Handegg - Revision history

imported>AaronCarter at 21:43, 20 August 2021

2021-08-20T21:43:34Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:43, 20 August 2021
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	{{quote\|<small>Egghands and Baseball were invented so the [[fat\|American "athlete"]] would only run 10-30 seconds every couple of minutes or not at all. And every time a team loses possession of the ball they take a short break and have a snack. Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.</small>\|[[Truth\|Accurate analysis]]}}		{{quote\|<small>Egghands and Baseball were invented so the [[fat\|American "athlete"]] would only run 10-30 seconds every couple of minutes or not at all. And every time a team loses possession of the ball they take a short break and have a snack. Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.</small>\|[[Truth\|Accurate analysis]]}}

	'''Handegg''' (also known as '''Gridiron Football''', or '''Rugby With Pads'''), is a homosexual pastime enjoyed mostly by [[Americunts]] because of cultural obligation for having stolen it from the mutually hated [[United Kingdom\|British]]. Since [[Americunts]] are [[fat]] (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), [[Retard\|stupid]] (need to be told what to do every play), and generally unskilled, Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, helmets, body armor, under eye make up, fanny ~~pack~~, and the [[list of sex moves\|QB Snap]] routine (where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new faggots and Army members as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game [[Poor\|the rest of the world]] calls "football" is to them called "[[soccer]]". This makes no sense, as soccer is clearly played with feet, and yet their bastardization of a [[lie\|real man's sport]] like Rugby seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the average Americunt IQ is even smaller than Asia's entire average penis size.		'''Handegg''' (also known as '''Gridiron Football''', or '''Rugby With Pads'''), is a homosexual pastime enjoyed mostly by [[Americunts]] because of cultural obligation for having stolen it from the mutually hated [[United Kingdom\|British]]. Since [[Americunts]] are [[fat]] (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), [[Retard\|stupid]] (need to be told what to do every play), and generally unskilled, Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, helmets, body armor, under eye make up, fanny packs, and the [[list of sex moves\|QB Snap]] routine (where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new faggots and Army members as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game [[Poor\|the rest of the world]] calls "football" is to them called "[[soccer]]". This makes no sense, as soccer is clearly played with feet, and yet their bastardization of a [[lie\|real man's sport]] like Rugby seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the average Americunt IQ is even smaller than Asia's entire average penis size.
	==Rules of the Game==		==Rules of the Game==

imported>Schnitzel: Reverted edits by StinkyGuy777 (talk) to last revision by Cobaltcat

2019-01-19T23:46:47Z

Reverted edits by StinkyGuy777 (talk) to last revision by Cobaltcat

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:46, 19 January 2019
(No difference)

imported>Cobaltcat: /* Gallery */

2018-09-05T15:46:39Z

Gallery

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:46, 5 September 2018
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	File:Tackle.jpg		File:Tackle.jpg
	File:Wrong Center.jpg		File:Wrong Center.jpg
			File:Football-1.jpeg
	</gallery>}}{{clear}}		</gallery>}}{{clear}}

imported>Sd-100: /* See Also */

2017-09-24T17:50:57Z

imported>AlGore: /* Gallery */

2016-08-17T12:24:53Z

Gallery

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:24, 17 August 2016
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	Image:Main difference between football.jpg\|How Americans see it.		Image:Main difference between football.jpg\|How Americans see it.
	Image:Cutlergreat.png		Image:Cutlergreat.png
			File:Footballguy.gif
	Image:TypicalHandEgg.jpg\|Typical Handegg		Image:TypicalHandEgg.jpg\|Typical Handegg
	Image:Handegg_-_Coach.jpg\|<center>Coaching Handegg Is Exhausting Work</center>		Image:Handegg_-_Coach.jpg\|<center>Coaching Handegg Is Exhausting Work</center>

imported>Deceptive: serious clean up

2015-07-09T23:45:16Z

serious clean up

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:45, 9 July 2015
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	[[Image:Hand egg.jpg\|~~center\|400px~~\|]]		[[Image:Hand egg.jpg\|thumb\|The ultimate difference between the two sports.]]
	[[Image:Football vs. handegg.JPG\|thumb\|Typical [[butthurt]] response from an American [[sp\|/sp/artan]].]]		[[Image:Football vs. handegg.JPG\|thumb\|Typical [[butthurt]] response from an American [[sp\|/sp/artan]].]]
	[[Image:Rex.jpg\|thumb\|Typical gameplay in handegg: two [[GNAA\|gayniggers]] fagging up the field. [[Fox News\|Faux Sports]] pundits always highlight such scenes and [[fap\|wax poetically]] like no tomorrow.]]		[[Image:Rex.jpg\|thumb\|Typical gameplay in handegg: two [[GNAA\|gayniggers]] fagging up the field. [[Fox News\|Faux Sports]] pundits always highlight such scenes and [[fap\|wax poetically]] like no tomorrow.]]
	[[Image:Fat fb player.jpg\|thumb\|A [[typical]] Handegg all-star.]]		[[Image:Fat fb player.jpg\|thumb\|A [[typical]] Handegg all-star.]]
	~~''Not to be confused with [[~~Soccer~~\|Football]].''<br>''Nor to be [[Don't Mess With Football\|messed with]].''~~		{{distinguish\|Soccer}}

	{{quote\|<small>Egghands and Baseball were invented so the [[fat\|American "athlete"]] would only run 10-30 seconds every couple of minutes or not at all. And every time a team loses possession of the ball they take a short break and have a snack.		{{quote\|<small>Egghands and Baseball were invented so the [[fat\|American "athlete"]] would only run 10-30 seconds every couple of minutes or not at all. And every time a team loses possession of the ball they take a short break and have a snack. Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.</small>\|[[Truth\|Accurate analysis]]}}

	Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.</small>\|[[Truth\|Accurate analysis]]}}

	'''Handegg''' (also known as '''[[Iron Man\|Gridiron]] [[Oxymoron\|Football]]''', '''[[BDSM\|Rugby with pads]]''' or "'''[[Capitalism\|THAT FUCKING YANK SPORT WITH COMMERCIALS RUNNING EVERY 5 SECONDS!!!]]'''") is a homosexual pasttime enjoyed only by [[Americunts]] (and [[Canada\|Canucks]] [[Shit no one cares about\|to an extent]]) because of cultural OBLIGATION for having <s>invented it</s> stolen it from the mutually hated [[United Kingdom\|British]]. Since [[Americunts]] are [[fat]] (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), [[Retard\|stupid]] (need to be told what to do every play), and generally unskilled, Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, helmets, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack, and the [[list of sex moves\|QB Snap]] routine (where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new faggots and Army members as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game [[Poor\|the rest of the world]] calls "football" is to them called "[[soccer]]". This makes no sense, [[Fact\|as soccer is clearly played with feet]], and yet their bastardization of a [[Pussy\|real man's sport]] like Rugby seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the average Americunt IQ is even smaller than Asia's entire average penis size.

			'''Handegg''' (also known as '''Gridiron Football''', or '''Rugby With Pads'''), is a homosexual pastime enjoyed mostly by [[Americunts]] because of cultural obligation for having stolen it from the mutually hated [[United Kingdom\|British]]. Since [[Americunts]] are [[fat]] (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), [[Retard\|stupid]] (need to be told what to do every play), and generally unskilled, Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, helmets, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack, and the [[list of sex moves\|QB Snap]] routine (where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new faggots and Army members as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game [[Poor\|the rest of the world]] calls "football" is to them called "[[soccer]]". This makes no sense, as soccer is clearly played with feet, and yet their bastardization of a [[lie\|real man's sport]] like Rugby seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the average Americunt IQ is even smaller than Asia's entire average penis size.
	==Rules of the Game==		==Rules of the Game==
	~~'''Handegg''' (AKA: [[ALL CAPS\|'''THE GRIDIRON GAME!!!''']]) is a bizarre sport with an appropriately strange and obtuse set of rules and positions.~~

	* In Handegg, each team consists of 1 fast guy (usually a nigger on parole), 1 guy who can throw the egg (usually white), and a [[USA\|wall of fat fucks]] whose job is to run at the other team's wall of equally fat fucks.

	* Every team has upwards of 50 players on the bench, only one of whom [[soccer\|puts his foot on the ball]] (usually [[Mexico\|some guy named Pedro]]). His position is the Kicker, and he is ~~presumably the player the~~ sport ~~uses as~~ an ~~excuse to be called '''''"football"'''''. His job is to [[facepalm\|''kick the ball away so that the other team can score'']]~~.		The game is a bizarre sport with an appropriately strange and obtuse set of rules and positions. Some of them include:

	* Everyone [[Slavery\|gets told what to do]] after every snap; stop start, stop ~~start, stop start~~...to ensure that the game is mind-numbingly boring to play ~~and to~~ watch. This method of gameplay is mandatory as the sport was tailored by [[Jews]] who want to jam in as many commercials as they can to entice the ~~[[USA\|~~viewers]] into buying ~~[[McDonalds\|~~fast~~]] [[Burger King\|~~food]], ~~[[Reddit\|~~Doritos, fedoras and Mountain Dew]]. The kikes later pocket the [[profit]]s while said viewers die of [[diabeetus]] due to irresponsible ~~[[OM NOM NOM\|~~consumerism]].		* In Handegg, each team consists of one fast guy (usually a nigger on parole), 1 guy who can throw the egg (usually white), and a wall of fat fucks whose job is to run at the other team's wall of equally fat fucks.
			* Every team has upwards of 50 players on the bench, only one of whom puts his foot on the ball. His position is the kicker, and he is presumably the player the sport uses as an excuse to be called '''"football"'''. His job is to kick the ball away so the other team can score.
			* Everyone [[Slavery\|gets told what to do]] after every snap; stop...start...stop...start, and so on to ensure that the game is mind-numbingly boring to play, or watch. This method of gameplay is mandatory as the sport was tailored by [[Jews]] who want to jam in as many commercials as they can to entice the viewers into buying fast food, Doritos, fedoras and Mountain Dew. The kikes later pocket the [[profit]]s while said viewers die of [[diabeetus]] due to irresponsible consumerism.

	* ~~And most~~ importantly, every [[retard\|player]] who scores a ''Touchdown'' for his team is required to do a [[dance\|celebratory dance]], after which he is fined [[Over 9000\|tens of thousands of dollars]] by the National Handegg League for "~~[[You Mad\|~~excessive celebration]]".		* Most importantly, every [[retard\|player]] who scores a ''Touchdown'' for his team is required to do a [[dance\|celebratory dance]], after which he is fined [[Over 9000\|tens of thousands of dollars]] by the National Handegg League for "excessive celebration".
			{{clear}}

	==How ~~Amurika~~ views Handegg==		==How America views Handegg==
	<center>'''Warning: Not Actually Funny'''</center>		<center>'''Warning: Not Actually Funny'''</center>
	<center><youtube>Y9CvB4mbJys</youtube></center>		<center><youtube>Y9CvB4mbJys</youtube></center>

	==How ~~the rest of~~ the world views Handegg==		==How the world views Handegg==
	<~~center~~>~~'''Handegg is [[not gay]]'''~~</~~center~~>		{\|align="center" cellspacing="15"
	~~<center>~~<youtube>~~SiQp3UC15yI~~</youtube>~~</center>~~		\|<youtube>SiQp3UC15yI</youtube>
			\|<youtube>m7pwNoYdWtA</youtube>
			\|}

			==Handegg vs [[Soccer]]==

	~~<center>'''TESTICLE SMASH'''</center>~~
	~~<center><youtube>m7pwNoYdWtA</youtube></center>~~

	~~==Handegg vs [[Soccer]]==~~
	In order to start an argument online between Handeggfags and Soccerfags, all you need to do is simply mention them in the same sentence, for results like this:		In order to start an argument online between Handeggfags and Soccerfags, all you need to do is simply mention them in the same sentence, for results like this:

	{{quote\|<small>~~[[BAW\|~~JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU TURDS I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE "LULZ TROLLAN XD" OR NOT JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT FOOTBALL VS. SOCCER OR HANDEGG VS. FOOTBALL OR WHATEVER YOU FAGGOTS CALL IT]]		{{quote\|<small><small>JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU TURDS I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE "LULZ TROLLAN XD" OR NOT JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT FOOTBALL VS. SOCCER OR HANDEGG VS. FOOTBALL OR WHATEVER YOU FAGGOTS CALL IT. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR DUMB FUCKING OPINIONS, THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT BOTH SPORTS ARE HERE TO STAY AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK, IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR FAVORITE SPORT IS THE PINNACLE OF HUMAN ACHIEVEMENT OR ANYTHING, SO WHO GIVES A SHIT IF SOCCER IS JUST RUNNING AROUND OR FOOTBALL IS JUST BUMPING INTO PEOPLE OR BASEBALL IS JUST STANDING AROUND FOLLOWED BY SPORADIC BURSTS OF RUNNING? YOU /SP/ SHITHEADS ARE LITERALLY THE WORST PEOPLE ON 4CHAN, EVEN IF /B/ WASN'T DOWN THIS PLACE HAS THOSE INBRED MONGOLOIDS BEAT. HAVE YOU FAGGOTS EVER EVEN PLAYED A SPORT? OR IS YOUR "SPORT" JUST TROLLING [[sp\|/SP/]] ALL DAY AND JACKING OFF TO PICTURES OF SHAWN JOHNSON? NEWS FLASH NOBODY GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF DOG SHIT! FUCKING CHRIST MONKEY BALLS!</small></small>\|Successful troll is successful.}}


	NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR DUMB FUCKING OPINIONS, THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT BOTH SPORTS ARE HERE TO STAY AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK, IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR FAVORITE SPORT IS THE PINNACLE OF HUMAN ACHIEVEMENT OR ANYTHING


	SO WHO GIVES A SHIT IF SOCCER IS JUST RUNNING AROUND OR FOOTBALL IS JUST BUMPING INTO PEOPLE OR BASEBALL IS JUST STANDING AROUND FOLLOWED BY SPORADIC BURSTS OF RUNNING?


	YOU /SP/ SHITHEADS ARE LITERALLY THE WORST PEOPLE ON 4CHAN, EVEN IF /B/ WASN'T DOWN THIS PLACE HAS THOSE INBRED MONGOLOIDS BEAT


	HAVE YOU FAGGOTS EVER EVEN PLAYED A SPORT? OR IS YOUR "SPORT" [[Sp\|~~JUST TROLLING~~ /SP/ ALL DAY]] AND JACKING OFF TO PICTURES OF SHAWN JOHNSON? NEWS FLASH NOBODY GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF DOG SHIT!

	FUCKING CHRIST MONKEY BALLS</small>\|~~[[X Y~~ is ~~X\|SUCCESSFUL TROLL IS SUCCESSFUL]]~~}}


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	{{Olympics}}		{{Olympics}}
			{{stub}}
	{{Timeline\|Featured article January 12th and 13th, [[2012]]\|[[Sethisto]]\|{{PAGENAME}}\|[[Asperger's Syndrome]]}}		{{Timeline\|Featured article January 12th and 13th, [[2012]]\|[[Sethisto]]\|{{PAGENAME}}\|[[Asperger's Syndrome]]}}

imported>Hitmonchan at 23:18, 9 July 2015

2015-07-09T23:18:44Z

imported>Hitmonchan at 22:52, 9 July 2015

2015-07-09T22:52:33Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:52, 9 July 2015
Line 1:		Line 1:
	[[Image:Hand egg.jpg\|center\|400px\|]]		[[Image:Hand egg.jpg\|center\|400px\|]]
	[[Image:Football vs. handegg.JPG\|thumb\|~~The great debate, as heard from~~ [[~~America\|the side that <s>matters</s>~~]] [[~~shit nobody cares about~~\|~~no-one cares about.~~]]]]		[[Image:Football vs. handegg.JPG\|thumb\|Typical [[butthurt]] response from an American [[sp\|/sp/artan]].]]
	[[Image:Rex.jpg\|thumb\|~~Two fairies~~ in ~~tights,~~ fagging up the field.]]		[[Image:Rex.jpg\|thumb\|Typical gameplay in handegg: two [[gayniggers]] fagging up the field. [[Fox News\|Faux Sports]] pundits always highlight such scenes and [[fap\|wax poetically]] like no tomorrow.]]
	[[Image:Fat fb player.jpg\|thumb\|A [[typical]] Handegg all-star.]]		[[Image:Fat fb player.jpg\|thumb\|A [[typical]] Handegg all-star.]]
	''Not to be confused with [[Soccer]].''<br>''Nor to be [[Don't Mess With Football\|messed with]].''		''Not to be confused with [[Soccer\|Football]].''<br>''Nor to be [[Don't Mess With Football\|messed with]].''

	{{quote\|<small>Egghands and Baseball were invented so the [[fat\|American "athlete"]] would only run 10-30 seconds every couple of minutes or not at all. And every time a team loses possession of the ball they take a short break and have a snack.		{{quote\|<small>Egghands and Baseball were invented so the [[fat\|American "athlete"]] would only run 10-30 seconds every couple of minutes or not at all. And every time a team loses possession of the ball they take a short break and have a snack.

	Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.</small>\|Accurate analysis}}		Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.</small>\|[[Truth\|Accurate analysis]]}}

	'''Handegg''', or "'''~~American Football~~'''" ~~(AKA Rugby for faggots~~) is a ~~sporting activity played~~ only by [[~~Americans~~]] because of a cultural OBLIGATION for having <s>invented it</s> stolen it from the [[United Kingdom\|British]]. Since [[Americunts]] are [[fat]] (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), [[stupid]] (need to be told what to do every play), and generally ~~[[Retard\|~~unskilled]], Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack ~~and helmet (~~and the [[list of sex moves\|QB Snap]] routine where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new ~~homosexuals,~~ as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game the rest of the world calls "football" is to them called "soccer". This makes no sense, as ~~football~~ is clearly played with feet, and yet their bastardization of a real man's sport seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the Americunt IQ is even smaller than ~~your [[micropenis]]~~.		'''Handegg''' (also known as '''[[USA\|Murkan]] [[Oxymoron\|Football]]''', '''[[Iron Man\|The Gridiron]]''', '''[[BDSM\|Rugby with pads]]''' or "'''[[Capitalism\|THAT FUCKING YANK SPORT WITH COMMERCIALS RUNNING EVERY 5 SECONDS!!!]]'''") is a homosexual pasttime enjoyed only by [[Americunts]] (and [[Canada\|Canucks]] [[Shit no one cares about\|to an extent]]) because of cultural OBLIGATION for having <s>invented it</s> stolen it from the mutually hated [[United Kingdom\|British]]. Since [[Americunts]] are [[fat]] (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), [[Retard\|stupid]] (need to be told what to do every play), and generally unskilled, Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, helmets, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack, and the [[list of sex moves\|QB Snap]] routine (where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new faggots and Army members as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game [[Poor\|the rest of the world]] calls "football" is to them called "[[soccer]]". This makes no sense, [[Fact\|as soccer is clearly played with feet]], and yet their bastardization of a [[Pussy\|real man's sport]] seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the average Americunt IQ is even smaller than Asia's entire average penis size.

	==Rules of the Game==		==Rules of the Game==
	~~American "~~Handegg~~" Football~~ (AKA: [[ALL CAPS\|'''THE GRIDIRON GAME!!!''']]) is a bizarre sport with an appropriately strange and obtuse set of rules and positions.		'''Handegg''' (AKA: [[ALL CAPS\|'''THE GRIDIRON GAME!!!''']]) is a bizarre sport with an appropriately strange and obtuse set of rules and positions.

	* In Handegg, each team consists of 1 ~~[[black\|~~fast]] guy, 1 ~~[[White\|~~guy who can throw the egg]], and a [[~~America~~\|wall of fat ~~niggers~~]] whose job is to run at the other team's wall of fat ~~niggers~~.		* In Handegg, each team consists of 1 fast guy (usually a nigger on parole), 1 guy who can throw the egg (usually white), and a [[USA\|wall of fat fucks]] whose job is to run at the other team's wall of equally fat fucks.

	* Every ~~'''"''Football''"'''~~ team has upwards of 50 players on the bench, ~~'''''~~only one of whom~~'''''~~ puts his foot on the ball. His ~~name~~ is the Kicker, and he is presumably the player ~~after which~~ the sport ~~is named~~. His job is [[facepalm\|to kick the ball away so that the other team can score]].		* Every team has upwards of 50 players on the bench, only one of whom [[soccer\|puts his foot on the ball]] (usually [[Mexico\|some guy named Pedro]]). His position is the Kicker, and he is presumably the player the sport uses as an excuse to be called '''''"football"'''''. His job is to [[facepalm\|''kick the ball away so that the other team can score'']].

	* Everyone [[BDSM\|gets told what to do]] after every snap; stop start, stop start, stop start...to ensure that the game is mind-numbingly boring to play and to watch.		* Everyone [[BDSM\|gets told what to do]] after every snap; stop start, stop start, stop start...to ensure that the game is mind-numbingly boring to play and to watch. This method of gameplay is mandatory as the sport was tailored by [[Jews]] who want to jam in commercials enticing the [[Reddit\|viewers]] to buy [[Over 9000\|9000 packs of Doritos and Mountain Dew]] and pocket the profits while said viewers die of [[diabeetus]] due to irresponsible [[McDonalds\|fast]] [[Burger King\|food]] [[Om Nom Nom\|consumerism]].

	* And most importantly, every [[~~nigger~~\|player]] who scores a Touchdown for his team is required to do a [[dance\|celebratory dance]], after which he is fined tens of thousands of dollars by the National Handegg League for "[[You Mad\|excessive celebration]]".		* And most importantly, every [[retard\|player]] who scores a ''Touchdown'' for his team is required to do a [[dance\|celebratory dance]], after which he is fined [[Over 9000\|tens of thousands of dollars]] by the National Handegg League for "[[You Mad\|excessive celebration]]".

	==How Amurika views Handegg==		==How Amurika views Handegg==
Line 27:		Line 27:

	==How the rest of the world views Handegg==		==How the rest of the world views Handegg==
	<center>'''~~Football~~ is [[not gay]]'''</center>		<center>'''Handegg is [[not gay]]'''</center>
	<center><youtube>SiQp3UC15yI</youtube></center>		<center><youtube>SiQp3UC15yI</youtube></center>

Line 34:		Line 34:
	<center><youtube>m7pwNoYdWtA</youtube></center>		<center><youtube>m7pwNoYdWtA</youtube></center>

	==Handegg vs [[~~soccer\|Football~~]]==		==Handegg vs [[Soccer]]==
	In order to start an argument online between Handeggfags and Soccerfags, all you need to do is simply mention them in the same sentence, for results like this:		In order to start an argument online between Handeggfags and Soccerfags, all you need to do is simply mention them in the same sentence, for results like this:

imported>Cobaltcat: /* Gallery */

2015-06-10T10:00:38Z

Gallery

← Older revision	Revision as of 10:00, 10 June 2015
(No difference)

imported>Cobaltcat: /* Gallery */

2015-06-10T10:00:38Z

Gallery

← Older revision	Revision as of 10:00, 10 June 2015
(No difference)

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:50, 24 September 2017
Line 77:		Line 77:
	*[[Manti Te'o]]		*[[Manti Te'o]]
	*[[Chris Kluwe]]		*[[Chris Kluwe]]
			*[[Colin Kaepernick]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:52, 9 July 2015
Line 1:		Line 1:
	[[Image:Hand egg.jpg\|center\|400px\|]]		[[Image:Hand egg.jpg\|center\|400px\|]]
	[[Image:Football vs. handegg.JPG\|thumb\|~~The great debate, as heard from~~ [[~~America\|the side that <s>matters</s>~~]] [[~~shit nobody cares about~~\|~~no-one cares about.~~]]]]		[[Image:Football vs. handegg.JPG\|thumb\|Typical [[butthurt]] response from an American [[sp\|/sp/artan]].]]
	[[Image:Rex.jpg\|thumb\|~~Two fairies~~ in ~~tights,~~ fagging up the field.]]		[[Image:Rex.jpg\|thumb\|Typical gameplay in handegg: two [[gayniggers]] fagging up the field. [[Fox News\|Faux Sports]] pundits always highlight such scenes and [[fap\|wax poetically]] like no tomorrow.]]
	[[Image:Fat fb player.jpg\|thumb\|A [[typical]] Handegg all-star.]]		[[Image:Fat fb player.jpg\|thumb\|A [[typical]] Handegg all-star.]]
	''Not to be confused with [[Soccer]].''<br>''Nor to be [[Don't Mess With Football\|messed with]].''		''Not to be confused with [[Soccer\|Football]].''<br>''Nor to be [[Don't Mess With Football\|messed with]].''

	{{quote\|<small>Egghands and Baseball were invented so the [[fat\|American "athlete"]] would only run 10-30 seconds every couple of minutes or not at all. And every time a team loses possession of the ball they take a short break and have a snack.		{{quote\|<small>Egghands and Baseball were invented so the [[fat\|American "athlete"]] would only run 10-30 seconds every couple of minutes or not at all. And every time a team loses possession of the ball they take a short break and have a snack.

	Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.</small>\|Accurate analysis}}		Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.</small>\|[[Truth\|Accurate analysis]]}}

	'''Handegg''', or "'''~~American Football~~'''" ~~(AKA Rugby for faggots~~) is a ~~sporting activity played~~ only by [[~~Americans~~]] because of a cultural OBLIGATION for having <s>invented it</s> stolen it from the [[United Kingdom\|British]]. Since [[Americunts]] are [[fat]] (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), [[stupid]] (need to be told what to do every play), and generally ~~[[Retard\|~~unskilled]], Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack ~~and helmet (~~and the [[list of sex moves\|QB Snap]] routine where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new ~~homosexuals,~~ as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game the rest of the world calls "football" is to them called "soccer". This makes no sense, as ~~football~~ is clearly played with feet, and yet their bastardization of a real man's sport seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the Americunt IQ is even smaller than ~~your [[micropenis]]~~.		'''Handegg''' (also known as '''[[USA\|Murkan]] [[Oxymoron\|Football]]''', '''[[Iron Man\|The Gridiron]]''', '''[[BDSM\|Rugby with pads]]''' or "'''[[Capitalism\|THAT FUCKING YANK SPORT WITH COMMERCIALS RUNNING EVERY 5 SECONDS!!!]]'''") is a homosexual pasttime enjoyed only by [[Americunts]] (and [[Canada\|Canucks]] [[Shit no one cares about\|to an extent]]) because of cultural OBLIGATION for having <s>invented it</s> stolen it from the mutually hated [[United Kingdom\|British]]. Since [[Americunts]] are [[fat]] (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), [[Retard\|stupid]] (need to be told what to do every play), and generally unskilled, Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, helmets, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack, and the [[list of sex moves\|QB Snap]] routine (where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new faggots and Army members as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game [[Poor\|the rest of the world]] calls "football" is to them called "[[soccer]]". This makes no sense, [[Fact\|as soccer is clearly played with feet]], and yet their bastardization of a [[Pussy\|real man's sport]] seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the average Americunt IQ is even smaller than Asia's entire average penis size.

	==Rules of the Game==		==Rules of the Game==
	~~American "~~Handegg~~" Football~~ (AKA: [[ALL CAPS\|'''THE GRIDIRON GAME!!!''']]) is a bizarre sport with an appropriately strange and obtuse set of rules and positions.		'''Handegg''' (AKA: [[ALL CAPS\|'''THE GRIDIRON GAME!!!''']]) is a bizarre sport with an appropriately strange and obtuse set of rules and positions.

	* In Handegg, each team consists of 1 ~~[[black\|~~fast]] guy, 1 ~~[[White\|~~guy who can throw the egg]], and a [[~~America~~\|wall of fat ~~niggers~~]] whose job is to run at the other team's wall of fat ~~niggers~~.		* In Handegg, each team consists of 1 fast guy (usually a nigger on parole), 1 guy who can throw the egg (usually white), and a [[USA\|wall of fat fucks]] whose job is to run at the other team's wall of equally fat fucks.

	* Every ~~'''"''Football''"'''~~ team has upwards of 50 players on the bench, ~~'''''~~only one of whom~~'''''~~ puts his foot on the ball. His ~~name~~ is the Kicker, and he is presumably the player ~~after which~~ the sport ~~is named~~. His job is [[facepalm\|to kick the ball away so that the other team can score]].		* Every team has upwards of 50 players on the bench, only one of whom [[soccer\|puts his foot on the ball]] (usually [[Mexico\|some guy named Pedro]]). His position is the Kicker, and he is presumably the player the sport uses as an excuse to be called '''''"football"'''''. His job is to [[facepalm\|''kick the ball away so that the other team can score'']].

	* Everyone [[BDSM\|gets told what to do]] after every snap; stop start, stop start, stop start...to ensure that the game is mind-numbingly boring to play and to watch.		* Everyone [[BDSM\|gets told what to do]] after every snap; stop start, stop start, stop start...to ensure that the game is mind-numbingly boring to play and to watch. This method of gameplay is mandatory as the sport was tailored by [[Jews]] who want to jam in commercials enticing the [[Reddit\|viewers]] to buy [[Over 9000\|9000 packs of Doritos and Mountain Dew]] and pocket the profits while said viewers die of [[diabeetus]] due to irresponsible [[McDonalds\|fast]] [[Burger King\|food]] [[Om Nom Nom\|consumerism]].

	* And most importantly, every [[~~nigger~~\|player]] who scores a Touchdown for his team is required to do a [[dance\|celebratory dance]], after which he is fined tens of thousands of dollars by the National Handegg League for "[[You Mad\|excessive celebration]]".		* And most importantly, every [[retard\|player]] who scores a ''Touchdown'' for his team is required to do a [[dance\|celebratory dance]], after which he is fined [[Over 9000\|tens of thousands of dollars]] by the National Handegg League for "[[You Mad\|excessive celebration]]".

	==How Amurika views Handegg==		==How Amurika views Handegg==
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	==How the rest of the world views Handegg==		==How the rest of the world views Handegg==
	<center>'''~~Football~~ is [[not gay]]'''</center>		<center>'''Handegg is [[not gay]]'''</center>
	<center><youtube>SiQp3UC15yI</youtube></center>		<center><youtube>SiQp3UC15yI</youtube></center>

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	<center><youtube>m7pwNoYdWtA</youtube></center>		<center><youtube>m7pwNoYdWtA</youtube></center>

	==Handegg vs [[~~soccer\|Football~~]]==		==Handegg vs [[Soccer]]==
	In order to start an argument online between Handeggfags and Soccerfags, all you need to do is simply mention them in the same sentence, for results like this:		In order to start an argument online between Handeggfags and Soccerfags, all you need to do is simply mention them in the same sentence, for results like this:

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:18, 9 July 2015
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	[[Image:Hand egg.jpg\|center\|400px\|]]		[[Image:Hand egg.jpg\|center\|400px\|]]
	[[Image:Football vs. handegg.JPG\|thumb\|Typical [[butthurt]] response from an American [[sp\|/sp/artan]].]]		[[Image:Football vs. handegg.JPG\|thumb\|Typical [[butthurt]] response from an American [[sp\|/sp/artan]].]]
	[[Image:Rex.jpg\|thumb\|Typical gameplay in handegg: two [[gayniggers]] fagging up the field. [[Fox News\|Faux Sports]] pundits always highlight such scenes and [[fap\|wax poetically]] like no tomorrow.]]		[[Image:Rex.jpg\|thumb\|Typical gameplay in handegg: two [[GNAA\|gayniggers]] fagging up the field. [[Fox News\|Faux Sports]] pundits always highlight such scenes and [[fap\|wax poetically]] like no tomorrow.]]
	[[Image:Fat fb player.jpg\|thumb\|A [[typical]] Handegg all-star.]]		[[Image:Fat fb player.jpg\|thumb\|A [[typical]] Handegg all-star.]]
	''Not to be confused with [[Soccer\|Football]].''<br>''Nor to be [[Don't Mess With Football\|messed with]].''		''Not to be confused with [[Soccer\|Football]].''<br>''Nor to be [[Don't Mess With Football\|messed with]].''
Line 9:		Line 9:
	Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.</small>\|[[Truth\|Accurate analysis]]}}		Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.</small>\|[[Truth\|Accurate analysis]]}}

	'''Handegg''' (also known as '''[[~~USA~~\|~~Murkan~~]] [[Oxymoron\|Football~~]]''', '''[[Iron Man\|The Gridiron~~]]''', '''[[BDSM\|Rugby with pads]]''' or "'''[[Capitalism\|THAT FUCKING YANK SPORT WITH COMMERCIALS RUNNING EVERY 5 SECONDS!!!]]'''") is a homosexual pasttime enjoyed only by [[Americunts]] (and [[Canada\|Canucks]] [[Shit no one cares about\|to an extent]]) because of cultural OBLIGATION for having <s>invented it</s> stolen it from the mutually hated [[United Kingdom\|British]]. Since [[Americunts]] are [[fat]] (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), [[Retard\|stupid]] (need to be told what to do every play), and generally unskilled, Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, helmets, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack, and the [[list of sex moves\|QB Snap]] routine (where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new faggots and Army members as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game [[Poor\|the rest of the world]] calls "football" is to them called "[[soccer]]". This makes no sense, [[Fact\|as soccer is clearly played with feet]], and yet their bastardization of a [[Pussy\|real man's sport]] seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the average Americunt IQ is even smaller than Asia's entire average penis size.		'''Handegg''' (also known as '''[[Iron Man\|Gridiron]] [[Oxymoron\|Football]]''', '''[[BDSM\|Rugby with pads]]''' or "'''[[Capitalism\|THAT FUCKING YANK SPORT WITH COMMERCIALS RUNNING EVERY 5 SECONDS!!!]]'''") is a homosexual pasttime enjoyed only by [[Americunts]] (and [[Canada\|Canucks]] [[Shit no one cares about\|to an extent]]) because of cultural OBLIGATION for having <s>invented it</s> stolen it from the mutually hated [[United Kingdom\|British]]. Since [[Americunts]] are [[fat]] (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), [[Retard\|stupid]] (need to be told what to do every play), and generally unskilled, Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, helmets, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack, and the [[list of sex moves\|QB Snap]] routine (where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new faggots and Army members as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game [[Poor\|the rest of the world]] calls "football" is to them called "[[soccer]]". This makes no sense, [[Fact\|as soccer is clearly played with feet]], and yet their bastardization of a [[Pussy\|real man's sport]] like Rugby seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the average Americunt IQ is even smaller than Asia's entire average penis size.

	==Rules of the Game==		==Rules of the Game==
Line 18:		Line 18:
	* Every team has upwards of 50 players on the bench, only one of whom [[soccer\|puts his foot on the ball]] (usually [[Mexico\|some guy named Pedro]]). His position is the Kicker, and he is presumably the player the sport uses as an excuse to be called '''''"football"'''''. His job is to [[facepalm\|''kick the ball away so that the other team can score'']].		* Every team has upwards of 50 players on the bench, only one of whom [[soccer\|puts his foot on the ball]] (usually [[Mexico\|some guy named Pedro]]). His position is the Kicker, and he is presumably the player the sport uses as an excuse to be called '''''"football"'''''. His job is to [[facepalm\|''kick the ball away so that the other team can score'']].

	* Everyone [[~~BDSM~~\|gets told what to do]] after every snap; stop start, stop start, stop start...to ensure that the game is mind-numbingly boring to play and to watch. This method of gameplay is mandatory as the sport was tailored by [[Jews]] who want to jam in commercials ~~enticing~~ the [[~~Reddit~~\|viewers]] ~~to buy~~ [[~~Over 9000~~\|~~9000 packs of~~ Doritos and Mountain Dew]] ~~and~~ pocket the ~~profits~~ while said viewers die of [[diabeetus]] due to irresponsible [[~~McDonalds\|fast]] [[Burger King\|food]] [[Om Nom Nom~~\|consumerism]].		* Everyone [[Slavery\|gets told what to do]] after every snap; stop start, stop start, stop start...to ensure that the game is mind-numbingly boring to play and to watch. This method of gameplay is mandatory as the sport was tailored by [[Jews]] who want to jam in as many commercials as they can to entice the [[USA\|viewers]] into buying [[McDonalds\|fast]] [[Burger King\|food]], [[Reddit\|Doritos, fedoras and Mountain Dew]]. The kikes later pocket the [[profit]]s while said viewers die of [[diabeetus]] due to irresponsible [[OM NOM NOM\|consumerism]].

	* And most importantly, every [[retard\|player]] who scores a ''Touchdown'' for his team is required to do a [[dance\|celebratory dance]], after which he is fined [[Over 9000\|tens of thousands of dollars]] by the National Handegg League for "[[You Mad\|excessive celebration]]".		* And most importantly, every [[retard\|player]] who scores a ''Touchdown'' for his team is required to do a [[dance\|celebratory dance]], after which he is fined [[Over 9000\|tens of thousands of dollars]] by the National Handegg League for "[[You Mad\|excessive celebration]]".