Encyclopedia Dramatica - Things to revert [en]

Russia

2024-08-06T08:56:41Z

Areyousure: /* Geography */

{{achtung|RUSSIA HAS ANNEXED UKRAINE}}
{{spoiler|{{Hover|президент америки контролируется Кремлем, чтобы подорвать капитализм|AMERICA'S PRESIDENT IS CONTROLLED BY THE KREMLIN TO UNDERMINE CAPITALISM}}}}
{{Warzone}}
{{breakingnews|CHECHEN ISLAMISTS (SUICIDE BOMBERS JUST FOR FUN) JUST WENT FULL JIHAD MODE AT THE CROCUS CITY HALL IN MOSCOW!!!}}
[[Image:Russia Race riots.png|center|Welcome to Russia, where every day is race-riot Friday! (Courtesy Russian Ministry of Tourism website; they are so broke that they are promoting skin-head tourism because they need moar euros and dollars).]]

{{quote|The difficulty in understanding the Russian is that we do not take cognizance of the fact that he is not a European, but an [[Azn|Asiatic]], and therefore thinks [[troll|deviously]]. We can no more understand a Russian than a Chinese or a Japanese, and from what I have seen of them, I have no particular desire to understand them [[k/|except to ascertain how much lead or iron it takes to kill them]]. In addition to his other amiable characteristics, the Russian has [[b/|no regard for human life and they are all out sons-of-bitches, barbarians, and chronic drunks]].|George S. Patton}}

{{frame|<youtube>rWYKh6-2ORA</youtube>|margin=auto}}

[[File:Trump in putin's hands.jpg|thumb|400px|"This is my personal tweeting device"]]
[[Image:Putin Savior.jpg|thumb|400px|This person is the greatest person who has ever lived, next to [[Jesus]], [[Buddha]] and [[Willy on Wheels]]. Try to be more like him.]]
[[File:Time_magazine_trump-russia_cover_29_May_2017.png|thumb|right|200px|Is Trump controlled by the Russian Orthodox Church? (That's St Basil's cathedral, not the Kremlin, assholes)]]

The '''Khanate of Russia''' or '''Tsardom of Russia''' is the only relevant Slavic country in the world. It was formerly a great country during the reign of the [[Soviet Union]]. It's capital is aptly named Mosque-Cow which is the base of operations for Queer Muslim Gremlins that dwell within fortress Kremlin. Mother Russia is inhabited by [[Communist]] bear-fighting drunks with Kalashnikovs for dicks and in the past for mostly mediocre-looking or even ugly mail-order brides (now they came from [[Ukraine]] and [[Moldova]]). Now Russia is like its former enemy the [[Jewnited States of Americunts|USA]], an ultra-capitalist [[Ghetto|pseudodemocracy]], the inhabitants are widely considered [[Europe|Euro-]][[niggers]]. As part of their primitive vodka-nigger nature, they often attack other countries [[for the lulz]] because that's what [[freedom]] is all about. Also, Russia recently has become the first country that officially supports the Darfur genocide, because the people of Fur, Masalit, and Zaghawa like to refer to themselves as "God's chosen people"... and when you do so, you're basically asking for it.

==roblox players==

The players like sex and they are children putin is too lazy to do anything about it!!!! Putin ban roblox you are so gay to be a president!!!!

==ðe Olde History==
[[File:Leninsrevenge.png|thumb|right|That's basically how it went.]]
[[Image:Sovietflyer.gif|thumb|A common Soviet propaganda flier of the Cold War era.]]

[[At least 100 years ago]] the Kievskaya Rus' ruled the area. Contrary to popular Russian belief, it was in fact founded by some lost [[Viking]]s who were hunting for <s> Tartar</s> Finno-Ugric aka "Russian" women because they wanted slaves.

'''FUN FACT: The word "SLAV-E" was actually derived from the word "Slav" because "Slavs" used to be "Slav<s>es</s>" traded by the heathen, no-good, pillaging, wimmin-raping, Jew Gold stealing Varangians! Long live Thor! Yep, that's actually no coincidence! Slavs = Slaves and their history reflects that pretty damn well! Please tell that to Belarusians and not Ukrainians (yep, Belarusians, because it is well-known fact that Russians are Finno-Ugric and Ukrainians are Turco-Iranians, in fact, there were no Russians and no Ukrainians at the time, and modern-day Belarusians were being referred to as "ov the Rus" meaning "slaves of Rus", which is a Finnish name of the Swedish Vikings) next time :-)'''

[[File:Traditional hunting grounds of the Finnish tribes.png|thumb|Perkele!]]

Vladimir, I had to decide between which Kike-worshipping Religion to convert to so he stole Eastern Orthodoxy. His reasoning behind doing so was Muslims stank, were pitiful, and forbade alcohol, Jews had clearly been abandoned by their god, and Catholics were barbarians that lived in mud huts ('''{{wikilink|Vladimir_the_Great#Christianization_of_Kievan_Rus'|its true}}'''). Vladimir wanted some Roman chick to be his wife. She was religious and wanted the whole country to be Jew. He said: "Fuck that(Rus')!". So he stole Eastern Orthodoxy from the [[Roman Empire|Byzantines]] and the Orthodoxy came...

In the 13th century Genghis Khan’s grandkid invaded and [[pwn]]ed the Kievskaya Rus'. [[Sweden]] tried to join the party, but everyone laughed at them because they hadn’t created [[cell phone|cellular telephones]] yet. The Mongols controlled Russia through tribute for at least three hundred years, which is a long time. This is why all the Russian tapestries and picture books from a few centuries ago have the bad guys looking like Guy Sebastian, who all Russians think is ugly. In 1480, Ivan the Great got Moscow organized. By 1480 Western Europe was experiencing a renaissance in [[art]] and [[religion|faith]], while the Russians were still forced by their Tatar Overlords stretching their asses open to see how much vodka they could fill it with. Ivan I's grandson, Ivan the Terrible, got the throne when he was three, which explains a lot. He became the first Czar as a [[13-year-old boy|teenager]] and set the my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours precedent for the rest of Russian history. He also set the precedent for invading random obscure little countries, after which he finally kicked the collective Tatar ass out of Russia.

Ivan the Terrible was an incredible [[lolcow]]. As an [[shota|8 year old boy]], he was molested by the majority of boyars presiding under him. Ivan's included [[W|robbing his own subjects]], killing animals for fun, and sitting by the fire with a nice book. When Ivan got around to settling down and marrying, he had a Mrs. Russia pageant to look for his [[waifu]]. He picked a woman who he called, My heifer. [[LOL WUT|Ivan was a deeply religious man and promiscuously bisexual]]. He himself was the abbot of a little monastic order called the Opprichniki, which would storm churches and have torture and buttsex while preaching Christian values.

Ivan the Terrible hit his son with a metal pole, which was fatal. When asked, Ivan said he "[[I did it for the lulz|vaz chust doeengk eet for zee lulz]]". His next son was an [[idiot]] who got kicked out by his brother-in-law. Then [[Poland]] invaded because Russia forgot about them. [[Irony|Ironically]], Russia has never forgotten about them since. Thus Russians can often be heard making snide remarks about Poles and partitioning them into tiny pieces with the [[Germany|Germans]], who enjoy them in sausages.

The next poor idiot to hit the Russian throne was Michael Romanov, whose descendants held onto it with an iron fist until the [[Communist|Gommunist]]s shot them. The Romanov dynasty was uneventful until Peter the Great, who decided to Europeanize the Asiatic hordes of Russia and forced all the nobles to shave their beards and learn French. He also [[pwn]]ed the Church. Everybody hated him. His grandson was a drunk and let his wife Catherine rule the country. She was called The Great too. This is because Russian historians aren’t very imaginative. They could have called her Catherine the Slut. Anyway, she did all sorts of shit for museums and newspapers and educational stuff. Catherine died at the age of 67 while having [[bestiality|sex with a stallion]] (she was crushed to death by the humongous [[Mr. Hands|horse-cock]]).

Then [[Napoleon]] invaded. Russia tends to get invaded a lot. Napoleon was a crazy Frenchman who had at the time conquered most of Europe for the [[lulz]]. Alexander 1 did not share his sense of humor. Being a chickenshit he told the army to just keep retreating. This turned out to be a good idea because by the time Napoleon occupied Moscow somebody had set fire to it. Contrary to popular belief though, Napoleon was defeated during the Russian Summer, not Winter; he invented the winter story so it wouldn't be so humiliating for him. He ran away to take it [[in the ass]] at Waterloo.

Rasputin was the single reason for the downfall of the Romanov dynasty. A man who would now represent a pedophiliac Baloo Bear from ''The Jungle Book'', he made the Tsarvich's son Alexi sing "The Bear Necessities" while stroking his [[#Rasputin's Wang|erect penis]].

[[Image:Lenin.jpg|thumb|'''Spoilers:''' Lenin <del>dies</del> sleeps.]]

The Russian revolution shortly followed, as they were homophobes and not impressed by this [[PETA]] like behavior by the heir to the throne. It also turns out Alexi was [[emo]] and used to cut himself whilst thinking about all the times his father had ignored him over the years.

Meanwhile, all the peasants were serfs and hated it, so they decided to have a [[Communist|Gommunist]] [[Revolution]], which was never particularly communist but, to be fair, was a pretty cool revolution. Lenin was the first “communist” leader of Russia. Then he had a [[HNNNNNNGGGGG|heart-attack]] from eating too many smuggled [[McDonald's]] burgers, and everything just went downhill from there. [[Messin' With Sasquatch|Stalin]] was a paranoid bitch who had all his enemies shot. Leon Trotsky, his main opposition, died mysteriously by falling brain-first onto an ICE AXE while living in Mexico City. Mexican officials were not at all suspicious. Then he had all his friends shot for good measure. Just in case he had missed someone, he starved all the Ukrainians to death. Starvation was a good idea because eventually they were going to turn into zombies 60 years after Chernobyl anyway. The <s>KGB</s> NKVD is the organization that did all the shooting because they were the only Russians who could be trusted not to shoot Stalin. The <s>KGB</s> NKVD ended up shooting itself multiple times, including the organization's leader. After a while, they decided propaganda was easier than shooting people.

===The Cold War===
The [[Flame war|Cuckold War]] began at Yerevan when Wilson and Churchill became jealous after overhearing Stalin and the President of Armenia comparing the size of their wangs. With Churchill and Wilson's wangs being much smaller they felt the need to overcompensate by taking over the Eastern World. Unfortunately for Stalin, people need to eat in order to work and be content. What Russia was good at was getting into missile-pissing matches with the United States and collecting third-world nations like Pokemon cards. The super holographic card of the deck was [[Spain|Cuba]], which had a rich supply of cigars, sugar, and pork sandwiches.

Soviet Russia was very different from the Western World. For example, in [[California]], you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the party could always find you. In other ways, they had things in common. For example, the citizens of Soviet Russia were very hateful of [[Latvia]]ns.

[[Image:Img_intro.jpg|thumb|Reagan informs Gorbachev that his country has been [[pwned]] by the [[United States]], or that its his bedtime.]]

The USA was jealous that the Soviet Union had control of Russia. To counter this, [[NATO]] installed nuclear missiles in [[Turkey]] to show Russia who was the boss. Russia attempted to place a large arsenal of nuclear weapons in Cuba, leading to the [[Cuban Missile Crisis]]. The US's naval superiority and [[JFK]]'s [[rich and beautiful|stunning good looks]] quickly put Russia back in its place, safely ending the crisis. And Americans won't really buy any nuke shelters til present day...

The entrance of [[Ronald Reagan]] spelled doom for Soviet Russia. With Reagan's super strength, heat vision, and with Bonzo the Supermonkey at his side, the United States would soon become the victor in the Battle of the Cocks, for [[Florida|America's cock]] was/is biggest of all (approximately the size of Japan...x2). But Reagan failed because the White American cock was to small so he decided to use black Cocks but failed again because [[The Great Black Dick Hoax|black dicks are infact small]] so he used his special weapon [[Nigger]]s with [[Dildo|giant Prosthetic dicks]] and won the Cuckold War.

Gorbachev tried to prevent the United States from conquering the USSR by implementing perestroika and glasnost. Perestroika was an economic reform which consisted of changing the Russian currency to the US dollar and hiring Donald Trump to clean up the business sector of Russia. Unfortunately for Russia, Donald Trump soon left the project in favor of cultivating [[Paris Hilton]]'s career and filming reality TV shows.

Glasnost was social reform. Some freedom of press was allowed, resulting in angsty teenage poetry being printed in all major newspapers in the U.S.S.R. Prohibition was also enacted since Gorbachev felt that Russians drank too much vodka, not leaving enough for his personal use. This resulted in the Great Vodka Revolt of 1985 in which 1.2 million people died.
 
 
[[Image:The Cat.gif|thumb|center|Ooh, then it was THAT much????]]

<center>Prohibition was lifted soon after.</center>
 
 

===Roll the end credits...===
 
{{frame|<youtube>Biaf2VgWHGk</youtube>|margin=auto}}
 
[[Image:Yeltsin.jpg|thumb|right|"If you're dissolving the Soviet Union and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the world laugh too, because, come on, life is funny."]] 
[[Image:Russiawantswar.jpg|thumb|right|Russia wants war with EU and the USA! Just look at how many countries voluntarily join NATO for protection from Ivan.]] 

In 1991, the Soviet Union fell after Gorbachev admitted to being quoll furry during a press conference with the Prime Minister of [[Australia]]. Disgusted with how [[awesome|godless]] their country had become, the Russian population revolted against the government and installed a [[No|democracy]]. This quickly led to a flood of Tropicana orange juice, Nike sneakers, and heroin into the country.
The Russian Federation was born. In the spirit of the newfound democracy, the Russian people [[lie|selected]] a new leader that was truly representative of the people. In that, we mean, he consumed three meals consisting entirely of Stolichnaya every day. This man's name was [[drunk|Boris Yeltsin]]. Yeltsin oversaw the country's transition from a command economy to a [[lol|free-market]] economy, and needless to say, in his drunk hands, the experiment [[fail|failed]] miserably. Dazed Russians who all once again found themselves in the bread line wondered what the fuck happened. Yeltsin was one of the most corrupt, unpopular failures in history, and left the country in shambles. [[George W. Bush|Unsurprisingly, he was elected to a second term, nonetheless]].

In 2000, Yeltsin handed over power to the new glorious leader and proud pedophile, [[Vladimir Putin]]. Putin quickly assured that [[Blanking in progress|he would dismiss all of the corruption charges hanging over Yeltsin's head]]. What a fucking guy.

Later on August 30, [[2022]], it was announced that Gorbachev has [[death|died]] from a severe and prolonged illness. Goodnight our sweet prince.

=== Russia 2: Electric Boogaloo ===

In the mid-late [[Last Thursday|nineties]] it was thought by western powers, that the Russian Federation was well on it's way to become a divided cesspool akin to the Balkans. It was just a matter of time before local overlords and oligarchs start carving up their own neo-feudal fiefdoms from the rotting carcass of Russia/USSR. This grim and lulzy fate was, to the joy of some and despair of others, evaded by ruskies installing a first capable leader since [[Stalin|Stalin]] - [[Bad Vlad|Vladimir Putin]], and the results were magnificent indeed. Coming from a tried-and-true KGB stock (and thus having vitally important and useful secret service support), Putin went on to bitchslap the oligarchs, the press, the military, the political parties, his pet tiger and everyone else, those who could not be bitchslapped or, God forbid, were hostile towards glorious leader, soon suffered righteous Unfortunate Accidents™, such is life in Russia.

The first test of ¨Resurgent Russia¨ was the Russo-Georgian War. [[Georgia|Georgia]], the birthplace of Stalin but otherwise an unremarkable shithole, had a bunch of Russians living in the autonomous regions of Abkhazia and [[South Ossetia|South Ossetia]] who wanted to join their beloved motherland, but the mean old Georgians wouldn't let them. Seeing this great injustice, president Putin ordered a valiant liberation campaign against clearly fascist and cannibalistic Georgans. Within 5 days the Russian troops liberated the two territories.

Fast forward to 2014 and once again the new strength of Russia was made made evident for all to see. In [[Ukraine|Ukraine]], a fascist coup was instigated by the west, probably in order to facilitate easier buttfucking of ukrainians by said powers. Seizing the opportunity, Russia was once again able to help out her children by <s>annexing</s> legally incorporating the Autonomous Territory of Crimea into the Russian Federation after a fair and lawful referendum held in Crimea on that issue. Unfortunately, the territories of Donetsk and Luhansk were unable to fully escape the clutches of the Kievan fascists, and the conflict there continues til today.
[[Image:Putincrimea.jpg|thumb|right|]]

In the recent times, Russia is engaged in valiant fight against [[ISIS|ISIS]] in Syria, bombing the fuck out of the towelhead goatfuckers whilst inducing massive amount of lulz from the EU/USA who constantly bitch about the violation of human rights of [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|moderate syrian islamists]]. Other fun activities include: messing with the EU by slowly dismantling Ukraine, [[2016 Presidential Election|rigging the us elections]] and [[shit|The Last Jedi's]] rating on [[Rotten Tomatoes]], and causing [[WalkAway|sane people to leave the Democratic party]] and building a trade network known as ¨New Silk Road¨ that will make Eurasia the richest continent in the world. Fun times are to be had in the future.

And wouldn't you know it, the fun times arrived sooner than anyone could have expected. Unsatisfied with [[NATO]]s continuous [[Rape|encroachment]] upon the innocent Russia, the great leader decided to stamp his foot to the ground and perform a [[Iraq|legitimate security operation]] in [[Ukraine]] to ensure that a [[Slavery|friendly regime]] is established. However, the USA & Friends lost their collective shit over this as only they have the moral/political/economic right to do such shenanigans and their war-boners immediately began to harden. But lo! Ukraine was not a member of NATO so the western pigs could only write mean letters to Putin and dump fucktons of weapons into Ukraine hoping that their stooges will do the job for them, thus Russia continues the valiant struggle against the western aggression.

==Government==
[[File:Stalin note.jpg|thumb|275px|right]]
There is a government, but the Russian mafia or "Brotherhood" (in Russian Bratva/"Братва") is much more interesting and influential. The "Brotherhood" also have much, much more money than the Russian government. If you have any business in Russia (although hopefully you don't), it is much quicker to work directly with the "Brotherhood" rather than through government agencies. It's also cheaper.

In Russia, one needs to know people in power to make things work. You must know someone, who knows someone in power; it is the way to have the things done in Russia.

The Ruskies, or Tundra/Commie Niggers, have received a bad reputation due to the brilliant American Propaganda during the Cold War. However, Tundra Niggers made extreme advances from a backwards feudal nation to a country more expensive and less sanitary than west nearly overnight and at the cost of only 40 million slave-labourers. During WWII Stalin also managed to mortgage a lot of cannonfodder to the Americans to assrape <strike>Der Furher</strike> [[Hitler|DEN FÜHRER]] (Edited by Grammar_Nazi_88 00:34 January 30 2009), and then steal both their technology to [[masturbate|pride themselves in its glory]].

The Brotherhood has replaced the Italian Mafia as the principle ultra-capitalist element in the United States, so Muricans can now have the convenience of working for them directly from home. You know that new skyscraper in your nearest big city? Well, they probably own that.

In 2000, Tovarish Putin decided to honour <strike>the good old [[communism|commie]] times</strike> the Great Russian Federation by restoring <strike>the Soviet Anthem</strike> the 1944 Alexandrov tune. As you can see/hear/[[moar|research]] in the below linked videos, the lyrics are <strike>copypasta</strike> incredibly original and of enormous patriotic feeling (Edited by [[fag|p00t1|/|_ru]], 14:21 October 25 2009). [[Some argue]] Tovarish Putin is attempting to justly honour past Russian struggles and wondering how to run a single-party democracy to <strike>[[pwn]] the country in a neo-Stalinist surge</strike> STOP WROTE LIES, YOU WESTLY STUPID PERSON Edited by [[fag|p00t1|/|_ru]], 14:27 October 25 2009).

[[Image:MedvedMedvedev.jpg|thumb|220px|Russia's current president Dmitry Medvedev (your left) with [[lie|his subordinate]] [[Vladimir Putin]] (your right).]]
[[Image:Russian_Bear_on_teh_street.jpg|220px|thumb|Move along, citizens, there is nothing special to see.]]

Russia's government consists of:
#President - <s>[[sockpuppet|Dmitry Medvedev]]</s> , [[Vladimir Putin]] lulz.
#Prime Minister - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of Finance - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of Foreign Affairs - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of Justice - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of [[War|Defense]] - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of [[Education]] - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of [[Economy]] - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of Transportation - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Eternal Minister of [[Alcohol|Vodka]] - [[Boris Yeltsin]]
#Minister of Bear - [[Bear|Medvedev]]

{{frame|<youtube>1ZwpA4L7bws</youtube>|margin=auto}}

=== Government Critics ===

Having your own ideas or pretending to have your own ideas about how Putin runs the Government is perfectly fine and legal, and in fact when you receive your dose of lead, or perhaps even Polonium, Mr. Putin himself will express his regrets and condolences on public television.
But unfortunately the so-called "Dissidents" who are killed or survived assassinations like the mentally retarded Muslim cunt Alexander Litvinenko or the Buttbuddy of British [[Donald Trump|Trump]]-Hater Christopher Steele Sergey Skripal are only Defectors and Double-Agents so technically the only real Oppositionists in Russia are old-fashioned Communist Dinosaurs like [[Old|Gennady Zyuganov]] or Populist Nationalists like [[Nazi|Alexi Navalny]].

==Foreign Policy==
 
{{frame|<youtube>ExfLOwmSD88</youtube>|margin=auto}}
 
{{quote|And this slut - Condoleeza Rice. She is a black whore. Who needs a good cock. Send her here, one of our division will make her satisfied...She will choke in Russian Sperm as it will be leaking out of her ears.'|rcbuchanan}}
Looks like somebody got Jungle Fever.

==Military==
The [[Russian Army|Red Army]] [[Chris Hansen|loves children]]. Epic Lulz can be gathered by mentioning this fact to Russians/and or telling them that all Russian [[bitch]]es deserve to be raped as [[Anna Beshnova|punishment]].

{{center|
{{frame|
{{videoframe|rm|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>0QiOn-GM7d8</youtube>
;Video demonstrating the raw power of the Red Armies futurewar tech.
|<youtube>hk4PedGOn28</youtube>
;100 percent accurate, completely truthful documentary of life serving in the Red Army.
|<youtube>YJhlm2aTS0M</youtube>
;Chronicle of the Russian army.}}
|}}
}}

During WW2 Germany attacked Russia intending to to conquer it but got pwned by [[Zerg Rush|secret Russian war technique]]. The entire population of Russia has charged at the enemy with no weapons or equipment, the bodies of the fallen eventually stack up so high that a tower of corpses topples onto the enemy, crushing them all. After Russia regained all the territory it lost in the beginning of the war, it rained down on every other country past it's border like a giant wall of drunken [[rape]], raping everything from: children, men, old women, old men, animals, dead bodies, retards, and the occasional woman, that would make even the sickest pervert today blush. Russia essentially is a very poor country but so are many of its neighbors which explains Russia's prolonged existence and why it isn't a nuclear crater today. Unable to produce sufficient funds to start a war leaves Russia and its neighbors at a stalemate, the only reason russia is considered a superpower and not a 3rd world shit hole is because of its huge population where it can get scientists for cheap by paying them with loaves of bread and its massive taxation all of the money which goes directly into its military and research. Russia barely hanging on to make it to super power status in reality most of their arsenal is aging and faulty.

{{center|
{{frame|
{{videoframe|russki5|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>Cm-4_G0koxU</youtube>
;1
|<youtube>D-uO6WqiChU</youtube>
;The Russian Army 'liberating' Europe...Thanks guys!!!
|<youtube>LWZ8hBWNHKs</youtube>
;Sick Russian Racists!!!
|<youtube>w_NGRMa8idI</youtube>
;4}}
|}}
}}

==Economy==
[[Image:Zangief.gif|frame|Zangief, the "Red Cyclone", a hero of the Soviet Union, about to [[fuck|kick]] the shit out of Ryu.]]

The Russian economy is principally organized by the Brotherhood. This is very comforting to government and business leaders in Western democracies because it's a familiar system.

If you have problems with your business partners, your "brotherhood" will meet with the other guy's "brotherhood", and they will try to settle your problems through discussion. If they can't get right, they may apply to a "thief in the law" who will take a decision. There also is an official way of settling the problems through a court, but it is less effective. Many businesses prefer to employ commercial departments of police or private security companies, which in reality are just a camouflaged brotherhood aka "bratva".

The accepted currency in Russia currently are the following: <s>[[USA|American dollars]]</s>, [[Nazi|German]] cars, vodka, and [[Prostitute|attractive women]]. The currency is subject to change. With the huge revenue out the Export of Oil and Gas, Russia can import machines, electrical appialiances and other quality comsumer goods like forgein [[prostitutes|women]] (mostly from their [[LOL|Brother]] Republics like [[Ukraine]] but also from [[China]]).

Russia's [[lie|only technological breakthrough]] and main export is the Avtomat Kalashnikova, an [[engrish|aussalt]] rifle capable of killing Africans even when covered in [[Jenkem|mud]]. Other leading exports are [[cp]], pirated [[mp3]]s from allofmp3.com, PC Trojans, vodka, balalaika and [[internet]] [[women|brides]].

{{quote|''"I am feeling a spit flying out of my mouth from mouth watering."''|Mayonnaise lover.}}

Mayonnaise is one of their largest exports as seen here in this video. The commentary alone produces much lulz.

{{frame|<youtube>uNOFhoWeZfk</youtube>|margin=auto}}

==Religion==

The Glory of [[Putin]] (more like the glory of [[cunt|poontang]], [[amirite?]]) is the official religion of Mother Russia. It's worth noting also that many are of Russian Orthodox faith. Just like in Catholicism, the priests wear funny hats, but in this instance, they are even much more funny looking. Also just like Catholicism, the nuns in this religion are all total cunts. Amirite? Though steamy hot pleasure sex with these nun-cunts are is quite hard to come by, one can solve this issue by tying them to the bed and slapping the shit out of their tits until they agree to give you the best blow job a man could possibly desire. Haha, and you didn't think such atrocities were common in mother Russia?? You silly American faggots!

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Putin_love_you_01.jpg|
Image:Putin_love_you_02.jpg|
Image:Putin_love_you_03.png|
Image:Ortodoxbabyheil.jpg|
</gallery>
</center>

===On Islam===
 
{{quote|Zaporozhian [[Trolling|Cossacks]], to the sultan of Turkey:
You Turkish Satan, brother and comrade of the accursed Devil, and Secretary to Lucifer himself, what the hell kind of noble knight are you? The Devil craps and your army [[OM NOM NOM|eats it up]]. You will never be fit to rule over [[Raptor Jesus|Christian sons]]. We do not fear your army. On land or sea, we will fight you. You scullion of Babylon, you wheelwright of [[Macedonia]], you beer-brewer of Jerusalem, you goat-flayer of Alexandria, you swineherd of Egypt, both the Greater and the Lesser, you sow of Armenia, you goat of Tatary, you depredator of Kamenets, you evildoer of Podoliansk, you grandson of Beelzebub himself, you great silly oaf of all the world and of the netherworld and, before our God, a blockhead, a swine's snout, a mare's ass, a butcher's cur, an unbaptized brow, May the Devil take you! That is what the Cossacks have to say to you, you slimy rascal! You are unfit to rule over true Christians! We do not know the date, because we [[Time|don't have a calendar. The moon is in the sky, the year is in the book, the day is the same for us here as for you over there]], and you can kiss us right back there!|Koshevoi Ivan Sirko of the Zaporozhian assembly}}
 
[[Wikipedia:Zaporozhian_Cossacks|It was actually ukrainians]], [[Shit nobody cares about|but who gives a fuck?]] Only [[you]].

==People==
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>G5xzhFYR68Y</youtube>
<center>'''Russian music'''}}</center>
 
[[Image:Exploited-fight4.jpg|thumb|Russian [[punk]] rockers during a concert.]]
[[Image:Gay_Russian_Tourism.jpg|thumb|Welcome to the 21st Century Russia.]]
[[Image:2million.jpg|thumb|right|Russian soldiers not only liberated Europe from fascism they also cared for girls and women in the <s>occupied</s> liberated countries]]
[[Image:Nmceu.jpg|thumb|right|220px|95 % of Russian women are ugly and boring cunts and this medicore-looking woman is one of the little exceptions to the rule]]
[[File:Russian man and South Korean woman.jpg|thumb|right|220px|Russian men treat foreign women like Angels]]
[[Image:Russiahospitalit.jpg|thumb|220px|In Soviet Russia, the ginger stab you!]]
[[Image:RussianczH.jpg|thumb|220px|Typical Russian taking a bath.]]
 
<Center>{{morphquote|CC1|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
|Likewise there can be no doubt that the Finnish element played a part in the formation of the anthropological type of the Great Russian, since his physiognomy does not by any means reproduce every one of the features generally characteristic of the Slav. The [[Azn|high cheek-bones, the dark hair and skin, the squat nose]] of the Great Russian all bear credible witness to the influence of a Finnish admixture in his blood.|Vasilii Kliuchevsky on the origin of the “Great Russian stock” and state
|The native inhabitants of North-Eastern Rus’ were Finnish tribes — tribes of the race described in the Chronicle as neighbors of the Eastern Slavs from the moment of their first entry into the Russian plain. Nevertheless those Finnish aborigines had made their homes in the swamps and forests of Northern and Central Rus’ long before any Slavonic element becomes traceable there (e.g., in the 4th-7th cc. — Author)… The extensive area between the Oka and the White Sea furnishes us with thousands of non-Russian names derived from that aboriginal race — names of which the lingual uniformity makes it clear that the same tongue was spoken throughout the whole of that region, and that it was a tongue closely akin to the one now in use among the native population of Finland we find scores of names of rivers ending in va (va in Finnish means water) such as the Protva, the Moskva, the Silva, the Kokva, and so on, while the name of the Oka itself is of Finnish origin, since it is only a Russified form of the Finnish word joki, of which the general meaning is river we see that the north-eastward direction taken by the East Slavic immigrants brought them in contact with Finnish aborigines almost at the exact centre of what now constitutes Great Russia.|By using the phrase "Russian immigrants" the author implies they were from the territory of the Kievan Rus' (or what is now known as simply [[Belarus]]
|That is why the writer of that part of the Ancient Chronicle which records events of the eleventh century gives not a hint, in his references to soothsayers, customs, or beliefs manifestly Finnish, that it is of an alien race, of the Tchudes, that he is speaking. To him paganism, whether [[Ukraine|Russian]] or Finnish, was all one, and he took no account of racial origin or ethnographical differences when writing of heathen beliefs. It is clear, then, that, in proportion as the two races drew nearer to one another, their differences of belief tended to disappear.|Kluchevsky, V. O. (2013). pp. 210-1. A History of Russia (Vol. 1). London: Forgotten Books. (Original work published 1911)
}}</center>
 
The people of Russia are collectively referred to as tundra [[niggers|nigras]], and have no real connection to [[Canada|ice niggers]], who are full of [[anti-lulz]]. For the most part they are all robotic alcoholics, but you would be too if you lived in a country that was ruled by Dumbfucks (Yeltsin), defamed by the American Propaganda Apparatus as evil and terrorized by [[Muslims]], [[amirite]]?

Russians speak Russian (Русский язык), which is written in Cyrillic. Their ability to write a simple alphabet that differs from the Roman alphabet gives them a major superiority complex. Never mind the fact that [[Chinese]], [[Japanese]], and [[Korean]] [[lie|are much more complicated writing systems]]. Their <s>[https://ashi-moto.livejournal.com/204682.html?thread=2188682#t2188682 ignorance of their neighbors to the East]</s> (dead) may be the cause for this fierce sense of superiority. Most aren't willing to admit their oriental ancestry even after centuries of sino-mongol rape

Russian general knowledge and 'education' is virtually nonexistent, and the majority of the populations inability to either read or write has remained essentially ''unchanged'' since the middle ages....which is understandable given that a full 80% of them spend their miserable, insignificant lives on small desolate farms surrounded by rats, lice, grain alcohol, infant skulls, and pig shit before the government every so often decides to arbitrarily 'off' them in vast numbers simply because...well...they're ''RUSSIAN''...so why the FUCK NOT?!? The availability of food is unimportant to the Russian (which is good because they are always starving), as he can simply brew [[vodka]] in his bathtub which otherwise, judging by a typical Russian's appearance, is never used for its intended purpose anyways.

Some favorite pastimes of Russians are drinking vodka, [[pedophilia]], selling organs, buying 1980's Jordache yankee blue jeans and Adidas tracksuits on the black market, shooting people, not bathing, standing in bread lines, and killing Chechens for their [[OM NOM NOM|delicious oils]]. When America does something it is usually [[WIN|evil;]] when Russia does the same thing it is [[Fail|glorious!]]

Due to their god awful history and present situation, the Russian people are a hearty bunch. It is not uncommon to see roving street gangs in Moscow beating up innocent people. Do not fear though, as this is the police. The police also commonly use scare tactics such as sarin gas and other hilarious forms of lethal force. Often times little children and fat old babushkas are also tragically suffocated by this hilarious nerve agent. But as the signs say in Russia, "when shit's goin' down, get out the muthafuckin' way NIGGUH!!"

It may seem a surprise, but Tundra niggers have their own [[double nigger|niggers]]. These are the brother nations from Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, Azerbajan, Armenia who leave their countries because they love to work for Russian people just for "thank you's". "Thank you" is worth 1 wooden ruble and four internets. Today so many people have moved from those countries that now they actually don't exist at all.

{{center|
{{frame|
{{videoframe|russkis|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>M3ye6XUig9c</youtube>
;Typical place for Russian party is common area in high-rise project housing.
|<youtube>KoQb8vb4blA</youtube>
;Did you know the Russian Army invented hip-hop? Many [[nigras]] claim they invented it, however, they are [[liars]].
|<youtube>BLMrVclGjb8</youtube>
;A [[typical]] Russian cartoon for kids of all ages.
|<youtube>-XwsqTVFrvk</youtube>
;Modern Russian medicine.}}
|}}
}}

===Breeding habits===

Russian men express love with <strike> their fists just like all Slavic men </strike> actually these Russian men are Turkic and Northern Caucasian Muzzies and [[Gypsies]], and most </strike> Russian and Slavic children are the product of [[rape]] </strike> these children are Muzzies and Gypsies too. Orphans are also readily available from Russia, as baby factories are set up in Siberia to fuel the child [[prostitution]] and [[pornography]] industries whose main costumers are Americans but Russia is since a long time in strong competition with [[Ukraine]] and [[Romania]] who have cheaper child hookers and better conditions for producing child porn. When you go to Russia, and you are not Russian, be sure not to smile if you are alone, this is a sign that you wish to have kbs. Though many children are beaten from such a young age in Russia, it's ok, because most of these children actually find this quite enjoyable. Many psychologists deem this to be the cause of such interest in sadomasochism as they age into adults in present-day Russia.

While it is unusual for heterosexuality to flourish in modern Russia, the occasional straight male tourist will likely be disappointed by the leg hair, mustaches, and overall stench of the [[bestiality|women]] in this bizarre nation. Nowadays, one can pursue a love of the Russian people via [[Online dating|the internet,]] which is just beginning to catch on and proving to be a valuable medium for the dissemination of those resilient Russian genes.
 
 
{{cg|{{colortext|WHITE|From Russia, With Love}}|randyrussians|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Russian_dating_-_1960s_toilet.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_an_offer_you_can_refuse.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_axe_freak.jpg
File:Russian dating - banana in bed.jpg
File:Russian dating - banana skinhead.jpg
File:Russian dating - bathing clothed.jpg
File:Russian dating - bearskin rug.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_beer_in_the_bath.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_catfished.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_chav_slav.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Russian_dating_-_chicken_icon.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_disturbing_pose.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_eyes.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_fat_drunk.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_fur_coat.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_giraffe_santa.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_guitar_boat.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_hood_picnic.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_one_guy_67_jars.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_kalashnikov_cleaner.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_mermong.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_microwave_flirt.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_moneyed_monobrow.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_oompa_loompskas.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_retarded_bodybuilder.jpg
File:Russian dating - washerwoman.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_retarded_einstein.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_rug_ninja.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_spetsnaz_spastic.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_spiderfedora_gentleman.jpg
File:Russian dating - pimpmobile.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_tennis_guy.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_trash_girl.jpg
File:Russian_dating_-_wet_t-shirt.jpg
</gallery>|border=red}}
 
{{clear}}

===Russian spies===

{{main|GoldenShowerGate}}

Russia is home to KGB, the most notorious spy organization ever. Russian spies are known to be horrendously [[ugly]].

{{frame|<youtube>Os8vg8vEM5k</youtube>|margin=auto}}

==Russians as immigrants==

[[File:Russian Robots.jpg|thumb|220px|The comrades will return!]]
{{quote|forgive english, i am Russia.

i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American fashion and then we are kiss.

We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i fuck this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though.

I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.| a Russian immigrant to [[USA|America]]}}

==Notable Russians==
Fucking Zangief.

{{center|
{{frame|
{{videoframe|russki2|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>cMIHLzuJ4Wg</youtube>
;National [[aspie|hero]] [[Satan|Nikita Litvinkof]] explaining how he shaved his [[balls]] earlier this morning.
|<youtube>kB01jVaUlNs</youtube>
;Jura Demidovich on Children [[Satan|Satanic]] Song Contest — Volshebni Krolik (Magic Rabbit). Etis atis animatis.
|<youtube>KA_owweVVMU</youtube>
;Russian [[retard|rising star]] [[Cock|DickS ("ХуйС")]].
|<youtube>GyaqDN7sgaU</youtube>
;Drunken Russian clubber.}}
|}}
}}

==[[lol|Culture]]==

Russians cultivate Multidrug-Ressistant Tuberculosis, mainly within prisons. Other Microbiological Cultures include B. Athracis and [http://www.pwhce.org/ebolapox.html Ebolapox].

===Russian Disco===
 
{{quote| This is an example of sample Russian disco party.

It looks the same probably in all the Russian not so big towns.

All guys who visit are ready to fight, they find somebody who is alien there and attack. And nobody would call police - just because it’s not something unusual - if you going to visit Russian disco party in smaller towns - you take the responsibility of participation in the fight.

Most of the young guys know that they need to be tough because they are going to go to Russian army and in Russian army it’s more like in prison - officers don’t control what happen - there is a big hierarchy between the soldiers.

Those soldiers who served longer - they beat EVERY day the younger ones - just because when they came - they were treated in the same manner. In Russian army there is thousands of soldiers die every year just because of this. And nobody cares. The latest story that was discussed nationwide in Russia is regarding one soldier who lost both of his legs because he was humiliated awfully in the army.

So when the elder guys return from army they have a broken psychics which is being transfered to the younger generations.| In Russia, Disco party find YOU!}}
 
<center>{{frame|<youtube>_WPvxguiyf0</youtube>
<center>'''Work of security in Russian night club.'''}}</center>
 
===Pastimes===
Russian Pastimes include, and are not limited to:
#[[An hero|Jumping]] off apartment towers
#Shooting yourself in the street
#Generating most of the content on [[Nothing Toxic]]
#Getting blood poisoning on high [[alcohol]] drinks

<center>{{frame|<youtube>O5mvcxu4lXs</youtube>
<center>'''A popular Russian pastime being enjoyed, even outside of Mother Russia.'''}}</center>

[[Image:russian roullete.jpg|thumb|220px|The Russians did it first.]]
{{wayback|http://www.fap-roulette.com/|20100118073352|title=Russian Roulette}} was invented by Stalin in an attempt to make tourists feel at home. Typically, it's like musical chairs, except with bullets. Of course it failed because no one did this at home and the Russians soon forgot about it. However [[Asians]] soon decided this is exactly the kind of thing that they want to be associated with. And began using it to try and lower their horribly large populations. Russia declined to comment. For extreme fun, make sure there are as many bullets as there are people!

<center>{{frame|<youtube>43FGV5uuaYE</youtube>
<center>'''[[Drug|Weed]] is [[moar]] fun than a [[an hero|bullet to the brain.]]'''}}</center>

==Music==
 
{{center|
{{frame|
{{videoframe|russki3|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>NXdvE0p7SXc</youtube>
;Russian [[Nazi|Rammstein]].
|<youtube>B2_w4N5v3ts</youtube>
;Russian [[Vodka]].
|<youtube>bsxWwM5piwo</youtube>
;Russian [[Wacko Jacko]] ([[pedobear]] [[IRL]]).
|<youtube>qxepbFhxFO8</youtube>
;Happy New Year!
|<youtube>7bda7Fgrzzc</youtube>
;Typical russian [[rap]] song.
|<youtube>QBX72RDWIN4</youtube>
;Russian secret weapon - Khirkhorror.
|<youtube>P9sQZLtsfp8</youtube>
;Mistake, this is from [[Bulgaria]]
|<youtube>mhWUU5LyzF8</youtube>
;8
|<youtube>oavMtUWDBTM</youtube>
;[[Trololo|By far the best music from Russia!]]
|<youtube>BQAKRw6mToA</youtube>
;10}}
|}}
}}
 
==Sport==

[[Image:Zangiefdance.gif|thumb|A popular pastime in Russia.]]

During the Cold War, after their discovery of anabolic steroids, the Russians whupped American asses at almost all sports, until Arnie "I'll be Bach" Schwarzenegger stole the formula and in in return was made Governor of Carly-fornya. However, excessive use of these drugs made Russian men infertile, and gave the women pubes that reached almost to the floor, making the high-jump particularly hazardous, and leading to a low birth rate. Nowadays, because Russians prefer unsung feats of brutality like [[1Girl99Stomps|Head Stomping]] and <strike>[[3Guys1Hammer|Hammer Killing]]</strike> (that's [[Ukraine]] you [[dumb]] [[fuck]]), they usually only do well at hockey and at sports with bribe-able judges. They aren't so good at [[baseball]], [[football]], basketball (except in European league). Even in hockey, they aren't as good as [[Canada]] anymore, despite PWNING Canadian rookies three years in a row in some meaningless tourney that no one in a world gives a flying shit about, they got seriously ass-fucked by Canadians in the 2010 Olympics hockey game, having become to hockey what [[Japan]] is to baseball. Still, they suddenly fucked all the black person's asses in boxing, crazy barbarian bastards. They also [[pwn]] everyone in chess, but no one gives a fuck because chess isn't really a sport.

{{center|
{{frame|
{{videoframe|russki6|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>hEep5BrexT0</youtube>
;Typical extreme russian sports
|<youtube>wPzSfccqANE</youtube>
;2}}
|}}
}}

==Russian National Anthem==
:''Russia, Russia''
:''Where women look like men''
:''Russia, Russia''
:''Eyebrows FTW''
:''Russia, Russia''
:''Soul crushing and cold''
:''Russia, Russia''
:''We do it if we're told''
:''Russia, Russia''
:''...Vodka.!''

==Trolling Russians==
[[File:Moscow_potato_queue_2017.jpg|320px|thumb|right|'''Win:''' Force them to go bankrupt so they adopt capitalism. '''Bonus:''' Make them queue more often afterwards]]
[[File:Hit a rich man.png|220px|thumb|In America you advertise capitalism, In Russia capitalism advertises you!]]
[[Image:Kissingrussians.jpg|thumb|220px|Faggotry is actually tolerated in Russia only in Chechnya the Muzzies will kill you if you practising it]]

#Say them that Russians are nothing but a slavicized Finno-Ugrians.
#Tell them the Cyrillic alphabet was the result of strabismus (permanently crossed eyes) suffered by its creator when he tried to reproduce the Latin alphabet.
#Tell them Tchaikovsky was a hack who stole "The Nutcracker" from a German composer.
#[[Dongcopter]]. Maybe [[gay|10%]] of them don't mind.
#Call them Vodka Niggers or Borscht Niggers.
#Point out over half of the world's [[CP]] comes from Russians.
#Implying Russia is ever in the wrong, even in [[Shit no one cares about|extremely morally questionable situations like Chechnya.]]
#Tell them [[communism]] is fine as long as they keep it in Russia.
#[[Stalin]] rolling them, they'll get very pissed at this because they don't like getting hard boners seeing Stalin dance.
#<s>Say that the Civil War in Donbass where Russia support the Rebels is a hidden Invasion of [[Ukraine]].</S> Not anymore.
#Many Russians are avoiding to serve in the Military, there are many reasons but the main is "old-timers" ("granfathers" - "деды"), who [[anal|violates]] the newbies and just the oafs or "weakness" guys whom can't stand their position as a "man" which mean that every second has a 9000% chance to be violated.
#You'll get over 9000 lulz if you call every Russian a schoolchild or schoolboy or shkolota or школота. I Guarantee It.
#Mention how a multicultural societies are highly successful and a pure [[white]] society leads to poverty. Use [[America]], [[Canada]], and [[France]] as an example and then point out [[white]] ghetto slums in Russia.
#Mention Soviet War Crimes and [[Communist]] atrocities.
#Mention the German-Soviet Non-Aggression-Pact
#Mention the [[Soviet]] Occupation and Annexation of [[Estonia]], [[Latvia]], [[Lithuania]], Eastern [[Poland]], and the War with [[Finland]]
#Mention the War crimes in the Chechen Wars
#Mention the Mass Rapes committed by the Red Army
#Mention the large numbers of [[chink]]s are flooding Russia's far east.
#Say to them that they are Mongoloid and not Caucasoid.
#Minimize their role in the outcome of [[WWII]].

==Anon in Russia==
Because everything in Russia is so fucked up, Russian [[Anon]] community consists of all those [[faggots]] nornal Anon hates, like:

#[[Attention whores]]
#[[Communists]]
#[[Anarchist]] Using anonymity as mean to spread their stupid [[Bullshit|views]] nobody cares about.
#[[Chav|Gopnegs]]
#[[Faggots]]
#[[You]]
#[[Germans]]
#[[13-year-old boys]] or "Малолетний долбоёб" (littleaged peckfuck) , or "школота" (Schoolboys)... (mostly schoolboys, I guarantee it)

So as result, [[The Cancer That Is Killing /b/|being founded on the cancer that is killing /b/]], Anon lived amazing 3 years.

Only good thing about whole community is their [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|æ]] which is caller Lukomorie (Russsian fairy land) which name drives from [[Lurk moar]]. Unlike [[2ch]] it's edited by real Anons and contains important knowledge on such an important topics like [[cam whore|cam whoring]], [[attention whore|attention whoring]] and different Russian ways of trolling (some of which are pretty [[Lulz|Lulzworthy]])

==Gallery==
 
{{cg|'''Россия'''|fcgallery|center|<gallery perrow=5>
Image:Russian_Nazis.jpg|Russians paying respect to their Grandpas' mass grave.
Image:pavlenko_009.jpg|Most Russian internet brides actually look like this because Russia has a surplus of Babushkas.
Image:Supastalin.jpg|Super Boris, Russian video game legend.
Image:Joseph Stalin - handsome bastard.jpg|The best leader of Russia. Who happened to come from Georgia..irony.
Image:lolputin.jpg|Ex-KGB spy and current Russian prime minister makes an appearance in ''James Bond''.
</gallery>|<gallery perrow=5>
Image:Rushaircut.jpeg|Typical Russian Haircut
File:Russian_dreamboy.jpg
File:Russian Family.jpg|Traditional Russian family.
Image:CrowVodka.gif|Even russian crows drink vodka
File:Most russian photo.jpg
Image:russianmafia.jpg|Russian mafia aka ''братва'' smuggling vodka.
Image:russianpeacekeepers.jpg|Russian peacekeepers enforces peace in Georgia.
Image:RussiaSimbol.jpg|Glamorous Russian eagle.
Image:Russiananatomy.jpg|Modern Russian anatomy.
Image:RUSSIA.gif|Picture of the typical Russian Citizen. Note the large [[furry]] eyebrows.
Image:RussianBaptism.jpg|Russians are very religious and cold-proof people.
Image:Piloteject.jpg|Russian Jet, Ukrainian pilot, what did you expect?
Image:Cannedfoodinrussia.jpg|Tastier than it looks.
Image:Rasputins penis.jpg|Collecting penises in jars is a traditional Russian hobby.
Image:Future belongs to me.jpg|Tomorrow [[All_your_base|belongs to me]].
Image:Sup bitches.jpg|What Now?
File:USAvsRussia22.jpg|Poccha vs CWA
Image:RussianPride1.jpg|Our glorious elders.
Image:RussianPride2.jpg|Moar?
Image:RussianPride3.jpg|National Service
File:Manlet Russian.jpg|Russian Soldier
File:Marines_versus_babushka.jpg
Image:Russiandeathnote.png|The Russians getting in on the action.
Image:Stalinvsmartians.jpg|The only surviving record of Soviet Russia...
Image:Cephalopenis.jpg|Russian dickhead.
Image:LRONSTALIN.jpg|Unknown to many, L Ron Hubbard is in fact......Stalin.
Image:I0231rp.png|A Russian woman's mating ritual with a foreigner eat your heart out Zhirinovsky.
File:Sovietrussiawaldo.jpg
File:Russian Satrical.jpg
File:Putin Stronger Than An Ape.jpg
File:Dont Talk To Slav.jpg
File:1423271186998.jpg|Russkies love to defend their homeland... on other people's land
File:1423346882854.png|Typical Russian gopnik on /int/
File:1423573954699.jpg|Expectations versus Reality
File:Slavic - outer and inner.jpg|Fragile Russian soul
File:1423515771317.png|Purest white genes in the whole of Europe
File:1423266644738.jpg|This is how russkies deal with russophobes
File:1423223024885.jpg|In my country there is problem...
File:Vatnik.syndrome.jpg|Russia stronk!
File:Got.any.proofs.png|A forced meme that got started on krautchan
File:China.is.of.dominate.jpg|A hole is a hole, nuff said
File:Liberator.face.png|Wherever I am, I must also rape
File:Russian Children Playing.gif|Russian children playing in the busy streets of the magnificent megatropolis of Moscow
File:Meanwhile_in_russia_1.jpg
File:Slavic Giant.jpg
File:Subhumans.jpg
File:Novgorod.versus.moskva.jpg|Finns to the left, Tatars to the right
File:Russkies.are.turks.PNG|See for yourself
File:Yamongoloidniy.png|Russian Neo-Nazis
File:Portrait.of.a.serial.russkie.PNG|Cunt destroyer
File:Romania.russia.jpg|Norman invasion theory is clearly a lie
File:Kyiv.versus.moscow.jpg|According to [[Pediwikia]], this fertile area, being well protected from Turkic incursions by the forests, provided a favourable oasis for Slavic people migrating from the southern borders of Kievan Rus
File:Real.life.gommies.jpg|This is what an actual Komi looks like
File:Mordva.is.of.slavic.jpg|Russians are Slavs, remember?
File:Slavic.nations.jpg|What's a 'cock-oshnik'?
File:Khanty.women.jpg|Some Russian women are a bit Khanty
File:Udmurt.politician.JPG|Typical face of a Russian statesman
File:Putin.veps.png|Putin is a Veps
File:Klara.wester.png|According to a Myth Russian women are known to being gorgeous "Slavic" beauties
File:Rapist.genes.jpg|Don't forget
File:Blond.blue.eyes.jpg|Russia is the only white country left on Earth
File:Russkies.are.huns.jpg|An ugly looking bunch aren't they?
File:Ivan.had.a.terrible.day.jpg|Being pounded by Faggy Swedes and dirty Polaks is a tough job but someone's gotta do it!
File:Putin Truth 88.png
File:Jew.vs.russkies.jpg|Even filthy kikes know that russkies are not even remotely Aryan
File:Crimea.self.defense.png|Well, if there is something both russkies and kikes have in common, that's definitely '''[[Duckroll|CHUTZPAH]]'''
File:Russian Chicken pox 2.jpg|This is what russkies consider to be a solid 10 in their home country
File:Russkies.are.finns.confirmed.PNG|The enigma of the Finnic "admixture" has been brutally [[Rape|cracked]]
File:Russkies.are.niggers.png|This dindu is probably studying at the most prestigious Moscow military academy <strike>in order to orchestrate a violent coup</strike> to take part in a revolution in [[I TOUCHED HIS PENIS!! OMG|HIS]] home country
File:Neverquitanempire.jpg
File:Desktopslav.jpg
File:FurfagRussian.jpg
File:USSR vs Finland.jpg
</gallery>|}}
 
== See also ==
[[File:Putin-absorbing-childs-life-force.jpg|right|]]

=== People ===
*[[Luka Rocco Magnotta]] (the most famous Wannabe-Russian)
*[[Aleksandr Pistoletov]]
*[[Bad Vlad]]
*[[Dmitry Vinogradov]]
*[[LucidFox]]
*[[Natalia Poklonskaya]]
*[[PissedOffVideoGamer]]

=== Things That Piss Russia Off ===
#[[Alaska]]
#[[Azerbaijan]]
#[[Botnet]]s
#[[Сибирской говор]]
#[[Ukraine]]
#[[Finland]]
#[[Homosexuality]]
#[[In Soviet Russia...]]
#[[Lithuania|The]] [[Latvia|Baltic]] [[Estonia|States]]
#[[Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17]]
#[[Moldova]]
#[[Poland]]
#[[Rainbow Stalin]]
#[[List of *chan boards#Sovjet-Nederland|Soviet Netherland]]
#[[USA]]

=== Things Russia Likes ===
#[[ВИD]]
#[[Armenia]]
#[[South Ossetia]]
#[[Venezuela]]
#[[Communism]]
#[[Fishing Cat]]
#[[Leave Bond to me]]
#[[Padonki]]
#[[Preved]]
#[[Red Army]]
#[[Russian Wikipedia]]
#[[Russia Today]]
#[[Socialism]]
#[[Tetris]]
#[[Упячка]]
 
{{Commonwealth}}

[[Category:Locations]]
{{Timeline|Featured article July 2 & July 3, [[2013]]|[[OJ Simpson]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[4th of July]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article December 6 & December 7, [[2017]]|[[AIDS]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Mariah Anderson]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article February 24 and 25, [[2022]]|[[Anonymous]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Putin]]}}

{{timeline|Article of the Now April 25 & 26 [[2023]]|[[Bible]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Party Van]]}}

[[Category:Rusfags|*]]

Fortnite

2024-08-06T08:53:23Z

Areyousure: /* The Fortnite Community */

{{Old}}

[[File:Typicalfortgameplay.jpg|thumb|right|280px|Typical Fortnite gameplay]]
'''Fortnite''' (also known as Fortshite and/or Abortnite) is a shitty and extremely overrated fad game made by [[Epic Games]] that [[13-year old boy|retarded 13-year old boys]] and manchildren obsess over. The game itself is a massive rip-off of [[Overwatch]], [[Left 4 Dead]], and [[Minecraft]], showing no originality or value which would make it remotely interesting.

==Gameplay==
[[File:Overwatch Reaper vs Fortnite Raven.png|thumb|right|250px|Nevermore Reaper from Overwatch (Left) and Fortnite's Raven (Right). As you can see, Raven is completely fucking unoriginal and autistic as fuck]]
Fortnite comes in three versions with basically the same shit, just a different set up and name, and most people will only get one of them anyways.
*Fortnite: Save The World: The story mode and actual main game, which is basically the same story as Left 4 Dead or DayZ, just adapted into a shittier looking style. Just for this reason alone people don't get this flavor of the game.

*Fortnite: Battle Royale: The more popular free-to-play version that every twink, manchildren, and little spergy kids play just for the sake of it being [[hip|"hip"]] and [[bullshit|"relevant"]].

*Fortnite: Creative: A full on rip-off of Minecraft's creative mode. The only use for this is to make giant cocks.

In both versions the gameplay basically revolves around the same crap. Choose a class and skin, build structures, shoot people, do a fucking stupid dance, and win. It's what you would expect in any similar game but retards still manage to praise it as the best thing since sliced bread.

Fortnite has 4 classes to choose from, but unlike the other games like this, the characters have no personality at all, and they're just a bunch of different skins, because why give today's kids any substance to a game?

===Soldier===
The most basic class with generic ass looking characters who are mostly [[niggers]] and [[beaners]], and the main favorite of children who play the game due to former reason alone.

===Constructor===
[[File:Fortnite Cock.png|thumb|right|250px|The only fun thing to do in Fortnite.]]
Basically the [[Fat|Heavy]] class of the game, just with a more "fancy" name to make it feel more original. The constructor's main perk is to build forts, constructions, and 10-feet tall dicks. Female skins in this class all have big [[Ass|asses]] and [[Tits|boobs]] to make the [[Micropenis|cocks]] of little boys and manchildren go harder than the game's difficulty (which is non-existant to make less lulzy [[ragequit|ragequits]]).

===Ninja===
The Scout class of Fortnite, literally nothing fucking special except for double-jumping and mobility, and thus no one gives a shit about it.

===Outlander===
The harvesting profession from different RPGs turned into it's own class, with an edgy name and array of character designs that look [[epic|"epic"]] and totally not like rejected Overwatch characters.
{{clear}}
==The Fortnite Community==
[[File:Ninja the Soyboy.png|thumb|right|250px|Ninja, the current poster boy for virgin faggotry.]]
As mentioned above, Fortnite's community consists of the following people:
*Retarded children with way too much freetime
*Virgin manchildren living in their mother's basements
*Soyboys and twinks
*Lifeless JewTubers and [[Twitch]] streamers
*cheeseburger and waffles!!!! Heroic dance town hey hey!!!!
All in all, Fortnite has one of the worst and most cancerous player bases ever, rivalling that of [[Roblox]] and [[Overwatch]]. Fortfags usually waste their time streaming themselves playing the game, doing the retarded dances in real life, and jerking off to Fortnite [[Rule 34]] while crying in their mom's basement alone. Some people even make money off of spastic children playing this game by streaming, most notably two soyboy virgins [[Faggot|Ninja]] (powerword: Richard Tyler Blevins) and [[Britfag|Ali-A]] (powerword: Alastair Aiken).
{|align="center" style="padding:0px;"
<center><youtube>FKx-GGHhG1M</youtube></center>
<center>'''Ninja literally fucking claims a skin for himself.'''</center> 

{{clear}}

==V-Bucks==
[[File:Fortnite V-Bucks Scam.png|thumb|right|250px|Give us your ID, oy vey!]]
''V-Bucks'' are the [[money|in-game currency]] of Fortshite. They are insanely overpriced and have no value or worth whatsoever. V-Bucks can be used to buy completely worthless and overpriced items such as visually unappealing skins, and cringeworthy dances.

Just like with ROBLOX's Robux and other videogame [[Jew Gold|currencies]], [[jews]] do money-grubbing scams to [[Pedophile|lure little kids in]] and suck off the money from their parents' credit cards, like every good little Jew would do.

In fact, the scamming got so bad that Epic Games themselves had to [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-5844919/Urgent-scam-warning-issued-Fortnite-players.html issue a warning out to players about it.]
{{clear}}
==A new "challenger" approaches==
Just to prove that Fortnite is and was nothing more than just a cancerous trend, some people are already hopping to the next bowl of tumors by [[Electronic Arts|EA's]] new money grab called Apex Legends, though people are still denying this. Apex only ended up proving itself to be just another shitty and boring battle royale fad game, and the brainwashed masses went back to playing Fortnite.

==How to troll Fortnite fans==
*Tell them to go [[IRL|outside]]
*Claim that Fortnite is an unoriginal piece of shit (which it is)
*Report their Epic Games accounts and get them [[B&|banned]]
*Fake a giveaway, you will see how many will believe it
*Say anything bad about Ninja, then laugh at their rage
*Be a better player than Ninja, watch him report you for [[WTF|"stream-sniping"]]
*Call them [[Autistic]]. They'll scream for hours
{{clear}}

==Blatant Copy-Pastes==
Because the game is slowly declining and falling into irrelevancy, the [[Assholes|fine folk]] at Epic try to keep the game fresh with every update. However, because the company has been [[Original character|creatively bankrupt]] since 2006, every new addition to the game is a blatant copy of an idea/feature of another game or media. This section demonstrates just a tiny section of these idea thefts.

<center><gallery>
File:Overwatch Reaper vs Fortnite Raven.png
File:Fn-botw.png
File:Fortnite-zelda.jpg
File:Fn-amongus.png
File:Fn-respawn.png
</gallery></center>

<center>{{videoframe|fncopyvids|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>dqc-sTn6rmE</youtube>
|<youtube>mgsgeCtT9rk</youtube>
|<youtube>AzgYYpPYWCs</youtube>
|<youtube>yz8JK87RbOg</youtube>}}
</center>

==Gallery==
{{Collapsegallery|VICTORY ROYALE!!!|cg01|center|<gallery>
File:Degenarates.jpg|thumb|What virgin 9 year olds fap to:
File:No Fortnite costumes.jpg|People doing the right thing on Halloween.
file:ptz6zpcpo9c.jpg|sad
File:Fortnite Columbine.png|[[Columbine|Eric and Dylan]], two true Fortnite legends who got an EPIC [[High Score|Victory Royale]].
File:Ali-A typical thumbnail.jpg|Ali-A is the king of Fortnite JewTube [[clickbait]].
</gallery>|<gallery>
File:New jersey national guard recruiters target fortnite players.jpg|Even the national guard are doing it.
File:Fortnite Furfags.jpg|EWWWW...
File:Ninja victory royale.jpg
File:Fortnite-marketing.png|[[Creepy|Normal]] Fortnite marketing.
</gallery>|border=black|color=white}}
<center><gallery>
</gallery>

{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>q5pzId3cDTw</youtube><center>Worst Fortnite Content</center>
|<youtube>-Z7Nvv4zsq8</youtube><center>[[Australia|Ausfailian]] news show, '''A Current Affair''' warns [[concerned mothers]] about Fortnite</center>
|<youtube>HNvQwTQzMoQ</youtube><center>[[George Floyd]] famously has his origins as a Fortnite skin.
</center>}}</center>

==See also==
*[[Epic Games]]
*[[Overwatch]]
*[[Left 4 Dead]]
*[[Minecraft]]
*[[Twitch]]
*[[Roblox]]
==External links==
*[https://www.epicgames.com/fortnite/home Fortnite's main site]
*[https://twitter.com/FortniteGame The official Twitter]
*[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClG8odDC8TS6Zpqk9CGVQiQ Official YouTube channel]
*[https://discord.gg/fortnite Discord Server]
*[https://www.twitch.tv/ninja Ninja's Twitch account]
*[https://twitter.com/Ninja Ninja's Twitter]

{{vidya}}
{{Retardation}}
{{Dyingalone}}

Toontown Rewritten

2024-08-06T08:51:31Z

Areyousure: /* Players */

{{stub}}
[[File:Toontown rewritten logo.jpg|center]]

{{notice|'''FUN FACT: TOONFEST 2015 IS BEING HOSTED IN KENTUCKY BECAUSE ZOOPHILIA IS LEGAL THERE.'''}}

'''''Toontown Rewritten''''' (often known as '''TTR, Toonfag Retarded, [[Neopets|Neopets's gay conjoined twin]]''', or simply '''low resolution crapshoot''')) is an [[fat basement dwellers|MLG-sponsored]] high definition F2P (Fap to Play) private server based off the now-closed educational MMO, [[Toontown|Disney's Toontown Online]]. Similar to the game's predecessor, its main purpose is to inform children on the effects of [[drugs|psychedelic drugs]] through graphics that are guaranteed to aesthetically [[rape]] you. With that said, Toontown Rewritten is recognized as one of the most cancerous exhibits on the interwebs, running alongside [[Roblox]], [[Deviantart]] and Disney's cash cow, the fun and [[furfag|furry-filled]] [[Club Penguin]].

Toontown Rewritten first launched development when the [[capitalism|capitalist]] executives over at Disney Headquarters decided to finally restore their dignity and pull the plug on Toontown Online. According to CEO of the Walt Disney Company, Bob Iger, "We are shutting down Toontown forever as an act of community service. It is frankly no longer profitable to support a [[cult]] of [[satanism|Satan-worshipping]] [[bestiality|bestialitists]]. If you play Toontown, I hope you find it in your best interest to do this world a favor and commit a mass suicide. Disney will always advocate [[natural selection]]."

Unfortunately the [[furfags]] did not take the advice of Mr. Iger, and instead formed their own internet militia. Thus, Toontown Rewritten was born.

Immediately, the furfags hired unskilled [[Mexican|Mexican laborists]] for half the standard minimum wage, and started decompiling Disney's code.

== Development ==

A little fun fact. 80% of the code required to run Toontown Reshittin' is decompilible from public downloads and [[bootlegged]] Disney code that took the [[slaves|sex slaves]] of the mouse hours of hard-earned pay to write.

Another fun fact. It took TTR a full year to reach its official open beta.

What does this mean? Well, that the developers of this private server are either lazy as fuck, [[bitcoin]] miner geniuses who feed off website viewer rentention, or both. All that can be said is that this game wasn't developed for the fellow toonfag brethren, but rather for individual power and gain. Ever hear of a politician that was not [[Bernie Sanders|corrupt]]? Exactly. That's the philosophy of Toontown Rewritten.

== Team and Creators ==
As mentioned above, their team consists of high school dropouts who have volunteered their life to restoring a game that would otherwise be in Disney's trash bin. Aside from their obesity, TTR staff members come in various shapes and sizes:

'''Joey Ziolkowski''': A badass thug and neo-Nazi who makes millions of dollars a month off of his drug cartel, which is one of the biggest in Latin America. He is also dubbed the creator of Toontown Rewritten (even though he doesn't do shit but write faggoty back stories). He is also the community manager, even though the only community he's managed is his Mexican sweat shop to produce more cocaine.

'''Developers''': These are the 1337 script kiddies that like to show off the little programming skills they have, and are also responsible for the code of the game, which was literally copied from Disney. Almost all TTR coders are immature teenagers and will unleash their DDoS flood on you if you talk shit. So beware, because they lurk the internets for their next prey.

'''Artists''': As part of '''Unified Toontown''', all artists on the team are autistically impaired. They create pretty pictures for the team to add to their game. Make sure to always tell them you like their art even if you're lying, or else they will unleash their tard fury.
'''Stripey''' :zesty nazi that likes humping on furries and likes merchandise cheeseburger waffles oreos.

Fuck you ed!!!!!

== See Also ==

* [[Toontown]]

== External links ==

{{Wikialink|toontownrewritten}} 

[[Category:Gaming]]

Toontown Rewritten

2024-08-06T08:50:06Z

Areyousure: /* Team and Creators */

{{stub}}
[[File:Toontown rewritten logo.jpg|center]]

{{notice|'''FUN FACT: TOONFEST 2015 IS BEING HOSTED IN KENTUCKY BECAUSE ZOOPHILIA IS LEGAL THERE.'''}}

'''''Toontown Rewritten''''' (often known as '''TTR, Toonfag Retarded, [[Neopets|Neopets's gay conjoined twin]]''', or simply '''low resolution crapshoot''')) is an [[fat basement dwellers|MLG-sponsored]] high definition F2P (Fap to Play) private server based off the now-closed educational MMO, [[Toontown|Disney's Toontown Online]]. Similar to the game's predecessor, its main purpose is to inform children on the effects of [[drugs|psychedelic drugs]] through graphics that are guaranteed to aesthetically [[rape]] you. With that said, Toontown Rewritten is recognized as one of the most cancerous exhibits on the interwebs, running alongside [[Roblox]], [[Deviantart]] and Disney's cash cow, the fun and [[furfag|furry-filled]] [[Club Penguin]].

Toontown Rewritten first launched development when the [[capitalism|capitalist]] executives over at Disney Headquarters decided to finally restore their dignity and pull the plug on Toontown Online. According to CEO of the Walt Disney Company, Bob Iger, "We are shutting down Toontown forever as an act of community service. It is frankly no longer profitable to support a [[cult]] of [[satanism|Satan-worshipping]] [[bestiality|bestialitists]]. If you play Toontown, I hope you find it in your best interest to do this world a favor and commit a mass suicide. Disney will always advocate [[natural selection]]."

Unfortunately the [[furfags]] did not take the advice of Mr. Iger, and instead formed their own internet militia. Thus, Toontown Rewritten was born.

Immediately, the furfags hired unskilled [[Mexican|Mexican laborists]] for half the standard minimum wage, and started decompiling Disney's code.

== Development ==

A little fun fact. 80% of the code required to run Toontown Reshittin' is decompilible from public downloads and [[bootlegged]] Disney code that took the [[slaves|sex slaves]] of the mouse hours of hard-earned pay to write.

Another fun fact. It took TTR a full year to reach its official open beta.

What does this mean? Well, that the developers of this private server are either lazy as fuck, [[bitcoin]] miner geniuses who feed off website viewer rentention, or both. All that can be said is that this game wasn't developed for the fellow toonfag brethren, but rather for individual power and gain. Ever hear of a politician that was not [[Bernie Sanders|corrupt]]? Exactly. That's the philosophy of Toontown Rewritten.

== Team and Creators ==
As mentioned above, their team consists of high school dropouts who have volunteered their life to restoring a game that would otherwise be in Disney's trash bin. Aside from their obesity, TTR staff members come in various shapes and sizes:

'''Joey Ziolkowski''': A badass thug and neo-Nazi who makes millions of dollars a month off of his drug cartel, which is one of the biggest in Latin America. He is also dubbed the creator of Toontown Rewritten (even though he doesn't do shit but write faggoty back stories). He is also the community manager, even though the only community he's managed is his Mexican sweat shop to produce more cocaine.

'''Developers''': These are the 1337 script kiddies that like to show off the little programming skills they have, and are also responsible for the code of the game, which was literally copied from Disney. Almost all TTR coders are immature teenagers and will unleash their DDoS flood on you if you talk shit. So beware, because they lurk the internets for their next prey.

'''Artists''': As part of '''Unified Toontown''', all artists on the team are autistically impaired. They create pretty pictures for the team to add to their game. Make sure to always tell them you like their art even if you're lying, or else they will unleash their tard fury.
'''Stripey''' :zesty nazi that likes humping on furries and likes merchandise cheeseburger waffles oreos.

== Players ==

[[Image:Furfagfantasy.jpeg|center|Similar to viagra, this furry webcomic is guaranteed to give any toonfag a long-lasting stiffy.]]

Toontown Rewritten features a dynamic fanbase, from [[weeaboos]], to [[autists]], to child molesters and [[furfags]] alike. Though its active player base is just about at the 10,000 range, and that's relatively small for today's autistic communities, it's received over 250,000 registered accunts, and is growing strong in recruiting mighty animal [[fairies]] to ward off the struggling minimum wage worker robots, Cogs. It is a capitalist allegory to rid the middle class, so a poorer and wealthier class can dominate.

In order to write this article, a survey was conducted to find more about Rewritten players. 169 panelists responded.

In the survey, we found that 70% of Toontown Rewritten's players are adults, a 25% increase from Toontown Online.

We also found that 60% of the male respondents are [[catfish|she-catfish]] andhave pretended to be a female somewhere online, mostly that being TTR-related.

55% of our male respondents ages 50 and over are legally sex offenders. Not many get caught, obviously.

65% of our respondents stated that they have outwardly sexual feelings to anthropomorphic animals.

54% of our respondents have stated that they have had sexual encounters with live animals. If only it were legal in more than 11 states.

42% of our respondents under 18 stated that Toontown Rewritten encouraged them to try [[acid]].

98% of panelists checked "yes" when asked if they were part of the furfag community and dress up with animal [[cosplay]].

== See Also ==

* [[Toontown]]

== External links ==

{{Wikialink|toontownrewritten}} 

[[Category:Gaming]]

NeoPets

2024-08-06T08:47:32Z

Areyousure: /* Moar trolling */

{{spoilers|Hubrid Nox dies, Brynn gets [[Unfunny|Kougra-napped]] by purple ghostly ghouls and Xandra crashes Faerieland to the ground after turning Altador, King Jazan and their sidekicks to stone}}

<center>[[Image:OMAGAWDNEOPETS.PNG]]</center>
[[Image:Kiiro_tentacle_rape.png|thumb|300px|A typical NeoPet.]]
'''NeoPets''' is that thing your one really [[retarded]] [[friend]] is into. Since 1999, the site has been feeding off of [[basement-dwellers]], [[16-year-old girls]], [[Lolicon|8-year-old girls]], [[Stalin]], [[pedophiles]], [[furries]], [[Retard|autistic people]], [[Brian Peppers|rapists]] and your [[Terri Schiavo|other retarded friend]]. It's no coincidence that every single NeoPet looks like some rectally induced confectionery concealed in a bag of shit.

==Concept==
It is similar in both concept and inexplicable popularity among dumbass kids as [[Pokémon]], but instead of being a [[shit]]ty [[gameboy]] game, it's a shitty [[Geocities]]-quality advertisement for [[McDonald's]], and instead of [[otherkin|cockbattling monsters]], you buy them combs and shit, which are actually just [[Gif war|GIF]] files. Why can't [[people]] just go read a good book or something?

When not bombarding kids with ads (for [[eBay]], sugary cereal, fast food, cartoons, merchandise and [[porn]]), it is subliminally recruiting them to serve our alien overlords to help them exorcise our Thetans and live in peace on planet Teegeack.

They will also suck your money from you at a cost of $8 a month, or $70 a year, to help get rid of ads, and also to get "premium-only NeoBoards" and a "Super Shop Wizard," which is way better than your average non-Premium Shop Wizard, but they shall continue to advertise themselves on TV, therefore disowning their own pledge to their players, turning into nasty, cock-sucking, money-hungry bitches. The worst part is that [[Facepalm|people are actually buying this shit.]] Lastly, no one knows where to put the [[altcaps|internal capitalization]] in any of the NeoWords on NeoPets.

==Wielding the banhammer.==
[[Image:Saddam_neopets.jpg|thumb|right|Upon learning that his death sentence was to be upheld, Saddam set his priorities straight.]]
The NeoPets staff wield the banhammer like [[Nazi]]s and users can quickly find their accounts frozen for no real apparent reason at any given time. Breaking a tiny rule that was hidden away in a past editorial, or being really good at a shitty childrens game can cause people to report you for cheating. Even uploading a video on YouTube with your username in it are among the many reasons the staff can ban the shit out of a 12-year-old.

Once frozen, you face a barrage of automated replies from NeoPets help bots, often never relating to the real reason you were frozen. Somewhere down the line, a reply will be given saying your account has been "inactive for too long, it can't be returned". And if they do return your account, they won't return anything else with it, unless you're a [[Faggot|Neo-Celebrity]]...so say goodbye to your [[Furry|unconverted plushie Draik]], his PetPet (Your NeoPets can apparently have PetPets of their own, who can themselves have PetPetPets of their own... [[Wtf]]) and your [[Over 9000|millions]] of "hardly earned" NeoPoints.

The site is littered with cookie grabbers, auto-buyers and scammers anyway, so no one really cares about them since they've grown used to it. Not to mention that the NeoPets database have been hacked more than once, despite what they claim. NeoPets has even been known to freeze for things such as existing. Humorously they often have nude [[Britain|faeries]] in their artwork and have ads on every inch of the page for [[porn]] and dating sites, ironically against the rules.

However, TNT (The NeoPets Team) can't be ''all'' bad. After all, they have been known to "freeze" users just for being furry, so there's some hope for this site.

==Care==
NeoPets, unlike real pets and children, need to be fed and taken care of... Sort of...they can stay "dying of hunger" forever, unfortunately. This is true even beyond the grave so when writing a suicide note make sure that you include instructions for how to care for your NeoPets. Make sure to be a responsible and caring person like [[The_Great_Sonic-cide_of_2007#Charceo|Charceo]] and tell your bff to take care of your NeoPets before killing yourself (and btw, giving your bff your account will get both of you [[b&]] from Neopets). That way, even if you're just kidding like Charceo, people will know how like totally serious you were.

NeoPets recently became 5X more awesome (read: barely considerable to play) when it became a [[Net Authority]] violator on utter bullshit charges (read: [[nothing]]), thus completely stripping Net Authority of its last vestiges of credibility.

==Characters==
Artists for this website are actually pornographic artists hired to draw all types of hero and villain characters for plots that the users can interact in, trading cards, shopkeepers for shops, etc.

The artists unknowingly cause themselves [[uber]] loss of [[dignity]] with the [[shit]] they draw instead of making gratuitous amounts of sex.

'''The "villains" aren't really villains at all. Perhaps it's the large eyes or the furry face. No, that couldn't ''possibly'' be the reason why they aren't considered scary or threatening, [[amirite]]? With villainous names such as "Sloth", fear should [[strike]] your heart instantly. After all, what could be scarier than some guy trying to take over the world and failing miserably? He was [[DOING IT WRONG]].

'''The "heroes" are really just nothing more than fuzzy sword-wielding animals on two legs. [[Your mom]] would like nothing more than to be saved by a [[furry]] [[FTM|dude]] wearing shiny armor and riding a horsey. Because that is [[OMFG]]HOTT!!!!!1111

However, you actually can't own a virtual hero or villain, so who gives a fuck?

===Bori_Bomber===

[[Image:BoriFaggot.png|left|thumb|Having an old account makes him feel [[retard|superior]].]]Even Neopets has it's own version of [[furries]] whom are still obsessed with the site. [[furfag|Bori_Bomber]], a [[basement_dwellers|grown man]], is one of those that makes [[bronies]] look half dignified. He spends his time making [[shitty art|art]] these days. The [[fail|fucker]] joined as a teenager and gained [[asspie|popularity]] fast due to the fact that [[faggot|males]] were once rare to see talking on the boards, like a unicorn with a pink [[anus]]. He would attract the attention of most pre-pubescent female users (reasoning said above) which made him realize how much power he had over 97% of the population of [[retard|users]] whenever he would whip out his tiny e-penis. He learned his [[shitty_art|special]] skills with [[MSPaint]] and gained [[fail|confidence]] when he learned that he could take screenies of newbies that he would [[rape|beat]] in the battledome, even though he would only challenge users with weak pets so he could screenie a [[lose|win]] for him. His collection of screenies were soon joined when he gained an obsession with stalking the [[retard|newbie]] boards to see how many people would talk about him and would screenie every word to patch his incredibly large yet always busted ego with a band-aid.

He sat proudly on his [[shitty]] 25 cent throne until the years passed and the [[shit|new]] NeoPets layout took over, along with new users that couldn't give two shits about the old [[fucktards|royalty]] that [[Unwarranted_self_importance|ruled]] the boards. This also had to do with the [[Loli|severely underaged girls]] getting over their obsession and no longer sucked the e-penis and were full of [[PMS]] instead of fandom. [[lol|Alas]], [[cuntboy|Bori]] didn't want to believe that his precious royalty no longer existed. To this day, he stalks the newbie board (and ONLY the newbie board, since the other boards are full of [[lol|meen]] users that don't give a fuck about his existence, and let him know it) in hopes that there are still [[fucktards|fans]] of his out there willing to climax at the sight of him. He even goes as far as making his own board (with [[Unwarranted_self_importance|arrogant]] titles) out of [[wut|desperation]], and ALWAYS to no avail.

{{cg|Bori makes a board and no one gives a fuck|Borimakesaboardandnoonegivesafuck|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:BoriFaggot1.png|Don't let the number of replies fool you. 95% of them are his own. He still holds his non-existent crown high.
Image:BoriFaggot2.png|You thought we were joking? Just look.
Image:BoriFaggot3.png|It still continues.
Image:BoriGetsBusted.png|You heard right.
Image:BoriGetsBusted2.png|This guy gets it.
</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:BoriGetsBusted3.png|Bori makes a board and gets gang raped.
Image:BoriGetsBusted4.png|Yu no lyke mee? I is important can has?
Image:BoriGetsBusted5.png|Someone steals Bori's spotlight and Bori gets butthurt.
Image:BoriGetsBusted6.png|This mutherfuker continues to fall flat on his face.
Image:BoriGetsBusted7.png|Has the balls to bring up past fans from YEARS ago. Someone can't let go of the past.
Image:BoriGetsBusted8.png
Image:BoriGetsBusted9.png|The rape was too much.
</gallery>}}

==NeoBoards==
[[Image:Suspension345.JPG|thumb|right|300px|Typical old suspension on NeoPets.]]

The Neoboards are split into different sections including:
*The Official Neopets Team Message Board: Where nothing is ever posted.

*Neopia's Style Showdown: Where 8-year-old girls and gay men talk about 'Neopian style'.

*Avatars/Signatures: Where off-topic messages get modded within one hour and noobs beg for pixel items/pets they could obtain themselves in a few minutes in order to obtain yet another worthless 50x50 gif.

*Battledome: Where [[bestiality|furry abuse]] is performed and [[serious business|is serious business]]. This is the only board with a majorly male population, which causes a lot of [[16-year-old girls|people]] to go to the "BDC" so they can get some male attention [[Basement dweller|for a change.]] The elitists here only talk about the Battledome (duh) which is where your NeoPets can fight each other using various species-specific moves and items, while relying on their HP (Hit Points), Strength, Defence, Movement and Level to defeat the opponent. [[Pokémon|Sound familiar?]]

*Beauty Contest: Full of attention whores and 5-year-old girls claiming to be "artists".

*Evil Thing and Monster Sightings: Full of 13-year-old emo faggots arguing whether My Chemical Romance or Tokio Hotel is a better band.

*Fan Clubs: A place where you can discuss your favorite NeoPets.
Have a favourite pet? PetPet? Item? Discuss it here!

Of the now, the FC is just a place for boring scenefags who think they're good at trolling, and the occasional sighting of the classic troll/chatter. Self professed queens of "/fc/" pop up, it is a steaming pile of fag all around, really.
[[Image:Vert.neopets.jpg|thumb|They're watching you [[masturbate]].]]
[[Image:COURTNEY_IN_NEOPETS.PNG|thumb|The funnest game evar. Spell check... Isn't that what we have Notepad for?]]
*Merchandising, where [[16-year-old girls]] can talk about their over-priced made-in-china plushie they bought at Limited Too.

*NeoPets Trading Card Game: filled with [[animu]] geeks that got tired of their [[Pokémon]] and [[Yu-Gi-Oh|Yu-Gay-Oh!]] cards and decided to invest in cards with pictures of colourful anthro pixel pets and items with made-up names.

*Games: Where [[pedophile|people ''well over'' 18]] come to complain about how they got unjustly frozen for cheating and [[Shit no one cares about|many other things]] and [[fags]] go to gloat about their newest obviously cheated trophy.

*Help: Filled with virgins who care about NeoPets.

*Newbies: The best of the boards having donated six million threads about ''Twilight'', ''[[Inuyasha]]'' and its related [[anime|ilk]], rape, boys, puberty, [[AIM]], ghost stories, and other [[Shit_no_one_cares_about|random crap]].

*Other Worlds: Full of elitist literate faggots that think they're better than the average gaymer, and 9-year-olds arguing whether Jelly World is real or not. It doesn't.

*Roleplaying (RP): hich is full of ''[[Inuyasha]]'' [[fangirls]], High Schoolers and [[fags]] with their [[vampire]] or teens injected with animal DNA roleplays involving [[Mary-Sue]] characters with no originality. These "original" characters tend to be "goffic" or "badass" due to their trench coats and/or combat boots. Typical descriptions for said character contain unnecessary details about this person's past and how they angst about being [[almost raped]] during their childhood. Don't be surprised if lyrics from [[shit]] bands such as My Chemical Romance and Linkin Park appear in the posts to somehow describe just how emo or troubled the character is. Many young children learn to [[fap]] here, due to [[horny|M@ting season wolf roleplays]].

*Neopian Writers: Whose inhabitants are either pompous, Grammar Nazi control freaks, stupid [[lolcows]] who want their work "seriously critiqued" and trolls. It is 98% trolls. The sad thing is that some of these people are actually talented writers, but choose to waste their talent writing fics about their pets or some of NeoPets' many [[gay]] characters.

*Virtupets: Teeming with people like [[you]] who've got nothing better to do than to eat Pocky in front of your computer while stalking the boards in search of an interesting topic.

*NC Mall: Where manchildren spend hours trying to trade pixels that cost [[over 9000]] dollars. In real money. Seriously.

And a bunch of other random shit that no one cares about.

<center><gallery>
Image:Neopets.png|Typical post on the NeoBoards.
Image:13isscarytooyounoes.jpg|Being 13 is scary, but rewarding!
Image:Guyth.png|Social outcasts gather on NeoPets for support.
Image:Pwnerd.png|Serious moral dilemmas can be discussed on NeoPets.
Image:Neopetsusersarenewfags.png|LOL WUT!
Image:NeoNaziPetemeetsNeopets.jpg|NeoPets admins are bigots.
Image:Takecareofurpixles.png|Make sure you take good care of your pixels.
</gallery></center>

If one's post about what they should name their purple pixel cat is to be taken seriously, your NeoPets account must be over five months old (or around that, [[16-year-old girl|NeoPet players]] are so fucking fickle). This way, all the other users know you are not a [[noob|'n00b']] and can rest assured that you will not hesitate to flood their inboxes with requests for NeoPoints and paint brushes bcuz dats soooo annoying omg. On NeoPets, the longer you've been playing a children's game about virtual furries, the higher 'status' you attain in eyes of fellow [[faggot|Neopians.]] For example, on a board that's topic is which is the better band (let's say Fallout Boy or The Arcade Fire), the poster with the oldest account automatically ends the argument by posting their opinion on the matter (u all svck, death cab 4 cutie rools!11!). Some boards offer prizes to the poster with the oldest account. There is even an entire fucking webpage listing active NeoPets users whose accounts are the oldest (over TEN years, Jesus Christ). Playing an online game for ''over ten years'' where you can dress up your [[furries|rainbow coloured, talking dragon]] in pink dresses is ''really'' something to be proud of and something [[LINK MAH BOI|everyone should strive for]].

Typically, the older accounts belong to adults who need to find a fucking life. These users are not afraid to voice their age on their profiles so the 12-year-old users give them RESPECT.

==Neopian Times==

NeoPets brought fail to a whole new level with their digital Neopian News. Artists and writers sprint to submit their work to this newspaper in hopes of being [[no|efamous]]. Below are the examples of what can be found.

*Archives: The past fail news are kept here. There are [[over 9000]] to be found, so don't bother looking.

*Articles: Here, people talk about how they got [[at least 100]] points in [[fail|Kacheek Seek]], or about how [[shit no one cares about|Jelly World IS REAL AND NOT FAKE U GUIZ]] [http://www.neopetshive.com/Hive/jellyworld.htm Serious business]. They also talk about [[lolwut|how sad it is to abandon or starve your beloved digital pet]], so come here if you need a quick dose of [[lulz]].

*Editorials: This is where Neopian failures come to complain about glitches in the website, not getting an item, etc etc etc and receive rude replies from the staff. Also a place the staff tries to imitate memes and fails horribly at. And when they aren't imitating other memes, they try to create their own memes, such as: "[[LOLWUT|Good night Mr. Coconut.]]"

{{quote|/palmface|Neopian Times Failure}}

*Comics: This is where artists submit their work to be admired by. Most of them are bad ones made in MS paint in one minute with horrible jokes or good art with mediocre jokes. There is no in between.

==Trolling==
[[Image:Tramp.jpg|thumb|right|Not all of them are that cute.]]

It should be known that the NeoPets boards are arguably the best place for a young, aspiring troll to train, considering the amount of [[Retard|young, inexperienced internet users]] on the site. Trolls need to take extra special care when wording their topics, since the moderators have a penchant for banning everyone and anything. Meaning, the use of euphemisms in your [[copypasta]] is a must. It is easy to troll the [[furry|common folk]] of the site, but remember: To truly get [[EPIC]] lulz, persistence is key. Just don't get your ass banned unless it's called for, 'cause where's the fun in that?
 1. Make an account.
 2. Go to boards.
 3. Tell everyone who will listen that NeoPets was better before, even if you have no idea what's changed.
 4. Correct some grammar.
 5. ???
 6. PROFIT!!!

==Moar trolling==
1. Make an account
 2. Play some games and get like [[Over9000|10,000]] Neopoints.
 3. Go to the Trading Post
 4. Look for trades that are supposedly worth it bitches"[[sex|xxx]]" hundred thousands.
 5. Offer "[[Sex|xxx]]" (some are dumb enough to accidentally accept).
 6. Once you got the [[Aids|item(s)]] discard or donate them immediately.
 7. Wait for [[Butthurt|butthurt]] NeoMail from the [[12-year-old girl|victim]].
 8. Tell them to send you tit pics if they want their items back.
 9. If you get some, ask for [[moar]].
 10.Tell them they will never get their items back. [[EVAR]].
 11.Witness [[an hero]].
 12.???
 13.PROFIT!!!

==Jumping on the internet bandwagon.==

Sometime during 2010 and 2011 NeoPets released a [http://www.neopets.com/faerieland/tfr/index.phtml?sc9ejf2=31435 new storyline] for everyone to participate in. SPOILER ALERT: The storyline basically consisted of some random evil thing happening upon Neopia, which forced a witty, petty criminal with a [[No|very original name]] to team up with a female soldier in order to stop an idealist, megalomaniac entity from [[OH NOES|taking over the world]], and after seeing the petty criminal turned to stone, they somehow manage to save the day, overcoming impossible odds, and end up falling in love with each other. [[Star Wars|Sound familiar?]]

Also, in an effort to stay family and kid friendly, they named some their chapters after well known [[memes]].

*[[Winrar|A Winner Is You!]]
*[[Disappoint|Son, I Am Disappoint]]
*[[Rickroll|Never Gonna Shut You Up, Never Gonna Quiet You Down]]
*[[Doing it wrong|You're Doing It Wrong]]
*[[Over 9000]]

This act seems quite hypocritical, as NeoPets HAETS 4chan and bans anyone for mentioning it or any memes on the forums.
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Shitgotfuckingreal.jpg|Turns out the [[Scientologists]] working at Neopets know [[Dat Ass|about]] [[Awesome|memes]].
Image:Neopetsstealsmemes.png|Yup, they definitely know about [[memes]].
Image:Hatersgonnahate.gif|[[Haters Gonna Hate]]!
</gallery>
</center>

==Someone please think of the children! :*(==
<center><gallery>
Image:Typical_newbie_talk.PNG|Typical Newbie Board Discussion.
Image:NP_meets_Painseries.png|When NeoPets owners around the world are awakened to the [[Pain_Series|Internet]].
Image:neopetsisseriousfuckingbusiness.jpg|Serious fucking business.
Image:Neolulztwilighthaters.jpg|More [[Serious Business|serious fucking business.]]
Image:Neowtf.JPG|Either an epic [[troll|troll]] or [[retard|fucktard]] jailbait.
Image:Neo1.JPG|Where [[Michael Jackson|MJ]] [[masturbates|hangs]] on the weekends with pedobear.
Image:Neo2.JPG|[[Miley Cyrus|Hannah Fucktana]] in NeoPets. Almost ALWAYS talked about.
Image:Neopetsfail.PNG|Yet another fail on NeoPets. And to make even moar of a fail, he posted his [http://shadowsage647.deviantart.com/art/Im-an-ugly-dipshit-144765397 picture].</gallery></center>

==Connection to [[$cientology]].==
[[Image:Neopets Ads.PNG|right|thumb|Not 100% appropriate advertising . . .]]
[[Image:Neopetsvagina.jpg|thumb|100% kids and family friendly!]]
Nobody knows what exactly Scientologists plan on doing with NeoPets.com. Doug Donut, total Scientologist tool and owner of NeoPets, says, {{squote|Mr. Hubbard's organizational concepts are always with me to the point where virtually every aspect of running my companies involves the use of his administrative technology.|[http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/neopet5.htm]}}
In other words, he recognizes L. Ron's ingenious business strategy of making people think they need to buy at least one hundred different pieces of shit in order to make themselves happy. The only difference is L. Ron did this with adults and Doug Donut did this with [[loli|9 year old girls]].

NeoPets hasn't targeted their weak minded adherents to join the church yet, however conversion to Scientology is mandatory for NeoPets employees if they want to be promoted. {{Archive|05CFG}}

{{quote2|The [[fail|negative]] [[AIDS|aspects]] of NeoPets, all came from the side of Scientology-oriented business structure/psyche. From the very get-go, any employee who applies for a job, will be faced with a couple of personality screening tests. I shit you not, I had a more comfortable time with my SAT's in High School! [[QFT|A lot of people make fun of Scientologists]] in an ignorant sort of way; they [[bitches don't know|don't really know]] [[buttsecks|what goes on]] behind the [[curtains]], but I assure you, [[Tori Sue Heck|it's not pretty]]. In hindsight, it's a little ironic that many of the execs are part of the [[cult]], and many fledglings didn't seem to get promoted to that level without first converting (this was the case while I was there).|Former NeoPets slave}}

Needless to say, if you applied for a job at NeoPets, you already lost [[the game]].

==NeoPorn==
<center>{{cg|Gallery of failAIDs|GalleryOfFailAIDs|center|<gallery>
Image:Rule_34-neopets_gelerts.jpg
Image:Rule_34-neopets_animated.gif
Image:Zafkyrii.jpg
Image:ZafDbl120copy.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Zafara-fantasy.jpg
Image:XmasZafGellert b.jpg
Image:Uni2Beyrie.jpg
Image:ThreesomexXx.jpg
Image:Threesome2001.jpg|Some people have the nerve to draw shit like this.
Image:TechoXKyrii.jpg
Image:Shoyruaishalicky.jpg
Image:Shoyru.jpg
Image:Shoyru1.jpg
Image:Shoyru2.jpg
Image:Shoyru3.jpg
Image:Showing Off - Asrixa.jpg
Image:Royallickings.jpg
Image:Pose20copy.jpg
Image:Pooglewoogle.png|[[Asking for it]].
Image:Pooglevibratorwall.jpg
Image:Pleasurechair.jpg
Image:PlayTime.jpg
Image:Playful.jpg
Image:Pirates Booty.jpg
Image:Oh lovely.jpg
Image:PhanualDesert.jpg
Image:OB001817.png
Image:NeoZafGelSho.jpg
Image:NeoZafGelplush2.jpg
Image:Neoyiff9di.jpg
Image:NeoXmasZafDraikmojoversion b.jpg
Image:Neopets11111111.jpg
Image:Neopets orgy.jpg
Image:Neopes.jpg
Image:NeoGellertSho b.jpeg
Image:Neodragontrain-sk.jpeg
Image:Neo XmasZafScorPlush b.jpg
Image:Neopetspr0n.jpg
Image:Ewwyuckyneopetspr0n.jpg
Image:Mudkip_Kacheek.JPG|[[Raukue]] lieks mudkips.
Image:MageTorment.jpg
Image:KyriiXZafara.jpg
Image:Kyriifacal.jpg
Image:Kyrii.jpg
Image:Jacqueandgarinyaoi.jpg|Typical [[ass]] pirates enjoyin' thar [[booty]].
Image:Ixi acara c.jpg
Image:Ixi acara.jpg
Image:Hanna.jpg
Image:Ghostlupe kougie.jpg
Image:Gelert eyrie.jpg
Image:Garyu Shoyru2.jpg
Image:Garyu Shoyru1.jpg
Image:Foryattarobblupkou.jpg
Image:FaeHermKougracopy.jpg
Image:Doodle00002.jpg
Image:Doodle000001.jpg
Image:Darklupes lupe kougie c.jpg
Image:DariganMalcopy.jpg
Image:D3df.jpeg
Image:Cyriatent.jpg
Image:Cyria.jpg
Image:Cybunbun copy.jpg
Image:CCzafara.jpg
Image:Boribor copy.jpg
Image:BeQuiet copy.jpg
Image:Beach.jpg
Image:Azalcomic copy.jpg
Image:AzalBulride.jpg
Image:AishaxWocky.jpg
Image:Acaracum.jpg
Image:Jerdana erotica.jpg
</gallery>|}}</center>
{{clear}}

==Rules if you actually want to troll TNT and/or play the damn game.==
1. Use Adblock.
 2. Don't use NC ($cientology).
 3. Please sign up for Neocodex.
 4. Clraik too.
 5. Use these progs: http://clraik.com/forum/downloads.php?do=file&id=105 https://s3.amazonaws.com/Neocodex/neocodex_program_manager.zip (requires neocodex account) and http://www.tankraider.com/userup/1369742042.zip (use captcha until you can check off the "Don't use Captcha" box).
 6. Enjoy the ride?

==See also==
* [[Evony]]
* [[FemaleGoodra]]
* [[Furry-Paws]]
* [[MyAdopts]]
* [[Neodrama]]
* [[NeoPets: The Darkest Faerie]]: A videogame made for the [[PS2]] in [[2005]].
* [[Neotomi]]
* [[Subeta]]
* [[Tamagotchi]]
* [[12-year-old girls]]

==External links==
* [http://neopets.com Neopets] - Warning: May cause cancer, AIDS, burning asshole syndrome, and Scientology. Please enter with caution, because it is a minefield. Freezing rates are sky high.
* [http://www.fuck-neopets.com/ Fuck NeoPets (very dead link)] - A "fan" site made by [[Onideus Mad Hatter]] after getting frozen for making people butthurt on the premium boards (or so he claims).
* [http://www.neopets.com/~johnmullins9 A terrorist's pet page.]
* [http://games.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=544172688 Lap Dance] - A saucy fanfiction from [[2004]].

{{Cyberpets}}
{{gaming}}
{{Furfaggotry}}
{{Sites}}

{{Timeline|Featured article October 17, [[2005]]|[[Hotornot]]|[[NeoPets]]|[[DAMN NIGGA]]}}
[[Category:Furries]]
[[Category:Internets Phenomena]]