The Colbert Report - Revision history

Psychotic Dictatorship at 04:46, 27 December 2024

2024-12-27T04:46:33Z

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	Because of his former status as the Master of Trolling, Colbert was often to have been said to have "balls of _______," where the blank is usually filled with an enormously hard or powerful substance, like steel or brass (or adamantium, diamonds, Zeus's lighting, etc). However, a recent investigation has revealed that his balls are actually composed of a metal commonly found at the core of white dwarf stars, a metal so incredibly dense it gives Colbert the ability to crush any given noun using the gravitational forces of his balls alone.		Because of his former status as the Master of Trolling, Colbert was often to have been said to have "balls of _______," where the blank is usually filled with an enormously hard or powerful substance, like steel or brass (or adamantium, diamonds, Zeus's lighting, etc). However, a recent investigation has revealed that his balls are actually composed of a metal commonly found at the core of white dwarf stars, a metal so incredibly dense it gives Colbert the ability to crush any given noun using the gravitational forces of his balls alone.

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imported>MarioMario456: Reverted edits by Jmariofan7 (talk) to last revision by imported>Knep

2021-12-15T01:50:52Z

Reverted edits by Jmariofan7 (talk) to last revision by [[User:imported>Knep|imported>Knep]]

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	<center>And then he went to CBS and took over Letterman's show while abandoning everything that made him remotely entertaining and watchable.</center>		<center>And then he went to CBS and took over Letterman's show while abandoning everything that made him remotely entertaining and watchable.</center>
	<center><youtube>RCVBEE1SfXI</youtube><br>'''''"Always remember to be told what to think first before applauding."'' - [[1984\|Big Brother Colbert]]'''<br><br>And within a few months he started to [http://www.mediaite.com/uncategorized/colbert-slips-to-4th-place-in-late-night-race-beaten-by-seth-meyers-who-airs-one-hour-later/ flop], because [[Republicans]] and just about everyone else hates him now since he started becoming unfunny and going full SJW while talking about expired shit like [[shit nobody cares about\|Gamergate]], ebul trolls and trending internet subjects like ''[[No Man's Sky]]'' and Disney's ''Star Wars'', all the while no longer using the same humorous and parody-driven self-characterization that made him the popular and well-loved incarnation of softcore /b/ that we once knew and loved. He also keeps a gay nigger as a studio pet for whatever disturbed reason and even had an unfunny one take his place on his old show for diversity points which only helped to completely destroy his legacy. He briefly regained some of his liberal teenaged viewership when he started making some occasionally entertaining comments about [[The Donald\|Donald Trump]] which eventually degraded into unfunny whining, and when the orange troll won the presidency, Colbert degenerated further, having lost all traces of humor and spirit, becoming a [[USI\|massive hypocrite]] who lectured people for taking the election too far despite that he too only helped to fan the flames of the insanity that was the 2016 presidential election, and would've likely taken it to further extremes had things gone his way.</center>		<center><youtube>RCVBEE1SfXI</youtube><br>'''''"Always remember to be told what to think first before applauding."'' - [[1984\|Big Brother Colbert]]'''<br><br>And within a few months he started to [http://www.mediaite.com/uncategorized/colbert-slips-to-4th-place-in-late-night-race-beaten-by-seth-meyers-who-airs-one-hour-later/ flop], because [[Republicans]] and just about everyone else hates him now since he started becoming unfunny and going full SJW while talking about expired shit like [[shit nobody cares about\|Gamergate]], ebul trolls and trending internet subjects like ''[[No Man's Sky]]'' and Disney's ''Star Wars'', all the while no longer using the same humorous and parody-driven self-characterization that made him the popular and well-loved incarnation of softcore /b/ that we once knew and loved. He also keeps a gay nigger as a studio pet for whatever disturbed reason and even had an unfunny one take his place on his old show for diversity points which only helped to completely destroy his legacy. He briefly regained some of his liberal teenaged viewership when he started making some occasionally entertaining comments about [[The Donald\|Donald Trump]] which eventually degraded into unfunny whining, and when the orange troll won the presidency, Colbert degenerated further, having lost all traces of humor and spirit, becoming a [[USI\|massive hypocrite]] who lectured people for taking the election too far despite that he too only helped to fan the flames of the insanity that was the 2016 presidential election, and would've likely taken it to further extremes had things gone his way. Like many of his fellow [[Current Year]] celebrities, he has gone to further extremes by outright telling his audience what to think instead of encouraging them to make their own political decisions and views ([[Bill Nye\|sounds rather familiar doesn't it?]]).</center>

	==Gallery==		==Gallery==

imported>Jmariofan7: “Forming your own opinions” Is NOT inherently a good thing, that’s just hyper-individualism bullshit and a fallacy, and the Covid crisis is proof of that.

2021-12-15T01:44:34Z

“Forming your own opinions” Is NOT inherently a good thing, that’s just hyper-individualism bullshit and a fallacy, and the Covid crisis is proof of that.

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:44, 15 December 2021
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	<center>And then he went to CBS and took over Letterman's show while abandoning everything that made him remotely entertaining and watchable.</center>		<center>And then he went to CBS and took over Letterman's show while abandoning everything that made him remotely entertaining and watchable.</center>
	<center><youtube>RCVBEE1SfXI</youtube><br>'''''"Always remember to be told what to think first before applauding."'' - [[1984\|Big Brother Colbert]]'''<br><br>And within a few months he started to [http://www.mediaite.com/uncategorized/colbert-slips-to-4th-place-in-late-night-race-beaten-by-seth-meyers-who-airs-one-hour-later/ flop], because [[Republicans]] and just about everyone else hates him now since he started becoming unfunny and going full SJW while talking about expired shit like [[shit nobody cares about\|Gamergate]], ebul trolls and trending internet subjects like ''[[No Man's Sky]]'' and Disney's ''Star Wars'', all the while no longer using the same humorous and parody-driven self-characterization that made him the popular and well-loved incarnation of softcore /b/ that we once knew and loved. He also keeps a gay nigger as a studio pet for whatever disturbed reason and even had an unfunny one take his place on his old show for diversity points which only helped to completely destroy his legacy. He briefly regained some of his liberal teenaged viewership when he started making some occasionally entertaining comments about [[The Donald\|Donald Trump]] which eventually degraded into unfunny whining, and when the orange troll won the presidency, Colbert degenerated further, having lost all traces of humor and spirit, becoming a [[USI\|massive hypocrite]] who lectured people for taking the election too far despite that he too only helped to fan the flames of the insanity that was the 2016 presidential election, and would've likely taken it to further extremes had things gone his way. Like many of his fellow [[Current Year]] celebrities, he has gone to further extremes by outright telling his audience what to think instead of encouraging them to make their own political decisions and views ([[Bill Nye\|sounds rather familiar doesn't it?]]).</center>		<center><youtube>RCVBEE1SfXI</youtube><br>'''''"Always remember to be told what to think first before applauding."'' - [[1984\|Big Brother Colbert]]'''<br><br>And within a few months he started to [http://www.mediaite.com/uncategorized/colbert-slips-to-4th-place-in-late-night-race-beaten-by-seth-meyers-who-airs-one-hour-later/ flop], because [[Republicans]] and just about everyone else hates him now since he started becoming unfunny and going full SJW while talking about expired shit like [[shit nobody cares about\|Gamergate]], ebul trolls and trending internet subjects like ''[[No Man's Sky]]'' and Disney's ''Star Wars'', all the while no longer using the same humorous and parody-driven self-characterization that made him the popular and well-loved incarnation of softcore /b/ that we once knew and loved. He also keeps a gay nigger as a studio pet for whatever disturbed reason and even had an unfunny one take his place on his old show for diversity points which only helped to completely destroy his legacy. He briefly regained some of his liberal teenaged viewership when he started making some occasionally entertaining comments about [[The Donald\|Donald Trump]] which eventually degraded into unfunny whining, and when the orange troll won the presidency, Colbert degenerated further, having lost all traces of humor and spirit, becoming a [[USI\|massive hypocrite]] who lectured people for taking the election too far despite that he too only helped to fan the flames of the insanity that was the 2016 presidential election, and would've likely taken it to further extremes had things gone his way.</center>

	==Gallery==		==Gallery==

imported>Knep at 22:50, 7 January 2019

2019-01-07T22:50:55Z

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[[File:Stephen-colbert-stephen-colbert-comedy-demotivational-poster-1219352272.jpg|thumb|250px|DEATH TO UNCYCLOPEDIA FOR THEIR BLASPHEMY]]
[[Image:colbertjedi.jpg|thumb|left|Can Jon Stewart do this?]]
[[Image:truthiness.jpg|thumb|left|[[fact|Truthiness]]]]
[[File:Colbert race.jpg|thumb|left|The evolution of man]]
[[Image:Marvel_colbert_comic.jpg|thumb|'''The Incredible LOLk''', Colbert's alter-ego.]]
[[Image:colberttank.jpg|thumb|[[Epic Win|What other shows lack]]]]
[[Image:colbertcp.jpg|thumb|Stephen Colbert discusses one of his [[CP|favorite topics]].]]
[[Image:Colbert cp2.jpg|thumb|Strictly reserved for [[4chan Gold Account|platinum members]].]]
[[Image:Blackfriend.jpg|thumb|Stephen Colbert: definitely [[not racist]]]]
[[Image:ColbertKissCam01.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Colbert, seen here exercising his constitutional rights.]]
[[Image:Colbertrave.gif|thumb|right|[[PARTY HARD]].]]

'''''The Colbert Report''''' <strike>is</strike> was a half-hour documentary series on the successes of IRL trolling, as presented by the Master himself, The Rev. Sir Dr. Stephen T. Mos Def Colbert, D.F.A., Heavyweight Champion of the World'''**'''. Unlike its predecessor, [[fail|The Daily Show]], the Colbert Report is made of pure, unadulterated, [[epic win|EPIC MOTHERFUCKING WIN]].

Colbert is [[B|/b/]] in [[NORP]]s' clothing. His on-camera persona is a cross between a [[Bill O'Reilly|pompous, neocon blowhard]] and an [[Glenn Beck|ignorant, racist libertarian]]. He is actually a [[liberal]] [[Catholic]] [[IRL|in real life]], so this is clearly a [[Shitty art|PoMo]] television persona heavily steeped in [[irony]]. Colbert is such a great troll that he may actually be the incarnation of [[Trolldin]] on Earth.

==[[Win|The Report]] vs. [[Fail|Other Shows]]==

It differs from ''[[The Daily Show]]'' in that it doesn't so much [[unfunny|lampoon]] [[lulz|news and current events]], presenting its jokes as actual, relevant [[SFB|serious fucking business]] for [[old|mature]], [[Lemonparty|sophisticated]] [[Liberals]], as does Jew; rather, ''The Colbert Report'' takes the [[lulz|news]], [[molest]]s it, [[B|disfigures]] it, [[You_don%27t_have_any_friends|mocks]] it and [[Rape|fucks the shit out of it]] before sending it to [[B|/b/]] for [[bukkake|additional flavor]].

A more [[eurofag|cultured viewer]] may notice that The Colbert Report is like a less troll-worthy version of [[Chris Morris]]' "The Day Today" or "Brass Eye".

[[tl;dr]] he does it for the [[lulz]]. However, dimwitted [[Conservatives]] [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/27/colbert-study-conservativ_n_191899.html think otherwise.]

==[[DO NOT WANT|Pet Peeves]]==

[[Image:OnNotice.jpeg|thumb|300px|Colbert puts some [[Shit]] '''ON NOTICE!''']]

Colbert regularly campaigns against [[liberals]], who he regards as [[why do you hate America?|the cancer that is killing America]]. Other things that Colbert currently has [http://www.shipbrook.net/onnotice/ ON NOTICE!] include:

*[[Hilary Clinton|Distractions]]
*[[MILF|Jane Fonda (Fantasies)]]
*<strike>[[LHC|Black Hole at Center of Galaxy]]</strike> This would be your lucky day, if time existed inside you.
*[[bears|Grizzly Bears]]
*[[tree hugger|Journal of Paleolimnology]]
*<strike>[[Jews|Israeli Newspapers]]</strike> PARDONED

[[Shit nobody cares about|And amongst things currently dead to him are]]:

*[[Jon Stewart|New York Intellectuals]]
*[[WBM|Men with Beards]]
*[[O Rly|Owls]]
*[[engrish|CNN en Espanol]]
*[[fags|Cast of ''Friends'']]
*[[old people|The Elderly]]

==[[Win|What he likes]]==

But Colbert is no one-dimensional [[troll]] who hates everything; things he likes include
* [[TOW]], which he regards as being responsible for [[nice try|Wikiality]], and which he uses as his [[personal army]]
* [[Jesus|White Jesus]]
* [[Rush Limbaugh|Oxycodone]]
* The fine [[fucktards|people]] and [[Shit|products]] of Prescott Pharmaceuticals, including WikiNex, guaranteed to fix the [[Irony|anything they fucked up in the first place]] (side effects include [[Futurama|Wandering Bladder]], [[Shit|article editing]], and [[butthurt]]).
* [[An hero|The heroes.]]
* Doritos
* Rule 34 of [[Dilton Doiley|Archie]] comics and [[Garfield]]
* Ron Paul 2012 !!!11

==Colbert Trolling==

===Trolling [[Billo The Clown]]===

Colbert has a [[trolling IRL|love/hate relationship]] with his [[butt buddy|mentor]] [[Papa Bear]] O'Reilly. In early [[2007]], Colbert once again whipped out his ground-dragging brass [[balls]] to take [[Billo The Clown]] to [[pwn|the mat]] on his own show after blowing him. After that, Colbert made O'Reilly lose [[The Game|The Game]] during the interview. He also [[lulz|stole Billo's microwave from the Fox hospitality room and still hasn't given it back]].

<youtube>s76LLK6ATkQ</youtube>

For his part, Papa Bear returned the favor and appeared on Colbert's show where he was promptly [[pwnt]] again. <strike>Google for the link cos [[Viacom]] are Nazis when it comes to Comedy Central clips on [[YouTube]].</strike> LOOP HOLE
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/81003/january-18-2007/bill-o-reilly

===Trolling Politicians===

He also frequently trolls [[attention whore|publicity-hungry]] politicians and the [[USA|Congressional Districts]] they represent when [[idiot|they agree to appear]] on the show's "Better Know A District" segment. However, in early 2007, after unprecedented amounts of [[butthurt]] and [[fail]] were experienced by the Democratic party, the head of their [[anti-lulz|national caucus]] issued a warning for [[pussies|Dems]] to steer clear of Colbert and his show.

Almost immediately, [[Tennessee]] representative Steve Cohen ignored the advice and went on the show to be ræped by Colbert by asking him whether he's "the first Jew from Tennessee" and whether his claim that he has "the voting record of a black woman" means that he is, in fact, a [[sheneequa|black woman]].

One of his most [[epic win]]s in this department came when he persuaded [[New York]] Congressman Dan Maffei [[democrat|(D)]] to endorse [[Hookers and blow|cocaine and hookers]] [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/224011/april-07-2009/better-know-a-district---new-york-s-25th---dan-maffei on camera] since he was running unopposed for re-election.
{{tinyquote|I enjoy [[cocaine]] because it's a fun thing to do.|Maffei}}
{{tinyquote|I enjoy the company of [[prostitute]]s because it's a fun thing to do.|Maffei}}
{{tinyquote|Wow. You realize there is no amount of damage control you can do at this point.|Colbert}}
{{tinyquote|That’s right.|Maffei}}
{{tinyquote|We’d better finish this interview quick, ‘cuz I’m not sure how long you’re going to be in Congress.|Colbert}}

===Giant [[Duke Nukem|Balls Of Steel]]===

But his finest moment in the [[IRL trolling]] department came at the 2006 Associated Press White House Correspondents Dinner, where he stood on the same podium as [[George Bush]], with about three people separating them, and [[IDIFTL|raped Bush]]. Here is the [[ruin]] in two parts.

<center>{{fv|colrep|background-color: #000000;|font-weight: bold; <youtube>qa-4E8ZDj9s</youtube>|<youtube>MOYZF3It848</youtube>|<youtube>iAvFM4TYQKU</youtube>}}</center>

Because of his status as the Master of Trolling, Colbert has often been said to have "balls of _______," where the blank is usually filled with an enormously hard or powerful substance, like steel or brass (or adamantium, diamonds, Zeus's lighting, etc). However, a recent investigation has revealed that his balls are actually composed of a metal commonly found at the core of white dwarf stars, a metal so incredibly dense it gives Colbert the ability to crush any given noun using the gravitational forces of his balls alone.

==[[Personal Army]]==
[[File:colbert kittens.gif|thumb|left|300px|Colbert likes to keep all teh pussy to himself]]
Colbert has a vast [[B|personal army]] of [[fanboi|fanbois and girls]] called [http://www.colbertnation.com/ '''The Colbert Nation''']. This loyal following is willing to do Stephen's [[buttsex|bidding]] [[sheeple|without question]], resulting in hot throbbing injections of righteousness.

For example, in January 2007 Colbert was [[YHBT|disrespected]] by a Canadian Jr. League Hockey team, the Oshawa Generals, when their fans threw teddy bears on the ice after beating his adopted team, the Saginaw Spirit, on home turf - General Motors Center. [[Waaaambulance|Feeling he was insulted]] by this arrogant disregard of the very real bear threat, he urged [http://www.colbertnation.com/ the Colbert Nation] to download GM's 150 page annual report to throw on the ice during the rematch at Saginaw, which they did, [http://www.thestar.com/sports/hockey/2007/01/27/colbert_day_for_oshawa.html creating icefuckistan] and the Saginaw Spirit to pwn the Oshawa Generals.

This victory for Saginaw meant the City of Oshawa declared March 30 (the holy day of the birth of our lord Colbert) as "Stephen Colbert Day" thanks to a bet Colbert made with the mayor of Oshawa beforehand. Though thanks to his many lulz, every day is Colbert Day in our hearts.

===The [[John McCain]] Greenscreen Challenge===

2008 Republican [[fail|presidential candidate]] [[John McCain]] was so [[boring|fucking dull]] to the [[American]] public at large, that Stephen Colbert issued the [[fanboi|Colbert Nation]] a challenge. That challenge?...to make McCain more interesting via his [http://www.colbertnation.com/?p=1593 '''Greenscreen Challenge'''].

<center>{{fv|starvids|background-color: black;|font-weight: bold;|<youtube>6J9e-X2Buu0</youtube>|<youtube>rpXKDAPX2Jc</youtube>|<youtube>8G9jA-FGGd8</youtube>}}</center>

==Colbert and [[TOW]]==
[[Image:Colbert winning.gif|thumb|left|Colbert trolls Wikipedia]]
[[Image:Threatdown.jpg|thumb|right|Stephen Colbert...[[b|/b/]] incarnate?]]

[[Image:Colbert360kid.jpg|thumb|right|Yes, yes he is.]]

Colbert had always been held in high regard by many [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] and [[4chan]] [[newfags|users]] for having many [[unfunny|lulzy]] jokes on his show. However, on his August 1, 2009, show Mr. Colbert went above and beyond the call of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] duty when he urged viewers to vandalize [[TOW]].

His beef was '''[[nice try|Wikiality]]''' which he describes as TOW's version of [[bullshit|(user driven) "truth"]] as opposed to [[Veropedia|what is actually true]]. He explained that on Wikipedia "any user can change any entry, and if enough users agree with them, it becomes true." Thus, he argued, it would be easy to solve many of the world's problems if TOW reflected the "truth" to say there were no problems.

To prove his point, he urged the Colbert Nation to change the "endangered" status of African elephants to being off the endangered list by going onto Wikipedia and edit the article on elephants so that it would say: '''Elephant population in Africa has tripled over the past six months.'''

The [[Wikipedo|Wikipedos]] [[shit]] their pants as [[at least 100|at least 1,000,000]] people added the lulz to all the articles on elephants and crashed all of their servers. They ended up banning [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Stephencolbert him] out of spite.

Even more awesome is the fact that what he posted on Wikipedia [[LOL_WUT|actually came true]]. ([http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/76929/october-18-2006/elephant-vasectomies Colbert Report on need for vasectomies for elephant balls, equal in size only by his own pair]) Thus proving the [[bullshit|objectivity]] of TOW and his own clairvoyance.

===Wikilobbying===
Colbert also has beef with what he calls "'''Wikilobbying'''" which he described as "'''when money determines Wikipedia entries, reality has become a commodity'''", alluding to a case where [[Microsoft]] got busted for hiring someone to "pretty up" their TOW entry. He also bagged on "Self-determination", where corporations are allowed to [[MMORPG|act out their fantasies online]] by editing their own Wikipedia entries. Colbert described Wikipedia as, "''[[Second Life]]'' for corporations", saying if a sleazy corporation wants to pretend to be squeaky clean online, then that is [[sock|their business]].

===ED Approved===

''The Colbert Report'' gets the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] seal of approval for thoroughly pwning Wikipedia.

{{approve|TOW}}

==Canadia's History: Beavers==
[[File:Colbert canada.png|thumb|left|Colbert explains Canadia]]
On the February 4, 2010 show, Colbert had a piece on Canadia's 'national magazine' which -for about a hundred years- had been called [[The Beaver]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/25/business/media/25history.html Apparently, they had to change the name] since The Beaver's online version kept getting blocked by Internets [[pr0n]] filters.

After the publisher changed the name to ''[[Canada's History]]'' Colbert decided that [[trolling|bold action]] was in order and commanded the Colbert Nation to go to [[Urban Dictionary]] and make entries for "Canada's History" to define the most [[list of sex acts|depraved sex act]] imaginable.

The Nation responded, not only by spamming up [[UD]] but taking the hijinx to [[TOW]]'s page on [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=History_of_Canada&diff=next&oldid=342042368 The History of Canada].

{{quote|A seldom accomplished, extremely depraved sex act too vile to describe, the ''Canada's History'' involves [[tramp stamp|moose antlers]], a bottle of maple syrup, and the [[ice hockey|Stanley Cup]]|Colbert}}

So far so good. [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=canada%27s%20history&page=59] [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=canadas+history]

Sauce: [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/263285/february-04-2010/tip-wag---waterboarding---canada-s-history Go to 03:03].

==The Stephen Colbert [[WTF|Híd]]==
[[File:TRUTHINESS.JPG|thumb|right]]
He also successfully engineered and led a Colbert Nation [http://www.colbertnation.com/] [[raid|campaign]] to have a new bridge in Budapest named after him by flooding an official Hungarian government [[website]] [http://www.m0hid.gov.hu/elsofordulo] with bot generated [[AIDS|votes]] for The Stephen Colbert Híd (bridge).

Although he handily won the naming rights in two rounds of voting (final results can be seen here [https://web.archive.org/web/20060830174546/http://www.m0hid.gov.hu/toplista]), the Hungarian government sent their ambassador, Andras Simonyi, to the United States (ya rly) to ''The Colbert Report'' where they proceeded to [[Habbo_/B/lockade#POOL.27S_CLOSED_HOTEL.27S_CLOSED|weasel out of the deal]] by pointing out that the fine-print necessitated that he not only had to be fluent in Hungarian but he also needed to be dead [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/75462/september-14-2006/andras-simonyi]. Simonyi attempted to make good by giving Lord Colbert his own Hungarian passport and a 100,000,000,000 Hungarian ''forint'' bill (USD$50), which crafty Stephen immediately tried to use to bribe Simonyi.

Upon hearing the news, outraged Hungarian Colbert Nationalists stormed the Hungarian Parliament, demanding that [[fag|Prïmê Mîníštër Féréñč Gÿürćšánÿ]] resign after it was revealed he lied to the country about Colbert in order to win re-election the previous April.

The stalemate over the naming rights and the resulting riots had all the hallmarks of a [[serious]] [[AIDS|International Incident]]. Accordingly, United Nations Supreme Leader [[buttsecks|Hugo Chavez]], [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IoCmmm2UG0] ordered a peacekeeping force to the areas to kill the [[Jews]]. The Hungarians eventually faggoted out and named it the "Megyeri Bridge" since it connected the [[Eurofags|bathhouses]] of ''Káposztásmegyer'' and ''Békásmegyer''. However, because of the outrage of the egregious shafting of one Stephen Colbert, each week the bridge is blown up by Colbert Nation insurgents and then rebuilt, resulting in 2.5 million deaths to date.

==Call 1-888-OOPS-JEW==
[[Image:Atone_phone.jpg|thumb|left|Colbert mans the '''Atone Phone'''.]]
After it was recently revealed to him by a [[scientist]] that since he's of [[inbred|European stock]], he has a 75% chance of being an Ashkenazi (German) Jew, Colbert re-installed his special [http://blog.zap2it.com/frominsidethebox/2006/09/call_1888oopsje.html phone line] to allow his Jewish "friends" to call him to apologize during their ongoing [[butthurt|Days of Atonement]] holiday.

As of yet, no Jew has apologized for pwning [[Jesus]] or [[jews did wtc|9/11]] but this is expected since jews are too busy counting their [[jew gold]] to apologize.

Colbert has also created some [[butthurt]] from audience Jew with a [[shoop]]ed image of a [[troll|fake]] airline called '''Air Aryan''' ("the airline with the most overhead arm room sponsored David Duke") and a [[Holocaust]] denial comment directed at Jews whilst roleplaying [[Iran]]ian president [[Mahmoud Ahmadinejad]]:

{{quote|Ya’ll didn’t get killed by them Nazis!|<strike>Stephen Colbert</strike> Mahmoud Ahmadinejad}}

For [[2010]], the tech-savvy Dr. Colbert added a new way for Jews to apologise to him. If you are a Jew who has offended Stephen, you can [[tweet]] your crimes using the hashtag '''#oopsjew''' either directly to [https://twitter.com/stephenathome @StephenAtHome] or openly for all to see.

== [http://www.colbert08.org/ Stephen Colbert '08] ==

[[Image:Doingitcolbert.jpg|thumb|220px|Colbert '08 Announced]]

[[Last Thursday]], Stephen Colbert announced on ''[[The Daily Show]]'' to Jew that he is running for president of the [[USA]].

{{quote|Because tonight, I Stephen Colbert am officially announcing that I have decided to officially consider whether or not I will announce that I am running for President of the United States...and I will be making an announcement of that decision very soon...preferably on a more prestigious show.|Stephen Colbert}}

Later on ''The Colbert Report'', a much more prestigious show, Stephen announced that:

{{quote|After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call...Nation, I SHALL SEEK THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!|Stephen Colbert}}

He entered the primaries in [[South Carolina]] as part of the "Favorite Son". For many of his [[13 year old boy|13-year-old]] [[fanboi|fans]], this was the first time they encountered such hilariously [[Hot Topic|edgy]] humor, though ''MAD Magazine'' has done this [[shit|shtick]] since the 1950s. [[Old meme]] is old.

A possible combination of bumper stickers could have been:
*Colbert/[[Mike Huckabee|Huckabee]]
*Colbert/[[Stalin|Putin]]
*Colbert/Colbert

<strike>It was also suggested that people write him in for President in '08. As many as possible.</strike> [[Barack Obama|NIGGER GOT ELECTED]].

*[http://www.ifilm.com/episode/23427/startsWith/2903787 The official announcement]

Colbert's original intention was to run in both the [[Nazi|Republican]] and [[Communist|Democratic]] primaries. Due to "[[the man]]'s" [[gay|fascist]] federal election laws, Colbert was required to limit his campaign spending to $5,000 to avoid getting a free one-way ticket to meet [[Bubba]]. The Republicans wanted $35,000 from him to file his intent to run. The Democrats wanted $2,500. Needless to say, Colbert's ambition to lose twice was quickly [[pwnt|killed]], and he [[pussy|submitted]] to the Jew.

[[Last Thursday]], the [[hillbilly|South Carolina]] Democratic Party's Executive Inbred Committee voted 13-3 in favor of keeping Colbert off the ballot, stating that he was not a "nationally viable" candidate as he was only running in one state. The truthiness of the situation: they're just shitscared that [[over 9,000]] people would vote for him and make them all look fucking [[retarded]].

Speculation is that one day Colbert's giant sand-dragging brass [[balls]] will announce their intention to be running mates on an independent ticket.

==Colbert Pwns 2007==

[http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2007/12/20/entertainment/e131210S40.DTL '''December 20 2007''']: Colbert kicks the shit out of ''[[Harry Potter]]'' author J.K Rofling, and <s>[[Global Warming]]'s</s> the [[Internet]]'s inventor [[Al Gore]] by being picked as [[Old Media|AP's]] '''Celebrity of the Year 2007'''.

As discussed, Colbert's sand-dragging balls did not even do an interview. Instead he sends this out via an undisclosed titty bar's free Internets service:

{{quote|In receiving this award, I am pleased that I was chosen over two great spinners of fantasy — J.K. Rowling and Al Gore. It is truly an honor to be named the Associated Press' Celebrity of the Year. Best of all, this makes me the official front-runner for next year's Drug-Fueled Downward Spiral of the year. P.S. Look for my baby bump this spring!|Stephen Colbert. ''Nuts hanging Low and swinging.''}}

==Galactic Overlord of Scientology==
[[Image:Colbert-galactic_overlord.png|thumb|Colbert is Scientology's new [[pwner|galactic overlord]].]]
[[Image:Colbert-Xenu-Node_3_march_13.png|thumb|'''COLBERT''' > MyYearbook?]]
[[Image:Colbert anon.png|thumb|Colbert sends secret signal to anon]]
In March 2009 Stephen Colbert officially announced that he has overthrown Lord [[Xenu]] as Galactic Overlord of [[Scientology]]. His first order was for the [[fanboys|Colbert Nation]] to go to [http://www.nasa.gov/externalflash/name_ISS/index.html NASA's website] and vote to put his name on the International Space Station. However, [[Xenufag]] Anons that were still flogging the old, dead horse that was [[Chanology]] were already planning on having the ISS tagged as '''XENU''' so Colbert's orders were a poke in the eye they had on the prize. To counter Colbert's "[[troll|dick move]]" the Chanology leaderfags who delivered the original "Message to Scientology" vidya threw down a YouTube fatwa on Colbert.

<center><youtube>QJc4V4oKURM</youtube></center>

==Colbert's DNA shot into space==

<center>[[File:colbert awesome.jpg|500px]] Colbert, penetrating your mind and reading your thoughts</center>

On September 8, 2008, it was reported that, no matter what happens to the fucktards on planet Earth, Stephen Colbert would ultimately live on, proving once again that he is better than [[you]]. This is thanks, in part, to less-than-important [[video game]] designer [[Richard Garriott]], who is being shot into space at [[over 9,000]] mph. He will travel to the International Space Station, which has been good for practically nothing, except that Garriott will use the space station to shoot Stephen Colbert's hot load of impressive DNA into space so that, just in case some alien race finds it, Stephen Colbert and the human race can live on.

{{quote|I am thrilled to have my DNA shot into space, as this brings me one step closer to my lifelong dream of being the baby at the end of 2001.|Stephen Colbert}}

==Operation Restoring Truthiness==
''See article at: [[Operation Restoring Truthiness]]''.

'''Operation Restoring Truthiness''' was a [[viral]] Internets campaign to get Stephen Colbert to hold a rally at the National Mall in Washington DC in the Fall of [[2010]] in order to [[pwn]] known liar [[Glenn Beck]] (who raped and murdered a young girl in 1990) for [[unwarranted self-importance]] and [[LARP]]ing [http://worldmeets.us/elmercurioes000001.shtm Hitler].

==Mr. Colbert Goes To Washington==
On September 24, 2010, Stephen put his überballs onto a truck and took off for Washington D.C. to testify before the Subcommittee on [[Beaners|Immigration, Citizenship and Border Security]]. This after he tried his hand as a [[mexican|day laborer]] [http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/360017/september-23-2010/fallback-position---migrant-worker-pt--2 picking beans in a field in upstate New York] for a bit on his Thursday show called ''"Stephen Colbert's Fallback Position"'' in which he tries other jobs incase his job as a pundit is outsourced to [[China]]. Just minutes upon Colbert's arrival, Rep. John Conyers ([[douche|D]]-Mich.), the committee's [[Final Boss]], tried to [[banhammer]] Colbert from testifying.

{{quote|You run your show, we run the committee.|Conyers}}

Rep. Zoe Lofgren (D-Calif.), who invited Colbert to the hearing, told Conyers to [[STFU]] and let Mr. Colbert have at it with his five-minute statement detailing his "vast" knowledge of farming.

<center><youtube>k1T75jBYeCs</youtube></center>

==Is Colbert Part of Anonymous?==

<center>[[File:Colbert anonymous mask.jpg|500px]] </center>

In 2011, Colbert gleefully reported ([http://thecolbertreport.cc.com/videos/xjtazd/corporate-hacker-tries-to-take-down-wikileaks Video here!]) on Anonymous' überpwnage of self-proclaimed "[[masturbates|master hacker]]" [[Aaron Barr]], who threatened to take down Anonymous. Or as Colbert explained, "Anonymous is a hornets' nest, and Barr said, 'I'm going to stick my penis in that thing.' And faster than you can say, 'Get these hornets off my penis!' Anonymous took down his website, stole his e-mails, deleted the company's backup data, trashed Barr's Twitter account and remotely wiped his iPad." Thus, [[Jews|the media]] noticed that Colbert appeared to be in receipt of [[lulz]], and promptly asked, [http://www.businessinsider.com/is-stephen-colbert-part-of-anonymous-2011-2#ixzz3Q8FLnk00 Is Colbert Part Of The "Anonymous" Hacking Group?]

== {{hashtag|CancelColbert}} ==
<center>[[File:Stephen Colbert Tweet AZN.png|500px]] 

 Ching Chong Ding Dong is a [http://wikiality.wikia.com/Ching_Chong_Ding_Dong character played by Stephen]. </center>

In March 2014, @TheColbertReport, the official account for the show which is not owned by Stephen, made a tweet making a reference to a joke that had been made on the show about the Washington Redskins. AZN feminazi slacktivist [[Suey Park]] decided to start a twitter campaign calling for Colbert to be cancelled.

<center><youtube>MBPgXjkfBXM</youtube></center>

This was especially gay as Colbert had already been selected to replace Letterman as the host of "The Late Show", meaning the Colbert Report would go off the air in 2014 anyway, but many lulz were had at the AZN SJW's expense.

== RIP Colbert Show ==

On December 17, 2014, The Colbert Show signed off for eternity. [http://thecolbertreport.cc.com/videos/964kg3/stephen---friends----we-ll-meet-again- We'll LULZ again]

<center>[[File:Colbert blows kiss.gif|500px]]</center>
 
<center>[[File:Colbert drop mic.gif|500px]]</center>
 

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:ColbertFGSFDS.jpg
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File:Stephen Colbert Gives Jon Kyl a Taste of His Own Medicine.jpg
File:Not intended to be a factual statement-asdja.jpg
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File:Not intended to be a factual statementSlide-31.png
File:Not intended to be a factual statementqsd.jpg
File:Notintendedtobeafactualstatement - Twitter Search.jpg
File:Not intended to be a factual statement20ss.jpg
File:Not intended to be a factual statement3lsdf.jpg
File:Not intended to be a factual statementfwed.jpg
File:Not intended to be a factual statementq3da.jpg
File:OnNotice.jpg
File:Colbert.jpg
</gallery>

==Important Links==
*[http://www.colbertnation.com/ The "Colbert Nation" fanboy site]: your [[troll|one-stop]] shop for all things Colbert.
*[http://www.tv-links.cc/tv/The-Colbert-Report.htm STREAM EPISODES HERE]
*[http://www.wikiality.com/Main_Page Stephen Colbert's] own [[Wikiality]]
*[http://www.shipbrook.net/onnotice/ Make your own on notice board!]
*[http://www.threatdowngenerator.com/ Make your own Threat-Down list.]
*[http://www.wimp.com/nuclearexplosion/ Stephen Colbert being fucking awesome.]
*[http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/72347/july-31-2006/the-word---wikiality '''Video!'''] Colbert explains [[Wikiality]] and advocates [[pwn|vandalising]] [[TOW]] for [[great justice]] and [[GOP|elephant]] rights.
*[http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/81454/january-29-2007/the-word---wikilobbying '''Video!'''] Colbert trolls TOW again.
*[http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/87528/may-24-2007/jimmy-wales '''Video!'''] Stephen asks Wikipedia's Jimmy Wales about Miltopia's ban.
*[http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/121749/october-18-2007/craig-newmark '''Video!'''] Stephan asks [[craigslist]]'s [[Craig Newmark]] about [[buttsecks|hooking up with bears]].
*[http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-869183917758574879 '''Video!'''] Colbert pwns [[W]] at [[2006|'06]] [[White|White House]] Correspondents Dinner.
*[http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3410034505041547846 '''Video!'''] Colbert explains GooTube - the [[Google]]/[[YouTube]] [[pwn|merger]].

==See Also==
*[[IRL Trolling]]
*[[Trolldin]]
*[[Keith Olbermann]]
*[[Comedy Central]]
*''[[The Daily Show]]''
*[[Have I Got News For You]]

{{Television}}
{{trolls}}
{{FoxNews}}
[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolls]]