imported>Unknown: Created page with " The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''' Before becoming enormous bitches to Microsoft and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year o..."

2011-04-16T05:18:40Z

Created page with " thumb|The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''' Before becoming enormous bitches to Microsoft and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year o..."

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imported>Unknown: Created page with " The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''' Before becoming enormous bitches to Microsoft and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year o..."

2011-04-16T05:18:40Z

Created page with " thumb|The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''' Before becoming enormous bitches to Microsoft and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year o..."

← Older revision		Revision as of 05:18, 16 April 2011
(No difference)

imported>Unknown: Created page with " The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''' Before becoming enormous bitches to Microsoft and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year o..."

2011-04-16T05:18:40Z

Created page with " thumb|The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''' Before becoming enormous bitches to Microsoft and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year o..."

← Older revision	Revision as of 05:18, 16 April 2011
(No difference)

imported>Unknown: Created page with " The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''' Before becoming enormous bitches to Microsoft and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year o..."

2011-04-16T05:18:40Z

Created page with " thumb|The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''' Before becoming enormous bitches to Microsoft and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year o..."

New page

[[Image:Metal vagina.png|thumb|The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''']]
Before becoming enormous [[bitch]]es to [[Microsoft]] and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year old boy|13 year old]] [[aspie]]s known as ''[[Halo]]'', Bungie created this, what some have said to be a blatant ''[[Doom]]'' ripoff for the [[Mac]], and eventually the [[Windows]] version, called '''''Marathon'''''. This was the 2nd game ever made for Mac (the first being [[BOLO]]), but got buried underneath all that [[Doom]] [[bullshit]], so no one cared. The main problem with this Doom clone was that they used aliens instead of [[zombies]] and tried to include things such as a [[bullshit|story]] and [[Fan Fiction|plot]]. In the world of gaming, any addition of something that makes the [[gamer]] have to think is an utter failure, seeing as people are only interested in seeing [[tits]], Hell, dæmons, and [[whores|hookers]] in their videogames. However, shocking as it is, some [[basement dweller|people]] actually played it!

==Marathon's Game Play==
[[Doom|Marathon]]'s game play is about as fun as trying to solve a calculus problem while using your dick to scrape away leprous vaginal crust from some [[scene]] [[loli|chick]] in an abandoned YMCA bathroom, all while listening to the audiobook version of a novel by Alexander [[dumbass|Dumas]] read by [[Fail|Andy]] [[Homosexuality|Dick]]. In other words one half is meh, and the other half is total [[shit]]. I mean like shit the type of shit that makes pulling out each of your pubic hairs one by one seem enjoyable compared to dealing with this shit. [[Rage| FUCK!!! I just want to go to the next FUCKING level instead of dealing with this goddamn labyrinth where EVERYTHING FUCKING LOOKS THE SAME and all I have to do is find ONE DAMN SWITCH and get to a terminal so I can just FINISH THIS FUCKING LEVEL!]] But hey, chicks dig pubeless [[balls]]. [[Shit nobody cares about|Or maybe they don't]]. Either way you're still [[dying alone|going to die a virgin]] for being enough of a [[geek]] to play this thing.

But as said above, it ain't all '''complete''' shit. The action bit of this game is fairly amusing. Your character runs like an black person [[Special Olympics|Olympic]] gold-medalist on [[Cocaine|cocaine]] - however, this pretty much means that you'll be increasing the chances that you'll miss that one goddamn switch you need to finish the level. You also shoot stuff. With guns! Okay, wow, big fucking deal, right? But compared to the other [[crap|games]] they had on the Mac, this shit seemed like fucking Jewgold at Christmas. I mean you can fucking [[Masturbation|dual wield your fists]]... '''ON A MAC!''' Imagine [[Over 9000|how many macfags came oceans]] when they found this out.

You spend pretty much the entire game going in circles for around a half-hour per level trying to find the exit. This is because, unlike other, better games of its time, Marathon tries more to frustrate you with puzzles, rather than provide you with entertainment. Levels are maze-like, and the fact that every wall has the same damn crappy texture doesn't help navigation at all. Yes, you do get to shoot aliens occasionally, but as you try and find the exit, you ''will'' end up running out of enemies to kill, with another 25 minutes left before you finally notice the floodgate switch texture you're supposed to press in order to escape the goddamn level. God DAMN, that is some FUN SHIT, mister!

Additionally, [[LA|there are some levels that lack breathable air]], which means you end up needing to backtrack to panels that refill your oxygen tanks. So if you're an idiot (which would explain why you're playing this game), and can't remember where the fuck you are/ are going/ are supposed to be, [[you]] are kinda fucked, dude...

Marathon offers a [[penis|small]] variety of weapons to choose from.

'''The .44 Mega Class [[cock|Magnum]]''' - The first piece of [[shit]] weapon you start out with. It takes an entire clip to drop one enemy, but if you dual wield, you can take down ''two'' enemies at a time!!1!.

'''The MA-75B Assault Rifle''' - One of the only weapons in the entire game that isn't complete shit. The rifle also has a secondary fire, which in 1994 was considered a greater leap in human culture than the wheel and the written word.

'''The Zeus Class Fusion Pistol''' - A pistol that shoots a lightning bolt, or a Care Bear Stare, or... something. You hold down the trigger to [[fap|charge]], and release the trigger to [[cum|shoot]].

'''TOZT-7 Backpack Napalm Unit''' - This gun pretty much pisses fire, [[fugly|beautiful]] pixels of fire.

'''[[vagina|Unknown alien weapon]]''' - It's basically a machine gun on roids. Like your sex stamina, this gun runs out of ammo in around 5 seconds.

'''WSTE-M Combat [[cock|Shotgun]]''' - A small, overpowered shotgun.

'''The [[Vinny the Rapist|SPNKR]] X-17 SSM Rocket Launcher''' - As the name implies, this weapon does a good job of [[rape|killing]] a large group of aliens... or bugs... or [[Your Mom|whatever the fuck you fight]] in this game.

==Aleph One==
Due to everything next-gen nowadays turning into the same generic crap that offers nothing more than [[lens flare]], bloom, that layer of semen that makes everything shiny and [[Ragdoll Physics]]; gamers are actually turning to the past for something better. That combined with the fact that [[nostalgia]] is now trendy, [[CIA|some people]] made a free [[open source]] version of the Marathon trilogy.

==External Links:==
*[http://source.bungie.org/ Aleph One, for you nostalgic faggots.]
*[http://marathon.bungie.org/story Marathon's story. Because you're too damn lazy to play through the game.]

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[[Category:Gaming]]

Marathon - Revision history

imported>Unknown: Created page with " The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''' Before becoming enormous bitches to Microsoft and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year o..."

imported>Unknown: Created page with " The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''' Before becoming enormous bitches to Microsoft and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year o..."

imported>Unknown: Created page with " The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''' Before becoming enormous bitches to Microsoft and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year o..."

imported>Unknown: Created page with " The Final Boss: '''MEGACLIT''' Before becoming enormous bitches to Microsoft and before creating the No.1 selling game among [[13 year o..."