Rick Santorum - Revision history

Rvdog815: Reverted edit by This is Edgar181 from TOW (talk) to last revision by imported>ElSegCunt

2024-08-22T23:14:41Z

Reverted edit by This is Edgar181 from TOW (talk) to last revision by [[User:imported>ElSegCunt|imported>ElSegCunt]]

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This is Edgar181 from TOW at 14:17, 22 August 2024

2024-08-22T14:17:05Z

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imported>ElSegCunt: /* Santorum The Substance */

2019-01-17T00:26:14Z

Santorum The Substance

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:26, 17 January 2019
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	{{quote\|''And the question that keeps coming back to my mind about Santorum is: How can the "alternative to Romney" also be a Romney supporter?''\|When Chuck Norris doesn't support you, you're pretty much screwed in conservative circles.}}		{{quote\|''And the question that keeps coming back to my mind about Santorum is: How can the "alternative to Romney" also be a Romney supporter?''\|When Chuck Norris doesn't support you, you're pretty much screwed in conservative circles.}}

	As if the [[Mantrain\|GOP nominee lineup]] for the [[2012]] election season wasn't [[Mitt Romney\|gay]] [[Newt Gingrich\|enough]] [[Ron Paul\|already]], Rick Santorum decided he needed to do the lawd's work and run for president and throw his frothy wisdom into the mix. While liberal hipster fucktards living a fantasy world didn't expect an upstanding, churchgoing, polite, fatherly man with an underdog reputation to do very well among a predominantly Christian population with epic Catholic immigration from Mexico, Santorum surprised nobody ~~with a brain~~ by winning 11 states. This attracted the ire of butthurt Paultards~~. However~~, this wasn't enough to win against Romney the Wonder Mormon. Faced with a high probability of defeat at the hands of Romney, Santorum threw in the towel.		As if the [[Mantrain\|GOP nominee lineup]] for the [[2012]] election season wasn't [[Mitt Romney\|gay]] [[Newt Gingrich\|enough]] [[Ron Paul\|already]], Rick Santorum decided he needed to do the lawd's work and run for president and throw his frothy wisdom into the mix. While liberal hipster fucktards living a fantasy world didn't expect an upstanding, churchgoing, polite, [[Josef Fritzl\|fatherly man]] with an underdog reputation to do very well among a predominantly Christian population with epic Catholic immigration from Mexico, Santorum surprised nobody born without [[Zika\|Zikavirus]] by winning 11 states. This attracted the ire of butthurt Paultards, however, this wasn't enough to win against Romney the Wonder Mormon. Faced with a high probability of defeat at the hands of Romney, Santorum threw in the towel.

	Mitt Romney struggled to win the votes of ~~evangelical~~ Christians. How could he compete with a man whose very name means Saint? A man endorsed by THE DUDE WHO PLAYED JESUS, aka that Dude from Frequency, aka that Dude from the shitty remake of the Prisoner, aka that sexy beast from Person of Interest, aka Jim Caviezel?		Mitt Romney struggled to win the votes of real Christians. How could he compete with a man whose very name means Saint? A man endorsed by THE DUDE WHO PLAYED JESUS, aka that Dude from Frequency, aka that Dude from the shitty remake of the Prisoner, aka that sexy beast from Person of Interest, aka Jim Caviezel?

	Analysis of the situation by an unbiased panel of experts has revealed that Santorum only lost because he was a caring father who quit because he didn't want to abandon his sick daughter. Disney is currently planning a film based upon his heartwarming tale, with the Santorum role to be played by Jackie Chan or Will Smith.		Analysis of the situation by an unbiased panel of experts has revealed that Santorum only lost because he was a caring father who quit because he didn't want to abandon his sick daughter. Disney is currently planning a film based upon his heartwarming tale, with the Santorum role to be played by Jackie Chan or Will Smith.
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	==Santorum The Substance==		==Santorum The Substance==
	[[Image:Santorum.gif\|right\|thumb\|Santorum, the substance]]		[[Image:Santorum.gif\|right\|thumb\|Santorum, the substance]]
	[[Image:thesurgecontinues.png\|right\|thumb\|"[[Tubgirl\|The surge continues]]"]]		[[Image:thesurgecontinues.png\|right\|thumb\|"[[Tubgirl\|The surge continues.]]"]]
	Santorum is defined as: The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. This definition was popularized by butthurt American columnist Dan Savage, in 2003, enraged that no matter what Rick Santorum did or said, millions of Americans thought he was basically a nice guy, even if he was a bit kooky, while every time Dan the Man called Christians names the American public got upset with him for some reason.		Santorum is defined as: The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. This definition was popularized by butthurt American [[Fag\|columnist]] Dan Savage, in 2003, enraged that no matter what Rick Santorum did or said, millions of Americans thought he was basically a nice guy, even if he was a bit kooky, while every time Dan the Man called Christians names, the American public got [[Crybaby\|upset]] with him for some reason.

	<blockquote>		<blockquote>
	''I was intrigued by your recent revival of an old Latin term for the by now familiar frothy agglomeration. While "Santorum" is an excellent word, it is a sad reminder of the state of the English language when opaque latinate lexica eclipse our solid Germanic root stock. After all, there is nothing wrong with the fine old Anglo-Saxon "buttbutter," the rustic charm of which evokes the scents and sensibilities of a stolid British grammar school. As regards this particular trope, English is fairly typical of Western European languages; witness the German cognate, "Arschbutter," or the French "beurre anal." Spanish, however, is an interesting exception. The term "Alsaon," like so many Spanish words that have survived since the end of the Moorish occupation, is derived from a Maghrebi-Berber term, which is in turn a corruption of a Latin loan word, none other than "Santorum"!''		''[[Cool story bro\|I was intrigued by your recent revival of an old Latin term for the by now familiar frothy agglomeration. While "Santorum" is an excellent word, it is a sad reminder of the state of the English language when opaque latinate lexica eclipse our solid Germanic root stock. After all, there is nothing wrong with the fine old Anglo-Saxon "buttbutter," the rustic charm of which evokes the scents and sensibilities of a stolid British grammar school. As regards this particular trope, English is fairly typical of Western European languages; witness the German cognate, "Arschbutter," or the French "beurre anal." Spanish, however, is an interesting exception. The term "Alsaon," like so many Spanish words that have survived since the end of the Moorish occupation, is derived from a Maghrebi-Berber term, which is in turn a corruption of a Latin loan word, none other than "Santorum"!]]''
	</blockquote>		</blockquote>

	===What ~~does santorum taste like~~?===		===What Does Santorum Taste Like?===
	[[Image:Coleslawesome.gif\|right\|thumb]]		[[Image:Coleslawesome.gif\|right\|thumb]]
	People claimed santorum tastes like one or more of the following:		People claimed santorum tastes like one or more of the following:
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	==Gallery of Repressed Homosexuality==		==Gallery of Repressed Homosexuality==
	{{cg\|\|homo\|center\|<gallery perrow="5">		{{cg\|\|homo\|center\|<gallery perrow="5">
			Image:HardlyBoys.jpg\|Rick Santorum in his teenage years (right), with [[faggot\|his closest friend]]
	Image:SantorumDaughter.jpg\|They Told Me I Could Be Anything I Wanted, So I Became My Daughter		Image:SantorumDaughter.jpg\|They Told Me I Could Be Anything I Wanted, So I Became My Daughter
	Image:Rick_Santorum_-_01.jpg		Image:Rick_Santorum_-_01.jpg
	Image:Rick_Santorum_-_02.jpg		Image:Rick_Santorum_-_02.jpg
	Image:Rick_Santorum_-_03.jpg		Image:Rick_Santorum_-_03.jpg
			</gallery>\|<gallery perrow="5">
	Image:Rick_Santorum_-_04.jpg		Image:Rick_Santorum_-_04.jpg
	~~</gallery>\|<gallery perrow="5">~~
	Image:Rick_Santorum_-_05.jpg		Image:Rick_Santorum_-_05.jpg
	Image:Rick_Santorum_-_06.png		Image:Rick_Santorum_-_06.png
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	<br>		<br>

	==See ~~Also~~==		==See also==
			*[[2016 Presidential Election\|2016 presidential election]]
	*[[Babypaste]]		*[[Babypaste]]
			*[[Carly Fiorina]]
			*[[The Donald\|Donald Trump]]
			*[[Jeb Bush]]
			*[[John Kasich]]
			*[[Marco Rubio]]
			*[[Mike Huckabee]]
	*[[Paul Ryan]]		*[[Paul Ryan]]
			*[[Pennsylvania]]
			*[[Ron_Paul#Rand_Paul\|Rand Paul]]
	*[[Rick Perry]]		*[[Rick Perry]]
			*[[Ted Cruz]]

	{{FoxNews}}		{{FoxNews}}
			{{politics}}
	{{faggotry}}		{{faggotry}}
	{{sex}}		{{sex}}
	{{closetcases}}		{{closetcases}}
	{{~~politics~~}}		{{trump}}

imported>Kickass: /* Santorum The Lame Duck Senator */

2015-02-23T19:02:29Z

Santorum The Lame Duck Senator

← Older revision	Revision as of 19:02, 23 February 2015
(No difference)

imported>Kickass: /* Santorum The Lame Duck Senator */

2015-02-23T19:02:29Z

Santorum The Lame Duck Senator

← Older revision	Revision as of 19:02, 23 February 2015
(No difference)

imported>Kickass: /* Santorum The Lame Duck Senator */

2015-02-23T19:02:29Z

Santorum The Lame Duck Senator

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:02, 23 February 2015
(No difference)

imported>Kickass: /* Santorum The Lame Duck Senator */

2015-02-23T19:02:29Z

Santorum The Lame Duck Senator

New page

[[File:Santorumgayporn.jpg|center|frame|God Bless America]]
[[Image:Santorumpic.jpg|thumb|Senator Rick Santorum drinks santorum like it's a [[slurpee]]. ]]

'''Santorum''' can refer to:
# The frothy mix of [[cum|ejaculate]] and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of [[anal sex]]. It may also include [[Silken Secret|lube]]. But who uses lube?
# Any other composite miasma of unpleasantness metaphorically similar to said frothy mix.
# An ultra-[[conservative]] Senator who has since been thrown out of the [[United States]] Congress for being a [[fag]].
# An Italian word meaning "Man who plays a Saint." Merely knowing this fact makes you more awesome. Not knowing it proves you are a fucktard with no cultural sensitivity.

==Santorum The Lame Duck Senator==

[[Image:Bush_santorum.jpg|left|thumb|Santorum loves man-sex]]
Rick Santorum was thrown out of [[crap|congress]] in November of 2006, after allegedly [[rape|fagging it up]] with [[fat|Dick Cheney]]. He was an ultra-[[conservative|ghey]] Senator in the [[United States]] Congress. A [[Republican]] who gained [[notoriety]] for being like most other Americans - afraid of [[homosexual|homosexuals]], [[pedophiles]], and [[furries]]. His commentary after a [[Supreme Court]] ruling on [[in the ass|buttsex]] laws was the source of many [[lulz]] for [[liberals]] and made [[Dan Savage]] mad enough to equate his name to [[poop|the end result]] of [[gay]] [[sex]].

Rick also made [[lulz|the news]] of the weird by bringing his wife's miscarried [[alien|fetus]] home from the hospital so his ([[Life|living]] but presumably traumatized) 12 other [[abortion|children]] could hug it and kiss it and say goodbye. This is perhaps the most "how to make a [[serial killer]]" formula example of aberrantly fucked-up parenting since Joan adopted Christina.

When not being completely offensive Rick is just plain [[gay|insane]]. A huge [[fanboy]] of ''[[Lord of the Rings]]'', the [[liar|Senator]] recently compared the war in [[Iraq]] to the battle for Middle Earth. [http://hotair.com/archives/2006/10/18/santorum-compares-jihadis-to-eye-of-mordor/]

[[Last Thursday|Recently]] [[BAWWW|Santorum complained]] about [[The Google|google's]] search results, when he is [[Buttsecks|the subject of]] [[gay|query]]. His latest effort has been to beg google admins to [[Censorship|censor]] out the [[Truth|gay sex related listings]] when typing his name into google search. In his words:[[TL;DR|“To have a business allow that type of filth to be purveyed through their Web site or through their system is something that they say they can’t handle, but I suspect that’s not true.”]] to which google responded by telling him [[STFU|“Users who want content removed from the Internet should contact the webmaster of the page directly”]]. [[Some Argue|Most expect]] this will be the [[No|end of it]].[http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/26/business/media/an-identity-hijacked-on-the-online-highway.html]

* [http://www.spreadingsantorum.com Official Website]

==Candidate Frothy==

{{quote|''And the question that keeps coming back to my mind about Santorum is: How can the "alternative to Romney" also be a Romney supporter?''|When Chuck Norris doesn't support you, you're pretty much screwed in conservative circles.}}

As if the [[Mantrain|GOP nominee lineup]] for the [[2012]] election season wasn't [[Mitt Romney|gay]] [[Newt Gingrich|enough]] [[Ron Paul|already]], Rick Santorum decided he needed to do the lawd's work and run for president and throw his frothy wisdom into the mix. While liberal hipster fucktards living a fantasy world didn't expect an upstanding, churchgoing, polite, fatherly man with an underdog reputation to do very well among a predominantly Christian population with epic Catholic immigration from Mexico, Santorum surprised nobody with a brain by winning 11 states. This attracted the ire of butthurt Paultards. However, this wasn't enough to win against Romney the Wonder Mormon. Faced with a high probability of defeat at the hands of Romney, Santorum threw in the towel.

Mitt Romney struggled to win the votes of evangelical Christians. How could he compete with a man whose very name means Saint? A man endorsed by THE DUDE WHO PLAYED JESUS, aka that Dude from Frequency, aka that Dude from the shitty remake of the Prisoner, aka that sexy beast from Person of Interest, aka Jim Caviezel?

Analysis of the situation by an unbiased panel of experts has revealed that Santorum only lost because he was a caring father who quit because he didn't want to abandon his sick daughter. Disney is currently planning a film based upon his heartwarming tale, with the Santorum role to be played by Jackie Chan or Will Smith.

<center><big>'''Remember, he's [[not gay]]!'''</big> 
{{fv|starvids|background-color: gray; text-align: center; font-weight: bold|font-weight: bold
|A matter of [[Closet|personal importance]] to him. <youtube>XrZtlnsBq_Y</youtube>
|tl;dr fags are terrorists <youtube>Dsqi89hSh54</youtube>}}</center>

==Santorum The Elite Gamer==

In 2012, it was revealed that Rick Santorum is a massive fan of Temple Run, an iPhone game where you defile a temple and run away from screaming monkeys. Some saw this as a metaphor for all the screaming fucktard liberals who thought Rick Santorum was trying to defile the White House.

Rick Santorum's daughter reported that her sugardaddy had scored over ONE MILLION points in the game. Which is probably a big deal.

If Rick Santorum had been voted President, the Xbox Next would have contained chocolate, and shot rainbows from the ventilation slots on bootup. Nice going, chumps.

==Santorum on [[Sex|The Issues]]==

*[[Faggotry|Gay Rights]]: Fervently opposes all things gay, despite being an obvious closet case himself. [[Srsly]], ED fully admits that this guy talks about gay sex even more than we do, and that's saying something.
*[[Abortion]]: Loves dead babies so much that he [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/01/04/presidential-candidate-rick-santorum-s-activist-first-lady-his-wife-karen.html aborted his own son] and '''[[Holy shit|brought it home for his children to play with]].'''

{{quote|''Rick Santorum is going to BAN CONTRACEPTION!''|Fucktard who hasn't paid attention to anything Santorum said on the topic.}}

==The heavy metal hoax==
In Feb, 2012 a lulzer named Keith Spillett wrote an article claiming Rick Santorum was going to round up all heavy metal fans and rehabilitate them with Celine Dion sing-alongs. The article was self-evident satire. Unfortunately, most of the readers had no idea what 'satire' meant, and started spreading the news that Santorum was a metal-hating arsehat.

But a brave group of warriors lept to the rescue, posting tweets and forum posts, setting the record straight. People stupid enough to believe Heavy Metal addiction could be cured by Celine Dion slunk away to their holes, and tried to erase all records of their overwhelming stupidity. To this date most involved refuse to talk about what happened, or the origin of the mysterious stains and rashes sustained for the salvation of humanity.

==Santorum The Substance==
[[Image:Santorum.gif|right|thumb|Santorum, the substance]]
[[Image:thesurgecontinues.png|right|thumb|"[[Tubgirl|The surge continues]]"]]
Santorum is defined as: The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. This definition was popularized by butthurt American columnist Dan Savage, in 2003, enraged that no matter what Rick Santorum did or said, millions of Americans thought he was basically a nice guy, even if he was a bit kooky, while every time Dan the Man called Christians names the American public got upset with him for some reason.

<blockquote>
''I was intrigued by your recent revival of an old Latin term for the by now familiar frothy agglomeration. While "Santorum" is an excellent word, it is a sad reminder of the state of the English language when opaque latinate lexica eclipse our solid Germanic root stock. After all, there is nothing wrong with the fine old Anglo-Saxon "buttbutter," the rustic charm of which evokes the scents and sensibilities of a stolid British grammar school. As regards this particular trope, English is fairly typical of Western European languages; witness the German cognate, "Arschbutter," or the French "beurre anal." Spanish, however, is an interesting exception. The term "Alsaon," like so many Spanish words that have survived since the end of the Moorish occupation, is derived from a Maghrebi-Berber term, which is in turn a corruption of a Latin loan word, none other than "Santorum"!''
</blockquote>

===What does santorum taste like?===
[[Image:Coleslawesome.gif|right|thumb]]
People claimed santorum tastes like one or more of the following:
* Coleslaw from [[KFC]]
* [[mudkip]]
* Coke Zero
* The nation of [[Romania|Lithuania]]
* [[Australia|Vegemite]]
* [[Fail]]
 

==Gallery of Repressed Homosexuality==
{{cg||homo|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:SantorumDaughter.jpg|They Told Me I Could Be Anything I Wanted, So I Became My Daughter
Image:Rick_Santorum_-_01.jpg
Image:Rick_Santorum_-_02.jpg
Image:Rick_Santorum_-_03.jpg
Image:Rick_Santorum_-_04.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Rick_Santorum_-_05.jpg
Image:Rick_Santorum_-_06.png
Image:Rick_Santorum_-_Loses.jpg
File:Santorum daughter crying.gif
</gallery>
|}}
 

==See Also==
*[[Babypaste]]
*[[Paul Ryan]]
*[[Rick Perry]]

{{FoxNews}}
{{faggotry}}
{{sex}}
{{closetcases}}
{{politics}}