Red Dead Redemption - Revision history

imported>ZoneDart at 08:57, 24 May 2021

2021-05-24T08:57:38Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 08:57, 24 May 2021
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	Red Dead Redemption, a.k.a. [[GTA]] 1910s, is yet another sandbox game by the [[Britfag]] [[Jews\|Game Producers]], Rockstar Games; this time they switch it up a little by letting the [[Mexico\|Spicfags]] at Rockstar San Diego crap out a sequel to the shitty game they made, [[Shit\|Red Dead Revolver]]. The game is now known as [[Lie\|THE BEST GAEM EVAR!!11!]] by every 13 year old boy that owns a [[PS3]] or [[Xbox 360]]. It takes place in the 1[[911]] in [[Texas]] and [[Mexico]], what technically makes it not a Western, but a [[World War I]] shooter. The whole game revolves around [[you]] trying to kill a bunch of Mexicans and niggers so that you can have your wife and son back [[Josef Fritzl\|so you can lock them in a dungeon and show them your rattle snake.]] The game is full of nutty [[Libertarian\|Libertarians]] <s>talking to you</s> [[tl;dr\|too long didn't listen]] while riding on [[furry\|horseback]] about how the darn dirty gub'mint is up to no good, because we all know [[no\|how awesome the old west was]].		Red Dead Redemption, a.k.a. [[GTA]] 1910s, is yet another sandbox game by the [[Britfag]] [[Jews\|Game Producers]], Rockstar Games; this time they switch it up a little by letting the [[Mexico\|Spicfags]] at Rockstar San Diego crap out a sequel to the shitty game they made, [[Shit\|Red Dead Revolver]]. The game is now known as [[Lie\|THE BEST GAEM EVAR!!11!]] by every 13 year old boy that owns a [[PS3]] or [[Xbox 360]]. It takes place in the 1[[911]] in [[Texas]] and [[Mexico]], what technically makes it not a Western, but a [[World War I]] shooter. The whole game revolves around [[you]] trying to kill a bunch of Mexicans and niggers so that you can have your wife and son back [[Josef Fritzl\|so you can lock them in a dungeon and show them your rattle snake.]] The game is full of nutty [[Libertarian\|Libertarians]] <s>talking to you</s> [[tl;dr\|too long didn't listen]] while riding on [[furry\|horseback]] about how the darn dirty gub'mint is up to no good, because we all know [[no\|how awesome the old west was]].

	Also full of ~~glitches~~ (see below).		Also full of bugs (see below).

imported>MJ2.0 at 20:28, 17 November 2018

2018-11-17T20:28:04Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:28, 17 November 2018
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	Amazingly, you survive and wake up at a ranch and greeted by a whore by the name of [[Boner\|Bonnie]] [[Family Guy\|McFarlane]]. You then start to become her [[bitch]], doing the ranch work, which usually consists of [[bestiality\|sodomizing]] her horses and shooting niggas who try to ''steal'' the [[Bike\|horses.]] The developers somehow thought that a game where you round up cattle for three hours is fun. The whole rest of the game includes you trying to round up a posse to help you kill the rest of your gang and trying to liberate Mexico.		Amazingly, you survive and wake up at a ranch and greeted by a whore by the name of [[Boner\|Bonnie]] [[Family Guy\|McFarlane]]. You then start to become her [[bitch]], doing the ranch work, which usually consists of [[bestiality\|sodomizing]] her horses and shooting niggas who try to ''steal'' the [[Bike\|horses.]] The developers somehow thought that a game where you round up cattle for three hours is fun. The whole rest of the game includes you trying to round up a posse to help you kill the rest of your gang and trying to liberate Mexico.

	In Mexico, you meet an [[Oldfag]] who teaches you how to really shoot a [[/k/\|gun]]. Then you go work for the army. When you walk up to the [[gay]] Mexican army commander he acts all [[butthurt]] and threatens to shoot you, then reveals he's [[trolling]] and welcomes you in. After riding with him (in [[Buttsecks\|more ways]] than one), he eventually betrays you because you've been working with the rebels too. Just as you're about to [[pwnd\|take a revolver round to the head]], your new rebel friends kill all the army fags. You then spend about 10 missions working for the rebel leader where you get to see [[DO NOT WANT\|saggy Mexican tits]], enact your horrible vengeance on your betrayers, and find the Mexican and the guy you're after. Victory? Not yet...		In Mexico, you meet an [[Oldfag]] who teaches you how to really shoot a [[k/\|gun]]. Then you go work for the army. When you walk up to the [[gay]] Mexican army commander he acts all [[butthurt]] and threatens to shoot you, then reveals he's [[trolling]] and welcomes you in. After riding with him (in [[Buttsecks\|more ways]] than one), he eventually betrays you because you've been working with the rebels too. Just as you're about to [[pwnd\|take a revolver round to the head]], your new rebel friends kill all the army fags. You then spend about 10 missions working for the rebel leader where you get to see [[DO NOT WANT\|saggy Mexican tits]], enact your horrible vengeance on your betrayers, and find the Mexican and the guy you're after. Victory? Not yet...

	After killing the Mexican and your [[fag\|ex-best friend]], [[the man\|the darn dirty gub'mint]] decides to <s>let you have your family back</s> [[lol\|kill your family]]. At this point, instead of just continuing mowing down wave after wave of enemies without any effort, the game suddenly decides to take over for you and gets you [[an hero\|heroically killed]] to save your wife and son, and you realize why your enemies were so ridiculously easy to shoot all the time: The game just sucks at playing itself. Your emo son Jack then takes over play and sets out to avenge you, and we are deeply moved, because John Marston [[wincest\|was very close to him]].		After killing the Mexican and your [[fag\|ex-best friend]], [[the man\|the darn dirty gub'mint]] decides to <s>let you have your family back</s> [[lol\|kill your family]]. At this point, instead of just continuing mowing down wave after wave of enemies without any effort, the game suddenly decides to take over for you and gets you [[an hero\|heroically killed]] to save your wife and son, and you realize why your enemies were so ridiculously easy to shoot all the time: The game just sucks at playing itself. Your emo son Jack then takes over play and sets out to avenge you, and we are deeply moved, because John Marston [[wincest\|was very close to him]].
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	<center><youtube>N79aJ4MahkU</youtube></center>		<center><youtube>N79aJ4MahkU</youtube></center>
	At least they kill [[Mexicans]] too...		At least they kill [[Mexicans]] too...

			==Gallery==
			<center>
			<gallery>
			File:RedDeadRedemptionGameplay.jpg
			</gallery>
			</center>

	== See Also ==		== See Also ==
			*[[Red Dead Redemption 2]]
			*[[Cowboy]]
	*[[GTA]]		*[[GTA]]
	*[[Mexico]]
	*[[America]]
	*[[Cowboy]]
	*[[Playstation 3]]
	*[[Xbox 360]]
	*[[Texas]]
	*[[Randroid]]		*[[Randroid]]
	*[[Brokeback Mountain]]

			{{GTA}}
	{{Gaming}}		{{Gaming}}

imported>Khaoskid at 18:08, 20 January 2014

2014-01-20T18:08:18Z

← Older revision	Revision as of 18:08, 20 January 2014
(No difference)

imported>Khaoskid at 18:08, 20 January 2014

2014-01-20T18:08:18Z

← Older revision	Revision as of 18:08, 20 January 2014
(No difference)

imported>Khaoskid at 18:08, 20 January 2014

2014-01-20T18:08:18Z

← Older revision	Revision as of 18:08, 20 January 2014
(No difference)

imported>Khaoskid at 18:08, 20 January 2014

2014-01-20T18:08:18Z

New page

{{spoilers|text=JOHN MARSTON GOES TO FORT MERCER TO KILL BILL WILLIAMSON AND GETS SHOT! JOHN SURVIVES AND DOES A SHIT TON OF FETCH QUESTS AND COWBOY SHIT AND GETS A FUCKING MACHINE GUN!! JOHN AND A BUNCH OF FAGGOTS ATTACK FORT MERCER BUT BILL FUCKS OFF BEFORE JOHN CAN KILL HIM! JOHN GOES OVER TO MEXICO AND SHOOTS UP HALF OF MEXICO TO FIND HIS SPICFAG EX BUDDY!!!! IN THE END JOHN KILLS HIS OLD FRIENDS AND HIS MENTOR BECOMES AN HERO!!!!!! JOHN MARSTON DIES AND HIS SON REPLACES HIM}}

{{quote|Christ alive! What the hell went wrong back there?!?|[[The Man|Edgar Ross]], commenting on your massive amount of fail.}}

[[File:Cowboy_Bear.jpg|thumb|right|The main character of Red Dead Redemption, John Marston]]

Take [[gta|GTA4]], now add [[fallout|Fallout: New Vegas]], and then add [[Brokeback Mountain]] and what you get is '''Red Dead Redemption'''.

Red Dead Redemption, a.k.a. [[GTA]] 1910s, is yet another sandbox game by the [[Britfag]] [[Jews|Game Producers]], Rockstar Games; this time they switch it up a little by letting the [[Mexico|Spicfags]] at Rockstar San Diego crap out a sequel to the shitty game they made, [[Shit|Red Dead Revolver]]. The game is now known as [[Lie|THE BEST GAEM EVAR!!11!]] by every 13 year old boy that owns a [[PS3]] or [[Xbox 360]]. It takes place in the 1[[911]] in [[Texas]] and [[Mexico]], what technically makes it not a Western, but a [[World War I]] shooter. The whole game revolves around [[you]] trying to kill a bunch of Mexicans and niggers so that you can have your wife and son back [[Josef Fritzl|so you can lock them in a dungeon and show them your rattle snake.]] The game is full of nutty [[Libertarian|Libertarians]] <s>talking to you</s> [[tl;dr|too long didn't listen]] while riding on [[furry|horseback]] about how the darn dirty gub'mint is up to no good, because we all know [[no|how awesome the old west was]].

Also full of glitches (see below).

== The Plot ==
[[File:RDR cougar mighty fine horse.jpg|thumb|Fucking Cougars...]]
Most of the gameplay includes taming wild black stallions to use as your mount. The Outlaw [[Jimbo Wales|Josey Wales]] uses A Fistful of Dollars to buy Two Mules For Sister Sara, and then goes on to Hang 'Em High For a Few Dollars More, all while fighting The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly... Okay, okay, enough Western movie jokes, here's the real plot:

You are <s>Clint Eastwood</s> [[role playing|John Marston]], a retired outlaw and serial rapist who was sent to Texas by the government to [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|hunt down]] every member of your [[4chan|old gang]] so that the government can give you your family back.

The game starts off with you getting off in a boat in the city of Blackwater. After five fucking minutes of watching yourself walk down the street, you finally get aboard a train, where you watch the landscape as two [[MILF|grannies]] talk about how Mexico is full of [[brony|retarded donkey lovers]] and [[Indians|Injuns]], and how glad they are that [[America|Americuh]] is finally occupying that "savage land". On the train, you also hear a [[pedophile|priest]] talk to his daughter about how [[god hates fags|everyone who isn't Christian will go to hell]] but then says that [[obvious|"there's a great difference between an innocent and a savage"]], while John barely contains his [[rage]]. After arriving in a shitty town called [[EXTREME ANIMALS|Armadillo]] and meeting a retarded redneck, you start to ride a horse along with him to your gang's hideout, which is a big fucking fort in the middle of the open desert. After talking to the person you're supposed to be killing, he gets impatient and shoots you in the [[headshot|fucking face]].

Amazingly, you survive and wake up at a ranch and greeted by a whore by the name of [[Boner|Bonnie]] [[Family Guy|McFarlane]]. You then start to become her [[bitch]], doing the ranch work, which usually consists of [[bestiality|sodomizing]] her horses and shooting niggas who try to ''steal'' the [[Bike|horses.]] The developers somehow thought that a game where you round up cattle for three hours is fun. The whole rest of the game includes you trying to round up a posse to help you kill the rest of your gang and trying to liberate Mexico.

In Mexico, you meet an [[Oldfag]] who teaches you how to really shoot a [[/k/|gun]]. Then you go work for the army. When you walk up to the [[gay]] Mexican army commander he acts all [[butthurt]] and threatens to shoot you, then reveals he's [[trolling]] and welcomes you in. After riding with him (in [[Buttsecks|more ways]] than one), he eventually betrays you because you've been working with the rebels too. Just as you're about to [[pwnd|take a revolver round to the head]], your new rebel friends kill all the army fags. You then spend about 10 missions working for the rebel leader where you get to see [[DO NOT WANT|saggy Mexican tits]], enact your horrible vengeance on your betrayers, and find the Mexican and the guy you're after. Victory? Not yet...

After killing the Mexican and your [[fag|ex-best friend]], [[the man|the darn dirty gub'mint]] decides to <s>let you have your family back</s> [[lol|kill your family]]. At this point, instead of just continuing mowing down wave after wave of enemies without any effort, the game suddenly decides to take over for you and gets you [[an hero|heroically killed]] to save your wife and son, and you realize why your enemies were so ridiculously easy to shoot all the time: The game just sucks at playing itself. Your emo son Jack then takes over play and sets out to avenge you, and we are deeply moved, because John Marston [[wincest|was very close to him]].

Fortunately this very fail ending can be avoided if you equip the High Power Pistol and press Right Trigger/R2 + A/X repeatedly before the final cutscene. It triggers an alternative ending: John Marston doesn't get shot and we watch Jack grow up as a happy, emotionally balanced child, until John and and his wife Abigail decide to divorce since they feel they drifted apart emotionally. John then becomes a mailman, his wife returns to her previous life as a prostitute and Jack start synchronizing funny cartoon sounds.

== Main Characters ==
[[File:Brokeback_A-Log.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The dastardly Bill Williamson.]]
*'''John Marston''', the gay cowboy trying to get his family back. He loves to hunt for [[Cock|rattle snakes]].
*'''Bonnie McFarlane''', the [[whore]] who saves your ass and then makes you her [[bitch]] for the rest of the game. Wants to bang John, but he's a [[fag|MARRIED MAN]].
*'''Marshal Johnston''', the possible leading actor in Brokeback Mountain, is a guy who sends you to [[troll|hunt the local gang, and bring their leader back as a sex slave]].
*'''Nigel West Dickens''', [[Troll|an 180 year old scam artist who pisses in a bottle and sells it to people by claiming it cures cancer.]] Also known as "Westley Snipes' Nigger Dick" or "Nigel [[Hawaiian Dicking|It's-Time-For-A-Dickings]]".
*'''[[Gollum|Seth Briars]]''', a scrawny bum who's very much enthusiastic about finding some Jew gold. And please note, he [[cum|puts his bodily fluids]] into the [[goatse|virgin anus of your now dead grandmother]].
*'''[[Irish]]''', an aptly named, limey drunk with a shiver-me-shamrocks accent. Has two friends, imaginatively called [[Welsh]] and [[French]].
*'''Jack Marston''', John's son. You play as after he dies, but don't find this out until the end of the main storyline. Oh, by the way, spoilers. He also has a voice that [[Justin Bieber|sounds as though he has garden peas between his legs.]]
*'''[[Dutch]] Van Der Linde''', the leader of your old gang who looks like a mix between a homeless [[Romania|vampire]] and [[Watchmen|The Comedian]].
*'''Bill Williamson''', balding, neckbearded [[rapist]] who used to run in the same gang as you. He also [[cuckoldry|fucked your wife]]. Pwns you at the beginning of the game. You get him back by [[I Am In Your Base Killing Your D00ds|sneaking into his hideout with a fucking minigun]], and then later on, pwn him in Mexico.
*'''[[Che Guevara|Abraham Reyes]]''', a Mexican revolutionary leading of the Mexican drug trafficking niggas against the government. [[Lie|Possibly best Mexican ever]].
*'''Harold MacDougal''', an old-timey, racist anthropology professor who does cocaine. No, seriously.
*'''Edgar Ross''', a fat, pasty, moustachio'd fed who hates John Marston because he refuses him any buttsex.
*'''HERBERT MOOOOOOOOOON''', an old time racist bastard who runs the shop in Armadillo. Quite possibly the lulziest character in the game, [[LOLWUT|he plays poker and you can kill him, then buy something from him right after, and then watch him take on the fucking army and never die while shouting his name constantly or blaming everything on gay nigger Jews]].

== Multiplayer ==
Rockstar games introduced a new and [[original]] way of multiplayer, which they named Free Roam. It lets you choose a gang/character skin out of 12 categories (see list below). Once you choose your character, you are now set free to do whatever the fuck you want in the single player world, except that there are other people playing with you. You can then group up with people to create posses, so that you can go around the map spawn camping every player with a name that starts with xXx running around shooting birds wearing a sombrero (98% of the game population). Your posse can also go and [[rape]] random gang hideouts for experience so that you can level up and get better loot. [[world of warcraft|Sound familiar?]]

Although, in reality, you'll be fucked over badly by the same [[fag|high level player]], whilst riding your shit donkey.

== Multiplayer Characters ==
[[File:Reddeadmultiplayer.jpg|thumb|From left to right, typical Walton's Gang, Dutch's Gang, Cattle Rustlers]]

*'''Miners'''. In the multiplayer, you are guaranteed to never find a player playing as a miner (Unless its that fat [[aspie]] that you unlock last), maybe it's because it's not as appealing as the others, or maybe it's because they look like homeless people who somehow got a hold of a [[weapon]].
*'''Rebeldes'''. [[Ugly]] [[Mexicans]] who wear ponchos. 69% of the people who play as Rebeldes are people who like to solo gang hideouts (why not use singleplayer(?)).
*'''Dutch's Gang'''. Dutch's gang is mainly all full of [[Injun|Injuns]] except for one blond drunk who doesn't fit in at all and a large-eyed nigger.
*'''Walton's Gang'''. Niggers who wear top hats and unbuttoned shirts. 80% of the gang hideouts include you killing them. All of the characters wear the same clothes and look the exact same, except for their skin color.
*'''Cattle Rustlers'''. [[redneck|The true Texans]] Almost everyone plays as a cattle rustlers as they all want to look like "super kewl caoboyz". If you do play as one, you will most likely get spawn camped by a misc. Mexican.
*'''American Army'''. The True heart of [[america|AMERICUH]]. This group is full of Sgt Heartman lookalikes. In the multiplayer they can usually be found in the town of [[i drink your milkshake|Plainview]] making sure all the Jew oil is getting off the ground.
*'''Federales'''. ...*'''Lawmen'''. The [[cops]] of the west. Nobody cares about them, or plays as them.
*'''Misc Woman''' This skin group was created so that Rockstar games wouldn't be boycotted by [[feminist]] women. This, though, didn't help as all of the female characters they created are either Ugly Mexicans or whores (with the exception of one granny in Legendary). Besides, everyone who plays a female in the game is actually a guy.
*'''Misc Mexicans'''. The Misc Mexicans are what you expect from stereotypical Mexicans. They are brown, have mustaches, wear ponchos, and all of them wear a sombrero (no, [[srsly]]).
*'''Misc Criminals'''. The playable "bad guise". Notice how most of them are [[black]]
*'''Legendary'''. The character skins you unlock at legendary mode. The normal skins are probably a lot better as the ultimate reward for beating the ultimate level cap for the multilayer is an ugly granny and a [[lolwut|zebra donkey]].

== Awesome Programming ==
[[Last Thursday]], an [[360 kid|Xbox kiddie]] was peacefully playing a game, while he stumbled across a minor glitch. Sorry, he actually stumbled into a [[lolwut|Donkey Woman]]. That's right, [[manbearpig|Half Donkey, Half Women and Half Mexican]] (Result of [[bestiality]]). He then posted a video of him riding his new mighty steed across the great plains.

<center><youtube>7q7v4F8r9Og</youtube></center>

The Same Xbox Kiddie found another interesting glitch. This time, it was a fucking [[Tiger Woods|cougar man]]. Although this glitch is not as bizarre as the Donkey women in terms of visuals, it looks like it's something out of [[pyramid head|Silent Hill]], or a bearded Mexican midget.

<center><youtube>jVVXyKP1FVk</youtube></center>

But creating a donkey woman and a cougar man wasn't enough for Rockstar, no, they wanted [[moar]] [[furries|retarded human + animal combos]]. So they created flying people with fucking wings that you can shoot and turn into crows.

<center><youtube>kYdCvN-ukRY</youtube></center>

And that's not all - they even created a [[Metal Gear Solid|snake person]] in order to appeal to the people that think furry porn is to lopsided toward furry things and that even cold-blooded creatures need some loving too. Also, this one is [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NightmareFuel?from=Main.HighOctaneNightmareFuel good for sucking your dick].

<center><youtube>4DWvAmnmkJs</youtube></center>

== Fucking cougars (and other wildlife) ==
[[File:Cougars Gonna Coug.jpg|thumb|right|200px|FUCKING COUGARS!]]
The main thing in Red Dead Redemption that doesn't make it Grand Theft Horse is the [[EXTREME ANIMALS|animals]] other than your [[Mr. Hands|horse]]. This beautiful wildlife observation simulation offers you [[at least 100]] animals to [[kill|observe]] in their natural habitats, including Bears, Dear, Elk, Sheep, [[furry|foxes]], Snakes, Wolves and -amazingly- wild purebred Race Horses to name a few. There are also buffalo [[awesome|which you can drive to extinction]], showing white man doesn't respect the land.

However, the worst of them all, the force of nature that makes bears shit themselves, are the almighty cougars. Motherfuckers sneak up behind you and kill your horse, then while collecting yourself they kill you, too. [[rape|You can sometimes find cougars chasing bears and killing them]]. Go into Tall Trees in multiplayer, you'll understand where you belong in the food chain after they fuck you up your horses ass. This sparked a fail [[meme]]: fucking cougars, as you'll be screaming that has they murder you.

Cougars also turn picking flowers into a manly thing. Only the toughest men survived the search for a Violet Snowdrop.

<center><youtube>N79aJ4MahkU</youtube></center>
At least they kill [[Mexicans]] too...

== See Also ==
*[[GTA]]
*[[Mexico]]
*[[America]]
*[[Cowboy]]
*[[Playstation 3]]
*[[Xbox 360]]
*[[Texas]]
*[[Randroid]]
*[[Brokeback Mountain]]

{{Gaming}}