Waitrose - Revision history

imported>While at 03:02, 19 October 2015

2015-10-19T03:02:58Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:02, 19 October 2015
Line 3:		Line 3:
	'''Waitrose''' is a [[Wal-Mart\|Supermarket]] chain in [[England]]. It is visited mostly by poncy people who want to have the ''highest quality'' goods their pounds can buy, and more recently, an invasion of [[Chavs]] demanding their share of piss-weak tea and coffee. [[British Scum\|MPs]] have also been known to visit as well.		'''Waitrose''' is a [[Wal-Mart\|Supermarket]] chain in [[England]]. It is visited mostly by poncy people who want to have the ''highest quality'' goods their pounds can buy, and more recently, an invasion of [[Chavs]] demanding their share of piss-weak tea and coffee. [[British Scum\|MPs]] have also been known to visit as well.
	__TOC__		__TOC__
			==Waitrose Quality==
			[[File:Essential Waitrose Swan.jpg\|thumb\|right\|Of course, this is [[shooped]], but it sums up this establishment's customers pretty well.]]
			Of course, if you are dissatisfied with your food, Waitrose is the place to go for you. It's expensive, it's sometimes sour and tart, and you'll be eating apples which 'taste like champagne', but you're probably not going to be eating [[My Little Pony\|Horse]]. Also, Waitrose has a value range! Unlike Tesco, who shove horse meat and [[crap]] into their goods, Waitrose considers every luxury to be one of the affordable 'Waitrose Essentials'. Only at Waitrose will you see Profiteroles, [[KILL IT WITH FIRE\|Crème Brulee]]s and [[Giant enemy crab\|Lobster]] as essential!
	==Waitrose vs. ASDA: The Price Wars==		==Waitrose vs. ASDA: The Price Wars==
	In an attempt for some [[Wut\|jolly good one-upmanship]] against [[Wal-Mart]]'s bastard child, [[ASDA]], Waitrose's big brother, John Lewis, proudly proclaims that like them, Waitrose is [[~~Lie~~\|Never Knowingly Undersold]]. When you think about it, that is a good idea. You could be eating ''finely chopped and cleaved haddock fillet'' for the same price as [[Bird flu\|Turkey Twizzlers]] in shades of highlighter orange! Unfortunately, while good in practice, the [[Nigra\|people at ASDA]] are always slightly underselling their goods, making this attempt futile.		In an attempt for some [[Wut\|jolly good one-upmanship]] against [[Wal-Mart]]'s bastard child, [[ASDA]], Waitrose's big brother, John Lewis, proudly proclaims that like them, Waitrose is [[Truth\|Never Knowingly Undersold]]. When you think about it, that is a good idea. You could be eating ''finely chopped and cleaved haddock fillet'' for the same price as [[Bird flu\|Turkey Twizzlers]] in shades of highlighter orange! Unfortunately, while good in practice, the [[Nigra\|people at ASDA]] are always slightly underselling their goods, making this attempt futile.

	However, the [[fact]] that this chain of establishments is the sole [[penis\|member]] of the 'Big Four' Supermarkets to not be making a loss says a lot about this company, and that they might just be the corporate equivalent of a [[pretty cool guy]].		However, the [[fact]] that this chain of establishments is the sole [[penis\|member]] of the 'Big Four' Supermarkets to not be making a loss says a lot about this company, and that they might just be the corporate equivalent of a [[pretty cool guy]].
	==Typical Customers==		==Typical Customers==
	~~Whilst~~ walking around the [[Lie\|Wonderland]] that is your local Waitrose, you'll always expect to find these people on your visit.		[[File:Onion and Cum.jpg\|thumb\|right\|That's not sour cream and chives you're eating...]]
			While walking around the [[Lie\|Wonderland]] that is your local Waitrose, you'll always expect to find these people on your visit.
	* Mothers with limp wrists carting around screaming [[babies]] and tantruming toddlers, that somehow have enough decibels within them to rival [[CAW CAW\|a hundred crows]].		* Mothers with limp wrists carting around screaming [[babies]] and tantruming toddlers, that somehow have enough decibels within them to rival [[CAW CAW\|a hundred crows]].
	* Surprisingly fit [[women]], pushing trolleys filled to the brim with [[Pizza and beer]]. One can only wonder how they remain in such good shape.		* Surprisingly fit [[women]], pushing trolleys filled to the brim with [[Pizza and beer]]. One can only wonder how they remain in such good shape.
Line 16:		Line 20:
	*** Often accompanied by said boys are a legion of [[Sixteen-year-old girl]]s, usually crying about the loss of their newest boyfriend.		*** Often accompanied by said boys are a legion of [[Sixteen-year-old girl]]s, usually crying about the loss of their newest boyfriend.
	*A misplaced [[Chav]], usually asking inane questions as to where their synthetic cider can be found.		*A misplaced [[Chav]], usually asking inane questions as to where their synthetic cider can be found.
	{{~~Stub~~}}		{{Crapstub}}
	{{Britfags}}		{{Britfags}}

imported>Gojira95 at 06:23, 24 June 2015

2015-06-24T06:23:56Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 06:23, 24 June 2015
(No difference)

imported>Gojira95 at 06:23, 24 June 2015

2015-06-24T06:23:56Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 06:23, 24 June 2015
(No difference)

imported>Gojira95 at 06:23, 24 June 2015

2015-06-24T06:23:56Z

← Older revision	Revision as of 06:23, 24 June 2015
(No difference)

imported>Gojira95 at 06:23, 24 June 2015

2015-06-24T06:23:56Z

New page

{{Quote|Well if they've been ridiculed for being upmarket this article certainly won't be helping any.|Mark, an [[Aussie]], [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2530902/The-Waitrose-coffee-revolt-Free-drink-offer-attracts-Chavs.html sums up this article in a nutshell.]}}
[[File:WaitroseYouC.jpg|thumb|right|Waitrose, being [[cunt|classy]], as always.]]
'''Waitrose''' is a [[Wal-Mart|Supermarket]] chain in [[England]]. It is visited mostly by poncy people who want to have the ''highest quality'' goods their pounds can buy, and more recently, an invasion of [[Chavs]] demanding their share of piss-weak tea and coffee. [[British Scum|MPs]] have also been known to visit as well.
__TOC__
==Waitrose vs. ASDA: The Price Wars==
In an attempt for some [[Wut|jolly good one-upmanship]] against [[Wal-Mart]]'s bastard child, [[ASDA]], Waitrose's big brother, John Lewis, proudly proclaims that like them, Waitrose is [[Lie|Never Knowingly Undersold]]. When you think about it, that is a good idea. You could be eating ''finely chopped and cleaved haddock fillet'' for the same price as [[Bird flu|Turkey Twizzlers]] in shades of highlighter orange! Unfortunately, while good in practice, the [[Nigra|people at ASDA]] are always slightly underselling their goods, making this attempt futile.

However, the [[fact]] that this chain of establishments is the sole [[penis|member]] of the 'Big Four' Supermarkets to not be making a loss says a lot about this company, and that they might just be the corporate equivalent of a [[pretty cool guy]].
==Typical Customers==
Whilst walking around the [[Lie|Wonderland]] that is your local Waitrose, you'll always expect to find these people on your visit.
* Mothers with limp wrists carting around screaming [[babies]] and tantruming toddlers, that somehow have enough decibels within them to rival [[CAW CAW|a hundred crows]].
* Surprisingly fit [[women]], pushing trolleys filled to the brim with [[Pizza and beer]]. One can only wonder how they remain in such good shape.
* Men pondering over which [[Bacon]] packet to buy with their Olives and Potato salad.
*Many [[children]], running about the shop like crazy and getting [[butthurt]] when they don't get what they want.
** [[13-year-old boy]]s mass buying chocolate in the confectionery aisle, or generally moping about the [[Alcohol]] aisle, dejected that none of the contents can actually be bought by them.
*** Often accompanied by said boys are a legion of [[Sixteen-year-old girl]]s, usually crying about the loss of their newest boyfriend.
*A misplaced [[Chav]], usually asking inane questions as to where their synthetic cider can be found.
{{Stub}}
{{Britfags}}