imported>TommyP84 at 17:11, 18 December 2018

2018-12-18T17:11:36Z

imported>Cobaltcat at 20:43, 7 February 2015

2015-02-07T20:43:21Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:43, 7 February 2015
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imported>Cobaltcat at 20:43, 7 February 2015

2015-02-07T20:43:21Z

← Older revision	Revision as of 20:43, 7 February 2015
(No difference)

imported>Cobaltcat at 20:43, 7 February 2015

2015-02-07T20:43:21Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:43, 7 February 2015
(No difference)

imported>Cobaltcat at 20:43, 7 February 2015

2015-02-07T20:43:21Z

New page

[[Image:subway1.jpg|150px|thumb|Typical Subway woman at typical subway booth.]]

Subway is the best place to get a [[KFC Double Down|shit sandwich]] with crusty bread, made by a high schooler [[Colonel Quaritch does not give a fuck|who couldn't give a fuck]] even if by some miracle [[NORP|they aren't high]]. It is the [[McDonalds]] of whites, and tastes about the same. Subway is the [[The Cancer That Is Killing /b/|cancer that is killing]] sandwiches, outnumbering Starbucks two to one despite having [[Taco Bell|nothing eatable to sell]]. They also cater, in case you want to impress upon a group of people what a [[PBR|cheap and tasteless]] sack of dog shit you are.

__TOC__

==Sandwiches==
Tell the “[[16 year old girl|sandwich artist]]” what kind of [[bread]] what you want, which couldn't matter less because they all taste [[Brown_box|exactly the same]]. Pick which [[Lolrus#I has a bucket|bucket of raw meat]] you want your filling to come from, and which [[Cheese1997#History|processed cheese]] product you want to scrape off the roof of your mouth for the next hour. Answer [[yes]] when they ask if you want the sandwich [[Something is on fire|toasted]], because it's your only hope of [[Kill it with fire|avoiding salmonella]]. If you ever wanted [[Juliana Wetmore|three day old vegetable]]s on a sandwich, you can choose them, and if [[Cum|mayonnaise]] is too subtle, they can drench the sandwich in vegetable [[Iraq|oil]].

[[Always|More often than not]], you end up with something or another [[Almost raped|you didn't want]] on your sandwich. Subway uses wax paper to keep meats from [[Gross|congealing]] during the weeks they sit on the line, and biting into one is [[Common knowledge|pretty fucking common]]. Some innocent child in Canada was [[Pop parenting|fed glass shards]] by her mother, who neglectfully assumed that the Subway sandwich she bought for the child [[Nope|was safe for consumption.]]
By far the most common surprise lurking on a Subway sandwich is [[Cock goes where?|cocksweat]]. It has been a longstanding tradition for underpayed “[[Whores|sandwich artists]]” to [[Fap|rub their impotent chodes]] all over bread before [[Subservient Chicken|serving it]] to the public. This ritual went on for several years before a sandwich artist broke both the [[Rules of the Internet|first and second rules]] of Subway by posting Instagram pictures of his [[Chode|tiny cock]] flopped on unbaked Subway bread. Subway claims he [[Seems legit|totally stole unbaked bread, took it home, and <i>then</i> took the pictures]], instead of just showing the public how he [[Having a wonderful time|prepared for a busy day]] of sandwich artistry. This is suspected to be bullshit, because they [[Delete fucking everything|fired the two employees]] involved anyways.

==Bullshit Health Claims==
[[Image:JaredFoglePornGuy.jpg|200px|left|thumb|Jared Fogle before and after he has a shit.]]
Not only does Subway [[Some argue|claim]] that frozen bread and [[Necrophilia|presliced, mummified ham]] count as “fresh”, they actually have the [[Fuck you, I'm a dragon!|balls to claim]] that their shit food will [[Impossibru|help you lose weight]]. They sell themselves as the [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|healthy alternative to burger joints]], scaring subhumans into [[Feels bad man|buying food at Subway]]. But if you actually look at the [[Dox|nutritional information]] instead of just [[Fatass|scarfing down a foot of food]], you will see that Subway sandwiches actually contain way more calories and sodium than McDonalds hamburgers. The only real advantage Subway has over McDonalds is [[LURK MOAR|more white women]], but that ad might [[Feminism|piss bitches off]].

The [[ED_Lifecycle#N00b Phase|earliest incarnation]] of this lying bullshit is Jared Fogle{{jew}}, who got Cher famous by [[lying|claiming]] that eating Subway caused him to lose eleventy-billion pounds. Just [[Flood detected|saying this over and over]] has earned him a net worth of $15 million, despite [[Unemployment|never holding a job in his life]]. Which is all well and good, except for the fact that even as he's paid to say Subway [[Meth|makes you skinny]], he regularly puts on [[Fatty|thirty or more pounds]] before being [[V&|busted]] and being forced to go back on a real diet. But even at his lowest weight, he was still [[Technical virgin|only two pounds away from being overweight]].

{{quote|Before he used a Subway, he ate 4 meals at dinnertime. He ate whole pizzas by himself and a ton of hamburgers. When he was young his parents bought tons of sweets like chips, cookies, and candy bars. They also bought pizza. Little Jared ate a pack of cookies a day. By age 19 he weighed over 400 pounds. He was so fat that he had to have 2 normal weight scales to total his weight. He also couldn't jump up and down without crashing the floor. When he fell, his fat either cracked the floor or bounced him up really high. He was similar to Ruben Studdard, who is really fat. Subway's popularity has skyrocketed because of a really fat guy.|The only portion of Jared's Wikipedia page not written by an advertising agency.}}

==Advertising==
[[File:Subeatfreshlick.jpg|thumb|Fresher than any Subway sub ever.]]
Subway knows that only the clinically [[retarded]] could eat their food, so their advertisements are just the words “five dollar, [[Horsecock|foot long]]” spammed over and over. After a [[TV|few dozen of these commercials]], some of their stroke victim customers [[Mega ultra super genius|remembered that penises can be a foot long too]], and that [[Prostitute|you can pay money]] to put one in your mouth. They clearly thought this realization was [[lulz|absolutely hysterical]], because it's still spammed all over the place, as if it isn't a cancerously unfunny forced [[Advertising|corporate meme]].

In addition to being incredibly annoying, these ads are also [[Holocaust|Jewish lies]]. For years Subway had been ripping off all of their customers by [[Serious Business|cutting the size of their subs]] to save cash. They have been [[IM PRESSIN CHARGES|sued repeatedly]] for giving customers subs eleven inches or shorter while [[The Great Black Dick Hoax|promising twelve inches]] in all of their advertisements.

{{quote|'Subway Footlong' is a registered trademark as a descriptive name for the sub sold in Subway Restaurants and not intended to be a measurement of length.|Your cock is now actually a footlong! Provided it is a Subway sandwich.}}

==Do It Yourself==
If you want the [[Rape|Subway]] experience without having to go twenty feet to an actual store, you too can open a Subway franchise. Simply go to your kitchen, [[Quiverfull|pull out]] the oldest bread you have, [[Good Guy Greg|let it sit on the counter]] for another couple days, then carefully lay paper thin layers of [[welfare]] cheese and Spam on it, and stuff it with [[Salad fingers|wilted lettuce]] and the most [[America|semen flavored ranch dressing]] you can find. Then rub your cock all over the sandwich because, as you know, they all do.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Subway3.jpg
File:Subway2.jpg
</gallery>

==See also==
*[[Burger King]]
*[[McDonald's]]
*[[Taco Bell]]

{{clear}}
{{food}}

[[Category:Locations]]

Subway - Revision history

imported>TommyP84 at 17:11, 18 December 2018

imported>Cobaltcat at 20:43, 7 February 2015

imported>Cobaltcat at 20:43, 7 February 2015

imported>Cobaltcat at 20:43, 7 February 2015

imported>Cobaltcat at 20:43, 7 February 2015