl

On November 6th, 2017: Maddox's bloodthirst peaks and with the help of a dog bite lawyer and "recovering" alcoholic Kevin Landau, he filed a $20 million USD civil suit against Dax Herrera, Foundation Digital, Llc, Greg Boser, Loren Baker, Cmgrp, Inc. (D/B/A Weber Shandwick), Joshua Kaufman, Asterios Kokkinos, Madcucks aka Trevor Birt, Patreon, Inc., and Jordan Cope.

A lawyer who knows his shit

IRL lawyer reminding people the law doesn't end where Maddox's feelings begin

The conclusion to IRL lawyer going through the lolsuit

Don't worry Maddox, Mundane Fat likes you! Surely, that’s worth as much as having a winning case!

For those thinking a lolsuit is the same as a frivolous lawsuit, you're objectively wrong. 99% of any threatened legal action in a frivolous suit either never makes it to court, or gets dismissed with prejudice, which is judge-speak for 'I don't need to think about this dumb shit any more, here's the verdict'. This is that 1% of those frivolous cases, in which the case and the litigant are so neurotic and batshit insane that they defy the bounds of any logic or reason. In this suit, Maddox primary claim is that Dick pumped, dumped, and annihilated his reputation with his trolling and importing/exporting of lulz. Apparently, a balding, middle-aged man who feels nothing but contempt for his fans is totally deserving of 20,000,000 dollars. While it's true Dick (rightfully) spanked his flat ass, he's far from responsible for any of Maddox's monetary shortcomings and failures. Any motherfucker with common sense realizes this.

Things Maddox has legally admitted to in this lawsuit include:

  • Maddox has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from being called a cuck.
  • Maddox has wanted to and has attempted to get people fired from their jobs.
  • Maddox has coordinated, tried to get Dick's Patreon banned for no reason.
  • Maddox says The Biggest Problem In The Universe was a joint venture between him and Dick.
  • Maddox admits F*ck Whales was a financial bomb.
  • Maddox's girlfriend also has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder because of Dick.
  • Maddox admits everyone involved (including himself) don't live in New York, despite the lawsuit being filed in New York.
  • Maddox admits his career and his "business", is completely destroyed.

More recent lolsuit updates include:

So how did such an amazing lawsuit end?

Here is the TL;DR teaser trailer that spoils the ending of the lolsuit

YOU CAN READ THE ENTIRE LOLSUIT, AS WELL AS FOLLOW UP LEGAL ACTIONS ON:

And what did Maddox do after losing? Perhaps some self reflection as the thick skulled retard realize he's thousands upon thousands of dollars in the hole and the ass end of countless jokes on the internet? Why, double down and file another lawsuit, twice as assmad as before!

Ballsack Media Network

Maddox sure is doing better than Dick!
Reminder: if Maddox never invited Jesse, he'd be making sponsorship money right now.

Immediately after The Biggest Problem In The Universe ended, Maddox had to think of how to capitalize on a cancelled show. His solution? Start a shitty podcast network. With zero planning whatsoever.

On this network he paid $30,000.00 to get a website for, you can listen to numerous high-quality podcasts, such as:

  • The Best Debate in the Universe- Outlined above. TL;DR: you’d be better off listening to BPITU. It’s not only funnier, but you’re not supporting a shill factory of man purses and meme clickbait bullshit.
  • CRINGE VS. CRINGE!!1!111!!!- After months and months of e-mails, YouTube comments, Reddit posts, and Men.com comments (only the manliest of websites can stream content from Maddox), they finally did it. You spoke, they listened. Maddox gave Jesse P-S, the guy who's responsible for their podcasts not making money, ANOTHER FUCKING SHOW!! In all seriousness, CRINGE VS. CRINGE may as well be called Pod Aw-dos: Electric Boogaloo. The only noteworthy thing about this show is that Asterios Kokkinos, established Dick goon, was a guest for one episode. You would think there'd be some questioning by Dick's fans, but CVC is so trivial in the grand scheme of things that no one noticed in the first place. Just goes to show how little people care about anything Jesse makes.

MADDOX GETS CUCKED OUT OF HIS OWN SHOW ON ITUNES AND GIRLFRIEND

After losing his lolsuit, his beautiful Afican American girlfriend left him. While her official reason for leaving Maddox was because he tried (not succedeed, tried) to cheat on her with an annoying cat girl that got thrown out of all Dick Show communities because she was a hideous annoying slag of a hambeast, who he's now let be a moderator for his twitch. Some speculate that it was really due to Maddox's crying while watching other men fuck her was so loud and annoying it was starting to scare away the bulls she's bring over.

What more can Maddox lose? He's lost his pet moneky, his ex gf he is still in love with, 99% of his SadCast media employees, all his money, his sister, his book sales, any future book deals, and all respect any one had for him. Well Dick decided to take another thing from Maddox... HIS OWN ITUNES FEED FOR HIS PODCAST.

Dick wasn't ready for the fun of laughing at Maddox to end and all Maddox wanted to do now was cry in his cuck shed alone and pretend he never was such a retard. So to spice things up after Maddox released his nuclear option that blew up in his own face, Dick decided on Episode 113 of Biggest Problem in the 2niverse: The search for more money and less Dick Best Debate in Universe to give Maddox, just the Tip of what is looking to be lulzy future series of dickings Maddox's anus was never prepared for:

DICK HAS HAD SOLE OWNERSHIP OF THE ORIGINAL STOLEN BIGGEST PROBLEM IN THE UNIVERSE ITUNES FEED THIS WHOLE TIME AND WAS ALLOWING MADDOX TO USE IT. HE DECIDED TO INFORM MADDOX OF THIS FACT BY SPLICING IN AN AD FOR HIS SHOW AT THE BEGINNING OF EPISODE 113 AS WELL AS A QUICK RUNDOWN OF WHAT HAPPENED FOR ALL THE BIGGEST PROBLEM FANS WHO WONDERED WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AND WHY IS THIS GAY FAGGY PODCAST SHOWING UP INSTEAD.

Skip to 4:02 to hear the message and the explanation from the fucking madlad himself

To further help Maddox, Dick decided to send his listeners to Maddox's $30,000 website and use his voting system to vote on what new podcast would be allowed on the C.U.N.T network. This caused Maddox to go into a full on autistic rage as he takes voting on his websites super seriously. First attempting to cry to apple to get his iTunes feed that actually has subscribers back. Then getting butthurt and tampering with his own voting to fuck with Dick. To going into such a delusional world of denial he is refusing to address the sickest burn that could possibly happen to Maddox, he is trying to pass off the increase bump in web traffic as legit traffic to his shit shows website.

However, internet Lawsplainer Nick Rekieta explained what the funniest part of all this is (beyond just the lulz of Dick fucking with the feed and using it to shit on Maddox), because Dick was the owner and allowed Maddox to pull his bullshit for over 2 year, Dick can legally and rightfully bill Maddox for all the time he allowed Maddox to use his iTunes feed to upload a shitty podcast.

A full TL;DR break down of how Maddox got cucked out of his own iTunes feed

Dick still owns the iTunes feed because Apple is not going to disregard property law to appease a crying bald faggot who talked shit about them for years, and has said when it comes to his ways to fuck with Maddox, this isn't even his final form.

Slimegate

Smile

As mentioned before, Maddox lives in a pigsty of an apartment, and it's quite a stretch to imagine he'd ever get laid. It turns out that a certain more recent image of his actual bedroom made its way onto the internet, either through Maddox himself or from a foreclosure property website (for some reason). Naturally, the first thing you notice is the slime from the Monster Hunter series as a bedspread. Then you realise (to your horror) that Maddox fucked 80's girl in this room.

Try to unpack that for a moment reader: George Cuckman HAD SEX with at least one other human being ON THIS BED!

But yeah, for whatever reason his apartment was listed on [some foreclosure website http://www.themls.com]. There were other pictures that made it onto the listing in particular that confirmed that this was indeed the cuck lair.

This caused quite a lot of lulz among Maddox's hatebase, and we have a small collection memes to share with you.

The Best Slime In The Universe™ ٭ ٭ ٭ About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

You and Maddox’s future

Maddox's crying session with some midget.

A couple days ago, Maddox cried in Twitch debater and incest lover Destiny’s shoulder like the victim he is. Of course, he fails “forgets” to mention how much of a crybully he is. Maddox’s bar for what passes as harassment is so low, even Anita Sarkeesian would tell him to grow some balls.

So, with that and everything else in this article in mind, what does all of it mean? Maddox is an hero waiting to happen. But he can’t build up the courage to kill himself alone, even though he should have taken his own advice from a long time ago. He needs your help. How can you, an e-urchin, help our dear friend Maddox become an hero? Here are some essential tips and tricks:

Maddox should heed Tyler, The Creator’s words of everlasting wisdom.

Maddox doesn’t like this article

Maddox, even though his first one was cucked by Asterios, decided to make a second bonus album. The concept of this album is a spicy one: Maddox reacts to this article by having Rucka and Jesse read it to him verbatim. This could’ve been funny, but then again, this is Maddox we’re talking about. We at Encyclopedia Dramatica refuse to support Maddox in any way, so all we can do is go off from people okay with giving the cuck money. Here’s the scoop:

  • Maddox responds to everything in this article by yelling profanities.
  • As this episode goes on, Rucka sounds increasingly more frustrated with Maddox and his autism.
  • Eventually, Rucka tells Maddox what Dick’s tried to tell him this whole time: that he used to be one of the top online badasses, but now he’s a total cuck.
  • Maddox pretends to be in on all the jokes saying he should work for NPR.

Unlike Maddox’s first album, he wasn't able to pull off his “chop up my podcast into tracks and pretend they’re bits and that this is a comedy album and not leftover garbage” bullshit. As it turns out, no one buys comedy albums.

This article is also named in the lolsuit as one of the many reasons he’s entitled to $20 million $380 million every United States treasury note in existence. While the prospect of a satirical writer suing someone for contributing to a satirical article seems like a work of satire, this is a legally documented fact.

Madcucks parodied this album, reading the current version of this article that covers his cuckoldry, the lolsuit, Maddox’s failure of a podcast network, and more. This hit #1 on both iTunes and Jewgle Oy Play’s comedy album charts. Then, Madcucks released a third bonus album to make fun of how Maddox never made the third bonus album he promised he would make to all five people who bought his cuckold content currency made a third bonus album (which Sç̱͈͓͔̬̠̞z̴̙̖̥͕̪ḩ̖̣̣̙̱̬̘ṳ͈̈a͎̣̙̟̳̱̞n͇̹, Dick’s audio engineer, has confirmed does exists), but never released it.

The Museum of Maddox (MOM) (alternatively titled The Best Museum in the Universe)

Shadilay Mad Cuckman!

One day, Maddox reached out to all the arrogant nerds on Reddit because his fanbase forgot about him. Redditors came all over the post, asking him questions he's answered numerous times before. You know, the expected behaviour from Reddit users. Why is this post important? Maddox harps on "quality" as an excuse for not updating his site or shitting out another book (not that this has ever stopped him before). He also points out that he cares about what his name's tied to, which is why he took a picture right next to the fucking Kekistan flag not 10 feet away from Carl Fucking Benjamin of all things.

Yes, he cares so much about his name, THAT HE DOES EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO MAKE SURE HIS NAME IS NOT RUN THROUGH THE MUD, THAT PEOPLE REVERE HIM WITH GENUINE PRIDE, AND THAT HE DOESN'T SELL OUT BY PUTTING HIS BRAND ON DOGSHIT PRODUCTS.

SPOILER: HE CARES AS MUCH ABOUT HIS IMAGE AS KRUSTY THE CLOWN FROM THE SIMPSONS!

To show how much he cares about the legendary Maddox and tHe bEsT WhAtEvEr tHe fUcK In tHe uNiVeRsE™ brand, here's a gallery of high quality Maddox content that has been made over the years! This is content made by fans, by himself, and the content he has his brand and face attached to. Oh, and Georgie-poo? Never forget We're fans too. :)

OVERFLOWING AMOUNTS OF QUALITY About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Look at how delicious Maddox’s hot sauce is. Clearly Maddox won't slap his valuable, consumer-friendly brand on just anything!

LOOK OUT WORLD: MADDOX IS A GREAT ACTOR TOO! IT'S A WONDER HOW HE DIDN’T GET A T.V. SHOW!

Fun facts

Hair-era Maddox banged IRL Thai dickgirls Here’s the proof.

In a Nutshell...

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