Ubisoft - Revision history

Fleacollerindustry: /* External Links */ Added link to new news worth of its own article

2025-12-29T00:17:37Z

External Links: Added link to new news worth of its own article

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:17, 29 December 2025
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	In May of 2017 Ubisoft decided to double down in dumpy design and shat out this epic masterpiece of a load, that looks like 90s era clip art bitched off a [http://www.nospec.com/ NO!SPEC] abusing community contest; where the winner was awarded with a participation trophy and a trunk full of trash games.		In May of 2017 Ubisoft decided to double down in dumpy design and shat out this epic masterpiece of a load, that looks like 90s era clip art bitched off a [http://www.nospec.com/ NO!SPEC] abusing community contest; where the winner was awarded with a participation trophy and a trunk full of trash games.
	[[Image:UbisoftNewLogo2.jpg\|center]]		[[Image:UbisoftNewLogo2.jpg\|center]]

			==The Great Ubisoft Hack of 2025==
			{{Main\|The Great Ubisoft Hack of 2025}}
			While playing [[Call of Duty: Black Ops 4\|Rainbow Six Siege]], users started to notice tons of users being banned and suddently they got tons of in-game currency in their account. Little did anyone realize at first, but the Rainbow Six Siege servers were hacked. But it's looking like that was a bit of a red herring because while the Rainbow Six Siege servers were being shut down, the hackers revealed that they had gotten into Ubisoft's main servers and dumped the game code to pretty much every single game they've ever released since 1990.

	== External Links ==		== External Links ==

imported>Wizardminer at 14:32, 4 June 2018

2018-06-04T14:32:15Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:32, 4 June 2018
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	[[Image:~~Ubisoftlogo~~.jpg\|right]]		[[Image:UbisoftNewLogo.jpg\|right\|thumb\|Ubisoft gets a new logo!]]
	[[Image:Cryingman.jpg\|right\|thumb\|A Ubisoft employee, worrying that somewhere a woman is feeling marginalized or underpowered.]]		[[Image:Cryingman.jpg\|right\|thumb\|A Ubisoft employee, worrying that somewhere a woman is feeling marginalized or underpowered.]]
	[[Image:creedjerusalem.jpg\|right\|thumb\|A corrupted leak of ''[[Assassin's Creed]]'' didn't allow playing past Jerusalem, thus this meme was born from twisted and perverse mind of Mr. Quackers/Cosmo Starbuck.]]		[[Image:creedjerusalem.jpg\|right\|thumb\|A corrupted leak of ''[[Assassin's Creed]]'' didn't allow playing past Jerusalem, thus this meme was born from twisted and perverse mind of Mr. Quackers/Cosmo Starbuck.]]
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	None. Ubisoft, possibly realizing that America has some law about freedom of speech and protection of satire slinked away to focus on earning moar jewgold. Jade now quite probably spends the free time she has between [[Prostitute\|selling her body as a marketing tool]] googling frantically to find out whether the internet hates her yet. In a deliciously ironic twist this worry may prematurely age her and result in Ubisoft discarding her shriveled husk of a body when she reaches 35.		None. Ubisoft, possibly realizing that America has some law about freedom of speech and protection of satire slinked away to focus on earning moar jewgold. Jade now quite probably spends the free time she has between [[Prostitute\|selling her body as a marketing tool]] googling frantically to find out whether the internet hates her yet. In a deliciously ironic twist this worry may prematurely age her and result in Ubisoft discarding her shriveled husk of a body when she reaches 35.

			==other games ubi made==
			Assassin's Creed: [[Assassin's Creed\|theres aready an article for that.]]

			Rayman: a [[gay]] platformer where you play as a limb-less faggot with no dick beating the ever lasting fuck out of everyone because there are no laws stoping fags. said limb-less fag sleeps for a billion years so eveyone can relax until the next game where the limb-less fag strikes back in a next game that is more or less the same shit as the last.

			Silent Hill: a shitty resident evil rip-off that is less scary than FANAF (if thats even possible).

	=== The moar you know... ===		=== The moar you know... ===
			[[File:Ubisoft Programming.png\|thumb\|right\|Ubisoft programming]]
	Apparently, according to Jade's "[[lolwut\|official unofficial website]]"[http://www.jade-raymond.com/] she "''is a new [[Paris Hilton\|modern icon]] and she is taking the videogame industry by [[cock\|storm]]. Her name, Jade Raymond, game producer. How not to [[rape\|fall in love]] with this new gaming icon? Well, first of all, you got to admit it, she's [[lie\|very beautiful... strikingly beautiful]]. Her beauty is just the tip of the iceberg though, there's alot more to her, that is her wonderful personnality''(lol spelling)) ''and her immense [[Boob\|charisma]].''"		Apparently, according to Jade's "[[lolwut\|official unofficial website]]"[http://www.jade-raymond.com/] she "''is a new [[Paris Hilton\|modern icon]] and she is taking the videogame industry by [[cock\|storm]]. Her name, Jade Raymond, game producer. How not to [[rape\|fall in love]] with this new gaming icon? Well, first of all, you got to admit it, she's [[lie\|very beautiful... strikingly beautiful]]. Her beauty is just the tip of the iceberg though, there's alot more to her, that is her wonderful personnality''(lol spelling)) ''and her immense [[Boob\|charisma]].''"

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	It really is pathetic you all would bash a game because an attractive female is synonymous with it, but i do see a bright side because this won't always be the case with you when you all finally get laid and get a loving girlfriend you won't hate women so much, they really are lovely creatures.		It really is pathetic you all would bash a game because an attractive female is synonymous with it, but i do see a bright side because this won't always be the case with you when you all finally get laid and get a loving girlfriend you won't hate women so much, they really are lovely creatures.

	I bet if i asked you to sketch a {{wordfilter\|text=VAGINA}} right now you would probably draw an xbox, it is downright embarrassing how clueless you all are about yourselves - you are willing to take a beautiful and intelligent person like Jade and bring her down by not even wanting to play or buy the game just because she had something to do with it.		I bet if i asked you to sketch a {{wordfilter\|text=VAGINA\|color=#00cc00\|background=#ff88cc}} right now you would probably draw an xbox, it is downright embarrassing how clueless you all are about yourselves - you are willing to take a beautiful and intelligent person like Jade and bring her down by not even wanting to play or buy the game just because she had something to do with it.
	\|}		\|}

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	{{cg\|Fragdolls\|Fragdolls01\|center\|<gallery perrow="4">		{{cg\|Fragdolls\|Fragdolls01\|center\|<gallery perrow="4">
	Image:Fragdolls1.jpg\|The original Fragdolls. Known from left to right as Would, Would, Would, Would, Maybe and Probably.		Image:Fragdolls1.jpg\|The original Fragdolls. Known from left to right as Would, Would, Would, Would, Maybe and Probably.
	Image:Fragdolls2.jpg\|The French Frigdolls. ~~+1 for each cute one. -1 for the horse-face and -2 for the - what, Samoan? - but a~~ half-[[AZN]] ~~is +2~~ so ~~overall is positive~~.		Image:Fragdolls2.jpg\|The French Frigdolls. Notice how almost half of them are [[AZN]], because the French are so ugly.
	Image:Ubisoft_bondage_1.jpg\|The UK Fragdolls. Dunno their names. The redhead is called Jam, though, that's the only one you have to remember.		Image:Ubisoft_bondage_1.jpg\|The UK Fragdolls. Dunno their names. The redhead is called Jam, though, that's the only one you have to remember.
	Image:Ubisoft_bondage_2.jpg\|Seductive.		Image:Ubisoft_bondage_2.jpg\|Seductive.
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	Image:Lapisbunny3.jpg\|"Target Audience" picture. O LAWD IS DAT SUM [[loli\|LOLI]]		Image:Lapisbunny3.jpg\|"Target Audience" picture. O LAWD IS DAT SUM [[loli\|LOLI]]
	Image:Lapisbunny4.jpg\|Technological precedents. Translation: Is a [[furry]].		Image:Lapisbunny4.jpg\|Technological precedents. Translation: Is a [[furry]].
	</gallery>\|<~~galler~~ perrow="4">		</gallery>\|<gallery perrow="4">
	Image:Lapisbunny5.jpg\|If you can get off playing MYST, a DS game about furry masturbation is probably the last thing you need.		Image:Lapisbunny5.jpg\|If you can get off playing MYST, a DS game about furry masturbation is probably the last thing you need.
	Image:Lapisbunny6.jpg\|"Inspirations" - anything involving little girls with big, [[cock\|phallic things]] jammed between their legs, a giant six-legged [[pussy]] and [[Harry Potter]].		Image:Lapisbunny6.jpg\|"Inspirations" - anything involving little girls with big, [[cock\|phallic things]] jammed between their legs, a giant six-legged [[pussy]] and [[Harry Potter]].
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	Put simply, the entire corporate history and every one of their contributions to the gaming industry amount to a fevered attempt to fool every woman in the world into thinking that they are liberated, sympathetic quasi-feminists in order to draw attention away from what complete and utter walking [[vagina\|vaginas]] they are. Should this theory prove to be true, it will mean that constitute the biggest and most expensive single attempt to get off the [[Ladder theory\|friend ladder]] in history.		Put simply, the entire corporate history and every one of their contributions to the gaming industry amount to a fevered attempt to fool every woman in the world into thinking that they are liberated, sympathetic quasi-feminists in order to draw attention away from what complete and utter walking [[vagina\|vaginas]] they are. Should this theory prove to be true, it will mean that constitute the biggest and most expensive single attempt to get off the [[Ladder theory\|friend ladder]] in history.
			{{clear}}

			== Ubi Gets A New Logo ==
			In May of 2017 Ubisoft decided to double down in dumpy design and shat out this epic masterpiece of a load, that looks like 90s era clip art bitched off a [http://www.nospec.com/ NO!SPEC] abusing community contest; where the winner was awarded with a participation trophy and a trunk full of trash games.
			[[Image:UbisoftNewLogo2.jpg\|center]]

	== External Links ==		== External Links ==
			[[File:Ubisoft parasol proof.png\|thumb]]

	===Jade===		===Jade===

imported>BakaRed: /* Gallery of "Perfect Lappiness" */

2015-06-10T16:25:25Z

Gallery of "Perfect Lappiness"

← Older revision	Revision as of 16:25, 10 June 2015
(No difference)

imported>BakaRed: /* Gallery of "Perfect Lappiness" */

2015-06-10T16:25:25Z

Gallery of "Perfect Lappiness"

← Older revision	Revision as of 16:25, 10 June 2015
(No difference)

imported>BakaRed: /* Gallery of "Perfect Lappiness" */

2015-06-10T16:25:25Z

Gallery of "Perfect Lappiness"

← Older revision	Revision as of 16:25, 10 June 2015
(No difference)

imported>BakaRed: /* Gallery of "Perfect Lappiness" */

2015-06-10T16:25:25Z

Gallery of "Perfect Lappiness"

New page

[[Image:Ubisoftlogo.jpg|right]]
[[Image:Cryingman.jpg|right|thumb|A Ubisoft employee, worrying that somewhere a woman is feeling marginalized or underpowered.]]
[[Image:creedjerusalem.jpg|right|thumb|A corrupted leak of ''[[Assassin's Creed]]'' didn't allow playing past Jerusalem, thus this meme was born from twisted and perverse mind of Mr. Quackers/Cosmo Starbuck.]]
[[Image:Jade raymond.jpg|thumb|right|[[fap]],[[fap]],[[fap]],[[fap]],]]
'''Ubisoft''' is a game company best known for releasing over [[9000]] motherfucking Tom Clancy games every month, and for their fawning, creepy obsession with [[women]]. Nobody quite knows why they act like a bunch of easily offended, politically correct [[emo]] students trying to impress a girl at a party. Some theorize that they are an [[Marcab|alien invasion fleet]] sent from the planet [[Womyn]] to manipulate men and destroy the industry. The less prosaic simply accept that Yves Guillemot started the company in a desperate attempt to get [[laid]].

Conversely, Occam's Razor states that the most likely explanation for their being such utter pussies is that they're fucking [[French]]. Or [[virgin]]s. Probably both.

== Jade Raymond ==

Jade Raymond is supposedly a "[[Prostitute|video game programmer]]" working for Ubisoft [[Canada|Montreal]]. Ubisoft, apparently having realized that most gamers are [[you|raging hormonal virgins]], decided that in order to sell their new game, ''[[Assassin's Creed]]'', they would have Jade front it. Essentially, Jade functions as eye candy so that you will be so distracted by her [[Boob|feminine charms]] and your desire to rape her repeatedly that you will spend more Jewgolds and this will increase her sales. She is quite probably under the impression that she has been hired due to talent of some sort but in reality it is so that she can be fapped over. She may be only moderately good looking but she is considered prime [[fap|fapping]] material for computer [[Geek|geeks]] due to the association with gaming. This association leads the hordes of [[basement dweller]]s to believe that she is somehow more attainable. For the moment this is not true but as soon as the internet has prematurely aged her she will quite probably launch a whirlwind tour of the country, sucking cocks at truckstops for heroin money.

=== Jade haet satire ===
At 11:23 AM, Monday, November 12, 2007 the artist from Chugworth Academy comics posted a comic '''satirizing''' Jade's contribution position advertising the game. The comic shows Jade sucking cock to promote the game. Essentially her job is to add sex appeal to the game so the comic benefits from the delicious irony of being not far wrong. Evidently Jade would disagree.

This comic was linked to from the [[SA|Something Awful]] forums. Somehow Ubisoft were informed of this fact and they came down with an extreme case of the [[butthurt]]s leading the Ubisoft [[lolsuit|lawyers]] to issue a Cease and Desist order to the [[SA]] forum admin. In that order the following hilarious demands were made.[http://pc.qj.net/Ubisoft-to-sue-website-over-fake-Jade-Raymond-picture/pg/49/aid/107822]
* Permanently remove the Image from your Site, databases and servers and prevent any further uploading or display thereof
* Permanently cease and desist all unauthorized use and hosting of images using the ''Assassin's Creed'' mark and Ms. Raymond's name and/or [[Boobs|likeness]]
* Provide us with the name and contact information of the person who originally created and/or posted the image
* Complete, execute, and return to me the enclosed Declaration by November 16, 2007 to confirm that you are complying with Ubisoft's [[rape|demand]]

SA's answer was essentially a giant fuck you. Ubisoft appear to essentially be saying that [[the Internet is serious business]] and that by posting the comic they were somehow engaging in unfair business. They also threatened federal lawsuits would follow. As one can imagine the lulz-o-meter went off the scale at this point.

=== Aftermath ===
None. Ubisoft, possibly realizing that America has some law about freedom of speech and protection of satire slinked away to focus on earning moar jewgold. Jade now quite probably spends the free time she has between [[Prostitute|selling her body as a marketing tool]] googling frantically to find out whether the internet hates her yet. In a deliciously ironic twist this worry may prematurely age her and result in Ubisoft discarding her shriveled husk of a body when she reaches 35.

=== The moar you know... ===
Apparently, according to Jade's "[[lolwut|official unofficial website]]"[http://www.jade-raymond.com/] she "''is a new [[Paris Hilton|modern icon]] and she is taking the videogame industry by [[cock|storm]]. Her name, Jade Raymond, game producer. How not to [[rape|fall in love]] with this new gaming icon? Well, first of all, you got to admit it, she's [[lie|very beautiful... strikingly beautiful]]. Her beauty is just the tip of the iceberg though, there's alot more to her, that is her wonderful personnality''(lol spelling)) ''and her immense [[Boob|charisma]].''"

She apparently presents on G4 TechTv and was offered the job after "''Victor Lucas, the co-host and executive producer of the popular G4 TechTV's show called The Electric Playground came up to her and asked her to join the crew along with Tommy Tallarico, Julie Stoffer and Geoff Keighley.''" Essentially, in exchange for round after round of [[stick it in her pooper|cum being dumped in her pooper]] she was offered a job as eye candy for the show.

=== Angry [[Copypasta]]: ===
{| cellspacing="4"
|- valign="top"
|width="100%" style="border: 10px solid #FFFFEE; color:#800; background: #fca"|
I finally figured out where all the ASSASSINS CREED hate is coming from. It's not trolls, its not fanboys, *being released on everything* it's fucking /v/irgins - Yeah, Virgins.. each and everyone of you bash assassins creed because the producer is a woman and attractive.

Don't feel bad though it's not just you, when i was with my girlfriend to pick it up two neck-beards were spewing the same shit /v/ does and it was pathetic because i could see the envy and sadness in their eyes when they looked at me and my beautiful girlfriend WHO ACTUALLY WAS THE ONE THAT WANTED TO GO PICK IT UP AHAHAHAHA.

It really is pathetic you all would bash a game because an attractive female is synonymous with it, but i do see a bright side because this won't always be the case with you when you all finally get laid and get a loving girlfriend you won't hate women so much, they really are lovely creatures.

I bet if i asked you to sketch a {{wordfilter|text=VAGINA}} right now you would probably draw an xbox, it is downright embarrassing how clueless you all are about yourselves - you are willing to take a beautiful and intelligent person like Jade and bring her down by not even wanting to play or buy the game just because she had something to do with it.
|}

== The Fragdolls ==

[[Image:Fragdolllogo.jpg|300px|right]]

The Fragdolls are an entirely manufactured gaming clan set up in order to prove that women should not have to gb2kitchen; presumably as part of a sales plan codenamed "Operation Completely Humiliating Fucking Disaster Waiting To Happen."

Sadly (predictably), they have their own forums full of fawning fans and endless ten minute [[JewTube]] snorefest literally caked with rapidly-cooling and coagulating praise from people who think that they may one day sleep with one. They even have a special team for such faggots called "The Bomb Squad". The Bomb Squad are male virgins who actually pay for plane tickets to conventions where the Fraggles will be appearing, and then VOLUNTEER TO HELP THEM GET PAID BY UBISOFT TO PROMOTE RAINBOW SIX.

Sadly (predictably), due to the fact that they were hiring [[16 year old girl|girls that use the internets,]] it was inevitable that one of them would turn out to have posted her noodz online.

Sadly (predictably), the whole affair has had exactly zero impact on the company's public image, as even [[b|/b/]] [[DO NOT WANT]] the pictures below.

{{cg|Fragdolls|Fragdolls01|center|<gallery perrow="4">
Image:Fragdolls1.jpg|The original Fragdolls. Known from left to right as Would, Would, Would, Would, Maybe and Probably.
Image:Fragdolls2.jpg|The French Frigdolls. +1 for each cute one. -1 for the horse-face and -2 for the - what, Samoan? - but a half-[[AZN]] is +2 so overall is positive.
Image:Ubisoft_bondage_1.jpg|The UK Fragdolls. Dunno their names. The redhead is called Jam, though, that's the only one you have to remember.
Image:Ubisoft_bondage_2.jpg|Seductive.
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="4">
Image:Ubisoft_bondage_3.jpg|MOM!?
Image:Ubisoft_bondage_4.jpg|TITS OR [[GTFO]]
Image:Ubisoft_bondage_5.jpg|That's more like it.
Image:Ubisoft_bondage_6.jpg|NEKKID!
Image:Ubisoft_bondage_7.jpg|Getting bored now. Vagoo or [[GTFO]]
Image:Ubisoft_bondage_8.jpg|''Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Beef Curtains''
Image:Ubisoft_bondage_9.jpg|[[DO NOT WANT]]
Image:fgp1ky7.jpg|[[Weegee|You-a-gonna die!]]
Image:fgp2tl7.jpg|Duct tape, [[bff]] of /b/tards everywhere
Image:fgp3bm4.jpg|[[chav|WAYNE!]] COME AN' 'AVE YER DINNER! IT'S YER FAVORITE! CHICKEN NUGGETS!
</gallery>}}

== Pulling Is Rabbit (Or: Award-Winning Nintendo DS Furry Loli Female Masturbation Simulator)==

[[Image:Lapisbunnycreator.jpg|thumb|right|HAWT]]

Heather Kelley is another lulzy female employee of Ubisoft, [[Canada|Montreal]] division. She has never stripped for the camera, and for that we can all sleep easier. However, in 2005 she won the [[Shit nobody cares about|2005 Game Summit Game Design Challenge]] contest for writing a Nintendo DS game designed to teach [[loli|little girls]] how to [[masturbate|frig themselves]].

No.

[[srsly|Seriously]].

{{quote|Ideas I rejected. "Feeling Around In The Dark: An Audio-Only Orgy simulation." Interesting idea, but not really a game per se. Gimmicky."|Heather Kelley}}

=== Gameplay ===

[[Image:Heatheranddorks.jpg|thumb|right|She's 15 years older than me, but maybe if I pretend to have read ''The Wrongs Of Womyn'' she'll suck my cock!]]

{{quote|I wanted to design a game that would improve actual sex in the world, and for an undeserved population. The DS is already a popular platform with females. Nintendogs, Tamagotchi and other upcoming female-friendly titles (Animal Crossing) should ensure that there is a good (large) consumer base. The touch screen and audio input features are crucial for tactile, intimate gameplay. The portability means you can take the game anywhere ? including OUT of the living room, into the bedroom. Reasonable price point means players probably have their own DS and aren’t sharing with another family member. In other words, I want my game to teach techniques of female sexual gratification to a target audience of females.

SO! What is this game? Lapis - A magical pet adventure (And… a stealthy primer on female sexual pleasure.) The way you play with the bunnies in order to win is patterned after the VARIETY of female sexual response. This is the overall pattern but it can’t be achieved in the same way every time - different things work for different bunnies, at different stages of the game. For instance you may need to use tickling at first, and then humming into the ears. But after a while that stops having an effect, and you have to start tapping on its nose.

Players manipulate the creature (bunny) on the touchscreen, which gives them magical energy to fly. You can touch the bunny in different ways ? stroking, scratching, tickling, etc Also can use the microphone to talk, sing to, blow on the fur…|Heather Explains It All}}

=== [[TLDR|TL;DR]] Version ===

*To get a woman turned on, sing to it and [[pwn|scratch]] it.
*If this fails to work, remove its underwear and try blowing up it.
*If it complains, cover your ears and hum.
*If any of this stops working, you should resort to [[domestic violence|tapping it on the nose.]]
*This is what happens when you hire women to be taken [[srsly]].

=== Gallery of "Perfect Lappiness" ===
{{cg|Gallery|Lappiness01|center|<gallery perrow="4">
Image:Lapisbunny1.jpg|Heather's rejected ideas. Ten out of ten for realizing nobody want to jill to a fish and monkey's asses, Sherlock.
Image:Lapisbunny2.jpg|Fails at spelling
Image:Lapisbunny3.jpg|"Target Audience" picture. O LAWD IS DAT SUM [[loli|LOLI]]
Image:Lapisbunny4.jpg|Technological precedents. Translation: Is a [[furry]].
</gallery>|<galler perrow="4">
Image:Lapisbunny5.jpg|If you can get off playing MYST, a DS game about furry masturbation is probably the last thing you need.
Image:Lapisbunny6.jpg|"Inspirations" - anything involving little girls with big, [[cock|phallic things]] jammed between their legs, a giant six-legged [[pussy]] and [[Harry Potter]].
Image:Lapisbunny7.jpg|The Cuntbunny.
Image:Lapisbunny8.jpg|OH GOD THAT'S SO HOT
Image:Femalemasturbation1.jpg|Memo to Ubisoft: This is what female masturbation is meant to look like.
Image:Femalemasturbation2.jpg|Not this.
</gallery>}}

=== Put Hsu On Head ===
[[Image:Danhsu1.jpg|left|thumb|SEXAH!]]
[[Image:Danhsu3.jpg|right|thumb|The [[Penny Arcade|PA]] cartoon that completely failed to start it all]]

Dan Hsu is a whiny media whore who happens to have a superb talent for making video game companies bawwwwww like butthurt little girls with his reviews. To date one company, one division and one gaming franchise (Ubisoft, Sony Sports and ''Mortal Kombat'', respectively) have completely banned him and EGM (which he was editing at the time) from covering their products as a result of getting unfavorable reviews. In Ubi's case, it was as a result of his [[raping|surprise buttsexing]] of Jade's Game (see above).

{{quote|For the time being, you'll get little, late, or no coverage of the following products: anything Mortal Kombat (they didn't like our reviews), anything from Sony's sports department (ditto), and now, anything from Ubisoft (it seems our coverage of Assassin's Creed was the last straw). So in case you're wondering why you're seeing so little of these games in our magazines and on our websites, now you know.|Dan "Shoe" Hsu}}

Dan's career in taking candy from babies has been going strong since 2005, when he baited [[Sony|Sony's]] Peter Moore regarding the [[Chad Warden|laughing stock ]] that would become the [[Playstation 3|PS Triple]]. ''[[Penny Arcade]]'' made a reasonably good effort regarding the interview (pictured right), and "The Glowing Balls Of Dan Hsu" would probably have been a pretty good [[meme]]. However, it was [[GTFO|disqualified]] from the [[internet]] due to its source (see also [[Krystal Can't Enjoy Her Sandwich]]).

=== The Hsu-Faux-Greer Theory Of Ubisoft ===
[[Image:Danhsu2.jpg|right|thumb|HOW DO I MILKED PUBLICITY?]]
The Hsu-Faux-Greer Theory Of Ubisoft is best illustrated by the following simile. Let's assume you're at a party, and a big, boorish lout of a scoundrel confronts you and your ladyfriend. Naturally you're too shitscared to invite him into the parking facilities for a round of fisticuffs by the Marquis of Queensbury's rules, so you need a [[bullshit|Plan B]] to avoid looking like a wimp.

Plan B is to leap onto your transgendered high horse and claim that one is obviously above such barbaric behavior and posit that a lady should not have to be witness to such loutish balderdash. Come, James, hail me a handsome cab to my Kensington rooms and don't spare the horses! Your female companion then swoons, says that you're the nicest and most intelligent guy she's ever met, and goes and has eight hours of jungle [[buttsex]] with [[Cooldude]].

Put simply, the entire corporate history and every one of their contributions to the gaming industry amount to a fevered attempt to fool every woman in the world into thinking that they are liberated, sympathetic quasi-feminists in order to draw attention away from what complete and utter walking [[vagina|vaginas]] they are. Should this theory prove to be true, it will mean that constitute the biggest and most expensive single attempt to get off the [[Ladder theory|friend ladder]] in history.

== External Links ==

===Jade===

*[http://chugworth.com/crap/jadecomic.jpg Original Comic Location]
*[http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2686438 Thread in response to Cease and Desist]
*[http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2686438&userid=0&pagenumber=2#post335932099 Response to C&D]
*[http://forums.gametrailers.com/showthread.php?t=36693 A survey in which 500 nerds confess they fap over her]
*[http://www.jade-raymond.com/ Jade's official unofficial website]

===Fragdolls===

*http://fragdolls.co.uk/ Jam's blog.
*http://forums.ubi.com/eve/forums/a/frm/f/7661041353 Fragdoll UK Forums. Be sure to drop by and give them an invaluable glimpse into the [[cunt|private life]] of their idol.
*Jam's Gamertag: Jam FDUK
*Jam's PSN ID: Jam_FDUK
*Jam's Wii friend code: 2305 4633 5573 1648
*http://youtube.com/user/FragDollsUK Fragdolls YouTube account. Comments welcome!

===Rampant Rabbit===

*http://www.moboid.com/lapis/LapisPres.htm Review Heather's [[LOL WUT|award-winning]] presentation
*http://www.moboid.com/lapis/LapisDemo.htm Click here to play ''Lapis The Bunny''!

{{gaming}}

[[category:Gaming]]