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Liz Shaw
Liz Shaw, born Elizabeth Joan Shaw in Wellington, is a hambeast currently residing in Auckland, New Zealand. Liz likes to pretend she is Australian despite not having Australian citizenship. New Zealanders wish she would go to Australia, Australians are happy she doesn't.
She started her career as an Attention whore back around 2005 with an spectacular NZ Idol appearance.
After leaking the plot to Shortland Street, Liz managed to get herself banned from one of the larger production companies in New Zealand which was a bit of a problem as she had wanted to get herself a job in the MAINSTREAM MEDIA.
Liz managed to get the attention of a bunch of Basement Dwellers with her antics on the Internet and even had a sub forum dedicated to her attention seeking ways.
In 2011 Liz Shaw decided to run for New Zealand parliament as a candidate for Auckland Central. As with most things she sets her mind to, she failed dismally and became the laughing stock of the country once again.
Australia
Liz loves Australia and sometimes dreams that she was actually Australian. Luckily for them she was born in Wellington and while she can work in Australia, is not a citizen.
Liz has tried to live in Australia at least 4 times and each time has ended in disaster. Last time it is claimed that she ended up in debt and broke and had to some back to New Zealand to live as Australia kicked her out. A debt collection agency in Sydney is now looking for her over unpaid debt.
Despite all this, Liz still has a love affair with Australia and it is obvious she wants to marry it. This could be a problem however as she already married Auckland.
Who knows, maybe she will one day get herself a job in the Media over there. Ripper.
While in Sydney, Liz experimented with illegal narcotics. No problem though, everyone in Sydney does ecstasy. Besides, after we have done a weekend of prostitution, drugs, gambling and god knows what else there is always GOD to turn to.. well, unless you are just too lazy to get off that sofa and go to church.
Oh, if more politicians had such a rosy background the world would be a happier place.
Shortland Street
Liz, also an aspiring actress, was the first extra to be blacklisted from Shortland Street after leaking storyline details about the soap's romance of the year to a fan website. Liz has been banned from Shortland Street and all other South Pacific Pictures productions because she posted information she gleaned as an extra.
Craccum Debacle
When Liz is right, she's right and no one can tell her otherwise ! Naturally, this can cause problems on various Internet Forums and many arguments happen (who woulda thought. Arguments. On the Internet. inorite!). As one would expect the people that are regulars on these forums she invades don't take this lying down and many threadnaughts have been created by people trying to explain to her just how retarded she and her thoughts actually are, of course, with very little success. After all, Liz knows best and everyone else is WRONG
Liz has managed to annoy pretty much every poor forum user she has come across in her Journey to fame and stardom on the Internet. Infact, the annoyance has become so great that now just mentioning her name on many forums and IRC channels will result in the banning of the person uttering those evil words. It's almost as if people are scared that uttering her name three times will summon the beast.
Liz herself usually ends up having the banhammer waved in her direction, and as any rational person whould do in this situation. she completely lose it and starts with the legal threats. (they work so well you know, especially when sent from someone with no sizeable income to actually follow through.)
Naturally, the next best thing to do when you are banned from a forum is to start harassing the admin of said forum, because, you know. It might end up getting you your own forum of 1 where you can argue with yourself all day, like pretty much what happened when she was banned from Carccum (Auckland university's student forums).
I almost feel sorry for the moderators of ED when she finds this place.
Maybe we can apologise in advance, or even donate to keep ED going.. they will need a LOT of donations once they end up having to deal with her.
NZX Porn Shoot
In 2005 Steve Crow, ‘the porn king’ advertised a nude model search in Craccum, the University of Auckland’s student magazine. The prize was $10,000 wiped off the winner’s student loan. Liz participated and posed nude, and while she did not win the competition, received $400 for her participation. Photos are widely available online, and many critics have suggested that Liz may have been more successful if she had simply waxed and wiped her ass
Liz Shaw's porno pictures. Warning: It's digusting.[1]
NZ Idol and Media Aspirations
In 2005 Liz Shaw auditioned for a place in season two of NZ Idol. Not only did try to take over host Dominic Bowden's presenting job, only to spectacularly fail, but she also performed a shocking rendition of Malibu by Hole/Courtney Love. The audition was featured on a G027 Telecom ad as being a bad example of what you could watch on your mobile and Judge Paul Ellis commented that Liz she was a "talent-free zone".
Liz is so passionate about working in the "mainstream media" that she offered to cut off both her arms.
She is spectacularly bad at managing money and has debt collectors in both Sydney and Auckland on her arse.
Political Career
In 2011 Liz Decided she would stand as an Independent MP for the Auckland Central electorate. Obviously as with everything else Liz does this was doomed to failure before it started. However, many lulz were had and her facebook political page was up and down more times than a Vietnamese hooker on crack.
Liz, as an aspiring politician had the right idea, her stance on censorship was overwhelmingly obvious with anyone who disagreed with her or asked questions she found difficult to answer finding themselves banned. This included the Human rights commission who kindly pointed out that this was not the best political strategy.
Anyway, after censoring the Human rights commission, Liz went on to tackle larger problems, like how to build a bridge between Auckland and Sydney. This of course got picked up by various Media outlets and she became a bit of a laughing stock.
Undaunted by the stupid people laughing at her, she added other things to her slowly growing list of policies and things she stood for (I know, most politicians work this stuff out BEFORE running, but not our favourite Attention Whore)
Right before she once again failed to actually finish something she started, and removed her political campaign page, she had written: "Standing for parliament has been a long term goal of mine, and I'm doing it this year because I feel I have something very worthwhile to contribute and the time is right.", I guess the time was actually wrong.
Some of Liz Shaw's Policies
- Building a Bridge between Auckland and Sydney
- More rights and assistance for Homeless
- Remove all social services that could actually help the homeless
- Except those she uses
- Kill the disabled and intellectually challenged
- Outlawing breastfeeding in public
- Forcing earthquake stricken Christchuch to relocate to Otara
- "Fixing" Auckland's Public Transport
- Introducing a toll bridge between North Shore and Auckland Central
- Reducing the toll charge when she got a car
- Banning the burqa
- Paying those with physical disabilities less to work
- Ensuring women are paid less than men
- Reducing immigration - need to mention that she had no clue about the procces that is currently in place; or criteria
- 0% income tax
- Compulsory paternity testing
From the Hambeasts mouth (some of her policies)
Families:
- The declining rate of the two parent household is leading to an
increase in child poverty and crime rates, so we need to work to keep families together by increasing the role that CYFS will play in the raising of the child. By keeping a family together, this will also ideally lead to a reduction in the welfare spend.
- Children need two loving parents so regardless of sexual orientation
adoption will be open to all couples who meet the criteria.
- Gay marriage will be legalised.
- For families who are no longer intact, there will be in emphasis on
both parents contributing to the upbringing of their child - both financially and with custody.
- Compulsory paternity testing where the identity of the father is
contested.
- Working for Families to be cut.
Taxation, Kiwisaver and Employment Law
- Company tax to be reduced to 23% to encourage business growth
and development within New Zealand, which will ultimately create more jobs and less reliance on welfare.
- Secondary tax to be axed. Total income to be assessed together.
- GST on food to be removed entirely to increase affordability for
families and reduce the burden on the taxpayer to assist with welfare payments.
- Tax refunds can be obtained from the IRD for up to 10 years eg;;
in 2012 you could still claim for 2002.
- Personal tax rate to be cut to 15% across the board.
- 90 day trial to remain so that employers and employees have an
"out" clause.
- Ability to trade annual leave for extra pay. To be negotiated with
the private employer.
- Minimum wage to be raised to $17.50 per hour to reduce the
rate of welfare payments and to help families. On a 40 hour week it would increase one's income by $160. This will assist with saving and self sufficiency.
- Kiwisaver to remain optional for all employees. No automatic
sign up when commencing new employment.
Health:
- Increased funding for mental health facilities throughout the country
with a focus on cognitive therapy to reduce depression and eating disorder rates.
- Working with groups in society to reduce the rate of suicide to 450
by 2020.
- Promotion of society groups so people are active in the community
and there is less chance of becoming an alcoholic or suffering other debilitating mental health conditions.
- Drug abuse will be treated by the Ministry of Health and not seen
as a crime in the eyes of the Government. Drug legislation to be modified.
- Compulsory health insurance for those who can get it, public health
as a backstop for those who have preexisting conditions.
- Healthy living to be promoted with advertising - personal growth
of fruit and vegetables to ensure that children and adults are getting the nutrients they need to stay healthy.
Crime:
- Murder will always carry life imprisonment without parole.
- Manslaughter will carry a minimum of 20 years imprisonment.
- Petty crime will carry at least 500 hours community service with
extra funding for rehabilitation (to be funded out of a capital gains tax)
- For youth offenders there will be rehabilitation programmes and
a promotion of attendance in either a sports or arts club to prevent the likelihood of reoffending.
- Promotion of community groups and participation with increased
funding for advertising.
- Zero tolerance on drink driving. Increased minimum fine to $500
and 35 demerit points for the first offence, fine of $1000 for the second offence and loss of 70 demerit points.
- Increased police on the roads patrolling the nation. New Police
colleges to be built so one doesn't have to relocate to Wellington for the training.
- Instead of increasing welfare, we will seek to help families develop
the self esteem and the social networks so that the rate of abuse drops by 20%.
- Driving age to be increased to the age of 18 for those in the city and
stay at 16 for those in the rural areas.
- Free anger management classes provided by the community for
those with a violent disposition or previous history of violence
Transport:
- More frequent services on Auckland's North Shore.
- Increased wheelchair access on buses - more modern buses.
- Lower fares (which will be subsidised by an increase in the fuel tax
for Aucklanders).
- Increased hours of public transport - buses and trains will finish at
1am on weekdays and 24 hours for Fridays and Saturdays.
- Reinstatement of train line to go from Piction down to Bluff. Daily
services.
- Reinstatement of North Island trains to go from Wellington - Cape
Reinga.
- Another bridge from Auckland City through to the North Shore with Capacity for trains and cyclists.
- Increased cycle facilities throughout NZ starting with Auckland.
