Middle Ages - Revision history

imported>AlexdG: /* John XII. */

2015-03-23T03:15:20Z

John XII.

← Older revision	Revision as of 03:15, 23 March 2015
(No difference)

imported>AlexdG: /* John XII. */

2015-03-23T03:15:20Z

John XII.

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:15, 23 March 2015
(No difference)

imported>AlexdG: /* John XII. */

2015-03-23T03:15:20Z

John XII.

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:15, 23 March 2015
(No difference)

imported>AlexdG: /* John XII. */

2015-03-23T03:15:20Z

John XII.

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:15, 23 March 2015
Line 44:		Line 44:
	====John XII.====		====John XII.====
	Got the Job at the age of 18, through the help of his Dad who happened to be a local Nobleman. Johnny’s papacy was quiet what you would imagine from a spoiled 18-year old: a never ending Frat party with the addition of raped Nuns, satanic Rituals and the castration of Monks.		Got the Job at the age of 18, through the help of his Dad who happened to be a local Nobleman. Johnny’s papacy was quiet what you would imagine from a spoiled 18-year old: a never ending Frat party with the addition of raped Nuns, satanic Rituals and the castration of Monks.
	Jhonny died at the ripe age of 28 through stroke, the stroke of a Mallet, held by a man who just found the pope in his bed, and his wife.		Jhonny died at the ripe age of 28 through stroke, the stroke of a Mallet, held by a man who just found the pope in his bed, and in his wife.

	====Stephan VI. ====		====Stephan VI. ====
	Best known for putting the corpse of his predecessor on trial, and sentencing said corpse to, believe it or not, death.		Best known for putting the corpse of his predecessor on trial, and sentencing said corpse to, believe it or not, death.

imported>AlexdG: /* Religion */

2015-01-19T11:55:20Z

Religion

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:55, 19 January 2015
Line 51:		Line 51:
	The Guy who invented the Inquisition to troll and pwn all the heretics, [[Islam\|muslims]] and Jews.		The Guy who invented the Inquisition to troll and pwn all the heretics, [[Islam\|muslims]] and Jews.
	It is said that he himself invented new ways to torture people for fun and profit, and that he was more than eager to [[Sick fuck\|do the cutting, breaking and burning himself]]. Today he would be considered as a workaholic.		It is said that he himself invented new ways to torture people for fun and profit, and that he was more than eager to [[Sick fuck\|do the cutting, breaking and burning himself]]. Today he would be considered as a workaholic.
			===Afterlife===
			If you have lived a good and just life, which in plain english would translate as: If you didnt question the churchs bullshit, payed the church, failed at enjoying sex, didnt eat certain food items during the wrong day of the week, and if you did abstain from cursing, you would go to heaven to watch the glory of god for all eternity in everlasting bliss, but if you failed to do all these things and many more (read the bible for detailed information), and we know you and any other breathing thing would fail to do so, you would be cast into hell to burn and suffer for all eternity, which is quiet a long time especially towards the end.
			To sum it up, if you did it right you would recieve nothing else than the questionable honor of starring at god, while he is doing divine things like his allmighty laundry, if you did it wrong, you would be tortured for all eternity, possibly by getting sodomized by demons and watching Satan doing his laundry, but after the first five billion years the buttsecks would lose all the horror and it would be all the same like in heaven.
			An alternative may be to join Islam, do the Jihad and earn 72 Virgins. But even if you dont die for Allah you would recieve marvelous benefits like a palace that reaches to the horizon, thousands of servants, an everlasting party with drinks, drugs, porkchops and the amazing ability of never ever having to use the bathroom again. A normal person would get bored after the first three weeks of that sort of party, but if you consider the mindset and low intellect of the average believer you understand how this could go on forever.

	==Drugs==		==Drugs==

imported>AlexdG: /* Daily Life */

2015-01-14T22:08:06Z

Daily Life

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:08, 14 January 2015
Line 20:		Line 20:
	==Daily Life==		==Daily Life==
	Aside from famine, plague, infant mortality, tyrants, barbarians, church-instated cock-block, and everywhere smelling like a mix of shit and [[You\|body odor]], life in the middle ages actually wasn't that [[India\|different from today]]. Of course, back then there was no Industrialization and so every single thing you ate had just come out of the ground covered in dirt and worm shit. In this way, medieval life probably would have been a [[hippie]]'s wet dream.		Aside from famine, plague, infant mortality, tyrants, barbarians, church-instated cock-block, and everywhere smelling like a mix of shit and [[You\|body odor]], life in the middle ages actually wasn't that [[India\|different from today]]. Of course, back then there was no Industrialization and so every single thing you ate had just come out of the ground covered in dirt and worm shit. In this way, medieval life probably would have been a [[hippie]]'s wet dream.
			===Vikings===
			If you ever have encountered scandinavian tourists you know how the average european peasent must have felt back in the day.
			The Vikings swept over europe like a wave of unshaved rage, pillaging, rapeing and burning everything that was not already on fire.
			If the encountered locals could be turned in to currency they were taken back to the north, many of those turned into slaves were Monks which were more than eager to get martyred.

	==Art==		==Art==

imported>AlexdG: /* Drugs */

2015-01-14T21:55:49Z

Drugs

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:55, 14 January 2015
Line 51:		Line 51:
	Since no one gave a shit about peasants seeing purple dragons and foaming out of the mouth, people could go high on [[Shrooms\|all the stuff available in the woods]] (or everything the cat dragged home) and many did so, although the primary mean of getting fucked up was [[Alcohol\|alcohol]].		Since no one gave a shit about peasants seeing purple dragons and foaming out of the mouth, people could go high on [[Shrooms\|all the stuff available in the woods]] (or everything the cat dragged home) and many did so, although the primary mean of getting fucked up was [[Alcohol\|alcohol]].
	Important side effects of drug experiments during that time were divine revelations, weird paintings, brain damage, being burned as witch, and leading [[The Crusades\|a crusade to the holy land]].		Important side effects of drug experiments during that time were divine revelations, weird paintings, brain damage, being burned as witch, and leading [[The Crusades\|a crusade to the holy land]].
			==Medicine==
			Medical Science in the Middleages was not a real science, but more like a collection of stupid, unproven and dagerous concepts, of which some happend to work, but most the time they didnt, which resulted in pain, death and lulz for the survivors... until they got the measles.
			Many cures did include bloodletting, prayer, exorcism, fucking a virgin, being touched by a king, or consuming bodyparts of an executed criminal, and none of that was covered by social security.
			Some of these cures were only affordable by the nobility who had enough cash to buy the bones of saints to get rid of that rash on their scrotum, unfortunately that did work as well as the cow-dung the peasents rubbed on their balls, it did nothing at all.
			Most of the time physicians had just to resort to remove the part that was affected by a disease, which ment they had to give anesthesia to the patient(make him/her as drunk as possible) and start sawing. If your leg got infected, it had to go, if you had toothache, your tooth had to go, if you got pneumonia, you had to go, but for the usual pain and suffering you could purchase Theriac at the local drugstore. Theriac was a mix of viper flesh, roots, oils, herbs and freakin opium, which beside the other shit, actually worked
			So the best way to stay alive and healthy during this time was to avoid physicians, hookers and large crowds, especially when the black death was around, or the Mongols.

	==Sex==		==Sex==

imported>Boanerges: /* Society */ fixed link from previous edit

2015-01-12T10:47:44Z

Society: fixed link from previous edit

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:47, 12 January 2015
Line 14:		Line 14:
	[[File:Respectful_nodding_man_knight.jpg\|right\|One of the Knights of the downed table]]		[[File:Respectful_nodding_man_knight.jpg\|right\|One of the Knights of the downed table]]

	Oh, and before anyone asks, knights weren't the [[White ~~Knightingwhite~~ knights that you find on the internet]]. They went around [[Rape\|raping]] and [[Theft\|pillaging]] anyone and [[Bestiality\|anything]] that they could find. Meanwhile, the remainder of the population were too busy [[Incest\|inbreeding]] to do anything about it.		Oh, and before anyone asks, knights weren't the [[White Knighting\|white knights that you find on the internet]]. They went around [[Rape\|raping]] and [[Theft\|pillaging]] anyone and [[Bestiality\|anything]] that they could find. Meanwhile, the remainder of the population were too busy [[Incest\|inbreeding]] to do anything about it.

	Meanwhile, in Arabia, the world's first [[Terrorist]] began his lulzy reign of terror, and lowered the age of consent [http://wikiislam.net/wiki/Aisha_Age_of_Consummation] because he could.		Meanwhile, in Arabia, the world's first [[Terrorist]] began his lulzy reign of terror, and lowered the age of consent [http://wikiislam.net/wiki/Aisha_Age_of_Consummation] because he could.

imported>Boanerges: /* Society */ added a description of real knights for great lulz.

2015-01-12T10:46:59Z

Society: added a description of real knights for great lulz.

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:46, 12 January 2015
Line 13:		Line 13:

	[[File:Respectful_nodding_man_knight.jpg\|right\|One of the Knights of the downed table]]		[[File:Respectful_nodding_man_knight.jpg\|right\|One of the Knights of the downed table]]

			Oh, and before anyone asks, knights weren't the [[White Knightingwhite knights that you find on the internet]]. They went around [[Rape\|raping]] and [[Theft\|pillaging]] anyone and [[Bestiality\|anything]] that they could find. Meanwhile, the remainder of the population were too busy [[Incest\|inbreeding]] to do anything about it.

	Meanwhile, in Arabia, the world's first [[Terrorist]] began his lulzy reign of terror, and lowered the age of consent [http://wikiislam.net/wiki/Aisha_Age_of_Consummation] because he could.		Meanwhile, in Arabia, the world's first [[Terrorist]] began his lulzy reign of terror, and lowered the age of consent [http://wikiislam.net/wiki/Aisha_Age_of_Consummation] because he could.

imported>Boanerges: /* Drugs */ added extra linkz for the lulz

2015-01-12T10:34:23Z

Drugs: added extra linkz for the lulz

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:34, 12 January 2015
Line 47:		Line 47:

	==Drugs==		==Drugs==
	Since no one gave a shit about peasants seeing purple dragons and foaming out of the mouth, people could go high on all the stuff available in the woods (or everything the cat dragged home) and many did so, although the primary mean of getting fucked up was alcohol.		Since no one gave a shit about peasants seeing purple dragons and foaming out of the mouth, people could go high on [[Shrooms\|all the stuff available in the woods]] (or everything the cat dragged home) and many did so, although the primary mean of getting fucked up was [[Alcohol\|alcohol]].
	Important ~~Sid~~ effects of ~~Drug~~ experiments during that time were divine revelations, weird paintings, brain damage, being burned as witch, and leading a crusade to the holy land.		Important side effects of drug experiments during that time were divine revelations, weird paintings, brain damage, being burned as witch, and leading [[The Crusades\|a crusade to the holy land]].


	==Sex==		==Sex==