imported>Mantequilla: /* Gallery Of Sad */

2017-07-23T07:31:33Z

Gallery Of Sad

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[[image:WIRED-1WhatChanged.png|right|356px]]

'''WIRED''' is a [[Old media|magazine]] started in the [[Vaporwave|early 90s]] about then-cutting edge technology such as the interwebz and nerdy non-mainstream subcultures like programmers, l33t haxx0rs, and [[Burning Man|weird festivals]]. Nowadays it's a heavily-page-reduced, thin-ass magazine, and online blog that's mostly about lamestream [[pop culture]] trends, like [[The Interview|Movies]], [[Lego|autist]] [[Anime|shit]] and interviewing the latest movie stars and [[hipster|indie]] bands.

Oh, and they also have {{anonym|http://wired.com|a website}}.
 

==What Went Wrong?==
[[Image:Wired-magazine-web-is-dead.jpg|thumb|right|Brilliant!]]
In 2006 the corporate cockmongerate Condé Nast bought up Wired magazine and immediately began trashing the fuck out of it. Yet another cautionary tale in dot.com sellout, the clueless corporate idiots at Condé Nast had no fucking idea what they had even bought, let alone what to do with it.
{{clear}}

==What's In Wired?==
Wired articles can be broken down into four major categories...

===Adverticles===
At this point the majority of the articles you see on Wired are bought and paid for by other companies. Their shill shit is so blatantly obvious that they often don't even attempt to try and hide the fact that the entire article was written by a third party marketing ad agency that's just outright hosing the readers over with consumerist crap. Below are a few of the major contract companies which often have their dick so far up Wired's ass they can give them a simultaneous blowjob along with their advertising ass fuck. Many of these companies have been known to buy up to five articles PER DAY, which often results in the most hilariously reaching mediocrity imaginable.
 

{{cg|Disney - Star Wars|shills1|center|<gallery perrow="4">
Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_Star_Wars_Break_Dance.png|The technology news you care about...
Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_Star_Wars_Dildos.png|If all else fails just make up random rumors!
Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_Disney_Star_Wars.png|Let's browse Reddit for article ideas!
Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_Star_Wars_-_Wired_Tackles_The_Tough_Questions.png|Wired tackles the really tough questions!
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|}}
 

{{cg|NASA - Climate Change Fear Mongering|shills2|center|<gallery perrow="4">
Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_Wired_Sees_Global_Warming_In_EVERYTHING.png|Global cooling is the ''new'' global warming!
Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_YAY_SOMEONE_DIED_Oh_Yeah_Climate_Change.png|Yay someone died let's talk about climate change!
Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_Pretty_Pictures_ZOMG_NO_ITS_CLIMATE_CHANGE.png|Pretty pictures? OH SHIT NO CLIMATE CHANGE!
Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_TEH_WURLD_IS_ENDING_LOL_SUM_1_GIVE_ME_TEH_GRANT_MONIES.png|OH GAWD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE RIGHT NOW!
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Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_CLIMATE_PERIL_OMG.png|The ''peril'' of climate change!
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|}}
 

{{cg||shills3|center|<gallery perrow="4">
Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_Apple.png|Apple
Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_Wired_Has_Wood_For_Apple.png|Wired has [[boner|wood]] for Apple.
Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_FTC_Sanctions.png|[[SRSLY|Companies Sanctioned By The FTC For Fraudulent Claims In Online Articles]]
Image:Wired_-_Shill_Shit_-_Google_-_01.png|Flickr's Dead! use Google instead
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="4">
</gallery>
|}}
 

===Filler===
Rather than write articles about new and cutting edge technology, Wired spends most of its "me time" writing the most vapidly insipid bullshit imaginable. Often covering completely trivial and/or nonsensical topics that no one in their right mind would ever even dream of giving a fuck about, these are WIRED's bread and butter and they slather it up thicker than Paula Deen's butterball ass cheeks! The primary reason WIRED is reduced to this drivel is because they often can't risk posting about any technology product or project that's in direct competition with their sponsored shill shit. Doing so would mean a loss of corporate butt buddies and WIRED's become more than a little "addicted" to getting continually fucked up the butt.
 

<center>
{{Photoframe|test|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;
|[[Image:Wired_-_Filler_-_01.png]]<center> '''The Issues You Care About'''</center>
|[[Image:Wired_-_Filler_-_02.png]]<center> '''Well Piss In A Can And Call It Art!'''</center>
|[[Image:Wired_-_Filler_-_03.png]]<center> '''Sucking Mainstream Media's Cock'''</center>
|[[Image:Wired_-_Filler_-_04.png]]<center> '''Fascinating!'''</center>
|[[Image:Wired_-_Filler_-_05.png]]<center> '''Random Environmental Disasters!'''</center>}}
</center>
{{clear}}

===Women's Issues===
In recent years they decided that the company didn't have enough "diversity" on its staff of writers and so they set out to hire on a slew of legbearded social justice retards to help "[[affirmative action|even things out]]". This of course has gone over AMAZINGLY with Wired's readership...
 

[[Image:Wired_-_Readership_Support.png|center]]
 

{{cg||femtards|center|<gallery perrow="4">
Image:Wired_-_SJW_Shit_-_Binders_Full_Of_Women.png|[[Mitt Romney|Binders full of women!]]
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Image:Wired_-_SJW_Shit_-_06.png
Image:Wired_-_SJW_Shit_-_07.png|Now with shitty game reviews!
Image:Wired_-_SJW_Shit_-_08.png
Image:Wired_-_SJW_Shit_-_09.png
Image:Wired_-_SJW_Shit_-_10.png|[[sarcasm|You'd almost think they were a minority!]]
Image:Wired_-_SJW_Shit_-_11.png|This is why no one takes psychology/sociology seriously anymore.
Image:Wired_-_SJW_Shit_-_12.png|ZOMG ITS VIRTUAL RAPE!
Image:Wired_-_SJW_Shit_-_13.png|Wired posted these within hours of each other.
Image:Wired_-_SJW_Shit_-_Self-Triggering.png|Now you can self-trigger using virtual reality!
Image:Wired_-_SJW_Shit_-_Women_Are_Inherently_Sexually_Dysfunctional.png|SJWs suffer from chronic sexual dysfunction.
Image:Wired_-_SJW_Bullshit_-_01.png|The matriarchy is real! :D
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</gallery>
|}}
 

===Politics===
TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP... at this point Wired's head is so far up Donald Trump's ass they could give him a free colonoscopy!

[[Image:Wired_-_Obama_Reach_Around_-_02.png|right|thumb|Wired, totally not making it obvious.]]
You would think that a TECHNOLOGY magazine wouldn't have much to say on political issues... but not Wired, they not only openly endorse Shillary Clinton, they bend over backwards every gawd damn day of the week to make sure every last person on the planet knows about it. On November 6th, 2016 they posted TEN new anti-Trump articles within the span of just 24 hours!

There is of course a simple explanation for this deranged behavior... they got a presidential blow job from Obama himself... no, seriously...

[[Image:Wired_-_Obama_Reach_Around_-_01.png|center]]

{{cg|Trump, Trump, Trump|ch-ch-china|center|<gallery perrow="5">
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</gallery>
|}}
 

==WIRED IN [[anime|JAPANIME]]==
In ''[[Serial Experiments Lain]]'', one of the most [[porn|erotic]] [[weeaboo]] [[sex]] [[fetish|fantasies]], the WIRED is an inexplicable version of the internet that somehow enters the real world and everyone's mind. It makes this [[lolita]] a god and she meets a person who thinks he's god and she erases everyone's memory of her in their minds [[shit|and shit]]. And there are these FBI dudes trying to stop her, or something. [[Teh]] fan sites are [http://fauux.neocities.org interesting and confusing], just like the [[mind fuck]] that is the JAPANIME.

==Gallery Of Sad==
{{cg||pathetic|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Wired_-_General_-_Wired_Sucks_Its_Own_Dick.png|Wired does a video post and an article self-fellating their own Art Director.
Image:Wired_-_Page_Not_Found.png|Wired's best story yet!
Image:Wired_-_Out_Of_Touch_-_01.png|Not sure if stupid or paid for by Tumblr...
Image:Wired_-_General_-_Getting_Dumber_By_The_Day.png|[[CS3|Use the same simple password for every site!]]
Image:Wired_-_General_-_Say_My_Name.png|Affirmative Action in action!
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>
|}}
 

==See Also==
*[[90s]]
*[[textfiles.com]]
*[[Gawker]]

==External Links==
*[http://archive.wired.com/wired/coverbrowser/1993 Archive - read all their issues FREE]
{{sites}}

WIRED - Revision history

imported>Mantequilla: /* Gallery Of Sad */