Handegg

Two fairies in tights, fagging up the field.

Not to be confused with Soccer. People seem to fuck this up. It is football internationally.
Nor to be messed with.

	“	Egghands and Baseball were invented so the American "athlete" would only run 10-30 seconds every couple of minutes or not at all. And every time a team loses possession of the ball they take a short break and have a snack. Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.	„
	—Accurate analysis

Handegg, or "Gridiron Football" (AKA Rugby for faggots) is a sport activity only played by Americans because of cultural OBLIGATION having invented it, no choice. Since Americunts are fat (need a break every 5 seconds), stupid (need to be told what to do in every play), and unskilled (notoriously bad using their foot hence can only manage the easier task of using hands) Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack and helmet (and the QB Snap routine where he mounts his mans "A" hole) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new homosexuals, as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. To Americunts, the game the rest of the world calls "football" is to them called "soccer". This makes no sense, as football is clearly played with feet, and yet their bastardization of a real man's sport seems to involve no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the Americunt IQ is even smaller than your micropenis.

American Football (AKA: FOOTBAWL!!!), being a bizarre activity descended from rugby (but watered down) as gridiron caters for unskilled fat non athletes who cant play sport. With America as the only nation who play gridiron because of cultural obligation having invented it, if gridiron didnt suck, it would be played outside the nation it was invented where there is NOT a cultural obligation..but no one does because it blows. In a way it is a pity gridiron has zero interest outside North America, as talentless, uncoordinated ridiculed fatties from other nations who are excluded and left out of playing real sports, would have gridiron to play (A form of charity).

In gridiron, each team consists of 1 fast guy, 1 guy who can throw the egg, and a wall of fat niggers whose job is to run at the other team's wall of fat niggers. Everyone gets told what to do after every stop start, stop start, stop start...mind numbingly boring play. If you are unfortunate enough to come across some minor cable channel this garbage is shown, you will inevitably shout "MOVE FFS", every 20 seconds, then end the misery and wisely switch over...lesson learned, like putting your hand in the fire as a kid, NEVER AGAIN. There is no innovation and "no one thinks for themselves" - J.Cleese, as the coach tells the talentless fairies in tights what to do every 30 seconds.."#77 move left, #45 move right, #32 wipe your ass with your left hand"...there is no thinking involved. While using the foot is more difficult and requires superior skill, NFL Gridiron as an easy bizarre activity devoid of any skillful moments "the only creative thing are the beer commercials", as this crap sucks donkey balls. It's a kiddies game of bump (thats all 90% of these grown up fairies in tights and body armor do), the passer (theres only one...LULZ) gets multiple attempts as they keep failing. A bemused Sting (like all of us) on NFL - "i dont get it, its like wrestling in crash helmets". Also the "Fat fairies in tights" wear pussy armor and helmets to protect their cum drenched buttholes from getting hurt. Instead of running around like in a real sport, timeout is called in between every play to allow the unskilled fatty retards catch their breath. This ensures that these non sportsmen dont get tired while playing and is a huge reason (as well as #1 reason of cultural obligation in being forced to) that the activity is played by lazy, unskilled, obese Americunts.

13 year old boys wish football was like this

TESTICLE SMASH

A Challenger Appears

LOL HANDEGG

	“	JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU TURDS I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE "LULZ TROLLAN XD" OR NOT JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT FOOTBALL VS. SOCCER OR HANDEGG VS. FOOTBALL OR WHATEVER YOU FAGGOTS CALL IT NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR DUMB FUCKING OPINIONS, THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT BOTH SPORTS ARE HERE TO STAY AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK, IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR FAVORITE SPORT IS THE PINNACLE OF HUMAN ACHIEVEMENT OR ANYTHING SO WHO GIVES A SHIT IF SOCCER IS JUST RUNNING AROUND OR FOOTBALL IS JUST BUMPING INTO PEOPLE OR BASEBALL IS JUST STANDING AROUND FOLLOWED BY SPORADIC BURSTS OF RUNNING? YOU /SP/ SHITHEADS ARE LITERALLY THE WORST PEOPLE ON 4CHAN, EVEN IF /B/ WASN'T DOWN THIS PLACE HAS THOSE INBRED MONGOLOIDS BEAT HAVE YOU FAGGOTS EVER EVEN PLAYED A SPORT? OR IS YOUR "SPORT" JUST TROLLING /SP/ ALL DAY AND JACKING OFF TO PICTURES OF SHAWN JOHNSON? NEWS FLASH NOBODY GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF DOG SHIT! FUCKING CHRIST MONKEY BALLS	„
	—SUCCESSFUL TROLL IS SUCCESSFUL

The Experts Speak

Have you ever looked at a fan of handegg and thought, "Gee, wouldn't it be wonderful if all his ideas about handegg being incredibly macho and straight could come crashing down with just a single officially cited source?". Of course you have, you silly nigger bitch, you. Which is why Time Magazine has gone through all the trouble of writing the most wonderfully troll-tastic and highly official article EVAR. Cite THIS whenever anyone asks if you saw "the big game" Then say, "I don't watch gay porn.".