Jordan Peterson

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In the nation of Soviet Canuckistan there arose a man. A convicted pedophile, young Jordan had in childhood many murderous urges, that he purged by killing stupid lobsters. Native Indian folklore told of his coming. Some tribes called him Nanabozho or Glooscap. Other tribes called him that guy from the U of T.

File:Jordan Peterson.jpg

A bearded Jordan Peterson

	“	Clean your room, bucko!	„
	—Jordan Peterson's esoteric philosophy explained.

The Soviet Canuckistani army tried poisoning him - to no ill effect. Then they shot him - three times. Then they dumped his body into the Niva river. But he arose, shouting, "There are only two genders!"

At least that's how his cult-like followers describe his life. In reality, he's some inconsequential professor working in America's Northern Territories (Known to Canadians as "Canada") who appeal to fatherless boys who never had a paternal figure in their lives because their moms are whores. There's nothing Jordan Peterson teaches that a long, hard, ass beating wouldn't cure.

His Books

The works of Jordan Peterson are long and immense. They are filled with how when he was a kid he feared the real Soviet Union would find out about Soviet Canuckistan and crush it from above somehow and then, growing older, he realized that there were only two genders.

The Vain One

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The Vain One in human form

Through dedication and hard work he became a university professor lecturing tirelessly about how there are only two genders.

But then the Vain One arose and began to mess with the fact that there are only two genders.

The Vain One is a giant demon, frozen mid-breast in ice at the center of Hell. He has three faces and a pair of bat-like wings affixed under each chin. As he beats his wings, he creates a cold wind that continues to freeze the ice surrounding him but as he beats his wings he also creates more and more genders.

And that really pisses Jordan Peterson off.