imported>HyperJive: Created page with "{{achtung|Come for GOD KNOWS WHY,
Stay because you're '''living in a meth den.'''}} {{center|JGhoLcsr8GA
'''Macklemore''' decided that the only l..."

2020-12-06T01:15:42Z

Created page with "{{achtung|Come for GOD KNOWS WHY, Stay because you're '''living in a meth den.'''}} {{center|<youtube>JGhoLcsr8GA</youtube> '''Macklemore''' decided that the only l..."

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:15, 6 December 2020
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	{{achtung\|Come for GOD KNOWS ~~WHAT~~,<br>Stay because you're '''living in a meth den.'''}}		{{achtung\|Come for GOD KNOWS WHY,<br>Stay because you're '''living in a meth den.'''}}

	{{center\|<youtube>JGhoLcsr8GA</youtube><br>'''[[Macklemore]]''' decided that the only location shitty enough to complement his [[autism\|music]] was, you guessed it, ''Spokane''}}		{{center\|<youtube>JGhoLcsr8GA</youtube><br>'''[[Macklemore]]''' decided that the only location shitty enough to complement his [[autism\|music]] was, you guessed it, ''Spokane''}}

	~~'''~~Spokane~~'''~~ is the <s>second</s> <s>third</s> '''second''' largest city in Washington State, notable for very little, other than being a horrible slice of Florida that flew out of a meth-induced car rampage and bounced off of Seattle. You may remember hearing about Spokane, based on your being surprised that the tabloid in question was not set in Florida. Spokane's population is made up of 99% [[Soviet Union\|Soviet]] refugees, and is the second shitiest major city in the state, after Tacoma.		Spokane is the <s>second</s> <s>third</s> '''second''' largest city in Washington State, notable for very little, other than being a horrible slice of Florida that flew out of a meth-induced car rampage and bounced off of Seattle. You may remember hearing about Spokane, based on your being surprised that the tabloid in question was not set in Florida. Spokane's population is made up of 99% [[Soviet Union\|Soviet]] refugees, and is the second shitiest major city in the state, after Tacoma.
	{{FYI\|Spokane was voted to have the third ugliest people in the nation? Read more: http://www.krem.com/news/local/spokane-county/spokane-makes-list-of-least-attractive-cities/317928718}}		{{FYI\|Spokane was voted to have the third ugliest people in the nation? Read more: http://www.krem.com/news/local/spokane-county/spokane-makes-list-of-least-attractive-cities/317928718}}

	[[Image:Stabme.jpg\|thumb\|right\|450px\|Spokane is famous for its dry humor]]		[[Image:Stabme.jpg\|thumb\|right\|450px\|Spokane is famous for its dry humor]]
	[[Image:Spokanedoesntsuck.jpg\|thumb\|right\|450px\|Spokane is also quite humble, as noted in this actual promotional graphic]]		[[Image:Spokanedoesntsuck.jpg\|thumb\|right\|450px\|Spokane is also quite humble, as noted in this actual promotional graphic]]
	~~[[Image:Spokane is great.jpg\|thumb\|right\|300px\|Denial isn't just a river in Egypt]]~~

	==Climate==		==Climate==
Line 94:		Line 93:
	[[Image:fuckwhitey.jpg\|thumb\|right\|200px\|Horrible Nazi white-supremacist scum]]		[[Image:fuckwhitey.jpg\|thumb\|right\|200px\|Horrible Nazi white-supremacist scum]]

	Two local youths, members of the local ANTIFA chapter, bravely SMASHED THE FASH by honor-killing an [[~~Nazi~~\|88 year-old World War II veteran]], Delbert 'Sieg Heil' Belton. Unfortunately, the racist Spokane police department has arrested both for murder.		Two local youths, members of the local ANTIFA chapter, bravely SMASHED THE FASH by honor-killing an [[Hitler\|88 year-old]] [[Nazi\|World War II veteran]], Delbert 'Sieg Heil' Belton. Unfortunately, the racist Spokane police department has arrested both for murder.

	<br style="width: 100%;clear:both;">		<br style="width: 100%;clear:both;">

imported>Pepp at 04:36, 3 November 2018

2018-11-03T04:36:16Z

New page

{{achtung|Come for GOD KNOWS WHAT, Stay because you're '''living in a meth den.'''}}

{{center|<youtube>JGhoLcsr8GA</youtube> '''[[Macklemore]]''' decided that the only location shitty enough to complement his [[autism|music]] was, you guessed it, ''Spokane''}}

'''Spokane''' is the <s>second</s> <s>third</s> '''second''' largest city in Washington State, notable for very little, other than being a horrible slice of Florida that flew out of a meth-induced car rampage and bounced off of Seattle. You may remember hearing about Spokane, based on your being surprised that the tabloid in question was not set in Florida. Spokane's population is made up of 99% [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] refugees, and is the second shitiest major city in the state, after Tacoma.
{{FYI|Spokane was voted to have the third ugliest people in the nation? Read more: http://www.krem.com/news/local/spokane-county/spokane-makes-list-of-least-attractive-cities/317928718}}

[[Image:Stabme.jpg|thumb|right|450px|Spokane is famous for its dry humor]]
[[Image:Spokanedoesntsuck.jpg|thumb|right|450px|Spokane is also quite humble, as noted in this actual promotional graphic]]
[[Image:Spokane is great.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Denial isn't just a river in Egypt]]

==Climate==
[[Image:Smokane.jpg|thumb|right|400px|Spokane represents diversity through bringing in a little bit of Beijing via it's special "wildfire season"]]
Unlike either [[Seattle]] or it's spiritual homeland in [[Florida]], Spokane's climate has four seasons - this term is used by residents positively, but in reality it means that you might bake at 110F in August and then freeze at -10F in January, and the streets are constantly shit as a result of this and the studs (snow-tires being standard until at least June) and chains. Have you ever wanted to live in a desert that also experiences 90 inch snowfall and weather cold enough to freeze your eyeballs? If so, consider yourself home! {{center|<youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1ZpOORPbAo&t=1s</youtube> '''The average winter commute in Spokane.'''}}

Recently, Spokane also introduced a fifth season: wildfire. During this special time of the year, thick blankets of smoke blanket the city and blot out the sun - reducing the risk of skin cancer! - and making the anonymously mediocre streets seem like a part of Beijing. In 2015, Spokane's high score stood at achieving the "Hazardous" air quality category, defined by:

* 301-500 AQI
* The highest category, after good, moderate, uhealthy for sensitive groups, unhealthy, and very unhealthy
* Also the same category as Beijing

Luckily, the [http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2015/aug/21/air-quality-quickly-deteriorating/ doctor's orders] of "urging people to limit time spent outside, avoid exercising and choose non-strenuous indoor activities" correlated well with the fatasses of the city, so any harm is minimal.

==Wildlife==
The diverse local fauna of the Spokane region can be experienced first hand at any number of Walmarts, fast-food franchises, city parks, and over-passes. Many of these sightings are posted to Youtube for educational purposes.

===Fast-Food Tweakers===
{{center|<youtube>FVJ1JS2FibQ</youtube>}}

===California Transplants===
[[Image:Overcomereporter.PNG|thumb|right|200px|Local reporter is overcome by the sensuous mating cry of the Californius Selfimportantus]]
For reasons that still baffle local biologists, the invasive species known as Californius Selfimportantus has been gathering like ants to a dollar menu item left on a Walmart parking lot, constantly emitting their mating cry of "I'm from CALI-FORNIA" to any and all virile homo sapiens within reasonable distance. Only the best of the Californians make it to Spokane, which they [[shit|culturally enrich]] with their presence.

{{center|<youtube>F9DrUR_Xd3g</youtube>}}

==Lifestyle==
Spokane's [[insane|vibrant]] culture of meth, junkies, homelessness, [[Seattle]]-envy, Seattle-hatred, meth, [[Florida]]-style hijinks, and "nature" is the envy of all the even more unimportant counties surrounding it. But before moving to Spokane, be aware of some of these cultural differences!

===Meth===
[[File:Kurts meth.jpg|center|300px]]

===Crime===
{{FYI|Spokane's crime rate is also higher for both violent and property crime than in 98% of communities in the U.S '''That's an A+'''}}
One thing that Spokane is competitive at is [http://www.areavibes.com/spokane-wa/crime/ violent crime]. Is the rest of Washington, and even the nation, even trying? Spokane regularly scores FAR above regional and national averages, distinguishing itself in a truly unique way:
{{right| <youtube>jNMOI9mZGko</youtube> '''Spokane's finest law enforcement doubles as a job-creator for forestry firefighters'''}}
* '''Property Crime:''' ''117% above Washington average; 202% above national average''
* '''Murder:''' ''103% above Washington average; 20% above national average''
* '''Rape:''' ''48% above Washington average; 45% above national average''
* '''Robbery:''' ''106% above Washington average; 54% above national average''
* '''Assault:''' ''81% above Washington average; 28% above national average''
<youtube>EWjqE3b1dQU</youtube>
 
 

===DUDE WEED LMAO===
**FACT: Spokane likes Weed almost as much as confederate flags!**
[[File:Icecream van weed comment.jpg|center|Sounds like someone great around kids!]]
<center><gallery perrow="5">
File:Icecream van weed.jpg|Not at all a serial killer
File:Pizza rita weed.jpg|Just hope he doesn't zone out and drive straight into your house
</gallery></center>
===History & Culture===
[[File:Truckman2.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Spokane is home to a vivid multicultural landscape]]
One of the best practices for living in Spokane is to always reference the few ways in which Spokane has demonstrated some semblence of relevance on the world scale. This occurs through reference to tl;dr events that occurred many years ago, and on which the city has relied for momentum, or to people of minor importance who would rather pretend they never lived here. Some of these include:

* [[Shit no one cares about|Expo '74]], the first [[Hippy|environmentally-themed]] world's fair, was held here.
* Fathers day started here in 1909
* [[Injun|Sherman Alexie]]
* [[old|Bing Crosby]] lived here
* [[Hipster|David Lynch]] lived here
* [[Macklemore|Ryan Lewis]] lived here
* [[Shit|Z-nation]] is filmed here (despite the show being set elsewhere)
* [[Macklemore]] shat here and the residents prostrated before it
 
==Famous Politicians==
===Rachel Dolezal===
{{main|Rachel Dolezal}}
[[Image:Racheldolezalisblack.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Typical minority in Spokane]]
The famous blackface artist, [[Rachel Dolezal]], famously trolled herself into being the head of the NAACP in Spokane, despite merely overdosing on spray tan and having her hair done with pitch. She also taught at nearby Eastern Washington University, which was surely a blessing for the parents spending their money on their children's tuition there.
 
===Lucas Werner===
[[Image:Lucaswerner.jpg|thumb|right|200px|The face of a completely sane man, and not at all a serial killer]]
[[Lucas Werner]] rose to fame for his righteous battle against the conspiring patriarchal forces of ageism and violent physical disgust, when his attempt to [[rape|love]] a [[loli|starbucks barista]] ended with much ridicule by the faceless denizens of the <s>internet</s> Earth (minus the Muslims, for whom the barista was far above the ideal age of 9 years old). If only we humans could be as intelligent as he is, knowing that his shortened telomeres mean that his semen cures cancer!

 
===Donna Perry===
[[Image:Donna Perry.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Courageous trans woman and extra on the set of Aphex Twin music videos]]
Donna Perry, once Douglas Perry, is living proof of a woman trapped inside a serial killer's body. After murdering three prostitutes in 1990, Douglas finally had the self-confidence and courage necessary to become her real self. Currently, she is fighting for her life against TERFs and CIS SCUM who think that she is ''somehow'' responsible for the dysphoric murder of those prostitutes.

 
===Demetrius and Kenan===
[[Image:spokaneyouth.png|thumb|right|200px|Two fine, upstanding citizens]]
[[Image:fuckwhitey.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Horrible Nazi white-supremacist scum]]

Two local youths, members of the local ANTIFA chapter, bravely SMASHED THE FASH by honor-killing an [[Nazi|88 year-old World War II veteran]], Delbert 'Sieg Heil' Belton. Unfortunately, the racist Spokane police department has arrested both for murder.

 

===Drunk Asshole Rights Activist / Ant-Police Brutality Activist===

[[Image:Activistdrunk.PNG|thumb|right|200px|Calm, informed citizen activist confronts police brutality as he politely requests directions from a fascist pig]]
This [[unwarranted self importance|brave]] young soul came to fame for his daring expose on police brutality, which he [[retard|smartly]] documents using a smartphone, well aware of his [[lol|rights]], after be accosted by a [[fascist|police officer]] for merely asking for directions.

{{center|<youtube>jJqdPVKtPTs</youtube>}}

 
===Daren Suiter, the Modern Robinhood===

[[Image:Modernrobinhood.PNG|thumb|right|200px|You can tell from the ass of his beard that he deeply cares about the plight of the needy]]
In a moment of epic [[retard|heroism]] and [[justice]], Daren liberated an 18-wheeler Walmart truck and attempted to bring Christmas presents to the needy people adorning the streets through which he played tag with police officers. Unfortunately, fascist pigs have no sense of Christmas Cheer.

{{center|<youtube>nzvJgLvml4o</youtube>}}

 
==Local Attractions==
===Cheese Block Connoisseur===
[[Image:Thing-eats-whole-block-of-cheese.jpg|thumb|right|200px|One way to escape the pain of living in Spokane]]
This rare creature, only seen during the height of summer festivities, is known to drown it's sorrow in the consumption of pounds of pasteurized processed cheese food. Note the "Riverfront park" trashcan on the right side of the famous photograph - no one can hide from Spokane.
 
===Anthony Garver===
[[Image:Anthonygarver.jpg|thumb|right|200px|He looks friendly enough]]
There is nothing quite like [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3529444/Accused-murderer-Anthony-Garver-28-escaped-Washington-state-mental-hospital-Mark-Alexander-Adams-large-Spokane-access-weapons-seen-parents-home-evading-Marshals-SWAT-teams-helicopters-dogs.html|an 'accused' murderer, escaped from prison, with access to weapons], to add spice to your weekend!
<center><youtube>UhYIdt0DPDY</youtube></center>
 

===Tambourine Man===
{{center|<youtube>6VLLxoSa4ZE</youtube>}}

[http://www.inlander.com/Bloglander/archives/2015/09/17/tambourine-man-is-leaving-spokane|'''RIP IN PEACE SWEET PRINCE''']

===Boat Car===
{{center|<youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1p4Oi_pBtz8</youtube> '''The allusive "Boat Car" is the only vehicle in Spokane to have not been stolen, due to its use of a parking anchor.'''}}

===Fine Dining===
[[File:Chilis on fire.jpg|center|300px]]

==Economic Opportunities==
===Friendly, family-owned businesses===
[[Image:spokaneeconomicopportunities.jpg|thumb|right|200px|The face of two boys who love their mommy]]
In an example of Spokane's greatest family-run, locally owned businesses, a 15 and 17 year old managed to give back 25% to their dear old mom what money they earned in the [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3285680/Teen-brothers-arrested-running-prostitution-ring.html|timeless occupation of pimping.]
<center><youtube>6lDEzfclLXc</youtube></center>
 

===Daiquiri Factory===
[[Image:Dategrape 4.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Local college students on their annual triggering pilgrimage, incapable of appreciating a pun]]
A hip place to grab a drink, experience first hand [http://www.inlander.com/Bloglander/archives/2014/02/10/why-date-grape-koolaid-is-worth-getting-upset-about their Date Grape Kool-Aid], a charming drink that patrons say will "leave you speechless on the floor!"
<center><youtube>jh29mKCqp60</youtube></center>
 

===Coffee Shop ft. Armed Baristas===
[[Image:Jitterzjava.jpg|thumb|right|200px|They really should have targeted that shitty sign]]
For those [[Republicans|Real Americans]] out there who are [[butthurt|sick and tired]] of your coffee-shop baristas being too liberal and [[Hitler|pro-gun-control]], you should feel right at home at "Jitterz Java" - where everyone packs heat, and where hitting inappropriately on the staff carries extra thrill!

 

===Coffee Shop ft. Topless Baristas===
[[Image:Barebeansespresso.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Somehow, still has a better sign than at Jitterz]]
If you're like most [[pervert|Spokanites]], the aroma of a $6 latte isn't quite enough to cut through the dullness of existence - unless it comes with barely concealed, tassel-covered-tits. If so, you're in luck! There are [http://allnight.com/post/7114-washington-state-has-a-topless-coffee-shop/ literally several of these] in existence, and your odds of also scoring meth in the drive-through can only improve in [[nerd|inverse proportion]] to the amount of clothing worn by the [[stripper|baristas]]!

 

==Serial Killers==
The second greatest natural resource to bless the Spokane area, serial killers remain plentiful throughout the year, but especially on Sprague avenue and whenever more famous cases occur in California (Spokane is always slightly behind the curve).

===Robert Lee Yates===
A man of the classics, Yates famously murdered [[Satan|13 prostitutes]] in Spokane, as well as several others in several counties even less relevant than Spokane.

{| align="center" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" style="border: 1px solid #c0c0c0; background:#f0f0f0; border-spacing:.5em"
|+ "He looks friendly enough"
| colspan="3" style="color: #eeeeee; background-color: #222222; padding: 5px;" | '''<center>Robert Lee Yates ranks among the halls of [[Viking|Valhalla]] for prowess in [[hero|battle]] and commitment to the way of the [[Japan|samurai]].</center>'''
|-
| width="150px" | [[Image:robertleeyates.jpg|left|150px]]
| width="200px" | {{Quote|"Necrophiliac"}}

'''Trading Stats'''
* '''Kill count:''' ''13''
* '''Years Active:''' ''1975,1988,1996-1998''
* '''Location:''' ''Spokane, WA''
* '''Target:''' ''Prostitutes''
* '''SPECIALTY:''' '''Pistol Blowjob'''

| width="150px" | [[Image:Spokane-flag.gif|right|150px]]
|}

 

===Donna Perry===
See above (didn't beat Yates high score), CIS SCUM

===Jack Owen Spillman AKA THE WEREWOLF BUTCHER===
[[Image:Jack Owen Spillman.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Quite possibly the most badass-named serial killer EVER]]
Jack Owen Spillman III is a serial killer from Spokane, Washington. He is known as "The Werewolf Butcher".

* '''Classification:''' Murderer
* '''Characteristics:''' Rape - Sexual mutilation - Evisceration

 
==Pedophiles==
Only slightly behind serial killers as a key resource to the region's prosperity, Spokane-area pedophiles are especially fragrant.

===Paul83===
[[Evil-unveiled.com/Paul83|Paul83]] is a sensitive soul, struggling with depression, who mentors others afflicted with the same [[pedobear|struggles]] as himself on the internet. He likes boys as young as 9 (if only it were girls, Allah may have mercy on him).

===Lucas Werner===
See above

 

==See Also==

*[[Washington]]
*[[Rachel Dolezal]]
*[[Darksidered992]]
*[[Lucas Werner]]

==External Links==
* [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Coe|On Kevin Coe the South Hill Rapist]
* [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2427991/Spokane-Washington-teenagers-attack-mother-discuss-killing-taking-mystery-blue-pills.html|The Teenagers, 13 and 14, 'attack mother with sword then discuss killing her and cannibalizing her liver' after taking mystery 'blue pills']
* [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3130738/Spokane-removes-Rachel-Dolezal-police-commission.html|The PD of Spokane removes Rachel Dolezal from police commission after... 'a pattern of misconduct']

{{Unitedstates}}

Spokane - Revision history

imported>HyperJive: Created page with "{{achtung|Come for GOD KNOWS WHY,Stay because you're '''living in a meth den.'''}} {{center|JGhoLcsr8GA'''Macklemore''' decided that the only l..."

imported>Pepp at 04:36, 3 November 2018

imported>HyperJive: Created page with "{{achtung|Come for GOD KNOWS WHY,
Stay because you're '''living in a meth den.'''}} {{center|JGhoLcsr8GA
'''Macklemore''' decided that the only l..."