2026-04-07T15:59:51Z

Couscous:

[[File:TG IRC Logo.png|center|You know what to do...]]

[[Image:Tomsup.jpg|thumb|right|Tom Green has been going to [[4chan]] longer than you.]]

[[Image:Tom-Green_who_was_pizza.png|thumb|Tom gets [[Raid|a token]] of /b/'s appreciation.]]

[[Image:Tombreakdown.gif|thumb|right|Tom Green's house on a good night.]]

'''Tom Green''' is a Canadian-born, [[batshit]] insane Los Angeles-based comedian and innovator of [[lulz]], [[hell|going through a period of hell no performing artist would ever wish for themselves]]. Once a favorite of [[MTV]]-watching [[13-year-old boys]] and [[Tom Anderson|Drag Queens]], Green demoted himself, through frustration of being a terminal [[fail]] with Hollywood, to performing his comedy on the internets, being invited warmly by /[[b/tards]]. He is famous for marrying [[celebrity|Drew Barrymore]], and for divorcing her four months later. Green also [[rap|performs hip-hop]] even though he is, by all accounts, [[Canada|Canadian]].

Green is also the last comedian to let [[cancer]] pwn his comedy career since the late [[Bill Hicks]]. During his time battling what became known as "The Cancer Ball Scare", Hollywood believed he was stricken with AIDS, and wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Since then, he has broken his leg in a Hollywood Hills skateboarding accident, published an autobiography that no one bought, and kept plugging along with his Internet TV show [[asspie|without a clue on how to market it better]], despite the A-list guests/friends he invited to his house for his show. He pathetically streams his Internet talk show from his own living room since no major media market has the [[ball|balls]] to put up any more money for Green, but are more than willing to support others who fail harder than Chevy Chase trying to be Johnny Carson.

Green is currently doing [[hookers and blow]] with [[Carson Daly]], thus leaving his internet show open to memes and hackers.

Tom Green raids can be found on [[Tomgreen|#tomgreen]] and [[4chan]] and are mostly carried out by individuals who are butthurt that Green has achieved [[Winnar|success]] as a glorified [[attention whore]], whilst they still toil in their parents' basement.

==Tom Green Show (Original)==
[[Image:Tom1992.jpg|thumb|Tom Green circa 1992. Note the full head of hair.]]
[[Image:TomGreenusualexpression.jpg|thumb|Tom Green having a seizure.]]

Done back in his native homeland of [[Canada|Canadia]], Tom Green started his show in 1994 on public access. It predated and was the main source of theft for ''[[Jackass]]''. This show actually kicked a lot of serious ass, as Tom was once an [[IRL troll]] extraordinaire. Tom did crazy shit like slicing a rotting raccoon in half with a chainsaw in front of a live audience. The show featured a lot of content that would be censored in any other country such as [[Furry|bestiality]], and [[South Park|swearing]]. Other [[I did it for the lulz|lulz maneuvers]] of this show included:
*Sucking on cow udders [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjO4vk6sGWQ]
*Humping dead animals [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ERDL0BxRXQ]
*Creating statues of his father beating/anally raping his mother [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ9iqKuu0bE]
*Pissing off soccer moms by stealing the ball [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4D4V9dkoxc]
*Saving his parents from a fire at 3 in the morning [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10nkDmJhHDw]
*Turning his dad's car into "The Slutmobile" [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLMBtvkA7aQ]
*Making fun of cripples [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dOJVKEnuvI]
*Fucking with the intercom in stores [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IjT5Q12lvc]
*Attempting to play baseball encased in a bubble [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgQgiVRsuLc]

Tom often created alter egos to do a variety of fucking [[awesome]] things:
*Homeboy - A wigger who took an ax to a cow's head and proceeded to shuck the brains out with his bare hands to make a brain boat in a segment aptly titled "Cow Brain Boat". [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18I0oer-mco]
*Burning Feet Man - A superhero who had a gasoline accident and decided to help mankind with his newfound power as a guide and beacon to the average citizen. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sf_0l3z8UMA]
*Hockey Guy - A man who took his ice hockey to the street in full equipment, pissing off [[retard|little skater faggots]] and making them squeak, "What's wrong with you!?" [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y24meE7Jrc]
*Cumdumpster - A woman trying to improve herself with various skin creams and inspiring young people all over. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDYObC7B7kU]
*Scuba-Hood - A professional diver who works for the bank, stealing change from the poor (mall fountains) and giving it to the rich (the bank). [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfKcHb7H3I8]

===Horse===
During one episode, Tom Green put on a rubber [[horse]] head creating a legendary meme.
<center><youtube>4QTcKdzcoiE</youtube></center>

==His Monotonically Decreasing Career==

===Tom Green Show ([[MTV]] version)===
He was picked up by SUPER-COOL XTREME [[MTV]] and moved his show to [[America]] in 1999. Unfortunately this show turned out to be a stripped down, censored, and basically fagged up version of the original.

===The New Tom Green Show===
Now if the MTV version wasn't shitty enough, he made a "New" show, which was his lame ass attempt at a talk show. Was probably ''the'' most [[unfunny]] show since ''[[Seinfeld]]''. This is when Tom Green took a major nosedive.

===Cancer===
When the [[EFG|epic fail gods]] were about to descend upon him and put the [[banhammer]] on his show, Tom Green took drastic measures. In order to generate more lulz, he put his nutsack in a microwave. He did this so he could get [[cancer]] and televise it, since [[Old meme|cancer was funny as hell]]. However, this stunt [[failed]] as [[EPIC|hard]] as his marriage to Drew Barrymore did, so that [[2007|today]] [[Mr. T|we pity the]] kids with cancer for reminding us of Tom Green.

===Marriage to Drew Barrymore===
Green's marriage to [[dyke|Barrymore]] was doomed from the start. Her asshole Hollywood friends ([[celebrity|particularly her ''Charlie's Angels'' castmates]]) frequently snubbed Tom, Barrymore's erratic behavior was never full of [[lulz]], and the coup de gras, a tabloid blurb of Drew liplocking a [[dyke|whore]] threw their relationship into complete [[fail|divorce fail]]. Of course, Barrymore is not totally to blame, since Green was being too much of a cancerous-ball [[asspie]] to notice the [[whore|damaged goods]] he was banging.

*''Mathematicians have argued that since he contracted cancer before he married Drew Barrymore that this period of his career was not truly monotonically decreasing. However, later calculations determined that marrying Drew Barrymore is indeed worse than contracting cancer, within a insignificant margin of error.'''

On August 26, 2008, at 2:10 PM EST, Tom (yes, the real Tom) posted the following message on the drewbarrymore.com forums:

{{quote|Hey gang. I posted a nice email here yesterday, but I guess it got deleted? I was just popping by to say how glad I am to see Drew on the web! I am myself really into the web. Just wanted to send some positive energy this way to all you Drew fans! I hope you guys and gals are all having a wonderful day!

Tom Green}}

==Tom Green's House Tonight==

[[Image:TGPRTYHRD.gif|thumb|right|[[Party_Hard|PARTY HARD!]]]]

No longer a [[mainstream]] celebrity, Tom is now playing the [[Internet celebrity]] game by inviting his famous friends, washed-up celebrities and A-list stars (who always seem to feel out of place or jolted by having a talk-show backdrop in the middle of a living room) to appear on his show, which has produced a number of [[lulz]].

[[Image:TomgreenNYPA.jpg|thumb|left|Anonymous calls Tom out on his faggotry.]]

In August 2008 Tom, desperate for ratings, decided it was a [[Lame|good idea]] to incessantly beg viewers to call and/or text their friends and get them to also tune in to his show. Many anons saw this for what it was: a [[Personal_army|personal army]] request, and had no qualms about spamming his email page with [[Copypasta|copypasta]] informing Tom that [[STFU|the internet is not his personal ratings army.]]

===ACHTUNG===
Tom always makes people wait for his show using an "Achtung" screen.

During this period of time, Victor starts playing Duran Duran, NIN and Nigger Music™. Frustratingly, Victor always puts up the "Achtung" screen 1-17 hours before the show actually starts. It is rumored that during that period of time Victor rapes Asian men that he [[Josef_Fritzl|keeps in his basement.]]

==How To Sound Like A Sketchy, Insincere, [[Newfag|Prankster]]==
This is a short lists of tips on how to ensure that Tom Green hangs up before you can possibly say anything of [[lulz|value or importance]].
* Say "uhh" between words, uhh, in awkward places.
* Ask a bullshit attempt at a sincere question, you might as well have trolled.
* Act nervous (like stage fright nervous, not starstruck nervous).
* Immediately jump into your question, without the normal pleasantries, talk as quickly as possible!
* Yell something [[meme|retarded]] the second he says "Hello, you're on the air!"
**This makes it exponentially harder for subsequent callers to gain Tom Green's trust. Way to be a team player, guy!

==Infamous List of Tom Green Raids==

[[Image:Tom4chan.jpg|thumb|left|Tom on [[4chan]].]]

===08/16/06 Raid===
On 08/16/06, the [[/b/tards]] invaded Tom Green's call in show. Tom Green held up a sheet of paper reading '''B''' and put on an afro wig to accompany his suit. He also endured an hour of [[Desu]] spamming, "[[The Great Habbo Raid of July 2006|Pool's Closed]]", and "do a barrel roll!", all of which are popular [[4chan]] [[memes]].

By the end of the show however, Green had had enough. He joined his guest in announcing "thanks to you assholes this will no longer be a call in show". The show immediately following Green, "Girl Talk", was also completely ruined by [[B|/b/]]. They were bombarded for three hours with "Osaka porn", "barrel roll", [[desu]] [[spam]], "[[IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER|shoop da whoop]]" and other such [[memes]] that never were very funny anyway.

====Aftermath====
The "raids" were met with mixed feelings on [[B|/b/]], there were those who were [[lol]]ling out loud, and then there were those who criticized the action in a desperate attempt to uphold the [[B|/b/]] SUPER SEKRET ELITE clique environment.

===07/12/07 - /b/reaking news!===
At 2AM EST on 7/12/07, Tom held the ''Tom Green Show'' "in the middle of the night" version. This followed a show the previous day where he hocked off a bunch of junk on eBay, then [[woman|PMS'd]] at his camera operator before ending the show half an hour early. Tom appeared [[drunk]] and spent half the show ducking behind his desk and trying to [[wigger|rap]]. He got one prank call and afterwards was literally screaming "[[Do a barrel roll|BARREL ROLL]]" and "[[Mudkip|MUDKLIFFS]]" at every caller. Evidently, he plans to hold late-night shows semi-regularly, and no trace of the show exists on his site.

===06/03/08 - [[Gentlemen]]===

[[Image:Tom Green Sup b.jpg|thumb|left]]

On 6/3/08 at approximately 1:04 AM Eastern Tom Green was "performing a [[meme|meem]]" when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in his neighborhood, he performed the gentlemen "meem" flawlessly, but got in one little fight and his producer got scared when someone called him a fat nigger six times, and Tom again behaved like a pussy saying such lulzy phrases as, "I like meems," "meems are not cool after that," "[[shit nobody cares about|You try to help people out, you screw around with someone that likes meems and whatever..........]]" Lulz most certainly ensued and whoever performed this raid should be congratulated.

<s>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVwT1KAQiJs</s> BALEETED. 
<center>'''SKIP TO 0:20'''</center>
<center><youtube>s8VWuXjWgU4</youtube></center> 

Another [[dildo|Substitute]] vid for when Tom gets [[butthurt]] and [[DMCA]] everything on [[jewtube]], [[typical|again]]. [http://www.vidoemo.com/yvideo.php?i=YjMtYTBncWuRpZ0hLRDg&mad-tom-green-is-mad '''SKIP TO 6:20'''] 

===06/17/08 - DICK-ROLL'D===
On 6/17/08 at approximately 1:57 AM Eastern Tom Green met a 19 year-old caller on Skype with his brother playing WOW. Tom eventually gained the caller's trust and decided to let him stay on the air and let some callers in. The first caller shouted, a "meme" which is frowned upon in the #tomgreen community, "FAT NIGGER, FAT NIGGER..." The second caller asked him about a time when a snake bit Tom Green and he did a barrel roll. Right after Tom Green responded to the third caller, the Skype caller put on a [[Guy Fawkes]] mask and eventually started to [[fap]] on camera. Tom immediately shat bricks after spotting the mask. Also Tom got severely butthurt over a caller inquiring about Drew Barrymore. It is rumored he became [[An Hero]] by overdose after hearing of this and Victor will be taking over the show. Unfortunately, this is unlikely, as he has recently resurfaced from his living room to appear on NBC.

<s>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHUSLT3VWMEs</s> BALEETED. 
===03/02/09 - Pizza Day===

[[Image:Dominoes.jpg|thumb|left|Fuck yeah, Domino's Pizza Tracker!]]

[[Image:receipt.jpg|thumb|right|Ordering pizza is fun.]]

On March 2nd, 2009, Tom Green decided to order pizza for his friends [[faggot|David Faustino and Corin Nemec]] from Pizzaland. #[[tomgreen]] quickly decided to order [[over 9000|a few]] pizzas, with a total cost of $79, to his house address. Tom receives the shitload of pizza live on his show and he begins to shit brix and claim that he never ordered the pizzas. But Tom, acknowledging this pranks high level of win, decides to eventually pay for and eat the pizza anyway.

* '''Call to Pizzaland:''' [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI9Xj-lI2T4]

'''Tom's reaction:'''
<s>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGYNOmdfNz8</s> BALEETED. 
===3/30/09 to 4/01/09 - Tom's Countertroll or Mental Breakdown?===

Starting on Monday. March 30th, Tom Green's House took an odd twist, involving extended sessions of piercing, atonal saxophone playing. The first night was a successful troll on Tom Green's part, he essentially tricked hundreds of viewers into watching/listening with the expectation that he was would stop and take calls. The real surprise came the next day when he did it all over again, this time ending with Mr. Green screaming obscenities to the effect of "[[ALL CAPS|I DON'T GIVE A FUCK]]". And again the next day, this time with accompanied by a [[shit nobody cares about|drummer from some band]]...

<center><youtube>b3-a0ggHKD8</youtube></center>

This caused much speculation as to why Tom Green would sabotage his own show, seeing as he just added a pay service and is obviously hurting for subscribers. The general consensus among anon is that he is trolling and/or driving the would be "prankers" away, though the video suggests that Tom Green has simply gone the way of the batshit insane. TG may win this round, but just how long can he fuck his show up before he alienates the few people that actually give a shit. Time will tell.

<center><youtube>_3mGkjqWENY</youtube></center>

===04/16/09 - Sushi bomb===

April 16th was looking to be a uneventful, skype-free day at Tom Green's House, TG had a small circle of friends on the show, including Warren G, a fatter version of Rob Schneider, a Bob Marley wannabe, and a fat nigger dubbed "saftey [sic] nigger". Everyone was drinking, Tom Green was singing karaoke, and the show went on commercial break every five fucking minutes, needless to say, Anon's morale was low.

Finally, hope appeared in the form of a [[tripfag]] named "[[User_talk:BBQ|BBQ]]" who said that he had ordered $450+ of sushi to Tom Green's house, and gave an ETA of 45 mins. Well, about 45 minutes later and still no sushi, with Tom Green taking breaks between every shitty karaoke song, anon was afraid that BBQ was an epic troll or the sushi would arrive while they were on break. TG kept saying goodbye to everyone and the show seemed to be over when Tom was mysteriously called to the front door. Anon collectively shat a brick whilst the whores and some douchebag continued dancing around to Guns and Roses. Then it appeared, a conspicuous cart was wheeled into Tom's hallway and the show was cut short without explanation. Everyone congratulated BBQ and plenty of screencaps, audio clips, and a video rapidshit were posted to Ebaums/IRC. An audio clip of Doctor_Mudkip calling the sushi place after the sushi had arrived was later posted, proving BBQ was not a troll, and that sushi is [[SERIOUS BUSINESS]].

About an hour later, TG reappeared wearing a pauper's hat and eating a [[cheeseburger]]. It appeared that he was not disturbed in the least by the sushi-bomb (which he did not mention), the [[Happycat|cheeseburger]] was evidence to the fact that he [[FAIL|did not end up paying for it]]. TG continued performing some more horrible karaoke, said he would take some calls (which he didn't), then took "a break". This break turned into a show's over when Hal started the video loop back up...

[http://tinypic.com/player.php?v=6ghpox&s=5 Crappy Quality, Sorry Guise - BBQ]

[[Image:Sushi_Call_Aftermath.ogg]] Call that went down afterwords - Doctor_Mudkip
<center><gallery>
Image:Tom Greens sushi cart.png|The cart in question.
Image:Drunk tom green.png|Tom's reappearance
Image:Tom Greens karaoke night.png|I did it maaaaiii wwwwaaaayyyy.
</gallery></center>

===4/21/09 - Tom get Meatspinned===

Someone looped some stickam camwhore on their skype feed, switched it to meatspin as soon as tom green answered the call.

<center><gallery>
Image:Tomgreen meatspin.png|Huh?
Image:Tomgreen meatspin2.png|Not sure if want?
Image:Tomgreen final meatspin.png|God damn it Hal, Turn it off!
</gallery></center>

===8/20/09 - Birthday Ladderroll===

Tom was going to kickstart his birthday by hosting an episode with a new developed "Skype Machine Team". Threads and irc channels were made on how people were going to troll his show, but only a few anons got through. The first offered to sing the fat nigger song, and the third chose to take a bath and gargle cum while on the air. The second anon however, Richard Waxner, was awarded nine internets and a nomination for troll of the year for putting on a charade for five minutes, and then masturbating on a ladder.

<center><youtube>mUCyHv3HtpM</youtube></center>

==Tom's Legal Reaction==
After being bombarded by pizza men, strippers, hookers, and most importantly [[faggot|people from Craigslist]] Tom Green decided to use [[internet law|legal action]] against [[4chan]]. He also claims to know about your [[IP address|HTML address]] and has hired several [[FBI|computer forensics]] personnel to help [[homosexuality|cleanse his show]].

{{quote|Also to the prankers out there. A quick note I wanted to pass along. I like you guys and your attitude. But anything that goes too far will be addressed legally. We have already been in touch with the Cyber crimes division of the FBI and we have a computer forensics expert now on the case. Any threats or illegal behavior will be prosecuted to the fullest extent. And guess what?! We are now able to obtain anybodies IP address. Even on supposed websites where you think those IP addresses are blocked... guess what? They are not. So lets keep it cool and have some fun, because I really don't want anyone to get into trouble because of our little show. I know sometimes when you are young you can end up making decisions in the moment that you later regret. Consider it a warning. We have a very serious computer forensics team on the case starting today. You will be found and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Keep it cool. Go prank CSpan and send me the tape. You guys rock! All of you! Even the guys at /B/... I love you guys. Funny shit.

TG}}

'''Tom Green's full blog post:''' [http://tomgreen.com/blog/?post=650]

== Tom vs [[The Donald|Don]] ==

[[Image:Tom's super ceral Outfit.jpg|thumb|right|Tom's super cereal outfit.]]

As of [[Last Thursday]] Tom tried to be a [[Uber|Super]] [[Awesome]] business guy on [[The Donald]]'s [[Fail|Epic]] show ''The Celebrity Apprentice''. Tom Epically Failed at this job and was [[OMGWTFBBQ|fired]].

Tom was supposed to lead a team on selling wedding dresses, but he thought that that was [[Why So Serious?|too cereal]], [[Faggot|and decided to wear the dresses instead]]. He was also supposed to lead a team of half-wits in decorating an empty room. The only black person on the team thought the only reasonable thing to do was invite some [[Hookers]] to the scene and eat fried chickens all day. Meanwhile, an [[Dyke|All Female]] team was selling All of the shit the Don told them to sell. Unfortunately the Don was still mad they got out of the kitchen, and gave them a good old fashioned pimp slap for it.

At the end of the day, the Don Evaluated the two teams. The [[women|wymen's]] team sold [[over 9000]] dollars worth of wedding dresses to [[Fat]][[Stupid]][[Americunt]]s. While the [[Otherkin|men's]] team sold under 90,000 dollars worth of silly cloth. The Wymen [[PARTY HARD|celebrated]] in the kitchen, while the men were in [[OH NOES|"The Board Room"]]. Tom knew he was going to be fired, so he blamed the only nigger on the team. They had a not so epic battle of fisty-cuffs, and in the end, [[Obama|the nigger won]]. Tom [[BAW|frowns]] on his [[EPIC FAIL|epic failure]], while the Don and the Nigra party with the Hookers that were seen earlier in the show. And nothing of importance was lost.[http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/00022791.html]

===Tom Green's Resultant Butthurt===

The week immediately following the airing of ''[[Shit nobody cares about|Celebrity Apprentice]]'' was a bitter one. Tom Green asked [[Over 9000|all]] of his callers whether they watched [[No|Celebrity Apprentice]]. The callers hesitantly [[Liar|said "Yes"]] (and thought, "No, we're not a bunch of [[Irony|faggots]]"). This would immediately send Tom on a [[RAGE|level-headed, dignified monologue]] concerning [[BAWWWWW|his feelings]] about the show and its participants. He thanked the callers for calling, even though they didn't say anything, then continued to call [[The Donald|everyone associated with the show]] big meanies. His rant [[Large Hadron Collider|built up velocity without really going anywhere]], it reached its apex when he begin asking callers if they would let Jesse James give them a rimjob "cause that's what he does, [[amirite|right?]]" At this point Tom Green realized that he had made a royal ass of himself. He then addressed the camera, said he was just joking, and pleaded with Jesse James not to kill him...

Until he eventually started talking about it again and the embarrassing cycle began again, ad infinitum. No Tom, "rimjob" is only funny because it is offensive, it's over man, just let it go.

'''PROTIP:''' TOM ENJOYS TALKING ABOUT THIS!!! CALL HIM AND [[Troll|TELL]] HIM YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE MATTER.

==Videos==

<center><youtube>ZV7aOnX7XeE</youtube></center>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:tomgreenrage1.jpg
File:Tomjoker.jpg
File:Gentletom.jpg
File:Tomgreen1 1.jpg
</gallery></center>

==A Few Recorded Calls==

===Tom Green Show===
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CaYzsQ0fkY&feature=related] [[bullshit|Tony Hawk did a barrel roll]]
*[http://s256.photobucket.com/albums/hh180/BlueKewne/Tom%20Green%20Show/?action=view&current=TomGreen4chan.flv] Madness? THIS! IS! 4CHAAAAAN!
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWA2z_KvBHk] <s>Tom Green gets goatse'd. <-- Pause at 1:07. How the fuck has [[JewTube|YouTube]] not removed this yet?</s> BALEETED.
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouENoxLU7Jg] <s>Goatse'd again. Same thing, different anon.</s> BALEETED.
*[http://youtube.com/watch?v=8CiBCetM3b4] <s>Tom Green gets called a fat nigger, ends the show and says, and I quote, "No one will evar hear this, nevar again!!"</s> BALEETED AGAIN
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nv_Bst6eoaQ] Tom butthurt level reaches under 9,000 and threatens to take the prank callers to COURT.

===Girltalk===

*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwTocc_rXZ8]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m3vQkdzky4] - For some reason, it hasn't been deleted.
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeV4H3i7eMI]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4pu4ThWJ_0]
*[http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=k0axle Some more archived Girl Talk raids]

==Links==
*[irc://irc.rizon.net/tomgreen The official Tom Green internets channel]
*[http://www.TomGreen.com Tom Green's Internet TV site and XXX gay porn]
*{{Wikilink|Tom_Green_(polygamist)|Tom Green's Wikipedia article}} - According to TOW, he married a 13 year old girl, got her pregnant before she turned 14, and Tom Green was convicted of child rape.

{{Portals|chans|tv}}
{{Canada}}
{{Mediawhores}}
[[Category:TV Shows]]
[[category:people|Green, Tom]]
[[Category:Chans]]

Cockmongler

2026-04-07T15:52:37Z

Couscous:

[[File:Cockmonglernotext.jpg|thumb|Original sighting]]
[[File:Mindfuck_cockmongler.jpg|thumb|left|You can never unsee]]
[[File:Smilingbob.jpg|thumb|The real original cockmongler]]
[[File:IrateCockMongler.jpg|200px|thumb|[[Irate Gamer|Chris Bores]], Cockmongler's long-lost twin Brother.]]
[[File:Backlund199809.jpg|thumb|The Mongler wrangles with a potential monglee, as his former wrestling persona, Bob Backlund]]
[[File:Cockmonglersmother.JPG|thumb|CockMomgler]]
[[File:Monglers.jpg|thumb|Father of Cockmongler. (Cockmongler's face has its own luminosity, and therefore has no shadow)]]
[[File:Jobsgrinman.jpg|thumb|He'll mongle your iCock.]]
[[File:Chumpmanbear.jpg|thumb|200px|Cockmongler [[Furry]] Edition, Why the fuck doesn't Chump Manbear have an ED page???]]

'''Richard Mongler''' resides in Drumheller, AB, Canada. He has a major [[Bipolar|"Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" type personality]]. By day, he is Richard C. Mongler (The C stands for "Cox" he explains) but by night he becomes "Cockmongler" and embarks on a ravishing travel throughout the world. Cockmongler has turned up in places all around the world such as Hong Kong, [[China]], Moscow, [[Russia]], and even places in Iraq and Afghanistan offering to please soldiers of both factions. But strangely Richard always ends up waking back in his own home in Drumheller no matter where he fell asleep. According to him, ever since his photo shoot for the "World's Largest Dinosaur" website, he has had a split personality. The sightings have decreased recently which is reportedly because he is finally having sex with his wife. [[DO IT FAGGOT]]

Cockmongler previously had a career as a second-string pro wrestler under the name, Bob Backlund. Unfortunately his contract obligated him to far too much non-mongling related activities, and he was eventually fired on the grounds of being unable to abstain from mongling long enough to fulfil his contract. Some may argue, reasonably, that pro wrestling offers ample opportunity for nearly constant, unlimited cock mongling, so the real circumstances of his retirement are still dubious. Nonetheless, he has now taken up a full-time cock mongling career, since his departure from WWE (formerly WWF).

==Cockmongler vs. Grinman==
A very effective way of [[trolling]] [[4chan]]'s [[b|/b/]] is to call the Cockmongler "[[Grinface|Grinman]]" or "Smiling man". They all [[Shit|SHIT]] their pants at once, and induces many, many [[lulz]]. [[Anonymous]] will have an [[death|apoplectic fit]]:

{{squote|For fuck's sake...
Alright, Word Of Power time. It's Grinman. Always has been, always will be. Not Cockmongler. I'm not saying this towards the trolls who've flooded this thread with Cockmongler shit - they've no hope already. I'm saying this for your benefit - the Anonymous onlooker. You may be new and know nothing about this yet, or you may be old and just plain ignorant. But it's not Cockmongler. It started a few months ago, and it's everywhere.
Take it from me. It's Grinman. You don't have to believe me, but I recommend that you do. If you don't, just keep it in the back of your head...the last flickering candle of truth.
He's the Grinman. Not Cockmongler.
Have some Longcat too (not Cocksucking cat).}}

<center>'''Alternative!'''</center>

{{squote|For fuck's sake...
Alright, Word Of Power time. It's Cockmongler. Always has been, always will be. Not Grinman. I'm not saying this towards the trolls who've flooded this thread with Grinman shit - they've no hope already. I'm saying this for your benefit - the Anonymous onlooker. You may be new and know nothing about this yet, or you may be old and just plain ignorant. But it's not Grinman. It started a few months ago, and it's everywhere.
Take it from me. It's Cockmongler. You don't have to believe me, but I recommend that you do. If you don't, just keep it in the back of your head...the last flickering candle of truth.
He's the Cockmongler. Not Grinman.
Have some Longcat too (not Whitecat).}}

Other evidence of his ''grinmanship'' (we made that word up, [[copyright]] [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]):

{{squote|I have to admit, I find the level of faggotry amongst the [[noob|newbs]] to /b/ to be disturbing.

In the old days, this board was built upon the reputation of such memes as grinman, pedobear, and happy negro. They were legends. They were the celebrities and emotionally and sexually abusive founding fathers of our great and oh so perverse democracy.

It hurts my tearful eyes to see the stain of faggotry that these newbs who are coming to this board now are bringing with them as they change the names of the very foundation upon which this place was set.

Cockmongler? I dont' know who came up with the concept of calling grinman cockmongler, but I feel that whomever this individual is they should be anally raped by a screaming black midget named Remco. Grinman has always been grinman, and in our hearts we can know him as no other.

He likes to grin. Nuff said.

I also feel in my heart that whomever is the real person behind this photo would agree with the older members of this board. Given the choice between being known as cockmongler or grinman, I am completely reassured that he would jump up to his knees, that same nightmarish GRIN crossing his features, and showed his disgust for the term "cockmongler" by feverishly grinning.

Yours truly,
Anonymous.}}

== The Mongler Strikes Back ==
[[File:Mongler returns.jpg|thumb|The Second Coming (The <s>girl</s> <s>[[trap]]</s> [[Why So Serious?|Joker]]) on his left (for [[you]] the right) could mongle my cock any day]]
In the year of our [[Raptor Jesus|Raptor]] April 27, 2008, a few Anons at a comic-con in the land of [[Milk Bags|Bagged Milk]] beheld the second coming of the Mongler. Two never before seen pictures of He Who Sucks Cocks were posted, spawning a massive thread on /b/ which was so undeniably epic that even the Mods could not deny its greatness, stickying it on the first page.
{{squote|Sup /b/? So today was the Calgary Comic Expo. I went there with some friends, and it was pretty awesome. There were a lot of weaboos and furfags to troll, and we did so. Partway through, my friend left to go get some food, when he came back he told me he saw Cock Mongler walking around. When I went to go look I was surprised that it was in fact, Cock Mongler. While he is a little older, he informed us that he still does mongle cocks. Here's a picture I took

TL;DR Cockmongler is still lively and mongling cocks, just he's a bit older now.|One very lucky /b/tard}}

==Gallery==
{{cg|Cockmongler Sightings|cmgallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">

File:Original.jpg|I'll suck your cock!
File:PaulaDeenCockmongler.jpg|[[Paula Deen|OH SHI-]]
File:Breadmongler.jpg|Cockmongler's youngest daughter
File:A_challenger_appears_cock_mongler.gif|[[A challenger appears|A CHALLENGER APPEARS]]
File:You-Personoftheyear.jpg|[[A challenger appears|ANOTHER CHALLENGER APPEARS]]
File:Mongler_(WinCE).JPG|Wii mongler
File:Mongling.jpg|[[Furries|A Family Affair]]
File:EDcockmongler.gif|[[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]'s very own Cockmongler.
File:Hellsuckdick.jpg| He'll suck your cock.
File:Moarjizzplz.jpg|[[Moar]] Plz.
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Bitchmongler.jpg
File:Meat cockmongler.jpg

File:Time stamp by TR0LLHAMMEREN.jpg|[[Gothzilla|Gothmongler]], popular with the hardcore [[emos|rebels]] and [[sick fucks|furverts]].
File:Cockmongler-ganon.jpg|Someone's fantasy just came true.
File:Lolimongler.png|Meet [[Pedobear|Lolimongler]]!
File:Cockmongler-combo.png|The Combo
File:UGLY.jpg|Mongle Mongle!
File:Martin_fembot.jpg|[[A challenger appears|ANOTHER CHALLENGER APPEARS]]
File:Motivatorcockmongler.jpg
File:Cockmonglingdad.JPG|Cockmongler and son.
File:Very_very_scary.jpg
File:CockmonglerJunior1.png|Cockmongler Jr.
File:Chocmongler.jpg|His Brother Chocmongler. I'll suck your Chocolate!
File:Mongled.jpg
File:Fanfic C Mongler.png|[[FanFic Critic|Fanficmongler]]
File:Grinman lots of grinman.jpg
File:Jack sparrow cockmongler.jpg
File:Cockmongler with friends.jpg
File:Che Cockmongler.jpg
File:4chan busters.jpg
File:Cockmongler google.gif
File:Nazi Cockmongler.jpg
File:Breakdancing mongler.gif
File:Cockmongler pilot.jpg
File:Cockmongler badge.jpg
File:Ohahahaha2.png
File:High school assembly cockmongler.jpg
File:Furry cockmongler.jpg
File:Seizure inducing cockmongler.gif
File:Cheshire cockmongler.jpg
File:Flashing cockmongler.gif
File:Banzai cockmongler.jpg
File:Cute Honey Cockmongler.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Anime.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Anime_2.gif
File:Cockmongler_Anime_3.gif
File:Cockmongler_Terminator.jpg
File:Cockmongler_President.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Presents_69.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Piano.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Matrix.jpg
File:Cockmongler_and_Happy_Negro_Manga.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Manga.jpg
File:Super_Mario_Cockmongler.jpg
File:Gunnery_Sergeant_Cockmongler.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Transforms.gif
File:Cockmongler_Azumanga_Daioh.gif
File:Cockmongler_Spiderman.gif
File:Set_Phasers_To_Mongle.jpg
File:Cockmongler_As_The_Hulk.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Owns_Your_Harbl.jpg
File:Nazi_Cockmongler_2.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Graduation.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Line_Trace.gif
File:Cockmongler_Cracky-chan.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Claims_A_Victim.jpg
File:Niggermongler.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Watches_You_Masturbate.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Metal_Gear_Solid.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Waha_Shirt.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Wins_Oscars.jpg
File:The_Freshmongler.jpg
File:Axl_mongler.jpg|Axl Rose loves the cock.
File:Sonicmongler.png|[[Sonic]] wants sum hawt dawgs too!
File:Cockmongler_As_Dog.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Baseball_Game.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Fanart.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Oh_Noes.jpg
File:Cockmonglers_AT_Field.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Not_Mongling.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Eats_Copypasta.jpg
File:Cockmongler_As_O_Rly_Owl.jpg
File:Creepier_Cockmongler.jpg
File:Bitches_Dont_Know_About_My_Cockmongler.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Gets_Mail.jpg
File:Cockmongler_President_2.jpg
File:Admiral_Cockmongler.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Paradox.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Silent_Hill.jpg
File:Cockmonglers_Book.jpg
File:DBZ_Cockmongler.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Morphed.jpg
File:Cockmongler_As_Bill_Gates.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Morphed_2.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Morphed_3.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Morphed_4.jpg
File:Cockmongler_PS2_Game.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Sideways.jpg
File:Dickmangler.jpg
File:Cockmongler_In_Bag.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Happy_Negro_Doom_Comic.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Requests_Cocks.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Where_Is_Your_God_Now.jpg
File:Cockmongler_Chases_Meximoot.jpg
File:Super_Cockmongler.jpg
File:Flashing Cockmongler.jpg
File:Cockmongler_nigger.jpg
File:Cockmongler_jesus.jpg
File:Cockmongler_burnfreak.jpg
File:1208757762554.jpg|Spideymongler.
File:AsianMongler.jpg|Asian cockmongler!
File:CockmonglerJunior.jpg|cockmongler!
File:Cockmongler 1.jpg
File:Cockmongler 2.jpg
File:Cockmongler 3.jpg
File:Cockmongler 4.jpg
File:Cockmongler 5.jpg
File:Cockmongler 6.gif
File:Cockmongler 7.jpg
File:Cockmongler 8.jpg
File:Cockmongler 9.png
File:Cockmongler 10.jpg
File:Cockmongler 11.jpg
File:Cockmongler 12.jpg
File:Cockmongler 13.jpg
File:Cockmongler 14.jpg
File:Cockmongler 15.jpg
File:Cockmongler 16.jpg
File:Cockmongler 17.jpg
File:Cockmongler 18.jpg
File:Cockmongler 19.gif
File:Cockmongler 20.jpg
File:Cockmongler 21.png
File:Cockmongler 22.jpg
File:Cockmongler 23.jpg
File:Cockmongler 24.jpg
File:Cockmongler 25.jpg
File:Cockmongler 26.png
File:Cockmongler 27.jpg
File:Cockmongler 28.jpg
File:Cockmongler 29.jpg
File:Cockmongler 30.gif
File:Cockmongler 31.jpg
File:Cockmongler 32.jpg
File:Cockmongler 33.jpg
File:Cockmongler 34.jpg
File:Cockmongler 35.jpg
File:Cockmongler 36.jpg
File:Cockmongler 37.jpg
File:Cockmongler 38.jpg
File:Cockmongler 39.jpg
File:Cockmongler 40.jpg
File:Cockmongler 41.jpg
File:Cockmongler 42.gif
File:Cockmongler 43.jpg
File:Cockmongler 44.gif
File:Cockmongler 45.jpg
File:Cockmongler 46.jpg
File:Cockmongler 47.jpg
File:Cockmongler 48.jpg
File:Cockmongler 49.jpg
File:Cockmongler 50.jpg
File:Cockmongler 51.jpg
File:Cockmongler 52.png
File:Cockmongler 53.jpg
File:Cockmongler 54.jpg
File:Cockmongler 55.jpg
File:Cockmongler 56.jpg
File:Cockmongler 57.jpg
File:Cockmongler 58.jpg
File:Cockmongler 59.jpg
File:Cockmongler 60.jpg
File:Cockmongler 61.jpg
File:Cockmongler 62.jpg
File:Cockmongler 63.jpg
File:Cockmongler 64.jpg
File:Cockmongler 65.jpg
File:Cockmongler 66.jpg
File:Cockmongler 68.jpg
File:Cockmongler 69.jpg
File:Cockmongler 70.jpg
File:Cockmongler 71.jpg
File:Cockmongler 72.jpg
File:Cockmongler 73.jpg
File:Cockmongler 74.jpg
File:Cockmongler 75.jpg
File:Cockmongler 76.jpg
File:Cockmongler 77.jpg
File:Cockmongler 78.jpg
File:Cockmongler 79.jpg
File:Cockmongler 80.jpg
File:Cockmongler 81.gif
File:Cockmongler 82.jpg
File:Cockmongler 83.jpg
File:Cockmongler 84.jpg
File:Cockmongler 85.jpg
File:Cockmongler 86.jpg
File:Cockmongler 87.gif
File:Cockmongler 88.jpg
File:Cockmongler 89.jpg
File:Cockmongler 91.jpg
File:Cockmongler 92.jpg
File:Cockmongler 93.jpg
File:Cockmongler 94.jpg
File:Cockmongler 95.png
File:Cockmongler 96.jpg
File:Cockmongler 97.jpg
File:Cockmongler 98.jpg
File:Cockmongler 99.jpg
File:Cockmongler 100.jpg
File:Cockmongler 101.jpg
File:Cockmongler 102.jpg
File:Cockmongler 103.jpg
File:Cockmongler 104.png
File:Cockmongler 105.jpg
File:Cockmongler 107.jpg
File:Cockmongler 108.gif
File:Cockmongler 109.png
File:Cockmongler 110.jpg
File:Cockmongler 111.gif
File:Cockmongler 112.jpg
File:Cockmongler 113.jpg
File:Cockmongler 114.jpg
File:Cockmongler 115.jpg
File:Cockmongler 116.jpg
File:Cockmongler 117.jpg
File:Cockmongler 118.jpg
File:Cockmongler 119.jpg
File:Cockmongler 120.jpg
File:Cockmongler 121.jpg
File:Cockmongler 122.jpg
File:Cockmongler 123.jpg
File:Cockmongler 125.jpg
File:Cockmongler_nazi.jpg
File:A cock is fine too.jpg
File:Hitlermongle.jpg
File:Pope_mongler.jpg
File:Cockmongler_dead.jpg
File:Dancing_skunk_cockmonger.gif
File:Mongler family.jpg
File:RockMongler.gif
File:Cloudmongler.jpg
File:Raptormongler.jpg
File:Einstein-mongler1.jpg
File:Monglers are coming.png
File:Cockmonglertime.JPG
File:Mongler_Family.jpg
File:Bathmongler.jpg
File:Stareatthecrossfor30secsthenstareatthewallandblink.png
File:Yea it's Grinman.jpg|If it were really cockmongler then there'd be less myspace links.
File:MonglerMosaic2.jpg|/b/ got together [[last thursday]] and did a mosaic of the beloved cockmongler.
File:Aslo_cox1.jpg|Also, cox... mongler?!
File:Scream-mongler.jpg|Cockmongler meets classic [[art]]
File:Cockmongler Zordon.jpg|[[Power Rangers|Rangers]]! I'll suck your cocks!
File:Cockmonglereatsballs.jpg|A victim being mongled.
File:Failmongler.jpg
File:Oldmongler.jpg
File:Cockmongler firstgrade.jpg
File:TehTAAisalsoaCockMongler.jpg|I'll suck your cock If you don't belive in God!
File:Faggotcockmongler.gif|The Taste the Rainbow Variation!
File:Cockmongler's_lost_son.jpg
File:Cockmongler's_son.JPG
File:Awesome mongler.jpg|As seen in the ED Store..
File:Hulkmongler.jpg|The [[Hulk Hogan|Hulkmongler]].
File:Godotmongler.png|Cockmongler's lawyer.
File:Anime_mongler.png|Anime counterpart.
File:Bob.jpg|'''Blasphemy'''---the kind ''men'' like
File:Taokaka.jpg|Cockmongler's pet cat.
File:Cockmonglerveryscary.jpg|I'll suck your soul!
File:Cockmongirl.jpg|Run.
File:Cock Mongler Shearing Teeth.jpg|His teeth will shear.
File:Spongebob cockmongler.PNG| [[Spongebob]] cockmongler [[crossover]].
File:Ritamongler.jpg|A [[denmark|danish]] furry version of cockmongler.
File:Card_crusher_cockmongler.png| How to [[troll]] cockmonger
File:Cockmongler leo vg cats.jpg|Cockmongler sells t-rex t-shirts and is a furry.
File:5820-nicolas-sarkozy.jpg
File:Cockmonglerfemale.jpg|Partner in crime
File:NigMongler.jpg|Melonmongler?
File:Totallysafedemotivator.JPG|Mongler's early days as an [[win|axe-wielding serial killer]]
File:Cock-challenger.jpg|9/12/09 a challenger appeared
File:Missescockmongler.jpg|Daughter of Cockmongler.
File:Grinboy.jpg|Grinboy, the true son of Cockmongler.
File:Risker2.jpg| [[TOW]] Cockmongler.
File:Bushmongler.jpg|He'll mongle your nuclear weppenz.
File:Criticmongler.jpg|[[Nostalgia Critic|Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Cockmongler.]]
File:MedicMongler.png
File:LegendaryThread.jpg
File:The Return of Cockmongler.png
File:Afromongler.jpg
</gallery>}}
{{clear}}

==See also==

* [[Bill Schmalfeldt]]
* [[Happy Negro]]
* [[Epic]]

==External Links==

{{chanarchive|b/182|Cockmongler|b/462/courage-cockmongler-theme|Cockmongler and Courage the Cowardly Dog|align=right}}

* {{wayback|dinosaurvalley.com/drcdt/wld/funstuff.htm|20030624121831|title=Original sighting}} - Click on 'A prime example of TOO MUCH time at the World's Largest Dinosaur'
* [http://thepiratebay.org/tor/3664486/Stronghold_Crusader Cockmongler likes to play Stronghold: Crusader;] in fact, he's uploaded a [[torrent]] on [[The Pirate Bay]]!

{{chans}}
{{memes}}
{{Canada}}

[[Category:Galleries]]
[[Category:Chans]]

2026-04-06T18:46:05Z

Couscous:

{{User:Chunkmunky/Nigraswastiget}}

[[Image:July12_habbohotel.jpg|500px|thumb|center|Collage]]

[[Image:Afromen.jpg|thumb|400px|Official poster]]

[[Image:Habbo4chantour.jpg|thumb|300px]]

'''The Great Habbo Raid''' of July 12 (Fuck you, [[Europe]]), 2006 was an online version of The Million Man March to protest the racism of the [[Habbo]] mods. It was the first of a series of raids to end all raids. This raid was run by Mikeyk? who later was hacked and IP banned shortly after. At the time of the ban Mikeyk? was spotted as a "white man". [[Some argue|Some say]] he was the most powerful man in Habbo...

==The First Raid==

[[Image:Binvadehabbobanner.png|thumb|250px|Banner From Habbo.com on July 12]]

[[Image:Ebaumhabbo.jpg|thumb|[[Ebaumsworld]] claims responsibility for the July 12 Raid.]]

The raid was plotted out [[in the ass]]hole of the internet, that is to say, [[B|/b/]], as a massive protest concerning the recent outbreak of [[AIDS]] in the pool. The date of July 12th was chosen for the raid; of note, this is the official birthday of the [[Bill Cosby|jello nigra himself]]. [[Over_9000|Over 9,000]] [[Internet]] warriors of [[B|/b/]], [[YTMND]], [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], [[myg0t]], [[Bantown]], and possibly [[Purelily]] got in the traditional clothing: black man with afro, suit, matching creased pants, and black loafers. Starting at around 2pm PST (though scheduled for 7pm PST), they started hitting the pools. Then they hit the library. A select few even went after private rooms, where they were nearly invincible from banning. The plan was to distract all mods using the pool floors while other nigras would fuck around on the rest of the hotel. At about 8:30 PST, a lot of people got bored of it and went on to international hotels. Specifically to call everyone in the Japanese hotel a chink and to make swastikas (卐) in habbohotel.de. Flooding techniques included the eponymous [[Desu]], Developers Developers Developers Developers, racist jokes, [[furry]] [[yiff|shit]], [[Cracky-chan]], [[Longcat]], [[loldongs]], other [[meme]]s from the five powers, and an odd scene of African-Americans grouping together in the form of a [[nazifur|swastika]].

==Organized Ruin==

[[Image:Condiricewithafro.jpg|thumb|[[Condoleeza Rice]] showed her support for the nigras.]]

[[Image:Supernigra.jpg|thumb|right|[[Tookie Williams|Stanley "Tookie" Williams]] was the original hardcore [[nigra|nigra]], racking up 78 successful [[aids|pool closings]] before his execution for killing a grip of [[china|chinks]]. Nevar Forget!]]

The [[IRC]] chat #Poolsclosed on [[gay|Rizon]] jumped from 10 people to nearly 200 as the forces built against Habbo Hotel, and it was eventually (and finally) reset, which resulted in a win. [[Bantown]] also ran a Habbo channel where much of the raid was planned out and squadrons of soldiers were made up to attack private rooms as well as public. Every nigra was used wisely, and when every public room was blocked, they moved on to non-[[English]] speaking hotels. Also, notable victories over Habbo include the fact that habbodiscussion.com, the official Habbo Hotel forum, was inadvertently DDOS'ed for hours on end and consequentially because of the massive raids, closed to new members. It is worth noting that it only took 396 simultaneous users to bring habbodiscussion crashing to its knees, during what was intended to be a forum raid and not a DDOS. The results were quite impressive.

As of 2:30AM EST, there were still small groups of forces from 4Chan still patrolling the hotel, blocking nearly unobstructed because most of the moderators decided to get some sleep. To supplement the ruining, a [[phishing]] site was created [http://bantown.org here].

[[Image:Blackup.jpg|thumb|When all help is lost, call in /b/lackup!]]

==TOW revisionism==

Despite all the evidence indicating otherwise, in a situation reminiscent of [[Holocaust denial]], [[TOW]] refuses to believe that the Great Habbo Raid of July 2006 actually happened. This further highlights the ineptitude of the [[bureaucratic fuck]]s in charge.

==How to summon ruination==

[[Image:Poolsclosed.jpg|thumb|Logo used after the raid]]

[[Image:Schoolsclosed.jpg|thumb|[[Harry Potter|J/K Rofling gets in on teh lulz]].]]

[[File:HabboIRL.png|thumb|IRL Edition.]]

*[[B|/b/]]!
*[[YTMND]]!
*[[Encyclopediadramatica|ED]]!
*[[myg0t]]!
*[[Bantown|BT]]!

By your powers combined, I am the [[ruination]] of [[Habbo Hotel]].

==The Aftermath==

[[Image:Raid-FIK-01.jpg|thumb|right|Keep it with you, you never know when it'll come in handy.]]

*<s>AIDS, nigra (including and variation of the word such as n.i.g.r.a., etc), and harbl are now blocked words in Habbo.</s> AIDS, harbl and n!gra/n!gger are not blocked.
*Caturday, business, loli, nigra, the phrase "black power" (and any [[leet|leetspeak]] variation thereof), and the phrase "bowl of copypasta" are now unacceptable in usernames in the US.
*The phrase "dancing anime" is unacceptable in usernames in Australia and Canada.
*The U.S. Hotel shut down temporarily.
*Habbodiscussion, the official forum, crashed and closed registration to new users. Also, Drama and lulz occurred.
*Many noble [[B|/b/]]tards were lost. NEVAR FORGET THEM.
*[[TOW]] protected the entry for Habbo.
*Other Sulake sites such as [[Cokemusic]] have also seen small nigra infestations.
*The beverage vendor at the pool now spouts anti-[[B|/b/]] phrases such as "The Habbo pool is the cleanest pool you could swim in!" and "The Pool Deck is the best moderated room in all of Habbo!"
*The entire [[nigra|nigra]] population has been galvanized like never before against all forms of [[AIDS|AIDS]] in pool and anti-[[nigra|nigra]] bigotry by [[white|the white man]].
*[[nigra|Any well dressed black man]] is now getting [[banned]] by TEH MODS. It appears that this will continue until the mods grow up or /b/ raids the shit out of Habbo such that the mods surrender. Unfortunately, neither has a lead. Disguises to avoid a ban include lolicons, furries (lol), Epic Fail Guys, and white wimminz. Stay tuned for more details.

{{cg||raidgallery|center|<gallery>
Image:Howtodressnew.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Theatredomepwned.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Purelilyhabbo.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Niggaruin.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Ribo's-Habbo.PNG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbo16ot.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbo-ad-1.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Line.JPG|[[Desu]]!
</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Habbo-empty-lobby.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:LineDancingNigras.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbo-screen.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbo-secretnazi-1.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbo-secretnazi-2.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:RAIDWIN.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Blocking.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habophish.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Cafeclosed.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Cafeclosed2.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Cafeclosed3.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Cafeclosed4.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Cafeclosed5.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Cafeclosed6.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Aidscafe.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Aidsinthepool.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Ww2habbo.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Anonymousafro.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Resistance.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Longpoolline.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbodelol.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Great Habbo Raid Wedding.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Great Habbo Raid Pools Packed.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Desusus.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Harbl.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Invaders.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Longpoolline2.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Modsays.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Great Habbo Raid.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habboslavery.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Iwasthere.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Hathaids.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habboisracist.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Disco.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbo.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbo2.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Poolsclosed2cq.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Armyofdesu.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Nigraswas.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbo memorial.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Threatening To Rape Mods To Be An Hero.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Namebadwhat.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:PoolCamPic.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbowned.gif|[[Desu]]!
Image:Mods banned me for whining to them But it was a strategy They got so annoyed that for hours and hours afterward they stopped banning people who blocked the pool.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:irl_blockade.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Poolclosed2.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:LAWL.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Japanraid.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Great Habbo Raid We Were All An Hero.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:POOL.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:POOLSCLOSEDLOL.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Haha1.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Cleo1.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Cleo2.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Cleo3.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Cleo4.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Cleo5.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbo_racism_sue.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Bannedfrom4chan.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbo4chaninstructions.gif|[[Desu]]!
Image:Irlnigra.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Modsknow.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Duncan1.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Duncan2.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Duncan3.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Btardsinhabbo.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Brian_Nichols.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habboscromg11.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbo3.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Swastika.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Great Habbo Raid Teamwork.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Instantban.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Irlpoolclosing.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Habbonewz.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Poolsclosed.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:magic-johnson-pool.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Adult_Swim_is_closed.jpg|[[Desu]]!
Image:Gaiapoolsclosed.JPG|[[Desu]]!
Image:Gaia raid.png|[[Desu]]!
Image:Gaia raider.png|[[Gaia|Gaiafags]] raid with black person
Image:Habbohotel-9-11.jpg
</gallery>
|}}

==The Second Raid==

[[Image:SCREEN9.JPG|thumb|Some celebrities even showed up to support the cause.]]

On [[9/11]]/2006, the nigras did it again. Filling up the pool and many other rooms, the Habbo mods completely failed. Lines of proud, black nigras filled the pool area, creating mass havoc for all of the faggot 10 year olds playing the game. The win is attributed to [[Afroduck|AFRODUCK]], the leader of all nigras, who watches over the pool at all times.

===The Aftermath===
Even days after the full raid, noble nigras still flooded the hotel, creating another notable and unplanned block on the 14th. Apparently, some new faggot mod tried to stop them, only to be showered in DESUs and YOU FAILs.

==Third Raid==
[[Habbo Revisited]] 2 began at Midnight on October 30, 2006. When it started, [[at least 100]] Nigras participated in the raid and stayed at the pool area. In it they met many gangs, pwnt many [[white]] [[women|wimminz]], and other fools who thought they had the authoritah to stand up to them. Those stander-uppers were crapped on. And they also [[lie|pwned the crap out of the hotel]]. In conclusion, [[fail|EPIC FAIL]].

This was, until June 2009, [[Fact|known to be]] the worst raid EVAR.

Some recent research conducted using advanced techniques in [[common sense]] concluded that most people chose not to be home on Halloween.
----
<gallery>
Image:habbo2.png|Original Anzeigen for the second raid.
Image:Raid_attack_1.png|The first leg of the raid at midnight.
Image:Raid_Attack_2.png|Still in [[teh]] beginning.
Image:Raid_attack_3.png|A weak ass door block.
Image:Raid_Attack_4.png|Needz moar /b/lackup!
Image:Raid_Attack_5.png|The girl in the pool actually [[Mudkips|Lieks teh Mudkips in teh pool.]]
</gallery>

== The Great Reunion ==

On [[The_Great_Habbo_Raid_of_July_2007|7/12/07]] many proud nigras returned to Habbo for another victory against the ridiculously racist habbo mods. Several mini raids took place beforehand, causing mods and [[13 year old boy]]s to shit themselves in terror. The HIVengance was at hand.

This time, the mods decided to announce the day as "International Afro/Suit Day" in an attempt to quell the rising tide of nigras. It was to become known as [https://web.archive.org/web/20070715174625/https://www.habbo.com/news/rocket_goodbye_comp.html Habbocalypse Now].

[[Image:mod message.jpg|center]]

<s>An IRC channel was also created to discuss the reunion. [irc://irc.rizon.net/habboreunion #habboreunion@irc.rizon.net]</s> This room is more dead then your mom's feelings for [[You|you]]

==Two Years Later==

Yet again, Habbo Hotel was raided by the nigras. As predicted another Internet victory was had, as Habbo Canada's modfaggotry was no match for the /b/lockaders.

==Newfag Doing It Wrong==

<s>Nigraz made their comeback in early 2009 with the outsmarting of the new "Answer to /b/lockades".the hero noticed they can get in the pool, but by standing in the place used usually for Blocking them from getting in, you can block them from getting out.all this was created by one habbo, with the chant "You cant get out but you cant get in, therefore i, epic win!"</s> [[DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS]].

the habbo's name was:

<s>'''ThisIs4chan'''</s> '''AFuckingNewfag'''

==You're Doing It Wrong==

The memory of the great Habbo raids being defiled by [[newfag]]s -

[[Image:Raid09-croped.PNG|center]]

[[Rules 1 and 2]] were broken numerous times. A [[Swastika|swastiget]] attempt was later made, and much [[fail]] ensued.

==Giovanni Memorial Raid==
Sadly, on January 4th 2015, we lost a great man and a leader of Habbo Raids everywhere across the .com and .nl Hotels.
On January 18th, 2015, there will be a raid in memorial of Giovanni.
You can check out more details here: [http://darkbox.nl/showthread.php?tid=605]

==[[The Great Habbo Raid of July 2015]]==
[[File:150712 EU Picnic.jpg|thumb|300px|Picnic is closed]]
[[File:150712 SJW-Ops.jpg|thumb|300px|Trying to get SJWs involved against habbo]]
[[File:20150712 aftermath.jpg|thumb|700px|after the US raid ended, around midnight. We leejun again]]
On July 12th, 2015 another great habbo.com raid took place. This however will not compare to the 10 year anniversary raid that will happen in 2016. 
The 2015 raid was to mark and celebrate the 9th anniversary of the original raid in 2006 and to trigger some kids and mods at habbo for their racist and bigot attitudes.

Planning and instructions were made on the traditional #nigra rizon channel and on totally 4 threads on [[8chan]] as invasion threads got banned on [[4chan]] after the [[Independence Day Invasion]].
However, there were a few threads and postings about this raid on 4/b/ but SJW mods deleted them pretty fast. It has to be asumed that 4channers did play a role, especially during the US raid (17:00 NY time) when the nigras got massive blackup.
8channers also shilled their raid on [[7chan]] and [[420chan]] but the threads either died or got deleted. It was a wonder that this raid did not end in complete failure like many of the previous 8chan habbo raids.

During the raid a few problems occured. There were snitches and [[SJW]] [[white knight]]s who tried to join the ranks of nigras in order to snitch on them later to the mods. It is also believed that they were monitoring the 8chan threads and the rizon channels as they regularily made it into the password-protected nigra headquarter rooms.
Known snitches were zachsafety, macklebee and alexd. Mods who had no mercy with their banhammers were MODdavjuthetired, blancotrash and Boom. Boom was a special case as he had a twitter account (BamboofromHabbo) going with his [[Dox|IRL pic]] and as anons found him and started spreading the intel on the thread he [[Delete fucking everything|deleted his twitter account]]. It was too late, anons already saved his pic. 

Generally spoken the whole raid was a cat and mouse game between the mods+snitches and the raiders. Raiders constantly spammed new habbo accounts and mods spammed bans for [[Racism|everyone who even looked black]]. 
A few innocent kids who took over the nigra uniform for fun also [[lol|got banned until September 2016 with their real habbo accounts that they spent real money for to buy habbo furniture]].
There has also been a side project during the raid. 8chan's twitter ops and tumblr ops departements (#nigganetwork and OPneighbourhood) started spreading awareness of habbos racism online on tumblr and twitter. Twitter hashtags like #racisthabbo and #habboscandal were created and a few tumblr pages in order to get actual SJWs attacking habbo for their racism.

Despite all those complications and the initial fears of having not enough participants the raid was not a complete failure. 
Nigras managed to occupy various public and private rooms, spammed bobba language and told the racist crackas to check their privilege. Later during the US time raid Nigras even [[irony|raided the mod headquarters room]] in revenge for the racist bannings.

The raid ended at about 22:30 NY time as anons were annoyed by the constant account creations and many of them left. However, a few anons stayed for at least another 1.5 hours and transformed to normal habbos. 
They went to the mod lounge to snitch on the mods and many interesting behind-the-scenes details were revealed that were almost as good as the raid itself.

<youtube>NGMs2TgOJkE</youtube>

===Archives===

preparation thread 
https://archive.is/UppCl

thread 1 
https://archive.is/yEc19

thread 2 
https://archive.is/oVB1m

thread 3 
https://archive.is/buGCY

thread 4 
https://archive.is/M44x2

twitter feed 
https://archive.is/fvPio

screencaps and webms 
http://www44.zippyshare.com/v/UCU4GVud/file.html

== 2016 Raid ==

[[The Great Habbo Raid of July 2016|Yeah, we did another one kek]]

==See Also==

*[[The Great Habbo Raid of July 2016]] - 10 year anniversary celebration
*[[B|/b/]]
*[[Pool's closed]]
*[[Habbo Hotel]]
*[[Habbo /B/lockade]]
*[[Duncan]]
*[[Thelostcup]]
*[[The Great Habbo Raid of July 2006/LOL]]
*[[World AIDS Day Raid]]
*[[The Great Habbo Raid of July 2007]]
*[[The Great Habbo Raid of July 2008]]
*[[Habbo Coppers Raid of 2015]]

==Fapping Material==

*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3U9D2JEOFo AIDS IN THE POOL IRL ON TV]</s> '''This video has been removed by the user.'''
*[http://media.putfile.com/nigrasletlooseintheatredome Vid of theaterdome]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e552vTU0bzI OH MY LOL]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1T2dK9v-xCc]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNtqdRrcolo Part 3]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsxV5IlJUKA Part 4]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipACsinKe0Y Collage vid]</s> '''This video has been removed by the user.'''
*[http://youtube.com/watch?v=fxXQNZqUx_s Another epic report]
*[http://sex4pool.ytmnd.com/ YTMND Sex 4 Pool]
*[http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=habbo+raid&search=Search List of all raid videos on YouTube]
*[http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6310362966417218632 Movie that starts with "I got kicked out of the pool. They said I was blocking. I wasn't blocking!! They banned me 'cause I was black."]
[http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3356281&page=1 The pool is closed due to AIDS IRL]

===A couple of memorial videos made using The Movies===

*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e552vTU0bzI POOLS CLOSED]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZL69yDzK2sQ& Pools Closed]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgySBdzxSgo The Pool Has AIDS, Part II]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnsrJ7mlRl8 The Pool Has AIDS, Part III]

[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Site News]]
[[Category: Galleries]]

== IRC discussion ==

<s>[irc://irc.rizon.net/habboreunion #habboreunion@irc.rizon.net]</s> Dead

[[File:HabboKnowsAbtTheRaid.png|thumb]]
== External links ==
*[http://www.habbo.com/ Habbo USA]
*[http://media.putfile.com/Habboreunion/ Habbo reunion game]
*[http://www.poolsclosed.us/ Pool's Closed Habbo Raiding]
* [http://www.nigrapedia.com/ Pool's Closed wiki, learn up before diving in MAH BOI]
 
{{Habbo}}
 
{{4chan}}
 
{{epic}}
 
{{trolls}}
{{Timeline|Featured article July 12, [[2006]]|[[Habbo Hotel]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Tom Anderson]]}}
[[Category:Chans]]
[[Category:2006]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

File:HabboKnowsAbtTheRaid.png

2026-04-06T18:45:46Z

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