imported>JewsSuck: /* Meme */

2017-01-25T00:30:13Z

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[[File:Ian flemings gold typewriter.jpg|thumb|250px|Ian Fleming's typewriter used for writing James Bond novels.]]
A '''Typewriter''' is a large [[vibrator|machine]] used by [[oldfags]], your [[grandmother]], people sending [[kidnapping|ransom]] notes, and [[hipsters]] to type shit. Most authors and writers have used typewriters at some point. Typewriters were replaced by computers for most purposes a long time ago.

Typewriters are loud as fuck and double as a heavy object to kill people with. Typewriters were invented by a [[hillbilly]] in [[Alabama]] with apparent [[autism]], because the inventor designed it for making page numbers. Thankfully, someone told him to add characters and the typewriter was born.

Most typewriters can now be spotted in museums, old folks homes, or hipster apartments. Many end up in eBay auctions after [[Niggers|being stolen]] from one of the other sources.

==Early History==

The first usable typewriter was a giant ball with keys sticking out of it invented by someone in [[Denmark]]. Known as the writing ball, it looks like the creation of someone really high on weed. It was virtually unusable.

[[File:Writing_ball_keyboard.jpg|thumb|right|250px|An early typewriter and sex toy.]]
The real first typewriter was "... something like a cross between a piano and a kitchen table.." and was disowned by its inventor. The patent for the machine was eventually sold to Remington. The first typewriter was made in 1871, had no qwerty keyboard, could not print lowercase letters, and the user was unable to see what they were writing.

Being a massive [[troll]], [[Mark Twain]] promptly bought one. He used it to type AN ENTIRE BOOK IN ALLCAPS, called "Tom Sawyer". Twain later renounced and gave away the machine because it made him want to swear. It was later [[jew|re-gifted]] to him twice.

Immediately after its creation it was hailed as "easy enough for a woman". Because of this, and the fact that it could be used in a kitchen, had flowers painted all over it, and was sold by the same company that made Remington sewing machines it became a hit with women. Even with l33t typing skills, employers only had to pay women half as much as men, which made women popular as [[whore|secretaries]].
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==Notable Users==
[[File:Hunter S Thompson v Selectric.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Hunter S Thompson and Typewriter in a heated debate.]]
[[File:Graeme garden bbc the goodies 1973.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Isaac Asimov, yesterday]]
[[Ayn Rand]] was so fond of Remington Rand Typewriters that she named herself after the company. This, ironically, is [[copyright infringement]] and possibly [[defamation]] because of her shitty books.

[[Hunter S. Thompson]] used a red IBM Selectric II. Capable of 900 words per minute speeds, it was fast enough to be used with [[cocaine]] and still be readable. The machine was enough of a 40 lb beast to survive his alcohol binges. Thompson formed a codependent relationship with his typewriter, which he used to write ''Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas''.

Isaac Asimov was also fond of the Selectric, and used an IBM Selectric I because of its futuristic look and bizarre writing ball.

[[James Bond | Ian Fleming]] had a gold plated Royal Portable.

[[File:Hochiminh typewriter.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Ho Chi Minh killing Americans with a typewriter.]]
[[Vietnam War| Ho Chi Minh]] used a Hermes Baby Typewriter.

[[L. Ron Hubbard]] wrote Scientology with a Remington Electric, Underwood no. 3, Remington Noiseless no. 9, Royal KHM, IBM Electromatic, and a Remington Noiseless. Hubbard's Electromatic was a piece of shit that sounded like a cheap hooker's dying screams and caused radio interference, televisions problems, and [[schizophrenia | difficulties]] with his [[Scientology | brain.]]

Dianetics was written on a cheap Remington Noiseless that Scientologists still worship to this day.

The [[Unabomber]] ([[Powerword]]:Theodore [[Poland | Kaczynski]]) wrote his letters to the [[partyvan]] on a Montgomery Ward Signature portable.

H. P. Lovecraft created [[Cthulhu]] on a 1904 Remington Standard, similar to the one Mark Twain used, and the same model that Leo Tolstoy used.
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==Faggot Users==

[[File:Hipster typewriter user.jpg|thumb|right|250px|A hipster making useless noise.]]
Given the ability to save, reprint, and email documents on computers typewriters have fallen out of favour with most writers. Because of this, a bunch of [[hipsters]] and [[16 year old girls]] have recently taken to writing on typewriters. Because hipsters are all about style over substance, they compulsively use them in public for [[anal | maximum effect]]

[[File:Viewed on Typewriter.jpg|thumb|left|250px|The Selectric is not an ipad, despite what Vice news thinks.]]

[[File:Hipster fag typewriter.jpg|thumb|left|250px|A hipster sodomized typewriter.]]
The inability to share their work from typewriters does not bother Hipsters since their work is utter shit and no one wants to read it anyways. Not having a spellcheck is a bonus for those who create tumblrisms and new genders.

Hipsters like to imagine that using a typewriter allows for "[[FAIL|correspondence]]", "[[forever alone|connections]]", "non-Efficiency", and "sustainability". This is despite the fact that Smith Corona's plant in Missouri is still an industrial waste shithole because of typewriter production, and the fact that IBM dumped millions of gallons of typewriter waste into the Hudson River.

{{frame|<youtube>ZIXXH3uqnO4</youtube>|border=#EED272|background=#EED272}}<br />
''Obnoxious girl uses vintage typewriter in Starbucks.''

Most hipster typewriters fall into two categories: Pricey 1920s and 1930s typewriters, and shitty Thrift Store typewriters. The expensive trust fund typewriters are most often seen in Starbucks locations, coffee-shops, airports and libraries. These people tend to be college drop outs, "artists" living on somebody else's money, and philosophy majors with no future in life.
They also tend to wear headphones while loudly typing next to someone else's ears.

The shitty thrift store typewriter category consists of hipsters with shitty typewriters on the street like homeless people trying to panhandle in exchange for useless pieces of "art".

It is best to encounter these people in person, rather than on their blogs. This is because they are already in an awkward situation, and people around you will remember the asshole who interrupted their coffee with a typewriter more than they will you. Make sure to film them. If they freak out while you film them, you have just hit comedy gold.
[[File:Hipster attention.jpg|250px|center]]
==How to troll typewriter users==
[[File:Typewriter_Rule_34.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Rule 34]]
Typewriter users are best trolled IRL. It is hard chasing someone while caring a 10 pound piece of hipster gear. Besides, if they leave the machine behind it is vulnerable to theft.

Hipsters do not win Olympic medals and even a [[fedora | fedoralord]] could outrun someone carrying a 30 pound IBM Selectric. They will probably be seen as the bigger asshat by the cops. [[DO IT FAGGOT!]]

'''General'''
*Tell them that they made a typo, and proceed to argue with them. Since they do not have spellcheck, it is your opinion against theirs.
*Unplug their electrical cord, and plug in something else
*Tell them their writing sucks
*Sneeze all over their typewriter
*Jizz all over their typewriter. (At your own risk)
*Yell obscenities, especially racial slurs about black or Jewish people.
*Tell them you are an aspiring writer, and provide the [[Offended]] page link as your blog homepage.
*Record them, and put it on [[Youtube | JewTube]]
*Take their paper
*Tell them that an IBM, Remingtion, Olverati, HP, Dell, or Acer typewriter is better than what they own.
*Insist that Acer, Dell, HP or 4chan make typewriters. ''Protip: They don't''
*Tell them your cell phone is better than their typewriter in every way. Bonus points if your cell phone is a piece of shit.
*Tell them that manufacturing typewriters requires a copious amount of pollution in waterways, that using a typewriter wastes paper, and that the ribbons are less efficient than ink cartridges.

[[File:More extreme rule 34.jpg|thumb|250px| Real Description: Cherie is dragged into a stuffy typewriter shop and stripped in front of the unsuspecting patrons. They decide to stay for the show and watch ...]]'''Panhandling Typists'''
*Ask them to write stories about [[Moonman]] and [[Pepe]]. Bonus points if you upload the stories to their blog, webpage, twitter, or tumblr.
*Ask for a story, and then demand a refund.
*Ask them to write a sex story, and read the story out in front of them.
*Ask them to write a racist sex story.
{{clear}}
==Meme==
Several [[shitlords]] have become memes because of their conspicuous typewriter douchebaggery. The most prominent is C. D. Hermelin, who was found in a New York Area park in hipster short-shorts selling postcard sized stories for $10 a pop.

'''C. D. Hermelin'''
[[File:CD Hermelin.jpg|thumb|right|250px|C.D. Hermelin with shaved legs. Exploitable.]]
[[File:Pedobear exploitable.jpg|thumb|left|250px| Pedobear Exploitable.]]

{{quote|...only a few days afterwards, someone had [[SJW | appropriated]] the picture of me and wrote, “You’re not a real [[faggot | hipster]] until you’ve taken a typewriter to the park” ...[[Internet Hate Machine | Another torrent of meanness followed on that thread.]] C. D. Hermelin. [http://www.theawl.com/2013/09/i-was-a-hated-hipster-meme-and-then-it-got-worse]}}

Hermelin{{jew}}, ''best pronounced Hemorrhoid'', claims in the Hipsterfag publication ''The Awl'' that he moved to New York with no income.
He claims that he was unable to get a job, which is probably because of his douchey appearance. His solution? Wander around New York until finding a yard sale and buying a typewriter for $10, because wage jobs are only for normal people.

Problems with his story: He claims that he had no money, but was able to print a colour sign generated on a computer. His sign has a hashtag, meaning he has a phone or computer. This is also confirmed by the fact that he received "... flurry of emails, Facebook posts, text messages and missed calls." Despite having no income, he states that he had a residence

This confirms two facts: He has a large sum of money to move to New York, buy electronics, a cell subscription, and food; and that he is a shitty writer for his failed attempt to hide the first fact.

'''Freewrite'''

[[File:Radio shack smart typewriter.jpg|thumb|right|250px|This is an earlier smart typewriter. Looks less gay. Has spellcheck. These machine are full computers with similar capabilities to the Tandy 102. Can run 20 hours continuously on just 4 AA batteries. Predates the Freewrite by decades. Cost? $20-50 online. BIGGER SCREEN.]]
The freewrite offers the [[Final Solution|final solution]] to the ultimate first world problem: How to look gay as you drink coffee at Starbucks. Solution: Buy a $500 copy of those shitty word processing machines that existed in the mid to late '80s.

Ernest Hemingway's family apparently did not approve of the original name. It has been renamed to Freewrite.
{{frame|<youtube>jZTT7-XgSXg</youtube>|border=#EED272|background=#EED272}}

The Radio Shack alternative is also less vulnerable to [[hackers | haxxors]] and being stolen by [[niggers | negros]].

This is not an april fools joke. It is an actual product, marketed by actual hipsters. It claims to be the ''first smart typewriter(sic)''. It is a monstrosity right out of Jew York and birthed by kickstarter.

'''Typewriters at Starbucks'''
<center>[[File:Hipster_coffe_shop.jpg‎]]<br />
<big>Douchebags and doughnuts.</big></center>
This is the hooked nose kike making the loud clicking noises in the corner while people try to order coffee. He believes that the clicking noises provide aesthetics and ambiance, but you wouldn't understand.

==See Also==
*[[Hipsters]]
* Typewriter + [[TV]] {{jew}} = [[Legacy Computers|Legacy computer]]

== External Links ==
* [http://www.tampabay.com/news/humaninterest/writers-hipsters-finding-old-machines-are-just-their-type/2234781/ News Writers Talk about Panhandling and Hipster Writers.]
* {{Archive|gs2Em|Asshole in a starbucks.}}
* [http://www.rodalesorganiclife.com/home/10-non-hipster-reasons-use-typewriter-instead-laptop 10 Hipster reasons to use a Typewriter.]
* [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/the-filter/virals/11675023/Hipsters-really-are-using-typewriters-in-public-places.html Britfags are tired of Hipster shit.]
* [http://www.theawl.com/2013/09/i-was-a-hated-hipster-meme-and-then-it-got-worse Hermelin whining about the created about him and his shaved legs, arms and hipster t-shirt.]

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Typewriter - Revision history

imported>JewsSuck: /* Meme */