Shinzo Abe

2024-07-21T15:18:08Z

AbeChan: /* Gallery */

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[[File:shinzo abe flag.jpg|thumb|rip bozo]]
'''Shinzo Abe''' (or '''安倍晋三''' in [[Moonspeak|Moonrunes]]) was the former prime minister of [[Japan]] whose public [[pwn|pwnage]] on July 8, [[2022]] via homemade steampunk gun shocked the peaceful nation of Nihon and the world with the most notable assassination since [[Tupac Shakur]]. Being a nation with very strict [[gun control|"gun contror"]], [[high score]] attempts in Nippon generally take place on [[Sagamihara Stabbings|hard]] or [[Mamoru Takuma|lunatic difficulty]] with knives. The assailant, part of the most populous demographic of Japan, was a 40 year old [[NEET]] [[virgin]] named Tetsuya Yamagami. The former prime minister earned the ire of [[autistic]] [[r9k|kissless and hugless]] [[anime]] watchers across Japan after telling them such things as "get a job instead of jerking off to [[Lucky Star]] characters all day" and "have some goddamn kids to counteract our diminishing birth rate". The [[assassination]] of Shinzo Abe is the most action Japan has seen in politics since 1960 when [[Otoya Yamaguchi]] sliced open some [[leftard]] [[Budd Dwyer|live on TV]]. Tetsuya was tackled and [[v&]] at the scene and it is yet to be seen if he will adhere to the ancient tradition of becoming [[an hero]] oft practiced by fellow [[Cho Seung Hui|Azns with rage]].

==Have Sex, Hikikomori==
Abe Chinkin was a proud Japanese [[weeaboo|patriot]] and did not want to see the Japanese go extinct. This is currently on track to happen because of she-japs preferring biggu white cocku and low birth rates. He spent much of his tenure as shogun demanding that Japanese people have sex to get the birth rates up. These events, while moderately based, would ultimately lead to his downfall at the hands of a [[Elliot Rodger|radical incel terrorist]] .

==honest abes Asian assassination==
In 2022, Abe was speaking at an event on his campaign trail, when a highly skilled incel Shinobi teleported behind shinzo, and shot him in the back with a homemade pipe shotgun. The gun was a multi-barreled black powder musket pepperbox of sorts, and the musket balls pierced Shinzo's heart, killing him on the spot. His reported last words were "sekkusu... Sekkusu ga daisuki da yo..."

==Gallery==
{{Collapsegallery|Goodnight Sweet Prince|cg1|center|<gallery>
Image:samu haido.png|[[Sam Hyde|Samu Haido (排土寒)]], suspected assailant
Image:shinzo konata.jpg
Image:shinzo abe ungovernable.jpg
File:shinzo abe message.jpg
File:shinzo abe NEET Nation.png
Image:sad nip wife.jpg
File:Abechan.jpg

</gallery>|<gallery>
File:shinzo abe gun.jpg
</gallery>|border=#000000|color=#FFFFFF}}

==See Also==
* [[Abraham Lincoln]]
* [[Gandhi]]
* [[Japan]]
* [[JFK]]
* [[MLK]]
* [[Mutsuo Toi]]

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[[Category:Murder]]
[[Category:People|Asanuma, Inejirō]]
[[Category:Azns|Asanuma, Inejirō]]
[[Category:Events]]

Thomas Matthew Crooks

2024-07-21T15:05:39Z

AbeChan: /* The Famous Photograph */

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{{achtung|THE TIN FOIL HATS ARE SAYING THAT CROOKS IS PART OF A REPUBLICAN CONSPIRACY TO GET TRUMP RE-ELECTED}}
{{quote|July 13 will be my premiere, watch as it unfolds|Tommy, getting canned after one episode}}

{{ib|[[File:ThomasMatthewCrooks.png|250px]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Thomas Matthew Crooks'''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|September 20, 2003}}
{{Ibrow|'''Died'''|July 13, 2024 (aged 20)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Americunt]]  [[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed 1, injured 3}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|No}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|FPS, Single player}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|No, [[Fail|killed by cops]]}}
{{Ibend}}

[[File:Thomas Matthew Crooks Big Forhead.jpeg|thumb|right|250px|<center>Admit it girls, you would ride his tater tot.</center>]]

Inept and a complete [[Retard|fuck up as an assassin]], the [[Pennsylvania|Appalachian love child]] '''Thomas Matthew Crooks''' (a.k.a. '''[[JFK|Ree Tardy Oswald]]'''), obviously played one too many games of [https://www.ubisoft.com/en-us/game/ghost-recon/breakpoint Ghost Recon Breakpoint] rather then going to shoot at the range and learning to factor in conditions such as wind, or just [[fuck]]ing learn to shoot because he completely missed his target that was a little more than 120 meters from him. (For the [[Americans]] and [[Asperger|aspie retards]] reading this - who haven't had any experiences further than their own front lawn because they're not allowed to cross the street - that's a little more than a [[football]] field and is approximately equivalent to hitting a paper plate at the opposite end of a football field.)

Now before you go running to the [[FBI]] to try and get us [[Party Van]]ned, WE DO NOT CONDONE THIS! [[Lulz|What's tickling our funny bone]] is that Thomas Matthew Crooks is what happens when that quiet, [[nerd]]y and needy kid who walks through [[School|High School]] invisible and can't even get the attention of a [[bully]], grows up to live in his parents' [[basement]] and is constantly reminded by [[Your Mom|mommy]] and [[Your Dad|daddy]] that he is a [[You|complete failure]] of a man. While his parents compare his life to what they had achieved by his age, he just wakes up one day and says [[Fuck|"Fuck it!"]] and gives up on life. Having accomplished nothing of importance, he decides to go down having done one monumental event that gets him noticed.

== The Shooting ==

<center>[[File:TrumpAssassinationAttempt.mp4|600px]]</center>

[[File:Trump shooting secret service.jpg|right|250px]]

[[File:CoreyComperatore.jpg|thumb|right|250px|<center>The only rally attendee who was pwned.</center>]]

For some reason, [[Fag|Thomas Matthew Crooks's]] father, despite being a licensed counselor in the [[Incest|incestuous]] state of [[Pennsylvania]], saw no reason what-so-ever to question buying his [[Masturbation|chronically masturbating]], hands rubbing, and talking to himself son a wonderful, [[USA|American]] made [[Assault Rifle|AR-15]] rifle with the excuse that it'd be used at the Clairton Sportsmen’s Club in greater [[Pittsburgh]], two months before the [[Trump|attempted assassination]] of our future god-emperor [[Donald Trump]].

While Trump was showing his supporters a chart, Thomas Matthew Crooks fired a shot that [[Mexico|illegally crossed into the rally]], striking former god-emperor Trump in the ear just as he turned his head. As expected, after hearing the shot, the [[Government|Secret Service]], ready to take a bullet for our former President, surrounded [[Trump]] and quickly led him from the stage to safety.

What had some officials' [[Pantyshot|panties]] in a bunch was that this assassination attempt was even allowed to happen. Both [[Republican]]s and [[Leftard|Democrats]] agree that there was some fault in security that allowed a [[Insane|crazy-ass]] shooter to get within 120 meters of the former [[President]] with a weapon and fire 8 shots.

Homeland Security Secretary [[Spic|Alejandro N. Mayorkas]] called the attempted assassination a “failure”, and in reality, every officer there will have their [[Cell Phone|smart phones]] quietly confiscated to see who was playing [[Angry Birds]] when they should have been protecting a [[President|Presidential Candidate]].

Trying to make the assassination attempt on [[Trump]] all about himself, President Joe Biden was quoted as saying, "Jill and I are grateful to the Secret Service for getting him to safety. There's no place for this kind of violence in America. We must unite as one nation to condemn it."

After the shooting it was revealed that Thomas last online search was for porn, raising his shot count to 11 (Ediots are currently using a oujia board to figure out what he was cocking his other rifle too).

=== Gallery ===

{{Collapsegallery|'''American Sniper'''|cg1|center|<gallery perrow="4">
File:NOBODY SEES ME LOL.jpg
File:Dead Crooks.png
File:CrooksDed1.jpg
File:CrooksDed2.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
crooks1.jpg
File:Crooks2.jpg
File:Bullet physics.jpg
File:CoreyRekt.jpg
File:Corey's brainz.jpg
File:NeoTrump.jpg
File:BulletStill.jpg
File:De trumprally5.jpg
File:De trumprally1.jpg
File:StoneToss.png
File:Trumps new look.jpg

</gallery>|border=black|color=white}}

== The Man - The Failure: Thomas Matthew Crooks ==

[[File:Thomas Crooks diploma.jpg|right|250px]]

Thomas Matthew Crooks enters our page with a [[High Score]] lower than that of [[William Atchison|one of the most utterly complete failures in life]] - a [[Nazi|white supremacist]] living a lonely, [[horny]], [[autistic]], and angry fucktard lifestyle who named himself [[User:AlGore|AlGore]] and would have aborted his pathetic attempt at a killing spree if a specific type of [[Woman|girl]] (blonde, white and blue eyed) said that she wanted to play [[Sex|bump-bump]] with him.

[[Dying alone]], [[Loser|Thomas Matthew Crooks]] could be said to have lived the same life as [[William Atchison]], as they both [[Death|died]] lying face down with a bullet hole in their heads.

People that were aware of him described him as a recluse who only came out to walk around their neighborhood wearing headphones and interacting with no one. Others said that the only time you really saw someone outside his house for an extended period of time was when the [[House|lawn]] needed mowing.

Proudly graduating from Bethel Park High School in 2022, his peers described him as quiet and friendly, unlike one of those silent, [[Lolumbine|trenchcoat]] wearing school shooters. No one imagined he was capable of even thinking about killing the former President.

Kylie Katilius, who lived up the street from Thomas, called him a danger and a threat on the shooting range when he tried out for his [[School shooting|high school shooting team]]. She was quoted as saying, "If he was on lane seven, he was shooting all the way over on lane one. Mistakes happen, but full on shooting a different wall, he had to be doing something big wrong."

Kylie Katilus said that the shooting coach was infuriated by Thomas's lack of [[gun]] safety, and he would never be allowed on the team until he could show a minimal amount understanding of gun safety.

Julianna Grooms tells a different story, saying that Crooks was the target of bullies who nicknamed him "The School Shooter" and found it easy to make fun of him for his [[Kittens|poor hygiene]], because like most [[SpongeBob SquarePants]] shirt wearing [[brony]] [[Asperger's Syndrome|aspies]], he thought that showering in [[When You're Chill With Everyone|Ass Body Spray]] would hide his stench and get him the girls.

After graduating [[School|high school]], and unlike so many of the people populating our [[High Score]] list, Thomas actually tried to better himself. He spent two years getting an Associate's Degree in Engineering Science from Alleghany County Community College, unaware that if you didn't have a diploma with a name at the top such as [[OSU]], [[Penn State Scandal|Penn State]], or [[Texas|Texas A & M]], you might as well be holding [[Toilet Paper Hoarding|a piece of freshly used toilet paper]] in your hand.

Much like so many with a useless community college or online degree, Thomas was able to pass a background check and find himself a minimum wage job that had him working at low pay for Bethel Park Skilled Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. His duties included handing out meals, cleaning up [[shit]] that the loose bowels of old people leave on the floor for him to clean up, or having to change the sheets and clothes of someone with a weak bladder that refuses a catheter because it means that they can't move around.

{{align|center|
{{frame|<center><big>'''A star student'''</big></center> 
[[File:CrooksBullied.mp4|400px]]
[[File:CrooksBIGCOCK.mp4|400px]]
|border=black}}|}}

== Critical Acclaim ==

{| style="margin: 0 auto"
|{{frame|{{videoframe|CrooksVids|background-color: #DBD8CD;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>V-JQfgfLNAg</youtube>'''[[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Donnie's Bizzare Adventure]]'''</center>
|<youtube>GAnvLjavON0</youtube>'''Free advertising, [[amirite?]]'''</center>
|<youtube>YL9apblSQ-s</youtube>'''[[LOLWUT|This guy's Canadian btw]]'''</center>
|[[File:Jake Paul watches the shooting.mp4|700px]] '''[[Jake Paul]] reaction video'''</center>
|[[File:Totally real footage of the trump shooting.mp4|700px]] '''A faithful reenactment'''</center>
}}|border=#000000|background=#FFFFFF}}
|}

<center><big>'''You've seen the mugshot merch, now get ready for...'''</big></center>
{{center|<gallery perrow="6">
File:ShootingMerch1.jpg
File:ShootingMerch2.jpg
File:ShootingMerch3.jpg
</gallery>}}

[[File:Capitalism-aliensguy.jpg|300px|center]]

== The Famous Photograph ==

{{frame|[[File:I LIVED, BITCH.jpg|700px|center]]|margin=auto|border=#cc142b|background=#00247d}}

{{quote|I knew immediately that something was wrong in that I heard a whizzing sound, shots, and immediately felt the bullet ripping through the skin|[[Trump|Soon To be elected God Emperor Trump]]}}
 
<center><big>'''Meme Spin-offs:'''</big></center>

{{center|<gallery perrow="6">
File:TrumpWojak.png
File:TrumpMLP.png
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File:TrumpAnimeHaremProtagonist.jpeg
File:TrumpArkKnightsOrSmthIDK.jpg
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File:TrumpPose.png
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File:TrumpWinnieThePooh.png
File:TrumpArt.jpeg
File:Abechan.jpg
</gallery>}}

This picture got so famous, it even has a {{Wikilink|Trump_raised-fist_photographs|Wikipedia}} page.

== The Conspiracy ==

Probably the most amusing and believed story that still has people building scripts about the [[USA|U.S. Government]] and [[Israel]] wanting Trump dead was created on [[4Chan]] by an [[Anonymous]] poster who claimed that his superiors refused to give him the green light to [[Kill|Take The Shot]] despite him having the potential assassin in his sights for over 3 minutes.

{{Quote|<center>My name is Jonathan Willis, I’m the officer in the famous photo of the two snipers on the roof at Trump’s rally. I came here to inform the public that I had the assassin in my sights for at least 3 minutes, but the head of the secret service refused to give the order to take out the perp. 100% the top brass prevented me from killing the assassin before he took the shots at president Trump|[https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474066576/ Original /pol/ thread]</center>}}

[[File:Trump ear shot.jpg|right|250px]]

[[File:Trump h8er n twitter.jpg|right|250px]]

The [[Tinfoil hats]] have another theory that includes brain washing and [[CIA]] funded [[MK ULTRA]] behavioral cues that existed on the [[Internets]].

They claim that the CIA programed people as early as 2016 to assassinate President Trump. Their job was to take him out during his second term and the trained behavior was reinforced with posts from [[Los Angeles|Celebrities]] like [[Tara Strong]] and [[Islam|Whoopi Goldburg]] who posted everyday that someone should save [[America]] by assassinating President Trump.

Because President Trump chose to not serve a second term in [[2020]], the [[Leftard|far left's]] plans had to be scrapped.

Seeing that Sleepy Joe wasn't doing well in the polls and was quickly losing trust with the voters because of his overtly senile actions, the far left triggered their '''''"Manchurian Candidate"''''' plan to kill Trump while he was on the Campaign Trail so he couldn't be elected in [[2024]].

This [[Conspiracy Theory]] is much like [[JFK]]'s with people claiming that the eight shots fired could be heard from different directions and more than one shooter being seen.

The [[Tinfoil hats]] claim that shooting Trump's ear was to serve as a warning for him. The [[Tinfoil hats]] claim that it was to show Trump that they can kill him no matter where he is.

=== Was Crooks the Real Shooter? ===

{{center|<gallery perrow="6">
File:MarkViolets.jpg|Within minutes of the shooting, [[4chan|reliable sources]] believed this greasy [[Italian|pastafag]] named '''Mark Violets''' to be the [[Antifa]]-aligned shooter
File:Maxwell Yearick.png|[[Some argue]] that the shooter more closely resembles a notorious anti-Trump protester by the name of '''Maxwell Yearick'''
File:It wasn't either one.png|4chan's analysis
File:NotCrooks.mp4|The spergy faggot in this video has also been purported to being Crooks, but it was later found out to just be a [[typical]] [[Arizona]] man - {{archive|rCVj4|source}}
File:Jewgazing troll.mp4|In the heat of the confusion, an [[IRL troll]] on [[X]] (formerly known as Twitter) known as '''jewgazing''' made a few lulzy troll posts pretending to be our protagonist
File:NotCrooks1.jpg|Another jewgazing photo
File:NotCrooks2.jpg|jewgazing again
File:FemboyCrooks.jpg|Possible tranny?
</gallery>}}

== Graded Score ==

{{GradedScore|1|[[Collateral damage|Only killed 1 Trump supporter and injured 2 others]] alongside Trump himself|10|[[Trickshotting|Shot Trump in the ear of all places]]|20|"Fuck [[mass shootings]], [[Epic|I'm gonna kill the president]]."|20|[[EPIC WIN|INTERNATIONAL NOTORIETY WITHIN MINUTES]]|20|Outsmarted the fucking [[SS|Secret Service]]|71|C-|One inch away from starting the [[WW3|Second American Civil War]]}}

{{WantedLevel|level=custom|customstars=[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]|custompic=[[File:Secret service logo.png|128px]]|customdesc=SECRET SERVICE}}

[[File:ThomasMatthewCrooksDead.jpg|center|thumb|700px|<center><big><big>[[GTA|'''WASTED'''</big></big></center>]]]]

== See Also ==

*[[Assault Rifle]]
*[[Conspiracy Theory]]
*[[Gun]]s
*[[Headshot]]
*[[Bullet to the Head of the NRA]] - ED original videogame
*[[John F. Kennedy]] - Both had a single gunman but the tin foil hats claim that both have a great conspiracy attached to them.

== External Links ==
* '''[[Wikipedophiles]]'''
** {{Wikilink|Thomas_Matthew_Crooks|Thomas Matthew Crooks}}
** {{Wikilink|Attempted_assassination_of_Donald_Trump|Attempted assassination of Donald Trump}}
* {{EDF|thread|2585|Thread}} on [[EDF6|EDF6.9]] - {{wayback|https://forums.encyclopediadramatica.gay/threads/donald-trump-gets-shot-right-in-his-ear.2585/|20240720083953}}
* [[File:Wpd.tv logo.jpg|20px]] '''[[Watchpeopledie.tv]] threads'''
** [https://watchpeopledie.tv/h/shooting/post/193747/megathreadmagathread-donald-trumps-ear-grazed-during Shooting MAGAthread] - {{archive|2SEmt}} {{wayback|https://watchpeopledie.tv/h/shooting/post/193747/megathreadmagathread-donald-trumps-ear-grazed-during|20240718120746}}
** [https://watchpeopledie.tv/h/aftermath/post/194077/photovideoinfo-dump-on-thomas-matthew-crooks Thomas Crooks media thread] - {{archive|tyDMw}}
** [https://watchpeopledie.tv/h/social/post/194229/things-weve-learned-about-the-trump Thomas Crooks new info thread] - {{archive|GF13y}}
* [[File:4chan logo 1.png|20px]] '''/ASLG/ [[pol/|/pol/]] threads:''' [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474457601/ 1], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474485422/ 2], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474500159/ 3], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474515688/ 4], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474536305/ 5], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474566129/ 6], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474596868/ 7], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474610426/ 8], [https://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/474633734/ 9]
** [[Media:Screencapture-boards-4chan-org-pol-catalog-2024-07-13-19 14 02.png|The state of /pol/ exactly one hour after the shooting]]
* [https://trumplived.com/ '''trumplived.com'''] {{archive|XQYK9}}

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{{High Scores}}
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{{Serious Business}}
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[[Category:Crime]]

[[Category:2024]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Politics]]
{{Trump}}

{{timeline|Featured article July 20 & July 21, [[2024]]|[[Destiny]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[I'M GONNA RAID ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA]]}}

File:Abechan.jpg

2024-07-21T15:05:14Z

AbeChan:

Encyclopedia Dramatica - Things to revert [en]

Shinzo Abe

Thomas Matthew Crooks

File:Abechan.jpg