Encyclopedia Dramatica - Things to revert [en]

Afghanistan

2025-10-22T09:39:34Z

HellenicTrapstar: Added the best Afghan song evar

{{achtung|KNELT TO THE TALIBAN GIGACHAD}}
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{{welfare}}
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{{corner|[[File:Tali_Flag.gif|210px|]]}}
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{{ib|[[Image:TalibanFlagPlant.jpg|thumb|center|270px|2000 YEARS UNDEFEATED]]}}
{{ibhead|<big>'''Afghanistan'''</big>}}
{{ibrow|'''Name'''|Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan <br> د افغانستان اسلامي امارت (Pasto)<br> امارت اسلامی افغانستان (Dari)}}
{{ibrow|'''National Anthem'''|''Da da Batorano Kor''}}
{{Ibrow|'''Motto'''|[[Islam#Becoming a Muslim|لا إله إلا الله، محمد رسول الله]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Goverment'''|[[Islam#Sharia|Islamic Theocracy]] Emirate}}
{{Ibrow|'''Capital'''|Kabul}}
{{ibrow|'''[[Independence Day]]'''|August 15, 2021}}
{{ibrow|'''Leader'''|Hibatullah Akhundzada (Supreme Leader)}}
{{ibrow|'''Ethic Groups'''|'''Majority''': Pashto, Tajik <br> '''Minority''': Hazara, Aimaq, and Turkic Peoples}}
{{ibrow|'''Currency'''|[[Circular Logic|Afghan Afghani]]}}
{{ibrow|'''Religion'''|Islam (Almost all of them)<br> Very tiny non-Muslim minorities}}
{{ibrow|'''Population'''|40 Million}}
{{Ibend}}
The '''Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan''', also known as '''Talibanistan''' is the actual Land of the Free, Home of the Brave, and the Birthplace of Toxic Masculinity <s>unlike the fat-ass godless America who are invading them</s> LOL defeated and they were the culprit of the mess in the country! The country is inhabited by Pro-patriarchy masculine gigachad [[Jihad|mujahideen]] who are strong enough to kick the US invaders out from the country thanks to their strong faith in [[Islam]] and rejects feminism, secularism, and other liberal ideas entirely.

Afghanistan is also known as the "Graveyard of Empires", America being its latest victim. Various empires throughout history have been unable to defeat these brave poor farmers such as the [[British|Bri'ishs]], and the [[Soviet|Soviets]].

The official currency unit is the goat. one goat being convertible into [http://observers.france24.com/en/20160804-afghanistan-underage-girl-sold-marriage one six-year-old child bride on the open market.]

== History ==
[[Image:AfDesert.jpg|250px|thumb|center|Kabul, Afghanistan's largest city.]]
<br>
Despite being named Afghanistan, Afghanistan is the home of the Pashtuns, also known as the distance relative of [[Germans]] 卐. Afghanistan was created by the ejaculation of [[Bill Nye]] (as he whacked off to the remembrance of the time he nailed Soledad O'Brien) that landed on an unknown dry mildew growing on donkey shit.
Afghanistan's history is like one long, brutal "keep out" sign that everyone ignores. It starts with Alexander the Great showing up like he's on a world tour, thinking he can just waltz in and take over. Spoiler: He couldn't. Fast forward, and you’ve got a parade of empires—Mongols, Persians, Mughals—all trying to claim the place like it’s prime real estate, but nobody can hang onto it for long. When Russian and British [[Shit|Imperialism]] hit Central Asia (the ''Great Game''), the whole place became [[United Kingdom]]'s bitch. However, Afghanistan was the only country that pwned the British invaders and every other empire that has attempted to [[rape]] them <s>except the U.S./Canada but the only reason why they didn't is because they used them to kick out [[Osama bin Laden]] and [[friends]]</s> [[No]]. After that, they plan on turning back into what they were before; a narco-terrorist shithole who's only contribution to the world is decent heroin, innovations in buttrape, and lousy taxi drivers. A country that, if it weren't for everyone carrying an AK-47, would look very much like it did in the 12th century.

Afghanistan is also home of the true and real Aryans, not the trailer trash white people you see in North America or the cavebitch skinhead wannabes in [[Europe]]. Afghanistan was also known as Aryana, a state of [[Persia]] before they separated due to [[religion]] and [[Arabs]] conquering them in the chest. The true Aryans are the Pashtuns and Tajiks, but the Mongolian left overs called "Hazaras" are common chinks with a little bit of ''other'' merged into their genome. Recently they have been enjoying freedom from their former Pashtun masters who enslaved them.

In recent history, Osama Bin Laden fell in love with the country and took it over with his Taliban. A month before [[9/11]], the Afghan Army was planning to attack the US with its [[jihad|mujahideen]], but it failed hard. One month later <s>they blew up the World Trade Center</s> (everyone knows [[Jews did WTC]], not [[Muslims]]). Butthurt, the US declared war on Afghanistan. After years of looking for Bin Laden, the Americans got tired but remained "devoted" to the cause by leaving the Canadian army in charge. The Canadians have since then installed [[anal|peace and order]] and [[rape|rule]] over the country from their dark and untakeable fortress in Kandahar Airbase, where they enjoy playing cards, torturing prisoners and playing hockey.

===Reoccupied by the Taliban===
[[Image:TalibanIslamicEmirate.jpg|300p|thumb|center|Your American tax dollars at work, gone to good use for once]]
<br>
As of 2021, after the withdrawal of U.S. forces, the Taliban quickly planted their flag in most major Afghan cities, the capital, Kabul, was also eaten. It was only a matter of time before Afghanistan becomes a Sharia theocracy again, given the trend of the previous Islamic Republic leaders slowly leaving the country to run.

===Recap===
#Nothing happens
#Nothing happens
#Nothing happens
#Arab [[Muslims]] willingly convert them from [[Buddhism]] to Islam, then in turn the now-converted Afghans raeped their Pajeet counterparts
#Nothing happens
#Nothing happens
#Nothing happen
#[[Asking for it|British come]]
#[[Wut?|ONE British leaves]] [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massacre_of_Elphinstone%27s_army (Seriously!)] ([http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Anglo-Afghan_War +16,500 killed <s>or wounded</s>])
#[[Asking for it|British come]]
#[[Banned|British leave]] ([http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_Anglo-Afghan_War +1,630 killed or wounded])
#[[Asking for it|British come]]
#[[pwnt|British leave]] ([http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_Anglo-Afghan_War +1,751 killed or wounded ])
#Afghanistan is a monarchy
#Afghanistan goes atheist/communist
#Pashtuns get [[butthurt]]
#Mujahideen forms with US help to fight communism
#[[Asking for it|Soviets come]]
#[[pwnt|Soviets leave]] ([http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_war_in_Afghanistan +67,000 killed or wounded])
#Kabul falls to the mujahideen. A Pashtun and a Hazara get butt hurt and fighting ensues.(90% of the population in Kabul die).
#Mujahideen evolved into Taliban to fight [[pr0n|Western influence]]
#Taliban start leading country [[moralfag|based off Islamic law]]
#[[Asking for it|Americans come in]], kill current leaders and appoint a puppet president
#But in order to make the puppet legal, they stage an election and he wins with 55%.
#Next election noone who voted before shows up, quarter of all votes get discarded, [[over 9000|millions]] of votes get added, ballot box intimidation... and the puppet wins with 90%
#But in order to make it seem more legitimate, there is a reelection... in which the opponent is forced to back out
#US loses massive amounts of money [[doing it wrong|by first funding the terrorists and then fighting them]]
#Taliban pyrrhic victory
#[[????]]
#[[Profit!]] (for the [[jews]])
<s>Where is the fucking profit?</s>

==Demographics==
[[Image:Afghan woman with green eyes.jpg|center|thumb|Afghan [[jailbait]]]]
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Afghanistan contains about 29.8 million people with beards and turbans on their heads, and a few confused lost [[wiggers]]. Afghan women all have to wear oversized binbags, although whether this is due to the Islamist attitude of the populace or the general fugliness of the women is debated.

They have dozens of ethnic groups including the pashtuns, hazaras (chinks), Tajiks and Uzbeks (Chinks)

In [[Godwin's Law]], Afghanistan is the origin of the Aryan race, as proved by this one little white girl from Afghanistan. Historically, the Aryans invaded early civilization on the [[India|Indus Valley]] and asspwned the dark skinned yet ironically more intelligent inhabitants, giving them the [[Hindu|Vedas]] and the [[shit nobody cares about|Indo-European]] influenced language. If you are wondering why, if those dark skinned people were so intelligent, they got utterly pwned; shut up you racist.

[[Image:Afghanhound.jpg|center|250px|thumb|More Afgan [[jailbait]]]]

==Geography==
The terrain of this country is lots of [[Cock|mountains]] and landlocked. the civilians turn into werewolves at night and raep outsiders [[in the ass]]. An Afghan [[feminazi]] bandit described Afghanistan's terrain as:
*[[Shit|Dirt]]
*Caves
*Dirt
*More dirt
*[[Your Mom]]
*Opium fields
*Lots of Humvees
*Dead Marines
*Caves
*[[lol|Talibans]] corpses, both in the land and in the caves too
*Mass graves
*[[Trying too hard|Over 9,000 at least 100 years old]] Soviet tanks
*Caves
*Landmines
*Caves
*Even moar dirt

==Leaders==
The only known leader of Afghanistan that was known until now was [[Osama bin Laden]], who is most known for being a local and American hero and humanitarian. In 2001, he was agonizingly framed for masterminding [[9/11]]. Laden was later ruthlessly murdered in the attack of the [[NATO]] as he tried to save his fellow humans from the evils of western imperialism. When his death was confirmed, the country bowed down to the Canadian lead [[zerg rush|invader forces]]. Since then, the provisional [[Xenu|dark emperor]] claimed the country in the name of [[Jews|Zionist-occupied Goverment]].

Since the fall of the [[Oxymoron|Islamic Republic]], Taliban Emir and Mullah, Hibatullah Akhundzada has led the country with his [[Islam#Sharia|Sharia]]-ruling theocracy.

==Infastructures and Technologies==
[[Image:AfghanTechnology.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Afghanistan is well known for its [[old media|modern]] industrial and [[gun|technological]] economy.]]
Until somewhere in 2010s, there were no telephones or [[internets]] in Afghanistan, and most people rely on smoke signals for communications. Families that are rich enough have a camel, horse or even flying carpet to visit family across the country. But since one place in this masculine country is as based as any other, not much travel takes place.

===Afghans? in my internets?===
[[Image:Onstickam.jpg|thumb|center|250px|A Taliban fighter found on [[Stickam]].]]
[[Image:Talibansingles.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Sexy Ladies!]]
<br>
It's more likely than you think. Just look at the following websites taken over by the Afghans. They all redirect to some low budget Persian Afghani music videos. It may be many different videos, or all the same one. We really can't tell.
Behold the fearmsome soldiers of the taliban.
*http://www.futabachannel.com
*http://www.futabachannel.net
*http://www.futabachannel.org
*http://www.tokyohood.com
*http://www.sexymuch.com
*http://www.vandalize.us
*http://www.killthisfaggot.com
*http://www.newfag.net
*http://www.newfag.org
*http://www.iccfunds.com
*http://www.nexwiki.com
*http://www.nexwiki.org
*http://www.dollarmuch.com

Add more if you see any. We don't know whats going on but it is pretty scary.

==Music==

{{fv|starvids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>u9rQECNl2NM</youtube>|}}

==Taliban Copypasta==
"What the fuck did you just fucking say about Allah, you little infidel? Ill have you know I finished top of my group in the Taliban training camp, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the US military, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in hostage taking and I'm the top mujahideen in the entire world. You are nothing to me but just another kafir. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on Allah’s Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, faggot, As we speak I am contacting my secret network of mujahideen across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, infidel. The storm that wipes out the blasphemous little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be in the Centre of Mecca, during prayer time, and I can stone you in over 40 ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in Taliban army, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Taliban and Al-Qaeda and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of Allah’s creation, you kafir. If only you could have known what haram retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the jizyah. wallahi, I will shit my wrath all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Kuffar."

==Famous Afghan exports==
*The Afghan Hound
*The Afghan Coat
*The Afghan Whigs
*Afghan wigs
*Afghan Carpets
*The Afghan Afghani, the official currency of Afghanistan
*[http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=afgan+snowball The Afghan Snowball]
*Afghan Goo
*Afghan Kalashnikovs
*Afghan Pipeline
*Afghan Tea-bag
*Afghani Sauna
*Afghanistan Skunk
*Afghanistan Haze
*Afghanistan Slurpee
*[http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Afghanistanimation Afghanistanimation ]
*Assortments of firearms left by Americunt soldiers.
*[[LOL|Dead American troops]]
*Opium
*Dead Hajjis
*[[Pulse_Nightclub_Massacre|Faggots in denial]]
*<s>Human rights violations</s> It is also human right too, you fucking [[libtards]]!!
*Afghan terrorism

==How to Troll an Afghan==

Because of the emergence of Taliban Memer [https://twitter.com/MalangKhostaay Malang Khostay] during 2021 Taliban takeover, and some of the [[alt-right|alt-righters]] even [https://www.thedailybeast.com/generation-zs-alt-right-declares-new-hero-the-taliban praised it], sadly we cannot troll them anymore, so here is some wholesome good shit of the Taliban enjoying stuffs like what normal human being do.
[[File:TalibanIcecream.jpg|center|350px|thumb]]
<center>
{{fv|starvids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>9yqF-sJ4OHA</youtube>|
<youtube>F0necNQSj-8</youtube>|
<youtube>i4zAUo8dycg</youtube>|
}}</center>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Middleeastbeforeandafterdemocracy.jpg
File:Mideastthennow.jpg
File:Moderatemuslim.jpg
File:Afgani woman.jpg
File:99d.png
File:Taliban Kicking US Army.png
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* [[Asia]]
* [[China]]
* [[Iran]]
* [[Islam]]
* [[Pakistan]]
* [[Tajikistan]]
* [[Mujahideen Video]]
*Turkmenistan
*Uzbekistan
* [[Holland]] - their government fell because of Afghanistan debates.
* [[Kyrgyzstan]]
*[[K-pop#The Fans|K-Pop Stans]]

==External Links==
*[https://twitter.com/TalibanPRD_ Twitter account of IEA's Public Relations Department]
*[https://www.alemarahenglish.af/ Official website of Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan]
{{commonwealth}}
{{islam}}
[[Category: Locations]]

Pokémon

2025-10-22T09:29:34Z

HellenicTrapstar:

{{spoilers|Pokemon Z-A are unoptimized and full of bugs and glitches}}
{{spoilers|They're retiring Ash after 25 years, ruining your child hood again}}
[[Image:PokemonGreen.jpg|175px|thumb|right|Remember kids, this once cost money to play]]
[[File:Gardenia vine whip.gif|175px|thumb|right|Leaked Game Freak concept art]]

'''''Pokémon''''' is a horrific multimedia franchise where children [[Slavery|control]] a collection of [[Black people|horribly mutated creatures]] from [[Africa|the underworld]]. It was created [[at least 100]] years ago in the [[Asian|magical]] land of [[Japan]], by [[autism|Satoshi Tajiri]] and his buttbuddies at Game Freak. The cancerous train wreck began its way across Japan in 1996, hitting the rest of the world shortly afterward. It is enjoyed by children, manchildren, housewives, Yakuza, and diseased cripples worldwide.

== [[What]]? ==

[[File:Grand_Theft_Auto_Pokemon.jpeg|thumb|250px|right|It's only a matter of time.]]

Contrary to common belief among [[NORP|those who have sex and go outside]], Pokémon is far more than a TV show based on a cute game 9-year-olds play on their [[Gameboy|Gaymeboys]]. Pokémon can best be described as the cultural equivalent of a [[Cancer|cancerous tumor]], with a [[Hentai|multitude of grasping tenticles slithering their way]] into every form of entertainment known to mankind. If you can think of it, Pokémon has already had [[OVER 9000|500]] official licensed versions of it. These include, but are certainly are not limited to, [[Vidya|video games]], [[Electric Boogaloo|spinoff games]], [[Pokémon Go|mobile games]], [[Animu|cartoons]], [[Electric Jew|live-action TV shows]], [[Porn|movies]], [[Old media|magazines]], [[Comic book fans|comics]], [[Dora the Explorer|children's books]], [[FanFiction|"adult" books]], [[Dinosaur Erotica|''adult'' books]], [[Magic|trading cards]] (see below), [[Plushie|plush toys]], [[Plastic crap|figurines]], [[Shit no one cares about|board games]], [[Camwhore|cameras]], [[Fat|pedometers]], [[Chikins|food]], [[Wetlook|clothing]], [[jewelry]], [[Chair|furniture]], [[I'm so random|cookware]], [[South Park|towels]], [[Minecraft|Legos]], [[Jew|Monopoly]] (not Nintendo's monopolization of the world's [[assburgers]] supply, the actual fucking board game ''Monopoly'' had a Pokémon spinoff. [[Serious business|Seriously]].) and many, many more.

=== Fandom ===

Being so broad and cancerous, chances are even [[you]] played a Pokémon game or watched the anime as a kid while daddy was busy [[Domestic violence|beating the shit out of mommy]]. And while you might have grown out of it around the same time your balls began to drop, some were not so lucky. Many manchildren continue clinging to the franchise well into their 20s and 30s, and are the prime consuming demographic of all the [[plastic crap|shit]] listed above. These unfortunate souls are known as Pokéfags, and they continue to plague the world with their existence and faggotry.

Although not as immediately repugnant as those who [[Sonic|paint their housepets blue]] or [[MLP|fantasize about having sex with horses]], the dedicated "adult" Pokémon fandom is still notable for being a shining beacon of [[Furry|furfaggotry]], [[pedophilia]] and general [[fail]] for [[Basement-dweller|basement-dwelling]] [[Virgin|permavirgins]] everywhere. Pokémon is so [[Cock|large and intrusive]] that its influence is virtually impossible to escape from; its faggotry overlaps with every other gatherings of overweight [[manchildren]] both [[OL]] and [[IRL]]. What's worse, said man-babies insist upon [[Sonichu|mishmashing it with all the other infantile hobbies and interests]] (<s>even</s> ''especially'' porn) they cling to in a desperate attempt to avoid growing up, thus ensuring that wherever you are on the Internet, you are only but a few clicks away from seeing the stretched-out asshole of a purple woodland creature.

Things got so bad that their faggotry clogged up [[/v/]] and forced [[moot]] to open a [[vp|specialized daycare]] just for their sick fetish threads.

Whenever they are not busy masturbating to their favorite [[Jailbait|underage]] Pokégirl being [[Assrape|assraped]] by a [[LOLWUT|3-cocked pastel-colored dragon monstrosity]], [[Faggots|Pokéfags]] can be found online, discussing completely asinine topics such as the exact height and weight of a fictional animal. Do note that few of them actually bother playing the games, which are now universally derided for being crappy and pandering to children. The fact that the franchise has ''always'' been geared towards children rather than balding 30-something "hardcore" fans continues to elude them.

'''Never forget: Pokéfags are pedophiles, furries, or both.'''
{{clear}}

== The critters ==

[[File:Fetish pokemon.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Funny thing is, this is not an inaccurate representation of how Pokémon are designed]]

The central aspect of the franchise are the titular ''Pokémon'' — poorly drawn anime-esque creatures which serve as crude parodies of actual animals. The player is instructed to "''catch 'em all!''" like venereal diseases at a whorehouse, and then force them to battle each other in glorified [[Animal abuse|cockfights]]. Originally there were 151 in total, which even most normal people have some passing familiarity with. Subsequent games gradually increased that number, to the point where there are now [[Over 9000|over 900]] abominations to collect. The Pokémon fandom's predisposition towards [[autism]] is thus easily explained by the fact that being able to actually remember all hundreds of them is either a sign of [[Retarded|mental abnormality]] or literal [[Insane|insanity]].

All Pokémon fall into one of five categories:

* Retextured drawing of a real-world creature.
* [[Furry|Furrybait]].
* Inanimate object given anime eyes.
* Nonsensical heap of shapes and colors.
* Dragon designed by an 8-year-old on coke.

Notably, in a grotesque display of vulgar blasphemy by Pokémon's [[azn]] developers, several Pokémon are described as [[Insane|literal gods of the world they inhabit]]. The theological remifications of this, along with questions of Pokémon sentience, their exact relation to humans, the presence of real-world animals and the morality of pitching them against each other in brutal fights to the death remain unaddressed by Game Freak. Rest assured, though, that all of these are [[Shit no one cares about|hotly contested issues]] in the Pokémon fandom.

As the number of Pokémon increased, so did the creative bankruptcy of the artists. As each new game release requires the addition of a few dozen more of the fuckers, Game Freak have grown visibly desperate in trying to come up with new ideas. New Pokémon designs have paradoxically grown both lazy and overly elaborate, with many ideas being recycled from older Generations for good measure. Unsurprisingly, virtually no Pokémon introduced after Generation III has had any sort of recognition outside the dedicated fandom.

=== Noteworthy Pokémon ===

{{quote|Not only is Gardevoir a formidable force on the battlefield, she is tremendously hot and is absolute eye candy. I adore her breasts, they are of perfect shape, just to be groped. I also just love her animations and her design; every time I lay my eyes on her, I am in shock. I think to myself "Game Freak did a stellar job of designing her". As mentioned by previous commenters, her animations are wonderful. If only they were real, it would be such a blessing for this realm. But for now, Gardevoir can only linger in our imaginations.|[[You|A virgin]]}}

A very partial list of "noteworthy" Pokémon includes:

* '''[[Pikaman|Pikachu]]''' - The infamous yellow [[rat]] whose marketable face is plastered all over the franchise.
* '''[[Charizard]]''' - Everyone's childhood favorite (unless you're [[Blastoise|lame]]).
* '''[[Metapod]]''' - Vaguely [[penis]]-shaped Pokémon whose only move is Harden.
* '''[[Cloyster]]''' - A Pokémon literally shaped like the [[Vagina|female reproductive organ]].
* '''Pidgey''' - The shiny variation is known to [[Shiny Pidgey|cause break-ups]].
* '''[[Hypno]]''' - The brainwashing-Jew Pokémon.
* '''Mr. Mime''' - An unnervingly [[ICP|human-like clown creature]] known to give children nightmares.
* '''Jinx''' - Literal [[nigger]] whose canon skincolor has been the source of much [[butthurt]].
* '''Magikarp''' - It's a fish out of water, and is about as useful as in reality.
* '''[[Ditto]]''' - A shapeshifter with limitless pornographic potential.
* '''Eevee''' - Cartoon fox notable for [[Shit no one cares about|being able to evolve into almost every type]].
** '''Vaporeon''' - Water Eevee. Lusted after by every [[sick fuck]] on the planet.
** '''Sylveon''' - Fairy Eevee. What if Vaporeon, but even [[Gay|gayer]]?
* '''[[Snorlax]]''' - If [[your mom]] were a Pokémon.
* '''[[Lucario]]''' - Furrybait built like a [[Twink|teenage boy on estrogen]].
* '''[[Mewtwo]]''' - [[Lie|Epic and mysterious]], this creature is to Lucario what precum is to cum.
* '''Miltank''' - A [[Cum|milk]]-spewing cow. The rest is left to [[You|the reader]]'s depraved imagination.
* '''[[Lugia]]''' - Perhaps one of the most inexplicable targets for furfaggotry in the franchise.
* '''[[Mudkip]]''' - [[So i herd u liek mudkip|So i herd u liek mudkip?]]
* '''[[Gardevoir]]''' - Many lonely nights have been spent by pathetic virgins [[fapping]] to this.
* '''[[Jew|Nosepass]]''' - A Pokémon so ugly, not even the most dedicated Pokéfan managed to fap to it (not for the lack of trying).
* '''[[Aggron]]''' - Best Pokémon, bar none.
* '''Latias''' - This weird airplane-shaped monstrosity turns into a human girl in the manga. Naturally, people now masturbate to the original form.
* '''[[Lopunny]]''' - A creature scientifically engineered to turn innocent children into furries. Lola Bunny, basically.
* '''[[Garchomp]]''' - Infamously overpowered, and accordingly overused.
* '''Arceus''' - [[God]]. Literally.
* '''Genesect''' - They literally shaped a Pokémon after a car's headlights.
* '''[[Braixen]]''' - A fox lady; one of the most blatant examples of furry-baiting to have come from Game Freak.
* '''[[Zoroark]]''' - What if Braixen, but [[emo]]?
* '''[[Salazzle]]''' - The furbaiting stops being subtle. A "sexy" lizard that enchants its opponents using pheromones.
* '''Sinistea''' - It's a [[Fail|motherfucking teacup]].
* '''[[Slowpoke]]''' - Wait, what's a ''Pokémon''?
* '''[[It's a Kirby, Retard|Kirby]]''' - It's a Kirby, retard.

For even [[Moar|more]] retarded fantasy creatures, check out the [[Template:Pokedex|ED Pokédex]]. Or better yet, don't.

== The games ==

[[File:Bestkorea.jpg|thumb|245px|right|If only it were this awesome]]

[[File:Pokemon SJW Cringe.png|200px|thumb|right|You also gotta choose between '''two''' genders!]]

Despite all the hype surrounding them, Pokémon games are known to be boring, slow and irredeemably formulaic. The player walks around the overworld (called a ''region'' by pedantic faggots), sifting through tall grass in the hopes of being [[rape|assaulted]] by a [[Nigger|wild]] Pokémon, giving the player a chance to trap the poor animal in a little plastic cage called a [[Balls|Poké Ball]]. Occasionally they come across another person (usually [[Pedophile|much older]] than the player character, but occasionally even fucking [[Baby|toddlers]]) who figured out how to capture wildlife for shits and giggles, and a [[Boring|turn-based]] [[Animal abuse|Pokémon battle]] commences.

Despite existing for over a [[At least 100|quarter of a century]], this basic overview never changes. In every game the player's basic goal is to [[rape|catch Pokémon]], [[steal|collect eight Gym Badges]], [[pwn|defeat]] an evil team, and finally beat the [[boring|Elite Four]] and [[faggot|Champion]] of the region. To compensate for their blandness, most games will also contain some pointless gimmick such as diving underwater, farming, Pokémon Contests, massive cockfighting complexes and of course more goddamn Pokémon to catch.

Each Pokémon is categorized into a [[special]] ''Type'', such as Fire, Water, Grass, Electric, Dark and Psychic. Each Type has a disadvantage or advantage over another, although every dumbass kid just uses [[Mary Sue|Dragon]]-types, which ruins the entire sense of balance.

As for actual game strategy, it's pretty simple:

# [[Runescape|Grind]] your Pokémon to a really high level
# Initiate battle
# Mash the A button

And that's it. No really, I'm not joshin' you, that's all you have to do. After a certain point, Type advantages don't even matter because you can just one-hit everything. If you relish in repetitive bullshit, then Pokémon is the series for you.

Each series of games is collectively divided into "Generations," a term that is never used by Game Freak themselves but nobody cares. To date, our planet has been cursed with nine Generations of Pokémon. Pokéfags refer to this as the [[goatse|"core"]] series. Since its genesis, Pokémon has always released not one but two versions at a time. This is solely for Game Freak to suck out more cash from what should have been just one game. Both versions contain only pointless differences that make little to no real impact on gameplay, but thanks to Game Freak's marketing propaganda they've managed to bullshit consumers into believing the difference between both versions is akin to night and day.
{{clear}}

<div align="center" style="font-weight:bold;font-size:larger;margin: 1em 0 0.5em 0;";>Jesus Christ, how many more do we need?</div>
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<td>[[File:Pikachu-gen1.png|center]]</td>
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<td>[[File:Pikachu-gen2.png|center]]</td>
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<td>[[File:Pikachu-gen3.png|center]]</td>
<td></td>
<td>[[File:Pikachu-gen4.png|center]]</td>
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<td>[[File:Pikachu-gen5.png|center]]</td>
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<td>[[File:Pikachu-gen6-and-beyond.png|center]]</td>
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<td>[[File:Pikachu-gen6-and-beyond.png|center]]</td>
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<td>[[File:Pikachu-gen6-and-beyond.png|center]]</td>
<td></td>
<td>[[File:Pikachu-gen6-and-beyond.png|center]]</td>
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<td>[[File:Sonichu-pixelart.png|center]]</td>
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<td><div id="PokeGenLink1" class="morphlink showhidetext" data-correspondingcontent="PokeGenContent1">Gen I</div></td>
<td> • </td>
<td><div id="PokeGenLink2" class="morphlink showhidetext" data-correspondingcontent="PokeGenContent2">Gen II</div></td>
<td> • </td>
<td><div id="PokeGenLink3" class="morphlink showhidetext" data-correspondingcontent="PokeGenContent3">Gen III</div></td>
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<td><div id="PokeGenLink4" class="morphlink showhidetext" data-correspondingcontent="PokeGenContent4">Gen IV</div></td>
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<td><div id="PokeGenLink5" class="morphlink showhidetext" data-correspondingcontent="PokeGenContent5">Gen V</div></td>
<td> • </td>
<td><div id="PokeGenLink6" class="morphlink showhidetext" data-correspondingcontent="PokeGenContent6">Gen VI</div></td>
<td> • </td>
<td><div id="PokeGenLink7" class="morphlink showhidetext" data-correspondingcontent="PokeGenContent7">Gen VII</div></td>
<td> • </td>
<td><div id="PokeGenLink8" class="morphlink showhidetext" data-correspondingcontent="PokeGenContent8">Gen VIII</div></td>
<td> • </td>
<td><div id="PokeGenLink9" class="morphlink showhidetext" data-correspondingcontent="PokeGenContent9">Gen IX</div></td>
<td> • </td>
<td><div id="PokeGenLink9" class="morphlink showhidetext" data-correspondingcontent="PokeGenContent10">Spinoffs</div></td>
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<div align="center" style="font-weight:bold;font-size:large;padding:1em 0 1em 0;">Generation I</div>
<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>[[Baby|''Red'', ''Green'', ''Blue'' and ''Yellow'']]</div>
[[File:Missingno_sex.jpg|thumb|left|A special encounter from ''Pokémon Red'']]

The original games are festering pieces of shit only worshiped by manchildren who played them when they were young. Glitch-ridden, generic, and downright ugly, ''Pokémon Red'' and ''Green'' were first released in [[Japan]] for the ailing [[Game Boy]]. There are [[at least 100|150 Pokémon]] to catch, being divided up between both versions for sake of <s>variety</s> money making. Luckily, not everyone was convinced.

People criticized the awful graphics and lack of bug control to the point where Game Freak had to make an improved version: ''Pokémon Blue'', which sold well despite being only marginally better than the previous two.

The games are simple: Choose between Bulbasaur, Charmander or Squirtle to begin you craptastic adventure catching all 150 Pokémon and beating Gym Leaders for shiny little Badges that allow you to brainwash your Pokémon into obeying you. You are also met with your rival, totally not called [[Gary Oak]]. Along the way you run into Team Rocket, a shoddy Yakuza ripoff that partakes in doing petty crimes like abusing and raping Pokémon for [[profit]]. After catching more Pokémon and defeating all the Gyms you then get to plunder the Elite Four and the Champion. Spoiler, it's your Bieber-haired rival.

The games feature almost no post-game of which to speak, really. The only thing to do after defeating the Champion is to catch Mewtwo, which is no challenge at all if you did not waste your one allotted Master Ball.

After the Pokémon <s>anime</s> cartoon was released to much fervor, yet another fucking version was made: [[piss|''Pokémon Yellow'']]. This was simply a poorly modified version of ''Red'' and ''Blue'' that gave you Pikachu as a starter Pokémon instead of the original trio. And no, you can't evolve it into a Raichu.

Another piece of shit game that the kiddies bought up in spades. It was now apparent that Pokémon was here to stay. In all these games there's a secret 151st Pokémon called Mew. You can't catch the fucker through normal means, rendering it to be the ultimate snipe hunt for losers worldwide.

There is also Missingno, which is just a stupid data placeholder that shows up via a glitch that autistic people worship because it looks stupid and acts retarded. The fact you can run into this thing during normal gameplay is proof that these games are among the worst in regards to programming.
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<div align="center" style="font-weight:bold;font-size:large;padding:1em 0 1em 0;">Generation II</div>
<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>[[Jew Gold|''Gold'', ''Silver'']] and [[Krystal|''Crystal'']]</div>

{{notice|Fun fact: Johto's Day Care, where Pokémon breed, is located on [[I See What You Did There|Route 34]]. Oh [[Japan]]~!}}

[[File:Pokemon Daycare in a nutshell.png|125px|left|thumb|Pokémon Day Care lol]]
[[Image:Crystalpokemon.jpg|thumb|So colorful and amazing!]]

Quite literally exact copies of the original games, only it takes place a couple years after the events of ''Red'', ''Blue'' and ''Yellow'' and the trio of games is listed under Generation II. Thank God this game's programming isn't nearly as shitty as the originals, but, like the original games, you're a 10-year-old boy located in another region called [[Hiroshima|Johto]], with pretty much the same plot as the previous Generation.

Generation II features [[MS Paint|rearranged cities]], the [[Lie|infamous Misty skinny-dipping cut scene]] and a bunch of new Pokémon such as [[Troll|Pikablu]], [[Abortion|Togepi]], [[Orly|Hoothoot]] and [[moar]] PokéGods like [[ho|Ho-Oh]] and [[Martini-chan|Suicune]], racking the Pokémon count up to 251. These games also introduced the gimmicks of Pokémon [[secks|breeding]] and sexes, which makes all of the Pokémon-on-Pokémon [[Rule 34]] ever conceived technically [[canon]], a day and night cycle (a feature which wouldn't be seen again until Generation IV) and a "badass" rival who hates Team Rocket because his dad was defeated by a 10-year-old boy.

''Crystal'' introduced the concept of a [[No girls on the internet|female character]], [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|animated sprites]], [[Nigger|Suicune]] [[bestiality|taking a liking to the player and has a bigger role in the game]] [[stalker|so follows him/her around]] and introduces a new character called [[batshit insane|Eusine]] who wants Suicune to suck his dick and eventually tells the player to also catch Raikou and Entei so you can catch Ho-Oh for [[orgy|some reason]]. Basically trivial shit that makes it no better than the two games before it.

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<div align="center" style="font-weight:bold;font-size:large;padding:1em 0 1em 0;">Generation III</div>
<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>[[Global Warming|''Ruby'', ''Sapphire'' and ''Emerald'']]</div>

[[Image:drought.jpg|200px|thumb|right|We gotta save dah world!]]
Pokémon has now entered Generation III of brainwashing children. ''Ruby'' and ''Sapphire'' have the same rotten plot as previous games, where you buttfuck [[Whore|Gym Leaders]] across the [[whore|Hoenn]] region for their [[STI|Badges]] to take on the Elite Four. Because the games are in a new location, it also naturally features "new" villains, [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Team Aqua]] and [[Smegma|Team Magma]], two blatant Rocket reskins who [[facepalm|really believe in destroying the planet to make it better]]. Team Aqua wishes to drown the world with the aid of a Legendary Pokémon called Kyogre, while Team Magma wishes to turn the world into a desert with the help of Groudon, Kyogre's transsexual butt-buddy.

Once again, both versions relish in useless differences that only OCD patients would give two shits about, such as version-exclusive Pokémon and which team of fuckbags you meet.

The games introduced another shitty set of gimmicks. You could use a new move, Dive, to go [[water|under the sea]] and somehow not drown, unfortunately. Pokémon Contests were also introduced which serve as dick-waving shows for your Pokémon. Sadly, these games were not compatible with previous series installments, which meant that you couldn't transfer your steroidal Mewtwo over from ''Red'' or ''Blue'' just to get the game over with quicker. Fans forgot to be butthurt upon discovering the joy that is [[Gardevoir]], and to a lesser extent, [[Loli|Kirlia]].

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>[[Copypasta|''FireRed'' and ''LeafGreen'']]</div>

Basically Pokémon Red and <s>Blue</s> Green for babies. These games are the same thing as the [[90s]] originals, but with ''Ruby'', ''Sapphire'' and ''Emerald's'' [[MS Paint|improved graphics]] and music, some new islands full of [[Muslims]] and [[Lame|traded Pokémon which aren't in the original 151 can't evolve until you defeat the Elite Four]]. You can catch Mew, but now with an event-exclusive item that was only distributed at special Nintendo events. Good job, Game Freak.

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<div align="center" style="font-weight:bold;font-size:large;padding:1em 0 1em 0;">Generation IV</div>
<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>[[Jewelry|''Diamond'', ''Pearl'']] and [[Ass|''Platinum'']]</div>

[[File:Cyrus.jpg|200px|thumb|right|This guy will kill us all! We gotta save dah world again!]]

The gameplay of ''Diamond'', ''Pearl'' and ''Platinum'' is the exact fucking same as every other game in the series. The only main departure is the bad guys. Whereas ''Red'' and ''Blue'' featured an inept crime syndicate, Generation IV has Team Galactic, a fucking doomsday cult led by a friendless faggot who wants to be [[God]].

More new Pokémon, more gimmicks (digging underground for [[shit|Fossils]]), more 10-year-old children to play as and more money for Game Freak. Game Freak has now disproved Walt Disney on the quote "You can't top pigs with pigs." Game Freak has topped pigs with pigs, rats, metal plates, penguins, monkeys and everything else imaginable. [[fact|The games also introduced a type of pseudo-3D overview that simply shows that Game Freak's staff composes of lazy shits who will put in as little effort as possible in a series that's seemingly guaranteed to make lots of money.]]

Also, [[Rule 34|Cynthia and Dawn]] were introduced in these games to the delight of perverts and hardcore Pokéfags everywhere.

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>[[Nostalgia|''HeartGold'' and ''SoulSilver'']]</div>

[[Last Thursday]], after many rumors were circulated on the tubes, Nintendo confirmed that there would indeed be remakes of the [[shit|hit]] games [[Gold|''Gold'' and ''Silver'']] for the [[DS]]. The games have features such as [[Stalker|letting any of your Pokémon follow you around]], a [[Goatse|wide variety]] of Generation II Pokémon and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|pseudo-3D graphics]].

Basically, the new games are just a giant clusterfuck of [[fail]] produced from merging half of the old games together and adding [[shit nobody cares about|useless features]] such as the [[Olympics|Pokéathlon]], [[Plastic Crap|Pokéwalker]] and the [[nobody cares|Spiky-eared Pichu]]. However, as soon as this piece of news was released on the Internet, [[Nostalgia|nostalgiafags]] everywhere creamed their pants. The only thing of relevance to come out of these games is the scene where the rival rapes you in Goldenrod City and leaves what's left of your semen-filled anus for Team Rocket. Deee-licious monies for Game Freak ensued.

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<div align="center" style="font-weight:bold;font-size:large;padding:1em 0 1em 0;">Generation V</div>

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>[[Nigger|''Black'']] and [[Cracker|''White'']]</div>

[[Image:Hilder.jpg|200px|thumb|right|[[Fat|It is based after the U.S. after all]]]]

The fifth slew of Pokémon games were released in [[2011]], the year shit broke loose. It is the <s>first one [[bullshit|with real 3-D graphics]]</s> DISREGARD THAT, IT'S JUST THE SAME PSEUDO-3D SHIT AGAIN and the Pokémon professor, [[whore|Professor Juniper]] is an [[cougar|older woman]] who will attempt to [[rape]] you once you complete the whole fucking Pokédex, which means that you have to catch all 649 Pokémon in order for her to accomplish this. SIX HUNDRED AND FUCKING FORTY-NINE.

Instead of playing as a 10-year-old brat, you now play as a [[Barely Legal|16-year-old brat]]. Instead of playing in a region based on Japan, you play in a region based on [[Amerifat|Jew York]]. Unova is complete trash anyway, but [[Reddit]] and [[YouTube|JewTube]] will try to preach and polish the shitty turd of a game it is by saying it was the peak of the franchise. Instead of catching Mewtwo, you catch [[Shit nobody cares about|Zekrom]] or [[JustinRPG|Reshiram]]. Instead of fighting doomsday freaks, you fight [[PETA|Team Plasma]].

Team Plasma, much like PETA, are just a bunch of retards because they apparently think the best way to free Pokémon is to enslave more of them and kill anyone who disagrees. Their "leader" is some green-haired fucker named N(igger) Harmonia Gropius (great last name by the way), who was <s>raped and</s> brainwashed as a kid into believing this shit by the [[Cliche|TRUE leader]] of Team Plasma named [[Pedophile|Ghetsis]]. [[Albert Einstein|Fucking genius.]] And instead of playing for <s>fun</s> [[Disregard That|DISREGARD THAT,]] [[Truth|POKÉMON IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE ABOUT GRINDING AND EV TRAINING SO THAT YOUR CHARIZARD MAY BE]] [[1337]], you're playing this shit out of religious vows to Game Freak's staff.

This game is also programmed by [[enemies of the lulz]], and possibly Jews. You can't name any of your Pokémon [[9/11]] or [[Hitler]] unless you use the AR code, or anything lulz-y for that matter such as being unable to name your Pokémon "Death" in Japanese (Shinu). Want more? Hack the game's ROM and look up its shittily written text data and see for yourself. Oh, and you can't swear or use any sexual references. Further proof that this game is fucked up as hell.
The shitfaces at Game Freak and Nintendo have fucked it up enough to the point where you can't even trade Pokémon like Frosl'''ass''' and Co'''fag'''rigus because they're fucking manchildren in the society who dub the [[No Cussing Club]] legit. Oh Game Freak and Nintendo, you unfunny band of [[Vagoo|pussies]].

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>[[Nigger|''Black'']] [[Sequel|''2'']] and [[Cracker|''White'']] [[Sequel|''2'']]</div>

The most pointless sequel ever. ''Black 2'' and ''White 2'' were just placeholders so that Game Freak could work on their next abomination, ''Pokémon X'' and ''Y''. This is almost the same shit, no srsly, even the two Legendary Pokémon in the game are recolors, the music has shitty, unnecessary remixes and you might as well [[An hero|kill yourself]] for having purchased this.

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<div align="center" style="font-weight:bold;font-size:large;padding:1em 0 1em 0;">Generation VI</div>

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>[[x/|''X'']] and [[Why|''Y'']]</div>

[[Image:threedee.jpg|225px|thumb|right|Pokémon in 3D...yep]]

The same boring routine of beat up eight Gym Leaders and take on the Elite Four, except this time there is little to do in the post-game besides capture Mewtwo, which Game Freak only put in the game to please ''Red'' and ''Blue'' fags.

The games are far easier compared to previous Pokémon games, with the new and improved Exp. Share and Mega Stones that you're given very early in the game making it so easy and casual that even a brain dead 3-year-old kid could beat this crappy game blindfolded.

Everything is also rendered in 3D; not good 3D, not brick-shittingly amazing 3D, just plain old laggy 3D you'd find when playing an N64 game. Now you have only seventy new Pokémon and some shit called [[Dragon Ball Z|Mega Evolution]] which enables certain Pokémon to go Super Saiyan. The world of ''X'' and ''Y'' is based off the exciting country of [[France]], proving even Game Freak has given up at this point.

As a first, you can now finally customise your character by changing their skin colour and clothes, but not body type, resulting in many [[whales]] blowing up a storm on the internet. However, you can't take off your hat for some reason because Game Freak hates you and only wants your money so they can fund the next half arsed Pokémon game.

Because of Nintendo's shitty region lock on the 3DS, and all the potential money that Nintendo of not-Japan lost by weeaboos and other Japanfags buying the Japanese version instead of their own region's version, this Generation of Pokémon was the first to be released worldwide and in multiple languages at the same time. Now you can enjoy playing the same fucking game for the 26th time in one of either six of the world's worst languages, like [[Korea|Korean]] and [[English]] for example.

Lastly, the [[No Cussing Club]] inspired censor from the previous games came back in ''X'' and ''Y'', and will probably be that way for the rest of the series. Nyo ho!!!

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>[[Alpha & Omega|''Omega Ruby'' and ''Alpha Sapphire'']]</div>

This latest remake has the same ugly graphics as the previous 3D games. This game introduces Primal Groudon and Primal Kyogre, who both, along with Mega Rayquaza, make Arceus and Mewtwo look like complete trash. [http://nintendonews.com/2014/11/debut-pokemon-oras-sales/ Despite being the worst games in theory, they are on track to becoming some of the best-selling Pokémon games of all time.]

[[BAWWW|Nope, no Battle Frontier because it r b too hard 4 kiddies. Suck it, losers.]]

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<div align="center" style="font-weight:bold;font-size:large;padding:1em 0 1em 0;">Generation VII</div>

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>[[Sun_Microsystems|''Sun'']] and [[Moon Man|''Moon'']]</div>

[[Image:Sun_and_moon_2.png|200px|thumb|left|Seriously, it's the same fucking game all over again]]
[[File:salazzle lava.png|200px|thumb|right|[[Scaly|People jerk off to the reptile]]]]
[[File:Sun and Moon Trans.png|175px|thumb|left|Fuck off]]
[[File:Pokeslav.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The big bad of this new Generation happens to be a Slav.]]

[[Shit no one cares about|The first Generation to come translated in both Simplified and Mandarin Chinese.]] ''Sun'' and ''Moon'' came out as Game Freak's latest farts [[Lie|exclusive to the New 3DS]] and are based on [[Hawaii]].

In these games, taking a page from ''X'' and ''Y'', you can now change into more clothes and now have the option to take off your [[Fedora|hat]]. Taking another page from the past Generation is that now you have the chance to finally play as a [[nigger]] going around and raping Alolan prostitutes in the game's largest city... or you can dress as a skimpy [[Caucasian]] tramp if you chose to play as a female (which you will undoubtfully do).

''Sun'' and ''Moon'' also introduces local variants of Generation I Pokémon, Samson Oak and Red and Green coming out as a gay couple, because Game Freak is now following the trend of banking on [[nostalgia]] to maximise profits from [[Millenials]] working at their local [[Walmart]] or [[McDonald's]] instead of creating more new monsters to catch for the [[Generation Z|younger generation]]. It worked with ''X'' and ''Y'', so why not play it safe like every single entertainment company nowadays?

Despite being toted as "something new," ''Sun'' and ''Moon'' retains the same formula as its predecessors. Instead of Badges, you get Z-Crystals, and instead of beating the Champion, you become the Champion and still have to fight specialized Trainers. Gee, how original. As with every other Generation, this one introduced the designated furry bait Pokémon, [[Salazzle]].

These games are also plagued by long, boring, unskippable cutscenes and general shortness. Many tout the games as significantly harder, but this is false, as anyone with a double-digit IQ can train a [[Furry|Primarina]] and beat the game with her alone. The only positive aspect to this horrendous game is that HM's are now replaced by Poké Rides, meaning that you no longer need HM Slaves to fill up your six slots.

The storyline's also subpar and it's rife with clichés and reeks of "Ohana" or whatever these coconut niggers say. Also, [[Whore|Lusamine]], the main antagonist, [[Tentacle Rape|turns into an abomination]] that you later beat since the story is not worth building up for. Too bad you can't kill her though, since it would make this game much more enjoyable.

And to top it all off, in ''Pokémon Sun'' and ''Moon'' you get to encounter Ultra Beasts, which are basically ripoffs of the Angels from ''[[Neon Genesis Evangelion]]''. In fact, these motherfuckers break the damn game since they're all overpowered as all hell. Sooner or later though they will be someone's furry waifu; as seen in Nihilego, a [[loli]] jellyfish and [[Bimbo|Pheromosa]], a cockroach that can sexually attract any Pokémon and human.

You also now have to pay real world money just to transfer Pokémon from past games, with an annual fee, no less. Fantards defend this blatant scam by saying, "At least it's so cheap!" Five dollars annually to host KBs of data on their server. [[Hacking|Totally worth it.]]

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>[[Lazy|''Ultra Sun'' and ''Ultra Moon'']]</div>

No longer able to wait to remake their shit, Game Freak released ''Pokémon Ultra Cash'' and ''Pokémon Ultra Grab''. These are nothing more than an alternate reality of ''Sun'' and ''Moon'' for the the now flat-lined 3DS. Not the New 3DS, but the same old 3DS released back in [[2011]]. The games are practically identical to ''Sun'' and ''Moon'', to the point where one can't help but ask if Game Freak are actively trolling their own customer base.

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>''Let's Go, [[Pikachu]]!'' and ''Let's Go, [[Furry|Eevee]]!''</div>

Ever willing to go back to their own crime scene, Game Freak decided to rehash Generation I '''again'''. ''Pokémon: Let's Go, Pikachu!'' are [[Nintendo Switch]] games specifically designed for [[Normie|normies who play ''Pokémon GO'']], overly-nostalgic [[Millennials|Millennial faggots]], and 9-year-old aspie children who want to play Pokémon for the first time.

Due to this reason, it only includes the first 151 Pokémons, a bunch of features were removed so even the lowest functioning [[autist]] can play it, and trading can only be done between ''[[Pokémon GO]]''.

Catching Pokémon is done via motion controls (aka. shaking the console or the [[Dildo|Joy-Con]]), which will more than likely cause a lot of [[Fail|broken Switches and television sets]]. It also comes with a worthless plastic Poké Ball, which is good for breaking your TV after accidentally throwing it at the screen to catch another Rattata.

The game also adds two new Pokémon. Meltan, who is a spot of sentient [[cum|jizz]] with a gear for its head, and its evolution Melmetal, who basically looks like a mentally retarded [[Transformers|Transformer]], with the [[Lazy|exact same fucking gear as its head.]]

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<div align="center" style="font-weight:bold;font-size:large;padding:1em 0 1em 0;">Generation VIII</div>

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>''Pokémon [[Sword]]'' and ''[[ShieldsUp|Shield]]''</div>

[[File:PokemonSwordShieldgraphics.jpg|200px|thumb|right|No, this isn't an image of a tree you'd find in Hyrule Field in the N64 game ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.]]

''Pokémon Sword'' and ''Pokémon Shield'' were the brand new games in 2019, and the first games of Generation VIII. The new region in this game is Galar, which is based on none other than the [[No|loveable]] land of [[United Kingdom|Britain]].

The brand new starters include [[playboy|Scorbunny]], a Fire rabbit who immediately got yiffed to death by [[Furry|furfags]], [[Lizard Squad|Sobble]], a pussy Water lizard who just keeps crying, and [[Monkeydonia|Grookey]], a hyperactive Grass monkey who bangs a fucking stick all the time. The Legendary Pokémon are literally two wolves who look extremely uninspired, and are called Zacian and Zamazenta. The brand new feature in this game is Dynamaxing, which for three turns makes your Pokémon large, and will get really popular with macrofag Poképhiles who wanna see a giantess Gardevoir wrecking the opponent's asshole.

They also included tons of whores to please the [[virgins|fanbase]]. Some smart-ass called Sonia. A sandnigger slut called Nessa. Some underage goth girl named Marnie made to appleal to kiddie diddlers. One designed to appeal to [[foot fetish]] crowd called Bea, and finally a girl with [[inflation|inflated breasts]] called Melony. All got a fuck-ton of Rule 34.

The game has already caused a massive controversy with the Japs at Game Freak not including every Pokémon in the game, and only letting you transfer ones that are in the Galar Pokédex. Cue incels raging because they can't have their [[Lopunny]] in the game. It turns out developers just wanted the game to improve.

Actually it was a lie all along. It turns out everything was reused from the last five fucking games. The Pokémon models are the exact same with shitty animations. The trees look like they're from the [[Nintendo 64|N64]]. The game looks like complete shit. Pokéfags were enraged at the [[azns]] for putting no effort into their shitty game in a series shit to begin with. The [[manchildren]] started protesting everywhere, being outraged at everything related to Pokémon.

When the game came out they want bought it anyways as they couldn't live without their [[Addiction|Pokéfix]]. For the first time ever, everyone realized Pokémon was shit all along (though most would buy Pokémon even if the entire game was a void). The game however broke record sales to become the fastest and second best-selling game in the whole shithole known as Pokémon. Proving that going insane over a shitty game is useless.

Game Freak now added DLC to sell removed content back to you. You don't need the DLC to receive the formerly removed Pokémon in a trade, but no one is willing to trade for base game Pokémon. For the DLC itself, it's laughably bad. A new N64 adventure awaits you, where you can catch 151 Diglett and go to one of those two fancy towers whose sole purpose is to train the ugly little Legendary. Following Pokémon make a comeback, but they only work in the DLC area AND the following is all fucked up. Pokémon will often get stuck behind trees or move so slowly that they disappear from view once you get far enough only to pop in right behind you. But we can't keep laughing at this, Game Freak is a small indie company, after all.

Don't worry folks, get your wallets out and ready as they have "one more" $40 DLC for you to buy, where you'll get a even shittier-looking Legendary.

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>''Pokémon [[I have a 140 I.Q|Brilliant Diamond]]'' and ''[[Shining knight syndrome|Shining Pearl]]''</div>

[[File:BrilliantDiamondShiningPearlcharacters.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Dawn = [[BLACKED]]]]

THE SAME GAME! Now with ugly-ass chibi graphics reminiscent of the widely-panned 2019 remake of ''The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening'' on the [[Nintendo Switch|Switch]]. The game is being developed by another developer, as Game Freak doesn't even try anymore.

The graphics pissed off fans, as they couldn't have their [[shit|''Sword'' and ''Shield'' graphics]] that they already hated, so they can look up Dawn's skirt with the camera.

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>''Pokémon Legends: Arceus''</div>

An open world Pokémon game, something that fans have been wanting since they were little kids playing Pokémon.

The game takes place [[At least 100|300]] years ago where the world was better as know one knew what the fuck a Pokémon was. Then some one came with some creatures and tells some loser "Hey I'm to lazy to find all those motherfuckers, so find them yourself." So now you explore an empty open world were you can catch Pokémon and nothing else.

The game rips off ''[[Capcom|Monster Hunter]]'' with its catch mechanics, making you have have [[Dark Souls|dodge attacks]] to catch bigger Pokémon.

It's Game Freak back at it again with being lazy. The frame-rates are dogshit, and the graphics look like a [[Dreamcast]] game, so it's that much better right? WRONG!

</div>

<div style="padding:1em;border: 2px solid #000;background-color:#fffdf4;align-self:center;margin-left:auto;margin-right:auto;margin-bottom:2em;width:90%;overflow:auto;" class="morphcontent PokeGenContent9 hiddentext">

<div align="center" style="font-weight:bold;font-size:large;padding:1em 0 1em 0;">Generation IX</div>

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>''Pokémon [[Scarlet]]'' and ''[[Violet Blue|Violet]]''</div>
[[File:IXstarters.png|200px|thumb|right|"Nice Fakémon... wait, these are official designs?"]]

''Pokémon Scarlet'' and ''Violet'' are the new games that were shat out in 2022. Like previous generations, the general theme of the games is based around a real world location, this time going with a nonsensical [[Stereotype|amalgamation]] of [[Spain]] and [[Mexico|every Latin American country in existence]]. Game Freak have decided to [[LARP]] as the [[Spics|lazy beaners]] they depict, releasing the games in a blatantly unfinished state then [[Brb, soup|fucking off to take a siesta]]. The result is the most [[FAIL|boring and broken]] Pokémon generation to date.

After ''Pokémon Legends: Arceus'' demonstrated Game Freak are perfectly capable of making a shittier version of ''[[Capcom|Monster Hunter]]'', the company set their sights on ripping off ''[[Breath of the Wild]]''. The result is ''Scarlet'' and ''Violent'', the first true [[GTA|open world]] Pokémon games. Wherein previous generations had the player linearly progress from one walled off playpen to the next, now you can explore an [[Bethesda Softworks|empty open world]] and [[Shit no one cares about|beat the Gym Leaders in any order you wish]]. Don't get too excited, though; ''Scarlet'' and ''Violet'' still dance to the same repetitive tune as all previous Pokémon games. Many [[Garbage|features]] from previous generations have been taken out or oversimplified for good measure, presumably to even out the innovation and avoid giving the neophobic turboautist fans a [[Mindfuck|brain aneurysm]].

The games of course come with a new batch of underwhelming Pokémon, including - yet ''again'' - more "updates" to older ones. The most notable new gameplay feature (other than commuting to your next objective through a boring field) is a [[rip-off|mechanic]] called [[unoriginal|Terastal]] Pokémon. Like all previous "special" "new" mechanics, it's a transformation you can use once during a battle, giving your Pokémon an [[Team Fortress 2|ugly hat made from shiny crap]], which temporarily changes its Type. Yes, that's it. That's all it does.

Unlike past games, each game has its own professor. ''Scarlet'' has [[Alpha Male|Turo]], a nice guy that faggots want to fuck. ''Violet'' has [[cosplay|Tura]], a slutty-dressing professor, something which fans of the series [[fetish|love to fantasize about]], and who has already gained a [[Porn|following online]].

Despite being a major selling point, the new open world is a [[Russia|desolated, monotonous slog]]. There is nothing to [[Rape|explore]] and no [[Jew Gold|secrets]] to find other than [[OVER 9000|ten thousand]] healing items mindlessly scattered about every [[Tits|hill]], [[Balls|rock]], [[Cock|tree]] and [[Vagina|river]]. All the towns look like poor imitations of [[Korea|Korean]] [[MMORPG]] cities from circa 2006 (with [[Minecraft|matching levels of graphical fidelity]]). To really seal the deal, the game itself is riddled with bugs and graphical glitches, with models becoming deformed even during cutscenes, music incorrectly looping, color/lighting issues, bottlenecked CPU when loading areas, and a whole host of other issues.

Even with [[PS1]]-era graphics, the games are shockingly unoptimized, leading to loads of [[lag|slow down]] and framerate problems. Character models move in-game at [[fail|2 frame per second]], making everyone look like an [[GIF|animated GIF]]. The pop-in is atrocious, as things suddenly appear from distance while Pokémon randomly pop into the ground for the player to immediately catch without having to find it.

And wouldn't you know it, it became the fastest selling Nintendo game of all time, because [[This is why we can't have nice things|fuck standards]].

Are there any good news? In fact, yes! Apparently Nintendo are more embarrassed with this game than they were with ''Sword'' and ''Shield'' so they are actually issuing refunds. Game Freak, when even Nintendo can't stand your shit, you know you done fucked up.

{{collapsegallery|Scarlet & Violet||Scarlet & Violet|<gallery perrow="4">
File:faggotbird.mp4|The water starter is quite flaming
File:pokedex.jpg|The "Complete" Pokedex (which was leaked before the game was released). Expect DLC bullshit that adds more retardation like Sword & Shield
File:gen9trainers.jpg|Meet the trainers... all of which either look like they rolled in from Tumblr...
File:buffdudefemale.png|... or are so jacked up on steroids they look like buff dudes instead of women.
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="4">
File:rule34gen9.png|Furfags were quick with the Rule 34
File:graphicaglitches01.webm|Graphical Glitches 01
File:rapbattlepokemon.webm|Rap battles... complete with cringe-worthy dialogue
File:Performanceissues01.mp4|Performance Issues 01
File:edsheering.png|When your in-game music is so shit, the first priority for mods is to remove it.
File:AAAvideogame btw.jpg|Look at the texture quality. AAA Video Game by the way.
File:highscoresgen9.png|Reminder this game is still getting high scores
File:bodyhorrorpokemon1.mp4|I can be a pokmeon too!
File:bodyhorrorpokemon2.mp4|This game is possessed!
File:Trannymongen9.png|Pokemon LG/BT
File:armspazzing.mp4|Hey, uh... is your arm ok? You should get that checked out.
File:nintendorefundspokemon.jpg|NO REFUN... oh wait, nevermind!
File:pokemon-scarlet-violet-bug.jpg|HEY KIDS, WANNA ENSLAVE SOME POKEMON???
File:AreaZeroSpoilers.webm|I'm pretty sure Scarlet is not supposed to be THIS red.
File:pokmeonglichescompilation.mp4|A compilation of other glitches (volume warning, LOUD flute playing)
</gallery>}}

</div>

<div style="padding:1em;border: 2px solid #000;background-color:#fffdf4;align-self:center;margin-left:auto;margin-right:auto;margin-bottom:2em;width:90%;overflow:auto;" class="morphcontent PokeGenContent10 hiddentext">

<div align="center" style="font-weight:bold;font-size:large;padding:1em 0 1em 0;">Spinoffs</div>
<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>''Pokémon Mystery Dungeon''</div>
{{Main|Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Series}}
[[File:Pokemon mystery dungeon 2.png|right|225px]]
The ''Pokémon Mystery Dungeon'' series is a Pokémon spinoff series of games, the original pair having been released in [[Japan]] in [[2005]].

These games have been praised by otherkin and [[Furries|furfags]], because they allow the player to become a human-turned-Pokémon. In the games you have a partner who forces you to join a [[anti-lulz|rescue team]], or something similar, and explore dungeons to [[boring|rescue]] Pokémon. You go around, beat up other Pokémon up and steal their money to buy mushrooms in the [[drugs|colorful world]] while interacting with others in the Pokémon-only world.

<div style="font-weight:bold;font-size:128%;word-wrap:break-word";>''Pokémon GO''</div>
{{Main|Pokémon GO}}
[[image:pokemon-go-mom.jpg|200px|thumb|[[Your mom]] will be really proud of you]]
''Pokémon GO'' is a [[cellphone|mobile "game"]] and [[meme|cultural phenomenom]] for [[iOS]] and [[Android]] (Windows Phone users get fucked) that came out [[last Thursday]], [[THE CURRENT YEAR|2016]]. The "game" is a copy-carbon of ''Ingress'', so the company spent {{age|2013|11|4}} years coding some Pokéman figures.

In ''Pokémon GO'' you walk around [[IRL|meat space]] with your phone in front of your face using the GPS and the camera to look for Pokémons in an [[augmented reality]] setting (or a boring field if you don't want to look like a spazzing autist waving your phone around in public, which is what 90% of "players" do). It uses a [[Google Maps]]-type interface to lead you to different Pokémon, "PokéStops," and "Gyms" based on landmarks, parks, statues etc. Already, this autism-tier "game" has surpassed the [[Tinder]] app and is soon to surpass the [[Twitter]] app in daily users, so thank [[God|Arceus]] for that.

Encouraged by the hope of catching a [[FYIAD|Dratini]], former shut-ins are walking into the sunlight for the first time in years and attempting to hold actual conversations with others. This has sparked an unfolding lollercaust on multiple levels all in the name of enslaving imaginary beasts then making them battle.

</div>
</div>

{{clear}}

=== Pokémon types ===

Pokémon each have their own types and abilities. This sections lists [[shit nobody cares about|all the single types]]. Pokémans can have two types; if you want [[serious business|serious information]] in finding out what's weak to what then [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Type_chart look here, work it out for yourself and fuck off]. The following were introduced in Generation I.

*'''[[Normies|Normal]]''': The basic non-elemental type for all Pokémon too generic and/or [[boring]] for Game Freak to bother with placing into a better category. Normal-types hold no advantage over any other types and can get knuckled over by [[violence|Fighting]] attacks and can't damage [[Ghost]]-types [[shit nobody cares about|unless you negate its Ghost typing]] or use literally any other type attack. Most Normal-types don't sit well with being just a Normal-type so are able to wield other typed attacks such as [[WTF|Electric, Water, or Fire]] in an attempt to make up for their [[useless|lack of any real use]].

*'''[[KILL IT WITH FIRE|Fire]]''': If you have a favorite Pokémon, chances are it is a Fire-type. Despite the fact a Fire-type can get knuckled over by Water, Rock and Ground Pokémon, they are loved by all and feared by many. Fire-types generally dish out ridiculous amounts of Special Attack damage and generally have high HP and Speed, thus are even able to be competitive against their weaknesses in case you didn't see that coming.

*'''[[Waterboarding|Water]]''': The type with the highest number of Pokémon in the games, with [[at least 100|at least 15]] being introduced each Generation. Water-types are based off of [[Lolrus|marine creatures]] and [[Spongebob|sealife]]. Water-types are for JRPG fans who enjoyed sitting around fishing for pixels all day rather than going out and exploring the actual game. You only really use one so it can be a [[BDSM|HM Slave]] for your Water-typed HM moves or for clearing caves full of Geodudes. Water-types are effective against Rock, Ground and Fire-types. Pretty much any Water-type that can learn TMs can try to be a failed Ice-type by learning at least one Ice TM move, the usual one being Ice Beam.

*'''[[Weed|Grass]]''': If it's not an animal with plants growing out of it or an animal with shades of green on it, it's a plant with legs. Highly flammable, susceptible to Bugs eating it, easily poisoned, birds can almost literally shit on it, easily frozen by Ice, and not to mention generally fucking weak, you should only really choose the Grass-type as your starter because everyone knows that Rock, Ground and Water types bow down to their [[Hentai|seemingly infinite tentacles all in the shape of cocks used to dominate, rape and use them as hosts for their offspring]]. Oh, and [[Smugleaf]].

*'''[[Electric Boogaloo|Electric]]''': The only real reason you'd want an Electric-type is because most Electric attacks can cause paralysis one way or another. The type itself is effective against both Water and Flying-types so could easily dispatch of those fucking Zubats and Tentacools that seem to appear in the thousands. An Electric-type's only weakness is the Ground-type, [[Troll|which can be temporarily nullified with Magnet Rise]]. Electric Pokémans weren't based on [[irl]] creatures that could ''actually'' shoot electricity at shit until the invention of Eelektross. [[Some argue]] that Lanturn was based on an irl creature but Anglerfish don't shoot electricity, [[Lame|they emit light from their antenna.]]
**As of Generation VI, Electric-type Pokémon can no longer be paralyzed, which, when coupled with their already high Speed, make them somewhat useful.

*'''[[Brandon Crisp|Ice]]''': Ice-types normally come dual-typed, with the other type normally being Water. They became increasingly [[unoriginal]] with each inbred Generation, until all Nintendo could come up with were several scoops of ice cream and a snowflake with eyes and [[Neckbeard|facial hair]]. Ice-types are generally shit and are weak to almost everything, so you only catch and train an Ice-type in order to defeat the mandatory Dragon-type trainer of that game, only to find that their Pokémon know Fighting and/or Fire moves that can easily fuck it over.

*'''[[Ground floor|Ground]]''': Often accompanied with Rock typing, Ground is a shitty mix of [[Cocaine|Rock]] and Normal, which means it performs poorly at being either of them. It is the only thing Electric-types are weak to, but anything that shoots out a lightning bolt from its bell-end is piss-weak anyway.

*'''[[Fight Club|Fighting]]''': Fighting-types have muscles where their brains should be and sport a nigger cock. They have lots of [[bodybuilder|physical strength]], but are easily [[mindfuck]]ed by Psychics and Fairies and [[O rly|birds]] for some reason. They can beat up on Normal, Dark, Rock, Steel and Ice Pokémon.

*'''[[Psychic]]''': Known as the [[Final Fantasy VI|Esper]]-type in the [[Weeaboo|Japanese]] version, Psychic-types have powerful Special Attack and Special Defense, but low physical Defense and Health; basically every "mage" character in any RPG in existence. Psychic-types are shit-scared of Ghosts, Dark-types and Bugs for some reason. Went from easily the best type in Generation I to one of the worst types in the most recent core games.

*'''[[Birdemic|Flying]]''': Various [[YOU'RE A BIRD!|winged creatures]], lots of them based on [[Bird is the word|birds]], that [[Oh|fly]]. Unless they're Gyarados. They are almost all dual-typed and usually have low health despite being fast and sporting some rather nice physical strength. They are only really useful when fully evolved or to Fly around once you get that HM. Rock-types can crush them to pieces, Ice-types can serve them [[Frosty the Snowman|frozen]] and Electric-types can serve them [[chikins|fried]]. Only one Pokémon is a ''pure'' Flying-type without [[hax]], and it's a fucking genie.

*'''[[Crack|Rock]]''': Rock-types have shitloads of HP and high Defense, but next to no Special Defense and are normally slow as hell. These are what you spend most of your early gameplay struggling against if you pick the Fire starter, and almost never use in any game playthrough unless you actively decide to use one to shake things up a bit.

*'''[[Bug Chasers|Bug]]''': Anything based off of bugs IRL which is kind of fitting since the entire franchise was based on bug catching. Generally weak and useless, these are the only type somehow worse than Ice. As you'd expect of bugs, they can be killed off by just about everything. Rocks can crush them, Flying types eat them for lunch, and Fire types cook them for the Flying types. To make up for that, they sometimes have an oddly good Special Attack, and many seem to be failed Psychic-types as they [[LOLWUT|usually wield Psychic-type attacks]].

*'''[[Drugs|Poison]]''': Either has fucking high Defense and HP, as well as having somewhat overpowered Poison attacks, or pathetically weak with lame Poison attacks, or were strong but had no Poison attacks at all. Until Generation VI, Poison moves were arguably the worst damage-dealing attacks, and generally avoided unless getting a STAB, but their strength against Fairies changed that somewhat. Get poisoned by one and you have to put up with the irritating long lasting poison effects which made these things a bitch to fight. Poison-types are often employed by the [[Fail|pathetic grunts]] of Team [[cock|Rocket]], and after a battle ended, the [[Zombie|infected]] Pokémon would cause your screen to have a fucking [[seizure]] every four steps you took. Until Generation V.

*'''[[Creepypasta|Ghost]]''': Ghosts are completely immune to Normal and Fighting attacks, [[Self-pwn|weak to other Ghosts]] and largely resistant to Ground-based moves in the later games [[Sarcasm|thanks to the introduction of the Levitate Ability]]. Your only chance in hell to beat one of these is to train up a Dark-type, a Normal-type wielding anything but Normal attacks, or [[Gardevoir|something else]]. Ghosts have the ability to naturally learn and use a move called "[[Swearing|Curse]]" which makes the user [[die alone]]. Ghosts also wield and other lulzy moves like [[Bondage|Destiny Bond]] and [[An Hero|Perish Song]].
**Side note: Nintendo trolled the anime followers of the original Pokémon series, claiming that Ghosts were strong against Psychics. Fanboys would find out only after they trained their Haunter for three days that it was generally useless against Sabrina, because the only damage-dealing Ghost attack in Generation I was a shitty move called Lick, and Haunter [[Pwned|was in fact weak against Psychic Pokémon due to its dual Poison-typing]]. O Nintendo, u so funneh.

*'''[[Dragon]]''': Probably the only type in the game worth a damn, at least until the introduction of the Fairy-type. Overpowered, huge amount of HP, fast, could take a lot of rape and most of them could learn at least one move of every other type in existence. They're mainly used by whiny-ass little bastards who think the world of Pokémon is real. Nearly [[epic Fail|impossible]] to kill and even [[MOAR]] impossible to level-up, Dragon's only weaknesses are [[Amphetamines|Ice-types]], [[Self-pwn|Dragons]] and [[LOLWUT|Fairies]].

Because the game was accused of being "unbalanced" in Generation I, the fuckers at Game Freak added two more types in Generation II to [[Pwn|destroy all the "strong"]] Pokémon. This, of course, made gamers rage even more.

*'''[[Heavy Metal|Steel]]''': Designed to appeal to [[Hardcore|HARDCORE]] Pokémon fans and [[Fullmetal Alchemist|metalfags]]. Basically just the same as Rock, but with even [[MOAR]] Defense and HP, and in an almost cruel twist of irony it now gets shat on by Fire, and Grass Pokémon now suck its [[The_Great_Black_Dick_Hoax|ten-foot cock]]. The only reason you'd ever want one is because they're [[Win|completely immune to Poison]] and the fact that they resist pretty much everything until Generation VI, when their resistances to Dark and Ghost attacks were removed.

*'''[[Emo|Dark]]''': Dark (or in Japseye land, Evil) was invented because Ghost just wasn't enough for the legions of [[faggot]] [[fanfiction]] writers that make up most of the Pokémon fanbase. All of the creatures in the Dark-typing are either [[emo|deep and mysterious]], appear at night or are natural [[cunt]]s. They are one of the few types to be able to use a Psychic and Ghost-type as toilet paper with no real problems, but all Dark types have a crippling phobia of Bugs, and Fairies and Fighting types can wear them like gloves through their arseholes.

After much whining about Dragon being overpowered, there was a new type introduced with the release of ''X'' and ''Y'':

*'''[[Fairy]]''': The manliest type at all. Sylveon is the figurehead for the type which has since become a waifu Pokémon for furries. A bunch of previous Pokémon have since been reclassed as Fairies, including Clefairy, Pikablu and Mr. Mime for some godawful reason. It was introduced in VI because the fucktards at Game Freak realized Dragons were overpowered and Spiritomb needed a weakness to stop people cheating in a Wondertomb.

===[[DO NOT WANT|Status conditions]]===

During the [[awesome]] Pokéman battles which start, either when you [[Animal abuse|step on a Pachirisu]], a [[fat]] [[faggot]] with nothing better to do challenges you to a fight for no real reason at all, or your imaginary friend from [[irl]] challenges you and you hook up your Game Boys together so you can start fightin' your Pokémans, Status conditions are one of the things Pokéman can do to each other to piss each other off. They are as follows:

*[[Cripple|'''Paralysis''']]: A condition inflicted most commonly by Electric attacks, alongside Body Slam, Stun Spore and Glare. Annoyingly ''the'' most common status condition you can ever fucking get. Paralysis slows the sufferer down to 25% '''''and''''' gives them a chance of being unable to attack on any given turn. ''Your'' Pokéman will never attack when paralyzed, whereas the enemy will without a problem. You can recover from paralysis with status condition healing items. Combine with Attract and Confuse Ray for '''EXTREME TROLLING'''. Any Pokéman with the ability Limber, like Meowth or Hitmonlee, is immune to paralysis, so you might want one on your team. [[over 9000|Just Saiyan]].

*[[AIDS|'''Poison''']]: A less common but equally stupid condition wherein the poisoned Pokéman gradually loses HP '''even when you are out of battle''', shown when your game screen has a fucking seizure every four steps. Poison be cured with an Antidote, which is fortunately a very common item. Pokémans with the Immunity Ability, like [[You|Snorlax]], Poison-types, and Steel-types are all immune to it. In the first three Generations, your Pokémon could faint from being poisoned outside of battle. In Generation IV, they [[bullshit|magically recover from poison while on the verge of death at 1HP]] and in Generation V they stay poisoned but don't cause the screen to seizure or lose health by walking four steps, essentially making it no different to being burned, minus shitting on the Attack stat. [[Pussies|As of Generation VI, poisoning no longer harms Pokémon after a battle]].

*'''Badly poisoned''': Copy/paste of being poisoned, but does more damage as more turns are taken in battle. [[Sarcasm|Because that's totally fair and balanced gameplay]].

*[[Rape|'''Sleep''']]: Sleep stops your Pokémans from doing '''''anything''''', unless you use Snore or Sleep Talk. It can either last a long time or not very long at all, essentially mind-fucking you into choosing whether to use an Awakening or not. If you're really unlucky, it could last five full turns. Any Pokémon with Dream Eater, usually the one that put you to sleep in the first place, can [[troll|rape your health while healing themselves]] at the same time. Any Pokéman with [[You|Insomnia]] or Vital Spirit is immune to sleep, even if it tries to cause it on itself by using a move such as Rest.

*[[Sophie Delezio|'''Burn''']]: [[Captain Obvious|Burns are most often inflicted by Fire attacks]]. When affected by a burn, the Attack stat is shat all over similar to how paralysis shits on Speed, and you lose HP every turn. It doesn't make your game screen have a seizure every four steps outside of battle though, and can be cured with a Burn Heal. Pokémon that are Fire-types, or have the Water Veil Ability, cannot be inflicted with the burn status.

*[[Brandon Crisp|'''Freeze''']]: Caused by at least 50% of Ice attacks and works pretty much the same way as sleep, by making your Pokémon useless in that it can't fight back. It rarely lasts more than one turn though and has no attacks that instantly causes it. The Pokéman in question can be defrosted in one of five ways; It can defrost randomly on its own, can be cured with an Ice Heal, [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|can be defrosted when Fire attacks are used against it]], is immune to being frozen with the Magma Armor Ability and it can defrost ''itself'' using most Fire attacks. A pure fail.

*[[Slut|'''Attract''']]: Psuedo-[[Rule 34]]. Pokémans [[Gardevoir|can whore themselves out]] to the [[heterosexual|opposite gender]] and your Pokémon falls in love with it. It stops [[at least 100]]% of all your attacks from doing anything when your Pokémon starts pining for [[dat ass]] and won't do anything for that turn. [[Trap|Unknown genders]] can't learn Attract, but [[Ditto|those who]] [[Mew|can use it]] [[Hax|by other methods]] [[Dying alone|can't attract anyone]]. Combine with paralysis and/or confusion for '''EXTREME TROLLING!''' Any Pokémon with the Oblivious Ability or [[homophobia|the same gender]] is immune to it.
**On another note: [[RAGE|FUCK YOU WHITNEY AND YOUR FUCKING MILTANK, WHY COULDN'T MY STARTER POKÉMON BE A GIRL?! FUCKING CUNT BITCH!]]

*[[Transexual|'''Confusion''']]: Used only as a last resort or by NPCs to piss you off. The affected Pokéman can fail attacks and punch itself in the face in the process. Higher Attack power means it slaps itself harder, which is why people like the attack [[DAT ASS|Swagger]]. Confusion lasts 500 turns for you, lasts one turn for the opponent. Invest in Confuse Ray for '''EXTREME TROLLING!''' Unless of course it has the Own Tempo Ability.
**On another note: [[BUTTHURT|FUCK YOU TENTACOOL AND ZUBAT!!! YOUR ASSHOLES WILL BE MINE WHEN I FIND A WAY TO ENTER POKÉMON GOLD AND SILVER AND RED AND BLUE!!! STOP APPEARING WHEN I GO INTO CAVES AND OCEANS! YOU BITCHES RUINED A 7-YEAR-OLD'S GAMING EXPERIENCE!]]

*[[Wicca|'''Curse''']]: A lulzy condition inflicted by Ghost-types. The user becomes [[emo]] and [[Fetish|sticks needles in itself]] using some odd voodoo shit, taking half its health to lay a curse on your Pokémon. Every turn, just less than 1/4 of your Pokémon's health will be taken until it dies of severe depression. Massive trolling and butthurt ensues from its use. [[DO IT FAGGOT|Use it often]] and use it against real people to piss them off.

*[[STD|'''Pokérus''']]: Not a typical status ailment with negative effects in battle; basically your Pokéman contracted [[AIDS|Pokérus]] from [[Rape|fighting]] a [[Prostitute|wild Pokéman]], but you must have battled it and preferably defeated it to catch it, and the virus is really fucking rare. It can be spread to all your other Pokéman, regardless of gender or species. Hell, it can even be passed onto [[babyfuck|Eggs]]. It can't be cured, and it goes away over time; [[Forever Alone|but the effects of the virus remain for the rest of your Pokéman's life]]. [[Steroids|Pokérus is a special STD that turns your Pokéman into the strongest fucking thing evar whenever it levels up]], and is really fucking rare despite the fact that it can be spread like the common cold.

== The anime ==

[[Image:Ashmaid.png|200px|thumb|left|Professor Oak learned Ash's [[gay|secret]]]]
[[Image:Its-a-trap.gif|200px|thumb|right|What? You thought they couldn't out-gay the maid?]]
[[File:Ass ketchup.png|200px|thumb|The '''NEW''' and '''PROGRESSIVE''' Ass Ketchup]]
The Pokémon cartoon (compulsively referred to as the anniemay by fanfaggots) tells the story of [[hermaphrodite]] Ash Ketchum, whose hollow life is devoted entirely to being a Pokémon fanboy. Therefore, he teams up with his best buddy and [[life partner|partner]], the electrified [[rat]] [[Pikachu]], and sets out to [[obsessive-compulsive disorder|catch 'em all]].

Ash is soon accompanied by Misty O'IttyBittyTitties, former [[16-year-old girl|underage]] [[fetish]] model. He is also joined by [[Brock Turner|Brock]] Statue Tory, all around [[pervert|horn dog]] and charter member of the [[cunt|Nurse Joy]] appreciation club. A running joke involves Brock [[cum]]ming in his pants whenever he sees anything with [[tits|breasts]], which happens with [[Over 9000|amazing frequency]] considering his [[Azn|eyes are permanently closed]]. However, the reason behind Brock's weird-ass behavior is his [[homosexuality]]. This is the only explanation why he has never had a [[girlfriend]], and why he loves to [[Cock|cook]]. As the rest of the gang are major [[homophobic|gay-bashers]], he hides this with his [[Not gay|girl "obsession."]]

Ash is chased around the world by Team Rocket members [[lesbian|Jessie]], [[homo|James]], and their annoying retarded [[cat]]. They supply [[At least 100|95]]% of this show's [[lulz]] in the form of [[fail|endless]] attempts to steal Pikachu so that their boss would [[GG|appreciate them]] again, not that he did anyway. They are also the subject of many [[flame wars|shipping wars]] among Poké[[fans]] who are just too [[dumb]] to realize James is [[gay]].

[[Image:1371831529308.gif|200px|thumb|right|Pokémon do not like [[you]], it's a [[fact]]]]
[[Image:ITS A TRAP POKEMON26.jpg|thumb|left|[[panty shot|Screenshot]] from the 9th season]]
Misty later leaves the show after getting [[pregnant|knocked up]] and is promptly replaced by May, a [[jailbait]] [[whore]] with breasts that more than make up for Misty's lack thereof. May brings along her brother Max, an incestuous [[Shotacon|little]] [[fuckface]], who seems to [[Mega ultra super genius|know more about Pokémon than Ash]]. In order to boost ratings, Dawn is then introduced to the show, and considering that she's a 10-year-old, is an even bigger [[whore]] than the other girls mainly due to her [[pantyshot|extremely short skirt]]. Having the [[Lolicon|smallest chest]], she is clearly [[fanservice]] for many of the show's viewers.

The series has continued for far more years as well as seasons than it ever should have, showcasing Ash and some [[pussy|traveling partners]] going throughout the region of the games currently being promoted. We have seen Ash paired up with [[nigger|Iris]] and [[fag|Cilan]] as they explored the Amerifat Unova region. Then he adventures of Kalos, where Ash was now accompanied by [[nerd|Clemont]], his [[fuckface]] little sister [[loli|Bonnie]], and an even larger than Dawn [[whore]] Serena. Then , he's accompanied by [[nerd|Sophocles]], [[douche|Kiawe]], and even worse than Serena [[whores]], [[cunt|Lille]], [[jailbait|Mallow]], and [[loli|Lana]], a legit harem of girls in the Alola Region. <s>Sadly, Ash will never, ever see himself win an official championship as long as the show keeps going. [[beta|Nor will he get any pussy]], while Team Rocket will continue to be failures who stalk a kid for a rat for thousands of more episodes to come.</s> [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS]] Ash actually won, but only because the League was so shitty, that you could probably win with a [[Fish|Magikarp]].

The series has rebooted to appeal to [[nostalgiafag|nostalgiafags]] with ''[[Sellout|Pokémon Journeys: The Series]]'', now Ash will go through all regions without his retarded friends, and will instead be adventuring with [[azn|Goh]], basically another Ash.

The cartoon is solely enjoyed by people who play the games. Compulsive, autistic, fat, basement-dwelling freaks whom don't receive any love from their mommies and daddies. Watching the Pokémon cartoon is considered by many to be even lower than enjoying a [[Dan Schneider|Nickelodeon shit-com]]. That is fucking low.

=== 4Kids and drama in the U.S. ===
The Pokémon anime was originally dubbed for U.S. distribution by [[4Kids]]. Several episodes were [[banhammer]]ed by 4Kids for reasons varying from Brock sneezing during the [[SARS]] epidemic, to an overabundance of [[evil]] [[Japan|Japanese culture]], to James showing off his [[shemale|new boobs]], to [[Porygon]]-induced [[subliminal messages]] that would cause [[seizure]]s and the buying of more Pokémon [[crap|merchandise]]. This topic can cause [[fanboys]] to rant for hours on the Internet.

Eventually, Pokémon USA stepped in and yoinked the anime away from 4Kids. All the "fans" who had previously bitched about how 4Kids was [[sodomizing]] the series now acted like it was the [[apocalypse]] that the voice actors had been replaced. They set up [[at least 100]] online petitions to reinstate the old voices. Pokémon is clearly [[serious business]]. To make the lulz even better, one of their voice actors, Eric Stuart (who [[secks|did]] James and Brock) posted about the voice actor changeover on his website, whining like a [[13-year-old boy]] and spamming his own guestbook out of [[angst]].

=== Ways to watch the anime ===
There are two ways to watch the anime in English:
* The shitty dub, now managed by TPCi
* Even shittier subtitled anime, managed by [[autistic]] subber groups

The dub is utter shit, because the voice actors really only put in a minimal amount of effort for a product that automatically generates money for Nintendo and all other parties, meaning the quality is a mere shadow of even the 4Kids version of the show from back in the day... which, you can imagine, is pretty pathetic. But in all honesty, the dub is still infinitely better than shit autistic shit that subber groups release, because at least the dub is internally consistent and is more focused on making shit sound more natural to English speaking people. Y'know, NORMAL people who just want to be entertained by a good (lol) cartoon show.

[[File:PokemonAnime-subsExample.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Example of subber's autism: Everything is in English, except for the names. Because English names is what the dub uses, and is therefore clearly shit.]] On the other hand, the shit released by subber groups is just fucking awful, and no level of "hard work" justifies the amount of autism sub fans have for it. Just poke around any thread about the CARTOON on [[vp|/vp/]], and you'll see just how terrible sub fans are, as well as how easily triggered they are. Want to see it in action? Then just try any of the following:
* Ask for a version of the subs which replace all the Japanese names with English names... y'know, because you speak English, not Japanese
* If none are provided, take a subber's release and replace everything yourself, then post the results
* Ask why Japanese names are used at all for an English language sub to begin with
* Point out that it's impossible for Japanese to be exactly translated into English, and thus their attempts for "authenticity" with subs is pointless
:* ''Sub-point'': constantly bring up Japanese's lack of articles (like "a" and "the") and ask why any subber uses them if authenticity is the goal
* Ask why the subs aren't just pulled from the dub
* Defend the dub in any way
:* For example: point out that "Satoshi" is not his real name, but that it's "Ash," as proven by "Ash's Greninja" in the ''Pokémon Sun''/''Moon'' demo
:* Alternatively, point out that if they don't want to use anything that reminds them of the dub, then why are they using the same language as the dub?
* Defend the more liberal subs over the more literal subs, then point out how people like the liberal subs better
* Redistribute someone's subs on your own website, and if they complain, point out that what they're doing is illegal anyways and say "whaddya gonna do, arrest me?"

Yeah, so, for some reason, subbers think that using Japanese names in the subs is the more superior choice... because apparently the English names for characters is a decision made by the show's dubbers (as opposed to a decision made from the top of Game Freak itself) and is therefore inauthentic to the nature of the original Japanese show. And subfags will defend this as much as possible, despite the fact that no one (apart from the subbers themselves, and that's debatable) actually speaks Japanese and thus needs English subtitles to be written up for them.

But hey, we here at Encyclopedia Dramatica are in it for the lulz, so expect a release of the "best" subs with all of the Japanese names replaced with their English ones soon.

== The comic ==
<center>[[Image:suffering.jpg|600px|]]</center>
<center>'''The world of Pokémon is unforgiving.'''</center>

As if the world didn't have enough Pokéshit, we now have fucking [[otaku|<s>manga</s>]] comics about it. The one most fantards give a shit about is Pokémon Adventures, known as Pokémon Special by weebs. This comic is the bastion wet dream of Deviantards, shippers, and [[edgy|9-year-old children who enjoy bloody violence]]. Rife with violence, plundering, blood, Pokémon getting killed, people getting killed, evil Gym Leaders, evil Elite Four, Trainers being turned into stone, time travel, drama, hate, and of course nudity. Pokémon Special (or PokéSpe for short) is a fucking dream come true, even being endorsed by the original game's creator [[fag|Satoshi Tajiri]]. The main protagonists are swapped around, which would give an air of refreshment with each new story arc - however this is a let down once you realize they are named after the games. We are left with shit like a boy named Gold and a girl named White.

In truth, it's just a shitty overblown Marvel-tier mess that only gets points above the cartoon because it doesn't star that cocksucker Ash Ketchum. Even then, the comic's version of Red (Ash's basis) is just as bad. It's all weak as shit compared to [[Barney|real hardcore series]].

== Videos ==
<center>{{fv|pokemonfanvids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>eGvM0CC2pu0</youtube><center>'''Your average fan'''</center>
|<youtube>-XsSoMBVF3w</youtube><center>'''[[Dcigs|Niggers]]'''</center>
|<youtube>-px_FYHtYIw</youtube><center>'''[[Guido|Guidos]]'''</center>
|<youtube>h9o5_W6hn9k</youtube><center>'''Retards'''</center>
|<youtube>cmNb3xJFzkc</youtube><center>'''[[Christians]]'''</center>
|<youtube>r0OowSxgEcE</youtube><center>'''Momma's boys and Misty fappers'''</center>
|<youtube>fC9bQrXWXsw</youtube><center>'''Faggots'''</center>
|<youtube>JbV6sZORJak</youtube><center>'''Two dudes ranks who’s the hottest Pokemon.'''</center>
|<youtube>hNqtfFXq00k</youtube><center>'''Choose wisely'''</center>

}}</center>

==Galleries==
{{collapsegallery|Official manga|Official manga|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Poke01.jpg|Page one
Image:Poke02.jpg|Page two
Image:Poke03.jpg|Page three
Image:Poke04.jpg|Page four
Image:Poke05.jpg|Page five
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Poke06.jpg|Page six
Image:Pikachu gets raped.jpg|[[Baby fuck|Look familiar?]]
Image:Brockwillstealurpenis.jpg|I think Pokémon is a cool guy, eh, steals penises and doesn't afraid of anything
Image:Brockwatchesjessetakeashit.jpg|Brock watches Jessie take a [[crap|shit]]
</gallery>}}
<br>
{{collapsegallery|[[Pokémon/Images|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:How Blastoise pees.jpg
Image:Pidgey fainted.jpg
Image:Pokemon maids.jpg
Image:Miltank.jpg
Image:Super Effective, Shorts.jpg
File:AshCame.jpg
</gallery>|}}
<br>
{{collapsegallery|[[Pokémon/rule34|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Jessie and Crimson Viper.PNG
Image:Jessie and Bayonetta.PNG
Image:Hilda Reiq.jpg
Image:Pokeboy.jpg
Image:Vaporeon gangbang.png
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:OpeDealer and EvilDad hate zoophilia dammit.png
Image:melony.jpg
Image:melony 1.jpg
Image:melony 2.jpg
Image:melony 3.jpg
Image:melony 4.jpg
Image:melony 5.jpg
Image:melony 6.jpg
</gallery>|}}
<br>

==See also==
[[File:Pokemon reproduction.png|300px|right|thumb|What '''REALLY''' happens at the Pokémon Day Care]]
*[[AGNPH]]
*[[Asperchu]]
*[[Braixen]]
*[[Bulbagarden]]
*[[Charles Ziese]]
*[[Chris-chan]]
*[[Cynthia]] - Because Nintendo is obviously [[Truth|sexist]].
*[[FemaleGoodra]]
*[[Flannery]] - The Waifu Human
*[[Furries]]
*[[Gardevoir]] - The Waifu Pokémon.
*[[Gary Oak]] - That is one badass motherfucker!
*[[Japanese Bug Fights]] - IRL Pokémon.
*[[Jessica Nigri]]
*[[JustinRPG]]
*[[KingEmpoleon]] - Pokéfag that [[Pwn|KO'd]] his mother in 2011.
*[[Lopunny]] - The furfag's Pokémon of choice.
*[[Lucario]] - Same as above.
*[[Mewchan]]
*[[Mudkipchan]]
*[[Nuzlocke]]
*[[Pamperchu]]
*[[Pedophilia]]
*[[Pogs]] - Similar [[Retard|fandom]].
*[[Pokédads, Poképarents or Pokésiblings]]
*[[PokeDream]]
*''[[Pokémon Go|Pokémon GO]]''
*[[Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Series|''Pokémon Mystery Dungeon'' series]]
*[[Poképuns]]
*[[PokeShipping]]
*[[Rubén Puig Lecegui]] - A fine example of how '''to''' act in the fandom.
*[[Shipping]]
*[[Shin Megami Tensei]] - IRL Pokemon with actual demons.
*[[Slash Firestorm]] - Rule 34s Gardevoir and human beings.
*[[Smogon University]] - The [[tourneyfag|tourneyfags]] of Pokémon.
*[[vp/|/vp/]]
*[[Weaboo]]
*[[What is Brock?]] - The question that has plagued mankind for centuries.
*[[Willg8686]] - Retarded Pokémon fan.
*[[Zoroark]] - More furry trash.

==External links==
*[http://pokemon.com Official Website]
* {{UkrED|Покемон|UkrDramatica's article on this}}
*[http://pokemonlearningleague.com Faggotry is power]
*[http://go-pokemon.com Official TCG Website]
*[http://trsrockin.com/fools06.html Typical fansite]
*[http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/dspl_thread.php5?thread_id=33826783 '''BROCK WILL STEAL YOUR PENIS''' is a meme]
*[http://z9.invisionfree.com/Pokeclipse/index.php?act=idx Pokémon are real]
*{{Pastebin|f71e6728f|Creepy urban legend about the music at Lavender Town}}
*[http://thenintendodomain.forumotion.com/t1097-porkemon-fan-fiction/ Porkemon Fan Fiction] The greatest fanfic of all time. Oh, and be sure to read all the chapters and not just the first post.

===[[4chan]]===
*[http://boards.4chan.org/vp/ /vp/] - [[moot]]'s board for Pokémon.

{{Nintendo}}
{{Anime}}
{{furfaggotry}}
{{Gaming}}
{{Cyberpets}}
{{pokedex}}

[[Category:Anime]]
[[Category:Gaming]]

{{timeline|Article of the Now July 19 and 20, [[2022]]|[[Your Mom]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Moviebob]]}}

Fallout

2025-10-22T09:22:42Z

HellenicTrapstar: /* Evolution Of Fallout */

{{spoiler|YOUR DAD [[An Hero|KILLS HIMSELF]]}}

{{Rainbow|WAR NEVER CHANGES}}

[[image:Fallout_nes.jpg|thumb|Right|The [[lie|best]] version.]]
[[Image:Childkiller.jpg|thumb|Fallout's lovable mascot, Vault-Boy.]]

The '''''Fallout''''' series is a watered-down version of [[Rogue]] set in America [[at least 100|during the 1950s]], [[last thursday|despite the games taking place hundreds of years in the future.]] The supreme and courageous Amerifag government of this time decided the [[russia|communist]] [[wapanese|citizens]] of China needed to be taught a lesson and fired every nuclear ICBM in their arsenal at the commies. However, [[wapanese|China]] had the same thought and launched ICBMs at the homeland. Soon, every country with nuclear weapons joined in [[for the lulz|to protect themselves]]. Some people survived this apocalypse by hiding their families in private banks called [[basement|"Vaults"]], emerging only over 100 years later. The first game casts you as one of these [[Basement-dweller|Vault-dwellers]]. Because of the [[incest|awesomeness]] within the Vault, you can barely walk, taking every step in a side-to-side stagger. Unable to walk in diagonal lines, you are a social outcast and are spat upon by [[niggers|by even the foulest inhabitants of the Wasteland.]]

==''Fallout 1''==
The game can best be described as a DMV simulator in that you get to move and perform actions only when every other Down syndrome fucker gets their move first. This can lead to [[the _game|the game]] trolling the fuck out of players, especially when someone important dies and you can't reload until everyone has had their turn. The story itself involves getting a chip for some pedophile that will [[New Orleans| help avoid a disaster and purify the water in your civilization]]... only once that's done you're then expected to fix everything else that's fucked up with the Wasteland--namely, [[zombaby| mutants]]. There's also some sort of plot involving [[AIDS|a viral strain]] caused by [[You|'The Master']], but really, [[Shit nobody cares about| who in the world would do that?]]

[[Image:852_deathclaw.jpg‎|thumb|This is what happens when you make a wrong turn in ''Fallout''.]]

As this is a role-playing game you can savagely murder children and take their [[Jewgolds|money]], but then every last person will try to [[banhammer|spank]] your child-murdering ass. Lamentably, children were removed from the [[United Kingdom|British]] and [[Nazi|German]] versions of the game, and you will receive greater rewards for being a [[moralfag]]. The only noteworthy aspect of the game (other than the infanticide) is having the option to play as an [[aspie]], but even then the [[Lulz|hilarity]] is in short supply.

==''Fallout 2''==
As if the first one wasn't bad enough, Interplay decided to come back with another game, this time with more bugs and issues without a patch, yay. If you have played this game and compared it to the first game, you may ask yourself what the difference is. The answer is nothing. Same perk system, same attributes, some new skills,''nothing'' interesting. Even with all the patches, there are bugs everywhere, all substantial.

There are also '''OMG SO RANDUM''' encounters in which you meet the bridge keeper from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail, encounter a crashed away craft from the Starship Enterprise, and other random shit that makes the game take years to beat. The penultimate boss is the President of the United States, and the only way to defeat him is to [[Monica_Lewinsky|dress up as an intern and give him a hummer, then tell some disgusting, old, fat whore about it while she records the conversation.]] While escaping, you run into the actual final boss, a super mutant in power armor named Frank Horrigan, with 999 HP, weapons so badass they are not usable by the player without editing the game's code, and a shitload of turrets ready to fuck you right up.

You could get laid in this game and drive a car too. You could also screw yourself over by becoming a slaver, after which all the butthurt moralfags in the wasteland won't do shit for you. You could become a porn star and get [[AIDS]], join the Mafia, get raped by a super mutant, or even become a [[Scientologist]]. No, seriously.
[[Image:Dumpster diving.jpg|thumb|Playing Fallout IRL]]

Despite the horrible leveling system, the tedious and boring errand boy quests, the failed attempts at humor, and unenjoyable combat system, the basement dwellers at [http://www.nma-fallout.com No Mutants Allowed] still claim it was the best rpg ever made and refuse to acknowledge Fallout 3 as a sequel, mostly because all the people who made Fallout 2 got [http://www.gamespot.com/pc/rpg/fallout3/news_6085243.html shit canned]. [[BAWWWWW|Apparently, making a game different from its predecessors, despite the drastic improvements, automatically renders it shit.]] They are extremely [[butthurt]] that it didn't follow the same isometric,[[linux|text based]], turn based, boring as hell style as its predecessors, despite being better designed, written, and choreographed.

==''Fallout Tactics: Brotherhood of Steel''==
...Not to be confused with ''Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel''.

After releasing two games in the main series, it was time for a spin-off and as a result came [[Final Fantasy Tactics|Fallout Tactics]]. The graphics are improved from the previous games (you can now play in a screen resolution greater than 640x480), and now the game focuses on combat alone, with cumbersome squad controls and a revised semi-real time combat system that is so fucked up that the player must switch back to the tedious old turn-based system of the previous games. There was also an editor included, which no one has ever figured out how to use. Oh, and you can't bang hookers and kill kids, like you could in previous games.

==''Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel''==
..Not to be confused with ''Fallout Tactics: Brotherhood of Steel''.

Following the release of ''Fallout Tactics'', Interplay [[retard|head honcho]] Herve Caen decided that it would be a [[stupid|great idea]] to produce a crappy ''[[Diablo]]'' knock-off as the next installment in the series instead of focusing on the development of ''Oblivion With Guns'', which was at the time known as "Fallout 3" but was changed to Oblivion With Guns to more suit the style of the game. The title ''Van Buren'' or some [[gay|faggy]] [[German]] shit like that was also considered. ''Brotherhood of Steel'' was built on the same game engine as ''Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance'', which, coincidentially, was also a shitty Diablo clone of a well-known CRPG series.

Needless to say, nobody bought ''BoS'' (more like ''PoS'', [[amirite]], lol) and Interplay went bankrupt. For some reason, everyone at Interplay kept working, despite being [[banhammer|evicted]] from their office and going without pay for [[at least 100]] hours.

==Van Buren, The Real Fallout 3==
[[File:Fallout vanb.jpg|thumb|250px|So different.]]

After years of planning for the next entry in the franchise, Black Isle Studios (the makers of the games), suddenly went into [[poor|bankruptcy]]. Apparently not releasing a new product for several years can lead to [[fail|financial ruin]]. Who knew? They also claimed that the game was [[Lie|OMG ALMOST FINISHED]], [[Shit nobody cares about|but alas, no one cares]]. [[All your base are belong to us|Their headquarters were gutted]], the company disbanded, and their financial executives were [[anal rape|anally raped]] by [[retard|Super Mutants]].

So with the loss of the developers, the [[murder|child-murdering]] nuclear apocalypse [[rape]] game officially died. And so it remained for [[At least 100 years|the better part of a decade]], until with a trusty [[Hax|G.E.C.K.]] in one hand and its [[penis]] in the other, Bethesda officially acquired the rights to the Fallout franchise.

==''Fallout 3''==

[[Image:Wastelandsafari.jpg|thumb|left|Mr.Tenpenny will see you now.]]
[[Image:Fallout04.jpg|thumb|This may look intimidating, but one shot to its head with a shotgun and you win.]]
'''''Fallout 3''''' is the highly [[shit|successful]] revival of the franchise by Bethesda Softworks, who realized that the only way to revive a completely dead franchise was to completely disregard any sort of lore from the original games and make up their own, shitty storyline. Bethesda even fucked up so hard that they forgot that Harold, a character from Fallout 2, died in an explosion, yet he comes back as a [[pedophile|tree]] in their own installment. Give a bunch of uneducated [[Basement-dweller|developers]] who don't know what the hell they're doing the rights to a game, a short deadline, and bunch of [[crack]], and you have Fallout 3.

===Quests===
[[File:Cleaver.jpg|thumb|left|typical gameplay scenery]]
One of the many [[fanboy|praised]] aspects of Fallout 3 is the [[lie|variety of quests]]. Unlike most RPGs, this game doesn't bore you to death with [[Borderlands|redundant quests like finding things and killing this dude]]. [[bullshit|The majority of the side quests are well-written, with reasonable lengths and many paths to take. The quests have good and evil options to them, along with many ways to end the quest.]]

The main quest goes like this: You are born in the Jefferson Memorial. Seconds afterward, your mother dies from [[HNNNNNNGGGGG|cardiac arrest]] after pushing your [[fat]] ass out of her [[vagina]]. Your dad is too much of an alcoholic to raise you by himself, so he seeks shelter in a [[basement|Vault]]. You grow up in the Vault, and all is going well until your dad leaves you behind and heads out to the Wasteland to finish your mom's project she started a long time ago. You escape the Vault and track him down, encountering many of the [[shit|excellent]] side quests on the way. Eventually, you find your dad [[The Matrix|trapped in a dream simulator]], and you help him escape it by either killing everyone else or releasing a bunch of [[Chinese]] commandos to do it for you.
[[Image:KAMASUTRA.gif|thumb|right|Is it [[Rule 34]] if it's an unaltered image from the game?]]

Dad is [[butthurt]] that you left the Vault, but decides you have proven yourself worthy of helping him with Project Purity, an attempt to create purified water all across the Wasteland. Either help him or tell him to fuck off for leaving you in the Vault (which [[you]] deserved). If you choose to help him, a wannabe group of [[Internet Tough Guy]]s find their way to the purifier and attempt to use it for themselves. Your dad, being a [[moralfag]], [[an hero|sacrifices himself to keep the purifier]] by releasing large levels of radiation upon himself and the Enclavefags. The leader, [[asshole|Colonel Autumn]], injects himself with modified Rad-X to survive.

You escape with the other scientists to join up with the [[White Knight|Brotherhood of Steel]]. You are required to hunt down a G.E.C.K., a necessary key for the purifier. After you get it, you are date-raped by the Enclave and are taken to their base. President Eden asks you to use a virus that will kill any mutants, ghouls, or irradiated people (pretty much anybody that was not in the Enclave) with the purifier. You then haul ass out of the base, join back up with the Brotherhood, and prepare to take back the purifier. You fight your way through the Enclave's defenses, kick Autumn's ass, and reclaim the purifier. However, the asshole Enclave tampered with it. It must be activated immediately or <s>the universe will explode</s> it will never be usable. You are faced with one final decision: [[Wat do]]? You can [[an hero|be brave and sacrifice yourself to activate the purifier]], get that [[bitch]] Lyons to do it, or a [[Spic|ghoul/super mutant to do it]]. If you choose to do it, you can activate the FEV virus to kill fucking everybody, or not. Either way, you die unless you have the DLC.

===V.A.T.S.===
[[Image:Bushvats.gif|right|V.A.T.S. IRL.]]
Allows the player to target Vaginas, Anuses, Tits, and Shit on an enemy [[ZA WARUDO|while time has stopped]]. This enables you to do critical damage to the enemy or shoot the gun out of their hand when you ejaculate. Most of the time the player will just do [[headshot|headshots]] to try to end the fight faster, which isn't fun at all. V.A.T.S. is percentage based, so if your weapon is a piece of [[Shit|shit]] and your weapon skills suck ass, then you will [[Fail|miss consistently]] even at point-blank range(WTF?). If you do make contact and kill your enemy, they will be decapitated in the most spectacularly gory way ever as a way of thanking you for putting up with V.A.T.S.' non-removable slow-mo.

Don't even try to use melee weapons though. Bethesda decided to make V.A.T.S. in melee FUCKING USELESS (except for [[epenis|The Shiskebab]] which skeets hwat fiyar!). Not only can you not target a [[Cunt|specific area]] on the enemy's body, but every time you decide to V.A.T.S. with melee you will hit them once and then use all of your AP like [[Retard|a person with a very high I.Q.]] waving your laughably ineffectual [[penis|weapon]] at nothing. Instead, only use melee weapons to quickly drain the health of stronger enemies by playing Ring-around-the-Rosie with them, continuously slashing them in the [[ass|back]].
[[File:Wastelandhookers.jpg|thumb|left|If you manage to save up 9000 caps, you'll be able to get a blowjob from one of these lovely ladies.]]

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===[[retard|S.P.E.C.I.A.L.]]===
[[File:Fallout3nakedmod.jpg|thumb|The hero of Fallout 3]]
Having been around since the first game, [[Retard|S.P.E.C.I.A.L.]] is a character creation/leveling/skill system. When the player first [[secks|creates a character]], they can apply stat points to different attributes. For example, you can make a character with low intelligence (and watch him grunt his way through the game's conversations) and [[Asperger's Syndrome|low charisma]], but [[hackers on steroids|very high strength and endurance]]. With Fallout 3, Intelligence is the number one skill to level up, as apparently being smart equals moar learning. You can also choose to [[United Kingdom|specialize]] in three skills which range from essentials (big-ass guns) to useful (Steal), to just plain useless (Outdoorsman).

===Actual Gameplay===
[[File:Teacher killed by disturbed children.jpg|thumb|right|200px|[[Epic Win|Common household decoration in the wasteland.]]]]
[[File:Fallout3HardcoreStyle.jpg|thumb|[[Loli|What happens when you play Fallout too many times.]]]]

Fallout 3 is a boring and neverending cycle of killing [[emo|raiders]] who use crappy weapons and the same armor. That, or reloading your game because of all the game-breaking bugs it has.

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===Characters===
Fallout 3 has a fuckton of characters, but most just spout TL;DR shit and only want to show you their skill at catching your shotgun shells with their faces.

*'''[[Daddy|Dad]]''': After you murder your mother, good ol' dad abandons you in the vault because of [[incest|personal issues]]. He even leaves you a note describing in detail that he fucking hates you. Because everyone [[retard|set their S.P.E.C.I.A.L intelligence to 1]], your character sets out to find him. Dad [[An_hero|honorably sacrifices his life to save his only child]], but not before he castrates you for awesomely blowing up that shitty ghetto (which everyone did).

*'''[[Obama|The Overseer]]''': Dad's decision to [[GTFO]] makes the [[Obama|head nigga in charge]] rage, and he decides to [[DELETE_FUCKING_EVERYTHING|kill everyone in the vault]]. After [[Rodney_King| having a civil chat with him]], you then depart the vault after getting blown by his daughter. Alternatively, you can just waste his crazy nigga ass.

*'''[[bitch|Amata]]''': [[Cock|HOW ABOUT I SHOW YOU A REAL TUNNEL SNAKE, AMATA?]]

*'''[[internet tough guy|Butch]]''': Leader of the Tunnel Snakes and a total [[Internet Tough Guy]]. In the chaos of the vault escape, he is in dire straits and asks for your help because [[Faggot|he hates bugs]]. Your character promptly tells him to fuck off and proceeds to gang-bang Butch's mother with four other <s>rad</s>[[cock]]roaches. In the unlikely event that you let this '[[retard|badass]]' loose on the wasteland, he lives up to his gang leader status and becomes a [[Faggot|hairdresser]].

*'''[[Nigga|Sheriff Simms]]''': Seeing a lot of black person leader figures in this game? Lucas Simms took advantage of the post-apocalyptic scenario, in true black style, to steal some fine-ass threads and a sweet gat in order to reign supreme over the poor innocent white inbreds in Megaton. A natural [[Obama|uppity coon]], he confronts you at Megaton's gate and makes you his bitch (doesn't matter if you're a guy or not).

*'''[[Dog|Dogmeat]]''': The companion dog found in all Fallout games. In almost all the games, Dogmeat is typically killed within minutes of acquiring him. However, in [[shit|Fallout 3]] he is fucking invincible, so send him to do your [[#Fallout 3|shit]] for you.

*'''[[badass|Mister Burke]]''': [[pools_closed|Megaton's closed]], but it would seem Mister Burke had other ideas. The character that everyone wanted to be upon first meeting him. [[TL;DR|As the story progresses]], Simms decides to arrest him and [[Buttsex|interrogate him for any useful information.]] Burke reminds Simms that [[Unrealistic_expectations|black people cannot amount to anything]] before streaming a torrent of lead into his stupid ass. Asks you to pwn Megaton [[lulz|for the lulz]]. Seriously, this guy is a fucking badass.

*'''[[Fucktard|Three Dog]]''': Host of [[GNAA|GNR]] (Gay Nigger Radio) who [[ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH|hates the government]] and doesn't afraid of anything. He sends you on a quest halfway across the world map just to tell you the information you ask for(along with a [[TLDR|TL:DR]] rant about the good fight). That information is only about three fucking sentences and you could have figured it out yourself if you had used your fucking brain. He strongly believes he is a brave, noble [[Kanye West|voice of his generation]], despite the fact he's just an [[Barack Obama|uppity nigger shouting into a microphone from the safety of his tower]].

*'''[[President]] [[George Bush|John Henry Eden]]''': President of the Enclave. President of [[America]]. President of your heart. He [[Bill Clinton|loves]] America. Really, really [[buttsecks|loves]] America. And he [[rape|loves]] [[YOU]], darling American. Becomes an hero after talking to him for two sentences. Bethesda tried courting [[Obama|Former President Bill Clinton]] as a voice actor for this character. This is the one time he said NO, as it wasn't [[Marijuana|Weed]], [[Pussy]] or being asked if he'll use an intern's [[Asking for it|sloppy hole as a cigar humidor]].

[[File:Fallout3Betty.jpg|thumb|Stanislaus Braun as Betty.]]

*'''[[German|Dr. Stanislaus Braun]]''': An insane [[Nazi]] scientist who [[Moot|wanted to be little girl]], so he used [[computer science]] to make his own incredibly [[Second Life|gay and buggy]] [[MMORPG]] so he could have a [[fugly]] [[loli]] as his avatar. Since [[You don't have any friends|he didn't have any friends]] to play his [[retarded|super awesome]] game with, he lured a lot of people into his basement with promises of candy, and forced them to join his server. When you meet him, he has used his admin abilities to turn your father into a dog in order to brainwash him into thinking he is a [[furry]], and he then proceeds to turn you into a child (possibly to fulfill a dream of having underage [[cybersex]]).

*'''[[Stupid|Scribe Yearling]]''': A [[Transgender|tranny]] member (no srsly she has a mustache!!!) of the Brotherhood of Steel, a group of people with a technology fetish who live in the Pentagon and [[fap]] to [[Transformers|a bigass robot]] that says anti-Communist cliches and gets nuked (ZOMFG SPOILER ALERT!!!!11One!! etc.) Scribe (read: pencil pusher) Yearling has a learning fetish, and if you bring her books that are in perfect condition (all 3 of 'em), she will suck your cock and you will get to have an orgy with her [[Halo|sex slaves in "Power Armor"]].

*'''[[God|Fawkes]]''': The ultimate reward for choosing to go the [[Moralfag|good]] karma route of the game. Standing well over 7 feet tall and, with broken steel installed, having an HP count of '''[[Over 9000|15,000]]'''! [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|Picking him up will pretty much break the game as he is stronger than '''Fucking everything''']]. Being the company filled with [[Troll|fair and balanced businessmen concerned with your overall gameplay experience]] Bethesda Studio is you would think that they would even the payload by giving Fawkes a shit weapon... [[Nope.avi|Nope]] they give him a '''FUCKING GATLING LASER''', so pretty much how every battle goes with him as your follower is you run into a group of raiders, you *plink* one with your tiny 10 mm pistol, and then Fawkes yells some shit, pulls out his [[Penis|Gatling laser]] and kills every one of them not letting you gain any experience. Combine with Dogmeat for major breakage.

==DLC==
[[Image:Rsz_fallout3.jpg|thumb|right|[[Gmod|Yeah what the hell.]]]]
Bethesda, deciding that they could suck even more money out of the [[Xbox_360|retarded kids who play their shitty games]], has released five content packs for "Fallout 3." Each one is nothing more than a few more items, achievements, and bugs.
<p>
[[File: Take my bottlecaps.png|thumb|Fantards' reactions to the DLC.]]
*'''Operation Anchorage'''</p>
The first "Fallout 3" downloadable content pack takes place in a virtual reality [[Call of Duty|'''military simulation''']] in the main game where the player character is stripped of their equipment and is forced to use the [[cock|replacements provided]]. You are a military grunt based in [[Alaska]] tasked with liberating Alaska from Chink invaders alongside your fellow soldiers, all of whom are fucking stupid and incapable of killing anything on their own. This DLC isn't worth ten dollars, so don't buy it. It is boring and short, requiring you only to shoot and blow up stuff. The only good thing about this is that, as rewards for completion, you get an indestructible and fucking awesome suit of armor and another suit that is basically invisible when you squat. However, this armor was stolen from [[Metal Gear Solid 4]]. Sony is writing a lawsuit as you read this.
<p>
*'''The Pitt'''</p>
This is literally the worst program ever made. There were so many [[AIDS|bugs]] in this that it was taken off the Xbox Live marketplace to be re-released. Once it was playable, all that was left to offer was more moral' choices (if you call picking between two dicks a moral choice) and the new area of [[Pittsburgh]] itself, now a huge black person complex. It is not recommended for purchase, though it isn't as bad as Anchorage, as you can return any time you want and unlock more shittier retextured items.
<p>[[File:Flamewarpipboy.gif|thumb|Vault-Boy <3's Flamewars.]]
*'''Broken Steel'''</p>
Created after the developers realized that they fucked up the original game's ending when they had three radiation-immune characters who SHOULD have gone in your place. Also, the fans were BAAAAWING about the ending because they were too fucking stupid to read that the game had a definite end. They needed a plot device to continue the story, so they decided that the exposure to radiation merely puts you to sleep for two weeks. This add-on also extends the level cap to 30, breaks the game's difficulty into tiny pieces, and adds [[shit no one cares about|new main and side quests to the main game]]. Sadly, they are all about shooting people with guns as the good guys, thus fucking over people who like to have decent stories.
<p>
*'''Point Lookout'''</p>
You board a boat and travel to Incestville, [[Maryland]]. Tobar, the boatman, is revealed to have a brain fetish (not an ED joke, but [[fact|fact]]), and he removes a chunk of your brain. The DLC is actually quite good. If you want to buy a DLC, this is the only one that will give you more than five hours of gameplay, as well as the ability to shoot hillbillies with a double-barrel shotgun while wearing a [[Confederate]] hat and completely trip balls after taking [[drugs]]. This is one of the most bizarre moments in gaming history because you get to see your dead mother's corpse and a message that says, "If I had a baby that ugly, I'd abandon it too!" Also, because Bethesda couldn't find a true hillbilly in the north, the northern hillbillies have developed southern accents. (Clearly, they did not search in upstate New York or southern New Jersey.) Isn't that cool? Prepare to be disappointed, motherfucker, because it's still a shithole.

Doesn't blowing an inbred mutant hillbilly's head off with a double-barreled shotgun sound awesome? So, good luck with that. That double-barreled shotgun is a faulty piece of junk that can't hit anything more than ten feet away or anything closer than six inches away. You're going to miss unless you're perfectly positioned. It does, however, have some sort of magical property that causes it to become extremely accurate and lethal as soon as an enemy gets their hands on it. They can take a third of your health from another country with that shit. So, even on a low difficulty setting, expect to spend a lot of time in Point Lookout getting raped in the ass. Oh, and even if you get enough of them to repair one to full working order, it'll still jam after only fifty shots. You shouldn't bother with it because the terrible shotgun is much more accurate, does much more damage, and is much more durable.

You should also enjoy the section where you're tripping balls because you'll be spending a lot of time on it. This section of the main quest is nearly impossible to complete due to the 360 version being ridiculously unstable. If you're playing this shit on the 360, almost everything you do will cause the game to crash at this point. The game will crash if you look at something incorrectly. Moving too quickly will cause the game to crash. Moving too slowly will cause the game to crash. Breathing on the controller will cause the game to crash. The game will crash if you hold the controller incorrectly. At this point, smashing your 360, charging into Bethesda's headquarters, and going on a killing spree would be the best thing to do.
<p>
*'''Mothership Zeta'''</p>
A signal from a crashed recon craft is picked up by your Pip-Boy. You arrive and are kidnapped for [[Buttsecks|alien anal experiments]]. Following the buttrape, you join forces with other loveship prisoners to form an uprising. You meet a slew of other befuddled abductees here, including a possibly psychic and demonic [[Loli|little girl]], a [[Lemonparty|old-timey]] astronaut who dies immediately, a [[Brokeback Mountain|cowboy]] who only wants to shoot aliens, a pussy medic who only serves as a healer and a cryonade factory, and a [[Azn|samurai]] who speaks no Engrish. You can use their ship as your personal shit-storing station once you've [[Rape|killzoned]] all the aliens. [[Fail|Your space house doesn't have a fucking bed, and 70% of the ship is rendered unexplorable.]] The characters are all [[boring|boring]], and their only purpose is to be shot in the face and looted for unique armor. The weapons are as ineffective as a cripple's kick. In fact, a revolver from the 1800s outperforms alien shields made in 2277. Overall, a joke played by Bethesda on Fallout 3 after consuming copious amounts of booze and crack.

==''Fallout: [[Las Vegas|New Vegas]]''==
[[image:Boone.png|thumb|Boone, one of the companions in Jew Vegas. Wears this expression throughout the entire game, even when he's dead.]]
[[image:FNV_Landscape.png|thumb|[[Lie|Obsidian spent much time on creating the landscape.]]]]
[[File:Cruz Fallout NV.jpg|thumb|right|Degenerates like you..]]
[[File:Fallout jew vegas.png|center]]

Obsidian Games' Fallout: Jew Vegas is essentially a Fallout 1 and 2 themed Fallout. Many of the Fallout 1 and 2 developers worked on New Vegas, so it's more like the first two games, and the lore isn't as messed up as it was in Fallout 3. It does, however, have [[more]] bugs and a severely broken difficulty curve. This game, unlike the others, has nothing to do with vaults. You play as a shady courier kidnapped by Chandler from [[Friends]] for delivering a poker chip to a dying old man who runs the New Vegas strip. This chip would give him complete control of the Mojave Desert, but you don't know that yet (except now you do, lulz). Chandler, aided by some inbred tribal guys, brags about what a jerk you are for a few minutes before shooting you in the fucking face. You survive the shot (because he didn't use VATS), but almost everyone in Fallout can usually take about 5-10 headshots before dying. Chandler has his tribal lovers bury you, unaware that you're still alive, but then some robot named Victor digs you up, the actual game begins, and everything goes downhill from there. It's also worth noting that if you have the right perk and are a female, you can have hot [[buttsecks]] with Chandler.

The plot of Fallout: Jew Vegas expands beyond your [[gay|encounter]] with Chandler to a full-fledged [[rape]]-fest between two douchebag factions known as the [[George W Bush|NCR]] and the [[Douchebag|Caesar's Legion]]. You can join one of these factions or help Vegas regain its independence with the assistance of a [[creepy]] robot or a horny [[old]] man. Unlike Bethesda, Obsidian used their heads and created four different endings, resulting in massive [[Bawww]]ing from envious Fallout 3 fans.

The game plays like most Fallout games in that it starts off as complete bullshit, but becomes so easy towards the end that combat is just an annoying occurrence that prevents you from wrapping up the storyline and [[fanboi|START PLAYING IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!! OMG, WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF I FUCKED VICTOR IN THE HEAD WITH A SHOVEL AT THE BEGINNING OR IF I SAID "NO" INSTEAD OF "YES"??]]. The first two main quests begin with relatively easy enemies, and then you find yourself in some rocket facility with invisible [[Mr. Hands|super mutants raping your ass]], knocking off a third of your health with each thrust while you desperately try to pick away at their health with your moans. Then it's back to walking north until you do something stupid, like run into a herd of Deathclaws or a swarm of Cazadors, which are insanely overpowered and can inexplicably kill you by ramming into you and dealing [[over 9000]] damage in less than three seconds, at which point you realize they've been following you since before your last save, forcing you to restart from the beginning.

Then there are GLITCHES. The game has become notorious for crashing every 15 minutes, chugging whenever NPCs are in sight, and getting characters stuck in the environment. There have been a couple of patches released so far, but they don't seem to do anything. It gets better, though. Quite a few of these glitches existed in [[Oblivion]] too, and on top of that, they had been fixed. The most notable and crippling one is the NPC framerate problem. Whenever NPCs with facial expressions such as ghouls and humans are on screen, the framerate drops significantly. This was a problem in Oblivion as well, and an unofficial fix exists that allows the players' GPUs to render the facial expressions instead. The solution was a simple DLL that Obsidian could have easily included with the game.

[[Some argue]] that Obsidian improved upon Fallout 3 substantially, one of the most notable changes being voice acting. Now there are three voice actors for everyone instead of only the two Bethesda used in Oblivion and Fallout 3. Because the less important characters have significantly less dialogue than in Fallout 3, you'll frequently pass by a patrol of NCR soldiers muttering "Patrolling the Mojave Desert almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter" over and over. It gets even funnier when you come across murderous Powder Ganger members who scream "MURDERER" over and over when you attack them, despite the fact that they're having fun blowing the shit out of people with dynamite [[for the lulz]]. Furthermore, the radio stations enhance GNR's image. One has a computer DJ with a speech impediment, and another is run by [[Glenn Beck|some crazy guy]] who lives in a decommissioned military radio station. They both play the same five songs.

Oh, and in case you didn't realize it, this game is superior to Fallout 3.

{{quote|Please assume the position.| Fisto on raping you with a pneumatic [[dildo]]. No, really.}}

==Characters==
This game has so many characters it's a miracle the disc doesn't explode and send every shard flying up your ass each time you load it up. Behold:

[[File:Benny jew vegas.jpg|right|thumbnail|Benny is a bit... [[retarded|special]].]]

*'''[[You]]''': [[winner|Shot in the MOTHERFUCKING HEAD and BURIED ALIVE]] [[Epic Fail|DURING THE INTRO]], just to remind you how much money you spent on a game that tells you that you're too gay to play it before you even have the chance to press a single button. You manage to survive long enough to [[America|fuck up the world]].

* '''[[Wop|Benny]]''': He prefers to be called [[Homo|Mathew Perry]]. He used to be a spear-chucking savage; now he chucks bullets, like the one he puts in your fucking face at the start of the game. The real fun in this game is listening to his lazy, phoned in, opiate influenced dialogue and realizing that he most likely was imitating [[Elvis]] and had to be awakened every l0 minutes because he kept falling asleep on the [[Shit]]ter

* '''[[Walt Disney|Mr. House]]''' (Not to be confused with [[House|Dr. House]]): Undead Cyborg with a [[neckbeard]]; confined to [[Hugbox|some variety of stasis chamber]] and tries to get you to fuck up the NCR and Caesar, but you're actually more likely to suck his 200-year-old robot dick and help him rule the Mojave Desert in exchange for a swanky hotel room.

* '''[[Gay|Arcade Gannon]]''': A homosexual follower who is stuck in the past and wants you to [[Lemonparty|gather up a bunch of old geezers who are washed up enclave soldiers to help the war effort]].

* '''[[Lesbian|Veronica]]''': Another sexually confused follower who used to have an affair with a bald and mute chick. She tried to alleviate the Brotherhood's status, but due to being the basement-dwellers they are, she failed.

* '''[[Lemonparty|Caesar]]''': Old, misogynistic homo with a cross-dressing fetish, considering that he and his followers wear skirts. He keeps a gay doctor as his pet, has a [[Charles Whitman|brain tumor]] and will fucking die within a year, making this character pretty much useless. [[WTF|Raping his face with a shotgun has no effect on the game's story, even though he's basically the main bad guy.]]

* '''[[I am disappoint|Legate Lanius]]''': Caesar's right-hand man. [[No|Will fuck your shit right up]], [[Final Boss|unless you use that special move you learned from a crippled old nigger to knock him down and leave him defenseless while you unload over 9000 bullets into his face.]]

* '''[[RAGE|Cass]]''': An alcoholic hillbilly bitch with no tits and a bad habit of killing the absolute fuck out of everyone and everything when given explosives.

* '''[[Internet Tough Guy|Craig Boone]]''': [[Spoiler|Shot his pregnant wife]] and isn't afraid of anything.

* '''[[Spambot|Victor]]''': The whacked-out robot stalker that [[Gay|thinks it's a cowboy]] and follows you across the desert. Serves absolutely no purpose other than to annoy the almighty fuck out of you.

* '''[[Jessica Brooks|Joshua Graham]]''': [[Mormon]] mummy who was [[AND NOTHING OF VALUE WAS LOST|set on fire and thrown into the Grand Canyon]], but still crawled his burnt ass out of that hole and cockslapped a tribe of savages into being his bitches, spending his days in a cave at the back of their camp [[Blowjob|polishing their guns.]]

* '''[[Furry|Vulpes Inculta]]''': "I'm a skinny faggot who wears a dog on his head and [[i did it for the lulz|wiped out an entire town like a boss]]."

* '''[[Moralfag|Julie Farkas]]''': Fugly, mohawk-sporting dyke; every second person to whom you speak seems to send you back to her for more [[Drunk|regretful]] buttsex.

* '''[[Brain|Doctor Klein]]''': HAND PENISES!

* '''[[Zombie|Raul Tejada]]''': Emo [[Mexican]] zombie who constantly whines about being such an old bastard. Had a [[Loli|sister]] who was [[Goosh Goosh|raped to death]].

* '''[[Nigger|Ulysses]]''': OLD WORLD OLD WORLD OLD WORLD OLD WORLD ROAD ROAD ROAD ROAD COURIER COURIER BEAR BULL BEAR BULL BEAR BULL BEAR BULL BEAR BULL HISTORY HISTORY HISTORY HISTORY HISTORY HISTORY HISTORY AMERICA FUCKING SLEEPS, NIGHTY NIGHT AMERICA!

==The Factions==

[[File:Degenerates.png|70px|thumb|left|What every legion think about women]]'''[[Gang|The Powder Gangers]]''': [[Crips|Thugs]] who operate out of the local [[prison]]. At first, the idea of [[lulz|blowing up shit with dynamite, raping women, and taking drugs]] is awesome, but then you realize they have a [[Jailhouse Gay|terrible secret]]. STEAL THEIR TNT AND [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|BLOW UP EVERYTHING]].

'''[[Roman Empire|Caesar's]] [[circle jerk|Legion]]''': It's no surprise that the only faction that accepts [[Lemonparty|open male homosexuality]] is a group of middle-aged men dressed in Roman outfits and football padding. Their women, on the other hand, have few rights, such as the ability to choose whether or not to go to the kitchen willingly. Their typical day consists of burning villages, raping random people, and nailing [[You|anyone]] they despise to a [[Jesus|cross]] for fun. Their quests also provide shite rewards and make every other faction want you to eat shite and die. It should also be noted that their leader is upset because of a tumor in his head, which you can use to kill him once you've finished [[buttsex|carrying out his commands]].

'''[[America|NCR]]''': Post-[[Apocalypse]] [[Republicans]] who consider themselves the wasteland's [[USI|real government]] and almost wish for a nuclear winter. The local battalion in the Mojave is led by a [[nigger]] diplomat, an Asian who has been assigned the dreaded task of keeping the local junkies at bay, a PMS-ridden butch lesbian who wants you to royally fuck up everyone who calls the NCR mean names, and a lazy bum who, despite sitting on his fat ass all day, has attained the rank of general by giving out free blowjobs to every senator in the NCR goverment. For [[Lulz|great justice]], you can assassinate their president.

[[image:Pearl.jpg|thumb|[[Slavery|Please]] this lady to nuke more shit.]]
'''[[Terrorist|The Boomers]]''': [[Paranoid]] psychos led by an old woman named Pearl who enjoys [[Cum|blowing stuff up]] with their [[Cocks|explosives]]. If the [[You|Player]] does enough shit for the Boomers, they gain their assistance and [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|fly a fucking bomber that royally shits on everyone who opposes you]].

'''[[Fail|The Brotherhood of Steel]]''': Formerly awesome motherfuckers who took [[Awesome|high-grade energy weapons]] away from the [[Niggers|uneducated masses of the post-Apocalypse]] and had [[Warhammer 40,000|cool suits of armor]], they have been relegated to [[basement-dweller]] status because they lost a war to the NCR, who were using [[Gun|5.56's]], weren't [[300|trained from birth]] to fight, and were using fabric uniforms. Years after said war ended, they are still stuck in their basement and only an outsider who has nothing to do with them can get them out of their [[Alcohol|bender]].

'''[[Pussies|The Kings]]''': A bunch of [[Elvis]] wannabes who are even weaker than the Powder Gangers. The only reason you'll ever do any of their quests is so you can acquire a metal dog so you can have it [[Family Guy|lick peanut butter off your dick]].

==DLC==

*'''Dead Money'''

You are roofied by a Super Mutant, [[buttsecks|ass-raped]] by his second personality, and then you are forced to wear an explosive collar around your neck and are forced to be an old fuck's [[bitch]]. He makes you sprint through a depressing villa, dodging gas and obnoxious radios and speakers. First, you must meet the Super Mutant named Dog and listen to his constant whining.

You later meet a [[British]] ghoul with a stashing [[fetish]]. He was a singer who got stuck in the villa because no one liked his cockney uppity, rich accent. He later attempts to murder you unless you give him tea and crumpets. You also meet Christine, a bald, fugly woman in a cylinder who was stabbed multiple times in the face and then run over by an 18-wheeler. She lost her voice after ingesting too much [[semen]].

So you gather these scumbags to try to locate the Sierra Madre Vault, which contains a shitload of M0N1ES!!! Then you realize you're too frail to carry the treasure. You [[GTFO]] and leave the old man who enslaved you in the vault to fry. You just squandered three hours of game time because you were too fucking weak to carry the treasure! Congratulations, FUCKNUT!

*'''Honest Hearts'''

You follow a bunch of caravaneers into the Grand Canyon, where you and your friends are ass-raped by a bunch of [[Injuns|Indians]]. They kill everybody but you, as you are lucky enough to be spared since they knew that fighting your wimpy ass wouldn't be a challenge. You are sent to a [[Mormon|Mormon missionary]] mummy who was set on fire and thrown into the Grand Canyon by Caesar and survived (yep, even after the world ends, fucking Mormons still come knocking). He makes you do a bunch of [[shit nobody cares about]] and runs you into a bunch of [[lolwut|BIG ASS MOTHERFUCKING MUTATED FACE-RAPING ZOMBIE STEROID MURDERBEARS]] and more illiterate Indians who make you want to turn the game volume down.

Eventually, you get a choice of how to help the Indians: fight the tribals or be a [[French|fucking pussy]]. Of course, you choose to fight through hard-ass tribals that somehow got their hands on advanced military weapons. You kill a shit-faced tribal leader who gets captured by the mummy in a matter of seconds, and you either kill him or spare him. Then an ending begins, telling you [[Shit nobody cares about|every single fucking detail about the aftermath of your decisions]]. Whoopity-fucking-do.

*'''Old World Blues'''

Probably the best of the FNV DLC so far (which is not saying much). You are beamed to a [[Goatse|massive crater]] called the Big Empty after discovering a [[FOX News|crashed satellite]] in the middle of the desert. Here, you'll meet some scientists who have their brains stuck in jars and can do nothing but float around and browse [[b/|/b/]]. [[LOL WUT|Some will even cyber with you, while another misidentifies your fingers and toes as penises.]] Another brain, Dr. Mobius, steals your internal organs for no apparent reason, and you are required to retrieve a [[Cock|long, erect antenna]], a [[Fursuit|special suit]], and a [[iPod|thing that emits loud noises]].

It turns out Mobius has [[It was a social experiment|tricked the other brains into thinking that there is nothing beyond the crater]], so that they won't [[Troll|terrorize]] the wasteland with their experiments. [[Obvious|This is evidently unnecessary]], as the brains, after leaving the comfort of their [[Basement|underground lab]], would be raped in every possible way by the combination of raiders, NCR, Legion and, of course, [[THAT FUCKING CAT|THOSE FUCKING FLIES]], and thus would not last ten seconds. You can attempt to coax your brain to return to you but, like everyone else, [[Forever alone|it hates you]], and you're better off with the perk you got from [[Science|having tesla coils put into your head]], so [[For the lulz|why would you do that]]? After convincing the other brains to be less batshit insane, you're free to run around the Big Empty, collecting items and completing bland quests. [[Fail|You know, what you did all the time in the vanilla game without paying ten dollars for DLC?]]

*'''Lonesome Road'''

Some irritated [[nigger]] contacts you to explain why he bailed on delivering the [[Shit nobody cares about|Platinum Chip]]. But there's a catch: he wants you to go to the earthquake and tornado ridden [[Haiti|Divide]] for one last mission down the [[forever alone|Lonesome Road]]. Somehow, all of humanity rests on your [[cock|shoulders]] for an unspecified reason on this one mission. Turns out, [[Lolwut|he wants to fire a nuclear weapon because you delivered a package that you had no clue what was inside, but apparently detonated dormant nuclear warheads]]. Said nigger tries to kill you and is at nigh-God levels of health.

*'''Courier's Stash'''

It gives you the items from the pre-order bonus packs for two dollars. It was pointless because [[Macintosh|they were identical to items already in the vanilla game]].

*'''Gun Runner's Arsenal'''

[[Bullshit|As you can see, Bethesda learned their lesson about not charging real money for tiny content packs after Oblivion]]. Basically, more guns. Whee.

== Fallout 4 ==

{{Main|Fallout: Shadow of Boston}}

''Fallout: Shadow of Boston,'' AKA ''The Sims: S.T.A.L.K.E.R.,'' is the highly-anticipated sequel to Fallout 3. It was released on November 10th, 2015 and it has already generated more than enough drama to warrant [[Fallout: Shadow of Boston|its very own article]].

==Fallout: The Movie==
[[Last Thursday]], Fallout: The Movie (AKA The Book of Eli) was <strike>released to</strike> dumped upon the public. This movie will probably be the greatest thing since [[Raptor Jesus|Raptor jesus]] because all movies that have been based on games have been the [[Fail| best]] [[AIDS| thing]] [[Fag| evar]]. It's a [[2012]] (srsly) movie about an old black person that was apparently too [[typical|goddamn stupid]] to figure out that walking west is the best way to go west. Instead, it took [[Jews|30 years of wandering the desert]] for him to reach Nevada or something and find a hooker with a truck to take him to prison. Eli, the titular nigger, hauls an old Bible around with him, [[retard|because trudging through a near-lifeless wasteland your whole life with an 8-pound book is ''obviously'' so much more important than carrying an equivalent weight of food and water]]. Being a nigger, Eli is shown robbing dead people, breaking into houses and generally taking shit what don't belong to him, yet he reads his magic book every day and says says [[The God Warrior|he's on a mission from God]], despite the fact that he kills more people in 20 minutes than your average [[basement-dweller]] faps in an entire lifetime (all 27 years of their Cheeto-munching, Ramen-slurping, hentai-watching miserable existence) and likes to watch white wimminz getting raped. Apparently, Eli is also blind, which ''would'' explain why it took him so fucking long to reach the west coast if he were white. This twist fucks the whole movie in the ass so hard even [[YOU]] won't be able to sit for a week. Fortunately, the movie has a happy ending: Eli dies in prison. Because he's black.

However, since this movie is obviously [[Bullshit|completely original]], [[No|it has several key differences]]:
*Too many shitload characters
* Only two color schemes were used: Brown and light brown (clearly not the same as Fallout's brown, light brown and gray)
* Overt religious themes (as opposed to Oblivion With Guns's more subtle ones. See? Totally different.)
* Really, really fucking bad music
* Kindly old couple who are actually murderous cannibals (Andale, anyone?)

==Fallout 76==
{{Main|Fallout Online}}
Fallout goes MMO, $60 to beta test an asset-flip. Along with downgraded gameplay bugs are revamped to the point where the game can [[Yes|DELETE ITSELF]]. Bethesda fucks up the lore for the billionth time.

==Evolution Of Fallout==
[[File:FalloutGraphicsComparison.jpg|thumb|right]]

A baby is drowning in the lake:

'''Fallout 1'''

*Ask for more information
*Agree to help
*Decide not to help
*Accidentally say something that pisses the NPC off, failing the quest
*Reveal too much information about yourself, causing the Super Mutants to track your vault more easily

'''Fallout 2'''

*Ask for more information
*Agree to help
*Decide not to help
*Accidentally say something that pisses the NPC off, failing the quest
*Pop culture reference about the baby

'''Fallout 3'''

*Yes, I will save the baby
*Depends on the caps
*I will not save the baby
*[Intelligence] The baby is drowning

'''Fallout New Vegas'''

*I will save the baby
*I will not save the baby
*[Barter 30] Double the caps and I'll save the baby
*[Medicine 30] Thanks to my medical knowledge, I will easily be able to save the baby
*[Survival 15/30] Uh... yeah, I totally know how to swim
*Pop culture reference about the baby, with references to Southwest culture

'''Fallout 4'''

*Yes
*No (Yes)
*Sarcastic (Yes)
*Hate babies

'''Fallout TV Show'''

Yeah, no one gives a shit about this after failing to do source material like [[one_piece]], a dad is kidnapped from the rape vaults after his daughter is raped by white man bad. Just a show for cucks if you wanna see a woman and a nigger kiss, yeah, I spoiled that shit for you, but The Ghoul is the best character on the show and cuts Lucy's finger off for the [[lulz]] to show how [[badass]] he is.

Confirmed to have a second season, where they travel to New Vegas. Guaranteed to generate tons of butthurt when it shows which faction won at the end of New Vegas (Not that it matters anyway).

== Trolling Fallout fans ==

*If they are a fan of the Bethesda Fallout, say they aren’t real fallouts, and they should play a real fallout like 1,2 or NV

*If they are a fan of the Interplay/Obsidian Fallout, say Bethesda bailed them out and made the only good fallouts 3,4 and 76)

*Call it [[Skyrim]] with guns

* Ask why Tim Cain has said the series has nothing to do with Anti-capitalism and is instead about "War is inevitable given basic human nature"

==Galleries==
===Fallout Classics (1,2,T)===
{{cg|'''Gallery'''|fcgallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
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</gallery>|}}

===Fallout 3===
{{cg|'''Fallout 3 Gallery'''|FO3gall|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Falloutlogic.jpg|Bethesda Logic
File:Fallout3XX00021.jpg|New Vegas vs Fallout 3
File:Fallout3XX0003.jpg|This player has a drinking problem.
File:Fallout3XX0001.jpg|FUCK YOU
File:Vesterfallout3.png
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Fallout3programmingexample.png|Yes, Besfags really are this lazy.
File:Fallout3XX00022.jpg
File:Fallout3XX0002.jpg|Chess Easter egg
File:Fallout3XX0004.jpg|Sugar Bombed
File:Fallout3XX0009.jpg
File:Fallout3XX00012.jpg|Friends 'till the end
File:Fallout3XX00010.jpg
File:Fallout3XX00011.jpg|MIRV-Bombed
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File:Fallout3XX00020.jpg|Evolution of Bethesda games
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File:Fallout3XX00031.gif|What a way to go out.
File:Fallout3XX00032.jpg|Fallout 3 IRL. [[DC]] is actually much more dangerous in the real world.
File:Fallout3XX00033.gif|Genuine Bethesda programming.
File:Tomhoward.jpg
File:FalloutGore12.jpg
File:FalloutGore1.jpg
File:FalloutGore123.jpg
File:Fallout-3.jpg
File:Let’s see you try Joe Biden.jpeg
</gallery>|}}

===New Vegas===

{{cg|'''New Vegas Gallery'''|newvegas|center|<gallery perrow="5">
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File:New Vegas Megacomic.jpg
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File:Berned man.jpg
File:FalloutGore1234.jpg|Marijuana Mod
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</gallery>|}}

==See also==
*[[Fallout 4]]
*[[Bethesda Softworks]]

*[[Advice Boy]]
*[[Basement Dweller]]
*[[Bioshock]]
*[[Hbomberguy]]
*[[Deus Ex]]
*[[Borderlands]]
*[[Diablo 2]]
*[[Gas Mask Girl]]
*[[Modding]]
*[[Oblivion]]
*[[Rogue]]
*[[WWIII]]

== External links ==

*[http://www.madbrahmin.cz/spolecne/bible/Fallout_Bible_gog.pdf The Fallout Bible] - Van Buren design document by Chris Avellone
*[http://www.moddb.com/games/f3-van-buren One] of several fan remakes of Van Buren

{{gaming}}

Australian Shitposter

2025-07-30T10:49:10Z

HellenicTrapstar: /* Gallery */ Added mour pics

:''Were you looking for [[Likeicare]]?''
{{Potential}}
[[File:Australian shitposter.jpg|thumb|right|200px]]
[[File:Moot hates shitposters.png|thumb|right]]
The '''Australian Shitposter''' (colloquially nicknamed "Bruce") is a meme depicting the [[Australia|Australian]] users of [[4chan]], who, despite making up less than 15% of the population, commit 90% of all [[shitposting]]. Due to the fact that Australia is located in a different timezone than where all the other [[anons]] live, Australians are left free to shitpost while all the moderators are asleep. Needless to say, the Aussies' superior taste of freedom has led to some controversy, [[the cancer that is killing b|and have thus been blamed for ruining 4chan]] and consequently have become [[moot]]'s archnemeses. The [[Final Solution]] to Australian shitposting is to hide [[Hide, Ignore, Do Not Reply|Australian threads, ignore Australian posts, and not reply to Australian posters]]. This undesirable Aussie has a lesser known [[Canadian]] [https://hatepedia.ca/guide/characters/day-of-the-rake-the-leaf counterpart/variant known as the Leafposter], who materialized after some speculation that Canadians might have been the true shitposters all along. [[with Jews you lose|With leafposters]], they cannot be ignored but must be raked to death on the [[The Turner Diaries|Day of The Rake]].

==Gallery==
{{cg|Aussie Gallery|Aussiegallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
The Aussie vs The Florida Man.jpg
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Australian shitenjoyer.png
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</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
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Aussie lad.jpg
File:Australianshitposter.png
File:Brenton Tarrant Australian shitposter making gesture.png
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File:Anonymous-australia.jpg
</gallery>}}

{{cg|Hide X Threads, Ignore X Posts, Do Not Reply To X Posters|DontReply|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Hide_Australian_threads.png
Hide_Jewish_threads.png
Hide_Russian_threads.png
Hide_American_threads.png
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</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
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</gallery>}}
{{main|Hide, Ignore, Do Not Reply}}

==His final shitpost==
[[File:Brenton8chad.png|The shitposter's final message.|thumb|250px]]
On March 15, 2019, the Australian Shitposter announced that he was going to stop shitposting and travel to [[New Zealand]] to execute one last effortpost in real life. The effort post paid off as the result was one of the lulziest things viewed in the history of the internet. His gameplay footage can be viewed below. Rumor has it he is still shitposting and pissing off moot from behind a prison cell.
<center>
[[File:TarrantAtDoomGates.mov|750px]]
</center>
[[File:Brenton Tarrant Australian shitposter making gesture.png|thumb|center|400px|<center><big>'''"Wherever I go, I must also shitpost."'''</big></center>]]

==See Also==
*[[bant/|/bant/]]
*[[Bogans]]
*[[int/|/int/]]
*[[Amerimutt]] - the [[American]] users of 4chan.
*[[Brenton Tarrant]] - The true Australian shitposter.
*[[Emu War]]
*[[Hide, Ignore, Do Not Reply]]
*[[Janny]] - Who has to clean up his shit in the morning.
*[[Pepe The Frog]]
*[[Troll Face]]
*[[Wojak]]

==External Links==
*{{KYM|memes/australian-shitposters| Knowyourmeme page on the subject}}

{{portals|chans|memes}}
{{Australia}}
{{Brenton Tarrant}}
[[Category:Needing Work]]

File:Anonymous-australia.jpg

2025-07-29T17:45:29Z

HellenicTrapstar:

Minecraft

2025-04-09T00:37:24Z

HellenicTrapstar: /* A Minecraft Movie */

{{achtung|It's no surprise this game got a [[Stupid|stupid]] movie.}}
{{spoilers|the Minecraft movie is just the 1993 Super Mario Bros. movie all over again}}
{{hell}}

[[Image:Minecraftdongmod.png|thumb|Welcome to Minecraft!]]
[[image:Minecraftdad.png|thumb|This game is way too deep for you, dad!]]<br /><br /><br />

{{distinguish|Mein Kampf}}

'''Minecraft''' (better known as ''[[Chris-Chan]]'s Extreme Autism: Underground'') is an over-rated online sandbox game programmed entirely in [[COBOL|Java]] and is the brainchild of the fatass [[Retard|brilliant]] [[Sweden|Swedish]] ego-manic Markus Persson {{atheist}}, also known as “[[Notch]].” It once had an enjoyable community but has since then been invaded by autistic and screaming 10 year old newfags.

The first incarnation of this game appeared in 2009 as a simple time waster in which you would manufacture pixel art of video game sprites and blocky [[dicks|schlongs]] with an assortment of colored blocks of all different textures. But like all great internet [[Keyboard Cat|phenomena]], it caught the attention of depraved [[channers]] and [[goons]] to cast their influence on Notch’s ambitious project, which in part made the game [[E-famous|more popular than it’s worth]].

Being a game made in Java it's sluggish, buggy, and overall extremely terrible; in fact being made in Java is the very reason why you shouldn't play it to begin with. All these problems are to be fixed rather sooner than later, since the abnormally large-framed Notch has finally given up on this shitty game, sold the rights to [[Microsoft]], and left his suck-up former '[[Bitch|employee]]' Jeb to take over game design. This is, of course, a lie; evidently Jeb is just as lazy and disconnected from the playerbase as Notch ever was, and Microsoft are content to simply milk the IP for overpriced merchandise and godawful spin-offs.<br /><br /><br />

<center><youtube>LOexHHxOUy4</youtube></center>
{{Clear}}
<center>[[Truth|This sums this up pretty well.]]</center>

==[[The Game]]==
[[image:MinecrapCrashes.PNG|thumb|right|This happens a lot, Minecraft is unstable as fuck. It also has never ending bugs.]]
[[image:MinecraftCockWall.jpg|thumb|right|Minecraft isn't gay at all]]
[[image:Minecraft endermen niggers.jpg|thumb|right|[[Some argue]] that this is the most common place to find [[niggers|endermen]]. Mojang are [[lie|clearly]] [[not racist]].]]

Minecraft's gameplay is composed mainly out of wandering pointlessly, having one finger inserted firmly up your rectum, and if you found that enjoyable enough to get to sunset, you later get raped by various creatures of the night. Although arguably the experience goes deeper than that, no matter how 'amazing' your Minecraft life appears to be it always can be boiled down to the previous sentence. Whenever he is not wandering around looking for that one block he needs to complete his giant golden cock and balls statue, the player is expected to [[GRIDS|grind]] the fuck out of mining, farming, tree cutting and, in some tragic cases, even mob-slaying, the one thing that keeps the Minecraft experience just a little bit more varied and organic than a plastic picnic-mat. Basically, playing Minecraft is like playing [[Second Life]] on an [[Atari]].
[[File:Mc slut.jpg|thumb]]
===Mobs===
Mobs are just a bunch of NPCs that are designed to piss you off while you're building your house, which in most cases is a 6x12 hole dug 5 minutes before nightfall in the side of a stone cliff. <br>
====Passive Mobs====

*[[Cops|Pig]] - Pink thing that snorts at you until you kill it for pork chops. Notch added the completely fucking useless feature of being able to [[bestiality|ride pigs.]] First, you go down to the depths of the fucking earth to get a [[dildo|saddle]], then you place it on the pig, then you [[rape|right click]] it. <S>You can't control the pig at all, and it moves the same way that it does when you aren't riding it, so its fucking useless other than fulfilling Notch's sick fantasy</S> You can control it now, but you need a [[dildo|carrot]] on a stick to attempt to [[rape|control]] it. Still fucking worthless.

*[[Lolcow|Cow]] - Likes to jump in your face until you milk it or kill it for [[Awesome|leather and beef]]. Milk in Minecraft functions as an antidote for food poisoning, which is ironic because normally if you ate rotten meat and then had milk that'd be suicide.

*[[Lolwut|Mooshroom]] - A cow that has [[Shrooms|mushrooms]] growing on it's back. It's completely fucking worthless unless you like stew.

*[[Goatse|Sheep]] - <s>You only get wool from these guys.</s> LOL NEVERMIND, mutton was added in 1.8. They can now eat [[Drugs|grass]] to regain their wool. This is pointless because in the game you need a total of 3 wool to make a bed.

*[[Wolf]] - Because Notch wanted to cater to furries. If you hit one of these animals, they will rip the shit out of you. If you give them bones, [[faggotry|hearts will fly everywhere]]. Now the dog will follow you and [[rape|attack]] anything you hit.

*[[Squid Girl|Squid]] - Pointless pieces of shit that live in water. You only get ink sacks from them and they do nothing except make books to write erotic fanfiction in.

*[[Jew|Villager]] - [[Jews|Creepy, big nosed creatures]] with crossed arms. All they do is sit around in villages and practically do nothing besides having gay orgies [[wat|to make babies]]. You can get different clothed people to show their jobs in society but [[nobody cares]] about that since they all act the same anyway. Another way these can be recognised as [[jews]] is that you can trade in all of your valuable [[jew gold|emeralds]] for a piece of [[fried chicken]]. [[TL;DR|In short]], the fan-made "Millenaire Mod" was [[at least 100]] times better than these [[Jewish]] pricks. A major reason for this is that Millenaire villagers can actually build shit while the default villagers sit around and charge you money to do shit for them like the fat ugly [[jews]] they are. You can now enslave them for unlimited mending books.

*[[Retard|Snow Golem]] - Made from a pumpkin and snow blocks. Basically, a wolf with a brain of [[Chris-chan]]. They fire [[cum|snowballs]] at enemies that reduces their health by [[Nothing|0.1]] each time. Completely pointless unless you want a distraction. They also melt if you take them anywhere other than snowy areas, making them an even bigger fucking waste. The only real use is to let them be decoys while you run like the [[nigger]] you are.

*[[Lion|Ocelot]] - Worthless pieces of ass that do jack shit except wander around and run away from you.

*[[Furfag|Fox]] - Added in 1.14, Foxes are like ocelots in the way they run away from you whenever you make the smallest movement. They can be "tamed" with berries although "taming" them only makes them not run away from you whenever you approach them.

*[[Lolcat|Cat]] - Ocelots became untameable in 1.14 and were instead replaced with these shitstains which you can find in villages and can be tamed once you feed them fucktons of fish. They don't do anything except meow and make Creepers run away.

*[[Robot|Iron Golem]] - These lumbering hunks of shit are possibly the coolest mob in the game mainly because they toss [[niggers]] 100 feet in the air and have 100 HP.

*[[Zerg Rush|Bats]] - Useless squeaky things that fly into your face at night time and in dark areas for the sole purpose of blocking your attacks and making the game crash more.

*[[Ponies|Horses]] - Remember when riding pigs was completely fucking pointless because you could only control it until your carrot tied onto the end of a fishing rod breaks? Mojang copy/pasted Horses from a mod that was actually good but didn't give the creator money because Mojang employees hate sharing the [[Jew gold]] with people who actually do the fucking work (unfortunately, it wasn't the [[Mr. Hands]] add-on) to satisfy the needs of [[bronies]]. All they're useful for is getting to places faster, carrying your shit in chests and can jump higher than any other mob. You can [[bondage|tie]] the horses to a fence so that it won't run away like a pussy, and you can [[rape|ride]] it like a pig should you have a saddle. [[Oblivion|Comes with silver, gold and diamond horse armor]].

*[[Furfag|Rabbits]] - Added in 1.8, rabbits just basically hop around being useless. Killing them gives you meat and worthless rabbit hide, which can be [[lolwut|made into cow leather]]. On extremely rare occasions, a hostile white rabbit will spawn as an obvious homage to the killer rabbit from Monty Python. It will rape you harder than [[bubba]]'s massive [[Aborigine]] cock in a little Abbo's ass.

*[[Mexican|Axolotls]] - Added in 1.17, Axolotls are useless [[Faggot|faggots]] that do nothing but live in caves and [[rape]] the tropical fish that spawn in the Lush Caves. [[Shit Nobody Cares About|They come in different colors]] with a rare blue texture if you breed enough of these faggots (1/1200 chance because that's how approximately how many of these fuckers are left in the wild [[IRL]].) They can attack zombies and drowned if you feed them fish. [[IRL]] Axolotls are native to a singular lake in the outskirts of [[Mexico|Meheeco City]] and because of that they are [[Nobody cares|critically endangered]].

*[[Bee Movie|Bees]] - Added in 1.15, they make honey and will [[rape]] you if you don't place a campfire down first before harvesting it. You can make honey blocks which are useful for redstone components but are completely useless for anything eles with the honey you collect, other than that they're complete shitstains.

*[[French|Frogs]] - Added in 1.19, these pointless wankstains live in [[Louisiana|swamps]] and eat baby slimes (Mojang was originally going to add fireflies to Minecraft for frogs to eat but changed it at the last second because the nazis over at PETA would get butthurt if they made frogs eat something that's poisonous to them [[IRL]]). You can get [[lolwut|froglights]] if you manage to make one eat a baby Magma Cube. If they eat regular slimes they wil ldrop absolutely nothing, making them fucking useless unless you manage to bring one to the Nether. They can jump pretty high and will often [[An hero|jump off cliffs]] and die like the stupid little retards they are.

*[[Cum|Tadpoles]] - The retarded offspring of the aforementioned frogs. They don't do anything other then swim around in ponds and then turn into frogs after [[at least 100]] years. Tadpoles can also be put in buckets and moved around if you want to make a [[France|shitty frog pond]] in your Minecraft world. The biome they grow in determines what color the frog will be.

*[[Braaaap|Sniffer]] - Another useless mob added by Mojang in 1.20. These fuckstains can only be spawned if you can find their eggs in chests then plant them on moss and wait an eternity for a baby to spawn out of it. Then it sniffs for seeds, not wheat seeds, but rather [[Oldfag|ancient]] seeds for a useless plant that does fuck all once you plant it.

*[[CIA|Glow Squid]] - Added after a mob vote that [[Dream|a certain Minecraft youtuber]] allegedly rigged and caused much [[butthurt]] in the Minecraft community, These things do absolutely nothing but die in caves and drop glowing ink [[ballsack|sacs]] which can be used to make glowing item frames and signs, another feature that [[Nobody|many players]] commonly use.

*[[Arab|Camel]] - Added in 1.20, Camels are Like horses but slow as shit and only spawn in Desert villages. Camels are another mob that do next to buttfucking nothing except wander around and die once it gets stuck near a cactus.

*[[Pirate|Parrot]] - Added in 1.12, Parrots are tameable mobs that occasionally imitate the sounds of hostile mobs, including creepers which causes Minecraft players much [[Butthurt]] and sperg out and believe they're going to [[Trolled|lose their precious base that they spent so much time on]].

*[[Inbred|Strider]] - Added in 1.16 after Mojang decided it was time to give the Nether some more useful features, Striders can be ridden over lava assuming you have a saddle and warped fungus on a stick, both of which are next to impossible to find in the nether, Striders come with a caveat because if you die riding one you will lose the warped fungus you were using to control these bastards.

You can now breed animals by feeding them wheat, multiplying the faggotry in the game and also adding a bit of [[america|incest]] as well. If you feed an animal wheat (unless it's a pig, which prefers [[cock|carrots]] and chickens, which prefer [[cum|seeds]]), it enters love mode and [[desperate|if another animal of the same type is nearby]] and in love mode too, they have kinky hot nose sex until they ejaculate another version of themselves. In 1.9 prerelease 2 you could multiply animals like cells as long as you had wheat, but in all updates after, [[jew|Notch]] changed it so that when 2 animals have a baby they can't make another until the baby grows up (which takes [[at least 100]] years.)

====Aggressive Mobs====

*[[Zombie]] - Once they were the easiest mobs to kill, but as of Minecraft 1.6, Mojang decided to make it so that if you go out for a stroll in the night time, you'll find yourself getting [[buttsex|raped in the arse]] by [[over 9000]] zombies. Now they're the most overpowered mob in the game.
* Baby Zombies - The lovechilds of the already overpowered green niggers. They're faster and for some reason [[Fail|have as much health as a normal zombie.]] Also, they can ride on chickens.
*[[Skeleton]] - One of the most annoying features of the game. It just [[Black Ops|sits in a dark corner spamming arrows at you]] until you die. Drops arrows and bones.
*[[Terrorists|Creeper]] - The ultimate [[trolls]] of the game. They pick the moment when you just found your first diamond or two. When come near you, they hiss and explode and rape the shit out of anything near it. This causes major [[butthurt]] for the player. [[Awesome|You can get gunpowder from them to make TNT.]] Also, they can get struck by lightning and that makes them have a wider [[power level|blast radius]] for even moar [[rape]].
*[[Spiders]] - Annoying bug that likes to [[zerg rush]] new players and raep their faces at night. Able to [[Antoine Dodson|climb in unfinished windows]] and over walls just to [[Halo|jump at your face with bullshit melee until it can t-bag your corpse]]. Does not burn in sunlight unlike undead mobs, so no time of the day is safe from them. Variations include Spider Jockies and Cave Spiders. Spider Jockies are spiders with skeletons [[rape|riding them]], and Cave Spiders are spiders that poison you which takes you down to <b>HALF A HEART</b>. You can get string for these guys to make bows and fishing rods. You can also get Spider Eyes to make [[Jizztini|potions]] with.
*[[Shitstorm|Slime]] - They live deep underground. If you kill one, they split into [[at least 100]] more smaller ones. You can get slime balls from them and make <s>nothing but [[Cum|sticky]] pistons</s> as of 1.8 you can now make useless fucking slime blocks.
*[[Slenderman|Enderman]] - They are EXACTLY like niggers: they are tall, black, they steal things, they can't swim, and if you look at them, they will freeze. If you look away from them, they will attack you. As soon as you look away from them they teleport and [[rape|hit]] you [[surprise buttsecks|from behind]]. They drop ender pearls that make them disappear. Throwing [[shit|enderpearls]] can make you teleport but in sacrifice for [[emo|self-harm]].
*[[Magick|Witch]] - Lives in shit stained tree houses in the swamps. Will throw [[cum|potions]] at you until you become [[crippled]].
*[[Tentacle Rape|Silverfish]] - If [[you]] mine the wrong block of stone in a cave, [[sand niggers|little hairy pricks]] come out and rape you. But then they wake up their buddies to rape even [[MOAR]] shit!
*[[FYIAD|Enderdragon]] - Big ass dragon in [[2012|The End]]. Swoops down to rape your shit all the time until you get off your ass and kill it by firing [[over 9000]] arrows up its ass.
*[[wat|Zombie Pigman]] - They appear in the [[hell|Nether]] or from a pig being struck by lightning (there's [[at least 100]] [[truth|percent chance that this will never happen]]). If you hit them, they use their golden swords to [[guro|decapitate]] [[you]]. You get rotten meat and [[jew gold|golden nuggets]] from them. They function like niggers: they spawn in groups, and if you hurt one, the whole group will come after you. They're called "zombified Piglins" now
*[[Ghost|Ghast]] - Huge flying, white squid ghost things that also live in the [[hell|nether]]. Makes creepy baby noises and fires [[cum|flaming meteors]] at you. The only two ways to kill them is by spamming arrows at them or reflecting the meteors back at them with your [[cock|sword]]. You can get gunpowder and [[emo|ghast tears]] from them but they always end up in lava anyway.
*[[Copypasta|Magma Cube]] - Notch thought it would be a good idea to re-texture the slimes. They appear in the [[hell|Nether]] and like to [[guro|dismantle themselves]]. Like most mobs, they're fucking useless.
*[[Kill it with fire|Blaze]] - They appear in [[hell|Nether]] fortresses and catch fire to themselves before firing flaming [[cum|meteors]] at [[you]]. These [[Asian|yellow]] flying pricks drop blaze [[dildos|rods]] which are essential for bonus pleasure points that add to your score at the end.[[Raep|future uses]].
*[[Niggers|Wither Skeleton]] - The niggerfied version of the skeleton which happens to be taller and appears in the [[hell|nether]]. Killing them will drop coal, bones, a sword, or a skull.
*[[Killdozer|Wither]] - Once built with soul sand (shaped in a "T") and 3 wither skulls on top, you will summon a flying monster designed to [[clusterfuck]] anything and everything on the ground. And best of all, <S>it is close to impossible to kill it on survival</S> It's fairly easy to kill if you actually played the game long enough to [[cartoon|get a fuckton of anvils to drop on it]] after it spawns, give it cannon fodder to attack while raping it in the back, or exploiting Notch's lack of maths to suffocate it to where the player needs to cock-slap it once to kill it. Drops a nether star on death and can be used of a shitty beacon that ups a few abilities within it's radius. PROTIP: Find a non-[[Condom|protected]] server and summon the Wither right next to a [[13-year-old]]'s house for teh lulz.
*[[FUCK YEAH SEAKING|Guardian]] - Added in 1.8, these ''originally named'' oversized pufferfish come in two varieties, normal and [[oldfag|Elder]]. Attacks include hitting you with dildos that grow from their bodies while swimming towards you to commence literal rape, and 360 no-scope sniper lazor l33t beams that come out of the eye of the penis, er, I mean, eye of [[the Guardian]].
*[[Chris Benoit|Warden]] - Because the Ender Dragon and Wither were too easy for [[Virgin|the average Minecraft player]], Mojang added a new "boss" to the game in 1.19 that has '''500 FUCKING HP''' and instantly [[buttsex|butt rapes]] you even if you're wearing full netherite armor.
*[[Kamikaze|Phantom]] - Annoying flying mob that likes to kamikaze you when you haven't slept in 3 days. Drops phantom membranes which can be made into slow falling potions which are fucking useless.

===Planned Mobs===
Please note that "planned" means "we'll say stuff to make you happy" in minecraft-dev-language and that the minecraft jew-devs are actually doing nothing more than fapping to [[mom|MILF porn]].
*[[Vagina|Fish]] - These mobs were announced back in <b>2010</b> and <s>they still haven't been added to the fucking game</s> NEVERMIND LOL. If they ever do get added they'd probably be wankstains. New fish have been added to the game as items, including one that tends to kill you if you eat it. Also added a chance to fish up gear...though more often than not you get some more useless shit. As of 1.13 fish are actual mobs and, as expected, are total wankstains.
*[[FYIAD|Red Dragon]] - <span style="text-decoration: line-through;">These mobs have been confirmed and will be the second asshole dragon to be in the game. They'll supposedly be more peaceful and they'll have lairs in cliffs. That being said, they'll still probably be able to rip you to shreds.</span> Recent update has confirmed that these won't be appearing any time soon, if at all. Were over hyped by a click baiting jew called FireRockerzstudios.
*[[Faggot|Jayden]] (no, not that [[nigger|nigger retard]] son of Will smith, but a fat dick that no one likes and follows you around everywhere until he gets pissed at you. Also he will go on about "trolling" and thinks he is good at it.

===Removed Mobs===

*[[Cock|Giant]] - Giants are [[Obvious|giant]] mobs that do absolute shit and can't even break blocks. They have been ''partially'' removed from the game but their coding is still there, mainly so that [[Hacker|hackers]] can spawn them on your game and scare the shit out of you, and/or because Notch is so fucking fat and lazy that he can't reach the backspace key.
*[[Retard|Human]] - Humans were only in <s>Classic</s> (they were removed in classic you fuckwit) and they did nothing except run around like fucking retards. They had no use. [[Seriously]]. Later on, they were [[Bullshit|removed again]] near the end of beta. Before then, they would run around aimlessly, fucking up your shit in a similar manner to zombies.

===Dimensions===

*[[IRL|Overworld]] - This is where you start off and [[lie|live your every day life]]. Biomes include [[weed|grass plains]], [[Bangladesh|swamps]], [[Brazil|jungles]], [[Russia|snowy lands]], [[Afghanistan|deserts]], [[Canada|forests]] and [[Shrooms|mushroom islands]]. The stuff you may find underground will be mine shafts, caves, tombs, and strongholds which all contain creatures of [[rape]]. It's also the only place where day and night happen.
*[[Netherlands|Nether]] - [[suicide|You decide you don't want to life on this planet any more]], build a [[goatse|portal]] out of obsidian and explore [[fallout 3|what would happen if WW3 took place]]. As soon as [[In the ass|you enter]] the nether, you will be raped by [[niggers|zombie pigmen]] and [[cum]] throwing [[faggots|ghasts]], if you don't fall into the [[ass|deep oceans of lava]] first. Explore it even more and you will find [[Basement|fortresses]] with [[Genital Herpes|genital warts]] growing in them, guarded by [[Asians|Blazes]] and [[Koreans|magma cubes]].
*[[Divide by 0|The End]] - You may also find that the [[Basement|strongholds]] may contain a different [[goatse|portal]]. Shove a bunch of [[dildos|eyes of the ender]] into to it for it to [[rape|open]]. This world is just a big block of [[cum|white]] [[shit]] filled with [[niggers|endermen]] within a skybox that looks like a black tv fuzz. [[Skyrim|BUT THEN THERE IS A FUCKING HUGE DRAGON YOU HAVE TO KILL BY DESTROYING ITS HEALTH SOURCES AND WHEN IT DIES IT SHITS OUT EXPERIENCES ORBS AND A PORTAL UNDER A DRAGON EGG]]. Once you jump in, Notch pulls out his [[troll face]] and explains in the credits how he made his money from making you buy this shitty game in the first place with two people who take 10 minutes (not long to [[you]]) to tell you to [[get a life]].
*[[Heaven|Skylands]] - This part of minecraft used to only be accessible by [[modding]] and generating it with an Indev game. Notch [https://twitter.com/#!/notch/status/71249283520802817 confirmed] the Skylands would happen but then later replaced it with The End. It has since been confirmed again.

===Weapons and Tools===

*Wooden tools - Slow and breaks after 5 uses. Same color as the word that describes it: Shit. Toss this shit in the fire when you finally mine some [[cocaine|ores]]
*Stone tools - Less slow...still shit, but upgraded shit. Thinking of mining the shit out of the undergrowth? this is the best way to use the cobblestone that seems to [[clusterfuck]] your inventory [[at least 100 percent]] of the entire game.
*Iron tools - Very useful for getting stuff done quickly. [[PROTIP]]: Only use iron tools when trying to mine valuable ores. If you break them, you're the one that's gonna have to find more iron.
*Golden tools - Mines faster than you can [[fap]] but breaks down in under 5 uses.
*Diamond tools - Since it is so rare, diamond tools are quite fast and last for about [[OVER 9000|9001]] uses. Only obtained by [[basement dwellers|minecraft pros]] or [[You|cheaters]].
*Netherite tools - Since diamond tools were too weak, [[Jews|Mojang]] added another set of tools to the game that is hard as fuck to get and only spawn in the [[Hell|Nether]]. They have twice the strength of diamond tools and don't burn in lava since Minecraft players are complete retards and [[BAWWWWWW]] whenever they lose the tools they spent [[OVER 9000]] hours to get, but you can still destroy them if you're enough of a retard to drop one on a cactus.

*Pickaxe - Used to obtain underground crap like stone and ores.
*Axe - Used for cutting down trees even though they seem to [[wat|hover after being cut]]. Generally useless since you can [[RAGE|punch them down]].
*[[I has a shuvel|Shovel]] - Useful for getting rid of [[sandbox|sand]], [[cocaine|snow]], [[shit|dirt]], and [[crack|gravel]] but breaks very quickly for [[rape|raping]] it too much.
*[[Bitches|Hoe]] - Useless piece of shit if you just want to survive. This [[rapes|rakes]] grass and soil for planting [[weed|seeds]] (near water) like a [[Greenpeace]] hippy. Fence your [[weed|crops]] off in case something [[trolling|tramples it down back to grass]].
*[[Cock|Sword]] - Built for blocking [[cum|attacks]] and slicing [[niggers]]. In short, you're pretty much fucked if you don't have one of these unless you find an Jayden.
*Bow - Fires [[cum|arrows]] that reach [[China|the distant lands]] if you [[fap|charge]] your [[cock|shots]] long enough. Built for no-scoping [[Call of Duty|codfags]] who are too much of a pussy to [[get out]] of their bases and fight the bitches themselves. Well...either that or [[bullshit|they don't need exp or loot]]. All though it can kill anything flying or walking across the map, it does run out of uses and needs arrows in order to fire it.

*Torches - Fairly useful when you can't see for shit at night or underground and stops mobs from spawning near you. It is also good to place torches around your house so you don't get lost (or write down the coordinates using the F3 function) even though nobody knows how to use it.
*[[I has a bucket|Bucket]] - Made of iron to pick up water and lava. [[PROTIP]]: Get on a [[rape|survival]] server filled with [[13 year old boys]] and pour lava over their houses for maximum [[lulz]].
*[[Kill it with fire|Flint and steel]] - A [[troll]]'s best friend. It lights shit on fire! Find a non-[[condom|protected]] area in a server. Go to the nearest house made out of wood (if someone is that retarded to do such a thing). [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|BURN IT]] and run like fuck. Extreme [[butthurt]] will occur.
*TNT - A [[troll]]'s second best friend. Takes a fuck load of creeper killing but it's worth it in the end. Like the 'flint and steel', it can rape anybody's house even if it isn't made of wood (unless it's made of obsidian). Place it, apply a redstone current to it or set it on fire, and run like fuck from the explosion! This is considered to be the ultimate [[lulz]] generator in the entire game since it can also crash the entire server if you explode enough of them.

===Game Modes===

*'''Classic''' - One of the two free versions of the game; affords the player [[over 9000]] generic blocks with which they can construct [[LOLDONGS|genitalia]] of all shapes and sizes whilst free-roaming the pathetically minuscule world.
*'''Creative''' - Works exactly like Classic except the player has the ability to fly, mobs can't rape you and you won't ever die... unless you're fucking retarded and manage to dig through the bottom of the map.
*'''Survival''' - The ''only'' mode anybody plays. You assume the character of [[Bear Grylls]] struggling to survive whilst building big blocky penises, only this time you have to '''EARN''' the blocks you use ''and'' produce stupid weapons to keep [[Pedo|creepers]] from molesting not only you but your gay house. Bonus blocks are not awarded for urine consumption.
*'''[[I told you i was hardcore|Hardcore]]''' - The same as Survival except you don't respawn so if you die you're screwed; [[some argue]] that this is an attempt by Mojang to whip some [[lusers]] into reality. [[PROTIP]]: Kill admin on a Hardcore servers for instant [[lulz]].
*'''Demo''' - Also the [[copypasta|same]] as Survival however it's free; it lasts for five in-game day cycles... which are around five minutes long IRL. Played by people too [[Jew|cheap]] to buy the game or too dumb to [[pirate]] it.
*'''Adventure''' - A fantastically useless mode that works exactly like Survival except that you can't break blocks without the correct tools. <s>'''or''' build dicks.</s> (Notch was sick of the [[BAWWING]] and allows it now) Completely worthless and utilised only by dedicated autists in the formation of poorly designed obstacle courses.
*'''Capture the Flag''' - This a planned game mode that Notch is too fucking lazy to update, not that he needs to since the united [[basement dwellers]] of the world have made this shit in [[at least 100]] different ways via server mods..

===Game Personalization===
*'''Player Skins''' - Allows you to change your appearance in the game to be a [[furfag]] or [[trap]], which is pretty much useless unless you either play multiplayer a lot or are lame enough to play in 3rd-person mode.
*'''Custom Maps & Servers''' - Shitty adventure maps that are usually complete shit and/or have very poor storylines.
*'''Mods''' - Mods are basically just shitty add-ons to the game made by people with nothing better to do with their lives. Most mods are extremely poorly made, cause extreme lag or memory consumption, and crash your game 99% of the time.

===Griefing===
{{quote|What kind of sick person would actually ENJOY griefing!!??|everyone on the minecraft forums}}
Griefing is discouraged in Minecraft. But in actuality, it's not griefing, it's raiding, or provoking a [[you|thirteen year old faggot]] into raging until [[never|his balls drop]]. However, the autistic kids who play Minecraft believe that someone going around setting fire to everything is griefing, and that only good people exist in the universe. Protip: doing this [[IRL]] isn't griefing, it's called arson and will get you [[v&]].
However, if you somehow gain access to spawning TNT in a server, the following is the best course of action:

<br>

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|<youtube>-zCKTLu1zPI</youtube><br /><center></center>
|<youtube>Gm-r9Ifcgsk</youtube><br /><center></center>
|<youtube>IvghMW89tsg</youtube><br /><center></center>
|<youtube>rZVGWf8IZTo</youtube><br /><center></center>
|<youtube>3dfEJsTuBMY</youtube><br /><center></center>
|<youtube>MitU-j2R_Aw</youtube><br /><center></center>}}|border=#FF856D|background=#FF856D}}
|}

<br>

Many [[rape|PVP]] servers have asspie admins who put in plugins that ruin the server by disabling fire and explosions. Doing so completely removes the possibility of going to the [[hell|Nether]] as well as burning down shitty wooden houses other people made, blowing them up, and TNT mining, but they do this because "explozins and fir r gey".
{{quote|Why are explosions disabled on this server? Its PVP|cunt}}
{{quote|oh no its michal myers and he needs his expl,osions lol!!! XDD|faggot}}
{{quote|SHUT UP OR IL DDOS U U FEG!!11!ONE!!|cunt}}
Alternatively, some people in Minecraft claim to be "hackers" if they are able to DDOS someone with a $5 booter they bought with their Mom's credit card. If you're one of those motherfucking pussies that believes that everyone in Minecraft can hack you, please do [[an hero]].

Fortunately, not every Minecraft server is so gay as to prevent griefing; some anarchy servers like [[2B2T]] actually allow---if not encourage---its users to grief other players. Though, to be honest, most of these anarchy servers are gay in their own way; some "anarchy" servers like SimPVP will ban "hackers", while others have other shitty gayass arbitrary restrictions. Avoid them like the plague.

===Other Ports===
And if this game isn't shitastic enough as it is, they had to port it onto seven other consoles!
*[[Xbox 360|Heckx Bawx Three-seisty]]- This port plays similar to the online version, except you're world is as small as [[luser|your chances of getting laid]]. This time, Notch actually got his shit together and actually coded this autism magnet and doesn't crash every 10 minutes. The downside was that Notch turned into a greedy Jew and started to charge for basic shit that was a free update in previous versions. There was also a temporary feature added for [[EDiots]] that allowed a user to freeze the server host's console by throwing an Ender Pearl and disconnecting before it hit anything. Best used after the completion of a long project before auto save activates.
*[[Android]]/[[Apple|iOS]]- You gotta be kidding me! Yup, Notch thought he didn't have enough money to fill his fat folds and had to port it again, but this time to a FUCKING PHONE/TABLET/iPOD!!!
{{quote|WEEEE! Now I can build penises on the go!|Notch}}
The in-game world is as small as a petri dish, shitty lighting, and the world has fog everywhere! [[Superman 64|Sound familiar?]] Also the game controls like shit and has no fun value, with no support for game pads and very infrequent updates. [[lazy|For some reason or another]], this [[copypasta|served as "the basis"]] for the "new" Windows 10 version. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Minecraft/comments/3c3e5m/announcing_minecraft_windows_10_edition_beta/csry0j5 No, seriously.]

*Raspberry Pi ([[Shit|Dafuq is that?]])- Being the greedy shit he is, Notch made ported it onto yet another system. (The system in question is a shitty $50 computer that you can connect to your TV. It was made mostly for people who are too Jewish to get a '''real''' computer.) This version of the game serves the purpose of turning 30-year-old virgins into 30-year-old [[Bill Gates]] wannabees.

* [[Xbox One|Microsoft's New Xbox With A Dumb Name]]- This is just a follow up port so [[13 year olds]] don't complain.
This new Xbox edition will feature such improvements as:
:*ONE extra player on multiplayer.
:*ONE more block added to the x, y, and z coordiates of the worlds.
:*More add-ons you have to pay for. (Which means less free content.)
:*Notch sucks your cock daily so you'll buy this.
:*?????
:*[[PROFIT!]]!

*[[PS3|Gaystation 3/4/Vita]]- In efforts to steal more money from the poor naive children, [[Jew|Notch]] and [[Nazi|Sony]] decided it was a great idea to basically just port the same shitty Xbox version to the [[Shit|Ps3]]. This attracted massive amounts of idiots who haven't realised [[Truth|it's the same shit every time]].

*[[Spies|Windows 10]] - To try to steal the spotlight from Microsoft giving away a freemium operating system to trick old people into spending $10 on Solitaire, Mojang decided to "release" a "new" version of the game [[He does it for free|for free]]. The game, due to being on Windows and not wasting any time with [[Apple|shitty hipster operating systems]] or [[Linux|OS's for people too neckbeardy to play Minecraft anyway]], can be downloaded once and played on most Microsoft devices running Windows 10. It's also written in C++, meaning that it doesn't run like balls and drains your battery empty for 2 hours of gameplay, much to the displeasure of several modding skiddies that think learning Java in [[CSIII]] has no real purpose anymore (they're right of course). AKA, it's everything that Notch should have taken 5 minutes to do years ago instead of swimming around in pig grease and signing silencing rights with Lego.

*[[Wii U]] - Being the genius businessmen they are, Mojang decided to release Minecraft on a console that nobody owns, while charging 150% of the price of the other console versions, and promising to release all the patches much later than all the other versions.

*[[Nintendo DS|Nintendo 3DS]] - Somehow, Mojang managed to sneak past Nintendo's stringent rules in the same manner as shady game devs do, and pumped out the shittiest port yet into the 3DS eStore. It's so poorly optimised that it can only work on the New 3DS, and even then it still runs extremely slowly.

[[wat|Apple TV]] - who plays this?

[[Columbine|Education Edition]] - In an effort to get more children to play their shitty game, Mojang launched an edition of Minecraft meant to be played on school computers, you have to be a teacher to even download it.

[[China|China Edition]] - HERRO ME RIKEY MINECLAFT RONG TIME

===Story Mode===

Because the original concept of Minecraft being a dream sucked so hard. Mojang collab'd with Telltale games to make a sort of sequel involving the Wither and "[[Jesus|the old builders]]".

* '''Episodes 1 to 4''' - A guy finds a command block, whose existence in a survival map is never explained, and uses it to become God with his four friends. One of them pulls a Judas and uses the command block to make a "Wither Storm", threatening the world as we know it; and it's up to some treehouse-dwelling noobs who were there at the time to stop it.

* '''Episode 5''' - The protagonist and some of his friends hunt for a magic chicken.

* '''Episode 6''' - The protagonist and those same friends trap [[Big Red]] in a pit and leave her to starve to death, doing the world a massive favour.

* '''Episode 7''' - The protag's group find [[Rick and Morty|Unity]] and kill it before it lays eggs in other worlds.

* '''Episode 8''' - Everyone gets enslaved.

<b>Spoiler Alert: The Protagonist wins.</b>

=== A Minecraft Movie ===
<center><youtube>PE2YZhcC4NY</youtube></center>
[[File:UglyfuckingPinksheep.jpg|thumb|right|BAAAAAAA-ACK]]

Starring:
* Jack Black{{jew}}
* The average Minecraft player
* Whiny [[16-year-old girl]]
* Token negress
* Aquaman
* An ugly artstyle
* Overused IP
* BBE (Big Black Enderman)
*CHICKEN JOCKEY

==The Man==
{{main|Notch}}
[[image:Notchsogay.jpg|thumb|right|Valiant effort, but we all know "That's so gay" is HILARIOUS.]]
[[image:Notchisrichbitch.gif|thumb|right|All Notch does all day is swim in his money vault and play Civ V instead of developing your favorite new feature. Make sure to [[Cry moar|comment about it]] in his tumblr.]]

As stated before, the fatass behind Minecraft is no other than ''Notch'', a Swedish [[Gabe Newell]] clone who tries as hard as possible to piss off everyone around him without being caught. Over the years he has developed an unmatched ego and he now thinks he's the center of the internet world and everything revolves around him and his half-ass game. Notch frequently disguises his awful narcissism using cute smiley faces like ":-)" and "<3" at the end of his blog posts, as well as shitty jokes no better than his game. This ultra-ego finally surfaced during the huge Minecon 2011 flop and the Yogscast drama aftershock. Not the mention he said he liked cats, and sometime afterwords admitted he was part of the [[furry fandom]]. In fact, he is not only a [[you|filthy furry degenerate]], but he is also a [[neckbeard]] ((([[atheist]]))) and a [[Brony]].

===Notch's Tumblr===

{{quote|I visited my doctor last week, and he told me [[LOLWUT|I had to stop masturbating]]. I asked him why, surely it’s not dangerous. [[LOLWUT|He said it was distracting him.]]|[http://notch.tumblr.com/post/12597070416/zing Typical post on Notch's Tumblr.]}}

[http://notch.tumblr.com Notch's Tumblr] is essentially Notch's blog for the game. It used to be a breeding ground for all sorts of Minecraft fanboyism and autism, before Notch finally got his shit together and disabled the comments on his blog (only to have all the faggotry flow to the Minecraft Forums). The idiots who commented there were very easy to troll and used to white knight Notch in the hope of getting a free account or whatever, but failing to do so since their actions consisted of nothing more than ''omg hi notch i made a site and it has a review its at (Insert Shitty Site Name) plz sign up!!11''

{{quote|[[bullshit|I’m exhausted!]] I’d really like to do a Seecret Friday update, both to keep you guys happy and to actually get to do some programming myself, but I need to [[fap|wind down.]]|Just one of Notch's fine examples of laziness.}}

Notch's Tumblr, like all Tumblr blogs, consists mostly of shit nobody gives a fuck about. It used to be filled with news about Minecraft's development progress (back when there was still any progress to report), but as the months flew by and the fanbase grew to a ridiculous size for such a crappy game the place got littered with posts of Notch praising himself and talking about how he loves playing video games.

===Notch's Twitter===
[[File:Notchisgay.PNG|center|]]
This is where Notch tells everyone about shitty updates he's adding, chats to Jeb about when they're going to have [[buttsecks]] together, and what he's eating. He also tells about what videogames he's playing and how he's procrastinating when he's supposed to be working on gaycraft.

Recently, Notch replied to a <del>buttsex request</del> <del>challenge</del> demand from a brony, and came out of the brony closet: https://twitter.com/#!/notch/status/160076467559071744

{{quote|[[Shit no one cares about|Civilization 5]] just got unlocked on Steam.|Notch, telling us about his [[Shit no one cares about|interesting life]].}}

===Notch and Judaism===
[[Image:Notch truth.png‎|thumb|right|The truth about Notch]]

As time goes by, more and more evidence piles up in favor of Notch being a kike. If it wasn't obvious from his fat, bald Jewhead, Notch keeps proving to everyone that he's in it just for the money. At first he turned Minecraft into a paid game, and he then increased the price (twice!) in order to squeeze out more cash. In addition to that, Notch claims that [http://notch.tumblr.com/post/2175441966/minecraft-beta-december-20-2010 anyone who bought Minecraft after the 20th of December, 2010 will have to pay for some future updates and expansions] unlike the high elite who bought the game during its Alpha stage. Denying these beta-ordering faggots free updates will increase the size of egos in autists who bought the game beforehand. At this point, it's obvious that Notch included this feature to help alpha-fags [[e-penis|get better hung]] than [[You|others]].

==The Community==
<center><youtube>aRdcptG365I</youtube></center><br>
[[File:Autism_Boy.jpg|thumb|Your typical [[newfag|Minefag]]]]
The Minecraft community is a prime example of [[The Cancer That Is Killing /b/|stagnation and faggotry taking over a nice place]]. What started out as a small group of gamers who simply enjoyed a small indie game turned out to be one of the world's most repulsive shitholes in the history of the internet. The community is so overflown with faggots, self-importance, sexually-repressed fanboys and [[autism]], it's virtually impossible to find even a single shred of [[lulz]] or faith in mankind in the ''misery mire'' that is the Minecraft fandom.

===Minecraft Forums===
{{main|Minecraft Forums}}
[[image:Yifflol.png|thumb|right|Minecraft forums in a nutshell.]]
[[image:SalothSoros.png|thumb|right|The Villager who's allways watching.]]
[[image:Afurryfaggotonminecraftforums.png|thumb|right|A [[closet furry|neko]] crying over above image, sent by other [[closet furry|complete aspie]] Quatroking.]]
[http://www.minecraftforum.net Minecraft's Forums] is the core of the Minecraft community, and therefore it is the most disgusting part of it. The forums contain the biggest shitpile of drama ever seen for [[100_years_ago|at least 100 years]]. Drama ranging from [[oldfags]] being chased off by illiterate [[newfag]] [[Muslim|Muslims]] to [[Lolwut|Alchohol fueled genital photography]]. [[Blockland|Filled with asspies and moderator brown-nosing, the dramafest never ends whilst mouth-foaming aspies try to defend themselves from hundreds of other mouth-foaming aspies]].

Some [[veterans]] [[Some argue|may argue]] that things were much better before Minecraft became [[Bullshit|popular]], and before the [[furfag]] attack began. This argument is supported by the [[fact]] that most, if not all the original players left the forum [[Last Thursday|years ago]].
Today it's essentially walking into hell - furfag degenerates with over 9,000 posts bragging about their ED edits and getting [[b&|banned]], [[Hipocrite|for calling out other furfags]]. Because of how butthurt the administration is, there are now rules against saying anything negative about [[furries]], [[pedophiles]], [[necrophilia|necrophiles]], [[Niggers|black people]] or [[white people]]. This may be due to the fact that the administration team is 100% [[gay|diverse]], and are more open about it than people who put the word "[[furry|retard]]" in their fucking name.

==== Modding Section ====

The modding section of the site is where most of the drama happens. Filled with angst, constant complaining, mods which crash the game, devs filled to the brim with [[Unwarranted Self-Importance]], and more [[AdFly]] links than stars in the sky, this is the festering stretched out asshole of the forums. Much drama can be found here, as regular users demand mod developers to add pointless features or design mods specifically to their liking and end up complaining if something they want is not added. The mod developers themselves usually end up ignoring any bugs which come up in their mods, and many don't even bother trying to update them in any way. Shockingly, there are low amount of furries in this section, probably because they tend to inhabit other sections about who can make the worst looking [[autism|wolfdogcatdragonponyunicorn]] skin for their characters that they will never see [[fail|because minecraft is played in first person]].

Most of the time spent by mod developers is dedicated to [[Arguing on the internet|arguing with other developers]] over who is stealing who's stuff, and trying to protect any bit of their work in an autistic game of who downloads who's mod the most. Instead of fixing bugs or trying to co-operate with other devs to make better mods or making it easier for others to make them, they instead put effort into [[Insane|making sure their mods are as incompatible as possible with the mods of other developers]]. So in the end nothing ever ends up getting done, as the crab mentality of the entire community guarantees that it will remain the shithole it is, because the developers will continue to spite and drag each other down instead of trying to better themselves and the community.

==== Texture Packs ====

The modding section also features the texture packs subforum, which mostly consist of these 4 types of texture packs:

* A slightly modified version of the default (i.e.: they upscaled the default terrain.png via nearest neighbor to a very high resolution and slapped a Photoshop filter on it)

* "Simple" texture packs, which are either the default textures reduced to less than 10 colors, or make it so that everything is a solid block.

* "Photorealistic" texture packs, which are usually high-resolution and comprised of stolen Google image searches. [[Fail|They look mostly like shit because of the game's blocky nature.]]

* A half-assed tribute to another, usually much better video game's graphic style.

Texture pack resolutions can vary from 1x to 1024x. Everything between 32x and 256x looks like shit because of the pixels being too big for any fine texturing, yet too small for minimalism. Naturally, these are also the most common texture packs found on the forum. Moreover, unless you have a computer with its price in the five digits, you will not be able to run a texture pack on the higher end of the spectrum, [[Fail|despite 1024x usually being able to run on a Nintendo Wii, with most modern games having textures almost 8 times as large.]]

The texture pack community [[Lie|started out as a pretty cool place]], mostly owing to the [[Autism|curiosity surrounding how high texture pack resolutions could go]]. But as with all things related to Minecraft, it too went downhill, mostly due to thieves and an unsurprisingly terrible good:shit ratio.

===/r/Minecraft===
[http://www.reddit.com/r/minecraft /r/Minecraft] is the fastest-growing Minecraft-related fan [[circlejerk]] and another prime beacon of [[faggotry]] and a small inner-circle inside the big liberal and 'intellectual' blob that is [[Reddit]] (AKA a "subreddit"). While /r/Minecraft isn't occupied by furries and underage boys, it is full of the next worst type of fans: [[Fat|Overweight]], [[Basement dweller|25+ year old basement dwelling]] [[Manchild|manchildren]] and [[Autism|social freaks]] who live off their parents' [[I am disappoint|disapproving looks]].

/r/Minecraft is perhaps best known for being the lurking ground of the game developers, Notch and Jeb. Although most Mojang employees only post something once in a blue moon, many of the miserable losers who surf there see it as a soap box, from which they can order the developers around using "suggestions" and "ideas".

Whenever they're not presenting any "humble suggestions", most fags on /r/Minecraft spend their days participating in a horrible [[fan]] [[circlejerk]]. This involves posting pictures of themselves wearing Minecraft costumes, baking Minecraft-themed cakes and buying overpriced Minecraft merchandise all in an attempt to earn as much digital points (called "karma") as possible. If you enter /r/Minecraft more than once you might notice how repetitive the top threads tend to get; that's because the local hivemind only upvotes the same handful of post types, and nothing else.

In terms of drama, /r/Minecraft is quite dull. Even the most lulzy of events there are simply reflections of much larger flamewars (e.g. the Yogscast flop). It is worth visiting only for the sake of research and study; holding such a fine array of manchildren and leeches on society.

===Minepedia===
{{quote|<@Quatroking> Being mildly autistic myself, I do not tolerate any of this shit at all.|Quatroking|banning anyone on [[IRC]] for making remarks about autism}}
The [http://www.minecraftwiki.net Minepedia] is Minecraft's [[shitstorm|community-run]] Wiki. It is run by Quatroking, a known aspergic and sufferer of [[USI]], also a known [[newfag]]. There are a bunch of [[Wikipedo]]s monitoring the site too, assuming they are "''[[sad|a vandal fighter, and sock hunter on wikipedia]]"''. The Minepedia normally gets trolled by /v/ every friday during an update, tricking the autistics into thinking cars/dragons/whatever was added to the game.

There are actually two Minepedias. [http://web.archive.org/web/20101029203812/http://minepedia.net/index.php?title=Aspergate This one supports the lulz.]

====Quatroking himself====

{{quote|So i was just hanging out with my cousin, and we were in my room and somehow we ended up blowing eachother... hes coming over tomorrow ;D|Quatroking before he got popular}}

[[image:Quatroking.JPG|thumb|right|Quatroking in the flesh.]]
[[image:Quatrokingisthenewcwc.png|thumb|right|He collects dolls too?]]
Quatroking feels himself to be [[1337]] in every way, starting with having [http://www.minecraftwiki.net/index.php?title=Quatroking&oldid=11567 his own article on Minepedia] whilst [[hypocrite|saying no vanity articles are allowed]]. This article is under a constant edit war due to the [[fanboy|fanbase]] denying Quatroking being of any significance at all. He finally caved in after realizing he is unimportant and actually contributed nothing at all to the game.

After finally getting OPs for sucking a lot of furry cock, Quatroking bans people from #minecraft for dissing autism due to himself being autistic. However, Quatroking doesn't actually know how IRC works, it seems:

Also, he's so hated by the community itself, his title was [[I did it for the lulz|once changed from "Wiki Admin" to "Dick"]] on the official Minecraft forum.

{{clear}}

====The Aspergite drama====
[[image:Aspergite.jpg|left|thumb|The original Aspergite article.]]
In July 2010, /v/ decided to fuck with the asspie admins of Minepedia. Because one of the items Notch added to the game originally had no name, players had to come up with their own name. /v/ called this new item Aspergite. Fitting for the game, [[amirite]]?

/v/ soon created the article for Aspergite. It was honestly very [[lulz]]y and for the time in which it existed made the Wiki worth going to. However, as this article came into view of the admins, Quatroking got severely [[butthurt]] as his disability was mocked. He banned users for arguing on Aspergite's talk page, then had to ban a wide range of users (plus innocent ones as well) then [[baleet|bawwwleted]] the article.

After the article's deletion, [[Anon]]s from /v/ asked Quatroking via his talk page about why the article was removed. He replied saying it was due to trolls.

A page on Aspergium is also archived [[Minecraft/Aspergium|here]]. You can use it to effectively troll the autists.
{{clear}}

===[[White Knighting|The Notch Defense Force]]===

There are two cliques that frequent the Minecraftian community swamp - an army of entitled basement-dwellers who believe the $10EUR they borrowed from mommy to pay for their digital crack gives them the right to dictate the developer's life, and The [[White knights|Notch Defense Force]], a collection of [[underage]] faggots and asspained autists willing to jump to the defense of Notch's e-peen, and kiss his fat-ass for recognition. When these groups collide, it can create bullshit so massive that it breaks the very fabric of the internet.

Obviously this creates ample trolling possibilities, but members of the community have over-compensated to the point where anyone who simply disagrees with someone's comment is labelled a "troll." Ironically, this hyper-sensitivity makes trolling even easier. Sometimes it seems that even Notch trolls the community, such as when he delayed a [[Bullshit|"Secret Friday Update"]] to play Civ 5 instead.

===Autism Influence===
<center><youtube>NpVppHXuW0A</youtube></center><br>
{{quote|<Rooster> I had a dream Notch PM'd me on this IRC with a SMP Beta code invite.
<Rooster> Then I woke up.
<Rooster> FUUUUUU|Notch fanboy|having a wet dream}}
[[Image:Vgcatsminecraft.jpg|thumb|100px|VG Cats failtastic Minecraft parody.]]
As said before, channers of the [[vidya]] and their estranged [[goon]] brethern use Minecraft by hosting servers and occasionally [[griefing]] the hell out of other servers. Some of the more popular methods towards succeeding in trolling would be through causing deliberate destruction of other people’s hard work, or flooding or unleashing a deadly [[Flame war|torrent of lava]]. It was thanks to Notch's constant viral advertising on [[v/|/v/]] that 4chan got involved in the first place.

Minecraft has even caught the attention of [[VG Cats]], in which they did an [[Uncyclopedia]] level satire along with their own mix of [[weeaboo]] [[furfaggotry]].

Minecraft may lead to [[13 year old boy|people]] developing symptoms of [[Autism]].
[[image:AuspieCraftGoastcx.jpg|thumb|right|<strike>Sick Fucks</strike> [[Goatse|the previous user gaped at this exposed hole]].]]

<gallery>
image:Mcautism6.gif
image:Mcautism7.jpg
image:Mcautism8.jpg
image:MCautism.JPG|It ruins lives
File:SandwichChefMinecraft.jpg
File:Repetitively stacking autism.jpg
</gallery>
<br>

===MCYT===
Known as <b>M</b>ine<b>C</b>raft <b>Y</b>ou<b>T</b>ube. It has been around since the game ever launched and somehow gets even more [[autistic]] in May 2019 when Minecraft celebrates it's 10th birthday. The community's mostly active on [[Twatter]] as [[Youtuber|Jewtubers]] like [[Dream]] manages to influence a breed of Gen Z's into having a parasocial relationship with their "favorites".

{{kf|89134|Thread about MCYT.}}

==The Drama==

As you might have noticed (if you've actually read everything written above), the nature of the shitty game, lazy developer and Autistic community all make Minecraft an excellent stage for lots and lots of E-drama (and in some cases even IRL-drama). This section will list all the major conflicts and lulz-spewing trollcanoes.

===The Great Multiplayer Code Leak of 2010===

Late at night on July the 26th 2010, somebody joined the World of Minecraft Livestream and leaked the invite code "!!Thomas!!" to the Survival Multiplayer testing whilst the faggot who was streaming was giving out clues about the code. 5 minutes later this code found it's way onto /v/.

[[Faggot|Quatroking]], trying to keep Multiplayer to himself like a Jew and continuing to want to feel important, demanded Notch to shut down the server. Notch responded with a simple "lol no" and kept the server up, [[NO U|even releasing the invite code]] on his [[Twitter]]. Quatroking then tried to cause drama by blaming the code leak on World of Minecraft and Brocraft, then eventually [[typical|the blame spread to /v/]].

The next morning, whilst the server was being raped by autologin scripts, Notch decided to take down the server so he could get some work done. This caused more butthurt as retards blamed it on the fact that everyone had access to the server regardless of Notch publicly inviting everyone.

{{clear}}

===The Server Mod MCAdmin Drama===
[[File:Criticism notch sick.png|thumb]]
{{quote|[[Assburgers|i prefer computers to people, they don't let you down, they don't lie to you, they don't fuck with you]]|Doridian|fully expressing how pathetic he is}}

Sometime later, on [[Last Thursday|October the 26th, 2010]], a user named Bradster was running his server with this mod when Doridian (the mod's creator) [[hax|bypassed]] the whitelist and [[furfaggotry|fagged]] up the server with his shitty English until the dude [[b&|banned]] him. Doridian was [[butthurt]] and banned the server owner [[no u|from his own server]] and proceeded to [[rape|chastise]] him until he got unbanned.

Later the mod was decompiled and it was discovered that the devs Doridian and Intoxicated had added backdoors to give them power to [[troll]] the servers of everyone using the mod, and even to globally ban people they don't like from using these servers. The dev began to [[BAWWW]] that no one liked him [[irl]] and everyone else began to whine that his actions were [[lolsuit|illegal]]. Eventually they wrote a [[dubious disclaimer]] excusing them of everything and [[pussy|removed the offending code]].

[[tl;dr]] Doridian is a [[furry]] who owns [http://steamcommunity.com/groups/hardblush a gay furry group on Steam] and a [[fail|troll]] who pissed off the [[assburgers|masses]] with his shit mod. Because the Minecraft forums is overrun with furfag moderators, simply saying yiff in hell will result in a ban, so [[Personal army|how about you call him to tell him how much you appreciate his work?]]

{{clear}}

===Secret Beta Update Drama===
On [[Last Thursday|December 21, 2010]], Notch moved the game into beta. Along with this, he added capes [[Elitist|for his fellow Mojang Employees]], and an update he dubbed [[Shiny Pidgey|more rare than this]]. On the forums, the Minefags tried [[Lazy|as hard as they could]] to find the secret. Many [[Troll|trolls]] took the opportunity to create hoaxes about what the update was. Many created fake [[Shoop|screenshots]], [[Hax|saves]], or simply lied about what it was. In the end, the Notch told them that he had given a user named Deadmau5 a custom model that gave his character [[Furry|mouse ears]]. [[Fail|Notch had already posted a screenshot of it prior to the beta release]]. Deadmau5 had gained this custom model because he had used [[Fail|Minecraft graphics]] at a [[DJ|rave party]].

*[http://notch.tumblr.com/post/2164035817/jump-to-1-34-or-so-3-deadmau5 Deadmau5's vidya and model].
*[http://notch.tumblr.com/post/2389820531/minecraft-beta Beta details]
*[http://www.minecraftforum.net/viewtopic.php?f=1020&t=112662 Minecraft Forum spergs get butthurt since after contributing nothing to the world they got nothing back! Zomg!1]

===Receive More Updates===
'''RMU''' is some sort of [[Internet tough guy|Internet Tough]] faction that DDoSed minecraft.net because there weren't any updates to Minecraft in a certain timeframe, [[unrealistic expectations|and wanted updates NAO]]. This ended up in minecraft.net being taken down for a few days whilst a [[13 year old boy|15-year-old]] [[script kiddie]] was busy [[LOIC]]ing the site to death.

After the Halloween update to Minecraft, RMU continued crying about it saying it wasn't good enough, boasting about how they had 3,000 or whatever members who would help launch a DDoS against Notch. As anything performed by aspies, it failed miserably.

*{{Archive|MLF1|Kotaku article}}
*[http://www.wired.com/gamelife/2010/10/minecraft-ddos/ Wired article]

===Minecon 2011===

Minecon 2010 was a poorly planned [[fanboy]] [[Circlejerk|wankfest]] taking place in the US shortly after Minecraft got its first spoonful of [[Unwarranted Self-Importance|unwarranted self-importance]]. About 50 Autistic faggots rounded up to suck Notch's lower body section while wearing "silly" Minecraft costumes.

Minecon 2011, happening roughly a year later, was pretty much the same thing but on a much larger scale. It took place at the Mandaly Bay [[Casino|resort]] in Las Vegas, a venue far too small for the amount of tickets sold. The place was crowded, hot and filled to capacity with stupidity and fan-cum. Survivors report seeing endless lines, shitty entertainment and a clusterfuck of shiny colors, attended by crowds of sad, underwhelmed people. Some idiots actually payed thousands of dollars between plane tickets, hotel costs and the exuberantly overpriced entry fee just to be spit in the face by Notch himself.

====Yogscast E-Peen Drama====
[[Image:Notchtrolled.png |center| Notch got <s>[[troll|trolled]]</s> [[butthurt|butthurt]] by the Yogscast gags on November 2011|500px|thumb]]

The [[Yogscast]] is a group of Minenerds taking it to the extreme. During Minecon 2011, being the [[Faggots|epic Minecraft celebrities]] they are, they got all [[butthurt]] and [[USI]] and decided that they are the [[Alpha geek|prime alpha males]] in the particular nerdwank they were partaking in, and so demanded [[Unrealistic expectations|special treament]]. Notch took this as a personal attack on his ego, and accused the Yogscast team of being assholes (See image above; [[Lulz|amusingly enough]], pretty much all of the shit Notch accused the Yogscast of doing didn't actually happened, and he later had to [[fail|apologize]] for believing the bullshit his [[Aspie]] fans were bitching about). The Yogscast team replied by calling Notch and Mojang out and finally telling them what a bunch of lazy greedy Jews they are. Notch, now really pissed, summoned his army of fanboys by addressing the issue on his [[Twitter]].

The biggest [[shitstorm]] seen in ages was to follow. Each side called the other dicks, then apologized and then called them dicks again. All Minecraft-related [[Web 2.0]] websites were torn to pieces by the endless flaming, rage and trolls. [[Hanukkah|It is said that the original fight between Notch and Yogscast was barely lulzy enough to keep the flamewars lit for one day, yet the flamewars continued for eight days of constant butthurt]]. A true [[Jew]] miracle.

====Community Aftermath====

The entire convention was no more than a way to squeeze out some extra cash out of the little kids who play the shitty game. Notch and his little action team broke a new record in unprofessional party planning by trying to be as [[Jew|Jewish]] as possible and avoid spending even a single unnecessary dollar. But don't tell that to their little personal army, for saying even one bad word against the [[Al Gore|savior of the internet]] will lead you to an instant [[Banned|ban]].

Soon after the convention was over, the more mature parts of the community went online to expose and discuss the sheer incompetence displayed by Mojang's staff. The internet, being the internet, wanted someone to point fingers at. The Jews were, as always, the first to blame, but soon enough the Minefags have found a much more satisfying target: None other than the great [[attention whore]] '''MinecraftChick'''.

MinecraftChick is a [[Girl Gamer|gurl gamer]], of the worst kind. Although claiming to have never played Minecraft in her life (or any other [[vidya]] for that matter), she [[Bullshit|names herself after it BEFORE playing it "for the first time"]]. Being Notch's personal whore, Mojang have ''actually hired'' the ugly landwhale to be ''paid'' for doing ''nothing''. No. Seriously. Look it up. MinecraftChick 'works' for Mojang, and her official job title is "Director of Fun" (ain't that something to put on your resume, eh?). If rumors are to be believed, one of the only actually jobs the Mojang Director of Fun ever had to do was to plan out and manage the convention, which would explain why it turned out terrible, and might even explain the blatant [[Jew|penny-pinching]] on display. Just one more reason why this monster-whore has to die. Even though "Director of Fun" translates to what most (non-retarded) people call the "[[Shill|Director of Community Relations]]", all she does is tweet about annoying her co-workers, as well as trashing and blocking people asking for help with community-related matters, 'cause she is nawt a secretary.

=== Notch Sells Out ===
On September 15, [[2014]], Notch sold Minecraft to [[Microsoft]] for $2.5 billion despite saying [[Jew|he would release it as open source when he was done with it.]] Clearly, the Minecraft IP isn't worth nearly that much, which is why Notch totally didn't do it for the money, as evidenced by the following wall of text.

{{story|<pre style="border:none; background:none;"> I'm leaving Mojang

I don’t see myself as a real game developer. I make games because it’s fun, and because I love games and I love to program, but I don’t make games with the intention of them becoming huge hits, and I don’t try to change the world. Minecraft certainly became a huge hit, and people are telling me it’s changed games. I never meant for it to do either. It’s certainly flattering, and to gradually get thrust into some kind of public spotlight is interesting.

A relatively long time ago, I decided to step down from Minecraft development. Jens was the perfect person to take over leading it, and I wanted to try to do new things. At first, I failed by trying to make something big again, but since I decided to just stick to small prototypes and interesting challenges, I’ve had so much fun with work. I wasn’t exactly sure how I fit into Mojang where people did actual work, but since people said I was important for the culture, I stayed.

I was at home with a bad cold a couple of weeks ago when the internet exploded with hate against me over some kind of EULA situation that I had nothing to do with. I was confused. I didn’t understand. I tweeted this in frustration. Later on, I watched the This is Phil Fish video on YouTube and started to realize I didn’t have the connection to my fans I thought I had. I’ve become a symbol. I don’t want to be a symbol, responsible for something huge that I don’t understand, that I don’t want to work on, that keeps coming back to me. I’m not an entrepreneur. I’m not a CEO. I’m a nerdy computer programmer who likes to have opinions on Twitter.

As soon as this deal is finalized, I will leave Mojang and go back to doing Ludum Dares and small web experiments. If I ever accidentally make something that seems to gain traction, I’ll probably abandon it immediately.

Considering the public image of me already is a bit skewed, I don’t expect to get away from negative comments by doing this, but at least now I won’t feel a responsibility to read them.

I’m aware this goes against a lot of what I’ve said in public. I have no good response to that. I’m also aware a lot of you were using me as a symbol of some perceived struggle. I’m not. I’m a person, and I’m right there struggling with you.

I love you. All of you. Thank you for turning Minecraft into what it has become, but there are too many of you, and I can’t be responsible for something this big. In one sense, it belongs to Microsoft now. In a much bigger sense, it’s belonged to all of you for a long time, and that will never change.

It’s not about the money. It’s about my sanity.</pre>}}

The announcement was received rather apathetically by the wider gaming community, in large part because Minecraft was [[Old meme|old news]] at that point. Microsoft would go on to milk the allowances of [[Autism|mentally-challenged]] children for years to come.

== Microsoft Era ==

[[File:Notch rich depression.png|thumb|right|Notch is literally a selfloathing fat fuck who has no interest in interacting with other people, because he is a xboxhueg Betamax. hence why he hates his new riches.]]

Minecraft would never again possess the [[Old meme|prominence it once held as an internet phenomena of the early 2010's]]. Neither would the game itself go through the same "rapid" development cycle it had in its hayday, when [[/v/|/v/irgins]] had weekly threads discussing the most recent (lack of) update. Instead the game would receed into the background cultural milieu consumed by unattended [[TikTok]] children; all under the watchful eye (and open pocket) of the Microsoft corporate behemoth.

Notch himself would fade out of public view. For a brief time he set his sights on developing an even more autistic game, called 0x10c, this one centered around [[Hacker|programming]] rather than [[Plastic crap|Legos]]. However, [[Too lazy|old habits]] die hard, and his laziness got the better of him. [[Typical|Development on 0x10c ceased a few short months after gaining public attention]].

Having gotten stinking rich off synthesizing the digital equivalent of opium for [[Autism|overweight children]] and [[Reddit|morbidly obese manchildren]], Notch found himself still the [[fat]], [[Ugly|bald]], [[Dying alone|terminally-lonely]] [[neckbeard]] he always was. His wife had left him, leaving him to [[Suicide|cope]] alone with his depression. In desperate attempt to compensate, he bought a [[micropenis|$70 million oversized house]] in Beverly Hills, a purchase he would soon come to regret. The wide open floor plan and vast empty yard only seem to remind him of all the [[Bawwwww|family, friends and genuine social interaction he lacks]]. This remains an excellent example of how money can't fix all problems. Right now as [[you]] are reading this, there is a good chance that Notch is sitting alone in a darkened room of his empty mansion, staring bleakly at [[4chan]] posts written by [[Newfag|newfags]] half his age.

Notch graduated from [[Basement-dweller|basement dweller]] to an [[Bitcoin|exuberantly rich basement dweller]], and dedicated his life to being the world's saddest billionaire [[shitposter]]. During this time, he momentarily generated a small amount of [[lulz]] by posting [[politically incorrect]] tidbits on [[Twitter]], calling out [[feminists]], [[homos]], [[niggers]] and [[SJWs]] of all stripes. Notch's brief return to moderate relevancy made Microsoft's [[Butthurt|butt hurt]]. In a splendid display of [[Censorship|historical revisionism]], Microsoft would go on to [[Baleet|completely remove Notch's name from the game]].

Almost all mentions of Notch have been scrubbed from the official Minepedia, leaving only short and begrudging references to his role in creating Minecraft in sections pertaining to the game's development history. The old vision of a "3D [[Dwarf Fortress]]" (as Minecraft was initially pitched back in 2009) remains unfulfilled.

== TL;DR ==
<center><youtube>lBICLteuQs8</youtube></center>

<b><center>Notice how this kids forehead is brighter than [[you|your]] future.</center></b>

<br>
<br>
<br>

== Clones ==

* [[Nigger|Digger]] Online [[Vodka|(Копатель онлайн)]] - It starts from Russian Facebook ([http://vk.com vk]), with [[jew|donates]] for everything (blocks, armor, weapons). After getting through the Steam Greenlight, It was F2P. People don't like to pay for something good, though, so they starting to sell this shit for $6.99. Even after the Steam release, the game can't into English and is still in Putin tongue-speak. [http://store.steampowered.com/app/278970/ Link]

* Minetest - A blatant ripoff that's about as [[old|"advanced"]] as the pocket version. Only played by hardc0re 1337 nerds because it's written in C++, so it doesn't shit all over your CPU just to load the title screen. It's also free, which is way too expensive for the real game. [https://github.com/minetest/minetest Link]

==What Will Happen To You If You Play Too Much Minecraft==
<center><youtube>j4PTf7LgsIE</youtube></center>
==ED Server==
Encyclopedia Dramatica also has a (vanilla) Minecraft server, which you, [[Faggot|dear reader]], can play on!

The server IP is <s>'''mc.dramatica.online:25639'''</s> POOL'S CLOSED

==Gallery==
{{collapsegallery|Minecraft|Pics|center|<gallery>
Image:Minecraftcreation.jpg|Typical Minecraft creation.
File:AuspieCraftGoastcx.jpg|What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Image:Minecraftmegaman.png|Another waste of time.
File:MinecraftCockWall.jpg|Definitely NOT [[gay]]!
</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Minecraftducktales.jpg
Image:Minecraftpacman.jpg
Image:Minekip.png
Image:Minecraftbobomb.png
Image:Minecraftetank.png
Image:Mariominecraft.jpg
Image:Minecraftff1.png
Image:Zeldaminecraft.jpg
File:Uncle_Dolan_Minecraft.jpg|[[Uncle Dolan]]
Image:Minecraft_sonichu.png|Minecraft can be used to make [[Sonichu]].
Image:Minecraftnorthkorea.jpg|North Korea is best [[Korea]]
Image:AwesomeCommunity.png|Honesty isn't Minecraft's strongest trait.
Image:Minecraftirl.jpg|Minecraft, IRL
Image:Minecraft9111.png|Happy [[9/11]]
Image:Minecraftdongmod.png|Welcome to Minecraft!
Image:Minecraftdad.png|This game is way too deep for you, dad!
Image:MinecraftAutistics.png|The [[Truth]]. And if you look closer you'll see <b> he doesn't like nudity and porn. What kind of retarded fucked up kid is this?! </b> Seriously, <i> EVERYONE </i> loves porn and nudity. Except this [[Asperger's Syndrome|autistic virgin]].
Image:Notchatminecraftcon.jpg|Notch seen at MinecraftCon. [[Basement dweller|Note how afraid he is to see so many people in the same area]].
Image:Notchtruth.png|This guy actually has fanboys.
Image:minecraftyoutube.jpg|You can get tons of Youtube exposure in a short time period for doing literally [[rule 34|anything]] related to Minecraft. Partnership guaranteed.
Image:Notch-on-train-with-money.png|Actual photo of Notch on train with bag of gamers money. Why aren't you fixing SMP?]]
Image:Ninja.gif|A Ninja Creeper!
Image:Creepers.png|Basically [[RAGE|this]].
Image:New Minecraft slogan.png|With all that "[[Lies|awesome community]]" shit, maybe we can bring a message across to them...
File:Minecraft School Shooters.png|School Shooter skins
File:Meanwhile at Mojang.gif
File:Mojangvacation.gif
File:Notchniggers.png
File:MineSIS.jpg|Mine-SIS
File:MinecraftCastle.jpg
File:Minecraft-comics-600x597.jpg
File:Minecraft text wallpaper.jpg
File:I-like-your-house-I-hope-you-dont.jpg
File:Treeee.jpg
File:futuristichubmchaters.png|[[LIAT|FuturisticHub]] showing off to [[haters]].
</gallery>}}

{{collapsegallery|Rule34|imgaylol|center|<gallery>
Image:Minecraftcreeper34.png| When they say "No Exceptions" they mean it.
Image:Minecraftcreeper34moar.png|[[you|Who in their right mind would be aroused by this damned material?]]
Image:Minecraftmobrape.jpg|Or this, even?
Image:MinecraftRanarule34.png‎|Maybe even this?
</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Minecraft_porn_playermodelhetero_005.gif
Image:566358_-_Creeper_Minecraft_pig.jpg‎|Jesus Christ.
Image:Notchfanboy.png
Image:Creeper-Chan.jpg|Obligatory [[Animu]] form.
Image:Busty Creeper-Chan.png|Now with bigger tits.
File:Busty Creeper-Chan 2.png
File:Minecraft porn drawnsex 1.jpg
File:Minecraft porn drawnsex 2.jpg
File:Minecraft porn enderwoman 1.jpg
File:Minecraft porn enderwoman 2.jpg
File:Minecraft porn enderwoman 3.png
File:Minecraft porn enderwoman 4.png
File:Minecraft porn enderwoman 5.png
File:Minecraft porn endermanfurfag.png
File:Minecraft porn 3545546.jpg
File:Minecraft Fairy mod KodaichiZero Minecraft Steve.jpg
File:Minecraft porn blockywomansex 746.png
File:Minecraft porn creeperchan 7385.jpg
File:Minecraft porn creeperchanloli.jpg
File:Minecraft porn creepergirl 7368.png
File:Minecraft porn creeperwoman 374.png
File:Minecraft porn creeperwoman 837.png
File:Minecraft porn creeperwoman 4545.jpg
File:Minecraft porn creeperwoman 29369.jpeg
File:Minecraft porn creeperwoman 29475.jpeg
File:Minecraft porn creeperwoman 89049.png
File:Minecraft porn creeperwomen 847.png
File:Minecraft porn endermanXcreepergirl 7727.png
File:Minecraft porn Enderwoman 6.png
File:Minecraft porn enderman 48433.jpg
File:Minecraft porn enderwoman 374.png
File:Minecraft porn enderwoman 7383.jpg
File:Minecraft porn enderwomanhalloween 736.jpg
File:Minecraft porn enderwomen 44554.jpg
File:Minecraft porn enederwoman 38464.png
File:Minecraft porn ghast 54544.png
File:Minecraft porn notchworship 4545.jpg
File:Minecraft porn psyk323cartoon 1.jpg
File:Minecraft porn psyk323cartoon 3.jpg
Image:Minecraft_pedocreeperXrana_757.jpg|[[Pedobear]] in disguise prowls servers for [[loli]]s
Image:Minecraft_porn_heterodrawn_29832.PNG
Image:minecraft_porn_bed_001.jpg
Image:Minecraft_porn_bed_837.jpg
Image:minecraft_porn_creeperboobs_63708.jpg
Image:Minecraft-mlp_porn_crossover_rainbowdash-creeper.PNG|[[Brony|bronies]] love minecraft
Image:Minecraft_porn_creeper_43544.jpg
Image:Minecraft_porn_zombiepig_001.jpg|[[DO NOT WANT]]
File:598359 - Minecraft.png
</gallery>}}

==See Also==
*'''[[Autism]]''' - a requirement to play. If you're not a person who has assburgers, don't play this.
*[[Blockland]]
*[[Civcraft]]
*[[Minecraft Forums]]
*[[2B2T]] - World famous (aka SEKRIT CLUB) anarchy server and currently world's oldest Minecraft server
*[[Roblox]] - [[Bullshit|which manages to be far better than Meinkampf.]]
*[[Manlytears]]
*[[Ace of Spades]] - The same thing, but with guns and even shittier graphics.
*[[Dwarf Fortress]] - The game that Minecraft wishes it was.
*[[FuturisticHub]]
*[[DreamWasTaken]] - A {{age|1999|08|12}}-year old Minecraft Pedophile, cheater, liar, {{kf|82749|and also fat in fact.}}
*[[Jellybean]] - A {{age|2004|11|23}}-year old [[Bisexual]] Enby [[Fucktard]] who makes shitty content on YouTube and brainwashes fans of said channel to comment weird shit.

== External Links ==

* [http://minecraft.net Play the game but pony up some cash or torrent it for all the excitement.]
* [http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/6915222/Minecraft_1.0.0_Cracked_%5Bportable%5D_%5BUpdatable%5D_%5BOnline%5D Protip: Torrent is right here.]
* [http://www.minecraft.net/download/Minecraft.exe The offline client which isn't linked to on-site, go beg for passwords.]
* <s>[http://minepedia.net/index.php?title=Aspergate minepedia.net coverage of the Aspergite drama.]</s> - 404. Domain up for sale.
* [http://www.worldofminecraft.com/Minecraft_Custom_Client_Wrapper_Download Hacked (fly/speed) standalone client for Classic servers. (Free site login required.)]
* [http://www.gamingdaily.co.uk/2010/will-i-ever-play-minecraft-again/ Retard forgets his Minecraft login details. What does he do? Write an entire article about it blaming Notch].
* [http://www.negroserver.com/forums/showthread.php?586-NEGROSERVER-MINECRAFT-ACCESS-THREAD Best server ever. Too bad you require to be white listed]
* [http://insomnia.ac/reviews/web/minecraft/ Accurate review of Minecraft's shitty Creative mode.]
* [http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/814637-a-honest-minecraft-review/ How the community reacts when someone does an honest review of the game.]

{{#setlogo:Minecraft-Wiki.png}}
{{gaming}}
{{aspies}}
{{Mmoseries}}
{{dying alone}}
{{timeline|[[AOTN|Featured article]] December 23 & 24, [[2014]]|[[The Great Torrent Raid]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Arab Spring]]}}

{{corner|br|[[Image:Corner_creeper_exploitable.png|85px]]}}

Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now

2025-04-07T23:40:42Z

HellenicTrapstar: /* April 2025 */

''See also [[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now|Article of the Now]], [[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Video of the Now|Video of the Now]], and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Quote of the Now|Quote of the Now]]''
{{Notice|
*Only [[special:listAdmins|Sysops]] and [[special:listUsers/Editors|Editors]] can set POTNs. Suggestions go on the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica talk:Picture of the Now|Talk Page]].
*Find a relevant ('''recent''' events) picture that doesn't suck. THERE IS TO BE NO [[pr0nz|porn]] or [[kittens|gore]] as POTN; and preferably no tl;dr screen caps of all text posts like Tweets etc; those can be [[QOTN]].
*No Animated GIFs; the stress of showing a GIF on the main page basically makes the site DDoS itself.
*Captions are optional. If you can, pipe them to articles so they get more love and attention.
*After setting your photo, edit this page, find your [[special]] day, and replace <nowiki>File:Hello POTN.jpg</nowiki> with the correct filename.
*Please avoid setting pictures past (7) days from the ''current day''. Check on the Suggestions; add something lulzy.
*Give other people a chance to add pictures.
*Setting a picture for an additional day ''can'' be acceptable, but please avoid doing this unless time is almost out and there's no future POTNs set.
*NOTE: detailed instructions for setting POTN are in the description box when you edit this page.
*Use this [[Encyclopedia Dramatica:XOTN|JavaScript]] to easily generate the wiki markup for next month's Picture of the Now.}}



Archives:
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/2024|2024]]
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/2023|2023]]
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/2022|2022]]
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/2021|2021]]
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/2018|2018]]
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/2017|2017]]
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/2016|2016]]
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/2015|2015]]
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/2014|2014]]
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/2013|2013]]
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/2012|2012]]
*[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/2011|2011]]

__TOC__

== April 2025 ==

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File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 30, 2025|April 30, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 29, 2025|April 29, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 28, 2025|April 28, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 27, 2025|April 27, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 26, 2025|April 26, 2025]]}}

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File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 25, 2025|April 25, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 24, 2025|April 24, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 23, 2025|April 23, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 22, 2025|April 22, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 21, 2025|April 21, 2025]]}}
File:Sonichu died on the cross.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 20, 2025|April 20, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 19, 2025|April 19, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 18, 2025|April 18, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 17, 2025|April 17, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 16, 2025|April 16, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 15, 2025|April 15, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 14, 2025|April 14, 2025]]}}
File:Hello POTN.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 13, 2025|April 13, 2025]]}}
File:WEREWOLF ON A HOG.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 12, 2025|April 12, 2025]]}}
File:Bird safe city.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 11, 2025|April 11, 2025]]}}
File:Karl vs Billy.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 10, 2025|April 10, 2025]]}}
File:Dick at fuel pump.jpeg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 9, 2025|April 9, 2025]]}}
File:Needs chicken.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 8, 2025|April 8, 2025]]}}
File:Earth explodes for aliens.png|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 7, 2025|April 7, 2025]]}}
File:Birthday card take my money.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 6, 2025|April 6, 2025]]}}
File:Burning tesla christas.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 5, 2025|April 5, 2025]]}}
File:Circlejerk Shoe Hat.png|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 4, 2025|April 4, 2025]]}}
File:Get A tattoo.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 3, 2025|April 3, 2025]]}}
File:Butthurt report.gif|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 2, 2025|April 2, 2025]]}}
File:Joker I am a monster.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 1, 2025|April 1, 2025]]}}

</gallery>}}

== March 2025 ==

{{cg|March|March2025|Center|<gallery>

File:Toy Story and Chuckey.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 31, 2025|March 31, 2025]]}}
File:Batman dog.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 30, 2025|March 30, 2025]]}}
File:Marco polo w lion.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 29, 2025|March 29, 2025]]}}
File:Stonetoss-DrumpfDogeBestGoy.png|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 28, 2025|March 28, 2025]]}}
File:ElontheGod.jpeg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 27, 2025|March 27, 2025]]}}

</gallery>|<gallery>

File:CuckJones.jpeg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 26, 2025|March 26, 2025]]}}
File:Jesus riding a rainbow.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 25, 2025|March 25, 2025]]}}
File:Gamer kid choices.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 24, 2025|March 24, 2025]]}}
File:99 cans of pabst.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 23, 2025|March 23, 2025]]}}
File:Ill-cut-you-addams-family.gif|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 22, 2025|March 22, 2025]]}}
File:It doesn't get better.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 21, 2025|March 21, 2025]]}}
File:Ice T Wanted Dead.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 20, 2025|March 20, 2025]]}}
File:MR T Cerial.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 19, 2025|March 19, 2025]]}}
File:Boston Banshees.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 18, 2025|March 18, 2025]]}}
File:Shut up liver.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 17, 2025|March 17, 2025]]}}
File:Irish GztFOL.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 16, 2025|March 16, 2025]]}}
File:Dark long hair loser.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 15, 2025|March 15, 2025]]}}
File:Cardinal Pizzaballs.jpeg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 14, 2025|March 14, 2025]]}}
File:Mario stomps peach.jpeg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 13, 2025|March 13, 2025]]}}
File:Dildo cove.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 12, 2025|March 12, 2025]]}}
File:Big bear car.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 11, 2025|March 11, 2025]]}}
File:Kiss psychedelic pic.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 10, 2025|March 10, 2025]]}}
File:Hot dog water5.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 9, 2025|March 9, 2025]]}}
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File:Wait until marriage sonic.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 7, 2025|March 7, 2025]]}}
File:Follow-more-recipes train.png|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 6, 2025|March 6, 2025]]}}
File:Future goverment.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 5, 2025|March 5, 2025]]}}
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File:Farside bear.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 2, 2025|March 2, 2025]]}}
File:Bear grylls 12.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/March 1, 2025|March 1, 2025]]}}

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== February 2025 ==
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File:Ned Flanders Crazy.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 28, 2025|February 28, 2025]]}}
File:Screenshot 20250224 210235 Gallery.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 27, 2025|February 27, 2025]]}}
File:Upgrade and afterlife album cover.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 26, 2025|February 26, 2025]]}}
File:Blue dogs generations.jpeg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 25, 2025|February 25, 2025]]}}
File:Gay werewolf.png|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 24, 2025|February 24, 2025]]}}

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File:Loser x-ray.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 23, 2025|February 23, 2025]]}}
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File:No pants patch.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 21, 2025|February 21, 2025]]}}
File:Sailor Mercury Repent).jpeg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 20, 2025|February 20, 2025]]}}
File:Hard r stellar blade.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 19, 2025|February 19, 2025]]}}
File:First shooting kids book.jpeg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 18, 2025|February 18, 2025]]}}
File:Cool jizz.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 17, 2025|February 17, 2025]]}}
File:Nature vs vidya.jpeg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 16, 2025|February 16, 2025]]}}
File:Tyrany pic.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 15, 2025|February 15, 2025]]}}
File:Asuka valentine.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 14, 2025|February 14, 2025]]}}
File:Fck Musk building lights.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 13, 2025|February 13, 2025]]}}
File:Pringles can cat.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 12, 2025|February 12, 2025]]}}
File:Pizza ranch.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 11, 2025|February 11, 2025]]}}
File:Pandora's comments.jpeg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 10, 2025|February 10, 2025]]}}
File:Family-Guy-Season-23-Top-Gun-Episode.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 9, 2025|February 9, 2025]]}}
File:Minion-shaped Stove burning and screaming.JPEG|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 8, 2025|February 8, 2025]]}}
File:EnemyOfTheLulzFail.png|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 7, 2025|February 7, 2025]]}}
File:Failure pick me up.jpeg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 6, 2025|February 6, 2025]]}}
File:Kids 4 sale.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 5, 2025|February 5, 2025]]}}
File:Mouse flips off snake.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 4, 2025|February 4, 2025]]}}
File:Poor niggab.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 3, 2025|February 3, 2025]]}}
File:Hello-my-name-is-failure1.png|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 2, 2025|February 2, 2025]]}}
File:Street-Art-by-street-artist-Tom-Bom-in-Miami-USA-1.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/February 1, 2025|February 1, 2025]]}}

</gallery>}}

== January 2025 ==
{{cg|January|January2025|Center|<gallery>

File:Darkwing-duck-dark-knight-returns-homage.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/January 31, 2025|January 31, 2025]]}}
File:Trump as a knight).jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/January 30, 2025|January 30, 2025]]}}
File:Touching Grass.png|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/January 29, 2025|January 29, 2025]]}}
File:Thegay1.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/January 28, 2025|January 28, 2025]]}}
File:Only in florida.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/January 27, 2025|January 27, 2025]]}}

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File:Stop fasting kid.jpg|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/January 26, 2025|January 26, 2025]]}}
File:2g1c - your childhood ruined book cover.JPEG|{{center|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/January 25, 2025|January 25, 2025]]}}
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</gallery>}}

[[Category:Encyclopedia Dramatica|{{PAGENAME}}]]
[[Category:Encyclopedia Dramatica|{{PAGENAME}}]]

Encyclopedia Dramatica:Picture of the Now/April 12, 2025

2025-04-07T23:39:40Z

HellenicTrapstar: Created page with "400px"

[[File:WEREWOLF ON A HOG.jpg|center|400px]]

File:WEREWOLF ON A HOG.jpg

2025-04-07T23:36:59Z

HellenicTrapstar: FUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLKLYYYYYYYYYY HECTIC

== Summary ==
FUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLKLYYYYYYYYYY HECTIC

Blastoise

2025-04-01T13:18:32Z

HellenicTrapstar: /* BIG MAN BLASTOISE */

[[Image:Blastoiseevolve.png|thumb|Blastoise and his 2 pussy pre-evolutions.]]
'''Blastoise''' is [[pwn|own]], and the higher level ones have powers that [[raep|surpass]] even the [[mudkips]].

Things would be different round here if Blastoise was my dad...
==Card Text==
'''Blastoise''' evolves from [[mudkips|Wartortle]].
*'''[[White Power|Pokémon Power]]:''' [[Chocolate Rain]] Dance: As often as you like during your turn, dance around like you're having a seizure and wave this fucking card to your opponent because [[Cho Seung-Hui|he]] wishes he had one. This power can not be used if you are [[an hero|Asleep]], [[Chris Crocker|Confused]], or [[Crippled|Paralyzed]].
*[[Shoop da Whoop]]: Does [[over 9000]] hit points of damage.''
*[[Dildo]]: [[Rapes]] you with his 2 giant cannons.

==Symbolism==
This Pokémon may be steeped in symbolism (but it isn't), even more so than any other [[Faggot|Pokémon]]. Blastoise as a [[Fail|meme]] came about after a [[Shit_Nobody_Cares_About|miraculous]] post on the [[lie|very popular]] image board [[4chan]] (see gallery below) but the knobeye who made this article forgot to include this vital piece of information. The "evolution" of a childish, often rebellious form of life into a being with a hard outer shell, aggressive attitude, thick-ass tail and rotund belly may be directly correlated with the growth of teenage females into the hardheaded, fat-ass, aggro bitches known as "women". Observe the powerful lactation in female Blastoises from both [[dicks|barrels]]. For cereal. So just get the fuck out of his WAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

==Blastoise [[IRL]]==
Blastoise is a firm ally in the fight for [[lulz]]. He tricked the [[jews]] into doing [[9/11]] not only because the WTC was believed to be a stronghold of anti-lulz at the time, but also because the elimination of a group of people just for their heathenish beliefs is a fun thing to do. Blastoise also killed Tom Cruise in an [[shit|epic]] battle, only to see Cruise revived by [[Scientology|L. Ron Hubbard]]. Once given new [[suicide|life]], Cruise proceeded to banish Blastoise to the [[Super Smash Bros|netherworld]].

Recently Blastoise has been spotted in a small village called Kaster in [[Belgium]]. He was reported to be roaming around at night and has currently [[lolwut|raped and murdered]] [[pwned|65 men]]. [[Police]] are baffled to the point that they believe it is a [[asspie|man dressed up as Blastoise]] but we all know Blastoise is taking a well deserved ass-kicking vacation. [http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&source=hp&biw=&bih=&q=define%3A+kaster&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=]

==Card History==
It is the second most [[Shit_Nobody_Cares_About|rare]] and powerful piece of [[Dragonforce|cardboard crap]] in existence, the first having been [[shotgun mouthwash]]. There are only a few said to be still in existence. Blastoise causes [[9/11|great things]] to happen. [[Tubgirl|Hillary Clinton]] has read many [[porn|books]] about the use of the Blastoise cards and may plan to use it during the next election against [[An_Hero|Cheryl Lindsey Seelhoff]] if she [[bitch|bitches]] too much.

{{fv|blastoise1|background-color: white; margin: auto;|font-weight: bold;|<center><youtube>U-STM9TGqXM</youtube></center>|<center><youtube>DZ7isRibomc</youtube></center>}}

As you can see here, the [[Suicide|child]] instantly realizes the danger he is in. But it's too late. He is instantly [[rape|thrust]] from screams of terror to fits of manic laughter as the deadly force that is Blastoise [[Rape|consumes]] him. He instantly becomes a [[fag]]. Notice the child's uncanny resemblance to [[Daxflame]].

==[[Digimon|Mega]] Blastoise==

<div class="center" style="width:auto; margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto;">[[File:MegaBlastoise.jpg]]</div>

Last Thursday, GameFreak revealed this awe-inspiring image to the world. News about X and Y was slow... too slow, but then THIS THING, along with it's two homies, got a Mega Evolution - a new mechanic that allows Pokemon to [[DBZ|transform temporarily during battle.]]

''Look at this motherfucker.'' It's Blastoise. But you better shit your fucking pants, because Blastoise just mega-evolved into '''MEGA-MOTHER-FUCKING BLASTOISE!!!1!!''' Remember when he had two cannons on his shell? '''NOW, HE HAS TWO ON HIS ARMS AND ONE BIG GIANT FUCKING CANNON ON HIS SHELL!!!''' '''IT'S LIKE A POKEYMANZ WITH GUNZ!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!'''

So do yourself a favor, and evolve your [[nigger]] Blastoise into Mega Blastoise should you ever use him in a battle. Because he will '''FUCK. YOUR. SHIT. UP.'''

And don't think for a second that Mega Blastoise is an easy piece of work. He has two other homeboys that now have Mega evolutions, and they will equally fuck you up. But who cares about them, Mega Blastoise is where it's at. He just went [[DOUBLE NIGGER]] and you better run while you still can.

== BIG MAN BLASTOISE ==

<center><youtube>eY_DBWkwSC4</youtube></center>
BIG MAN BLASTIOSE

==Gallery==

{{cg|[[Vagina|Hydro]] [[Penis Pump|Pump]] Gallery|blastoise|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Blastoise5Dizorbdotcom-620x610.jpg
Image:How Blastoise pees.jpg
Image:Blastoise.JPG|The last thing you see before you die.
Image:Blastoise shoop woop.JPG|Even Blastoise can shoop that whoop.
Image:Blastoise5.jpg|Behold the [[win|power]]!
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Blastoisecard.jpg|Rare screenshot of the card.
Image:Pokemoncrazy.jpg|[[Oh exploitable]]!
Image:Bitchesdontknowblastoise.JPG
Image:Play_Him_Off_Blastoise.gif|[[Keyboard Cat|Play him off, Keyboard Blastoise]]!
Image:Pokechallenger appears.JPG|Now available in [[Lego]] form.
Image:9 Blastoise.png
Image:Anonymous blastoise.jpg|[[Olympic Flame]]
Image:Blastoise 34.jpg|Ooooh lawdy, child, is dat sum [[Rule 34]]?
Image:Venusaur.png|[[A challenger appears]].
Image:Demotivational-poster-11255.jpg|...And gets viciously anally [[raped]].
Image:Venustoise1.jpg|...And then, nine months later, gives birth to this [[retard|hideous mutant offspring]].
Image:Blastoise IRL.jpg
Image:IfBlastoiseWereMyDad.jpg
Image:Blastoise Cosplay.jpg
Image:Ima firin my laza.gif|Behold the [[fail|power]]!
Image:Teenage Mutant Ninja Blastoise.jpg|Blastoise, in his younger days.
Image:Dave sends out Blastoise.jpg|British PM, [[David Cameron]] has a Blastoise, which he deployed to [[epic fail|great success]] during the [[UK Lootfest 2011|2011 London riots]].
Image:Blastoiseniggers.png|Blastoise putting some [[niggers]] in their place.
Image:Eye injury water cannon.jpg|This [[faggot]] [[wrong|thought he was hot fuckin' shit]], 'til he lost both his motherfucking eyes in a fight with a Blastoise. That'll fucking learn him.
Image:Blastoise on the Beach by RecusantKnight.jpg|[http://recusantknight.deviantart.com Blaistoise IRL]
Image:Blastits.png|Moar liek Blast-[[TITS]], amirite?
Image:Tardstoise.png|Why do I exist?
File:Blastoise Is Evolving.gif
Image:Blastoise Vs. Lucario.png|Pre-[[cum]] gushing from his cannons, Blastoise prepares to [[rape|annihilate]] [[Lucario|some furry faggot]].
</gallery>}}

== See Also ==

* [[Pokémon]]
* [[I'm Dying Squirtle|Squirtle]]
* [[Mudkip]]
* [[Seaking]]
* [[Pikachu]]
* [[Slowpoke]]
* [[Ditto]]
* [[Cloyster]]
* [[Shotgun mouthwash]]
<br>
{{pokedex}}
{{Television}}
[[Category: Anime]]
[[Category: Fandom Stuff]]

Blastoise

2025-04-01T13:16:31Z

HellenicTrapstar: BIG MAN BLASTIOSE BIG MAN BLASTIOSE BIG MAN BLASTIOSE BIG MAN BLASTIOSE BIG MAN BLASTIOSE BIG MAN BLASTIOSE

[[Image:Blastoiseevolve.png|thumb|Blastoise and his 2 pussy pre-evolutions.]]
'''Blastoise''' is [[pwn|own]], and the higher level ones have powers that [[raep|surpass]] even the [[mudkips]].

Things would be different round here if Blastoise was my dad...
==Card Text==
'''Blastoise''' evolves from [[mudkips|Wartortle]].
*'''[[White Power|Pokémon Power]]:''' [[Chocolate Rain]] Dance: As often as you like during your turn, dance around like you're having a seizure and wave this fucking card to your opponent because [[Cho Seung-Hui|he]] wishes he had one. This power can not be used if you are [[an hero|Asleep]], [[Chris Crocker|Confused]], or [[Crippled|Paralyzed]].
*[[Shoop da Whoop]]: Does [[over 9000]] hit points of damage.''
*[[Dildo]]: [[Rapes]] you with his 2 giant cannons.

==Symbolism==
This Pokémon may be steeped in symbolism (but it isn't), even more so than any other [[Faggot|Pokémon]]. Blastoise as a [[Fail|meme]] came about after a [[Shit_Nobody_Cares_About|miraculous]] post on the [[lie|very popular]] image board [[4chan]] (see gallery below) but the knobeye who made this article forgot to include this vital piece of information. The "evolution" of a childish, often rebellious form of life into a being with a hard outer shell, aggressive attitude, thick-ass tail and rotund belly may be directly correlated with the growth of teenage females into the hardheaded, fat-ass, aggro bitches known as "women". Observe the powerful lactation in female Blastoises from both [[dicks|barrels]]. For cereal. So just get the fuck out of his WAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

==Blastoise [[IRL]]==
Blastoise is a firm ally in the fight for [[lulz]]. He tricked the [[jews]] into doing [[9/11]] not only because the WTC was believed to be a stronghold of anti-lulz at the time, but also because the elimination of a group of people just for their heathenish beliefs is a fun thing to do. Blastoise also killed Tom Cruise in an [[shit|epic]] battle, only to see Cruise revived by [[Scientology|L. Ron Hubbard]]. Once given new [[suicide|life]], Cruise proceeded to banish Blastoise to the [[Super Smash Bros|netherworld]].

Recently Blastoise has been spotted in a small village called Kaster in [[Belgium]]. He was reported to be roaming around at night and has currently [[lolwut|raped and murdered]] [[pwned|65 men]]. [[Police]] are baffled to the point that they believe it is a [[asspie|man dressed up as Blastoise]] but we all know Blastoise is taking a well deserved ass-kicking vacation. [http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&source=hp&biw=&bih=&q=define%3A+kaster&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=]

==Card History==
It is the second most [[Shit_Nobody_Cares_About|rare]] and powerful piece of [[Dragonforce|cardboard crap]] in existence, the first having been [[shotgun mouthwash]]. There are only a few said to be still in existence. Blastoise causes [[9/11|great things]] to happen. [[Tubgirl|Hillary Clinton]] has read many [[porn|books]] about the use of the Blastoise cards and may plan to use it during the next election against [[An_Hero|Cheryl Lindsey Seelhoff]] if she [[bitch|bitches]] too much.

{{fv|blastoise1|background-color: white; margin: auto;|font-weight: bold;|<center><youtube>U-STM9TGqXM</youtube></center>|<center><youtube>DZ7isRibomc</youtube></center>}}

As you can see here, the [[Suicide|child]] instantly realizes the danger he is in. But it's too late. He is instantly [[rape|thrust]] from screams of terror to fits of manic laughter as the deadly force that is Blastoise [[Rape|consumes]] him. He instantly becomes a [[fag]]. Notice the child's uncanny resemblance to [[Daxflame]].

==[[Digimon|Mega]] Blastoise==

<div class="center" style="width:auto; margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto;">[[File:MegaBlastoise.jpg]]</div>

Last Thursday, GameFreak revealed this awe-inspiring image to the world. News about X and Y was slow... too slow, but then THIS THING, along with it's two homies, got a Mega Evolution - a new mechanic that allows Pokemon to [[DBZ|transform temporarily during battle.]]

''Look at this motherfucker.'' It's Blastoise. But you better shit your fucking pants, because Blastoise just mega-evolved into '''MEGA-MOTHER-FUCKING BLASTOISE!!!1!!''' Remember when he had two cannons on his shell? '''NOW, HE HAS TWO ON HIS ARMS AND ONE BIG GIANT FUCKING CANNON ON HIS SHELL!!!''' '''IT'S LIKE A POKEYMANZ WITH GUNZ!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!'''

So do yourself a favor, and evolve your [[nigger]] Blastoise into Mega Blastoise should you ever use him in a battle. Because he will '''FUCK. YOUR. SHIT. UP.'''

And don't think for a second that Mega Blastoise is an easy piece of work. He has two other homeboys that now have Mega evolutions, and they will equally fuck you up. But who cares about them, Mega Blastoise is where it's at. He just went [[DOUBLE NIGGER]] and you better run while you still can.

== BIG MAN BLASTOISE ==

<youtube>eY_DBWkwSC4</youtube>
BIG MAN BLASTIOSE

==Gallery==

{{cg|[[Vagina|Hydro]] [[Penis Pump|Pump]] Gallery|blastoise|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Blastoise5Dizorbdotcom-620x610.jpg
Image:How Blastoise pees.jpg
Image:Blastoise.JPG|The last thing you see before you die.
Image:Blastoise shoop woop.JPG|Even Blastoise can shoop that whoop.
Image:Blastoise5.jpg|Behold the [[win|power]]!
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Blastoisecard.jpg|Rare screenshot of the card.
Image:Pokemoncrazy.jpg|[[Oh exploitable]]!
Image:Bitchesdontknowblastoise.JPG
Image:Play_Him_Off_Blastoise.gif|[[Keyboard Cat|Play him off, Keyboard Blastoise]]!
Image:Pokechallenger appears.JPG|Now available in [[Lego]] form.
Image:9 Blastoise.png
Image:Anonymous blastoise.jpg|[[Olympic Flame]]
Image:Blastoise 34.jpg|Ooooh lawdy, child, is dat sum [[Rule 34]]?
Image:Venusaur.png|[[A challenger appears]].
Image:Demotivational-poster-11255.jpg|...And gets viciously anally [[raped]].
Image:Venustoise1.jpg|...And then, nine months later, gives birth to this [[retard|hideous mutant offspring]].
Image:Blastoise IRL.jpg
Image:IfBlastoiseWereMyDad.jpg
Image:Blastoise Cosplay.jpg
Image:Ima firin my laza.gif|Behold the [[fail|power]]!
Image:Teenage Mutant Ninja Blastoise.jpg|Blastoise, in his younger days.
Image:Dave sends out Blastoise.jpg|British PM, [[David Cameron]] has a Blastoise, which he deployed to [[epic fail|great success]] during the [[UK Lootfest 2011|2011 London riots]].
Image:Blastoiseniggers.png|Blastoise putting some [[niggers]] in their place.
Image:Eye injury water cannon.jpg|This [[faggot]] [[wrong|thought he was hot fuckin' shit]], 'til he lost both his motherfucking eyes in a fight with a Blastoise. That'll fucking learn him.
Image:Blastoise on the Beach by RecusantKnight.jpg|[http://recusantknight.deviantart.com Blaistoise IRL]
Image:Blastits.png|Moar liek Blast-[[TITS]], amirite?
Image:Tardstoise.png|Why do I exist?
File:Blastoise Is Evolving.gif
Image:Blastoise Vs. Lucario.png|Pre-[[cum]] gushing from his cannons, Blastoise prepares to [[rape|annihilate]] [[Lucario|some furry faggot]].
</gallery>}}

== See Also ==

* [[Pokémon]]
* [[I'm Dying Squirtle|Squirtle]]
* [[Mudkip]]
* [[Seaking]]
* [[Pikachu]]
* [[Slowpoke]]
* [[Ditto]]
* [[Cloyster]]
* [[Shotgun mouthwash]]
<br>
{{pokedex}}
{{Television}}
[[Category: Anime]]
[[Category: Fandom Stuff]]

AI artwork

2025-04-01T12:58:21Z

HellenicTrapstar: /* The Future is Now! */

[[File:AI cant even draw hands 338.png|250px|right]]
Once upon a time, the field of lazy illustrated ''[[art]]work'' was achieved solely by ''real [[autists|human beans]]'' on material, and by the early 21st century, mostly on [[Tumblr]], [[DeviantART]] and other obscenely caged platforms, all requiring extreme aspie capacity. But this changed in mid-2022, after suitable development of [[Skynet]] sentience came about by the means of [[Artificial Intelligence]] and it's machine learning, with programs such as [https://openai.com/dall-e DALL-E], [https://stability.ai/ Stable Diffusion], and various others going viral online for being able to generate on demand shitty distorted "artwork", all with a couple of presses on a keyboard.

This is a [[problem, officer?|problematic]] challenge for "career artists", and the entire scene of artwork creation is currently (and [[LOLWUT|maybe]] rightfully so) shitting their pants. With that said, and being the [[Where is your X now?|unparalleled pinnacle of truths that is Encyclopedia Dramatica]], the following should be noted before proceeding: [[Truth|'''art does not exist''']].

==The Future is Now!==
What was unimaginable just [[Last Thursday|10 years ago]] is now a saucy and existential reality – artificial intelligence is creating "art" and a number of them don't suck complete ass. Naturally this fact has had several [[lulzy]] effects which will only continue to transcend as our robot overlords continue to evolve and improve, and remove all unwanted labor from humanity.

The most obvious one was the [[shitting bricks|brick-shitting]] done by artists once they realized that major corps AND ordinary users had the means at their disposal to dispose of them. This was especially traumatic for pr0n artists who could make quite a nice living by catering to degenerate coomers thirsty for that sweet sweet porn, but not anymore! Now every [[retard]] will be able to punch a few buttons on their keyboard and get all the smut they ever wanted with endless varieties = endless cum = ?? = endless profit. "[[pussy|Clean]]" artists are not much better off either as all those corporations/jews who used to pay for them decorating their ads/homes/objects can now just use an AI to whip something up in a few minutes knowing that the public will eat it up regardless of where it came from.

Furthermore, there are now projects underway to make AI that can write and compose music. with "animation AI" also being slated for the near future, so if you are an artist, YOU ARE FUCKED! (Unless you are a big music corp in which case even the fucking AI will back off from your army of lawyers and small corporate assassins, good for you.) To add insult to injury, the said AIs' are being fed tens of thousands of images crawled from various places online, chances are that if you're an artist who posts online your own artwork was or will be used to train your replacement, ain't that a doozy?

Another effect which is even more lulzworthy due to the nature of AI likely causing such a glut of art and content that it may fuck over our digital civilization for decades, and here's how! Imagine if you one day decided to get off of your [[fat]] ass and tried to draw something, or compose a piece of music, or write as shittyless fanfic as you aspergerd brain could allow you to. Well too bad since unless you made it for your own sake or to share with your family and IRL friends (this is a theoretical scenario so you can at least pretend that you do), you will find that hardly anyone can even see it since every social media site or online art gallery like [[DeviantArt]] or [[Furaffinity]] are now drowned with content that is only increasing by the second.

Seeing this loltastic development, certain parties have taken steps to try and stem the tide of digital pee-AI-siss that are readying to ram themselves into their proverbial asses. The aforementioned sites and others included instituted a ban on any AI artwork with acid baths and castration for [[1337|machine-lovers]] who bird copyrights. Others have been bellowing for tighter control of what and where the AIs take as "inspiration" but since that's going against big corps and from a bunch of mere artists, don't expect that to have much effect.

Lastly, a particular strain of retard has emerged called "AI whisperer" who think that they will be able to make a living via telling present and future AIs what to draw using specialized strings of words (prompts), but what they don't realize is that either someone will find a good string on their own, or they will train the AIs to produce artwork well enough to only require little or no input beyond pushing a button.

So in cumclusion, if you are a coomer, rejoice all the porn you ever wanted, at the cost of the entire human creative endeavor, and if you are an artist, there's really only one thing you can do now: [[Dune|Butlerian]][[Jihad]]! Run before they can create humanity.

AI has also proved to be a nearly unlimited source of [[lulz]] as it mere mention causes all [[artists]] to rage uncontrollably and start crying about how they cant get commissions.

==Various AI Artwork Sites and programs==
*'''[https://www.midjourney.com/home Midjourney]''' - an AI algorithm that is able to create bad art from text-description prompts.
*'''[https://stability.ai/ Stable Diffusion]''' - created by the team at '''Stability AI''', and it can do the same thing as Midjourney but also can use base images as prompts. ''Mostly just used for [[anime]] rule 34. And weird ass art of celebrities that many want to fap over or kill themselves''
*'''[https://openai.com/index/dall-e/ DALL-E]''' '''[https://openai.com/index/dall-e-2/ 2]''' - another text-to-generation AI model that is often used. DALL-E is created by the nerds on the '''OpenAI''' team.
*'''[https://www.craiyon.com/ Craiyon]''' (formerly '''DALL-E Mini''') - another text-to-image algorithm. Out of all the sites listed here, this is probably the most well-known; most likely because it doesn't require an account, and the pictures it generated are [[Cursed Images|cursed]] as hell.
*'''[https://novelai.net/ NovelAI Diffusion]''' - Some [[greedy]] generator, also used for animu shit. [https://blog.novelai.net/image-generation-announcement-807b3cf0afec See more]
*'''[https://pornpen.ai/ PornPen]''' - AI image generator for [[Forever alone|coomers]].
*'''[https://www.deviantart.com/dreamup DreamUp]''' - [[DeviantArt|DeviantShart]]'s [https://www.deviantart.com/team/journal/Create-AI-Generated-Art-Fairly-with-DreamUp-933537821 own AI image generator since November 2022]. unsurprisingly, this only screwing up the site even more, and even majority of the tarlets hate it, mainly because the [[fact]] that AI "artwork" isn't art, and it can lead to more [[Art theft]] that is rampant on the site.
*'''[https://www.mage.space/ Mage Space]''' - Free but, also optionally a average paywall site that won't draw you porn anymore. Except maybe only nudity.
*'''[https://thisxdoesnotexist.com/ This X Does Not Exist]''' - series, in particular '''[https://thisanimedoesnotexist.ai/ This Anime Doesn't Exist]''' and '''[https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/ This Waifu Doesn't Exist]'''.
*'''[https://openart.ai/create Openart]'''.
*'''[https://stablediffusion.fr/ Stable Diffusion AI online]''' - Generate them like the french girls until they ban your account for porn flooding it.
*<s>'''[https://waifus.nemusona.com/ Nemu's Waifu Generator]''' - OMG Make your disturbed anime gurls you sick fucks.</s> '''Dead'''.
*'''[https://yodayo.com/text-to-image/ Yodayo]''' - Animu waifu maker.
*<s>'''[https://deepfloyd-if.hf.space/ DeepFloyd IF]'''</s> '''space is paused'''
*'''[https://pornx.ai/ Pornx AI]''' - Limited generation shit for free that no one cares about, has a paywall, but good to use undress more often if you want to make a girl naked that you can't talk to IRL.
*'''[https://www.promeai.pro/ PromeAI]''' - The funny thing about the site, when you try to inpainting for porn, it draws more [[BBC]] can think about, the [[jew|owner]] must be a massive [[cuck]] and [[troll]].
*'''[https://civitai.com/ CivitAI]''' - All the model shit, you'll properly download alot furry stuff, you sick fuck.
*'''[https://perchance.org/ai-character-generator Perchance picture generator]''' - sometimes nsfw

{{clear}}

==The three types of AI art==
<center>[[File:The three types of AI Art 721.jpeg|500px]]</center>

==AI-created [[Rule 34]]==
It goes without saying that if you give the interwebs' <strike>netizens</strike> DENIZENS any kind of web-generator app, that it eventually will be used maliciously, in this case it didn't take long for the web to start abusing the programs to create [[Rule 34|Eros-type art]]. '''{{KYM|memes/cultures/hentai-diffusion|Even MOAR info is available on KYM *Gasp*}}'''.
{{cg|Gallery|gallery1|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:AI model - Waifu Diffusion - artist - AIPicMaker - AI Art Semi-lewd.jpg
File:Original using novelai - df05711003412a5d8e38b6b492a9eeee.png|Original character, we guess? - Software used: NovelAI
File:Diffusionwaifuhentai masked class AI Artwork sample-58a179acfe0d8b2bd73895715ffb48fa.jpg
File:D.va (overwatch) using novelai - d9bfb1d0fae1eeb58e9e31657711fe73.png|[[Overwatch]] AI-generated [[Rule 34]] 1 - Software used: NovelAI
File:D.va (overwatch) using novelai - 39bffd082aa62fdbb28350fa1ba938cd.png|[[Overwatch]] AI-generated [[Rule 34]] 2 - Software used: NovelAI
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:AIASS.jpg
File:Hatsune miku (vocaloid) - 0f657fb42b14e1b80558a6271107fb94.jpg
File:May (pokemon and 1 more) using novelai - b6dd91979e5d43162011f2806473be7f.png|[[Pokemon|Gotta 'fuck em all!]] - Software used: NovelAI
File:Hatsune miku (vocaloid) generated by berryneko using novelai - ee377aabccc24cf7ec5b2f0c6c38277b.png|Hatsune Miku as a slime-girl - Software used: NovelAI
File:Original generated by robotliar using waifu diffusion - AI hent.png|'nother "[[Original character|original character]]" - Software used: Waifu Diffusion
</gallery>}}

==Galleries of Borg art==

===DALL-E/DALL-E Mini "art"===
{{cg|Gallery|gallery2|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Dalle Mini - Uncle Sam eating infants.png
File:Dalle Mini - Byzantine Mosaic Shrek.JPG
File:Dalle Mini - Tubgirl.JPG
File:Dalle Mini 2girls1cup.JPG
File:Big Bird being Crucified - AI artwork.JPG
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Dalle Mini - The beginning.png
File:Dalle Mini - The end.png
</gallery>}}

===Stable Diffusion "art"===
{{cg|Gallery|gallery3|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Stable Diffusion - nature 83e.jpg
File:Stable Diffusion - Daily Dose of Old Video Games 315.png|[[Piccolo Dick]]
File:Stable diffusion AI Artwork - daily dose of nature.png
File:Stable diffusion September Cake - AI artwork 7f5.png
File:Stable Diffusion - Elon Musk in GTA 6f6.png
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Stable Diffusion - In the Airplane Over the Sea - 649.png
File:Stable Diffusion Realistic lofi girl f8c.jpg
File:Stable Diffusion - Nowareno.png
File:Hoshizora rin (love live!) generated by dual1020 using stable diffusion.png
File:Stable Diffusion - Pepe Stable Diffusion Painting 78b.png
File:Stable Diffusion - Happy Cat 289.jpg
</gallery>}}

===Tencent QQ AI "art"===
<center><gallery>
File:Kiwi Farms QQ tencent AI Anime Artwork Chris Chandler 1.jpeg
File:Kiwi Farms QQ tencent AI Anime Artwork black white old city.jpeg
</gallery></center>

===Other Assorted AI-generated "artwork" and related images===
{{cg|Gallery|gallery4|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Pumpkin party.png
File:Original generated by faia92 - e2e177c59bcd975246a8b300d75c39af.png
File:AI Art - 'Loss' meme POV edition 579.jpg
File:AI art - AI art will never be able to render dog girls smoking cigarettes with the care that a moody unemployed 25 year old can 739.png
File:Negative prompts vs stable diffusion 037.png
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:AI art bad at drawing hands - as teacher so student cd9.jpg
File:AI Art - AI art is an amazing advancement 7af.jpg
File:Mona Lisa AI Boobs.png
</gallery>}}

==External Links==
*'''{{KYM|memes/cultures/ai-art|AI Art on KnowYourMeme}}'''
*[https://www.vice.com/en/article/stable-diffusion-stability-ai-nsfw-ai-generated-porn/ This AI Tool Is Being Used to Make Freaky, Machine-Generated Porn - VICE magazine online] {{archive|kem2m}}
*[https://aibooru.online/ AI-Booru]
*[https://harishgarg.com/writing/do-not-use-these-banned-words-in-dall-e-prompts/ Incomplete list of banned DALL-E words/prompts] {{archive|80c4H}}
*[https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/uKp6tBFStnsvrot5t/what-dall-e-2-can-and-cannot-do What DALL-E 2 can and cannot do - LessWrong.com] {{wayback|https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/uKp6tBFStnsvrot5t/what-dall-e-2-can-and-cannot-do|20221112102034|title=(Archived)}}
{{softwarez}}
{{memes}}
[[Category:2022]]
[[Category:Memes]]
[[Category:Web 3.0]]
{{Timeline|Featured Article for November 22 and 23, 2022|[[Neopronouns]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Anderson Lee Aldrich]]}}

Aggron

2025-04-01T12:41:04Z

HellenicTrapstar:

{{perfect}}

[[File:Aggron.jpg|center]]

Oh and he can Mega Evolve too giving him <big>230 BASE DEFENCE</big>

{{pokedex}}

{{Why is there an article}}
[[Category:Unrelated]]
[[Category:In Jokes]]

Soccer

2025-04-01T00:31:09Z

HellenicTrapstar: /* Trolling the soccerfags */

{{Breakingnews|'''[http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/32982449 Holy shit! Soccer is so corrupt that FIFA's president resigned a week after been voted in]'''}}
[[image:Soccer kick to the nuts.gif|thumb|right|Bust a nut in [[Super Smash Bros|Soccer Smash Bros.]] '''[[Falcon Punch|FALCON KICK!]]''']]
{{distinguish|Handegg}}

'''''[[Ass]]''ociation Football''' (''also known as '''Football''' to [[Brits|Limey cunts]], the [[poor]] and [[Mexicans]]; '''Soccer''' to [[USA|Illogical fat retards]] and [[Ausfalia|Koala shaggers]]; '''[[Communism|Commieball]]''' to [[Ann Coulter]], and '''[[Truth|Divegrass]]''' to pathetic [[sp|/sp/artans]]'') is a playground activity that consists of people chasing a ball for 2 hours only to end with a score of zero-zero. It was invented by public school children in the [[UK|Land of Poofs]] to determine which team would get to fuck the others' sisters. Losers who showed particular valour on the field got a reach-around.
__TOC__
{{clear}}

==Is there crying in soccer?==
[[image:Soccer_fag.jpg|thumb|180px|I didn't win the tournament, daddy.]]
Yes, there is.

The world cup only comes every four years, and even players with [[Old|long careers]] may only play in two or three world cups. But that doesn't mean they should fucking cry about it every time they lose. For example, take Cristiano Ronaldo: a famous young player from [[Portugal]]. He gets more money than a Hassidic Jew in one [[Fleshlight|Speed Stick]] commercial and more ass than a toilet seat, and yet he cries like a little bitch. The reason is because he keeps getting sick of being [[Stick It In Her Pooper|pwnd in the ass]] by his [[fuckbuddies|teammates]], and thus plays [[lie|well]] in the hope they will finally get him out of the club. Instead, the only club he gets is [[pwned|up his ass every Friday night]].

[[Anorexic|Victoria Beckham]] and the entire [[Argentina|Argentinian]] team also became infamous for crying during the 2006 World Cup. That's right. Beckham's wife had to do his crying for him. He had failed to bring home a few other young studs for a gay orgy and one [[Gentleman]].

Zidane was crying on the inside when Materazzi called his sister a whore that got it in the ass last night from the whole Italian side. FIFA decided in favor of the Italian, since [[ED|he who speaks the truth]] deserves [[MOAR|no punishment]].

[[Handegg|A little spank on the ass by their coaches and teammates]] usually [[queers|cheers]] the "players" right up, though nothing could ever take away from the massive ignominy of having cried in front of a billion people because you couldn't get your [[Cock|ball]] inside the [[ass|goal]].

As a playing strategy, professional soccer players routinely throw themselves on the ground in a spastic tantrum. The objective is to make a perceived foul committed by a player on the opposing team appear far more egregious than it actually is because they broke down and cried rather than taking it like a man. The performance is reminiscent of a 3 year old child in the supermarket whose request for candy is denied.
{{clear}}

==How gay is soccer?==
<center><youtube>hI0nYY_b7Sk</youtube></center>
<center>'''Only slightly, I'm sure you'll agree'''</center>

==Epithets with explanations==
[[File:Goaltse.gif|thumb|200px|right|A permissible move is one that does not involve using the hands]]
[[image:Soccer is for faggots.jpg|180px|right]]
*'''Goalkeeper''' — one who is nonconsensually [[Fellatio|fellated]]. Or might have a dildo up his anus.
*'''Defender''' — A player who tries to prevent [[Anal Sex|sodomisation]] of his [[Gay|team mates]].
*'''Midfielder''' — Any player who is fucked in the [[Oral|mouth]] and [[ass]] simultaneously.
*'''Striker''' — someone who sneaks up and then [[fuck]]s you [[in the ass]].
*'''Bend (it like Beckham)''' — [[England|British]] slang, where "bent" means gay (because it's literally "not straight").
*'''Dutchie''' — it is a proven fact that the entirety of [[the Netherlands]] plays way too much soccer.
*'''French''' — the entire male population of [[France]] is soccer mad, which is why studs are imported from Algeria. Unfortunately, most Algerians are [[Islam|Muslim]], a religion that bans consensual sex with women except in Paradise.
*'''German''' — it is a know [[fact]] that Germans are playing the most [[butthurt|shittiest]] soccer of all, but still almost always win due to [[hax|unknown]] [[Jews|reasons]]
*'''[[Vuvuzela]]''' — BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
*'''Goal''' — possibly rhyming slang derived from the idiom ''smoke a pole'', meaning "to fellate".
*'''Score''' — this refers to penetration of the anal sphincter.
*'''Foul''' — Any act of [[heterosexual|heterosexuality]] during a match.
*'''Yellow Card''' — Too many penises in the mouth.
*'''Red Card''' — Liking women.
*'''Pitch''' — The field of "play." Alternately, an anal DP.

==Popular soccer leagues==
*[[Tatiana|Brazilian League]]
*[[New Jersey|Italian League]]
*[[My Chemical Romance|Emo League]] '''UPDATE:''' No longer exists, [[pwnd|killed themselves]] after realizing that they can only have [[sick fuck|have gay orgies]] in the lockers.
*[[France|French League]]
*[[4chan|b/tards League]]

==Corruption==
It shouldn't be a huge surprise to anyone that everyone inside FIFA are massively corrupt. But somehow the [[USA|only country that doesn't do soccer]] set out to stop corruption and spread freedom all over the world, by actually arresting all the corrupt FIFA members. The corruption ran so deep that despite it only been a week since he got re-elected FIFA's president Sepp Blatter fucking resigned, just to avoid being exposed even further.

===FIFA vice president uses ''The Onion'' as evidence===
After being arrested for corruption, former FIFA vice president Jack Warner set out to prove that all of FIFA was corrupt, and he was like totally innocent. And what was his masterplan? To provide evidence from the satirical and unfunny online newspaper ''The Onion''. Yes, the same one even your mom has wised so much up to, that she no longer shares it on Facebook.
<center><youtube>WK-TJZVWcnA</youtube></center>

==Trolling the soccerfags==
[[File:Typical Stoke football club fan.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Stoke soccer fan]]
[[File:Sunderland football club fans.png|thumb|right|200px|Sunderland soccer fans]]
Have you ever been on the Internet and all of the sudden some British soccerfag appears? He's now speaking of OMG HOW COOL SOCCER IZZ OMGG!! Well here's the best way to make them epic butthurt, really trust ED; it works 100% all the time!

[http://www.soccersucks.net/soccer_quotes.html From here,] you can obtain some smart quotes to make any soccer fan butthurt.

How to troll them? Easy. Pick any quote of your choice, copy it and paste it. In seconds you'll receive an epic butthurt. Follow the example:

<center>{{morphquote|mqtest|background-color: transparent; width: 700px; height: 250px;|font-weight: normal;|Twenty-one guys stand around and one guy does a tap dance with the ball.|Jim Murray|There's no honor in soccer|Alex Lalas, soccer participant|The human body has arms, hands, shoulders, and a brain - why can't you incorporate these into your sport (sic) of soccer?|John Leinaweaver}}</center>

All of these above and more can be located [http://www.soccersucks.net/soccer_quotes.html here]

==Practice==
In order to master the game of soccer, one must [[Hack|practice]]. See the following for instruction:
<center>{{fv|Soccer practice videos|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>c1tzr0n_Usk</youtube>
<center>In this video, as in all soccer contests, [[gay|balls are touching]].</center>
|<youtube>_lP0CmEA6PA</youtube>
<center>This is how soccer should be played by all players.</center>
}}</center>
{{clear}}

==Lulz==
Despite its inane [[faggotry]], '''Soccer''' occasionally provides [[lulz]]. It's mainly when the bleachers collapse and half of [[Europe]] dies.
<center>{{fv|Soccer lulz videos|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>gHFn1ddMrAE</youtube><br>
<center> In football, the field is watered down with golden showers</center>
|<youtube>eEQcGvJkb7s</youtube><br>
<center>Typical crazed soccer [[England|hooligan]] really [[fail|trying his best]].</center>
|<youtube>fLx2Pu8hyM0</youtube><br>
<center>Soccer players are [[sick fuck]]s, that's why they like [[porn]] on the pitch.</center>
|<youtube>rIlRKHFEXs0</youtube><br>
<center>A typical soccer player</center>
|<youtube>0smWRttp3ls</youtube>
<center>Soccer players in the wild</center>
|<youtube>wTXx-EBIeoc</youtube>
<center>More Soccer players in the wild</center>
|<youtube>nMeRhTZu1m8</youtube>
<center>Even a lame cartoon like [[Teen Titans]] know how stupid Soccer is</center>
}}</center>
{{clear}}

==Video games==
Due to the significant correlation between [[chav|soccer fans]] and [[Gamer|gamers]] (as both have no social lives, girlfriends, or personal hygiene), [[EA|video game developers]] have made [[Shit|amazing]] [[video games]] based on soccer. The Football Manager series is of [[Shit nobody cares about|particular note]]:
<center><youtube>bw1rqMlPY7M</youtube></center><center>
''[[German]] [[fail|winning]] at Football Manager. Actually it's Unreal Tournament, but this deliberate mistranslation is more funny.</center>''

[[Fanboy|Console owners]] have a [[copypasta|wide variety]] of games to choose from, varying from [[shit|FIFA ##]] to [[shit|Pro Evolution Soccer ##]]. The [[Nazi|people]] behind the games [[capitalism|display unfathomable generosity by endeavoring every year to release a new version of the games]] [[Christmas|every season]] incorporating [[stupid|important]] roster updates. They also feature the opportunity to relive soccer's greatest matches, such as [[9/11|Israel's 2998-19 victory over the United States]].

These games have spawned tournaments where [[tourneyfag|gamers]] meet to try and [[fail|win]] the tournament. There are no concrete rules, but similar to [[Super Smash Bros|other tournament games]], there are some unwritten laws governing tournaments:
* Italy only
* No cards
* No injuries
*[[Super Smash Bros|Final Destination]]

==Notable players==
*[[Maradona]] - The fattest player the world has ever seen, scored a goal through a handball and made the [[Shit| goal of the century]] which attracted many [[13-year-old boy| fans]], also was an ex-drug consumer, [[Marijuana#Cannabis|which is totally cool with me, dude.]] Although those 2 goals were what he is known for, he is adored by many [[Idiot|football enthusiasts.]]
*[[Brazil|King Pelè]] - First winner of [[2girls1cup|3 World Cups]] and famous [[Pedobear|teen fucker]].
*[[Portugal|Cristiano Ronaldo]] - Supposedly the best player in the world, even if he is too [[retarded]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JiDJS0AQ98 to score a penalty.]
*[[Mario|Mario Balloteli]] - Ex-Olympic diving champion and the main actor of King Kong, he has put his skills to use on the pitch.
*[[Retard|David Beckham]] - [[Jumped the shark]] [[at least 100 years ago]] and moved to [[Los Angeles]] with his [[slut|wife]] and kids.
*[[Zinedine Zidane]] - [[Pwned]] some [[Italy|Italian]] with his slap-head. Got [[b&]] and made the FFF (Fucking French Fags) leave Germany with their heads hanged and their penises shrivel at the sight of the greasy nosed Italians dripping their nasal marinara sauce on the shint golden trap trophy.
*[[The Great Buttrape of Bloemfontein|Frank Lampard]] - Famous for actually scoring a goal against the [[Germany|Krauts]] during the World Cup but wasn't validated by the ref because he was too busy looking at the hot Dutch Bavarian models.
*[[An hero|Robert Enke]] - [[German]] goalkeeper who [[lie|accidently]] [[Suicide|killed himself]] because he [[lol|couldnt stand his own looks]].
*[[Cunt|John Terry]] - Was seriously [[butthurt]] after [[fail|missing a penalty]][like every good britfags does] and [[you lost the game|losing the Champions League]] [[last Thursday]] and started boohooing about it to Jew. Cheated on his ex-best friend's wife.
*[[Chav|Wayne Rooney]] - Scouser who [[steals]] and [[fucks]] [[grannies]]. Currently earning [[over 9000]] a minute.
*[[Waaaambulance|Michael Owen]] - [[shit|Overrated]] player who spends most of his time injured and warming the bench while bench-pressing Heskey.
*[[Dental Plan|Ronaldinho]] - The man looks like a donkey. Srsly.
*[[Khan|Oliver '''KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN''']] - [[Nazi|German]] Goalkeeper, know for smelling like a monkey, looking like a monkey and behaving like a monkey, but with a lust for [[guro|blood and flesh]] instead for [[cock|bananas]] and [[watermelonz]] like regular soccerplayers/monkeys.
*[[sellout|Ashley Cole]] - Left many [[France|Arsenal]] fans butthurt for moving to rivals [[russia|Chelski]], resulting in much lulz
*[[Piss|DaMarcus Beasley]] - Negro with your typical [[Sheneequa|crazy ass name]]. Famous for revealing his tiny niggercock while pissing in front of [[Over 9000|560 million]] viewers that were watching the [[America|Jew Essay]] beat the [[Mexico|Beaners]], proving that not all black men are well-endowed.
*[[Fugly|Franck Ribery]] - [[French]] [[Muslim]] player whose ugliness makes [[Rosie O'Donnell]] cringe. Also has a liking for [[pedophile|underage]] [[hookers]].
*[[Liar|Harry Redknapp]] - Not actually a player, but a manager who is a twitching cunt, and who continually lies to the clubs fans about commitment, leaving them butthurt.
*[[Fat|Paul Robinson]] - [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dmws59X1cNg Too stupid to hit the ball, the video speaks for itself].
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvEobeNfGcc Elizabeth Lambert] - [[Lesbian|Female soccer player]] for [[Shit nobody cares about|New Mexico]] who became a [[YouTube]] star after [[Pwn|pulling her opponent down by the hair]]. She [[An Hero|has been suspended indefinitely]].
*[[France|Thierry Henry]] - OMG He [[hax|handled the ball]] [[at least 100 years ago|at least 100]] times! CHEATAR!!!!eleventyone1 REPLAY! Does shaving commericals with [[Fag|Derek Jeter]]
*[[Midget|Lionel Messi]] - {{strike|Quite simply [[Shit|the best]] player of all time, even though he's a [[Midget|midget]]. Makes Maradona look like a [[Shit|patzer]].}} Overrated like Maradona, [[Fail|failed a free kick in the world cup.]]
*[[Robert_Green|Robert Green]] - [[England|England's]] [[great|greatest]] [[Epic_Fail_Guy|player]] ever.
*[[Sand Nigger|Samir Nasri]] - Left [[Arse|'''ARSE'''nal]] for extra thousands at [[Money|City bank]] because he thinks he's a king after playing well for half of a season. Now he warms the bench. Check out his facebook page:[http://www.facebook.com/pages/Nanana-Samir-youre-a-cnt/195973320465697]
*[[Muteba Kidiaba]] - Dancing Congolian negroid.
*[[Africa|Fabrice Muamba]] - [[HNNNNNNGGGGG]]
*[[Robbenball|Arjen Robben]] - Dutch [[Transformers|Autobot]] as seen in the 2010 World Cup. Eliminated [[Mexico]] in the most soccery way possible for teh lulz.
*[[Pwnage|Pepe]] - Psychopath that dishes out total assrape then walks away like nothing happened.
*[[Pwnage|Andres Escobar]] - [http://articles.latimes.com/1994-07-03/news/mn-11578_1_world-cup Murdered] by angry Colombian fans after his own goal caused Colombia to [[epic fail|lose to the US.]]

==On the Internet==
Soccer on the Internet generally consists of [[13-year-old boys]] arguing for their selected team in a type of faggotry called 'banter'. This usually consists of:
*'''A:''' "OMG!!! MAN UTD R THE BEST EVRY1 ELSE IS CRAP"
*'''B:''' "SHUT UP YOU R WELL SHIT THATS WHY THEY CALL U MANURE LOL LIVERPOOL RULE"
*'''A:''' "[[Pwnage|HOW COME UVE HAVENT WON NOTHING THEN!??!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!]]
Both participants can then leave feeling they've had an intelligent debate, and planning a career in sport journalism.
<center><gallery>
Image:Furriesruinfootball.jpg|[[Furries]] ruin everything
Image:Soccerr.jpg|[[No exceptions]]
Image:Fuleco.jpg| What did I said about Furries?
Image:Soccer tits.PNG
</gallery></center>

==Team abbreviation combinations==
Ever tune to a soccer game and you see the mini scoreboard and you see that the countries' names are abbreviated, such as Germany is GER, Russia is RUS, Wales is WAL, etc.?
These are the most funniest ones we found:

(By far the most funniest and most controversial)
*'''Nigeria vs. Germany (NIG GER)'''

''Other, less funny combos''
*Wales vs. Russia (WAL RUS)
*Finland vs. Germany (FIN GER)
*Madagascar vs. Farie Islands (MAD FRO)
*Barbados vs. Cook Islands (BRB COK)
*Bangladesh vs. Netherlands (BAN NED)
*Bangladesh vs. Germany (BAN GER)
*Haiti vs. Guiana (HAI GUY)
*Jamaica vs. Mauritania (JAM MTN)
more to come as soon as Anon wakes up

==Gallery==
{{cg|GOAL-lery|Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Knee to the face.gif
File:Soccer dad.gif
File:Soccer bed.gif
File:Pedrolopez.jpg|Captain of the [[Colombia|Colombian]] football team 1976-79 [[Sick Fuck|Pedro Alonso López]], well known by being [[child abuse|loved by the girls]].
File:Penis soccer.gif
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Not so low, kid.gif
File:Soccer hand.gif
File:Goal.gif
image:Typical soccer strategy.gif
File:Kicking a soccer ball.gif
File:Omg my face.gif
File:Missed.gif|Arsenal's [[Homosexual|Robin Van Persie]] shows us how soccer should be played.
File:Soccer high five.gif
File:Soccer aim.gif
File:Diving.gif
File:Soccerfight.gif|[[HOW CAN SHE SLAP?!?]]
File:Soccer move bitch.gif
File:Red soccer ball.gif
File:Fatty soccer.gif
File:Heavy ball.gif
File:Sub-Zero soccer.gif
File:Soccer push.gif
File:Karate soccer.gif
File:OMG it spins.jpg
File:Fuck this, let's dance.jpg
File:NakedSoccerTrio.jpg|Soccer is [http://www.austriantimes.at/news/Panorama/2012-10-15/44805/Museum_opts_for_ball_control_after_naked_men_row oppressed] by the art world.
File:Zidane_pwns_Castro.gif|Maximum [[pwnage]] by [[Zinedine Zidane|Zidane]]
File:Cantona_bitch_slaps_spectator.jpg
File:Soccerball to Head.jpg
File:Soccerball_to_Head_02.jpg
File:SoccerKidFinger.jpg
File:Soccer Fustercluck.jpg
File:UnitedBlow.jpg
File:Nuts.jpg
File:Would Cup Body Paint WorldCupBaby 1015.jpg
File:Higuita5.gif
File:Pele Tang.jpg
File:Bestheaderever.gif
File:Gravesen.jpg
File:Footballer dive halitosis.gif
File:White Nigra Soccer.jpg
</gallery>}}

== See also ==
* [[Gay]]
* [[Handegg]]
* [[Riots]]

{{Olympics}}
{{Spanish}}
[[Category: Subcultures]]
[[category: epithets]]

File:Sunderland football club fans.png

2025-04-01T00:28:55Z

HellenicTrapstar:

2025-01-21T05:42:08Z

HellenicTrapstar:

{{Lolcow2}}
{{DISPLAYTITLE:iDubbbzTV}}<div style="pointer-events:none;position:fixed;bottom:0;left:0;">[[File:Idubbbz Exploitable.png|150px]]</div>

[[File:IanCarter.png|thumb|right|200px|Disease itself; with the face of a man.]]
[[File:Gayskinhead.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Gay Skinhead.]]
[[File:GreenCunt.PNG|thumb|right|200px|Ian Carter in his natural habitat.]]
[[File:IDubbbz - I'm Gay.gif|thumb|right|200px|'''"I'm Gay!"''' - Speaks for itself.]]
[[File:Hey, that's pretty good.jpg|right|150px]]

{{yt|u|iDubbbzTV|iDubbbzTV}} ([[Powerword|Ian Carter]]) is a four-eyed [[homosexual]] [[unfunny]] rapist [[Texas|Texan]] (raised there but is from [[California|Califucknia]]) cuntroach who's constant shitposting on [[JewTube]] has earned himself a rather vigorous and dominant name. Ian manages to scrape the bottom of the internet's shit barrel to find [[Shit|resources]] for him to fuck around with in his irrational videos. His main channel has been around since [[2012]], but he only climbed out of the immense pit of [[YouTube Nobodies]] after he [[Onision|began to partake in several absurd gangbanging sessions]] with [[Filthy Frank]], [[HowToBasic]], and [[Retard|MaxMoeFoe]]. Ian's channels have become a much lulzier highlight ever since he started the "Content Cop" series; where he spends much of his time destroying [[LeafyIsHere|attention whoring]], [[DJ KEEMSTAR|dumbass]] [[The Fine Bros|egotists]] who can't go a day without making a [[Tana Mongeau|fucking]] [[RiceGum|fool]] out of themselves.

At present time, Ian creates a multitude of these lulzy videos in hopes that someday some spoiled-rotten cunt can donate a shit-ton of their [[Jew Gold]] to him so that he can afford to cure the [[Paradox|cancer he is inevitably creating from said lulzy videos]].

== Series ==

===Kickstarter Crap===
In this series, iDubbbz selects a shitty half-assed Kickstarter project, and rants about it for some [[TL;DR|5-10 minutes]]. This series would be more tolerable if it wasn't for the fact that he is mostly criticizing [[virgin|inexperienced]], tryhard shitlords who decided to come up with an idea for their Kickstarter project in the middle of taking a shit at the [[Toilet|outhouse]].

Tryhards who's Kickstarters he has talked shit about:
*[[Schaun Bishop]]

=== Content Cop ===

''Content Cop'' is, quite simply, the epitome of "roasting". In this series, Ian plays "[[Metallica|seek and destroy]]" on the population of [[Autists|vulnerable individuals]] who are making YouTube into a cesspool of [[AIDS]] with their incessant faggotry, which ironically is what Idubbbz is doing with his godawful videos best-suited for edgy [[retards|12-year olds]] who just learned the word [[faggot]] means.

So far, he has an autistic hissyfit against:

* [[Angry German Kid|Tech Destruction Channels]]
* [[LeafyIsHere]]
* [[Prank|HOWTOPRANKITUP]]
* [[Hentai|Toy channels]]
* [[DJ KEEMSTAR]]
* [[The Fine Bros]]
* [[Nigger|Jinx]]
* [[Fat|Food reviewers]]
* [[Tana Mongeau]]
* [[RiceGum|Asian Jake Paul]]

Each Content Cop starts with [https://soundcloud.com/otismacmusic/03-otis-mcmusic Otis McMusic], also known as the "what we do here is go back" song.

{{#ev:soundcloud |https://soundcloud.com/otismacmusic/03-otis-mcmusic |500 }}

The voices from the music are the souls of the channels that are the subject of the Content Cop videos.

=== Bad Unboxing ===

Everything falls into deep shit when fantards decide to send fanmail to Ian. The fanmail he unboxes in these videos is an accurate representation of the kinds of deranged people who tune into his content. Expect to see plenty of dildos bigger than anything [[Goatse|Kirk Johnson]] could fit into his [[ass]], expired food of all sorts, retarded memes, and a variety of other random shit that [[you]] most certainly [[DO NOT WANT]].

<center><youtube>5v2-DBw3iZs</youtube></center>

== Shitty Memes he has Created ==

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv|iDubbbzVids|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>P-_GWUw8LwM</youtube><center>'''This was unfunny from the moment it was conceived.'''</center>
|<youtube>JeimE8Wz6e4</youtube><center>'''A quote from a video where [https://www.youtube.com/user/MrMonkRage some fat fuck] gets a [[PewDiePie]] tattoo on his ass.'''</center>
|<youtube>SLEdsI731J4</youtube><center>'''[[No|Comedy gold]].'''</center>
}}
|border=#FFFFFF|background=#FFFFFF}}
</center>

Of course, all of this shit spread to [[Vine]] and [[Twitter]] faster than Usain Bolt on nutmeg and became a clusterfuck of "[[Hell|dank meme compilations]]" and shit.

== Collaborations ==
[[File:Ian Getting Slapped.gif|thumb|right|180px|The correct way to treat a cancer patient.]]

Starting in 2015, iDubbbz began to get together with several other [[Insane|like-minded]] spergs IRL, and play fucked-up RP games more disturbing than any of [[1man1jar|the]] [[3guys1hammer|worst]] [[Pain Series|shock]] [[Last Measure|sites]] already available. It is in these gatherings, that iDubbbz's insanity and depraved mind flourishes - he is usually the punching bag of these IRL meetups, and resorts to contracting several STDs and illnesses by the end of each video.

One notable example, was Filthy Frank's "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAPBm_0ftAY Hair Cake]" video, where Ian [[Lol|shaves off all of his hair]] for the sake of having his disabled insane asylum-escapee friends feast on a shitty meal which they will probably puke out later on.

== SIMP Controversy ==
During late March of 2020, it was revealed that [[Soviet Canuckistan|iDubbbz's girlfriend]] had made an [[onlyfans]] account. This made everyone [[RAGE|rage]] (specifically the ones [[incels|who hated whores]]), and go against him. The hick surfer accented faggot then later made video about it. He then married her. [[Stupid|Ironically, it's likely she only wanted to do this to hog on his fame, but ironically, he's been going downhill after the reveal anyways.]]

== Beef with Sam Hyde ==
Moving away from his edgy skits and rant content, Ian's new direction for his slowly dying channel would be amateur documentaries on infamous YouTube celebrities, like AirSoftFatty who became famous for his autistic obsession to [[role-playing|larp irl]] as a morbidly obese Jedi Knight, and [[DaxFlame]], another socially-autistic creator who's viewers stick around to see him embarrass himself in public as he talks like a child to random strangers.

For a third episode of this documentary Ian decided to move away from autists and instead focus on failed comedians. Travelling to Massachusetts to visit [[Sam Hyde]], Ian, under the guise of trying to get to know the "real" Sam Hyde, spent several days recording a documentary whilst Sam Hyde trolled him with a fake office and employees, pretending he was trying to become a rapper, dating a crack whore and wanted to box bears, naked in the woods. After waiting 9 months for Idubbbz to finally [[procrastination|edit and release]] the video, Sam and his team tried to contact Ian, with no response, so they made their own cut of the documentary with the footage they had lying around. Idubbbz would eventually release his version not too long afterwards. Sam would make a short video to say he liked Idubbbz' documentary and hoped there was no bad blood between them, but after this documentary, Ian would seemingly avoid talking about Sam and his girlfriend would delete and ignore comments about Sam and his future involvement with Idubbbz.

[[File:SamHyde&IanCuck.jpeg|200px|centre]]
{{quote|I'm used to being the puppet master in these kinds of situations|Idubbbz pouting after getting trolled a little by Sam during the documentary (reportedly)}}

Almost half a year later, Idubbbz created a boxing event called "Creator Clash", which had [[YouTubers]] beat the shit out of each other for [[hookers|charity]] [[cocaine|purposes]]. He was confronted online by Sam who claimed Ian stole the idea from him, with Ian [[false|denying Sam inspiring him wanting to get into boxing]]. Sam started uploading google docs to his twitter in which he outlined possible outfits and theme music as he planned to appear in this event. However after buying $1,500+ of front row tickets, Sam discovered he had been banned from the event, and security teams were walking around with printouts of his face, as well as given instructions to harass audience members wearing his merch. Sam did end up helping to train one of the boxers in the event who would go on to [[win]] their match, [[Epic Meal Time|Hailey]], an obese washed-up creator who dressed up as Venom Snake.

After the event, [[Keemstar]] went on livestream with Ian, his girlfriend, and a bunch of Idubbbz's friends. Keem directly asked why Sam couldn't come, to which Ian's whore girlfirend started ranting about sponsors and how Sam would scare backers, (although given that Creator Clash was being sponsored by OnlyFans rip-offs and other porn websites, it's unlikely they cared who was involved.), and how they were afraid he would disrupt the event. Sam was then interviewed by some small channel on YouTube, in which he broke character and directly stated that he though Idubbbz's girlfriend was like his "[[The Beatles|Yoko Ono]]", blaming her for Idubbbz's move to less offensive comedy, and finished by declaring he would be the voice for the minority that thought Idubbbz had been ruined by his whore partner.

== His girlfriend's [[Domestic Violence|abuse]] towards him ==
As of recently, the reveal of his girlfriend only marrying him so he can do things for her, not that she cares, and for a fucking haircut caused people to turn on him even more. Anisa Jomha made incredibly sexual remarks about him on Twitter and on YouTube lives and [[Twitch]] livestreams and [[OnlyFans]]. iCuccckz even privated his old videos in pretending to act different from his old self. [[PewDiePie|What a fuckin' nigger!]]

== See Also ==
[[File:IDubbbz Icon.jpg|thumb|right|150px|A cartoon depiction of Ian getting anally penetrated.]]

*[[Filthy Frank]] - One of his many queer fuckbuddies.
*[[HowToBasic]] - Another lunatic.
*[[DJ KEEMSTAR]] - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qP78Bu__npY roasted by iDubbbz.]
*[[LeafyIsHere]] - Inbred chinless closet-homosexual piece of human garbage.
*[[RiceGum]] - [https://youtu.be/tQpKb0U800I also roasted by iDubbbz.]
*[[H3H3 Productions]]
*[[I Hate Everything]]
*[[Homosexuality]]
*[[Faggotry]]

==External Links==
*[http://www.idubbbz.com/ His really bland, shitty website]
*{{yt|u|UC-tsNNJ3yIW98MtPH6PWFAQ|iDubbbzTV2}} - Secondary channel; a moar cancerous mutation of the main channel.
*{{yt|u|UCVhfFXNY0z3-mbrTh1OYRXA|iDubbbzgames}} - Dead, short-lived gayming channel.
*{{facebook|IDubbbz}}
*{{twitter|idubbbz}}
*{{instagram|idubbbz}}
*{{reddit|iDubbbz}} - Of course, they just ''had'' to have an entire subreddit dedicated to this cumstain.

{{ytseries}}
{{YouTube Ranters}}
{{lolcows}}
{{trolls}}

[[Category:People]]

2025-01-05T22:56:45Z

HellenicTrapstar:

Vaush

2024-12-27T19:37:21Z

HellenicTrapstar: removed the dead yt link and replaced it with two other vaush vids

{{crap}}
{{aspie}}
{{SickFuck}}
{{Pedo}}

{{ib|[[File:Vaushicon.jpg|200px]]}}
{{Ibhead|Vaush}}
{{Ibrow|Born|February 14, 1994 ({{age|1994|2|14}} years ago)}}
{{Ibrow|Real name|Ian Anthony Kochinski}}
{{Ibrow|Nationality|[[Americunt|Americunt]] [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|Ethnicity|[[Kike]]}}
{{Ibrow|Occupation|YouTuber}}
{{Ibrow|Date joined|January 6, 2019 ({{age|2019|1|6}} years ago)}}
{{Ibend}}

'''[[Powerword|Ian Anthony Kochinski]]'''{{jew}} is a [[Cultural Marxist]] [[pedophile]] with a variety of hobbies, like [[zoophilia]], [[Mr. Hands|gargling horse cock]], [[Faggot|‘pansexuality’]], and being a morally bankrupt [[fucktard]]. Somehow he has a girlfriend, which would actually be an achievement considering his [[Cringe|quirks]] if she wasn't some fat [[spic]] goblin [[whore]] who looks more like a [[Dark Souls]] boss than an actual human. [[You]] ought to congratulate yourself for not trading all your dignity for [[Pussy|coochie]], and then [[Suicide|kill yourself]] for letting FUCKING VAUSH get a GF before you. While Vaush unfortunately has a legion of fans who embody [[Sick Fuck|his]] [[Pseudointellectual|various]] [[Insane|aspects]], he has plenty of enemies within the Breadtube community.

== Background ==
The abortion of Vaush failed, causing him to emerge from the shithole known as [[Los Angeles]]. This would be the first of many obvious signs that this tub of lard would become what we all know him as. Vaush's father{{jew}} is a Hollywood executive while his mother is a filmmaker. Wealthy leftist born into wealth, [[Karl Marx|sound familiar?]] Vaush claimed to get his inspiration from none other than [[Destiny]], which helps explain where his psychotic faggotry came from. According to him he was always a cultural marxist, although his politics heavily shifted during high school after a teacher groomed him. In 2013 he was an anarchofag originally under the name 'IrishLaddie'. Under this name he would ride Destiny's coattails by appearing on his streams and pressuring Destiny to become an even bigger cultural marxist. After being outed as a sexual harasser in 2019, he dropped the IrishLaddie name and made his own jewtube channel under the name 'Vaush'. A week after that, he would make his first video.

== Views ==
Coming from the horse's mouth, Vaush is a self-proclaimed socialist and libertarian leftist. This is obviously a contradiction to anyone without brain worms, but he doesn't seem to think so. Interestingly he hates tankies and authoritarian leftards, even though leftism is inherently authoritarian by nature. Vaush despises the right-wing worldview, [[SJW|hates the typical -isms and -phobias]], [[Socialist|wants private property abolished, wants worker co-ops (potentially by force if necessary)]], and sees liberals as a useful pawn to smash fascism before disposing of them after they've outlived their usefulness. How cute, he thinks liberals are useful. On that topic he also [[Role-playing|supports a violent revolution to implement a market-socialist society]]. [[Fact|A revolution that he would never be ready for or survive, on the off-chance it even happens]]. Vaush voted for Biden, hoping that he would [[LOLWUT|be pushed leftward by his base. Yes, Vaush thought that a dementia-addled pedophile would be pushed further left instead of remaining a puppet for the globalist neoliberal elites]]. Vaush would later be on video saying that [[Bullshit|there's no objective truth (beyond what you can coerce people into accepting)]], [[Role-playing|claim that he only turns down certain sponsorships in order to maintain his socialist aesthetic]], to submit to [[Zerg Rush|mob rule]], and that winning is better than being right. These particular views are significant because Vaush is finally being honest. Literally pick any issue and Vaush is going to repeat the cultural marxist consensus on it. The most famous viewpoints of Vaush however aren't his horrifyingly misinformed and grotesque views on just about any political issue. Instead, they are his outspoken and repeated support of both pedophilia and bestiality.

== Cringe Compilation Highlights ==

While Vaush's entire life is an ongoing cringe compilation, there are many standouts that truly define his dumpster fire of a life and jewtube career.

=== Sick Fuckery ===

In 2017 Vaush would send a photo of his chode to someone named 'Poppy' on discord, an autistic woman who Vaush had tried to groom while they were still friends. Leaked discord logs also reveal Vaush saying shit like wanting to [[WTF|“prolapse (her) anus” and “rape her for months on end"]], as well as threatening to dox her. Any time Poppy had perceived emotional vulnerabilities, Vaush would try to manipulate this in a bid to get sex. Vaush would end up doing this to other discord members, like 'Pastel', in 2019. These revelations prompted speculation that he 'became' a leftist to get other leftist women to fuck him. Considering Vaush was caught in 4K claiming the 'pretend to be a male feminist to get pussy' tactic [[Lie|worked for him in college]], it likely checks out. It was around this time that 'IrishLaddie' would change his name to 'Vaush' in a bid to take the heat off. From 2017 to at least 2019, [https://no-cookie.kiwifarms.net/data/video/2409/2409833-cbbc8b4d9c3d398327f3f9691e4c27b8.mp4 Vaush would be caught on discord fetishizing horse cocks. We're not joking.] Vaush also claimed bestiality isn't animal abuse, while advocating for bestiality as a whole on repeated occasions.

[https://archive.ph/s717E As if that wasn't enough, Vaush has an extensive history of pedophilic behavior.] Highlights include becoming a socialist to get the age of consent lowered [[What|(which he thinks is dictated by capitalism), saying that CP purchases should be legal since people buy products which involved child labor, and saying there was no convincing legal or moral argument against having CP]]. Vaush and his fans claim these comments were taken out of context or he recanted such statements later on. However, there is no context that would make statements like this OK, and he only ended up backtracking on his pedophilic positions because he got a lot of shit. And even if we were to grant him these excuses, it wouldn't justify other pedophilic behaviors like operating a twatter account which liked photos of CP, or trying to groom a 14 year old autistic boy. Short of actually being caught in 4K raping a kid, it's unclear whether Vaush will finally get [[V&|what he deserves]]. After all, getting away with pedophilia has precedent if you look at the jewtube commentary community.

=== Austistic Screeching Highlights ===

If a quick physiognomy check didn't make it obvious, then his 'debate' with Count Dankula would expose Vaush as a pretentious, smug, pseudo intellectual. Vaush would repeatedly [[Are You Fucking Kidding Me| accuse Dankula of being a white supremacist on the sole basis of controversial jokes]]. Vaush would also have multiple debates with [[Sargon of Akkad]], which would remove any doubt that Vaush wasn't a raging psychotic tool. He tried to limit the tard-rage in the second Sargon debate, but overcompensated by upping the [[Unwarranted Self-Importance|sophistry and smug pseudo-intellectual snark]]. From then on, Vaush would have a healthy mixture of these traits, which is how anyone with a frontal lobe currently sees him as. In 2019, while debating some randos on a stream, Vaush would say [[nigger|the nigger-word]], causing much BAWWWW-ing and forcing Vaush to backtrack his defense of the nigger word in certain contexts. Apparently this greaseball thought that by sounding edgy he'd change the image of Breadtube being a bunch of sensitive humorless fucks and even de-radicalize right wingers. Unfortunately for Vaush, this would require being funny and not making smooth-brain takes every day.

While on Jesse Lee Peterson’s channel, Vaush proclaimed his disdain for black conservatives. Luckily, black conservatives are utterly unconcerned that a marxist pedophile hates them.

While reviewing a 'Jubilee' video involving rape survivors like Sydney Watson, Vaush was rambling about [[Lie|how rape culture was real]]. When Watson shared her story and the coverups by authorities, [[Hypocrisy|Vaush immediately did a 180 and accused Watson of lying to justify hatred against mudslimes]] and [[Rapefugee]]s. Vaush has also [[Role-playing|repeatedly supported attacking and killing political opposition]]. It would be entertaining to see him try. In 2020 Vaush would have a [[Divorce|falling-out with Destiny]] over a variety of issues, most notably whether [[BLM|the niggers and cultural marxists burning down America to stop racism]] were justified, and Destiny being [[Banned|departnered]] from Twitch. Even FUCKING DESTINY had enough of that fat cunt. He's since done debates against other right wingers, often shitting out the same talking points on [[Shit no one cares about|whatever fucking subject the participants are blowing hot air over]]. Of note is the fact Vaush groomed [[Hunter Avallone|Cunter Avallone]] into being a leftard after beating him in a debate, even though it wasn't hard to do since [[Fact|Cunter never was a right winger and merely repeated their talking points for the jewgolds]]. What makes all of this particularly heinous is the fact that the apologies and backtracking only came after [[Rage|massive blowback]], i.e. [[Delete fucking everything|to cover his fat, pigskinned ass]].

In December of 2021, Vaush would be banned from Twitch ‘indefinitely’ for using the term ‘cracker’. If it was for advocating violence and pedophilia, [[Backfire|the Twitch staff would have to ban themselves]]. While they’re deciding whether the ban will stick, cultural marxists everywhere are debating if using slurs to denigrate a racial group is in fact racist.

=== Livestream Porn Folder Leak ===

[[File:Vaushhorsepenis.jpg|thumb|right|150px|frame|This shouldn't surprise anyone]]

On February 7th of 2024 Vaush was livestreaming as he usually does and opens the [[Bill Gates|Windows file explorer]] where his collection of hentai was leaked to the world, [[Twatter]] [[E-detective|e-detectives]] would later use the VOD to take crusty screenshots to actually scan the images for and discover that (very unsurprisingly for Vaush) the images were laden with [[lolicon]] and bestiality which essentially confirms what everyone with a brain would know. [[Furries|Fellow horse-fuckers]] on [[Twatter]] would tell Vaush he should have hidden it better but the damage had already been done at that point. However like any of his other controversies this isn't gonna actually affect him in the long run despite there being illegal content on his drive.

Because Vaush has severe anger issues like any other good [[internet tough guy]], he can get away with whatever heinous actions he wants because he always launches into unhinged fits of rage and gets his way. He's just as arrogant and smug a douchebag as his idol Destiny.

==Vaush Autistically Screeching for Hours==

{{videoframe|Vidyas|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>3MGdPKWLv08</youtube>
|<youtube>jL8ELsditxw</youtube>
|<youtube>-YB9LfhWP_Q</youtube>
|<youtube>VRJcR6V81Ik</youtube>
|<youtube>7MDfFLC6nMs</youtube>
|<youtube>51H2QtxUdmA</youtube>
}}

==Gallery==
{{Collapsegallery|Vaush's Faggotry|cg1|center|<gallery>
File:Vaush.png
File:vaush-1.png
File:boogie_vaush_sex.png
File:Vaurshmo.jpg
File:vaush (2).png
File:vaush fast travel.png
File:vaush_asylum.jpg
File:Vaush_EMBRACE_GOBLIN.png
File:vaush_pedo.png
File:vaush_pedo_disgusting.png
File:OldTownRoad.mp4
File:VaushHorcseCock.mp4
</gallery>|<gallery>

</gallery>|border=#FF0000|color=#FFFFFF}}

==External Links==

*{{yt|c|UC1E-JS8L0j1Ei70D9VEFrPQ|His YT Channel}}
*{{twitter|VaushV|His Twitter}}
*{{fb|vaushvidya|His Facebook}}
*{{instagram|vaushv|His Instagram}}
*{{tiktok|vaushvidya|His TikTok}}
*{{patreon|vaush|His Patreon}}
*{{kf|64444|KiwiFarms thread}}
*[https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/vaush mom look I am helping the revolution by giving money to an obese pedophile].
*[https://youtu.be/aCjyqziVSMA A very well-researched summary of Vaush's intellectual dishonesty over the years can be found here.]

{{Social Justice}}
{{Childabuseseries}}
{{ytseries}}
{{Dying Alone}}

Bashar al-Assad

2024-12-08T10:55:05Z

HellenicTrapstar:

{{Perfect Rainbowtiny|CANT MOSSAD THE ASSAD}}
{{Spoilers|HOLY SHIT REBELS HAD REACHED INTO DAMASCUS AND ASSAD IS ON THE RUN}}
{{Achtung|IT'S OVER}}
[[File:Bashar al-Assad in Russia (2015-10-21) 08.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Al Bundy?]]

'''Bashar Hafez al-Assad''' or in English '''Basher Del Asshat''' was born on the [[Muslim|Moslem Holiday]] of [[9/11]] on September 11, 1965. Bashar was the [[President|Rightful leader]] of [[Syria]] who was elected in a free, democratic Syrian election on 17 July 2000. He was able to win the office of Syrian President-for-life in a landslide victory with 88% of the vote. A Puppet leader of the Ba'ath Party and ardent supporter of Islamic Terrorist Groups, Al-Assad screamed the loudest for the destruction of '''[[America|THE GREAT SATAN]]'''. This was until 2012 when he started crying for fellow [[terrorist|Muslim]] U.S. President Barack [[Obama]] to help him maintain his aristocratic lifestyle of elected king and his favored position as King Of Oppression, [[lulz|Violator of Human Rights]], Keeping [[Wimmins]] Barefoot And In The Kitchen and being that Pimp Daddy King that Bitch Smacks anyone that has an opposing political opinion with a long prison sentence. Everything the [[Obama]] administration stood for.<br>

In December 8, 2024, after nearly 14 years of buttfuckery of civil war, he was [[BTFO]]'ed by rebels.

== The Begining Of His Political Career: Bashar Murders His Brother ==

[[File:Basil al-Assad.jpg|thumb|right|250px|With pics, the motive for murder becomes obvious. Basel or Bashar the No-chinned dork?]]

Unable to live up to his older brother who, like all the world's royalty such as Prince Charles of England, was a decorated hero in the Syrian Military without having ever fired a weapon or been in a battle - Bashar understood that he could never live up to his father's and the people of Syria's favor of his older, better, and groomed for President/Dictator brother.
Feeling that he was the one better suited to grinding the people of Syria under his heel and into a never ending circle of eternal servitude and poverty. Not being able to stand the sight of blood and Syrian soldiers giving him the nickname of '''Frank Burns''' for his buther like Army Surgeon skills and 100% mortality rate Bashar realised he wasn't cut out to be a Doctor. It was, perhaps being told again and again, ''"You Suck"'' by his contemporary doctors that Bashar felt it was time for a change of occupation and decided on the course of action of assassinating his brother.<br>
On 21 January 1994, Bashar [[lie|feigned]] an emergency that had his Brother speeding in the fog, in the early morning hours to Damascus International Airport for a flight to Germany on the Syrian Presidential Jet. As per his plan, Bashar had convinced his brother Basel to drive because after the assassin's car had [[dead|struck Basel's]] car on the driver's side and at a rather high speed as well, Basel's chauffeur was found alive in the back seat of the car, wearing his seatbelt, while the driver's side seat belts had been removed along with the driver's side airbag .<br>
Like all [[Leftard|Liberal]] [[politics|Politicians]] to come before him, Bashar cried the hardest over his brother's death and ordered that the entire Country of Syria be shut down and for 3 days as the country mourned Basel's death.<br>
Following Basel's death a [[meme|popular slogan]] was started: '''Basel, the man we wanted: Bashar, the leftovers no one wants.'''

== Obama Hooks His Moslem Niggas Up ==

[[File:MAD-Magazine-Obama-Assad-Tale-of-Tape.jpg|thumb|right|250px]]

Being a fellow [[Terrorist|Moslem]] and friend to all rag-heads, terrorists, [[vagina]] mutilators and [[Islam|Islamic]] fundamentalism, [[Obama]] conviently looked the other way to Syrian war crimes and all other violations of human rights.<br>
For all Obama and [[Clinton|Hillary's]] complaints about our [[Trump|great lord and god emperor]] receiving aid from the [[Russia|Russians]], Obama did his best to aid them and Iran through his inaction and indifferance when it came to Syria. Obama's refusal to interfear did nothing but discredit [[Syria]] as a state and allowed for Islamic extremists like [[ISIS]] to become established and gain power. More so, Obama's indifferent refusal to enforce threats he had previously made regarding Syrian war crimes led to an escalation in human rights violations such as the [[hoax|alledged]] use of illegal chemical attacks against civilians both, Obama's inaction and ISIS gaining influence, of which started the overflow of Syrian refugees into Europe and [[America]] that Obama used as a ruse to hide his lack of involvement in Syria by calling [[Trump|President Trump]] xenophobic and racist when he spoke the people's concerns and told these refugees that nobody wanted them stinking up their neighborhoods, bringing terrorism to U.S. shores and they should all go back home because we already have enough convience store employees and McDonalds drive-thru cashiers that are incapable of speaking understandable English through an outdoor speaker.<br>
Despite all these failings with his policies regarding Syria, Obama has gone on record saying that he is ''"very proud"'' of the outcome in Syria which includes the deaths of over 3,000 civilians because he refused to honor his own ''"Ultimatiums"'' regarding chemical weapons and allowed Assad to escape responsability.<br>
As experts in Middle East politics put it so eloquently, ''Obama's legacy will forever be remembered for destabilizing, in a matter of weeks, what the free world has spent the last 75 years working their asses off to stabilize.''<br>

== Assad Kneels Before Trump ==
<br>
<center>
{{frame|<gallery class="middle"; heights="400px" widths="230px">
File:Executive Order 13769.pdf.jpg|Executive order 13769
</gallery>|border=black|background=white}}
</center>
<br>

Backing Executive Order 13769, or popularly known by [[Leftards]] as the Moslem ban, which mandates refugees from Syria be indefinately suspended from being allowed to resettle in the [[United States]] on a permanent or temporary basis, Assad supported the measure by going on record saying, ''"The executive order is written to be against terrorists that want to infiltrate and wage war against the West. It is [[Trump|the great god emperor of the West's]] intention to protect his people and to keep these people from coming into his country to do harm to his people. As a leader, I respect these measures. I don't see this order as being against the Syrian People or Moslems in general but as looking to protect them because if terrorist were to come in under the guise as being refugees and did great harm to the West like they did on [[9/11]], they would only further harm Western/Islamic relations that have been already damaged to a near, unrepairable extent by terrorists"''<br>

== Syria And Russian Relations ==

<center><youtube>XPstRM77wMI</youtube></center>

{{Quote|If you look really hard, you can guess the exact second Assad started sucking Putin's dick}}

[[File:Putin-assad.jpg|thumb|right|250px|it's the Bond villain on the right and not the dork on the left that you should fear]]

Syria is the first time Russia has involved itself in a direct military conflict outside its sphere of influence since the biggest Idiot and worst of all US Presidents, [[Ronald Reagan]], hit them with an all [[American]] bitchslap so uneducated Americans believe that Ronny Reagans aggressive foreign policy was the reason of the Collapse of USSR but actually the end of Cold War in [[1980s|1989]] was an implosion of Soviet System that was induced by immanet deficites.<br>
Historically, Russia has always aided the more belligerent Middle Eastern Countries like Syria during the Cold War years for oil and as a tool to influence the region by serving as a constant threat to the American Ally and great Middle Eastern Nation of [[Israel]] with economic and military assistance.<br>
It was the Syrian Revolution of 1966 that cemented ties between Syria and Russia when Hafez al-Assad gave up his ass, along with Naval Ports and bases - giving Russia its much desired position in Middle Eastern Politics, that he was able to kill everyone in opposition to him and become President For Life of Syria in 1970.<br>
Since 2011, most of what Russia's involvement in Syria amounted to maintaining a government that the people of Syria no longer wanted. Since October 2011, Russia had permanently used its position on the UN Security Council to veto all possible U.N. Sanctions against Syria designed either to demand the Resignation of Basher Del-Asshat or to bring him up on war crimes.<br>
Since 2015, Putin's influence in Syria had grown with him renewing the past ''"Syria is Russia's bottom bitch relationship"'' that began with Asshat's father when Putin once again committed military weapons and troops to resist the deposing of Assad that the Syrian people wanted.<br>
Not wanting to anger his [[Muslim|Moslem]] masters that want to depose Assad or his Russian pals, [[Obama]] famously did what he always does and did nothing, checking off Syria as a win in his box while blaming the former policies of [[W|George W Bush]] for all the recent discord in the region.<br>

=== Reasons For Russian Involvment ===

[[File:20030100nb it is all about oil front.jpg|thumb|right|250px]]

Main reason: Oil you dumb ass piece of shit or have you become so brainwashed by the [[Leftard|Liberal Medias]] of the United States, Great Britain and [[Canada|The Socialist Republic Of Canada]] that [[You]] believe that it's only America that goes out and waging wars in regions because it requires a constant flow of oil to turn into gasoline so it can feed its forever in conflict war machine?<br>
First off: That was a good thing because it was the years between 1945 and the [[1980s]] that the US broke Russia's back and they had to withdraw from the world stage. It was only because draft dodging [[Leftards|libtards]] like [[Bill Clinton]] and covert communist agents like [[Hillary Clinton]] and [[Obama]] claiming that the world was now safe because there were no longer two world powers standing toe to toe against each other in perpetual stalemate. By demanding reductions in the US military and pushing policies that reduced US world involvment they gave Russia the time it needed to regroup and reposition itself back on the world stage.<br>
Another reason for Russian involvment in Syria revolves around the fact that Russia has no Naval Bases on the Mediterranean except for Tartus in Syria. If Assad were to be deposed and a new government instaled in Syria then Russia would have to renegotiate its position and would probably take an [[anal|ass fucking]] to maintain it's only naval base in the Mediterranean or lose its presence on the sea entirely.<br>
Finally: Weapons sales. The magazine '''Foreign Affairs''' states that the Assad led government is one of the biggest buyers of Russian made weapons. Like any good capitalist investor, [[ironic]], Russia wants to protect its best customer and secure future sales interests.<br>

== Putin On The Ritz: Syrian Style ==

[[File:1050076334.jpg|thumb|right|250px|The epitomy of Bond villains]]

The big question being asked right now is, ''"Why did Putin committ Russian troops and weapons to Syria when these resources could be better spent elsewhere?"'' To quote George Mallory after he scaled Mt. Everest, ''"Because it was there,"'' or better yet, ''"Because he could."''<br>
Military experts are claiming that Syria was a Russian demonstration of might and served to announce its return to the world stage as a military power. By showing its ability to invest money and military tools of war such as fighter jets, soldiers and missiles along with the ability to maintain these for a long period of time was designed to show the world that Russia has the economy and military capabilities to deploy a proper military strike effectively. Furthermore, it served as a show of force to the US, reminding the US that thanks to [[liberal]] generosities that they are no longer the decaying, former world power from the 90s, but are on the verge of retaking their place as a world power and can intrude on any side of any American led military operation if they so choose.<br>
Now, go to sleep with the same worries that your parents and grandparents had knowing that the world is one bad hangover and an accidental button push from [[WWIII|World War 3]] and hope that the world will be there when you wake up. Goodnight and remember that if you're not at '''Ground Zero''' when the bomb hits and instantly vaporized you will die a slow and agonizing death from Radiation Sickness.<br>

== A List Of Basher del-Asshat's Human Rights Violations Or How To Troll Syrian Fanboys ==

[[File:35hiiyf.jpg|thumb|right|250px|An actual birthday cake for a Gamefaqs, Syrian Fanboy]]
[[File:Assad,sozforpartyrocking.jpg|thumb|right|250px|He really is sorry.]]

The internet is not the safe space a lot of Assad's fan boys try to claim it to be and argue that if Assad was the dictator that the world claims him to be, then why would he allow the transmission of information across the internet.<br>
The fact is, much of the internet in Syria had been heavily censored with sites like Arabic Wikipedia, Facebook, Google and Twitter being blocked along with a 2007 law that requires all internet cafes to record a persons comments on message boards and chat forums.<br>
The biggest problem with the Assad goverment was that it was like the deposed Hussein government in that the secret police and military are literally a part of the government in that no one knows which is which and to oppose the military or police is to oppose the government and a threat against the Syrian Government is a direct threat against the military and police.<br>
Much like Castro's Cuba, this intertwined design is done with the sole purpose of qwelling revolution before it starts because to depose the existing government you must also destroy the police and military making a coup almost impossible without the direct Involvment of a foreign power.<br>
Despite his country being broke and in the middle of a civil war. People starving, 51% of the Syrian Population unemployed and black markets dominating the economy, Assad, in 2014, opened a 50 Million dollar mall in the center of the city of Tartus to the disappointment of his people who saw this as a ploy to cemment loyalties through bribes and favoritism.<br>

{{Quote|<b>There are reasonable grounds to believe that high-ranking officers—including the heads of branches and directorates—commanding these detention facilities, those in charge of the military police, as well as their civilian superiors, knew of the vast number of deaths occurring in detention facilities ... yet did not take action to prevent abuse, investigate allegations or prosecute those responsible</b>|UN Commision Of Inquiry Regarding Syria on the mass scale of deaths of detainees which may constitute a possible war crime}}
<br>

{{Quote|<b>Syrian Government aircraft carried out several apparently deliberate attacks on hospitals, medical centres and clinics and aid convoys, killing and injuring civilians, including medical workers.</b>|Amnesty International Regarding Syria}}<br>

{{Quote|<b>Two barrel bombs allegedly containing chlorine gas were dropped by suspected Syrian Government aircraft on 1 August on two residential neighbourhoods controlled by non-state armed groups in Saraqeb city, Idleb province, reportedly injuring at least 28 civilians.</b>|Amnesty International spreading fake news about the Syrian Government}}<br>

{{Quote|<b>Torture and other ill-treatment of detainees by Syrian government security and intelligence agencies and in state prisons remained systematic and widespread. Torture and other ill-treatment continued to result in a high incidence of detainee deaths, adding to the thousands of deaths in custody.<br>
In August the Human Rights Data Analysis Group, an NGO that uses scientific approaches to analyze human rights violations, estimated that there were at least 17,723 deaths in government custody between March 2011 and December 2015, resulting from torture and other ill-treatment.</b>|Amnesty International regarding Syria}}<br>

== See Also ==

*[[America]]
*[[Clinton]]
*[[Communism]]
*[[ISIS]]
*[[Islam]]
*[[Muslim|Moslem]]
*[[Obama]]
*[[Oil]]
*[[Rapefugee]]
*[[Russia]]
*[[Syria]]
*[[Sand niggers]]
*[[Socialism]]
*[[Terrorism]]
*[[Terrorist]]
*[[Trump]]
*[[Vladimir Putin]]

{{Commonwealth}}
{{Islam}}
{{Politics}}
{{Truth}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:America]]
[[Category:Communicae]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Rusfags]]
[[Category:Terrorists]]

Bashar al-Assad

2024-11-14T12:03:27Z

HellenicTrapstar: /* Gallery */

File:Sister-Margarets-Deadpool-2-640x264.jpg

2024-10-28T05:54:57Z

HellenicTrapstar:

User talk:PowerTrout

2024-10-25T09:54:15Z

HellenicTrapstar:

{{welcome}}— <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[User:NEVER GOON|ng]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[User talk:NEVER GOON|t]] / [[Special:Contributions/NEVER GOON|c]] / [[User:NEVER GOON/Sandbox|snca]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> [[File:Nevergoongem.png|50px]] 14:10, 12 October 2024 (UTC)

== Thx ==
Thx for undoing the vandalism on my userpage bro HellenicTrapstar [[File:InterventionRekt.png|60px|link=User talk:HellenicTrapstar]] 09:54, 25 October 2024 (UTC)

IDubbbzTV

2024-10-25T09:52:51Z

HellenicTrapstar: /* Beef with Sam Hyde */ Added a pic of sam and Icuckkkz

{{DISPLAYTITLE:iDubbbzTV}}<div style="pointer-events:none;position:fixed;bottom:0;left:0;">[[File:Idubbbz Exploitable.png|150px]]</div>

[[File:IanCarter.png|thumb|right|200px|Disease itself; with the face of a man.]]
[[File:GreenCunt.PNG|thumb|right|200px|Ian Carter in his natural habitat.]]
[[File:IDubbbz - I'm Gay.gif|thumb|right|200px|'''"I'm Gay!"''' - Speaks for itself.]]
[[File:Hey, that's pretty good.jpg|right|150px]]

{{yt|u|iDubbbzTV|iDubbbzTV}} ([[Powerword|Ian Carter]]) is a four-eyed [[homosexual]] [[unfunny]] rapist [[Texas|Texan]] (raised there but is from [[California|Califucknia]]) cuntroach who's constant shitposting on [[JewTube]] has earned himself a rather vigorous and dominant name. Ian manages to scrape the bottom of the internet's shit barrel to find [[Shit|resources]] for him to fuck around with in his irrational videos. His main channel has been around since [[2012]], but he only climbed out of the immense pit of [[YouTube Nobodies]] after he [[Onision|began to partake in several absurd gangbanging sessions]] with [[Filthy Frank]], [[HowToBasic]], and [[Retard|MaxMoeFoe]]. Ian's channels have become a much lulzier highlight ever since he started the "Content Cop" series; where he spends much of his time destroying [[LeafyIsHere|attention whoring]], [[DJ KEEMSTAR|dumbass]] [[The Fine Bros|egotists]] who can't go a day without making a [[Tana Mongeau|fucking]] [[RiceGum|fool]] out of themselves.

At present time, Ian creates a multitude of these lulzy videos in hopes that someday some spoiled-rotten cunt can donate a shit-ton of their [[Jew Gold]] to him so that he can afford to cure the [[Paradox|cancer he is inevitably creating from said lulzy videos]].

== Series ==

===Kickstarter Crap===
In this series, iDubbbz selects a shitty half-assed Kickstarter project, and rants about it for some [[TL;DR|5-10 minutes]]. This series would be more tolerable if it wasn't for the fact that he is mostly criticizing [[virgin|inexperienced]], tryhard shitlords who decided to come up with an idea for their Kickstarter project in the middle of taking a shit at the [[Toilet|outhouse]].

Tryhards who's Kickstarters he has talked shit about:
*[[Schaun Bishop]]

=== Content Cop ===

''Content Cop'' is, quite simply, the epitome of "roasting". In this series, Ian plays "[[Metallica|seek and destroy]]" on the population of [[Autists|vulnerable individuals]] who are making YouTube into a cesspool of [[AIDS]] with their incessant faggotry, which ironically is what Idubbbz is doing with his godawful videos best-suited for edgy [[retards|12-year olds]] who just learned the word [[faggot]] means.

So far, he has an autistic hissyfit against:

* [[Angry German Kid|Tech Destruction Channels]]
* [[LeafyIsHere]]
* [[Prank|HOWTOPRANKITUP]]
* [[Hentai|Toy channels]]
* [[DJ KEEMSTAR]]
* [[The Fine Bros]]
* [[Nigger|Jinx]]
* [[Fat|Food reviewers]]
* [[Tana Mongeau]]
* [[RiceGum|Asian Jake Paul]]

Each Content Cop starts with [https://soundcloud.com/otismacmusic/03-otis-mcmusic Otis McMusic], also known as the "what we do here is go back" song.

{{#ev:soundcloud |https://soundcloud.com/otismacmusic/03-otis-mcmusic |500 }}

The voices from the music are the souls of the channels that are the subject of the Content Cop videos.

=== Bad Unboxing ===

Everything falls into deep shit when fantards decide to send fanmail to Ian. The fanmail he unboxes in these videos is an accurate representation of the kinds of deranged people who tune into his content. Expect to see plenty of dildos bigger than anything [[Goatse|Kirk Johnson]] could fit into his [[ass]], expired food of all sorts, retarded memes, and a variety of other random shit that [[you]] most certainly [[DO NOT WANT]].

<center><youtube>5v2-DBw3iZs</youtube></center>

== Shitty Memes he has Created ==

<center>
{{Frame|
{{fv|iDubbbzVids|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>P-_GWUw8LwM</youtube><center>'''This was unfunny from the moment it was conceived.'''</center>
|<youtube>JeimE8Wz6e4</youtube><center>'''A quote from a video where [https://www.youtube.com/user/MrMonkRage some fat fuck] gets a [[PewDiePie]] tattoo on his ass.'''</center>
|<youtube>SLEdsI731J4</youtube><center>'''[[No|Comedy gold]].'''</center>
}}
|border=#FFFFFF|background=#FFFFFF}}
</center>

Of course, all of this shit spread to [[Vine]] and [[Twitter]] faster than Usain Bolt on nutmeg and became a clusterfuck of "[[Hell|dank meme compilations]]" and shit.

== Collaborations ==
[[File:Ian Getting Slapped.gif|thumb|right|180px|The correct way to treat a cancer patient.]]

Starting in 2015, iDubbbz began to get together with several other [[Insane|like-minded]] spergs IRL, and play fucked-up RP games more disturbing than any of [[1man1jar|the]] [[3guys1hammer|worst]] [[Pain Series|shock]] [[Last Measure|sites]] already available. It is in these gatherings, that iDubbbz's insanity and depraved mind flourishes - he is usually the punching bag of these IRL meetups, and resorts to contracting several STDs and illnesses by the end of each video.

One notable example, was Filthy Frank's "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAPBm_0ftAY Hair Cake]" video, where Ian [[Lol|shaves off all of his hair]] for the sake of having his disabled insane asylum-escapee friends feast on a shitty meal which they will probably puke out later on.

== SIMP Controversy ==
During late March of 2020, it was revealed that [[Soviet Canuckistan|iDubbbz's girlfriend]] had made an [[onlyfans]] account. This made everyone [[RAGE|rage]] (specifically the ones [[incels|who hated whores]]), and go against him. The hick surfer accented faggot then later made video about it. He then married her. [[Stupid|Ironically, it's likely she only wanted to do this to hog on his fame, but ironically, he's been going downhill after the reveal anyways.]]

== Beef with Sam Hyde ==
Moving away from his edgy skits and rant content, Ian's new direction for his slowly dying channel would be amateur documentaries on infamous YouTube celebrities, like AirSoftFatty who became famous for his autistic obsession to [[role-playing|larp irl]] as a morbidly obese Jedi Knight, and [[DaxFlame]], another socially-autistic creator who's viewers stick around to see him embarrass himself in public as he talks like a child to random strangers.

For a third episode of this documentary Ian decided to move away from autists and instead focus on failed comedians. Travelling to Massachusetts to visit [[Sam Hyde]], Ian, under the guise of trying to get to know the "real" Sam Hyde, spent several days recording a documentary whilst Sam Hyde trolled him with a fake office and employees, pretending he was trying to become a rapper, dating a crack whore and wanted to box bears, naked in the woods. After waiting 9 months for Idubbbz to finally [[procrastination|edit and release]] the video, Sam and his team tried to contact Ian, with no response, so they made their own cut of the documentary with the footage they had lying around. Idubbbz would eventually release his version not too long afterwards. Sam would make a short video to say he liked Idubbbz' documentary and hoped there was no bad blood between them, but after this documentary, Ian would seemingly avoid talking about Sam and his girlfriend would delete and ignore comments about Sam and his future involvement with Idubbbz.

[[File:SamHyde&IanCuck.jpeg|200px|centre]]
{{quote|I'm used to being the puppet master in these kinds of situations|Idubbbz pouting after getting trolled a little by Sam during the documentary (reportedly)}}

Almost half a year later, Idubbbz created a boxing event called "Creator Clash", which had [[YouTubers]] beat the shit out of each other for [[hookers|charity]] [[cocaine|purposes]]. He was confronted online by Sam who claimed Ian stole the idea from him, with Ian [[false|denying Sam inspiring him wanting to get into boxing]]. Sam started uploading google docs to his twitter in which he outlined possible outfits and theme music as he planned to appear in this event. However after buying $1,500+ of front row tickets, Sam discovered he had been banned from the event, and security teams were walking around with printouts of his face, as well as given instructions to harass audience members wearing his merch. Sam did end up helping to train one of the boxers in the event who would go on to [[win]] their match, [[Epic Meal Time|Hailey]], an obese washed-up creator who dressed up as Venom Snake.

After the event, [[Keemstar]] went on livestream with Ian, his girlfriend, and a bunch of Idubbbz's friends. Keem directly asked why Sam couldn't come, to which Ian's whore girlfirend started ranting about sponsors and how Sam would scare backers, (although given that Creator Clash was being sponsored by OnlyFans rip-offs and other porn websites, it's unlikely they cared who was involved.), and how they were afraid he would disrupt the event. Sam was then interviewed by some small channel on YouTube, in which he broke character and directly stated that he though Idubbbz's girlfriend was like his "[[The Beatles|Yoko Ono]]", blaming her for Idubbbz's move to less offensive comedy, and finished by declaring he would be the voice for the minority that thought Idubbbz had been ruined by his whore partner.

== His girlfriend's [[Domestic Violence|abuse]] towards him ==
As of recently, the reveal of his girlfriend only marrying him so he can do things for her, not that she cares, and for a fucking haircut caused people to turn on him even more. Anisa Jomha made incredibly sexual remarks about him on Twitter and on YouTube lives and [[Twitch]] livestreams and [[OnlyFans]]. iCuccckz even privated his old videos in pretending to act different from his old self. [[PewDiePie|What a fuckin' nigger!]]

== See Also ==
[[File:IDubbbz Icon.jpg|thumb|right|150px|A cartoon depiction of Ian getting anally penetrated.]]

*[[Filthy Frank]] - One of his many queer fuckbuddies.
*[[HowToBasic]] - Another lunatic.
*[[DJ KEEMSTAR]] - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qP78Bu__npY roasted by iDubbbz.]
*[[LeafyIsHere]] - Inbred chinless closet-homosexual piece of human garbage.
*[[RiceGum]] - [https://youtu.be/tQpKb0U800I also roasted by iDubbbz.]
*[[H3H3 Productions]]
*[[I Hate Everything]]
*[[Homosexuality]]
*[[Faggotry]]

==External Links==
*[http://www.idubbbz.com/ His really bland, shitty website]
*{{yt|u|UC-tsNNJ3yIW98MtPH6PWFAQ|iDubbbzTV2}} - Secondary channel; a moar cancerous mutation of the main channel.
*{{yt|u|UCVhfFXNY0z3-mbrTh1OYRXA|iDubbbzgames}} - Dead, short-lived gayming channel.
*{{facebook|IDubbbz}}
*{{twitter|idubbbz}}
*{{instagram|idubbbz}}
*{{reddit|iDubbbz}} - Of course, they just ''had'' to have an entire subreddit dedicated to this cumstain.

{{ytseries}}
{{YouTube Ranters}}
{{trolls}}

[[Category:People]]