Thomas Matthew Crooks

2024-07-20T05:24:37Z

Faggotron69420:

{{achtung|THE TIN FOIL HATS ARE SAYING THAT CROOKS IS PART OF A REPUBLICAN CONSPIRACY TO GET TRUMP RE-ELECTED}}
{{quote|July 13 will be my premiere, watch as it unfolds|Tommy, getting canned after one episode}}

{{ib|[[File:ThomasMatthewCrooks.png|250px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Thomas Matthew Crooks'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|September 20, 2003}}
{{Ibrow|'''Died'''|July 13, 2024 (aged 20)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Americunt]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed 1, injured 3}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|No}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, [[Fail|killed by cops]]}}
{{Ibend}}

[[File:Thomas Matthew Crooks Big Forhead.jpeg|thumb|right|250px|<center>Admit it girls, you would ride his tater tot.</center>]]

Inept and a complete [[Retard|Fuck up as an assassin]], the [[Pennsylvania|Appalachian Love Child]], '''Thomas Matthew Crooks''' (a.k.a. '''[[JFK|Ree Tardy Oswald]]'''), obviously played one too many games of [https://www.ubisoft.com/en-us/game/ghost-recon/breakpoint Ghost Recon Breakpoint] rather then going to shoot at the range and learn to factor in conditions such as weather, wind or just [[fuck]]ing learn to shoot because he completely missed his target that was a little more than 120 meters from him. (For the [[Asperger|Aspie retards]] reading this, that haven't had any experiences further than their own front lawn because they're not allowed to cross the street -) that's a little more than a [[Football]] field and is a equal to hitting a paper plate that is at the opposite end of a football field. He also happens to be a stickditch transgender faggot who still looks like a 3/10 ugly dude.

Now before you go running to the [[FBI]] to try and get us [[Party Van]]ned. WE DO NOT CONDONE THIS! [[Lulz|What's tickling our Funny Bone]] is that Thomas Matthew Crooks is what happens when that quiet, [[Nerd]]y and needy kid, that walks through [[School|High School]] invisible and can't even get the attention of a [[Bully]], grows up to live in his Parent's [[Basement]] and is constantly reminded by his [[Your Mom|Mom]] and [[Your Dad|Dad]] that he is a [[You|complete failure]] of a man. While his parents compare his life to what they had achieved by his age, he just wakes up one day and says [[Fuck|"Fuck it!"]] and gives up on life. Having accomplished nothing of importance, he wants to go down having done one monumental event that gets him noticed.

== The Shooting ==

<center>[[File:TrumpAssassinationAttempt.mp4|600px]]</center>

[[File:Trump shooting secret service.jpg|right|250px]]

[[File:CoreyComperatore.jpg|thumb|right|250px|<center>The only rally attendee who was pwned.</center>]]

For some reason, [[Fag|Thomas Matthew Crooks']] father, despite him being a licensed councilor in the [[Incest|incestuous]] state of [[Pennsylvania]], saw no reason what-so-ever to question buying his [[Masturbation|Chronically Masterbating]], hands rubbing and talking to himself son a wonderful and [[USA|American]] made [[Assault Rifle|AR15]] Hunting Rifle with the excuse that it'd be used at the Clairton Sportsmen’s Club in greater [[Pittsburgh]] two months before the [[Trump|Attempted Assassination]] of our Future god-emperor [[Donald Trump]].

While in the zone and showing his supporters a chart, serving as an example of the number of [[Mexico|border crossings by illegals]], a shot was fired as Former god-emperor Trump was turning his head and the bullet struck him in his ear. As expected, after hearing the shot, the [[Government|Secret Service]], ready to take a bullet for our former President, surrounded [[Trump]] and quickly led him from the stage to safety.

What has some officials' [[Pantyshot|Panties]] in a bunch, is that this Assassination attempt was even allowed to happen. Both [[Republican]]s and [[Leftard|Democrats]] agree that there was some fault in security that allowed a [[Insane|crazy-ass]] shooter to get within 130 meters of the former [[President]] with a weapon and fire 8 shots.

Homeland Security Secretary [[Spic|Alejandro N. Mayorkas]] called the attempted assassination a “failure” and in reality every officer there will have their [[Cell Phone|Smart Phones]] quietly confiscated to see who was playing [[Angry Birds]] when they should have been protecting a [[President|Presidential Candidate]].

Trying to make the Assassination Attempt on [[Trump]] all about him, President Joe Biden was quoted as saying, ''"Jill and I are grateful to the Secret Service for getting him to safety, There's no place for this kind of violence in America. We must unite as one nation to condemn it."''

=== Gallery ===

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File:Crooks2.jpg

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== The Man - The Failure: Thomas Matthew Crooks ==

[[File:Thomas Crooks diploma.jpg|right|250px]]

Entering in our pages with a [[High Score]] lower than that of the most utterly complete failures in [[Life]] and was known by his peers as a [[Nazi|White Supremacist]] living a lonely, [[Horny]], [[Autistic]] and Angry, '''''Fucktard''''' lifestyle that chose to name himself [[User:AlGore|AlGore]] and would have aborted his pathetic attempt at a killing spree if a specific type of [[Woman|girl]] (Blonde, white and blue eyed) would say that she wanted to play [[Sex|bump-bump]] with him.

[[Dying alone]], [[Loser|Thomas Matthew Crooks]], could pretty much be said that he lived the same life as [[William Atchison]], because they both [[Death|Died]] lying face down with a bullet hole in their heads.

People that were aware of him described him as being a recluse that only came out to walk around their neighborhood wearing his head phones and interacted with no one. Others have also said that usually the only time you really saw someone outside his house, for an extended period of time, was when the [[House|Lawn]] needed mowed.

Proudly graduating from '''''Bethel Park High School''''' in 2022, his peers described him as quiet, friendly and wasn't one of those silent, [[Lolumbine|Trenchcoat]] wearing, school shooters and completely incapable of even thinking about such a thing as [[Dead|killing the former President]]. He was described as being incapable of harming a fly.

Kylie Katilius, who lived up the street from Thomas said that he was a danger and a threat on the shooting range when he tried out for the ''Bethel Park High School Shooting Team''. She was quoted as saying, ''"If he was on lane seven, he was shooting all the way over on lane one, Mistakes happen, but full on shooting a different wall, he had to be doing something big wrong."''

Kylie Katilus said that the Shooting Coach was infuriated by Thomas' lack of [[Gun]] safety, and he would never be allowed on the team until he could show a minimal amount understanding of gun safety.

Julianna Grooms contradicts the story Kylie gave by telling a different story saying that Crooks was the target of Bullies who nicknamed him '''" The School Shooter"''' and found it easy to make fun of him for his [[Kittens|Poor Hygiene]] because like most [[SpongeBob SquarePants]] shirt wearing, [[Brony]] [[Asperger's Syndrome|Aspie]], he thought that showering in [[When You're Chill With Everyone|Ass Body Spray]] would hide his stench and get him the girls.

After graduating [[School|High School]], and unlike so many of the people populating our [[High Score]] list [[Pain|Thomas]] actually tried to better himself. He spent two years getting an Associates Degree in Engineering Science from ''Alleghany County Community College'' unaware that if you don't have a diploma with a name at the top such as [[Ohio|OSU]], [[Pennsylvania|Penn State]] or [[Texas|Texas A & M]], you might as well be holding [[Toilet Paper Hoarding|A Piece of Freshly Used Toilet Paper]] in your hand.

Much like so many with a useless Comunity College or Online degree, Thomas was able to pass a background check and find himself a minimum wage job that had him working at low pay for ''Bethel Park Skilled Nursing and Rehabilitation Center''. His duties included handing out meals, cleaning up [[Shit]] that the loose bowels of old people leave on the floor for him to clean up or having to change the sheets, and clothes, of someone with a weak bladder that refuses a catheter because it means that they can't move around.

{{align|center|
{{frame|<center><big>'''A star student'''</big></center> 
[[File:CrooksBullied.mp4|400px]]
[[File:CrooksBIGCOCK.mp4|400px]]
|border=black}}|}}

== The Famous Photograph ==

{{frame|[[File:I LIVED, BITCH.jpg|700px|center]]|margin=auto|border=#cc142b|background=#00247d}}

{{quote|I knew immediately that something was wrong in that I heard a whizzing sound, shots, and immediately felt the bullet ripping through the skin|[[Trump|Soon To be elected God Emperor Trump]]}}
 
<center><big>'''Meme Spin-offs:'''</big></center>

{{center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:TrumpWojak.png
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</gallery>}}

This picture was so famous, it even has a {{Wikilink|Trump_raised-fist_photographs|Wikipedia}} page.

== The Conspiracy ==

Probably the most amusing and believed story that still has people building scripts about the [[USA|U.S. Government]] and [[Israel]] wanting Trump dead was created on [[4Chan]] by an [[Anonymous]] poster who claimed that his superiors refused to give him the green light to [[Kill|Take The Shot]] despite him having the potential assassin in his sights for over 3 minutes.

{{Quote|<center>My name is Jonathan Willis, I’m the officer in the famous photo of the two snipers on the roof at Trump’s rally. I came here to inform the public that I had the assassin in my sights for at least 3 minutes, but the head of the secret service refused to give the order to take out the perp. 100% the top brass prevented me from killing the assassin before he took the shots at president Trump</center>}}

[[File:Trump ear shot.jpg|right|250px]]

[[File:Trump h8er n twitter.jpg|right|250px]]

The [[Tinfoil hats]] have another theory that includes brain washing and [[CIA]] funded [[MK ULTRA]] behavioral cues that existed on the [[Internets]].

They claim that the CIA programed people as early as 2016 to assassinate President Trump. Their job was to take him out during his second term and the trained behavior was reinforced with posts from [[Los Angeles|Celebrities]] like [[Tara Strong]] and [[Islam|Whoopi Goldburg]] who posted everyday that someone should save [[America]] by assassinating President Trump.

Because President Trump chose to not serve a second term in [[2020]], the [[Leftard|far left's]] plans had to be scrapped.

Seeing that Sleepy Joe wasn't doing well in the polls and was quickly losing trust with the voters because of his overtly senile actions, the far left triggered their '''''"Manchurian Candidate"''''' plan to kill Trump while he was on the Campaign Trail so he couldn't be elected in [[2024]].

This [[Conspiracy Theory]] is much like [[JFK]]'s with people claiming that the eight shots fired could be heard from different directions and more than one shooter being seen.

The [[Tinfoil hats]] claim that shooting Trump's ear was to serve as a warning for him. The [[Tinfoil hats]] claim that it was to show Trump that they can kill him no matter where he is.

== Graded Score ==

{{GradedScore|1|[[Collateral damage|Only killed 1 Trump supporter and injured 2 others]] alongside Trump himself|10|[[Trickshotting|Shot Trump in the ear of all places]]|20|"Fuck [[mass shootings]], [[Epic|I'm gonna kill the president]]."|20|[[EPIC WIN|INTERNATIONAL NOTORIETY WITHIN MINUTES]]|20|Outsmarted the fucking [[SS|Secret Service]]|71|C-|One inch away from causing the [[WW3|second American Civil War]]}}

{{WantedLevel|level=custom|customstars=[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]|custompic=[[File:Secret service logo.png|128px]]|customdesc=SECRET SERVICE}}

[[File:ThomasMatthewCrooksDead.jpg|center|thumb|700px|<center><big><big>[[GTA|'''WASTED'''</big></big></center>]]]]

== See Also ==

*[[Assault Rifle]]
*[[Conspiracy Theory]]
*[[Gun]]s
*[[Headshot]]
*[[John F. Kennedy]] - Both had a single gunman but the tin foil hats claim that both have a great conspiracy attached to them.

== External Links ==
* {{EDF|thread|2585|EDF Thread}}

{{GNA}}
{{High Scores}}
{{truth}}
{{Serious Business}}
{{Dying_Alone}}

[[Category:Crime]]

[[Category:2024]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Politics]]
{{Trump}}

{{timeline|Featured article July 20 & July 21, [[2024]]|[[Destiny]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[TBA]]}}

Encyclopedia Dramatica - Things to revert [en]

Thomas Matthew Crooks