imported>TVBCrap: /* Gallery of Lara in Action */

2018-08-25T14:42:36Z

Gallery of Lara in Action

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 Image:Tatiana eats Lara.jpg| [[Tatiana]] [[vore|eats]] Lara
 File:Lara Croft By Lance.jpg
 </gallery></center>
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 Image:Croft-sel-the-Ottsel.jpg|Is it a TR wallabee?
 Image:Lara Croft by Leenden.jpg|This has everything. It is truly a masterwork.
 </gallery></center>
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 [http://naledchik.deviantart.com/art/Lara-Croft-and-magazine-78501426]
 </center>
 ==External Links==
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 *"[http://warlama.deviantart.com/gallery/ XNALara]", the perfect synthesis - [[loli|Lara]] meets [[DeviantArt]] meets [[Canadian]] [[basement dweller]] meets [[shit]]ty [[nerd|computer graphics]] meets [[Rule 34]].

imported>Cobaltcat: /* Gallery of Lara in Action */

2015-06-04T13:20:38Z

Gallery of Lara in Action

← Older revision	Revision as of 13:20, 4 June 2015
(No difference)

imported>Cobaltcat: /* Gallery of Lara in Action */

2015-06-04T13:20:38Z

Gallery of Lara in Action

← Older revision	Revision as of 13:20, 4 June 2015
(No difference)

imported>Cobaltcat: /* Gallery of Lara in Action */

2015-06-04T13:20:38Z

Gallery of Lara in Action

← Older revision	Revision as of 13:20, 4 June 2015
(No difference)

imported>Cobaltcat: /* Gallery of Lara in Action */

2015-06-04T13:20:38Z

Gallery of Lara in Action

New page

[[Image:TR1box.jpg|thumb|right|This is what started this ...]]
[[Image:Tomb Raider Underpants.jpg|thumb|right|250px|... and this is what <s>will probably end it</s> got everyone working on it the sack.]]
[[Image:Eidoswank7.jpg|thumb|right|Angelina Jol ... [[fap|fap fap fap]] ]]
[[File:Angelina Jolie6603.jpg|thumb]]
[[Image:Rhona mitra.jpg|thumb|right|Rhona Mitra portraying Lara Croft [[IRL]] at the [[Eidos]] trade show booth circa [[last Thursday]] ]]
[[Image:Arbchat.jpg|thumb|right|Former [[RL]] Lara models reunited in 2007 for a one-off photoshoot]]

In 1996, Toby Gard had a dream. After he had cleaned himself off with tissues, he invented Lara Croft, Tomb Raider and [[win|everything else himself with no help whatsoever from anybody else]]. Then he invented [[pirate|Galleon]] and the film Cradle of Life. Meanwhile thanks to the efforts of [[cosplayer]]s to get their [[queers|boyfriends]]/girlfriends/dogs off whilst dressed as Lara Croft a spin-off game was created on the back of the new [[sex]] craze. All of this would be of no interest to the readers of [[ED]] if it was not for the explosion of Tomb Raider [[Les_Six|forums]], [[Jeff_Gerstmann|chatrooms]], [[crap|fanfiction]] and [[eidos|merchandising]] that have swamped the internets, filling all of the tubes with milky white liquid.

==Lulziest quote ever==

{{quote|Complete realism wasn't possible, of course, and Gard intended Lara to have somewhat exaggerated dimensions from the start. While making test adjustments to her girlish figure, [[lie|a slip of his mouse]] turned an intended 50% increase to her [[breast]] size into a 150% [[win|gain]]. It met with instant approval from the team before he could correct it.}}
From [http://uk.retro.ign.com/articles/856/856183p1.html]. What utter crap. [[Eidos|Toby Gard]] gave Lara big [[tits]] because he [[incest|fancied his sister]].

{{quote|As far as [[Eidos]] was concerned, Lara [[fap|single-handedly]] took them from a $2.6 million deficit to a $14.5 million profit in just one year. They were damn well going to take advantage of the most unique opportunity in marketing history: a virtual [[sex]] symbol. [[butthurt|Disillusioned by the complete lack of creative control over his own character]], Gard left Core.}}
Creepy [[wanker]].

==Nude Hacks==

Tomb Raider is a common [[masturbation]] tool for [[13 year old boys]] who don't use the [[ass|ED]] porn challenge. As Lara Croft has tits, she is a clear subject for [[rule 34]]. However, there are very few good artists who bother with her, so what we are left with is [[deviantart|shitty 3-D renders]] from the same [[sick fuck]] who thinks having her shit out [[lion|raccoons]] from her snatch is [[hot]].

To fill this need, in [[at least 100 years ago|1997]] a site called Nude Raider developed nude patches for Tomb Raider 2. They had found a niche market for people who wanted to jerk off to horrible triangular pixelated breasts that were made worse by equally bad nude hacks. But [[Eidos]] demolished the shit out of the site, and currently own the [[wikipedia|url]].

Edios then did it themselves, giving Lara different outfits for [[virgin|players]] to jerk off to, including generic skin-tight [[cat|catsuits]] and bikinis, culminating in a [[vagina|crotchless]] scuba suit for the forthcoming game Tomb Raider Underpants.

==The Many Deaths of Lara==
One of the main [[crap|selling points]] of the game is that players will often [[die]] over and over again because, unless they jump from an exact pixel and land on an exact pixel, THEY WILL DIE.

* Falling off a high place and dying
* Falling into a spike pit
* Drowning
* Caught in an explosion
* Burned alive
* Getting eaten by a dinosaur.
* Cut to shreds by spinning blades
* Crushed to death
* Shot to death
* Savaged to death by a variety of angry animals, including bats, [[cat|rats]], endangered species, and dinosaurs.
* Caught in a car crash
* [[AIDS]]

However, as she is loaded from getting shitloads of cash from when her parents kicked the bucket, thus gaining the title 'Lady', she will eventually die in a car crash.

==Movies==

Two incredibly crapass, [[breasts|artistic]] movies were made based on the games: Lara Croft, Tomb Raider and Lara Croft, Tomb Raider: [[Electric Boogaloo|The Cradle of Life]]. The first one is distinguished by Angelina Jolie's massive [[tits]]. The second one has smaller tits and [[Gerard Butler]]. Neither movie had any distinguishable plot, beyond "grab old thing and shoot the fuck out of people." The movies are generally watched by [[sick fucks]] or [[Tart|nasty disgusting old whores who masturbate to either star]]. 

'''NEW!!!''' [http://www.tombraiderascension.com/ Tomb Raider: Ascension] - fan made film that's not quite as good as The Cradle of Life. Doesn't star Angelina Jolie. 

==Lara does the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silver_Ring_Thing Silver Ring Thing]==
[[Image:lara_gay_beach.jpg|thumb|Lara Croft about to be [[raped]] of her virginity by some [[lesbians]] ]]
There is a bizarre section of the [[virgin|Tomb Raider community]] that insist that Lara Croft is a virgin (as well as being teetotal, a non-smoker and a non-user of [[cunt|cusswords]]). Safe to say that these people are either;
* American [[16_year_old_girls|My Little Pony fans]] who have never met a real [[British]] woman
* [[13_year_old_boys|Disney fans]] who are scared by [[Porn|Nude Raider]] 
* [[Christian|Religious fanatics]] with an agenda.
Balancing these [http://www.tombraiderchronicles.com delusionals] out are the equally delusional people who suspect Lara Croft is bisexual or lesbian[http://uk.tickle.com/test/lesbianicon/result/sexy.html], possibly because they think it is [[encyclopedia_dramatica|naughty]] to do so, or because they identify Lara too much with Angelina Jolie. We'd post links, but most of them would have been to conversations at [[Fag|Justin J. Farr]]'s Tomb Raider Forums[http://tombraiderforums.com] that have been deleted by the [[Les Six|Eidos marketing department]]. 

==Working on Lara is good for your career==
[[File:Tobes.jpg|thumb|300px|A short history of [[win]].]]
{{quote|[[eidos|It]] employs much of its staff as though they are permanent, when in fact, they know that they will lay most of them off when production ramps down retaining only a slim group for the next preproduction phase.

Without exception, (as far as I’m aware) those who are let go lose any rights to future royalties or bonuses after having spent the last X months in crunch.

It’s a bit nasty isn’t it? In fact I think you could call it almost dishonest. }}

Toby Gard not whining again [http://www.tobygard.com/].

==Tomb Raider [[Loli]] (2012)==
[[File:TombRaiderLoli.jpg|thumb|center|300px|A [[pron|CGI scene]] from the [[sick|wonderful]] [[creepypasta|new]] Tomb Raider Loli reporn. [[Azn|Laura-san]] is hung up in a cave and has to escape by setting [[fire]] to her own [[vag]].]]
Dateline 062211; In order to make more [[money|monies]], [[Eidos|Square Penis]] have decided to go for the [[Japan]]ese used panties demographic to try and claw back credibility after the failure of [[panties|Tomb Raider]] Underpants to raise a semi. Their latest [[fail|wizard wheeze]] is to introduce an [[13_year_old_boys|underage]] (13) [[Asian|Eurasian]] girl named Laura-san into a Silent Hill/torture porn scenario involving pain, dirt, bondage and gasps that can be interpreted as orgasmic or agonised depending on what floats [[you|your]] [[Pedobear|boat]].

Exclusively for [[ED]] (and not ripped off from the [[porn|movie]] When Lara [[incest|Met]] [[daddy|Conrad]]) [[Wikileaks|Wikileak]] present part of the leaked script;

{{quote|Oh...Oh god...Ooo Oh God...Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh God... Oh yeah right there. Oh! Oh...Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes...Oh...Oh... Yes Yes Yes....Oh...Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes...Oh...Oh... Oh... Oh God Oh... Oh... Huh... I got there!}}

Needless to say the [[LOL|totally impartial]] [[teen]] computer [[fanfiction|journalists]] at [[Walmart|E3]] could hardly type left handed as they [[jizz]]ed their enthusiasm [http://www.xg247.co.uk/news/06/e3-2011-tomb-raider-gets-all-dirty-and-somewhat-more-sexy/].

[[File:Teenage Lara.GIF|thumb|200px|An earlier incarnation of [[trap|sweet]] little Laura-san, when her "Daddy" was called [[Nazi|Werner]] instead of [[Brit|Conrad]].]]

This enthusiasm wasn't just echoed by the "[[whore|beautiful people]]" paid/bribed to sell the game - TR:Loli also won over long term fans as can be seen from this reaction on Twitter;

{{quote|• http://t.co/V4CSetR - I can't entirely articulate why this disturbs me, but there's a nasty tone of salivating over the little [[girl]] in it. 
• So basically your 'brilliant reboot' of Lara Croft is to make her a safer [[male]]-gaze [[fetish]] object by repeatedly torturing and damaging her. And stripping her of all her [[win|ferocious qualities]] so that she's 'vulnerable' and 'innocent'. NICE GOING, DOUCHES 
• Guess [[women]] protagonists still have to be PUNISHED in the game industry? If you, a major developer in 2011, still think women have to be [[anal|psychically]] [[rape]]d in order to be strong, you are an [[man|ASSHOLE]] and [[FAIL]].}}

More [[shit|news]] about how [[you]] can help Tomb Raider to be more [[gay|profitable]] will be posted here as it happens!!!

==Angel of Darkness versus Uncharted: the [[fail|Great]] Debate==
 
<center>
{| class="wikitable"
!Game!!Tomb Raider Angel of Darkness!!Uncharted: Drake's Fortune
|-
|Character||Kurtis Trent||Nathan Drake
|-
|Special Power||[[Gay]]||Falls over and/or breaks things
|-
|Weapons||Boomerang, chapstick||Beret, raincoat
|-
|Sidekick||Scrappy Doo||Elena Fisher
|-
|Vehicle||Dream Machine||Runaway shopping cart
|-
|Catchphrase||"It was the sanitarium director all along"||"Ooh Betty"
|-
|Main flaw||Fucking hippy||Linear gameplay
|-
|Units sold||3||8,000,000,000,000
|-
|Success?||No||Yes
|-
|}
</center>
 
[[Image:Uncharted-characters.jpg|thumb|center|400px|Screen capture from [[Tomb Raider]] AoD of Kurtis Trent, Lara Croft and some bloke. On a tram. In [[Mexico]]. Or [[Shit nobody cares about|something]].]]

==Crystal Dynamics's "Tomb Raider" Gallery==
<center><gallery perrow=5>
Image:TRLegover.jpg|Crystal Dynamics reached a whole new [[gay]] audience with [[lesbian|TR Legover]]
Image:Relicraider.jpg|Crystal Dynamics promote TR Underpants
Image:TRUnderpants.jpg|PANTSU!
Image:Larapants.jpg|Crystal Dynamic's redesign of Lara's scuba outfit for TR Underpants
Image:Amd laracroft.jpg|Lara model Alison Carroll demonstrates Lara's lack of underpants
</gallery></center>
 

==Gallery of Lara [[Rule 34|in Action]]==
<center><gallery perrow=5>
Image:Nuderaider1.jpg |This pissed Edios off
Image:Nuderaider2.jpg |The sequel
Image:BeyondBentexample.jpg |BeyondBent has issues.
Image:Deaconexample.jpg |Typical Egyptian level by Deacon Black
Image:Zimmexample.jpg |Zimmerman also has issues
Image:RLLara.jpg
Image:LaraCroftFuck.jpg|Lara Croft, having her tomb raided
Image:Booby Trap by RPlatt by Neocene.jpg
Image:Lara Croft by Jason244555.jpg
Image:Boobraider version 2 by deberzer.jpg
Image:Shemale lara croft.jpg
Image:Lara Croft Topless Surprise by frelncer.jpg|"Lara Croft Topless Surprise" by DevianTart frelncer. Not sure what the surprise element is.
Image:Lara Croft by SpratFA.jpg|Lara inflation
Image:Lara Croft in quicksand by kforrest1.jpg|Lara dies topless in quicksand [[fap|fap fap fap]]
Image:Tatiana eats Lara.jpg| [[Tatiana]] [[vore|eats]] Lara
File:Lara Croft By Lance.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Deviant Raider - Lara as [[otherkin]]==

[[lie|Not everybody]] at ED hates [[furries]]. However there is something ironic about portraying Lara Croft as a [[furry]], given that of all [[people|the imaginary characters]] not [[IRL|in the real world]], she is the one most likely to [[pwn|mow]] [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otherkin Otherkin] down in a [[gun|hail of lead]]. To paraphrase Tomb Raider's most [[win|famous]] [[retard|fanfiction writer]] ''"Yiff in Hell, Furfags," shrieked Lara. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!''
 
<center><gallery perrow=5>
Image:Tomb Raider Full Moon TF BE by hotrod5.jpg
Image:Ms Croft by Dusketh.jpg
Image:Grace Keefer Tomb Raider by RandomArtGirl.jpg
Image:The Adventures Of Lara Croft by NightOttsel.jpg
File:Tomb raider weasel by docweasel.jpg
Image:lara-weasel_by-docweasel_1073.png
Image:Croft-sel-the-Ottsel.jpg|Is it a TR wallabee?
Image:Lara Croft by Leenden.jpg|This has everything. It is truly a masterwork.
</gallery></center>

==Lara's "[[retard|Special]]" Youtube Showcase==
<center>
 <youtube>b3-bL1xUvzU</youtube> 
 <youtube>te86L_r6UyA</youtube> 
 
This next one is almost [[win|good]], in a weird "[[lose|Dave, I'm losing my mind, I can feel it]]" kinda way;
 
 <youtube>x5rx5YUt-9M</youtube> 
 
Tomb Raider fans are obviously not [[fail|talented or witty]], and are [[Not gay|not at all gay]]. </center>
[[Category:Gaming]]

==Lara's "[[retard|Special]]" DeviantART Showcase==
<center>
{{frame|[[Image:Lara gibberish.jpg]]|border=black|background=white}}

[[No|Maybe]] something got lost in translation?
[http://naledchik.deviantart.com/art/Lara-Croft-and-magazine-78501426]
</center>

==External Links==
*[http://www.myspace.com/laracrofttombraider Lara's Offical MySpace] [[LOL_WUT|LOL WUT?]]
*[http://www.superheroinecentral.com/~wizard/Stories/Dangerguy/LaraEgypt.htm Typical Lara Fanfiction]
*"[http://warlama.deviantart.com/gallery/ XNALara]", the perfect synthesis - [[loli|Lara]] meets [[DeviantArt]] meets [[Canadian]] [[basement dweller]] meets [[shit]]ty [[nerd|computer graphics]] meets [[Rule 34]].

== See also ==
* [[Les Six]] - important people in the Laraverse
 

[[Image:Twobigguns.jpg|center]]
 

{{gaming}}
[[Category:Gaming]]

Tomb Raider - Revision history

imported>TVBCrap: /* Gallery of Lara in Action */

imported>Cobaltcat: /* Gallery of Lara in Action */

imported>Cobaltcat: /* Gallery of Lara in Action */

imported>Cobaltcat: /* Gallery of Lara in Action */

imported>Cobaltcat: /* Gallery of Lara in Action */