Encyclopedia Dramatica - Things to revert [en]

Ass

2024-08-25T16:18:47Z

Sado: Undo revision 1888873 by Icewillow9 takes down ED (talk)

[[File:Buttsinks2.jpg|200px|right]]
'''Ass''' (zh: Ѡ) usually refers to a person's buttocks; a gathering of fat and muscle (mostly fat) upon which people sit. The most important part of the ass, the '''asshole''' is where [[faggots]] love [[the]] [[cock]]. Other individuals have ass [[fetishes]] and spend countless hours admiring [[Pix|photographs]], [[Art|artwork]] and depictions of the human ass and [[Buttsecks#Cumfart|cumfart]]s.

==The ass in fagspeak==
The [[English]] add a completely superfluous "r" to the word, in honor of their long history of [[in_the_ass|ass piracy]]. Thus in their crazy moon-[[language]], ass is written [[YOU_ARE_DOING_IT_WRONG|"arse."]] You should point out their mistake at every opportunity - it's the only way they'll learn.

==Ass hair==
[[Some argue|Some deny]] having ass hair, but 95% of anyone over the age of 13 has it. Here is a lulzy story written by a schoolboy on a forum:

---------------------------------------------------------------------
[[File:Hot air balloon.jpg|190px|right]]

[[File:Not too fat for black1.jpg|right|190px]]
'''Don't Shave That Hair!!!'''

My friend recently made a mistake in his life, and I offer his story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with him having trouble dumping. These are in his words. I tried to clean it up some.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my butt of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My cheeks were smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic turd-molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky brown/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. It felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my crack off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering poop/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own turds blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for this hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my cheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "Fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could tell that this cab was rare but I thought "Nah, forget it, go home to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to a house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "Yo Homes, smell you later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the king of Bel-Air.

Friends: DON'T SHAVE YOUR BUTT HAIR!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

[[TL;DR|Moral of the story]]: [[A cat is fine too|An anal hair is fine too]].

==Gallery==

{{cg||AssPix|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Teebag.gif|[[Tony Eveready|Some people have talented asses]].
File:Anus golf.gif|And that's when it all went wrong for her...
File:Anus rubber duck.gif|AHH HA HA HA HA HA HA its stuck!
File:Ass drums.gif|What this man doesn't realize is three of these women are dead.
File:Wine bottle ass.gif|[[Brazil|Typical Brazilian strip club]]
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Ass soap.gif|That's a lucky woman right there (how many mechanical engineering students would be able to put 'shat foam into the face of an alcoholic whore' on their CV?)
File:Ass toothpaste.gif| Just one of an almost infinite number of fun things you can get a woman from eastern Europe to do if you give her a dollar.
File:Ass to face.gif
File:Glitter spank.gif
File:Fire ass.gif|That's what you get for lighting your wet farts.
File:Jurassic Park.gif
Image:Niceass.jpg|Asses are a common thing to see at the local farmer's market.
Image:Roundworms-th.jpg|This is what happens if you don't wipe your ass.
Image:Ass too Small.jpg|Fuck small asses.
Image:Beerponglol.jpg|Best Beirut distraction ever.
Image:analclean.jpg|According to furries, the anus is the cleanest part of the body.
Image:Ass-shout!.jpg|Your typical ass enthusiast.
Image:Assabused.jpg|Yeah that's [[meh|an ass abused]], baby! Deodorant fits the anus perfectly.
Image:Coccyx.jpg|Ass play for beginners.
File:Ass types.jpg
File:3 big asses.jpg|Luckily the slut that needs to shit is the one at the bottom.
File:Slap ass for motivation.jpg
File:Ice cream ass.jpeg
File:Wine glass ass.jpg
File:Big fat butt.jpg
File:Big fat butt 2.jpg|You wanna fuck these asses, you wipe 'em first.
File:Big fat butt 3.jpg
File:Candy ass.jpeg
File:Pacman ass.jpg
File:Walking Girl.gif|If you're lucky enough to work in a care home for those with mental retardation you'll be putting diapers on these all day long!!!
File:Dad's trophy.gif
File:Ass 001.jpg|What every person with body dysmorphia sees when they look in the mirror.
Image:Teen Kasia's hot ass.JPG
Image:Alexis Texas ass.jpg|...And the best ass award goes to [[Whore|Alexis Texas]].
File:Butt cave.jpg|Every black man's dream
File:Michelle Jenneke.gif|That's right bitch, loosen those turds before you run to the toilet!!
File:NaughtyArabGirl.jpg
File:With an ass like that its gotta be herpes.jpg
File:With an ass like that, it's gotta be herpes.jpg
File:Russian Pinup.jpg
File:Fat20ass.jpg
File:Lithpicplaglol.jpg
File:Niceass in skirt yo.jpg
File:Wii Sports Ass.jpeg
</gallery>}}

==Videos==
<center>{{fv|Videos|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>GPPsVPcALks</youtube> 
|<youtube>Qmkn59N5SDg</youtube> 
|<youtube>ImH71r7Y9hc</youtube> 
|<youtube>qiBt_pXbXmQ</youtube> 
|<youtube>WrjwGPb0Hvw</youtube> 
|<youtube>j3bxUlgFTxs</youtube> 
}}</center>

== See also ==
*[[Braaaap]]
*[[Dat Ass|DAT ASS]]
*[[IN THE ASS|In the ass]]

== External links ==
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20070811001346/http://www.internetassholes.8m.com/ Showcasing your neighborhood asshole since 2005.]
*[http://anusman.com Ass with no purpose.]
*[http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t96379/ Does your butthole stink?]
 
{{sex}}

[[Category:Epithets]]

{{Timeline|Featured Article for January 4 and 5, [[2024]]|[[Rape]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Watamote]]}}

User:Icewillow9 takes down ED

2024-08-25T16:17:50Z

Sado: Created page with "fat retard"

fat retard

Asperger's Syndrome

2024-08-25T16:15:16Z

Sado: Undo revision 1888829 by Icewillow9 takes down ED (talk)

{{Spoiler|The debate is officially over! Vaccines <big>DO</big> cause autism! This is mostly through artificial instant immune activation, combined with all kinds of tartlet excrement, like: mercury, horse urine and monkey brain cells. This is <big>absolutely true</big>, and [https://thinkingmomsrevolution.com/scientific-proof-vaccines-cause-autism/ you can see] [http://vaccinepapers.org/ for yourself, <big>you lil' sheeple</big>]}}
{{Spoiler|AUTISM IS CAUSED BY OLD MAN SPERM! BLAME YOUR PROCRASTINATING PARENTS!}}
{{spoiler|text=A parrot can dance better than an assburger}}
{{Spoiler|Since 2014 (''cf''. DSM-V), Assburgers Syndrome is officially no longer a recognized condition in psychology or the field of medicine, it is now plain autism!}}
{{Welfare}}
{{Offended}}

[[File:Creepykid.gif|thumb|A typical aspie.]]
[[File:Cwcspin-UncleBastard.gif|thumb|right| Aspiers are characterized by extreme self-neglect, domestic squalor, social withdrawal, apathy, compulsive hoarding of garbage, and lack of shame.]]
[[File:Proudfather.jpg|thumb|You too can show off your defective [[Child|offspring]] with this button!]]
[[File:Average brony.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Brony]] [[furfags|fandom]] is the largest mass collection of Ass Pies on the internet and IRL.]]

'''Ass Burgers Syndrome''' is a term that grew out of the wild and competitive "Publish or Perish" [[WebMD|medical research]] establishment. A certain [[kike]] named Dr. Hans Asperger, due to his Jew instinct to make up nonexistent diseases to scam otherwise normal people out of their money, had the [[lazy|brilliant idea]] of putting all the psychopaths with little or no social skills in one group and diagnosed them with a new mental illness: AUTISM. (The name itself is a euphemism for what he called "Autistic Sociopaths"). Like all [[A frank discussion of mental illness|mental illness]] there is absolutely no physical evidence that it actually exists, but for expecting parents it replaces Down's Syndrome as the number one disorder they fear their child will develop. It differs from [[High_Functioning_Autism|High Functioning Autism]] in that it was considered utter bullshit before it was popular to invent psychiatric disorders.

[[File:Autismcard.jpg|thumb|right| <center>The use of this card has been getting Chris-Chan out of trouble since 1982</center>]]
Asperger-monsters are the most self-centered, selfish pieces of shit on the planet. Devoid of empathy, social reasoning, social context, or self-awareness, they are sociopaths with another definition, who live to collect and catalog meaningless items like barcodes, bottletops, and [[plastic crap]] by any means possible including murder. Common symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome include failing at social interaction and empathy, failing at communication, failing at getting a job, failing at life, failing at hygiene, becoming obsessed with [[animu]] or video games, and breaking out into fits of [[Tard rage|Stress™]] when their strict routines are broken or when they're asked to stop being lazy, self-serving leeches living off the government and their parents.

For these reasons, Asperger's Syndrome has greatly eclipsed [[ADHD]] as the popular diagnosis of choice for [[furries|pretty]] [[vampire|much]] [[weeaboo|every]] [[Wikipedos|group]] [[feminist|of]] [[Anonymous|retards]] [[on the internet]]. It is of no coincidence then that all people with Asperger's Syndrome are [[fugly]].

Interestingly, the effects of long-term neglect in early childhood are nearly identical to Asperger's Syndrome, which itself can be fairly compared to psychopathy and sociopathy. This proves to be a good argument for [[Eugenics|drastic measures]]. Be sure to thank the nearest Aspie for drawing [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] porn rather than killing and eating neurotypicals (with chicken tendies on the side).

Asperger's Syndrome remains the one of the most compelling argument for eugenics ever established. Examples of famous people with assburgers are [[Muhammad]], [[Albert Einstein]], [[Al Gore]], [[L. Ron Hubbard]], [[Jay Leno]], [[Abraham Lincoln]], [[Mark Zuckerberg]], [[Hitler]], and the [[Japan]]ese.

__TOC__

==Assburgers on the Internets==
[[File:Aspergersdefinition.gif|center]]

AssBurger has become [http://www.asciiartfarts.com/20050711.html a fad] for those seeking to garner [[attention whores|attention]] unto themselves. In a hallowed tradition of [[disease|disease whores]] everywhere, many of today's youth expertly design a disease which kills two birds with one stone by:
# Assuming others are born normal rather than work at it, giving the self-proclaimed Asspie an excuse not to make an effort to develop social skills, and
# Assuming they were born smart, rather than merely having had more exposure to books and computers because no one wanted to be around them.

Want to find out if you can justify your [[fail]]ed life with Asperger's? [http://wwwo Take the test!]

===Also known as ...===
[[File:Asperger_King.gif|thumb|right|Jobs for Aspies (too bad they don't work).]]
*A-Monsters
*Ass Burgers
*Assburgerers
*Assburpers
*Asspie Syndrome
*[[Incontinent Student Bodies|BAWWWWWtism]]
*Badly in need of an ass whooping. Yes, most Asspies can be cured with some discipline and a belt to their ass.
*Butt Sandwich's Syndrome
*Cerebral lawlzy
*H.I.T.M.E. (kinda like HIV is to AIDS, this is to the A.U.T.I.S.M.)
*High-functioning autism
*Loltism
*Flawtism
*The My White Kid I pay no attention to is special syndrome.
*NOTism
*Retarded People Syndrome
*Spergs
*Subhuman meat calculator's

===Assburgers on ED===

It's [[common knowledge]] that asspies don't give two shits about anything but themselves. Asspies are selfish, narcissistic assholes who expect [[ED|the motherland]] to feel [[Troll's Remorse|remorse]] for putting up such an [[Offended|offensive]] article. However, they don't give even the slightest fuck about [[women]], [[nigras]], [[homosexuals]], [[WTC]], [[abortion]], [[animal abuse]] [[politics]], or anything that doesn't relate to people licking their burger-asses. So, being typical faggots, they do what they do best: [[Talk:Asperger's Syndrome|bitch and moan]].

It should also be noted that asspies tend to compare themselves to [[Shit nobody cares about|famous asspies in history]], failing to realize that those people succeeded in life and aren't basement dwelling rejects. So the next time you hear an asspie compare himself to Einstein, feel free to redirect him to [[Chris-chan]] but more importantly, remind them that Einstein was very capable of getting laid and was also well known for his sexual conquests. Furthermore, Einstein wasn't some fat ass piece of shit who used the Assburgers' excuse to get out of gym class but was rather adept at soccer and other sports.

They also posthumously diagnose people like Einstein, who might very well have fucking hated and rejected the idea of "aspergers" on both logical and ethical grounds. It is also interesting to note that they only ever diagnose with Assburgers deceased historical figures who are overwhelmingly considered history's '[[moralfags|good guys]]' - you will never hear these people claim that [[Hitler]] or [[Rome|Caligula]] were asspies, despite what [[some argue|some historians]] now believe.

Assburgers is a made-up [[aids|disease]], most common in overachieving middle-class families, because little Johnny is either a social outcast, or is just acting fucking [[retarded]]. The parents [[rape|diagnose]] their child, and the "doctors" go along with and encourage it because of the money it generates for them. It's a self-perpetuating cycle. Fuckers.
The truth is, the Assburgers diagnosis has become popular with parents because they need a good excuse as to why their "retarded children are dumb faggots who will be [[dying alone]]."

==Common Symptoms==
[[Image:Asperger.jpg|thumb|"ASS PIES" are recognizable because of the light bulbs shooting out from their skulls. They also all have the exact same expression IRL.]]
[[Image:Retard11.jpg|thumb|[[Flardox|This person has assburgers]].]]
[[Image:Dantheman2funny Daniel Russell fapping aspie correct.jpg|thumb| A typical aspie [[fapping]] in an improvised [[hugbox]].]]
[[Image:Autism_speaks.png|thumb|[[Derp|Autism speaks.]]]]
[[Image:Steamtard.png|thumb|Typical names used by aspies on the internet.]]

The diagnostic criteria were established by John Harvey Kellogg in 1888 and consist of the following:

*'''You think it's an excuse while intentionally ignoring this thing known as a "self-fulfilling prophecy".'''
*You talk about things that nobody cares about.
*Wearing other things that nobody wears, especially things that nobody else would be caught dead wearing.
*The refusal to accept [[constructive criticism]] or responsibility for your actions.
*Your friends are either way out of your age group, imaginary or are woodland creatures, none of which are good things.
*Missing social cues when you act like a fuck-up in public.
*Asking extremely obvious questions you already know the answer to.
*Telling various [[Sob Story|sob stories]] about being misunderstood/discriminated against.
*Ending said sob story on the note that you wouldn't want to be rid of your [[Victim Complex|'condition']] anyway since you are actually [[jerk|smarter]] than everyone else and probably the next step in evolution, (like an [[X-men|xmans]]!!)
*Hand flapping.
*Shit and piss everywhere.
*[[Tourette's Syndrome]]
*You watch and enjoy programing that you are [[manchild|far too old for]] - such as ''[[My Little Pony]]'', ''[[Pokemon]]'', ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'', ''[[Thomas the Tank Engine]]'' and ''[[Battle for Dream Island]]''.
*Walking around in circles or moving parts of your body like you are on drugs.
*Mumbling to yourself in class like a retard.
*Ruining the internet[http://rule34.paheal.net/post/view/1025899]
*Talking with a [[Prince Jeremy|robotic accent]] - see [[Lulzcast]]
*Not [[Asking for it|getting the hint]] in social situations.
*[[Nerd rage]] over the most trivial bullshit.
*Constantly stammering and stumbling over your sentences.
*Being a [[Furry]].
*Being a [[Wapanese|Weeaboo]].
*Having multiple [[LiveJournal]]s for the different "aspects of your personality", one of which is naturally filled with [[slash]].
*[[Sociopath|Thinking that everyone else is the one with the problem]].
* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=11596 Thinking Lawyers can save their asses against the internets and Lulz]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiVtHHzGpjU Having an unnatural obsession with elevators.]
*Possessing a massive victim complex about how the evil NTs are making your selfish life hard.
*Addiction to [[Anime]].
*[[Chris-Chan|Believing that fictional characters actually exist.]]
*Being a [[redneck]].
*Continously fapping their curved penis.
*Giving a flicker of the eyes when looking at someone.
*You claim to have no interest in sex/ be asexual, but go on to Gamefaqs.com and [[TV Tropes]] to bore people with your cataloging of [[pervert|sexual practices]] that you have rated as which would be the most pleasurable, because you would know because you have never had sex. '''AM I RIGHT HYENA?'''
*Browsing ED
*Being a medic profile on [[iFunny]] and [[Loser|making SFM posters showing off your medic's cosmetics]] while being a self-centered faggot who isn't even good in [[TF2]]. Also, in reality, many would tell you to [[Suicide|end your worthless life]].
*Rewording, or rephrasing an observation made approximately 2 minutes prior (bonus: it's being done to impress your """friends""" on [[Discord]])

If you have any of the symptoms listed above, or if you have taken the linked test, then you are DEFINITELY an Asspie, and need to "come out" to your [[flist]] about your [[bullshit|"special gift"]] NOW, while immediately affixing the appropriate pro-asspie userboxes to your [[Wikipedia admin]] page so that people know never to argue with you, ever, because that would be [[racist|discrimination]]. Some brave Asspie named [[Awesome|Jeremy orkin]] (username:godhatesautism) came out of the closet and told everyone that Asspie retards are dumb faggots. He was most likely killed by Zionist Asspie CIA agents.

Autism is one of the three most common acts of attention whoring/e-drama. The other two are [[Death]] (specifically [[suicide]]) and being [[Pregnant]] (especially teen pregnancies, which is where most asspies come from, funnily enough).

Autismals feature an exoskeleton, a segmented body, and jointed appendages. They replace their cuticle periodically by moulting. Unlike most animals, autismals are very successful in dry environments with abundant sand they can count and then turn into transistors. Their internal organs are generally built of repeated segments. Autismal vision relies on various combinations of compound eyes and pigment-pit ocelli. Autismals have a wide range of chemical and mechanical sensors. The evolutionary ancestry of autismals dates back to the Cambrian period. Autismals first appeared in the fossil record approximately 535 million years ago and there are many exceptionally preserved specimens, which all autismals can immediately identify and tell you all about for hours if not days. Autismals contribute to the human species as anal know-it-alls, and more importantly as a source of lulz. Some specific species are known to spread severe disease to humans, livestock, and crops. Facebook is a highly contagious infection that spreads easily through coughs and sneezes. Nine out of ten people who are not immune who share living space with an infected person will catch it.

{|style="margin: auto;"
|<youtube>j4PTf7LgsIE</youtube>
|}
<center>'''An autistic [[Adult Baby|manbaby]], displaying all the symptoms of the disease.'''</center>

==Asspie national anthem==
{{quote|
If you're an Aspie and you know it flap your hands (flap flap) 
If you're an Aspie and you know it flap your hands (flap flap) 
If you're an Aspie and you know it your complex body motions show it 
If you're an Aspie and you know it flap your hands (flap flap) 
|Aspie national anthem|}}

When Aspies are happy and they know it, they will take the time and liberty to record themselves laughing like a demented maniac because of their immense egotism.

==Having Asperger's Syndrome==
===. . . As Covering Up for Being a Total [[Retard]]===

[[Image:AspieStateMachine.png|thumb|How shit gets diagnosed in flow-chart/state machine format.]]

Some close-knit communities of "people", such as [[furries]], [[plushie|plushies]], and [[otherkin]] possess such distorted views of reality as to be particularly susceptible to forming a belief that their ostracism is due to victimization by outside factors. They will not infrequently claim to have Assburger's or be [[Autism|Autistic]] en masse, often finding some way to tie its manifestations into the fact that they are social misfits. The truth is, though, that they're just complete assholes and fail at proper expression of affection. In certain instances, having "Assburger's" seems to be correlated with the posting of disgusting and semi-nude pictures of yourself frequently on the [[internet]] and local [[AIDS]] awareness seminars, or writing [http://www.fanfiction.net/u/370928/ highly disturbed] [[fanfiction]]. Additionally, it is not unheard of for these individuals to claim multiple, even superficially seemingly incompatible diagnoses of a plethora of diseases -- possibly claiming [[anorexia]], ADHD, autism, Asperger's, [[schizophrenia]], [[PTSD]], OCD, and anything else they've ever read about or seen on CSI.

===. . . As an excuse for violent crime===

There have been many examples of Assburger's being an excuse for murder, rape or other violent crime recently. For example, [[Nicky Reilly]], an Aspie with the IQ of a 10-year-old, had attempted to bomb a cafe for his [[Allah]] in the UK. His lawyers then bawled about Asperger's Syndrome and his mental retardation. Also, John Odgren has made national news for murdering a classmate in a wealthy town in Massachusetts. He has used Asperger's Syndrome as a defense with moderate success. And in developing news at this time of writing, [[loli]] stabber and [[nigger]] [[Axel Muganwa Rudakubana]] has been reported as having been diagnosed with assburgers, which will inevitably lead to him proudly exclaiming "[[DINDUNUFFIN|I dindu nuffin! It wuz da autizms!]]" to the judge, and no doubt result in a lighter sentence.

===Einstein was an Aspie, so that makes me special!===

{{quote|There is a general impression that Asperger's syndrome carries with it superior intelligence and a tendency to become very interested in and preoccupied with a particular subject.| A [[retard]] making excuses. Explains why asspies are passionate about doing nothing.}}

{{quote|This condition can make people depressed or suicidal, so if we can find out how to make things easier for them, that’s worthwhile.| Simon Baron-Cohen on [https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn3676-einstein-and-newton-showed-signs-of-autism/ the real reason] why he diagnosed Einstein as autistic.}}

[[File:TroperUrine.PNG|200px|thumb|Urine bomb, another proud Asspie invention]]

Websites such as [http://www.allthingsaspergers.com/ this] try to facilitate the asspie myth that some of history’s most famous geniuses and philosophers had the condition. People such as Albert Einstein (of course), Ludwig van Beethoven, and Wolfgang Mozart all supposedly had the affliction despite a lack of evidence to prove this. Yes, all the whiny, self-diagnosed people you have read about on this page have all the untapped creative energy that Thomas Edison had. Unfortunately, none of them appear to have any of the talents Einstein did tap into, (which just happen to be the good ones). All of the things mentioned by the site are part of the [[conspiracy]] by those with Asperger's Syndrome to show that the disease is at [[Shit nobody cares about|the higher end of the autistic spectrum]]. Coincidentally though, most of the people who they listed have been dead for years so there is no way of telling if they had the disease or not. It's also funny how they pick the most prolific and recognizable people of the era's to classify as autistic, which any historian would either act rationally and give educated analysis on why this isn't true, or just jump on the bandwagon to avoid soccer moms that would have them fired for life and left on the streets to die for being a functioning human being.

===Asspies are responsible for all the evil in history===
[[File:Marxism and autism conference.jpg|300px|right|thumb|In Soviet Russia, autism has YOU]]
Whenever you look through history at all the [[jews did wtc|horrid things]] that have happened, you can probably find an Asspie that was responsible for them. The [[Nazi]]'s were all Asspies. [[Adolf Hitler]] was an Asspie ([http://www.lakartidningen.se/store/articlepdf/1/11854/LKT0917s1201_1204.pdf sauce]) as can be discerned by his manner of speech where he flailed his arms around. [[moonspeak|Obersturmbannführer]] Adolf Eichmann was an asspie; he basically kept track of every single Jew in the [[Germany|Third Reich]] and German-occupied territories(basically most of Europe) to excruciating detail. Reichsführer-SS Himmler was definitely an Asspie as can be seen by his blank Asspie stare. The [[Unabomber]], Ted Kaczynski, [[Serial Killers]] Ted Bundy and [[Jeffrey Dahmer]] were also Asspies. [[Adam Lanza]] was an asspie; he mass murdered 20 kids and 7 women at [[Sandy Hook|Sandy Hook Elementary School]]. [[Joshua Goldberg]] AKA "[[moonmetropolis]]" [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/09/11/terrorist-troll-pretended-to-be-isis-white-supremacist-and-jewish-lawyer.html who wanted to bomb] the 9/11 memorial was an Autistic.

Asspies are often rapists. An example is the [[Revenge of the Nerds]] movie, where the main sperg, who is such a [[nice guy]], rapes that stupid sorority slut in disguise. She then grows a brain and realizes that she should owe him for being a Beta.

Asspies have very good analytical skills, but they can only apply them to dehumanizing military and nonrenewable energy technologies. Asspies built the efficiently-designed concentration camps and gas showers in Nazi Germany. Asspies invented the oil rig (especially the one that exploded near Texas), the oil well, and natural gas factories. They invented the Hummer, the Cadillac Escalade, and the Prius. Logging machines are built with an "autistic mindset".

All the military technologies in the world were invented by Asspies, including the software. The Atomic bomb, which Einstein advocated for and killed millions of civilians, was built using Autistic analysis. Every tank, every gun (ESPECIALLY the AK-47) and every missile was designed by an autistic individual. The forcible cattle slaughter machines were built by asspies (which [[Temple Grandin]] also built, she didn't admit it though). Chernobyl and Three Mile Island were products of autistic design. Military submarines and carriers were designed using autistic innovation. So were military computers. The stealth bomber was invented by sneaky asspies. All the military helicopters were designed using autistic math. Agent orange, which killed millions. was designed by autists.

Coal-powered power plants were built using autistic science and engineering. Dangerous mining machines were built by unempathetic autistics. Gas stations that produce excessive fumes were invented by them. All the pollution in the world is because of autism. '''Actually, if it wasn't for autism''', we would have clean air, renewable energy, and would live to the age of 80. '''There would be no violence whatsoever.'''

===Asspie Dating===
[[File:AspieBronies.jpg|thumb|Aspie "couples" love [[My Little Pony]].]]

As they are socially retarded, Asspies do not know the proper way to get a girlfriend or boyfriend even though they are very attracted to [[hawt]]. Therefore, they will do stupid things that make them look like rapists. Common Ass Burgers Syndrome sufferers often use the following methods.
*Use of stupid [[PUA|pickup lines from the internet]]
*Retarded frankness: "Wow, we have a lot in common...when do we have sex?"
*Seeing a girl that is hot when on a bathroom break at school and following her into the girls bathroom and then blurting out "I want to kiss you!"
*[[Masturbation|Masturbating]] behind a girl in Science Class. Or maybe just to the Igneous rocks. Sicko.
*And, natural successor to the above, [http://www.slate.com/id/2210565/ Masturbating across the office from a female co-worker]
*Talking to a girl in public, and when she smiles it is taken as a request to show up at her house in the middle of the night naked.
*Walking up to a girl and asking her to erotically spank his bottom
*[http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt164663.html Online stalking and asking for girlfriends repeatedly in chat rooms]
*[[Kevin Havens|Finding a woman in far worse physical and mental condition than themselves and possessing very low standards and becoming her "caretaker"]]
*[[Kevin Havens|More or less giving up on meaningful human contact and spending all of their money on sex dolls]]
*[[Chris-chan|Loitering in malls with a sign that says they're looking for a "Boyfriend-Free Girl"]]
*Not caring if a woman is married or taken and still chasing after her and trying to get her to sit on their lap
*Making weird [[animal]] sounds at inappropriate times

Despite their internet addiction, most Asspies are completely unaware of the best way to bypass all these challenges: [[wishful thinking|using a dating website]]! Those websites allow even the most pathetic losers to develop relationships with women, but most Asspies are so arrogant and set in their ways that they would much rather use the creepy methods above that could get them arrested.

==The Legend of Hugbox Island==
[[File:Aspergerdance.gif|frame|Unremarkable retards perform their special tribal dance used to summon Neptune, or some shit.]]

Surely you are thinking after reading all of this "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?". Or alternatively, "that sounds just like me" (if the latter describes you, you should immediately [[An Hero|administer a bullet to your head]]; if symptoms persist, please ask someone else to administer the bullet for you).

The Legend: 
About 2000 years ago, Antarctica was a very nice and warm continent, and millions of people lived there.
But in year 1337, an epidemic of Asperger's Syndrome started in Antarctica, and nearly every newborn baby was an asspie. 
First, that wasn't a real problem: Because everyone was an asspie, that was called normal.
But then one of them invented an electrically powered [[Hugbox]], and almost every inhabitant of Antarctica wanted to have one. 
So, they needed huge amounts of electricity to power all the hugboxes. 
But there also was a solution for this problem: The inventor of the hugbox also invented a machine which converts the ambient heat into electricity (although this is called impossible by modern physics). 
For the asspies, that was the perfect solution: They weren't sensitive to cold weather and they needed the power for the hugboxes.
The power generators cooled Antarctica so much that the ground began to freeze, and ice crusts began building up. That was no problem, from now on the asspies simply built their hugboxes and generators on the ice. 
But they forgot that the ice rose over the oceans and made the fish inaccessible for them. So, all the asspies didn't get food and died.

==Quotes are as follows==
<center>{{morphquote|assburgers|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;

|Many, Many eons in the past, this new civilization was founded, building great towers and dwellings, and thriving in a social structure, very different to that which we observe today. The Aspergians celebrated an individual's uniqueness and devotion to their cause. They taught their young that each and every person is born with a very specific talent, their "special gift", which they must identify if they are to live a full and fulfilling life.
 
Translation: "A place THAT WAS TOTALLY NOT ATLANTIS existed [[over 9000]] years ago, where MOM AND THE TEACHERS WOULDN'T MAKE ME DO SHIT, and so I heard about this 'special gift' and because of that I can be a lazy douchebag from Atlantis even though unlike 'the man' I do not have webbed feet, and further, I am not good looking like Patrick Duffy, and even further still, I like to employ douchebag phrases such as 'and further' and 'even further still'..."|Most asspies are also otherkin.

|The Aspergians did not build their dwellings close to each other. They had a complex social structure which allowed individuals to invest most of their seeker years in searching for their destiny, and most of their time as initiated in fulfilling it. This helped their culture to achieve great things.
 
Translation: "NO ONE DID SHIT AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE SO FUCK YOU MOM AND DAD. OM NOM NOM"|Wait - "complex social structure"? They can barely understand facial expressions.

|It may be that the tales of the great flood, all go back to the Aspergian story. After the civilization of Aspergia survived for millennia without danger or strife, the ocean itself sought its own destiny and found that it had to take over the land on which the Aspergians lived. The water rose and rose, until there was no doubt that Aspergia would cease to exist within a short period of time.
 
Translation: "MOM AND DAD CAME AND SAID TO DO CHORES."|(Translators note: After reading this we now suspect [[DivineAngel]] to be the author of said website)

|The Aspergians were not ever faced with the task of building a boat that was bigger than for the purpose of local fishing. Other than the oft told story of the great Son of Aspergia, who set to sea in search of other lands, and was never seen again, they had not dared try and go beyond the borders of the visible waters, because they knew there were great currents there; currents which take you to sea and never let you return.
 
Translation: "????" Stolen from [[The Legend of Zelda]] because even though teh Asper is not a real condition, a complete lack of any creativity or imagination is known to characterize all teh Aspers (otherwise they would invent their own condition rather than ripping off some [[You|bald, drunk and dateless loser's failed joke]]).|Verily.

|The peoples they came across were very different to them: they valued a sort of constant Communitude, they were afraid of their destiny, and were afraid of being alone or pursuing their talents. But the Aspergians were a minority everywhere they went,. and their nature dictated that they integrate, and learn the ways of the land.
 
Translation: "They found people who did scary things, like use words properly, and mocked others for being lazy and stupid."|This apparently destroy REAL civilization.

|Their story was swallowed into the general mythology, and made a part of human heritage.
 
Translation: "We ArE BeTtEr ThEn U!!1!1, and our Aspers stops all the boys in the yard, our disease is better than yours, we can teach you how but we'll have to charge, our disease is better than yours."|Fuck history. WE know history.

|In some periods of history, Aspergian manifestations were hunted down and destroyed. Aspergian women burned at the stake as witches, Aspergian inventors and creative minds persecuted for daring to be different. There were Aspergians who discovered a destiny-talent for design and formulation, and secretly created ancient Aspergian symbols in crop circles. There are Aspergians that are Gazers to this day, watching for trains, planes, boats or searching for life in outer space. These traits are so different to "normal" human ones that they persisted through their genes.
 
Translation: "We ripped off some more shit, yeah, we're going to say Albert Einstein was one of us even though he had few communication problems and did a lot of hard work, and we are just lazy introverted slobs blaming everything on genetics which might not even exist." (Remember kids, autism isn't always genetic, it is commonly caused by being spoiled, boredom, and/or being a bitch, coupled with unsupervised access to Wikipedia).|[[Hitler]] as an asspie too.

|Autistic culture holds a concept that autism, as a unique way of being, should be embraced and appreciated, not shunned or cured. Many autistic individuals prefer being alone to socializing. Some autistic people appreciate mathematics, science, and computers (although it should be noted that while such interests are found in a larger portion of the autistic population than the neurotypical population, there are also many autistic people who have no special talents in these areas). Some even have a fascination with writing their shitty blogs. Many autistic people describe the belief of relating to aliens.
 Translation: We don't know how to be liked, so we'll pretend we're special instead!|Just like Hitler's fanboys.
}}</center>

And not only do they insist on having their own made-up, bullshit history, that they failed to own or make up themselves, but rather quilted together from collected bits and bobs created by non-Aspers, Assburglers also have to have their own [http://aspiesforfreedom.org/wiki/index.php?title=Autistic_culture culture]. Even worse, they've ripped off the [http://www.nad.org/site/pp.asp?c=foINKQMBF&b=91587 deaf], who actually have something in common besides being [[Attention whore|attention whore]] assholes.

==Assplurgian: The Language of the Asspie==
[[File:Assburgers.jpg|thumb|300px|Artist's reenactment]]
[[File:I have aspergers stop being mean.jpg|thumb|250px|More proper reactions]]
[[File:Wapanesewithpocky.jpg|thumb|right|The typical Asplurgian who claims to be [[agnostic]] [[libertarian]] and [[lie|dates a Japanese porn star seiyu]]]]

When Asspies try to speak, they tend to talk in a way that butchers the English language so hard that it would make text in an NES game look like it was written by Robert Frost.

{|style="margin: auto;"
|<youtube>G7RgN9ijwE4</youtube>
|}
<center>'''I would, I want, I wish you'd shut the fuck up.'''</center>

Language amongst these individuals differs from normal uses of language. To demonstrate these differences, text written in Assplurgian are noted in bold. The italicized text is the translation into common language understood by those living in reality.

*'''Welcome: If you cannot or do not want to socialize in real life you may find some pleasure in doing it online. Meet people who are similar to you!'''

*''Translation: You're a fucking lazy faggot and you'd rather sit at your computer and wank than try at anything. See: [[loser]]''

*'''<nowiki>#</nowiki>asperger is your channel if you are somewhere on the autistic spectrum. The autism spectrum includes autism, Assburger syndrome, and PDD-NOS. One thing we have in common is an impairment in nonverbal communication with neurologically typical ("normal") people that causes social difficulties. People with conditions such as hyperlexia, Tourette syndrome, schizoid personality disorder, social phobia, etc., may join the channel if there is also impairment in nonverbal communication. Loners with an autism-like condition are welcome.'''

*''Translation: People with ass burgers aren't diseased, they're just different. All other losers are welcome to join our [[Circle jerk|club]] in order to keep numbers up. Damn all for being "normal."''

*'''It is not necessary to have an official diagnosis to join the channel. What counts is that you suspect seriously that you would fit in to the autism spectrum. If so, please feel free to join #asperger to see if you might 'fit in' with us.'''

*''Translation: E-diagnosing [[16 year old girl]]s please.''

*'''When you first join the channel, an operator will ask some basic information from you, including how you found out about the channel and whether you are on the autistic spectrum. If you don't have an official diagnosis, we may ask you why you think you are on the spectrum. Don't worry too much about this, though. We do not attempt to make diagnoses on whether or not channel visitors have an autism spectrum disorder. However, we must determine whether it is a likely possibility, in order to protect the channel against obvious imposters and troublemakers.'''

*''Translation: You can come here with an e-diagnosis but we'll probably kick you out anyways because you might be /b/. Dogs and curtains work better anyways you cunts.''

*'''The channel is only for those who are on the autistic spectrum!'''

*''Translation: Okay so what was that before about other social disorders?''

*'''<nowiki>#</nowiki>asperger is not for parents of autistic children and "experts" who wish to exchange experiences and ideas about treatments. If you want to discuss treatments etc. you are requested to do it on #autism or on #prism.'''

*''Translation: We only want kids because we're [[pedophiles]].''

Source and further study of Asspies and Assplurgian language in the wild: http://www.inlv.demon.nl/irc.asperger/

===Terminology===
[[File:Temple Grandin and horse.jpg|thumb|Asspie scientist [[Temple Grandin]], inventor of the hugbox]]
People who have (fictionally or otherwise) Asperger's will sometimes refer to themselves as ''asspies'' or as a group, the ''asspie'' community. While these people may come across as jerks, the actual victims of the disease are halfway-decent, possibly-human, lifeforms minus the social skills who encounter the self-diagnosed attention-whoring [[victim|victimhood]]-loving [[cunt|cunts]], whose falseness drives their victims into a driveling, uncontrollable rage.

'''''Shared language'''''

Although autistic culture doesn't have its own language, there is some terminology commonly used by those in autistic culture, such as:

* '''Asspie''': A short-hand way of saying Asperger's. Sometimes it is referred to only those diagnosed with Asperger's, and sometimes it refers to the whole spectrum. Most proponents of autistic culture would prefer not to call Asperger's a "syndrome."
* '''Autie''': A short-hand way of saying an autistic person. Sometimes it is used only to refer to those diagnosed with autism instead of Asperger's, and sometimes it refers to the whole spectrum.
* '''Cousin''': A cousin is someone who is not technically autistic in the clinical use of the word, but is still similar enough to autistic people to be as much a part of autistic culture as someone officially diagnosable with autism. Sometimes these people are similar because they have a similar condition (although a cousin doesn't have to have any psychological conditions) such as schizoid personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, or hyperlexia. AC is often used to stand for "autistics and cousins."
* '''Curebie''': A person with the desire to cure autism. These people are usually viewed in a negative light in autistic culture.
* '''[[Neurodiversity]]''': A concept of tolerance of people regardless of neurological wiring.
* '''Neurotypical''': Usually abbreviated NT. Refers to a nonautistic person. This is absurd, however, considering that "Aspies" aren't the only ones who aren't "neurotypical", unless these Aspies so self-absorbed as to classify all non-Aspies as NT just to feel [[moar]] [[special|speshul]].

Translation: Like the Atlantis shit, we ripped off some [[A frank discussion of mental illness|psychology jargon]], 'cause we r smart. Plus, we still don't want to bother being liked, don't cure us, because [[lies|sitting around picking our nose and perseverating on math is fucking normal, asshole!]]

[[Lie|Aspergians: totally a word.]]

Should also be noted that those who deal with people who supposedly have this disease (and can't stand them) will refer to the [[Drama whore|wannabe sick]] as having AssBurners Syndrome.

==Interweb Case Studies==
[[Image:JewishAspies.png|thumb|center|599px|I don't mean to sound judgmental,[http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2226526626 but ...] When it rains, it pours for some people.]]

JewishAzns (if there is one community) would be huge: 36,000 members

AspieAzns (times 10) = 360,000 members

AspieJewishAzns = You get the picture.

*[[An]] "[[CNN]] manager" found out she was an Aspie and was so elated that [http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/03/28/autism.essay/index.html she wrote an article about it] on CNN.com. It is full of [[lulzy]] statements like these: ''Hugs are dispensed infrequently, but if I do hug someone, I resemble Frankenstein's monster, arms extended to control contact. When my dad (who I suspect is an Aspie, too) and I hug, we both have "the approach." We sometimes miss and have to re-approach a couple of times until a brief, awkward hug is achieved.'' [[Gb2]]/[[hugbox]] indeed. The link to this page should be posted in the comments to this CNN story until further lulz are achieved.
[[Image:Ed asp petition.jpg|thumb|right|[http://www.petitions.com/petition/ED-As-Article/ ZOMG Petition against this article?] ]]
*The [http://www.livejournal.com/community/male_dom/749586.html?nc=29 male_dom community] on [[LiveJournal]] is 100% made up of [[self-diagnosed]] 'asspies'. When one poster says her partner has it, about 20 people chime in as having it as well, all self-diagnosed of course and many of them claiming to be [[autistic]] as well.

*[[1justin]] is self diagnosed with it, he's just as much of a faggot about it as everyone else, but assumes he is better than the rest. He wound up [[banned]] from the [http://www.livejournal.com/community/aspergers/ aspergers] [[community]] (which has since mysteriously been deleted and purged) for trying to point out to its members that most of them probably don't have it and that being proud about it is stupid, both of which appropriately apply to him.

*A [http://www.kuro5hin.org/poll/1084822952_IlaByqez poll on kuro5hin] in which 76% of respondents claim to have some form of Asperger's or autism. Yes. 76%.

* A large number of goons from the [[SomethingAwful]] forums claim to have aspergers. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbfBjo-Mw6U From the looks of things, most of them probably do].

*Everyone on [[FanFiction.Net]] claims to have Ass Burgers, Lysdexia, and/or ADHD; which begs the question, why are they writing?

*Everyone on DeviantART claims to have Asperger's, which means you can't criticize them or they'll get [[Butthurt|upset]], because [[Lies|they have a perfectly legitimate reason for why no-one should criticize their shit art.]]

*Everyone on [[TV Tropes]] claims to be an Aspergian [[Pervert|Sexual Fetish]]ist [[WTF|Polyromantic]] [[Asexual]].

* [[Kevin Havens]] has Asperger's ([[self-diagnosed]], of course) among many other problems, spends all of his [[money]] on [[McDonald's|junk food]] and sexdolls, and lives with his [[Cripple|crippled]] [[girlfriend]]. He collects a check for being her "caretaker" as well.

* [http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=778153 These poor women think their husbands have asspies] - [[No girls on the internet|ladies]], they're just <s>assholes</s> normal healthy men trying to make the best of a life trapped in a marriage with an over-emotional woman (I mean seriously! Not being "torn up inside" because you hear a child crying is not sufficient to form a diagnosis of asperger's syndrome!)

[[Image:Proforce.jpg|thumb|right|Well at least they both belong in a kitchen]]
* A Facebook group was created to protect females from being raped by Asspies. They were so [[butthurt]] they cried [[rape]] to Facebook and the group was deleted just so the Asspies would shut up!

* The Online Petition was invented by asspies, the only ones who seem to think that anyone gives even the slightest fuck about online petitions. So far, members of Asspies Against Freedom have already created 3 petitions to get Encyclopedia Dramatica taken offline. Unfortunately they don't seem to realize that when no one signs their crybaby petition, making another one is as effective at shutting down a privately owned website as sticking your dick in a light socket. Isn't the definition of insanity repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different outcome?

* [[MySpace]] was also invented by an aspie, as evidenced by the constant itemized listing of friends and likes/dislikes.

==[[IRL]] Drama==
{{quote|I have a big confession: I have already written about the fact that my 9-year-old son was diagnosed in February 2005 with Asperger's Syndrome.|'''Suburban mother, smacking her gum with her lip glossed mouth''' - ''Confessing to her priest''}}

===Pwnt by Kindergardners: May 2008===
In [http://www.breitbart.com/video/2013/05/05/rep-chaffetz-your-going-to-hear-the-military-was-told-to-stand-down-on-benghazi/ this lulzy video][http://www.cbsnews.com/news/kindergartner-voted-out-by-students/ also here], an Aspie child named Alex, is totally [[pwnt|rejected]] by his kindergarten class. By a vote of 14 to 2, they decided to [[GTFO|kick him out of their class]] for his idiotic flailing Ass-pie behavior that was pissing them off. His mom then [[BAW|BAWWW'd]] on national television about "discrimination" while the Aspie mumbled incoherently in her lap, further proving that the children were right and the whiny parents were wrong. Naturally, a [[lolsuit]] is being planned. The boy's mother was also a [[sick fuck]] and compared the teacher to [[Islam]]ic terrorists which is wrong because it is a favor to the normal children not to have a [[Nick Bate|shit smearing, masturbating]] child in the classroom; and Muslims actually kill people which is much worse than any minor teasing or ridicule. Some people need to grow up and stop being [[fairies]].

Meanwhile, [[StumbleUpon]] [[loser|users]] [http://www.stumbleupon.com/url/www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/may/23/st-lucie-teacher-has-class-vote-whether-5-year-old/ call for the death penalty].

===Angry Letter: August 2013===
In this [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/19/karla-begley-autistic-letter-teen_n_3780378.html new report], another Aspie child named Max's mother receive an angry anonymous letter from someone who was totally fed up with her son's unusual Ass-pie behavior and decide to boldly put in the letter that she either move or euthanize him. The mother takes offense to the word "euthanize" and goes on to [[BAWWWWW]] on national television, CityNews, about the seemly harmless letter while referring her son as a "child". Like the story above, a [[lolsuit]] is being planned while conscientious neighbors show their condolence for the boy. Since then, the letter has been re-tweeted as many as 3,600 times on Twitter with many [[social justice]] [[moralfags]] jumping on the bandwagon for the glory.

==Treatment==
===For===
{{main|Action T4}}
[[File:Autism-costs.jpg|thumb|200px|No wonder why [[America|this country]] is going to [[shit]].]]

Despite myths that there is no treatment for those with autism, the disorder is incredibly easy. Action T4 also exposes the many myths because autism and allows the patients and their caretakers to live happy lives instead of leeching off [[welfare]].

The best thing really for them to do is just keep quiet, until they can actually think before they talk, and think about how others feel. It will solve so many problems they put onto themselves. No one is going to care whether or not you have a setback in your life or that asperger's was at fault. All you're doing is saying that you're retarded.

===Against===
{{main|Asspies for Freedom}}

Contrary to the above, Asspies for Freedom are opposed to any form of treatment (even when it's clearly needed) and spread lies about their so-called condition to that they may appear normal, but at the same time deserve more respect than other people. Ironically by encouraging people to accept them as being fuckwits they encourage the [[holocaust|extermination of those with asperger's syndrome]] more than Action T4.

== [[Twitter|#ActuallyAutistic]] ==
Some crazy Twitfags went [[Butthurt]] about not being known about being a sperg because they were jealous of people not having Autism, because they think not having weakness automatically makes people better. Ironically, they cause more damage than intended, because it's right for the non-spergics to hate those faggots.

== Simulating Asperger's Syndrome ==
There are [[hipster]]s which are jealous of assburgers. They developed several methods to simulate this [[shit]].
=== tDCS (transcranial direct current stimulation) ===
If [[you]] are totally insane, you can put voltage onto your head to be an Aspie for [[at least 100]] minutes. Just power down your totally useless left cerebral hemisphere by putting -9V on it. Then your brain filters nothing anymore, you sense [[moar]] information, memorize every fucking shit and behave like a retarded Aspie. Who needs social life if we have the [[Internet]]?

Why buy expensive gear if you can use a cheap 9V battery? It doesn't matter if the electricity is uncontrolled and relatively weak.

A [[9fag]] hipster posted a manual for it [http://archive.fo/PPEky] so that [[retarded]] kiddies try it themselves. Be careful not to [[Suicide|electrocute]] yourself by flashing [[over 9000]]V through your retarded [[brain]].

<center><youtube>UK9_h5Iku64</youtube>
{{clear}}''Visualization of an autist mind''</center>

Popular conception: it is okay to shock your children if it is stimulating the part of the brain that makes them want to hug people more. Hooking up kids to a cerebral clockwork orange style setup where they have electrodes monitoring their brain's ability to focus on loony tunes and stock Vietnam war footage without thinking about their sad life for a moment or else the screen will slowly flicker into an ominous darkness is a very VERY effective and totally legitimate way to make your autistic child less likely to become Hitler.

==Asspie Videos==
{{needsmore|videos}}

{|style="margin:0 auto"
|{{videoframe|asspievids|background:none|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>e3C4aj4uOhQ</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>mSLx_ItMJEA</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>-w3iibk8nIU</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>tNKNSDeM7Yc</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>kcuYkbhiBwY</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>UIDx96vraYo</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>7CCn0l-r26I</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>6jkBOU9etRA</youtube><center></center>}}
|}

 
{|style="margin:0 auto"
|{{videoframe|asspievids2|background:none|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>jfZOvQnsBq0</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>lZQIe57zAYM</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>IFxWdpuyY6o</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>tLUeSf86v1E</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>6XRmAGbLhjY</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>6GOnu_mU1wU</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>n_49Gdfx7UA</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>d3n3oF7xw5Y</youtube><center></center>
|<youtube>fhR4cO-f-lQ</youtube><center></center>
}}
|}


==Gallery==
{{cg|The Retard Exhibition|aspiegallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:101509 1440-00-.jpg|Avoid at all costs.
Image:AspieAngryJerk.jpg|[[I came]]
Image:Aspie_Alligator.jpg|What Aspies do under stress
Image:Assburger.jpg|The best kind to have
Image:Asspieformal.jpg|Typical Aspie, notice the [[unwarranted self importance|smug]] grin.
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Autism.jpg
Image:autism-asshole-disease-moral-demotivational-poster-funny-demoralize.JPG
Image:Sky walker.jpg|[http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/02/14/earlyshow/health/main4802860.shtml wut?]
File:Aspergerking.jpg
Image:Autism_-_Community_Chest_Card.jpg
Image:Autism_-_Throwing_Poo.jpg
Image:Autismsock.jpg|SUPER WAVE SMASHER
Image:Autistic_-_Assburgers.jpg|What ASSburgers looks like
Image:Autistic -Need To Be Kept In Cages.png|Aspies should always be kept in cages to keep them from harming themselves.
Image:Joeytheautist.gif|[[Joey The Autist]] caught on tape
Image:Autistic_-_Unique.jpg
Image:Caution_autistic.jpg|CAUTION
Image:Daxface1.jpg|[[Daxflame|Take a wild guess]]
Image:F_u.jpg | People with Asperger's usually have this attitude
Image:FatassTransfaggot.jpg|The rape smile
Image:zed stopbeingaretarddear.jpg|The one on the right is an aspie who's reached old-age. The one on the left is waiting for her sugar daddy to die so she could collect his insurance.
File:Cureautismreallyfast.png
Image:Finley98BestPictureEver.jpg|Time to play "spot the Asspie"!
Image:FlutieFlakes.jpeg|[http://www.flutiefoundation.org/Donate-Flutie-Flakes.asp Aspie brikfest of Champyons]
Image:Fuckinthursday.jpg|YOU TOOK IT TOO FAR THIS TIME GUYS
Image:Heartless Neighbor.jpg|Aspies not even welcome in the neighborhood because the majority can not put up with their unusual behavior any longer.
Image:Hairy_aspie.jpg|Beware the hypnotic allure of the asspie's eyes!
Image:Heinrich's one fucking facial expression.jpg|No [[Nazis|successful organization]] is complete without a hard-working Aspie.
Image:Mathnews-cover.jpg|These people do not have Asperger's. Fags, the lot of them.
Image:MBisanz May 2006.jpg|[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:MBisanz This Wikipedian] clearly is an aspie
Image:MonicaHalloweenWTF.jpg| A wild Aspie appears!
Image:Negi_Springfield_nudes.jpg|[[Negi_Springfield|Aspies are known to be gullible.]]
Image:Rapeguy.jpg|Typical Asspie at your school (in the back). In the front is just ASS.
Image:Retarded_-_Quantum_Shitting.png|Spergs require "special" toileting apparatuses.
Image:Retarded_-_Hug_Coat.jpg|A portable [[Hugbox]]
Image:Rtard.JPG|Typical Asspie being a asspie
Image:Scarychris.jpg|[[Chris-chan|The final boss of Asperger's syndrome]]
Image:YoutubeAsspieButthurtByED.jpg|[[Butthurt]] Aspies often gravitate towards YouTube to post their retarded videos.
File:Autism Boy.jpg
File:Autism Chimpout.gif
File:Assburgersindeed.jpg| Quite the specimens!
File:Chuggingaspie.jpg| A forever alone aspie drowning his loneliness away.
File:Mcautism.jpg
File:JudgeDrag.jpg|Move over Judge Dredd! Here comes Judge Fagg!
Image:BWAD.jpg| Brad Smith biggest aspie in IRL and online.
</gallery>}}

==Criminality==
Because of their inability to empathize, most Aspies are like [[psychopaths]], treating others as objects. Luckily thanks to low IQs and being all-round fuckwits they are quickly caught and [[prison|sent to a special place]] to get the [[Assrape|treatment they needed]]. [[Bubba]] has a thing for virgin white ass, so maybe their empathy will catch on as they [[Rape|bleed from the ass]].

Autistic (they call it "hate speech" since being [[politically correct]] is something they love to do) Asspies can't get along with people, so they end up doing true hate crimes (i.e. talking about things on groups of people at work, at school or at church) and real sex crimes anyway (esp. [[sexual harassment]]). There is no way they can't pick up dates.

In 1944, 50 years before the syndrome was officially invented, Dr Hans Asperger himself tried to warn humanity about the evil he had discovered. One of Hans Asperger's first scientific papers on Autism was titled [http://archive.fo/o9EUv "Autistic Psychopathy in Childhood"]. Some believe that A-Monsters may be the dark legacy of a [[Nazi]] experiment.

{{morphquote|crimes|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;

|Arguably, fire-related crimes are among the most frequently associated with hfASD [high-functioning Autism Spectrum Disorders]. In a previously discussed study, Siponmaa et al. reported that 10 (63%) of 16 crimes of arson were perpetrated by subjects with hfASD diagnoses.|A-ha! Now we know [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|how to get rid of them!]]

|Colleagues reported a similar case of a [[pedophile|27-year-old male who was arrested for sexual contact with a minor]] after the perpetrator went to the police station to report the minor had stolen his property. The perpetrator had a long history of inept social attempts to obtain sexual contact. These included taking neighbors shopping for lingerie and letting women use his home for drug transactions. He consented to having sex with a doll before a mocking audience in the hopes that the women in the audience might become aroused and decide to have sex with him.|"Play your cards right and this could be your ass I'm fucking!"

|Some cases of sexual serial killing, such as that of Jeffrey Dahmer, appear to involve repetitive dehumanization of people—viewing them as disposable objects or as objects that can be literally deconstructed, resulting in the mutilation of the victims.|Though quite happy to claim Edison was an asspie, the tables turn once necrophilic cannibals are brought up.

|Because persons with hfASD have difficulties appreciating the subjective experiences of other persons, there may be a lack of intersubjective resonance, or empathy.|They don't even say sorry, the shits.

|Colleagues reported an attempted murder by a 44-year-old man who shot the psychologist who was performing a child custody evaluation. The perpetrator feared the evaluation would be unfavorable, and [[do it faggot|he believed shooting the author of the evaluation would improve his chances of maintaining custody]]. Baron-Cohen described the case of 21-year-old John, who attacked others whenever his routine was disturbed.|Others will kill you and rape your corpse if you break their crayons.

|because every1 hates aspies we will kill the world every1 with autism aspergers adhd bipolar etc will kill you all!

we aspies will wipe nt's from the face of the earth|An [[User:Harry158|asspie user]] with no concept of irony.}}

===(In)Famous Autistic Criminals===

* A man who burned his house down with his wife and kid inside it so he could claim the insurance
* An old, fat substitute teacher who used to touch up his female students
* A faggot who enjoyed raping niggers in public toilets
* [[Nicky Reilly|A Muslim terrorist who blew himself up in a public restroom after accidentally locking himself in]].
* It has been revealed that [[Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting|Nikolas Cruz, the MSD gunman who massacred 17 people in an high school]], had Asperger's Syndrome and Mental Illness. People with Asperger's are very narcissistic and completely lack the ability to feel empathy (much like psychopaths). They are soulesss, calculating, sexually frustrated "nerds" with no attachment to their fellow humans, and are highly prone to angry outbursts called "meltdowns". This creates the perfect recipe for a cold-blooded killing machine. Nothing short of Asperger's Syndrome allows a person to perpetrate such unthinkable acts.
* It has been revealed that [[Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre|Adam Lanza, the Sandy Hook gunman who massacred 20 children in an elementary school]], had Asperger's Syndrome. People with Asperger's are very narcissistic and completely lack the ability to feel empathy (much like psychopaths). They are soulesss, calculating, sexually frustrated "nerds" with no attachment to their fellow humans, and are highly prone to angry outbursts called "meltdowns". This creates the perfect recipe for a cold-blooded killing machine. Nothing short of Asperger's Syndrome allows a person to perpetrate such unthinkable acts.
* [[Elliot Rodger]], the guy who went on a massacre in Isla Vista because he couldn't get laid.
* [[Chris Chan|Christian Weston Chandler]] Raped his Dementia suffering [[Your Mom|Mother]] and bragged about it on a telephone interview, getting him sent to the [[Jail|Pokey]]

===Aspergian Girls===
For some reason, over ¾ (75% or 80% or whatever) of diagnosed persons in the Autism Spectrum Disorder range are men. About a quarter (that's 20-22-25%) are women, whom stand apart from other girls, ladies and females. They are like men in a woman's body, but aspieutistic boys are like girls. See also: transies, as in trans[[gender]]ed, trans[[sexual]] and transvestite. Like their male counterparts, they can't get dates and are fawking smart, and she can't have a brain ya know.

==How to properly deal with someone who has autism==
[[The best]] way to deal with some who has assburgers is to [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|kill them with fire]], before they manage to reproduce and override the majority population of normal people. Of course there are alternate methods that can be used:

{|style="margin:0 auto"
|{{videoframe|v|background:none|font-weight:bold
|<youtube>f1nIlFCAXFo</youtube>
|<youtube>8t90lHXQRsE</youtube>}}
|}

== Famous Asburgerers on ED ==
[[File:Autism stop posting boxer.jpg|thumb|300px|right|The never-ending fight against autism]]
[[Image:Asperger king.png|thumb|[[Chris-chan|There can be only one.]]]]
[[Image:Suffer.gif|thumb|When dousing your eyes with bleach isn't enough.]]

* [[AkewsticRockR]]
* [[Alexander4488]] – Also known as Game Dude, the biggest [[AVGN]] [[rip-off]] and disgrace to [[video game reviewers]] and dudes everywhere.
* [[AniMat]]
* [[Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto]]
* [[April Davis]]
* [[Armake21]]
* [[Beefrave]]
* [[Bill9929]]
* [[Bill Gates]]
* [[BlueCatRiolu]] – Views his fetish art at school and constantly wants attention from others by making journals on [[DeviantArt|DA]].
* [[Brandon Fleury]]
* [[ButLova]] – The world's biggest big butt lover of [[pedophile|any age]]. Also has no art talent.
* [[Camhead]] – A dog-fucking YTPer who used his autism as an excuse after getting outed as a [[Pedophilia |kiddy-fucker]].
* [[Chris-chan]] – No comment.
* [[Clayranger89]]
* [[ColonelDecon]]
* [[Conner Hemming]]
* [[CopperCab]]
* [[cyndilovespiccolo]] – This girl [[Talk:Cyndilovespiccolo|actually learned something]] from getting trolled and got over herself.
* [[David Vincenzetti]] - L. Ron Hubbard wannabe / [[Brett Keane]] clone.
* [[Daxflame]]
* [[Dev-catscratch]]
* [[DisneyFan01]]
* [[DrMusic2]]
* [[Drp1zza]]
* [[The Eclectic Espeon]]
* [[Elliot Rodger]] – or the supreme gentleman of the Isla Vista's sorority row.
* [[PissedOffAngryGamer|Eric Abramov]] – A [[Jewish]]/[[Christian]]/[[Russian]] perverted sumo wrestler.
* All [[Finland|Finnish]] people
* [[Flaglerchat]]
* [[Flardox]]
* [[GalaxyRailways2199]]
* [[Game2Winter]] – An autism supremacist.
* [[Hothead the mare]]
* [[Inmendham]]
* [[Jared Milton]]
* [[Jawsus]]
* [[Joseph8276]]
* [[Jeffrey Hyde]]
* [[JustinRPG]] – Pokemon obsessed manchild with many gross fetishes. Says he's married to a Pokemon Reshiram.
* [[KaBlamBandicoot64]]
* [[Kelseyalicia]]
* [[Kevin Havens]]
* [[Kingcobrajfs]] – the sexiest goth you've ever seen.
* [[KingMasterReview]]
* [[LadyALT69]]
* [[LittleCloud]] – ED's most wanted, despite 1 out of 90 auties/aspies are female, and (s)he can't make up his/her mind on her sexuality.
* [[M. Chaos]]
* [[Mark Zuckerberg]]
* [[Mariotehplumber]]
* [[Matthew Davis]]
* [[Meta527II]]
* [[Michael Gimson]]
* [[MylarBalloonFan]] – An asspie obsessed with balloon fetishes and 90's stuff.
* [[MysteriousMrEnter]] – An asspie who specializes in overanalyzing children's cartoons.
* [[MysticArk]] – Not the Japanese SNES game Mystic Ark.
* [[Nickolas Cruz|Nick Cruz]]
* [[Nihilistic Snake]]
* [[Omegalore]]
* [[Onigojirakaiju]]
* [[PissedOffVideoGamer]]
* [[Pokemon|Satoshi Tajiri]]
* [[R3x|r3x]]
* [[Randomlaughingman]] – A dangerously autistic [[trap|"female"]].
* [[Randy Stair]] – If Elliot Rodger was more of a virgin [[brony]] obsessing over Danny Phantom.
* [[RavenNG]]
* [[Rockosocko]] – A fart fetish role playing furry with no art talent.
* [[RuffnRoboticGiusep]] – Aspie Nazi [[diaperfag]].
* [[LeisureSuitGaming|SilentRob]]
* [[SammyClassicSonicFan]] – An asspie obbessed with Sonic
* [[SaturnDOS]]
* [[Shane Lee]]
* [[Sonmanic]]
* [[Spax3]]
* [[superlisamcb]]
* [[Tammi Reynolds]]
* [[ToonEGuy]]
* [[Travis The Hipster]]
* [[Trigglypuff]]
* [[Wesley!!!]]
* [[UltimateUKFFFan]]
* <s>[[You]]</s> You're not famous.

==Trolling Aspies==
In the Internet hierarchy, Aspies ([[Weeaboo|and]] [[Furry|their]] [[Sonic The Hedgehog|many]] [[Brony|branches]]) are at the rock bottom of the food chain, far below even [[niggers]] and [[feminist]]s. Aspies are the [[lolcow]] of the human race and should be milked as such. For an example of how Encyclopedia Dramatica milked an aspie for all his worth, just see the Trolls section on [[Chris-chan]]. [[Lulz]] is pretty much the only reason why we let aspies survive, because otherwise once they become [[unfunny]] then we should have [[Action T4|just put them out of their misery]].

*Remind them of their disability and cite APA 32.7. They hate being proven wrong.
*Refuse them special treatment. Hilarity ensues.
*Refer them to Wikipedia. All Aspies hate Wikipedia due to the only lulzy article they have (High Functioning Autism)
*Cite them as WP:personal. Anything Wikipedia will result in hilarity.
*IRC Trolling: Guard Lowered in Under 10 Minutes ([CollapseExpand])
*Tell them that Hitler had assburgers
*Ask them if they really have burgers up their asses.
*Ask if they can help you get a burger in your ass too
*<s>Tell them that they are no different to [[Chris-chan|Chris-chan.]]</s> Not recommended, since he has committed [[incest]] and rape.
*Say anything remotely negative about any subject or topic. Asspies will pretend they are in the group you mocked and fake being [[offended]] for [[Attention whores|attention]].
*Tell their ass off that they're insane psychopaths.
*Tell them that Einstein apparently having assburgers doesn't automatically make their lazy asses 'geniuses'
*Remind them that nearly all school shooters are aspies
*'''Their greatest weakness is when their antics are directly mimicked and used against them'''
**If everyone is an object then the autist is the gayest, most socially inept [[Ayn Rand|John Galt]] in the room. No exceptions

<div id="mw-customcollapsible-irctrolling" class="mw-collapsible mw-collapsed">
'''WARNING:''' This shit is surprisingly easy to do despite them being able to "spot obvious impostors". Just make up something that sounds plausible and go for it. They also turn on each other pretty quickly:

<pre>
[23:57] --> You have joined the channel #asperger (~welp@z2024.comcast.net).
[23:57] *** The channel topic is "Channel ONLY for people with Autism, Asperger's or a related condition. Homepage: http://asperger.inlv.org".
[23:57] *** The topic was set by Gareethafk on 10/20/11 11:36 AM.
[23:57] *** Channel modes: private, topic protection, no messages from outside
[23:57] *** This channel was created on 05/09/04 06:12 AM.
[23:57] <CharlesR> hi MrAsperger are you new here?
[23:57] <MrAsperger> yes i just found the site
[23:58] <CharlesR> please introduce yourself
[23:58] * CharlesR is a 60 yr old unemployed radio broadcast engineer and old style pre-computer radio nerd near Youngstown, Ohio, USA, diagnosed Asperger syndrome, never married, living alone with dog, Jenny
[23:58] * phyre pounces on gandalf
[23:59] <phyre> What are you doing up?
[23:59] <MrAsperger> well, i'm a 28-year-old freelance computer programmer from Los Angeles, not yet diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but self-suspected, and single but living alone
[23:59] <MrAsperger> that about sums me up
[00:00] <torako> single BUT living alone? "living alone" does not contradict "single
[00:00] <torako> :
[00:00] <torako> *"
[00:00] <MrAsperger> i'm shy and nervous around new people
[00:00] <MrAsperger> if i make stupid mistakes, i'm sorry
[00:00] <MrAsperger> i get flustered easily
[00:00] <CharlesR> thanks and welcome MrAsperger
[00:00] <MrAsperger> thank you
[00:01] <torako> are you hans asperger?
[00:01] <Gareethafk> He's dead.
[00:01] <MrAsperger> then it would be kind of difficult
[00:01] <torako> are you related to hans asperger?
[00:01] <Gareethafk> And would be considerably older than 28
[00:01] <phyre> Oh, we all make stupid mistakes. Some of us just enjoy being nitpicky, myself included. :P
[00:01] <MrAsperger> I understand, phyre
[00:01] <Gareethafk> Don't let torako fluster you
[00:01] <torako> i'm not fluster-ing
[00:02] <phyre> That hyphen isn't necessary.
[00:02] <MrAsperger> and no, i'm not related to him
[00:02] <torako> MrAsperger: then what's up with your nick?
[00:02] <phyre> He just likes it. Sheesh.
[00:02] <MrAsperger> pretty much
[00:02] <torako> but he's not mr. asperger
[00:02] <MrAsperger> i'm a male
[00:02] <phyre> You're not an actual tiger cub, so what's up with yours, torako?
[00:02] <torako> torako is a name
[00:02] <MrAsperger> phyre has a point
[00:03] <torako> and tora was my nickname in junior high
[00:03] <torako> that's why
[00:03] <phyre> I'm not an actual misspelled chemical reaction.
[00:03] <torako> yes you are
[00:03] <MrAsperger> mrs.oxygen would love that one
[00:03] <dfy> since when is it appropriate to quiz people about the origin of nicks
[00:03] <phyre> Oh crap, my secret is out!
[00:03] <torako> dfy: since your face
[00:03] <phyre> Since when is half of what you say appropriate either, dude?
[00:03] * Gareethafk is an adult with autism who lives in BC, Canada with her dog, cat and assorted fish and her lovely computer.
[00:03] <T`Ver> good night everyone
[00:03] <phyre> Good night.
[00:03] <MrAsperger> good night
[00:03] * Gareethafk faints from the on topic comment by dfy
[00:04] <phyre> Heh.
[00:04] <torako> haha
[00:04] <-- T`Ver has left this server.
[00:05] <CharlesR> torako, not tora tora tora?
[00:05] <torako> CharlesR: no...
[00:05] <MrAsperger> tora tora bora bora?
[00:05] <phyre> I think that movie is older than her.
[00:05] <torako> i like tigers, what's why that was my nickname
[00:05] <phyre> Plus it's annoying to say.
[00:06] <CharlesR> i mean the origin oif the movies name
[00:06] <phyre> Annnd I have no idea what that is.
[00:06] <torako> and it's better than the username i was using for stuff before
[00:06] --> Gerrit has joined this channel (~Gerrit@193.10.130.8).
[00:06] *** CStar gives channel operator privileges to Gerrit.
[00:06] <phyre> Your Neopets nick?
[00:06] <torako> yeah
[00:06] <phyre> Yeah, that's pretty lame.
[00:06] <torako> it's really derpy XD
[00:06] <torako> i was a little kid okay??
[00:06] <CharlesR> the report from the first japanese pilot who bombed pearl harbor
[00:07] <Gerrit> Good morning.
[00:07] <CharlesR> it was code for "full surpiise achieved"
[00:07] <torako> CharlesR: he said "tiger tiger tiger"? i fail to see how that's relevant
[00:07] <CharlesR> codes often are not relevant
[00:08] <phyre> Which is kind of the point.
[00:08] <torako> also wait you're calling me a WWII bomber? wtf?
[00:08] <torako> dude fuck you too
[00:08] <MrAsperger> 8===================================================D
[00:08] <MrAsperger> LOL DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG DONG
[00:08] <MrAsperger> COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS
[00:08] <CharlesR> you know better than that torako
[00:08] <MrAsperger> 8===================================================D
[00:08] <torako> hm a troll?
[00:08] <phyre> what an original troll
[00:08] <CharlesR> MrAsperger?
</pre>
</div>

== Autism Acceptance Month==
At last, an insecure Sperg has had enough of your [[Shit|shit]], so they made this shitty month. Examples of these people are narcissistic pricks and [[Twatter|Twitter users]].

==See Also==
*[[Action T4]]
*[[Asperchu]]
*[[Aspies for Freedom]]
*[[Aspierations]]
*[[Autism]]
*[[Autism macros]]
*[[Bronies]]
*[[Barron Trump]]
*[[Capital Gazette Shooting]]
*[[Charles Ziese]]
*[[CyberDemon531]]
*[[EVE Online]]
*[[Elevator Filming]]
*[[Fedora]] - What Asspies tend to wear
*[[Fedora]] - [[Lunix]] for Asspies.
*[[FoolQuest.com]]
*[[Leaderfag]]
*[[The Loud House]] fans
*[[Love Shy]]
*[[Malber]]
*[[Matthew Nicholson]]
*[[Minecraft]]
*[[Mong]]
*[[Neurodiversity]]
*[[Psychochondria]]
*[[Rape]]
*[[Retard]]
*[[The R Word]]
*[[Sandy Hook]]
*[[Sceptre]]
*[[Spergin]]
*[[Monica Punk]]
*[[Stoofoo.net]]
*[[School shooting]]
*[[Takedownman]]
*[[The Transit Coalition]]
*[[TV Tropes]]
*[[Ulillillia]]
*[[WAXLABLTABLER]]
*[[YouTube Thomas Club]]
*[[Joseph8276]]
*[[SWAuTistic]]
*[[Unikitty]]

==External Links==

*[http://efukt.com/21227_Autism_Abuse.html Autism Abuse.]
*[http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt90292.html Read it and weep: The truth about Asperger's Syndrome]
*[http://zacbrowser.com/ ZAC Browser: The games aspies' moms make them play]
*[http://archive.fo/vpCYF Asspie dating]
*[http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1277646/Zefri123 A typical Asspie (Zefri the Angel Boy!!!!11)]
*[http://archive.fo/OMZjR Asspie trollficcer doing it so very wrong. Or are they?!]
*[http://www.wrongplanet.net/forums.html lol asspie congregation (exception to the power in numbers rule here)]
*[http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/ Aspies for Freedom]
*[http://www.cafepress.com/love_autism/346770 The official I have Autism button. BUY BUY BUY]
*[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1116602/Why-face-truth-Having-autistic-child-wrecks-life-.html Daily Mail] explains why autistic children need to be [[Abortion|aborted]] ([[screencap]] [[:Image:Daily Mail Supports Autism Abortion.jpg|here]]).
*{{fa|autisticfurs|Autistic Furries}}
*[http://www.jonathans-stories.com/non-fiction/undiagnosing.html A good article disproving that Bill Gates, Albert Einstein and Thomas Jefferson had autism]
*{{facebook|ryan.santone.9|Ryan the ass pie raped two bitches with his curved penis and thinks he's hero.}}
*[http://creativethoughts.wikia.com/wiki/User:Jon825lazery7?oldid=8615 In his natural habitat]
*[https://www.facebook.com/brad.smith.58958 The biggest aspie you'll ever encounter very lulzy, indeed]

{{aspies}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Psychology}}
{{Disease}}
{{top16}}
{{Timeline|Featured article April 11, [[2005]]|[[MySpace]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Pro-Ana]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article November 16, [[2005]]|[[Cracky-chan]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Anna 4 avril]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article January 14th and 15th, [[2012]]|[[Handegg]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Jared Milton]]}}
{{timeline|Article of the Now April 5 & 6, [[2023]]|[[Audrey Hale]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Catholic]]}}
{{timeline|[[ED:AOTN|Featured Article]] April 3 & 4, [[2024]]|[[Loser]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Sailor Moon]]}}

[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]

Rape

2024-08-25T16:12:45Z

Sado: Undo revision 1888874 by Icewillow9 takes down ED (talk)

{{spoiler|the way to prevent yourself getting raped is to wear a locked chastity belt and leave the key at home!!1! checkmate feminists}}
{{Offended}}
{{DISPLAYTITLE:Ræp}}
{{quote|Rape was an insurrectionary act. It delighted me that I was defying and trampling upon the white man’s law, upon his system of values, and that I was defiling his women. I felt I was getting revenge. From the site of the act of rape, consternation spread outwardly in concentric circles.|Eldridge Cleaver}}
[[Image:Brunette real rape story.jpg|thumb|right|You are not a man until you make a woman do this face]]
[[Image:Real Men Don t Rape by Kissing Concrete.jpg|thumb|right|Smart women would know that real men consider this a challenge, however [[fact|smart women don't exist]]]]
[[File:Well-prepared rapist.jpg|thumb|right|Tonight's smartly-dressed date]]
[[Image:heatherrape.jpg|thumb|right| Our favorite video game rapist, Pyramid Head just doing his job.]]
'''Ræp''', (also known as '''''True Love''''', '''''surprise [[sex]]''''', '''''free [[dick]]''''' or simply '''''Rape'''''), is an extreme sport and a crime-of-a-sort described as "the act of [[pwning]] with a [[penis]]." It is quite probably the lulziest act known to man, aside from [[9/11|flying two 767s filled with fat Americans into two phallic towers also filled with fat Americans]]. '''Rape''' is always the fault of the so-called "victim," [[nevar]] the rapist's. The only real victims in '''Rape''' are the so-called rapists, since nowadays most women are allowed to dress and behave like whores, and since men are biologically programmed to fuck, the man resisting a lifetime of not raping and resorting to [[Kique7|fapping to gay dog porn]] is far worse in comparison than a woman getting free dick. [[Obvious|Women love dick]]. [[Jews|People who love money]] love free [[money]], so how could women who love dick not love free dick? Women also love hot loads—just ask [[your mom]].

==Secret Sluts==
<center>[[File:You deserve rape.jpg|400px]]</center> 
Despite popular belief, ''all'' women enjoy '''ræp'''. This is because all women are whores. However, this doesn't mean that they're all obvious whores. Besides your typical school skank and office slut whom are clearly whores, there are those known as '''[[cocktease|Secret Sluts]]'''.

'''Secret Sluts''' are the [[Shiny pidgey|rarer form]], but ultimately more fun victim to '''rape'''. Examples of these are [[children]] and [[virgins]]. If you can't get a child or [[To Catch a Predator|don't want to risk it]], then find an innocent small-bodied teenager. She will work just as well. Act like you are her friend at first or that you are interested in her, and she should succumb to you right away ([[Truth|these girls are dumb as fuck]]). If you're lucky enough to have gotten a [[virgin]] then she should be extra tight. Not only will you cum really fast and very strongly, but there is no better feeling in the world than watching some girl cry in pain as you're popping her cherry. Pull her hair, spank her, verbally abuse her; bonus points if you cum in her mouth or slip it in her stinker. Have her tell you that she likes it, and if she doesn't then threaten to pound her even harder. These girls will just grow up to become sluts anyway, so they might as well get accustomed to the feeling. Make sure you cuddle these girls afterwords though, just to make them feel a little less "'''raped'''". Just kidding, tell them to go make you lunch. After she brings you lunch, [[Stick It In Her Pooper|pop her in the anus]] again for good measure.

<center><gallery>
File:Are-you-thinking-of-raping-a-child.png|Go for it! [[Baby Fuck|It's Awwww right!]]
File:Secret slut poster1.jpg
File:Taylaaustin.jpg|Get `em while they're young
File:Jailbaitfagmisha.png
</gallery></center>

==Views on Rape==
===[[USA]]===
[[Image:penis.jpg|thumb|right|To rape, you will need one or moar of [[cock|these]].]]
When it comes to sexual assault and rape, don't forget it's [[Baby fuck|awwwwwwwriiiiight]], although consent is the gold standard of legality within the United States. To determine the difference, apply the [[John Holmes]] test: ''"if it doesn't fit, you must thrust harder."''

==== An Example of "Failure to Consent ====

''Jerry and [[slut|Vanessa]] have been married for 13 years. Jerry has been home alone for a few hours drinking vodka and is completely wasted. Vanessa comes home and says, "[[asking for it|Hey Jerry, Wanna have sex?]]". Jerry responds, "OK." Vanessa grabs his [[Mr. Hands|hand]] and pulls him up the stairs, since he is too [[alcohol|drunk]] to walk, and into the bedroom. They engage in two hours of foreplay, femdom/dominatrix style. After that Vanessa ties Jerry to the bed so tightly that he can't move and puts a condom on him. She then proceeds to put his penis into her [[vagoo|vagina]] and thrusts until he ejaculates. She repeats this process three times that night. Technically Vanessa never said "Yes" or "Let's have sex," so she calls the cops on Jerry for rape. He is arrested and is punished to the full extent of [[Internet Police|the law]].''

As you can see, a certain freedom-loving country is full of shit.

==== If Jerry Lived In Ohio It Wouldn't Be Rape ====

Being the most forward thinking and intellectually advanced state in the union, Ohio has a legal principle by the name of '''Maritial Privlidge'''. Per the state's Legal Definition:

''If one were to Partake in the Fucking of one's Wife, without Consent (so long as [[Star Wars|Force]] isn't used), in one's Home, it isn't '''[https://web.archive.org/web/20180306060839/https://www.daytondailynews.com/news/husband-drugs-his-wife-for-sex-not-crime-ohio-for-now/6F9XIaQI48EjbPH8C3ZA1I/ Räpe]'''.''

Ohio defines rape as '''unwanted sexual conduct with a victim "who is not the spouse of the offender" — or with a spouse who is "living separate and apartment from the offender."'''

===[[Australia]]===
Rape is considered a Religious [[Zionist|Kabbalah]] [[Jihad]] to many Australians. It is the act of dwelling inside houses with no consent from owners/renters followed by raping sleeping victims. All [[Police]] forces will ignore any phone call in relation to raep and claim that <S>[[You]]</S> you are mad or crazy and will need to be checked-into a mental institution [[sic|''[sic]'']]. These Aussies are amayzing when it comes to raep, they usually have tools and efficient methods to sedate victims while asleep doing [[Aboriginal|Kangaroo]] style which involves using sharpies & steamy rice bags. Some touches and slaps are used of course. If you are reading this article and suffered [[lol|Aussie Jihad]], please head to the international airport hoping that you won't be raepd on the way by [[illuminati|cult]] members who really want to raep you under the cover of Customs & Border Control cover. Once you are gone, [[cunt|they]] will fly all the way from Australia to raep you in your new/old home mayte. [[truth|There is nothing you can do to keep it out, there is nothing you can do so just live with it as they are self-entitled fags and usually die within few years in sad and remorseful circumstances then blame it on ya followed by few relatives raeping ya asleep again and the story will repeat itself. In other words, you should have not existed at all which is unfair but it would be a win for Aussie Social Injustice movement]]!

===Germany===
[[Image:2million.jpg|thumb|right|Even the liberator of Europe approves of rape]]
[[Image:Hitler-tits.jpg|thumb|right|German women asking for it from [[Adolf Hitler|unidentified German man]]. They had to wait for liberation.]]
When rape happens to German children, it triggers [[Hentai|rape tentacles]] to pursue them for the rest of their life... and even into the grave!
When Germans cum to teach in America, they vow revenge (like Harvard Rapist [[Patrick Hamm]])
[[Image:Racist-rapists.jpg|thumb|right|German women still asking for it decades later. Preferring rapists ([[Sandnigger]] refugees) to racists (you and me).]]
{|style="margin: auto;"
|<center><youtube>pwZET_O2m5s</youtube>
'''Note that this is the opposite order of how things usually happen in [[Japan]], where the tentacle typically gets the first crack at a young [[virgin]], who then becomes a complete [[slut]].'''</center>
|}

===Feminists===
[[Image:rapechan.jpeg|thumb|right|Always wanting to have it both ways.]]
By definition, '''Feminists''' are twisted, bitter creatures who have equally bitter and twisted views on rape. However, studies show that only ugly women are feminists. Women so ugly that there's rarely enough alcohol on hand to make having sex with them palatable. In fact, [[statistics]] show that 9 out of 10 men would rather rape a malfunctioning [[Will It Blend?|blender]] than a feminist (the 10th man is just lying). So due to them never having tried rape, they instantly and wrongfully assume it to be the worst thing in the world and will cry wolf the instant they sense trouble.

{{squote|Rape is when a woman [or man] is forced to perform any sexual act against her [or his] will. [[Questionable logic|All rapists deserve to be raped]], just so they know how it feels. To the male [or woman] who wrote all that vile crap about rape, here's a clue it feels a little like what I've just done to your page [Editor's note: As you can probably guess, she failed. [[fellatio|Hard]].] Oh btw I'm a [[fat|gorgeous]] straight [[Horny|nymphomaniac]] feminist [[whore|ex-whore]][well paid ~$330 or more an hour] who's a [[BDSM]] dominatrix and if you'd ever be [[asking for it|man enough to meet me in person]] I'm sure I could get a few female friends of mine together and we'd be happy to teach you what it feels like to be raped and denied your rights.

[[Special Snowflake Syndrome|I've been raped]] and [[lies|it isn't pleasant]]. Women have the right to say no and should be able to wear whatever they want without [[asking for it|fearing rape]]. To all women out there I suggest you watch the Swedish version of The Girl With the [[weeaboo|Dragon Tattoo]][1] and its sequels The Girl Who [[emo|Played With Fire]] [2] and The Girl Who [[retard|Kicked A Hornets Nest]] [3]. So that you know what to do to a rapist if you know them and [[True|it is likely to reoccur]].

A woman's promiscuity should not be allowed as evidence against her [Editor's Note: Yeah, it should. Whore.]. Even a woman who loves sex should have the right to say no [[USI|and be picky about who]] she has sex with. Take me for example I only "do" hot guys and I'm talking model hot pretty boy good looks. When a guy holds a knife to your throat your rights are taken away from you [Editor's Note: And [[irony|rightfully]] so!].

If you know a rapist, go to a sex shop [if you're a kid explain the situation to a trusted adult of legal age and ask them to to buy it for you], buy a big dildo, find some way to tie them up, men are delusional so pretend you're going to do them willingly, [[Fantasy|you will need to tie them so you have access to their ass, backside, bum, once tied up, get out dildo, put gloves on and insert dildo in their anus repeatedly]].

To help you understand males' delusional state: John is ugly [2/10] but thinks he's good looking [8/10]. This is a common male delusion. Generally speaking rapists are often ugly but ladies beware they can be good looking too. [[Animal|Ugly men rape because they are ugly]] and can't get free sex with women outside their looks range. Like John who is a 2/10 but hits on women who are 8/10.Also they are often too cheap to pay a whore or are cowards who fear the law (where prostitution is illegal) [Editor's Note: This is the only part of her rant that holds some truth].

Ladies we need to tell these delicate flowers [because let's face it [[Bullshit|emotionally men are the weaker sex]]] what their looks rating is and kindly inform them that they need to approach less beautiful women. Hopefully if we all work together we can rid the world of these deluded potential rapists.

No-one knows [[for the lulz|why good looking men rape]]. If you do please join this site and feel free to edit this section.

Legalized Prostitution leads to less rapes, encourage legal prostitution. Women please treat whores nicely and support our endeavors in getting prostitution legalized. Until all women stop referring to each other as sluts and whores, men will continue to think it's ok.

Let's take back the word, let's change the meaning of slut and whore to mean a girl who loves sex and is proud of it. Until we can openly talk about our conquests as men do about theirs, we will never be free. If you're a slut be proud, If you're a [[oxymoron|slut with standards]] you can be prouder, and [[lolwut|if you're a whore you can be the proudest]].

I'd like to see a day when women chat in cafes openly about their conquests, men do the walk of shame and a woman can get a man convicted of rape [[doing it wrong|without her sexual prowess even being brought in as evidence]] as that will be outlawed. [[No|A woman's sexual history is irrelevant in a rape case]].

Again I repeat Rape is when a woman [or man] is forced to perform any sexual act against her[his] will.The moment a person says no, stop or is drugged in any way and a man forces themselves upon another person IT IS RAPE.If you use a weapon or brute force to get a person to comply in any sexual act IT IS RAPE. |[[TL;DR]]: Women need to be raped for the healthy advancement of the human race, and the quotee unwittingly emphasizes this.}}

===Niggers===
[[Image:Rapistsworstjob.jpg|thumb|left|[[YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG]].]]
[[Image:Niggerattacker.jpg|thumb|right|The nigga, being conditioned to rape by evolution itself, has it easier than other species and therefore excels at the activity.]]
In the [[South Africa|South African]] medical community, [http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/mar/12/eudy-simelane-corrective-rape-south-africa rape is widely used to cure lesbians] of [[lesbian|lesbianism]], which in South Africa is considered a sign of demonic possession.

The nigger, highly experienced and [[stupid|instinctually]] gifted in committing all forms of rape, possesses a secret phrase that dispels [[Troll's Remorse|troll's remorse]]: "It's not rape if she enjoys it!" Thus speaks an aide of the president of [[South Africa]], currently accused of raping his [[AIDS]]-positive niece.

Niggers consider Rape by African Dick to be a privilege, which is true in some aspects (in the end they're still niggers). This view is concisely summed up in [http://www.theobamaforum.com/showthread.php?t=10316 a message on The Obama Forum] written by a black person who chose to share his views on pepper spray (the ultimate give-away if a nigger's had sex):
{{quote|Normally I hate this product, as it's been used millions of times by [[racist]], bigot white womens to deprive a brutha of some simple physical gratification. I, myself, have been [[pwned|treated]] to one of these applications several times by [[wimmins|cracker bitches]] in the park who don't appreciate the fact that sex with a [[retard|black god]], consentual or not, is a glorious act for that white bitch and elevates her standing in the world.|
[[Truth]] preached by Ebony Utopia, a distinguished Obamatologist. (Sadly, even with all the automatic spell-checkers, the negro could not spell "consensual".)}}

===[[Arabs]]===
[[File:DEL_muhammad.png|thumb|290px|Beloved Muhammad not only buggered 9 year old girls, he enjoyed the occasional goat too]]
{{quote|If you ever move or scream, I'll kill you. Do you know how it feels to be killed? not being here.|[[Satan|Mohammed bin Sultan bin Mohammed]]}}

Even before their [[Prophet Muhammad]] reinvented Rape as a cultural pastime, [[Arabs]] usually have various ways to rape. They tend to master all forms due to their [[retard|Barbaric]] era where no laws used to exist. Ignoring the existence of [[Goat]] [[Fuck]] [[Club]], these Jawas remained loyal to their cause of raping [[women]].

Rape in Arab culture remains eternal due to the tradition of passing on the same [[DNA|genes]] from one generation to the next. Since their women wear giant pillowcases, they target their victims by the size of their usually fat asses or the presence of a limp (thus eliminating the likelihood her running). Of course, many of their [[terrorists|fine young men]] dress in such pillowcases in the course of their acts of [[terrorism|jocular youthful exuberance]], so would-be rapists master the Australian handshake and utilize it when in doubt. The Arab rape protocols work in the following manner:

# Locate the victim.
# Befriend her (optional).
# Take or ambush her to a secluded corner.
# Tell her that you wanna play an awesome secret game (optional).
# Pull your pants and show her your [[penis]] (optional).
# Tell her to play with it. (optional).
# Ask her to turn her back towards you.
# Lower her panties.
# If she whines or cries tell her "just a little bit" (optional).
# Shove it inside her.
# Grab her throat to prevent her from screaming.
# Initiate death threat(s).
# ?????
# PROFIT!!!

There are many examples of the nature of Arab rape. It differs slightly from one degenerate to other. The example we explored above was involving a 5th grader who managed to initiate 2 death threats towards the poor -6th grader- girl. Aren't you little too young for that, Ahmad? Maybe nobody stood up for her, but at the end. The missilish plan have failed, because it was built upon wasting/destroying around 2+1 human lives.

===Comedians===

{{quote|They'll say: "You can't joke about rape! Rape is not funny!" I say, fuck you! I think it's hilarious, how do you like that? I can prove to you that rape is funny. Picture Porky Pig... raping Elmer Fudd! Well, why do you think they call him "Porky"?|George Carlin}}

Though many limped dick pussies have come to this article and moped at how terrible it is, never have they seen the whole Internet. Rape is hilarious, and so is murder. Deal with it, [[feminists]].

==Rape Safety==
[[Image:Nomorerape.jpg|thumb|Little Asian girl, if you honestly believe that you can deter a rapist with an axe, then you're about to be corrected.]]
[[Image:Rope.jpg|thumb|right|Sometimes you'll need the tools to do the job.]]
[[Image:Gooeyleak.jpg|thumb|<ol>
<li>Don't use a condom
<li>Take pictures
<li>Laugh
<li>RUN AWAY!!!
</ol>]]

One should know the proper rape precautions for the rapist. If you're a woman looking for tips on the prevention of rape, psychological support, and other such [[bullshit]], go to a rape support site. Then get back to the [[In the kitchen|kitchen]] and make me a sammich.

First off, you must make sure you have the necessary equipment to proceed with your rape. Take off your pants, and look down at your pelvic region. Do you have a [[penis]]? If so, great! Barring height deformities, [[you]] are already prepared to begin raping! If for some reason you lack a penis, ''don't worry,'' you can still rape people. You just have to be more creative: try using something else to invade the victim's body; e.g. a dildo, broom, finger, fist, midget, etc. However, a penis should be used for maximum pleasure and hilarity. Remember: the savvy penis-equipped rapist will always use a [[condom]] to avoid receiving [[STD|SUV]]s from the [[women|woman]] and getting caught via Police getting your DNA (because there's no bigger boner killer than getting V& by Mariska Hartigay). After all, you don't know where that [[slut]] has been, and you don't want to ruin your otherwise [[Secks|enjoyable experience]] by catching a [[Autism|sexually transmitted infection]].

Now, before you can go out and start forcing yourself upon unsuspecting women/men, it is important that you know how to avoid prosecution. Consider these tactics:
* [[Skullfuck|Skull-fucking]] her is great, it's funny and makes it way too embarrassing for the victim to report it.
* Rape a straight man. Either he will never tell anyone, or you will [[Fag|turn him gay and he'll want more]].
* [[Sick fuck|Find a midget who can't possibly defend herself]].
* Find an old lady—nobody will ever believe you wanted to fuck her in the first place.
* [[Muslim|Marriage afterward]].
* Rape only deaf mutes - if you cut off their hands they can't tell anyone.
* Pay them afterwards.
* Prevent them from saying "No."
* Ask if your rag smells like chloroform.
* Exclaim the word "SURPRISE" before your victim cries "rape."

Legal scholars have pointed out these facts:
* If your victim doesn't speak your language, they're probably saying "yes"
* If your victim says no an even number of times, then it's a double negative.
* Rape with a toy (dildo, etc.) is not flesh penetration
* Sex in the [[Prince Jeremy|Animal Kingdom]] is technically rape (as it does not include verbal consent), so surprise-sexing a [[furry]] is not punishable by law(not that you'd want to in the first place).
* If she gets a nipple erection it shows she was enjoying it.
* It's only rape if she tells the police.

Did you get caught? You fucking loser, what are you going to do ''now''? Look, just stay calm. Maybe one of these excuses is your golden ticket out of the pokey:
* She was [[asking for it]] (which is always the case anyway—honesty is best policy).
* [[Wowzaz 86|She was asleep at the time.]]
* She was drunk and/or high.
* You have [[Autism]] (how can you be punished - you're special!)
* You cuddled with her afterwards.
* You didn't cum (it's not technically sex if the man doesn't get off)
* She's [[Tori Sue Heck|ugly]].
* She didn't fight hard enough on purpose and therefore wanted to be raped. (IE she was [[asking for it]])
* You paid for her dinner and drinks.
* You are more attractive than her boyfriend.
* She was dressed [[hawt|provocatively]]. (IE she was [[asking for it]])
* You have amnesia.
* It was for national security.
* Draw the [[racism]] - card (only works if you're a [[nigger]]).

===RapeX===
The most important thing for any potential rapist to remember is to be wary of the 'anti-rape' female condom, or RapeX, [[Proof That God Exists|which is no longer produced]]. This anti-rape device is equipped with razor-sharp blades designed to drive themselves into any unwelcome [[penis]], causing the death of the would-be [[Willy on Wheels (on Wheels)| rapist]] by [[blood|exsanguination]]. Should you slip up and get your dick caught in one these (you fuckin' [[noob]] smh), your only real recourse is to flip out and abuse the woman twice as much as you would have done otherwise before you pass out. I mean, you might have just done your thing and left, but now she owes you. If your dick is small enough, you can easily rape without touching the lip of the RapeX. However, if you're a truly [[1337]] rapist, the RapeX can be used against the woman. By taking out the RapeX, turning it inside-out, and using it as a condom, you can boost your [[Man points]] by [[over 9000|an incredible amount]].

{{quote|How stupid would a girl have to be to use this? It would only work if the rape could be predicted and the device inserted, even then it's [[An Hero|suicidal]]. The only thing that would happen is the guy would kill the girl for sure|Truths}}

However, there is one good use for RapeX Condoms, discovered by Anna Kohler, lulz pioneer, albeit she is a cum slutting whore.

:''I was 18 years old, I was at my school and looking for something to do. As I was walking through the hall, I saw a packaged RapeX Condom lying on the ground. I picked it up and had an [[Troll|idea]]. I walked to the nearest bathroom and inserted it. After the device was inserted I walked to the [[Special Education]] lunch table where I sat down next to a shy 19 year old Autistic boy with very dirty hair.''

:''His name was Robbie; he told me his name immediately after I told him mine as he had been instructed by his "helper." Right after we introduced ourselves he noticed how attractive I was and having no experience with women, grabbed my left breast. Instead of smacking him and getting him [[permabanned]] from the school system, I smiled and allowed him to squeeze my size "D" breast as I thought about my plan.''

:''It was easy to get him to leave the lunchroom with me; we found the first open closet we saw. I took him inside and locked the door, than took off my clothes; he didn't need to be told to do so himself. I climbed down on top of him and let his large, Autistic penis stretch my vagina. A few seconds later, Robbie was in more pain than me as the RapeX Condom attached itself to his Penis. I continued to fuck myself with his penis until I finally had an orgasm; than I quickly got off of Robbie, wrapped my shirt around my chest, and ran out the door with the retard trying to figure out what had happened. There was a Police Officer near the closet and I ran to him and crying, told him that Robbie had raped me. The RapeX Condom was all the evidence that was needed to convict the Asspie.''

:''You want to know why I did it? I love sex, and being as attractive as I am, it's easy to find guys to fuck me, but unlike a guy I'm not supposed to get fucked that often. Since I didn't want to be called a slut, and I didn't want to put myself in a position where I could be raped and potentially injured; I decided to rape a worthless [[Asspie]] and get him put away for it where he'll be one less [[Lulz Killer]] in our society.''

<center><gallery>
Image:Rapex.jpg|Check for these before you rape.
Image:AntiRapet002.jpg|[[Goatse_Girl|Taste it!]]
Image:AntiRapet-rule34.jpg|The conceptor [[Asking for it|asking for it]] but realizing she is [[Doing_it_wrong|doing it wrong]]
</gallery></center>

===God's Guide to Rape===

Menstruating women are unclean and sinful. Anything that they touch is unclean. Anyone who touches anything that they touch is unclean (Leviticus 15:19-33). Stay completely away from them (Leviticus 18:19).

Your penis must be circumcised (Genesis 17:7-19). If you rape a man (1 Corinthians 11:14-15) you must also circumcise him (Genesis 17:13, 1 Machabees 2:46, Acts 16:3) and after raping him you must kill him (Leviticus 20:13). <del>You both are going to hell, but</del> you should send his foreskin as a trophy to your emperor (1 Samuel 18:27) for the lulz (Proverbs 3:5). You are going to heaven and he is going to hell (Luke 17:34-35) says Jesus who himself likes to rape young men (Mark 14:51-52)

If you have a pretty woman captive and you like her, then you should bring her home, shave her head and pare her nails. Then you can go in unto her. (Deuteronomy 21:11-14)

If she is a slave or a wife, you must scourge her after raping, you must not kill her (Leviticus 19:20). If her husband finds you and she touches your "secrets" while you fight him, you must cut off her hand (Deuteronomy 25:11-12).

If she is raped and she fails to cry out loud, she was clearly [[asking for it]] so it wasn't rape. She must be stoned to death (Deuteronomy 22:23-24). God's recipe for cooking her can be found in Ezekiel 24:3-12. Don't forget that her fat belongs to the Lord (Leviticus 3:16).

If her tits made her sin, she must [[Riley34470#Edit_Tits|edit tits]] and cut them off (Ezekiel 23:34, Matthew 5:29-30, Matthew 18:8-9, Mark 9:43-47).

Later, if you decide you don't like her, you can let her go. (Deuteronomy 21:14)

If you like her, you must buy her from her father for 50 shekels.

<Center>{{morphquote|CC1|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
|When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive, and seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife; then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails;|Deuteronomy 21:10-12
|If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.|Deuteronomy 22:28-29
}}</center>

''TL;DR: Jews (of [[Jews did WTC|WTC fame]]), [[Christian|Christians]], and [[Islam|Muslims]] are perfectly fine with rape. Note: Atheists [[a cat is fine too|are fine with rape too.]]''

==Why Rape is good==
[[File:Youdeserverape.jpg|thumb|right]]
===It saved Western Civilization===
John Petroski, the former Opinions Editor at ''The Recorder'' - a Central Connecticut State University publication - wrote a learned editorial titled ''Rape Only Hurts If You Fight It'', in which he had this to say:

''Most people today would claim that rape is a terrible crime almost akin to murder but I strongly disagree. Far from a vile act, rape is a magical experience that benefits society as a whole. I realize many of you will disagree with this thesis but lend me your ears and I’m sure I’ll sway you towards a darkened alley.''

''If it weren’t for rape, Western Civilization might not exist as we know it today. When the [[Romans]] were faced with a disproportionate ratio of women to men in the early kingdom, they had to do something, lest their fledgling society die for lack of sons. To solve their little dilemma, they did what any reasonable man would do: they threw a festival for their Sabine neighbors, and then stole and raped their women. It’s quite logical; in fact I don’t understand why the settlers at Plymouth didn’t do the same to the local Indians. It certainly would have saved on shipping costs.''

''Obviously, in the case of the Rape of the Sabines, rape was a tremendous help to society. The Sabine women, for their part, didn’t seem to mind so much, as they threw themselves between their brutish old Sabine husbands and their charming new Roman ones to prevent bloodshed when the Sabine men came to reclaim their wives. Yet even when society was totally against a rape, the raunchy act has benefited society too. Where would the Romans be, after all, if it weren’t for the Rape of Lucretia infuriating the people to the point of overthrowing their last king, Lucius Tarquinius Super-Bus? If it weren’t for that event, the world might never have had the Roman Republic for a pristine example of a flawless government.''

''Rape’s glorious advantages are not, however, exclusively found from 2,000-year-old examples. In actuality, rape’s advantages can very much be seen today. Take ugly women, for example. If it weren’t for rape, how would they ever know the joy of intercourse with a man who isn’t drunk? In a society as plastic-conscious as our own, are we really to believe that some man would ever sleep with a girl resembling a wildebeest if he didn’t have a few schnapps in him? Of course he wouldn’t, at least no self-respecting man would, but therein lies the beauty of rape. No self-respecting man would rape in the first place, so ugly women are guaranteed a romp with not only a sober man, but a bad boy too, and we all know how much ladies like the bad boy.''

''Ugly women are not, however, the only people who benefit from rape– prisoners enjoy its many perks, too. What, after all, would possibly be more boring than spending years of your life confined to some tiny cell 23 hours a day? The answer, of course, is spending years of your life confined to some tiny cell 23 hours a day and never getting some hot action. With rape, prisoners never have to worry about that. Instead, they merely need worry about treating their rapists with enough love and respect to earn a quick reach-around.''

''But if there is one bread and butter reason for why rape should not only be accepted, but even endorsed, it is because our news editors are in dire need of interesting stories for our front page. Bookstore stories? Fossils? One dollar coins? Please. Now, some interracial gang rape action? Yeah, that’s the ticket.''

===[http://web.archive.org/web/20101031064238/http://www.bhawd.org/sitefiles/TblMrs/tmchap3.html It can be used as a Medical Treatment]===
:'''Provider:''' OK Mary, now I am going to put in the speculum. I have warmed it up. Can you feel how warm it is?
:'''Mary:''' Yes, I can feel it.
:'''Provider:''' Now I am separating the outer lips of your vagina and beginning to put it in. Can you feel it? How are you feeling now?
:'''Mary:''' OK, I'm OK. (A little nervously)
:'''Provider:''' I am going really slowly. Remember to breathe deeply. Are you still in your rose garden (or other "safe" place)? What color are the roses? My favorite is yellow. How are you?
:'''Mary:''' It's OK.
:'''Provider:''' Tell me when you are ready to have me put it in further.
:'''Mary:''' It's up to you.
:'''Provider:''' Now I am putting it in further. How is this?
:'''Mary:''' No. No.
:'''Provider:''' OK. Now I have stopped. Breathe deeply, Mary. Smell the roses. Should we pick one? Are you still holding that finger? We just have a little further to go. Tell me when you are ready.

===It's simply cool===
Among people who rape are [[God]], [[Josef Fritzel]], [[Heather Howland]], [[Muhammad]], [[Bill Clinton]], [[William Tecumseh Sherman]], [[Piss|R. Kelly]], [[Kobe Bryant]], [[Daddy|your dad]], [[Bill Cosby]], and pretty much anyone else who is or ever has been cool.

<center><youtube>yuzAUP7d8eM</youtube></center>
<center>'''Even beta Indian Men who otherwise won't be able to rape in public think its cool by some Hindu ritual known as "Daily Rape"'''</center>
<center>'''(ending has some feminist whore talking about womenz strength, but fuck her, she knows that she loves rape)'''</center>

==Why rape doesn't exist==
Rape is what happens when a woman says no to sex. However, according to the philosopher [[House]], you can't say no if it isn't a question. And according to [[Shit|Nickelback]], sex is never a question. Therefore rape is impossible.

Also, the conviction rate for rape is less than 10% and 3/10 "rape victims" will later go on to admit they falsified the story. The false accusations of rape are so prevalent that it was proposed for all rape cases the jurors be read a passage stating the tendency for false allegations, but this didn't pass into law as it may influence cases adversely. { src = Sexual Assault and the Justice Gap: A Question of Attitude }

==Videos==

{{center|
{{fv|Rape videos|background-color: white; text-align: center;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>fjIuPSuYSOY</youtube>
;Patrice Oneal Defending Rape Jokes
|<youtube>fPDm5n163Hg</youtube>
;Rape is an effect crime detour-ant and motivator for self improvement
|<youtube>NmpAx8Z5z40</youtube>
;Money can buy Rape
|<youtube>DdZscG4jPrU</youtube>
;[[YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG|Sending a pic of yourself to your rapevictim's friend]]
|<youtube>8Q7FFjUpVLg</youtube>
;Rape music and coincidently the national anthem of [[Josef Fritzl|Austria]].
|<youtube>yj4LnfkdJDM</youtube>
;Squeal like a pig!
|<youtube>itnh4UtGmWk</youtube>
;Superwoman was [[almost raped]] as a child
|<youtube>8FCmUM2eB6k</youtube> }}
}}

==Gallery==
{{cg||RapePix|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:A double bill of rape.jpg|Form an orderly queue
File:Rape_Face.jpg
File:Mouth Rape.gif
File:Maritalrape.jpg
File:18952-truth-about-9-11-10-facts-you-need-know-sick-ass-shot.jpg|This is how you do it to yourself
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Ensemble_rape.jpg|Gang rape, now conveniently packaged. Ain't modern life grand?
File:Dolphin.gif|Dolphins like rape too
File:zed spicrape.gif|This is how it's done in Mexico, hombre.
File:Indicked.jpg|Rape is widely accepted as being hilarious by everyone, including [[TV|mainstream media]]
File:EvilDick.png|Some cultures value making women embrace "evil dick" over superhero penises
File:Dog_rape_cat2.jpg
File:Inoue gonna get raped.jpg|[[Lesbians|Men aren't the only ones who do it]]
File:I_was_on_fa.jpg
File:Rape_cd.jpg
File:UnreasonablysafeGB1990rapebook.jpg|Makes a great coffee table book
File:Massivebutthurt.png|Massive butthurt via [[Something Awful]]
File:Tiredgay.png|Athletic rape
File:Boyd5.jpg|This man is a hero.
File:SweetTenderLove.jpg
File:Rule of rape poster1.jpg|99.9% of women fantasize about rape, so surprise her tonight.
File:lesbianhorsemouth.jpg|[[X? In my Y?|Lesbians, in my Rape?]] It's more likely than you think!
File:Tailsrapescosmodemotivator.JPG|Rape:It only hurts if you fight it.
File:Sickfuckfurryhumor1.jpg|[[Furfags]] rape their prey...
File:Lolnigger.jpg|...As do niggers.
File:Mariolbathtubrape.jpg|[[Mario]] likes to rape too.
File:Gay assault.jpg
File:GmanGif.gif|Typical rapist
File:Dead Mouse Rape.jpg|[[Necrophilia|It's not rape if they're dead]]!
File:gantrape.png|Gant will not hesitate to rape you.
File:Dograper.jpg|'''BOY RAPES DOG TO DEATH,GETS CAUGHT WITH PANTS DOWN BY THE OWNERS.'''
File:Noliekrape.jpg|Someone no liek teh 450+ rules of Rape? :(
File:lulzguyrape.jpg|You have been warned.
File:Grammar_school_rape_demotivator.jpg|This is how grammar school boys do it.
File:James Spear demotivator.jpg|Brags that he raped [[at least 100]] people.
File:Dt22 28b.jpg|Look at that smile! Women secretly love it.
File:RAPEISSEXY.jpg|Contrary to popular belief, rape is actually sexy.
File:Snowman Rape.gif|Even snowmen rape.
File:Rapeguy.jpg|Guy gonna get his rape on.
File:That_kid_looks_like_he_just_died_inside.jpg|That ranga looks like he just died inside
File:You_gonna_get_it.jpg|You gonna get it!
File:Jeffcorwin1.jpg|Rape in the wild
File:Autofellatio2.jpg|Self Rape [you know you wish you could do that]
File:Caring Bear.gif|Rape, rated E for Everyone. (Pedobear's cousin, Ampulolibear).
File:rainrape.jpg
File:Lolisharrassingashota.jpg|A [[shota]] being gangraped by a [[zerg rush|swarm]] of [[lolis]]. Can you spot [[littlecloud]] in the picture?
File:Pyramid head Jaws raep.jpg|[[Raep]]
File:rapetastik.png|Raping in Japan is like saying hello.
File:Roofiesposter.jpg|Roofies are a big help
File:Gonnagetraped.jpg|Are you also gonna get raped?
File:John_Petroski.jpeg|If it's written on [[Serious business|Page 7]], it must be true.
File:Daterape.jpg|Date rape.
File:Rape victim.jpg|Being a [[4chan]] [[luser]] is [[asking for it]]
File:Gonna get raped cat.PNG|Even [[cat|kitty]] knows what's gonna happen to you
File:Teen_Tikkop_Raped_My_Dog.jpg|It wasn't [[drug#meth|tik]]. The dog was [[asking for it]]. Plus, if it barks it's not raep.
File:assrapekitty.jpg|A special type of rape.
File:Swampert rape.png|Rape is acceptable if it makes moar Mudkipz
File:Gynaecology-1822.jpg|Rape was still happening hundreds of years ago.
File:Rapeyou.jpg|[[Cats]] love to get raped, so do [[women]].
File:Jack Spicer about to get raped.jpg|He knows he can't prevent it
File:rapeprevention.jpg|If you get an [[erection]] at any time you are a rapist. Only this device can save you from being a rapist.
File:Rape_is_fine_too.png
File:Chris Chan.JPG|Typical rape blog
File:Jacksonfriendly.jpg
File:Lincoln_rape.jpg|Honest Abe [[pedobear|approves]]!
File:SurpriseButtsecksElevator.jpg|[[Rebecca_Watson|Not even safe in the elevator.]]
File:SnakeRapesIke.jpg|Rape is also [[Rule 34|present]] in [[video games]].
File:Ninjarape.jpg|April O'Neal doesn't fight the inevitable.
File:FMA_Rape.jpg|Rape plays an important part in [[animu]]...
File:moarkenshirobuttsex.jpg|...of practically every kind.
File:Foxbunny.jpg|Rape is even common in the [[furry|animal kingdom]].
File:Rapist_Extraordinaire!!!.jpg|Derik Millstead, an extraordinary rapist.
File:Jewfarckle.jpg|She is!
File:Reverse_necrophilia1.jpg|Reverse [[necrophilia]] or skeleton rape?
File:Fly rape french.jpg|[[French]] people like to rape gigantic houseflies.
File:Rapedemotivator.JPG|Here it is.
File:FalseRapeEvidence.gif
File:ManImprisonedFor28YearsAllegationDreamRape.jpg
File:UnderageSexSocietyDifferences.jpg
File:WomenLikeToBeRapedSoGiveItToThem.jpg
File:OrcaWinfreyRapeSchool.jpg|Bagging game at Oprah's [[South African]] Rape Safari!
File:rape.jpg|To obtain your own license to rape, please contact your local passport issuing agency.
File:areyousure.jpg|I'd rape her [[for the lulz]].
File:Doonesburyrape.gif|'Nuff said!
File:DOUBLE_RAPE_PARTY.jpg|Neither of the two parties were consensual. e.g. [[DOUBLE NIGGER|DOUBLE RAPE]] PARTY!
File:Bear rapes hunter.jpg|Even bears love to rape.
File:Central Park Rape.jpg
File:GRAPE.jpg| gRAPE
File:Bobrape.jpg|Even in 90's shows
File:demotivator.png|It's not rape if they can't talk!
File:You cant escape the rape.gif|[[Chris-chan|You can't escape the rape!]]
File:Coffing female rape.jpg|Pokemanz can rape you too. It's awwwwriiiight.
File:Raep macro.jpg|The ultimate secret all-time female fantasy.
File:Medieval rape.jpg|Rape has existed since medieval times, and [[sick fuck]]s still find it funny!
File:bad idea is bad.jpg|[[Lion]] rape is important in every culture
File:Tiger pig leather3.jpg|If only spotting a rapist was this easy.
File:Itsnotrape.jpg|Not rape at all
File:Bambi gets raped by hunter.jpg|[[disney|Bambi]] gets raped.
File:Asians and deer.jpg|Raping [[beastiality|a deer]] and [[azn]] seem the same when running at full speed.
File:Lesnarraep.jpg
File:Run-bitch-run.jpg
File:Pyramid_head_raep_tiem.jpg
File:Blackrapeberry.jpg|Rape is much funnier when you record it on your mobile phone
File:BigBenRape.jpg|White? Quarterback? Championships? No charges will be filed.
File:Cera rape victim.jpg|Even awkward, quirky Hollywood celebrities get in on the fun!
File:rapefruit.jpg|Mmmm...
File:TypicalRussian.jpg|Proof that all Russians are rapists.
File:Ohdamnbastards.jpg|Either before or after a raping party, never forget to celebrate!
File:Randomdce drops himself in it.jpg|Inadvertantly letting all your friends on [[Facebook]] know that you use Google to look up and fap to 'rape' is probably not the best thing to do.
File:Dildogun.jpg|Use this to rape at long range.
File:Mel Gibson Girl Rape.jpg|[[Mel Gibson]] on rape.
File:FAGTRAINUNDER.gif|[[Man Train|Perpetual rape machine]].
File:Chandler pyramid head.jpg|[[Chris Chan]] is pyramid head.
File:RealMenDoIt001.jpg| Wow, she's calling you out as a pussy for not raping, like a real man.
File:Rule34AMD.JPG| AMD CPU always feature auto-rape.
File:Rape-Ayumi.jpg|Life's tough choices.
File:drunkgirl.jpg
File:MagicalKeyboard.png|You wish.
File:Justin_Bieber_-_Rape_Happens_For_A_Reason.jpg|Justin says you were raped for a [[asking for it|reason]]!
File:Wape.jpg|Even Elmer Fudd wants to get his wape on.
File:Rapecat.jpg
File:BabyRape.jpg
File:David Bowie Rapist.jpg|[http://therealsgm.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/dickheaddetox-david-bowie-jimmy-page.html Fun Fact: David Bowie is actually a rapist and a pedo.]
File:Multirape.jpg
File:Rape parrot.jpg
File:CCSU_Op_Editor_Calls_Rape_Magical.png|The international community of rape scholars weigh in
File:Raperape.jpg
File:zed submit2rape.gif|This girl's taking the path of submission....and boy, look at her moan!
File:JailRapeTattoo.jpg
File:Rape_-_Elephant_Ass_Rape.jpg|Fun fact: Most large animals love to rape humans for fun.
File:Alcohol_&_Rape_-_Date_Rape_Countdown.jpg
File:How to stop rape.jpg|How to escape a rapist
File:Rape!.jpg
File:Rape-isnt-funny.jpeg
File:Rape.png
File:RapeDollars.jpg
File:RapeSpider_and_his_rapecannon.jpg
File:RapeSpiderirl.jpg
File:Rape_GOP_Scale.jpg
File:Rape_In_a_box.jpg
File:Rape_Just_Do_It.png
File:Rape_Origins.png
File:Rape_Rodent.jpg
File:Rape_by_Seth.jpg
File:Rape_in_a_can.jpg
File:Rape_is_NOT_Funny_-_WebComic.jpeg
File:Rape_is_like.jpg
File:Rape_motivator.jpg
File:Rape_of_Nanking.gif
File:Rape_utah.jpg
File:Rape_victim2.gif
File:Rapebot.jpg
File:Rapeconvo.png
File:Raped_3_times.jpg
File:Raped_also.jpg
File:Rapedcwc.jpg
File:Rapefalcon.jpg
File:Rapehimwithbans.png
File:Rapehouse.jpg
File:Rapeisnotajoke.PNG
File:Rapeposter.jpg
File:Raperodorepar.jpg
File:Rapes.jpg
File:Rapespiderdarius.gif
File:Rapespiderlikesjager.jpg
File:Rapespiderrush.jpg
File:Rapetastik.PNG
File:Rapetattoo.jpg
File:Rapetime.jpg
File:Rapetime.png
File:Rapist.jpg
File:Rapistinadress.jpg
File:Rapistsearch.jpg
Image:Melancholy_Of_Haruhi_Suzumiya_-_Rape.jpg
File:Atfirstrapelol.jpg
</gallery>}} 

==Quotes==

{{center|
{{morphquote|mq2|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
|There is no such thing as rape. Any female who leaves her rightful place in the house and the kitchen is fucking begging for cock in her holes. If she gets the cock she so badly is asking for, it's not fucking rape, it's a damn slut getting what she fucking deserves. Males still rule this fucking world. In most of the world, a fucking bitch can get killed for looking at a man straight in the eye.|[http://comments.deviantart.com/4/893139/292849343 A wise Tartlet]

|You should never rape anyone. Unless you have a reason, like you want to fuck someone and they won't let you. In which case, what other option do you have? How else are you supposed to have an orgasm in their body if you don't rape 'em... like [[wtf|what the fuck]]?|[[Louis CK]], explaining why [[women|people]] [[asking for it|get raped]]

|You shouldn’t have been a woman You shouldn’t have had a cunt You deserved it 'cause you’re a dumb cunt [Pre-chorus:] D-U-M-B C-U-N-T [Chorus:] You deserved it, you deserved it, you deserved it, you’re a dumb cunt You should’ve worn a chastity belt You should’ve volunteered to fuck him You should’ve been ugly I hate you because you’re a woman [Pre-chorus] [Chorus]|[[Anal Cunt|I Became A Counselor So I Could Tell Rape Victims They Asked For It]] [http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/analcunt/itjustgetworse.html#1]

|You just came from a Bikini Kill concert You felt like a strong independent woman Two guys were having a “rape the ugliest cunt possible” contest You weren’t a strong woman anymore [Chorus:] I’m glad you got raped You stupid dyke cunt I’m glad you got raped 'cause you’re a stupid dyke cunt I laughed as I watched him rape you Then I bought him a few beers Every year on the anniversary of your rape I send him a Thank You card, you stupid fucking dyke cunt [Chorus]|[[Anal Cunt|I Sent A Thankyou Card To The Guy That Raped You]] [http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/analcunt/itjustgetworse.html#12]}}
}}

==See Also==

[[Image:Dead2.jpg|180px|right]]
* [[Wikimania]]
* [[Almost Raped]]
* [[Rape culture]]
* [[You Gonna Get Raped]]
* [[Baby fuck|Baby Rape]]
* [[Josef Fritzl|Basement rape]]
* [[Battle Raper]]
* [[Justin Bieber|Ear rape]]
* [[Gay Rape]]
* [[GHB]]
* [[Determination]]
* [[Hawaiian Dicking]]
* [[Here Comes The Airplane]]
* [[Motherless]]
* [[Jackie Coakley]]
* [[Vigouroux|Not-Actually-Raped-I'm-Just-Whining-For-Attention Rape]]
* [[Dianne Thorley|Rape by 1,000 Arabs]]
* [[Patrick Hamm]]
* [[Rape Checklist]]
* [[Rape Clock]]
* [[Rape Kit]]
* [[Rapelay]]
* [[rape.sh]]
* [[B&]]
* [[Sleep sex|Sleep Rape]]
* [[YouTube Rape Video]]
* [[Burt Reynolds|Deliverance]]

==External Links==
* [https://www.theregister.com/2008/03/03/jimbo_wales_rachel_marsden/ Jewbo rapes Rachel Marsden hard core style, than he dumps her live on wiki-pedo-ia, then in return she sells his shit he left at her place on shitty ebay!!!]
* [http://www.queerty.com/disgust-4-teens-rape-classmate-with-hockey-stick-and-broom-20090511 Broom Handle and Hockey stick Rape]
* [http://www.lovepanky.com/women/dating-men-tips-for-women/what-should-you-do-if-you-get-raped-on-a-date What to Do if You get Raped - A Complete Guide]
* [http://www.oddee.com/item_98705.aspx Anti-Rape Devices list, As if that would work, Try them for the lulz tho]
* [http://www.change.org/petitions/petition-for-encyclopedia-dramatica-to-take-down-rape-page These folks are petitioning to take this page about rape down. Well, the only appropriate response to them would be DO IT FAGGOT!]
* [http://www.avoiceformen.com/feminism/study-reveals-female-rape-victims-enjoyed-the-experience/ Study Reveals Female Rape Victims Enjoyed the Experience]
* {{wayback|http://www.israpefunny.com|20131217024202|title=Lulzy hack of a well-known anti-rape site}} {{archive|MLlor}}
* {{facebook|ajkeith|If you're in Garden City hire this professional rapist for that bitch}}
* {{archive|9Ne60|According to Jordan Hoffman, buying tickets to a "women only" Wonder Woman screening is now rape}}

{{Trolls}}
{{sex}}
{{Social Justice}}
{{RapeSeries}}
{{timeline|Featured article August 23 & 24, [[2012]]|[[The Comprehensive Guide To Life]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Lunix]]}}

{{Timeline|Featured Article for January 2, [[2024]] and January 3, [[2024]]|[[2023]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Ass]]}}

[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Crime]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]

2023

2024-08-25T16:10:18Z

Sado: Undo revision 1888875 by Icewillow9 takes down ED (talk)

{{time}}
{{center|[[File:2023 in review.jpg|530px]]}}
With [[2020]] and [[2021]] being the ''worst years ever'' thanks to the [[Coronavirus|Chink-19]], and [[2022]] being the most brain-dead year, we really, really, really hoped that '''2023''' would be a good year, but <strike>>we can only wait and see</strike> it still sucked hard. Um, anyways - Here's a recap of 2023 for [[EDiots|our intrepid readers]]. So lettt's gettttt right into it!

And if you also need a recap of 2022, [[2022|click here]].

==January==

*[[Croatia]] fully enters the [[European Union|EU]] via €urozone and Schengen; A mass wave of [[scam|scamming]] due to the currency switch begins instantly.
*The [[ED]] [[Twatter]] gets B&.
:We'll be back on there, [[lie|eventually]]...
*A Basketball-American [[Nigger|nignog]] player collapses on the [[NFL]] field and Schizoposters blame the [[Vaccination|VAXX]]
*[[MediaFan2008]] gets diagnosed with a deadly condition, which [[some argue|we believe]] "[[dubious disclaimer|might be]]" [[cancer]]; Hey, if he does die, then we won't have to deal with him anymore.
*[[Andrew Tate|Retard Tate]] gets arrested by the [[Romania]]n police because of "money trafficking" and sex trafficking.
*[[Umkemesik]] gets ousted from [[ED]] after [[Discord]] logs featuring him lusting after [[underage]] [[feet]] are dropped.
*[[Brazil]]ians invade their country's Congress over [[Cunt|Jair Bolsonaro]] losing to Lula, similar to [[The Donald|Donald Trump]] losing the election to [[Joe Biden]].
:"DIS IS LIKE ANUDDAH JANUARY SIXTH"
*[[Microsoft]] kills off support for [[Windows|Windows 8.1]] and the Extended Security Updates for [[Windows|Windows 7]], forcing their users to upgrade to Windows 10 or Windows 11, buy a new computer, or suffer the consequences of using old, [[shit]]ty operating systems.
*Lisa Marie [[Elvis Presley|Presley]] dies at age 54 from cardiac arrest.
:"Nothin' but a Hound Dog" anyways...
*[[Logan Paul]] tries to "expose" Coffeezilla and attempts to start a [[NFT]] business, but ends up being a major asshole as usual.
*[[Alec Baldwin]] is proven guilty in court but gets charged with manslaughter.
*[[Google Stadia]] finally shuts down their servers after 3 years of shitfests.
*A 6-year-old [[Black People|Basketball-American]] child shoots up their teacher in [[Virginia]], USA.
:It's probably some kinda world record!
*[[7ols]] returns to [[Skype]] for only a few days until his mother [[lmao|took away his Windows laptop he got from college]].
*[[NBC|Peacock]] makes people pay for a premium service to watch certain shows.
*Some 72-year-old [[Vietnam]]ese blazn azn man named [[Powerword|Huu Can]] [[Tranny|Tran]] shoots up 10 people in [[California]] during a [[China|Lunar New Year]] festival.
*A [[Wario|Wario Land]] inspired game that is [[Fact|better]] than the former called Pizza Tower is released.
*A {{age|1998|1|9}}-year-old former [[YTP]] maker named Schaffrillas (Powerword: James Phyrillas), his brother Patrick, and his friend [[Chris-Chan|Chris]] get heavily injured via a car crash accident in [[Pennsylvania]]. His brother and friend die, but Schaffrillas is still alive and well as of this day.
*Former moderated .wil is elected to Faggot of the Year, and spergs out due to ego damages

==February==
*[[18-1|Tom Brady]] finally retires from the [[NFL]].
*[[Adezero]] and [[Conrad Alan Rockenhaus]] get kaizen fired over a [[porn|titty pic]].
*[[Turkey]], [[Syria]], [[Lebanon]], and other Middle Eastern countries face a big 7.8 magnitude [[earthquake]] & approximately 1,500 people die.
:A 3.8 magnitude earthquake was also reported in Buffalo, [[New York]].
*A {{age|1992|12|16}}-year-old [[Black People|Basketball American]] celebrity from [[California]] named Berleezy (Powerword: [[Germany|Berlin]] Edmond) gets [[b&|permabanned]] from [[YouTube]], causing massive butthurt.
*A stupid [[China|Chinese]] Spy Balloon flies over [[Jewnited States of Americunts|America]]. [[Redneck|South Carolina]] shoots it down.
:Other words: [[Fact|Americans are stupid.]]
*4.5 years after [[XXXTentacion]]'s death in [[2018]], his lawyer still decides to put the blame on a [[Canada|Canadian]] rapper named Drake, who also made a message video to [[Basketball|LeBron James]] at the [[NBA]]
*Peter Okoye gets butthurt over a [[Nigeria]]n singer named Seun Kuti all because he called Peter Obi an opportunist, massive [[lulz]] were then sparked on social media.
*[[Disney]] lays off 7,000 employees while announcing three sequels to already shitty movies.
*[[SNCA|Dhar Mann]] gets exposed for not properly paying his actors and employees.
*[[Twitter]] fucks their site up even more by adding tweeting limits and other bullshit.
:Thank you Elon, Very Cool!
*[[Linkin Park]] releases a new album to mark the 20th year anniversary of Meteora. The internet goes berserk about it.
*A big ass train in East [[Palestine]], [[Ohio]] carrying hazardous materials derails and explodes. Which caused the Ohio River to be contaminated.
:Just another average day in [[Ohio|le epic swag state]] I guess.
*David Jude Jolicoeur dies at age 54.
*It's that time of year where you will never be laid, [[Sex|Valentines' Day]].
*A [[Britfag|British]] [[16 year-old girl|16 year old]] [[Transgender]] teen named Brianna Ghey gets stabbed to death in a park in Cheshire, United Kingdom.
*3 students get mass-murdered and 5 other get wounded at the [[Michigan]] State University.
*Susan Wojcicki finally retires as the CEO of [[JewTube]].
:Sadly, Neal Mohan, a well known [[NFT]] aficionado, becomes the new CEO of JewTube.
*Our [[Discord]] Server got [[baleeted]]. <s>We will be back on there eventually.</s> '''Any "ED Discord" you see from now on is unofficial!!'''
*Nemao, a [[France|French]] animator who obsesses over [[Happy Tree Friends]] gets outed as a [[pedophile]].
*[[Japan]] finally raises their country's Age Of Consent from 13 to 16.
*[[TV|Teletoon]] finally shuts down, it'll become the [[Canada|Canadian]] version of [[Cartoon Network]] eventually.
*[[Dilbert]]'s creator Scott Adams reveals himself to be a homophobic, transphobic, [[Donald Trump|Trumper]], resulting in his comic being discontinued on newspapers.
:Leave it to the creator of Dilbert to find a way to get fired on his Sunday off.
*A {{age|2000|3|30}}-year-old [[Twitch]] streamer named Kwite (Powerword: Tyler Gadner Wirkz) <s>gets outed for sexual assault.</s>''' Never mind, yet another false allegation from an [[attention whore]], this time from a [[tranny]]!'''
*A fanbase for a shitty [[K-Pop]] band named [[SNCA|BLACKPINK]] from the [[Philippines]] drops a [[Thai]] member of the group named Lisa over a fucking [[cake]], potentially ruining her birthday and causing massive butthurt on Twitter.
*[[Genshin Impact]] voice actor Elliot Gindi gets outed as a [[pedophile]], causing his short-lived career to be terminated.

==March==
*[[Chocolate|Hershey's]] ([[Canada]]) decides to put a [[transgender]] woman in their recent ad campaign (for International Women's Day), causing massive butthurt; Whichs starts #BoycottHersheys to be trending on Twitter.
*[[Joe Biden]] finds himself in hot water after footage surfaced of him laughing to a mother who had her 2 sons die due to [[drugs|fentanyl]] poisoning.
:HOW WAS HE EVEN ELECTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
*[[Virtual YouTubers|Vtuber]] nobody Pikamee [[Retired|"graduates"]] because she got trolled by her chat for streaming [[Hogwarts Legacy]].
*The drug store Walgreen's stops selling [[abortion]] pills, causing a lot of butthurt women to rage, and take to [[Twitter|the only place of social media]] to start a boycott.
*Tucker Carlson of [[Faux News]] releases more footage of the [[Trump|January 6 2021]] incident; This causes it to trend yet again 2 years later.
*A documentary of [[Jared Fogle]] from [[Subway]] is made and released, which causes Jared to trend on social media yet again.
*The Silicon Valley Bank, the 2nd largest bank of all of America, collapses.
:OH NOES, WHERES ALL THE MONEY!!1!
*It's Saint Patty's Day again, time to get [[drunk]] as usual.
*[[Chris-Chan]] gets released from jail.
*Another attempt of a [[high score]] goes on at a school in [[Tennessee]] by some {{age|1995|3|24}}-year-old [[tranny]] "male" who goes by [[Audrey Hale]] (Aiden). Six people get killed.
*The [[Nintendo]] eShop finally shuts down on the 3DS and Wii U consoles respectively.
:"End of an Error"
*dropdatwat's article gets flushed from the Encyclopedia Dramatica database.
:One may be able to still find the article elsewhere [[dubious disclaimer|but who knows]]....
*[[Donald Trump]] gets [[v&|arrested]]. Good riddance.

==April==
*[[Andrew Tate]] gets released from prison and is now on house arrest.
*A 4.2 magnitude earthquake is spotted in [[Oklahoma]].
*A movie for a shitty decade-old kid-targeted vidya game named [[FNAF]] is announced.
:We're sooo doomed.
*A huge ass [[fire]] breaks out at a recycling plant in Richmond, [[Indiana]], which is almost near the state's border with [[Ohio]].
*Television cartoon show [[The Owl House]] finally ends.
:[[Fact|Thank God.]]
*Some 21-year-old dumbass from the [[Massachusetts]] Air National Guard gets [[v&]] for leaking shit from the Pentagon and posting the contents on [[Discord]].
:LOL. good try tho!
*Chris Tyson, a friend of [[MrBeast]], comes out as [[transgender]], causing massive butthurt.
*[[SuperMarioLogan]] gets busted for falling in love with his best friend's cousin, despite the fact that he has a fucking wife and child. He even sent [[porn]] to a [[pedo|minor]].
:We got another potential [[EDP445]] in our hands.
*April 20th, is always a very important day. Weed Day, [[Adolf Hitler]]'s birthday, the 24th anniversary of [[Columbine]], the 17th anniversary of [[Mitchell Henderson]] committing [[an hero]] over losing his [[iPod]], etc. Also YouTuber [[Illuminati|iilluminaughtii]] ruining her career within the span of the day!!
:Overall, a lot of great things have happened on this day.
*[[Tucker Carlson]] finally "leaves" [[Faux News]].
*[[Jerry Springer]] dies from [[cancer|pancreatic cancer]] at the age of 79.
:Shine on you crazy media troll.

==May==
*May Dayand notthing happens as usual.
:COMMIES: SEETHE!
*A video of a cat being blended alive surfaces OTI and causes massive butthurt, it was later revealed to be a [[Chinese]] person responsible for blending that poor cat.
:[[NEDM]] makes a sudden comeback?
*A 24-year-old named Deion Patterson goes on a mass shooting at a medical center in [[Atlanta]], [[Georgia]]. 1 die and 4 others get wounded.

==June==
*A Russian gets eaten by a shark and a [https://web.archive.org/web/20230609194539/https://files.catbox.moe/ieqmnw.MP4 video] of it is posted online.
*[https://web.archive.org/save/https://files.catbox.moe/5is0qa.mp4 A Syrian stabbed a bunch of kids] in a French playground.
:Being the cucks those Europeans are - they whimpered, moaned and cried trying to block him with backpacks, as he gleefully continued his spree with no guns or cops to be found.
*[[Theodore Kaczynski|Ted Kaczynski]] dies.
::The Industrial Revolution and its' disastrous consequences strike again...
*Treat Williams [[Dead|dies]] on a motorcycle after "doing a [[Gary Busey]]" into a Honda SUV
*A piece-of-junk submarine [[OceanGate|dives to visit the Titanic]] with 5 people and [[asking for it|implodes]].
*[[Cyraxx]] gets arrested for attempting to beat a troll with a baseball bat.
:As they say, [[Chris-chan#His facility transfer|a soul for a soul]].
*On June 26th - [[Ariana Grande]] turned 30.
:Hey, We'd still tap it.

==July==
*3rd - Reality hits make-believe when Robert DeNiro's grandson overdoses on Fentanyl-laced pills
*7th - [[Patrick Crusius|The El Paso shooter]] is finally sentenced to prison
*11th - [[Microsoft]] wins against the FTC lawsuit in it's acquisition of Activision-Blizzard, causing massive butthurt from [[Sony]] fanboys.
*11th - [[Charles Manson|Leslie Van Houten]] was released on parole after 53 years in [[prison]].
*23rd - [[Elon Musk]] completely shits up [[Waaaambulance|Twitter]] after buyin' it and changes the site-name to [[XXX|X]].
:A lot of users got confused (probably thinking Musk changed it into a porn site) and got pissed off about it.
*25th - Everyone's favorite [[Ireland|Irish]] baldie, Sinead O'Connor dies from [[suicide|An Hero'ing]].
*30th - [[Paul Reubens]], better known as Pee-wee Herman, dies. The wearing of ''The Rose-Colored Glasses of Nostalgia'' has people focusing only on his wacky comedy antics and conveniently forgetting that he was arrested for [[masturbating]] in a private booth at an "adult theater" , and was also later charged in 2003 on obscenity charges.
:He at least made it big in Hollywood, and still managed to ''keep his hands to himself.''
*Also on the 30th - Yet another [[terrorist|Islamic]] suicide bombing kills 63 people with over 200 injured.
:[[Fox News]] reported from Hell that [[Mohammed]] was "يسر، ولكن يمكن أن نفعل ما هو أفضل."

==August==
* 8th - On the island of Maui, [[Hawaii]] a wildfire destroys a small time town, killing <s>55</s> <s>93</s> 115 people, and leaving more than a thousand missing (probably dead.)
* 9th <s>- [[Lil Tay]], Internet influencer dies at 14.[[Pedo]]philic [[necrophilia|necrophiles]] are grabbing their shovels.</s>
:Turned out to be a hoax
* 17th - [[IShowSpeed]] accidentally flashes his [[File:Penisfilter.png|PENIS|link=PENIS]] over Chica from [[Five Nights at Freddy's]] during a live stream.
:It is said that many 12-year-olds were scarred for life that day.
* 23rd - Yevgeny Prigozhin is killed in a plane crash, either bombed or shot down. [https://web.archive.org/web/20230828185940/https://telegra.ph/Yevgeny-Prigozhin-crash-videos-08-28 The videos] are posted online for everyone's personal [[Lulz|entertainment]].
* 24th - [[Japan]] dumps a good piece of radioactive waste into the Pacific.
:[[Godzilla]] to appear IRL soon, from this incident?
* 25th - [[Donald Drumpf|Donald Trump]] surrenders, becoming the first US president ever to be arrested. kek.
* 26th - Bob Barker of "[[Game Show|The Price Is Right]]" fame and supplier of [[gaol]]-ware dies, aged 99.
:Bob Barker: Spayed and Neutered for the last time.
* 27th - In Jacksonville, [[Florida]], another white [[Nazi]] supremacist ,[[Ryan Christopher Palmeter]] starts a shooting killing [[coward|3]] before [[an hero]]-ing.
*[[Maddox]] releases a video “exposing” Justin Whang, and asterios kokkinos.
* 28th - Joe The Plumber is dead.
:Old Meme is <strike>Old</strike> Dead.

==September==

*1st - [[Parrotheads|Jimmy Buffett]], self proclaimed leader of the [[Marijuana|dope]] smoking, [[alcohol]]ic beach bum lifestyle is [[cancer|finally]] dead.
*5th
** Gary Wright, known for the pretty cool [[1970s]] song '''Dream Weaver''' gets to find out if [[Nihilism]] or [[God]] is the right answer.
** Mother Nature is pissed and spawns storm Daniel in [[Greece]], pwning at least 4.
*10th - Daniel storm continues to pwn at least <s>5100</s> 19,000 NPCs in Lybia. There are also 10,100+ missing probably dead NPCs. The Daniel Storm passed by on the 12th.
*12th - [[Apple]] unveils the [[iPhone]] X v5.0, which ''finally'' gets rid of their crappy cables and starts using completely revolutionary [[USB]]-C.
*13th - A 100-trillion-year-old [[bullshit|paper-mache]] alien "mummy" is revealed to the surprised [[spic]] public, despite it being made by the same faggots that fabricated another debunked alien stunt.
*23rd - A car bomb (probably from Al-Shabab) explodes at a checkpoint in Beledweyne, Somalia, killing at least 30 people.
*25th - In Iraq, after glowing up the [[bombs|fireworks]] in a wedding, somebody starts a mass fire and kills about 114 people [[Epic Win|including the newlywed husband and wife]].
* 27th - A new challenger appears!!!!, shot 3 people in a bar in Sweden.
*28th
**Again, Pakistan experiences another bombing, this time killing 57 ppl.
** Some troublemaker teen cuts the [[Shit no one cares about|Sycamore Gap]] and got [[party van|V]]& for being a massive idiot.
*29th
**In Ausfailia, a whale strikes a boat killing 1 NPC and injuring critically another
**Ethan Crumbley, the Oxford high school shooter, is sentenced to life in prison without parole.
::Hey, Ethan - [[ED|We]] hope you share your bunk with [[Bubba]]!!!.

==October==
* 3rd - Famous idiot [[IShowSpeed]] almost an heroes on livestream from [[Fail|attempting a science experiment]]
* 4th
** The host of the 2030 World Cup is officially confirmed: Spain, Portugal and Morocco with Uruguay, Argentina and Paraguay playing their ceremonial matches in their home countries with Chile [[fail|being left out]]
** Mother Nature destroys the world again (this time in India) and pwns 74 NPCs with flash floods
* 5th - Israel (for the 1000th time!) declares "War" on Gaza/Palestine
* 7th - Hamas, went amok at a kike music festival and IRL-bans more than 260 ppl.
* 9th - [[Shit no one cares about|Tatmadaw launches a bomb in an IDP camp and kills 29 people]].
* 11th - A 19-year-old [[Spain|spanish]] girl is killed by Hamas. Also, the Hamas faggots leaked their naked corpse for teh [[lulz]]
* 14th - An [[internet sissy fight]] between [[SSSniperWolf]] and Jacksfilms escalates up to a new level after she shows up to his house and reveals his [[dox]] to all of the public, causing insurmountable amounts of e-drama and [[lulz]]
* 16th - [[Tunisia|Tunisian]] played high score and killed 2 swedes and injured a taxi driver during a Euro 2024 qualifying match between Sweden and Belgium. He later made a video about hating on [[Idiots|swedish coran burning]]. Hours later, police raped him with bullets and died several hours later.
* 17th
** A missile is launched in a Gaza hospital and [[EPIC WIN|600]] ppl got BANNED.
** Some [[muslim|mudslims]] in different countries went amok proceed shit and fuck up several embassies. Also, Lebanon ppl shitted up the US embassy.
* 23rd - [[Shit no one cares about|A train crash in the city of Bangladesh leaves 17 dead]]
* 25th - A man ([[Powerword|Robert Card]]) went amok in a city in [[Maine]], killing 18 and injuring about 13. It is currently the new [[Epic Win|high score of the year]].
* 27th - [[Robert Card]], the man behind the previously-mentioned Lewiston shootings, is found [[An hero|an heroed]] in the nearby woods of Lisbon.
*29th -'''[[wikipedia:2023 Ybor City shooting|2023 Halloween shooting]]''', After Robbie's Lulzfest, another lUser, with the name of Tyrell Stephen Phillips, pwns 2 ppl and wounds 18 others in a fight.
* 31st - IT IS HALLOWEEN, MY DUDES!!!

==November==
*3rd - In [[China|Nepal]], a magnitude 5.6 earthquake pwns 157 and destroys many mountain houses.
*9th
** [[Omegle]] is taken out back and shot by its very own site admins. Motive: Fear of incoming Internet [[Censorship]] Laws, combined with lawsuits brought against the site because of fucking pedos mis-using the site.
** Somehow, someway, [[Boogie2988]] drags his name down the mud even further with his own [[emo|pity-party]] documentary.
*11th - Spic police arrests over 121 [[pedobear|ppl]] for illegal possession of [[WTF|500 Terabytes]] of [[cp]]. Good luck with [[Bubba]]'s prison-raep pranks!!!
*13th - Yet another [[internet sissy fight]] occurs involving SomeOrdinaryGamers and Karl Jobst going after [[gamer|gaming YouTuber]] The Completionist over [[scam|his charity]].
*23rd - Some random Brazilian in [[Ireland]] decides to shank 4 people with a knife. Ireland's people responded to the stabbing with "[[vandalism]]", the same kind of vandalism as seen in the USA's riotous response to the 2020 death of [[George Floyd]].
*28th - Some [[troon|game developer]] who created the indie game [[The Coffin of Andy and Leyley]] got [[Docs|doxed]] by some teens from [[Soyjak.party]]. :Of course, [[weebs]] and [[coomers]] alike got butthurt.
*29th
**[[Henry Kissinger]] dies at the age of [[At least 100|100]].
**[[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] goes down for 5 days because [[User:Kaizen|kaizen]] forgot to pay for the domain. When encyclopediadramatica.online became a parked domain, a bunch of autists forked [[EDF6|the forum]] at dramatica.lol; however it was short-lived as 1 or 2 days later encyclopediadramatica.online returned and the admin of dramatica.lol shut down his forum.

==December==
* 1st - [[Soyjak.party]] would strike again, this time [[pwning]] anime YouTuber and [[lolicon]] advocate Rev Says Desu on the day of his wedding.
*3rd
** Feeling the fade of irrelevancy, [[Hbomberguy]] would drop a three-hour long drivel over plagiarism, brewing up more [[lulz]] with many other YouTubers.
** on the Sane day, [[Maddox]] also finally rekeases his take down of the Mexican Jew [[Dick Masterson]].
** A new war is likely to begin between [[Venezuela]] and [[Guyana]] over pieces of jungle that include Jonestown.
*4th - [[Grand Theft Auto 6]] is ''finally'' officially revealed after [[at least 100 years]]
*7th - It is the [[William Atchison|Aztec school shooting]]'s 6th anniversary. Hopefully our faggot ex-sysop/jannie [[User:AlGore|AlGore]] is rolling in his grave now.
*10th
**Fearing the negative press from Jobst' and Mutahar's audiences, [[The Completionist]] would upload an official response, cementing his [[Video Game Reviewers|admittedly uneventful career]].
**[[Javier Milei]] officially becomes President of [[Argentina]] following his election.
**[[Hunter Avallone]] almost gets shot at by an ex-boyfriend of his now ex-girlfriend.
*11th - [[Shane Dawson]] outs himself as a [[pedophile]] by claiming that he thinks CP is sexy.
*14th - Fat [[redneck]] Hannah Payne is found guilty of killing a 62-year-old man who was a [[nigger]]. Got [[v&]].
*19th - YouTuber [[Dream]] uploads a spiritual successor to Kwite's video a few months back of dismantling and pointing out the fallacies found in the allegations made against him. Of course, mass [[butthurt]] ensued from [[no life|chronically online]] [[16-year-old girl]]s.
*21st - 24-year-old man named David Kozák [[Charles Whitman|goes amok at a university]] in the [[Czech|Czech Republic]], killing 15 people(+two alleged forest kills six days prior). He is currently the second person this year to make it into the [[High score|Top 50]].
*22nd
** Israel is estimated to have pwn'd around 20,000 Palestinians, nearly 1% of the entire population of the Gaza Strip.
** The 2023 FIFA Club World Cup finally concludes with Manchester City winning their fourth title against Fluminense.

==Gallery==
{{Collapsegallery|Gallery of {{PAGENAME}}|cg1|center|<gallery>
File:Kissinger Rest In Piss meme.jpg|GOODBYE KISSINGER
File:PWH - kept his hands to himself.jpg|Pee Wee Herman passed away of teh cancers in 2023
File:Dracula flow pic.png|[[Dracula Flow]], an YouTube sensation in 2023...
File:Omegle shutdown - KYM 51c.jpg|Omegle also closed themselves down in 2023. RIP Omegle Trolling
File:Jerry Springer RIP.jpg|Jerry Springer, iconic trash TV host bit the dust. "Final Thoughts" indeed.
</gallery>|<gallery>
File:Uncle Ted memes RIP X-ed out eyes.png|Uncle Ted [[An Hero|checked out]]...
File:RS354 Beatles NAT Large.jpg|Boomer band [[The Beatles]] released their final song in 2023. Crazy inn'it?
File:Ken-barba-ad.png|Ken was the unsung hero of [[Barbie|The Barbie Movie]]
File:Ae-tan CakeReversed.png|ED turned 19!!

</gallery>|border=black|color=white}}

==See Also==
*[[nope|Need a recap]] of the previous year? That's ok, we have you covered anyway: '''[[2022]]'''
*[[:Category:Years|The "Years" category here on ED]]

{{history}}
{{Timeline|Dramatic Years|[[2022]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[2024]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured Article for December 31, [[2023]] and January 1, [[2024]]|[[Fishtank]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Rape]]}}
[[Category:2023]]

United Kingdom

2024-08-25T16:09:20Z

Sado: Undo revision 1888774 by Icewillow9 takes down ED (talk)

{{achtung|[[Brexit|The UK is leaving the EU!]] <s>But [[Scotland]] is leaving the UK and joining the EU!</s> lol keep dreaming SNPfags!}}
{{spoilers|Queen Elizabeth II is dead, ding dong the wicked bitch is dead}}
[[Image:Britfag.jpg|thumb|230px|Typical Briton]]
[[File:Morris dancers.gif|thumb|300px|In parts of Britain, traffic signals are worshipped]]
[[File:Hitler%27s_women%27s_hockey_team.jpg|310px|thumb|You're doing it wrong.]]
The '''Country formerly known as the United Kingdom''', also known by its full name, [[TL;DR|The Country formerly known as the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland]], and better known as the Divided Kingdom of Fail Crapton and Northern Terroristville, the Democratic Socialist Peoples Republic of Britistan and the United Kuntdom (UK), is a small turd floating in the seas off the coast of Europe. The natives are universally loathed for their rotten teeth and terrible women, even by other Europeans. National pastimes include wearing women's clothing, eating terrible food, bitching about the [[France|French]], going to Thailand or Eastern Europe to pump and dump cheap whores and venting suppressed military penis-envy towards the [[America|United States]], [[Russia]] and [[Chinks|China]].

National dress consists of bowler hats and smoking jackets which are worn even while bathing and swimming. Despite their history of epic military fails and lack of personal hygiene, they still believe that [[USI|they are the greatest people on the fucking planet.]]

Political opinion and culture in the UK, regardless of whether they are on the [[Communist|left-wing]] or [[Nazi|right-wing]], is best known for it's love of banning everything and anything and generally thinking that they can regulate and prohibit their way to utopia. This thinking has now reached a point where if you find yourself in the UK and you are wondering about the legality of an action, it's best just to assume that it's illegal. There is nothing that you can do legally in the UK that you can't do anywhere else, this combined with the fact that the country has no written constitution or constitutionally enshrined Bill of Rights, makes the UK one of the best examples of "soft core fascism" in the western world.

==Notable Areas==
[[File:Wicker man circle dance.gif|thumb|right|200px|Stonehenge, Wiltshire]]
The United Kingdom is divided into a number of smaller country-ettes, each of which is in its own little world. The imaginary distinctions between each pseudo-nation are painfully important to their denizens, mostly because it gives them something to preen about.

*[[England]]
*[[Londonistan]] ''the capital [[Shitty|city]]''
*[[Scotland]] ''also known as Northern England''
*[[Whales]]
*[[Northern Ireland]]
*Cornywall

==British Culture==
[[File:How British people talk.png|thumb|How British people talk.]]
===Cuisine===
[[Image:Crumpet news.jpg|right|200px]]
British food (with a [[Bacon and eggs|few exceptions]]) is notoriously bad. A majority of the food in the UK is tasteless, yet still [[fat|full of calories]]. This is generally because the majority of British folks (like the rest of Europe) would rather spend their time getting [[alcohol|shitfaced]] drunk every day than to be bothered to prepare meals. Besides, most British women can not cook anything other than crumpets or bacon and eggs, simply because food they try to make instantly violates 46 of the [[Over 9000|9001]] health codes in the UK.

It's unknown however whether the food they eat is a cause or effect of their notoriously bad teeth. [[Some argue]] a dreadful diet leads to tooth decay, while others claim that British dishes were invented solely to be eaten by people who obviously [[oral sex|don't give a shit about what effect it may have on their mouths]].

====The Effect on Teeth====
[[Image:Bad-teeth.jpg|thumb|200px|Genuine British Teeth]]
[[Image:British smiles.png|200px|right]]
[[Image:Ugly People 17.jpg|thumb|200px|right|authentic anglo beauty]]
The most efficient way to identify a Brit living in America or anywhere else in the world is to check his or her teeth. This form of identification only works outside the state of Kentucky. The absolute god-awfulness of their teeth is one of the few faults that the British will '''{{ZJYZ0|actually admit to}}'''. However, as with all things British, they manage to turn this into yet another thing to preen about. Brits do this by endlessly bitching that Americans care too much about teeth.

The lack of dental hygiene of the [[chav|typical]] UK citizen should not be dismissed as nit-picking just because, when compared to the rest of [[India|the world]], they don't seem so bad. Britain, after all, as a First World country and a major player on [[USA|the world stage]] should command [[shit nobody cares about|a modicum of respect]].

However, it should be noted that, unlike in America, dental care is free to people aged under 18; therefore, they have no real excuse. Oldfags must pay £16.50 for an examination and over £9,000 for actual treatment. The money raised by the dentists is invested in the [[irony|candy industry]].

===As Tourists===
[[Image:What defines a british person.jpg|thumb|Google is still accurate]]
When some [[troll|moron]] decided to build the "Chunnel" (a tunnel under the Channel that linked the UK with France) in 1994, all hell broke loose as the "Chunnel"'s sole purpose has proven to be allowing Britain's [[moron|hordes]] of perpetually drunk, violent [[caveman|soccer hooligans]] out of their cages to swarm onto the continent and wreak havoc. Granted, seeing as how this inconvenienced only the French, nobody else really gave a shit.
Much as they deny it, Brits are all mutts full of French, German, Italian and Norse blood, which, considering the [[batshit crazy|volatility]] of those races, probably explains why Brits are so all [[asshat|unpleasant]].

=== Climate ===
Rain. But not for much longer. Thanks to [[global warming]], when the gulf stream shuts down England will be treated to a climate more appropriate to its latitude, which is the same as that of [[Moscow]]. However since global warming is taking a fucking long time to get into gear, it still rains over 93% of the time. The chance of rain is statistically proven to be higher if the BBC says it will be sunny.

=== British Lifestyle ===
[[File:4984765+ 30775c038fda0f1bb2b552f88c2b1c8f.jpg|thumb|200px|GTA Britain would look something like this]]
Your typical British wankball will rise nice and early to pour a a gallon of tea down their ugly throats, and stuff some greasy breakfast into their mouth-holes, skipping brushing their teeth and a shower afterward, before eventually sitting down to glare at the rickety old movin' picture light box for a few hours before work. Typical morning programming will be the day's weather report of rain with a chance of terrorism, then to hear the countries national withered old couple Richard & Judy quickly whisk over some horrific international disaster, before moving onto something more light and entertaining, like an old lady in Dorchester who's renting out her vagina as a bed & breakfast or some shit.

<center>{{frame|<youtube>hAX6yi60OPY</youtube>
<center>'''Richard & Judy morning [[boring|borefest]] dubbed over for [[I did it for the lulz|teh lulz]]'''</center>
|border=blue|background=red}}</center>

Your usual British citizen will then proceed to get up of his fat arse and walk out into the cold dreary rain, battling the weather and sand niggers shouting about how they will kill everyone, to walk into a dull and depressive office building or factory. These gormless bum-pickers will then stare into space for a while, watching the British empire's already crumbled husk sink further into the ground right before their witless eyes. When their break comes, they will gather round to speak ill about other countries, including the British ones. The English will bitch about Scotland and Wales, the Scottish will spout some shit about how they'll become independent, the Welsh will struggle to blink and talk at the same time, and the North Irish will run quickly from the daily pipe bomb that was just thrown through the window. The women of the country will stay at home being ugly. Other activities include squawking to their equally unattractive next door neighbor, both looking like melting wax sculptures of Cilla Black as they gossip about how the man across the road is probably a paedophile, or smacking their tiny chav spawn who run around in the streets flashing their bums and flinging rocks at passers by.

Britons will spend their free time drinking themselves to an early grave. Once work is over, thousands of them from lower to upper class all flock like an avalanche of hobos to their nearest drinking hole. Activities in these places will usually involve chatter about the last football game and loud insipid conversations about bloody immigrants before they all glass each other into unconsciousness. The upper class isn’t any different, perusing piss stained nightclubs and bars, pouring ridiculously expensive booze into their mouths and shoving even more expensive weak coke up their nostrils. In the middle of drinking they will make their way to the Lou that consists of a trough, a sink, a toilet that hasn't been cleaned in months, and three urinals at which men will hock loogies (gob as they say) and spit it on the floor or the wall in front of them. They'll return to their festivities, after not washing their hands of course. All this in an effort to make the make-up caked British sluts that totter around the streets just vaguely fuckable. Then everyone wakes up with a hangover to another dreary morning and the cycle starts again. God save the queen.

===Crime===
[[Image:British Police.jpg|thumb|200px|The British police (Yes, they are this [[gay]])]]
[[Image:Bannedinbritain.jpg|thumb|200px|BANNED IN BRITAIN]]
Crime is the UK's second national sport (the first being [[Football]]), and this second sport is becoming ever more popular as, at the urging of legions of elderly, white haired, [[Tory|Tory-voting]] [[old people|old women]] who hate everything and anything that might resemble [[fun]], [[Government|Big Brother]] is banning everything. (Yes, they are this [[stupid]]).

<big><big>'''People and things [[b&|banned]] and forbidden in Britain include:'''</big></big>

#[[Guns]] (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#Knives (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#[[Marijuana|House plants]] (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#[[Loli]]
#[[Shota]]
#[https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/5291467/Profile-Michael-Savage-the-US-shock-jock-banned-from-Britain.html Michael Savage]
#[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/under-starter-s-orders-the-latest-weapon-to-be-outlawed-1947204.html Starting races]
#Street parties
#'''{{archive|4pjbU|Manhunt 2}}'''
#Cutlery (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#[[Mike Tyson]] (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#'''{{archive|66NqN|Fred Phelps}}'''
#'''{{archive|3YjqR|Guro fap fantasies about Girls Aloud}}'''
#Saying horrid things about [[Princess Diana]]
#[[The Human Centipede|The Human Centipede 2]]
#[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7885918.stm Geert Wilders]
#[[Halloween]]
#Football Hooligans (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/8484116.stm Shopping in your pajamas]
#[[Snoop Dogg]] (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#[https://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/Music/06/08/chris.brown.uk.ban/index.html?hpt=T3 Chris Brown]
#[[Trolling|Cyber-bullying]] (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#[[Hate Speech]] (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#[[Lauren Southern]]
#[[Martha Stewart]]
#[https://www.independent.co.uk/tech/giant-plasma-tvs-face-ban-in-battle-to-green-britain-1299665.html Plasma screen TVs] (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#'''{{Archive|rwjOP|Photoshop}}''' (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#[[Chris Morris]]
#'''{{archive|Pe4rn|Fire extinguishers}}''' (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#'''{{archive|2VEqa|Goldfish}}'''
#[[Testicles|Conkers]]
#(Possibly) [[Donald Trump]]
#Nuclear weapons
#'''{{archive|P6Zdu|Puppies}}'''
#[[Christmas]] (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])
#Celebrating the Fourth of July (Yes, they are this [[jealous|jealous of America]])
#[[You]]

[[Fags|Law abiding citizens]] are left to be [[ass rape|escorted]] while going to the market. This brings great [[lulz]] to [[Amerifags]] as they are all armed to the teeth, and help each other out more often than those dirty [[nigger]]s kill each other.
{{clear}}

==The People==
[[IMage:A_british_gathering.jpg|thumb|What happens when British people get together]]
[[Image:Queen nude stamp.jpg|thumb|Elizabeth II, by Grace of [[God]], of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Her [[Antigua and Barbuda|other]] [[Australia|Realms]] [[Canada|and]] [[New Zealand|Territories]] [[Queening|Queen]], Head of the [[Commonwealth]], Defender of the Faith]]
[[File:Woking 925.jpg|thumb|Public transport in Surrey]]
[[File:Weird british guy.jpg|thumb|The average British citizen; smoking a pipe and being faggy.]]

''UKunts'' are the inhabitants of the UK and are basically [[Europeans]] minus the class and culture. Besides ''UKunts'', other terms of endearment to describe the British are '''Brits''' and '''Limeys''' (if you're from America or Canada), '''Pommies''' and '''Pommy Bastards''' (if you are from Australia or New Zealand), '''Island Apes/Monkeys''' (if you are from Germany) and '''Goras''' (if you're from South Asia). Other words to call the British are '''Micks''', '''Paddies''', '''Scots''', and '''Neanderthals'''.

Like USA being infested with [[niggers]], Britain is also being infested with [[sand niggers]]. The first and most notable trait of the is their sense of elitism and entitlement - a leftover from an era when Britain ruled most of the world. Sadly, most of the British people, having lost their power, have not yet lost the feeling that they are better than everyone else. They also get wet dreams from [[Goatse|this]]. Most Britfags had their [[vagina|penis]] chopped off by their mother for getting their sister pregnant.

Despite the fact that Britfags think of the opposite they are actually much inferior in any way possible than other [[Europe|Zooropeans]] due to continuous race-mixing with subhumans and other genetic factors and culture.

Indeed, so far down the primrose path to genetic perdition is Britain that when neo-Nazis protest in town centers, they are harassed by [[Underage B&|15-year-old girls]] pushing a buggy full of niglets from having been knocked up by a pedaristic spade (an offence of statutory rape). Bystanders are so hypnotised by the ZOG machine that they stand and applaud while the neo-Nazi is [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3581295/My-daughter-s-mixed-race-booted-Moment-brave-mother-daughter-stood-neo-Nazi-protestors-advocating-free-white-Britain.html struck speechless with horror and flees, fearing for his own sanity.]
=== A Short List of European nations inferior to Britain ===

*[[Germans]]
*[[French]]
*[[Italians]]
*[[Austria|Austrians]]
*[[Swedish]]
*[[Norwegian]]
*[[Denmark|Legoland]]
*[[Finnish]]
*[[Dutch]]
*[[Iceland|Icelanders]]
*[[Belgium|Belgians]]
*[[Greeks]]
*[[Polish]]
*[[Irish]] (different from [[Northern Ireland]] for all of you dumbfuck [[Amerifags|yanks]])
*[[Estonia|Estonian]]
*[[Lithuania|Lithuanian]]
*[[Lesbian land|Lesbinian]]
*[[Latvia|Latvian]]
*[[Hungarian]]
*[[Sealand|Sealandic]]
*[[Switzerland|Swiss]]
*[[Serbian]]
*[[Spanish]]
*Slovakian
*Slovenian
*Luxembourgers
*Liechtensteiners
*Czechs

==Obesity==

UKunts are also famous for being extremely [[fat]]. The UK ranks at number ten on the worlds fattest country countdown, likely due to lack of exercise and high levels of crumpet eating. This is ironic, seeing as how the typical UK stereotype is that [[Americans]] are fat (not that many of them aren't, around 66% of Americans are obese).

==Ego==

The UK holds, without a doubt, the most annoying people on the planet. Everyone, from the 3-year-old to the ancient grandma talks in the worst accent known to man. Combining their terrible accent with how frequently they talk, they get the award. Most British, Irish, and Scottish accents sounds a high-pitched queef from a vagina that has been filled with cement combined with a retarded walrus with herpes in its mouth.

[[unwarranted self-importance| They have a syndrome, reinforced through education, parents and their fellow scumbag peers of being the best in the world because of a now long gone empire.]] They have not quite grasped the fact that all empires rise and fall, this false sense of importance constantly contributing to their image of being the [[lolcow|laughing stock]] of the rest of Europe.

Primitivity has to be considered. The UK is a slowly decaying country losing every possible form of human value. Their youth crime is one of the highest in Europe, and a charming night out will undoubtedly end up with a slap to the face and your phone stolen. Flocks of drunken [[slut|slags]] drift through the cold nights, clutching their high heels with one hand and straddling a cigarette with the other as they babble incoherently at passers-by.

Hypocrisy is an everyday part of life within British people. In the UK people have been brought up being told to not express their feelings and to be reserved. This hypocrisy often leads them to make jokes towards other individuals about what they really think of them; such hypocritical jokes being justified by the word 'banter'. British people find it very difficult to ever say to someone's face what they think of them, with their tiny little minds finding it difficult to comprehend actual empathy, they resort to this "banter" instead.

{{Quote| Haha yeah man, why are you, like, so fuckin' UGLY mate, haha yeah. Prat.| Decent banter}}

British are [[Jew|greedy]] [[brothel|shopkeepers]] who want Arabs to spend [[Jewgold]] buying their crap. But at the same time, they are too racist to tolerate Arabs walking/driving on their streets. Srsly they are grumpy about it and made this grumpumentary. They prefer the rich Arabs send in the [[Jewgold]] via mail order, rather than showing up in person. They believe they are being [[irony|colonized]].

{{frame|<youtube>JA_NoL9cTvk</youtube>|border=blue|background=red|margin=auto}}

Srsly tho, the vid above does show that Brits can be some of the greatest IRL [[trolling|trolls]] and provide lots of lulz.

==Chavs==
{{Main|Chav}}
[[Image:Taking dump in police helmet.jpg|200px|thumb| law abiding Briton (Yes, they are this [[stupid]])]]
Chavs are basically the [[Wigger|white version of niggers]], living off the state and smoking enough pot to turn your skin fluorescent. Instead of getting their pasty white asses a job or paying for their own home they would rather bitch about how hard their life is, try to rap, and spawn more children than [[Your Mom]], who will then live the exact same life as their parents with enthusiasm that makes Jesus cry. Such individuals are nonexistent in the rest of Europe, and these subhumans result in the English having a "hate syndrome" with one another, and no moral or dignified background.

[[File:Smokinglol.jpg|thumb|As seen in the above image, British women are the epitome of class.]]

==Things The British Hate==

#Practicing dental hygiene.
#Traffic
#The [[French]].
#Taking away the gallons of tea they drink everyday.
#The [[USA]].
#David Cameron.
#Eating good food.
#Sean Penn.
#The [[Germans]].
#Tipping.
#Piers Morgan.
#[[Cops]].
#The 4th of July.
#Saying something negative about the Royals.
#Children.
#[[Rednecks]].
#Tony Blair.
#Self-defense.
#Brussels.
#American football.
#The Scottish (which ''is'' part of the UK).
#[[Islam|Abu Hamza]].
#The Irish.
#[[Old people]].
#Halloween.
#The EU.
#[[Perez Hilton|Mario Armando Lavandeira, Jr]].
#Guns.
#The [[China|Chinese]]
#[[W|George Dubbya]].
#Toothbrushes.
#Toothpaste.
#The [[Scottish]]
#The Welsh
#Mouthwash.
#The [[Australians|Aussies]].
#Gordon Brown.
#Keeping sober.
#The [[Canadians]].
#Warm and sunny tropical weather.
#[[Shit|Hershey's Chocolate]].
#India.
#Themselves
#The [[Spanish]]
#[[You]].

==Famous Britfags==

*{{ytlink|S9-MmMvnwu8|SuprFgt}}
*[[CheekyBen]]
*[[Gary Glitter]]
*[[Gordon Brown]] - Ex-Prime Minister
*Deputy PM [[Nick Clegg]] & PM [[David Cameron]] — the first [[gay]] couple to be in office together
*[[Princess Diana]]
*[[Susan Boyle]]
*[[Tony Blair]]
*[[Jack the Ripper]]
*[[Margaret Thatcher]]
*[[Heather Howland]]
*[[UKIP|Nicholas Farage]]
*[[The Royal Family]]
*[[The Beatles]]
*[[Liverpool|Wayne Rooney]]
*[[Mr. Bean]]
*[[Gordon Ramsay]]
*[[Monty Python]]
*[[Gary Coleman|Sir Garrick Coleman of Stroke]]
*[[Soccer|David Beckham]]
*[[House|Hugh Laurie]]
*[[Rage|Russell Crowe]]
*[[Steve Irwin]]
*[[Kangaroo Jack]]
*[[Morrissey]]
*[[Jimmy Savile]] - If you are a Brit, there is a 2 in 10 chance that he has molested you
*[[Ed Balls]]
*[[Michael Ryan]]
*[[Derrick Bird]]

== History ==
[[File:Wicker man ritual.gif|thumb|Harvest festival in Derbyshire]]
[[Image:Union-jack.gif|thumb|220px|The Union flag]]
[[Image:English nazis2.png|thumb|220px|The Union flag according to /[[k/]]]]
===Early History===
Since [[before the Internets|earliest recorded history]], the evil [[ginger]] [[ebaumsworld|Barbarian tribes]] inhabiting the Kingdoms of [[Scotland]], [[Ireland]], and the Principality of [[Wales]] have been creating [[drama|havoc]] as a way to [[gangbang|gang up]] against one another.

Following the [[hangover|"Scottish Enlightenment"]] and [[slavery|Industrial Revolution]], Scotland became the world's dominant industrial and [[Pain|maritime]] power, playing a leading role in developing parliamentary [[demockery]] and in advancing [[Garfield|literature]] and [[TV|science]]. As hard as this is to believe if you've ever met a [[anus|shit]] eating '''Ned''' (as they prefer to be called), it may be explained when you consider that, like the Jew, the Scots are all [[Jew|skinflints]] when it comes to money.

Until recently, the Channel had kept all enemy [[i|invasion]]s at bay despite frequent 'pop-ins' from such diverse [[anon|party crashers]] as the:
*[[Roman Empire|Romans]]
*[[Vikings]]
*[[France|French]]
*[[Germany|Germans]]
*[[Denmark|Danes]]
*[[Norway|Norwegians]]
*[[Paki]]s.

However, most found the [[puke|British food]]--and obligatory [[piss|lukewarm beer]]--and weather to be so atrocious and [[snob|the people]] so thoroughly obnoxious that they would [[GTFO]] asap, leaving behind their cultural trappings, which the Brits then fashioned into a culture of their own.

===[[Epic Fail|The British Empire]]===
[[Image:Royals.png|thumb|300px|Which one of these crusty perverts is getting a blowjob from [[Madeleine McCann]] right now? SMS the number to 09011 32 22 to WIN! (*UK Residents only. Some conditions apply).]]

{{quote|"The sun never sets on the British Empire."|On 27 December 2008, the sun set on the British Empire at precisely 15:58.}}

{{quote|"...because [[God]] doesn't trust us in the dark."}}

After losing to some [[epic fail|closeted Frenchmen in the Battle of 1066]] and getting their asses taken over by the [[fags|perfumed fops]] of a foreign royal court, the British decided that it would be more fun if they were the ones doling out the [[faggotry]], instead of receiving it. Thus did the British [[attention whore|will to empire]]. There is no doubt this was the greatest [[period]] in British history and a victory for [[white people]] which would not end until the abolition of slavery.
[[Image:Wing Commander Roger Morewood.jpg|thumb|200px|left|This sort of man is why Britain was funnier than America.]]
[[File:British imperial officer uses bengali woman as transport.jpeg|200px|thumb|left|For King, country, and the lulz]]
At its peak, the [[old meme|British Empire]] covered over [[pwnt|one-fourth of the earth's surface]] and nearly one third of its population. Under [[The Royal Family|Queen Victoria]], the [[Army|British Army]] and [[drunk|Navy]] went forth to go where no man had gone before and kindly teach the filthy, godless natives--from the black person of Africa to the [[Jenkem|ripe smelling]] [[Indians|box-wallahs]] of India to [[rickroll|rickshaw]] pulling [[chinks]] of China--the wonders of [[whitey|civilization]] and the [[NO U|word of God]] using some good opium (and a lot of guns failing that). While they were at it, they trolled the fuck out of each nation they favored by making them convert to the British way. This included insisting that everyone drive on the wrong side of the road, speak [[Queening|the Queen's]] English and wear [[gay|suitable]] attire. They also installed bureaucracies in every government and private institutions that would provide enough [[bureaucratic fuck|red tape]] to ensure that the natives would never get restless, since they'd be preoccupied trying to throttle Gupta for having them fill out a form in triplicate to get a fucking train ticket.

[[Image:queenofengland2.jpg|thumb|220px|[[Winston Churchill]] showing his contempt for the British people.]]

Because the [[British]] have a long history of [[pwn|conquering]] [[n00b|helpless brown people]] in Third World shitholes, they have developed [[unwarranted self-importance|delusions of grandeur]] and believe that their empire was greater than it really was. It is a known [[fact]] that Britain's performance drops slightly when their opponents are other [[White]] people, apart from numerous British victories, which are nothing short of ownage.

Because of Britain's activities in sending degenerate [[DO NOT WANT|Irishmen]] to their colonies to fuck like beasts and [[New York|outnumber the local population]], resentment has been simmering against Britain around the world for some time. In particular, people in Africa seem upset about some [[shit nobody cares about|stupid shit that nobody really understands]] and some unpronounceable African dumbfuck word called apartheid, including the grandfather of the [[Barack Hussein Obama|President of the United States]]. [[Some argue]] that Obama, in classic black person tradition, will send his homies to pop a cap in the UK's collective ass as retribution for what it did to the father of the father that abandoned him as a baby, but this is mostly speculation.

===Decline===
Of course all [[win]] eventually turns into [[fail]] and the British Empire swiftly went downhill. The United Kingdom is no longer [[1337|considered an international superpower]] and the United Kingdom now spends its time split between trying to get [[chav]]s neutered and sending its youth to [[rape]] and pillage the [[Middle East]] at the request of its [[Fag|American]] cohorts because they [[Vietnam|fuck up without them around]]. Britons particularly despise the [[Israel|Israelis]] for their part in introducing their former King to Jew.

Ironically the UK is now trying to keep another [[EU|evil empire]] from taking over and ruining its ass. It's clear that the [[Nazi|Germans]], [[French]] and [[Dutch]] are just seriously jealous of the ex-prestige of this country.

==British Time==
[[File:Britfag Thread 7 Bong.jpg|thumb|left|Britfag culture.]]
[[File:Oi It's 7 Bong.jpg|thumb|A factual account of how the British tell the time.]]
[[File:Superior English Time.png|thumb|A rough guide to British time for any Americans.]]
Foreigners visiting Britain for the first time may notice that British people never seem to be wearing watches. Similarly, clocks are absent. This can prove disconcerting, until one realizes that clocks are, in fact, extinct in Britain and have been since the days of [[Bitch|Queen Victoria]], when they where hunted to extinction by [[steampunk|steampunks]] who plundered their innards to decorate their ugly clothes and fashion accessories with.

The only survivor of this nationwide [[holocaust|chronocaust]] is the huge clockface of the belltower of the Houses of Parliament in [[Londonistan]], affectionately known as Big Ben. It is thought that Big Ben was spared, not only due to it being too high for most to reach, but also because the immense size of its component parts made them unsuitable and impractical to attach to clothing, even for the most [[swag|ostentatious]] of [[steampunk|steampunks]].

Because of this, Big Ben fills a vital function in British life as it is their only way of knowing exactly what time it is. On the hour, whenever Big Ben chimes, an awed hush descends on the nation as every single Britfag stops whatever they are doing and listens intently, counting off the chimes on their fingers, before cheerfully and loudly announcing, for example, "[[U WOT M8|OI, IT'S 7 BONG!]]" for the benefit of those who might not be aware of what time it is.

Big Ben is to be destroyed by [[terrorists]] in the year 2020, as fortold in [[Alan Moore]]'s <s>graphic novel</s> movie, ''[[V for Vendetta]]'', plunging the nation into [[anarchy]] and confusion as to what time EastEnders is on tonight. In a desperate attempt to head off the fated catastrophe, [[David Cameron]] has devised a last-ditch plan to filter all [[internet|internet pr0n]] through BAE Detica blackboxes. Every fictional character portrayed in Britain will be interviewed to determine whether the sex she was having was consensual or not. Since when you think of it, sex is an adjunct to marriage, and marriage is a patriarchal institution, and therefore women are actually being coerced by a brutal economic system, any careful viewer should understand it is not. When every last man in Britain is put behind bars for three years, they cannot appear in Guy Fawkes masks and overthrow the government. Hmmm, unless the protesters in the movie were actually women? I never thot of that...

==How to Troll a British person==
[[Image:Chav.jpg|thumb|Say something nice about [[Tony Blair]].]]

*Although technically part of [[Europe]] (and a member of the [[EU]]) [[Some argue|some]] British people [[elitist|do not consider]] [[fucktards|themselves]] [[Eurofag]]s and will likely [[caveman|shove a broken bottle]] in your face if [[Americans|you]] point this fact out to them.
*Call them the niggers of Europe. You wouldn't be wrong in doing so because thats exactly who the British act like on holiday. They somehow can't keep their genitals in their pants or off their male friends proof: '''{{archive|WCVI3}}'''
*Ask them why they hate immigrants so much. Tell them that the immigrants coming in can only better the already extremely inbred British genepool and in the end possibly produce good looking British people for once.
*Say something bad about [[Princess Diana]].
*Remind them that Winston Churchill was legally American because his mom was born in Brooklyn, New York.
*Make jokes and stereotypes about the British which have not been used since the 19th century (see the [[English]] article for tips).
:*Bonus points if you constantly shout "BLIMEY!", "I SAY!" and "OH I DO BELIEVE I FANCY SOME SCONES!". This will cause the Brit to shit rage bricks. Watch out for his scalding hot tea.
*Make jokes about the Royal Family.
*Mention anything positive about the French.
*"Praise the Irish. Long live the IRA!"
*Tell them how you're [[American]] and how much more awesome [[Amerikkka]] is than Britain. You'll likely receive replies such as:
:*BOLLOCKS, I 'ATE THE BLOODY YANKS!
:*BLIMEY! WE 'AVE A YANK IN [[THE GAME]]!
:*GTFO YOU BLOODY YANK!
:*FUCK YOU YOU FAT FUCKING TWAT!
*Just know it will always have "yank" in it. Damn [[soviet|red]] coats
*Brits have got the monarchy, the US has the money, but I know that you wanna be [[DO NOT WANT|Canadian!]]
*English people hate foreigners, foreign languages and Americans, so trolling couldn't be easier! You don't even need to be able to speak a language, provided you speak fast enough in whatever [[Moonspeak|gobbly-garbage]] you're speaking, just play your role well enough and all the English people will do is just yell louder (because speaking slower and louder makes every language better).
:*Bonus points are awarded if you play a foreign hooker in Thailand or Amsterdam, so that your mark yells 'HOW MUCH FOR SEX?'
*If the word yank is used, respond along the lines of "Oh my, I haven't had anyone toss me off in awhile. Would you like to exchange [[twitter]] info and meet up IRL?" Most Britfags are homophobic and turning their gay little insult, into what it really is, will cause their puny minds to implode and the rage to flow.
*[[Truth|Point out the fact that they have no civil rights written down in any form of a constitution, and thus, have had their right to bear arms raped in an emergency act of parliament, just because someone shot a couple kids in a high school.]] Note that these members of parliament where probably elected to represent in ghettos they have never been to, due to the way British government is designed to rape immigrants. Also try and avoid the fact that their rights are actually present, just in a whole clusterfuck of documents as opposed to [[Constitution|one]], and that they are [[Irony|better protected by law]] from oppression by the [[W|political]] [[Obama|elite]]. Of course, they won't care to know about this. Why would they when they can watch X Factor?
*Run around and start screaming, [[Bullshit|"AMERICAN FOOTBALL IS THE BEST SPORT ON EARTH!"]] You will most likely be mugged and stabbed to death, especially by hooligan firms (which are mainly chavs).
*Let them know that even though the sun never sets on the British Empire, the lights in their cars don't work, thanks to Lucas Electric.
*Point out that two-thirds of the world's English-speakers are American, English-language culture is now dominated by Americans, and that the English identity barely exists anymore, having been mostly usurped and improved by Americans.
*Tell them how much the movie [[Mel Gibson|The Patriot]] is the greatest and most accurate war film evar.
*Explain to them that the Americans "save" them in every war and that they beg for our help.
*Bring up Gibraltar[https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/gibraltar/10236507/The-Spanish-must-take-their-hands-off-Gibraltars-throat.html][https://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/aug/19/gibraltar-dispute-navy-warship-westminster]

== Why The British Suck ==

[[File:British Soldiers.jpg|center]]

#They don't practice proper dental hygiene.
#They smell funny.
#It rains too much in the UK.
#They always whine about [[France]].
#They still have an outdated, insignificant monarchy that doesn't give a shit about how their country is run as they suck their taxes dry.
#They drink too much.
#They're the leftover, butthurt descendants of people who saw the fall of their long gone, once-glorious and power empire.
#They're the fattest people in Europe.
#They let a bunch of niggers, sandniggers and [[China|chinks]] flood their country.
#They're ugly and look inbred.
#They coax and pamper their killers, drug dealers and rapists while sending them off to holiday camps for 2-5 years or so.
#They bitch constantly about how violently gun-loving [[America]] is even though they have the highest murder rate in Europe with repeated daily stabbings, muggings and gang-rapes.
#They have Piers Morgan.
#They talk in all sorts of annoying accents that rapes the ears.
#They're still butthurt because they lost the American Revolutionary War.
#They created [[Harry Potter]].
#Most of them are [[Snob|stuck-up]] [[cunts]].
#They violently fight and kill each other over football.
#They complain about [[Americunts]] being arrogant and thinking that they're the best people in the world, even though they act they same way themselves.
#Their politicians are spineless pussies.
#Their police are also spineless pussies.
#Most of them have inflated, fragile egos.
#They produced [[Simon Cowell]].
#They have disgusting food which is considered the worst in the world.
#They produced [[Gordon Ramsay]].
#They produced [[One Direction]]
#They spend endless days confined in their bedrooms posting bullshit, trolling comments on their shitty, British-run tabloid websites like the Guardian and the [[Daily Mail]].
#They made Amy Winehouse.
#They made The Beatles
#They're political correctness's capital of the world

=== Britland is convoluted as shit ===

*[[Commons:File:British_Isles_Euler_diagram_15.svg|Euler diagram]]

It is no wonder that people don't know where this stuff is located (and funny that Brits get pissy about it).

== Videos ==
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>jBxC9O31TH8</youtube>
<center>'''The Antiques Roadshow is Britain's most British TV program'''</center>
|border=blue|background=red}}</center>
 
== Gallery ==
 
<center>
{{frame|<center><gallery perrow=5>
File:Britfag comic tommy cooper dies on live TV (april 15, 1984).jpg
File:Avon lady kills toyboy for pissing in her conservatory.jpg
File:Richmond golf club (london, england) - rules during wwii.jpg
File:British delicacy - gravy flavoured potato crisps.jpg
File:@Channel4News UK - mystery of why white areas have less crime.png|{{colortext|WHITE|Who's going to tell her?}}
File:Lutonthenadnnow.png
File:Meanwhile, in england.jpg
File:Shariahforbritan.jpg
File:UKverUS.jpg
File:Anglos Eat Babies.jpg
File:UKessense.jpg
File:Bob_grant_teeth.png
File:UK Cops Faggotry 238.png
File:UK Armed Forces Fagggotry.png
File:UK School Slave 2017.jpg
File:British cops sexually ahrassed by nonwhite scum.jpg
File:UKSS.jpg
File:UKUSlol.jpg
File:PolUKsum.png
File:Angloact.jpg
File:Godfrey bloom old school brit.png
File:Uk police priorities.jpg
File:Muslims 70% inbred in bradford uk.jpg
File:Britan Then And Now.jpg
File:Cops Swastika.png
File:Cops UK fags.png
File:UK Knife Laws.jpg
File:Briturd.jpg
File:UK Schlomo Anglo.jpg
File:UK Big Angloballs.jpg
File:Britanball Gun Ban.jpg
File:UK I was Like.jpg
File:UK Brexit Pepe.jpg
File:UK Polandball Toilet.jpg
File:UK Brexit reality.png
File:UK Queen MAGA.jpg
File:Watford gap, northamptonshire, uk.png|[http://www.streetmap.co.uk/map?x=458500&y=269500&z=0&sv=458500,269500&st=4&tl=Watford+Gap+in+Northamptonshire&mapp=map&searchp=ids {{colortext|WHITE|Watford Gap, Northamptonshire}}]
File:Police hit by "ooh betty" prankster.jpg|{{colortext|WHITE|Typical UK crime-wave}}
</gallery></center>|border=red|background=blue}}
</center>
 

==See also==
[[File:Omgbritish.gif|thumb|[[Typical]] Briton's reaction to this page.]]
*[[Abbey Road]]
*[[Britchan]]
*[[British Scum]] - A comprehensive guide to the 'people' of this [[gay|green]] and [[shitty|pleasant]] land.
*[[Britain's Got No Fucking Talent]]
*[[Brexit]]
*''[[Buck Bumble]]''
*[[Chav]]
*[[Cheeky Nando's]]
*[[Chuckle Brothers]]
*[[Daily Mail]]
*[[Europe]]
*[[Fat]]
*[[Keep Calm and Carry On]]
*[[Mornington Crescent]]
*[[Poppy Fascism]]
*[[Pussy]]
*[[Shanespannercock]]
*[[U WOT M8]]

== External Links ==
[[File:Framley examiner.png|thumb|right|150px|"Framley's Traditional Favourite Since 1978"]]
*'''{{archive|jS4us|A Guide to the UK}}'''
*'''{{archive|fKjCQ|British woman masturbates to death but the British way of death. Lolwut.}}'''
*'''{{archive|WCVI3|Typical British behaviour.}}'''
*'''{{archive|eyepv|Biscuits and nettles are considered assault weapons in Londonistan}}'''
*[https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/manchester-new-years-eve-pictures-10673770 Manchester celebrates New Year, very cool gallery of drunk britfags]
*[http://www.framleyexaminer.com/ ''The Framley Examiner''] - Britain's best local newspaper
*[https://www.bbc.co.uk/history/historic_figures/kitchener_lord_horatio.shtml War Criminal Lord Kitchener Horatio Drowned]
*{{wayback|http://encyclopediasupreme.org/pdf/Mahdishead.pdf|20160527111547|title=Lord Kitchener Horatio loved to dismember his enemies like Prophet Mahdi from 1896-1899 Soudan - UK War}}
{{Britfags}}
{{Commonwealth}}

{{timeline|Featured article June 27 & 28 [[2016]]|[[Mighty No. 9]]|United Kingdom|[[Rat]]}}
{{timeline|Featured article May 27 & 28, [[2017]]|[[ISIS]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Terrorism]]}}
{{timeline|Article of the Now September 8 & 9, [[2021]]|[[Supreme Court]]|[[United Kingdom]]|[[9/11]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article August 18 and 19, [[2024]]|[[Susan Wojcicki]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[TBA]]}}