Kevin Mitnick - Revision history

imported>Uberfukken at 03:08, 13 March 2019

2019-03-13T03:08:26Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:08, 13 March 2019
Line 1:		Line 1:
	'''Kevin the "[[Old School\|OG]] [[Epic fail guy\|EFG]]" Mitnick''' ({{twitter\|kevinmitnick}}) is an [[America]]n hax0r with [[skill\|mad skillz]], d00d. [[the man\|The man]] [[prison\|put him on ice]] for having illegal [[phone sex\|phone sex]] with a [[13 year old boy\|13 year old boy]] and [[prolly\|prolly]] cheating some old [[bitch\|hag]] out of her [[money\|cash money]] or [[~~whatever~~\|something]]. Mitnick is well known for his astonishing good looks and he's the guy from the movie Wargames.		'''Kevin the "[[Old School\|OG]] [[Epic fail guy\|EFG]]" Mitnick'''{{jew}} ({{twitter\|kevinmitnick}}) is an [[America]]n hax0r with [[skill\|mad skillz]], d00d. [[the man\|The man]] [[prison\|put him on ice]] for having illegal [[phone sex\|phone sex]] with a [[13 year old boy\|13 year old boy]] and [[prolly\|prolly]] cheating some old [[bitch\|hag]] out of her [[money\|cash money]] or [[Drugs\|something]]. Mitnick is well known for his astonishing good looks and he's the guy from the movie [[Oldfag\|Wargames]].
	===Birth of a nerd===		===Birth of a nerd===
	[[Image:Mitnick-mugshot.jpg\|left\|thumb\|STUD ALERT!!!]]		[[Image:Mitnick-mugshot.jpg\|left\|thumb\|STUD ALERT!!!]]
	Kevin Mitnick started his life as a [[script kiddie]] in the [[Rickroll\|early 1980s]]. Contrary to popular belief the [[internets\|intarwebs]] existed back then, but most people couldn't care less about a network used mostly by the Defense Department and [[basement dwellers\|unwashed middle aged men with linux beards]]. Kevin lurked all over the budding internet and never found a server he couldn't hack his way into.		Kevin Mitnick started his life as a [[script kiddie]] in the [[Rickroll\|early 1980s]]. Contrary to popular belief, the [[internets\|intarwebs]] existed back then, but most people couldn't care less about a network used mostly by the Defense Department and [[basement dwellers\|unwashed middle aged men with linux beards]]. Kevin lurked all over the budding internet and never found a server he couldn't hack his way into.

	This proved to be the beginning of the end for Kev. Instead of getting a real job working for an [[4Kids\|evil corporation]] for an obscene amount of money like [[Woz\|some sellouts]] Kevin chose to continue to fuck with [[the man]]. He was arrested several times for being [[Buttsex\|in servers which he didn't belong in]]. Prison awaited, and Kevin served a year in Lompoc, most of it [[Goatse\|~~in the~~ hole]] because the prison guards were worried Kevin would fuck shit seriously up if [[Paranoid\|left anywhere near a phone or computer]]. There was no love lost between Kevin and the state here due to the [[rape\|unsolicited late night experiences with ~~big men~~ named Bubba]].		This proved to be the beginning of the end for Kev. Instead of getting a real job working for an [[4Kids\|evil corporation]] for an obscene amount of money like [[Woz\|some sellouts]], Kevin chose to continue to fuck with [[the man]]. He was arrested several times for being [[Buttsex\|in servers which he didn't belong in]]. Prison awaited, and Kevin served a year in Lompoc, most of it in the [[Goatse\|hole]] because the prison guards were worried Kevin would fuck shit seriously up if [[Paranoid\|left anywhere near a phone or computer]]. There was no love lost between Kevin and the state here due to the [[rape\|unsolicited late night experiences with gentlemen of size named Bubba]].

	===RUN!!! [[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!\|LION!!!]]===		===RUN!!! [[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!\|LION!!!]]===
	[[Image:Kevin_Mitnick.gif\|right\|frame\|[[the man\|The man]] is coming for you, Kevin]]		[[Image:Kevin_Mitnick.gif\|right\|frame\|[[the man\|The man]] is coming for you, Kevin]]
	Kevin got ~~let out~~ and promptly went back to hacking. Kev didn't realize how badly [[the man]] wanted his ass, and forgot to use [[7 proxies\|proxies]]. The [[Party Van\|feds]] showed up to ask Kev to [[Chris Hansen\|"have a seat over there"]]. What they ran into was an empty house. Kev had [[~~France~~\|gotten the fuck out of Dodge]].		Kevin got released and promptly went back to hacking. Kev didn't realize how badly [[the man]] wanted his ass, and forgot to use [[7 proxies\|proxies]]. The [[Party Van\|feds]] showed up to ask Kev to [[Chris Hansen\|"have a seat over there"]]. What they ran into was an empty house. Kev had [[GTFO\|gotten the fuck out of Dodge]].

	Here begins the true legend of Kevin Metnick: that of a man who ran away but was absolutely [[I GOT NORTON!\|doomed from the get-go]]. Fanning the flames was a man named John Markoff. Markoff wrote several pieces for the [[old media\|New York Times]] on how dangerous a person the flabby, pasty and panicked Kevin was, and furthermore that all law enforcement agencies should look out for this shit and [[Don't Taze Me Bro\|terminate with extreme prejudice]]. Kevin made the po-po look like a pack of jackasses by successfully dodging arrest and remaining a fugitive on the Most Wanted list for almost two years. Meanwhile, Markoff continued to [[troll\|milk]] Kev's story for all it was worth.		Here begins the true legend of Kevin Metnick: that of a man who ran away but was absolutely [[I GOT NORTON!\|doomed from the get-go]]. Fanning the flames was a man named John Markoff. Markoff wrote several pieces for the [[old media\|New York Times]] on how dangerous a person the flabby, pasty and panicked Kevin was, and furthermore that all law enforcement agencies should look out for this shit and [[Don't Taze Me Bro\|terminate with extreme prejudice]]. Kevin made the po-po look like a pack of jackasses by successfully dodging arrest and remaining a fugitive on the Most Wanted list for almost two years. Meanwhile, Markoff continued to [[troll\|milk]] Kev's story for all it was worth.
Line 16:		Line 16:
	The party ended in 1995 when a terrified Mitnick was arrested in [[North Carolina]]. Because [[Fox News]] did not exist until 1996, the first news outlet to cover this event was the New York Times. John Markoff scooped all respectable news agencies and was at the door of Kev's pedoden with the [[police]]. [[Raep\|The justice system then cracked its knuckles, broke out the lube, and lined up on one tender piece of nerd ass]].		The party ended in 1995 when a terrified Mitnick was arrested in [[North Carolina]]. Because [[Fox News]] did not exist until 1996, the first news outlet to cover this event was the New York Times. John Markoff scooped all respectable news agencies and was at the door of Kev's pedoden with the [[police]]. [[Raep\|The justice system then cracked its knuckles, broke out the lube, and lined up on one tender piece of nerd ass]].

	[[Image:Kevinfree.jpg\|thumb\|left\| Yay! Who the fuck cares!]]The DoJ sat on the case because '''Kevin''' is so universally disagreeable and useless that making him wait in jail without bail was and still is a perfectly legitimate decision. More importantly, this gambit also let hackers and other [[Internet tough ~~guys~~\|Internet tough guys]] know that you [[Jake Brahm\|don't mess with the US Government]].		[[Image:Kevinfree.jpg\|thumb\|left\| Yay! Who the fuck cares?!]]The DoJ sat on the case because '''Kevin''' is so universally disagreeable and useless that making him wait in jail without bail was and still is a perfectly legitimate decision. More importantly, this gambit also let hackers and other [[Internet tough guy\|Internet tough guys]] know that you [[Jake Brahm\|don't mess with the US Government]].


Line 24:		Line 24:

	===Slow March Towards [[Old meme\|Obscurity]]/[[Death]]===		===Slow March Towards [[Old meme\|Obscurity]]/[[Death]]===
	[[Image:mitnickhitler.jpg\|thumb\|left\| [[Hitler\|Heil Mitnick!]]]] Kevin remains a pariah to this day. The hacking community, thinking that Kevin must be elite (thusly ignoring the fact that the "cutting edge OS" when he was arrested was Windows 95) like to do shit like take down his websites. Kevin now owns a computer security company so doing such a thing makes him look like a total fucktard. His former celebrity also means that associating with him makes [[you]] an [[Idiot\|kewl 133t haxxor]] too.		[[Image:mitnickhitler.jpg\|thumb\|left\| [[Hitler\|Heil Mitnick!]]]] Kevin remains a pariah to this day. The hacking community, thinking that Kevin must be elite (thusly ignoring the fact that the "cutting edge OS" when he was arrested was fucking Windows 95), like to do shit like take down his websites. Kevin now owns a computer security company so doing such a thing makes him look like a total fucktard. His former celebrity also means that associating with him makes [[you]] an [[Idiot\|kewl 133t haxxor]] too.

	Every night, Kevin Mitnick dreams of being as good as [[Computer Science III\|Mike Sandy]].		Every night, Kevin Mitnick dreams of being as good as [[Computer Science III\|Mike Sandy]].
Line 36:		Line 36:
	* $10 from an AT&T operator		* $10 from an AT&T operator
	* [[weev\|weev's]] ED account		* [[weev\|weev's]] ED account
	[[Image:Toocoolforschool.jpg\|thumb\|right\| These guys are [[losers\|too cool for school]]]]		[[Image:Toocoolforschool.jpg\|thumb\|right\| These guys are [[losers\|too cool for school]].]]

	== List of things Kevin Mitnick has [[failed]] at socially engineering ==		== List of things Kevin Mitnick has [[failed]] at socially engineering ==

	* A pair of AND1s from RaT at [[defcon]]		* A pair of AND1s from RaT at [[defcon]]
	* ~~Not getting [[raped]] in prison~~		* A virginal anus

	==External Links==		==External Links==
Line 50:		Line 50:

	{{oldweb}}		{{oldweb}}
			{{softwarez}}
	[[Category:People\|Mitnick, Kevin]]		[[Category:People\|Mitnick, Kevin]]
	[[Category:Softwarez]]		[[Category:Softwarez]]

imported>Oliver Hart at 12:34, 14 April 2014

2014-04-14T12:34:56Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:34, 14 April 2014
(No difference)

imported>Oliver Hart at 12:34, 14 April 2014

2014-04-14T12:34:56Z

← Older revision	Revision as of 12:34, 14 April 2014
(No difference)

imported>Oliver Hart at 12:34, 14 April 2014

2014-04-14T12:34:56Z

← Older revision	Revision as of 12:34, 14 April 2014
(No difference)

imported>Oliver Hart at 12:34, 14 April 2014

2014-04-14T12:34:56Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:34, 14 April 2014
Line 1:		Line 1:
	'''Kevin the "[[Old School\|OG]] [[Epic fail guy\|EFG]]" Mitnick''' is an [[America]]n hax0r with [[skill\|mad skillz]], d00d. [[the man\|The man]] [[prison\|put him on ice]] for having illegal [[phone sex\|phone sex]] with a [[13 year old boy\|13 year old boy]] and [[prolly\|prolly]] cheating some old [[bitch\|hag]] out of her [[money\|cash money]] or [[whatever\|something]]. Mitnick is well known for his astonishing good looks and he's the guy from the movie Wargames.		'''Kevin the "[[Old School\|OG]] [[Epic fail guy\|EFG]]" Mitnick''' ({{twitter\|kevinmitnick}}) is an [[America]]n hax0r with [[skill\|mad skillz]], d00d. [[the man\|The man]] [[prison\|put him on ice]] for having illegal [[phone sex\|phone sex]] with a [[13 year old boy\|13 year old boy]] and [[prolly\|prolly]] cheating some old [[bitch\|hag]] out of her [[money\|cash money]] or [[whatever\|something]]. Mitnick is well known for his astonishing good looks and he's the guy from the movie Wargames.
	===Birth of a nerd===		===Birth of a nerd===
	[[Image:Mitnick-mugshot.jpg\|left\|thumb\|STUD ALERT!!!]]		[[Image:Mitnick-mugshot.jpg\|left\|thumb\|STUD ALERT!!!]]

imported>Oliver Hart: Removed dead link

2014-02-16T12:38:44Z

Removed dead link

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:38, 16 February 2014
Line 44:		Line 44:

	==External Links==		==External Links==
	*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_VYWefmy34 An old nigra interviews Mitnick]
	*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3SKV8kNEhU Mitnick is a total movie star]		*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3SKV8kNEhU Mitnick is a total movie star]
	{{clear}}		{{clear}}

imported>Oblique: no

2012-05-31T10:13:00Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 10:13, 31 May 2012
Line 2:		Line 2:
	===Birth of a nerd===		===Birth of a nerd===
	[[Image:Mitnick-mugshot.jpg\|left\|thumb\|STUD ALERT!!!]]		[[Image:Mitnick-mugshot.jpg\|left\|thumb\|STUD ALERT!!!]]
	Kevin Mitnick started his life as a [[script kiddie]] in the [[Rickroll\|early 1980s]]. Contrary to popular belief the [[internets\|intarwebs]] existed back then, but most people couldn't care less about a network used mostly by the Defense Department and [[basement dwellers\|unwashed middle aged men with linux beards]]. Kevin lurked all over the budding internet and never found a server he couldn't hack his way into ~~because he was that fucking awesome~~.		Kevin Mitnick started his life as a [[script kiddie]] in the [[Rickroll\|early 1980s]]. Contrary to popular belief the [[internets\|intarwebs]] existed back then, but most people couldn't care less about a network used mostly by the Defense Department and [[basement dwellers\|unwashed middle aged men with linux beards]]. Kevin lurked all over the budding internet and never found a server he couldn't hack his way into.

	This proved to be the beginning of the end for Kev. Instead of getting a real job working for an [[4Kids\|evil corporation]] for an obscene amount of money like [[Woz\|some sellouts]] Kevin chose to continue to fuck with [[the man]]. He was arrested several times for being [[Buttsex\|in servers which he didn't belong in]]. Prison awaited, and Kevin served a year in Lompoc, most of it [[Goatse\|in the hole]] because the prison guards were worried Kevin would fuck shit seriously up if [[Paranoid\|left anywhere near a phone or computer]]. There was no love lost between Kevin and the state here due to the [[rape\|unsolicited late night experiences with big men named Bubba]].		This proved to be the beginning of the end for Kev. Instead of getting a real job working for an [[4Kids\|evil corporation]] for an obscene amount of money like [[Woz\|some sellouts]] Kevin chose to continue to fuck with [[the man]]. He was arrested several times for being [[Buttsex\|in servers which he didn't belong in]]. Prison awaited, and Kevin served a year in Lompoc, most of it [[Goatse\|in the hole]] because the prison guards were worried Kevin would fuck shit seriously up if [[Paranoid\|left anywhere near a phone or computer]]. There was no love lost between Kevin and the state here due to the [[rape\|unsolicited late night experiences with big men named Bubba]].

imported>Chancedwb64: /* Birth of a nerd */

2012-05-31T09:41:59Z

Birth of a nerd

← Older revision		Revision as of 09:41, 31 May 2012
Line 2:		Line 2:
	===Birth of a nerd===		===Birth of a nerd===
	[[Image:Mitnick-mugshot.jpg\|left\|thumb\|STUD ALERT!!!]]		[[Image:Mitnick-mugshot.jpg\|left\|thumb\|STUD ALERT!!!]]
	Kevin Mitnick started his life as a [[script kiddie]] in the [[Rickroll\|early 1980s]]. Contrary to popular belief the [[internets\|intarwebs]] existed back then, but most people couldn't care less about a network used mostly by the Defense Department and [[basement dwellers\|unwashed middle aged men with linux beards]]. Kevin lurked all over the budding internet and never found a server he couldn't hack his way into.		Kevin Mitnick started his life as a [[script kiddie]] in the [[Rickroll\|early 1980s]]. Contrary to popular belief the [[internets\|intarwebs]] existed back then, but most people couldn't care less about a network used mostly by the Defense Department and [[basement dwellers\|unwashed middle aged men with linux beards]]. Kevin lurked all over the budding internet and never found a server he couldn't hack his way into because he was that fucking awesome.

	This proved to be the beginning of the end for Kev. Instead of getting a real job working for an [[4Kids\|evil corporation]] for an obscene amount of money like [[Woz\|some sellouts]] Kevin chose to continue to fuck with [[the man]]. He was arrested several times for being [[Buttsex\|in servers which he didn't belong in]]. Prison awaited, and Kevin served a year in Lompoc, most of it [[Goatse\|in the hole]] because the prison guards were worried Kevin would fuck shit seriously up if [[Paranoid\|left anywhere near a phone or computer]]. There was no love lost between Kevin and the state here due to the [[rape\|unsolicited late night experiences with big men named Bubba]].		This proved to be the beginning of the end for Kev. Instead of getting a real job working for an [[4Kids\|evil corporation]] for an obscene amount of money like [[Woz\|some sellouts]] Kevin chose to continue to fuck with [[the man]]. He was arrested several times for being [[Buttsex\|in servers which he didn't belong in]]. Prison awaited, and Kevin served a year in Lompoc, most of it [[Goatse\|in the hole]] because the prison guards were worried Kevin would fuck shit seriously up if [[Paranoid\|left anywhere near a phone or computer]]. There was no love lost between Kevin and the state here due to the [[rape\|unsolicited late night experiences with big men named Bubba]].

imported>JuniusThaddeus: Undo revision 268965 by H64 (talk) Bot mishap.

2011-10-31T20:24:04Z

Undo revision 268965 by H64 (talk) Bot mishap.

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:24, 31 October 2011
Line 1:		Line 1:

	'''Kevin the "[[Old School\|OG]] [[Epic fail guy\|EFG]]" Mitnick''' is an [[America]]n hax0r with [[skill\|mad skillz]], d00d. [[the man\|The man]] [[prison\|put him on ice]] for having illegal [[phone sex\|phone sex]] with a [[13 year old boy\|13 year old boy]] and [[prolly\|prolly]] cheating some old [[bitch\|hag]] out of her [[money\|cash money]] or [[whatever\|something]]. Mitnick is well known for his astonishing good looks and he's the guy from the movie Wargames.		'''Kevin the "[[Old School\|OG]] [[Epic fail guy\|EFG]]" Mitnick''' is an [[America]]n hax0r with [[skill\|mad skillz]], d00d. [[the man\|The man]] [[prison\|put him on ice]] for having illegal [[phone sex\|phone sex]] with a [[13 year old boy\|13 year old boy]] and [[prolly\|prolly]] cheating some old [[bitch\|hag]] out of her [[money\|cash money]] or [[whatever\|something]]. Mitnick is well known for his astonishing good looks and he's the guy from the movie Wargames.
	===Birth of a nerd===		===Birth of a nerd===
Line 52:		Line 51:
	{{oldweb}}		{{oldweb}}

			[[Category:People\|Mitnick, Kevin]]
	~~{{Slept with rubberduc}}~~
	[[Category:Softwarez]]		[[Category:Softwarez]]

imported>H64: replacing :category:People with template:Slept with rubberduc

2011-10-31T07:41:13Z

replacing category:People with template:Slept with rubberduc

← Older revision		Revision as of 07:41, 31 October 2011
Line 52:		Line 52:
	{{oldweb}}		{{oldweb}}

	~~[[Category:People\|Mitnick, Kevin]]~~
			{{Slept with rubberduc}}
	[[Category:Softwarez]]		[[Category:Softwarez]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:08, 13 March 2019
Line 1:		Line 1:
	'''Kevin the "[[Old School\|OG]] [[Epic fail guy\|EFG]]" Mitnick''' ({{twitter\|kevinmitnick}}) is an [[America]]n hax0r with [[skill\|mad skillz]], d00d. [[the man\|The man]] [[prison\|put him on ice]] for having illegal [[phone sex\|phone sex]] with a [[13 year old boy\|13 year old boy]] and [[prolly\|prolly]] cheating some old [[bitch\|hag]] out of her [[money\|cash money]] or [[~~whatever~~\|something]]. Mitnick is well known for his astonishing good looks and he's the guy from the movie Wargames.		'''Kevin the "[[Old School\|OG]] [[Epic fail guy\|EFG]]" Mitnick'''{{jew}} ({{twitter\|kevinmitnick}}) is an [[America]]n hax0r with [[skill\|mad skillz]], d00d. [[the man\|The man]] [[prison\|put him on ice]] for having illegal [[phone sex\|phone sex]] with a [[13 year old boy\|13 year old boy]] and [[prolly\|prolly]] cheating some old [[bitch\|hag]] out of her [[money\|cash money]] or [[Drugs\|something]]. Mitnick is well known for his astonishing good looks and he's the guy from the movie [[Oldfag\|Wargames]].
	===Birth of a nerd===		===Birth of a nerd===
	[[Image:Mitnick-mugshot.jpg\|left\|thumb\|STUD ALERT!!!]]		[[Image:Mitnick-mugshot.jpg\|left\|thumb\|STUD ALERT!!!]]
	Kevin Mitnick started his life as a [[script kiddie]] in the [[Rickroll\|early 1980s]]. Contrary to popular belief the [[internets\|intarwebs]] existed back then, but most people couldn't care less about a network used mostly by the Defense Department and [[basement dwellers\|unwashed middle aged men with linux beards]]. Kevin lurked all over the budding internet and never found a server he couldn't hack his way into.		Kevin Mitnick started his life as a [[script kiddie]] in the [[Rickroll\|early 1980s]]. Contrary to popular belief, the [[internets\|intarwebs]] existed back then, but most people couldn't care less about a network used mostly by the Defense Department and [[basement dwellers\|unwashed middle aged men with linux beards]]. Kevin lurked all over the budding internet and never found a server he couldn't hack his way into.

	This proved to be the beginning of the end for Kev. Instead of getting a real job working for an [[4Kids\|evil corporation]] for an obscene amount of money like [[Woz\|some sellouts]] Kevin chose to continue to fuck with [[the man]]. He was arrested several times for being [[Buttsex\|in servers which he didn't belong in]]. Prison awaited, and Kevin served a year in Lompoc, most of it [[Goatse\|~~in the~~ hole]] because the prison guards were worried Kevin would fuck shit seriously up if [[Paranoid\|left anywhere near a phone or computer]]. There was no love lost between Kevin and the state here due to the [[rape\|unsolicited late night experiences with ~~big men~~ named Bubba]].		This proved to be the beginning of the end for Kev. Instead of getting a real job working for an [[4Kids\|evil corporation]] for an obscene amount of money like [[Woz\|some sellouts]], Kevin chose to continue to fuck with [[the man]]. He was arrested several times for being [[Buttsex\|in servers which he didn't belong in]]. Prison awaited, and Kevin served a year in Lompoc, most of it in the [[Goatse\|hole]] because the prison guards were worried Kevin would fuck shit seriously up if [[Paranoid\|left anywhere near a phone or computer]]. There was no love lost between Kevin and the state here due to the [[rape\|unsolicited late night experiences with gentlemen of size named Bubba]].

	===RUN!!! [[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!\|LION!!!]]===		===RUN!!! [[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!\|LION!!!]]===
	[[Image:Kevin_Mitnick.gif\|right\|frame\|[[the man\|The man]] is coming for you, Kevin]]		[[Image:Kevin_Mitnick.gif\|right\|frame\|[[the man\|The man]] is coming for you, Kevin]]
	Kevin got ~~let out~~ and promptly went back to hacking. Kev didn't realize how badly [[the man]] wanted his ass, and forgot to use [[7 proxies\|proxies]]. The [[Party Van\|feds]] showed up to ask Kev to [[Chris Hansen\|"have a seat over there"]]. What they ran into was an empty house. Kev had [[~~France~~\|gotten the fuck out of Dodge]].		Kevin got released and promptly went back to hacking. Kev didn't realize how badly [[the man]] wanted his ass, and forgot to use [[7 proxies\|proxies]]. The [[Party Van\|feds]] showed up to ask Kev to [[Chris Hansen\|"have a seat over there"]]. What they ran into was an empty house. Kev had [[GTFO\|gotten the fuck out of Dodge]].

	Here begins the true legend of Kevin Metnick: that of a man who ran away but was absolutely [[I GOT NORTON!\|doomed from the get-go]]. Fanning the flames was a man named John Markoff. Markoff wrote several pieces for the [[old media\|New York Times]] on how dangerous a person the flabby, pasty and panicked Kevin was, and furthermore that all law enforcement agencies should look out for this shit and [[Don't Taze Me Bro\|terminate with extreme prejudice]]. Kevin made the po-po look like a pack of jackasses by successfully dodging arrest and remaining a fugitive on the Most Wanted list for almost two years. Meanwhile, Markoff continued to [[troll\|milk]] Kev's story for all it was worth.		Here begins the true legend of Kevin Metnick: that of a man who ran away but was absolutely [[I GOT NORTON!\|doomed from the get-go]]. Fanning the flames was a man named John Markoff. Markoff wrote several pieces for the [[old media\|New York Times]] on how dangerous a person the flabby, pasty and panicked Kevin was, and furthermore that all law enforcement agencies should look out for this shit and [[Don't Taze Me Bro\|terminate with extreme prejudice]]. Kevin made the po-po look like a pack of jackasses by successfully dodging arrest and remaining a fugitive on the Most Wanted list for almost two years. Meanwhile, Markoff continued to [[troll\|milk]] Kev's story for all it was worth.
Line 16:		Line 16:
	The party ended in 1995 when a terrified Mitnick was arrested in [[North Carolina]]. Because [[Fox News]] did not exist until 1996, the first news outlet to cover this event was the New York Times. John Markoff scooped all respectable news agencies and was at the door of Kev's pedoden with the [[police]]. [[Raep\|The justice system then cracked its knuckles, broke out the lube, and lined up on one tender piece of nerd ass]].		The party ended in 1995 when a terrified Mitnick was arrested in [[North Carolina]]. Because [[Fox News]] did not exist until 1996, the first news outlet to cover this event was the New York Times. John Markoff scooped all respectable news agencies and was at the door of Kev's pedoden with the [[police]]. [[Raep\|The justice system then cracked its knuckles, broke out the lube, and lined up on one tender piece of nerd ass]].

	[[Image:Kevinfree.jpg\|thumb\|left\| Yay! Who the fuck cares!]]The DoJ sat on the case because '''Kevin''' is so universally disagreeable and useless that making him wait in jail without bail was and still is a perfectly legitimate decision. More importantly, this gambit also let hackers and other [[Internet tough ~~guys~~\|Internet tough guys]] know that you [[Jake Brahm\|don't mess with the US Government]].		[[Image:Kevinfree.jpg\|thumb\|left\| Yay! Who the fuck cares?!]]The DoJ sat on the case because '''Kevin''' is so universally disagreeable and useless that making him wait in jail without bail was and still is a perfectly legitimate decision. More importantly, this gambit also let hackers and other [[Internet tough guy\|Internet tough guys]] know that you [[Jake Brahm\|don't mess with the US Government]].


Line 24:		Line 24:

	===Slow March Towards [[Old meme\|Obscurity]]/[[Death]]===		===Slow March Towards [[Old meme\|Obscurity]]/[[Death]]===
	[[Image:mitnickhitler.jpg\|thumb\|left\| [[Hitler\|Heil Mitnick!]]]] Kevin remains a pariah to this day. The hacking community, thinking that Kevin must be elite (thusly ignoring the fact that the "cutting edge OS" when he was arrested was Windows 95) like to do shit like take down his websites. Kevin now owns a computer security company so doing such a thing makes him look like a total fucktard. His former celebrity also means that associating with him makes [[you]] an [[Idiot\|kewl 133t haxxor]] too.		[[Image:mitnickhitler.jpg\|thumb\|left\| [[Hitler\|Heil Mitnick!]]]] Kevin remains a pariah to this day. The hacking community, thinking that Kevin must be elite (thusly ignoring the fact that the "cutting edge OS" when he was arrested was fucking Windows 95), like to do shit like take down his websites. Kevin now owns a computer security company so doing such a thing makes him look like a total fucktard. His former celebrity also means that associating with him makes [[you]] an [[Idiot\|kewl 133t haxxor]] too.

	Every night, Kevin Mitnick dreams of being as good as [[Computer Science III\|Mike Sandy]].		Every night, Kevin Mitnick dreams of being as good as [[Computer Science III\|Mike Sandy]].
Line 36:		Line 36:
	* $10 from an AT&T operator		* $10 from an AT&T operator
	* [[weev\|weev's]] ED account		* [[weev\|weev's]] ED account
	[[Image:Toocoolforschool.jpg\|thumb\|right\| These guys are [[losers\|too cool for school]]]]		[[Image:Toocoolforschool.jpg\|thumb\|right\| These guys are [[losers\|too cool for school]].]]

	== List of things Kevin Mitnick has [[failed]] at socially engineering ==		== List of things Kevin Mitnick has [[failed]] at socially engineering ==

	* A pair of AND1s from RaT at [[defcon]]		* A pair of AND1s from RaT at [[defcon]]
	* ~~Not getting [[raped]] in prison~~		* A virginal anus

	==External Links==		==External Links==
Line 50:		Line 50:

	{{oldweb}}		{{oldweb}}
			{{softwarez}}
	[[Category:People\|Mitnick, Kevin]]		[[Category:People\|Mitnick, Kevin]]
	[[Category:Softwarez]]		[[Category:Softwarez]]