Encyclopedia Dramatica - Things to revert [en]

JD Vance

2026-06-21T03:09:11Z

Omari81:

[[File:JD Vance.jpg|thumb|JD Vance in his earlier years.]]
'''James David Vance''' is a Palantir asset and our current vice president ([[Wikipedia:Age and health concerns about Donald Trump|soon to be president]]).

Recently he has been a figure of interest in the American political sphere due to being the vice president by God-King [[Trump|Emperor Donaldus I]]. Vance was originally a sternly never-Trump politician, even referring to Trump's America as [[Hitler|Hitler's]] America once. Donald Trump only chose Vance to be his running mate likely because Peter Thiel likely threatened to [[Thomas Matthew Crooks|have him assassinated]] if he didn't.

==Hillbilly Elegy==
His [[meme]]oir that he wrote in 2016, ''Hillbilly Elegy'', details much of his early life. Growing up, JD Vance was a lonely, lonely man. Throughout pages 179-181, Vance goes into grotesque detail of the secret, sexual para-relations he had out of desperation and frustration with an inside-out latex glove and his grandmother's living room couch cushions.

Other than that, his book also details his fatherlessness, his experiences with laying in bed smoking [[pot]] all day, the disgusting oral hygiene of the hillbilly race, latent [[homosexuality]], his neurotic, whore [[mother]], and his bad-shit [[insane]], gun-toting, hermaphrodite [[grandmother]].

==Vice Presidency==
In his vice presidential campaign, he has become most well known for calling [[Kamala Harris (prostitute)|Kamala Harris']] supporters "[[Childfree|childless]] [[lesbian|cat ladies]]" who have "[[fact|no stake in the future]]". Suddenly, a bunch of middle-aged women from [[Facebook]] and such who haven't had any [[dick]] since their teacher touched them in elementary school start to take up being a lonely media-shill with no purpose in life as a point of pride. He's also garnered controversy for perpetuating the idea that [[Haitians]] eat cats, which the cat ladies dismiss as racist because they're desperate for some black meat to eat their [[pussy]] cat.

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv| |background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>8eEz_oVNhak</youtube>'''<br>[[Trust]] the [[Israel|media]].
|[[File:Nick Fuentes Exposing JD Vance.mp4|560px|center]]{{glow|Just gonna leave this here.}}
}}
|border=#201f3a|background=red}}
</center>

==Quotes==
<center>
{{Morphquote|mq1|{{roundy|.9em}}background-color:white;border:.5em solid lightgray;margin:0 auto 1em auto;|font-weight:bold;

|At the time, the only thing I knew about gay men was that they preferred men to women. This described me perfectly: [[fag|I disliked girls]], and my [[butt buddy|best friend]] in the world was my buddy Bill. Oh no, I’m going to hell.|
|<small>I broached this issue with Mamaw, confessing that I was gay and I was worried that I would burn in hell. She said, “Don’t be a fucking idiot, how would you know that you’re gay?” I explained my thought process. Mamaw chuckled and seemed to consider how she might explain to a boy my age. Finally she asked, “J.D., {{ytlink|P3ALwKeSEYs|do you want to suck dicks?}}” I was flabbergasted. Why would someone want to do that? She repeated herself, and I said, “Of course not!” “Then,” she said, “you’re not gay. And even if you did want to suck dicks, that would be okay. [[God Hates Fags|God would still love you.]]”</small>|
|I remember stroking the whiskers on her chin and wondering whether God gave all old women facial hair.|
|Along with my abysmal school record came drug experimentation — nothing hard, just what alcohol I could get my hands on and a stash of weed that [[Gook|Ken]]’s son and I found|
|Half of his teeth had rotted out, and the other half were [[black]], brown, and misshapen, the consequence of a lifetime of [[Mountain Dew]] consumption and presumably some missed dental checkups. He was a high school dropout who drove a truck for a living.|JD describing one of his many step-daddies
|They’d buy two dozen-packs of soda with food stamps and then sell them at a discount for cash. They’d ring up their orders separately, buying food with food stamps, and beer, wine, and cigarettes with cash. They’d regularly go through the checkout line speaking on their cell phones.|description of the average hard-working, blue collar, Midwestern person
|I began to put on weight, and I was positively chubby by the time I started the fifth grade.|JD is [[fat]].
|We got on the highway, and I said something that ignited her temper. So she sped up to what seemed like a hundred miles per hour and told me that she was going to [[an hero|crash the car and kill us both]]. I jumped into the backseat, thinking that if I could use two seat belts at once, I’d be more likely to survive the impact. This infuriated her more, so she pulled over to beat the shit out of me.|truly a loving mother
|I leaped out of the car and ran for my life... I happened upon a small house with an aboveground pool... “You have to call my mamaw!” I screamed. “Please help me. My mom is trying to kill me.” The woman clambered out of the pool as I looked around fearfully, terrified of any sign of my mother. We went inside, and I called Mamaw and repeated the woman’s address. “Please hurry up,” I told her. “Mom is going to find me.”|truly a loving mother, part II
|Mom did find me. She must have seen where I ran from the highway. She banged on the door and demanded that I come out. I begged the owner not to open the door, so she locked the doors and promised Mom that her two dogs—each no bigger than a medium-sized house cat—would attack her if she tried to enter. Eventually Mom broke down the woman’s door and dragged me out as I screamed and clutched for anything—the screen door, the guardrails on the steps, the grass on the ground. The woman stood there and watched, and I hated her for doing nothing.|truly a loving mother, part III

}}
</center>

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|TylerRobinson-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:J.D. Vance Drag 1.png
File:J.D. Vance Drag 2.jpg
File:You should thank the president NOW.png|Now don't you forget.
File:Erika Kirk JD Vance Hug.jpg|Oh yeah they're definitely [[Sex|fucking]].
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="6"> 
</gallery>}}

==See also==
*[[2024 USA Presidential Elections]]
*[[Donald Trump]]
*[[Kamala Harris (prostitute)|Kamala Harris]]
*[[Mike Pence]]
*[[Millennial]]
*[[Objectophilia]]
*[[Tim Walz]]
*[[Vance Stone]] - Another Vance who was, conversely, not a very big fan of couches.

==External links==
*''[http://175.101.109.29:8081/newgenlibctxt/Hillbilly%20Elegy_%20A%20Memoir%20of%20a%20Family%20and%20Culture%20in%20Crisis.pdf Hillbilly Elegy]''

{{Politics}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:2024]]
[[Category:People]]

JD Vance

2026-06-21T03:08:19Z

Omari81: /* Gallery */

[[File:JD Vance.jpg|thumb|JD Vance in his earlier years.]]
'''James David Vance''' is a Palantir asset and our current vice president ([[Wikipedia:Age and health concerns about Donald Trump|soon to be president]]).

Recently he has been a figure of interest in the American political sphere due to being nominated as the future vice president by God-King [[Trump|Emperor Donaldus I]]. Vance was originally a sternly never-Trump politician, even referring to Trump's America as [[Hitler|Hitler's]] America once. Donald Trump only chose Vance to be his running mate likely because Peter Thiel likely threatened to [[Thomas Matthew Crooks|have him assassinated]] if he didn't.

==Hillbilly Elegy==
His [[meme]]oir that he wrote in 2016, ''Hillbilly Elegy'', details much of his early life. Growing up, JD Vance was a lonely, lonely man. Throughout pages 179-181, Vance goes into grotesque detail of the secret, sexual para-relations he had out of desperation and frustration with an inside-out latex glove and his grandmother's living room couch cushions.

Other than that, his book also details his fatherlessness, his experiences with laying in bed smoking [[pot]] all day, the disgusting oral hygiene of the hillbilly race, latent [[homosexuality]], his neurotic, whore [[mother]], and his bad-shit [[insane]], gun-toting, hermaphrodite [[grandmother]].

==Vice Presidency==
In his vice presidential campaign, he has become most well known for calling [[Kamala Harris (prostitute)|Kamala Harris']] supporters "[[Childfree|childless]] [[lesbian|cat ladies]]" who have "[[fact|no stake in the future]]". Suddenly, a bunch of middle-aged women from [[Facebook]] and such who haven't had any [[dick]] since their teacher touched them in elementary school start to take up being a lonely media-shill with no purpose in life as a point of pride. He's also garnered controversy for perpetuating the idea that [[Haitians]] eat cats, which the cat ladies dismiss as racist because they're desperate for some black meat to eat their [[pussy]] cat.

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv| |background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>8eEz_oVNhak</youtube>'''<br>[[Trust]] the [[Israel|media]].
|[[File:Nick Fuentes Exposing JD Vance.mp4|560px|center]]{{glow|Just gonna leave this here.}}
}}
|border=#201f3a|background=red}}
</center>

==Quotes==
<center>
{{Morphquote|mq1|{{roundy|.9em}}background-color:white;border:.5em solid lightgray;margin:0 auto 1em auto;|font-weight:bold;

|At the time, the only thing I knew about gay men was that they preferred men to women. This described me perfectly: [[fag|I disliked girls]], and my [[butt buddy|best friend]] in the world was my buddy Bill. Oh no, I’m going to hell.|
|<small>I broached this issue with Mamaw, confessing that I was gay and I was worried that I would burn in hell. She said, “Don’t be a fucking idiot, how would you know that you’re gay?” I explained my thought process. Mamaw chuckled and seemed to consider how she might explain to a boy my age. Finally she asked, “J.D., {{ytlink|P3ALwKeSEYs|do you want to suck dicks?}}” I was flabbergasted. Why would someone want to do that? She repeated herself, and I said, “Of course not!” “Then,” she said, “you’re not gay. And even if you did want to suck dicks, that would be okay. [[God Hates Fags|God would still love you.]]”</small>|
|I remember stroking the whiskers on her chin and wondering whether God gave all old women facial hair.|
|Along with my abysmal school record came drug experimentation — nothing hard, just what alcohol I could get my hands on and a stash of weed that [[Gook|Ken]]’s son and I found|
|Half of his teeth had rotted out, and the other half were [[black]], brown, and misshapen, the consequence of a lifetime of [[Mountain Dew]] consumption and presumably some missed dental checkups. He was a high school dropout who drove a truck for a living.|JD describing one of his many step-daddies
|They’d buy two dozen-packs of soda with food stamps and then sell them at a discount for cash. They’d ring up their orders separately, buying food with food stamps, and beer, wine, and cigarettes with cash. They’d regularly go through the checkout line speaking on their cell phones.|description of the average hard-working, blue collar, Midwestern person
|I began to put on weight, and I was positively chubby by the time I started the fifth grade.|JD is [[fat]].
|We got on the highway, and I said something that ignited her temper. So she sped up to what seemed like a hundred miles per hour and told me that she was going to [[an hero|crash the car and kill us both]]. I jumped into the backseat, thinking that if I could use two seat belts at once, I’d be more likely to survive the impact. This infuriated her more, so she pulled over to beat the shit out of me.|truly a loving mother
|I leaped out of the car and ran for my life... I happened upon a small house with an aboveground pool... “You have to call my mamaw!” I screamed. “Please help me. My mom is trying to kill me.” The woman clambered out of the pool as I looked around fearfully, terrified of any sign of my mother. We went inside, and I called Mamaw and repeated the woman’s address. “Please hurry up,” I told her. “Mom is going to find me.”|truly a loving mother, part II
|Mom did find me. She must have seen where I ran from the highway. She banged on the door and demanded that I come out. I begged the owner not to open the door, so she locked the doors and promised Mom that her two dogs—each no bigger than a medium-sized house cat—would attack her if she tried to enter. Eventually Mom broke down the woman’s door and dragged me out as I screamed and clutched for anything—the screen door, the guardrails on the steps, the grass on the ground. The woman stood there and watched, and I hated her for doing nothing.|truly a loving mother, part III

}}
</center>

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|TylerRobinson-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:J.D. Vance Drag 1.png
File:J.D. Vance Drag 2.jpg
File:You should thank the president NOW.png|Now don't you forget.
File:Erika Kirk JD Vance Hug.jpg|Oh yeah they're definitely [[Sex|fucking]].
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="6"> 
</gallery>}}

==See also==
*[[2024 USA Presidential Elections]]
*[[Donald Trump]]
*[[Kamala Harris (prostitute)|Kamala Harris]]
*[[Mike Pence]]
*[[Millennial]]
*[[Objectophilia]]
*[[Tim Walz]]
*[[Vance Stone]] - Another Vance who was, conversely, not a very big fan of couches.

==External links==
*''[http://175.101.109.29:8081/newgenlibctxt/Hillbilly%20Elegy_%20A%20Memoir%20of%20a%20Family%20and%20Culture%20in%20Crisis.pdf Hillbilly Elegy]''

{{Politics}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:2024]]
[[Category:People]]

File:J.D. Vance Drag 2.jpg

2026-06-21T03:07:55Z

Omari81:

File:J.D. Vance Drag 1.png

2026-06-21T03:05:33Z

Omari81:

JD Vance

2026-06-11T07:48:40Z

Omari81:

[[File:JD Vance.jpg|thumb|JD Vance in his earlier years.]]
'''James David Vance''' is a Palantir asset and our current vice president ([[Wikipedia:Age and health concerns about Donald Trump|soon to be president]]).

Recently he has been a figure of interest in the American political sphere due to being nominated as the future vice president by God-King [[Trump|Emperor Donaldus I]]. Vance was originally a sternly never-Trump politician, even referring to Trump's America as [[Hitler|Hitler's]] America once. Donald Trump only chose Vance to be his running mate likely because Peter Thiel likely threatened to [[Thomas Matthew Crooks|have him assassinated]] if he didn't.

==Hillbilly Elegy==
His [[meme]]oir that he wrote in 2016, ''Hillbilly Elegy'', details much of his early life. Growing up, JD Vance was a lonely, lonely man. Throughout pages 179-181, Vance goes into grotesque detail of the secret, sexual para-relations he had out of desperation and frustration with an inside-out latex glove and his grandmother's living room couch cushions.

Other than that, his book also details his fatherlessness, his experiences with laying in bed smoking [[pot]] all day, the disgusting oral hygiene of the hillbilly race, latent [[homosexuality]], his neurotic, whore [[mother]], and his bad-shit [[insane]], gun-toting, hermaphrodite [[grandmother]].

==Vice Presidency==
In his vice presidential campaign, he has become most well known for calling [[Kamala Harris (prostitute)|Kamala Harris']] supporters "[[Childfree|childless]] [[lesbian|cat ladies]]" who have "[[fact|no stake in the future]]". Suddenly, a bunch of middle-aged women from [[Facebook]] and such who haven't had any [[dick]] since their teacher touched them in elementary school start to take up being a lonely media-shill with no purpose in life as a point of pride. He's also garnered controversy for perpetuating the idea that [[Haitians]] eat cats, which the cat ladies dismiss as racist because they're desperate for some black meat to eat their [[pussy]] cat.

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv| |background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>8eEz_oVNhak</youtube>'''<br>[[Trust]] the [[Israel|media]].
|[[File:Nick Fuentes Exposing JD Vance.mp4|560px|center]]{{glow|Just gonna leave this here.}}
}}
|border=#201f3a|background=red}}
</center>

==Quotes==
<center>
{{Morphquote|mq1|{{roundy|.9em}}background-color:white;border:.5em solid lightgray;margin:0 auto 1em auto;|font-weight:bold;

|At the time, the only thing I knew about gay men was that they preferred men to women. This described me perfectly: [[fag|I disliked girls]], and my [[butt buddy|best friend]] in the world was my buddy Bill. Oh no, I’m going to hell.|
|<small>I broached this issue with Mamaw, confessing that I was gay and I was worried that I would burn in hell. She said, “Don’t be a fucking idiot, how would you know that you’re gay?” I explained my thought process. Mamaw chuckled and seemed to consider how she might explain to a boy my age. Finally she asked, “J.D., {{ytlink|P3ALwKeSEYs|do you want to suck dicks?}}” I was flabbergasted. Why would someone want to do that? She repeated herself, and I said, “Of course not!” “Then,” she said, “you’re not gay. And even if you did want to suck dicks, that would be okay. [[God Hates Fags|God would still love you.]]”</small>|
|I remember stroking the whiskers on her chin and wondering whether God gave all old women facial hair.|
|Along with my abysmal school record came drug experimentation — nothing hard, just what alcohol I could get my hands on and a stash of weed that [[Gook|Ken]]’s son and I found|
|Half of his teeth had rotted out, and the other half were [[black]], brown, and misshapen, the consequence of a lifetime of [[Mountain Dew]] consumption and presumably some missed dental checkups. He was a high school dropout who drove a truck for a living.|JD describing one of his many step-daddies
|They’d buy two dozen-packs of soda with food stamps and then sell them at a discount for cash. They’d ring up their orders separately, buying food with food stamps, and beer, wine, and cigarettes with cash. They’d regularly go through the checkout line speaking on their cell phones.|description of the average hard-working, blue collar, Midwestern person
|I began to put on weight, and I was positively chubby by the time I started the fifth grade.|JD is [[fat]].
|We got on the highway, and I said something that ignited her temper. So she sped up to what seemed like a hundred miles per hour and told me that she was going to [[an hero|crash the car and kill us both]]. I jumped into the backseat, thinking that if I could use two seat belts at once, I’d be more likely to survive the impact. This infuriated her more, so she pulled over to beat the shit out of me.|truly a loving mother
|I leaped out of the car and ran for my life... I happened upon a small house with an aboveground pool... “You have to call my mamaw!” I screamed. “Please help me. My mom is trying to kill me.” The woman clambered out of the pool as I looked around fearfully, terrified of any sign of my mother. We went inside, and I called Mamaw and repeated the woman’s address. “Please hurry up,” I told her. “Mom is going to find me.”|truly a loving mother, part II
|Mom did find me. She must have seen where I ran from the highway. She banged on the door and demanded that I come out. I begged the owner not to open the door, so she locked the doors and promised Mom that her two dogs—each no bigger than a medium-sized house cat—would attack her if she tried to enter. Eventually Mom broke down the woman’s door and dragged me out as I screamed and clutched for anything—the screen door, the guardrails on the steps, the grass on the ground. The woman stood there and watched, and I hated her for doing nothing.|truly a loving mother, part III

}}
</center>

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|TylerRobinson-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:You should thank the president NOW.png|Now don't you forget.
File:Erika Kirk JD Vance Hug.jpg|Oh yeah they're definitely [[Sex|fucking]].
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="6"> 
</gallery>}}

==See also==
*[[2024 USA Presidential Elections]]
*[[Donald Trump]]
*[[Kamala Harris (prostitute)|Kamala Harris]]
*[[Mike Pence]]
*[[Millennial]]
*[[Objectophilia]]
*[[Tim Walz]]
*[[Vance Stone]] - Another Vance who was, conversely, not a very big fan of couches.

==External links==
*''[http://175.101.109.29:8081/newgenlibctxt/Hillbilly%20Elegy_%20A%20Memoir%20of%20a%20Family%20and%20Culture%20in%20Crisis.pdf Hillbilly Elegy]''

{{Politics}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:2024]]
[[Category:People]]

File:Erika Kirk JD Vance Hug.jpg

2026-06-11T07:47:00Z

Omari81:

File:Nick Fuentes Exposing JD Vance.mp4

2026-06-11T07:40:01Z

Omari81:

Cole Allen

2026-06-11T07:18:17Z

Omari81: /* Gallery */ i know he wasnt a rupnow copycat but its funnier to say he was

{{DISPLAYTITLE:{{glow|{{PAGENAME}}}}}}
{{conspiracy}}
{{achtung|LOLOLOLOLOLOL THEY MISSED AGAIN}}
{{aroundblacks}}
{{ib|[[File:Cole Allen.jpg|300px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''{{glow|Cole Allen}}'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|April 11, 1995 ({{age|1995|4|11}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[California|Commiefornian]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Injured 1}}
{{ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|FUCK NO!}}
{{ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, [[v&]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[Trump Derangement Syndrome]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''{{glow|Cole Tomas Allen}}''' is yet another piece of evidence that [[niggers]] are not to be trusted with firearms. This <s>agent provocateur asset</s> [[ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT|Pulp Fiction]] wannabe attempted to assassinate [[The Donald]] while he was hosting a [[fatass|dinner]] at the Washington Hilton in [[Washington, D.C.]]

==Background==
Cole was born on April 11, 1995 in [[California]]. He likely peaked in his university's [[Actor|theatre class]], cuz he looks like Daveed Diggs and got a job in education. He developed a video game called Bohrdom (this nigga can't even spell). He also [[Manchild|lived with his parents]]. After realizing that he pretty much had no life, he decided to throw it all away by [[Retard|blaming it all on Trump]] and travel several hours to Washington, D.C. to [[Psychopath|kill him]].

==The Shooting==
On April 25, 2026, Cole arrived at a hotel in Washington, D.C., gathered his weapons, and took a photo of himself standing in front of a mirror before sending his family his manifesto. In the manifesto, he calls Trump a [[pedo]], [[rapist]], and a [[racist]], and talks about other lefty topics like [[Emily Youcis|Will Stancil]] and [[Hasan Piker]], the latter of which he doesn't like. He also calls himself the "[[Cringe|Coldforce Friendly Federal Assassin]]", saying that he's going to kill Trump and every member of his cabinet {{glow|except FBI director Kash Patel}}, before becoming [[an hero]]. Family members immediately called the police, but it was already too late, as Cole had already headed out to fulfill his destiny.

Once he arrived, he was confronted by security near the main metal detector screening area of the Washington Hilton. He suddenly felt the spirit of [[Naruto]] inside him, telling him to run past the security checkpoint and take out any guards who come near him, so he did. Secret Service agents immediately ran towards him, but he [[Counter troll|fired back]]. He probably would've made it to the ballroom where Trump was if he didn't [[Idiot|trip and fall]]. He was immediately tackled, arrested, and taken into custody.

==Trial==
He was charged with attempting to kill Trump, which he pleaded not guilty to despite the mountain of evidence against him.

==Loadout==
<div align="center">
{|class="wikitable" width="40%"
!colspan="2"|Class Setup
|-
!Item
!Accessories/Bonus
|-
|
*'''Primary''': 12-gauge Maverick shotgun
[[File:Firearm used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 60~130 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Secondary''': Armscor Precision .38 semi-automatic pistol
[[File:Rock Island Armory 1911 .38 caliber pistol used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 19~25 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Tertiary''': Multiple knives
[[File:GTA4IconsKnife.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 30 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Spell''': Nigger
[[File:Blacksrelax.jpg|70px|center]]
|
*'''Double damage against [[White Devils]].'''
|}
</div>

==Graded Score==
{{GradedScore|[[Epic Fail|0]]|[[Epic Fail|Didn't even get near his target]]|0|Only shot a Secret Service agent.|15|At least he had the balls to run past the security.|15|Got a lot of attention despite not reaching his target.|0|For being a [[niggers|nigger with rage]].|30|E|At least you did better than [[Ryan Routh]].}}

{{Wanted|4}}

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv| |background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;
|[[File:8900987-90a37390c0bacced0e921c715a214e0f.mp4|560px|center]]
|<youtube>jMuhRlqHYEU</youtube>'''<br>You're telling me, pal.
|[[File:Cole Allen Gassy.mp4|560px|center]]'''When you help the government stage an assassination attempt so you get to live the rest of your life in exile on a tropical island:'''
|<youtube>vDo6nGP55QM</youtube>'''<br>Gameplay video of Bohrdom, the game he developed'''
}}
|border=#201f3a|background=red}}
</center>

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|ColeAllen-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Bro is not Natalie Rupnow.png|[[Natalie Rupnow|She]] ain't gonna pick you in the afterlife, bro. She's already getting [[BLACKED]] by [[Solomon Henderson|someone else]].
File:Cole Allen BLACKED.png|But hey! Your cellmate [[Bubba]] is always looking for a new [[Rape|plaything]].
File:Cole Tomas Allen Meme.jpg|Aw, [[Crybaby|boo hoo]].
File:Cole Allen Prediction.png|{{twitter|HenryMa79561893/status/1738018409441308955|Hmmm...}}
File:Cole Allen In Prison Be Like.jpeg|The face he's gonna make while getting raped in the prison showers.
File:Cole Allen Naruto.jpeg|He really was the [[BLACK MAN|black flash]] of the Hidden Leaf...
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:colepix.png
File:colekiss.png|Yea kiss that floor you know you like it...
File:ColeAllenFloyd.jpeg
File:Cole Allen as baby.jpg|Aww, he'll grow up to be a great {{glow|[[v&|federal asset]]}}!
File:Cole Allen with family.jpg
</gallery>}}

==See Also==
*[[Aaron Alexis]] - The better [[Washington, D.C.]] nigger shooter by quite a wide margin.
*[[John Hinckley Jr.]] - Also tried assassinating the president at Washington Hilton.
*{{glow|[[Thomas Matthew Crooks]]}}, {{glow|[[Ryan Routh]]}} - His predecessors.
*{{glow|[[Tyler Robinson]]}} - Actually succeeded.

==External Links==
*{{Wikilink|2026_White_House_Correspondents'_Dinner_shooting|TOW coverage}}
*{{WPD|h/social/post/490620/megathread-shots-fired-during-president-donald|WPD coverage}}
*{{Steamgame|945530/Bohrdom/|Bohrdom, a game he developed}}
*'''[[Cole Allen/Manifesto|His manifesto]]''' {{Wayback|https://nypost.com/2026/04/26/us-news/read-whcd-gunman-cole-allens-full-anti-trump-manifesto/|20260430031814}}

{{Truth}}
{{Afro}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Gun control}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Serious}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Niggers]]
[[Category:2026]]
[[category:Murder]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Politics]]

Herbert Hoover

2026-05-25T04:31:36Z

Omari81:

{{quote|Economic depression can not be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement.|Yeah, [[Truth|you don't say]].}}
[[File:Herbert Hoover.jpg|thumb|Hey liberals, check this out! *[[Bruh|crashes the stock market]]*]]
'''[[Family Guy|Herbert]] Clark Hoover''' was the <s>Chinese asset</s> man known for ruining more lives than the ''[[Philadelphia|It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia]]'' gang. That, and for being mentioned in Home Alone 2. He was elected president in 1928 because his campaign aimed for a "final triumph over poverty". Ironically the stock market crashed a few months later and he never bothered to fix it, leading to the [[Sad|Great Depression]]. He was so bad, everyone calls his successor FDR one of the best presidents ever just for undoing what he did.

==Life==
He was born in [[Iowa]], the swing state of [[Ironic|every terrible election]], to a family of [[White Trash|Quakers]], all of whom died when he was a toddler. He [[Retard|dropped out of school]] at age 14. He became a millionaire later in life by [[Communist|working for China]]. When WWI broke out, he began working for the Woodrow Wilson administration. He was Secretary of Commerce from 1921 to 1928. He decided to run for president in the 1928 election and won in a landslide, despite oppositions warning he was [[probably]] a European asset. [[Ironic|Funnily enough, every country outside of the US that he visited during his presidency found him a great president.]]

A few months into his presidency, he decided the only way to own the libs was to crash the stock market. During the Great Depression, he became so unpopular that people threw rotten food at him in the streets wherever he traveled. His last name also became a term for poor cities in the US for a while. Despite this, he had the balls to run for re-election in 1932 and lost in a landslide to FDR. Throughout his life afterwards, his only friend was the president that nuked [[Japan]] during WWII. When his presidential library opened in 1962, almost no one went there. He died at age 90 from internal bleeding, though it was probably [[An hero|self-inflicted]].

<center><youtube>https://youtu.be/NyCHhhSdtvo</youtube></center>

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|Hoover-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Hoover Stonks.png
File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|"Herbert Hoover, dead at age 90"
</gallery>}}

{{lulzhistory}}
{{Politics}}

[[Category:People|Hoover, Herbert]]

Herbert Hoover

2026-05-25T04:29:45Z

Omari81:

{{quote|Economic depression can not be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement.|Yeah, [[Truth|you don't say]].}}
[[File:Herbert Hoover.jpg|thumb|Hey liberals, check this out! *[[Bruh|crashes the stock market]]*]]
'''[[Family Guy|Herbert]] Clark Hoover''' was the <s>Chinese asset</s> man known for ruining more lives than the ''[[Philadelphia|It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia]]'' gang. That, and for being mentioned in Home Alone 2. He was elected president in 1928 because his campaign aimed for a "final triumph over poverty". Ironically the stock market crashed a few months later and he never bothered to fix it, leading to the [[Sad|Great Depression]]. He was so bad, everyone calls his successor FDR one of the best presidents ever just for undoing what he did.

==Life==
He was born in [[Iowa]], the swing state of [[Ironic|every terrible election]], to a family of [[White Trash|Quakers]], all of whom died when he was a toddler. He [[Retard|dropped out of school]] at age 14. He became a millionaire later in life by [[Communist|working for China]]. When WWI broke out, he began working for the Woodrow Wilson administration. He was Secretary of Commerce from 1921 to 1928. He decided to run for president in the 1928 election and won in a landslide, despite oppositions warning he was [[probably]] a European asset. [[Ironic|Funnily enough, every country outside of the US that he visited during his presidency found him a great president.]]

A few months into his presidency, he decided the only way to own the libs was to crash the stock market. During the Great Depression, he became so unpopular that people threw rotten food at him in the streets wherever he traveled. His last name also became a term for poor cities in the US for a while. Despite this, he had the balls to run for re-election in 1932 and lost in a landslide to FDR. Throughout his life afterwards, his only friend was the president that nuked [[Japan]] during WWII. When his presidential library opened in 1962, almost no one went there. He died at age 90 from internal bleeding, though it was probably [[An hero|self-inflicted]].

<center><youtube>https://youtu.be/GYY5e6wEXzQ</youtube></center>

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|Hoover-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Hoover Stonks.png
File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|"Herbert Hoover, dead at age 90"
</gallery>}}

{{lulzhistory}}
{{Politics}}

[[Category:People|Hoover, Herbert]]

Alexander H. Stephens

2026-05-22T04:34:46Z

Omari81: Created page with "<blockquote> <div style="font-style:italic;">Our new government is founded upon exactly the opposite idea; its foundations are laid, its corner- stone rests upon the great truth, that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery — subordination to the superior race — is his natural and normal condition. This, our new government, is the first, in the history of the world, based upon this great physical, philosophical, and moral truth.</div> <div style="text-i..."

<blockquote>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Our new government is founded upon exactly the opposite idea; its foundations are laid, its corner- stone rests upon the great truth, that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery — subordination to the superior race — is his natural and normal condition. This, our new government, is the first, in the history of the world, based upon this great physical, philosophical, and moral truth.</div>
<div style="text-indent:2em;">— Alexander H. Stephens on why they created the Confederacy</div>
</blockquote>
[[File:Alexander H. Stephens with Black Man.png|thumb|Traitor.]]
'''Alexander Hamilton Stephens''' was a [[Georgia]]n Representative who became Jefferson Davis' [[Joe Biden|Vice President]]. He didn't get along well with his Davis and arguments ensued.

After the end of the Reconstruction, Stephens was able to become Georgia's new [[Arnold Schwarzenegger|governor]].

{{Lulzhistory}}
{{Politics}}

[[Category:People]]

File:Alexander H. Stephens with Black Man.png

2026-05-22T04:31:05Z

Omari81:

Confederate States of America

2026-05-22T04:23:26Z

Omari81: /* Alexander H. Stephens */

:''"Rebel" redirects here. For the media corporation, see [[The Rebel Media]]''
[[File:Confederatelulz.jpg|600px|center]]

__NOTOC__
{{Quote|The South Will Rise Again!|That's what Southerners say about [[Jesus]] as well.}}
[[File:Confederate demoralization.png|right|400px]]
[[File:ConfederateFlag4.png|thumb|You're a grand old [[fag]]. You're a high-flying fag.]]
[[File:Confederate flag bikini 4.jpg|thumb]]
[[File:black_confederate_01.jpg|thumb|]]
[[File:confederate_israel_jew.png|thumb|The [[money|true motives]] of the Civil War rear their ugly head.]]

The '''Confederate States of America''' (aka the '''Confederacy''', the '''CSA''', '''the South''', '''Dixie''', '''Dixieland''', '''Dicksea''' or '''Dicksealand''') was a [[fictional]] country in the Southern [[United States]]. Despite being fictional, many Southern [[fanbois]] pledged their allegiance and lives to the Confederacy.

As with [[Palestine]], the United States refused to listen to the pleadings of the separatists and decided to [[Drama bomb|drop the hammer]] on them. The Confederacy only lasted four years before being conquered by the great and mighty [http://www.conservapedia.com/Empire_of_Liberty Empire of Liberty]. Then, as a real bitchslap, the United States forced them to sign a document stating that they could never pull this same shit again.

==There was nothing wrong with slavery==
* Slavery is natural. People differ, and we must expect that those who are [[white|superior]] in a certain way—for example, in intelligence, morality, knowledge, technological prowess, or capacity for fighting—will make themselves the masters of those who are inferior in this regard.
* Slavery has always existed.
* [[niggers]] can't take care of themselves, that's why they haven't advanced further in society
* Without masters, the [[niggers]] will die off. Which is really already starting to happen because they are killing themselves off, but hoodrats are having children at an alarming rate which slows this process
* Without slavery the [[niggers|former slaves]] would run amuck, stealing, [[rape|raping]], killing, and generally causing mayhem. What is happening in urban slums today is a prime example of this.
* Slavery protects the slaves, masters, and society as a whole
===They aren't even humans===
The nigger is a degenerate hideous subhuman monkey, ape, Fat lips, kinky hair, VIOLENT, RAPIST, SMALL BRAIN (have you noticed how retarded most niggers are)and broad monstrous noses, carjacking saucer-lipped, shitskinned, ignorant fecal colored, AIDS infested, shithole-living, welfare-leeching, crack-smoking, hub-cap stealing. fried-chicken munching and biscuit eating, watermelon-stealing, 6-yr-old-white-girl-shooting, serial-killing, rapist, robber, murderer, adulterer, liar, worthless, lard-assed,
white-woman-wanting, loud-radio-at-2:00-a.m.-in-the-morning-playing, undisciplined, tree-swinging, flat-zimbabwe-nosed, greasy afro-sheen, baggy-pants, and side-ways cap-wearing, Maya Angelou-reading, Martin Luther king-worshiping, Al Sharpton, 2pac cocksucking, Louis Farrakhan and Malcum X-believing, disco doo-wop playing, non-athletic, non-musical, physically and mentally retarded, shoplifting, non-political, trashy, nasty, scummy, filthy, junk-around-the-house and litter-in-the-yard-keeping,
incestuous, literal shit eating, cunt-beating, cock-sucking, unfaithful, ungrateful, useless, abomination, dice-shooting, numbers-playing, lottery-wishing, roach-and-rat raising, lice-infested, crab-farming, graffiti-tagging, gang-banging, drive-by shooting, corner-hanging, unemployed, VCR, television, and radio-pawning, cardboard-box-under the-bridge-living, pork-rib three times-a-day-eating, buck-toothed, knock-kneed, semi-bald, illiterate, cross-eyed, get-it-up-so-you-can-masturbate-to-faggot-porn,
viagra-taking, connection-frequenting, jungle-visiting, cock-kissing AfroInfectedDickSucking, spawn of a fat, greasy, shitty, sweaty, unwashed slutty bitch whore that should never be trusted or allowed to free-range in Human areas.

==Government==
<blockquote>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We, the people of the Confederate States, each State acting in its sovereign and independent character, in order to form a permanent federal government, establish justice, insure domestic tranquillity, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity — invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God — do ordain and establish this Constitution for the Confederate States of America.</div>
<div style="text-indent:2em;">— The Confederate Constitution [[Plagiarism|plagiarizes]] from the US Constitution, [http://www.usconstitution.net/csa.html]</div>
</blockquote>

===Founding principles===
According to its apologists, the Confederacy was founded on several [[Libertarianism|libertarian]] [[Shit nobody cares about|beliefs and values]], including:

*Small Federal Government / States' Rights
*Government shouldn't interfere with [[slavery|property]]
*There is nothing wrong with [[Inbreeding|incest]]
*Government shouldn't interfere with [[masturbating|privacy]] and [[Prostitute|trade]]
*Encouragement of [[guns]] and [[klan|militias]]
*[[Christianity]]
*[[niggers|Blacks]] don't deserve to vote

===What it was REALLY founded on===
*The right to own, beat, and fuck [[niggers|slaves]].
*Producing worthless silver instead of gold as a backing currency.
*Believing a huge federal government is a bad thing because of the word federal.
** Except when it came to killing Native Indians: "The Federal Government ... has for years almost entirely failed to protect the lives and property of the people of Texas against the Indian savages on our border, and more recently against the murderous forays of banditti from the neighboring territory of [[Shithole|Mexico]]; "
*Necrophilia
*Pedophilia
*Inbreeding
*Faggotry
*Beastality
*[[Furry]] porn.
*Dick sea land
*Seriously, it was about slavery: both straight-up [[racism]], and also rich fags being [[butthurt]] about losing all the shekels they paid for them
**'''Georgia''': "Northern anti-slavery men of all parties asserted the right to exclude slavery from the territory by Congressional legislation" ... "Because by their declared principles and policy they have outlawed $3,000,000,000 of our property in the common territories of the Union"
**'''Mississippi''': "Our position is thoroughly identified with the institution of slavery-- the greatest material interest of the world."
**'''South Carolina''': "[the north] have denied the rights of property established in fifteen of the States and recognized by the Constitution; they have denounced as sinful the institution of slavery"
**'''Texas''': "that the Niggered race ... were rightfully held and regarded as an inferior and dependent race, and in that condition only could their existence in this country be rendered beneficial or tolerable."

All that whining: "We paid so much for them! We should be allowed to keep them!" <s>Strange that conservatives don't accept the same reasoning when it comes to - say - drugs.</s> HAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS

==Reasons for secession==
===Libertarianism and States' Rights===
[[File:Dont tread on me.jpg|thumb|What Libertarians say to any government of any size.]]

During the 1780s, a bunch of wise old dead white guys created the United States and its Constitution. Despite the inclusion of the [[wikipedia:Necessary and Proper Clause|Elastic Clause]] in Constitution, Southern Libertarians believed that the federal government was becoming too large, too [[liberal]], and too Northern. The federal government shouldn't be bossing the states around. The states should be in charge. The federal government should be subservient to the states. The federal should be tiny in power and status to those of the states. The Southern Libertarians then created the idea of States' Rights and championed it.

===Conservatism===
The Confederates were also interested in [[conservatism|preserving the Southern way of life]]. Northern liberals were attempting to liberalize the South. Liberals wanted to end slavery. Liberals claimed that Southerns should do all the work themselves. Northerners also wanted to bring modern technology such as <s>advanced medical care, education, and industrialized cities to produce more products for their citizens</s> high-tech vibrators and dildos. Northerners simply didn't understand or appreciate the Southern way of life, which is a backwater hellhole where disease ran so goddamn rampant that people didn't want to stand next to each other.

===Loss of political influence===
By the time of 1860, the Southern slave states were outnumbered in both the Senate and the House of Representatives by the Northern and Western free states. After Abraham Lincoln won the Presidency, the Southern states lost influence within the White House as well and started to whine. As with all dramawhores, the Southerners sought to regain political influence by creating a fake country that only included like-minded Southern Libertarians and their slaves. Like a country of their own, the Southerners could nearly make any law they wished without making any sort of [[brb, compromised|compromise]].

===Slavery===
The state of slavery itself was being threatened. The free states were growing in number and population. The Northern states were threatening to dismantle the Southern workforce and [[economy]]. It was either secede or deal with a [[depression]] and the thought that they had to treat the blacks like ''people''.

==History==
===War of Northern Aggression===
[[File:Civilwar.jpg|thumb|Brave, little freedom-fighters.]]
[[File:Nathanfillion.jpg|thumb|[[Typical]] rebel [[Firefly|browncoat]].]]

<div style="overflow:auto;">{{Main|War of Northern Aggression}}</div>

Despite its name, the Confederates were the ones who drew first blood and declared war. The Union didn't declare war, since it was only fighting a bunch of rebellious states rather than an actual country. The war began when the Confederates attacked [[Fort Hood|Fort Sumter]] and forced the fort's defenders to surrender. Lincoln considered calling it the ''War of Southern Aggression'', but like any other US politician, Lincoln was too concerned about [[political correctness]] to do anything right and proper.

==Heroes==
===Jefferson Davis===
'''Jefferson Finis Davis''' is the Confederacy's first and only [[President]]. Before becoming the President, he was a Senator of [[Mississippi]] and Franklin Pierce's [[Dick Cheney|Secretary of War]].

Some [[masturbate|master debaters]] argue that Davis' poor leadership and failure to obtain foreign aid led to the defeat of the Confederacy. Of course, these are the same forum-goers who claim that it's [[George W Bush]]'s fault for not being able to obtain [[French]] aid for [[Iraq]]. [[IRL|In reality]], the French are headstrong [[lusers]] who would only help America [[World War II|when their lives depend on it]].

In actual reality, Davis was just a crappy leader who didn't know how to do anything correctly. He printed worthless money, told Robert E. Lee that it would be best to run straight through the Northern states (instead of staying and protecting, oh, Georgia), and then refused to supply the army with silly things like clothes and shoes. Davis is a bit like a lazy, rich, frat boy – gets drunk, has an [[Retarded|amazing]] idea, does it, and then wakes up a massive hangover and some cops looking for him.

===Alexander H. Stephens===
<blockquote>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Our new government is founded upon exactly the opposite idea; its foundations are laid, its corner- stone rests upon the great truth, that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery — subordination to the superior race — is his natural and normal condition. This, our new government, is the first, in the history of the world, based upon this great physical, philosophical, and moral truth.</div>
<div style="text-indent:2em;">— Alexander H. Stephens on why they created the Confederacy</div>
</blockquote>

'''Alexander Hamilton Stephens''' was a [[Georgia]]n Representative who became Jefferson Davis' [[Joe Biden|Vice President]]. He didn't get along well with his Davis and arguments ensued.

After the end of the Reconstruction, Stephens was able to become Georgia's new [[Arnold Schwarzenegger|governor]].

===Robert E. Lee===
[[File:TrollsOfTheSouth.png|thumb|The South choose its generals well.]]

'''Robert Edward Lee''' was the [[Chuck Norris|South's greatest icon]]. He is known as the South's most important general and unleashed plenty of [[pwnage]] upon the Union forces. Of course, Lee didn't realize that [[One does not simply X into Mordor|one does not simply invade the North]], so he had to learn that lesson the hard way – ''[[twice]]''. The first time was at the Battle of Antietam. Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation and after the battle he declared all slaves free in the rebel states. The second time was at Gettysburg, which was an [[epic]] disaster for the Confederacy.

Given credit, Lee did graduate with top honors from [[College|West Point]] whereas Grant graduated at the bottom. However, considering that Lee left the backdoor of Atlanta wide open, that education was a big waste of time.

===Stonewall Jackson===
Despite his nickname, '''Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson''' wasn't one who would sit on the fence. He joined the Confederate cause and became one of the [[truth|greatest generals]]. The only Internet-goers who know about him are the ones who watched ''[[wikipedia:Gods and Generals (film)|Gods and Generals]]''. His famed way of living was only matched by his infamous [[death]]. He was [[lulz|shot by one of his own men]] while scouting the [[pussy|wild b(r)ush]].

==Villains==
===Abraham Lincoln===
[[File:Lincoln.jpg|thumb|The [[Pimp|PIMP]] in charge.]]

<blockquote>
<div style="font-style:italic;">When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.</div>
<div style="text-indent:2em;">— [[wikipedia:Jonathan Swift|Jonathan Swift]], ''[[wikipedia:Thoughts on Various Subjects, Moral and Diverting|Thoughts on Various Subjects]]''</div>
</blockquote>

'''Abraham Lincoln''' <strike> was a [[Republican]] Congressperson representing [[Illinois]]. </strike> Piece of fucking shit. He took advantage of the slavery issue dividing the nation (more like political parties), and deported all his critics in order to win the 1860 Presidential Election. The Southern states [[shat bricks]] when they saw the results. The Southern states then decided to secede as a result.

Ignorant Northerners believed that Lincoln was a moderate President who saved the United States from falling apart. He was actually a piece of shit Most polls even show that [[Kanye West|most Americans consider]] Abraham Lincoln to be the [[best|greatest]] president [[of all time]]. Actually, Lincoln was [[emo|depressed]], self-centered, and ugly as hell. Conservatives know that being ugly is a terrible fault in a political leader, and support such luminaries as [[Sarah Palin]], a beauty-show contestant, and professional actors [[Ronald Reagan]] and [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]], who usually [http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1910985,00.html govern much better].

The Confederates, on the other hand, believe that Lincoln was a liberal politician threatening to end slavery and destroy the Southern way of life. The Confederates viewed the new US President as a brutal dictator. He suspended [[wikipedia:Habeas corpus|habeas corpus]]. He arrested Confederate sympathizers without a trial. Libertarians blame Lincoln for starting the trend of expanding Presidential powers and influence, and they often compare him to Franklin D. Roosevelt.

[[Butthurt]] Confederate sole losers then decided to assassinate him during a play. Sad, really, because it was a play about America (TAKE THAT, IRONY!).

Even worse, the guy who assassinated him (John Wilkes Booth) was a pretty piss poor actor.
*SPECIAL NOTE ***[[troll|ABE WAS A VAMPIRE HUNTER]]***

===Ulysses S. Grant===
'''Hiram Ulysses Grant''' was a [[drunkard]] from [[Ohio]]. The local Congressperson screwed up Grant's name in West Point nomination by calling him '''Ulysses Simpson Grant'''. Despite the screw-up, he decided to adopt "Ulysses S. Grant" as his name. After becoming a general, he led the US Army in its victories against the Confederates.

After learning about corrupt [[Jewish]] bankers in the areas his army was occupying, Grant issued [[wikipedia:General Order No. 11 (1862)|General Order No. 11]]:

<blockquote style="font-style:italic;">The Jews, as a class violating every regulation of trade established by the Treasury Department and also department orders, are hereby expelled from the Department [of the Tennessee] within twenty-four hours from the receipt of this order.</blockquote>

Grant then decided to troll the Southern states even further by becoming the President.

===William Tecumseh Sherman===
<div style="float:left; overflow:auto;">{{Main|William Tecumseh Sherman}}</div>

[[File:Sherman - 1.jpg|thumb|If it dies, it dies.]]

{{Quote|War is Hell|General Sherman}}

'''William Tecumseh Sherman''' was a general and all-around badass in the Union army best known for his [[batshit insanity]] (which, [[ironically]], made him a great general). He led his army in a [[zerg rush|march]] across [[Alabama]] and [[Georgia]], while burning houses and freeing slaves. After capturing Atlanta, he ordered his troops [[Kill it with fire|to burn it all down]] before moving on to Savannah.

On Christmas Day, Sherman offered Lincoln [[LOL|Atlanta as a Christmas present.]] Lincoln was like "Oh thanks bro."

==Holidays==
===Confederate Memorial Day===
'''Confederate Memorial Day''' is an offshoot of [[Memorial Day|American Memorial Day]]. Unlike the [[The Real Chris-Chan|True and Honest]] Memorial Day, Confederate Memorial Day honors those who serve ''against'' the Unites States. Since it isn't a national holiday, each Southern state celebrated Confederate Memorial Day on different days of significance.

==Territory==

How the states would look like if certain countries seceded. Yes, [[Kikes|israel]] is the newest established country that successfully succeeded in becoming a [[Loser|state-nation last]]. As a result, Tennessee most likely wouldn't secede, yet Louisiana would, which poses a problem, if a border is put up than all states have to concede to their provisional government eg missouri seceded, yet Mississippi lost but Mississippi was a part of the deep south and an area for major conflicts. The government didn't change its stance. The government has to change its stance, politically speaking. Indian territory always belonged to the union. In realistic terms though, it would probably end up like this map whereas Kentucky becomes the [[Kikes|Judea]] of the Americas. Not only that, but the Indian territorial gains in history is disputed. There was never any csa activity in Indian territory. It was always claimed by the US. Wikipedian History teaches us the confederacy was under its control in west Virginia and not Missouri which is a lie. Come to think of it, [[Communism|cuba]] would still be under democratic control as well. Unfortunately the confederate states of [[redneck]] America may have indeed become a reality and still kind of is with southern pride still rampant off the effects of karma.

Demokratische Republik aus Deutschland/democratic german republic/Demokratischen Deutsch republic which translates to Demokratische Republik Deutschland or in english the federal republic of Denmark or deutschland germany/Democratic republic of germany ie drd/frd/fdrz (Federal or Free Democratic Republic Zone or the Democratic Republic of France would become the Federal Republic of Denmark in English)/ddr as abb whereas the germanic word of Germany would most likely turn into Denmark in these old English algorithms. If the FRD was established in Germany after [[Nazis|ww2]] the world would be much different than today, especially if the confederacy won the civil war. This could have been a result of the economy today if America simply chose not to forcefully occupy another country within a year's time frame. A full-scale invasion upon any territory would result in a war no matter what political stance or ideology a government holds.

[[File:Index544_copy.png|thumb|Where's Kentucky and West Virginia again?]]

==Other historical secession movements==
===Philippines===
Since the late 1500s, the [[Philippines]] had been controlled by Spain. Naturally, the Filipinos weren't happy with this. Taking advantage of the US' war with Spain, the Filipinos declared their independence and aided the United States in their invasion of the Philippines. The Filipinos and Americans then pwned the Spaniards and captured Manila.

Naturally and unsurprisingly, the Americans then betrayed the Filipinos and annexed the Philippines in order to build their overseas empire for [[Sex|teh lulz]]. The Filipinos, being the lazy spics they are, then sought independence from the United States, so they began a guerrilla war against the Imperialist Pigs. As with [[Vietnam]] and [[Iraq]], the US occupation didn't work out so well. Unlike Vietnam and Iraq, however, more Filipinos died than Americans, and the rebellion was put down like an old, limp horse sent to the glue factory.

In 1935, after having had enough lulz, the United States made the Philippines a commonwealth, letting the little brown people think they had a real shot at freedom. This was supposedly done in order to prepare the islands for independence, but others say that the US was attempting to make the Philippines the 51<sup>st</sup> state. Whatever the US' master plan was, it was foiled due to a [[Japanese]] invasion in 1946 that pwned both the flips' and yanks' asses to hell.

After freeing the Philippines from Japanese rule, the United States finally gave the islands the independence that they so desired. The United States probably did this so that they wouldn't have to fix the damage that the Japanese had done; the United States had better ideas on how to use taxpayers' money, such as building nuclear bombs in order to fight the [[Soviet]]s.

==Modern secession movements==
[[File:Southrises.jpg|thumb|The South [[erection|will rise]].]]

===Libertarians===
When Libertarians generally consider themselves to be the [[unwarranted self-importance|center of the universe]], they generally refuse to submit to any higher authorities and ideals ([[contradiction|except]] for when that authority is [[God]]). Due to this, they dislike it when the government tells them what to do. Libertarians believe that if the federal government doesn't do what the states want (yes, they expect the government to please all 50 states, despite the fact that none of the states can agree with each other), the states should threaten to secede, so the government would do whatever that one single state demands (in spite of what the majority of the states want).

Libertarians don't believe in [[democracy]] or "majority rules" whenever the majority isn't them. Libertarians believe that they must secede in order to create smaller countries where they're the majority. That's right, if you don't agree with the majority, then you should secede, so you can have a country all to yourself. In short, whenever you don't want to pay taxes, you should secede.

===Texas===
Although [[wikipedia:Full Metal Jacket|steers and queers are the only things that come from Texas]], Texans believe that [[unwarranted self-importance|their state is the biggest and greatest]], even though they'll never actually secede since they know Mexico would immediately assrape them, and turn the [[Fort Longcat|Alamo]] into a Mexican brothel. Texans believe that they're more American than anyone else is and that they know more about the Constitution than college professors who write books on the Constitution (since Texans know that liberals are out to destroy it). The Texans justify their ultra-Americanism by saying that they fought some Mexican [[president]] for less than a year (they somehow forgot that the original thirteen states fought a British [[king]] for seven years).

Other than [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnmDqJHv4lc being the state] that the [[TheAmazingAtheist]] bitches about the most, Texas is also of hive for [[Republican]]ism and Libertarianism. This made Texas the perfect breeding ground for the [[Tea Party|Tea Party movement]]. Of course, modern Tea Parties aren't anything like the original one; modern Tea Party-ers carry signs and stand on the side of the road, while the originals actually [[anarchy|destroyed property]]. Like their Confederate forefathers before them, the Tea Party-ers decided their country is their best option for creating the fabled Libertarian [[Zionism|Promise Land]].

Texans don't care about causing a civil war. In the Texan's point of view, there won't be a civil war. The Texans are the ones with stockpiles of guns, and everyone knows that Yankee Liberals don't believe in guns. If the liberals don't have guns, then Texas wins – [[lie|as always]].

<center>
<gallery caption="One Lone Star State Wishes to Become the Lone Star Nation">
File:ComeAndTakeItMural.png|[[Charlton Heston]] wishes that he were from Texas.
File:TexasSecession.png|Map depicting the ''real'' American Dream.
File:TexasCountry.png|Perhaps the US has already recognized Texan independence.
File:TexasTerrorism.png|Separatist = Terrorist?
</gallery>
</center>

==Secession arguments==
[[File:Karl oliver calls for lynchings.jpg|right|200px]]
===Arguments for===
*The colonies seceded from the [[Great Britain|British Empire]].
*The states seceded from the Articles of Confederation government in order to join the Constitution government.
*The states approved the Constitution and the government, not [[Russian reversal|the other way around]].
*Secession isn't treasonous since secession is leaving the government rather than overthrowing the government.
*The Constitution doesn't outlaw secession.

===Arguments against===
*[[Why do you hate America?|Treason]]
*[[Why do you hate America?|Treason]]
*[[Why do you hate America?|Treason]]
*[[Why do you hate America?|Treason]]
*[[Why do you hate America?|Treason]]

==How to troll==
[[File:burning confederate flag.png|thumb|show them this]]
[[File:Confederate Furry.jpg|thumb|It caused this to exist]]
*Remind any Confederate parent that their children pledge allegiance to the US flag.
*Remind them that all of the "founding fathers" were Yankees.
*Tell them that the Confederacy is dead, despite what others may say.
*Remind them that the US gave independence to the [[Philippines]] and not to the Confederacy.
*Tell them that the US is more likely to give [[Puerto Rico]] independence than to the Confederacy.
*Tell them that the [[Iraqi]]s are better freedom fighters since the Iraqis fought a guerrilla war during the US occupation.
*Tell them that secession is [[Unamerican|un-American]] and treasonous.
*Simply say, "One Nation under God, Indivisible".
*Remind them politely that Lincoln never once acknowledged the Confederacy as a separate union at all during the Civil War. In fact, he merely called them "insolent little people".
*Say that the Confederacy would have never won the war anyway with the poverty and limited supplies hampering the entire Confederate Army.
*Call them Hillniggers
*Remind them of the fact that the Niggers they hate only exist in America because of the long dead slave owners that they love.

==Former member states==
{| align="center" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3" style="border:1px solid #aaf;"
|-
|-
! colspan="2" style="background:#abf;" | Confederate States of America
|-
! style="background:#abf;" | Primary
| style="background:#eee;" | [[South Carolina]] '''·''' [[Mississippi]] '''·''' [[Florida]] '''·''' [[Alabama]] '''·''' [[Georgia]] '''·''' [[Louisiana]] '''·''' [[Texas]] '''·''' [[Virginia]] '''·''' [[Arkansas]] '''·''' [[North Carolina]] '''·''' [[Tennessee]]
|-
! style="background:#abf;" | Contested
| style="background:#eee;" | [[Missouri]] '''·''' [[Kentucky]] '''·''' [[West Virginia]] '''·''' [[Maryland]]
|-
! style="background:#abf;" | Territories
| style="background:#eee;" | [[Arizona]] '''·''' [[Oklahoma|Indian Territory]] '''·''' [[New Mexico]]
|}

==The United States and Separatism==
The United States has a record of treating [[X Y is X|different separatist movements differently]]. As a result, there isn't anyone who is certain about what the United States' official policy towards separatists is. [[Some say|Several scholars]] [[theorize]]d that perhaps the United States makes it up as they go along; however, the US government and religious officials has rejected this theory as an explanation.

{| align="center" border="1" cellspacing='1" cellpadding="3"
|+ style="font-weight:bold; font-size:1.2em;" | The United States and Separatism
! Supported !! Didn't support
|-
| [[United States|American Revolution]] || Confederacy States of America
|-
| [[Texas|Texan Republic]] || [[Northern Ireland]]
|-
| [[California|California Republic]] || [[Palestine]]
|-
| Breakup of the [[Soviet Union]] || [[South Ossetia]]
|-
| Breakup of [[Yugoslavia]] || Abkhazia
|-
| [[Cuba]] || [[Kurdistan]]
|-
| [[Panama]] || Northern Cyprus
|-
| East Timor || Tamil
|-
| [[Ireland]] || Chechnya
|-
| [[Kosovo]] || [[Sealand]]
|-
| [[Taiwan]] ||
|-
| [[Tibet]] ||
|-
| [[Philippines]] ||
|-
| [[India]] ||
|-
| [[Pakistan]] ||
|}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery caption="Flags and Symbols">
File:ConfederateFlag2.png|First Flag
File:ConfederateFlag3.png|Second Flag
File:ConfederateFlag4.png|Third Flag
File:Confederate flag with star of david.jpg|[[Dylann Storm Roof|Kikeservative Flag]]

File:ConfederatesVSUSA.jpg|lulz
File:ConfederateSeal_original.png|The original design.
File:Thesouth.jpg|for inbred faggots
File:AZNfortrump.jpg|retarded whore of a chink
File:Confederatefurfag.jpg|furry inbred
File:Mason-Dixon quiz card.jpg|[[Luigi]] famously fought for the Confederacy.
File:Black Confederate White BLM.jpg|The showdown of the century.
</gallery>
</center>

==External links==
[[File:Your Bikini Is Racist Tsicar si inikiB Ruoy.jpg|thumb|300px|Just got fucked by her bro]]
*[[wikipedia:Confederate States of America|Confederate States of America]] on [[TOW]]
*[http://www.dixie.com/ Official Dixie Website]
*[http://dixienet.org/New%20Site/index.shtml League of the South]
*[http://www.newconfederacy.com/ New Confederacy]
*[http://www.facebook.com/pages/Richmond-VA/Confederate-States-of-America/43840912327 Confederate States of America] on [[Facebook]]
*[http://www.confederatestatesofamerica.org/ CSAgov.org]
*[http://www.confederateamericanpride.com/ Confederate American Pride]
*[http://www.confederatedigest.com/ Confederate Digest]
*[http://www.youtube.com/group/YoutubeConfederacy Confederacy group] on [[YouTube]]

===TV Tropes===
*[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheAmericanCivilWar The American Civil War]
*[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DividedStatesOfAmerica Divided States of America]
*[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AbrahamLincoln Abraham Lincoln]

===Separatist websites===
*[http://www.texasnationalist.com/ Texas National Movement]
*[http://www.texassecede.com/ Texas Secede]
*[http://texas.freecountries.org/ United Republic of Texas]
*[http://www.vermontrepublic.org/ Second Vermont Republic]
*[http://www.newenglandconfederationalliance.org/ New England Confederation Alliance]
*[http://www.akip.org/ Alaskan Independence Party]
*[http://www.independencia.net/ Puerto Rican Independence Party]
*[http://www.republicoflakotah.com/ Republic of Lakotah]

{{Unitedstates}}
{{Commonwealth}}
[[Category:Trolls]][[Category:Cliques]][[Category:Locations]]

Cole Allen

2026-05-18T04:55:04Z

Omari81:

{{DISPLAYTITLE:{{glow|{{PAGENAME}}}}}}
{{conspiracy}}
{{achtung|LOLOLOLOLOLOL THEY MISSED AGAIN}}
{{aroundblacks}}
{{ib|[[File:Cole Allen.jpg|300px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''{{glow|Cole Allen}}'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|April 11, 1995 ({{age|1995|4|11}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[California|Commiefornian]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Injured 1}}
{{ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|FUCK NO!}}
{{ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, [[v&]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[Trump Derangement Syndrome]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''{{glow|Cole Tomas Allen}}''' is yet another piece of evidence that [[niggers]] are not to be trusted with firearms. This <s>agent provocateur asset</s> [[ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT|Pulp Fiction]] wannabe attempted to assassinate [[The Donald]] while he was hosting a [[fatass|dinner]] at the Washington Hilton in [[Washington, D.C.]]

==Background==
Cole was born on April 11, 1995 in [[California]]. He likely peaked in his university's [[Actor|theatre class]], cuz he looks like Daveed Diggs and got a job in education. He developed a video game called Bohrdom (this nigga can't even spell). He also [[Manchild|lived with his parents]]. After realizing that he pretty much had no life, he decided to throw it all away by [[Retard|blaming it all on Trump]] and travel several hours to Washington, D.C. to [[Psychopath|kill him]].

==The Shooting==
On April 25, 2026, Cole arrived at a hotel in Washington, D.C., gathered his weapons, and [[Natalie Rupnow|took a photo of himself standing in front of a mirror]] before sending his family his manifesto. In the manifesto, he calls Trump a [[pedo]], [[rapist]], and a [[racist]], and talks about other lefty topics like [[Emily Youcis|Will Stancil]] and [[Hasan Piker]], the latter of which he doesn't like. He also calls himself the "[[Cringe|Coldforce Friendly Federal Assassin]]", saying that he's going to kill Trump and every member of his cabinet {{glow|except FBI director Kash Patel}}, before becoming [[an hero]]. Family members immediately called the police, but it was already too late, as Cole had already headed out to fulfill his destiny.

Once he arrived, he was confronted by security near the main metal detector screening area of the Washington Hilton. He suddenly felt the spirit of [[Naruto]] inside him, telling him to run past the security checkpoint and take out any guards who come near him, so he did. Secret Service agents immediately ran towards him, but he [[Counter troll|fired back]]. He probably would've made it to the ballroom where Trump was if he didn't [[Idiot|trip and fall]]. He was immediately tackled, arrested, and taken into custody.

==Trial==
He was charged with attempting to kill Trump, which he pleaded not guilty to despite the mountain of evidence against him.

==Loadout==
<div align="center">
{|class="wikitable" width="40%"
!colspan="2"|Class Setup
|-
!Item
!Accessories/Bonus
|-
|
*'''Primary''': 12-gauge Maverick shotgun
[[File:Firearm used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 60~130 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Secondary''': Armscor Precision .38 semi-automatic pistol
[[File:Rock Island Armory 1911 .38 caliber pistol used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 19~25 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Tertiary''': Multiple knives
[[File:GTA4IconsKnife.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 30 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Spell''': Nigger
[[File:Blacksrelax.jpg|70px|center]]
|
*'''Double damage against [[White Devils]].'''
|}
</div>

==Graded Score==
{{GradedScore|[[Epic Fail|0]]|[[Epic Fail|Didn't even get near his target]]|0|Only shot a Secret Service agent.|15|At least he had the balls to run past the security.|15|Got a lot of attention despite not reaching his target.|0|For being a [[niggers|nigger with rage]].|30|F|At least you did better than [[Ryan Routh]].}}

{{Wanted|4}}

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv| |background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;
|[[File:8900987-90a37390c0bacced0e921c715a214e0f.mp4|560px|center]]
|<youtube>jMuhRlqHYEU</youtube>'''<br>You're telling me, pal.
|[[File:Cole Allen Gassy.mp4|560px|center]]'''When you help the government stage an assassination attempt so you get to live the rest of your life in exile on a tropical island:'''
|<youtube>vDo6nGP55QM</youtube>'''<br>Gameplay video of Bohrdom, the game he developed'''
}}
|border=#201f3a|background=red}}
</center>

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|ColeAllen-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Bro is not Natalie Rupnow.png|[[Natalie Rupnow|She]] ain't gonna pick you in the afterlife, bro. She's already getting [[BLACKED]] by [[Solomon Henderson|someone else]].
File:Cole Allen BLACKED.png|But hey! Your cellmate [[Bubba]] is always looking for a new [[Rape|plaything]].
File:Cole Tomas Allen Meme.jpg|Aw, [[Crybaby|boo hoo]].
File:Cole Allen Prediction.png|{{twitter|HenryMa79561893/status/1738018409441308955|Hmmm...}}
File:Cole Allen In Prison Be Like.jpeg|The face he's gonna make while getting raped in the prison showers.
File:Cole Allen Naruto.jpeg|He really was the [[BLACK MAN|black flash]] of the Hidden Leaf...
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Vance escorted before trump.gif|Totally not suspicious at all.
File:colepix.png
File:colekiss.png|Yea kiss that floor you know you like it...
File:ColeAllenFloyd.jpeg
File:Cole Allen as baby.jpg|Aww, he'll grow up to be a great {{glow|[[v&|federal asset]]}}!
File:Cole Allen IDF shirt.jpg|[[Israel|Well, well, well.]]{{Jew}}
File:Cole Allen with family.jpg
</gallery>}}

==See Also==
*[[Aaron Alexis]] - The better [[Washington, D.C.]] nigger shooter by quite a wide margin.
*[[John Hinckley Jr.]] - Also tried assassinating the president at Washington Hilton.
*{{glow|[[Thomas Matthew Crooks]]}}, {{glow|[[Ryan Routh]]}} - His predecessors.
*{{glow|[[Tyler Robinson]]}} - Actually succeeded.

==External Links==
*{{Wikilink|2026_White_House_Correspondents'_Dinner_shooting|TOW coverage}}
*{{WPD|h/social/post/490620/megathread-shots-fired-during-president-donald|WPD coverage}}
*{{Steamgame|945530/Bohrdom/|Bohrdom, a game he developed}}
*'''[[Cole Allen/Manifesto|His manifesto]]''' {{Wayback|https://nypost.com/2026/04/26/us-news/read-whcd-gunman-cole-allens-full-anti-trump-manifesto/|20260430031814}}

{{Truth}}
{{Afro}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Gun control}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Serious}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Niggers]]
[[Category:2026]]
[[category:Murder]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Politics]]

EDP445

2026-05-18T04:52:07Z

Omari81: /* Still Alive */

{{aroundblacks}}
{{Achtung|LOL, [[Dying alone|HAS STAGE 5 KIDNEY FAILURE]]}}
{{pedo}}
{{SickFuck}}
{{Aspergers}}
{{Milkedcow}}

{{ib|[[File:EDPkiss.jpg|250px]]}}
{{ibhead|<big>'''EDP445'''</big>}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|<s>Bryant Turman Emerson Moreland</s> Deyione Scott-Wilson Eason (name change)}}
{{ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[nigger|Basketball American]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png|link=]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Born'''|December 15, 1990 (age {{age|1990|12|15}})}}
{{ibrow|'''Current residence'''|Henderson, [[Nevada]], United States}}
{{ibrow|'''Channel'''|<s>{{yt|u|eatdatpussy445}}</s> (BALEET TREATMENT)

[[File:SHOOP kit.png|20px]][https://edp445.com/ edp445.com] (now posting on his own website)

[[#Internet Accounts|Other accounts ∇]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Kiwi Farms Thread'''|{{kf|21047}}}}
{{ibend}}

'''EatDatPussy445''' ([[Powerword]]: '''<s>Bryant Turman Emerson Moreland</s>''' '''Deyione Scott-Wilson Eason''') is a {{age|1990|12|15}}-year-old 600-pound tub of lard and a [[sick fuck]] from Bakersfield, [[California]]. He is known only for making shitty [[YouTube]] vlogs of his daily exploits: flooding public toilets, going off on tangents [[incel|about rejection from women]], throwing bitch fits about getting fired from entry-level jobs, and going on autistic violent rants on his favorite [[Handegg|NFL]] team, the [[shit no one cares about|Pedelphia Eagles]]. He also does content about [[Shit nobody cares about|cupcakes]].

EDP445's content was always unfunny, EDP445 only became famous and well known as a result of [[13 year olds]] somehow finding his shitty content, which purely consisted of the same constant and repetitive dick/shit jokes, as funny.

Little did he know, his rapid rise to popularity and fame would all of a sudden come to an end when one day, he got catfished by a bunch of [[Chris Hansen|pedo hunters]] and was caught live on the internet trying to grab and fuck a 13-year-old girl half his age, for cupcakes.

{{quote|Awww, it'll be ok baby I promise. I'll go slow, to the speed of your liking. Whatever you don't want to do. I won't do. But if you enjoy it and want it in all the way, then I shall satisfy my princess|EDP445 macking it to a 13-year old}}

For some odd reason, it came as a surprise to his retarded fanbase that a fat black pervert named "eatdatpussy445" was a sick fuck.

He has changed his named to ''Deyione Scott-Wilson Eason'', due to the "backlash" <ref>https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/youtube/images/0/0f/EDP445_New_Name_Court_Document.png/revision/latest?cb=20220220203346</ref>.
__TOC__
{{clear}}
==Humble Beginnings==

In 2010, Mr. EDP445 humbly started his "career" like all [[niggers|upstanding black men]] do, By producing shitty [[rap]] tracks that no one listened to. After that failed, he decided to go on violent and autistic rants about [[Handegg]]. He also hosted a series called "Don't You Hate That Shit." Where he would constantly bitch about things that annoy him in life, like [[pedo|age of consent laws]], [[fat|salads]], parental consent, and other shit no one cares about.

You would think a youtube channel like that would completely fail and blow up in his face as no one wants to watch a fat, balding man child constantly whine and scream about why hes such a failure at life. In fact, 13-year-old boys found this content absolutely hilarious and from there on, his videos started blowing up and he was skyrocketing in popularity. This was only the beginning of this man, myth, and legend known as '''eatdatpussy445'''.

==JewTube Denies Gold Play Button==

In 2020, EDP's channel hit over a million subs. Despite this, [[YouTube|JewTube]] denied him a gold play button due to his channel not meeting certain criteria for their made-up award. Unlike [[PewDiePie|PewDiePie]], EDP445 was not a white guy calling someone a nigger on livestream and thus did not live up to [[Shit|JewTube's standards]]. EDP445 did end up getting a silver play button for both channels.

==2018 SuperMarioLogan==
{{Main|SuperMarioLogan}}

In February of 2018, EDP445 was given a trip to the Super Bowl which Logan paid for entirely. In the process, Logan offered EDP445 the chance to work for him as a voice actor. As with all the promises Logan has made, however, he broke it by keeping EDP445 waiting for months on end due to Logan being on "vacation". EDP445 got his account terminated likely due to videos he made about Logan's deceitful faggotry which were struck down. One of his close friends {{yt|c|UCdvkOLuevNTVm8Q5cPDKbxw|andyvhb}} made a response to what happened. It is possible that EDP445's lolcow-like behavior and [[In the ass|sexual acts]] caused Logan to turn him down. For more information regarding EDP445, please check out {{kf|21047|his Kiwi Farms thread.}}
{{fv|BarneyVids|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_xaLQ6yU_Y</youtube><center>'''EDP rages over Logan.'''</center>
|<youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUehVlbH01E</youtube><center>'''EDP explaining more about what happened.</center>
|<youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fK_sWK--kbY</youtube><center>'''Some friend of EDP talks more about the drama between the two.'''</center>
}}

==2020 and Beyond: a Pedo's Tale==

<center>[[File:EDPhansen.png|thumb|Chris Hansen is always watching]]</center>

On July 9, 2020, EDP445 released a video, concerning [[facts|claims]] of him chatting up and hitting on underaged minors. His retarded fanbase naturally ignored the warning signs and he denied and covered the whole thing by calling it a MAGA conspiracy.

On October 14, Youtuber [[Spic|ColdRaven]] released episode 8 of his series "SLAUGHTERHOUSE." ColdRaven showed proof EDP445 was messaging minors, showing multiple conversations of him trying to hook up with underage girls. ColdRaven continued to release new messages, and eventually sent an account of his own acting as an underage decoy, which EDP445 fell for. Still, his fanbase, suffering from CTE, said shit.

In November that year EDP445 released a now delted video titled, "My Response to ColdRaven." In the video, he is seen shoving his fat face at WingStop when he suddenly pulls his 1911 Mil-Spec .45 Stainless Steel Handgun, and continues to shove his fat face. On November 17, EDP445 stated in a livestream "A group of no-life ass no pussy-getting motherfuckers decided to make a fuckload of fake accounts pretending to be fucking girls, and like a dumbass, I fell for it, and now everyone's on this fucking 'pedo' shit." Despite this confession, his [[Retard|stupid fanbase]] still acted [[Shocked_and_Appalled|shocked and appalled]] when fatass fell for the same scam a third time.

That same day, fellow sex offender [[DJ_KEEMSTAR|Keemstar]], invited Coldraven onto the show to give some insight into the situation. EDP445 was invited too, but he didn't respond. Instead, that same day, EDP released 2 response videos directed towards Coldraven. One video, since deleted, was 10 minutes long, and in this video, he stated "I dont care about the law, if she's 15-17, it's okay as long as she's wearing skimpy clothing. Despite this confession, his [[Retard|stupid fanbase]] still acted [[Shocked_and_Appalled|shocked and appalled]] when fatass fell for the same scam a fourth time.

On December 11, EDP445 posted a picture of himself posing with [[Jailbait|jailbait]], claiming that they were dating. Since the NFL did not allow in-person attendance, the picture was presumed to be doctored. Afterward, he was caught yet again texting a minor. EDP445 released another response to ColdRaven, stating that he [[Imaginary_girlfriend|already had a girlfriend named Jessica]], and that he did not plan on revealing her to his fans. Despite this confession, his [[Retard|stupid fanbase]] still acted [[Shocked_and_Appalled|shocked and appalled]] when fatass fell for the same scam a fifth time.

'''As of December of 2020, he has been caught texting a total of 8 minors'''

==2021 Looking for Cupcakes==

<center><youtube>eMKjfbIPAtM</youtube></center>

On April 18, 2021, a group of [[Chris Hansen|Chris Hansen]] wannabes by the name of 'Predator Poachers' recorded an interaction between EDP445 and a decoy concerning messages that were exchanged by a plant that posed as a 13-year-old and EDP445 that contained sexual content including a "dick pic", a "shit-pic" (yes, he posted a shit he took), and content involving either his ejaculation and/or masturbation sent by EDP445.

When EDP445 was caught at the spot trying to fuck this 13-year-old piece of bait, he ended up running into the Chris Hansen wannabes and figured that the "13-year-old girl" he wanted to fuck was actually a decoy. When EDP figured he ran into a setup, he claimed that he was just going to pick up "Cupcakes", which is of course a code word for 13-year-old loli jailbait. [[Jew|Chet Goldstein]] ended up contacting the [[Snitch|local authorities]] on EDP445, which made the fatass cry on camera and beg for mercy to just let him fuck little girls in peace.

In a twist of events, the pedo hunters somehow ended up fucking up the whole sting operation to the extent in which resulted in EDP walking free and avoiding legal prosecution. Many of the people who were associated with EDP have announced that they have cut ties with him, and has since lost a large number of his subscribers on his main channel. Apparently, the tenth time being caught with minors was too much, even for his retarded fanbase.
{{wanted|pedo}}

==LOL, V&==
[[File:EDP4453Speak.png|center|thumb|360px]]

Bryant (who might’ve changed his name) drove through the desert in a failed bid to gain employment anywhere, because his actions had trailed behind him. Not even small social media sites like 3Speak would host his faggotry.

<center><youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QYB0MsFT_U</youtube></center>
{{center|Penguinz0 did a video on this too, [[Fact|but he's a faggot]], so check this guy (or [[Indian|mutahar]] if he did a vid on this shit) out instead.}}

== 2022 Learning Nothing==
EDP tried restarting his career on every major platform, to no avail. Either he was banned, shunned, or laughed off. On December 5th, a youtuber named 'Master at work' interviewed an 18 year-old attention seeker who EDP "[[Lie|allegedly]]" spoke to in a very flirtatious manner, despite knowing she was 17 at the time. It seemed EDP445 learned buttfuck nothing and can't help himself around kids.
<center><youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSzJnTMjUx8&ab_channel=MasterAtWork</youtube></center>

== Still Alive ==
[[File:Edpkidneyfailure.jpg|thumb|right|260px]]
EDP445 is still making a fool of himself and thinks he can be popular again on the main stream social media; despite his name being synonymous with failure and pedophilia . Using mobile apps like [[Ripoff|Beego]], EDP has grown a small community of followers but he is nowhere near as big as he use to be, at least online. In real life, he's only gotten bigger. His ever-growing size might be one of many reasons why his health is in decline, as recently he revealed his stage 5 kidney failure, meaning he will (hopefully) die very soon. More realistically, if he were to die from kidney failure, he still has 5-10 years left. Maybe this will be the end of EDP445, Who knows?
<center><youtube>OffXXkQ2zvw</youtube></center>

== Pedo Gallery ==

<center>
<gallery>
File:EDPbait1.png
File:EDPbait2.png
File:EDPbait3.png
File:EDP445 Dick Pic.png|'''Yes, he sent a picture of his dick to the decoy'''
File:EDPtucker.jpg
File:EDPmissionfailed.jpg
File:EDPfatfuck.jpg
File:EDPshit.png
File:Hegotcaught.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

== Internet Accounts==

([https://edp445.com/ edp445.com] his own hosted content)

Instagram: <s>{{instagram|theogedp445}}</s>
<s>{{instagram|thegooch445}}</s>

Facebook: {{fb|edp445}} {{fb|edp445.store}}

TikTok: <s>{{tiktok|theogedp}}</s>
<s>{{tiktok|edp445theog}}</s>

Twitter: {{twitter|EDP445}}

YouTube: {{yt|u|theogedp}} (archival channel)
==See Also==
*[[Pedo]]
*[[Youtube]]
*[[Nigger]]
*[[Cupcake]]

{{Afro}}
{{Manchild}}
{{ytseries}}
{{pedoseries}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Memes}}
{{Whores}}
{{Aspies}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:YouTube]]
[[Category:California]]
{{Timeline|Featured article January 7 & 8, [[2022]]|[[Dropdatwat]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Bob Saget]]}}

{{corner|bl|[[File:Edp445-yee-yee-ass-dancing.gif|x100px]]}}

The Loud House

2026-05-16T00:58:26Z

Omari81:

{{OffendedKids}}
{{breakingnews|[http://variety.com/2017/tv/news/loud-house-creator-chris-savino-suspended-sexual-harassment-1202593429/ The creator of ''The Loud House'' has been fired for being a pervert and will probably never work in animation again!]}}
<br>
[[File:welcome to tlh.jpg|thumb|right|240px|The Loud family]]
'''''The Loud House''''' (also known as '''[[Shadman|The Lewd House]]''' and '''Incest Waifu: The Animated Series''') is a [[Truth|harem comedy]] that airs on [[Nickelodeon]]. It was green-lit when the network realized they had literally nothing on their channel except ''[[PAW Patrol]]'', ''[[The Fairly OddParents]]'', ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'', and [[Dan Schneider|shitty kidcoms]]. Despite having the child appeal equivalent to that of ''[[The Fairly OddParents]]'', [[Tumblr]] fags and [[4chan]] have quickly latched onto the show, claiming the Loud sisters as [[Waifu|waifus]] because they have absolutely no chance of scoring with a real woman.

Other than [[co/|pedophiles]] and [[Eproctophilia|eproctophiliacs]] , the show is only popular with [[TheMysteriousMrEnter|Enterbots]] and [[Sperg|Giant Spergs]] who think this show will "save" the network, and [[SJW|SJWs]], who love the show for its [[Sick fuck|inclusion]] of an interracial [[Homosexuality|gay]] couple in a kids' cartoon.

==Plot==
The show is about a young [[albino]] named Lincoln living with ten sisters because their parents have never used or even heard of condoms. Every episode involves him having an issue with one or more of them (including him addressing the viewer as though they're too stupid to figure out what's going on themselves) and then resolving it (basically it's like ''The Brady Bunch'' or ''Full House'' if they were animated). This generic as fuck setup is just an excuse for the writers to make up wacky hijinx and provide [[fanservice]] to themselves and the Internet to appease their [[Pedophilia|pedophilic]] lust for [[incest]].

==Characters==
=== Main characters ===
[[File:Lincoln alone on a friday night.png|200px|thumb|Lincoln talks to the show's fanbase.]]
[[File:ProductOfLoudcest.jpg|200px|thumb|She may be [[fan fiction]], but her psychological trauma is real.]]

The main characters, also known as the Loud children are a retarded band of [[Catholic]], [[White Devils|Crackazoid]], [[German|pigskinned]], [[Danish|inbred]] niggers that reside in suburban [[Michigan]], inside a shitty house that doubl- I mean TRIPLES as a meth lab and brothel.

[[File:Loud house incest.jpg|right|250px]]

*'''[[13-year-old boy|Lincoln]]''': The middle child and only boy in the family. A selfish little [[asshole]] who is constantly getting fucked over by his sisters because he's too much of a wet blanket to be a man and stick up for himself; Typical of a cumskinned, beta cuck shemale.

*'''[[Bitch|Lori]]''': The oldest sister. A massive [[cunt]] who constantly bullies her siblings for the [[lulz]]. She also uses the word [[literally]] all the fucking time. Many sick fucks such as [[Weeaboo|inuruyu]], [[Indonesia|X3Corez]], [[Bolivia|jcm-2]] and [[Pedophile|Garabatoz]] like depicted her as a [[BDSM|Dominatrix]] and love drawing her fucking Lincoln while Bobby fucks Carol. A frequent favorite of the show's horny adult male fanbase. Just thinking about her will make your penis shrink.
*'''[[Retard|Leni]]''': The second-oldest sister. A stereotypical dumb blonde who is too fucking stupid to comprehend anything, only managing to survive because [[Lazy|her family does everything for her]]. She is a profoundly creepy, subhuman Celt with mental retardation and supernatural powers and when she was a baby, she was knocked on the head and abandoned by her real family, leading her to be adopted into the Loud family. [[Truth|The worst character by default.]]
*'''[[Teen mom|Luna]]''': The third-oldest sister. She is in love with one of her band mates, Sully. they had sex one day and Luna gave birth to his son, who she named Landon.
*'''[[Unfunny|Luan]]''': The fourth-oldest sister. Everything she says is a shitty pun that not even her siblings find funny. She also has a [[YouTube]] channel, fitting in perfectly with all the [[PewDiePie|talentless faggots]] on the site who think they're funny. That idiot's voice is extremely high-pitched and annoying, courtesy of the legend known as Cristina Pucelli. She's also a psychopath to boot.
*'''[[12-year-old girl|Lynn, Jr.]]''': The fifth-oldest sister. Obligatory tomboy character who plays every sport ever. [[Win|Constantly fists Lincoln at night in his room.]]
*'''[[Emo|Lucy]]''': A [[Goth]] wannabe who is constantly moaning about everything and scaring the shit out of everybody with her social retardation. Will likely commit a murder-suicide at some point in her life.
*'''[[Shota|Lana]]''': The other tomboy character who prides herself on being [[Pain Series|disgusting]]. Has no real character traits, with her only purpose in the show being a foil to her buttbuddy Lola. She also dreams of fucking animals just like her [[Welsh|blondie cumskinned ancestors who loved fucking sheep]], but she takes it up a notch by fucking amphibians, lake sturgeon and termites. If she was in a sex tape, she wants it to have her getting fucked by [[Furry|furries]] while she gets covered in shit and mud while she drinks pee.
*'''[[Loli|Lola]]''': Lana's insufferable [[bitch]] of a twin sister who thinks she's better than everyone else and gets everyone in trouble. A frequent [[Pedo bait|beauty pageant]] winner, likely through illegitimate means. Also a massive slut, with a taste for grown man and being [[Whore|Little Miss Cumdumpster]].
*'''[[Autist|Lisa]]''': [[Lol wut|A 4-year-old college graduate]] that suffers from extreme levels of [[Autism|Assburgers' Syndrome]] and possibly an even bigger cunt than Lori, she is constantly [[Fucking|experimenting]] with her siblings [[Rape|without their consent]]. Spits every other word she says and [[autistic screeching|screeches]], [[Wigger|raps]] and records herself laughing maniacally because of her immense egoism. (Also, a family of idiots with a smart kid named Lisa, [[The Simpsons|that's original!]])
*'''[[Babyfuck|Lily]]''': The [[baby]] of the family. Does nothing but shit herself. [[Divide By Zero|She's also shipped with the characters as well, believe it or not...]]

<center><youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=za6LFWYUiRw</youtube><br>
<big>'''Lola Loud plays ''Rust'''''</big></center>

=== Supporting characters ===
*'''[[MILF|Rita Loud]] and [[DILF|Lynn Loud Sr.]]''': The Catholic parents who have never heard of safe sex. Rita has no personality while Lynn Sr. is a gigantic [[manchild]]. Basically, watch [[Pain Series|No Such Luck]] and you will see how [[Shit|wonderfully]], [[Stupid|awesome]] and [[Retard|epic]] they are!
*'''[[Faggot|Clyde McBride]]''': Lincoln's [[black]] friend who wants to get in Lori's pants. Will most likely die a [[virgin]].
*'''[[Mexican|Bobby Santiago]]''': (Full name: [[Mexican|Roberto "Bobby" Alejandro Martinez-Millan Luis Santiago, Jr.]]) Lori's idiotic boring boyfriend who can't hold a job and has no personality.
*'''[[Mexican|Ronnie Anne Santiago]]''': Lincoln's [[Mexican]] girlfriend who beats the shit out of him one time. The fandom loves her even though she's only been in three episodes and a show that is as shitty as the original. Also Bobby's sister. For some reason, the retarded fans ship Ronnie with Bobby while Lori fucks Lincoln.
*'''[[Gay|Clyde's Parents]]''': [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|The nigger and cracker gay parents.]] [[Tumblr]] has unsurprisingly gone wild over them despite their total lack of personality traits. Their appearance upset many Bible thumpers, who unfortunately could not get this shitpile of a show canceled.
*'''[[Mexican|The Casagrande Family]]''': The extended family of the illegal immigrants Lori wants to stuff her holes with.
** Hector Casagrande: Old
** Rosa Casagrande: Old
** Carlos Casagrande: Papa of the Casagrande Spic bastard children.
** Frida Puga Casagrande: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW!1!!!!1111!!1!1!11!!!
** Carlota Casagrande: A Lori and Leni ripoff with unusually wide hips.
** CJ Casagrande: A retard suffering with [[Down's Syndrome]] and he loves to play pirates.
** Carlino Casagrande: A stupid tryhard tough guy who is also in love with Lori.
** Carlitos Casagrande: The spic baby. Very ugly indeed.
*'''✡[[Jew|Flip]]✡''': An ugly, smelly, Jewish owner of the shitty shop Flip's [[Shit|Food]] & Fuel, and because his name is Flip, he is a [[Le 56% Face|Jew-Filipino Ape-Hybrid]]. Constantly cons the blond-haired pigskinned inbred niggers, the Loud Family like a boss. Business is business, especially when you go to the dentist every ten years and stuff your dirty socks in the nacho cheese.
*'''[[Loser|Rusty]]''': A soulless ginger and a wannabe casanova. He acts all high and mighty, but he will be forever alone, cause hes a Ginger and he's fucking ugly. [[Lulz|Will likely get crashed by a truck in the future and die a violent death]].
*'''[[Redneck|Liam]]''': Some dumb farmboy who fucks his only girlfriend [[Fatass|Virginia]], a fat pig. Despite being a redneck, he possesses some basic common sense and [[Lies|is a danger if you cross him]].
*'''[[You|Zach Gurdle]]''': Another Ginger (WTF!). One of the worst characters. He dates an ugly clown called Giggles, creates shitty conspiracy theories and is very ugly. Just so you know, he [[Gypsy|lives between a circus and a freeway]].
*'''[[MILF|Agnes Johnson]]''': Agnes Johnson is the retarded schoolteacher of Lincoln and his class. In an episode, she said she named a polar bear "Mrs. Johnson". No seriously, it's not Agnes, it's Mrs. Johnson. She deserves to be incinerated to oblivion in a blast furnace.
*'''[[Child Abuse|Coach Pacowski]]''': The retarded coach that forced Lincoln and his classmates to go on a brutal obstacle course with CRUSHERS!? SPIKES!!1! bARbEd wiRe...
*'''[[Manchild|Principal Wilbur Huggins]]''': A gay principal who still watches kiddy comics for the mentally challenged. An utter killjoy who stole Lincoln's comic just so he could meet the Ace Savvy creator, who is a smelly, wrinkly old man living deep in the sewers.
*'''[[Whore|Girl Jordan]]''': A spoiled brat who quickly shot to fame after she hung out with Lincoln and his slaves. She is very good at dodgeball and is also a cheat. What's surprising, is that she is a staff member on the show! The sick fuck fanbase is making porn of actual people! BITCH WTF!
*'''[[Cumdumpster|Mollie]]''': Girl Jordan's best friend and fellow rich kid/spoiled brat. Also gets fucked alot.
*'''[[Jailbait|Cookie QT]]''': An adorable and cute little girl who sells cookies and what adds to her cuteness, is her mom who's Azn. As with most cute characters on the show, she has been reduced to fap material.
*'''[[Thot|Stella]]''': A Filipino ape nigger who quickly becomes the cocktease for Lincoln's [[Slavery|friends]]. Ever since she came, porn artists are going on overdrive.
*'''[[Wigger|Trent]]''': A tall, thin kid with [[Nerd|large glasses]] and clothing that is actually goo-LOL, I can't finish that sentence. No, this guy sucks too, and I don't care how much the nigger who dedicated this entire portion of the wiki jerking off to this character. He's basically just a throwaway character who serves virtually no purpose to the actual show other than to be buttbuddies with Chandler. And if all of that wasn't bad enough, he looks almost identical to my [[Original Character|OC]], Josh (except Josh is actually cool, and hispanic). Fucking scum of the earth, [[Internet Tough Guy|I would deck this guy in a fight]].
*'''[[An Hero|Karla Sakas Shropshire]]''': The legendary creator of [[Pain Series|No Such Luck]]. Yeguscus, a severely autistic manchild, wants her dead and tortured.
*'''[[Annoying|Katherine Mulligan]]''': A fucking annoying news reporter than constantly says her name, [[Lulz|only to have nobody remember her name]]! One day, the fish-fucker Lana Loud shall rip out her heart!
*'''[[Jerk|Chandler]]''': A piece of utter shit who hosts [[Disgusting|parties in the sewage treatment plants]].
*'''[[Punk|Joshua]]''': Chandler's goon #1. Secretly in love with Chandler despite being too much of a tough guy to admit it.
*'''[[Fatass|Miles]]''': Some fat, retarded sack of shit who carries a ghetto blaster around. His hair is so bad and frizzy it's unreal.
*'''[[Cancer|Morgan]]''': A balding kid with severe leukemia that wears an [[Wigger|oversized T-shirt]]. One of Chandler's goons.
*'''[[Faggot|Dwarf Jadon]]''': A tiny kid who has an unclear ethnicity and wears [[Gay|earrings]].
*'''[[Newfag|Richie]]''': Another one of Chandler's goons. The legend, Trent is somehow friends with him, even though Richie the widow's peak hair kid is Chandler's slave.
*'''[[Bully|Hank & Hawk]]''': Two smelly douchebags coming from the shitty neighborhood of [[Detroit|Hazeltucky]], apparently the water crisis affected the shitty town, so now the people are ugly freaks. These freakazoids are later trolled at Lucy's haunted corn maze.
*'''[[Bully|Steak and Stan Stankco]]''': Overmuscular mutants that enjoy massive amounts of steroids. The momma is probably even bigger and scarier than them.
*'''✡[[Jew|Benny]]✡''': Luan's Jewish boyfriend who somehow has yet to steal any money. He's even less funny than her too.
*'''[[Dyke|Sam]]''': Luna's girlfriend who also doubles as a bitchy vegan.

==The creator==
The show was created by Chris Savino, known for being a writer for ''[[My Little Pony]]'', ''[[Ren and Stimpy]]'', ''Dexter's Laboratory'', ''Johnny Test'', and for fucking up ''[[The Powerpuff Girls]]'' before [[Cartoon Network]] fucked it up even worse with the reboot. He has said the show was based on his own experiences growing up in a large family, which makes one wonder about his [[incest|relationship]] with his own siblings. It's also worth noting that prior to ''The Loud House'', he wrote a comic strip entitled ''The Complex Adventures of Eddie Puss'', and it's about a cat kid who has the hots for his mother. [http://imgur.com/a/ikrgs No, really.] Explains a lot about the prevalent perversion on display in ''The Loud House''.

On October 18, [[2017]], news sites revealed that the show's creator was "almost" as perverted as his fanbase in a rather fitting turn of events worthy of his followers, resulting in his immediate termination from Nickelodeon much to the butthurt of pedos and tumblrfags nobody gave two shits about. Despite this, the show will still be running to ensure Nick's new progressive cash cow remains relevant, after which, they'll go back to milking shit like ''SpongeBob''.

==How to troll the show's fans==
#Call them faggots
#Tell them [[Truth|''The Loud House'' isn't funny]]
#Tell them to [[Shit that will never happen|get a life]]
#Tell them that they will own nothing and they will be happy
#Tell them that Luna is pregnant with Sully's baby and there is nothing they can do about it

==All aboard the incest ship!==
As if it wasn't already fucked up enough for a fanbase to [[ship]] a show's main character with his ten sisters, fans of ''The Loud House'' decided to take it up a [[Minecraft|notch]] and create their own vision of what Lincoln's deformed and retarded incest-children would look like with each of his sisters. The most popular of these disgusting abominations is "Lacy Loud," the product of Lincoln knocking up his sister Lynn.

[[File:LacyIncest.png|center]]

==Gallery==
{{cg||TheLewdHouse|center|<gallery perrow="4">
File:Savino gives up.png|Savino's contemplation on what he created
File:Aelous lewd house.jpeg|Typical fanart
File:Aeolus luan.jpg|Now with more Luan!
File:LoudHousefagcouple.jpg|So progressive and tolerant
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="4">
File:Grownup table by garabatoz.jpeg
File:Shadman twincest.jpg|Dammit [[Shadman]]
File:nazifigma.jpg|4chan's favorite little führer
File:lincoln can't fap.gif|An average episode
File:Boom Bada Bing.gif|thumb|No Such Luck haters in a nutshell
File:luan i incest.png
File:lynncoln.jpg|Lynncoln fanart in a nutshell
File:sb99 lewd house.png|Like you didn't see it coming
File:liberty loud.png|Even genderbent Lincoln gets smut
File:christina tits vs ronnie ass.png|The only thing Lincoln's two love interests are good for
File:Christina-ronnie-naked.jpg|The same image, only now with less articles of clothing!
File:Stop it.png|Lincoln and Lynn have had quite enough of this bullshit
File:morning leni.jpeg
File:leni the retard.jpg|Leni makes an important discovery
File:loud house 911.jpg|More [[9/11|comedy gold]] courtesy of Luan
File:nui lola by javidluffy.jpg|[[Kill la Kill|Well, they're both evil incarnate...]]
File:Chris is watching.png|Papa Savino watching diligently over his fans
File:LacyLoud.png|Lacy Loud, a product of this show's [[sick fuck]] fanbase
File:LoudHouseNetorare.png|''Loud House'' fans hate [[Netorare|when Lynn has sex with people who aren't her brother]].
File:OKWTF.png|Disturbing [[BDSM]] courtesy of [[Javi Suzumiya]]
File:Lincoln Loud fursuit.jpeg
File:Lincoln Loud fursuit2.jpeg
File:LunaMedia logo 2022.png|a {{Edfthread|lunamedia.4555|weapon}} to [[Fail|surpass]] [[Disney]]
</gallery>|border=#F78927|color=black}}

== Videos ==
{| style="margin: 0 auto"
|{{frame|{{videoframe|RYTP|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;
|<br><youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UDPZwKCSYc</youtube> <br><center>'''Cartoonshi'''</center>
|<br><youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leIYTrvK2RQ</youtube> <br><center>'''Cartoonshi'''</center>
|<br><youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iYtvQEX4qI</youtube> <br><center>'''Saberspark roasting Chris Savino'''</center>
|<br><youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_jsEM422po</youtube> <br><center>'''Some furfag named RedVidds'''</center>
|<br><youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyUA1Oq17x8</youtube> <br><center>'''Jax'''</center>
|<br><youtube>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nwtblhdzq6A</youtube> <br><center>'''LS Mark'''</center>
}}|border=#FFFFFF|background=#FFFFFF}}
|}

==A typical fan fiction==
{{Warning|YOU WILL NEVER LOOK AT THE LOUD HOUSE THE SAME WAY EVER AGAIN!!!!}}

'''<big>BEST BIRTHDAY BASH EVER!</big>'''

It's Leni's sixteenth birthday, and she only wants one thing. Barely legal; a ripe and mature young woman, she gives her request to her older sister, Lori. She wants a man to cum deep inside her tight, virgin pussy. No birth control. No condoms. No cares. Just raw, passionate, rough thrusting, as he wraps his hand around her neck, holding her down to the kitchen table, driving his thick cock into her pink pussy. She moans and writhes under him, in pain, in pleasure, unable to tell where one stops and the other begins but she knows she doesn't want it to end. He tells her he's ready to blow his load, but she doesn't want him to stop. Keep going. Keep fucking her. Don't ever stop. She's so close! She just needs a few more thrusts! The dick throbs and grows inside her. Her pussy begins climaxing, squeezing down so tight he can barely pull out. Leni wraps her legs around him and cries out, barely a choked gasp as his hand keeps her neck down hard. The man sheathes his whole dick inside, and erupts like a fountain, gushing out sperm into her tight little cunt. He holds her tight as he unloads fully into her. His eyes baring down on her thoroughly dominated nubile body. The sixteen year old blonde moans as she arches and squirms and wiggles under him. She purrs as she feels his cum coating her insides like warm honey. Then, the man pulls out, and Leni whines at how empty and cold she feels.

So, another man, taller and darker than the last one, steps forward. His cock lays right on top of her once-virgin pussy, like a fine Belgian dark chocolate resting on a pure, creamy white cake. He grinds on her a few thrusts, until Leni starts glaring up at him. She cusses him out, ordering him to fuck her. He blinks, not expecting her to use bad words... then again, she is getting a ten man gangbang for her birthday... the dirty mouth only heightens her beauty; contrasts with her snowy complexion and innocent smile. He levels his dick with her entrance and hilts himself in one thrust, making her squeak and arch off the table. Coated with another man's cum and her own shlick, he goes in so easily he could just about cry. But he doesn't want her this way though. So he picks her up and lays her on the floor, makes her turn onto her hands and knees... all without ever leaving her tight pussy... He grabs her legs and stands up. The teen girl is bent like a bow, upside down, and he starts fucking her raw and fast. The girl's arms are trembling as they try to keep her head off the ground while he brutally fucks her. And when he cums deep inside her cunt, gravity aids him in making all his fertile sperm pool inside her womb. The tall dark man exits her pussy, and hands her legs over to a third man, like passing a toy from one brother to another.

In less than five seconds, she's straddling a man she's never seen before and likely will never see again. His hands are on her hips. He's fucking her pussy, faster than the other two before him. The cum in her womb is dripping down his length. Or maybe it's her own lube creaming his dick. Or probably it's both. She's screaming in pleasure, but she's also sensitive. Every hard thrust hits her sore womb. Her clit is burning from the shock of being fucked so much for the first time. And to think she was still a virgin only minutes ago. She nearly passes out as another climax hits her. And while her lips are open, crying out for the stranger to fill her up with his seed, a fourth dick slides across her tongue and into her throat. It's so big and heavy, his balls slap against her chin, his cock spreads her jaw, her eyes tear up and her makeup begins to run down her cheeks. The first man erupts inside her abused snatch, and holds her down. Plugging her hole up until he's flaccid and pops out. The man in front of her is fucking her face, using his thumb to wipe away her tears while his other hand fists her hair and holds her head in place. She feels him start throbbing and she prepares herself to take his seed straight into her stomach like the good little whore Leni is... but instead, he pulls out and starts jacking himself off with his hand. She looks up at him with wide, innocent eyes, her cheeks stained with black makeup and tears, her mouth wide open and her pink tongue out and ready for him to paint her whiter than her skin already is. With a cry, he shoots his load onto her, one rope hitting her nose and eyebrow, one hitting her cheek, one splashing onto her tongue (and she curled it inside and swallowed immediately with a hungry growl), and the final one hit her chin. Leni was left in a daze, but her hand reached up and played with it, then scooped it up and dumped it onto her tongue. Soon, she was clean again, but her lips and her pussy were hungry for more. A lot more. And fortunately there were still six men left to fuck her innocent once-virgin body raw. Leni is dropped onto the floor. Her sweaty, cum drenched body is heaving for air. Her little clit is screaming to be left alone. But she knows it's not over yet.

Lori got them both the birthday special, and she can hear her older sister getting reamed by her own set of ten black studs. The teen girl is shaking and twitching from her intense sexual activity. She's lifted into the air before she realizes it. A fifth stranger is holding her legs up. A sixth is holding her arms up. Her butt is hanging between the two men, jiggling in the free air as they manipulate her body to their liking. The blonde girl's head is tilted back, her hair showering down to the ground beneath her. A new dick is sheathed into her mouth and she groans under the strain of it, fresh tears falling down her face. She feels another cock press into her dirty pussy with a gentleness she didn't expect. Then, all of a sudden it thrusts deeply into her, giving her a swift and hard fucking. When one hits her womb, the poor girl bounces backward and takes the other man's cock straight to her throat. When he thrusts his hips against her, she springs down onto the cock ravaging her pussy. She's like a rag doll being tossed back and forth, pounded into a squirming ball of dripping cum and sex. The man in her throat grips her arms tight enough she cries out around his shaft, her silky throat massaging him as she struggles to take him. But she doesn't mind it. She's a masochistic that wants them to use her body like she's nothing more than a fleshlight to cum inside. He groans and thrusts harder; the man in her cunt laughs at his friend, but it doesn't stop the inevitable. His first throbbing wave of cum shoots down her throat right into her belly. Then, he slips out and his pulsing cock, resting on her lips and chin, shoots across her breasts and stomach, painting her with his hot seed. As Leni regains her breath and savors the taste of black cum dripping down her throat, she feels the other man pick up his pace; fucking her so hard her small, perky breasts are bouncing wildly and her thighs are turning pink. With a growl he hilts her on his dark shaft and gives her the fourth creampie of the night. Soaking her insides with fresh cum, Leni purrs and squirms against him, urging him to make sure he's the one that has the best chance at knocking her up for being such a good fucktoy for her pussy~

Leni is set down on her feet, her legs quivering and barely able to hold herself up. Sticky cum drops down her thighs and down her breasts and tummy. She closes her eyes as she tries to wipe the sweat from her face, her wet bangs sticking to her forehead. God, her whole body is soaked in one way or another. A new stranger grabs her hips. She can't even see him. She has no idea what he looks like, but he's strong. And his hands are black like smoldering coals. He feels so warm on her belly as he pulls her up. Her feet hang limply above the ground. She grins as she feels his erection prod at her opening. But then he slips back and pokes around at her butt. She squeals and her heart jerks. Another man steps in front of her, putting his hands on her breasts and squeezing her chest. She cries out as she feels him trying to impale her pussy on his dick. The first cock feels slick and sticky. He must be lubed. He finds her tight pink hole and slowly starts spreading her apart, inching himself inside.

Leni clenches herself up as her virgin butt gets shafted with a huge dick. The other man keeps grinding on her pussy and stomach, his dick rubbing her clit and making her moan. His hands keep playing with her nipples. She groans as that thick black cock finally hilts itself in her ass. And she breathes a sigh of relief, only to scream in pleasure as the other man angles himself and crams his own dick inside her pussy. She can feel them both spreading her apart like she's never been before. Stretching her two holes out and rubbing on her inner dividing wall. She can't keep her eyes open as she clings to the man in front of her, moaning and whimpering and clawing at his shoulders. The two cocks start pounding her raw. Their hands let go and she's held up in the air solely by their big black cocks, fucking her tight holes. Leni can see the other two men jacking off. They're staring at her nubile body, gazing at her boobs and her tight stomach and her butt smooshed against a wall of solid male muscle. Leni looks at their dicks. They're so big and she can see them pulsing from ten feet away. She doesn't know how they'll fit inside her tiny body, but they will somehow. She moans like a greedy whore as the two cocks in her holes pick up their pace, fucking her hard and deeper and faster and finally shooting their cum deep into her belly. She cries out, her nails scratching a strange back as her body climaxes again. They unsheath their dicks from her body, and Leni moans as she feels their cum ooze down her legs, drip onto the floor between her feet. She's been thoroughly fucked and not a single part of her body is still virginal anymore. She grins as she lays down on the ground, raising her feet into the air.

Her last two black cocks approach, and she doesn't have anything else to say to them except "fuck me," even though she's sure she won't be able to walk straight for the next week. The two men don't even bother with making eye contact or speaking or asking for permission. Strange man number nine kneels before her, lifting her ass into his legs and sliding his rock hard cock into her slick folds, groaning at how tight her teenage pussy is even after the dicking she'd received already. The other man walks behind her, standing over her face. He grabs her feet and puts her soles together, slipping his dick between them. Leni smiles perversely, not even considering they can fuck more than just three parts of her body. Now she wonders if they could screw her in other ways... like her tits~

She can't give it much thought however. Her pussy is getting a good once over for the sixth time that night. The man is bending her down almost flat as a board as he dominates her nubile body like a savage animal breeding its prey. His hands go to her shoulders and presses her down flat, and the girl holds still, whining and whimpering like the submissive doll she is. Her feet are getting stroked with two strong hands; such an odd contrast to the brutal fucking going on in her sore pussy. The dick sliding between her soles is warming her up, like an affectionate bloom that comforts her and gives her strength in the final stretch of her birthday bang. The man fucking her feet gives in first, pulling out of her warm hug and kneeling down over her grinning face. He stares into her bright blue eyes and gushes all over her cheeks, her nose, her forehead, her hair. Coating all of her in his cum. The girl moans and goes to start licking it up, but ends up going still when the man fucking her pussy growls at her. She turns her eyes on his; they are full of possessive fire. She opens her lips and coos to him, "Do you own this pussy?" He groans as he fucks her even harder, rocking her across his lap. "Better believe I own it.". He lifts her shoulders up, hugging her to his chest, her legs bent over his shoulders. Leni is suddenly very thankful she'd taken up yoga with her roommate. "I'm gonna cum in your pussy," slamming his dick into her and grinding against her clit hard. The girl simply smiles and blows a kiss at him. Moaning and begging him to do it, to fuck her, to not stop, to never ever stop. To breed her little white pussy with his big black cock~

With a monstrous growl, he hilts himself and inseminates her with load after load of fertile cum. Leni moans breathlessly, completely addicted to the feeling of being filled to the very brim with baby making juice. Leni lays back on the ground. Her body wet and hot and trembling from having far too many orgasms for such an innocent virgin angel~ She looks up and grins. It looks like the first eight men want to go for another round. They circle her, each pumping their hard cocks as they gaze down on her small perky body. Leni smirks at them, bending her knees up and squeezing her tits. She's aking herself look smaller, younger, more fertile~

The eight men draw closer, not caring when they bump elbows. And when the golden haired vixen opens her mouth, sticks out her tongue, and calls, "ahhh," like a hungry girl seeking her next meal, they all blast across her body. Their cum drenches her from head to toe, showering every inch of her. The girl laughs as she feels the warm, sticky goodness go literally everywhere! Fuck! It will take her a long time to clean up, but that's ok. She falls back and continues giggling like that good student that got an A+ after studying for a long time. She pumps her feet and her hands into the air, and she cries in girlish glee, "Best! Birthday! Bash! Ever!"

Then, at long last, the big day arrived. She was sitting on the couch one Thursday morning with Sully and when she went to get up, her water broke. She felt a pop and a splash, and suddenly, her legs, shoes, and the carpet were a moment, she gaped down at the wet spot uncomprehendingly, her brain unable to process what her eyes were seeing. Then it began to sink in and her chest tightened. Oh shit. It was happening. Sully didn't notice what had happened. He had been in the middle of talking about something and when Luna's water broke, her mind blanked. She couldn't remember the conversation they had been having or even comprehend what he was saying now. It was happening. Happening, happening, happening. That word kept flashing through her mind like a neon sign. Finally, she recovered enough to speak. "Uh… my water just broke." Sully stopped talking and looked at her with a confused expression, as though he hadn't understood. "What?" "My water broke," she repeated. All at once, Sully realized what was happening and his eyes grew to three times their normal size. He jumped to his feet and looked like he was about to panic. "It's happening?" Luna felt a faint flutter in her stomach. "Yes," she said. Sully took a deep breath. "Alright, uh, uh…" he looked around, not knowing what to do. They had practiced this a thousand times before but now his mind was just as blank as Luna's had been. "Grab the bag," Luna said, walking him through the steps, "and drive me to the hospital." "Right," Sully said, recovering his composure. She got dressed and put her shoes on while Sully grabbed the bag she had packed for the hospital. It contained extra clothes, socks, toiletries, and other things she had read she would need for the birthing process. She was feeling okay right up until then; that's when the burning pain flared in her stomach. She held herself and winced at the agony in her guts, and Sully looked terrified. "I don't know if that's normal," she said. "What do I do?": he asked. "Just take the bag," she said. He took the bag and then helped Luna out to the car; she crushed his hand in hers and gritted her teeth. Sweat poured from her in slimy rivulets and her heart slammed unaccountably against her ribs. She didn't feel right, then again, she had never been in labor before, so she didn't know how she was supposed to feel. Sully helped her into the car, jumped behind the wheel, and peeled off from the curb, slamming Luna back against the seat. "Careful," she said. The contractions, if contractions they even were, had become stronger and pain rippled through her body. Two miles from the hospital, they came to a series of giant holes in the road, old and corroded pipes exposed like ancient bones. Sully spun the wheel and the car slid across the hole sideways. "Nice driving," Luna said through a wince of pain. "Thanks," Sully said. The hospital appeared on the right. Sully slid into the entrance and parked at the doors to the emergency room. He jumped out, helped Luna inside, and sat her in a wheelchair. A nurse took them to the maternity ward and got them situated in a room. The doctor came in, checked her, and nodded. "You're dilated. We're definitely having a baby today." When he was gone, Luna had Sully call her family. From there, things went rather quickly. The contractions came in waves, each one worse than the last. By the time Mom and Dad showed up, she was 10cm dilated and ready to go. Dad went into the waiting room with Lori and the others, and Mom and Sully stayed in the room while a team of doctors and nurses surrounded her. The metal stirrups were cold against her feet and she felt a breeze where breezes weren't supposed to go, but the contractions were more powerful and closer together. The doctor told her to push and she did, gripping the railing and bearing down on her teeth. She could feel her pelvis expanding to accommodate the baby's passage and it was almost like splitting apart. Sully held her hand and urged her on, and Mom studied the machines to which she was attached, a puzzled look on her face. Luna pushed with every contraction, muscles straining, body aching. Electric pulses shot up her spine and her heart slammed so fast that she felt dizzy. She had the sensation of being full, and knew from that alone that the baby was making his way down the birth canal. She pushed again and one of the nurses called that she could see his head. He was almost here and Luna was impatient to hold him… and to end this suffering. She pushed again and the most exquisite pain she had ever felt in her life came over her. She screamed and squeezed Sully's hand. "You're doing great," he said. Luna took deep breaths and gave one last push. Thin cries filled the room and she had the sudden sensation of release. A nurse cut the cord and took the baby over to a scale to weigh it. "He's beautiful, Luna," Sully said proudly. Luna didn't respond. He turned to her. She was pale and sickly looking, her eyes drooping. She was suddenly very tired and dizzy. At that moment, the heart monitor started to beep urgently. One of the nurses came over, checked her vitals, and called out, "Her blood pressure's dropping!" Once again, the doctors and nurses surrounded Luna and began to work over her. A nurse ushered her parents out of the room and Sully held her hand, his heart pounding in terror. Her eyes rolled back into her head and darkness stole over her. The heart monitor flatlined. Sully grew instantly cold. The word around him faded away and every sound echoed as if from a great distance. He held Luna's limp hand in his and fought back the hysteria welling up inside of him. Luna needed him to be strong. For her and for their son. He stroked Luna's hand and urged her to pull through, not knowing if she could hear him or not. Tears openly flowed down his cheeks and his lips trembled, but he managed to hold it together. After what seemed like an eternity but couldn't have been more than a minute, the doctor shocked her with a defibrillator and the heart monitor began to steadily beep once again. Sully let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding and felt Luna squeeze his hand. Her eyelids fluttered open and a tired smile touched her lips. Sully laughed and cried at the same time. "You had quite the close call," the doctor explained later. "I feel tired," Luna said, "and excited. Can I hold my baby now?" "You sure can." A nurse brought Landon to her. Swaddled in a white blanket, his eyes were closed and his face was pink and ruddy, reminding her of a newborn puppy. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She cradled him to her chest and smiled at him through a sheen of tears. He yawned and stretched. Love swelled in her chest. "Hi, baby," she cooed. "I'm your mommy." Sully leaned over the rail to see his son. "And that's your daddy. We're very pleased to meet you." Later on, Mom, Dad, Sam, and all of Luna's siblings came into the room to meet the new addition to the Loud family. Mom held him in her arms and rocked him gently from side to side. Dad smiled lovingly down at him and tickled his chin; Landon's face crinkled in annoyance, and Mom and Dad chuckled. Sam was next, then Lori. They passed the baby around from oldest to youngest. "I'm really excited that there's another boy in the family now," Lincoln said. "Don't rot his mind with comic books and video games," Luna said jokingly. "I can't make any promises," Lincoln grinned. Lisa held Landon down low so that Lily could see him. Her eyes got really big and her mouth formed a perfect O. "That's the baby," Mom said. " Baaaaaaby? " Lily asked and looked up at her. Mom beamed. "That's right. He's your nephew." Lily said something that sounded a little like nephew. By then, Landon was awake. His eyes were open and fixed on Lily, his brow furrowed in confusion. A shiver went through his little body and he began to fuss. Luna's heart melted and she took him back from Mom. "Are you cold?" she cooed, Landon looked up at her and made an almost miserable face that came really close to breaking her. She snuggled him close and soon his squirming stilled and he fell back asleep. Luna smiled at him and stroked his bald little head, then she, too, fell asleep, the weariness and exhaustion of the day finally catching up with her. The nurse shooed everyone out except for Sully. "Mom and Dad can stay," she said, and being called Dad for the first time made Sully feel strange and good at the same time. He gazed at his girl and their son, then looked over his shoulder at the departing Louds. He hesitated, then got to his feet and went out into the waiting room. Mr. Loud was walking aimlessly down the hall, stretching his legs, and Sully followed. "Mr. Loud?" he asked. The older man turned around and looked at him. Sully took a deep breath. "I'm… I'm sorry about all of this," he said. He meant for getting Luna pregnant. Was he sorry? Not really, he was happy, but he had to say something to make amends with Mr. Loud. "I know this isn't, you know, the best situation, but I want you to know that I'm ready to be a good father and a good… partner to Luna." Mr. Loud stared at him for a moment and Sully was afraid the old man would deck him. Sighing, Mr. Loud put his hand on Sully's shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze. "I know you are, son, I know you are." Back in the room, Sully sat next to Luna's bed and watched her and baby Landon sleep. Soon, sooner than he had ever expected, his life would get very busy and very noisy, with diapers, feedings, and all the other things that go along with having a baby. He was ready for it, but for right now, he was content to watch them sleep in silence. "I love you," he whispered. A dreamy smile touched Luna's lips. "We love you too," she said.

Honesty, [[MLP|Miscegenation is Magic!]]

==See also==
*[[Bart-Toons]] – A manchild of Italian descent who reveres Lincoln as his lord and savior as well as a pimp.
*[[DeviantArt]]
*''[[Doug]]''
*''[[Family Guy]]''
*''[[Fresh Prince of Bel-Air]]''
*''[[Full House]]''
*''[[Gravity Falls]]''
*[[Harem Comedy]] – A Western variant.
*[[Incest]]
*[[Javi Suzumiya]] – A pedophilic Mexican who spams crack ships.
*[[The Loud Channel]] – A Mexican Pedophile Lolcow who would be known for his cancer creepypasta.
*[[Nickelodeon]] – The network responsible for this show's airing.
*''[[PAW Patrol]]'' – Another popular show on Nickelodeon with a similar fanbase.
*[[Pedophilia|Pedophiles]] – The (unsurprising) core audience.
*''[[Regular Show]]''
*[[Shipping]]
*''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''
*''[[Star vs. the Forces of Evil]]''
*''[[Steven Universe]]''
*''[[The Adventures Of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius|The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius]]''
*''[[The Fairly OddParents]]''
*[[Unfunny]]
*[[101 Dalmatian Street]] Loud House: Britbong furfag edition

==External links==
*[http://g.e-hentai.org/g/951732/0b21dccba4/ A comic about a yandere Luan.]
*[http://g.e-hentai.org/g/957063/871770396a/ Another comic. This time it's about Lincoln and Lynn.]
*[http://rule34.paheal.net/post/list/The_Loud_House/1 Feel free to fap to your pleasure, you sick pedo.]

{{Television}}
{{Social Justice}}
{{cartoons}}
{{pedoseries}}
{{rapeseries}}
{{Timeline|Featured article November 4 and 5, [[2017]]|[[Sayfullo Saipov]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Chris-chan]]}}
{{Timeline|Article of the Now November 10 & 11, [[2021]]|[[QAnon]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Shadman]]}}
{{timeline|Article of the Now February 11 & February 12, [[2025]]|[[Pennsylvania School Stabbing]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting]]}}

File:You should thank the president NOW.png

2026-05-16T00:53:29Z

Omari81: Omari81 uploaded a new version of File:You should thank the president NOW.png

JD Vance

2026-05-16T00:50:08Z

Omari81:

[[File:JD Vance.jpg|thumb|JD Vance in his earlier years.]]
'''James David Vance''' is a [[hillbilly]] hick and our current vice president ([[Wikipedia:Age and health concerns about Donald Trump|soon to be president]]).

Recently he has been a figure of interest in the American political sphere due to being nominated as the future vice president by God-King [[Trump|Emperor Donaldus I]]. Vance was originally a sternly never-Trump politician, even referring to Trump's America as [[Hitler|Hitler's]] America once. Donald Trump took this as compliment and chose Vance to be his running mate, which of course Vance complied and immediately began ferociously sucking The Don's massive circumcised dong ever since.

==Hillbilly Elegy==
His [[meme]]oir that he wrote in 2016, ''Hillbilly Elegy'', details much of his early life. Growing up, JD Vance was a lonely, lonely man. Throughout pages 179-181, Vance goes into grotesque detail of the secret, sexual para-relations he had out of desperation and frustration with an inside-out latex glove and his grandmother's living room couch cushions.

Other than that, his book also details his fatherlessness, his experiences with laying in bed smoking [[pot]] all day, the disgusting oral hygiene of the hillbilly race, latent [[homosexuality]], his neurotic, whore [[mother]], and his bad-shit [[insane]], gun-toting, hermaphrodite [[grandmother]].

==Vice Presidency==
[[File:You should thank the president NOW.png|thumb|Now don't you forget.]]
In his vice presidential campaign, he has become most well known for calling [[Kamala Harris (prostitute)|Kamala Harris']] supporters "[[Childfree|childless]] [[lesbian|cat ladies]]" who have "[[fact|no stake in the future]]". Suddenly, a bunch of middle-aged women from [[Facebook]] and such who haven't had any [[dick]] since their teacher touched them in elementary school start to take up being a lonely media-shill with no purpose in life as a point of pride. He's also garnered controversy for perpetuating the idea that [[Haitians]] eat cats, which the cat ladies dismiss as racist because they're desperate for some black meat to eat their [[pussy]] cat.

==Quotes==
<center>
{{Morphquote|mq1|{{roundy|.9em}}background-color:white;border:.5em solid lightgray;margin:0 auto 1em auto;|font-weight:bold;

|At the time, the only thing I knew about gay men was that they preferred men to women. This described me perfectly: [[fag|I disliked girls]], and my [[butt buddy|best friend]] in the world was my buddy Bill. Oh no, I’m going to hell.|
|<small>I broached this issue with Mamaw, confessing that I was gay and I was worried that I would burn in hell. She said, “Don’t be a fucking idiot, how would you know that you’re gay?” I explained my thought process. Mamaw chuckled and seemed to consider how she might explain to a boy my age. Finally she asked, “J.D., {{ytlink|P3ALwKeSEYs|do you want to suck dicks?}}” I was flabbergasted. Why would someone want to do that? She repeated herself, and I said, “Of course not!” “Then,” she said, “you’re not gay. And even if you did want to suck dicks, that would be okay. [[God Hates Fags|God would still love you.]]”</small>|
|I remember stroking the whiskers on her chin and wondering whether God gave all old women facial hair.|
|Along with my abysmal school record came drug experimentation — nothing hard, just what alcohol I could get my hands on and a stash of weed that [[Gook|Ken]]’s son and I found|
|Half of his teeth had rotted out, and the other half were [[black]], brown, and misshapen, the consequence of a lifetime of [[Mountain Dew]] consumption and presumably some missed dental checkups. He was a high school dropout who drove a truck for a living.|JD describing one of his many step-daddies
|They’d buy two dozen-packs of soda with food stamps and then sell them at a discount for cash. They’d ring up their orders separately, buying food with food stamps, and beer, wine, and cigarettes with cash. They’d regularly go through the checkout line speaking on their cell phones.|description of the average hard-working, blue collar, Midwestern person
|I began to put on weight, and I was positively chubby by the time I started the fifth grade.|JD is [[fat]].
|We got on the highway, and I said something that ignited her temper. So she sped up to what seemed like a hundred miles per hour and told me that she was going to [[an hero|crash the car and kill us both]]. I jumped into the backseat, thinking that if I could use two seat belts at once, I’d be more likely to survive the impact. This infuriated her more, so she pulled over to beat the shit out of me.|truly a loving mother
|I leaped out of the car and ran for my life... I happened upon a small house with an aboveground pool... “You have to call my mamaw!” I screamed. “Please help me. My mom is trying to kill me.” The woman clambered out of the pool as I looked around fearfully, terrified of any sign of my mother. We went inside, and I called Mamaw and repeated the woman’s address. “Please hurry up,” I told her. “Mom is going to find me.”|truly a loving mother, part II
|Mom did find me. She must have seen where I ran from the highway. She banged on the door and demanded that I come out. I begged the owner not to open the door, so she locked the doors and promised Mom that her two dogs—each no bigger than a medium-sized house cat—would attack her if she tried to enter. Eventually Mom broke down the woman’s door and dragged me out as I screamed and clutched for anything—the screen door, the guardrails on the steps, the grass on the ground. The woman stood there and watched, and I hated her for doing nothing.|truly a loving mother, part III

}}
</center>

==See also==
*[[2024 USA Presidential Elections]]
*[[Donald Trump]]
*[[Kamala Harris (prostitute)|Kamala Harris]]
*[[Mike Pence]]
*[[Millennial]]
*[[Objectophilia]]
*[[Tim Walz]]
*[[Vance Stone]] - Another Vance who was, conversely, not a very big fan of couches.

==External links==
*''[http://175.101.109.29:8081/newgenlibctxt/Hillbilly%20Elegy_%20A%20Memoir%20of%20a%20Family%20and%20Culture%20in%20Crisis.pdf Hillbilly Elegy]''

{{Politics}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:2024]]
[[Category:People]]

JD Vance

2026-05-16T00:48:02Z

Omari81:

{{Stub}}
''"JD Vance" redirects here. Perhaps you were looking for [[Weird]]?''

[[File:JD Vance.jpg|thumb|JD Vance in his earlier years.]]
'''James David Vance''' is a [[hillbilly]] hick and our current vice president ([[Wikipedia:Age and health concerns about Donald Trump|soon to be president]]).

Recently he has been a figure of interest in the American political sphere due to being nominated as the future vice president by God-King [[Trump|Emperor Donaldus I]]. Vance was originally a sternly never-Trump politician, even referring to Trump's America as [[Hitler|Hitler's]] America once. Donald Trump took this as compliment and chose Vance to be his running mate, which of course Vance complied and immediately began ferociously sucking The Don's massive circumcised dong ever since.

==Hillbilly Elegy==
His [[meme]]oir that he wrote in 2016, ''Hillbilly Elegy'', details much of his early life. Growing up, JD Vance was a lonely, lonely man. Throughout pages 179-181, Vance goes into grotesque detail of the secret, sexual para-relations he had out of desperation and frustration with an inside-out latex glove and his grandmother's living room couch cushions.

Other than that, his book also details his fatherlessness, his experiences with laying in bed smoking [[pot]] all day, the disgusting oral hygiene of the hillbilly race, latent [[homosexuality]], his neurotic, whore [[mother]], and his bad-shit [[insane]], gun-toting, hermaphrodite [[grandmother]].

==Vice Presidency==
[[File:You should thank the president NOW.png|thumb|Now don't you forget.]]
In his vice presidential campaign, he has become most well known for calling [[Kamala Harris (prostitute)|Kamala Harris']] supporters "[[Childfree|childless]] [[lesbian|cat ladies]]" who have "[[fact|no stake in the future]]". Suddenly, a bunch of middle-aged women from [[Facebook]] and such who haven't had any [[dick]] since their teacher touched them in elementary school start to take up being a lonely media-shill with no purpose in life as a point of pride. He's also garnered controversy for perpetuating the idea that [[Haitians]] eat cats, which the cat ladies dismiss as racist because they're desperate for some black meat to eat their [[pussy]] cat.

==Quotes==
<center>
{{Morphquote|mq1|{{roundy|.9em}}background-color:white;border:.5em solid lightgray;margin:0 auto 1em auto;|font-weight:bold;

|At the time, the only thing I knew about gay men was that they preferred men to women. This described me perfectly: [[fag|I disliked girls]], and my [[butt buddy|best friend]] in the world was my buddy Bill. Oh no, I’m going to hell.|
|<small>I broached this issue with Mamaw, confessing that I was gay and I was worried that I would burn in hell. She said, “Don’t be a fucking idiot, how would you know that you’re gay?” I explained my thought process. Mamaw chuckled and seemed to consider how she might explain to a boy my age. Finally she asked, “J.D., {{ytlink|P3ALwKeSEYs|do you want to suck dicks?}}” I was flabbergasted. Why would someone want to do that? She repeated herself, and I said, “Of course not!” “Then,” she said, “you’re not gay. And even if you did want to suck dicks, that would be okay. [[God Hates Fags|God would still love you.]]”</small>|
|I remember stroking the whiskers on her chin and wondering whether God gave all old women facial hair.|
|Along with my abysmal school record came drug experimentation — nothing hard, just what alcohol I could get my hands on and a stash of weed that [[Gook|Ken]]’s son and I found|
|Half of his teeth had rotted out, and the other half were [[black]], brown, and misshapen, the consequence of a lifetime of [[Mountain Dew]] consumption and presumably some missed dental checkups. He was a high school dropout who drove a truck for a living.|JD describing one of his many step-daddies
|They’d buy two dozen-packs of soda with food stamps and then sell them at a discount for cash. They’d ring up their orders separately, buying food with food stamps, and beer, wine, and cigarettes with cash. They’d regularly go through the checkout line speaking on their cell phones.|description of the average hard-working, blue collar, Midwestern person
|I began to put on weight, and I was positively chubby by the time I started the fifth grade.|JD is [[fat]].
|We got on the highway, and I said something that ignited her temper. So she sped up to what seemed like a hundred miles per hour and told me that she was going to [[an hero|crash the car and kill us both]]. I jumped into the backseat, thinking that if I could use two seat belts at once, I’d be more likely to survive the impact. This infuriated her more, so she pulled over to beat the shit out of me.|truly a loving mother
|I leaped out of the car and ran for my life... I happened upon a small house with an aboveground pool... “You have to call my mamaw!” I screamed. “Please help me. My mom is trying to kill me.” The woman clambered out of the pool as I looked around fearfully, terrified of any sign of my mother. We went inside, and I called Mamaw and repeated the woman’s address. “Please hurry up,” I told her. “Mom is going to find me.”|truly a loving mother, part II
|Mom did find me. She must have seen where I ran from the highway. She banged on the door and demanded that I come out. I begged the owner not to open the door, so she locked the doors and promised Mom that her two dogs—each no bigger than a medium-sized house cat—would attack her if she tried to enter. Eventually Mom broke down the woman’s door and dragged me out as I screamed and clutched for anything—the screen door, the guardrails on the steps, the grass on the ground. The woman stood there and watched, and I hated her for doing nothing.|truly a loving mother, part III

}}
</center>

==See also==
*[[2024 USA Presidential Elections]]
*[[Donald Trump]]
*[[Kamala Harris (prostitute)|Kamala Harris]]
*[[Mike Pence]]
*[[Millennial]]
*[[Objectophilia]]
*[[Tim Walz]]
*[[Vance Stone]] - Another Vance who was, conversely, not a very big fan of couches.

==External links==
*''[http://175.101.109.29:8081/newgenlibctxt/Hillbilly%20Elegy_%20A%20Memoir%20of%20a%20Family%20and%20Culture%20in%20Crisis.pdf Hillbilly Elegy]''

{{Politics}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:2024]]
[[Category:People]]

Cole Allen

2026-05-14T22:34:38Z

Omari81: /* The Shooting */

{{DISPLAYTITLE:{{glow|{{PAGENAME}}}}}}
{{conspiracy}}
{{achtung|LOLOLOLOLOLOL THEY MISSED AGAIN}}
{{aroundblacks}}
{{ib|[[File:Cole Allen.jpg|300px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''{{glow|Cole Allen}}'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|April 11, 1995 ({{age|1995|4|11}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[California|Commiefornian]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Injured 1}}
{{ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|FUCK NO!}}
{{ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, [[v&]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[Trump Derangement Syndrome]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''{{glow|Cole Tomas Allen}}''' is yet another piece of evidence that [[niggers]] are not to be trusted with firearms. This <s>agent provocateur asset</s> [[ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT|Pulp Fiction]] wannabe attempted to assassinate [[The Donald]] while he was hosting a [[fatass|dinner]] at the Washington Hilton in [[Washington, D.C.]]

==Background==
Cole was born on April 11, 1995 in [[California]]. He likely peaked in his university's [[Actor|theatre class]], cuz he looks like Daveed Diggs and got a job in education. He developed a video game called Bohrdom (this nigga can't even spell). He also [[Manchild|lived with his parents]]. After realizing that he pretty much had no life, he decided to throw it all away by [[Retard|blaming it all on Trump]] and travel several hours to Washington, D.C. to [[Psychopath|kill him]].

==The Shooting==
On April 25, 2026, Cole arrived at a hotel in Washington, D.C., gathered his weapons, and [[Natalie Rupnow|took a photo of himself standing in front of a mirror]] before sending his family his manifesto. In the manifesto, he calls Trump a [[pedo]], [[rapist]], and a [[racist]], and talks about other lefty topics like [[Emily Youcis|Will Stancil]] and [[Hasan Piker]], the latter of which he doesn't like. He also calls himself the "[[Cringe|Coldforce Friendly Federal Assassin]]", saying that he's going to kill Trump and every member of his cabinet {{glow|except FBI director Kash Patel}}, before becoming [[an hero]]. Family members immediately called the police, but it was already too late, as Cole had already headed out to fulfill his destiny.

Once he arrived, he was confronted by security near the main metal detector screening area of the Washington Hilton. He suddenly felt the spirit of [[Naruto]] inside him, telling him to run past the security checkpoint and take out any guards who come near him, so he did. Secret Service agents immediately ran towards him, but he [[Counter troll|fired back]]. He probably would've made it to the ballroom where Trump was if he didn't [[Idiot|trip and fall]]. He was immediately tackled, arrested, and taken into custody.

==Trial==
He was charged with attempting to kill Trump, which he pleaded not guilty to despite the mountain of evidence against him.

==Loadout==
<div align="center">
{|class="wikitable" width="40%"
!colspan="2"|Class Setup
|-
!Item
!Accessories/Bonus
|-
|
*'''Primary''': 12-gauge Maverick shotgun
[[File:Firearm used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 60~130 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Secondary''': Armscor Precision .38 semi-automatic pistol
[[File:Rock Island Armory 1911 .38 caliber pistol used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 19~25 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Tertiary''': Multiple knives
[[File:GTA4IconsKnife.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 30 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Spell''': Nigger
[[File:Blacksrelax.jpg|70px|center]]
|
*'''Double damage against [[White Devils]].'''
|}
</div>

==Graded Score==
{{GradedScore|[[Epic Fail|0]]|[[Epic Fail|Didn't even get near his target]]|0|Only shot a Secret Service agent.|15|At least he had the balls to run past the security.|15|Got a lot of attention despite not reaching his target.|0|For being a [[niggers|nigger with rage]].|30|F|At least you did better than [[Ryan Routh]].}}

{{Wanted|4}}

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|ColeAllen-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Bro is not Natalie Rupnow.png|[[Natalie Rupnow|She]] ain't gonna pick you in the afterlife, bro. She's already getting [[BLACKED]] by [[Solomon Henderson|someone else]].
File:Cole Allen BLACKED.png|But hey! Your cellmate [[Bubba]] is always looking for a new [[Rape|plaything]].
File:Cole Tomas Allen Meme.jpg|Aw, [[Crybaby|boo hoo]].
File:Cole Allen Prediction.png|{{twitter|HenryMa79561893/status/1738018409441308955|Hmmm...}}
File:Cole Allen In Prison Be Like.jpeg|The face he's gonna make while getting raped in the prison showers.
File:Cole Allen Naruto.jpeg|He really was the [[BLACK MAN|black flash]] of the Hidden Leaf...
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Vance escorted before trump.gif|Totally not suspicious at all.
File:colepix.png
File:colekiss.png|Yea kiss that floor you know you like it...
File:ColeAllenFloyd.jpeg
File:Cole Allen as baby.jpg|Aww, he'll grow up to be a great {{glow|[[v&|federal asset]]}}!
File:Cole Allen IDF shirt.jpg|[[Israel|Well, well, well.]]{{Jew}}
File:Cole Allen with family.jpg
</gallery>}}

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv| |background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;
|[[File:8900987-90a37390c0bacced0e921c715a214e0f.mp4|560px|center]]
|<youtube>jMuhRlqHYEU</youtube>'''<br>You're telling me, pal.
|[[File:Cole Allen Gassy.mp4|560px|center]]'''When you help the government stage an assassination attempt so you get to live the rest of your life in exile on a tropical island:'''
|<youtube>vDo6nGP55QM</youtube>'''<br>Gameplay video of Bohrdom, the game he developed'''
}}
|border=#201f3a|background=red}}
</center>

==See Also==
*[[Aaron Alexis]] - The better [[Washington, D.C.]] nigger shooter by quite a wide margin.
*[[John Hinckley Jr.]] - Also tried assassinating the president at Washington Hilton.
*{{glow|[[Thomas Matthew Crooks]]}}, {{glow|[[Ryan Routh]]}} - His predecessors.
*{{glow|[[Tyler Robinson]]}} - Actually succeeded.

==External Links==
*{{Wikilink|2026_White_House_Correspondents'_Dinner_shooting|TOW coverage}}
*{{WPD|h/social/post/490620/megathread-shots-fired-during-president-donald|WPD coverage}}
*{{Steamgame|945530/Bohrdom/|Bohrdom, a game he developed}}
*'''[[Cole Allen/Manifesto|His manifesto]]''' {{Wayback|https://nypost.com/2026/04/26/us-news/read-whcd-gunman-cole-allens-full-anti-trump-manifesto/|20260430031814}}

{{Truth}}
{{Afro}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Gun control}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Serious}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Niggers]]
[[Category:2026]]
[[category:Murder]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Politics]]

JewWario

2026-05-14T20:34:38Z

Omari81:

{{spoiler|[[Channel Awesome|Everyone in Channel Awesome]] KNEW JEWWARIO WAS A RAPIST AND LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT FOR A YEAR}}
{{pedo}}
{{SickFuck}}
{{an hero}}
{{withjews|you get raped}}
[[Image:JewWarioChangeTheChannel.gif|right]]

[[File:JewWario 3.jpg|350px|thumb|right|Before he decided to off himself]]

'''JewWario''' (Powerword: Justin Carmical{{jew}}) was a contributor at [[TGWTG]] until Thursday the 23rd of January 2014, when he decided to take the easy way out by shooting himself, therefore becoming [[An hero]].
TGWTG fanbois were upset by the news, despite not being unable to recall anything this faggot accomplished besides being part of a circlejerk known as Kickassia. On April 12 of 2018, Channel Awesome "accidentally" outed JewWario as a "sexual deviant" that was [[rape|harassing]] his female fans. For that reason, they dropped his sorry ass, but covered it up in order to <strike>avoid pain for the victims</strike> not lose subscribers on the site.

{{quote|I also have to confirm he shot himself, but he was not alone, he locked himself in the bathroom and I was on the other side of the door talking with him. He knew I loved him, HE KNEW ALL OF YOU LOVED HIM. You all made him so happy, every time he was recognized from his videos, it made him giddy with joy.|[https://www.facebook.com/jenny.valentine.587/posts/10151967764613068 The Wife]|center=auto}}

==Faked The Suicide==
[[File:An artist's rendering of Jew Wario.jpg|thumb|right|An artist's rendering of the scene.]]
[[File:JewWario memorial.jpg|200px|thumb|right]]

Like all TGWTG faggots, he makes nothing from advertisements because nobody watches his boring videos.
So he had to think of alternative ways to pay his bills.
Given that he couldn't get a job, because that would require him to actually do something more than jerking off to manga in front of a camera, he needed to think of something else.
But what?
He already went the Kickstarter way, so that would be too risky.
The only other option was for Justin to fake his suicide, so that the braindead followers of would pay thousand of dollars to his [http://www.gofundme.com/6groao "family"].
Unsurprisingly, the money didn't go to Justin's family, but instead to Justin himself, so he can satisfy his unhealthy obsession with buying things he doesn't need.
The plan worked well until his wife realized the world thought he was dead there's nothing stopping her from [[Josef Fritzl|keeping him in the basement]].

== Leaving TGWTG ==

[[File:JewWario reading.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Noticed his shirt says, "I'm a Mac."]]

Due to his numerous psychological issues, Justin decided that his feeble emotions couldn't deal with the tyranny of Doug Walker and brother Rob.
Therefore he parted ways with the group and never looked back.
Except Justin did look back at his miserable lonely life, before the bullet penetrated his brain.

Both parties claimed the break was peaceful, but this was just a coverup.

<strike>The truth was that he joined permavirgin site [[Video_Game_Reviewers#Retroware_TV|Retroware TV]] in a bid to make more jew gold, But Retroware TV were butthurt with TGWTG's popularity, so told Justin that he would be kicked off the site unless he left Doug Walker's circle jerk, So as with the normal mentality of Jews mindlessly following oppressors demands, he abandoned his old friends for an anorexic spic and [[Video_game_reviewers#Pat_The_NES_Punk|a ass licking faggot that rides the coat-tails of the AVGN]] and we all know how well that endeavor went, don't we ladies and gentlemen?</strike> DISREGARD THAT, in April 12 of 2018, in the middle of the shitfest started by the posting of the “Not So Awesome” document on Monday, April 2, 2018, Channel Awesome "accidentally" outed JewWario as a "sexual deviant" that tried to 'raep' one of the fans. Afterwards, another chick came forward in reddit and claimed that JewWario had tried to go "Bill Cosby" on her ass. The first girl apparently asked Channel Awesome not to say or do anything about Justin, but that won't stop people from using this incident to sperg out about how "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil!" Channel Awesome is for covering it up because who the flying fuck cares about the wishes of rape victims amirite?

== Kamen Rider ==

[[File:jewfag rider kick.jpg|right|200px|thumb|This is what you spent $10,000 for.]]
[[File:Irate Gamer-JewWario Respect.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The [[Irate Gamer]] pays respect to a fallen comrade.]]

This retard was known to love [[Kamen Rider]].
He loved it so much that he tried to <s>make</s> get money for his own rip-off called [http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/famikamen-rider-series FamiKamen Rider], and like all Jews, he stole from people by asking for $8,000 for his shit series, but fucktards gave him $10,255 in the end.

His $10,000 project was nothing but a mess with cheap effects and lame acting, much like his videos.
Some might wonder why people would actually gave this him any money, let alone $10,000, but just remember that all his fans are sad and lonely individuals, without anything else to spend their money on, as they are too disgusting for prostitutes.

== Obituary videos==

Unsurprisingly, the JewTubes soon became flooded with teary autistics making [[Memorial Page Tourism|tribute videos to our fallen hero]], that they have clearly put all of their heart into. But only [[lazy|half of their ass]]. Equally unsurprisingly, many of these videos were deleted once it was discovered that the man they were praising was a rapist.

==Notable videos==

The an hero used to tasting videos, where he would taste different kinds of candy, which is like 15 shades of 3edgy5me of originality, before settling on the fact that he only liked the taste of bullets.
<br>
{{Videoframe|vf1|{{roundy|.9em}}background-color:white;border:.5em solid gold;margin:0 auto 1em auto;|font-weight:bold;

|<youtube>LRKyCnC6nlw</youtube>
;Two Jews who love Mario... and underage girls.

|<youtube>jCvwT28fx80</youtube>
;Once a lover of candy, but preferred the taste of bullets.

|<youtube>gDaihjmsDok</youtube>
;Doug Walker re-enacts the life of Justin<

}}

==Gallery==

{{Collapsegallery|Gallery|cg1|center|<gallery>
File:JewWario Reading.jpg|He employed his own exit strategy
File:JewWario Unfaithful.jpg|A slut he fucked because his wife is disgusting
File:JewWario The Wife.jpg|No wonder he shot himself with a wife looking like this
File:JewWario Mother's Facebook Post.jpg|Mother is so sad :D :D :D ‎
</gallery>|<gallery>
File:JewWario As A Pony.jpg|MLP fan. Surprised?
File:JewWario 2.jpg
File:JewWario At Magfest.jpg
File:JewWario And RapCritic.jpg
File:JewWario 1.jpg
File:JewWario The Marriage.jpg|Love and marriage
File:JewWario The Wife Suicide.jpg|A simulation of the wife finally doing the right thing
File:JewWario Two Poor Sods.jpg
File:JewWario Master Of Camouflage.jpg|Before he pulled his greatest disappearing act
File:JewWario famicom.jpg
File:JewWario mario.jpg
</gallery>|border=gold|color=white}}

==See Also==
*[[Jews]]
*[[TGWTG]]

==External Links==
*<s>{{fb|justin.carmical|His alive Facebook}}</s> Dead, just like Justin.
*{{fb|jenny.valentine.587|The wife}}
*[http://socialnewsdaily.com/23073/jewwario-actor-justin-carmical-takes-his-own-life/ A newsstory about his fortunate death]
*[http://www.gofundme.com/6groao More than $13,000 ready for Justin to pocket]
*[http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/famikamen-rider-series A kickstarter project where he also took all the money and ran]

{{An Heroes}}
{{TGWTG}}
{{ytseries}}

{{Timeline|Featured article March 30th & 31st, [[2014]]|[[Schnookums]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[John Campbell]]}}
{{timeline|Featured article April 30 & May 1st/8th, [[2018]]|[[Bill Cosby]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Rick and Morty]]}}
[[Category:People]]

Herbert Hoover

2026-05-14T20:32:11Z

Omari81:

{{quote|Economic depression can not be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement.|Yeah, [[Truth|you don't say]].}}
[[File:Herbert Hoover.jpg|thumb|Hey liberals, check this out! *[[Bruh|crashes the stock market]]*]]
'''[[Family Guy|Herbert]] Clark Hoover''' was the <s>Chinese asset</s> man known for ruining more lives than the ''[[Philadelphia|It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia]]'' gang. That, and for being mentioned in Home Alone 2. He was elected president in 1928 because his campaign aimed for a "final triumph over poverty". Ironically the stock market crashed a few months later and he never bothered to fix it, leading to the [[Sad|Great Depression]]. He was so bad, everyone calls his successor FDR one of the best presidents ever just for undoing what he did.

==Life==
He was born in [[Iowa]], the swing state of [[Ironic|every terrible election]], to a family of [[White Trash|Quakers]], all of whom died when he was a toddler. He [[Retard|dropped out of school]] at age 14. He became a millionaire later in life by [[Communist|working for China]]. When WWI broke out, he began working for the Woodrow Wilson administration. He was Secretary of Commerce from 1921 to 1928. He decided to run for president in the 1928 election and won in a landslide, despite oppositions warning he was [[probably]] a European asset. [[Ironic|Funnily enough, every country outside of the US that he visited during his presidency found him a great president.]]

A few months into his presidency, he decided the only way to own the libs was to crash the stock market. During the Great Depression, he became so unpopular that people threw rotten food at him in the streets wherever he traveled. His last name also became a term for poor cities in the US for a while. Despite this, he had the balls to run for re-election in 1932 and lost in a landslide to FDR. Throughout his life afterwards, his only friend was the president that nuked [[Japan]] during WWII. When his presidential library opened in 1962, almost no one went there. He died at age 90 from internal bleeding, though it was probably [[An hero|self-inflicted]].

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|Hoover-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Hoover Stonks.png
File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|"Herbert Hoover, dead at age 90"
</gallery>}}

{{lulzhistory}}
{{Politics}}

[[Category:People|Hoover, Herbert]]

Economy

2026-05-13T23:27:02Z

Omari81:

[[File:Friedrich von hayek.jpg|thumb|"Problem, paupers?"]]
[[File:Economic systems.png|thumb|Different types of economic systems]]
[[File:Crazyeconomist.gif|thumb|Trust me your money, I am an economist]]
The '''[[shit|economy]]''' is what organizes all of mankind's productive forces to combine their efforts and produce vital stuff like porn movies or mobile phones with [[at_least_100|at least 100]] ring tones. As such it is, by definition, the sum of all [[serious business]].

The principle is essentially this:

# X prints $10
# X loans $100 to Y
# X demands $110 from Y
# Y asks for $10 to pay the interest
# X loans $10 to Y to pay the interest
# X demands $11 from Y
# Y asks for $1 to pay the interest
# X loans $1 to Y to pay the interest
# X demands $1.10 from Y

...and so on. This system will continue forever with no problems whatsoever.

According to movie director [[Leftard|Oliver Stone]] one of the main factors that makes the economy function is human greed. He therefore [[Butthurt|decided to make a movie]] about the [[Sin|immoral nature of capitalism]], which [[Epic Win|ironically]] drove [[Over 9000|many young people]] to become [[Jews|capitalists]].

It is theorized that the Economy was invented by extra terrestrial aliens, [[Flying Spaghetti Monster|Flying Spaghetti monsters]], and Zeus.

[[Historian]]s generally agree that the development of the economy can be divided into three phases: the [[Old]] Economy, the New Economy, and the [[Camwhore]] Economy. [[David Icke|Cutting edge thinkers]] believe we should bathe in hemp oil because soapy water causes cancer.

{{morphquote|mqecon|background-color: white; width: 80%; height: 200px;|font-weight: bold;
|Slowly starving requires a degree of emotional involvement that is part of the original contract, and in its absence she is sacrificially cheap and should be shivved, left in a gutter. The problem for me is, 95% of the time she knows exactly what my associates want. Yet I am determined to strangle her to death if she doesn't emaciate for me, simply to avoid an anti-climax in our work. I desire so strongly to feel her hyperdefined ribs crush in my vice-grip.|Jew (2008).
|[[Greed]], for lack of a [[leet|better word]], is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and [[Why So Serious?|captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit]]. Greed, [[CP|in all of its forms]], [[Anime|greed for life]], for money, for love, [[Porn|knowledge]] has marked the upward surge of mankind".|[[The Man|Gordon Gecko]] in ''Wall Street''.
}}

== The [[Old]] Economy ==

[[Image:Feudal_system.jpg|thumb|The feudal system.]]

In the days [[before the Internets]], the economy was based on what is known as the "Feudal (more like futile, amirite?) System." In this system, the [[King]] and [[User:Girlvinyl|Queen]] [[owned]] all the land, which they then parceled out to the [[:Special:Listadmins|nobles]] [[I will have your humility|in return for their fealty]]. Everyone else were serfs or smurfs or something and didn't get [[jack]].

[[Image:Feudal system simple.JPG|thumb|In the days of old economy, this looked like a good idea.]]

===Free Markets Under the Old Economy===

[[Image:Old_economy.jpg|thumb|left|How the Old Economy worked.]]

During this period, some [[philosopher|thinkers]], such as Adam Smith and [[Ayn Rand]], [[some argue|argued]] in favor of a "free market," because a free market is, [[liek]], a market, and — it's ''free!'' That does sound good, yes, but, unfortunately, it turns out that this doesn't mean [[free|"free" as in "not costing anything."]] Nor, apparently, does it mean [[Free Software Foundation|"free" as in "freedom."]] Rather, it means "free" [[shit nobody cares about|in some other complicated sense nobody really understands]].

In any case, no free market was ever created during this period, because all markets were under the secret control of the [[Jews]].

== The New Economy ==

[[Image:New_economy.jpg|thumb|left|How the New Economy worked.]]

The [[Internets]] were invented by [[why do you hate freedom?|freedom-hater]] [[Al Gore]] and were controlled, in their early days, by the Defense Department — a well-known nest of secret [[anti-American]] subversives.[http://wwx2.tripod.com/mccarthy.html] Commercial use was therefore strictly prohibited (and in [[fact]] the ".com" suffix originally stood, not for "commercial," but for "[[communist]]"). All of that changed, however, [[at least 100 years ago|one fine day in 1994]], when the courageous "Green Card Lawyers," [[Cthulhu|Darth Canter and Dartha Siegel]], sent out their pathbreaking [[spam]] to the assembled [[nerd]]s of [[Usenet]]. This resulted in great rejoicing, as well as in [http://groups.google.com/group/alt.syntax.tactical/browse_thread/thread/5cd5b91558cb0f32/0626c191b823f549?lnk=st&q=&rnum=1&hl=en#msg_0626c191b823f549 the birth of the New Economy].

===Free Markets Under the New Economy===

[[Image:Jews_control_new_economy.jpg|thumb|OMG secret Jewish Internets. Moreover: [[lol]], Gopher.]]

Under the New Economy markets were no longer controlled by the [[Jews]], but rather by a mysterious force known as the [[Jews|Invisible Hand]]. This [[some argue|led some to conclude]] that truly free markets were now possible for the first time. The main [[idiot|believers in this theory]] were the so-called "day traders," who hoped to [[EXTREME ADVERTISING|MAKE MONEY FAST]] by buying shares in ridiculous, no-future, loss-making dot-com ventures such as [[LiveJournal]] and [[Apple]]. In the end, unsurprisingly, [[Special:Listadmins|the inside elite]] kept all the [[money]] and the "day traders" were left with [[jack]].

=== The ''Economist'' Magazine ===

[[Image:Great_tits.jpg|thumb|Only the highest of highbrow [[humor]] over there at the ''Economist''.]]

This international magazine served as an inspiration to Canter and Siegel, and to the New Economy as a whole, due to its convincing argument that problems such as hunger, war, disease, and [[419|AN UNCLAIMED SUM OF $10,000,000 (TEN MILLION U.S. DOLLARS) LEFT IN SECRET ACCOUNTS BY THE LATE PRESIDENT, GENERAL SANI ABACHA]] could be eliminated at a single stroke if only the barriers to [[spam|world trade]] were brought down. Nowadays, however, the ''Economist'' is known for loving [[open source]] software and hating [[teh]] [[Microsoft]] and [[teh]] [[SCO]]. This, of course, is a blatant [[contradiction]].

The ''Economist'' is also known for publishing, each week, an editorial [[cartoon]] which is not only extremely well drawn but also bafflingly, mind-bogglingly [[unfunny]].

[[Image:Condivore.jpg|thumb|left|[[Condi Rice]] in some hawt [[voraphile]] action.]]

== The [[Camwhore]] Economy ==

The New Economy ended [[last Thursday|sometime in 2000]] when it was suddenly discovered that, whereas Old Economy businesses were all built out of "bricks and mortar," the New Economy had been using [[bullshit|a more flexible building material]]. This was known as the "dot com bust."

[[Image:Tableshoehatonhead.jpg|thumb|left|How the Camwhore Economy works.]]
[[Image:Good Economics.jpg|thumb|Sounds good to me.]]

The immediate result of this was that [[at least 100|thousands]] of workers in Silicon Valley and [[San Francisco]] suddenly found themselves laid off from their cushy, all-casual-dress, skateboard-around-the-office, unlimited-free-Nacho-Cheese-flavored-[http://www.doritos.com Doritos ®] [[jobs]]. But [http://groups.google.com/group/alt.fan.furry/msg/21391850df744e31?dmode=source&hl=en the entrepreneurial spirit soon reasserted itself] and rebuilt yet another New Economy on the ashes of the old.

Given the nature of its architects, it is only natural that the mainstay of this New New Economy (if you will) was getting [[16 year old girl]]s to show their [[boob]]s [[OL]].

On a happier note, however: despite the unfortunate success of the Camwhore Economy, [http://chris-landslide.livejournal.com/342.html furries still get fired].

===Free Markets Under the Camwhore Economy===

Besides the [[Camwhore]]s themselves (and of course the [[porn]]ography industry), the main bastion of free market [[capitalism]] [[now|in today's world]] is [[eBay]]. Despite the continued opposition of [[Bill Gates]], [[RMS]], and [[Joseph Stalin]], eBay has succeeded in bringing [[P-p-p-powerbook|the benefits of international free trade]] to us all.

==Economics as a Drama-Generating Technique==

[[Image:Lump_of_flame.jpg|thumb|[[Reason]]ed discussion of economic issues on [[Usenet]].]]
[[Image:For_great_economic_justice.jpg|thumb|It will all end in [[lulz|tears]].]]
[[Image:GoldandSilver.jpg|thumb|Get your own stack.]]
[[Image:Herbert Hoover.jpg|thumb|[[Herbert Hoover|This guy]] knows a thing or two about the economy. Look up "hooverville" for more details.]]

This is just too obvious, and also too easy, like taking [[candy]] from a [[baby]]. But try, for example, accusing someone of committing the "Lump of Labor" fallacy, or some [[gay]] shit like that (and don't forget to also [http://groups.google.com/group/alt.politics.immigration/tree/browse_frm/thread/9ec4174fdd493db0/7b0c1d449f82f729?rnum=41&hl=en&_done=%2Fgroup%2Falt.politics.immigration%2Fbrowse_frm%2Fthread%2F9ec4174fdd493db0%2F65d61bc29c1a7b55%3Ftvc%3D1%26hl%3Den%26#doc_8382dfc9617b7525 flame his spelling]). Or try telling a bunch of [[woman|hysterical]] [[fucktard]]s that they should like [[Wal-Mart]] because it creates jobs.[http://community.livejournal.com/anti_sweatshops/2150.html#t7782] If you come across a math type then one can ask for a mathematical proof of the viability of the fractional reserve system under dynamic conditions. When one needs to end an argument and return his broker's margin call, one need simply post high-resolution pictures of gold, guns, or ammo and pawn any economic argument.

The best thing about economics is that, even though it's supposedly a "science", it's mostly just making shit up and finding evidence that agrees with the shit you made up, so you can always use it to support your point of view. Make sure to tell anyone who disputes you to "read an economics textbook some time", because you know they won't and they won't be able to prove that you haven't either.

==Drama-Generation as an Economic System==

Despite the [[fail|attempts]] of many to turn the [[internets]] into a [[cock|tool]] for capitalism, it's [[truth|true]] economy has always remained loyal to ideals of the [[Dramacratic]] Trolligarchy, revolving around the import of services in the form of [[drama]] and export of goods in the form of [[original content]], utilizing [[lulz]] as a standardized [[Jew gold|currency]].

When [[you|one]] considers that the [[internets]] [[nothing|export much less]] than they import (due largely to the [[fact]] that most imported drama comes in the form of unwitting donations), it is easy to see why this economic system continues to endure, as the [[netizen|netizenry]] end up much [[Lie|richer for the arrangement]].
==Economists==
{{main|Economist}}
People who study the economy, stupid. See [[economist|attached]].

==See Also==
*[[Hugh Jidette]]
*[[Bernie Madoff]]
*[[The credit crunch]]
*[[Tits or leave|Supply and demand]]
*[[Anti-Goatse Law|Market regulation]]
*[[Wishlist|Executive compensation]]
*[[PITR|Restraint of trade]]
*[[Libertarianism|Austrian economics]]
*[[Leftard|Keynesian economics]]
*[[Zombie|Voodoo economics]]
*[[In the ass|Asset price inflation]]
*[[Lowtax|Tax policy]]
*[[Nazi|Public Choice Theory]]
*[[Why do liberals hate America?|Mixed Market]]
*[[Oral sex|Consumption Function]]
*[[Peter Schiff]]
*[[Rape dollars]]
*[[Jews]]
*[[ERepublik]]
*[[Economist]]
*[[Zimbabwe]]

==External Links==
[[File:Economies.png|thumb|right|300px|Try the one-step econofitness program at home today!<br><small>N.b., may have side-effects</small>]]
* [http://www.hulu.com/watch/1389/saturday-night-live-dont-buy-stuff The surefire way to get out of debt] - [[Saturday Night Live|DON'T BUY STUFF YOU CANNOT AFFORD]]
* [http://www.rdwarf.com/users/kioh H4x0r Economist.]
* [http://community.livejournal.com/econometrics/4013.html An important technical discussion] on {{ljcomm|user=econometrics}}.
* [http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34138 A different viewpoint from the ''Economist''.]
* [http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=4008 An explanation of basic economic principles by Hassan "Acetone" Mikal.]
* [http://lolproductivity.ytmnsfw.com An explanation of basic economic principles] from [[YTMND]].
* [http://ficoforums.myfico.com/fico/board/message?board.id=ficoscoring&thread.id=11295&view=by_date_ascending&page=1 How to get a FICO score that's <big>'''over 800'''</big>] <small>and WELL UNDER [[9000]]</small>
* [http://tryvindale.com/VsrT2sIW You will die of hunger, but click here to earn the money to pay for your gold coffin]
{{Business}}

[[Category: Drama-generating_techniques]]
[[Category: Locations]]

Economy

2026-05-13T23:26:45Z

Omari81:

[[File:Friedrich von hayek.jpg|thumb|"Problem, paupers?"]]
[[File:Economic systems.png|thumb|Different types of economic systems]]
[[File:Crazyeconomist.gif|thumb|Trust me your money, I am an economist]]
The '''[[shit|economy]]''' is what organizes all of mankind's productive forces to combine their efforts and produce vital stuff like porn movies or mobile phones with [[at_least_100|at least 100]] ring tones. As such it is, by definition, the sum of all [[serious business]].

The principle is essentially this:

# X prints $10
# X loans $100 to Y
# X demands $110 from Y
# Y asks for $10 to pay the interest
# X loans $10 to Y to pay the interest
# X demands $11 from Y
# Y asks for $1 to pay the interest
# X loans $1 to Y to pay the interest
# X demands $1.10 from Y

...and so on. This system will continue forever with no problems whatsoever.

According to movie director [[Leftard|Oliver Stone]] one of the main factors that makes the economy function is human greed. He therefore [[Butthurt|decided to make a movie]] about the [[Sin|immoral nature of capitalism]], which [[Epic Win|ironically]] drove [[Over 9000|many young people]] to become [[Jews|capitalists]].

It is theorized that the Economy was invented by extra terrestrial aliens, [[Flying Spaghetti Monster|Flying Spaghetti monsters]], and Zeus.

[[Historian]]s generally agree that the development of the economy can be divided into three phases: the [[Old]] Economy, the New Economy, and the [[Camwhore]] Economy. [[David Icke|Cutting edge thinkers]] believe we should bathe in hemp oil because soapy water causes cancer.

{{morphquote|mqecon|background-color: white; width: 80%; height: 200px;|font-weight: bold;
|Slowly starving requires a degree of emotional involvement that is part of the original contract, and in its absence she is sacrificially cheap and should be shivved, left in a gutter. The problem for me is, 95% of the time she knows exactly what my associates want. Yet I am determined to strangle her to death if she doesn't emaciate for me, simply to avoid an anti-climax in our work. I desire so strongly to feel her hyperdefined ribs crush in my vice-grip.|Jew (2008).
|[[Greed]], for lack of a [[leet|better word]], is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and [[Why So Serious?|captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit]]. Greed, [[CP|in all of its forms]], [[Anime|greed for life]], for money, for love, [[Porn|knowledge]] has marked the upward surge of mankind".|[[The Man|Gordon Gecko]] in ''Wall Street''.
}}

== The [[Old]] Economy ==

[[Image:Feudal_system.jpg|thumb|The feudal system.]]

In the days [[before the Internets]], the economy was based on what is known as the "Feudal (more like futile, amirite?) System." In this system, the [[King]] and [[User:Girlvinyl|Queen]] [[owned]] all the land, which they then parceled out to the [[:Special:Listadmins|nobles]] [[I will have your humility|in return for their fealty]]. Everyone else were serfs or smurfs or something and didn't get [[jack]].

[[Image:Feudal system simple.JPG|thumb|In the days of old economy, this looked like a good idea.]]

===Free Markets Under the Old Economy===

[[Image:Old_economy.jpg|thumb|left|How the Old Economy worked.]]

During this period, some [[philosopher|thinkers]], such as Adam Smith and [[Ayn Rand]], [[some argue|argued]] in favor of a "free market," because a free market is, [[liek]], a market, and — it's ''free!'' That does sound good, yes, but, unfortunately, it turns out that this doesn't mean [[free|"free" as in "not costing anything."]] Nor, apparently, does it mean [[Free Software Foundation|"free" as in "freedom."]] Rather, it means "free" [[shit nobody cares about|in some other complicated sense nobody really understands]].

In any case, no free market was ever created during this period, because all markets were under the secret control of the [[Jews]].

== The New Economy ==

[[Image:New_economy.jpg|thumb|left|How the New Economy worked.]]

The [[Internets]] were invented by [[why do you hate freedom?|freedom-hater]] [[Al Gore]] and were controlled, in their early days, by the Defense Department — a well-known nest of secret [[anti-American]] subversives.[http://wwx2.tripod.com/mccarthy.html] Commercial use was therefore strictly prohibited (and in [[fact]] the ".com" suffix originally stood, not for "commercial," but for "[[communist]]"). All of that changed, however, [[at least 100 years ago|one fine day in 1994]], when the courageous "Green Card Lawyers," [[Cthulhu|Darth Canter and Dartha Siegel]], sent out their pathbreaking [[spam]] to the assembled [[nerd]]s of [[Usenet]]. This resulted in great rejoicing, as well as in [http://groups.google.com/group/alt.syntax.tactical/browse_thread/thread/5cd5b91558cb0f32/0626c191b823f549?lnk=st&q=&rnum=1&hl=en#msg_0626c191b823f549 the birth of the New Economy].

===Free Markets Under the New Economy===

[[Image:Jews_control_new_economy.jpg|thumb|OMG secret Jewish Internets. Moreover: [[lol]], Gopher.]]

Under the New Economy markets were no longer controlled by the [[Jews]], but rather by a mysterious force known as the [[Jews|Invisible Hand]]. This [[some argue|led some to conclude]] that truly free markets were now possible for the first time. The main [[idiot|believers in this theory]] were the so-called "day traders," who hoped to [[EXTREME ADVERTISING|MAKE MONEY FAST]] by buying shares in ridiculous, no-future, loss-making dot-com ventures such as [[LiveJournal]] and [[Apple]]. In the end, unsurprisingly, [[Special:Listadmins|the inside elite]] kept all the [[money]] and the "day traders" were left with [[jack]].

=== The ''Economist'' Magazine ===

[[Image:Great_tits.jpg|thumb|Only the highest of highbrow [[humor]] over there at the ''Economist''.]]

This international magazine served as an inspiration to Canter and Siegel, and to the New Economy as a whole, due to its convincing argument that problems such as hunger, war, disease, and [[419|AN UNCLAIMED SUM OF $10,000,000 (TEN MILLION U.S. DOLLARS) LEFT IN SECRET ACCOUNTS BY THE LATE PRESIDENT, GENERAL SANI ABACHA]] could be eliminated at a single stroke if only the barriers to [[spam|world trade]] were brought down. Nowadays, however, the ''Economist'' is known for loving [[open source]] software and hating [[teh]] [[Microsoft]] and [[teh]] [[SCO]]. This, of course, is a blatant [[contradiction]].

The ''Economist'' is also known for publishing, each week, an editorial [[cartoon]] which is not only extremely well drawn but also bafflingly, mind-bogglingly [[unfunny]].

[[Image:Condivore.jpg|thumb|left|[[Condi Rice]] in some hawt [[voraphile]] action.]]

== The [[Camwhore]] Economy ==

The New Economy ended [[last Thursday|sometime in 2000]] when it was suddenly discovered that, whereas Old Economy businesses were all built out of "bricks and mortar," the New Economy had been using [[bullshit|a more flexible building material]]. This was known as the "dot com bust."

[[Image:Tableshoehatonhead.jpg|thumb|left|How the Camwhore Economy works.]]
[[Image:Good Economics.jpg|thumb|Sounds good to me.]]

The immediate result of this was that [[at least 100|thousands]] of workers in Silicon Valley and [[San Francisco]] suddenly found themselves laid off from their cushy, all-casual-dress, skateboard-around-the-office, unlimited-free-Nacho-Cheese-flavored-[http://www.doritos.com Doritos ®] [[jobs]]. But [http://groups.google.com/group/alt.fan.furry/msg/21391850df744e31?dmode=source&hl=en the entrepreneurial spirit soon reasserted itself] and rebuilt yet another New Economy on the ashes of the old.

Given the nature of its architects, it is only natural that the mainstay of this New New Economy (if you will) was getting [[16 year old girl]]s to show their [[boob]]s [[OL]].

On a happier note, however: despite the unfortunate success of the Camwhore Economy, [http://chris-landslide.livejournal.com/342.html furries still get fired].

===Free Markets Under the Camwhore Economy===

Besides the [[Camwhore]]s themselves (and of course the [[porn]]ography industry), the main bastion of free market [[capitalism]] [[now|in today's world]] is [[eBay]]. Despite the continued opposition of [[Bill Gates]], [[RMS]], and [[Joseph Stalin]], eBay has succeeded in bringing [[P-p-p-powerbook|the benefits of international free trade]] to us all.

==Economics as a Drama-Generating Technique==

[[Image:Lump_of_flame.jpg|thumb|[[Reason]]ed discussion of economic issues on [[Usenet]].]]
[[Image:For_great_economic_justice.jpg|thumb|It will all end in [[lulz|tears]].]]
[[Image:GoldandSilver.jpg|thumb|Get your own stack.]]
[[File:Herbert Hoover.jpg|thumb|[[Herbert Hoover|This guy]] knows a thing or two about the economy. Look up "hooverville" for more details.]]

This is just too obvious, and also too easy, like taking [[candy]] from a [[baby]]. But try, for example, accusing someone of committing the "Lump of Labor" fallacy, or some [[gay]] shit like that (and don't forget to also [http://groups.google.com/group/alt.politics.immigration/tree/browse_frm/thread/9ec4174fdd493db0/7b0c1d449f82f729?rnum=41&hl=en&_done=%2Fgroup%2Falt.politics.immigration%2Fbrowse_frm%2Fthread%2F9ec4174fdd493db0%2F65d61bc29c1a7b55%3Ftvc%3D1%26hl%3Den%26#doc_8382dfc9617b7525 flame his spelling]). Or try telling a bunch of [[woman|hysterical]] [[fucktard]]s that they should like [[Wal-Mart]] because it creates jobs.[http://community.livejournal.com/anti_sweatshops/2150.html#t7782] If you come across a math type then one can ask for a mathematical proof of the viability of the fractional reserve system under dynamic conditions. When one needs to end an argument and return his broker's margin call, one need simply post high-resolution pictures of gold, guns, or ammo and pawn any economic argument.

The best thing about economics is that, even though it's supposedly a "science", it's mostly just making shit up and finding evidence that agrees with the shit you made up, so you can always use it to support your point of view. Make sure to tell anyone who disputes you to "read an economics textbook some time", because you know they won't and they won't be able to prove that you haven't either.

==Drama-Generation as an Economic System==

Despite the [[fail|attempts]] of many to turn the [[internets]] into a [[cock|tool]] for capitalism, it's [[truth|true]] economy has always remained loyal to ideals of the [[Dramacratic]] Trolligarchy, revolving around the import of services in the form of [[drama]] and export of goods in the form of [[original content]], utilizing [[lulz]] as a standardized [[Jew gold|currency]].

When [[you|one]] considers that the [[internets]] [[nothing|export much less]] than they import (due largely to the [[fact]] that most imported drama comes in the form of unwitting donations), it is easy to see why this economic system continues to endure, as the [[netizen|netizenry]] end up much [[Lie|richer for the arrangement]].
==Economists==
{{main|Economist}}
People who study the economy, stupid. See [[economist|attached]].

==See Also==
*[[Hugh Jidette]]
*[[Bernie Madoff]]
*[[The credit crunch]]
*[[Tits or leave|Supply and demand]]
*[[Anti-Goatse Law|Market regulation]]
*[[Wishlist|Executive compensation]]
*[[PITR|Restraint of trade]]
*[[Libertarianism|Austrian economics]]
*[[Leftard|Keynesian economics]]
*[[Zombie|Voodoo economics]]
*[[In the ass|Asset price inflation]]
*[[Lowtax|Tax policy]]
*[[Nazi|Public Choice Theory]]
*[[Why do liberals hate America?|Mixed Market]]
*[[Oral sex|Consumption Function]]
*[[Peter Schiff]]
*[[Rape dollars]]
*[[Jews]]
*[[ERepublik]]
*[[Economist]]
*[[Zimbabwe]]

==External Links==
[[File:Economies.png|thumb|right|300px|Try the one-step econofitness program at home today!<br><small>N.b., may have side-effects</small>]]
* [http://www.hulu.com/watch/1389/saturday-night-live-dont-buy-stuff The surefire way to get out of debt] - [[Saturday Night Live|DON'T BUY STUFF YOU CANNOT AFFORD]]
* [http://www.rdwarf.com/users/kioh H4x0r Economist.]
* [http://community.livejournal.com/econometrics/4013.html An important technical discussion] on {{ljcomm|user=econometrics}}.
* [http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34138 A different viewpoint from the ''Economist''.]
* [http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=4008 An explanation of basic economic principles by Hassan "Acetone" Mikal.]
* [http://lolproductivity.ytmnsfw.com An explanation of basic economic principles] from [[YTMND]].
* [http://ficoforums.myfico.com/fico/board/message?board.id=ficoscoring&thread.id=11295&view=by_date_ascending&page=1 How to get a FICO score that's <big>'''over 800'''</big>] <small>and WELL UNDER [[9000]]</small>
* [http://tryvindale.com/VsrT2sIW You will die of hunger, but click here to earn the money to pay for your gold coffin]
{{Business}}

[[Category: Drama-generating_techniques]]
[[Category: Locations]]

Herbert Hoover

2026-05-13T08:45:37Z

Omari81:

{{quote|Economic depression can not be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement.|Yeah, [[Truth|you don't say]].}}
[[File:Herbert Hoover.jpg|thumb|Hey liberals, check this out! *[[Bruh|crashes the stock market]]*]]
'''[[Family Guy|Herbert]] Clark Hoover''' was the <s>Chinese asset</s> man known for ruining more lives than the ''[[Philadelphia|It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia]]'' gang. That, and for being mentioned in Home Alone 2. He was elected president in 1928 because his campaign aimed for a "final triumph over poverty". Ironically the stock market crashed a few months later and he never bothered to fix it, leading to the [[Sad|Great Depression]]. He was so bad, everyone calls his successor FDR one of the best presidents ever just for undoing what he did.

==Life==
He was born in [[Iowa]], the swing state of [[Ironic|every terrible election]], to a family of [[White Trash|Quakers]], all of whom died when he was a toddler. He [[Retard|dropped out of school]] at age 14. He became a millionaire later in life by [[Communist|working for China]]. When WWI broke out, he began working for the Woodrow Wilson administration. He was Secretary of Commerce from 1921 to 1928. He decided to run for president in the 1928 election and won in a landslide, despite oppositions warning he was [[probably]] a European asset. [[Ironic|Funnily enough, every country outside of the US that he visited during his presidency found him a great president.]]

A few months into his presidency, he decided the only way to own the libs was to crash the stock market. During the Great Depression, he became so unpopular that people threw rotten food at him in the streets wherever he traveled. His last name also became a term for poor cities in the US for a while. Despite this, he had the balls to run for re-election in 1932 and lost in a landslide to FDR. Throughout his life afterwards, his only friend was the president that nuked [[Japan]] during WWII. When his presidential library opened in 1962, almost no one went there. He died at age 90 from internal bleeding, though it was probably [[Suicide|self-inflicted]].

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|Hoover-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Hoover Stonks.png
File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|"Herbert Hoover, dead at age 90"
</gallery>}}

{{lulzhistory}}
{{Politics}}

[[Category:People|Hoover, Herbert]]

Libertarianism

2026-05-13T08:43:27Z

Omari81: /* List of Things Libertarians Believe In */

{{Quote|One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is "Libertarian." People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.|[[George Carlin]], ''Napalm and Silly Putty''}}

[[File:No_step_on_snek.jpg|thumb|The official libertarian logo.]]
[[File:Lolbertaritards.jpg|thumb|Greed, for lack of a better word, is good!]]

[[File:Libertarianbullshitcomic.jpg|200px|thumb]]

[[Image:Lib-ana.gif|thumb|200px|They're too embarrassed to admit it]]

[[Image:NERRRRRD.jpg|thumb|200px|Typical libertarian]]

[[Image:Taliban hanging.jpg|thumb|200px|What libertarians deserve.]]

[[File:Typical randroid.jpg|thumb|200px|Libertarianism: the preferred [[bullshit|political philosophy]] of [[13 year old boys]] everywhere.]]

[[File:WhitePriviledge.jpg|thumb|200px|What libertarians really want.]]

'''Libertarianism''' (better known as the '''[[Atheist]] [[Republican]] Party''' or '''Anarchy for Rich Spoiled Brats''') is a fad political ideology for [[Emo|moody teenagers who don't believe in God]], first year college students, [[Stoner|stoners]], [[Milo Yiannopoulos|Conservatives who were kicked out of the Republican Party for being gay]], white business owners who use the "[[virgin|private property]]" argument so they don't have to pay [[Welfare]] and serve non-whites, [[You|lonely men]] who worship [[Ayn Rand]] as their [[Waifu]], and generally anyone who wants to combine the benefits of no taxes/no gun control with the benefits of [[abortion]] so that everyone can [[Eugenics|just shoot unwanted or genetically disabled babies]]. Libertarians, more commonly known as [[Retard|Libertards]] or [[lol|Lolbertarians]], believe that governmental "[[Rape|intrusion]]" into people's lives should be [[Cockblock|limited]] as much as possible--except when someone breaks into their house, they need a contract enforced, or want a health inspector to check out the local restaurants. Government is just fine in those cases. They also believe roads and civic infrastructure are [[creationist|naturally occurring phenomena]].

Libertarianism has a big [[crossover]] with [http://www.extropy.org/ Extropians], who think that you can realize [[insane|science fiction]] ideas like space elevators and self-genetic engineering in the [http://www.extropy.org/faq.htm near future]. Most Libertarians are either [[13-year-old boys]] who think that [[Elon Musk]] is edgy, fratboys who watch ''[[South Park]]'', [[hipster|people that want to appear "alternative"]], or [[batshit insane|paranoid]] survivalists living in tiny cabins in [[Montana]] where they stockpile weapons and food for the dreaded day when [[Jews|Big Brother]] comes 'round tryin' to implant [[mind control|fail]] chips in their brains. Libertarians claim to be a radical philosophers but are really as [[Marx|bourgeoisie]] as they can get. Ultimately, all libertarians are really interested in is defending their petty, white, middle class interests.

Libertarians believe that humanity falls into two categories:
# Libertarians
# Sheep

Libertarianism should not be confused with [[Conservatism]], which is exactly what conservatives do. In the same way [[Liberalism|Liberals]] now call themselves "Progressives", Conservatives think "Libertarian" sounds more hip.

The promise of libertarianism is that it will free you from an oppressive government so you can live in liberty. The same way that communism freed people from an oppressive government so they could live in communes.

<center>'''Spotting Libertarians can be srsbusiness.'''<br><youtube>zMYPurhm7Pw</youtube></center>
<br>
[[Image:LemonpartyN2.jpg|thumb|right|200px|The [[Lemonparty|Libertarian Party]]]]

[[Image:Man Soliciting A Prostitute.jpg|200px|thumb|right|A typical libertarian looking for poon because he's [[You|too awkward]] to get laid without paying. Money is good, and sex that does not include some sort of financial transaction is [[communism]] and will lead to [[Obama|mass death]] brought on by recession and [[holocaust|FEMA camps]] ]]

[[Image:Libertarians.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Libertarians like to bitch about police arresting people, but at the [[k/|same time cream themselves over the pigs' automatic weapons.]]]]

[[File:Gunlol.jpg|thumb|200px|Made by a libertarian [[internet tough guy|internet tough guy.]] Note the grammatical error in the second part.]]

==The theory==

You have 100 citizens. Each one contributes zero dollars in tax. Since 100 citizens divided by zero taxes = infinity, this means that zero taxation raises infinite income.

==In practice==

For some reason, the world was singularly lacking in governments visionary enough to adopt this economic model until 2012, when far-right [[Republicans]] took over [[Kansas]] and decided to [http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-great-kansas-tea-party-disaster-20141023 run the experiment for real]. They even brought in Frederick Laffer, the designer of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laffer_curve the Laffer Curve], to bless their bold endeavour.

They slashed taxation to minimal levels and were amazed to find the state's revenue fall by $700m in one financial year.

By 2014, Kansas was [http://www.salon.com/2014/12/23/sam_brownback_is_sorry_he_predicted_his_tax_cuts_would_work/ teetering on the brink of bankruptcy] and [[Irony|reliant on rebates from Obamacare for income.]]

Any questions?

==The creation of a Libertarian==

Most Libertarians begin life as a spoiled upper-middle class and very white teen who fails to comprehend that not everyone else in the world is a spoiled upper-middle class white teen.

At first, the young libertardian-to-be has only a vague dissatisfaction. He begins to ask himself questions like:
* "What political philosophy can I both bastardize and miss the point of, so that I can justify being an even more selfish prick than I am now?"
* "How can I reconcile that I hate those who I deem aren't productive, with the fact that I don't need a job because daddy gives me a generous allowance?"
* "Why do we even ''need'' government? Surely almost seven billion people can all police themselves, right?"

The answer comes to them in two little words. Ayn Rand. Never since Barbara Streisand have the words of a half-witted Russian jewess spread so far, and contaminated so many. With sixth-grade level vocabulary, and fourth-grade level philosophy, Rand's book have all the emotional depth of a two-year old's temper tantrum. '''"MINE!!!"''' But like Streisand is to fags, Rand is their holy prophet. She speaks the words so perfectly, the words they want to hear.

"You don't lack compassion! You just want people to get by on their own merits!", She says. "You're not a selfish asshole! You just have a sense of rational self-interest!", She affirms. "You have no obligation to the society in which you live! Governments are only there to lift up those not as good as you!", She declares.

And lo, it was good. Because if there is one thing that makes financially comfortable white people feel good about themselves, it is that they ''earned'' the benefits of being financially comfortable, clearly by their own merits.

It wasn't daddy's money that bought you your head start in life. It wasn't the better schools, the better nutrition, the better neighborhoods. It wasn't the country you were born in, or the system of laws that protected and to this day protects you. It wasn't the various government agencies making sure you have licensed doctors, clean drinking water, or safety standards for vehicles.

No, my young privileged white boy, you did it all. You, and only you, are responsible for all your success. And anyone who isn't as well off just didn't work as hard. And the government can only take from a productive member of society like you to give to the leeches. And there should be no laws. And even though there are laws, they don't ''really'' apply to you, because you're special. Be as selfish as you want. It's all you.

And thus, a libertardian is born.

== What libertarians think freedom means ==
Libertarians like everyone's self governance, so they propose child brothels. Also they think it is acceptable to whore out their own children's childhoods. All who disagree with this point of view is morally inferior to libertarians, according to themselves, because they are the only ones who propose ''freedom'', in contrast to others who advocate ''force''.

<center>'''The libertarian mobile!'''</center>
<center><youtube>Nd5ka91fkDo</youtube>,</center>
<center>No tyrannical seatbelts,no safety features brought on by evil regulations,such a [[death|freedom]] promoting vehicle.</center>

==Trolling a Libertarian==

To troll a libertarian online, just post the following:

{| border=1 cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0
|This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. Then, I brushed my teeth with that water, filtered to standards set by the EPA and my state.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US Department of Agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time as regulated by the US Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the US Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads built by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank and printed by the Federal Bureau of Engraving and Printing. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

I park my car on the street, paved and maintained by the Department of Transportation, and put quarters issued by the United States Mint into the parking meter.

Then, after spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, I drive back to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and the fire marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.

I then log onto the Internet which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration and post on freerepublic and fox news forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do anything right. Keep government out of my Medicare!
|}

==Voting for the Libertarian Candidate in the 2008 Presidential Election==
{{quote|It wasn't until i had dropped the absentee ballot envelope in the mailbox that i realized the mistake i had made...Why would there be a [[Tits|Boob Bar]] on the ballot? and why would i want a [[Lolo Ferrari|Boob Bar]] to be the President!?|[[Ausfag]]}}

==List of Things Libertarians Hate==
*Calendars, clocks
*Standard weights and measures
*Sick days
*Maternity/Paternity leave (What do you mean, America is the only developed country in the world not to have paid maternity leave? They're all commies!)
*Overtime pay
*Minimum wage
*Electricity
*Clean water
*Clean air
*State and national parks, playgrounds, Fish and Game Wildlife Services (We should be able to kill all the cute critters in the forest if we want to! ESPECIALLY the endangered ones!)
*Roads and infrastructure
*Postal service
*Safe workplaces, OSHA
*Health inspectors, all federal workers (see "postal service")
*Welfare, unemployment benefits
*Public schools
*Seat belts and airbags
*Cops (protection rackets and the mafia are far more libertarian)
*Fire stations (ESPECIALLY volunteer firefighters)
*Taxes (even if they don't pay 'em because they have no job and live in their parents' basement)
*Unions
*Public transport
*Food free of salmonella
*Nutrition facts
*Vaccines
*Safe medicine
*Poor people
*[[niggers|black people]]
*[[women|wimminz]]
*SOCHULIZM!!!!!!!
*Charities, any altruistic behavior.
*Unemployment benefits
*Gaining more than 3% of the vote
*[[You]]
*[[History]]

==List of Things Libertarians Believe In==
[[Image:French_Revolution.png|300px|thumb|right|Typical Warning about the perils of Libertarianism: [[atheist|No God, No Religion]]; [[hippies|No King, No Constitution]] ]]
[[Image:Libertarianslol.png|thumb|Silly libertarians]]
[[Image:Murray Rothbard on Children and Rights.png|thumb|right|Libertarians especially hate children.]]
[[File:Niggerpresident.jpg|300px|right]]
#All authority figures are good unless they are called "the government".
#[[Drugs]] are good.
#Social security is bad.
#[[Party Van|Federal government]] is bad, [[KKK|State government]] is good.
#[[CP|Pedophilia]] is good.
#[[Animal abuse|Puppy mills]] are important facets of the American economy.
#[[Guns]] are totally good, unless used by the government and its contractors.
#[[Homosexuality]] is good but gay marriage is not good because it'll be legalized by the evil, nasty government.
#The death penalty is bad (but only if it's carried out by the government)
#The [[fail|free market]] is the ultimate good.
#People who say they are [[conservative]] but are really [[Republican]]s are "theocratic" liars.
#People who say they are [[liberal]] but are really [[Democrats]] are "socialist" liars.
#Privatization is good.
#Unions are bad.
#Smoking is good. Tobacco companies are friends.
#Speculation is good. Question everything! That Newton guy couldn't have gotten everything right!
#[[Ayn Rand]] is [[Cthulhu|God]] (though she hated libertarians, but hey, who doesn't?)
#Believe that Franklin Delano Roosevelt was a bloodthirsty tyrant but [[Fail|Calvin Coolidge]] was God.
#[[Somalia]] is the best country on earth
#The mailman is a government employee and must be gunned down with an AK-47 for setting foot on your property.
#[[Ron Paul]] is god, [[lulz|Bob Barr]] is a fake libertarian fuckwit.
#Wearing seatbelts is an affront to personal liberty!
#Paying taxes is a sin, unless those taxes go in to making video games like [[Counter strike|America's Army]].
#[[Agnosticism]] is good because [[God|religions]] and [[atheism]] are too altruistic and therefore hamper capitalism.
#The Democrats and Republicans don't have our best interest at heart, but conglomerates do!
#The only honorable way to die is in a shootout with [[whitey|the cops]].
#Paying taxes to the government is bad. Paying money to utility companies is sexy. (note: [[Genius|Taxpayer->Govt->Cmpny]] vs. [[Stupid|Taxpayer->Cmpny]])
#Traffic lights are bad because they're social engineering.
#Health inspectors are bad because they allow people who are too stupid and lazy to investigate every restaurant and store they go to to survive.
#Worship capitalism as the only [[freedom]]-loving philosophy but refuse to pay for stuff, because open source is the ONLY way!
#No business would ever desire increased government power (unless they already had it). Halliburton who?
#Police do not have the right to stop a parent from killing their kid, but the cops need to be involved when a baby boy is getting circumcised!
#Outlawing [[Ron Paul|spam]] e-mail is a grave threat to liberty.
#The Constitution and the Bill of Rights are infallible, but amendments are bad (especially the 16th, but also other ones that give voting power to citizens).
#Democracy is evil because America is [[shit nobody cares about|only a republic]]! That's why we don't vote for state representatives, and instead have a state representative assigned to each state with no input from its residents. Because that'd be a ''democratic'' republic, and that's bad!
#The best way to respect individuality is to let those who are useless to society starve to death.
#If you cast a shadow on someone else's lawn, you're trespassing.
#If a plane flies over your house, they're trespassing. (Seriously, look it up).
#[[truth|It's okay to eat babies so long as they're your own kids.]]
#Taxation is theft. Charging rent is not.
#The genius of the free market is that both the rich and poor get the choice of paying for expensive health care or dying.
#You must remain perfectly silent any time someone else is nearby because forcing someone else's eardrums to vibrate violates the [[religion|non-aggression principle]].
#Price gouging and monopolies are awesome! Don't like it? Then move to Russia, you commie!... even though Russia has the highest population of millionaires.
#Government sucks! ...Except when they're using their resources to protect my personal property, which THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO BTW.
#The Federal Reserve cannot be trusted to run a currency but some libertarian pothead called Bernard von NotHaus, the High Priest of "Free Marijuana Church of Honolulu" can. ([http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liberty_Dollar Seriously.])
#Laws against statutory rape aren't necessary - there's nothing creepy at all about some dirty old man fucking a 13-year-old.
#[[New Hampshire]] will become Heaven on Earth if enough libertarians move there.
#[[Paradox|Corporatism is evil... but so is government intervention!]]
#It is mandatory that all libertarians [[masturbation|jack off]] to pictures of Jew and/or Jew on a regular basis in order to remain healthy.
#[[Herbert Hoover]] was a socialist.
#[[Video games]] are art.
#Economic liberalism is great because anyone can become rich if they work hard. What are monopolies and monopsonies?
#Critiques of Libertarianism are [[Some argue|inherently]] invalid but conspiracy theories are legit.
#The Industrial Revolution created utopias
#Third-world countries should be allowed to have child labor because it accelerates societal development.
#Socialism came out of nowhere one day.
#Property, and the right thereto, are first-order realities and not social constructs at all.
#Charity and selflessness are universally hailed as virtues. Therefore, Altruism is for sheeple!
#[[Tea Party|END THE FED!]] It doesn't matter that the idea of a centralized bank was founded by the Founding Fathers and supported by the precursor to the Republican Party (known as the Federalists), or that most first world countries have a centralized bank.
#End Social Security! People who are unemployed are just lazy! ...What? You can't work because you were hurt on the job? LOL SUX 2 B U!!1
#Borders are stupid. Companies should be able to hire [[Mexicans|illegal immigrants]] so they don't have to pay minimum wage.
#Believe business' rights trump people's rights. [http://news.discovery.com/human/court-upholds-right-to-patent-genes-110802.html]
#There are only two political philosophies: pro-freedom (libertarianism) and pro-slavery (non-libertarianism).
#Make fun of liberals for worshiping Obama and the mantra of "Hope" and "Change", all the while worshiping Ron Paul and shouting "RON PAUL R3VOLUTION!".
#Believe all the founding fathers agreed on everything and were of one political philosophy: libertarianism, of course!
#No one is owed anything for being born, not even necessities like food or shelter, but [[gun]]s are an important God-given right.

<center><youtube>rBHicyqMML4</youtube></center>

== Libertarianism and Autism ==

Libertarianism is expected to be included in the next edition of the [[DSM]] as a form of [[autism]], as part of a further partitioning of [[Asperger's Syndrome]] due to an overwhelming rise in its e-diagnosis. Libertarians share many qualities with the Ass Pies, but differ in the fact that they see themselves as incarnations of [[Ayn Rand]] and the characters in her novels, rather than as [[Otherkin|dragons or elves]].

==Libertarian heresy==

<center><youtube>U2Nad1b_3yY</youtube></center>

==Typical Libertarian Activities==
[[Image:Gun boy.jpg|thumb|Typical libertarian. notice the pizza boxes because libertarians are too asocial to go out to get their own food.]]
[[Image:Wsl.JPG|thumb|right|Even stoned 420chanfags know the truth about libertarianism.]]
[[File:Book "poor save capitalism".jpg|thumb|Only $75 on amazon.com!]]
[[Image:LibertarianPwned.jpg|thumb|He was treaded on...]]

* [[Bitch]]ing about how fucked up the government is, but doing nothing about it. See also: [[Hippies]]
* Complaining about how evil the government is but praising Big Business and preaching that if we just get the mean ole government to leave businesses alone and give our bosses complete freedom that [[bullshit|capitalism will create a utopia]].
* Complaining about gow government is tyranny, while praising corporations with an absolute top-down hierarchy that make their peons piss into a jar.
* Majoring in Computer Science.
* Acting like [[The Student Room#Gays|Jake Pearson from TSR]].
* Using the word "Statist" as an insult at every possible opportunity.
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZSvUCPsr1E Calling atheists who do not have the same political views as they do "Statheists."] They claim that these [[atheists]] [[LOL WUT|worship the state to make up for a lack of religion.]]
* Quoting George Orwell 24/7 and hating Socialists apparently without irony.
* Not knowing that George Orwell was a [[Irony|massive socialist]].
* Posting on Internet forums.
* Thinking Lao Tzu was a libertarian, despite the fact the Tao Te Ching was a guide for emperors on how to rule effectively, thereby being the [[Machiavelli]] of the East.
* Thinking EVERYONE they like is a libertarian.
* Sitting in a dark room with only a shotgun for company, waiting for a nigger to break in to their home.
* Bitching about how much money gets taken out of their paychecks for stupid shit like roads, schools, and feeding [[niggers|hungry children]].
* [http://www.wendymcelroy.com/e107_plugins/content/content.php?content.104 Bitching] about how voting is anti-freedom
* Complaining that the new smoking bans and seat belt laws takes away their ''[[freedom]]''.
* Copy-pasting the rants of the craziest televangelists and replacing "Satan" with "the government."
* Jerking off to [[Ayn Rand|''The Fountainhead'', ''Anthem'', ''Atlas Shrugged'']], and anything else written by [[Anne Frank|Jewish whores]] with an [[Unwarranted Self-Importance|unwarranted sense of self-importance]].
* Thinking of ways to get back at the "jocks" who picked on them in grade school.
* Acting exactly like the kid from ''The Catcher in the Rye''.
* Having [[WolfJLupus|sex with their dogs]].
* Being the ranking [[douche]]bags of the planet.
* Hanging around [http://www.nazi.org/ this page]or [http://www.voxday.blogspot.com/ this one].
* Crying about how minimum wages and anti-child labor laws are morally wrong and a great threat to [[freedom]].
* Preach personal responsibility but blame others for their shortcomings when things go wrong (Note: This characteristic may also apply to conservatives and liberals as much as it does libertarians)
* Post [[Ron Paul]] endorsements in every [[YouTube]] video they come across
* Having sex with children.
* Privately masturbate to the murder of a government employee while publicly denouncing the murder as an [[Scientology|initiation of force]].
* Brag about how they're a real American because they "own property" e.g. a pickup truck and an acre of land in Oklahoma with a manufactured home on it, but get butthurt and backpedal when you point out to them that both of them are actually owned by the bank they pay money to every month.
* Petition [[Fleshlight]] to introduce an [[Ayn Rand]] model.
* Moving to [[Austria]] for the [[Josef Fritzl|Austrian Economics]].
* Saying "[[Cult|You sound more like a libertarian]]" to anyone who doesn't have strict liberal or conservative views on every issue.
* Building and worshiping shrines to honor their fair and just corporate overlords
* Posting their Ayn Rand/NRA slash fanfic collection on [[k/|/k/]].
* Calling the government "a monopoly" while denying they exist, and confusing economics with politics.
** Not seeing the hypocrisy of calling the government a monopoly when in a privatized libertarian world, a single corporate overlord really would rule the country.
*Bitching that hate speech are just words and therefore shouldn't be made a crime because of free speech, yet making hate speech a bannable offense on their forums.
* [[Piracy|Pirating]] software despite preaching that people work hard for their money.
* Joining [[NAMBLA]]
* Posting [[TL;DR]] rants on how capitalism is awesome in response to people talking bad about the rich.
* Bitching about how equality no longer makes being a white male special anymore.
* Comparing every (and we do mean every) police arrest to Nazis putting Jews in concentration camp.
* Calling the president a failure because he didn't get all his promises accomplished in the first 20 seconds of his inauguration, meanwhile their party's been around since [[At least 100 years ago|1971]] and [[Fail|has yet to accomplish anything]].

==[[Oxymoron|Libertarian Mating Habits]]==

Libertarians attract [[fag|mates]] by posting [[shit_nobody_cares_about|all kinds of lame shit]] about the [[John_Kerry|Illuminati]] and [[JEWS_DID_WTC|Masonic conspiracies]] in [[conservative]] forums and blogs, as well as in the [[IMDb]] subforums for any movies that have anything to do with [[politics]], as well as positing why the producers of any Gulf War I and II movies [[Why_do_you_hate_America?|hate America]].

Libertarians also spend a lot of time pissing and moaning about not being able to get dates, a fact which they attribute to women for being [[slut|dimwitted, manipulative, self-loathing harlots]] who dig [[rich and beautiful|assholes]], because intelligent, [[emo|emotionally sensitive]] women would certainly date them otherwise. It couldn't POSSIBLY be that women [[DO NOT WANT|are generally repulsed by]] [[fat]], [[neckbeard]]ed chauvinists who spend all their time on the [[internets]] arguing about [[Linux]] and stroking their own egos ([[lol]], [[irony|personal responsibility]]). Closely related to "[[nice guys]]", except malcontented and oafish.

==Famous Libertarians==
[[File:Libertarios.jpg|thumb|The deregulated cereal comes with poisons,rusty nails,[[drugs]],barbaric [[guns|murder devices]],and much more!]]
* [[Waco|David Koresh]]
* [[Glenn Beck]]
* [[Terrorist| Timothy McVeigh]]
* [[Alex Jones]] (Before [[Trump|2015]])
* [[Ayn Rand]]
* [[Stephen Colbert]]
* [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000151/ Milton Friedman]
* [[Golden Road.net|Drew Carey]] (before [[Joe Biden|2020]])
* [[Jimbo Wales]] (Which makes no sense, because he founded [[Wikipedia]], the biggest "[[Anarchism|Anarcho]]-[[Communist]]" society ever to be inhabited entirely by [[virgin]]s)
* Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of ''[[South Park]]''
* [[Margaret Thatcher]]
* [[Penn & Teller]] (before 2020)
* [[Weev]]
* [[Dinosaur|Michael Crichton]]
* Robert Anton Wilson
* Tommy Chong
* Clint Eastwood
* Neil Peart
* Tim Wilson
* Terry Pratchett
* [[Perverted Justice|Xavier Von Erck]]
* [[Ron Paul]]
* [[Ron Swanson]]
* [[Vox Day]]
* Doug Stanhope
* Vince Vaughn
* [[Faggot|Rob Schneider]]
* [[Porn|Marilyn Chambers]]

==Libertarianism on The Intertubes==

[[Image:LibertarianDebateMethod.png|thumb|500px|right|The average internet Libertarian.]]

[[some argue|Some say]] that libertarianism is growing in popularity due to [[President Barack Obama]]'s [[fascist]], [[socialist]], [[Nazi]], [[liberal]], [[fag|progressive]] policies. Luckily for [[you]], this popularity has resulted in a plethora of [[facebook|websites]] and [[old_media|publications]] dedicated to the [[trolling|intellectual discussion of lolbertarianism]]. As expected, most libertarians found on the tubes are old and thus have never heard of trolling, let alone a [[meme]].

In addition to the typical libertarian [[basement_dweller|hangouts]], there is a [[LiveJournal]] [[community]] dedicated to {{ljcomm|user=libertarianism}}. Reading it is a lot like [[fuck]]ing a beehive. The [[community]] mostly serves as a forum for discussing [[bestiality]] and [[necrophilia]].

==How to piss off a Libertarian==
[[File:How to cure libertarians.jpg|right|thumb|300px|Hey, why not? You paid for that bulldozer, right?]]
You can [[troll]] in the following ways:

#Ask them about the Civil Rights Act, they will go around your question and say its a "Property rights issue", when in fact they are closet racist.
#Ask them how and why what the government does is bad, you'll just get "[[FAIL|because...TEH GUBBMINT!!]]", with no real logical answer backed up with facts.
#Remind them that public roads is socialism, and using them makes you a socialist. The Libertarian response would be "[[ALL CAPS|THE GOVERNMENT IS A MONOPOLY, I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!111]]" (this remark will make them go ape shit!)
#Also bring up that public schools are funded by the government; you see, every Losertarian went to a public school but yet they call for abolishing public schools, which is where over [[OVER 9000|9000%]] of them all went!
#Remind them that Ron Paul can never become President because he's a 9/11 [[truther]].
#Most Libertarians are young, uneducated college dropouts that work minimum wage jobs; ask them about minimum wage, and if they are willing to get paid $1.00 /hr - the typical Losertarian response would be "[[PWNED|*cricket*............................*cricket*]]"
#[[Troll]] Ron Paul forums, call for major foreign intervention and military bases everywhere.
#Call them [[conspiracy theorist]]. Libertards hate that!
#Tell them that Thomas Jefferson (Libertarians' favorite person), said good things about the [[Illuminati]] and supported Adam Weishaupt [[NWO|ZIONIST JESUIT VATICAN NWO!!1]].
#Ask them, [[Why do you hate America?| WHY U HATE 'MURKA]]?
#Since they hate the government, ask them how they feel about [[pedo]] laws - Libertarians' obviously being for free choice/free will, they will most likely go around your question and say "[[EPIC FAIL|I DON'T SUPPORT SEX WITH MINORS!!1]], but not answer your question. If they say yes on keeping it illegal, they are [[socialist|COMMIE BASTARDS]], if they say no - [[dinosaur|tehy are 50 year old closet pedos!1]].
# Suggest the PATRIOT ACT is constitutional.
# Agree with any form of taxation.
# If they try a motto like "Taxation without representation!", ask them if they live in Washington, DC, Puerto Rico, or any US outlying territory. If they say no, then point out that there's a reason they're called "State ''representatives''".
# Make up elaborate [[lie]]s about how government interference is directly correlated with general happiness and [[Drug#cocaine|coke]] supply, forcing them to do actual work to prove you wrong.
# Espouse the virtues of eugenics and see how many "freedom-lovers" actually agree with you.
# Create a thread titled "DATING TIPS," pretend to be an [[Lie|athletic, attractive, emotionally-sensitive Libertarian with good job security]], post a sob-story about not being able to get a girlfriend and watch it grow to [[over 9000]] pages about the naïveté of women and how Libertarians are better lovers.
# Remind them the Internet was invented by the government.
# Ask them to explain the Electoral College in their own words. If they start talking about the voting process, point out that republics don't have a voting system.
# Be a minority (specifically a [[woman]])... unless you are using a [[Facebook]] [[sockpuppet]] account, in which case, make her [[tits_or_gtfo|very hot]].
# Tell them [[Ron Paul]] is a racist and is supported by the [[KKK]].
# Ask them to name a single Libertarian community that worked in the real-world. If they mention WW2 Catalonia, add on "in the long term" and "those were [[hippies|communes]] and refugee camps, you fucktard".
# Mention government or 'socialistic' successes and private sector endeavors failures.
# Show them [[The Story of Ricky|Riki-Oh]] to demonstrate why privatizing prisons would be a bad idea.
# Praise the [[shit no one cares about|Labor Theory of Value]].
# Tell them that libertarianism is anarchy for rich people (because it's true, lol)
# Say FDR and Abraham Lincoln were the best US presidents.
# Point out the fact libertarianism is just a type of [[conservatism]]
# Ask them why they hate the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/sixteenth_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution 16th amendment] when they claim to love the Constitution
# Spout conspiracy theories about how Ayn Rand was a soviet double agent or how Thomas Jefferson was trolling when he wrote the Declaration of Independence. This should actually be pretty easy, as libertarians are known to take to conspiracies faster than [[My Chemical Romance|MCR]] to a cock.
# Tell them that Ben Franklin used state money to fund a hospital.
# Tell them you're voting for Bob Barr.
# <s>Link them to [http://world.std.com/~mhuben/faq.html this]</s>.
# Treat Libertarianism and [[Objectivism]] as synonyms (because they are, lol)
# Point out that the Green Party supports pot legalization, too
# Use [[Bioshock]] as an example of why a Libertarian society can never exist (be careful, some of them are stupid enough to think Rapture was a utopia)
# Ask them what they think of monopolies and trustbusting.
# Ask them how old they were when they became a Libertarian. 99% of the time they will have been under 16. Then say they were too young to understand politics.
# Tell them that Somalia seems like a nice libertarian haven.
# Point out that the news and media are businesses and see how many "Defenders of Liberty" want the government to close those down they disagree with.
# Say anything positive about the [[pigs|police]].
# Comment that Dennis Kucinich is the Ron Paul of the left.
# Tell them you are a [[leftard|left-libertarian]]. Be sure to back this up by being liberal on any social issue.
# Point out that the only way to stop oppression without government interference is through [[hippies|community organizing]].
# [http://www.lewrockwell.com/paul/paul98.html Run for president as a Republican, don't stfu about how terrible federal bans are...and then vote for federal bans.]
# Tell married libertarians that if they want the federal government out of their business, they should get a divorce and live in sin.
# Mention how much it upsets you that [[Glenn Beck Raped And Murdered A Young Girl In 1990]].
# Explain to them how large companies always end up using or creating government in order to enforce a monopoly and that a free market can't exist if there's a coerced monopoly.
# Ask them how they, a redneck living in his mother's basement with no experience in law (other than getting arrested for illegal firearms possession), know more about the Constitution than law school graduates and a [[Black Jesus|constitutional scholar]].
# Ask what they think about the [[WBC]] and the state laws preventing them from protesting funerals. This will trick them into not only saying that they support the evil gubment, which should always be wrong, but that they're against freedom of speech which is in the ZOMG CUNTSTITTOOSHUN!!!!11
#Inform them that the word libertarian was first used in a political sense by a [[communist]].
# Hire a construction firm for a day. Dig up the road outside their house, pull down the streetlights, and pour concrete into their sewer. Then ring their doorbell and give them a bucket and spade and a cheap flashlight with no batteries. Explain that you have stepped in to help them in their quest to relieve US taxpayers and the objects you are giving them are a leaving gift from the state.
# Ask them where in history libertarianism has ever worked
# Remind them that true Marxism is the complete absence of government. Especially when they're saying liberals are dumb and uneducated for supporting it.
# Ask them to name one victory the "[[Rednecks| well regulated militia]]" has had, while mentioning all the [[The War of Northern Aggression|victories]] [[World War I|the GUBBMINT's army]] [[World War II|has accomplished]].

==Detroit:The libertarian paradise==
[[File:Teabaggers drone.png|thumb|The solution to the disease that is libertarianism]]
<center>
{{frame|{{fv|Libertarian Paradise|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;

|<center>'''Detroit is the most libertarian city'''</center>
<center><youtube>OuESvJenj9s</youtube></center>

|<center>'''Small government has done wonders for Detroit.'''</center>
<center><youtube>LNoJSvDGrZA</youtube></center>

|<center>'''No tyrannical government traffic lights or cameras,a libertarian paradise.'''</center>
<center><youtube>_L1GmReFLO8</youtube></center>

|<center>'''Fertilizer plant explodes. THANK YOU DEREGULATION'''</center>
<center><youtube>ROrpKx3aIjA</youtube></center>

|<center>'''Poisoned food is the libertarian ideal.'''</center>
<center><youtube>zrv78nG9R04</youtube></center>

|<center>'''This is what libertarians actually believe'''</center>
<center><youtube>ZeXu3XSM9-c</youtube></center>

|<center>'''Somalia is a libertarian paradise!'''</center>
<center><youtube>7QDv4sYwjO0</youtube></center>
|
}}|border=brown|background=brown}}
</center>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery perrow=5>
Image:Libertarianshit.jpg
File:Libertarians176723.jpg
File:File:Libertarianismlgbt.png
File:Libertarians172347345872394.jpg
File:Libertarians8123712731.jpg
File:Libertarians132173127.jpg
File:Treadonme.jpg
File:Libertarians12371231.jpg
File:Donttreadonkike.jpg
file:snakeskinned.jpg|the artist accidentally made [[Neo-Nazi]]'s look cool
File:Libertarians131273712312.jpg
File:LEGOLibertarian.png
File:Dontremovekebab.jpg
File:[[File:c3o1xmvmjc481.png|400px]]
File:Nosteponsnek.jpg
File:Libertarians Autistic Liberals.png
File:Ancap libertard cocksucker.png
File:Anarcho capitalist libertard faggot.png
File:Alt-right-twittercard.png
File:Libertarians6.jpg
File:Libertarians18237123712312.jpg
File:LibertarianFireDept.png
File:Dont Tread On Me.png
File:4chor8chpollibertarianatparty.jpg
File:Capcomfaclii.jpg
File:Teabagger FAGGOT.jpg|<small>Typical libertarian</small> <big>'''FAGGOTS'''</big>
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* [[Yellow fever]] - libertarian guys will have an azn wife 9/10 times.
* [[Alex Jones]]
* [[Atheism]]
* [[Autism]]
* [[Bronies]]
* [[Christianity]]
* [[cropperb]]
* [[Fedora]]
* [[Furries]]
*[[Gary Johnson]]
* [[Glenn Beck]]
* [[Men's Rights Activist]]
* [[Randroid]]
* [[Ron Paul]]
* [[Basement]]
* [[Basement-dweller]]
* [[Tea Party]]
* [[Lemon Party]]
* ''[[The Guardian]]''
* [[Bitcoin]]
* [[Objectivism]]
* [[I am an American conservative shitheel]]
* [[Libertarian Fox]]
* [[Alt-right]] Were ex-libertarians migrate to after they realize [[truth|only white men care about “freedom”]]

==External Links==
[[File:Mall of america crowd dispersal warning.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The Ghost of Christmas Future]]
* If you need simple replies to debunk their crap, [http://world.std.com/~mhuben/faq.html refer to this non-libertarian FAQ.] (Drives them crazy.)
* [http://www.thepowerhour.com/index.html Average libertarians]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6xWGvdRQ9Q Easy trolling]
* [http://libertariansforkucinich.wordpress.com/ Libertarians trolling their own]
* [http://www.reason.com/blog/ "Reason" Magazine's blog]; yes, comments are enabled
* [http://www.libertapedia.org Libertapedia]
* [http://world.std.com/~mhuben/libindex.html Trolling libertarians since 1994]
==Libetarianism is autism==
*[http://www.demos.org/blog/10/28/13/libertarians-are-huge-fans-economic-coercion Libertarians Are Huge Fans of Economic Coercion ]
*[http://www.desmogblog.com/2013/02/11/tea-party-tobacco-everywhere-always TEA Party: Tobacco Everywhere Always:]
*[http://tobaccocontrol.bmj.com/content/early/2013/02/07/tobaccocontrol-2012-050815.abstract ‘To quarterback behind the scenes, third-party efforts’: the tobacco industry and the Tea Party]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jltnBOrCB7I Milton Friedman Defends the Ford Pinto Deathtrap:]
*[http://www.businessinsider.com/ludwig-von-mises-implies-being-a-savage-animal-is-ok-2011-10 Ludwig Von Mises Implies Being a Savage Animal Is Ok!]
*[http://bgamall.hubpages.com/hub/The-Ugly-Side-of-Libertarianism-No-Aid-for-Tornado-Victims The Ugly Side of Libertarianism: No Aid for Tornado Victims]
*[http://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2012/08/mark-ames-paul-ryans-guru-ayn-rand-worshipped-a-serial-killer-who-kidnapped-and-dismembered-little-girls.html Paul Ryan’s Guru Ayn Rand Worshipped a Serial Killer Who Kidnapped and Dismembered Little Girls]

{{Politics}}
{{truth}}
{{Cults}}
{{timeline|Featured article December 28 & 29, [[2012]]|[[Christmas]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[2012 (year)]]}}
[[Category: Subcultures]]
[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]

Herbert Hoover

2026-05-13T08:39:17Z

Omari81:

{{quote|Economic depression can not be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement.|Yeah, [[Truth|you don't say]].}}
[[File:Herbert Hoover.jpg|thumb|Hey liberals, check this out! *[[Bruh|crashes the stock market]]*]]
'''[[Family Guy|Herbert]] Clark Hoover''' is the <s>Chinese asset</s> man known for ruining more lives than the ''[[Philadelphia|It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia]]'' gang. That, and for being mentioned in Home Alone 2. He was elected president in 1928 because his campaign aimed for a "final triumph over poverty". Ironically the stock market crashed a few months later and he never bothered to fix it, leading to the [[Sad|Great Depression]]. He was so bad, everyone calls his successor FDR one of the best presidents ever just for undoing what he did.

==Life==
He was born in [[Iowa]], the swing state of [[Ironic|every terrible election]], to a family of [[White Trash|Quakers]], all of whom died when he was a toddler. He [[Retard|dropped out of school]] at age 14. He became a millionaire later in life by [[Communist|working for China]]. When WWI broke out, he began working for the Woodrow Wilson administration. He was Secretary of Commerce from 1921 to 1928. He decided to run for president in the 1928 election and won in a landslide, despite oppositions warning he was [[probably]] a European asset. [[Ironic|Funnily enough, every country outside of the US that he visited during his presidency found him a great president.]]

A few months into his presidency, he decided the only way to own the libs was to crash the stock market. During the Great Depression, he became so unpopular that people threw rotten food at him in the streets wherever he traveled. His last name also became a term for poor cities in the US for a while. Despite this, he had the balls to run for re-election in 1932 and lost in a landslide to FDR. Throughout his life afterwards, his only friend was the president that nuked [[Japan]] during WWII. When his presidential library opened in 1962, almost no one went there. He died at age 90 from internal bleeding, though it was probably [[Suicide|self-inflicted]].

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|Hoover-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Hoover Stonks.png
File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|"Herbert Hoover, dead at age 90"
</gallery>}}

{{lulzhistory}}
{{Politics}}

[[Category:People|Hoover, Herbert]]

Herbert Hoover

2026-05-13T08:35:48Z

Omari81:

{{quote|Economic depression can not be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement.|Yeah, [[Truth|you don't say]].}}
[[File:Herbert Hoover.jpg|thumb|Hey liberals, check this out! *[[Bruh|crashes the stock market]]*]]
'''[[Family Guy|Herbert]] Clark Hoover''' is the <s>Chinese asset</s> man known for ruining more lives than the ''[[Philadelphia|It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia]]'' gang. That, and for being mentioned in Home Alone 2. He was elected president in 1928 because his campaign aimed for a "final triumph over poverty". Ironically the stock market crashed a few months later and he never bothered to fix it, leading to the [[Sad|Great Depression]]. He was so bad, everyone calls his successor FDR one of the best presidents ever just for undoing what he did.

==Life==
He was born in [[Iowa]], the swing state of [[Ironic|every terrible election]], to a family of [[White Trash|Quakers]], all of whom died when he was a toddler. He [[Retard|dropped out of school]] at age 14. He became a millionaire later in life by [[Communist|working for China]]. When WWI broke out, he began working for the Woodrow Wilson administration. He was Secretary of Commerce from 1921 to 1928. He decided to run for president in the 1928 election and won in a landslide, despite oppositions warning he was [[probably]] a European asset. [[Ironic|Funnily enough, every country outside of the US that he visited during his presidency found him a great president.]]

A few months into his presidency, he decided the only way to own the libs was to crash the stock market. During the Great Depression, he became so unpopular that people threw rotten food at him in the streets wherever he traveled. His last name also became a term for poor cities in the US for a while. Despite this, he had the balls to run for re-election in 1932 and lost in a landslide to FDR. Throughout his life afterwards, his only friend was the president that nuked [[Japan]] during WWII. When his presidential library opened in 1962, almost no one went there. He died at age 90 from internal bleeding, though it was probably [[Suicide|self-inflicted]].

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|Hoover-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Hoover Stonks.png
</gallery>}}

{{lulzhistory}}
{{Politics}}

[[Category:People|Hoover, Herbert]]

File:Hoover Stonks.png

2026-05-13T08:34:26Z

Omari81:

Herbert Hoover

2026-05-13T08:32:30Z

Omari81:

{{quote|Economic depression can not be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement.|Yeah, [[Truth|you don't say]].}}
[[File:Herbert Hoover.jpg|thumb|Hey liberals, check this out! *[[Bruh|crashes the stock market]]*]]
'''[[Family Guy|Herbert]] Clark Hoover''' is the <s>Chinese asset</s> man known for ruining more lives than the ''[[Philadelphia|It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia]]'' gang. That, and for being mentioned in Home Alone 2. He was elected president in 1928 because his campaign aimed for a "final triumph over poverty". Ironically the stock market crashed a few months later and he never bothered to fix it, leading to the [[Sad|Great Depression]]. He was so bad, everyone calls his successor FDR one of the best presidents ever just for undoing what he did.

==Life==
He was born in [[Iowa]], the swing state of [[Ironic|every terrible election]], to a family of [[White Trash|Quakers]], all of whom died when he was a toddler. He [[Retard|dropped out of school]] at age 14. He became a millionaire later in life by [[Communist|working for China]]. When WWI broke out, he began working for the Woodrow Wilson administration. He was Secretary of Commerce from 1921 to 1928. He decided to run for president in the 1928 election and won in a landslide, despite oppositions warning he was [[probably]] a European asset. [[Ironic|Funnily enough, every country outside of the US that he visited during his presidency found him a great president.]]

A few months into his presidency, he decided the only way to own the libs was to crash the stock market. During the Great Depression, he became so unpopular that people threw rotten food at him in the streets wherever he traveled. His last name also became a term for poor cities in the US for a while. Despite this, he had the balls to run for re-election in 1932 and lost in a landslide to FDR. Throughout his life afterwards, his only friend was the president that nuked [[Japan]] during WWII. When his presidential library opened in 1962, almost no one went there. He died at age 90 from internal bleeding, though it was probably [[Suicide|self-inflicted]].

{{lulzhistory}}
{{Politics}}

[[Category:People|Hoover, Herbert]]

Herbert Hoover

2026-05-13T08:30:43Z

Omari81:

{{quote|Economic depression can not be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement.|Yeah, [[Truth|you don't say]].}}
[[File:Herbert Hoover.jpg|thumb|Hey liberals, check this out! *[[Bruh|crashes the stock market]]*]]
'''[[Family Guy|Herbert]] Clark Hoover''' is the <s>Chinese asset</s> man known for ruining more lives than the ''[[Philadelphia|It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia]]'' gang. He was elected president in 1928 because his campaign aimed for a "final triumph over poverty". Ironically the stock market crashed a few months later and he never bothered to fix it, leading to the [[Sad|Great Depression]]. He was so bad, everyone calls his successor FDR one of the best presidents ever just for undoing what he did.

==Life==
He was born in [[Iowa]], the swing state of [[Ironic|every terrible election]], to a family of [[White Trash|Quakers]], all of whom died when he was a toddler. He [[Retard|dropped out of school]] at age 14. He became a millionaire later in life by [[Communist|working for China]]. When WWI broke out, he began working for the Woodrow Wilson administration. He was Secretary of Commerce from 1921 to 1928. He decided to run for president in the 1928 election and won in a landslide, despite oppositions warning he was [[probably]] a European asset. [[Ironic|Funnily enough, every country outside of the US that he visited during his presidency found him a great president.]]

A few months into his presidency, he decided the only way to own the libs was to crash the stock market. During the Great Depression, he became so unpopular that people threw rotten food at him in the streets wherever he traveled. His last name also became a term for poor cities in the US for a while. Despite this, he had the balls to run for re-election in 1932 and lost in a landslide to FDR. Throughout his life afterwards, his only friend was the president that nuked [[Japan]] during WWII. When his presidential library opened in 1962, almost no one went there. He died at age 90 from internal bleeding, though it was probably [[Suicide|self-inflicted]].

{{lulzhistory}}
{{Politics}}

[[Category:People|Hoover, Herbert]]

Herbert Hoover

2026-05-13T08:28:46Z

Omari81:

{{quote|Economic depression can not be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement.|Yeah, [[Truth|you don't say]].}}
[[File:Herbert Hoover.jpg|thumb|Hey liberals, check this out! *[[Bruh|crashes the stock market]]*]]
'''[[Family Guy|Herbert]] Clark Hoover''' is the <s>Chinese asset</s> man known for ruining more lives than the ''[[Philadelphia|It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia]]'' gang. He was elected president in 1928 because his campaign aimed for a "final triumph over poverty". Ironically the stock market crashed a few months later and he never bothered to fix it, leading to the [[Sad|Great Depression]]. He was so bad, everyone calls his successor FDR one of the best presidents ever just for undoing what he did.

==Life==
He was born in [[Iowa]], the swing state of [[Ironic|every terrible election]], to a family of [[White Trash|Quakers]], all of whom died when he was a toddler. He [[Retard|dropped out of school]] at age 14. He became a millionaire later in life by [[Communist|working for China]]. When WWI broke out, he began working for the Woodrow Wilson administration. He was Secretary of Commerce from 1921 to 1928. He decided to run for president in the 1928 election and won in a landslide, despite oppositions warning he was [[probably]] a European asset. [[Ironic|Funnily enough, every country outside of the US that he visited during his presidency found him a great president.]]

During the Great Depression, he became so unpopular that people threw rotten food at him in the streets wherever he traveled. Despite this, he had the balls to run for re-election in 1932 and lost in a landslide to FDR. Throughout his life afterwards, his only friend was the president that nuked [[Japan]] during WWII. When his presidential library opened in 1962, almost no one went there. He died at age 90 from internal bleeding, though it was probably [[Suicide|self-inflicted]].

{{lulzhistory}}
{{Politics}}

[[Category:People|Hoover, Herbert]]

Herbert Hoover

2026-05-13T08:27:23Z

Omari81: Created page with "{{quote|Economic depression can not be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement.|Yeah, you don't say.}} crashes the stock market*]] '''Herbert Clark Hoover''' is the <s>Chinese asset</s> man known for ruining more lives than the ''It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia'' gang. He was elected president in 1928 because his campaign aimed for a "final t..."

{{quote|Economic depression can not be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement.|Yeah, [[Truth|you don't say]].}}
[[File:Herbert Hoover.jpg|thumb|Hey liberals, check this out! *[[Bruh|crashes the stock market]]*]]
'''[[Family Guy|Herbert]] Clark Hoover''' is the <s>Chinese asset</s> man known for ruining more lives than the ''[[Philadelphia|It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia]]'' gang. He was elected president in 1928 because his campaign aimed for a "final triumph over poverty". Ironically the stock market crashed a few months later and he never bothered to fix it, leading to the [[Sad|Great Depression]]. He was so bad, everyone calls his successor FDR one of the best presidents ever just for undoing what he did.

==Life==
He was born in [[Iowa]], the swing state of [[Ironic|every terrible election]], to a family of [[White Trash|Quakers]], all of whom died when he was a toddler. He [[Retard|dropped out of school]] at age 14. He became a millionaire later in life by [[Communist|working for China]]. When WWI broke out, he began working for the Woodrow Wilson administration. He was Secretary of Commerce from 1921 to 1928. He decided to run for president in the 1928 election and won in a landslide, despite oppositions warning he might've been a European asset. [[Ironic|Funnily enough, every country outside of the US that he visited during his presidency found him a great president.]]

During the Great Depression, he became so unpopular that people threw rotten food at him in the streets wherever he traveled. Despite this, he had the balls to run for re-election in 1932 and lost in a landslide to FDR. Throughout his life afterwards, his only friend was the president that nuked [[Japan]] during WWII. When his presidential library opened in 1962, almost no one went there. He died at age 90 from internal bleeding, though it was probably [[Suicide|self-inflicted]].

{{lulzhistory}}
{{Politics}}

[[Category:People|Hoover, Herbert]]

Lyndon Johnson

2026-05-13T08:07:21Z

Omari81:

[[Image:Lbjbeagle.jpg|thumb|LBJ supported the idea of [[Animal abuse|animal cruelty]], so he wasn't all bad.]]
[[Image:LBJplatoon.jpg|thumb|OH NOES!]]
'''Lyndon Baines Johnson''' (or '''LBJ''' by newfags) was a big crude bastard and a nigger-lover from Texas who rose to power after he had JFK killed. Despite starting the Vietnam war to contain communism he was an avid [[jews|marxist]] himself and worked to implement communism in the US with his great society project as well as selling out his southern brothers by pushing for [[nigger]] rights. In the 1964 election he won based on saying the kike goldwater would cause war and he would bring peace despite immediately starting one of the biggest wars in US history after he was elected. He died in 1973 of heart failure like a typical lanklet faggot.

==OMGWTFLBJ==

[[File:Operation Lolling Thunder.jpg|thumb|left]]

His first and only instance of [[win]] ... But what a win it was.

Long story short, LBJ had a friend who was an experienced rifleman and convicted murderer (even though, thanks to LBJ's Texas cronies, he walked off with a [[LOLWUT|suspended sentence]] for the crime), name of [[mongo|Malcolm (Mac) Wallace]], who left his [[docs|fingerprints]] [http://www.acorn.net/jfkplace/09../fp.back_issues/23rd_Issue/breakthru.html on the sniper's nest whence Oswald was meant to have fired at JFK.]

This [[fact|100 per cent copper-bottom FACT]] is

1) Guaranteed to explode the heads of [[conspiracy|conspiracy theorists]] and [[faggots|Warren Commission apologists]] alike, since it both confirms and denies both POVs at the same time: Yes, there was a [[bullshit|conspiracy]] and yes, the shots came from the Texas School Book Depository, thus confirming the [[buttsex|rear-entry theory]].
Everyone's a winner!

2) 1,000,000 per cent simpler than either camp's theories, since it pins the blame firmly on the one person who [[profit|profited]] most from the assassination, who was then immediately catapulted into a position of power from which he could [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|cover up his wrong-doing]].

Simply throw the above fact into any forum discussion about the JFK assassination and watch [[drama|all interested parties get more and more wound up until they go absolutely spastic]] trying to argue their way past it. Refuse to expand on the basic assertion of LBJ's guilt in any way whatsoever, and in particular refuse to explain precisely how this conspiracy is meant to have worked in practice ...

* '''[[Intellectual checkmate]]''': Someone bothers to google the LBJ dunnit theory and finds out that the FBI said the fingerprints didn't match.

'''Your rebuttal''': [[whore|Mandy Rice-Davies]] applies: ''"The FBI is implicated in the cover-up, due to LBJ's close personal friend and [http://freemasonry.bcy.ca/biography/hoover_j/hoover_j.html fellow freemason] [[trap|J Edgar Hoover]] playing an instrumental role in framing Oswald."''

* '''[[Intellectual checkmate]] II''': Someone googles and points out that the [[old media|History Channel]] broadcast a programme about LBJ's guilt and got told to [[STFU|broadcast an apology for libelling this god-like giant among presidents]].

'''Your rebuttal''': Mandy Rice-Davies applies: The History Channel caved in after former president and renowned [[retard|flid]] Gerald Ford objected. ''"Ford is implicated in the JFK cover-up because he was on the god-damned Warren Commission in the first place..."'' (As well as being a [[freemason|freemason]] [http://www.araratshrine.com/history/famous/ford/ (yah rly)], tool of the [[NWO]], member of the Teamsters, Cuban exile, CIA agent, whatever, obv)''"... as well as being blackmailed by Hoover over his [http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/kennedy-ford-affairs-east-german-spy-johnson-aide-article-1.1525033 affair with an East German spy] ..."'' (he got "sloppy seconds" after JFK had finished with her) ''"... which is possibly the reason that Ford [http://www.jfklancer.com/Ford-Rankin.html personally altered Warren Commission evidence] to support the [[bullshit|"Magic Bullet" theory"]]"'' (Get out of that then, you fuckers)

* '''[[Intellectual checkmate]] III''': Somebody googles and ...

... well, you get the idea.

==His epic failures==
[[Image:Lbj tits or gtfo.jpg|thumb|right|LBJ givin' you the message]]

* Enacted the US Civil Rights Act 1964 ([http://www.ourdocuments.gov/doc.php?flash=true&doc=97&page=transcript TL;DR]), abolishing [[gtfo|segregation]] and [[racism|racial discrimination]] and thus beginning the steady descent into now-normal [[nigger|niggerish chaos]] 24/7 with riots, looting, raping, etc, and no damn [[white|normal person]] able to [[political correctness|say anything against the situation]]. The passage of the Act was the last thing anyone expected from LBJ, since he was a [[lynching|southern Democrat]]. When asked why he'd done it, [[I did it for the lulz|guess what he replied?]]

* Knew that [[Nixon]] was sabotaging Vietnam peace talks in order to fuck LBJ's shit right up real good for the '68 election -- but was [http://consortiumnews.com/2012/03/03/lbjs-x-file-on-nixons-treason/ too pussy to go public with his knowledge] ... perhaps because Nixon knew what a naughty boy he had been (see below).

* Besides killing half of America in [[Vietnam|'nam]], LBJ decided not to run again for a second term because he knew he was completely fail. It was also found that, like [[Mark Foley]], Johnson enjoyed [[shota]] and would search for them hungrily in the slums of [[shithole|Chicago]], while [[JFK]] just fucked Marilyn Monroe's embalmed [[pussy|pussy]] that he had had pickled in a jar after [http://www.findadeath.com/Deceased/m/MONROE/Marilyn%20Autopsy%20photograph%20dead.JPG her autopsy].

[[Image:Jfkbadday.jpg|thumb|right|fapfapfap]]

* The reason for LBJ's behaviour was [[old media|successfully kept quiet]] while he was in office, but [[science|it is now known]] that LBJ was [[bipolar|out of his mind]] [http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/15/150472/president-lincoln-tr/ half the time while he was in office], giving rise to such lulzy acts as:

** [[paranoia|Ranting and raving]] [http://www.economicpolicyjournal.com/2013/01/lbj-paranoid-narcissist-bully-sadist.html about imaginary enemies], scaring his staff witless
** Fearing that JFK's brother and US Attorney General [[RFK|Robert F Kennedy]] was [http://www.economicpolicyjournal.com/2013/01/lbj-paranoid-narcissist-bully-sadist.html out to get him] -- see [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3XWmcbopzQ here] for White House audio recording in which RFK challenges LBJ over LBJ's paranoid delusion that RFK was going to overthrow him in a coup
** Drinking vast amounts of [[alcohol|booze]] during working hours until he was [http://www.economicpolicyjournal.com/2013/01/lbj-paranoid-narcissist-bully-sadist.html completely out of his tree] and didn't know what he was doing
** [[wank|Frenziedly masturbating]] over the [http://www.celebritymorgue.com/jfk/jfk-autopsy.html JFK autopsy photographs] that the [[CIA]] had [[shopped|forged]] for him (see below)
** [http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2002/nov/07/the-big-guy/ Getting up on a restaurant table] and [[WTF|dancing the flamenco]] like a [[Spain|demented faggot]]
** [http://www.economicpolicyjournal.com/2013/01/lbj-paranoid-narcissist-bully-sadist.html Lying in bed for days and growling] like an [[furry|animal]] at anyone who came into the room
** Forcing staff to hold meetings with him [http://whitehouse.c-span.org/Video/ByPresident/Doris-Kearns-Goodwin-4.aspx while he took a dump], then drying his balls on the bathroom roller-towel while they [[OMG|watched aghast]]
** Showing off his [[penis|penis]] [http://www.omg-facts.com/History/Lyndon-B-Johnson-Nicknamed-His-Penis-Jum/54061 (which he proudly nicknamed "Jumbo")] to the White House press corps, US Senators, WH secretaries ... anyone who happened to be around at the time, really.

* One of LBJ's Secret Service men [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G41XRl40RL0 said later]: ''"If he wasn't president he'd be in a mental hospital"''

==Trooooo confessions==

* LBJ associate (and convicted fraudster) Billie Sol Estes [http://www.billiesolestes.com/billie/ confessed that LBJ and Mac Wallace] were behind ten unsolved murders, including the JFK assassination, ten years before the fingerprint evidence came to light. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

* LBJ's alleged mistress Madeleine Brown claims that the night before JFK got whacked, LBJ promised that ''"those damn Kennedys will never embarrass me again."'' Madeleine Brown may have been [http://dperry1943.com/browns.html a lying whore] on some matters, but she ''did'' name Mac Wallace as the hitman years before the fingerprint evidence came to light. Then she was shot by Jack Ruby.

* In a [http://www.manuscriptservice.com/DPQ/bmp.htm shitty book], Barr McClellan (former partner in LBJ's retained legal firm) claimed that Mac Wallace was the gunman, and that LBJ and long-time crony Ed Clark planned the assassination and cover-up together. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

* In late 2006 [[Nixon|Watergate burglar]] and longtime [[CIA|CIA agent]] E. Howard Hunt confessed that [http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2007/04/who_killed_jfk_/ LBJ dunnit with the help of the CIA]. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

* Another CIA agent named by Hunt as a co-conspirator was David Morales, who during the 1970s had [http://www.maryferrell.org/wiki/index.php/David_Morales_-_We_Took_Care_of_That_SOB drunkenly boasted to two witnesses] about the Agency's role in the JFK assassination, saying: ''"Well, we took care of that Son-Of-A-Bitch, didn't we?"'' Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

==Did you know?==
[[File:Democratniggers.jpg|thumb|right|Sabotaging and brainwashing niggers to vote Democrat]]

* Under oath in November 1963, long-time LBJ crony [http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/JFKreynoldsD.htm Don B. Reynolds] told a courtroom of seeing a suitcase full of money, described as a ''"$100,000 payoff to Johnson for his role in securing the Fort Worth TFX contract"'', a reference to [[shit no one cares about|a corruption scandal]] in which LBJ had handed a $7bn defence contract to his Texas chums. Reynolds's testimony was abruptly terminated when news arrived that JFK had been assassinated, and the investigation into the contract was not resumed until after Johnson had left office.

* JFK was planning to ditch LBJ as vice-president for the 1964 election, and RFK was working with TIME Magazine (or was it "Life"? Srsly who gives a shit) on an exposé of LBJ's defence contract corruption and another scandal involving LBJ crony [http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/JFKbakerB.htm Bobby Baker], scheduled for publication the week after JFK got shot. LBJ was going to be ditched and disgraced, and '''quite probably end up being [[bubba|buttfucked ten ways till Tuesday in jail]]'''. [http://www.veteranstoday.com/2013/06/11/lyndon-baines-johnson-and-the-jfk-assassination/ But for obvious reasons,] TIME's LBJ article (or was it "Life's?") never appeared. Ain't life sweet sometimes?

* Despite his public tough-guy act, JFK was a complete [[pussy]], secretly [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/w6LJoSnW4UehkaH9Ip5IAA.aspx planning to pull 1,000 US troops] out of Vietnam by the end of 1963 with [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/12/23/us/kennedy-had-a-plan-for-early-exit-in-vietnam.html complete US withdrawal by the end of 1965] (during his anticipated second term). However, [[I See What You Did There|24 hours before JFK's assassination]], National Security Adviser McGeorge Bundy drew up a National Security Action Memorandum contradicting JFK by [http://jfklancer.com/NSAM273.html falsely claiming JFK had ordered an ''escalation'' of the conflict]. ([http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/viet15.htm Certain lying liars] pretend JFK knew, but he nevar got to see the doc). Four days after the [[ass rape|killing of JFK]], and one day after the funeral, the Bundy document was presented to LBJ who [http://www.lbjlib.utexas.edu/johnson/archives.hom/nsams/nsam273.asp immediately agreed to it] thereby [[self-pwn|committing the US to victory in Vietnam]].

* Dealey Plaza, where JFK got shot, is historically known as the site of the [http://wikimapia.org/531345/Dealey-Plaza first Masonic temple in Dallas], and there is [http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfK8TTOxJzk/SjXMRujBU3I/AAAAAAAAAQw/6XIC3b1enK0/s320/dsign.jpg a marker attesting to this fact] in the plaza.

* Even though there was no need, LBJ arranged to [http://www.esquire.com/features/flight-from-dallas-1013-2 take the oath of office while JFK's meatsack was still warm]. JFK aide Ken O'Donnell later said: ''"There's no question in [my] mind, that Lyndon Johnson wanted to be sworn in by Judge Sarah T. Hughes, an old family friend, and he was afraid somebody was going to take the thing away from him if he didn't get it quick."''

* Warren Commissioner [http://politicalgraveyard.com/bio/russell7.html#703.33.93 Richard B Russell Jr] and Commission Chairman [https://www.createspace.com/4251856 Earl Warren] himself were both [[Worldwide Masonic Conspiracy|freemasons]].

* RFK and Jackie O privately told the [[In Soviet Russia|Soviet Union]] that they believed JFK had been rubbed [http://www.ibtimes.com/jfk-assassination-jacqueline-kennedy-rfk-did-not-believe-only-one-person-assassinated-president-john 'by domestic opponents']...

* ... which is possibly one reason why [http://articles.latimes.com/1996-09-18/local/me-44982_1_assassination-records-review-board the KGB believed that LBJ dunnit].

* Freemason, evidence-tamperer (see above) and FBI [http://www.history.com/news/history-lists/9-things-you-may-not-know-about-the-warren-commission stool pigeon on the Warren Commission] [[Gerald Ford]] [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/arlen-specter-dies-us-senator-pennsylvania-dead-82/story?id=17470701 was the Commissioner] who recommended the appointment to the Commission's staff of his [http://www.skirret.com/papers/behind_the_lodge_door.html fellow freemason Arlen Spector], the man who came up with the [[lies|"Magic Bullet" theory]] in the first place.

* [http://dailycaller.com/2013/11/22/roger-stone-nixon-thought-lbj-killed-kennedy/ According to Nixon] Jack Ruby had been [http://jfkfacts.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Nixon-Rubenstein-HUAC-112447.png an informant of his], on the recommendation of LBJ himself and when Oswald got shot [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqTMELBh23g Nixon knew], telling an aide that he had '''"immediately recognized that LBJ was using one his operatives to do ‘clean up’ work on the murder of John Kennedy."''' Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

* Speaking at an off-the-record meeting in mid-1968, RFK told a questioner that he would [http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2013/11/24/his-brother-keeper-robert-kennedy-saw-conspiracy-jfk-assassination/TmZ0nfKsB34p69LWUBgsEJ/story.html re-open the JFK investigation] were he to [[unrealistic expectations|become president]]. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

==The quotable LBJ==

{{quote|'''It's probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in.'''|On FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover, as quoted in The New York Times (31 October 1971)}}
{{quote|'''Making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg. It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.'''|Private comment, as quoted in Name-Dropping (1999) by John Kenneth Galbraith, p. 149}}
{{quote|'''Fuck your parliament and your constitution. America is an elephant. Cyprus is a flea. Greece is a flea. If these two fleas continue itching the elephant, they may just get whacked good ...We pay a lot of good American dollars to the Greeks, Mr. Ambassador. If your Prime Minister gives me talk about democracy, parliament and constitution, he, his parliament and his constitution may not last long... '''|<strike>Comment</strike> Threat issued to the Greek ambassador to Washington, Alexander Matsas, over the [[Shit no one cares about|Cyprus issue]] in June 1964. Quoted in I Should Have Died (1977) by Philip Deane, pp. 113-114}}
{{quote|'''You two sons of bitches, look at this. This is raw. You gotta cook the meat on my airplane. Don't you serve my people raw meat. Goddamn, if you two boys serve raw meat on my airplane again, you'll both end up in Vietnam.'''|To two secret service agents that served his advisor rare beef. He then slammed the tray of meat onto the floor. What a gentleman!}}
{{quote|'''If the circumstances make it such that you can't fuck a man in the ass, then just peckerslap him.'''|Private comment, found in White House Tapes: Eavesdropping on the President (2003) edited by John Prados}}

[http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Lyndon_B._Johnson Sauce plox.]

==LBJ's legacy==

Well, he has a walk-on part in [http://metalgear.wikia.com/wiki/Lyndon_B._Johnson Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater] and another in [http://callofduty.wikia.com/wiki/Lbjohnson Call of Duty: Black Ops] (in which you get the chance to hack into his private emails), and you can't get much more famous than that. Did we mention that he was a freemason?

==Plz to be seeing also==

* [[Conspiracy]]
* [[Dongcopter]]
* [[Freemasons]]
* [[GHWB|George Bush Snr]]
* [[fellatio|Le BJ]]
* [[Murder]]
* [[Nixon]]
* [[Obama]] - Black version

==Links of externality==

* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia_Seigenthaler_biography_incident Ever-so-dependable source in shit-on-face loldrama]
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lyndon_B._Johnson LBJ on TOW], sadly lacking in truth.
* [http://www.lbjlibrary.org/page/contact-us The LBJ Presidential Library's 'contact' page. Demand nothing less than the truth!]
* [https://www.facebook.com/LbjLibraryNow LBJ's FarceBook page (ditto)]
* [https://twitter.com/LBJLibrary LBJ's Twatter (ditto)]
* [https://texasforums.wordpress.com/?s=jfk+assassination Hmmmm ...]
* [http://www.history-matters.com/essays/frameup/FourteenMinuteGap/FourteenMinuteGap.htm The LBJ Library covers up the fact that LBJ erased tape of phone conversation with Hoover re: Oswald]
* "Tens of thousands" of JFK files [http://www.bostonglobe.com/2013/11/25/government-still-withholding-thousands-documents-jfk-assassination/PvBM2PCgW1H11vadQ4Wp4H/story.html still unreleased]
* [http://thewebfairy.com/masonic/Ciaa.jpg CIA Document #1035-960, dated 4 January 1967, marked PSYCH for Psychological Warfare: Directs CIA agents to pwn Warren Report critics by using ''"liaison and friendly elite contacts (especially politicians and editors)"'' and to ''"employ propaganda assets to answer and refute the attacks of the critics."'']
* [http://www.maryferrell.org/mffweb/archive/viewer/showDoc.do?docId=797 Navy photographer Sandra Kay Spencer testifies under oath in 1997 that the JFK autopsy photos she processed immediately after the assassination were not the supposed "JFK autopsy photographs" later released by the National Archive]
* [http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-w0u4W3IG7cY/UpZ7jipTHQI/AAAAAAAANs8/6CfDXEaBgTg/s1600/Rep-Albert-Thomas-and-LBJ.png LBJ gets winked]
{{clear}}

{{lulzhistory}}
{{Politics}}

[[Category:People|Johnson, Lyndon]]

Lyndon Johnson

2026-05-13T08:06:09Z

Omari81:

Lyndon Johnson

2026-05-13T08:05:57Z

Omari81:

[[Image:Lbjbeagle.jpg|thumb|LBJ supported the idea of[[Animal abuse|animal cruelty]], so he wasn't all bad.]]
[[Image:LBJplatoon.jpg|thumb|OH NOES!]]
'''Lyndon Baines Johnson''' (or '''LBJ''' by newfags) was a big crude bastard and a nigger-lover from Texas who rose to power after he had JFK killed. Despite starting the Vietnam war to contain communism he was an avid [[jews|marxist]] himself and worked to implement communism in the US with his great society project as well as selling out his southern brothers by pushing for [[nigger]] rights. In the 1964 election he won based on saying the kike goldwater would cause war and he would bring peace despite immediately starting one of the biggest wars in US history after he was elected. He died in 1973 of heart failure like a typical lanklet faggot.

==OMGWTFLBJ==

[[File:Operation Lolling Thunder.jpg|thumb|left]]

His first and only instance of [[win]] ... But what a win it was.

Long story short, LBJ had a friend who was an experienced rifleman and convicted murderer (even though, thanks to LBJ's Texas cronies, he walked off with a [[LOLWUT|suspended sentence]] for the crime), name of [[mongo|Malcolm (Mac) Wallace]], who left his [[docs|fingerprints]] [http://www.acorn.net/jfkplace/09../fp.back_issues/23rd_Issue/breakthru.html on the sniper's nest whence Oswald was meant to have fired at JFK.]

This [[fact|100 per cent copper-bottom FACT]] is

1) Guaranteed to explode the heads of [[conspiracy|conspiracy theorists]] and [[faggots|Warren Commission apologists]] alike, since it both confirms and denies both POVs at the same time: Yes, there was a [[bullshit|conspiracy]] and yes, the shots came from the Texas School Book Depository, thus confirming the [[buttsex|rear-entry theory]].
Everyone's a winner!

2) 1,000,000 per cent simpler than either camp's theories, since it pins the blame firmly on the one person who [[profit|profited]] most from the assassination, who was then immediately catapulted into a position of power from which he could [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|cover up his wrong-doing]].

Simply throw the above fact into any forum discussion about the JFK assassination and watch [[drama|all interested parties get more and more wound up until they go absolutely spastic]] trying to argue their way past it. Refuse to expand on the basic assertion of LBJ's guilt in any way whatsoever, and in particular refuse to explain precisely how this conspiracy is meant to have worked in practice ...

* '''[[Intellectual checkmate]]''': Someone bothers to google the LBJ dunnit theory and finds out that the FBI said the fingerprints didn't match.

'''Your rebuttal''': [[whore|Mandy Rice-Davies]] applies: ''"The FBI is implicated in the cover-up, due to LBJ's close personal friend and [http://freemasonry.bcy.ca/biography/hoover_j/hoover_j.html fellow freemason] [[trap|J Edgar Hoover]] playing an instrumental role in framing Oswald."''

* '''[[Intellectual checkmate]] II''': Someone googles and points out that the [[old media|History Channel]] broadcast a programme about LBJ's guilt and got told to [[STFU|broadcast an apology for libelling this god-like giant among presidents]].

'''Your rebuttal''': Mandy Rice-Davies applies: The History Channel caved in after former president and renowned [[retard|flid]] Gerald Ford objected. ''"Ford is implicated in the JFK cover-up because he was on the god-damned Warren Commission in the first place..."'' (As well as being a [[freemason|freemason]] [http://www.araratshrine.com/history/famous/ford/ (yah rly)], tool of the [[NWO]], member of the Teamsters, Cuban exile, CIA agent, whatever, obv)''"... as well as being blackmailed by Hoover over his [http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/kennedy-ford-affairs-east-german-spy-johnson-aide-article-1.1525033 affair with an East German spy] ..."'' (he got "sloppy seconds" after JFK had finished with her) ''"... which is possibly the reason that Ford [http://www.jfklancer.com/Ford-Rankin.html personally altered Warren Commission evidence] to support the [[bullshit|"Magic Bullet" theory"]]"'' (Get out of that then, you fuckers)

* '''[[Intellectual checkmate]] III''': Somebody googles and ...

... well, you get the idea.

==His epic failures==
[[Image:Lbj tits or gtfo.jpg|thumb|right|LBJ givin' you the message]]

* Enacted the US Civil Rights Act 1964 ([http://www.ourdocuments.gov/doc.php?flash=true&doc=97&page=transcript TL;DR]), abolishing [[gtfo|segregation]] and [[racism|racial discrimination]] and thus beginning the steady descent into now-normal [[nigger|niggerish chaos]] 24/7 with riots, looting, raping, etc, and no damn [[white|normal person]] able to [[political correctness|say anything against the situation]]. The passage of the Act was the last thing anyone expected from LBJ, since he was a [[lynching|southern Democrat]]. When asked why he'd done it, [[I did it for the lulz|guess what he replied?]]

* Knew that [[Nixon]] was sabotaging Vietnam peace talks in order to fuck LBJ's shit right up real good for the '68 election -- but was [http://consortiumnews.com/2012/03/03/lbjs-x-file-on-nixons-treason/ too pussy to go public with his knowledge] ... perhaps because Nixon knew what a naughty boy he had been (see below).

* Besides killing half of America in [[Vietnam|'nam]], LBJ decided not to run again for a second term because he knew he was completely fail. It was also found that, like [[Mark Foley]], Johnson enjoyed [[shota]] and would search for them hungrily in the slums of [[shithole|Chicago]], while [[JFK]] just fucked Marilyn Monroe's embalmed [[pussy|pussy]] that he had had pickled in a jar after [http://www.findadeath.com/Deceased/m/MONROE/Marilyn%20Autopsy%20photograph%20dead.JPG her autopsy].

[[Image:Jfkbadday.jpg|thumb|right|fapfapfap]]

* The reason for LBJ's behaviour was [[old media|successfully kept quiet]] while he was in office, but [[science|it is now known]] that LBJ was [[bipolar|out of his mind]] [http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/15/150472/president-lincoln-tr/ half the time while he was in office], giving rise to such lulzy acts as:

** [[paranoia|Ranting and raving]] [http://www.economicpolicyjournal.com/2013/01/lbj-paranoid-narcissist-bully-sadist.html about imaginary enemies], scaring his staff witless
** Fearing that JFK's brother and US Attorney General [[RFK|Robert F Kennedy]] was [http://www.economicpolicyjournal.com/2013/01/lbj-paranoid-narcissist-bully-sadist.html out to get him] -- see [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3XWmcbopzQ here] for White House audio recording in which RFK challenges LBJ over LBJ's paranoid delusion that RFK was going to overthrow him in a coup
** Drinking vast amounts of [[alcohol|booze]] during working hours until he was [http://www.economicpolicyjournal.com/2013/01/lbj-paranoid-narcissist-bully-sadist.html completely out of his tree] and didn't know what he was doing
** [[wank|Frenziedly masturbating]] over the [http://www.celebritymorgue.com/jfk/jfk-autopsy.html JFK autopsy photographs] that the [[CIA]] had [[shopped|forged]] for him (see below)
** [http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2002/nov/07/the-big-guy/ Getting up on a restaurant table] and [[WTF|dancing the flamenco]] like a [[Spain|demented faggot]]
** [http://www.economicpolicyjournal.com/2013/01/lbj-paranoid-narcissist-bully-sadist.html Lying in bed for days and growling] like an [[furry|animal]] at anyone who came into the room
** Forcing staff to hold meetings with him [http://whitehouse.c-span.org/Video/ByPresident/Doris-Kearns-Goodwin-4.aspx while he took a dump], then drying his balls on the bathroom roller-towel while they [[OMG|watched aghast]]
** Showing off his [[penis|penis]] [http://www.omg-facts.com/History/Lyndon-B-Johnson-Nicknamed-His-Penis-Jum/54061 (which he proudly nicknamed "Jumbo")] to the White House press corps, US Senators, WH secretaries ... anyone who happened to be around at the time, really.

* One of LBJ's Secret Service men [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G41XRl40RL0 said later]: ''"If he wasn't president he'd be in a mental hospital"''

==Trooooo confessions==

* LBJ associate (and convicted fraudster) Billie Sol Estes [http://www.billiesolestes.com/billie/ confessed that LBJ and Mac Wallace] were behind ten unsolved murders, including the JFK assassination, ten years before the fingerprint evidence came to light. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

* LBJ's alleged mistress Madeleine Brown claims that the night before JFK got whacked, LBJ promised that ''"those damn Kennedys will never embarrass me again."'' Madeleine Brown may have been [http://dperry1943.com/browns.html a lying whore] on some matters, but she ''did'' name Mac Wallace as the hitman years before the fingerprint evidence came to light. Then she was shot by Jack Ruby.

* In a [http://www.manuscriptservice.com/DPQ/bmp.htm shitty book], Barr McClellan (former partner in LBJ's retained legal firm) claimed that Mac Wallace was the gunman, and that LBJ and long-time crony Ed Clark planned the assassination and cover-up together. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

* In late 2006 [[Nixon|Watergate burglar]] and longtime [[CIA|CIA agent]] E. Howard Hunt confessed that [http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2007/04/who_killed_jfk_/ LBJ dunnit with the help of the CIA]. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

* Another CIA agent named by Hunt as a co-conspirator was David Morales, who during the 1970s had [http://www.maryferrell.org/wiki/index.php/David_Morales_-_We_Took_Care_of_That_SOB drunkenly boasted to two witnesses] about the Agency's role in the JFK assassination, saying: ''"Well, we took care of that Son-Of-A-Bitch, didn't we?"'' Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

==Did you know?==
[[File:Democratniggers.jpg|thumb|right|Sabotaging and brainwashing niggers to vote Democrat]]

* Under oath in November 1963, long-time LBJ crony [http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/JFKreynoldsD.htm Don B. Reynolds] told a courtroom of seeing a suitcase full of money, described as a ''"$100,000 payoff to Johnson for his role in securing the Fort Worth TFX contract"'', a reference to [[shit no one cares about|a corruption scandal]] in which LBJ had handed a $7bn defence contract to his Texas chums. Reynolds's testimony was abruptly terminated when news arrived that JFK had been assassinated, and the investigation into the contract was not resumed until after Johnson had left office.

* JFK was planning to ditch LBJ as vice-president for the 1964 election, and RFK was working with TIME Magazine (or was it "Life"? Srsly who gives a shit) on an exposé of LBJ's defence contract corruption and another scandal involving LBJ crony [http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/JFKbakerB.htm Bobby Baker], scheduled for publication the week after JFK got shot. LBJ was going to be ditched and disgraced, and '''quite probably end up being [[bubba|buttfucked ten ways till Tuesday in jail]]'''. [http://www.veteranstoday.com/2013/06/11/lyndon-baines-johnson-and-the-jfk-assassination/ But for obvious reasons,] TIME's LBJ article (or was it "Life's?") never appeared. Ain't life sweet sometimes?

* Despite his public tough-guy act, JFK was a complete [[pussy]], secretly [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/w6LJoSnW4UehkaH9Ip5IAA.aspx planning to pull 1,000 US troops] out of Vietnam by the end of 1963 with [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/12/23/us/kennedy-had-a-plan-for-early-exit-in-vietnam.html complete US withdrawal by the end of 1965] (during his anticipated second term). However, [[I See What You Did There|24 hours before JFK's assassination]], National Security Adviser McGeorge Bundy drew up a National Security Action Memorandum contradicting JFK by [http://jfklancer.com/NSAM273.html falsely claiming JFK had ordered an ''escalation'' of the conflict]. ([http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/viet15.htm Certain lying liars] pretend JFK knew, but he nevar got to see the doc). Four days after the [[ass rape|killing of JFK]], and one day after the funeral, the Bundy document was presented to LBJ who [http://www.lbjlib.utexas.edu/johnson/archives.hom/nsams/nsam273.asp immediately agreed to it] thereby [[self-pwn|committing the US to victory in Vietnam]].

* Dealey Plaza, where JFK got shot, is historically known as the site of the [http://wikimapia.org/531345/Dealey-Plaza first Masonic temple in Dallas], and there is [http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfK8TTOxJzk/SjXMRujBU3I/AAAAAAAAAQw/6XIC3b1enK0/s320/dsign.jpg a marker attesting to this fact] in the plaza.

* Even though there was no need, LBJ arranged to [http://www.esquire.com/features/flight-from-dallas-1013-2 take the oath of office while JFK's meatsack was still warm]. JFK aide Ken O'Donnell later said: ''"There's no question in [my] mind, that Lyndon Johnson wanted to be sworn in by Judge Sarah T. Hughes, an old family friend, and he was afraid somebody was going to take the thing away from him if he didn't get it quick."''

* Warren Commissioner [http://politicalgraveyard.com/bio/russell7.html#703.33.93 Richard B Russell Jr] and Commission Chairman [https://www.createspace.com/4251856 Earl Warren] himself were both [[Worldwide Masonic Conspiracy|freemasons]].

* RFK and Jackie O privately told the [[In Soviet Russia|Soviet Union]] that they believed JFK had been rubbed [http://www.ibtimes.com/jfk-assassination-jacqueline-kennedy-rfk-did-not-believe-only-one-person-assassinated-president-john 'by domestic opponents']...

* ... which is possibly one reason why [http://articles.latimes.com/1996-09-18/local/me-44982_1_assassination-records-review-board the KGB believed that LBJ dunnit].

* Freemason, evidence-tamperer (see above) and FBI [http://www.history.com/news/history-lists/9-things-you-may-not-know-about-the-warren-commission stool pigeon on the Warren Commission] [[Gerald Ford]] [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/arlen-specter-dies-us-senator-pennsylvania-dead-82/story?id=17470701 was the Commissioner] who recommended the appointment to the Commission's staff of his [http://www.skirret.com/papers/behind_the_lodge_door.html fellow freemason Arlen Spector], the man who came up with the [[lies|"Magic Bullet" theory]] in the first place.

* [http://dailycaller.com/2013/11/22/roger-stone-nixon-thought-lbj-killed-kennedy/ According to Nixon] Jack Ruby had been [http://jfkfacts.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Nixon-Rubenstein-HUAC-112447.png an informant of his], on the recommendation of LBJ himself and when Oswald got shot [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqTMELBh23g Nixon knew], telling an aide that he had '''"immediately recognized that LBJ was using one his operatives to do ‘clean up’ work on the murder of John Kennedy."''' Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

* Speaking at an off-the-record meeting in mid-1968, RFK told a questioner that he would [http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2013/11/24/his-brother-keeper-robert-kennedy-saw-conspiracy-jfk-assassination/TmZ0nfKsB34p69LWUBgsEJ/story.html re-open the JFK investigation] were he to [[unrealistic expectations|become president]]. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

==The quotable LBJ==

{{quote|'''It's probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in.'''|On FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover, as quoted in The New York Times (31 October 1971)}}
{{quote|'''Making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg. It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.'''|Private comment, as quoted in Name-Dropping (1999) by John Kenneth Galbraith, p. 149}}
{{quote|'''Fuck your parliament and your constitution. America is an elephant. Cyprus is a flea. Greece is a flea. If these two fleas continue itching the elephant, they may just get whacked good ...We pay a lot of good American dollars to the Greeks, Mr. Ambassador. If your Prime Minister gives me talk about democracy, parliament and constitution, he, his parliament and his constitution may not last long... '''|<strike>Comment</strike> Threat issued to the Greek ambassador to Washington, Alexander Matsas, over the [[Shit no one cares about|Cyprus issue]] in June 1964. Quoted in I Should Have Died (1977) by Philip Deane, pp. 113-114}}
{{quote|'''You two sons of bitches, look at this. This is raw. You gotta cook the meat on my airplane. Don't you serve my people raw meat. Goddamn, if you two boys serve raw meat on my airplane again, you'll both end up in Vietnam.'''|To two secret service agents that served his advisor rare beef. He then slammed the tray of meat onto the floor. What a gentleman!}}
{{quote|'''If the circumstances make it such that you can't fuck a man in the ass, then just peckerslap him.'''|Private comment, found in White House Tapes: Eavesdropping on the President (2003) edited by John Prados}}

[http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Lyndon_B._Johnson Sauce plox.]

==LBJ's legacy==

Well, he has a walk-on part in [http://metalgear.wikia.com/wiki/Lyndon_B._Johnson Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater] and another in [http://callofduty.wikia.com/wiki/Lbjohnson Call of Duty: Black Ops] (in which you get the chance to hack into his private emails), and you can't get much more famous than that. Did we mention that he was a freemason?

==Plz to be seeing also==

* [[Conspiracy]]
* [[Dongcopter]]
* [[Freemasons]]
* [[GHWB|George Bush Snr]]
* [[fellatio|Le BJ]]
* [[Murder]]
* [[Nixon]]
* [[Obama]] - Black version

==Links of externality==

* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia_Seigenthaler_biography_incident Ever-so-dependable source in shit-on-face loldrama]
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lyndon_B._Johnson LBJ on TOW], sadly lacking in truth.
* [http://www.lbjlibrary.org/page/contact-us The LBJ Presidential Library's 'contact' page. Demand nothing less than the truth!]
* [https://www.facebook.com/LbjLibraryNow LBJ's FarceBook page (ditto)]
* [https://twitter.com/LBJLibrary LBJ's Twatter (ditto)]
* [https://texasforums.wordpress.com/?s=jfk+assassination Hmmmm ...]
* [http://www.history-matters.com/essays/frameup/FourteenMinuteGap/FourteenMinuteGap.htm The LBJ Library covers up the fact that LBJ erased tape of phone conversation with Hoover re: Oswald]
* "Tens of thousands" of JFK files [http://www.bostonglobe.com/2013/11/25/government-still-withholding-thousands-documents-jfk-assassination/PvBM2PCgW1H11vadQ4Wp4H/story.html still unreleased]
* [http://thewebfairy.com/masonic/Ciaa.jpg CIA Document #1035-960, dated 4 January 1967, marked PSYCH for Psychological Warfare: Directs CIA agents to pwn Warren Report critics by using ''"liaison and friendly elite contacts (especially politicians and editors)"'' and to ''"employ propaganda assets to answer and refute the attacks of the critics."'']
* [http://www.maryferrell.org/mffweb/archive/viewer/showDoc.do?docId=797 Navy photographer Sandra Kay Spencer testifies under oath in 1997 that the JFK autopsy photos she processed immediately after the assassination were not the supposed "JFK autopsy photographs" later released by the National Archive]
* [http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-w0u4W3IG7cY/UpZ7jipTHQI/AAAAAAAANs8/6CfDXEaBgTg/s1600/Rep-Albert-Thomas-and-LBJ.png LBJ gets winked]
{{clear}}

{{Politics}}

[[Category:People|Johnson, Lyndon]]

File:Herbert Hoover.jpg

2026-05-13T07:40:12Z

Omari81:

Cole Allen

2026-05-09T08:39:38Z

Omari81: /* Gallery */

{{DISPLAYTITLE:{{glow|{{PAGENAME}}}}}}
{{conspiracy}}
{{achtung|LOLOLOLOLOLOL THEY MISSED AGAIN}}
{{aroundblacks}}
{{ib|[[File:Cole Allen.jpg|300px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''{{glow|Cole Allen}}'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|April 11, 1995 ({{age|1995|4|11}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[California|Commiefornian]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Injured 1}}
{{ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|FUCK NO!}}
{{ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, [[v&]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[Trump Derangement Syndrome]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''{{glow|Cole Tomas Allen}}''' is yet another piece of evidence that [[niggers]] are not to be trusted with firearms. This <s>agent provocateur asset</s> [[ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT|Pulp Fiction]] wannabe attempted to assassinate [[The Donald]] while he was hosting a [[fatass|dinner]] at the Washington Hilton in [[Washington, D.C.]]

==Background==
Cole was born on April 11, 1995 in [[California]]. He likely peaked in his university's [[Actor|theatre class]], cuz he looks like Daveed Diggs and got a job in education. He developed a video game called Bohrdom (this nigga can't even spell). He also [[Manchild|lived with his parents]]. After realizing that he pretty much had no life, he decided to throw it all away by [[Retard|blaming it all on Trump]] and travel several hours to Washington, D.C. to [[Psychopath|kill him]].

==The Shooting==
On April 25, 2026, Cole arrived at a hotel in Washington, D.C., gathered his weapons, and [[Natalie Rupnow|took a photo of himself standing in front of a mirror]] before sending his family his manifesto. In the manifesto, he calls Trump a [[pedo]], [[rapist]], and a [[racist]], and talks about other lefty topics like [[Emily Youcis|Will Stancil]] and [[Hasan Piker]], the latter of which he doesn't like. He also calls himself the "[[Cringe|Coldforce Friendly Federal Assassin]]", saying that he's going to kill Trump and every member of his cabinet {{glow|except FBI director Kash Patel}}, before becoming [[an hero]]. Family members immediately called the police, but it was already too late, as Cole had already headed out to fulfill his destiny.

Once he arrived, he was confronted by security near the main metal detector screening area of the Washington Hilton. He suddenly felt the spirit of [[Naruto]] inside him, telling him to run past the security checkpoint and take out any guards who come near him, so he did. Secret Service agents immediately ran towards him, but he [[Counter troll|fired back]]. He probably would've made it to the ballroom where Trump was if he didn't [[Idiot|trip and fall]]. He was immediately tackled, arrested, and taken into custody.

==Loadout==
<div align="center">
{|class="wikitable" width="40%"
!colspan="2"|Class Setup
|-
!Item
!Accessories/Bonus
|-
|
*'''Primary''': 12-gauge Maverick shotgun
[[File:Firearm used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 60~130 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Secondary''': Armscor Precision .38 semi-automatic pistol
[[File:Rock Island Armory 1911 .38 caliber pistol used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 19~25 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Tertiary''': Multiple knives
[[File:GTA4IconsKnife.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 30 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Spell''': Nigger
[[File:Blacksrelax.jpg|70px|center]]
|
*'''Double damage against [[White Devils]].'''
|}
</div>

==Graded Score==
{{GradedScore|[[Epic Fail|0]]|[[Epic Fail|Didn't even get near his target]]|0|Only shot a Secret Service agent.|15|At least he had the balls to run past the security.|15|Got a lot of attention despite not reaching his target.|0|For being a [[niggers|nigger with rage]].|30|F|At least you did better than [[Ryan Routh]].}}

{{Wanted|4}}

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv| |background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;
|[[File:8900987-90a37390c0bacced0e921c715a214e0f.mp4|560px|center]]
|<youtube>jMuhRlqHYEU</youtube>'''<br>You're telling me, pal.
|[[File:Cole Allen Gassy.mp4|560px|center]]'''When you help the government stage an assassination attempt so you get to live the rest of your life in exile on a tropical island:'''
|<youtube>vDo6nGP55QM</youtube>'''<br>Gameplay video of Bohrdom, the game he developed'''
}}
|border=#201f3a|background=red}}
</center>

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|ColeAllen-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Bro is not Natalie Rupnow.png|[[Natalie Rupnow|She]] ain't gonna pick you in the afterlife, bro. She's already getting [[BLACKED]] by [[Solomon Henderson|someone else]].
File:Cole Allen BLACKED.png|But hey! Your cellmate [[Bubba]] is always looking for a new [[Rape|plaything]].
File:Cole Tomas Allen Meme.jpg|Aw, [[Crybaby|boo hoo]].
File:Cole Allen Prediction.png|{{twitter|HenryMa79561893/status/1738018409441308955|Hmmm...}}
File:Cole Allen In Prison Be Like.jpeg|The face he's gonna make while getting raped in the prison showers.
File:Cole Allen Naruto.jpeg|He really was the [[BLACK MAN|black flash]] of the Hidden Leaf...
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Vance escorted before trump.gif|Totally not suspicious at all.
File:colepix.png
File:colekiss.png|Yea kiss that floor you know you like it...
File:ColeAllenFloyd.jpeg
File:Cole Allen as baby.jpg|Aww, he'll grow up to be a great {{glow|[[v&|federal asset]]}}!
File:Cole Allen IDF shirt.jpg|[[Israel|Well, well, well.]]{{Jew}}
File:Cole Allen with family.jpg
</gallery>}}

==See Also==
*[[Aaron Alexis]] - The better [[Washington, D.C.]] nigger shooter by quite a wide margin.
*[[John Hinckley Jr.]] - Also tried assassinating the president at Washington Hilton.
*{{glow|[[Thomas Matthew Crooks]]}}, {{glow|[[Ryan Routh]]}} - His predecessors.
*{{glow|[[Tyler Robinson]]}} - Actually succeeded.

==External Links==
*{{Wikilink|2026_White_House_Correspondents'_Dinner_shooting|TOW coverage}}
*{{WPD|h/social/post/490620/megathread-shots-fired-during-president-donald|WPD coverage}}
*{{Steamgame|945530/Bohrdom/|Bohrdom, a game he developed}}
*'''[[Cole Allen/Manifesto|His manifesto]]''' {{Wayback|https://nypost.com/2026/04/26/us-news/read-whcd-gunman-cole-allens-full-anti-trump-manifesto/|20260430031814}}

{{Truth}}
{{Afro}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Gun control}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Serious}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Niggers]]
[[Category:2026]]
[[category:Murder]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Politics]]

File:Cole Allen with family.jpg

2026-05-09T08:38:44Z

Omari81:

Cole Allen

2026-05-09T08:32:32Z

Omari81: /* Gallery */

{{DISPLAYTITLE:{{glow|{{PAGENAME}}}}}}
{{conspiracy}}
{{achtung|LOLOLOLOLOLOL THEY MISSED AGAIN}}
{{aroundblacks}}
{{ib|[[File:Cole Allen.jpg|300px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''{{glow|Cole Allen}}'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|April 11, 1995 ({{age|1995|4|11}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[California|Commiefornian]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Injured 1}}
{{ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|FUCK NO!}}
{{ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, [[v&]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[Trump Derangement Syndrome]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''{{glow|Cole Tomas Allen}}''' is yet another piece of evidence that [[niggers]] are not to be trusted with firearms. This <s>agent provocateur asset</s> [[ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT|Pulp Fiction]] wannabe attempted to assassinate [[The Donald]] while he was hosting a [[fatass|dinner]] at the Washington Hilton in [[Washington, D.C.]]

==Background==
Cole was born on April 11, 1995 in [[California]]. He likely peaked in his university's [[Actor|theatre class]], cuz he looks like Daveed Diggs and got a job in education. He developed a video game called Bohrdom (this nigga can't even spell). He also [[Manchild|lived with his parents]]. After realizing that he pretty much had no life, he decided to throw it all away by [[Retard|blaming it all on Trump]] and travel several hours to Washington, D.C. to [[Psychopath|kill him]].

==The Shooting==
On April 25, 2026, Cole arrived at a hotel in Washington, D.C., gathered his weapons, and [[Natalie Rupnow|took a photo of himself standing in front of a mirror]] before sending his family his manifesto. In the manifesto, he calls Trump a [[pedo]], [[rapist]], and a [[racist]], and talks about other lefty topics like [[Emily Youcis|Will Stancil]] and [[Hasan Piker]], the latter of which he doesn't like. He also calls himself the "[[Cringe|Coldforce Friendly Federal Assassin]]", saying that he's going to kill Trump and every member of his cabinet {{glow|except FBI director Kash Patel}}, before becoming [[an hero]]. Family members immediately called the police, but it was already too late, as Cole had already headed out to fulfill his destiny.

Once he arrived, he was confronted by security near the main metal detector screening area of the Washington Hilton. He suddenly felt the spirit of [[Naruto]] inside him, telling him to run past the security checkpoint and take out any guards who come near him, so he did. Secret Service agents immediately ran towards him, but he [[Counter troll|fired back]]. He probably would've made it to the ballroom where Trump was if he didn't [[Idiot|trip and fall]]. He was immediately tackled, arrested, and taken into custody.

==Loadout==
<div align="center">
{|class="wikitable" width="40%"
!colspan="2"|Class Setup
|-
!Item
!Accessories/Bonus
|-
|
*'''Primary''': 12-gauge Maverick shotgun
[[File:Firearm used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 60~130 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Secondary''': Armscor Precision .38 semi-automatic pistol
[[File:Rock Island Armory 1911 .38 caliber pistol used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 19~25 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Tertiary''': Multiple knives
[[File:GTA4IconsKnife.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 30 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Spell''': Nigger
[[File:Blacksrelax.jpg|70px|center]]
|
*'''Double damage against [[White Devils]].'''
|}
</div>

==Graded Score==
{{GradedScore|[[Epic Fail|0]]|[[Epic Fail|Didn't even get near his target]]|0|Only shot a Secret Service agent.|15|At least he had the balls to run past the security.|15|Got a lot of attention despite not reaching his target.|0|For being a [[niggers|nigger with rage]].|30|F|At least you did better than [[Ryan Routh]].}}

{{Wanted|4}}

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv| |background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;
|[[File:8900987-90a37390c0bacced0e921c715a214e0f.mp4|560px|center]]
|<youtube>jMuhRlqHYEU</youtube>'''<br>You're telling me, pal.
|[[File:Cole Allen Gassy.mp4|560px|center]]'''When you help the government stage an assassination attempt so you get to live the rest of your life in exile on a tropical island:'''
|<youtube>vDo6nGP55QM</youtube>'''<br>Gameplay video of Bohrdom, the game he developed'''
}}
|border=#201f3a|background=red}}
</center>

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|ColeAllen-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Bro is not Natalie Rupnow.png|[[Natalie Rupnow|She]] ain't gonna pick you in the afterlife, bro. She's already getting [[BLACKED]] by [[Solomon Henderson|someone else]].
File:Cole Allen BLACKED.png|But hey! Your cellmate [[Bubba]] is always looking for a new [[Rape|plaything]].
File:Cole Tomas Allen Meme.jpg|Aw, [[Crybaby|boo hoo]].
File:Cole Allen Prediction.png|{{twitter|HenryMa79561893/status/1738018409441308955|Hmmm...}}
File:Cole Allen In Prison Be Like.jpeg|The face he's gonna make while getting raped in the prison showers.
File:Cole Allen Naruto.jpeg|He really was the [[BLACK MAN|black flash]] of the Hidden Leaf...
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Vance escorted before trump.gif|Totally not suspicious at all.
File:colepix.png
File:colekiss.png|Yea kiss that floor you know you like it...
File:ColeAllenFloyd.jpeg
File:Cole Allen as baby.jpg|Aww, he'll grow up to be a great {{glow|[[v&|federal asset]]}}!
File:Cole Allen IDF shirt.jpg|[[Israel|Well, well, well.]]{{Jew}}
</gallery>}}

==See Also==
*[[Aaron Alexis]] - The better [[Washington, D.C.]] nigger shooter by quite a wide margin.
*[[John Hinckley Jr.]] - Also tried assassinating the president at Washington Hilton.
*{{glow|[[Thomas Matthew Crooks]]}}, {{glow|[[Ryan Routh]]}} - His predecessors.
*{{glow|[[Tyler Robinson]]}} - Actually succeeded.

==External Links==
*{{Wikilink|2026_White_House_Correspondents'_Dinner_shooting|TOW coverage}}
*{{WPD|h/social/post/490620/megathread-shots-fired-during-president-donald|WPD coverage}}
*{{Steamgame|945530/Bohrdom/|Bohrdom, a game he developed}}
*'''[[Cole Allen/Manifesto|His manifesto]]''' {{Wayback|https://nypost.com/2026/04/26/us-news/read-whcd-gunman-cole-allens-full-anti-trump-manifesto/|20260430031814}}

{{Truth}}
{{Afro}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Gun control}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Serious}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Niggers]]
[[Category:2026]]
[[category:Murder]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Politics]]

Cole Allen

2026-05-04T21:52:39Z

Omari81: /* Background */ turns out he didn't attend high school, he was homeschooled lololol

{{DISPLAYTITLE:{{glow|{{PAGENAME}}}}}}
{{conspiracy}}
{{achtung|LOLOLOLOLOLOL THEY MISSED AGAIN}}
{{aroundblacks}}
{{ib|[[File:Cole Allen.jpg|300px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''{{glow|Cole Allen}}'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|April 11, 1995 ({{age|1995|4|11}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[California|Commiefornian]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Injured 1}}
{{ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|FUCK NO!}}
{{ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, [[v&]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[Trump Derangement Syndrome]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''{{glow|Cole Tomas Allen}}''' is yet another piece of evidence that [[niggers]] are not to be trusted with firearms. This <s>agent provocateur asset</s> [[ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT|Pulp Fiction]] wannabe attempted to assassinate [[The Donald]] while he was hosting a [[fatass|dinner]] at the Washington Hilton in [[Washington, D.C.]]

==Background==
Cole was born on April 11, 1995 in [[California]]. He likely peaked in his university's [[Actor|theatre class]], cuz he looks like Daveed Diggs and got a job in education. He developed a video game called Bohrdom (this nigga can't even spell). He also [[Manchild|lived with his parents]]. After realizing that he pretty much had no life, he decided to throw it all away by [[Retard|blaming it all on Trump]] and travel several hours to Washington, D.C. to [[Psychopath|kill him]].

==The Shooting==
On April 25, 2026, Cole arrived at a hotel in Washington, D.C., gathered his weapons, and [[Natalie Rupnow|took a photo of himself standing in front of a mirror]] before sending his family his manifesto. In the manifesto, he calls Trump a [[pedo]], [[rapist]], and a [[racist]], and talks about other lefty topics like [[Emily Youcis|Will Stancil]] and [[Hasan Piker]], the latter of which he doesn't like. He also calls himself the "[[Cringe|Coldforce Friendly Federal Assassin]]", saying that he's going to kill Trump and every member of his cabinet {{glow|except FBI director Kash Patel}}, before becoming [[an hero]]. Family members immediately called the police, but it was already too late, as Cole had already headed out to fulfill his destiny.

Once he arrived, he was confronted by security near the main metal detector screening area of the Washington Hilton. He suddenly felt the spirit of [[Naruto]] inside him, telling him to run past the security checkpoint and take out any guards who come near him, so he did. Secret Service agents immediately ran towards him, but he [[Counter troll|fired back]]. He probably would've made it to the ballroom where Trump was if he didn't [[Idiot|trip and fall]]. He was immediately tackled, arrested, and taken into custody.

==Loadout==
<div align="center">
{|class="wikitable" width="40%"
!colspan="2"|Class Setup
|-
!Item
!Accessories/Bonus
|-
|
*'''Primary''': 12-gauge Maverick shotgun
[[File:Firearm used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 60~130 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Secondary''': Armscor Precision .38 semi-automatic pistol
[[File:Rock Island Armory 1911 .38 caliber pistol used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 19~25 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Tertiary''': Multiple knives
[[File:GTA4IconsKnife.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 30 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Spell''': Nigger
[[File:Blacksrelax.jpg|70px|center]]
|
*'''Double damage against [[White Devils]].'''
|}
</div>

==Graded Score==
{{GradedScore|[[Epic Fail|0]]|[[Epic Fail|Didn't even get near his target]]|0|Only shot a Secret Service agent.|15|At least he had the balls to run past the security.|15|Got a lot of attention despite not reaching his target.|0|For being a [[niggers|nigger with rage]].|30|F|At least you did better than [[Ryan Routh]].}}

{{Wanted|4}}

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv| |background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;
|[[File:8900987-90a37390c0bacced0e921c715a214e0f.mp4|560px|center]]
|<youtube>jMuhRlqHYEU</youtube>'''<br>You're telling me, pal.
|[[File:Cole Allen Gassy.mp4|560px|center]]'''When you help the government stage an assassination attempt so you get to live the rest of your life in exile on a tropical island:'''
|<youtube>vDo6nGP55QM</youtube>'''<br>Gameplay video of Bohrdom, the game he developed'''
}}
|border=#201f3a|background=red}}
</center>

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|ColeAllen-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Bro is not Natalie Rupnow.png|[[Natalie Rupnow|She]] ain't gonna pick you in the afterlife, bro. She's already getting [[BLACKED]] by [[Solomon Henderson|someone else]].
File:Cole Allen BLACKED.png|But hey! Your cellmate [[Bubba]] is always looking for a new [[Rape|plaything]].
File:Cole Tomas Allen Meme.jpg|Aw, [[Crybaby|boo hoo]].
File:Cole Allen Prediction.png|{{twitter|HenryMa79561893/status/1738018409441308955|Hmmm...}}
File:Cole Allen In Prison Be Like.jpeg|The face he's gonna make while getting raped in the prison showers.
File:Cole Allen Naruto.jpeg|He really was the [[BLACK MAN|black flash]] of the Hidden Leaf...
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Vance escorted before trump.gif|Totally not suspicious at all.
File:colepix.png
File:colekiss.png|Yea kiss that floor you know you like it...
File:ColeAllenFloyd.jpeg
File:Cole Allen as baby.jpg|Aww, he'll grow up to be a great {{glow|[[v&|federal asset]]}}!
File:Cole Allen IDF shirt.jpg|[[Israel|Well, well, well.]]{{Jew}}
File:Cole Allen Naruto Run.png|[[Truth|What really happened]]
</gallery>}}

==See Also==
*[[Aaron Alexis]] - The better [[Washington, D.C.]] nigger shooter by quite a wide margin.
*[[John Hinckley Jr.]] - Also tried assassinating the president at Washington Hilton.
*{{glow|[[Thomas Matthew Crooks]]}}, {{glow|[[Ryan Routh]]}} - His predecessors.
*{{glow|[[Tyler Robinson]]}} - Actually succeeded.

==External Links==
*{{Wikilink|2026_White_House_Correspondents'_Dinner_shooting|TOW coverage}}
*{{WPD|h/social/post/490620/megathread-shots-fired-during-president-donald|WPD coverage}}
*{{Steamgame|945530/Bohrdom/|Bohrdom, a game he developed}}
*'''[[Cole Allen/Manifesto|His manifesto]]''' {{Wayback|https://nypost.com/2026/04/26/us-news/read-whcd-gunman-cole-allens-full-anti-trump-manifesto/|20260430031814}}

{{Truth}}
{{Afro}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Gun control}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Serious}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Niggers]]
[[Category:2026]]
[[category:Murder]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Politics]]

Cole Allen

2026-05-03T05:17:30Z

Omari81: /* Gallery */

{{DISPLAYTITLE:{{glow|{{PAGENAME}}}}}}
{{conspiracy}}
{{achtung|LOLOLOLOLOLOL THEY MISSED AGAIN}}
{{aroundblacks}}
{{ib|[[File:Cole Allen.jpg|300px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''{{glow|Cole Allen}}'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|April 11, 1995 ({{age|1995|4|11}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[California|Commiefornian]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Injured 1}}
{{ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|FUCK NO!}}
{{ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, [[v&]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[Trump Derangement Syndrome]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''{{glow|Cole Tomas Allen}}''' is yet another piece of evidence that [[niggers]] are not to be trusted with firearms. This <s>agent provocateur asset</s> [[ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT|Pulp Fiction]] wannabe attempted to assassinate [[The Donald]] while he was hosting a [[fatass|dinner]] at the Washington Hilton in [[Washington, D.C.]]

==Background==
Cole was born on April 11, 1995 in [[California]]. He likely peaked in his high school's [[Actor|theatre class]], cuz he looks like Daveed Diggs and got a job in education. He developed a video game called Bohrdom (this nigga can't even spell). He also [[Manchild|lived with his parents]]. After realizing that he pretty much had no life, he decided to throw it all away by [[Retard|blaming it all on Trump]] and travel several hours to Washington, D.C. to [[Psychopath|kill him]].

==The Shooting==
On April 25, 2026, Cole arrived at a hotel in Washington, D.C., gathered his weapons, and [[Natalie Rupnow|took a photo of himself standing in front of a mirror]] before sending his family his manifesto. In the manifesto, he calls Trump a [[pedo]], [[rapist]], and a [[racist]], and talks about other lefty topics like [[Emily Youcis|Will Stancil]] and [[Hasan Piker]], the latter of which he doesn't like. He also calls himself the "[[Cringe|Coldforce Friendly Federal Assassin]]", saying that he's going to kill Trump and every member of his cabinet {{glow|except FBI director Kash Patel}}, before becoming [[an hero]]. Family members immediately called the police, but it was already too late, as Cole had already headed out to fulfill his destiny.

Once he arrived, he was confronted by security near the main metal detector screening area of the Washington Hilton. He suddenly felt the spirit of [[Naruto]] inside him, telling him to run past the security checkpoint and take out any guards who come near him, so he did. Secret Service agents immediately ran towards him, but he [[Counter troll|fired back]]. He probably would've made it to the ballroom where Trump was if he didn't [[Idiot|trip and fall]]. He was immediately tackled, arrested, and taken into custody.

==Loadout==
<div align="center">
{|class="wikitable" width="40%"
!colspan="2"|Class Setup
|-
!Item
!Accessories/Bonus
|-
|
*'''Primary''': 12-gauge Maverick shotgun
[[File:Firearm used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 60~130 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Secondary''': Armscor Precision .38 semi-automatic pistol
[[File:Rock Island Armory 1911 .38 caliber pistol used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 19~25 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Tertiary''': Multiple knives
[[File:GTA4IconsKnife.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 30 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Spell''': Nigger
[[File:Blacksrelax.jpg|70px|center]]
|
*'''Double damage against [[White Devils]].'''
|}
</div>

==Graded Score==
{{GradedScore|[[Epic Fail|0]]|[[Epic Fail|Didn't even get near his target]]|0|Only shot a Secret Service agent.|15|At least he had the balls to run past the security.|15|Got a lot of attention despite not reaching his target.|0|For being a [[niggers|nigger with rage]].|30|F|At least you did better than [[Ryan Routh]].}}

{{Wanted|4}}

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv| |background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;
|[[File:8900987-90a37390c0bacced0e921c715a214e0f.mp4|560px|center]]
|<youtube>jMuhRlqHYEU</youtube>'''<br>You're telling me, pal.
|[[File:Cole Allen Gassy.mp4|560px|center]]'''When you help the government stage an assassination attempt so you get to live the rest of your life in exile on a tropical island:'''
|<youtube>vDo6nGP55QM</youtube>'''<br>Gameplay video of Bohrdom, the game he developed'''
}}
|border=#201f3a|background=red}}
</center>

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|ColeAllen-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Bro is not Natalie Rupnow.png|[[Natalie Rupnow|She]] ain't gonna pick you in the afterlife, bro. She's already getting [[BLACKED]] by [[Solomon Henderson|someone else]].
File:Cole Allen BLACKED.png|But hey! Your cellmate [[Bubba]] is always looking for a new [[Rape|plaything]].
File:Cole Tomas Allen Meme.jpg|Aw, [[Crybaby|boo hoo]].
File:Cole Allen Prediction.png|{{twitter|HenryMa79561893/status/1738018409441308955|Hmmm...}}
File:Cole Allen In Prison Be Like.jpeg|The face he's gonna make while getting raped in the prison showers.
File:Cole Allen Naruto.jpeg|He really was the [[BLACK MAN|black flash]] of the Hidden Leaf...
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Vance escorted before trump.gif|Totally not suspicious at all.
File:colepix.png
File:colekiss.png|Yea kiss that floor you know you like it...
File:ColeAllenFloyd.jpeg
File:Cole Allen as baby.jpg|Aww, he'll grow up to be a great {{glow|[[v&|federal asset]]}}!
File:Cole Allen IDF shirt.jpg|[[Israel|Well, well, well.]]{{Jew}}
File:Cole Allen Naruto Run.png|[[Truth|What really happened]]
</gallery>}}

==See Also==
*[[Aaron Alexis]] - The better [[Washington, D.C.]] nigger shooter by quite a wide margin.
*[[John Hinckley Jr.]] - Also tried assassinating the president at Washington Hilton.
*{{glow|[[Thomas Matthew Crooks]]}}, {{glow|[[Ryan Routh]]}} - His predecessors.
*{{glow|[[Tyler Robinson]]}} - Actually succeeded.

==External Links==
*{{Wikilink|2026_White_House_Correspondents'_Dinner_shooting|TOW coverage}}
*{{WPD|h/social/post/490620/megathread-shots-fired-during-president-donald|WPD coverage}}
*{{Steamgame|945530/Bohrdom/|Bohrdom, a game he developed}}
*'''[[Cole Allen/Manifesto|His manifesto]]''' {{Wayback|https://nypost.com/2026/04/26/us-news/read-whcd-gunman-cole-allens-full-anti-trump-manifesto/|20260430031814}}

{{Truth}}
{{Afro}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Gun control}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Serious}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Niggers]]
[[Category:2026]]
[[category:Murder]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Politics]]

File:Cole Allen Naruto Run.png

2026-05-03T05:16:23Z

Omari81:

Rupnow's simp faction

2026-05-03T05:01:10Z

Omari81:

''This article is a [[:Category:Stub|stub]]. You can help by [[Mass Shooting|expanding it]].''
{|style="background-color:#d8d8d8; border: 2px solid #000000; padding: 1px; color:red" cellpadding="2" align="center"
|BGCOLOR=#000000| [[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]][[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]][[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]][[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]]
|style="padding:2px"|<center><big><b>Lose 4 iPods?</b></big></center><br/><center><b>This page contains 4 [[an hero|an heroes]] and counting.</b></center>
|}

{{Aspergers|plural=yes}}

<table width="700px" style="border:3px solid #ed0000; text-align:center; background:#f9f9f9" align="center">
<tr>
<td>[[File:Natalie fanart 6.jpg|100px|link=Natalie Rupnow]]</td>
<td style="color:#803e37;"><font size="3">{{PAGENAME}} consists of yet more [[retarded]] [[mass shooting]] obsessed [[loser|losers]] who won't shut the fuck up about [[Natalie Rupnow|The Supreme Lady]]. You can help these people by reminding them that becoming a [[Mass shooter|simp]] will go [[L.G.Ch.D.|horribly wrong]] and that they will never be like [[Arthur Achleitner|Arthur]] but instead will likely be worse than [[Desmond Holly|Desmond]].</font></td></tr>
</table>

[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-07 04.05.11.png|400px|center]]

{{ib|[[File:Rupnow Simp Faction.png|250px]]<br>}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Rupnow simps'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Active'''|December 16, 2024 - The heat death of the universe}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Earth|Global]]  [[File:Solar system earth.jpg|20px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Various}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed 16, injured 140}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|No}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|Bomberman (Muhammad)<br>Hack'N'Slash (L.G.Ch.D., Jesus, Switzer Learning Center anon, Timofey, Łukasz, Owen, Fabian)<br>FPS (everyone else)}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|Yes (Solomon, Arthur, Robin, Desmond)<br>No (everyone else)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Motive'''|Simp}}
{{Ibend}}

'''{{glow|Rupnow's simp faction}}''' (a.k.a. '''Rupnow's fag faction (fagtion)''' and '''Rupnow disciples''') are a bunch of [[aspies]] all straight out of [[TikTok]] or [[Tumblr]] [[simping]] for the [[16-year-old girl|teenage girl]] school shooter [[Natalie Rupnow]] to the point of shooting up their own schools in her name. Usually they hope to impress her and possibly [[Sex|hook up]] with her in the afterlife. From [[L.G.Ch.D.|middle schoolers]] to [[Robin Westman|grown]] [[Arthur Achleitner|adults]], the following is a list of every [[High Score]]r who was motivated by simping for this bitch.

== History ==
All of this began on December 16, 2024, when Natalie decided to shoot up her own school. With a miserable score of [[Fail|2 dead (plus her) and 6 injured]], her shooting should have been rightfully forgotten. However, since Natalie was a woman in male fields, she has received a lot of undeserved attention around the world. There have been several others before her, but most of them are [[Brenda Spencer|too non-recent]], [[Amy Bishop|hags]], or [[Audrey Hale|pooners]], so Natalie did a better job at resonating with the TCC zoomer crowd. Her first simp appeared a month after the attack, and she even knew him personally.

=== The nigger simp ===
{{main|Solomon Henderson}}

[[File:SolomonHenderson.png|100px|thumb|left|Did I mention that Natalie hated niggers?]]

On January 22, 2025, in Nashville, a 17-year-old [[nigger]][[Incel|cel]] named '''Solomon Henderson'''{{Nazi}} committed a more pathetic shooting than his own inspiration by killing only one person and injuring another before quickly becoming [[an hero]]. He and Natalie followed each other on Twitter. He even recreated her stupid mirror selfie with a [[Negative XP]] shirt and, like her, posted a photo on [[Twitter]] of himself doing an OK sign inside a restroom just before shooting up his school. He is currently her biggest simp, but unfortunately not her last.

{{clear}}
=== The half-Armenian simp ===
{{main|Arthur Achleitner}}
[[File:Arthurcat.jpg|100px|thumb|left|A [[Austria|Euro]][[Armenia|mutt]] is the current Rupnow simp champion.]]

On June 10, 2025, in Austria, a 21-year-old [[mutt]] named '''Arthur Achleitner'''{{Columbiner}} shot up his former high school as revenge for bullying, killing 10 people and injuring 11 more before becoming [[an hero]]. It was discovered on his social media accounts that he had posted a photo of himself in a restroom, recreating Natalie's infamous last photo. He also included a quote from her manifesto in his bio. He is currently her most successful simp, which isn't an impressive feat considering the other buffoons that came after.

{{clear}}
=== The tranny simp ===
{{main|Robin Westman}}

[[File:Robert Westman.png|100px|thumb|left|A 23-year-old man having a crush on a 15-year-old girl? [[pedo|How weird...]]]]

On August 27, 2025, a 23-year-old tranny named '''Robin Westman'''{{trans}} killed 2 kids and injured 21 more at his former Catholic school before becoming [[an hero]]. He did this because he was groomed by [[764]]. He had scribbled Natalie Rupnow's name on his magazine, so he can be considered one of her simps.

{{clear}}
=== The second tranny simp ===
{{main|L.G.Ch.D.}}

[[File:Sebas face.png|100px|thumb|left|Natalie's first female simp.]]

On September 9, 2025, a fat 12-year-old Mexican pooner named '''L.G.Ch.D.'''{{trans}} (a.k.a. '''Sebas''') attacked her school with an axe and a switchblade, only injuring the mother of a fellow student in the head before being [[fail|restrained]]. Before her attack, she posted a pic of her in a restroom, imitating the one by Rupnow.

{{clear}}
=== Torn between a school shooter and a fictional character ===
{{main|Desmond Holly}}

[[File:DesmondHolly.jpeg|thumb|left|100px|[[Parasocial Syndrome#Sayo-nara|He simped for Sayori too.]]]]

On September 10, 2025, [[WTF|A FEW MINUTES]] after [[Charlie Kirk]]'s assassination, 16-year-old '''Desmond Holly'''{{Columbiner}} shot up his school and [[fail|injured two students]] before [[An hero|becoming the only fatality of his attack]]. Although he didn't recreate Natalie's bathroom photo, he did recreate her stupid mirror selfie with [[Dylan Klebold]]'s "Wrath" shirt on his [[TikTok]] account. He even put her on the second slide in case you didn't get the reference.

{{clear}}

=== The Venezuelan simp ===
{{main|Shit nobody cares about|NOPE, no one cared about this nigga so he doesn't even have an article lmaooo}}

[[File:Jesus Adrian Ladera 2.png|thumb|left|100px|The face is not clearly visible due to the quality.]]

In 2025, days after the [[Lex Ashton]] attack, in [[Venezuela]], an [[incel]] known as '''Jesus Adrian Ladera'''{{Incel}} went to his [[school]] and took a picture of himself in the bathroom. Then he came out, pulled out a knife, and stabbed his three classmates before being pushed against the [[school]] stairs.

{{clear}}
=== Asshole's mouth ===
{{main|Switzer Learning Center Anon}}

[[File:SwitzerLearningCenterStabber.jpg|100px|thumb|left|The most embarrassing one so far.]]

On October 14, 2025, '''an anonymous 17-year-old student'''{{Columbiner}} attacked his sped school (the same one [[Chris Harper-Mercer]] attended), stabbing 3 staff members. He probably did this because he had the hairline of a 30-year-old man despite still being a teenager. On his TikTok account, he made many [[sarcasm|original]] references to [[Columbine]], [[Nikolas Cruz]], and of course, Natalie Rupnow, by copying her mirror selfie with the exact same KMFDM shirt.

{{clear}}
=== The SEAnigger simp ===
{{main|Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat}}

[[File:MuhammadNazrielFadhelHidayat.jpg|100px|thumb|left|His heart blew up for Natalie (and so did his school).]]

On November 7, 2025, 17-year-old '''Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat'''{{Muslim}} blew up his school in Indonesia, injuring [[WTF|96]] people and killing no one before [[fail|failing]] to become [[an hero]]. On his TikTok account, he recreated her mirror selfie (with [[Vladislav Roslyakov]]'s "Hatred" shirt) and her OK sign. He also carried out his attack on Natalie's birthday.

{{clear}}
=== The looksmaxxing simp ===
{{main|Shit nobody cares about|NOPE, no one cared about this nigga so he doesn't even have an article lmaooo}}

[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-10 12.12.52.png|100px|thumb|left|Looksmaxxing will not help you win her heart bro...]]

On December 6, 2025, 20-year-old '''Joel Edwards'''{{Columbiner}} was charged for making a shooting threat towards a Michigan elementary school on his TikTok account. In addition to this threat and a post about him trying to [[looksmaxx]], he also recreated Rupnow's mirror selfie and her restroom photo.

{{clear}}
=== The Slavic simp ===
{{main|Timofey Kulyamov}}

[[File:Timofag.jpg|100px|thumb|left|Tried to win her heart on the first anniversary of her shooting.]]

On December 16, 2025, 15-year-old '''Timofey Kulyamov'''{{Nazi}} decided to celebrate the anniversary of the Abundant Life Christian School shooting by stabbing a 10-year-old student to death and injuring a security guard at his school. In addition to committing his attack on the anniversary of Rupnow's shooting, he posted a photo of himself doing the OK sign on his TikTok account and mentioned [[Solomon Henderson|several]] [[Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat|previous]] simps in his manifesto.
{{clear}}
=== The second Slavic simp ===
{{main|Shit nobody cares about|NOPE, no one cared about this nigga so he doesn't even have an article lmaooo}}

[[File:Lukasz G..jpg|thumb|left|100px|No way, you look like a child rapist like [[Alex Hillel Treisman]].]]

On February 26, 2026, in [[Poland]], '''Łukasz G.''' recorded himself killing his stepdad and grandma with an axe. Since he was a WPD user and posted his own gameplay footage there, the jannies banned all discussion of him so that the site wouldn't get investigated by glowies.

{{clear}}
=== Owen Simpien ===
{{main|Owen Ruvien}}

[[File:OwenRLarp.jpeg|100px|thumb|left|You did it for her, and in the end you [[Fail|got an ass kicking]]]]

On March 5, 2026, 14-year-old '''Owen Ruvien'''{{Nazi}} decided it was time to go [[postal]], so he took 2 knives and got his ass kicked by a sleeping hopeless bum. He referenced Rupnow by reenacting her shitting photo and also reposted edits of her on [[TikTok]].
{{clear}}

=== [[L.G.Ch.D.]] 2: Electric Boogaloo ===
{{main|Fabian}}

[[File:Osmer H..jpg|100px|thumb|left|Another Mexican simp, but not a pooner this time.]]

On March 23, [[2026]], in [[Mexico]], '''Fabian'''{{Nazi}} decided to attack his high school with axes and knives, following in the footsteps of [[Brenton Tarrant]] and [[Lex Ashton]], but he only managed to stab 3 people and ended up in very bad shape, much worse than [[Lex Ashton]], Natalie's simp was also a simp.

{{clear}}

== High Scores ==
<center>
{{Template:Row numbers| {| class{{=}}"wikitable sortable"
! RANK
!
! PLAYER
! CONFIRMED KILLS
! INJURED
! AN HERO
! YEAR
! STYLE
|- style{{=}}"background:#65ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagAustria.png|link{{=}}Austria]]
| [[Arthur Achleitner]]
| 10
| 11
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#b1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Robin Westman]]
| 2
| 21
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#b1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagPoland.png|link{{=}}Poland]]
| Łukasz G.
| 2
| 0
| N
| 2026
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Solomon Henderson]]
| 1
| 1
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagRussia.png|link{{=}}Russia]]
| [[Timofey Kulyamov]]
| 1
| 1
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagIndonesia.png|link{{=}}Indonesia]]
| [[Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| [[WTF|96]]
| N
| 2025
| Bomberman
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagVenezuela.png|link{{=}}Venezuela]]
| Jesus Adrian Ladera
| [[Fail|0]]
| 3
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Switzer Learning Center Anon|Unknown]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 3
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagMexico.jpg|link{{=}}Mexico]]
| [[Fabian]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 3
| N
| 2026
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[File:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Desmond Holly]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 2
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagMexico.jpg|link{{=}}Mexico]]
| [[L.G.Ch.D.]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 1
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Owen Ruvien]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 1
| N
| 2026
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#ff0000"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| Joel Edwards
| [[Fail|0]]
| [[Epic Fail|0]]
| N
| 2025
| FPS
</table>}}
</center>

== How to win Natalie's heart ==
Here are some signs that may indicate that a school shooter simps for her.

* Posting a video of themselves inside a restroom, trying to recreate her infamous last photo (especially if they also do the OK sign).
* Imitating her stupid mirror selfie while also wearing a stupid school shooter-themed shirt.
* Referencing her in another way.

== Gallery ==
<center>{{Frame|[[File:ssstik.io_@.mikalight_1770200603874.mp4|750px]]
|border=#FFFFFF|background=#FFFFFF}}</center><center>{{Frame|[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-08 04.55.14.png|750px]]|border=#FFFFFF|background=#FFFFFF}}</center>

== See Also ==
* [[Simp]] - What they are.
* [[Natalie Rupnow]] - Who they simp for.
* '''Other murderous losers'''
** [[Brazilian school attacks]]
** [[Chobots]]
** [[Columbine Copycats]]
** [[Copycat killers]]
** [[Fandom killers]]
** [[Kill count by website]]
** [[Loserinfo]]
** [[Parasocial Syndrome]]
** [[Pekka Copycats]]
** [[Tarrantulas]]

{{Anheroes}}
{{Columbine}}
{{Dying Alone}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Natalie Rupnow}}
{{Tumblr Series}}
[[Category:TikTok]]

Rupnow's simp faction

2026-05-03T04:56:30Z

Omari81: Undo revision 1953310 by Omari81 (talk)

''This article is a [[:Category:Stub|stub]]. You can help by [[Mass Shooting|expanding it]].''
{|style="background-color:#d8d8d8; border: 2px solid #000000; padding: 1px; color:red" cellpadding="2" align="center"
|BGCOLOR=#000000| [[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]][[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]][[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]][[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]]
|style="padding:2px"|<center><big><b>Lose 4 iPods?</b></big></center><br/><center><b>This page contains 4 [[an hero|an heroes]] and counting.</b></center>
|}

{{Aspergers|plural=yes}}

<table width="700px" style="border:3px solid #ed0000; text-align:center; background:#f9f9f9" align="center">
<tr>
<td>[[File:DesmondHolly1.jpg|100px|link=Desmond Holly]]</td>
<td style="color:#803e37;"><font size="3">{{PAGENAME}} consists of yet more [[retarded]] [[mass shooting]] obsessed [[loser|losers]] who won't shut the fuck up about [[Natalie Rupnow|The Supreme Lady]]. You can help these people by reminding them that becoming a [[Mass shooter|simp]] will go [[L.G.Ch.D.|horribly wrong]] and that they will never be like [[Arthur Achleitner|Arthur]] but instead will likely be worse than [[Desmond Holly|Desmond]].</font></td></tr>
</table>

[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-07 04.05.11.png|400px|center]]

{{ib|[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-08 04.55.14.png|250px]]<br>}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Rupnow simps'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Active'''|December 16, 2024 - The heat death of the universe}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Earth|Global]]  [[File:Solar system earth.jpg|20px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Various}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed 16, injured 140}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|No}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|Bomberman (Muhammad)<br>Hack'N'Slash (L.G.Ch.D., Jesus, Switzer Learning Center anon, Timofey, Łukasz, Owen, Fabian)<br>FPS (everyone else)}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|Yes (Solomon, Arthur, Robin, Desmond)<br>No (everyone else)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Motive'''|Simp}}
{{Ibend}}

'''{{glow|Rupnow's simp faction}}''' (a.k.a. '''Rupnow's fag faction (fagtion)''' and '''Rupnow disciples''') are a bunch of [[aspies]] all straight out of [[TikTok]] or [[Tumblr]] [[simping]] for the [[16-year-old girl|teenage girl]] school shooter [[Natalie Rupnow]] to the point of shooting up their own schools in her name. Usually they hope to impress her and possibly [[Sex|hook up]] with her in the afterlife. From [[L.G.Ch.D.|middle schoolers]] to [[Robin Westman|grown]] [[Arthur Achleitner|adults]], the following is a list of every [[High Score]]r who was motivated by simping for this bitch.

== History ==
All of this began on December 16, 2024, when Natalie decided to shoot up her own school. With a miserable score of [[Fail|2 dead (plus her) and 6 injured]], her shooting should have been rightfully forgotten. However, since Natalie was a woman in male fields, she has received a lot of undeserved attention around the world. There have been several others before her, but most of them are [[Brenda Spencer|too non-recent]], [[Amy Bishop|hags]], or [[Audrey Hale|pooners]], so Natalie did a better job at resonating with the TCC zoomer crowd. Her first simp appeared a month after the attack, and she even knew him personally.

=== The nigger simp ===
{{main|Solomon Henderson}}

[[File:SolomonHenderson.png|100px|thumb|left|Did I mention that Natalie hated niggers?]]

On January 22, 2025, in Nashville, a 17-year-old [[nigger]][[Incel|cel]] named '''Solomon Henderson'''{{Nazi}} committed a more pathetic shooting than his own inspiration by killing only one person and injuring another before quickly becoming [[an hero]]. He and Natalie followed each other on Twitter. He even recreated her stupid mirror selfie with a [[Negative XP]] shirt and, like her, posted a photo on [[Twitter]] of himself doing an OK sign inside a restroom just before shooting up his school. He is currently her biggest simp, but unfortunately not her last.

{{clear}}
=== The half-Armenian simp ===
{{main|Arthur Achleitner}}
[[File:Arthurcat.jpg|100px|thumb|left|A [[Austria|Euro]][[Armenia|mutt]] is the current Rupnow simp champion.]]

On June 10, 2025, in Austria, a 21-year-old [[mutt]] named '''Arthur Achleitner'''{{Columbiner}} shot up his former high school as revenge for bullying, killing 10 people and injuring 11 more before becoming [[an hero]]. It was discovered on his social media accounts that he had posted a photo of himself in a restroom, recreating Natalie's infamous last photo. He also included a quote from her manifesto in his bio. He is currently her most successful simp, which isn't an impressive feat considering the other buffoons that came after.

{{clear}}
=== The tranny simp ===
{{main|Robin Westman}}

[[File:Robert Westman.png|100px|thumb|left|A 23-year-old man having a crush on a 15-year-old girl? [[pedo|How weird...]]]]

On August 27, 2025, a 23-year-old tranny named '''Robin Westman'''{{trans}} killed 2 kids and injured 21 more at his former Catholic school before becoming [[an hero]]. He did this because he was groomed by [[764]]. He had scribbled Natalie Rupnow's name on his magazine, so he can be considered one of her simps.

{{clear}}
=== The second tranny simp ===
{{main|L.G.Ch.D.}}

[[File:Sebas face.png|100px|thumb|left|Natalie's first female simp.]]

On September 9, 2025, a fat 12-year-old Mexican pooner named '''L.G.Ch.D.'''{{trans}} (a.k.a. '''Sebas''') attacked her school with an axe and a switchblade, only injuring the mother of a fellow student in the head before being [[fail|restrained]]. Before her attack, she posted a pic of her in a restroom, imitating the one by Rupnow.

{{clear}}
=== Torn between a school shooter and a fictional character ===
{{main|Desmond Holly}}

[[File:DesmondHolly.jpeg|thumb|left|100px|[[Parasocial Syndrome#Sayo-nara|He simped for Sayori too.]]]]

On September 10, 2025, [[WTF|A FEW MINUTES]] after [[Charlie Kirk]]'s assassination, 16-year-old '''Desmond Holly'''{{Columbiner}} shot up his school and [[fail|injured two students]] before [[An hero|becoming the only fatality of his attack]]. Although he didn't recreate Natalie's bathroom photo, he did recreate her stupid mirror selfie with [[Dylan Klebold]]'s "Wrath" shirt on his [[TikTok]] account. He even put her on the second slide in case you didn't get the reference.

{{clear}}

=== The Venezuelan simp ===
{{main|Shit nobody cares about|NOPE, no one cared about this nigga so he doesn't even have an article lmaooo}}

[[File:Jesus Adrian Ladera 2.png|thumb|left|100px|The face is not clearly visible due to the quality.]]

In 2025, days after the [[Lex Ashton]] attack, in [[Venezuela]], an [[incel]] known as '''Jesus Adrian Ladera'''{{Incel}} went to his [[school]] and took a picture of himself in the bathroom. Then he came out, pulled out a knife, and stabbed his three classmates before being pushed against the [[school]] stairs.

{{clear}}
=== Asshole's mouth ===
{{main|Switzer Learning Center Anon}}

[[File:SwitzerLearningCenterStabber.jpg|100px|thumb|left|The most embarrassing one so far.]]

On October 14, 2025, '''an anonymous 17-year-old student'''{{Columbiner}} attacked his sped school (the same one [[Chris Harper-Mercer]] attended), stabbing 3 staff members. He probably did this because he had the hairline of a 30-year-old man despite still being a teenager. On his TikTok account, he made many [[sarcasm|original]] references to [[Columbine]], [[Nikolas Cruz]], and of course, Natalie Rupnow, by copying her mirror selfie with the exact same KMFDM shirt.

{{clear}}
=== The SEAnigger simp ===
{{main|Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat}}

[[File:MuhammadNazrielFadhelHidayat.jpg|100px|thumb|left|His heart blew up for Natalie (and so did his school).]]

On November 7, 2025, 17-year-old '''Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat'''{{Muslim}} blew up his school in Indonesia, injuring [[WTF|96]] people and killing no one before [[fail|failing]] to become [[an hero]]. On his TikTok account, he recreated her mirror selfie (with [[Vladislav Roslyakov]]'s "Hatred" shirt) and her OK sign. He also carried out his attack on Natalie's birthday.

{{clear}}
=== The looksmaxxing simp ===
{{main|Shit nobody cares about|NOPE, no one cared about this nigga so he doesn't even have an article lmaooo}}

[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-10 12.12.52.png|100px|thumb|left|Looksmaxxing will not help you win her heart bro...]]

On December 6, 2025, 20-year-old '''Joel Edwards'''{{Columbiner}} was charged for making a shooting threat towards a Michigan elementary school on his TikTok account. In addition to this threat and a post about him trying to [[looksmaxx]], he also recreated Rupnow's mirror selfie and her restroom photo.

{{clear}}
=== The Slavic simp ===
{{main|Timofey Kulyamov}}

[[File:Timofag.jpg|100px|thumb|left|Tried to win her heart on the first anniversary of her shooting.]]

On December 16, 2025, 15-year-old '''Timofey Kulyamov'''{{Nazi}} decided to celebrate the anniversary of the Abundant Life Christian School shooting by stabbing a 10-year-old student to death and injuring a security guard at his school. In addition to committing his attack on the anniversary of Rupnow's shooting, he posted a photo of himself doing the OK sign on his TikTok account and mentioned [[Solomon Henderson|several]] [[Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat|previous]] simps in his manifesto.
{{clear}}
=== The second Slavic simp ===
{{main|Shit nobody cares about|NOPE, no one cared about this nigga so he doesn't even have an article lmaooo}}

[[File:Lukasz G..jpg|thumb|left|100px|No way, you look like a child rapist like [[Alex Hillel Treisman]].]]

On February 26, 2026, in [[Poland]], '''Łukasz G.''' recorded himself killing his stepdad and grandma with an axe. Since he was a WPD user and posted his own gameplay footage there, the jannies banned all discussion of him so that the site wouldn't get investigated by glowies.

{{clear}}
=== Owen Simpien ===
{{main|Owen Ruvien}}

[[File:OwenRLarp.jpeg|100px|thumb|left|You did it for her, and in the end you [[Fail|got an ass kicking]]]]

On March 5, 2026, 14-year-old '''Owen Ruvien'''{{Nazi}} decided it was time to go [[postal]], so he took 2 knives and got his ass kicked by a sleeping hopeless bum. He referenced Rupnow by reenacting her shitting photo and also reposted edits of her on [[TikTok]].
{{clear}}

=== [[L.G.Ch.D.]] 2: Electric Boogaloo ===
{{main|Fabian}}

[[File:Osmer H..jpg|100px|thumb|left|Another Mexican simp, but not a pooner this time.]]

On March 23, [[2026]], in [[Mexico]], '''Fabian'''{{Nazi}} decided to attack his high school with axes and knives, following in the footsteps of [[Brenton Tarrant]] and [[Lex Ashton]], but he only managed to stab 3 people and ended up in very bad shape, much worse than [[Lex Ashton]], Natalie's simp was also a simp.

{{clear}}

== High Scores ==
<center>
{{Template:Row numbers| {| class{{=}}"wikitable sortable"
! RANK
!
! PLAYER
! CONFIRMED KILLS
! INJURED
! AN HERO
! YEAR
! STYLE
|- style{{=}}"background:#65ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagAustria.png|link{{=}}Austria]]
| [[Arthur Achleitner]]
| 10
| 11
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#b1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Robin Westman]]
| 2
| 21
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#b1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagPoland.png|link{{=}}Poland]]
| Łukasz G.
| 2
| 0
| N
| 2026
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Solomon Henderson]]
| 1
| 1
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagRussia.png|link{{=}}Russia]]
| [[Timofey Kulyamov]]
| 1
| 1
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagIndonesia.png|link{{=}}Indonesia]]
| [[Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| [[WTF|96]]
| N
| 2025
| Bomberman
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagVenezuela.png|link{{=}}Venezuela]]
| Jesus Adrian Ladera
| [[Fail|0]]
| 3
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Switzer Learning Center Anon|Unknown]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 3
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagMexico.jpg|link{{=}}Mexico]]
| [[Fabian]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 3
| N
| 2026
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[File:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Desmond Holly]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 2
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagMexico.jpg|link{{=}}Mexico]]
| [[L.G.Ch.D.]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 1
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Owen Ruvien]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 1
| N
| 2026
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#ff0000"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| Joel Edwards
| [[Fail|0]]
| [[Epic Fail|0]]
| N
| 2025
| FPS
</table>}}
</center>

== How to win Natalie's heart ==
Here are some signs that may indicate that a school shooter simps for her.

* Posting a video of themselves inside a restroom, trying to recreate her infamous last photo (especially if they also do the OK sign).
* Imitating her stupid mirror selfie while also wearing a stupid school shooter-themed shirt.
* Referencing her in another way.

== Gallery ==
<center>{{Frame|[[File:ssstik.io_@.mikalight_1770200603874.mp4|750px]]
|border=#FFFFFF|background=#FFFFFF}}</center>

== See Also ==
* [[Simp]] - What they are.
* [[Natalie Rupnow]] - Who they simp for.
* '''Other murderous losers'''
** [[Brazilian school attacks]]
** [[Chobots]]
** [[Columbine Copycats]]
** [[Copycat killers]]
** [[Fandom killers]]
** [[Kill count by website]]
** [[Loserinfo]]
** [[Parasocial Syndrome]]
** [[Pekka Copycats]]
** [[Tarrantulas]]

{{Anheroes}}
{{Columbine}}
{{Dying Alone}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Natalie Rupnow}}
{{Tumblr Series}}
[[Category:TikTok]]

Rupnow's simp faction

2026-05-03T04:56:13Z

Omari81:

''This article is a [[:Category:Stub|stub]]. You can help by [[Mass Shooting|expanding it]].''
{|style="background-color:#d8d8d8; border: 2px solid #000000; padding: 1px; color:red" cellpadding="2" align="center"
|BGCOLOR=#000000| [[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]][[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]][[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]][[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]]
|style="padding:2px"|<center><big><b>Lose 4 iPods?</b></big></center><br/><center><b>This page contains 4 [[an hero|an heroes]] and counting.</b></center>
|}

{{Aspergers|plural=yes}}

<table width="700px" style="border:3px solid #ed0000; text-align:center; background:#f9f9f9" align="center">
<tr>
<td>[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-08 04.55.14.png|100px|link=Desmond Holly]]</td>
<td style="color:#803e37;"><font size="3">{{PAGENAME}} consists of yet more [[retarded]] [[mass shooting]] obsessed [[loser|losers]] who won't shut the fuck up about [[Natalie Rupnow|The Supreme Lady]]. You can help these people by reminding them that becoming a [[Mass shooter|simp]] will go [[L.G.Ch.D.|horribly wrong]] and that they will never be like [[Arthur Achleitner|Arthur]] but instead will likely be worse than [[Desmond Holly|Desmond]].</font></td></tr>
</table>

[[File:Rupnow Simp Faction.png|400px|center]]

{{ib|[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-08 04.55.14.png|250px]]<br>}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Rupnow simps'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Active'''|December 16, 2024 - The heat death of the universe}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Earth|Global]]  [[File:Solar system earth.jpg|20px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Various}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed 16, injured 140}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|No}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|Bomberman (Muhammad)<br>Hack'N'Slash (L.G.Ch.D., Jesus, Switzer Learning Center anon, Timofey, Łukasz, Owen, Fabian)<br>FPS (everyone else)}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|Yes (Solomon, Arthur, Robin, Desmond)<br>No (everyone else)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Motive'''|Simp}}
{{Ibend}}

'''{{glow|Rupnow's simp faction}}''' (a.k.a. '''Rupnow's fag faction (fagtion)''' and '''Rupnow disciples''') are a bunch of [[aspies]] all straight out of [[TikTok]] or [[Tumblr]] [[simping]] for the [[16-year-old girl|teenage girl]] school shooter [[Natalie Rupnow]] to the point of shooting up their own schools in her name. Usually they hope to impress her and possibly [[Sex|hook up]] with her in the afterlife. From [[L.G.Ch.D.|middle schoolers]] to [[Robin Westman|grown]] [[Arthur Achleitner|adults]], the following is a list of every [[High Score]]r who was motivated by simping for this bitch.

== History ==
All of this began on December 16, 2024, when Natalie decided to shoot up her own school. With a miserable score of [[Fail|2 dead (plus her) and 6 injured]], her shooting should have been rightfully forgotten. However, since Natalie was a woman in male fields, she has received a lot of undeserved attention around the world. There have been several others before her, but most of them are [[Brenda Spencer|too non-recent]], [[Amy Bishop|hags]], or [[Audrey Hale|pooners]], so Natalie did a better job at resonating with the TCC zoomer crowd. Her first simp appeared a month after the attack, and she even knew him personally.

=== The nigger simp ===
{{main|Solomon Henderson}}

[[File:SolomonHenderson.png|100px|thumb|left|Did I mention that Natalie hated niggers?]]

On January 22, 2025, in Nashville, a 17-year-old [[nigger]][[Incel|cel]] named '''Solomon Henderson'''{{Nazi}} committed a more pathetic shooting than his own inspiration by killing only one person and injuring another before quickly becoming [[an hero]]. He and Natalie followed each other on Twitter. He even recreated her stupid mirror selfie with a [[Negative XP]] shirt and, like her, posted a photo on [[Twitter]] of himself doing an OK sign inside a restroom just before shooting up his school. He is currently her biggest simp, but unfortunately not her last.

{{clear}}
=== The half-Armenian simp ===
{{main|Arthur Achleitner}}
[[File:Arthurcat.jpg|100px|thumb|left|A [[Austria|Euro]][[Armenia|mutt]] is the current Rupnow simp champion.]]

On June 10, 2025, in Austria, a 21-year-old [[mutt]] named '''Arthur Achleitner'''{{Columbiner}} shot up his former high school as revenge for bullying, killing 10 people and injuring 11 more before becoming [[an hero]]. It was discovered on his social media accounts that he had posted a photo of himself in a restroom, recreating Natalie's infamous last photo. He also included a quote from her manifesto in his bio. He is currently her most successful simp, which isn't an impressive feat considering the other buffoons that came after.

{{clear}}
=== The tranny simp ===
{{main|Robin Westman}}

[[File:Robert Westman.png|100px|thumb|left|A 23-year-old man having a crush on a 15-year-old girl? [[pedo|How weird...]]]]

On August 27, 2025, a 23-year-old tranny named '''Robin Westman'''{{trans}} killed 2 kids and injured 21 more at his former Catholic school before becoming [[an hero]]. He did this because he was groomed by [[764]]. He had scribbled Natalie Rupnow's name on his magazine, so he can be considered one of her simps.

{{clear}}
=== The second tranny simp ===
{{main|L.G.Ch.D.}}

[[File:Sebas face.png|100px|thumb|left|Natalie's first female simp.]]

On September 9, 2025, a fat 12-year-old Mexican pooner named '''L.G.Ch.D.'''{{trans}} (a.k.a. '''Sebas''') attacked her school with an axe and a switchblade, only injuring the mother of a fellow student in the head before being [[fail|restrained]]. Before her attack, she posted a pic of her in a restroom, imitating the one by Rupnow.

{{clear}}
=== Torn between a school shooter and a fictional character ===
{{main|Desmond Holly}}

[[File:DesmondHolly.jpeg|thumb|left|100px|[[Parasocial Syndrome#Sayo-nara|He simped for Sayori too.]]]]

On September 10, 2025, [[WTF|A FEW MINUTES]] after [[Charlie Kirk]]'s assassination, 16-year-old '''Desmond Holly'''{{Columbiner}} shot up his school and [[fail|injured two students]] before [[An hero|becoming the only fatality of his attack]]. Although he didn't recreate Natalie's bathroom photo, he did recreate her stupid mirror selfie with [[Dylan Klebold]]'s "Wrath" shirt on his [[TikTok]] account. He even put her on the second slide in case you didn't get the reference.

{{clear}}

=== The Venezuelan simp ===
{{main|Shit nobody cares about|NOPE, no one cared about this nigga so he doesn't even have an article lmaooo}}

[[File:Jesus Adrian Ladera 2.png|thumb|left|100px|The face is not clearly visible due to the quality.]]

In 2025, days after the [[Lex Ashton]] attack, in [[Venezuela]], an [[incel]] known as '''Jesus Adrian Ladera'''{{Incel}} went to his [[school]] and took a picture of himself in the bathroom. Then he came out, pulled out a knife, and stabbed his three classmates before being pushed against the [[school]] stairs.

{{clear}}
=== Asshole's mouth ===
{{main|Switzer Learning Center Anon}}

[[File:SwitzerLearningCenterStabber.jpg|100px|thumb|left|The most embarrassing one so far.]]

On October 14, 2025, '''an anonymous 17-year-old student'''{{Columbiner}} attacked his sped school (the same one [[Chris Harper-Mercer]] attended), stabbing 3 staff members. He probably did this because he had the hairline of a 30-year-old man despite still being a teenager. On his TikTok account, he made many [[sarcasm|original]] references to [[Columbine]], [[Nikolas Cruz]], and of course, Natalie Rupnow, by copying her mirror selfie with the exact same KMFDM shirt.

{{clear}}
=== The SEAnigger simp ===
{{main|Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat}}

[[File:MuhammadNazrielFadhelHidayat.jpg|100px|thumb|left|His heart blew up for Natalie (and so did his school).]]

On November 7, 2025, 17-year-old '''Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat'''{{Muslim}} blew up his school in Indonesia, injuring [[WTF|96]] people and killing no one before [[fail|failing]] to become [[an hero]]. On his TikTok account, he recreated her mirror selfie (with [[Vladislav Roslyakov]]'s "Hatred" shirt) and her OK sign. He also carried out his attack on Natalie's birthday.

{{clear}}
=== The looksmaxxing simp ===
{{main|Shit nobody cares about|NOPE, no one cared about this nigga so he doesn't even have an article lmaooo}}

[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-10 12.12.52.png|100px|thumb|left|Looksmaxxing will not help you win her heart bro...]]

On December 6, 2025, 20-year-old '''Joel Edwards'''{{Columbiner}} was charged for making a shooting threat towards a Michigan elementary school on his TikTok account. In addition to this threat and a post about him trying to [[looksmaxx]], he also recreated Rupnow's mirror selfie and her restroom photo.

{{clear}}
=== The Slavic simp ===
{{main|Timofey Kulyamov}}

[[File:Timofag.jpg|100px|thumb|left|Tried to win her heart on the first anniversary of her shooting.]]

On December 16, 2025, 15-year-old '''Timofey Kulyamov'''{{Nazi}} decided to celebrate the anniversary of the Abundant Life Christian School shooting by stabbing a 10-year-old student to death and injuring a security guard at his school. In addition to committing his attack on the anniversary of Rupnow's shooting, he posted a photo of himself doing the OK sign on his TikTok account and mentioned [[Solomon Henderson|several]] [[Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat|previous]] simps in his manifesto.
{{clear}}
=== The second Slavic simp ===
{{main|Shit nobody cares about|NOPE, no one cared about this nigga so he doesn't even have an article lmaooo}}

[[File:Lukasz G..jpg|thumb|left|100px|No way, you look like a child rapist like [[Alex Hillel Treisman]].]]

On February 26, 2026, in [[Poland]], '''Łukasz G.''' recorded himself killing his stepdad and grandma with an axe. Since he was a WPD user and posted his own gameplay footage there, the jannies banned all discussion of him so that the site wouldn't get investigated by glowies.

{{clear}}
=== Owen Simpien ===
{{main|Owen Ruvien}}

[[File:OwenRLarp.jpeg|100px|thumb|left|You did it for her, and in the end you [[Fail|got an ass kicking]]]]

On March 5, 2026, 14-year-old '''Owen Ruvien'''{{Nazi}} decided it was time to go [[postal]], so he took 2 knives and got his ass kicked by a sleeping hopeless bum. He referenced Rupnow by reenacting her shitting photo and also reposted edits of her on [[TikTok]].
{{clear}}

=== [[L.G.Ch.D.]] 2: Electric Boogaloo ===
{{main|Fabian}}

[[File:Osmer H..jpg|100px|thumb|left|Another Mexican simp, but not a pooner this time.]]

On March 23, [[2026]], in [[Mexico]], '''Fabian'''{{Nazi}} decided to attack his high school with axes and knives, following in the footsteps of [[Brenton Tarrant]] and [[Lex Ashton]], but he only managed to stab 3 people and ended up in very bad shape, much worse than [[Lex Ashton]], Natalie's simp was also a simp.

{{clear}}

== High Scores ==
<center>
{{Template:Row numbers| {| class{{=}}"wikitable sortable"
! RANK
!
! PLAYER
! CONFIRMED KILLS
! INJURED
! AN HERO
! YEAR
! STYLE
|- style{{=}}"background:#65ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagAustria.png|link{{=}}Austria]]
| [[Arthur Achleitner]]
| 10
| 11
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#b1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Robin Westman]]
| 2
| 21
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#b1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagPoland.png|link{{=}}Poland]]
| Łukasz G.
| 2
| 0
| N
| 2026
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Solomon Henderson]]
| 1
| 1
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagRussia.png|link{{=}}Russia]]
| [[Timofey Kulyamov]]
| 1
| 1
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagIndonesia.png|link{{=}}Indonesia]]
| [[Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| [[WTF|96]]
| N
| 2025
| Bomberman
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagVenezuela.png|link{{=}}Venezuela]]
| Jesus Adrian Ladera
| [[Fail|0]]
| 3
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Switzer Learning Center Anon|Unknown]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 3
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagMexico.jpg|link{{=}}Mexico]]
| [[Fabian]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 3
| N
| 2026
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[File:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Desmond Holly]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 2
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagMexico.jpg|link{{=}}Mexico]]
| [[L.G.Ch.D.]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 1
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Owen Ruvien]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 1
| N
| 2026
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#ff0000"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| Joel Edwards
| [[Fail|0]]
| [[Epic Fail|0]]
| N
| 2025
| FPS
</table>}}
</center>

== How to win Natalie's heart ==
Here are some signs that may indicate that a school shooter simps for her.

* Posting a video of themselves inside a restroom, trying to recreate her infamous last photo (especially if they also do the OK sign).
* Imitating her stupid mirror selfie while also wearing a stupid school shooter-themed shirt.
* Referencing her in another way.

== Gallery ==
<center>{{Frame|[[File:ssstik.io_@.mikalight_1770200603874.mp4|750px]]
|border=#FFFFFF|background=#FFFFFF}}</center>

== See Also ==
* [[Simp]] - What they are.
* [[Natalie Rupnow]] - Who they simp for.
* '''Other murderous losers'''
** [[Brazilian school attacks]]
** [[Chobots]]
** [[Columbine Copycats]]
** [[Copycat killers]]
** [[Fandom killers]]
** [[Kill count by website]]
** [[Loserinfo]]
** [[Parasocial Syndrome]]
** [[Pekka Copycats]]
** [[Tarrantulas]]

{{Anheroes}}
{{Columbine}}
{{Dying Alone}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Natalie Rupnow}}
{{Tumblr Series}}
[[Category:TikTok]]

File:Rupnow Simp Faction.png

2026-05-03T04:55:02Z

Omari81:

Rupnow's simp faction

2026-05-03T04:27:08Z

Omari81:

''This article is a [[:Category:Stub|stub]]. You can help by [[Mass Shooting|expanding it]].''
{|style="background-color:#d8d8d8; border: 2px solid #000000; padding: 1px; color:red" cellpadding="2" align="center"
|BGCOLOR=#000000| [[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]][[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]][[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]][[File:Moreselfpwnagepls.gif|200px|link=]]
|style="padding:2px"|<center><big><b>Lose 4 iPods?</b></big></center><br/><center><b>This page contains 4 [[an hero|an heroes]] and counting.</b></center>
|}

{{Aspergers|plural=yes}}

<table width="700px" style="border:3px solid #ed0000; text-align:center; background:#f9f9f9" align="center">
<tr>
<td>[[File:DesmondHolly1.jpg|100px|link=Desmond Holly]]</td>
<td style="color:#803e37;"><font size="3">{{PAGENAME}} consists of yet more [[retarded]] [[mass shooting]] obsessed [[loser|losers]] who won't shut the fuck up about [[Natalie Rupnow|The Supreme Lady]]. You can help these people by reminding them that becoming a [[Mass shooter|simp]] will go [[L.G.Ch.D.|horribly wrong]] and that they will never be like [[Arthur Achleitner|Arthur]] but instead will likely be worse than [[Desmond Holly|Desmond]].</font></td></tr>
</table>

[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-07 04.05.11.png|400px|center]]

{{ib|[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-08 04.55.14.png|250px]]<br>}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Rupnow simps'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Active'''|December 16, 2024 - The heat death of the universe}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Earth|Global]]  [[File:Solar system earth.jpg|20px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Various}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed 16, injured 140}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|No}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|Bomberman (Muhammad)<br>Hack'N'Slash (L.G.Ch.D., Jesus, Switzer Learning Center anon, Timofey, Łukasz, Owen, Fabian)<br>FPS (everyone else)}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|Yes (Solomon, Arthur, Robin, Desmond)<br>No (everyone else)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Motive'''|Simp}}
{{Ibend}}

'''{{glow|Rupnow's simp faction}}''' (a.k.a. '''Rupnow's fag faction (fagtion)''' and '''Rupnow disciples''') are a bunch of [[aspies]] all straight out of [[TikTok]] or [[Tumblr]] [[simping]] for the [[16-year-old girl|teenage girl]] school shooter [[Natalie Rupnow]] to the point of shooting up their own schools in her name. Usually they hope to impress her and possibly [[Sex|hook up]] with her in the afterlife. From [[L.G.Ch.D.|middle schoolers]] to [[Robin Westman|grown]] [[Arthur Achleitner|adults]], the following is a list of every [[High Score]]r who was motivated by simping for this bitch.

== History ==
All of this began on December 16, 2024, when Natalie decided to shoot up her own school. With a miserable score of [[Fail|2 dead (plus her) and 6 injured]], her shooting should have been rightfully forgotten. However, since Natalie was a woman in male fields, she has received a lot of undeserved attention around the world. There have been several others before her, but most of them are [[Brenda Spencer|too non-recent]], [[Amy Bishop|hags]], or [[Audrey Hale|pooners]], so Natalie did a better job at resonating with the TCC zoomer crowd. Her first simp appeared a month after the attack, and she even knew him personally.

=== The nigger simp ===
{{main|Solomon Henderson}}

[[File:SolomonHenderson.png|100px|thumb|left|Did I mention that Natalie hated niggers?]]

On January 22, 2025, in Nashville, a 17-year-old [[nigger]][[Incel|cel]] named '''Solomon Henderson'''{{Nazi}} committed a more pathetic shooting than his own inspiration by killing only one person and injuring another before quickly becoming [[an hero]]. He and Natalie followed each other on Twitter. He even recreated her stupid mirror selfie with a [[Negative XP]] shirt and, like her, posted a photo on [[Twitter]] of himself doing an OK sign inside a restroom just before shooting up his school. He is currently her biggest simp, but unfortunately not her last.

{{clear}}
=== The half-Armenian simp ===
{{main|Arthur Achleitner}}
[[File:Arthurcat.jpg|100px|thumb|left|A [[Austria|Euro]][[Armenia|mutt]] is the current Rupnow simp champion.]]

On June 10, 2025, in Austria, a 21-year-old [[mutt]] named '''Arthur Achleitner'''{{Columbiner}} shot up his former high school as revenge for bullying, killing 10 people and injuring 11 more before becoming [[an hero]]. It was discovered on his social media accounts that he had posted a photo of himself in a restroom, recreating Natalie's infamous last photo. He also included a quote from her manifesto in his bio. He is currently her most successful simp, which isn't an impressive feat considering the other buffoons that came after.

{{clear}}
=== The tranny simp ===
{{main|Robin Westman}}

[[File:Robert Westman.png|100px|thumb|left|A 23-year-old man having a crush on a 15-year-old girl? [[pedo|How weird...]]]]

On August 27, 2025, a 23-year-old tranny named '''Robin Westman'''{{trans}} killed 2 kids and injured 21 more at his former Catholic school before becoming [[an hero]]. He did this because he was groomed by [[764]]. He had scribbled Natalie Rupnow's name on his magazine, so he can be considered one of her simps.

{{clear}}
=== The second tranny simp ===
{{main|L.G.Ch.D.}}

[[File:Sebas face.png|100px|thumb|left|Natalie's first female simp.]]

On September 9, 2025, a fat 12-year-old Mexican pooner named '''L.G.Ch.D.'''{{trans}} (a.k.a. '''Sebas''') attacked her school with an axe and a switchblade, only injuring the mother of a fellow student in the head before being [[fail|restrained]]. Before her attack, she posted a pic of her in a restroom, imitating the one by Rupnow.

{{clear}}
=== Torn between a school shooter and a fictional character ===
{{main|Desmond Holly}}

[[File:DesmondHolly.jpeg|thumb|left|100px|[[Parasocial Syndrome#Sayo-nara|He simped for Sayori too.]]]]

On September 10, 2025, [[WTF|A FEW MINUTES]] after [[Charlie Kirk]]'s assassination, 16-year-old '''Desmond Holly'''{{Columbiner}} shot up his school and [[fail|injured two students]] before [[An hero|becoming the only fatality of his attack]]. Although he didn't recreate Natalie's bathroom photo, he did recreate her stupid mirror selfie with [[Dylan Klebold]]'s "Wrath" shirt on his [[TikTok]] account. He even put her on the second slide in case you didn't get the reference.

{{clear}}

=== The Venezuelan simp ===
{{main|Shit nobody cares about|NOPE, no one cared about this nigga so he doesn't even have an article lmaooo}}

[[File:Jesus Adrian Ladera 2.png|thumb|left|100px|The face is not clearly visible due to the quality.]]

In 2025, days after the [[Lex Ashton]] attack, in [[Venezuela]], an [[incel]] known as '''Jesus Adrian Ladera'''{{Incel}} went to his [[school]] and took a picture of himself in the bathroom. Then he came out, pulled out a knife, and stabbed his three classmates before being pushed against the [[school]] stairs.

{{clear}}
=== Asshole's mouth ===
{{main|Switzer Learning Center Anon}}

[[File:SwitzerLearningCenterStabber.jpg|100px|thumb|left|The most embarrassing one so far.]]

On October 14, 2025, '''an anonymous 17-year-old student'''{{Columbiner}} attacked his sped school (the same one [[Chris Harper-Mercer]] attended), stabbing 3 staff members. He probably did this because he had the hairline of a 30-year-old man despite still being a teenager. On his TikTok account, he made many [[sarcasm|original]] references to [[Columbine]], [[Nikolas Cruz]], and of course, Natalie Rupnow, by copying her mirror selfie with the exact same KMFDM shirt.

{{clear}}
=== The SEAnigger simp ===
{{main|Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat}}

[[File:MuhammadNazrielFadhelHidayat.jpg|100px|thumb|left|His heart blew up for Natalie (and so did his school).]]

On November 7, 2025, 17-year-old '''Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat'''{{Muslim}} blew up his school in Indonesia, injuring [[WTF|96]] people and killing no one before [[fail|failing]] to become [[an hero]]. On his TikTok account, he recreated her mirror selfie (with [[Vladislav Roslyakov]]'s "Hatred" shirt) and her OK sign. He also carried out his attack on Natalie's birthday.

{{clear}}
=== The looksmaxxing simp ===
{{main|Shit nobody cares about|NOPE, no one cared about this nigga so he doesn't even have an article lmaooo}}

[[File:Screenshot 2025-12-10 12.12.52.png|100px|thumb|left|Looksmaxxing will not help you win her heart bro...]]

On December 6, 2025, 20-year-old '''Joel Edwards'''{{Columbiner}} was charged for making a shooting threat towards a Michigan elementary school on his TikTok account. In addition to this threat and a post about him trying to [[looksmaxx]], he also recreated Rupnow's mirror selfie and her restroom photo.

{{clear}}
=== The Slavic simp ===
{{main|Timofey Kulyamov}}

[[File:Timofag.jpg|100px|thumb|left|Tried to win her heart on the first anniversary of her shooting.]]

On December 16, 2025, 15-year-old '''Timofey Kulyamov'''{{Nazi}} decided to celebrate the anniversary of the Abundant Life Christian School shooting by stabbing a 10-year-old student to death and injuring a security guard at his school. In addition to committing his attack on the anniversary of Rupnow's shooting, he posted a photo of himself doing the OK sign on his TikTok account and mentioned [[Solomon Henderson|several]] [[Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat|previous]] simps in his manifesto.
{{clear}}
=== The second Slavic simp ===
{{main|Shit nobody cares about|NOPE, no one cared about this nigga so he doesn't even have an article lmaooo}}

[[File:Lukasz G..jpg|thumb|left|100px|No way, you look like a child rapist like [[Alex Hillel Treisman]].]]

On February 26, 2026, in [[Poland]], '''Łukasz G.''' recorded himself killing his stepdad and grandma with an axe. Since he was a WPD user and posted his own gameplay footage there, the jannies banned all discussion of him so that the site wouldn't get investigated by glowies.

{{clear}}
=== Owen Simpien ===
{{main|Owen Ruvien}}

[[File:OwenRLarp.jpeg|100px|thumb|left|You did it for her, and in the end you [[Fail|got an ass kicking]]]]

On March 5, 2026, 14-year-old '''Owen Ruvien'''{{Nazi}} decided it was time to go [[postal]], so he took 2 knives and got his ass kicked by a sleeping hopeless bum. He referenced Rupnow by reenacting her shitting photo and also reposted edits of her on [[TikTok]].
{{clear}}

=== [[L.G.Ch.D.]] 2: Electric Boogaloo ===
{{main|Fabian}}

[[File:Osmer H..jpg|100px|thumb|left|Another Mexican simp, but not a pooner this time.]]

On March 23, [[2026]], in [[Mexico]], '''Fabian'''{{Nazi}} decided to attack his high school with axes and knives, following in the footsteps of [[Brenton Tarrant]] and [[Lex Ashton]], but he only managed to stab 3 people and ended up in very bad shape, much worse than [[Lex Ashton]], Natalie's simp was also a simp.

{{clear}}

== High Scores ==
<center>
{{Template:Row numbers| {| class{{=}}"wikitable sortable"
! RANK
!
! PLAYER
! CONFIRMED KILLS
! INJURED
! AN HERO
! YEAR
! STYLE
|- style{{=}}"background:#65ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagAustria.png|link{{=}}Austria]]
| [[Arthur Achleitner]]
| 10
| 11
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#b1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Robin Westman]]
| 2
| 21
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#b1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagPoland.png|link{{=}}Poland]]
| Łukasz G.
| 2
| 0
| N
| 2026
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Solomon Henderson]]
| 1
| 1
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagRussia.png|link{{=}}Russia]]
| [[Timofey Kulyamov]]
| 1
| 1
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagIndonesia.png|link{{=}}Indonesia]]
| [[Muhammad Nazriel Fadhel Hidayat]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| [[WTF|96]]
| N
| 2025
| Bomberman
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagVenezuela.png|link{{=}}Venezuela]]
| Jesus Adrian Ladera
| [[Fail|0]]
| 3
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Switzer Learning Center Anon|Unknown]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 3
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagMexico.jpg|link{{=}}Mexico]]
| [[Fabian]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 3
| N
| 2026
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[File:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Desmond Holly]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 2
| Y
| 2025
| FPS
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagMexico.jpg|link{{=}}Mexico]]
| [[L.G.Ch.D.]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 1
| N
| 2025
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#d1ff00"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| [[Owen Ruvien]]
| [[Fail|0]]
| 1
| N
| 2026
| Hack'N'Slash
|- style{{=}}"background:#ff0000"
| _row_count
| [[Image:MiniflagUSA.png|link{{=}}America]]
| Joel Edwards
| [[Fail|0]]
| [[Epic Fail|0]]
| N
| 2025
| FPS
</table>}}
</center>

== How to win Natalie's heart ==
Here are some signs that may indicate that a school shooter simps for her.

* Posting a video of themselves inside a restroom, trying to recreate her infamous last photo (especially if they also do the OK sign).
* Imitating her stupid mirror selfie while also wearing a stupid school shooter-themed shirt.
* Referencing her in another way.

== Gallery ==
<center>{{Frame|[[File:ssstik.io_@.mikalight_1770200603874.mp4|750px]]
|border=#FFFFFF|background=#FFFFFF}}</center>

== See Also ==
* [[Simp]] - What they are.
* [[Natalie Rupnow]] - Who they simp for.
* '''Other murderous losers'''
** [[Brazilian school attacks]]
** [[Chobots]]
** [[Columbine Copycats]]
** [[Copycat killers]]
** [[Fandom killers]]
** [[Kill count by website]]
** [[Loserinfo]]
** [[Parasocial Syndrome]]
** [[Pekka Copycats]]
** [[Tarrantulas]]

{{Anheroes}}
{{Columbine}}
{{Dying Alone}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Natalie Rupnow}}
{{Tumblr Series}}
[[Category:TikTok]]

John Hinckley Jr.

2026-05-02T23:51:25Z

Omari81: /* See Also */

{{pedo}}
{{SickFuck}}
{{ib|[[File:John Hinckley, Jr. Mugshot.png|250px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''John Hinckley Jr.'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|May 29, 1955 ({{age|1955|5|29}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Americunt]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed 1, injured 3}}
{{ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|No}}
{{ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No}}
{{ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[Pedophilia]]}}
{{Ibend}}

'''John Warnock Hinckley Jr.'''{{Girllover}} is a deranged child-loving boomer who attempted to assassinate [[Ronald Reagan]] after deciding to dedicate his life to being an [[edgy|edgelord]] after watching the film ''Taxi Driver''. He [[Childlove|fell in love]] with [[Jodie Foster]], the 12-year-old who played Iris in the film. Let's just hope he never sees ''[[Cuties]]'', he may attempt to blow up the [[President|White House]].

John believed the only way he could show his true edginess to the world and impress the girl he was meant to be with was to [[Assassination|potentially cause another Civil War]]. He was found [[Crazy|not guilty by reason of insanity]] and remained under institutional psychiatric care for over three decades.

The worst part is, since Reagan survived, he became empowered in the public eye and won the 1984 presidential election in a landslide. [[Fuck]] you, John!

Despite shooting several people during his attempt, and one eventually dying, he was granted unconditional release in 2022 and became an [[influencer]]. He also became a [[Music|musician]] but he sucks at it.

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|JohnHinckley-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="4"> 
File:John hinckley jr holds gun to head.jpg|[[OMG]] so [[edgy]] I'm shaking and crying rn.
File:John Hinckley Jr Who I Really Am.jpg|You're a failed assassin. That's who you really are.
File:John Hinckley Guitar.jpg|This one's for you, Jodie!
File:John Hinckley Community.png|[[Ironic|Irony]] at its finest.
</gallery>|<gallery>
File:John Hinckley Seung-Hui Cho Wellington Oliveira gun to head pose.png|Brought to you by [[Adam Lanza]].
</gallery>}}

==See Also==
*{{glow|[[Thomas Matthew Crooks]]}} - Another failed presidential assassin with an identical score.
*{{glow|[[Cole Allen]]}} - Also tried assassinating the president at Washington Hilton.

==External Links==
*{{Wikilink|John_Hinckley_Jr.|TOW coverage}}
*{{Wikilink|Attempted_assassination_of_Ronald_Reagan|TOW coverage of the shooting}}
*{{yt|@|johnhinckley6860}}
*{{twitter|JohnHinckley20}}

{{Portals|music|youtube}}
{{Childabuseseries}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Gun control}}
{{High Scores}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:1981]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Politics]]

Cole Allen

2026-05-02T07:36:49Z

Omari81: /* External Links */

{{DISPLAYTITLE:{{glow|{{PAGENAME}}}}}}
{{conspiracy}}
{{achtung|LOLOLOLOLOLOL THEY MISSED AGAIN}}
{{aroundblacks}}
{{ib|[[File:Cole Allen.jpg|300px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''{{glow|Cole Allen}}'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|April 11, 1995 ({{age|1995|4|11}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[California|Commiefornian]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Injured 1}}
{{ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|FUCK NO!}}
{{ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, [[v&]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Motive'''|[[Trump Derangement Syndrome]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''{{glow|Cole Tomas Allen}}''' is yet another piece of evidence that [[niggers]] are not to be trusted with firearms. This <s>agent provocateur asset</s> [[ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT|Pulp Fiction]] wannabe attempted to assassinate [[The Donald]] while he was hosting a [[fatass|dinner]] at the Washington Hilton in [[Washington, D.C.]]

==Background==
Cole was born on April 11, 1995 in [[California]]. He likely peaked in his high school's [[Actor|theatre class]], cuz he looks like Daveed Diggs and got a job in education. He developed a video game called Bohrdom (this nigga can't even spell). He also [[Manchild|lived with his parents]]. After realizing that he pretty much had no life, he decided to throw it all away by [[Retard|blaming it all on Trump]] and travel several hours to Washington, D.C. to [[Psychopath|kill him]].

==The Shooting==
On April 25, 2026, Cole arrived at a hotel in Washington, D.C., gathered his weapons, and [[Natalie Rupnow|took a photo of himself standing in front of a mirror]] before sending his family his manifesto. In the manifesto, he calls Trump a [[pedo]], [[rapist]], and a [[racist]], and talks about other lefty topics like [[Emily Youcis|Will Stancil]] and [[Hasan Piker]], the latter of which he doesn't like. He also calls himself the "[[Cringe|Coldforce Friendly Federal Assassin]]", saying that he's going to kill Trump and every member of his cabinet {{glow|except FBI director Kash Patel}}, before becoming [[an hero]]. Family members immediately called the police, but it was already too late, as Cole had already headed out to fulfill his destiny.

Once he arrived, he was confronted by security near the main metal detector screening area of the Washington Hilton. He suddenly felt the spirit of [[Naruto]] inside him, telling him to run past the security checkpoint and take out any guards who come near him, so he did. Secret Service agents immediately ran towards him, but he [[Counter troll|fired back]]. He probably would've made it to the ballroom where Trump was if he didn't [[Idiot|trip and fall]]. He was immediately tackled, arrested, and taken into custody.

==Loadout==
<div align="center">
{|class="wikitable" width="40%"
!colspan="2"|Class Setup
|-
!Item
!Accessories/Bonus
|-
|
*'''Primary''': 12-gauge Maverick shotgun
[[File:Firearm used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 60~130 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Secondary''': Armscor Precision .38 semi-automatic pistol
[[File:Rock Island Armory 1911 .38 caliber pistol used by Cole Allen in White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 19~25 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Tertiary''': Multiple knives
[[File:GTA4IconsKnife.png|100px|center]]
|
*'''Does 30 Damage.'''
|-
|
*'''Spell''': Nigger
[[File:Blacksrelax.jpg|70px|center]]
|
*'''Double damage against [[White Devils]].'''
|}
</div>

==Graded Score==
{{GradedScore|[[Epic Fail|0]]|[[Epic Fail|Didn't even get near his target]]|0|Only shot a Secret Service agent.|15|At least he had the balls to run past the security.|15|Got a lot of attention despite not reaching his target.|0|For being a [[niggers|nigger with rage]].|30|F|At least you did better than [[Ryan Routh]].}}

{{Wanted|1}}

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv| |background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;
|[[File:8900987-90a37390c0bacced0e921c715a214e0f.mp4|560px|center]]
|<youtube>jMuhRlqHYEU</youtube>'''<br>You're telling me, pal.
|[[File:Cole Allen Gassy.mp4|560px|center]]'''When you help the government stage an assassination attempt so you get to live the rest of your life in exile on a tropical island:'''
|<youtube>vDo6nGP55QM</youtube>'''<br>Gameplay video of Bohrdom, the game he developed'''
}}
|border=#201f3a|background=red}}
</center>

==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery|ColeAllen-Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Bro is not Natalie Rupnow.png|[[Natalie Rupnow|She]] ain't gonna pick you in the afterlife, bro. She's already getting [[BLACKED]] by [[Solomon Henderson|someone else]].
File:Cole Allen BLACKED.png|But hey! Your cellmate [[Bubba]] is always looking for a new [[Rape|plaything]].
File:Cole Tomas Allen Meme.jpg|Aw, [[Crybaby|boo hoo]].
File:Cole Allen Prediction.png|{{twitter|HenryMa79561893/status/1738018409441308955|Hmmm...}}
File:Cole Allen In Prison Be Like.jpeg|The face he's gonna make while getting raped in the prison showers.
File:Cole Allen Naruto.jpeg|He really was the [[BLACK MAN|black flash]] of the Hidden Leaf...
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="6"> 
File:Vance escorted before trump.gif|Totally not suspicious at all.
File:colepix.png
File:colekiss.png|Yea kiss that floor you know you like it....
File:Cole Allen as baby.jpg|Aww, he'll grow up to be a great {{glow|[[v&|federal asset]]}}!
File:Cole Allen IDF shirt.jpg|[[Jew|Well, well, well.]]{{Jew}}
</gallery>}}

==See Also==
*[[Aaron Alexis]] - The better [[Washington, D.C.]] nigger shooter by quite a wide margin.
*{{glow|[[Thomas Matthew Crooks]]}}, {{glow|[[Ryan Routh]]}} - His predecessors.
*{{glow|[[Tyler Robinson]]}} - Actually succeeded.

==External Links==
*{{Wikilink|2026_White_House_Correspondents'_Dinner_shooting|TOW coverage}}
*{{WPD|h/social/post/490620/megathread-shots-fired-during-president-donald|WPD coverage}}
*{{Steamgame|945530/Bohrdom/|Bohrdom, a game he developed}}
*'''[[Cole Allen/Manifesto|His manifesto]]''' {{Wayback|https://nypost.com/2026/04/26/us-news/read-whcd-gunman-cole-allens-full-anti-trump-manifesto/|20260430031814}}

{{Truth}}
{{Afro}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Gun control}}
{{High Scores}}
{{Serious}}
{{Trump}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Niggers]]
[[Category:2026]]
[[category:Murder]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Politics]]