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2014-04-14T03:24:13Z

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2014-04-14T03:24:13Z

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{{Moar|Lulz}}
:''Sebastopol redirects here. You may be looking for [[Navy|Sevastopol]], [[Russia]].''
[[Image:Welcome2Sebastopol.jpg|thumb|That's right terrorists - you can't nuke this city.]]

==Demographics==
Sebastopol is home to many different peoples, races, and ethnic groups. They include:
*[[Hippie]]s
*[[Furries]]
*[[Witch]]es
*[[Your mom]]'s second cousin she doesn't like to talk about
*[[PETA]] members
*More [[Hippie]]s
*[[Gandhi]]
*Les Claypool
*[[Vegetarians]]
*[[furries|Analy Tigers]]
*[[Michael Moore|Douchebags]]
*The Peanuts guy (deceased, lol)
*People who [[buying organic|Buy Organic]]

There are no arcades, [[internets]] cafés, or places to buy video games in Sebastopol. This is due to the fact that if a Sebastopolian were to play a video game and/or use [[teh]] [[internets]], the fun of violence or the mind-bending powers of actual research would cause them to move up on the evolutionary scale, to just under [[Jews]]. After this evolution, the Sebastopolian would realize that he is a complete [[douchebag]]; he/she would then promptly kill him/herself.

==Politics==
[[Image:Faggottree.jpg|thumb|Sebastopol town monument]]

Sebastopol is the only city in the United States with a majority Green Party city council. This has led to such improvements as the highest number of trees planted per capita since 2006 (most in former roadways), the construction of a high-tech granola factory run by Republican slaves imported from as far away as Sacramento, the return of the covered wagon, and a citywide ban on the ''good'' peanut butter with added sugar and salt. Hippy peanut butter that nobody really wants to eat is still allowed.

It is important to note that Sebastopol is a Nuclear Free Zone [[:File:Welcome2Sebastopol.jpg]]. This means it is [[illegal]] to detonate a nuclear device within city limits, under penalty of a fine of [[at least 100]] dollars. It also means radiation therapy is banned, leading to a large increase in disfiguring tumors among residents. (This is the one form of therapy not banned in Sebastopol. Sebastopudlians routinely visit acupuncturists, purchase expensive spa treatments such as "raindrop therapy" (which is like a [[sex|massage]] only they drip the oil on you first), and psychic realignment of the mitochondrial DNA.) However, if you manage to avoid the Sebastopol Police and their one Prius hybrid patrol car you will not have to pay the fine, and due to nuclear warfare's resemblance to a bad acid trip nobody but the greatly outnumbered upstanding citizens of Sebastopol will report anything if you choose to waste a nuke on this town.

Another claim to fame this small, useless town has is that its City Council voted to turn the Pentagon into a skate park. It is unknown how they planned to enforce this, but it likely involved performing necromantic rituals to resurrect famous peaceniks and dead [[hippies]].

==History==
Before the land was populated by modern man, in all likelihood a bunch of [[India]]ns lived here. They probably had a lot of fun eating acorns and doing other random [[crap]]. For some reason, the town was named after some [[Russia]]n town. It also had a sister city in the Ukraine. Clearly, Sebastopol was first inhabited by [[Ann Coulter|godless]] [[Commies]], a tradition carried on to this very day.

Sebastopol also has a sister city in [[Japan]]. 'Nuff said.

Sebastopol probably has the largest ratio of [[witch]]es:people since Salem. It is estimated that half the town’s shop owners are either witches or [[fucktard]]s. This is evidenced by the names of some of the town’s most frequented stores:
*''Because it's Witchcraft''
*''Earth Child''
*''Earth in Upheaval''
*''Spirit''
*''The Crystal People''
*''Yin-Yang Clothing''

Sebastopol is the hometown of Grendel Gravensteins School for Witches and Wizards. Based in an archaic castle (see Castle Lemuria) in the Laguana de Santa Rosa, a freakin swamp.

Sebastopol was originally going to be the headquarters for the [[ACLU]], but then [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]] was elected Governator. On that day, half the town's population attempted to commit suicide, but only [[42]] actually suceeded.

In recent news, the fucktards on the town council decided to violently [[rape]] and [[murder]] the town's only good remaining play park. Apparently, some dumbass kid got a splinter and went crying to his or her [[lawyer]] daddy who decided to threaten to sue the city's ass off unless they bulldozed the place. So, they did; in its place they erected a faggot park made of [[shit|plastic]]. It is [[at least 100]] times [[gay]]er than the previous park, and as of this writing is not even complete yet. This lame ass park was built because Sebastopol, in fact, has no monies, due to their fail at tourisim.

Memorial services for the Super PlayPark (as the former wooden structure was called) were scheduled for [[last Thursday]], but were forgotten because all the kids were still too busy playing [[Halo]] 3.

==Geography==
Sebastopol is currently located somewhere in [[California]]. It was originally placed at 50 miles east of [[San Francisco]], but it was discovered that the map was being held upside-down. Fortunately for residents of nearby towns, the nearby Russian River floods nearly every winter, cutting off the main route in and out of Sebastopol. During this period in the year, people in surrounding towns can let their children play outside without fear of them being abducted and/or [[rape]]d by Sebastopolian vagrants.

Much like large parts of [[Africa]], the world would be better off without this place.

[[Image:Darwinfish.jpg|thumb|Sebastopolians have [[Chinese]] slaves make these by the millions.]]

==Cars and Stuff==
The average car in Sebastopol has [[at least 100]] to [[over nine thousand|over 9,000]] bumper stickers. They are usually of [[:File:BushTrust.jpg|this]] or [[:File:Tolerance.jpg|this]] variety.

Sebastopolian drivers also are extremely gullible and stupid. They have been known to actually stop to let pedestrians cross the road, instead of running them over like the dumb fucks they are.

As with most other laws, Sebastopolians ignore seat belt laws completely. But in a cruel twist of irony, it is impossible for Sebastopolians to die in car accidents, no matter how much some people want them to. This fact is made even more terrible by the fact that the region surrounding Sebastopol is composed of winding mountain roads and blind curves. [[God]] clearly wants to destroy the city, but the surrounding atmosphere of marijuana and pacifism is beyond even His abilities to [[sex|penetrate]].

==Sexuality==
Scientists are baffled as to how Sebastopolians reproduce, since their universal [[basement dweller|unwashed fugliness]] and [[homosexual]] tendencies obviously do not permit it. Research shows that they might not actually need to reproduce, however. They can maintain their numbers by accepting wayward hippies that have been exiled from other parts of the country, or letting lost [[faggot|San Franciscans]] stay in their houses.

==Religion==
There are no churches or synagogues in Sebastopol. This is due to the fact [[Jews]] and [[Christian]]s are regularly burned at festivals. The reasoning behind this practice has been identified as something called "tolerance".

In yet another blatant display of contempt for [[America]]n law, the official god of Sebastopol is Jimi Hendrix. However, several other [[pagan]] religions are regularly practiced.

==Schooling==
The local high school, Analy (note the similarities to [[anal]]), is famous for being one of the few institutions of [[shit nobody cares about|higher learning]] in the [[United States]] to have marijuana-sniffing dogs pay a visit. It was discovered that [[at least 100]]% of the students and faculty were stoned. When the principal of the school was called upon to comment, his only response was, "[[Fuck you, I'm a dragon!]]".

Parents have discovered one benefit of allowing their children to attend Analy High School: the perpetual haze of marijuana significantly reduces the risk of [[school shooting]].

The City Council has proposed changing Analy High's name to The School of Rock several times, but by the time the council members are done with their third martinis, they're far too inebriated to vote one way or the other on the "issue".

==Links==

*http://www.ci.sebastopol.ca.us/
*http://www.sebastopol.org/
*http://www.sebastopolwf.org/ (should be "sebastopolWTF.org". Conclusive proof that all the above is [[fact]]ual.)
*http://www.GrendelGravenstein.com

[[Category:Locations|Sebastopol, CA]]

Sebastopol - Revision history

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