Paul in the Mall at 21:03, 16 September 2025

2025-09-16T21:03:51Z

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			[[Category:Peru]]
	[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]		[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]

Paul in the Mall at 23:00, 24 February 2025

2025-02-24T23:00:24Z

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			{{Spanish}}
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DinkDummy: Peru's biggest horrorcow

2024-11-28T22:45:39Z

Peru's biggest horrorcow

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:45, 28 November 2024
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	*[[Copy]] - national sport		*[[Copy]] - national sport
	*[[Dota 2]] - Peruvian argument simulator		*[[Dota 2]] - Peruvian argument simulator
			*[[Reeven03]] - The Worst Troll in His Country

	{{Commonwealth}}		{{Commonwealth}}

imported>Mike the Great: /* See also */

2016-06-16T18:32:21Z

imported>Blayalth at 04:59, 16 April 2015

2015-04-16T04:59:52Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:59, 16 April 2015
(No difference)

imported>Blayalth at 04:59, 16 April 2015

2015-04-16T04:59:52Z

← Older revision	Revision as of 04:59, 16 April 2015
(No difference)

imported>Blayalth at 04:59, 16 April 2015

2015-04-16T04:59:52Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:59, 16 April 2015
(No difference)

imported>Blayalth at 04:59, 16 April 2015

2015-04-16T04:59:52Z

New page

[[Image:Perustory.jpg|thumb|left|240px|Good news from the sky]]
[[Image:Peruvians.jpg|thumb|Hat- and poncho-mad]]
[[Image:Guineapigs.jpg|thumb|left|They are surprisingly tasty]]
[[Image:Astro2.jpg|thumb|another one is on its way]]
[[Image:Asteroidtracking Map.gif|thumb|left|A path of destruction]]
[[Image:Aalima.JPG|thumb|Meteor-prone region]]

'''Peru''' is a country in South America, wedged tightly between [[Mexico]] and [[Brazil]]. It is a nation inhabited mostly by cruel Spaniard Conquistadores and native [[Abo|indigenous]] Indian people who are crazy for any kind of hat or poncho, and who consider the "guinea pig," which they call the "cuy," to be a [[Delicious Cake|delicious meal]]. They wash down the cuy with "Inka Kola," the world's sweetest soda pop, a remnant from their days as the mighty Inka warriors of centuries ago. The natives of Peru also invented [[cocaine]], bestowing upon the world the gift of this [[:Image:Cokehayfever.jpg|wonderful hay fever remedy]].

===Space disease===

In September, 2007, a meteorite from [[Scientology|outer space]] crashed into Peru, leaving a crater resembling a large mud puddle. Immediately, hundreds of Indians became sick and didn't show up for their shifts at the local gold mine. [[Unwarranted self-importance|Scientists]] initially believed the Indians were all just hung over and making shit up as usual, but sure enough, it actually was a meteorite that crashed there, unleashing a [[AIDS|bizarre and toxic virus-like organism]] that began to proliferate throughout the world, [[I Am In Your Base Killing Your D00ds|eventually killing everyone]].

===Or is it spies?!===
[[Image:Perujustice.png|thumb|The people of Peru are bad-asses. A gang of thieves led by a guy nick-named Bruce Lee was caught by a bunch of farmers. After breaking their faces and other bones with rocks and sticks, with the thieves begging for mercy and cowering in their van, the farmers set the van on fire and all the thieves burned to death. This was perfectly legal to do and is merely presented as an interesting anecdote.]]
According to [[Borat|Russian Military Intelligence Analysts]], this is not from a meteor at all, but is the US [[aspergers|A's spie]] satellite KH-13, targeting Iran, '"destroyed in its orbit"' with its main power generator powered by the radioactive isotope Pu-238 surviving re-entry and crashing in Peru. [http://english.pravda.ru/opinion/feedback/20-09-2007/97410-american_spy_satellite-0 The sick people are merely suffering from radiation poisoning].

Most [[tl;dr|astonishing]] about these reports, however, are that they state that it was the Americans themselves who destroyed their own spy satellite, with the attack upon it being made by the United States Air Forces' 30th Space Wing located at Vandenberg Air Force Base in [[California]]. This was done in preparation for the upcoming [[Star Wars|Total War]] with [[Iran]].

===However===

If it is in fact a meteor crater, these enormous impacts are relatively common in Peru. For example, this e-mail message discusses a similar event from a few years ago:

<blockquote>
Date: Fri, 6 Feb 2004 08:46:16 -0500 
From: "Celso Montalvo" 
Subject: Meteoritos en Perú 

Dear Friends, 
Yesterday there were news of the fall of meteorites in '''two''' places at the south of Perú. One of the supposed meteorites fell on saturday Jan.31st on Chillapuquio, some 20 km near Cuzco and produced a hole around '''20 m diameter and 30 m deep'''. The images in TV yesterday show a round hole with fractured edges. The second supposed meteorite fell monday Feb.02nd on Aplao, a city some 160 km NW of Arequipa and some 300 km SW from the first event. This second event ocurred in an inaccesible area so people has not reach the place. People of the area had seen a bright fireball falling around midday and seismographs registered a quake of 3.5 Mercalli.
</blockquote>

===[[lie|Faking it]]===
Now that the dust has literally and figuratively settled, or at least figuratively, it now appears that the Peruvians were just [[Lie|faking it]], probably to get out of working in their coal mines, coffee plantations, drug fields, and potato farms. Supposedly, all the media report about it made the Peruvians THINK they were sick, which is ridiculous because Peruvians can't read and Peru only has less than 100 TVs in the whole country. Further, it now seems they were probabily faking it when they said they saw a meteorite, probably spaced out on [[Drug|drugs]], and that if a [[Rosie O'Donnell|gigantic object from space]] did land near them, it probably just kicked up all the arsenic they were using to try to kill all their rats (it didn't work. They still have a ton of delicious rats).

==But wait, there's more==
<center>'''Fucking [[American|gringo]] comes to Peru and tries to steal the meteorite from the local Indians.''' 
[[Image:Uglyamerican.png]]</center>

==Fact of the day==
[[Image:MissPeru.jpeg|thumb|Miss Peru]]
[[Image:MissVenezuela.jpg|thumb|left|Miss Venezuela]]
Prior to the destruction of Peru by the American Airforce [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7076907.stm], we thought it might be useful to publish a handy guide to distinguishing Peru from [[Communist]] [[oil]]-rich Venezuela.

(a) None of Venezuela's lakes have such an amusing name as Lake [[Tit]]i[[Shit|caca]] 
(b) Paddington [[Bear]] does not come from Venezuela 
(c) Peru is one on the left (if you hold the map with [[americunts|North America]] at the top of the page) whilst Venezuela is northeast of [[drugs|Colombia]] 
(d) Venezuela does not contain [[New Mexico|alien airstrips]] 
(e) Miss Venezuela is more conventionally attractive but Miss Peru can prepare delicious baked [[cat|guinea pig]] 

==See also==
*[[Copy]] - national sport

{{Commonwealth}}

[[Category:Locations]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:32, 16 June 2016
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	==Fact of the day==		==Fact of the day==
	[[Image:~~MissPeru~~.~~jpeg~~\|thumb\|Miss Peru]]		[[Image:118375301817148372 6825ccffda.jpg\|thumb\|Miss Peru]]
	[[Image:MissVenezuela.jpg\|thumb\|left\|Miss Venezuela]]		[[Image:MissVenezuela.jpg\|thumb\|left\|Miss Venezuela]]
	Prior to the destruction of Peru by the American Airforce [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7076907.stm], we thought it might be useful to publish a handy guide to distinguishing Peru from [[Communist]] [[oil]]-rich Venezuela.		Prior to the destruction of Peru by the American Airforce [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7076907.stm], we thought it might be useful to publish a handy guide to distinguishing Peru from [[Communist]] [[oil]]-rich Venezuela.
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	==See also==		==See also==
	*[[Copy]] - national sport		*[[Copy]] - national sport
			*[[Dota 2]] - Peruvian argument simulator

	{{Commonwealth}}		{{Commonwealth}}

Peru - Revision history

Paul in the Mall at 21:03, 16 September 2025

Paul in the Mall at 23:00, 24 February 2025

DinkDummy: Peru's biggest horrorcow

imported>Mike the Great: /* See also */

imported>Blayalth at 04:59, 16 April 2015

imported>Blayalth at 04:59, 16 April 2015

imported>Blayalth at 04:59, 16 April 2015

imported>Blayalth at 04:59, 16 April 2015