imported>Oblique: {{Canada}}

2012-03-30T22:40:10Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:40, 30 March 2012
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imported>Oblique: {{Canada}}

2012-03-30T22:40:10Z

← Older revision	Revision as of 22:40, 30 March 2012
(No difference)

imported>Oblique: {{Canada}}

2012-03-30T22:40:10Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:40, 30 March 2012
(No difference)

imported>Oblique: {{Canada}}

2012-03-30T22:40:10Z

New page

Ryan Hawe is a [[Canadian]], part-time [[BDSM|fetishist]] and a [[Unwarranted Self-Importance|well-known]] [[Basement-dweller|member]] of Transformers fandom. One of the most well-known instances of Transformers drama [[fandom]] [[drama]] involved him and the [[victim|girlfriend]] he had at the time. It is unclear how he managed to hook up with her in the first place, but experts theorize it involved a shot of tequila mixed with a pinch of delicious powder. He brought her into Transformer fandom, where she ventured [[fail|beyond the boundaries of the kitchen]], and became [[attention whore|famous]] especially on [[USENET]] and [[IRC]]. When it became clear that Ryan's demands of Optimus Prime fucking Bumblebee in a gimp suit was too fucking much - to the point where he went as far as [[fapping]] over [[slash fiction]] one too many times, she left him for another [[Basement-dweller|Transfan]] from IRC. This resulted in a tidal wave of delicious [[cum|man-milk]] left in the wake of her departure.

The [[lie|story]] goes that Ryan began [[stalking]] her across the [[Internets]], mentioning her in every USENET post he made for the [[At least 100|next 5 years]], hijacking her [[lame|fan character]], and even retaining a [[Internet lawsuit|lawyer]] to find out what his legal rights to the character were. When he subsequently discovered that his character had in fact violated multiple copyright laws, he promptly [[delete fucking everything|ditched the case]]. It is a known fact that this particular incident allegedly resulted in his permanent addition of [[shit brix|wearing a tinfoil hat indoors]]. Furthermore, it is said that in a fit of [[CAPSLOCK|rage]], Hawe bent over a framed portrait of his former [[rape|lover]] and shoved it into his anus so that upon shitting it out again the brown stain would represent the presence of his ex's new black person. Going as far as to call the [[Waaaambulance]] on fictional threats, Ryan slyly [[prison|threatened his life]] in a [[KKK|variety]] of [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|ways]]. Because nobody likes [[niggers]] this was believed to have drawn in successful results.

The [[lie|real story]], eventually uncovered after going through IRC archives by the [[wut|RSN Intelligence Branch]], is that all parties were the hapless victims of new boyfriend's buddies [[lurk|lurking]] on IRC. All the psychotic rants allegedly from Hawe, and half of the threats directed against him, derived from IP addresses which can ultimately be traced to the [[FBI|Ministry of Attorney-General.]] Unfortunately the Ministry has also [[obvious|concluded]] that the ex-girlfriend, having been [[rape|brutalized]] by the sheer size of her new boyfriend's [[nigger dicks|cock]] is behind all the [[drama]]. It clearly shows that, knowing her [[kitchen|place]], she longs for the touch of his belt - because Ryan Hawe likes a mark on his women, like every [[Gorean]] motherfucker out there.

==Where Are They Now?==

TLDR; [[Nobody gives a shit]] but since you're down here, nosy fuckers that you are, the author continues his account of this entertaining autobiography.

In general, Hawe is considered to be a [[lie|respectful citizen]] and [[Anarchy|contributes]] much to society. Though as of the current revision of this article, Hawe has left no opinion/comment regarding the defamation of his character - [[pedophile|due to spending "special" time with junior Transformers fans]] - it is widely believed he has temporarily ceased his cyberstalking. It is, however, believed that his [[1980|mullet]] [[insane|resides in a glass jar]] along with his [[wut|collection of 20+ year old Transformers dolls]].

As for the woman in question, Amy, it is unclear where she is at the moment but experts also theorize that the [[wut|Ministry]] has since deported her to [[Thailand|Alberta]], where all the Canadian equivalent of [[niggers]] reside. Driven by both the lustful need for both giant dicks and a justified beating every five minutes of her life, she has [[quitting IRC forever|quit IRC]] and USENET to [[whore|fuel her needs]] on the streets.

After being sent to prison, the new boyfriend used a good dose of [[shotgun mouthwash|mouthwash]]. One less black person to worry about.

==The [[User:Hooper X|HooperX]] Legacy: Return of the Mullet Man==

[[User:Hooper X|HooperX]], a fellow black person of new boyfriend ([[fact|theorized]] to have been a second crazy Amy stalker), upon [[desperation|realizing]] that an abusive pussy was within reaching distance has [[shit|birthed]] the [[unfunny|article]] regarding Ryan Hawe. Batshit insane with tastes beyond normal comprehension, HooperX has since been following the saga of '''Ryan Hawe and the Kitchen Escapee''' for the past ''decade''. Unwilling to abandon his crusade for the now aging vagina, HooperX has continued to spread further disinformation while fearing the non-existent Ministry or whatever the fuck it was called. Regardless of what goes on in his mind, HooperX is the current Mullet Stalker. His identity revealed, Amy has [[almost raped|fled into a nunnery]] in hopes of escaping the Transformers legacy.

TLDR; HooperX is a black person. Too.

Now you know.

==Links==
[http://www.livejournal.com/users/hooper_x/170413.html#cutid1 An archived post made by Ryan upon LEAVING USENET FOREVAR!!!11 (And in a spectacular reversal of such things, he actually did.)]

{{Usenet}}
{{Canada}}

[[Category: People|Hawe, Ryan]]

Ryan Hawe - Revision history

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