Jolene JRyda

>mfw I saw Jolene's awesome parenting skills.

Jolene is part of an ongoing series on the epic lolcows that are Juggalos One page alone is not enough... Those bound for Shangri-La have their own page!!

Through the careful investigation and research done by brave EDiots working tirelessly to ensure the factual accuracy of the Juggalo article, Facebook trolls encountered the biggest lolcow in the Juggalo community since Anabelle Lotus, the one and only Jolene JRyda (Powerword: Jolene Hafer). A self proclaimed juggalette and a horrible mother who's failure in life could never be matched; she was a woman who dedicated herself to such fantastic hobbies like being a terrible mother, smoking weed, being an annoying attention whore on Failbook, blowing cigarette smoke in her babies face, posing for pictures with a pellet gun, dumping her kid off on her mother so she could go drink tequila and do blow all night, and proclaiming to all of Facebook that 'Haters make me famous!'.

In the beginning...

Jolene was your typical girl on the internet who added anyone to her Facebook friends who appeared to be down with the clown and left all her information on her profile public for anyone to see. Jolene basked in the glory of the attention she recieved from the juggalo community until the good folks at Juggalo Baby Stillborn Depository and Crematorium got their hands on two rather lulzy posts on her profile.

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  Jolene seems to be giving Casey Anthony a run for mother of the decade.
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  But she totally wasn't talking about cocaine, right guise?

From here, Jolene was left with no option but to claim that nose candy didn't mean cocaine, that she had a window open when she smoked with her baby in her arms, and that that wasn't her baby sitting in her lap in the top right photo where she is holding up a nug of weed up for the camera. Her personal army of mouth breathing juggatards did their best to white knight for Jolene, but in the end it did no good when confronted with the indisputable proof that was laid in front of them.

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  Her fiancee does his best to make excuses for his failure of a baby momma.
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  Why juggalos have access to gay porn in the first place is a question that nobody wants an answer to.
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  CAPS LOCK is cruise control for cool.

The flame wars between the juggalos and Facebook trolls continued for weeks until one troll dropped a bombshell that forced Jolene to do the one thing that noone thought she would do.

Goodnight sweet ninja

Jolene's mother proves that good parenting is something that ran in her family.

Jolene had immediately disappeared when confronted with her internet immortality, and many trolls had concluded that she had finally learned her lesson and turned off her computer. The truth was much more lulzy than anyone could have ever imagined, as it turned out that Jolene had done the only reasonable thing to do in this situation:

Faking your suicide on Facebook.

While the only people who were stupid enough to believe this bullshit were Juggalos, Jolene did everything in her power to convince the Facebook world that Jolene had in fact killed herself, including getting her mother to go along with the faked suicide. She sent a poorly written message to the troll who stepped it up a notch in order to gain sympathy with the hopes of getting him to remove the photo from Encyclopedia Dramatica, but since he wasn't a juggalo he knew better and was able to use his powers of deduction to come to the conclusion that all of this was complete bullshit.

HELP ME OBAMA, UR MY ONLY HOPE!

The plain fact is that if this woman had actually an hero'd, then the mainstream media who has a boner for stories like these would have jumped on this shit and Fox News would have dedicated a full 24 hours to covering every detail of this story. But alas, Jolene was past the point of no return and at this point had no other choice but to stick to her story to the bitter end. So she ran with it, going as far as creating a petition on the White House website and creating an anti-cyberbullying memorial page on Facebook that has since been changed to remove all claims of Jolene's death.

Luckily for you, one troll was smart enough to snag a screencap of the cyberbullying memorial page prior to Jolene deleting fucking everything.

Fucking hoaxes, how do they work?

Bricks were shat all over Facebook when Jolene's sister proved that at least one person in her family wasn't a complete piece of shit and called her out in front of everyone.

Jolene had no other choice at this point but to delete her Facebook profile and go into damage control. But alas, it was too late. The anti juggalo facebook pages had gotten a hold of the screencap and lulz were had by all.

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  The original screencap leak that ruined the hoax for Jolene.
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  Even her fellow juggalos were disgusted by her behavior at this point.
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  The shitstorm that was unleashed upon the Juggalo Holocaust Facebook page.
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  Not even Obama can help you at take down Encyclopedia Dramatica.

As of now. Jolene is still in hiding and sticking to her story that she is dead. Facebook trolls who are currently undercover in the juggalo community assure us that the story is not close to its conclusion and many lulz are still to be had. Stay tuned...

See also

• Juggalos
• Insane Clown Posse
• Attention Whore
• Taking Down ED
• An Hero
• GOTIS
• White Trash

External Links

• Jolene's Faceboook LOL BALEETED
• Another deleted Facebook profile
• Jolene's fake memorial page turned anti-cyberbullying page
• Jolene's fradulent petition with the White House to combat cyberbullying using her faked death to garner support
• The anti-juggalo Facebook group responsible for birthing this lolcow
• Jolene's Youtube channel
• Jolene's Google+ page
• Soundcloud profile
• Jolene's profile on meetme.com
• StumbleUpon profile