Goatse

Goatse is part of a series on Shock Sites.

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Goatse predates Encyclopedia Dramatica and is still the most overused shock image here. It is also the inspiration for endless attempts to force TOW to have an article on anal stretching. Goatse was the favorite meme of the GNAA early on, but had become such an old meme that by two years ago, a job fair in Europe modelled its entrance on his open-anus gesture. Nobody knows or cares how Goatse got its name.

Fun Facts

File:Hard choice?.jpg

Hard Choice

Oh, look - there's a movie out about you!

A challenger appears. Time for some moar Bawwwwww

<video type="youtube" id="gZXE8T163ZE" width="300" height="200" desc="Doing it wrong" frame="true" position="right"/> These facts are all true:

Goatse was hosted on a webserver in Kansas City, making it yet another example in the city's long and storied list of trolls.
Goatse has made an utterly benign image title - "hello.jpg" - anathematic. Need proof? Google "Hello.jpg". The first two links are TOW's Goatse.cx and Shock site pages. The second is a related Albinoblacksheep Flash animation and the third is ED's very own copy of hello.jpg.
Upset after being Goatse'd? Don't worry: the person who Goatse'd you obviously got Goatse'd themselves; otherwise, they wouldn't have known of the site.
The Goatse guy seems to be married because he has a ring on his hand.
The Goatse guy appears to have either a rather large pilonidal cyst or a second, virgin asshole.
Goatse is the most infamous member of The Power 5.
The Goatse guy's best friend is The Giver.
Goatse can refer to the man in the picture, the picture itself (hello.jpg), the sex move, or the website that started it all.
Goatse enjoys long walks on the beach and FUCKING HUGE DILDOS
Despite what you see in the picture (study it for a moment) the human intestine is not a big truck you can dump something into, but a series of tubes.
It is supposedly now illegal in the United States
There are way too fucking many links to Goatse on ED.
Goatse has NOTHING to do with goats.
In some Dutch (more specifically Flemish) dialects Goatse means "small opening". The correct Dutch word is "gaatje".

Legislation Inspired by Goatse

§ 2252C. Misleading words or digital images on the Internet
(a) IN GENERAL.—Whoever knowingly embeds words or digital images into the source code of a website with the intent to deceive a person into viewing material constituting obscenity shall be fined under this title and imprisoned for not more than 10 years.
(b) MINORS.—Whoever knowingly embeds words or digital images into the source code of a website with the intent to deceive a minor into viewing material harmful to minors on the Internet shall be fined under this title and imprisoned for not moar than 20 years.
(c) CONSTRUCTION.—For the purposes of this section, a word or digital image that clearly indicates the sexual content of the site, such as ‘sex’ or ‘porn’, is not misleading.
(d) DEFINITIONS.—As used in this section—HR 4472 EAS.
(1) the terms ‘material that is harmful to minors’ and ‘sex’ have the meaning given such terms in section 2252B; and
(2) the term 'source code’ means the combination of text and other characters comprising the content, both viewable and nonviewable, of a web page, including any website publishing language, programming language, protocol or functional content, as well as any successor languages or protocols.

That means that you cannot misleadingly link it because you could trick people into viewing obscenity. However feel free to link it via AIM, IRC or your favorite chat client because the fact that they are told what every URL actually is technically (arguably) means they are not being tricked.

The Man Behind The Anus

After a hard day's stretching, Kirk Johnson takes time to relax (his ass) at home and enjoy the beauty of nature

One very persistent internets user spent months and months trawling all the gay erotica and anal stretching newsgroups and eventually located the star of this picture, by matching the pattern of moles on his ass. It is with many lulz that ED advises the world that the Goatse guy's real name is Kirk Johnson, and he posts pictures and videos of himself regularly on the newsgroup alt.binaries.erotica.male.anal.

He also posts regularly on Imagefap, and has thousands (I'm not shitting you) of pictures of his flexible poopchute. He has multiple videos as well (not for the faint of heart) You can even hear Kirk Johnson's voice! Kirk currently posts videos on http://www.pornhub.com/users/KirkJ

Linx

Goatse.cx originally linked to Urinalpoop.org and Dolphinsex.org, both of which are now parked. Thankfully, Dolphinsex continues right here on ED. The mere link to Dolphinsex was cited specifically in an official complaint and was used as one of the major reasons why Goatse was B& from the Christmas Island top-level domain (.cx):

	“	[Goatse.cx links] to unlawful obscene content (site which describes how to have sex with dolphins)	„
	—Rhonda Clarke, on the Christmas Island Internet Administration (CIIA) Limited AUP Complaint Form

“	I appreciate that the Christmas Island community takes immense pride in it’s natural beauty - of which the spinning dolphins are an important part, and note that the links to the dolphin sex web site would have been highly offensive to the users of the IT Centre, particularity children.	„
—Garth Miller of the CIIA, in a spelling-error filled final decision to suspend Goatse.cx

January 14, 2004: The Dream Dies

Dream is dead: 2006/2007 European job fair with Goatse-themed entrance

On January 11, 2004, Rhonda Clarke - a whiny resident of the tiny, Australian pseudocolony known as Christmas Island suffering from post-Goatse syndrome - submitted a formal complaint to the Christmas Island Internet Administration (CIIA) and a official Gooate on Google petition. Only three days later, the heartless bureaucratic fucks on the island suspended goatse.cx pending review. Although the exact sequelae are unknown, the registrant may simply have failed to respond, leading to Goatse.cx being automatically permabanned 60 days later (March 12, 2004).

“	There can be no doubt that will be viewed by some as “censorship” and a restriction of “freedom of speech”, however the board has specifically drafted polices which give CIIA latitude to (act in the absence of a court order) when there is a compelling public interest in doing so... The “freedom of speech” does not extend to use of our community owned network to facilitate unlawful activity or to intentionally harass or offend internet users.	„
—Garth Miller, the only person on Earth that uses air quotes when saying "freedom of speech"

To his credit, however, Garth appeared to sympathize with the ethical nihilism of the internet and to understand Goatse. We can be confident that he was fully aware of the harm he was inflicting on trolls everywhere:

“	...goatse.cx is a well know [sic] “shock site” which is intended (one can assume) to be humorous. Although we have received numerous informal complaints, most have raised objections to the images. Although the images could generally be considered to be are offensive and crude, they do not represent child ( or other forms ) of illegal pornography. By internet standards the imagery - although intentionally offensive, is relatively tame... ...goatse.cx is... one of the Internets more popular shock sites - it is common practice for many “internet trolls” and third parties to embed hidden links to this site.	„

Goatse on JewTube

Uses of Goatse

File:Time goatse.jpg

Accidental(?) troll

Trolling
Police work
Fifty Goatse post
Vanity license plates
Goatse leather bracelets
A tribute to Goatse
Kirk Johnson's official website and fan club
First reactions to Goatse at Flickr
Another well known shock site with a familiar star

Galleries

The Complete Kirk Johnson Collection About missing Pics

Uploaded
Just
For
You
The
Full
Goatse
Set

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

So
All
You
Perverts
Can
Fap
Happily
I
Hope
You
Enjoy
The
Anus
Opening
Experience
Of
Seeing
All
This
Hardcore
Gay
Pornography
Hey
At
Least
It
Isn’t
As
Bad
As
Pain
Series

If you're too lazy to click on every picture, there's a slideshow of the entire picture set here. Be warned, however: this site is owned and operated by the same fgt as Meatspin.

Gallery of Goatse About missing Pics

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Goatse.cks: Resurrection. Much more disturbing than the original. Praise the Lawd!
Girls can try too
A Goatse-inspired alternative design for the London 2012 Olympics Logo
It's amazing what a 90 degree turn can do
A more explicit Time Magazine parody
Goatse meets AIDS in the New York Times letters page
The legend of the Goatse has existed throughout time
Introducing the new Goatse(TM) line of clothing.
Goatse is 1337 on ED
ASCII Goatse in .jpg form
Goatse is the One True God
God is a fan of Goatse too
The Goatse nebula
Pluto is also a fan of EXTREME anal stretching
Apple supports Goatse
Moar support from Apple
Canada loves Goatse too!
Plz to be helping Goatse
The Goatse sweater
Mexican car batteries do Goatse, too
The man around the anus
Goatse.wav
Just so the kids aren't left out.
Double the Goatse, double the fun
Real Goatse
This is Spartse!
Found on back of a crayon pack
3D Goatse
The REAL weapon of mass destruction
3D interactive Goatse in Games
A rare Madeleine McCann drawing
Goatse Girl
Yummy!

Yummy!
Who's that Pokemon?
Digimon Goatse: yifftastic
wtf.
Goatse? In my store?
Goatse? In my Pokemon?
Lord of the Goatse
Worse than Goatse.
Goatse? In my Nintendo?
Moar Nintendo Goatse.
Behold the GoatseStar!
Delicious Goatse Cola
Barry Bonds hit number 760
Westnet logo
The hole they dug Saddam Hussein out of
WANT!
Goatsecake 2.0 - edible art!
fail
DO NOT WANT!!!
It is delicious goatse, you must eat it
Broadcaster gone wrong :O
Bioshock Goatse
Google supports Goatse
A touching tribute to the cornhole that changed the world.
My Pet Goatse
Ahnold does not care for Goatse.
Unprotected treehugging
Look! Up in the sky...
In 2008, Gloria Ip Tung of China won the 17th International Children's Competition with this image. Really.
Medical Goatse in the making!
Go ask your nearest proctologist nao
It's a lot of fun!!
The horror has not just one name.
Goatse makes a cameo in Watchmen
Ass tattoo.
Another ass tattoo.
A slightly ~~less~~ homosexual variant
It's one of those days; when it’s a minute away from snowing, and there was this electricity in the air, you can almost feel it, right? And this dildo was just... dancing with me. Like a little kid, begging me to play with it, for 15 minutes. That’s the day I realized that there are this entire life behind things and this incredible benevolent force reminding me not to be afraid of anything...ever. A photo is a poor excuse, I know, but it helps me remember, I need to remember. Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it and my heart just going to cave in.
Who ya gonna call?
for the (w)hole family (found on the Official Goatse 2.0 Information Group)
Goatse for epeliptics.
oh exploitable

Gallery of Lame Copies About missing Pics

Chef Bert Spagnola poses with a list of his buddies to prove his identity at an internet forum.
Chef Bert Spagnola makes like Goatse with a knife, emblazoned with an administrator's name to prove his loyalty at an inernet forum.
Lame cam-whore copy in training
Goatse back in his touring days with Pinkfloyd
Dorian Thorn hopes one day his asshole will be as gapingly famous as Goatse's.
A CHALLENGER APPEARS: Some furry sitting on a steel bar
Muppets have the gapingest assholes
Norb enforces Rule 46.

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Wouldn't be complete without some cartoon furry crap
Grindor dies of FACIAL GOATSE caused by Optimus Prime.
Goatse on the BBC
Furfag version.

Low-Quality ASCII Rendition

g                                               g  
o /     \             \            /    \       o
a|       |             \          |      |      a
t|       `.             |         |       :     t
s`        |             |        \|       |     s
e \       | /       /  \\\   --__ \\       :    e
x  \      \/   _--~~          ~--__| \     |    x  
*   \      \_-~                    ~-_\    |    *
g    \_     \        _.--------.______\|   |    g
o      \     \______// _ ___ _ (_(__>  \   |    o
a       \   .  C ___)  ______ (_(____>  |  /    a
t       /\ |   C ____)/      \ (_____>  |_/     t
s      / /\|   C_____)       |  (___>   /  \    s
e     |   (   _C_____)\______/  // _/ /     \   e
x     |    \  |__   \\_________// (__/       |  x
*    | \    \____)   `----   --'             |  *
g    |  \_          ___\       /_          _/ | g
o   |              /    |     |  \            | o
a   |             |    /       \  \           | a
t   |          / /    |         |  \           |t
s   |         / /      \__/\___/    |          |s
e  |           /        |    |       |         |e
x  |          |         |    |       |         |x

If you are a too nice a person to use Goatse as a trolling tool, redirect someone to the shocking ASCII version here.

High Quality HTML rendition