Israel Keyes - Revision history

imported>Paul in the Mall at 08:50, 24 March 2024

2024-03-24T08:50:30Z

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imported>Paul in the Mall at 08:50, 24 March 2024

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 {{An hero}}
 {{SickFuck}}
 '''Israel Keyes''' was a [[badass]] [[Ted Bundy]] wannabe and [[sick fuck]] who [[Black people|got convicted for just about every crime you could think of]]. Although [[Fail|he only official managed 3 kills]], [[Some argue|it is likely]] [[Win|he reached at least 11]].
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 {{Wanted|3}}
 ==External Links==
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 *[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ou72CIB28qw V& Footage]
 *[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israel_Keyes TOW Coverage]
 {{High Scores}}

imported>Carpice at 16:43, 15 March 2024

2024-03-15T16:43:34Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:43, 15 March 2024
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imported>Carpice at 16:43, 15 March 2024

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	'''Israel Keyes''' was a [[badass]] [[Ted Bundy]] wannabe and [[sick fuck]] who [[Black people\|got convicted for just about every crime you could think of]]. Although [[Fail\|he only official managed 3 kills]], [[Some argue\|it is likely]] [[Win\|he reached at least 11]].		'''Israel Keyes''' was a [[badass]] [[Ted Bundy]] wannabe and [[sick fuck]] who [[Black people\|got convicted for just about every crime you could think of]]. Although [[Fail\|he only official managed 3 kills]], [[Some argue\|it is likely]] [[Win\|he reached at least 11]].
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			[[Category:Serial Killers]]
			[[Category:2012]]

imported>Genberg47: Created page with "{{An hero}} {{SickFuck}} '''Israel Keyes''' was a badass Ted Bundy wannabe and sick fuck who Black people|got convicted for just about every crime you could th..."

2024-02-29T22:21:28Z

Created page with "{{An hero}} {{SickFuck}} '''Israel Keyes''' was a badass Ted Bundy wannabe and sick fuck who Black people|got convicted for just about every crime you could th..."

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imported>Genberg47: Created page with "{{An hero}} {{SickFuck}} '''Israel Keyes''' was a badass Ted Bundy wannabe and sick fuck who Black people|got convicted for just about every crime you could th..."

2024-02-29T22:21:28Z

Created page with "{{An hero}} {{SickFuck}} '''Israel Keyes''' was a badass Ted Bundy wannabe and sick fuck who Black people|got convicted for just about every crime you could th..."

New page

{{An hero}}
{{SickFuck}}

'''Israel Keyes''' was a [[badass]] [[Ted Bundy]] wannabe and [[sick fuck]] who [[Black people|got convicted for just about every crime you could think of]]. Although [[Fail|he only official managed 3 kills]], [[Some argue|it is likely]] [[Win|he reached at least 11]].

Although he planned to never get caught, unlike [[Ted Bundy|his predecessor]], he eventually got [[V&]] after [[At least 100 years|almost a dozen]] years. Despite always being a [[sick fuck]], he cosplayed as a [[normal person]] to evade the [[party van]], and was never suspected of anything, probably because he wasn’t a [[Nigger|shitskin]].

==Before the Lulz==
{{Quote|I've known since I was 14 that there were things that I thought were normal and [okay] that no one else seemed to think were normal and okay. So that's when I just started being a loner. [...] People found out about some of the stuff I did. Like my parents, and parents of other kids who would hang out with me. They would find out about some of the stuff I did. And that's when I just started doing stuff by myself exclusively.}}

Keyes was born in 1978 to [[christfag]] parents in [[Mormon]] land, [[Utah]]. He grew up homeschool [[You|with no social life]] in some shitty forest in [[Washington]] state. His family [[Waco|got brainwashed into believing some crazy christian conspiracy theory]] from locals and ended up becoming [[Batshit insane]] [[White supremacy|White supremacists]] who didn’t even have birth certificates and idolized [[Timothy McVeigh]].

Once other kids realized he was [[batshit insane]], he became an antisocial douchebag who killed cats and broke into houses for fun. He stole weapons from neighbors which he should have used to go for the [[High score]], but unfortunately never did this. Due to his parents being strict christfags, he wasn’t allowed to do anything against god as a child such as drink, have a life, or [[masturbate]] (unless he became a priest, of course) and had to sneak out to commit lulzy acts for [[Satan]] since it was against his parents beliefs.

==Crimes==
Keyes became truly devoted to satanic [[lulz]] around age 20, when he committed an [[assault]] on some bitch who was tubing but decided not to get the kill, later saying "[[Pussy|I was too timid]]. I wasn't violent enough," he told investigators. "I made up my mind [[Badass|I was never going to let that happen again]]."He later joined the army, although he unfortunately never got the chance to kill [[sandniggers]] like [[Timothy McVeigh|McVeigh]] did. He got discharged after likely being molested by fellow comrades for 3 years. After this, he moved to Alaska for whatever reason, and started a construction company.

He started his lulzy spree around 2001 and [[Win|didn’t get busted for 11 years]], although he [[Fail|had hoped to never get caught but did]]. He burglarized [[At least 100|About 20-30]] homes across the [[US]] and robbed several banks as well. In [[Texas]] he [[High IQ|burned down a house as a distraction then hit the bank half an hour later while all the police were gone]]. And yet despite all this, he somehow wasn’t a [[nigger]] or at least a [[spic]]. Well, if that were the case, he would have been far too stupid to escape getting [[v&]] for more than two days, so it makes sense.

Although [[some argue]] he got at least [[Robert Bowers|11 kills]], he only officially got [[Fail|3 kills]], worse than [[Kip Kinkel]]. He was confirmed to have killed an [[old]] couple in [[New York]] in [[2011]], and [[Wikipedia:Israel Keyes#Possible victims| some moar noobz]] as well.

==Samantha Koenig==

On February 1, 2012 Keyes abducted random [[16-year-old girl|18-year-old girl]] Samantha Koenig from a coffee booth and [[Rape|got some free pussy]] before killing her the next day. [[Savage|He then forgot about the entire thing and went to a cruise for two weeks]]. He could have stopped here, but instead when he got back he snapped a picture of her corpse next to some newspaper to [[Perfection Girl|make her look alive when she was actually already dead]]. He then sent the picture to her dad from her phone demanding ransom money (sounds like a jew move, [[amirite?]]). Unfortunately, after collecting his precious jewgold, he finally fucked up after withdrawing money from Koenig’s debit card but [[Dumbass|not realizing the feds could track the card’s location]]. He finally got V& in Texas, and his epic spree that somehow amassed only 3 kills was over.

After this, Keyes was sent back to the slammer and Alaska for moar assrape from Bubba. He tried to escape like [[Ted Bundy]] by [[Smart|using wood shavings to pick his cuffs]] by [[Fail|got tased like a bitch]] and told to sit the fuck back down. He would get redemption though after [[An Hero|slitting his wrist with a concealed razor blade]] and also [[Epstein|Hanging himself in his cell]].

==Graded Score==

{{GradedScore|'''3'''|But might have been up to 11|16|Planned murders well in advance, too bad it didn’t result in a decent fucking kill count|14|Not caught over a decade and lulzy [[suicide]]|6|No one gave a fuck except for a [[Columbiners|few weird fangirls]]|5| |44|F| |}}

{{Wanted|3}}

==External Links==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKag6Ac4lbU&list=PL_kAiN4FbpOsHG5gpAl2E9aLcx0Shoaov&index=6 Interview with Feds #1]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3a9exJ_GB4&list=PL_kAiN4FbpOsHG5gpAl2E9aLcx0Shoaov&index=5 Interview with Feds #2]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL6g2AvxJog&list=PL_kAiN4FbpOsHG5gpAl2E9aLcx0Shoaov&index=4 Interview with Feds #3]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQuHxmTOx2A&list=PL_kAiN4FbpOsHG5gpAl2E9aLcx0Shoaov&index=3 Interview with Feds #4]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Yx0i3qOfQ&list=PL_kAiN4FbpOsHG5gpAl2E9aLcx0Shoaov&index=2 Interview with Feds #5]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ou72CIB28qw V& Footage]
*[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israel_Keyes TOW Coverage]

==See Also==
*[[Ted Bundy]] - Who he tried to be an [[Fail|failed]]
*[[Serial Killers]]
*[[Psychopath]]
*[[An Hero]]
*[[Jeffrey Epstein]]

{{High Scores}}
{{Anheroes}}
{{Psychopaths}}