imported>Uberfukken at 23:48, 11 March 2019

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imported>Oddguy at 13:01, 23 March 2015

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← Older revision		Revision as of 13:01, 23 March 2015
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imported>Oddguy at 13:01, 23 March 2015

2015-03-23T13:01:32Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:01, 23 March 2015
(No difference)

imported>Oddguy at 13:01, 23 March 2015

2015-03-23T13:01:32Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:01, 23 March 2015
(No difference)

imported>Oddguy at 13:01, 23 March 2015

2015-03-23T13:01:32Z

New page

[[SmallTalk]] (more like SmallCock [[amirite]]?) is a programming language invented by [[Anal|Alan]] [[Gay|Kay]] at [[Copypasta|Xerox]] PARC in the [[at least 100 years ago|1970s]]. It was designed to be a minimalistic programming language intended for children (or adults with a [[you|similar]] brain capacity).

==Features==
[[Image:Squeak_barrel_roll.gif|thumb|One of the [[lie|least pointless]] features in SmallTalk is making text do a [[barrel roll]].]]
SmallTalk is basically an exercise to see how far you can take pointless and questionable features. It has no conditional or loop structures built-in so instead of nice syntax like you would get in real programming languages, you have to use objects to fake them. SmallTalk inventors [[not a bug|claim]] this shows how expressive the language is but everyone else believes it's because the SmallTalk inventors were too lazy to do it properly.

SmallTalk also lets you change system objects at runtime so you can redefine [[Al Qaeda|true]] to be [[Iraq|false]] and [[Iraq|false]] to be [[Iran|true]] and really screw the system up. [[Ad nauseam|Again]], the SmallTalk inventors will tell you that this shows how expressive the language is and modern SmallTalk programmers will wonder (with a straight face) why nobody uses SmallTalk.

==History==
SmallTalk was used as the programming language for the Xerox Alto, recognized as the first personal computer with mouse, GUI, and networking capabilities. Incidentally, Xerox is [[retard|recognized]] as a company who did [[epic fail|nothing]] with the technology. [[Some argue]] that the reason the Alto never made it is because the networking features that the Xerox engineers were [[furry|experimenting with]] missed the mark at what mainstream users [[myspace|preferred]]. The Xerox Alto was also the first computer with a bitmapped display. The "bit blit" function in graphics libraries came from the instruction used in this computer (lol, memcpy is considered an [[Computer Science III|invention]]?).

Modern implementations of SmallTalk continue the [[DSM|pattern]] of taking questionable features to fruition. One of the most [[facepalm|innovative]] SmallTalks, Seaside, uses web continuations to <s>break your browser's "back" button</s> ease programming (lol, web development is considered programming?).

==Trolling==
Many pseudo-intellectual [[redundant|SmallTalk programmers]] can be found on the [http://c2.com/cgi/wiki?SmalltalkLanguage SmallTalkLanguage] wiki. Trolling these people is mind-numbingly easy because they've been in an isolated circle jerk for so long that they've never really experienced [[obvious troll]]s, let alone [[srs]] troll attempts. Some of the naive but still effective ways of trolling them is to do so via [[flame war]] style: "SmallTalk sucks because it lacks X" where X is "multiple-inheritance", "protected variables", "friend annotations", "static typing", "a non-shitty editor", "features to support Programming In The Large", "companies hiring SmallTalk programmers", etc. They will always take the bait because they are [[inadequate|unwilling to admit to themselves]] that SmallTalk is a crappy, dying language. Please do not be proud of your victories at these sort of trolling attempts, it will [[lul]]l you into a false sense of superiority.

{{quote|[[Unwarranted Self-Importance|Actually I made up the term "object-oriented"]], and I can tell you I did not have [[C|C++]] in mind.|Alan Kay [[bawwwww]]ing about how unpopular his crap language is}}

To be a true successful troll, [[DO IT FAGGOT|you must get]] SmallTalk language and library implementers to add, remove, or modify features. Award yourself -100 points if your suggestion makes the language worse (i.e. you're indistinguishable from a regular SmallTalk programmer). Award yourself 100 points if your suggestion makes the language better '''AND''' there is a [[Godwin's Law|lengthy discussion]] from programmers giving knee-jerk reactions on why SmallTalk doesn't need it '''AND''' the suggestion isn't implemented. Award yourself 10 points for each [[fandom|famous]] SmallTalk [[notable|personality]] you can bait into replying '''AND''' their reply took more effort than typing a stock response.

==See also==
*[[$100 Laptop]]
*[[Java]] (if you ever wondered why Java sucks so much, they used SmallTalk as an [[aspie|inspi]]<nowiki>ration</nowiki>)

{{programming}}
[[Category: Softwarez]]

SmallTalk - Revision history

imported>Uberfukken at 23:48, 11 March 2019

imported>Oddguy at 13:01, 23 March 2015

imported>Oddguy at 13:01, 23 March 2015

imported>Oddguy at 13:01, 23 March 2015

imported>Oddguy at 13:01, 23 March 2015