IPad - Revision history

Caku: /* Goatse Security Breach */ wayback said {{weev}} was just rainbow with a link to a fund raiser so im just replacing it with rainbow

2024-08-30T19:33:56Z

Goatse Security Breach: wayback said {{weev}} was just rainbow with a link to a fund raiser so im just replacing it with rainbow

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:33, 30 August 2024
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	==[[Goatse Security]] Breach==		==[[Goatse Security]] Breach==
	{{~~weev~~}}		{{rainbow\|WWW.CFAADEFENSEFUND.COM Y'ALL}}
	On June 9, 2010, [[AT&T]] admitted to a Gawker report that {{archive\|Lu8iJ\|they accidentally 114,000 iPads}} including some owned by some major dignitaries and A-List people when a group called [http://security.goatse.fr/ Goaste Security] gained access to their email accounts. {{archive\|9KbjS\|AT&T tried to downplay the severity}} of [[Jews\|the problem]].		On June 9, 2010, [[AT&T]] admitted to a Gawker report that {{archive\|Lu8iJ\|they accidentally 114,000 iPads}} including some owned by some major dignitaries and A-List people when a group called [http://security.goatse.fr/ Goaste Security] gained access to their email accounts. {{archive\|9KbjS\|AT&T tried to downplay the severity}} of [[Jews\|the problem]].

imported>Glitchlov at 16:36, 7 July 2022

2022-07-07T16:36:20Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:36, 7 July 2022
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	== Origins ==		== Origins ==
	In June 2009, Michael Arrington, a [[douchebag]] masquerading as a [[lawyer]] masquerading as a tech [[blogger]], launched a prototype [[Linux]]-based tablet computer called the [http://techcrunch.com/2009/06/03/crunchpad-the-launch-prototype/ Crunchpad]. Unfortunately, Arrington made the fatal mistake of posting pictures of it and information about it to his blog which in turn led his Singapore based hardware contractor, Chandra Rathakrishnan of Fusion Garage, to attempt to steal the design. Chandra Rathakrishnan and Fusion Garage attempted to launch their newly illicitly-obtained tablet under the new name "JooJoo," [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/JooJoo SRSLY!], but were promptly sued by Arrington who claimed that they had stolen his design. In their final betrayal of Arrington, Fusion Garage leaked the JooJoo's specs to Apple, who in turn [[Pwned\|copied the JooJoo's hardware design and launched the iPad]] (iPad hardware is a clone of the JooJoo/Crunchpad). Arrington is currently suing Rathakrishnan while Rathakrishnan is trying to get production started by having you chip in by "preordering." He [http://thejoojoo.com/store/order/new accepts] both your VISA and Mastercard.		In June [[2009]], Michael Arrington, a [[douchebag]] masquerading as a [[lawyer]] masquerading as a tech [[blogger]], launched a prototype [[Linux]]-based tablet computer called the [http://techcrunch.com/2009/06/03/crunchpad-the-launch-prototype/ Crunchpad]. Unfortunately, Arrington made the fatal mistake of posting pictures of it and information about it to his blog which in turn led his [[Singapore]] based hardware contractor, Chandra Rathakrishnan of Fusion Garage, to attempt to steal the design. Chandra Rathakrishnan and Fusion Garage attempted to launch their newly illicitly-obtained tablet under the new name "JooJoo," [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/JooJoo SRSLY!], but were promptly sued by Arrington who claimed that they had stolen his design. In their final betrayal of Arrington, Fusion Garage leaked the JooJoo's specs to Apple, who in turn [[Pwned\|copied the JooJoo's hardware design and launched the iPad]] (iPad hardware is a clone of the JooJoo/Crunchpad). Arrington is currently suing Rathakrishnan while Rathakrishnan is trying to get production started by having you chip in by "preordering." He [http://thejoojoo.com/store/order/new accepts] both your VISA and Mastercard.

	== Also known as Tablet/UMPC ==		== Also known as Tablet/UMPC ==
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	Believe it or not, the iPad is merely a poor knockoff of [[Microsoft\|Microsoft's]] Tablet/UMPC platform. This certainly indicates something about the iPad because Microsoft Tablets and Netbooks are pure liquid [[shit]]. Like everything else that is made my Microsoft, Windows tablets run hot, have about six minutes of battery life, and are manufactured by a bunch of [[Taiwan\|Taiwanese]] corner-cutting [[Jews]] with drivers written by either 12-year-old [[script kiddies]] or trained monkeys. No one's really sure.		Believe it or not, the iPad is merely a poor knockoff of [[Microsoft\|Microsoft's]] Tablet/UMPC platform. This certainly indicates something about the iPad because Microsoft Tablets and Netbooks are pure liquid [[shit]]. Like everything else that is made my Microsoft, Windows tablets run hot, have about six minutes of battery life, and are manufactured by a bunch of [[Taiwan\|Taiwanese]] corner-cutting [[Jews]] with drivers written by either 12-year-old [[script kiddies]] or trained monkeys. No one's really sure.

	Rather than improve on the platform, Apple removed the QWERTY keyboard, USB ports, webcam, HDMI/VGA output, GPS, and 100GB+ of storage, and still managed to [[Jews\|charge more than everyone else]]. Although typical [[Windows\|Windows 7]] netbooks restrict multitasking to only 3 apps, they still thrash the hard drive like an epileptic hummingbird on crack. On the other hand, the iPad restricts you to only one app (which must be approved and signed by [[Steve Jobs\|the lord and master's root certificate]]. This, of course, is absolutely revolutionary and a [[fap\|stroke]] of genius on Apple's part.		Rather than improve on the platform, Apple removed the QWERTY keyboard, USB ports, webcam, HDMI/VGA output, GPS, and 100GB+ of storage, and still managed to [[Jews\|charge more than everyone else]]. Although typical [[Windows\|Windows XP and Windows 7]] netbooks restrict multitasking to only 3 apps, they still thrash the hard drive like an epileptic hummingbird on [[crack]]. On the other hand, the iPad restricts you to only one app (which must be approved and signed by [[Steve Jobs\|the lord and master's root certificate]]. This, of course, is absolutely revolutionary and a [[fap\|stroke]] of genius on Apple's part.

	== iTampon ==		== iTampon ==
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	[[File:Aapl1crash.jpg\|centre\|frame\|Upon hearing the news of Apple's new extra large iPhone, Apple shareholders collectively shit themselves.]]		[[File:Aapl1crash.jpg\|centre\|frame\|Upon hearing the news of Apple's new extra large iPhone, Apple shareholders collectively shit themselves.]]

	Despite this, Steve Jobs told everyone that on April 3, 2010, that if they didn't show up and received the rape the Macfags so eagerly were asking for, he would send an Apple Expert bottom bitch to their house to skullfuck them in the eye sockets until their ears ejaculated brains.		Despite this, Steve Jobs told everyone that on April 3, [[2010]], that if they didn't show up and received the rape the Macfags so eagerly were asking for, he would send an Apple Expert bottom bitch to their house to skullfuck them in the eye sockets until their ears ejaculated brains.

	The Macfags understood that it was wrong to disobey the master pimp, and sure enough many of them camped out near their local Apple Store to pay the bottom bitch their money to give to the master pimp in exchange for their iPad.		The Macfags understood that it was wrong to disobey the master pimp, and sure enough many of them camped out near their local Apple Store to pay the bottom bitch their money to give to the master pimp in exchange for their iPad.
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	==iPad 2==		==iPad 2==

	On March 2nd, 2011, less than a year after the release of the original iPad, [[Steve Jobs]] announced the iPad 2, thereby prompting Macfags to throw out their old, obsolete first generation iPads and shell out another $500 dollars for the [[Lies\|new and improved]] model.		On March 2nd, [[2011]], less than a year after the release of the original iPad, [[Steve Jobs]] announced the iPad 2, thereby prompting Macfags to throw out their old, obsolete first generation iPads and shell out another $500 dollars for the [[Lies\|new and improved]] model.

	==iPad 2's New Features==		==iPad 2's New Features==

imported>Sidecar: /* Apple pays $220, You pay $500 */

2017-03-04T05:48:18Z

Apple pays $220, You pay $500

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	The materials to create the iPad will only cost $220 [http://www.macnn.com/articles/10/02/10/3g.models.likely.to.feed.more.profit/], giving the iPad a profit margin of over 50%. Although $500 is in fact more than 100% greater than $220, you the consumer will still get butt hurt. However like mobile phones and other gadgets 99.99999% of the cost of the product is paying for endorsements. This fits well with their motto, "Think Different," as the industry standard for profit margins after material prices is 15-20%.		The materials to create the iPad will only cost $220 [http://www.macnn.com/articles/10/02/10/3g.models.likely.to.feed.more.profit/], giving the iPad a profit margin of over 50%. Although $500 is in fact more than 100% greater than $220, you the consumer will still get butt hurt. However like mobile phones and other gadgets 99.99999% of the cost of the product is paying for endorsements. This fits well with their motto, "Think Different," as the industry standard for profit margins after material prices is 15-20%.

	Analysts suggest that this will leave room for price reductions, which Apple will no doubt do six months after the iPad's release with the iPad Mini, a version of the iPad with half the features costing Apple $80 per iPad that they will sell for the more affordable price of $399! Oh, and did you know it overheats like a bitch, leaving you with no other choice but to [[Jew\|buy another iPad with no compensation?]]		[[Some argue\|Analysts suggest]] that this will leave room for price reductions, which Apple will no doubt do six months after the iPad's release with the iPad Mini, a version of the iPad with half the features costing Apple $80 per iPad that they will sell for the more affordable price of $399! Oh, and did you know it overheats like a bitch, leaving you with no other choice but to [[Jew\|buy another iPad with no compensation?]]

	==iPad 2==		==iPad 2==

imported>LulzKiller at 03:21, 21 August 2016

2016-08-21T03:21:55Z

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	[[File:FrogJobs.jpg\|thumb\|290px\|Steve Jobs presents the iPad.]]		[[File:FrogJobs.jpg\|thumb\|290px\|Steve Jobs presents the iPad.]]

	Clearly, there is a lack of originality in name choice. [[Some argue\|Sources say]] that the [[mantrain\|Creative Team]] spent around fifty minutes trying random combinations of letters after the letter "i", before some bright spark realized that they could easily replace the "o" in [[iPod]]. As a result, Apple has attempted to trademark the [[Pedophile\|iPed]] and [[Penis\|iPud]] in an attempt to deter the [[Chinese]] from bootlegging the iPad, but unfortunately, [{{Archive \|~~http://archive.is/~~FcgVp}}\| the chinks beat them to it.]		Clearly, there is a lack of originality in name choice. [[Some argue\|Sources say]] that the [[mantrain\|Creative Team]] spent around fifty minutes trying random combinations of letters after the letter "i", before some bright spark realized that they could easily replace the "o" in [[iPod]]. As a result, Apple has attempted to trademark the [[Pedophile\|iPed]] and [[Penis\|iPud]] in an attempt to deter the [[Chinese]] from bootlegging the iPad, but unfortunately, {{Archive\|FcgVp\|the chinks beat them to it.}}

	== Origins ==		== Origins ==

imported>Radha at 03:16, 21 August 2016

2016-08-21T03:16:32Z

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	[[File:FrogJobs.jpg\|thumb\|290px\|Steve Jobs presents the iPad.]]		[[File:FrogJobs.jpg\|thumb\|290px\|Steve Jobs presents the iPad.]]

	Clearly, there is a lack of originality in name choice. [[Some argue\|Sources say]] that the [[mantrain\|Creative Team]] spent around fifty minutes trying random combinations of letters after the letter "i", before some bright spark realized that they could easily replace the "o" in [[iPod]]. As a result, Apple has attempted to trademark the [[Pedophile\|iPed]] and [[Penis\|iPud]] in an attempt to deter the [[Chinese]] from bootlegging the iPad, but unfortunately, [http://~~kotaku~~.~~com~~/~~5549865/china-rips-off-the-ipad-with-the-iped~~\| the chinks beat them to it.]		Clearly, there is a lack of originality in name choice. [[Some argue\|Sources say]] that the [[mantrain\|Creative Team]] spent around fifty minutes trying random combinations of letters after the letter "i", before some bright spark realized that they could easily replace the "o" in [[iPod]]. As a result, Apple has attempted to trademark the [[Pedophile\|iPed]] and [[Penis\|iPud]] in an attempt to deter the [[Chinese]] from bootlegging the iPad, but unfortunately, [{{Archive \|http://archive.is/FcgVp}}\| the chinks beat them to it.]

	== Origins ==		== Origins ==

imported>LulzKiller at 16:54, 27 February 2016

2016-02-27T16:54:41Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:54, 27 February 2016
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	==[[Goatse Security]] Breach==		==[[Goatse Security]] Breach==
	{{weev}}		{{weev}}
	On June 9, 2010, [[AT&T]] admitted to a Gawker report that ~~[http://gawker.com/5559346/apples-worst-security-breach-114000-ipad-owners-exposed?skyline=true&s=i~~ they accidentally 114,000 iPads] including some owned by some major dignitaries and A-List people when a group called [http://security.goatse.fr/ Goaste Security] gained access to their email accounts. ~~[http://gawker.com/5559725/att-fights-spreading-ipad-fear?skyline=true&s=i~~ AT&T tried to downplay the severity] of [[Jews\|the problem]].		On June 9, 2010, [[AT&T]] admitted to a Gawker report that {{archive\|Lu8iJ\|they accidentally 114,000 iPads}} including some owned by some major dignitaries and A-List people when a group called [http://security.goatse.fr/ Goaste Security] gained access to their email accounts. {{archive\|9KbjS\|AT&T tried to downplay the severity}} of [[Jews\|the problem]].

	== What to do if you have an iPad ==		== What to do if you have an iPad ==

imported>Lolyunohavgudsoftware at 09:41, 27 December 2015

2015-12-27T09:41:23Z

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			{{lowercase}}
	{{warning\|<center>WANTING AN iPAD WILL CAUSE YOU TO<br>SELL YOUR KIDNEY ON THE BLACK MARKET. <br>[http://www.shanghaidaily.com/nsp/National/2011/06/02/Boy+regrets+selling+his+kidney+to+buy+iPad/ SRSLY.]</center>}}		{{warning\|<center>WANTING AN iPAD WILL CAUSE YOU TO<br>SELL YOUR KIDNEY ON THE BLACK MARKET. <br>[http://www.shanghaidaily.com/nsp/National/2011/06/02/Boy+regrets+selling+his+kidney+to+buy+iPad/ SRSLY.]</center>}}

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	In what can only be described as the "Crystal Pepsi" of technology, the '''iPad''' (also known as the '''maxiPad''', '''TamPod''', or '''iPhone XL''') is [[Apple\|Apple's]] latest creation, designed so that neckbearded, trust funded [[artfag\|art history majors]] can pay twice as much money for a product with half as many features as a competing product. In what is [[Steve Jobs]]' last attempt to give you [[AIDS]] and to appear [[Unwarranted Self-Importance\|relevant]] in the new decade, the iPad gives you the option of using your own WiFi, or having [[AT&T]] or [[Verizon]] come and [[rape]] you. Like the [[iPhone]], it is just as [[gay]], just as fragile, and just as [[white]]. Although the iPad does support tethering, it comes at such an exorbitant monthly charge that anyone who bought a WiFi only iPad hoping they could tether it to their iPhone will wish that they had just bought an iPad with both WiFi and 3G. Think of it as a [[Terri Schiavo\|giant vegetable]] (iPad) comparing areola size to an amputated incestuous retard cousin (iPod).		In what can only be described as the "Crystal Pepsi" of technology, the '''iPad''' (also known as the '''maxiPad''', '''TamPod''', or '''iPhone XL''') is [[Apple\|Apple's]] latest creation, designed so that neckbearded, trust funded [[artfag\|art history majors]] can pay twice as much money for a product with half as many features as a competing product. In what is [[Steve Jobs]]' last attempt to give you [[AIDS]] and to appear [[Unwarranted Self-Importance\|relevant]] in the new decade, the iPad gives you the option of using your own WiFi, or having [[AT&T]] or [[Verizon]] come and [[rape]] you. Like the [[iPhone]], it is just as [[gay]], just as fragile, and just as [[white]]. Although the iPad does support tethering, it comes at such an exorbitant monthly charge that anyone who bought a WiFi only iPad hoping they could tether it to their iPhone will wish that they had just bought an iPad with both WiFi and 3G. Think of it as a [[Terri Schiavo\|giant vegetable]] (iPad) comparing areola size to an amputated incestuous retard cousin (iPod).

	[[File:FrogJobs.jpg\|thumb\|~~right\|298px~~\|Steve Jobs presents the iPad.]]		[[File:FrogJobs.jpg\|thumb\|290px\|Steve Jobs presents the iPad.]]

	Clearly, there is a lack of originality in name choice. [[Some argue\|Sources say]] that the [[mantrain\|Creative Team]] spent around fifty minutes trying random combinations of letters after the letter "i", before some bright spark realized that they could easily replace the "o" in [[iPod]]. As a result, Apple has attempted to trademark the [[Pedophile\|iPed]] and [[Penis\|iPud]] in an attempt to deter the [[Chinese]] from bootlegging the iPad, but unfortunately, [http://kotaku.com/5549865/china-rips-off-the-ipad-with-the-iped\| the chinks beat them to it.]		Clearly, there is a lack of originality in name choice. [[Some argue\|Sources say]] that the [[mantrain\|Creative Team]] spent around fifty minutes trying random combinations of letters after the letter "i", before some bright spark realized that they could easily replace the "o" in [[iPod]]. As a result, Apple has attempted to trademark the [[Pedophile\|iPed]] and [[Penis\|iPud]] in an attempt to deter the [[Chinese]] from bootlegging the iPad, but unfortunately, [http://kotaku.com/5549865/china-rips-off-the-ipad-with-the-iped\| the chinks beat them to it.]
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	== [[Dental Plan\|Data Plan]] ==		== [[Dental Plan\|Data Plan]] ==

	[[File:IPadnano.png~~\|right~~\|thumb\|Coming soon to an Apple store near you!]]		[[File:IPadnano.png\|thumb\|Coming soon to an Apple store near you!]]
	[[File:Jobsistrollin.jpg~~\|right~~\|thumb\|Utterly blatant]]		[[File:Jobsistrollin.jpg\|thumb\|Utterly blatant]]

	The latest way Apple, AT&T, and Verizon have combined forces to [[rape\|rape you]] is to provide you with a ''Data Plan'', forcing you to pay $14.99/month for 250 MB and [[Bullshit\|$29.99/month for 2GB]] [[Al Gore\|tubes]] privileges, should you not be part of the 21st century or own a WiFi router. Essentially, you'll be using AT&T's or Verizon's [[Crap\|3G]] network without the ability to make phone calls.		The latest way Apple, AT&T, and Verizon have combined forces to [[rape\|rape you]] is to provide you with a ''Data Plan'', forcing you to pay $14.99/month for 250 MB and [[Bullshit\|$29.99/month for 2GB]] [[Al Gore\|tubes]] privileges, should you not be part of the 21st century or own a WiFi router. Essentially, you'll be using AT&T's or Verizon's [[Crap\|3G]] network without the ability to make phone calls.

	== Public Response ==		== Public Response ==

	[[File:IPadvsStone.png~~\|right~~\|thumb\|But can you get the stone in a staggering ''three'' varieties?]]		[[File:IPadvsStone.png\|thumb\|But can you get the stone in a staggering ''three'' varieties?]]

	What was supposed to be a joyful day of [[fag\|circle jerking]] ending prematurely, as the [[Macfags\|Apple Fanboys]] did not like the iPad. It may have been because they realized their assholes were not big enough to have an iPad shoved up them or they realized that they don't have a [[vagina]].		What was supposed to be a joyful day of [[fag\|circle jerking]] ending prematurely, as the [[Macfags\|Apple Fanboys]] did not like the iPad. It may have been because they realized their assholes were not big enough to have an iPad shoved up them or they realized that they don't have a [[vagina]].

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	File:Apple_-_iPad_-_Accessories_-_04.jpg\|The ultimate [[hipster]] accessory.		File:Apple_-_iPad_-_Accessories_-_04.jpg\|The ultimate [[hipster]] accessory.
	File:Apple_-_iPad_-_Accessories_-_05.jpg\|*Patent Pending		File:Apple_-_iPad_-_Accessories_-_05.jpg\|*Patent Pending
	</gallery>		</gallery>}}<br>
	\|}}
	<br>

	==Gallery==		==Gallery==
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	File:Apple_-_iPad_-_18.jpg		File:Apple_-_iPad_-_18.jpg
	File:File:Ipad explosion.jpg		File:File:Ipad explosion.jpg
	</gallery>		</gallery>}}<br>
	\|}}
	<br>

	== See also ==		== See also ==
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	==External links==		==External links==
	*[http://www.geekologie.com/2010/03/it_was_only_a_matter_of_time_i.php iPad official case for sale] and guess what it looks like.		*[http://www.geekologie.com/2010/03/it_was_only_a_matter_of_time_i.php iPad official case for sale] and guess what it looks like.
	~~{{softwarez}}~~

	~~[[Category:IRL Shit]]~~

	~~[[Category:Softwarez]]~~		{{trolls\|title=iPad}}
			{{apple\|title=iPad}}
			{{softwarez\|title=iPad}}

	[[Category:2010]]		[[Category:2010]]
	~~{{lowercase}}~~		[[Category:IRL Shit]]
	~~{{trolls}}~~
	~~{{apple}}~~

imported>LulzKiller at 13:44, 23 December 2015

2015-12-23T13:44:01Z

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	* Be unable to enjoy gay hardcore [[CP]] because it doesn't have Flash.		* Be unable to enjoy gay hardcore [[CP]] because it doesn't have Flash.
	* Cry yourself to sleep in Apple Debt.		* Cry yourself to sleep in Apple Debt.
	* Get it stolen by a nigger and become [[an hero]] to impress your [[~~/g/~~\|iFriends]].		* Get it stolen by a nigger and become [[an hero]] to impress your [[G\|iFriends]].
	* Take it to Israel and have it confiscated.		* Take it to Israel and have it confiscated.
	* Break it and buy another, you fucktard.		* Break it and buy another, you fucktard.

imported>Schnookums: /* Gallery */ File:Ipad explosion.jpg

2013-11-09T19:49:55Z

Gallery: File:Ipad explosion.jpg

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:49, 9 November 2013
(No difference)

imported>Schnookums: /* Gallery */ File:Ipad explosion.jpg

2013-11-09T19:49:55Z

Gallery: File:Ipad explosion.jpg

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:49, 9 November 2013
(No difference)