Xbox One - Revision history

imported>DekoMan91 at 14:56, 6 August 2021

2021-08-06T14:56:31Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:56, 6 August 2021
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	{{center\|		{{center\|
	{{morphquote\|ytw\|background: none; width: 600px~~; height: 300px~~;\|		{{morphquote\|ytw\|background: none; width: 600px;\|
	\|I love restrictions. I want always online DRM. I want the game rental business to become obsolete. I don't want to let my friends borrow games, because fuck them. All I care about is my god damn new age console that'll blow everything else out of the water! Fuck the PS4 and fuck those Sony guys for catering to fans who care about their gaming experience. Fuck PC, that shit is stupid. Steam? Fuck that shit. They never have sales or anything. It's not as affordable as buying my games from the XBL marketplace. I love Microsoft and their business practices will be the best forever. Fuck yes. <3 Xbox.\|-Phukfaic McGee		\|I love restrictions. I want always online DRM. I want the game rental business to become obsolete. I don't want to let my friends borrow games, because fuck them. All I care about is my god damn new age console that'll blow everything else out of the water! Fuck the PS4 and fuck those Sony guys for catering to fans who care about their gaming experience. Fuck PC, that shit is stupid. Steam? Fuck that shit. They never have sales or anything. It's not as affordable as buying my games from the XBL marketplace. I love Microsoft and their business practices will be the best forever. Fuck yes. <3 Xbox.\|-Phukfaic McGee
	\|ill sign to help ps4 so we have no stupid people on the same console as me\|John from [[Sony\|Sonyville]]		\|ill sign to help ps4 so we have no stupid people on the same console as me\|John from [[Sony\|Sonyville]]

imported>RuneWarrior at 13:57, 20 June 2021

2021-06-20T13:57:32Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:57, 20 June 2021
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	[[File:Xbox One Borrowed Game.png\|200px\|thumb\|right]]		[[File:Xbox One Borrowed Game.png\|200px\|thumb\|right]]
	When it comes to exclusives, Xbox One ~~and Playstation 4 have~~ nothing ~~too special~~. Even to the point that the ~~wii~~ u games have better ratings then ~~both X1 and PS4 exclusives~~. ~~Feel free to add few of~~ the ~~noticeable Xbox One~~ games		When it comes to exclusives, the Xbox One has nothing worthwhile. Even to the point that the Wii u games have better ratings then XB1 games. The XB1 for the most part had really shitty or boring video games during its gen.
	* '''Halo 5 Guardians''' - As Xbox lacks exclusives, they give us YET ANOTHER HALO and yet again it's more or less the same shit. Gets hated on alot for having cortona as the main villain and for the main protaginist being Blank Slate the nigger and followed up by not enough Master Chief and too much Commander Boring		* '''Halo 5 Guardians''' - As Xbox lacks exclusives, they give us YET ANOTHER HALO and yet again it's more or less the same shit. Gets hated on alot for having cortona as the main villain and for the main protaginist being Blank Slate the nigger and followed up by not enough Master Chief and too much Commander Boring
	* '''Halo Master Chief Collection''' - Just a game with a remade Halo 1 and comes with all the other halo games. Known for having shit online on day 1 and taking ALOT of GB to download this game		* '''Halo Master Chief Collection''' - Just a game with a remade Halo 1 and comes with all the other halo games. Known for having shit online on day 1 and taking ALOT of GB to download this game

imported>ZoneDart at 10:28, 18 June 2021

2021-06-18T10:28:33Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:28, 18 June 2021
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	* '''Halo 5 Guardians''' - As Xbox lacks exclusives, they give us YET ANOTHER HALO and yet again it's more or less the same shit. Gets hated on alot for having cortona as the main villain and for the main protaginist being Blank Slate the nigger and followed up by not enough Master Chief and too much Commander Boring		* '''Halo 5 Guardians''' - As Xbox lacks exclusives, they give us YET ANOTHER HALO and yet again it's more or less the same shit. Gets hated on alot for having cortona as the main villain and for the main protaginist being Blank Slate the nigger and followed up by not enough Master Chief and too much Commander Boring
	* '''Halo Master Chief Collection''' - Just a game with a remade Halo 1 and comes with all the other halo games. Known for having shit online on day 1 and taking ALOT of GB to download this game		* '''Halo Master Chief Collection''' - Just a game with a remade Halo 1 and comes with all the other halo games. Known for having shit online on day 1 and taking ALOT of GB to download this game
	* '''Forza Motorsport 5 & 6''' - Racing. Nothing new and no-one cares.		* '''Forza Motorsport 5, 6, & 7''' - Racing. Nothing new and no-one cares.
	* '''Forza Horizon 2 & 3''' - Forza that's open world and makes the motorsport series look stale and boring. FH3 is also known as the first xbox exclusive to reach 90+ on metacritic.		* '''Forza Horizon 2, 3, & 4''' - Forza that's open world and makes the motorsport series look stale and boring. FH3 is also known as the first xbox exclusive to reach 90+ on metacritic.
	* '''Sunset Overdrive''' - Shitty game that relies on it's god awful humor. Game looks like it was designed by a 12 year old.		* '''Sunset Overdrive''' - Shitty game that relies on it's god awful humor. Game looks like it was designed by a 12 year old.
	* '''Gears Of War: Ultimate Edition''' - Remake of Gears of war 1 that bundles with all the other gays of war games. Literally nothing different from gears 1 apart from graphics.		* '''Gears Of War: Ultimate Edition''' - Remake of Gears of war 1 that bundles with all the other gays of war games. Literally nothing different from gears 1 apart from graphics.

imported>ZoneDart at 10:27, 18 June 2021

2021-06-18T10:27:19Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:27, 18 June 2021
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	* '''Killer Instinct''' - Shitty fighting game (Not as bad as Street Fighter 5) that's outclassed by Mortal Kombat X in every way.		* '''Killer Instinct''' - Shitty fighting game (Not as bad as Street Fighter 5) that's outclassed by Mortal Kombat X in every way.
	* '''Rare Replay''' - Just a game that lets you play older games. Including Banjo kazooie which was a game they fucked up.		* '''Rare Replay''' - Just a game that lets you play older games. Including Banjo kazooie which was a game they fucked up.
	* '''Recore''' - Microsoft's answer to No man's sky. Shit graphics and has no reason to be played by any functioning human being.		* '''Recore''' - Microsoft's answer to No man's sky. Shit graphics and has no reason to be played by any functioning human being.
			* '''Gears Of War 4''' It's not even like War anymore.
	~~==Future crappy Xbox One games to come==~~
	* '''Gears Of War 4'''
	* <s>'''Scalebound'''</s> CANCELLED		* <s>'''Scalebound'''</s> CANCELLED
	* '''Crackdown 3'''		* '''Crackdown 3''' Delayed to death, and ended up as a buggy unfinished mess, with graphics worse than 1 and 2.
	* '''Halo Wars 2'''		* '''Halo Wars 2''' Strategy game, no one cares about.
	* '''Deadrising 4'''		* '''Deadrising 4''' - Lame Zombie game, nobody even knew this came out because it was that shitty.

	==Xbox One S==		==Xbox One S==

imported>Metalblade: /* Future crappy Xbox One games to come */

2018-05-27T01:35:57Z

Future crappy Xbox One games to come

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:35, 27 May 2018
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	{{spoilers\|MICROSOFT JUST ~~[http://kotaku.com/microsoft-is-removing-xbox-one-drm-514390310~~ CANCELLED] THE ALWAYS ONLINE AND GAME TRADE RESTRICTIONS!1!!!11!!!!}}		{{spoilers\|MICROSOFT JUST {{Archive\|J3Iwl\|CANCELLED}} THE ALWAYS ONLINE AND GAME TRADE RESTRICTIONS!1!!!11!!!!}}
	[[File:Power-rangers-xbox-go-home.gif\|thumb\|250px\|Peoples average reaction after seeing Microsofts E3 conference.]]		[[File:Power-rangers-xbox-go-home.gif\|thumb\|250px\|Peoples average reaction after seeing Microsofts E3 conference.]]
	The '''Xbox One''' (also known as [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbWgUO-Rqcw\| a television], and '''Xbox 180''') is a [[Mac\|children's computer]] created by [[Microsoft]] to better serve those lacking the ability to operate a real computer.		The '''Xbox One''' (also known as <span class="plainlinks">'''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbWgUO-Rqcw a television]'''</span>, a '''VCR''', and the '''Xbox 180''') is a [[Mac\|children's computer]] created by [[Microsoft]] to better serve those lacking the ability to operate a real computer.


	[[File:Xbox One Is Done.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|right]]		[[File:Xbox One Is Done.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|right]]
	[[File:Xbox-one-500-dollar-console.png\|thumb\|200px\|Fun is strictly verboten.]]		[[File:Xbox-one-500-dollar-console.png\|thumb\|200px\|Fun is strictly verboten.]]
	==Why PS4 is a better buy==		==Why [[PS4]] is a better buy==
	PlayStation has, since 2000, taken the tact of simply adding 1 to the name of the previous console they released, and [[Hookers and blow\|calling it a day]]. For this, among many, many other things, PlayStations have been mercilessly mocked. Microsoft apparently got jealous of all the attention Sony was receiving, because they [[Gypsy\|stole]] the naming scheme wholesale. Still, the originality of the name is in keeping with the utter lack of any innovation the console shows. Other reasons include:		PlayStation has, since 2000, taken the tact of simply adding 1 to the name of the previous console they released, and [[Hookers and blow\|calling it a day]]. For this, among many, many other things, PlayStations have been mercilessly mocked. Microsoft apparently got jealous of all the attention Sony was receiving, because they [[Gypsy\|stole]] the naming scheme wholesale. Still, the originality of the name is in keeping with the utter lack of any innovation the console shows. Other reasons include:

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	{{center\|		{{center\|
	{{frame\|{{fv\|sceneters\|background-color: lightgray;\|font-weight: bold;		{{frame\|{{fv\|sceneters\|background-color: lightgray;\|font-weight: bold;
	\|~~<center>~~<youtube>KbWgUO-Rqcw</youtube>		\|<youtube>KbWgUO-Rqcw</youtube>
	;To sum up the revelation~~</center>~~		;To sum up the revelation
	\|~~<center>~~<youtube>PzDsYEPkSc4</youtube>		\|<youtube>PzDsYEPkSc4</youtube>
	;"We'll start over"~~</center>~~		;"We'll start over"
	\|~~<center>~~<youtube>~~5yC8FbgGnd0~~</youtube>		\|<youtube>O0iEhjFSpN8</youtube>
	;No Internets? <s>Use your old 360 you worthless console peasant</s> Spend $40 and upgrade your [[Computer\|PC]] to be twice as fast as an Xbox One while simultaneously joining the [[master race]]~~</center>~~		;No Internets? <s>Use your old 360 you worthless console peasant</s> Spend $40 and upgrade your [[Computer\|PC]] to be twice as fast as an Xbox One while simultaneously joining the [[master race]]
	}}\|border=lightgray\|background=lightgray}}}}		}}\|border=lightgray\|background=lightgray}}}}

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	After the infamous console reveal, WiiU sales doubled. After the [[Over 9000\|levels of fail]] displayed by Microsoft at E3, not only did preorders of the PS4 sell out, but they sold so many more that Amazon had to create a second page, [[azn\|identical]] to the first, to handle the volume of traffic the PS4 was generating. The XBOne is still available. At this point, the [[An hero\|smartest thing Microsoft could do]] is buy all the Sony stock they can and stay the course.		After the infamous console reveal, WiiU sales doubled. After the [[Over 9000\|levels of fail]] displayed by Microsoft at E3, not only did preorders of the PS4 sell out, but they sold so many more that Amazon had to create a second page, [[azn\|identical]] to the first, to handle the volume of traffic the PS4 was generating. The XBOne is still available. At this point, the [[An hero\|smartest thing Microsoft could do]] is buy all the Sony stock they can and stay the course.
	[[File:Ps4 vs Xbox One.jpg\|250px\|thumb\|right\|~~No surprise here~~.]]		[[File:Ps4 vs Xbox One.jpg\|250px\|thumb\|right\|Xbox One getting wrecked.]]

	{\|style="margin: 0 auto"		{\|style="margin: 0 auto"
	\|{{frame\|{{Videoframe\|vf2\|background-color:lightgray;\|font-weight:bold;		\|{{frame\|{{Videoframe\|vf2\|background-color:lightgray;\|font-weight:bold;
			\|<youtube>k6hVxm8l5HQ</youtube>
	\|~~<center>~~<youtube>k6hVxm8l5HQ</youtube>		;The aftermath
	;The aftermath~~</center>~~		\|<youtube>Ls00hpgTqCI</youtube>
			;Someone didn't have Wifi...
	\|~~<center>~~<youtube>Ls00hpgTqCI</youtube>
	;Someone didn't have Wifi... ~~</center>~~

	}}\|border=lightgray\|background=lightgray}}		}}\|border=lightgray\|background=lightgray}}
	\|}		\|}
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	[[File:Xbox One Borrowed Game.png\|200px\|thumb\|right]]		[[File:Xbox One Borrowed Game.png\|200px\|thumb\|right]]
	~~The next in~~ the ~~Call of Duty line~~ of games ~~was announced~~, ~~prophetically named Ghosts, as no living soul will be buying~~ it. ~~It is built~~ on ~~[[Fallout\|~~the ~~same engine]],~~ with the ~~[[Modern Warfare\|same~~ shit look to it~~]], so~~ the ~~only conclusion is that~~ the ~~story~~ and ~~gameplay will~~ be ~~revolutionary and change gaming forever~~. ~~Ghosts was given~~ a ~~prime position in~~ the ~~Xbox reveal event, and~~ the ~~only thing they had~~ to say ~~was~~ that ~~they [[Buy~~ a ~~dog\|put a dog~~ in ~~it]], based on scans of~~ a ~~OMG RAEL SCAN OF SEAL DOG!!! The developer interviewed said~~ that you ~~are supposed~~ to ~~[[Bestiality\|care about~~ the ~~dog]], which means it dies at~~ the ~~end~~. ~~Also mentioned are a handful~~ of ~~sports games that look~~ and ~~play exactly~~ the ~~same as they did in 2010, except with a higher number on~~ the ~~box~~.		When it comes to exclusives, Xbox One and Playstation 4 have nothing too special. Even to the point that the wii u games have better ratings then both X1 and PS4 exclusives. Feel free to add few of the noticeable Xbox One games
			* '''Halo 5 Guardians''' - As Xbox lacks exclusives, they give us YET ANOTHER HALO and yet again it's more or less the same shit. Gets hated on alot for having cortona as the main villain and for the main protaginist being Blank Slate the nigger and followed up by not enough Master Chief and too much Commander Boring
			* '''Halo Master Chief Collection''' - Just a game with a remade Halo 1 and comes with all the other halo games. Known for having shit online on day 1 and taking ALOT of GB to download this game
			* '''Forza Motorsport 5 & 6''' - Racing. Nothing new and no-one cares.
			* '''Forza Horizon 2 & 3''' - Forza that's open world and makes the motorsport series look stale and boring. FH3 is also known as the first xbox exclusive to reach 90+ on metacritic.
			* '''Sunset Overdrive''' - Shitty game that relies on it's god awful humor. Game looks like it was designed by a 12 year old.
			* '''Gears Of War: Ultimate Edition''' - Remake of Gears of war 1 that bundles with all the other gays of war games. Literally nothing different from gears 1 apart from graphics.
			* '''Quantum Break''' - Infamous for being a console exclusive with the PC and making all the xbox fanboys rage and whine about it and how most xbox exclusives would be shared with pc. Game plays like a boring ass tv show where you break the game with time powers
			* '''Rise Of The Tomb Raider''' - (Timed Exclusive) Aka the original Uncharted but with a female character. Nothing much to say about this game
			* '''Dead Rising 3''' - Just some lame zombie murdering game that everyone got bored of in a week
			* '''Titanfall''' - Crappy online only FPS shooter game known for having 7th gen graphics.
			* '''Killer Instinct''' - Shitty fighting game (Not as bad as Street Fighter 5) that's outclassed by Mortal Kombat X in every way.
			* '''Rare Replay''' - Just a game that lets you play older games. Including Banjo kazooie which was a game they fucked up.
			* '''Recore''' - Microsoft's answer to No man's sky. Shit graphics and has no reason to be played by any functioning human being.

			==Future crappy Xbox One games to come==
			* '''Gears Of War 4'''
			* <s>'''Scalebound'''</s> CANCELLED
			* '''Crackdown 3'''
			* '''Halo Wars 2'''
			* '''Deadrising 4'''

			==Xbox One S==
			What the Xbox One should have been like in the first place.
			They finally got rid of the oversized power brick and integrated the power supply into the Xbox One.
			It can be yours for $500 Canadian or $299US

			[[File:XboxOneSSize.jpg\|200px\|thumb\|right\|Xbox One S.]]




	~~A new [[Halo]] title was expected~~, ~~but Microsoft~~, ~~bent on self destruction~~, ~~instead announced they were making a live action~~ TV ~~show based on Halo. Steven Spielberg{{jew}}~~, ~~known for directing a good movie in~~ the ~~1990s~~, ~~has signed to produce~~ the ~~series~~, ~~which is pretty much all that needs to be known~~ in ~~order to write the show off entirely~~.		Here is the features of the Xbox One S.
			2TB Hard Drive
			4K ready and HDR ready, the wholly redesigned and slimmed down Xbox One S console is tailor-made to become the future-proofed brains of your home entertainment setup. Plug it in, hook it up to your 4K TV, and voila -- you'll be able to play 4K Ultra HD Blu-ray discs and stream 4K video from services such as Netflix, enjoying 4 times the resolution of Full HD 1080p. If your TV is HDR (High Dynamic Range) compatible, you'll be able to enjoy the rapidly growing library of HDR-enabled content as well. With HDR technology, you'll get deeper darks and brighter whites on screen at the same time, resulting in stunningly natural and lifelike imagery.

	==Summary==		==Summary==
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	==See Also==		==See Also==
	*[[PlayStation]]		*[[PlayStation 4]]
	*[[Xbox 360\|Superior predecessor]]		*[[Xbox 360\|Superior predecessor]]

	{{Microsoft}}		{{Microsoft}}
	{{Gaming}}		{{Gaming}}

imported>Hellrazor: /* Why PS4 is a better buy */

2014-06-25T20:40:14Z

Why PS4 is a better buy

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:40, 25 June 2014
(No difference)

imported>Hellrazor: /* Why PS4 is a better buy */

2014-06-25T20:40:14Z

Why PS4 is a better buy

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:40, 25 June 2014
(No difference)

imported>Hellrazor: /* Why PS4 is a better buy */

2014-06-25T20:40:14Z

Why PS4 is a better buy

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:40, 25 June 2014
(No difference)

imported>Hellrazor: /* Why PS4 is a better buy */

2014-06-25T20:40:14Z

Why PS4 is a better buy

New page

{{spoilers|MICROSOFT JUST [http://kotaku.com/microsoft-is-removing-xbox-one-drm-514390310 CANCELLED] THE ALWAYS ONLINE AND GAME TRADE RESTRICTIONS!1!!!11!!!!}}
[[File:Power-rangers-xbox-go-home.gif|thumb|250px|Peoples average reaction after seeing Microsofts E3 conference.]]
The '''Xbox One''' (also known as [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbWgUO-Rqcw| a television], and '''Xbox 180''') is a [[Mac|children's computer]] created by [[Microsoft]] to better serve those lacking the ability to operate a real computer.

[[File:Xbox One Is Done.jpg|200px|thumb|right]]
[[File:Xbox-one-500-dollar-console.png|thumb|200px|Fun is strictly verboten.]]
==Why PS4 is a better buy==
PlayStation has, since 2000, taken the tact of simply adding 1 to the name of the previous console they released, and [[Hookers and blow|calling it a day]]. For this, among many, many other things, PlayStations have been mercilessly mocked. Microsoft apparently got jealous of all the attention Sony was receiving, because they [[Gypsy|stole]] the naming scheme wholesale. Still, the originality of the name is in keeping with the utter lack of any innovation the console shows. Other reasons include:

*When you see an Xbox One, it takes One look at it to realize it's a piece of [[shit]].

*When you see an Xbox One, you turn 1° and walk over it, smashing it to pieces with your [[Goth|steel toe-cap boots]].

*It was named Xbox One because of the number of sales it will have.

*You will take One step forward, then 360 steps back.

The controller and consoles have big, colored buttons to help [[Retarded|special gamers]] use it easily, and can even be operated by voice or [[Adalia Rose|flailing]], if buttons prove too confusing. It sports the most cutting edge technology 2005 has to offer, and is an achievement of design unrivaled by all but the best [[Menstrual painting|preschool finger paintings]]. Upon opening the prototype, it was found to contain the same [[fail|prowess]] and [[AIDS|features]] that [[killed|moved]] many, including [[Steve Jobs]]. Microsoft claims that [[Liar|these ideals were essential in the console's development]]. In addition, it features an extensive database of voice-recognition software technologies, such as the newly-patented Fart Noise Reduction, which will only work if your anus is pointed directly at the Kinect's camera lens. It was co-developed with researchers in [[North Korea|Best Korea]], who have called it the "Freest and most flexible piece of technology ever conceived". Perhaps one of its most prominent features is that it comes equipped with a Mountain Dew liquid-cooling system, extremely convenient for most [[Basement-dweller|hardcore gamers]]. Microsoft has yet to specify if the cooled-Mountain Dew is potable. The system has been widely criticized by the [[NSA]], who persist on having mandatory fingerprint and eye retina scanners installed and utilized on the device before being able to power it on, in the interests of "[[Bullshit|privacy and freedom]]".

==Features==

[[File:Xbox One Play Television.jpg|200px|thumb|right]]
[[File:Orwellian360.jpg|200px|thumb|Enjoy ur fbi backdoors,faggot]]
[[File:Xbox 1 Super Secret Plot.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Microsoft conspiracy to force you to scream to continue watching people shoot each other.]]
Market research must be a [[I'm 12 years old and what is this|strange and confusing process]] for Microsoft, because they looked at plunging television viewership, [[lol wut|and decided that people really wanted to watch TV on their Xbox.]] They implemented a split screen so you can [[Skype]] while still watching [[Family Guy]], and added the ability to watch TV live from a set top box. Perhaps most shocking of all, Xbox has innovated the ability to switch between different media. Now you can watch a movie, and actually switch to a video game! This [[Sarcasm|unprecedented breakthrough]] fits right alongside the lack of backwards compatibility, mandatory hard drive install, and the required use of [[Kinect|Microsoft's surveillance equipment]] at all times.

The Xbox One Live network is to be entirely separate from the [[Xbox Live|360 network]], which means all games, [[Skyrim|DLC]], and [[Porn|prawn]] purchased on the 360 network will have to be purchased all over again, which heavily hints at a [[Jewish|Semitic]] influence on the design process. The Microsoft butchers responsible for this soon to be aborted [[Adalia Rose|aberration of nature]] have bragged about [[1984|the Xbox One's ability to detect]] the [[None|number of people watching a movie on the Xbox One]], and [[Jew|charge an additional fee if too many people are watching]].

==Kinect 2.0==

The second iteration of the Kinect picks up right where the last one left off. It is still a transparent tool of Microsoft to [[Warez|spy on its customers]], but now can monitor you in [[lol|stunning 1080p resolution]]. Unlike its predecessor, it is now required to play the Xbox, and [[Can't let you do that, StarFox!|cannot be turned off]]. Perhaps worst of all, it is now capable of reading your heart rate, so now the company you [http://www.itproportal.com/2013/03/20/thousands-have-data-exposed-in-microsoft-security-breach/ can't][http://www.crn.com/news/security/240007514/microsoft-confirms-security-breach-in-ie-9-earlier-versions.htm trust] [http://www.inquisitr.com/398517/skype-security-breach-forces-microsoft-to-suspend-password-resets/ to] do [http://www.secure128.com/microsoft-s-xbox-live-marketplace-suffered-security-breach.aspx anything] [http://www.v3.co.uk/v3-uk/news/2161590/microsoft-launches-investigation-suspected-breach-security right] will be [[Dox|collecting and storing medical information]] about everyone who uses the Xbox One.

Soon after the reveal, news broke that Microsoft had [[IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER|filed patents]] that protected the concept of interactive commercials. Now, to prevent [[Burger King]] from waving its [[Cock|flame-grilled beef]] in your face, you will have to [[Rape|scream its name]], or even worse, put pickle on the beef until it's satisfied you will remember it. Included in these patent filings was protection for achievements for watching television, so that everyone will know you [[Tl;dr|watched all 30 seasons of the Simpsons]] to earn your “Suicide Watch” achievement.

==Reveal==

[[File:Xbox 1 Affects Sony Stock.png|thumb|200px|right|The real winner of the Xbox reveal.]]For months leading up to May 20th, Xbox fanboys eagerly awaited the unveiling of the next watered down console they would [[Do you even lift|rabidly defend on the internet]], and occasionally even play. They seem to have expected that, having made the Xbox 360 the best selling video game console [[Imma let you finish|of all time]], they would receive a bigger, better version of the 360. The fans had even named this mythical console, calling it the “720” in their wild speculation and [[Fantasy|fever dreams]]. What was revealed to them on the 20th was [[Dividing_by_0|0.138]]% of what they were expecting. What was revealed that day was the Xbox One.

The Microsoft demographers clearly took a hard look at the people using their product, and saw that the only people who did were [[Bro|douchebag sports fan]]s who watch Family Guy and play Call of Duty. They clearly took this information to heart, and designed their reveal accordingly. By all accounts, this assessment is [[Fact|entirely accurate]], but the approach is equivalent to revealing a town built for black people by [[Not racist|emphasizing the abundance of watermelon and fried chicken available, and the presence of a Cadillac dealership]]. The journalists at the reveal looked on in stunned silence, and the [[Whores|paid clappers]] clapped away as the horror show played on. By the time the travesty had ended, Sony stock had shot up, and sales of the WiiU had doubled in the UK. [[LOL|The Wii U's sales have since jumped 875%.]]

{{center|
{{frame|{{fv|sceneters|background-color: lightgray;|font-weight: bold;
|<center><youtube>KbWgUO-Rqcw</youtube>
;To sum up the revelation</center>
|<center><youtube>PzDsYEPkSc4</youtube>
;"We'll start over"</center>
|<center><youtube>5yC8FbgGnd0</youtube>
;No Internets? <s>Use your old 360 you worthless console peasant</s> Spend $40 and upgrade your [[Computer|PC]] to be twice as fast as an Xbox One while simultaneously joining the [[master race]]</center>
}}|border=lightgray|background=lightgray}}}}

== E3 2013 ==
Going into [[Nerd|E3]], Microsoft was haemorrhaging supporters. Their [[Big Brother|Orwellian]] creation had completely alienated the [[Internet|gaming pirate masturbator]] segment of their market, and barring the [[Stinkrat|marketing peons]] buzzing about the chans, was reviled by the whole of the internet. Their reveal was universally acknowledged a [[Legendary ruin status|catastrophe]], so here was a chance for [[Microsoft]] to humbly limp onto the stage, [[jk|backpedal]] from the aggressively voyeuristic casual gamer appeal, and announce a [[Shit that will never happen|reasonably priced console]] before they bled out entirely. Nope. They bounded up in front of E3, and with [[Joker|waxy]] grins bragged about the [[PC|exclusive]] games on the Xbox One, while saying absolutely nothing about the shitstorm they had caused with their atrocious [[DRM]], connectivity, and surveillance [[Problem|features]].

<center>{{Morphquote|dixamillion|font-weight:bold;|
|I don’t think,… I mean we’re really not going to change anything we've done with Xbox One. We’re very happy…|Microsoft rep Major Nelson, quite pleased with their console.
|As soon as it was announced there was running up and down the aisles, “woohoo!”. |Sony developer Scott Rohde, ecstatic over Microsoft's console.
}}</center>

But it all came down to the price. How much would a deluded Xbox [[fanboi|fan]] have to pay for the privilege of having their every move watched? [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|Five hundred fucking dollars]], shit tons more than either of it's competition. At that price, no one would ever use the XBOne, for any reason. Not content with [[Jew|fleecing 12-year-olds for their hard-saved lunch money,]] Micro$haft [[EPIC FAIL|also made the hardware in the Xbox 359 Steps Back weaker than the PS4's hardware and the PS4 costs 100 dollars less.]]

As it turns out, that includes Microsoft. At E3, Microsoft demoed [[boring|several]] games on the XBOne, but when they inevitably crashed, a curious thing happened - [[Lolwut|they crashed to a Windows 7 desktop]]. When Microsoft staff opened the locked cabinet under the demo screen, it was an [[Leet|overpowered HP]] PC staring out into the glaring lights, complete with a high end [[Yugioh Card Maker|Nvidia]] GPU, and an XBOne nowhere in sight. So not only did Microsoft not use their own fucking console to demo it's games, [[Sage|they didn't even trust]] [[Windows 8|their current operating system]] (the operating system the [[Jenkem|XBOne's OS]] is based on) to run the XBOne's games.

<center><gallery>
Image:Xbox One E3 Demo Rig.jpg|[[Irony|Even Microsoft won't use it's piece of shit console]].
Image:Xbox One E3 Demo Rig Closeup.jpg|Shown:Xbox One.
</gallery></center>

After the infamous console reveal, WiiU sales doubled. After the [[Over 9000|levels of fail]] displayed by Microsoft at E3, not only did preorders of the PS4 sell out, but they sold so many more that Amazon had to create a second page, [[azn|identical]] to the first, to handle the volume of traffic the PS4 was generating. The XBOne is still available. At this point, the [[An hero|smartest thing Microsoft could do]] is buy all the Sony stock they can and stay the course.
[[File:Ps4 vs Xbox One.jpg|250px|thumb|right|No surprise here.]]

{|style="margin: 0 auto"
|{{frame|{{Videoframe|vf2|background-color:lightgray;|font-weight:bold;

|<center><youtube>k6hVxm8l5HQ</youtube>
;The aftermath</center>

|<center><youtube>Ls00hpgTqCI</youtube>
;Someone didn't have Wifi... </center>

}}|border=lightgray|background=lightgray}}
|}

=="Give us back our DRM"==
Not being ones to under the fallacies behind having DRM on home console instead of something such as [[Steam]]. [[retards|Xbox One fans]] rejoiced when a [http://www.change.org/petitions/microsoft-give-us-back-the-xbox-one-we-were-promised-at-e3-2 change.org petition] was made to return the precious features they previously wanted removed in the first place, aquiring [[over 9000]] (literally) signatures of the 20,000 needed in just two days.

Any Sony fanboy with a braincell immediately started to [[Troll|show their support for Microsoft]] by signing/commenting on the petition,

{{center|
{{morphquote|ytw|background: none; width: 600px; height: 300px;|
|I love restrictions. I want always online DRM. I want the game rental business to become obsolete. I don't want to let my friends borrow games, because fuck them. All I care about is my god damn new age console that'll blow everything else out of the water! Fuck the PS4 and fuck those Sony guys for catering to fans who care about their gaming experience. Fuck PC, that shit is stupid. Steam? Fuck that shit. They never have sales or anything. It's not as affordable as buying my games from the XBL marketplace. I love Microsoft and their business practices will be the best forever. Fuck yes. <3 Xbox.|-Phukfaic McGee
|ill sign to help ps4 so we have no stupid people on the same console as me|John from [[Sony|Sonyville]]
|Please sign this petition. Support retards!|

|Just signed... This one is for you Sony <3!|||}}
}}

==DRM==
When first announced, the Xbox One came so [[Steam|stocked with DRM]], it made even [[China|the Chinese]] more than a little nervous. Owners would be required to [[Wife|check in once every day]] on the internet, or else have their console bricked. If you [[Shit that will never happen|somehow got friends]] and wanted to play your Xbox One games on their Xbox One, you would have been forced to pay a [[XBOX HUEG|small]] fee, the MSRP of the new game, to do so. When these requirements were announced, gamers felt that they were being robbed of their ability to ([[E-lawyer|illegally]]) trade, sell, or [[Communism|loan]] their games to whoever the fuck they wanted. Microsoft, doing what it does best, [[Fuck That Guy|gave zero fucks]] and chugged ever closer to the edge of the cliff.
{{quote|We have a product for people who can't access the Internet, it's called "Xbox 360"|Microsoft's Don Mattick, just coming out and saying it.}}
After getting [[Sexy|spanked at their reveal]] by the Internet, and brutally gang raped, prison style, by Sony <i>and</i> the Internet during E3, Microsoft finally got [[Die in a fire|the message]] that people like pretending they own video games. So [[Korea|Benevolent Overlord]] Microsoft saw fit to allow it's customers to [[D&D|play offline]] whenever the fuck they wanted, and to let you trade games with all your teenage [[Rape|girl]] [[Victim|friend]]s. This is seen as a good first step in making the Xbox One a viable purchase, the last step being making the Xbox One out of cocaine.

==Games==

[[File:Xbox One Borrowed Game.png|200px|thumb|right]]
The next in the Call of Duty line of games was announced, prophetically named Ghosts, as no living soul will be buying it. It is built on [[Fallout|the same engine]], with the [[Modern Warfare|same shit look to it]], so the only conclusion is that the story and gameplay will be revolutionary and change gaming forever. Ghosts was given a prime position in the Xbox reveal event, and the only thing they had to say was that they [[Buy a dog|put a dog in it]], based on scans of a OMG RAEL SCAN OF SEAL DOG!!! The developer interviewed said that you are supposed to [[Bestiality|care about the dog]], which means it dies at the end. Also mentioned are a handful of sports games that look and play exactly the same as they did in 2010, except with a higher number on the box.

A new [[Halo]] title was expected, but Microsoft, bent on self destruction, instead announced they were making a live action TV show based on Halo. Steven Spielberg{{jew}}, known for directing a good movie in the 1990s, has signed to produce the series, which is pretty much all that needs to be known in order to write the show off entirely.

==Summary==

In summary, Microsoft has discovered some obscure loophole in their charter which will allow them to profit enormously from the failure of the Xbox One, [https://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Producers Producers style], and is doing it's damnest to fail to sell even one console.

<br>
{{collapsegallery|The General Sentiment Regarding The Xbox 1|Wut|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Xbox one u-turn.gif|What any sensible person will do no matter what Microsoft says.
Image:99 problems Xbox 1.png
Image:Advice Xbox One 2.png
Image:Advice Xbox One.jpg
Image:Child's Take on DRM.jpg|From the pencils of babes...
Image:Completely Legit Amazon Buzz.png|Amazon rating not at all influenced by Microsoft.
Image:Relative Failure of Xbox One.jpg
Image:I'm An Xbox, I'm A Playstation 2.png
Image:I'm An Xbox, I'm A Playstation.png
Image:OMG GREAT XBOX 1 GRAPHICS.jpg|On the left, the 360, on the right, the XBone
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Xbox One is One.jpg
Image:Microsoft Copycat.png
Image:The First Xbox 1.jpg
Image:Xbox 1 Reveal Poll.jpg
Image:Xbox 1 With Pickles.png
Image:Ceiling Kinect.png
Image:Xbox One Controller.jpg
Image:Xbox One Call Of Duty Ghosts Youtube Subtitle Bestiality.jpg|[[YouTube]] subtitles make a troubling statement regarding bestiality.
Image:Standard Reaction To Xbox One.jpg|The reaction of millions to the Xbox One
Image:Xbox One America, Fuck Yeah.jpg
Image:Xbox One Call Of Duty Ghosts Youtube Subtitle 4.jpg
Image:Xbox One Call Of Duty Ghosts Youtube Subtitle 3.jpg
Image:Xbox One Call Of Duty Ghosts Youtube Subtitle 1.jpg
Image:Xbox One Microsoft Minitruth.png
Image:3640No1.jpg|The dreams of every former Xbox fan ever.
</gallery>}}

==See Also==
*[[PlayStation]]
*[[Xbox 360|Superior predecessor]]

{{Microsoft}}
{{Gaming}}